memorable

delete

This was a rather peculiar and odd dream.

I found myself in a pitch-black manor.. I wasn't able to see much besides a few things. I gave myself night vision and was able to see a zombie-like entity that was headed my way, lunging at me. Before I was able to react and fully process the fact that I was dreaming, I've already woken up in a pile of sweat. The dream was really intimidating and it surely managed to scare me.

I shortly went back to sleep, thinking nothing much of it.
But there was I again, in the same manor. This time I was pretty mentally prepared and nothing could catch me off guard. I was not in the same room, but it felt like the same manor and I was sure of it.
I recalled the competition and the tasks and immediately got to work. I phased through a nearby wall, and it felt like I was slowly making my way through gelatin. I wasn't able to see much besides the texture of the wall, until I was pulled back by something and I woke up, again. This time, the dream was trying to fool me into thinking that I've woken up, but I already knew that it was the same dream. I stood up from my bed, opened the sliding door to my balcony and flew off at a medium speed. But shortly after that I was woken up by my alarm clock, and didn't get to do much.


That's basically it, since the weekends have started I'll be getting more dreams since my sleep won't be interrupted.
The two dreams were pretty weird in my opinion, I don't get nightmares often anymore so it's a pretty rare experience, I had fun overall and actually enjoyed them.

It was interesting. There was this sort-of "never ending yu-gi-oh match" taking place around the whole world, and I didn't play as myself, but could switch between the lives of these 3 children. One of them had a deck with nothing but Monster Cards, and he was just referred to the "Child of Strength". Another kid, had nothing but Trap Cards in his deck and people referred to him as the Child of Sin, then the other one was obviously spell cards, and he was the Child of Support. I would do daily life stuff, switching between these 3 kids.

Some time passes and the Support Kid (I'm the Strength kid at the time) wanders off into a rocky cliff that I can't see the bottom of. I switch to the Sin kid and get there as well, and I can see some entity that's sitting down on a table with a Yu-Gi-Oh match going on. I hadn't even played the game for a while, so instead, I switch to the Strength guy and Jump off the Cliff. That ended the dream.
It's a start. :)

Scoring Edit: Scoring it for 1 point for now, cause while it was the full dream I recalled, I didn't really do any of the competition stuff.

ACT ONE: HINDRANCE

There was a party at my house a lot of people talking and dancing. There were a lot of people I knew there and a lot of people I didn't know. I was sat down in the main party area where two kids started annoying me around 10 to 12 years old. I got mad and pushed with force both of the kids to the ground. The mother of one of the kids got mad at me and she looked like the karen meme then I go to my bedroom to ignore her. I lock the door and can relax, then someone from outside knocks down the door and a bunch of people pile in. At the same time I clicked a virus link on my laptop and it started going crazy opening random videos and images and looked like when they over exaggerate hacking in movies. I eventually considered the laptop a lost cause and returned to the party. There was a person that looked like someone I knew that made a joke I laughed at it and gave them a hug as I hadn't seen them in a long time, but it turns it was someone that looked similar to someone I knew and the person I knew was right next to the person I hugged.

ACT TWO: REGRET

I go into the main area and it seems bigger than I remember. I then go into someone random persons bedroom and see this femboy looking fella. I'm questioning at first whether or not it's a guy.
I say fuck it and decide to fuck. The unknown entity agrees. I pull down it's leggings and and see a cock and balls and confirm it is indeed a man, but I'm too far deep now and too horny to give up so I just say fuck it and do the do. Big Mistake. The first second is maybe pleasurable, but after that the feeling is unexpected. It feels like I stuck my dick into a sewer drain. I instantly pull out and nearly throw up. He is clearly affected by my reaction and runs out the room. feeling disgusted, I go to take a bath. While in the bath, I see the femboy again sobbing and crying. I call him over, I ask him to get in the bath with me and he gets in with all his clothes like a stupid idiot.

