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Ritual: WTB 2am, woke up after a couple hours and strapped on the Motivaider, timed for 30m intervals. I woke up again after what I thought must be at least an hour and hadn't felt any vibrations. I decided that my awareness was not sufficient tonight to continue, removed the device, and went back to sleep. But apparently this process created an anchor for the idea of lucidity, because in my next sleep interval I became aware of lying in that intermediate state between sleeping and waking and went through the motions of getting up into a WILD. However, in retrospect it is clear that I was already dreaming at the start of this experience, so it was not a genuine WILD but a dreamed WILD (hence DWILD). It was 5:45am when I woke from the dream.

DWILD, "Another rainbow": I am lying on the flat surface of a wooden table as though it were a bed in a large, strange room with a distant, domed ceiling. I feel groggily half-asleep, but notice the distinctive sensations in my body that make me wonder if I'm close to the dream state. I start playing with it as I would when inducing a WILD, attempting to roll and rotate my body while avoiding real physical movement. When I find myself face down and succeed in getting up on my hands and knees, I'm sure that I'm sufficiently integrated with my dream body to get off the table and explore the dream—and given that in retrospect I know was dreaming all along, it is apparent that the sense of difficulty that I experience as I carefully maneuver myself into a standing position, similar to what I experience in real WILDs, must be wholly a mental fabrication.

My awareness is still low and initially lacking in agency, so I go along with the dream narrative for a while. The space in which I find myself is strange and hard to describe. There's a kind of reflective dome above me that rotates and shifts to reflect different parts of an upper floor or balcony. The dome moves until it is showing a distorted reflection of what looks like an early twentieth-century radio, one of the elegant ones in a large wooden cabinet. I am aware that seated up by the radio there is an older man who owns this place, and I am his guest. After this is a scene in which someone tells my brother that if he wants to get along with this man then he should take up shortwave radio as a hobby.

Then a bunch of us are seated at a long table for a dinner party. [Source: Order of the Phoenix was on TV last night, and it has a number of scenes with people seated at long tables.] Plates are served and they all contain huge sandwiches. The older man that I saw in the balcony earlier is picking disinterestedly at his sandwich and asks where the other food is, the stuff that had been simmering in the crockpot. My brother, who had put together the food, says that it will be coming up as the next course. I'm seated directly across from the older man, who I think of as our "host," and can tell from his expression he doesn't want to eat the sandwich. I decide to be helpful and comment loudly: "That's a huge sandwich! I couldn't eat all that even for one meal." Although this is true, my intention in speaking was to save face for the other man by legitimizing the option of leaving the sandwich uneaten while waiting for the next course.

After the sandwich course, we take a break from the meal and everyone who was at the table, about a dozen people in all, are standing in another room. The host is there, and a bunch of vague random people I don't recognize, as well as DC versions of my brother, mom, and dad. For some reason, maybe because of the lull in the narrative, I finally remember my intended task, the leprechaun TOTY, as well as how I had planned to accomplish it. My chief difficulty in previous attempts had been that once I managed to create the necessary rainbow, I got thwarted in my attempts to seek the end of it. As I had earlier been pondering this difficulty, a straightforward solution, perfectly obvious in retrospect, finally occurred to me: why not create the rainbow such that it ends right in front of where I'm standing?

"Okay everyone, we're going to play a game, kind of like a party game." I smile at the host and add, "It'll give you time to digest before the next course." I reach out and pat his belly, an oddly familiar gesture given that the DC did not scan as anyone I know in WL. [Possible source: yesterday I was doing research related to Budai, the so-called "Laughing Buddha," and rubbing his belly is a recognized ritual gesture. But the DC did not in any other respect remind me of Budai.] I complete my announcement by telling the group: "We're going to make a rainbow!"

The room we are in is walled entirely with glass on two sides, like a skyscraper, and I recognize that this clear view of the sky will be helpful for the task. I'm slightly more concerned about the fact that we're three or four storeys up, which means that if the rainbow ends here and I start digging through the floor, I won't actually be digging in solid ground. I remind myself that it is silly to maintain these kind waking life assumptions in the dream state. It can be solid ground if it wants to be, or maybe I can find the leprechaun in the room below us. Dream is nothing but malleable, so I really don't need to be this finicky.

I continue with my instructions to the group: "What we need to do is hold hands and create the end of the rainbow right here." I gesture to indicate the patch of floor in middle of our circle of people. "Then we'll go through, fight the leprechaun, and take his gold." I look around to gauge the response and decide the DCs need a little more incentive. "We can split the money," I add, and am pleased to see that this perks up their interest.

We join hands around a large circle. I feel that my shirt cuffs are too long and and getting in the way, so I have to break off and fold them up in order to get proper skin contact with the people around me. Once again I wonder if I'm being too finicky. Probably. Even the hand-holding seems like overkill, but I thought it might help us join our focus on the same goal.

