non-lucid

Jamie 1

A dream where she's leaning over a bed or something like she's been praying??? and she is saying to me, "I plan to reach out to you."

Ok. Heard that one before...

Dream 2

A dream that I was with Lucifer. But it was the one from ."Supernatural." (like the actor who plays him tho. He's ina ll my favorite shows, Dexter and LOST.) He was threatening something can't remember what.

Jamie 2

Another Jamie dream but I can't remember what it was about.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

There is some stormy weather and can't close my living room window. I keep grabbing my cats to keep them inside while I try to fix it and they seem intent on getting out. Then my house is taken over by some bad people. They want something and I keep pretending I don't know anything about it. Eventually I grab the thing they want from my office and while they are distracted elsewhere and the lights go off because of the storm, I sneak out to the kitchen and leave through the back door. Luckily my dog Hachi is quietly asleep and doesn't make a sound. I hope to get back for my animals soon, but so far I must leave. The bad guys eventually notice I escaped and turn on some floodlights outside trying to spot me. But there is someone else just arriving and getting in the way of the ligths and I take advantage and run through the fields. Much much later I encounter a group of friends and I think I am safe. Except don't seem happy to see me and proceed to hide under some tarps in some construction site. I join them there to find out what's up.

Something about an expedition and a UFO.

Shopping with my familty for some crazy but beautiful clothes. I literally get lost in it as my family leaves me there. I decide to check the second floor of the shop, which I never visited. First part is lingerie but then all sorts of antiques for decor. I am amazed with what I find there. Then some crazy obsessed guy is melting down because he collects something and they no longer have new items for him to buy. My first reaction is to think bad of this guy, but then I realiz he has a serious mental condition and he is not guilty of it, so I feel compassion instead. Then decide to take some pics of some items and of the shop itself. Some cute guy seems happy that I find and expose a wooden piece that was hidden under other pieces and he calls his mom to come and see it and asks my help to set it up straight. I do, but the wood starts breaking apart since it's so old. We decide to put it back. He still considers buying it to restore it, it but every time we touch it, it breaks more. Then he flirts with me and I think he wants to go on a date, but I don't. Then I encounter Sevi and she is glad to see me. Actually too glad to see me, considering she's been mad at me for years. We hug and we talk and the other dude disappears. Then she gets a bit too warm and she whispers in my ear she'd like to invite me to go with her to an hotel nearby and I immediately say no and that she got me all wrong.

Created Friday 23 September 2022

Woof. Quite a big gap since the last time I posted. Well, better get to it then.

Spoiler for Lots o' text:

Scrap Group 1
Something about Seinfeld?

Gameplay for a mid 90's 2D arcade-style beat-em-up/platformer game. Thematically, it resembled 90's superhero comics mixed with horror sci-fi. Most major characters were mutants of some kind, including the protagonists. Cut to the final levels taking place in some fancy, velvet carpeted office building. At the top floor awaited a Frankenstein's monster type character, a brute sewn together with the mismatched limbs of grotesquely mutated humans. On his defeat, he's left in a daze, blood seeping through his orifices. A cutscene follows, in which, a bunch of enemies ambush the protagonists. The boss recovers, captures the heroes and other characters, and leaves them trapped in individual capsules. The vats are filled with chemicals, killing several characters off. The protagonists manage to break free. The enemies taunt the heroes, gloating that their scheme is nearing completion. The bad guys then leave, as the heroes struggle to keep footing.

Dream 1 - Megaman X 4 Minus?

The visuals were slightly blurred. I was playing a 5th gen console Megaman X game.1 At the level select screen, X himself already had all of his armor upgrades and a few weapons. Yet, none of the primary Maverick bosses were defeated, making me question the plausibility of such even at the time.

Cut to the title character in a laboratory/robot factory stage, the constructions blue steel. I test the X-Buster upgrade. It seems as if the max charge shots can interchange attacks from several different titles: the spiral shot from X1, the cross-charge shot from X3, or the plasma cannon from X4. An interesting additional feature was a temporary power-up after using max-charge shots, during which X's primary shots and mid-charge shots get stronger and gain some of the max charge shot's properties. Glittery spark effects made these attacks more visually striking.

I then traverse through the stage, which was much longer than normal. I resort to using air dashes, a dashing weapon attack, and the armor's Nova Charge attack. An exploit allowed me to use the latter more times than it should (the gauge for it was clearly depleted on screen), practically granting infinite flight. This proved necessary when faced with a particularly long spike trap.

Things warp. Now, I gain X's own perspective. From this viewpoint, the factory's walkways looked far more narrow than I'd expected. Anyway, I soon find myself at a long conveyor belt. Just then, a threatening theme sounds, the fanfare indicating a boss fight was ensuing. Instead of just one enemy, a bunch of smaller robots swarm through many chutes pocked throughout the structure. I climbed and jumped at a pillar to avoid most of them. When the enemies were clustered, I used some laser weapon that specifically fired diagonally downwards, the perfect angle to get a number of hits. As this was apparently a Giga Attack, it was limited in use. I then fired some energy burst weapon, appearing as a rising cylinder. Some upgrade allowed me to use this without limit.

Things warp again. I'm now taking part in some FMV cutscene. Now, I had the role of Zero. I was stepping out from some dark place into a large courtyard, appearing much like a greenhouse with many benches. A number of fellow Maverick Hunters were around, though they didn't appear happy. As I understood things, the latest happenings brought heavy losses among the Hunters and civilians alike.

Soon, I meet up with Iris (who happened to be alive during this event), who was especially distraught. She felt guilt for our latest setback, blaming herself for somehow being responsible for all the casualties. I assured her that these tragedies were of no fault of her own; she shouldn't beat her self up for the actions of the unjust Mavericks. But, my words failed to console her. A sullen silence followed.

The dream collapsed soon after.

Scrap Group 2
At some old city built on an ocean cliffside, imposing buildings covering the sun. I traverse up narrow, inclined alleyways.

Dream 2 - TOTY 2022 - DIY Instant Garden

The visuals were mostly clear. I was on a a dirt road in a deciduous wilderness during daytime. Soon, I noticed I was donned with Megaman X's Ultimate Armor upgrade, making me immediately aware. I rush around, enjoying the armor's features, particularly its jet boots and weapons. For some time, I'm content dashing mid-air while I shooting plasma shots at nothing in particular. Some familiar voices then echo in the distance, questioning me on where I should be. "Good question.", I respond. I then launch myself into the horizon.