ACT THREE: FEARFUL FOR LIFE

Its late at night and I'm tired and don't feel like walking. I'm there with the femboy aswell. I hitchhike a random car as it passes by, I get in this black van and they start driving. They are driving in the middle of the woods and they seem to be going in circles. I'm scared for my life and I wonder how it's gonna feel to die. They pass the exact same tree for the fifth time except they quickly drift down a different way than the other times, they do a full 360 drift around this tree with duck tape and shackles on the base of it. The 2 men in the car with typical bank robbing masks pull out guns and there are 2 to 3 more outside with guns too. I realize how absolutely fucked I am. I think of any possible way out of this situation, since it's a dream my brain comes up with something. I see a video of a lawyer telling me that I payed these guys as hitmen to kill someone else but I don't remember it, So all I need to is pay them the money and they will leave me alone. I pay the money and the dream ends around this time.

This dream is something else I don't know how my subconscious comes up with this shit.

Attempt #2 -- long, vivid, stable, super high res, "more real than waking," epic LD.



Wow. Wow wow wow. 4mg galantamine and 600mg Alpha GPC taken at the 3hrs waking....led to a WILD (in every sense of the world) lucid romp through FAs, more vivid than waking, ultra-stable, high-res, super-realistic, multi-scene, long LD (felt like an hour, definitely 30 minutes or more), and follow-on vivid non-lucids in later sleep cycles. This is the 2nd time I've tried it this year (the first being Nov 2, about 3 weeks ago).
After taking the supps, it took me somewhere around 30-60 minutes to fall asleep again. I spent the time relaxing body and mind with the idea of falling asleep unconsciously and having a DILD in subsequent sleep cycles. I took it early because of past issues with falling back asleep and I wanted to make sure I fell asleep again quickly after taking the supps. Instead, after that timeframe mentioned, I felt the familiar deepening feeling of sleep, and then WHAM! I was hit with a wave of vibrations the like of which I've never experienced before. I'm not unfamiliar with REM atonia sensations, I've felt vibrations many times before. But these were massive, strong, and accompanied by a sensation like my heart was stopping. I even sort of (maybe in a dream) half-raised up in bed to shake off the vibrations because they were so unpleasant. But I lay back down, they continued for a bit, then subsided, and I tried to imagine entering a scene. I detected slight movement in the visual field, and I tried to imagine a scene on a vehicle, and I shortly appeared in a bus or train moving past a moving landscape. It faded in a few seconds and I thought "wow that sucks, all that time and such a short dream", ... and then woke in a FA on a bus non-lucid, and the dream continued non-lucid for a while, then after failing to fly, I did a nose pinch state test, and got fully lucid, and began the lucid adventure!

Dream contents, and following non-lucids TBD (20 minutes of voice recording recall, it's going to take 2 hours to transcribe!)

+ LUCIDD #274 after WILD entry (noted above), I feel myself awake lying on a seat on a bus. I feel that I'm pressing up against a person seated to the left of me. I sit up and I'm seated in the 2nd row on the right side of a traditional bus layout against the window. There are sections of a newspaper around me, looks like a Sunday paper, there are colorful sections including a comics section, I move them section by section to the now empty left side of the seat. I create quite a tall pile of these papers, trying to keep them in order (I wonder if this is the newspaper of the two guys sitting in front of me?). My group (2-3 people, including [1st] wife?) get up and it's time for us to get off, I stand up and try to shoulder a backpack, it's heavy with lumpy objects making it uncomfortable on the back, as I stand up some cards/papers fall out and I see that they are very important family sentimental papers, like kid's birthday cards to me, I'm concerned that if I get off the bus I will lose some of them. I pick them up and as I move past the 1st row or seats on the right a guy seated there says "that's what you get for having kids." I respond "just wait, it'll be your turn soon." We get off the bus.

Sort of a vague scene with a woman and man, both of which have a cloudy left eye (like glaucoma), the idea is that they're from the moon?

