non-lucid

Looking for Jamie

Became lucid on something like a greyhound bus. Decided to look for Jamie since she's been AWOL for a while now, briefly showing up here and there, for all i know she could be dead or something and i'd never know. I go up to the bus driver and ask if he knows where Jamie is? He says no. I look around the bus to ask someone else but it's empty. The dream starts going dark a bit. I step down the front steps to the door. To the right of the door as a panel. I imagine removing the panel will take me to another dream space. I take the panel off and slowly step through. I wound up in a large house that appears to be under construction. All the walls are made of plywood and not drywall, and is not painted. The floors are all plywood but clean as in prepped for flooring. I wonder if i can use this place as a dream to find more hidden houses inside hidden rooms. Like a dream that goes on forever and all I do is explore endless houses strung together. I guess Jamie has slipped my mind by now. The dream starts to fade. I try and prolong the dream by leaning on one knee, placing my hand on the floor and counting the spaces between my fingers with one eye closed, (as per Hukif/Walm's suggestion) i start counting. I don't even get to 10 before the distortions start pulling me from the dream forcing me to wake up. I usually try to jump and escape them which usually makes the dream black and then it snaps back with super clarity. But not this time. I feel myself jumping but slightly hitting a ceiling and then I wake up.

Victoria

A dream about my friend who died of covid at the end of august... She was facebook messaging me. She knows she's dead in the dream and she kept saying sorry and that she was embarrassed that she died so suddenly...

Another death

I see a woman with brown hair at a funeral. I have a feeling it's Jamie, because of the way she doesn't acknowledge me. She's not here for me, She's here for someone she knows that passed on. It's an odd viewing. The casket is open but on a conveyor belt. (side note: I absolutely hate Viewings. The person is gone, with Jesus, or in hell, or showing up on celebrity ghost stories or something, That body is not them. You know on TV shows when they have viewings? And the person's face is all perfect? Well, it usually isn't, The muscles that hold the face together aren't working and their cheeks just sag down.) Anyway, in the dream the casket rolls by me and Jamie. Her cold ,I'm not really here, gaze breaks and she starts tearing up. She holds onto me and I give her a hug while she cries. Well I guess she knew I was there after all..

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At some party, like at an art gallery, and there is Riverstone and a bunch of other people. They are serving lots of desserts in long tables in different rooms and I am planning to indulge in as many as I can. But as I grab a plate and go back to get some of what I have seen, I find them mostly gone and manage to grab only 3 tiny cake slices before finding that the buffet is over and immediately removed and all the tables are now exhibiting jewellery and other art pieces. I feel frustrated but they say they announced the time limit ahead and have a very strict policy about it.
Then I sit down and realize there is some sort of lecture going on the next room, but then it is no longer at this gallery but at my grandparent's old house and it is a meeting of some Jeovah's witnesses with my grandpa in his kitchen. I am sitting there and continuing to eat my cake slices and I see their judgemental looks over my glutony. When they get up to leave I walk them to the door and outside the hallway looks like a school hallway and not my granparent's building. I go explore and feel a mix of joy and freedom as I feel transported to my highschool years. I go around dancing and levitating and my dance becomes a bit more sexy and dirty and I think I even pole dance a little when I find some random pole in the hallways. As I encounter some prude teachers who start judging me, at some point I go blatanly sexual and expose my private parts. They go away in shock.
Further ahead I spot a teacher of mine telling another student some story about me. So apparently some teacher had asked another one about the students in our class, and the second one mentioned I was a total devil. But when she arrived to the classroom she was so surprised to see that I was this quiet little angel instead and they are discussing how I could hide it so well or something. I want to know more about it, so I come to them and ask what else happens in the story. They get spooked and say that is none of my business and leave.
Tired of all these people I start becoming aware of the dream and levitating high up in the air. From above I see hundreds of people coming and going, entering and leaving buildings, like little ants. Then realize I am also a little ant just like them. I think about what to do in this lucid dream, but have no idea, so I decide I"ll just watch whatever happens. Then I start spotting fleeting rainbows in the sky, reflected on windows, basically everywhere. and I think about how they are a metaphor for the nature of the mind. So I start trying to catch them. I spot a rainbow shining against a wall and I am close enough to touch it. It turns into a pattern of our brains white matter. As I focus on it, everything around starts turning blue, like I am inside a tub of dark blue jello. I think this might be another level of insight into the nature of the mind and I want to find answers. I start to see some letters and numbers forming and make an effort to decode it, but the thick jello makes it hard to read it clearly. In the ned it seems just like I am looking at some comemorative metal plaque on a wall and seems to mention the European Union or something and I feel really disappointed. Try again, same thing. So I get bored and try to get out of this blue stuff and get back into a normal world with people. I walk among them and decide to make another experiment. I want to go through them instead of treatint them like real people and see what happens. The first ones it feels weird, like I just actually push them to the sides and not really go through them. So they get mad at me and try to grab me, but it is like I have a force field around me and they can't touch me. I keep bulldozing through the crowd at ease. And then some start treating me like a goddess with super powers and start following me around. The group of annoying followers is growing and they are too clingy, so I find jewels on the ground and offer to them to distract them. It works. Then someone says I am getting phone calls on my cell phone and I break lucidity while trying to figure out where my cell phone is and who might be calling.