My surroundings darken as I fly at blurring speeds. Along the way, I try using the Giga Crush attack. A sphere of energy envelopes me, then bursts into an explosion. It didn't cover as much area as I expected, barely creating force past a few meters.

Just then, I noticed the sight of stars all around me. I'd somehow made it well past Earth's atmosphere. This surprise left me in a momentary daze. I opted to continue forward regardless.

Soon, the darkness gives way to a blue sky roiling with thick clouds. I drop down, to land on a snowy hill. Many simple gravestones were strewn beside me on the mounds. Tried not to get too disturbed by the. On the distance to my left was a small village, a collection of plain cottages. To my right, an ocean could be seen at the horizon. Directly ahead was only more snow. I decided to check out the sea.

In an instant, I zoomed near the shores of a rocky beach. The waves were particularly large and turbulant. Wasn't keen on taking a dip in this frigid environment, so I kept a good span away from the water. I hovered by the coastline, following it in one direction. As I did, I thought of tasks. The environment reminded me of the setting for the Dream Base. And so, I looked for such.

Unwavering I dashed beside the beach, blue energy enveloping my armor. In time, the shadows of large buildings could be seen far within miles of the sea. None of these seemed to resemble my destination. I go on for about a minute, when I notice a particularly vast spiral structure complex, much larger than any man-made thing I've ever seen. At its top rested what seemed like a pole, maybe a very large lightning rod. On closer look, it was a pillar of some kind. Squinting harder, I could see what resembled a globe at its tip. Hah! There it is! Curiously, the beacon itself wasn't active. Well, one problem at a time. For now, I had a task to complete.

I launched myself towards the megacomplex, and in a single bound, made it to its base. This time, I was before a singular structure, a stone building of ancient construction that easily spanned an entire mountain range. Each level, roughly a story between each, became narrower the higher it went. From some perspective, this gave it the appearance of a Mayan pyramid, if of infinitely larger proportions. In other viewpoints, it seemed like a staircase for giants. Speaking of stairs, I found no obvious way to elevate the building, nor of any immediate entrance. I resorted to jumping and climbing between each level (I somehow forgot I could fly). I scale all the way to the tenth level, where I finally find a way inside.

Taking a deep breath, I enter. Great anticipation almost made me lose hold of the dream, the surroundings getting darker. I constantly reassured myself I was in the Dream Base, exploring its garden. Things clarify soon. Now, I found myself in a long, narrow room. The constructions here were primarily made of clay, and seemed of Babylonian architecture. On the floor's stone surface was also a number of garden plots, narrow wooden beams forming rectangular templates and filled with dirt of almost pitch black. Bingo!

However, these plots were plainly empty. I haphazardly point around, when suddenly, a number of sprouts grew! Joyfully, I "paint" the dirt with more young plants. Some AR interface gave me an option for a variety of things to grow. For the moment, I opted simply between some kind of berry vine on the plots, as well as a type of decorative fern near the walls. Being terrible at interior decoration, the results ended up looking kinda messy. "No matter", I thought. "So long as something grew."

Once there was not much space to fill, I went to the far end of the room, to find a doorway. I went through, and found myself in a winding hallway, an array of many more doorways opening with no end in sight. I glanced into some of these, to find more narrow rooms with their own garden plots. One of these rooms was unique in that it had no such features. Instead, it appeared to be a squat bedroom. There was just enough room to fit a single bed and a few shelves. The bed's frames, and the other constructions, were made of unfurnished wood. Yet, the mattress itself looked to be of contemporary work. The sight of a pile of split lumber made it obvious this section was still a work in progress.

Wary of getting lost, I made it back to my original garden section. The plants were still no larger than they were before. Feeling impatient, I motioned my finger to create a holographic clock. I turned the hands in the ethereal device rapidly in hopes of speeding up time. Even though it was the intent, I was still surprised to find this spell worked. Before me, I saw the sprouts becoming larger and fuller. In seconds, I was surrounded by berry-filled vines, while ferns of tall, razor-shaped leaves decorated the sides. There was very little room to move around. Again, I blamed my poor decorating skills. But hey, at least I had a garden. Task complete!

Interestingly, several other people wandered inside. They were in awe of the place, perusing every inch like gawking tourists. I entertained the thought to engage with them. But first, I wanted to sample my handiwork. I plucked a berry from the vine. It was bright yellow, roughly the size of a large grape, and shaped like a cherry. I sampled it. I found that although it was quite juicy, it wasn't very appetizing, being extremely tart and bittersweet. I'd the feeling the berries weren't quite ripe yet.

Things began to deteriorate, and the dream collapses.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Visiting an asylum in a castle during the victorian era. I accidentally step into the dungeons and encounter some weird looking bald grey skin people who surround me and say mysterious things like I am the chosen one. I just run away to daylight, feeling very uncomfortable. I am a rich young attractive man, looking very much like Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker's Dracula. The ladies all look at me drooling, but I am very chaste and not actually interested. I am also very weirded out by what just happened. Then some tall bulky bald man, also with a weird pale skin and a tall hat stares at me as he walks past me. I hear him in my head whispering something like "soon" and "you have been chosen" and I see visions of myself in a near future as a vampire. I actually feel seducted with the idea.
I still try not to be followed by this guy as the night falls. There is some nocturnal parade and many policemen on the streets and I am kinda forced to enter a park and end up by a lake that is restricted access. Some policemen see me and tell me to get out. So I see myself again in the parade area and stuck in the middle of a group of noisy teenagers. I try to get away by entering a perpendicular street leading to a parallell road and walking it in the opposite direction. On the other road, the sidewalk is too narrow and the road is too busy, so I spot an old fashion mall that I know can be crossed into another street so I go in.
I am myself again and I meet some familiar faces at the food court sharing a table. Namely there's Evangelion, whom I don't see for ages and he tells me to sit down at his side. We are packed really tight, but that was his intention all along. He flirts with me and I enjoy it. He says he missed me and would like to be with me somewhere alone right now. The others hear it and laugh, but he is serious. He suggests I follow him and I ask if he is taking me for a quickie in the public restroom but he doesn't get the sarcasm in my voice, Instead he answers that he has a better idea. There is some sort of rental rooms over the mall and despite all being taken he has some friends staying there and he hopes to get a room for free. He kinda does. Some friend is packing to check out soon and says we can enjoy the room for a while while she goes do something outside. I feel embarassed with all this, but I am also horny and want to be with him so I play along. As I get in bed he disappears for a while and when he comes back he has turned into a horny pimpled chubby pre-teenager and I wonder what the hell happened. He says he can't control it when he feels horny, he just becomes his younger self. He gets in bed and I say no way. Not only I'd be in trouble if I am found in bed with a minor, he also looks terribly unnatractive. He also can't contain himself and he is already literally covered in cum. I point it out and he is like "so what"? I am disgusted. Then my mom and a bunch other people just barge into the bedroom and they are shocked. My mom asks what am I doing and why. I try to lie and say it's nothing of what they think it is. I am actually still dressed under the sheets so I get up and say I was just taking a nap and this kid snuck in and got too excited. But they actually know it's Evangelion and know he is actually an adult and that that is not the problem. So I tell him to get back to his current self and he goes to the toilet and says he'll be back soon. When he does he is back into his tall adult self. I introduce him to mom and the others and they are all very nice and cordial and say we don't need to be embarassed. But I feel a bit puzzled and want to know what the problem is after all that they all barged in on us. Turns out that my mom thought I have been too libertine and worries that I go to bed with every guy.

