non-lucid

HH

Had some semi lucid Hypnagogic imagery of a woman in a creepy mask with nothing but black pupils.

Creepy

Vague memory of the woman being in my room. She is shrouded in black smoke and almost resembles a spider. She is sticking a tube in my chest and feeding the black smoke through it. Or maybe it's more like spider silk sticking into me.


All other dreams almost reached the surface but were pushed away by a black cloud.

I was playing melee with my brother and in it you would get points for jumping and landing on the small island playforms in the sky. I managed to do it many times with DK as we fought but than I became lucid and left the room. My brother than shouted "vampire!" and bit me in the neck. I pushed him away and as I hurried away told him never to do that again.

Next I ended up non lucid and walked into the street. As I got in the car I told my mom to hurry up but than suddenly two guys jumped in the front seats and locked the door. "Good thing we got the keys" one of them said as they began to drive away with me. I kept trying to unlock it but couldn't. I contemplated calling my mom but than they would see me. I than felt like breaking the car window but it was impossible. They than drove me around the corner and into an alleyway, next to a red building. After worrying about them killing me there I became lucid. "I can go through the car!" I shouted than went through it than into the building.

I ended up walking into a school lab where steven universe characters were secretly alive and Rebecca Sugar was the evil genius contemplating how to use them against society. I wasn't lucid as much there.

Skipping that part I exited the place non lucid and bumped into a boy who wanted to give me a free yellow textbook from his bag. It was raining though and his books in his bag got wet. I tried to tell him to forget it but he brushed it off with a laugh. Next his friend who was also a guy ran him into the ground to hug him. He laughed, hugged him than pushed him off. Somehow another book ended up on the street. I gave it to him than went on my way.

It stopped raining and I found a girl jogging home and singing. I saw her before so I ran behind her playfully as I was going to race her. She smiled, said hi, than kept running home. I stopped at a street light than waited to cross impatient since it was now dark. Right when I crossed a truck was turning. It tipped over than a man approached me to tell me it was my fault in Spanish. I said no than hurried away. It got to be afternoon again where I heard a guy mention he was going to get his neck shaved. He went into a woman's barber/hair salon and I kept going my way.

I ended up on a narrow street that was interesting in layout. The color on the ground was like a golden rocky color. Next I touched the side of a platform to find sticky blood.Lucid now I kept walking noticing a fence than saw Dawn with another anime character. They were dressed in white robes and were searching the area to clear an entity. Seeing my panties on lines I felt uncomfortable though."Do you have to attract it with my panties?" I asked. I just got a serious stare so I said nvm. I managed to catch the entity with a small white staff than the other guy with Dawn grabbed onto it with his staff until we broke the blue entity and he snapped in pieces.

This was an interesting dream. It was very existential. I was at some giant mall with a girl who reminded me of brittany. We were getting pretty close, when I noticed a guy next to me vomit extremely hard into his backpack. I puked too in solidarity with him

I went downstairs for a bathroom and found some bunk rooms that I knew were mine, and Lotts and the shitty shed boys were all hanging out together. I emptied the puke and checked facebook messenger and found out that Lotts had added 120 of his shitty friends to the dankerton chat, and ruined it forever. What the fuck. I freaked out on him and spent a few minutes using advanced tools to kick them all out at once, but it was no easy task. We could not abandon that chatroom and all it's history.

When I finished I went back to the bunks to talk to them and they were gone. I caught them outside leaving to their cars. When I confronted lotts about it he was being a bitch. His ghetto friend started asking me if I knew how hard he was and brought out a big bag of shrooms. It was at this moment that simon messaged me. It was his graduation party tonight and he was calling me asking me where the fuck I was. Lotts' bullshit cut me off from the information. I teleported back home and found the boys in suits. When I walked down the hall, I saw chris and his date for the night. She was beautiful. I immediately felt a pang of jealousy. Chris finally had a girl, and now I was the only one left. Why me? Why am I not good enough?