I dreamt about a multiple-perspective video game in which you controlled an anthropomorphic rat. The game had both top-down, first-person, and a 3rd person

There was various levels, and a company conspiracy in the pet trade in which a wealthy family of rats owned both the Rats group (a bunch of corporations similar to virgin which all started with rats), and also secretly the Cats group, which was run shoddily in order to sabotage the reputation and wellbeing of the cats, there was a pet toy manufacturer who made dangerous toys as a way of harming them, as well as a barely functioning charity that was intentionally mired in bureaucracy.

Interestingly enough, there was a unique level in the game called "The Red Forest", it was red/black monochrome, and highly pixelated compared to the rest of the game, sort of like Faith or Pylons. I vaguely remember some reference to me playing Yume Nikki at that point as well. The soundtrack for it was sort of similar to it's Hell level, but slower paced, higher pitched by about a semitone, and a slight tremelo effect on it, as if it was a spinning computer fan. It's color scheme was almost identical to this screenshot from Yume Nikki.

Just a quick dream about talking to some manager from work. that's it...

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

At mom's. The neighbors' right across the hall bring an injured dog and put him in front of our door. We pretend not to notice. So the poor dog is eventually taken by them to be treated by a vet, but again they lay him down in front of our door. We don't understand. Maybe they think he's ours? I look for blankets to make a bed outside for him. It's stormy on the street and very cold outside in the hallway.

Watching a theatre play. A man and a woman in the 1900s meet and talk. Thet are both depressed as they both lost their spouses. She comes visit him regularly and he starts writing down what they talk about. Mostly about grief and rebuilding their lives. At some point she feels she healed and starts talking with him about closure and thinking of marrying again. He agrees with her arguments, but he thinks she is making innuendos towards him and she wants to marry him. He keeps writing about his grief although when they meet he is now looking refreshed just as she is. In the first occasions they met, they didn't care to look good and attractive, now they both are putting in the effort. But he keeps denying that he feels something for her and is feeling pressured by her conversation, although she never mentions anything romantic at all. She asks him when his he stopping writting on his notebook and he doesn't see why he should. He gets upset and starts avoiding her.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With mom at a beach. We hear spaceships launching nearby. We've been trying to sneak into the space launches. People who got tickets are being evacuated from the planet. But they move the launching site around, so every day we make a run to try to catch it. One day we manage to get there and we sneak into a line of passengers. Unfortunately they are asking them to show the tickets at the entrnace of the ship. We don't have any. But they don't kick us out, they assume we already had to show them at the maim door, so they send us to a ticket booth to get a reprint of the tickets. But if we go there, they'll find out. I claim that if we go there, we will miss the flight. They reply we can always get on the next one the next day. But as we are about to leave, someone calls us and says we're ok to go if we want. First we're excited, but as I walk to the ship I burst into tears and tell mom I don't wanna go. I remember I somehow left my pets behind on the farm with dad and that I"d rather stay and die with them. She agrees. Then everything starts falling apart, the building collapses like under enormous pressure, but in an orderly fashion, geometrically breaking up and being swallowed up into itself. I tell mom we need to jump through a slit to outside, but we fall into a void. The landscape outside is falling into itself too and disappearing rapidly under our feet. So we fall as if from high above in the sky. Mom is panicking, but I hold her hands and manage to stop us from falling. We are just levitating in the air and we see the earth disappearing, as if into a blackhole. But I decide to stop it by prpjecting a new reality. I tell mom we will land safely on land again and slowly I make us descend onto a new Earth, onto a street of cobbled stones and colorful houses. Not sure if this new reality is a pure illusory one or some paralell universe that we jumped to, but it looks like the one we came from.