i was walking down a street with a friend, it was night and to my left was a concrete ruin. half collapsed, the parts that were still standing had fires in the windows. we walked in to investigate, and i put my hands on over head in case something fell on me, this destruction happened recently and i could hear parts crumbling. we walked through a roofed segment to the other side which was open, but also incredibly dark.

my friend went somewhere but i couldn't see where, it was too dark. there was a working LED screen on a bit of standing wall, i moved to that for some light. i heard an animal behind me, i turned around and saw something moving back and forth, growling. i thought it might be a bear but it was still too dark to make out. i stood still, not knowing what to do, until i went back to where i came.

a bald shirtless guy with tattoos and a goatee was standing there(looked like the guy from american history X) with a fake dog on a stiff leash while dipping its tail back and forth into a mug full of water he had in his other hand while laughing at me. he had played a joke on me, he was the bear.

Trying to get better at recall, in the last dreams i could remember, i was a vampire being chased by a group of angry people from a pub, pale and bald like nosferatu. i ran across a river with a bridge made out of the stuff those floats at the pools are made of. to escape i made myself levitate and floated above the water. they ran to the other side and began fighting, so i flew down and bit their necks, only i sucked the negative thoughts from them, causing them to make up and fall in love with each other.

In another dream i got called the n word by a ghost who looked like the grudge in a haunted house.

another dream i was in a dystopian city, tall grey concrete skyscrapers packed closely together, people lived latched on the sides of these buildings, in small flats, shops and slums. unsafe scaffolding made the walkways, and formed bridges between the buildings and skyscrapers, it was a long way looking down. i was part of a gang who stole bread to sell to a woman in a bread shop who bought illegal bread. she told us what we got wasn't worth much, and if we wanted decent pay we needed to get 4 more bags of it. later i saw the insides of the skyscrapers, they were parking complexes on the insides, though i saw no cars, i saw no living spaces either. completely dark and grey, no colours anywhere!

in another dream, the dream crashed when i found a cow that was clipped into a spiral staircase, it was thrashing around manically like a ragdoll in gmod and when i touched it, the perspective went to me looking at the dream on my monitor, and then checking my pc thinking it was going to explode.

In another i shot up a russian nursery with the guys from the no russian mission in MW2. i was slipping and sliding on the laminate floor as i chased them through the hallways, i only felt bad about it when i shot one i wasn't supposed to, my dreamself is strange.


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saw the pale man scp(as shrek mod i had downloaded that day, but not played yet) in the front garden of my house, me, the girl from portal and someone else were there. it got up and began its process. i was not sure who looked at it, me or the girl. we decided to run out to a grey 2000's car and head as fast as we could to the scp base. i understood that we would be outpacing the scp in the car, but it was only buying us time. first i was in the backseat, and we were speeding through motorways, they were talking about something serious but i cant remember what. then i was in the driver seat, left side, it was night and my driving wasn't great. i was going full speed around corners staying really close to the curb to avoid the traffic, bushes and trees hung close meaning i could not see what was coming around ahead, and then grinding onto the curb when the corner would suddenly turn the other way. eventually we reached a desert, and the base was there. the entrance was a ruin, and we slowly walked up. a gap in my memory, the others had made it in but i was still outside. i walked up to the entrance and crouched under a wide but low square entrance. at the other side was the dog scp and a humanoid, they were talking about something, the dog sounded like the terminator from kuragame communication. i saw a dynamite bundle with a timer on it and i threw it back at the entrance and detonated it, causing it to collapse. i thought it could buy me some time, but gravel could be torn apart easily by the pale man. just as i thought that, i could hear its screaming approaching, it had caught up, and i scrambled to crawl through the small hole the humanoid and the dog were standing beside. i don't remember what happened after that part.

next i was daisuke and i was with J, we were at a tall building, and we were hunting two bad guys. we chased them up the tower, doing stiff and awkward parkour. outside it looked like a block of flats but inside it was construction, blue plastic sheets and open wooden cargo crates. once we made it to the top, they got past me and began going down much faster than they went up, i struggled to keep up to them.

next we had to go to a far away place to investigate someone. i was at a border between britian and india, no one was allowed there. i was J, daisuke was not around. i was in a buss and i was in a country side on a road. to my right was a huge green valley, to my left was just normal landscape. no one was allowed to be in this area, it was called the ??? zone, the word began with an I, but it was something like forbidden zone. i was in a bus and it was overgrown with bush on the side, and that was done intentionally for some reason. i knew i was not allowed to leave the bus, the place i had to go was along this road and i saw it on a map. no one was around, it was dead silent. creepy. there was no one stopping me from leaving the bus, i was the only one in it, what would happen if i stepped outside? i realized that i didn't have to take this risk, if there was any, and could find the place through normal civilization, so i did a u turn and went back where i "came". there was a town here, but it was also silent and empty, dark empty windows.