I entered the bathroom to prepare and escape the envyous view. But when I looked in the mirror, she was standing next to me. So beautiful. An amalgamation of all the girls I've been attracted to in recent months. As I stared in the mirror, something incredible happened. She was gona and replaced by me. I could look at myself from a side angle, a new, unbiased look so different from that head on view we get used to every day. I began to think out loud. "Is this who I am?" I looked deeply into myself, and admired my hair, giving me a devil-may-care look at that moment. I tousled it a bit, and suddenly I was an entirely different man. An older man, with facial features highlighted so differently I may as well have been a stranger. I looked at this man and admired him, but decided to go on. Another tousle, and my hair was long, slicked back, and I had the features of someone in slytherin. I could not recognize myself at all. I began trying to return to my old self. Feverishly messing with my hair, trying to find my way back. I never could. So I just gave up, and accepted this person I had turned into through random chance, and walked back out that door to go to this party. Maybe on this night I would find something or someone.

I wake up.

Date of Dream: THU 25 MAY - 2017



Dream No. 119 - The Hairdressing Scam

My mum and grandma took me to the hairdressers to get a haircut. It was when I sat down on one of the chairs next to a wall that the lady put some glasses on me and started doing all these optical tests on me. Then all a sudden, this lady who is doing my eye tests is yelling across the room at another customer. She yells something like “Stop disrespecting the need of the business!”. Only then did I realise that this wasn't a hairdresser. I felt scared that the lady would yell at me too but anyway, I said to my mum, “This isn't a hairdresser, it's an optometrist!”. My mum started crying from shock and I got out of the chair and walked out of the store with her. As we were walking away, my mum was making all these remarks at the lady. One I could remember was that we weren't giving any of our money away.

So we joined my grandmother back in the mall and decided that they would go back to the car early and have their chips. I followed them down a strange looking street with all these op shops but I was distracted all these racks of jewellery and I soon completely lost them. I eventually came to an area that looked like normal housing suburbia and there I noticed a complex where the lift to the car park was. At first, I was thinking of going down by myself but when I stood and looked up at the big metal doors, I started freaking out and said to myself that I couldn't do it.

I went outside and once had the idea that I would call for Dreamy WB to help me down the lift. I walked around all the streets, calling her name but nothing happened. A few times I'd call “Dreamy WB” with the loudest voice in dream history. In this dream, I found that my voice was very loud and clear and was not restricted in any way. Also, every time I called out, I found myself trying to imagine that she was behind a corner of an object and that she would eventually come out if I called her enough times. Still, there was no change and so I decided to call out for her by her alternate guardian name, Miss T. There still wasn't any response and so now I was panicking. I went back to calling out “Dreamy WB!” until I was back at the lift complex.

I now noticed a ramp leading downwards as well but I still wanted to call her just to what would happen. Then this room, looking like a public bathroom, appeared next to the lift. All these young girls were coming out of it, including a handful of Killester girls amongst the unknown ones. Still, I couldn't see Dreamy WB anywhere. I went outside again to wait for her. Then when EL comes out, I ask her, “Where's WB?”, she tells me she's coming. It takes a while but WB is one of the last girls to come out of that bathroom and when she's outside, no one else is around anymore. I tell her I need her help. She said she would go with me but she had something else to do first. WB pulled out her phone and used one hand to text someone. She invited me to stand next to her and so that's what I did. I full on hugged her while she put her unused arm around me, while she continued texting. Once she was finished, we walked up to the lift complex but I woke up before anything else could happen.

Orange is the New Bjork

Bjork and I are thrown in Jail because we broke into Donald Trump's dream a few nights ago. I am in a visitng/cafeteria area. Bjork is at a table with her boyfriend and they keep whispering and giving me dirty looks. Don Juan from the Castaneda books is sitting at my table laughing.

"You should know..." Don Juan laughs and almost chokes on his own laughter, "That Three pronged Naguals and Four Pronged Naguals don't belong together." He laughs uproariously at his own joke? and then he starts slapping his knee. "You didn't think that would actually work did you?"

me, "No, not really. I mean once I considered the 'reality' of it I tried to stop dreaming with her. It didn't work and after I told her she followed me into every other dream and convinced me to continue dreaming with her. I did what she asked, I was just trying to make her happy and now look at the mess I am in. I am done with this!"

"No, Youre not done yet." He said and laughed again, "Oh you wily sorcerer of old! You're not finished with dreaming and neither are you finished with her." He said and looked serious.

"Oh I'm finished with her. I should have been finished when I first realized it was a mistake. But no I had to listen to her and not reason. These drams were driving me mad! Literally mad. Well I'm glad the madness is finally over."