So I created a new earth and all the spaceships that had been evacuating come back and join us. I learn that a friend of mine, who also has superpowers, had been cooperating in a secret project to create a giant antenna in space to guide all spaceships to their new destination, a space station somewhere. It was based on his telepathic powers somehow. Once he realized I had created a new Earth, he guided them all back home. They all meet to work on some new plan to repopulate the Earth. I want to be part of it, so I join the meeting. Turns out there is a team who fears we might need to evacuate again and they want to establish a colony on Mars. My friend is part of this group and he is debating some advanced physics. They ask what I do or know and I say I am a biologist and they say I might come in handy if they find life there or when we bring life into it. Then definitely a biologist will be useful. But my friend Zilla is also in the group and when she hears this, she comes to tell about her skills and I feel afraid they might chose her instead. She knows a lot about Martian geology for some reason.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

It's a freezing weather and some type of post-apocalyptical secnario or post-catastrophe situation. I am with some people at some place that looks a cross between my mom's home and a public hospital. For saving energy and heat, I suggest we close down some rooms for good and keep open only the ones with stuff we need. Then we gather in a few interior rooms which are more insulated.
Things get better later and some group is able to reach us. There are some famous faces among them. They are our contact with the exterior so I prepare a plan with some of my friends in which one of us goes with them when they go out again. My friends chose me to go, because they secretly conspire for me to hook up with a guy from the other froup, who is drop dead gorgeous and hot but he is clearly out of my league to even consider it. But I also secretly feel some hope once they mention it, so I go. Later on for some reason I do a prank to everyone on the group, by attacking them with cans of whipped cream in spray that I come across. They don't react so well, they look disgusted and humiliated but decide to ignore it. We still finish our mission and we eventually come back to get all the others.

Some surreal dream on a ship I can't recall. Then it is night and from the deck of the ship I see some dock below and a woman running away from a slender dark figure. I go down there and ask someone if they saw the woman being chased. I am told that a slender man has been terrorizing people, especially women, in the area. So I keep looking around trying to find them. I never see the woman again but Slender Man appears. First I freak out, but then I tell him he just met the one who will take him down. He laughs at me and for a second I doubt myself, but I am mildly aware that I am in control, so I stay firm. He tries to grab me and I sink my hand into his thigh. He screams in agony. I tell him I can rip him apart and I cause him more and more pain, until he is contorting on the ground. He starts losing his scary demonic look and now just seems like a very tall thin man dressed in black with a tall black hat. I feel horny with power, so I order him to undress. Turns out his got a nice body and I decide to abuse him as a way to subjugate him. He looks so scared and confused. I mention to him that I am dreaming and I can do anything I want. I tell him I want to rape him, so to keep undressing. I manifest some kind of really long black dildo and I sodomize him while somehow also riding it. I actually have an orgams from it in the dream and in RL.
So I think slender man will be out of business for some time 😂

On vacation in Belgium with mom and Riverstone. Somehow we are staying in an apartment full of our stuff and even my cats, so I am concerned about packing it all for the return travel coming in in a few days. But they want to go on a 3 day tour up north by the sea and I end up giving up on packing up. It's summer, sunny and the ocean is turquoise blue and gorgeous. But the towns are already putting up Xmas decorations.I find it so odd but it all looks so lovely, my mom gets very emotional.

running for fun with my ex-wife, looks like a children campground, got an electronic cigarette and found somewhere a toy snake with oil in it that made it move like real

I am near water spring, it's clean and general atmosphere is good, scenery looks like from another world, though it's just weird landscape and otherwise pretty normal greenery