My assumption had been that the assistance of the DCs would help my own confidence and focus on the task. This idea was probably based on my last rainbow-making dream, when I really did feel like I benefited from the help volunteered by the little girl. But this group of DCs is not helping at all. Like typical adults in a social setting, they are only marginally interested in my unusual party game. While I'm trying to concentrate on making a rainbow, the others are getting distracted and starting to chit-chat among themselves. This is distracting me in turn.

"Quiet!" I rebuke them sharply. "No talking, please. I need you to concentrate. Focus your intention." I figure they could use a reminder of the goal of our task: "We're going to create a rainbow"

Periodically I've been glancing out the windows to see if a rainbow is visible in the sky yet. This time I notice that the weather has changed. The sky is grey and a steady rain is now pouring down. Rain, well, that's halfway to a rainbow, isn't it? I let myself be encouraged that the environment is showing some response.

I continue attempting to focus, and the DCs continue to stand around without helping much. They're quieter after my reprimand but still distracted, and I have the impression that they don't seem to know how to focus their intentions properly. This is exasperating. What good are dream characters who don't even know how to interact with a dream? My mom starts speaking and I almost raise my hand to swat at her, irritated by yet another interruption, until I realize that what she's saying might actually be helpful. She is commenting on the light, how it needs to filter through the water particles a certain way to create a rainbow.

I had never intended to create a rainbow with meteorological accuracy, but hey, since it's already raining outside, we might as well give it a shot. If we can just get the right sort of light, it might encourage our expectations in a way that will make this easier. You know how when it rains and then you see the light break through the clouds, and you wonder if you will see a rainbow? That's the expeirence I was now trying to recreate. I look out the window and sure enough, in one direction bright sunlight is now alternating with the dark clouds. Very well, the rainbow can come from that direction.

Once again I concentrate, reminding myself that rainbows consist of light broken into the spectrum of colors. I think I almost see them in front of me, faint and translucent, but I can't tell if I'm only imagining them until the DCs all break out into "oohs" and "ahs," and saying things like "amazing!" I smile triumphantly, amused that everyone is acting so impressed after their earlier disengagement.

(While it seems odd to make the above distinction between something that "happens" in a dream and something I'm "only imagining," given the many times I have attempted to complete some task by imagining the outcome and it has not tangibly manifested in the dream, some such distinction seems warranted, if much less clear and stark than the difference between imagining and experiencing in waking life.)

It is a bit odd to try to look at a rainbow head on, from immediate proximity, but I do see a faint shimmering band extending from the lit quarter of the clouds to the floor right in front of my feet. I remind everyone that creating the rainbow was only the first step. "Now we have to dig through the floor." I start scrabbling at the smooth wooden boards, trying to imagine that the floor is soft and that my hands can scoop it up like clay. I feel everyone watching (no one else is trying to help) and their expressions are dubious. If merely creating a rainbow surprised them, imagine the skepticism they must feel watching me try to break through solid floor with my hands! I wonder if I can better align the expectations of the onlookers if I use some sort of tool to dig with, but I can't think of what might be handy.

This time it is my dad who speaks up with some advice: "The location of the floor isn't localized on the floor." I don't understand what he's trying to tell me, and I don't have long to think about it because I feel myself waking. I lose the dream and lay still for a few minutes, feeling to see if I can DEILD, but no, my body is fully awake now.

It was evening, I went to my car that was parked in my backyard and turned the engine on. The car started driving backwards on it's own, and I stopped it just before hitting my house. Mother went out of house and started shouting at me. I drove froward, barely passing backyard gate, then I reversed, crashing with something and breaking front window. I finally parked the car and left it, mother said that she wanted to place something on wheels.

I recall some brief fragments about school and house. It was probably during the same day, I was wearing a black hoodie and jeans trousers. First I drove a car, then I was walking around the school. Then I was back in my house, it was a late afternoon. I was talking with my mother.

Full moon night, as usual I had problems sleeping (a trait I share with my mother is that we usually can't sleep well when it's full moon). Woke up like 4 times during this night, I recall only three fragments. WBTB attempts failed.

First fragment

I was in a shop with my mother, we were buying something and talking with people.

Second fragment

I was in my house, the fragment was kinda blurry. I was doing something on the old PC.

Third fragment

I was in some city, it was a warm and sunny afternoon. I drove out of garage on a motorcycle that didn't has steering wheel, and drove around city like that.