next I as daisuke and J were walking at the designated location, a shady town with shady people, a malfunctioning android in a trench coat, covered in soot, was walking around with its head pistoning up and down, plastic smoke coming out the hole where its neck should be. J was gritting his teeth, we couldn't coax anyone for breaking any laws here as we were only here to find one person. so i was holding onto his arm trying to comfort him. next i was at a jacuzzi, there were two cyborgs in it, a man and a woman, these two were rivals somehow and were being passive-aggressively friendly to each other. the woman had iron-man style thrusters on her palms and began vaporizing the water for some reason. the guy stood up, he was the target. he had a completely mechanical body, but from his spine hung a cable and a large plastic tube, in the tube was his real body, with all skin and bone and muscle stripped. his organs were wriggling and stretching inside, at the top was his brain, with his eyeless face stitched onto it. he dragged it around behind him, i went up for a closer look and he got mad when i got near it.
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last night i dreamed i got a box, inside was a comic where terry bogard fought the incredible hulk. the outside made it look action, but the comic itself was more so drama. terry was in a depressive state and released the hulk from imprisonment just to fight him, because he felt he needed to prove something. he acted a lot more like macus bogard in this, he was a government agent. as i read the comic, the dream would switch to me observing the events as real things, at one point i noticed japanese pencil writing inside, my mom told me that they probably sent me a defective book at full price. i looked at the cover again and saw lots of small scratches in the reflection of the light. i was mad and sad, and threw my head against a metal radiator, though strange gravity slowed my decent, i felt nothing.

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this is a start, lets do this!

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

In high school / university mix situation, being bullied by Monica and her minions. Even in the bathroom, they burst open the stall where I am sitting on the toilet, demanding something I don't have, just to humiliate me. Then later on class, we're getting our grades and she scores higher than anyone else. I believe she is cheating, but everybody praises her and she gets a round of applause. I don't want to look petty but I gotta say something. I don't accuse her of cheating, but I say I won't clap because she is a bully and she's been bullying me constantly to derail me. Even if she really is smart, she's still a bad person. Nobody denies it, they tell me everybody knows that she bullies, but they still think she should be praised for her grades and they clearly think I am petty for bringing this up. I am appalled. As soon as everyone's attention goes elsewhere, she sneaks in close to me and pinches me hard, hurting me and I say I am sick of it and I am no longer going to be civilized with her. I do a choke hold on her and throw her on the floor and she kicks the air struggling to breath. I eventually let her go and we still fight a bit more, but I can tell she is scared of this new side of me. After the class everybody is going out somewhere and I join just to avoid being cast out, but I wonder if I should, since nobody likes me much anyway and I don't owe them anything. It starts raining as we walk down the street. It's already dark. I pull an umbrella out from my backpack. Everybody gathers in pairs or bigger groups under different umbrellas and I offer a ride under mine to anyone who needs it, but only Monica accepts. I yell there's not a chance in hell and I turn to a group that has like 4 people under one umbrella and offer to welcome at least one of them. They don't accept so I just carry on. I am tired of being nice. We walk into a grand central station and everyone heads to a subway line, but I miss them in the crowd. I don't know which direction they're going. Then I get distracted by some bijouterie lost on the floor. I pick it up and some lady who is just standing there notices it and says she had actually seen it before but was too embarassed to pick it up. She then points out to more bijouterie under a ledge and I am surprised with the finding. Like little kids who found a treasure, we pick it up piece by piece, making pairs with the found earrings and admiring the colorful stones and I fill my pockets with it. The lady doesn't want it for herself, she is just happy to help me find these. Then some other lady comes by and says she doen't think all that bijouterie is lost, but that it belongs to a seller who is there during the day and leaves her things hidden in there for the night. I feel bad and put it all back, except for that one piece that was efectively broken and in pieces on the floor and which seems like it was really discarded. Meanwhile, I am approached by Rupigo who asks me where some other colleague went and if he joined the others. I say I haven't seen him but I suppose so. Then decide to go after him as he probably knows the direction to go. But I don't want to go down the stairs against the flow of the crowd, so I just jump a balcony, the height of one floor, and gently land in the main central area of the station, near a ticket booth. I realize I am dreaming and that I can do whatever I want. I still debate a little with myself if I should go after the group lucidly, or not and I realize it is completely irrelevant. Instead I fly over everyone's heads and I move to the exit. I play a little with the fact that I can cross walls and columns and don't really need to find a door, but I am still planning my next move. Unfortunately the dream isn't stable enough and I wake up.

This is from awhile ago. Probably sometime in late august of this year. I only remembered it because of the dream journal autosave function.

I was at the grocery store; my old workplace from 2018ish. I had just clocked off a shift when I was approached by a group of shady-looking people in a black pickup truck. They were a high profile drug cartel and had asked me to be a drug mule for them in exchange for a briefcase full of cash. I had completed the mission, delivered the drugs to the recipient and was about to get paid. They slammed the briefcase shut, and their leader explained they planned to turn me into the cops. Basically explaining how I was an idiot to think they would pay me, and that they intended to turn me over to the police for being a part of their operation, to throw them off the trail since I didnt have any connections to their group.

Nonlucid brain of course freaks out (instead of realizing that guy was probably screwing himself because I knew what his gang looked like, what car they drove, and where I had picked up the drugs from and who I had given them to, and that they had no evidence against me.) I start screaming and jumping up and down like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Then Manei pulls up in an old rusty red pickup truck and I completely forget about that plotline. She's really upset, borderline crying and I ask her to explain wny. She tells me to look in the back of the truck so I do. Its about 20 black cats, including one litter of kittens. She's super worked up because black cats are seen as tokens of bad luck and nobody wants to adopt them so she had to rescue them herself.

-+-

I am involved in some sort of lucid dream war. The full story eludes me but I am in an OTD area that is mostly farm fields and forests, and I am partially lucid. Most of the combatants in the group are fairly typical soldiers with modern gear and standard rifles and stuff; a couple of tanks and other armored vehicles. But there are more exotic combatants rolled in there. One guy is a pyromancer or firebender of some sort wearing some kind of robe or gown. A few of the soldiers are wearing camo-painted powered armor and using more futuristic weapons. The leader of this group is like a big leopard in a power suit with a humanoid body weilding a plasma battleaxe.