With the group who got off the bus, standing near a busy urban/suburban road, I recognize this as "Stevens Creek" or Santa Clara and say so. We're then in a mall parking lot, very large, there's a car ahead, a woman and kids are moving to it, and the kids run circles around the car. The car is parked back up against a drop off of about 3 feet, I move to it and stand over it looking out over the lower level of the parking lot. I have the urge to fly/glide [DS], but I think I won't fly in this case. I decide to try anyway, and sort of launch myself off the edge, and fall directly down and hit the pavement, getting a bit scratched up on the asphalt. I stand up, and do a nose pinch, and I can breathe. I'm really astonished by this and check a few more times. Yes, I can breathe, I'm dreaming! I'm amazed, it is so vivid, clear, bright, high-res, so waking like, nothing to indicate dream in the quality of the experience.

I notice a young woman clerk entering a store ahead of me. Brunette, attractive. I move in to the store and see displays of lingerie. She is continuing to the back of the store and I follow her with the idea of getting a fashion show from her in a back dressing room. I lead her in, it is a tiny closet space just barely big enough for one person to stand in, not even move, with us there together it's incredibly crowded. I tell her I want to see her undressed. She resists and says that she can't today. I then counter that "now, it's tomorrow, so you can." I keep trying to close the curtains but can't (someone outside keeps opening them?). I give up and we leave the room, as I walk past her colleagues seated at desks I sense disapproval, and I defend myself by saying "I didn't force her, I just invited her, she came in on her own." A male colleague seated at a desk, with a bread/mustache comments "you're a real piece of work: <accusation #1, 'A">, <something about a backpack>, <some third thing>". I feel these are unfustified charges and a bit confused by them, I'm trying to determine if accusation #1 is true or not, I think not. I didn't understand about the backpack, I asked to repeat that, he repeated again something about a backpack (with the idea of murder?), and says "this information comes straight from heaven." I look at him for a second then leave the store.

I enter the neighboring store, it is a small front office, with the sign "Steak and (soda?)" on the wall and a door to enter further inside, I don't want steak so I leave again.

I enter the next store, it is a Vietnamese/Asian (massage? beauty salon?), it is packed with people, mostly young pretty Asian women, some plain, (dressed in white?), I think there is a beauty/modeling contest going on here today. I'm looking at their faces, most have brown eyes. I try to enter deeper into the store through the crowd, but a manager blocks the entrance saying no one can go in. I turn back to the entrance and try to push my way out through the crowd, there's a petite woman in jeans in front of me and I give her a push on her butt to clear a space to leave, she doesn't complain just moves forwards. A security guy blocks the door and says there's no access out that way, I ignore him and leave saying my car is parked right outside. Outside, I don't see my car, I'm looking around for it. A bit farther away I see a car that may have once been mine but has been heavily modified, I hear a group of young guys sniggering behind me, I turn and look at them, I think they probably pranked me by transforming my car and moving it to a new parking spot.

I move back into the open area of the parking lot, between a couple of taller buildings to the left and right, 3-4 stories, past a group of young men who are hanging out talking. I look at their faces, some are slightly distorted, they ignore me. I decide to fly, try a quick superman take-off, it doesn't work. The dream is super vivid and waking realistic and stable the entire time. I try a frog swim and gain a bit of altitude, but it's slow going.

I fly past (on my right) a restaurant lounge, with a sign that reads "Beef Wellerman", and I see through the glass walls [DS] that inside are people wrapped in human-side "blankets" made of giant cooked steaks, all throughout the restaurant, 10-20 people wrapped in beef blankets.