Don Juan chuckled, "It's not over yet kid, In a way you'll always be after her, and her always after you."

me , "What does that even mean? Because she's CLEARLY after me." I said sarcastically indicating to her table. They looked at me all confused, "Look I'm done with Nagual BS. and I'm done with draming about Bjork, 'cause that is also BS. You're BS and your eternal life with your energetic nod past the eagle is BS. I already have Eternal life with Jesus Christ!" I began yelling. At some point I had stood up but not remembered when I did. I looked down and saw that Don Juan had vanished. "See," I said, declaring to everyone in the room. "His spirit even flees at the mere mention of Jesus, what does THAT say?"

"Shutup!" Someone yelled and complained I was disturbing their visiting time.

"You know talking to yourself is the first sign you're going crazy!" Someone else yelled.

"Oh yeah?" I said, "And what's the second sign genius?"

Bjork grunted and threw her tray at me.

SJW school

I was wandering a highschool after leaving home room. I wandered and tried to find the class again but couldn't.

I wound up in a cafeteria with some event going on. Some Transgender and non binary people sat at my table. some guy/girl was hitting on me but I was ignoring him/her.

Some girl was talking on a microphone. The thing seemed to be a wedding reception. She started talking about meeting her... and that got my attention. The rest of what she said was garbled in tears. Her and her new very tall wife began dancing to a slow song. The tall one was twirling the shorter red head around.

Ouch

I was walking down a street outside. Bjork and her boyfriend walk past me and she spits in my face.

I guess I got what I deserved? In other news: Freedom!!!

Poker

Just a dream of arriving at a casino to play a poker tournament. some players I know from lethbridge were there.

Escape

I'm in some out door rooftop. I'm tied to a chair and so are two other women. There is some government hired swat team guarding us. I fall over in my chair and try to crouch run by a short wall. I feel it's safe if I just wait and see what happens. Someone else is fighting the swat team and gasses them. They all begin to fall over. I get free by untying myself somehow. I notice my companion (Can't tell who it is exactly since I never see her. I just know her.) Has a black knife in her hands and is cutting herself free.

The other woman stands up and revealed she wasn't really tied. she was supposed to interrogate us. I ask the other woman to hand me the knife for a second. She gets scared and drops the knife. I pick it up and stab the other woman and she vanishes as soon As I stab her. The other woman gets free and we run and wind up on a street.

We go into a Burger King, but my friend coworker J is there, and he's in his mcdonald's uniform. I talk to him for a bit and he comments on the woman I am with. I go yeah whatever. We leave the restaurant to find a motel to sleep, but halfway there the woman vanishes. Soon after I wake up.

Guitar

Dream of standing outside of standing outside some townhouses apperently close to where I live. I am playing a 12 strng guitar trying to figure out a song by ear.

Date of Dream: TUE 23 MAY - 2017



Dream No. 118 - Separated Sections

Dream 118 A - A Dysfunctional Shopping Trip
From where I can remember, I was at the shops with my mum and I walked past a Review store that I then wanted to go and look in. My mum was not too keen on this idea, she was constantly hurrying me up and saying that looking was not important. Still, I tried to look at as many clothes on display as possible as that's the main reason I was at the shops. I then noticed that some clothing racks had heavy discounts applied to them, still, this didn't change my mum's mind. When I was finally rushed out of there, she said she had to go to the bathroom and she told me to wait for her just outside in the mall. For a few minutes, I waited but then the thought came to my mind that I was going to leave her behind as a payback for not letting me look at the things I wanted to look at. So I walked home.

The dream scene then skipped to me being at home with dad. A notification appeared on this random tablet and that's when I asked my dad “Where's mum?”. He goes “She's coming home from Parkmore”. In the dream, I was pretending like I didn't know anything about what happened earlier. He added “I don't think she'd be too keen on seeing you”. In the back of my mind, I knew she could make her way back because she still had the car. That's all I can remember from this dream.

Dream 118 B – Owner Of This Auditorium
I was in this large hall, although the dream seemed to call it an auditorium. All these schools were coming over for a music competition with their various bands and choirs. All throughout this dream, I had a feeling of joy and nostalgia. The majority of the ensembles were from Killester and I told everyone I spoke to that I was the owner of this auditorium and that I was also hosting the competition... The Killester students didn't appear to know this, so it was a nice surprise for them.