We are fighting against hordes of black and gray zombies with glowing red eyes. They come out of the field which is some kind of burial ground like zombies and we are gunning them down before they can get close. Then a big three-headed dragon comes out, its stature and body structure reminding me of king ghidorah. One of the armored vehicles fires a volley of missiles and the dragon roars but doesn't seem to have taken any significant injury. It lunges at our formation, biting down on soldiers who are firing on it in futility. Its centermost head lets out a roar which carries with it an aura of terror. I feel this 'aura' of fear somewhat but resist the urge to run away. Most of the force scrambles away.

The leopard man isn't phased. He jumps onto the dragon's head and holds onto one of its horns. Then begins one-handedly chopping at its neck. He actually manages to get off one of its three heads before the dragon grabs his arm in its mouth and shakes him around before throwing him across the field into a tree. His arm had torn off and the dragon ate it. Leopard man prepares to make a last stand. I summon my amethyst bow and kill the giant dragon by shooting an arrow into each of its two remaining heads. It then begins burning away in a manner very reminiscent of how a dragon would die in Skyrim and I absorb some power from it. I go help the leopard warrior get up despite him being battered and bloody and missing one arm. When I do I get a feeling from him. That he is an exceedingly proud warrior that refuses to quit fighting until he either dies or wins. I wanted to tell him he did a good job and that he should go find a medical camp, but knew he wouldn't listen no matter how I tried to convince him.

The remainder of our battered group continues to advance. We get into this grassy field surrounded by a wooden fence with this old abandoned farmhouse and fog closes in. There is a bit of a creepy atmosphere. Then this bug Sauron looking guy comes out with a giant sword and shield. Raiah (yes my original character) says "I've got something special for this freak" and shoots a matter disintegrator bolt from her robot arm. He blocks with his shield though it does make the shield glow red and orange where it hits. I tell everyone to stand back and let me handle this.

I use my upgraded form. I'm very familiar with it now and I notice that. "I must have gotten used to it in dreams I don't remember anymore." I say to myself before I roar at him and then charge. There wasn't any real martial arts or strategy. I just rushed him and grabbed his hand holding the sword to prevent him from using it. We wrestle for a bit, as we twist and torque one another in various ways we get pushed through the farmhouse destroying the middle section leaving just the front and back wall and a little section of roof. His armor is covered with spikes and blades and its difficult to wrestle him without something poking or cutting me. Wrestling him is exhausting. Eventually I get him pinned and manage to pull his helmet off. He is just an old bully from junior high. I then grab him by the neck and pull him out of the armor, but do so in a way that doesn't injure or discomfort him. His body is normal sized and doesn't even fill a portion of the armor's torso, and all the armor breaks away when I remove him.

Last night:

I went to bed meditating on the idea that I seem to have developed a rather adversarial relationship with myself, and that since very early in my lucid dreaming career I have struggled with dream characters being directly and openly opposed to me being lucid. I think this epiphany was at least partially motivated by the "lucid dream war" being the crescendo of a very long lineage of dreams about fighting hostile dream characters. I have also struggled with myself reacting violently against dream characters when it is unwarranted. I resolved that it may be a roadblock that is keeping me from having more frequent and more enjoyable lucid dreams, and that I wanted to remedy this.

I was walking in a park. The park is on a big sloping hill overlooking a beach with neatly mowed grass and trees surrounding it on three sides. There is a large parking lot near the top of the open grass area with cars parked in it and a small modern/futuristic cafe style building made out of glass, curved steel tubes and suspension wires that sort of hangs out over the slope. It kind of reminds me of half of a suspension bridge sticking out over the steeply sloping park with two levels of decks with chairs and dream characters sitting on them eating and talking. There is also a black paved walking trail that snakes back and fourth heading down towards the beach.

I am walking along the black walking path thinking about how I should not be here, that it is a long way to get back to work. I then question where I am and become lucid. A family approaches me. Two children and two adults. They feel familiar and inform me that they have missed me and want to know when I might be able to come over and see them. Though there is an unspoken subtext that this implies they want to meet me in lucid dreams again. I respond with something to the effect of "I'll come see you soon" which similarly has an unspoken subtext that I have been seriously considering getting back on the lucid dreaming wagon. I acknowledge that I am accomplishing my goal of having positive interactions with dream characters.

Another dream character comes along with several dogs on leashes. They all look like labradors in various colors and are all quite large. As the dream character walks by the dream scene shifts. I am underneath a stairwell in a basement somewhere; the walls are plywood and 2x4 studs, with all of the dogs but not the dream character. There is very little free space and the dogs become agitated. I try to convince myself that they are just excited to see me and not aggressive, though I didn't thoroughly convince myself.

I am then back in the park scene, now on the inside portion of the cafe. I am holding a black and white cat with long fur, holding it on its back with belly and paws up. The cat is agitated and aggressive. It is hissing at me and trying to claw me and so I try to hold it in a different position. I try to put it down. None of these options work. My arms are not responding. Despite still being at least partially lucid I am now only an observer with no ability to act or speak.

The cat is still aggressive and hissing. But now it is breathing heavily and makes a sort of loud irritating squeaking/wheezing sound when it does. Each time it breathes in its eyes and paw pads, which are jet black, swell up slightly then shrink. But each time the cat breathes in they swell a little bigger and don't shrink quite as much. There is a fearful sort of tension, as though this sounds absurd, in the context of the dream it was a rather disturbing and grotesque phenomenon. I try to channel positive energy into the cat, sensing that it is suffering. I try to break free of the situation and just do anything on my own volition, but I'm now only a lucid observer. A dream character starts laughing at me. I pull my rip cord and tell myself that this is becoming a nightmare, and I want to wake up.