I wake in my bed, it's dark, I'm lying on my left side (the side I went to sleep on after taking the galantamine), I suspect a FA, nose pinch, I can breathe, I'm still dreaming. I stand up quickly, throwing off the covers. I get a glimpse of my [1st?] wife lying in bed on my right, I immediately turn towards the window, which is closed by curtains. I see on the floor a pair of eyeglasses, and wonder if these are mine. I pick them up. They have a bright thing brass wire frame and on the right earpiece is a 2-inch length in the shape of a corkscrew. I think these are not mine. I part open the curtains with two hands and look at the window: it is made up of small (6 inch by 8 inch rectangular) blocks of glass held by thin, 1-inch wide strips of dark brown painted wood. The windows are locked with padlocks. I want to go out and so I pull open the left pane, it opens, and I look outside into an open courtyard, like a motel swimming pool courtyard. There are people there, a group of kids. I go down and interact with the people there. A mother there offers to bring another of her kids to me, one that can generate cinnamon (bread?) if you touch her in a certain way. I do this (wanting the cinnamon), and wake up slightly in bed doing that movement. A nose pinch shows
I'm awake.

Several vivid non-lucids follow, will record later.

I been having some weird dreams. I don't remember all of them. But last night er this morning. I was having this game, it was like late October at least. My Mom was on the phone and she was saying my "name" and something about "baby-sitting" and then she got off the phone and said to me that she got me some "baby-sitting jobs" and then I said "You know i have no baby-sitting training" and then she mentions one of them was on "New Year's Eve" and at night. Then I said "But then how would I be able to celebrate the New Year if I'm baby-sitting in a stranger's house?" Mom said "We will sort something else." And then the dream went to one of the two nights I was supposedly baby-sitting and I'm not sure exactly how it went, and the house on the inside, kind of looked like a cross between my old baby sitter's house from when she lived next to us (a very, long time ago), and a toy kitchen from schoolmate's family's former house- was yelling at me for "not being a good baby-sitter" or something like I don't know, it was like the audio was off? And was on the phone with someone else


And I'm not sure if the dream changed or not but the next thing I know, I'm kind of in 3rd person watching two elementary school girls at first waiting for a bus (home?)- I think now, one of them might have been a child Mom "had me baby sit" and the other was the child's friend. The bus was so late getting there and so they decided to walk home. And somehow they came across this house (I don't remember what it looked like, maybe something like a dollhouse?) and it had a fence around the side and for some reason the girls somehow got over the fence, and in the backyard they found this little round rable in the backyard and it had cup and tea pot which looked like they could have come from 1991 Beauty and the Beast movie. I think they pretend play "tea" and at the same time like they know that despite the fact the tea pot, plates and teacup were not moving, they knew they're alive? And somewhere in their pretend playing they break a pinkish or a purplish? plate and I mean really broke it. And then they flee the scene. Then I'm not sure if it's the next day, or awhile later (I think the former) they couldn't stay away from the "Real-Life Dollhouse" and went back over the fence (with some glue) and fixed the plate (which they thought couldn't be fix) and then the stuff came to life (just without faces), and everything stopped when adults showed up saying "They're concerned about them" and I woke up after that

prelude: for those interested in the synchronicity between what is going on in the solar system & our dream lives, the planets of the unconscious are the three outer ones. right now pluto is stationary direct. pluto represents the deepest collective unconscious, death & rebirth, transformation, & volcanic emotion from the depths, as in social revolution. it can mean treachery & betrayal, deep resentment & hatred, jealous scheming. it is the worst of corporate politics: the plutocrats. it also represents the true survivor, the one who has been through the fire & back & lived to tell the tale. it can represent nightmare hell. don't be surprised if this kind of symbolism turns up in your current dreams.

i had two nightmares last night. ho-hum. in one that seemed to last all night, i was an actor in a movie that was being made up as it went along. the plot involved me being stalked. i would confront my stalkers & taunt them, coming very close to violence, but usually ended up having to run. the actors playing my stalkers seemed to have genuine animosity towards me. it was decided that the movie would end with the stalkers catching up with me & doing me in, which disgusted me. as the killer closed in on me, i wadded up a big bunch of paper money & threw it in her face, hard. then i woke up.

later in the night i found myself hurtling down a narrow freeway extremely fast. i started passing through a city & was getting to the edge of control, so i went for the brake, but the car had no brake. i woke up with my foot tangled in the blanket, trying to stomp the brake.