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

With Nighthawk and Riverstone. We've been talking about this and that and Nighthawk says he misses me. He is sitting to my right and I hold hands with him, My heart is full and I drop one tear down my right cheek that only he can see, because Riverstone is to my left. Then the guys discuss something in private and Nighthawk leaves without even saying goodbye and I feel heartbroken. Riverstone says they talked about us all being together but him being afraid we would have to cut ties with everyone else and I say I don't care as long as we have each other. Then I spot him standing down the road, which goes down hill. Slowly he walks back to us and although we say nothing, my heart warms up again. Then we take to the train station to go somewhere and they simply jump over the gates, not paying tickets. I feel uncomfortable and stop. Then the lady from the ticket office starts yelling we have to pay. Riverstone is adamant in not paying and says to ignore her and I insist in going back to pay. I am disappointed at them. I pay the 3 tickets and it's like 60 cents.

On the train, I meet Zilla and our girl gang. The train fills up after a while, to the point where I feel a bit claustrophobic, so when it stops at a couple stations later, I briefly get out just to get some air. Finally at the last stop everyone gets out, including me and my friends, but I notice I can't find my bag. Now the train is actually a bus and I run to the front door to meet the driver. I ask him to not leave while I go inside and look for me bag. He pretends not to understand what I am saying. He speaks to some dude inside with him in a mix of french and english, so then I try speaking in english and he still says he doesn't understand. I speak in french and then he starts looking at me like he does understand. But he keeps being rude and denying me entrance, so I force my way into the bus and look for my bag under every seat and on overhead compartments. Can't find a thing and he mocks me. I finally give up, but have the feeling he kept driving the bus and we are somewhere else entirely different. So I ask for his help, because I have no ID, no money, no cards and I am lost somewhere in the middle of this city. He does not care. So I get out, thinking about asking a local for the nearest police station, when I realize we are still at the exact same place where people descended from the train/bus. Then wonder about my guys and I hear them yelling from across the road, where they were sitting in a park bench. I run to them and hug them in tears, thanking them for having waited for me. They don't understand why I am so emotional about it, because from their perspective it was like 5 mins and they were always seeing me from their seat. So they say "of course we waited". Then we keep walking to whatever destination we're heading.

2nd September 2021

Dream:

Aboard a spaceship. It's dark in most hallways and rooms and there's a general eerie feel, like how I used to feel about the dark as a child. Some parts of the ship look like the Nostromo in a Weyland-Yutani style. There's discussion with some characters and we're talking about Vulcan. I seem to have future knowledge that it will be destroyed by an explosion but I keep it to myself. A guy is talking about his brother having gone to Vulcan as a trader.

I see out a central window in a dark room and there's a planet with a green atmosphere, framed perfectly by the round window.

I go away from the rest of the group on my own, I think just through into some other nearby rooms. There's a WY wall-mounted bulky junction thing, over a doorway (resembling corridors in the Pods). This thing has a flashing red light, possibly beeping too. I notice that the flash seems to slowly be gaining speed. This unsettles me, telling me something is wrong. In the dream I can't seem to remember what the thing is for and when I ask nobody else seems to know or care, being preoccupied with their own conversations or thoughts. Nobody takes this seriously. I feel there may be an alien (xeno) aboard.

(recall gap)

Then, I'm in the mess hall, which is nearby to where I was before. There are two or three dozen people here, all eating from bowls and stuff, but there are no tables or chairs. There are a few kids too. An adjoined kitchen has workshop-like tools, like buzz saws, table saws and the like. All of this just makes me feel uneasy and I imagine or fear accidents relating to these tools. One kid in the mess hall has a cyborg hand with a circular saw attached. He's cutting beef jerky with it, or some other kind of stringy meat.

I am or become one of the kids at some point, possibly early teens? Everyone eventually leaves except for myself and a couple of other kids. This unsettles me, like something terrible is going to happen, still because of that eerie feeling about the darkness. The other two kids, a tall slim boy and a short fat boy, start picking on me and won't let me leave. We get into a slow struggle but I eventually break free. I forget the rest of this part.

(recall gap)

Somewhere outdoors-like and sunny, but I just walked there in the ship, it's just some section of it. Some other characters, I'm accompanying them I think. Despite the changed environment the eerie feeling remains in some places that are indoors here. I forget most of this segment but at the end I'm talking to a male doctor, a psychologist. We're sitting at a bench in an outdoor cloister bit with benches. There are other people around, passing by or whatever. We discuss some problems of mine (which specific to this dream-life) but I forget what is said exactly.