Too late. The cat's eyes and pawpads pop, splattering me and the surrounding dream characters with black tar. Everyone starts running and screaming. The black tar burns my skin and I am filled with a horrible terror as gooey sort of spider-like parasites crawl out of its eyes. I finally finish awakening and the dream fades out, though with the emotional intensity I probably would have woken up anyway.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Driving near my home, on the street perpendicular to the one with cat colony, and I spot an airplane flying very very low in circles. At some point I am sure it will crash. It is flying on its side and one wing hits an old stone wall on the edge of a plot of land. Miraculously, the plane doesn't crash right away and the pilot manages to straigthen it up and land on the narrow road besides it. But the airplane is all crumbled and broken. Some populars gather around to see and comment the situation but nothing agressive. Still, the pilot, who comes out unharmed, feels attacked and starts shouting and insulting everyone and telling them to go away.
Somehow in the middle of this crowd I meet a time traveller. A guy tells me he invented time travelling and it's fine to go back and even meet yourself. I tell him I want to go back to some moment in the past. We land at some day when I was a toddler and my parents left me at the care of my grandmother. We knock at her door pretending to be salespeople. Back then everything was so much more simple and people trusted each other, so she invites us in and shows her she is feeding her granddaughter grapes. As my colleague sits down to talk about the fake deal with my grandma, I ask if I can hold the baby and feed her. She allows and I sit at a table holding my chubby toddler self and I feed her grapes. But I find the grapes are way too big and I might choke on those, so I chew them into smaller pieces, but my baby me rejects those. I ask my grandma why she is rejecting since it is easier to eat and swallow and she says she probably just doesn't want anymore grapes and that she has some sweets for her now. She hands me down some type of cake that has a crunchy white outside and is filled with a yummi creamy brown interior loaded with nuts and almonds. Once again, I don't think it is appropriate to feed these to the baby, both for the sugar content and the nuts she can choke on, so I again bite smaller chunks to feed the baby and in the meanwhile, I eat most of it myself because it's really yummi. Back in the future, my new friend has his machine and a big white board with formulas and notes in some small garage owned by some other guy. Incredibly, this other guy doesn't believe he actually time travels, so he goes back just a little bit just to write something on the white board and we in the present see it magically appearing on it. The time traveller guy had also been to the future recently and checked that his friend will still be offering him shelter in his garage for years to come, so him believing in it or not is irrelevant, he just needs a low-key place to keep it discreetly away.

Parking with Riverstone at a parking in front ot some buildings, I am approached by a little girl who looks like a gipsy in ragged clothes. She asks for something, I can't hear exactly what. I have nothing I can offer, but I tell her I will bring something next time. Then we go inside the building, and the house we're in is similar to my mother's. We sit on the bed of my mom's room watching tv. The kid returns and I invite her in, because I want to know more about her needs. She is amazed at all my dolls and plushies. First, I think about letting her chose which one she wants, but then I recall I have lot more others in storage that I don't like as much and I prefer donating. So I ask her where she lives so I can go there one day with gifts and she takes me downstairs and around the building to show an apartment tower just behind us. Some windows on like the second floor are open and I see a large family inside, some of them at the window. I tell her I'll give my phone number to her so she can call me but she says she already has my phone. I wonder how.

I am taking a shower at some place I don't recognize, but feels like home. Someone comes inside the bathroom and because my shower curtains ar way too short and don't close well, I see it is my *** . I feel embarassed and focus on pulling the curtains to close them as much as possible, but he pushes them a little open so he can peek. I feel awful and angry and I tell him to stop. He feels entitled to do it and I don't understand. I want to run away, I grab towels and cover myself. Then I remember I am a fully grown adult now and I really don't have to put up with his shit. So I tell him that and threathen to beat his ass if he doesn't just disappear and leave me alone.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Visiting the location of some teachings I am attending, I am amazed by the architecture and decor of the place, the temple, the gardens. I am helping out and looking for a mop to clean something when I stumble across Em. She takes me to her own apartment to get me a mop and says she is also tidying it up. And it really needs, it looks like a hoarder's house. She claims it's her mother who likes to have stuff covering every surface. I find that odd, from what I know about her, but say it's the same with me and my mom, except we don't want to, it just happens. Our teacher is on-site and welcoming small groups for personalized conversations and teachings in a large reception hall. He is receiving a group which I join in by mistake and they are talking about Jesus and calling themselves a church, it all sounds satirical yet they are truly commited to the part. I have no clue what they are up to, but not my business, so I leave. I am then invited to join a larger group who is having some kind of reception with food and drinks. We sit at a large U shaped table that goes around a U shaped corridor. Food starts being served and I ask if this is dinner, they say no and then I reply we will be full and not need dinner later. I meet some nice people and one guy is recording snips and bits of the event and makes a short clip with me, which distracts me for like 10 minutes, enough for all the food to disappear. They suggest I go directly to the kitchen and ask for more, but the only tray they still have is taken to another group and there is nothing left. I realize I am so hungry and can't wait until the next meal. I almost have a meltdown because of it.
Some guy and girl invite me to go out and look for some café or other place to eat and I join them. The location feels like some European city with modern buildings. I feel Berlin vibes but it actually looks more like London. We are at some terraced passageway and then we need to go down some stairs to reach the main street where there is the subway and they are asking me where I am staying and where would be more convenient to go and I have no idea. They ask east or west and I mention vaguely an area but my mind is blurry. Then for some reason I decide to not go with them anymore and we separate. I then spot two ginger cats sleeping in the street, their backs against a wall, and I approach to see if they're ok. Apparently so and anyway I can't take them with me, so I leave them be.
Then it gets blurry again but I am with a group of 2-3 people in a room and they aren't friendly to me and are menacing somehow, so I leave and try to lock the door behind me. I can't, so I start zigzagging through rooms and realize I am in some kind of the Backrooms, as each room has 3-4 doors only leading to another room and so on. Some are empty, some look like normal rooms in a home. I start becoming lucid and think of what to do next. Not sure, have no plan, but I spot a door that opens to an absolute pitch darkness and I decide to jump through it as a portal and see where I land. Doesn't go as planned. I just enter a darker and most dangerous area of the Backrooms, filled with monsters. First I stumble from room to room in the darkness, finding some hints of a faded light here and there showing a door or some furniture against a wall. Then I came across the first monster. It looks a bit like Venom, shiny black slim body and a big head with sharp teeth. He just appears out of nowhere and falls on me. I just have time to grab his head away from mine and we fight on the floor. I try several hooks to keep him imobilized as I try to find a weakness to hurt him. Eventually I manage to grab some object and slam it into his head, but it takes a lot of times to knock him down and he bits me a couple times. Then I continue wandering and encounter a metal staircase leading to upper or lower levels. I go up and enter a level that has victorian decor in the hallways and beautiful colored bead curtains hanging over many doors. As soon as I cross one such doors and it makes a distinct sound of beads against each other, some woman with a kid appears running and yelling that I just attracted the creature. The creature is a hollow blue mesh figure, a bit like the other slender figure before, but more hunched and walking on four limbs. The front limbs a bit longer than the back limbs. And the head is very thin, basically a neck ending in a jaw. I don't even know how this creature can hurt, because it looks so frail, but it is scary nonetheless. We run upwards but all the next floors are still in the same style with the same damn curtains. Eventually I enter one such floor any way and allow the creature to follow me throughout the rooms. I then face it and grab its head to find it is indeed frail. I rip apart the head mesh as if it is cardboard and that is it. Then I think I see the kid again, can't tell if he is the same, but must be. I call him closer, I don't see his mother around. He stares at me, doesn't move or say a word. Then he gets closer and I noticed he has a snake like tongue and he is actually preparing to attack me. He is just another monster. He tries to snatch me with his tongue and I just have time to jump to the side and escape him. Turns out the woman was walking on the ceiling like a spider and also throwing her tongue to catch me at the same time. Instead both their tongues get entangled and when she pulls her tongue in she swallows the kid whole. I run away again through rooms and rooms, until I find a new level which looks more like the real world. I hear human voices, but not knowing what it is I hide in a room which looks almost normal, with a bed and sheets and even some light coming from some kind of window. I hide under the bed when I hear the voices approaching. It is two guys and they close the door behind them, looking scared and looking for something to block it. They seem human, so I decide to reveal myself. I don't want to startle them, so I whisper to get their attention. They are still spooked at first, suspicious of me, but they end up trusting I am also human. They say they were being chased by some being who looked like a giant leprechaun with two heads. And either he has two faces on the main head or he can send one of the faces down a tentacle-like arm and generate a second head at the end of his arm. The creature arrives at our door and starts pouncing on it heavily. I help them hold it up, but we know he will eventually break it, so I look around for something again that I can use as a weapon. There is some sharp metal thingy from the bed frame and I grab it. The monster finally blasts the door open and throws us down on the ground, but he doesn't come in right away, instead he peaks with his tentacle head first and I stab it with the sharp metal. The creature leaves in agonizing pain, but I still get to see its whole body and main head and it really looks like a leprechaun with a beard and some dusty brown clothing and a semblance of a hat.