This dream occurred in the last week of my artist residency in Berlin, I don't recall the exact day anymore as I kept procrastinating on writing it down here, but it was a few days before the opening.

My colleagues and I were put in a psych ward and constantly trying to escape, but every attempt would lead us back into the psych ward. As this was happening the artist who provided us with guidance also appeared in that dream sitting at a table, drawing with crayons;
"You guys hate this? I love this!" The funny part about that was that he would say something like that in real life as well.

I haven't thought much of this dream other than it being funny or possibly some "panic dream" about the opening coming closer and us not being finished with the exhibition at the time (It turned out incredible!) until I saw this scene from the Chaos;Head gameplay that I have been watching, and now I'm wondering if the dream of the psych ward wasn't a dream, but rather the reality whereas the entire artist residency was nothing more than a delusion
(C;H spoiler alert)


I just looked at the emoticons how y2k :voodo o:: vampire::sunflo wer: :sleepmedit ate2: :dr ink::cook iemonster::par apet::s martie::imsl ow::hi jack::gat or::loc k::se eker:: tardis::nyt acodance::dreamercha ir: dopeness what is Cool Spot doing here nah but fr I'm fine it was just a funny dream and coincidence no worries :U

2022 July 4th

Long dream. Left recall a bit late and wasn't sure how to describe some bits. Didn't sleep well.

Fragment:

In the first part I am with H and another couple. We are in some kind of airport place? There's not that many people. I offer to pay for a trip to Germany to the other couple, which might be where they're from. I have some ulterior motive (can't recall what).

(recall gap)

Me and H arrive at some building in a car and then we have to go through some kind of trials and it's a bit like a game? The first notable room I recall is like a theatre hall and a bit of a church. It's kind of low for the type of hall it is. The wood in the hall seems to have a yellow tone like it's all gold leafed. Red curtains.

(recall gap)

Then I'm somewhere else with sibling T. Somewhere more like an industrial complex but on canyons. We try to connect some power things but I'm not sure what they do.

(recall gap)

In a similar kind of canyon area with floating sections and things like that. We are struggling to find the way from one floating section to the underside of an arching canyon. I use a kind of grapple thing and make it. On this small underside ledge, there is a mouth-like opening and clawed tentacles await and look aggressive. I keep myself teetering on the edge and holding on to the rock above with my left hand, using some weapon on my right hand to slowly pick off all the tentacles. My brother doesn't try to jump to the same ledge. After I've killed all the tentacles, I step toward the mouth opening and feel a bit annoyed this is the only way down. I don't particularly feel like getting wet. It looks fleshy at first but as I make my way down its oesophagus the experience seems to become more neon/digital and less accurate.

(recall gap)

In a more abstract place in which we have to run through over these procedural platforms and kill enemies. It feels like a CoD game.

(rest of recall lost)



2022 July 9th

Dream:

I'm outside on a street. I'm cutting down a streetlight post using one of my palette knives. Somehow, I'm managing alright to cut through the thick steel. But as I apply force, eventually the handle gives and breaks off from the blade.

Then I'm indoors at home. I'm asking H to fix the palette knife and saying I need to go back quickly to finish it. I mention that the wires inside could be live and half jokingly H says we could do with the insurance money.

Before that, outside on those same streets. They're not from any waking location. Looks more like from a game. Some house appears and disappears when I look in a certain direction. Before that I'm talking to mom but still in this place. I'm asking her about some hallucinations. She tells me that it could be because of the person I work for(?), inheriting their psychic stresses or something.

Scraps:

Earlier. Something at some kind of hotel place. (from earlier awakening)

V messaged me saying hello on Discord. I reply "Oh, hey" but can't recall anything else.