---

Notes:

- For quite some time I have been wondering if or when I'd ever dream about one of the Alien films. Oddly enough, after waking from this dream, I didn't remember this, despite realising there were some similarities between the dream environment and the setting of the first film.

- I haven't known or felt that fear of darkness in a number of long years, it's a fear that I think I must have worked a bit to overcome but that also kind of just went away on its own.
-- It's notable that I can't remember ever having felt this eerie feeling in a dream before, but it's possible I just don't remember any specific instance anymore.

- I couldn't notice any outer details of the ship from the windows.
-- The planet I saw was probably based off space games I've recently been playing. But the (vivid, tending toward yellows) green atmosphere is probably symbolic, as it's a colour I associate with death, envy and other sinister feelings or effects. This seems pertinent with the rest of the setting and mood.

- The unwillingness of other characters to cooperate or listen probably relates to how characters are often portrayed in the sort of film like Alien, where you always seem to have stubborn or ignorant characters that make everything worse.

- On some level, the ship having the self-contained outdoor-but-indoors environment is probably related to a story I've been working on for a while now.

- Despite the feelings in the dream, this wasn't really a bad dream, especially since I've been waiting for something like it to come up.

31st August 2021

Fragment:

I'm with someone I know, maybe H. We're in a building and a dream character arrives and he's like a cousin of the other person or something. There's something going on but then this dream character, a white man in his forties, invites me to have a drink or dinner with him at a nearby place. I agree with some reluctance because I didn't want to get away from here but I'm also enthusiastic as I think about how he'll likely be paying for the meal too.

A bit later, I'll supposedly drive myself to the place but my car isn't so much a car as it is a light frame with pedals. I also never manage to control it very well, especially the clutch and gear stick, which sticks up from the outer right side.

(recall gap)

Something about Arab cities and water. Implied desert region. There's a flowing water source that's important to the region and around which much is determined. There's a lot of insect life around and I feel bothered by it, but the locals don't? There are some scenes around this part that seem to mix different points of view, from above or far away. I have some perception of these cities being coastal and at the deltas of rivers.

Jamie

Just a dream that she was in some city driving around and looking for me. I live in picture butte now, so if she was really looking for me in my previous city she wouldn't find me.

Victoria

Difficult dream to recall. I was dreaming she was outside her apartment taking selfies. But she mood of the dream was sick, like she was sickly and/or dying.

*Not a dream* I woke up from that dream last Saturday to a message from Victoria ( an old co worker who I was close friends with). she was telling me she came down with Covid. I asked how severe? and she didn't respond. A few days later just before a night shift I read on Facebook she had just died. She was 36... my age, with underlying health problems. Was this dream prescient?

Various other dreams i can't recall. One involded my car getting stolen. Driving around with my uncle, and dreaming about the Trinity Killer from Dexter season 4.

29th August 2021

Some in-line notes/thoughts.

Fragment:

(last part of a dream)

Not sure where I am, some house. H is here and some client of his. There is some upset because of people doing some kind of eBay boycott or slandering. I feel I know exactly why; in Discord, talking to A and G and some other furries, another (dream-generated) furry called "Daster" is mentioned as having made a journal about eBay shenanigans. But reading what Daster said, it seems to read fine actually and it's more like others didn't read it thoroughly and have blown it out of proportion.

(on waking from this, I wondered why I didn't consider this a dreaming situation while dreaming)

Fragment:

(some early dream)

In an old and abandoned building. It's an abandoned nuclear power plant. Me, H and DH (who we were recently introduced to in WL) are here, I think trying to get the power plant working again. Some circuit boards in a control room of sorts seem to be damaged? Other mechanical bits need replacing, overall. DH plays around with one of those chunky armoured cables we saw in A's garage while we were away. DH draws arcs with it and stuff, across some of the control room machinery.

The electric arcs are just barely visible (making me think of X-Ray radiation being at play) and they are long and a very faint but somewhat bright light blue colour. Something happens and an arc strikes all three of us. I feel dizzy at first. Then we all start experiencing psychotropic symptoms. I start to trip, basically. I start seeing colours more vividly and my field of view starts distorting.