First dream

With my mother and some another woman we were deep underground in some cavern system. There was water flowing rapidly on the ground and dripping from the ceiling. It was dark, but the water was strangely illuminated. It was also in a deep blue colour, contrasting highly with dark surroundings. We were climbing up some rope, but mother said that it won't lead us far and jumped down into water. I jumped after her and stream of water took me to another cavern. We landed on a small rock from which a rope led to exit from cavern. We were climbing, and when we were halfway there my mother said to that woman "We won't get out of here. It's prohpecised that we'll die here!". They disappeared, I still climbed but when I reached exit, it was blocked by a black and soft substance that I couldn't break through. I moved back to the cavern and jumped down to water on the bottom of it, then get out of water. There were some chests and barrels scattered around, I checked what was inside them and then I saw a dark elf with his vegetables stand. A dialogue window appeared with his name and why he was in the cavern.

Second dream

It was a really hot day. I was outside neighbor's house, standing with mother on the roadside. Neighbors left their house and relaxed with us on the road, then a truck appeared. It drove right through neighbors, but haven't hurt them. It just passed through them.

My father and I were going to a poorely design supermarket to buy some food. As we head there we got thrown in jail with this other one guy for no reason. I manage to except right before the guard shut the door. I am now running and trying to find a place to catch my breath. But as I stop running I see I am in a place that looks like huge yellow and white lego peices and huge pink/red flowers around the entire area. We were still in a building but this look odd in my cases. For some reason even though I knew the guards were gaining on me and I could see there was no where to go as apart of the stairs to go down was blown off.

I just began dancing for about a couple of minutes. That's when I see my father run out and I mistaken it as the guard so I jump down from the upper deck and landed on the flower. I tried to keep my balance on it as it was split in to 6 parts. I look at them as I continue to grip. My father and now brother were watching me. I could feel myself slipping. Suddenly I could feel myself getting lucid. And an idea pop up in my head, I decided to pull the flower back as far as I can with my own weight so it can parachute me rather than trying to not fall off. It would have not work but since I knew it was a dream it did.

I flew up high and landed on another flower and continue to do the same intill I landed next to my father,brother and mother. My father began showing this natural grass landscape that appear infront of his hands. He said while changing the structure of it, that land could become something else. But I can't seem to remember what else he said after that. I could feel my dream body becoming faint. So I knew I was going to wake up now.

It was a really dark night - everything was pitch black. I was driving on pal's motorcycle to house, seeing as far as motor's lights allowed me to. For some reason I decided to stop in a smaller village close to my home village. A girl living in my neighborhood was there, riding on her motorbike. She asked me if we could make a race, then some huge dude on his motorbike joined us and we drove on. It became slightly lighter when we reached my backyard - this was the start. After everyone took places, we started the race. The road led up a hill. I quickly left them behind, even though my motorcycle turned into a destroyed bike halfway through. Then I heard someone shouting to me that I should drive to the side - I looked back and saw my mother on a bicycle, she said that she's driving to take my sister from a bus stop and that I should pick up some debris from the ground. I stopped my motorcycle/mangled bicycle and started collecting rocks and pebbles all around, then drove with them to house instead of continuing race, as there were no chances to win after that time.

I was coming back home from school. I invited some classmates earlier to create a group that'd prepare better for final exams. I reached my house, but nobody came for preparations. I went to my room and took a pen and paper sheet. I started writing down some calculations. I written something like 2*2(1-2), and when I looked at it again the equation resolved itself into -2. I thought that it's impossible and left the sheet with calculations on a desk, then went to kitchen. Mother talked about preparations with me.

This was the first lucid dream I've had in ages, and the longest one I've ever had! I was really pleasantly surprised to have this experience without even trying last night