The dream was doing some weird things though, like introducing one pushy girl who tried to be an imposter hosting. Although she was making her moves, I was still overjoyed, telling everyone I saw what I was doing. At one point, Mrs G had the school camera and called me over for a photo. I then saw the choir and there were a lot of faces I recognised, one most prominently being WB's. Other faces I remember were WB's older cousin AD and a little year 7 that started to adopt WB's facial features as well as her bomb of an afro.

>> Sensitivity warning: Stop reading if you don't want to be grossed out | The next scene of the dream was a bit disturbing though. There was this woman that was wheeled into the auditorium who looked like some sort of pale zombie with all these scars and small bits of pus on her face and body. As the manager, I said to wheel her into this small room while we waited for an ambulance to come by. That's all I can remember from this dream.

Morning of May 23, 2017. Tuesday.



In the first scene, I am with my wife Zsuzsanna at the front of a large shopping mall. It seems to be at night. There are only a few cars in the large parking lot. She is seated and I am standing closer to the parking lot. About five unknown people are also in the area.

Our new baby is walking around. He seems about two years of age even though he has been born just recently. I do not question his appearance. Apparently, his name is Chub. I tell a few strangers about our new child. I walk closer to Zsuzsanna. A bright light, seemingly the headlights of a car, shine on Chub, though for a moment, I consider if it is some sort of latent divinity in him that causes the light. I want to see his eyes to check, but he does not turn around.

Zsuzsanna and I start to walk home with Chub. Some of our other children are also with us. Three unfamiliar people decide to walk with us as well. An unknown young female is walking a few feet behind me. I tell her that her viewpoint is that of thousands of people around the world simultaneously seeing my dream from her position (even though, oddly, I am not lucid or actively aware that I am dreaming in any way, thus how does this dream self viewpoint even exist?). Soon, I start to rise in the air to her right, above the parking lot (common liminal space setting often in the last stage of the waking transition), maintaining a vertical position, half-flying, half-walking in the air about ten feet up. She remains on the sidewalk looking up at me.

Later, Zsuzsanna and I are sitting in an unknown room with several other people (though I soon stand up to speak). I start to realize that Chub’s existence seems highly unlikely, yet I do not become lucid at any point. I start to tell others that this scene is not possible (yet my dream self has no memory of what a dream is at all). I explain that Zsuzsanna having a C-section would mean that Chub is only five months old and yet he seems like a two-year-old. I see a dark scar on Zsuzsanna’s abdomen, more on the left side. Even though I continue to explain how certain things cannot be real, I never grasp that I am dreaming or have any association with what a dream even is (even though earlier, I seemed to know what a dream was).

---

There are a number of dream states that I have experienced continuously throughout my life which I have never known of a single other person even mentioning once. People write about “non-lucid” and “lucid” (as well as partly lucid in some cases), yet I never see details of the various hybrids of dream self identity that I have often experienced.

---

For the record, here are just a few dream states that I have identified, only a few that I can seem to typify feasibly:

Instinctual dreaming (non-lucid dream cnotrol): This is a state where I, as my dream self (and usually inclusive of at least some of my conscious self identity), know that I am creating everything, changing settings, putting words into people’s mouths, bringing about events with pretense (such as saying “I have identification” to get into a restricted area, and it just appears), yet have absolutely no memory of what a dream is and no idea I am dreaming. (As such, I seem to be a combination of my personified subconscious and inactive threads of conscious self identity that would otherwise be lucidity triggers in other dreams.)

There is also a state where I “know I am dreaming” yet I am not my conscious self identity at all. For example, I may be a teenage female who “knows she is dreaming” yet, “knows” from her perspective, not my conscious self identity.

A type of false lucidity appears in the first part of this dream. I talk about dreams and even explain dream events in real time, yet have no viable focus on the fact I am dreaming at the time (though the fact I am talking about dreams at least indicates I have some idea of what a dream is, unlike certain other states).

There is another type of state at the end of this dream, where I “narrate” my dream to other dream characters, explaining how a scenario is not possible, that what I am seeing or experiencing is not real, yet have no memory of what a dream is (or any idea that I am dreaming at the time).