I was at work, but work shifted between being my actual retail job and somehow being in a house I don't recognize. For some reason we had an order for someone, I think they were having a huge party. They ordered pallets of 12 pack sodas, among other items. I had to -- I forget -- unload them, check them in, something. On top of trying to so something already, I think move large displays. I remember a lot of Maybelline stuff.

It was then that I heard someone called out, and I was asked to stay an extra half hour. Sure. Just let me call home and let my family know I'll be running late. But my phone didn't work. Could pull up contacts even though I kept trying. The screen was nonsensical. Couldn't pull up the keyboard either. I took a break to go outside and sit in a car I didn't recognize so I could concentrate better. It didn't help. My boss(I didn't recognize this woman but knew she was my boss) went out the car that was apparently mine to ask if everything was okay.

I was very upset after trying so long to use my phone and somehow I just couldn't. I asked for her phone, and she dialed the number I gave her and handed it to me. The person on the other end was a stranger. I looked at the phone; she had dialed a totally different number that I could even quite read. I spent the rest of the dream becoming increasingly distraught as I tried to dial the right number. It never worked. At one point I told the manager to just go back to what she was doing because she was waiting on someone for a meeting but she didn't want to just leave me alone in the parking lot, something about safety like I could get mugged or something.

Also the manager's phone was a landline, not a smart phone. I wondered why and how a landline she owned worked so far from it's cradle which was surely at her house. Also, being a landline, it had actual buttons. And every time I hit a button it registered at the button next to it, so I couldn't possibly dial correctly. My mind explained this by deciding that the wires under the buttons were breaking down with age so they were shorting together.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With my mom doing tourism somewhere exotic. We just had some snacks at a cafeteria in what seems like a bazar. Then I am drawn to this sort of temple and realize there is a buddhist event inside and I spot my teacher in there. He is coming down from the stage and giving his place to some other lama. Me and mom are at some lateral door when my teacher walks down an isle, perpendicular to us and I think he sees me by the corner of his eyes. I fold my hands on my chest. I notice I am wearing a long white embroidered dress. Then I leave with my mom, trying to figure out where my teacher is going, but I am nt walking anymore, instead I am levitating above my mom as she walks below.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

In a spaceship like the ones in Star Trek. It is a very large one and we're dangerously close to the surface of planet Earth doing some high risk maneuver, trying to escape some other spaceship in pursuit. This maneuver was never accomplished and our ship is shaking and creaking like it is falling apart, but it holds up. The other one doesn't and we watch it be ripped appart. Then, I am not sure if by the effect of our massive ship or something else happening on the planet, but the ground below is also breaking apart, I watch a road cracking and breaking apart and some high pressure water jets coming from underground hitting the ship. There is a part of the ship which was severely damaged, which breaks apart when hit by these water jets and falls into the surface. It brings me and a couple collagues down with it. We don't know what to do when on the ground. First we run after the ship (as if we were running after a car) but it is massive and it isn't stopping for us. Then we run through a town to find some specific place, I think maybe some place from where we can communicate with the ship. I and another girl, we lose track of our male colleague who was running ahead of us and he is the one with the coordinates. We emd up inside the building of an airport and I look for clues of where he might have headed. Anything. I find a decorative flower bed with some plaque identifying plants by numbers and I notice some numbers are not correlated to plant names as other numbers are and I assume it is a coded message he left for us, but it seems incomplete. My colleague thinks I am reading too much from nothing and that this was not made by him, it is just some random incomplete info on an abandoned airport.