Notes:
- The oesophageal segment is probably the most memorable part of that dream, as at the time of writing this over a month later it's one of the few bits I can recall clearly, visually. It's also one of few occasions I've had of such nature, I think all of which have only happened in the last few years, despite the fact that themes of "consumption" have always been with me.
-- On spending a bit more time re-reading the dream, some of the rest of visual elements have come back to me. Some of the floating/canyon areas have similarities with some BL biomes.

- I think when I replied to V's message, that dream had ended and I woke up at that time.

2022 July 2nd

Left recall until late in the day. This one might be in DFLN but I'd have to go find it for linking.

Fragment:

I'm outside, night time. I'm with H and we're by some shop or similar place? H works here apparently and he wants to get inside for some reason but it's all closed, so he smashes a window and we get inside. I forget what we do or look for, but I worry about him losing his job for it. (not actually his job)

(recall gap)

At some kind of hotel/casino place. I'm at a sub-level lobby, there are some sofas and other comfort things. There's also a slot machine in a corner by a sofa. I'm sitting on the sofa and try out the slot machine one time. It spins and I win, not the best amount it could pay out, but something like 1837? Then I get distracted by someone like Donald Trump who's in the room with me now, I just know that he apparently owns the casino place. He's not feeling too well and we talk about it, possibly something he's eaten. I either tell him I'll get him some help or get him to come to the nearby lift with me.

(recall gap)

Something in a similar area, likely still part of the same segment. Elizabeth II is here and is taking part in some kind of tour? There's also some sort of activism going on.



2022 July 3rd

Fragment:

I'm at a dream version of a mix of my old home and the house we live in now. It's early morning, something like 4AM. I am down in the kitchen area which has large sliding pane windows that are also doors, rather than latching windows. Outside, I see police officers in the backyard patio area. The patio has stone flags and a garden table and chairs, as well as some planters. At first I dismiss this and presume they are just being thorough and that they are here because of a neighbour.

Then a bit later I'm somewhere else in the house, possibly upstairs, and a police officer lady talks to me and tells me that they have to search our house. I don't understand why and feel a bit reluctant and emotional, possibly getting in their way a bit. She tells me that they didn't want to but that it's procedure as set out by the "central AI computer" which tells them what to investigate or something. I still feel distressed by their searching but feel more accepting of it now that they've told me that's it's just something they have to do because the AI told them to.

Later they're gone and I'm in a version of our bedroom with H; he was asleep through all of this and I'm still a bit distressed as I tell him all about everything that happened.

(recall gap)

At one point I'm somewhere in the USA and I get away from California just in time to miss some massive quakes there. I'm in Arizona now maybe? Here there are very large fires or something but I feel safer. Something about a transit hub and talking to people.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Working as a maid at the mansion of some filthy rich dudes. Some alarm goes off and they go around looking for something suspicious, but no one can't find any intruder. But I spot him. He is dressed as the help and considering this is a huge palace with dozens of employees, no one pays attention or noticed he is not one of us. But I see him robbing silver and gold stuff, sneaking from one room to another. I follow him into an office and he realizes that I've figured it out. But he doesn't feel intimidated, he notices I am not yelling to denounce him. He just nods his head like saying "Go ahead, serve yourself of some to." and I do! I rob a bunch of gold necklaces and other jewels, wrapping them in table cloths and right under the nose of the bosses, hide them in my pockets. I then follow the other guy trhough a window to the garden and we leave.

Looking at a mirror and instead of my face, I see my guru reflected on it. And he looks pretty aware that I am seeing him. Then it gets weirder and I have trouble explaining it in a 3 dimensional way, but it is like he is also holding another mirror in front of him and his reflection is me. And we are both aware that I see myself as him and he sees himself as me, but not straight up like a mirror image and more like a mirror within a mirror thing. Then I am suddenly not myself and I am some tibetan lady in the past with an intricate hairdo with really long braids with beads and other decorations. While I admire the intricacy of it, someone comes in the room and refers to me as princess.