Of course, scripted dreams (both types, real time, and previously programmed) are primarily lucid states. (Waking symbolism must be correctly utilized or nausea sometimes results from the waking mechanism, or sometimes occurs when there is a gap in the script.) Dreams can be scripted visually, based on situation, or have base affirmations (such as “I am the continuity of maximum well-being”). Although scripted shared dreaming can be utilized, that is not really genuine shared dreaming where each person is actually present to some degree in the same dreaming space with each individual’s intent (whereas, with scripted shared dreaming, there can be ways to validate if real shared dreaming is occurring - for example, have one of the dreamers do something random or think of a precise image that is not in the script and see if it occurs in both dreamer’s dreams, but such methods might cause a gap and a possible jolting into premature waking, also sometimes inclusive of circadian rhythms based on the dynamics of the sleep cycle in proportion to healthiness.)

---

Morning of May 23, 2017. Tuesday.

Dream #: 18,418-03. Reading time: 32 sec.



I am near a variation of the Cubitis house in the backyard. However, when I go into the house, I am near our bed at our current address. There is an unknown male present, but I do not see him as imposing.

I had taken four dream journals from the area beyond our backyard, near the railroad tracks (Cubitis). They seem like unlikely composites of my childhood notebook dream journals and my stamp album binders. The Senior Statesman stamp album design is in photographic negative; pink and blue rather than green and copper.

The dream journals belong to four unknown girls. Somehow, they are also mine. I want to check if they synchronize with my main dream journal. (Despite the ambiguity, it seems ordinary. It probably relates to comparing and contrasting my dream journal with Zsuzsanna’s.)

---

As told today on irc:

[19:12:51] <gab|Away> oh, just gonna say, took a nap and escaped nuclear death coz had to pee
[19:13:08] <gab|Away> lol that woke me up, as Iran launched missels at us
[19:13:53] <gab|Away> I was like oh, they fired, I gotta pee, but if I go Ill miss seeing them hit, but also Ill proly be ded by then, so meeh

Was cool. I know we did something and we expected retaliation. I was in a highrise building, at daytime, by the large window, looking way to the left, very far in the distance. I think I saw to the other continent, haha.

So suddenly I see this small light streaking to the skies, with tail of smoke trailing behind it. Then another one. I wanted to follow them with my eyes, but lost them in the clouds, or they were just too small to see.

Then I felt like I have to go potty, and I had a dilemma. If I go, I will not see them hit. But I also knew that they targeted us, haha, so ... lol.

Then I woke up and had to pee.

Silhouette

Frag of leaving a room in a sort of japanese style house. I looked back and I saw a silhouette of a woman on the other side of the rice paper wall, she was sitting up in a bed and holding a sheet over her. I couldn't tell who it was in the dream.

Mini rooms

Dream about having to sleep in a bunch of mini rooms. A woman shows me to a room she wants me to sleep in and share ith someone else. I leaf through the TV options and notice a bunch are missing. I go to ask the woman what's up with that but she's gone.

Party

Dreamed I was walking in an alleyway. Some loud music was coming from my house and there were bright party lights inside. I go inside and a bunch of people are partying in my house. Bjork is the DJ. That's all I remember.

missed convo

I'm waking up from layers of dreams. I fall into one briefly on my way up. In it I am having a conversation with Bjork about the future. I remember hearing her say, "...And then... I don't know." Her voice is clearly hers but slightly distorted.It's like she's whispering in my ear. I wake up

2017, 05-19

Search for Asuka

I am in an amusement park with my mom and my brother John. We are waiting in line for a ride, it seems we have been waiting forever. We finally get up to be next and one of the cars pulls up to the platform. There are three seats there, perfect for the three of us. John gets on, then my mom, but when I was going to get on a bear comes from behind me, walking upright like a human, and takes my seat on the ride. My mom says I’ll just have to catch the next one. I’m annoyed that there is a bear taking my seat. The ride leaves and I walk away from it, passing two more bears who are next in line. I wander through the amusement park for a bit to find a ride I will go on by myself. I find a hall of mirrors and I decide to go in there.