Fragment:

I'm with H in a village, it's daytime, either cloudy or sunny. We walk past a house that has some interesting rendering. Then I see there's this huge Viking-like church. I ask H what's it like inside and he says he's never been in. I think earlier we are in a town much like my old home town, but with much taller buildings. I remember being atop one of these buildings at one point (looking down?). Things are trippy at some points, like an Escher painting kind of trippy, with forced perspectives and things like that.

Fragment:

A dream bit with a film noire feel to it but not actually in greyscale. Not sure that I'm even a character at all. Some guys get a mobile call. They're in a busy path by an equally busy canal. New York accents or something? Something stereotypical and period-like anyway. On the phone, they're discussing a paid assassination job. The seeming protagonist is trying to be tactful with the discussion in public, unlike his colleague was when he had a turn on the phone. There's a scene that I think is supposed to be comical or juxtaposing because this heavy and serious discussion passes right in front of a children's choir practising on the canal and as they pass them, the main character alludes to this in a humorous way that "disguises" the assassination conversation as he goes past.

Scraps:

Very vague recall of making an abstract art piece and uploading it semi unfinished.

---

Notes:

- I am not sure why the first dream fragment might have manifested, but probably a mix of worries. I have never encountered anyone by a username of "Daster" and when I looked it up, I couldn't really find anything relating to that dream's content.

- In a more recent dream than in this entry, I had another dream where there was concern over non-visible radiation. I think this is often a sub-conscious worry of sorts, not strictly just about radiation, also about other non-visible agents that might cause harm and that is to say, such things as viruses, something else that has recently appeared in dreaming.

- Strangely, the dreaming for this day seemed to have a "trippy" factor as quite a prominent feature. I don't recall ever having "tripped" in that sense, although I can imagine to some extent what it might be like, but I am not sure what brought this on as a dreaming thing.

- The Viking-like church is probably both a residue of a Minecraft town we'd been building and of an actual church we recently visited that had a similar feel, in some respects.
-- The village area we were in was similar to several different local ones we've been to, for church-related stuff.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

I have been entering a cave or underground shaft as a means to hide or escape from something, but it leads me to a parallel universe, which also reveals to be dangerous. I almost get killed in the middle of some conflict and I rush back to my universe.
I then meet a woman who is somehow connected to this multiverse. She can switch between universes with just hand gestures. She has a big guy with her, like a body guard, but he always stays in the background and doesn't say a word. She shows me one or two safe universes as a friendly introduction. Then she warns me we're going to a stranger one. She says it is a split or incomplete universe and to be careful there, as it can be disorienting, but she never makes it sound dangerous. Once there, all I can say is that all matter appears to be glitched, as graphics on a computer that didn't render correctly. Everything looks like it has missing pixels or misplaced parts. Walls have like cubic blocks sticking out randomly, the floor has like gaps that seem to be holes in the space-time fabric. She warns me to mind the gaps and then she leads me into an elevator. The floor his weird, with a slit in the middle. I show concern and she kinda mocks me, but then remembers "oh, shit, don't press the button to descend, we have to go up." She says there is a glitch in it and if we press down, the floor opens up and we fall, but not to the elevator shaft, actually to the void of space-time. I become uncomfortable and tell her I wanna leave. But the glitches also settle in people's minds sometimes and she can't remember which hand gesture she has to do to takes us away from here. She makes several tries and gives up laughing. She says she will eventually remember, but for now she takes me to an apartment where apparently she stays when in this world. She asks me to be her helper / personal assistant while we're here. But she starts behaving like a demented person. Some times she is clear headed and she is a normal person whom I help with pleasure, and then she turns into an evil bitch who treats me like shit. But I can't raise my voice or defend myself, because I depend entirely on her to get out of here.
She has 2 cats and a small dog and they are not very nice, I don't know why. They stay mainly in one room and don't trust people. Then it starts raining outside and she puts a leash on the black cat and drags him down the corridor to the balcony on the living room. I am already freaking out for the poor cat. But then she hangs him by the neck with the leash, over the balcony. Saying she is giving him a bath under the rain. I yell and pull the poor cat back in and she is possessed. Calls me names, humiliates me, threatens me. But I don't care anymore and I plan to leave her house as soon as possible and take the animals with me.