I'm in a medieval fantasy world much reminiscent of Oblivion or Skyrim. I see one guy, wearing oddly modern clothes, mindlessly shuffling around. He looks and acts like a zombie, but no one cares. He's being used for manual labor, or something. A bit later, I've climbed a steep rock wall and I'm hanging off the side (Assassin's Creed style), looking out over what I know to be the edge of the map. I wonder what's beyond it. I reach a kind of mineshaft, or cave. My dad is suddenly with me. We're assaulted by giant spiders the size of a large dog. We make a run for it through the tunnel, and emerge on the other side. We exit into a grassy clearing, with a large, imposing forest right in front of us. The forest is full, and I mean FULL of giant spiderwebs. And of course spiders. I'm like "no way", but my dad is like "we can do it, let's go" so I have no choice but to follow him in. Somehow, we get through, because in the next scene I recall, we've reached the world beyond the mountains and the spider forest. No one was ever supposed to get this far. To our surprise and horror, it's the modern world. We're in a modern city, clearly abandoned a century or more ago. The sky is overcast and depressing. Everything is covered in rust and dust, and in a state of falling apart. I recognize one of the ruined cars as a Renault 5. Then, we find someone. A worker wearing a fluorescent jacket. He just mindlessly shuffles back and forth, seemingly aware of us, or anything else. We continue exploring, until my dad starts acting strange. He asks things like "how did we get here", and other things he should really know. Like he's having memory loss. Suddenly, I realize the truth of this place. A hundred+ years ago, something happened, some substance was released into the atmosphere (or some kind of radiation) that gradually sapped people of their intelligence - inducing amnesia, dementia and finally a vegetative zombie-like state (though they aren't cannibals). Society fell apart without the people there to maintain it. Somehow, "Skyrim valley" (the fantasy world we'd traveled from) was a special place shielded from this effect. The guy wearing modern clothes I saw in the fantasy world was probably a guy from here, who somehow crossed over like we did. I desperately try to explain this to my dad, who is getting increasingly confused as time goes by.

Really harrowing dream. My dad was doing something, maybe something violent, and he was a threat to my other (forgotten and likely fictional) loved ones in the room/house. I pointed my Glock at him, hoping he'd stop. He didn't. He came straight at me. I pulled the trigger, and as usual that was almost impossible to do. It did go off, sort of, hitting him. It didn't seem to do much. I ran away and grabbed my shotgun from the locker. The fight continued, and I think I got a couple of good hits in. The whole thing was adrenalin-fueled survival, I didn't really *want* to do any of this. Dad ran outside. I ran after him. It was night, dark and rainy. I lost track of dad. Finally, I calmed down and emotion overwhelmed me. I was crushed by regret. I'd shot my own father. I literally broke down into tears, crying "papa, papa". Then I woke up. What a great night that was.

deleted

bedtime: 22:20

Probably my most emotional, direct, confrontational encounter with my deceased wife these many years after her passing.
I've had many dreams where she "returns" as if from a business trip, and I'm already with my new wife (usually before we were married), and I have a huge dilemma about whom I will stay with. But this time I remembered...

~ 03:555

+ [vivid] I'm driving in a car with my 1st [deceased] wife. She's in the driver's seat driving the car, I'm sitting in the right hand side of the back seat. We are not in good relations, she's upset with me, like our relationship is ruined. Music is playing, and a Billy Joel song begins (seems like "Rosalinda's eyes", the musical climax portion of the chorus), it was "our song" [false, that was Natalie Cole songs], and my wife becomes emotional and says she still loves me. (She cries? I cry?) I reach out and stroke her shoulder to comfort her.