As I am walking into the hall of mirrors I see a man waiting at the entrance for me. I immediately recognize the man as MoSh. He asks if I think she is somewhere inside this maze. I ask who. He says Asuka, of course. Isn’t that why we’re here? So we go into the hall of mirrors and start looking around. The first thing I notice is the mirrors don’t reflect either MoSh or me. But they reflect each other in an infinity of mirrors which is quite disoriented. It’s hard to see where the paths are, so we make our way through it like blind people, groping our way with our hands. After making our way through the hall of mirrors for a while we find an exit. The exit leads to a large garden, a beautiful garden. There are many colorful flowers and green bushes and I hear water flowing somewhere nearby. I look around and MoSh wanders off a bit, then he says he sees her. I look in the direction MoSh is looking and I see a Japanese woman in a kimono. It’s Asuka.

MoSh and I head over to see Asuka, there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with her. But as we are passing a hedge the thing attacks us! I see MoSh has a sword and he cuts the vines reaching for us. I use an Alex Mercer blade arm to cut more vines reaching for me. After a bit of pruning we get to where Asuka is. MoSh asks her where she’s been, she says she’s been here in the garden. MoSh says this isn’t her garden, though. Asuka seems disoriented as if she was on drugs or something. I look at some flowers that Asuka had been tending and getting too close to them makes me feel a bit light headed. Those must be there to keep Asuka drugged so she doesn’t try to leave. I tell Asuka she’ll feel better once she’s back in her own garden. She looks puzzled, but says ok. I focus on Through the Never and on getting to MoSh’s inner world. The portal opens and all three of us go through. Asuka says she feels sleepy and would like to rest. I figure the drug needs to wear off. MoSh takes her to a bedroom to rest, everything around me fades and I wake up.

2017, 05-19

Fish Volcano

I am out with my friend Alicia and we are at a mall. We are walking around and shopping as we usually do at a mall. Alicia wants to go see the pets in the pet store so we go there and go in. We look around for a while, there are puppies up for adoption from a local shelter and hamsters and guinea pigs… and fish. For some reason I am drawn to the fish. I see one real pretty fish that is in a small bowl. I look at the fish and think that would be a cool fish to have. A pet store employee says this is a different form of beta fish, and doesn’t need a lot of room to swim but does need to be able to get to the surface because it partly breathes the air. I look at the fish and bowl price for the package and it’s almost $50 just for a small bowl, some rocks to put in the bottom, a fake plant, some food, and the fish. That seems like a lot, but as Alicia points out, I have a job so I buy it.

I go out to the car and it was Alicia who drove to the mall so I get in the passenger seat. We drive towards her place, but somewhere along the way Alicia turned into my grandmother and we started heading to my place. I didn’t notice the change. We are turning off of the freeway onto the street that leads to my house when I see there is lava pouring down the street. The volcano is erupting! I tell my grandmother that there’s no way we’ll get past to the house, we have to turn back. We turn around and go a short ways before the tires of the car melt and we have to get out and run. My grandmother is doing quite well at running… I am trying to flag down a ride, but no one will stop. We barely make it to a place where there is a trench cut in the ground with a metal grid bridge over it meant to let people cross but lava will flow through the holes and into the trench. My grandmother and I get across before they close it off, so we’re safe. I look at what I’m carrying and see I brought my fish with me, the fish is just swimming in the small bowl, oblivious to everything. I am thinking I should call home to make sure my mom is ok but I wake up.

I am a college campus in the front parking lot. For some reason I need to find a big steak to go feed some lions I saw earlier. I look around the parking lot full of cars for the steak. I find a really big piece of steak but it has grass growing on it. I tell a dream figure I found a steak but it's not the one I was looking for, that this one has grass. The dream figure tells me to take a brush and brush the grass off. I get two pieces of steak ready and go to the bank and trade it in. They make a mistake so the lady just gives me $150 so I can go and buy meat to feed the lions. Now I try to find someone to come with me because I am scared that the lions will eat me. I am changing my shoes for something more appropriate for the jungle when my 16-year-old cousin pulls up. I give up on her coming with me because she is in a bad mood and get in my 2013 Hyundai Accent that I totaled in rl and star driving to go buy the steaks. I am driving really fast and don't see a really big dip in the road so my car flies up and I momentarily lose control but I'm good. I keep driving.

Metallica

Had a dream about learning a Metallica song on guitar. It was from the and justice for all record. Can't remember which song.

Bjork

Yup, Another Bjork dream. Can't say much since I don't recall the details. Just that she was in it.

Confused

Had a dream about C coming back from her visit. She stood in a door way and I was shocked because she looked 20 years younger. She was also being nice to me which was really confusing.