At my mom's, very early morning. But she isn't home, she is enjoying some well deserved vacations. Unexpectedly I have other family members with me, like my deceased uncle Zé F.. I am looking for bread, coffee and cereals to prepare breakfast. We have a TV in the kitchen and I am looking for some news or show to put on for my uncle and whomever else is with us. But all channels are playing weird stuff. On the public network they are playing some videoclip of hispanic rappers singing about gangs and I wonder why the hell they are playing that on what seems like a weekend morning. The videoclip grasps my attention as it is filmed in Lisbon. Then I am there, walking through old Lisbon. It's still early morning, so there are very few people on the streets, but groups are arriving and descending from buses. We're near some church or cathedral and I spot some weird poster on a wall that reads like a newspaper and ther is some news story that Greta Thunberg is dead in a car accident with her father. I am shocked and turn around to discuss it with someone but when I try showing them the poster where I read it, the poster is gone and I am confused. I decide to keep walking and I see a bunch of tourists hangin out and listening to a guide in front of the church. I realize they are catholic devotees. I think to myself this could be a lucid dream and I would use the chance to prank them. Then I realize it really is a dream. I think what to do and have no concrete idea, so I just lift off in the air to try to prank these believers by claiming to be some celestial apparition, but it doesn't go as planned. I feel a very intense undescribable sensation in my mind, as if I am not just flying, but dissolving from this dream reality and I get very dizzy. I notice the dream characters don't even notice me, so what's the point of trolling them. Instead I fly away from the city and over a hill full of trees and just enjoy the landscape while thinking what to do. I latch on to the top of the tallest tree I see and wonder what would it feel to shrink to microscopic level and explore its microscopic life. So slowly I shrink myself to the size of a bug and I go down inside a crevice on the tree trunk, feeling the textures of the wood and mosses and water dripping. Then slowly shrinking more. But I eventually reach a dark crevice with dirt and I can't see a thing and feel my body stuck and unable to move. I try not to panic, think about either shrinking more or just expand to full size and blow up the tree to get out. But I doubt my abilities for a second and then I no longer can't do any of it. I wait still for a little bit but the dream isn't changing, it's just me in a dark tight hole and I feel like I can't even turn my head. I am starting to panic and wondering if I am just experiencing sleep paralysis and not on a dream anymore. So I decide it is not worth it and it is better to wake up.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP


Running away and hiding from something or someone. I arrive at this small village on a hill, near a river, that I used to often dream about. Some lady stops the car and offers me a ride. I accept. She then proceeds to talk to me as if we're familiar to each other but I don't feel like we are. Until she says we met years ago in a summer camp, in this place and we used to swim on the river. Then I feel like I have been rude and say sorry, but I still don't remember. Then notice she has a kid in the car, so I say hi to the kid. I need to do some shopping, so she takes me on to a local supermarket. Then it gets weirder. Everybody looks at me like I am a foreigner. Then at the cashier, I am surprised that a jar of olives I picked up is over 50€. I tell the cashier to please put it back as I am not taking it and he goes ballistic. Says he won't, that it is the shop policy that anything you bring to the cashier, you have to pay and take with you. I refuse and say that's insane. My so-called friend actually says I should because it is like this around here and nobody breaks the rule, it's the law. So I just drop everything I was going to buy and walk away not buying anything. They say if I don't pay for it all and take it with me, they will call the police. I am increasingly befuddled and decide to just run away before the cops come.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Me and mom have suspected for a long time that we have been abducted by aliens periodically. Then one day walking by the riverfront in Alhandra, she gets a bit more ahead of me and I lose sight of her for a bit. When I catch up and see her in the distance, I also spot a big alien ship pointing a tractor beam to her. She is starting to being pulled up and I run to pull her down, but we're both sucked in. She seems to be in a trance, but since I am extra weight that wasn't planned, I am fully conscious as maybe the effect only works on expected passengersWe are dropped at a big hangar but there are no aliens in sight. Looks more like an automated factory with conveyor belts and escalators and all the abductees move on their on while on a trance. They are taken to what look like shuttles and sent somewhere else. I observe all this while hiding, and when I lose sight of my mom again, I decide to jump out of the hangar through and opening to the ground, because I fear there won't be an atmosphere I can breathe, once it lifts off. I feel that now that I gained some insight into the functioning of the abductions, I may resist entering a trance next time I am abducted. I meet other abductees and we exchange info on methods to resist the numbing effect of the tractor beems, but nobody ever really managed to suceesfully pull it off. I am the only one who accidentally went through it consciously. Somehow, the next time that I am beamed up, I become physically numd and unable to move, but totally aware throughout. Once I am taken in the shuttles and end up at what looks like a train station inside the ship, I get out from the abductees lines and hide out. I spot some alien guards and even alien guns and I grab some alien grenade. I throw it to the middle of the "train station" and when it blows up and the aliens scramble, I sneak into a room where other humans are being held hostage. These people are also conscious. There is a blind autistic girl in the group with her mom and she is unaware of where she is and people are making an effort to keep her happy and entertained and hiding thr truth from her. I feel emotional and I share with them a plan to escape with them all. Fortunately for us, the ship is parked somewhere on Earth and is not flying in outerspace. It has many floors and we run down a bunch of stairs until the lowest floor. I sent everyone else before me and when it is my time to follow, we are surrounded by a couple drones flying over our heads. They zap us one by one and freeze us into what seems Han Solo frozen in carbonite, but it looks like wood. One by one we try to resist, but it doesn't work. Then I and another person notice a small detail, that the board people get frozen in, has a fixed size, like there is a size limitation to it. So we try open our arms and gesticulate like crazy to try to look larger and impossible to freeze. Somehow it works. One of the drones keeps flying around us and zapping us from all angles but we yell insults at it as we flap our arms and flip the middle fingers. That's when the men in black appear. A couple guys in suits and sunglasses, lead by a lady that doesn't seem very friendly. She is indeed pissed. They surround us and tells we're supposed to cooperate. Then zap us with yet another tool that makes us numb and obeyant. Then ask us to line up and march. At some point soon after, I manage to break the effect and just pretend to comply while making signs to my mates to see if anyone else is aware. I think a few of them are also slowly breaking the spell and regaining control. So I start walking sideways and going around in circles, then getting under an area with lots of valves and turning them, releasing vapors and causing chaos and confusion. The lady in black comes to me and tells me she has had it with me and asks WTF am I doing. I literally ROTFL and say that all their instruments no longer work on me and I suspect they are also not working on a few others either. Then they break character and join me in my little insurrection, grabbing the men in black. The lady then breaks down and starts talking like corporate talk, about the need to show results, to have a certain number of subjects being tested successfuly or else this alien-government cooperation will fall apart. I understand her frustration as an employee following orders. She is sitting down, defeated, while she shows me some dossier with graphs and signed protocols and explains why she has to keep doing it. Then I ask who the fuck was the stupid person who decided to secretly kidnap humans and why are they still doing it, when there are legions of human beings who would volunteer to do the job if only they were open about it and fucking asked. I tell them to just come clean and publicly announce this partnership and ask for volunteers and I guarantee they won't be short of interested people who always wanted to see the interior of an alien ship and cooperate with whatever studies they're doing and be part of the few selected ones, even if that involves a little anal probing here and there. They seem convinced and hire me as their consultant.