I'm standing outside in the sunlight in an open area. I look at my hands [I've been working on "I find/see my hands in dreams and realize I'm dreaming"], both of my [true in waking] rings are in place [First time that's happened!], the silver one and the wedding ring, one each on their proper hands ring fingers. I realize I'm married to my new wife now. It's the [familiar] dilemma -- what shall I do? I have no intention of leaving my new wife. I decide to remove my wedding ring for the meanwhile to hide it from my 1st wife. I'm a bit concerned about losing it rolling around loose in my pocket. I notice that the ring has left very noticeable impressions on my ring finger, from the protrusions it has on the inside face [false, this is day residue from viewing pictures of the Oura sleep tracking ring in the day, which has electronics on the inner side of the ring]. I think she still may see these markings and suspect something, I rub my finger where the ring sat in hopes that they'll smooth out and become not so visible.

My first wife is consulting a lawyer about a divorce. She is reviewing some papers and reading some excerpts from them.

I'm thinking about what I can do -- I'm married to two women at the same time. This is bigamy and I know it's against the law. I could end up in prison for 10 years. This has me very upset. I'm thinking and thinking what to do. I get the feeling that the marriage to my 1st wife should be annullable for some reason. This thought sticks with me. Then I get the notion that the first marriage ended because she died, so we're not married any more.

Inside our home. I walk into the boys's room and I see that on their computer screen they're looking at with some colorful image (some game) instead of working on the assignment they're supposed to be working on.

Inside our CA home, we're there with our two young sons (5-7 yrs aged in the dream). I tell her the truth: "You're dead, you died from cancer several years ago." She moves (sort of aggressively/possessively) towards my two sons (me and my sons are standing with our backs against a wall?), and I intervene myself between them to keep her from scaring them. She seems to realize the truth and she backs off. She knows she has to go.

In any amazingly touching moment, my younger son reaches up to a bulletin board on the wall in front of us where some of their children's artwork are displayed, and takes down one of his works, and gives it to her so she can have it with her for comfort for all eternity.

In our final confrontation, my wife and I we are standing facing each other, close, looking in to each other's eyes. She asks me: "Do you think there is life after death? Or do we just disappear into the Chaos?" I say "oh, you can still come and visit from time to time," trying to comfort her. She seems very doubtful, and (maybe says) "really?" (in a very doubtful voice). Then her eyes begin to change: there are (spirals? Like little galaxies) in the center, then they start to flash to pure white (no pupil no irirs) back and forth to the spiral eyes, and eventually remain all white, very freaky/dead looking.

I wake up, I'm really shaken and have all-body goose bumps. I get the feeling this was a really significant dream and perhaps a real visitation.
I spend some time fixing the key moments from the dream to memory.

It takes a long time to calm down, eventually I sleep more and dream some more....

+ in the hood: I'm visiting some people inside their house. Outside the window across the street a large force of (police?) are gathering, they are all armed and I can see the pistols in their hands. They're preparing to storm the house directly across the street. There is a window in that house across, it is dark but with some blue and red lights (like neon lights or LED lights). I think this is not a safe place for us to be, I say "hey everybody, let's move farther inside the house," I don't want us to be hit by any stray bullets.

(This family I'm visiting is African American?)

One of the family members (a woman) is sitting in a doorway and is holding a small pistol in her hand. I move a bit back from her.

+[f] some short scenes:

I pick up my two arm support pillows and am walking with them to some other room, I'm looking at them and asking someone, "are these my pillows?"

Some woman is talking to me about what I need to do at work. I'm taking a business trip? I know I need to be up at 7, I think the jet lag from the trip will really mess up my new sleep timing and I'll miss more sleep.

There are some people outside, there is a corridor/walking below me. On the left are some gym-style exercise machines (some people are using them?). I think there is a lat training machine there, and that I should use it.

Some woman is inside a large indoor area like a greenhouse, she is tending to things embedded in the floor. It's some sort of (sexual?) performance art / entertainment area, where customers will come later. The woman then prepares to be a customer (?), and along the edge is a bunch of "living" greenery that transforms, and part of it becomes adult male genitalia with curly pubic hair.

Drifting in an out of sleep, trying to rest, alarm goes off at 07:00