When my dream started, I was watching a looping video of me and two guys posing for a picture on a wooden platform overlooking a cliff. One of the guys is frustrated with his hair and messes with it, which is looped in the video over and over. Suddenly, the looping stops and I enter the scene. Everybody leaves, and I call my mum to pick me up. She comes to get me with her car and we start driving down a typical suburban road. I was just idly watching the scenery go by, when it suddenly hit me that I was dreaming! As soon as I came to this realization I could feel the dream start slipping away, but I felt around the inside of the car to stabilise it and focused hard on staying in the dream. When I felt it was stable enough, I turned to my mum and excitedly told her I was dreaming. Remembering how some people had been able to see cool things by asking their subconscious to show them something amazing, I asked my mum to take us to the most amazing place imaginable. I then tried closing and opening my eyes in the hopes it would change the dream scene, but instead my mum just took the next right and sped the car over a chainlink fence and down steep hill towards a cliff. Luckily, at the last moment I was able to make her steer left, sending the car crashing into a rock and me flying into the branch of a gigantic tree about ten feet off the ground. As I looked around I noticed that in the branch was the nest of some humongous bird and decided not to stick around to meet its owner. I swung down to the base of the tree using a thinner branch, then waited for my mum to do the same. We were now up the hill from a little grassy beach at the bottom of the cliffs. We started walking down to the beach, but as we walked a round furry insect started flying in and out of my ear, biting me as it did so. After a bit of frustration I managed to shoo it away, and we continued walking down. Once we reached the beach, we found what seemed to be strange pit of blood-like mud with a live swordfish sitting in the middle. Instinctively, I put my hand in my pocket to find my phone so I could take a picture, but it seems it had fallen out during the crash. I begin to worry that I'll lose my awareness if I'm not careful, so I ask my mum not to let me forget that I'm dreaming. I then see what seems to be a resort built into the wall of the cliff, with large windows and glass doors. My mum and I go inside, where I find a friend of mine sitting by the window. I see that she has a phone and take it from her, willing her not to notice. I open the phone to find her camera app but end up in her gallery instead, where I find several grainy black and white pictures of me. My mum and I go outside again, but find that the swordfish I wanted to photograph has now disappeared. For some reason my mum then jumps into the bloody mud pit, which starts swallow her up like quicksand. She asks me if I'm really sure this is a dream, so I point out to her the strangeness of our current situation and the fact that only minutes ago she had willingly tried to drive our car off of a cliff. The mud starts covering her head, so I pull her out. She opens her mouth and spits out a mouthful of what appears to be tea, and I see that inside of her mouth she now has a teabag for a tongue. She stops moving, and a man comes out of the resort and tells me that he thinks she's most likely dead. I don't really care, however, as I know she's just a dream character. I then wake up.

D1 - I am way out in the ocean and inorder to be safe I have to get inside a small submersible. I have to get inside via a small opening that is part filled with water, so I have to squeeze under the water and come up inside the submarine.

D2 - At my parents house I am in their back garden at night. I can't really figure how I was not lucid I was puzzling to myself in the dream, saying "I haven't had a dream involving the end of their garden in ages" then I was non-lucid walking back to their house in the rain. Inside they were sitting down to eat even though the roof was leaking everywhere. My dad said they were waiting for the roof to cave in so they could claim on the insurance for a new roof. The roof did start to fall in. A repair man came and was up on the roof, he then started running about and put his foot through Oo.
I used my powers to make a glass umbrella for my mum, then a round glass chair with a dome, so she wouldn't get wet?!

[comment]
I have been trying to resolve issues from childhood about my dad. So I am interested that it was only my mother I was trying to protect, from?? the water signifying emotions.
Glass usual is symbolic of me not being able to hide my emotions.

17-08-2016

I was sitting on a sofa on my kitchen. There was my mother, sitting on a chair in front of me. I had black spots all over my body and knew that something is wrong.

19-08-2016]

I was in my house, in my living room with teacher. We were discussing about music. Then I saw a group of friends, they were all men in their late forties. They were working in some research facility. They were afraid of one of their choices and safety of them and whole facility. I took an elevator with them, the men have scattered on different floors while I went to my work - transporting barrels of waste to hazard elimination unit. I moved some barrels but then an accident happened and controllers sealed off the chamber, which also stopped ventilation and closed me in chamber with green clouds of radioactive waste. I had troubles breathing, there were some women working in the chamber, talking about money they'd get for it. I thought that radioactivity would kill them before they'd get their money, and it will kill me too. Then a girl I know appeared and somehow destroyed protective seals so I could jump out of waste chamber and punch a controller. Then I had to escape, I decided to run into a metal tunnel with metal spirals that conducted electricity. I wanted to get through it to another part of complex, but then explosions on both sides of the tunnel stopped me. Flame wave almost got me, but spirals released energy wave that turned my body to quants and teleported me somewhere else.

Fallen asleep at 00:46, woke up at 04:00. Tried WBTB, no lucid results.

Fragment

It was dark, I was sitting on my bed and thinking about methods of lucid dreaming and that it's possible that I'd have one this night.

Dream

It was winter evening, I was in my house. Brother arrived for a short while to take socks out of a drawer and drive back to his house. He asked me if I'm going with him. I accepted and entered the car. We drove to a city, he went out and I was waiting for him in the car, playing something on my phone. After a long while he came back with his wife, they were arguing about something. Brother didn't wanted to go anywhere with me, so he decided to drive me back home. I left his car and we went on foot to car of his wife, where my mother and my friend that just drove back from England were waiting. Suddenly a terrible flu got me, we entered the car and drove away.

I knew a very friendly cat with reddish/orange fur. I think she lived in a shelter, other cats were around too, and maybe other animals. I can’t remember. Some people around me were trying to do something with cotton balls, some kind of kickstarter project. They were inspired by cat to make red fur from cotton balls. The process was to comb through a cotton ball until it was strands and then dye it red and sell it by the bag. We all thought it was a brilliant idea, although can’t remember what we thought people would want with w bag full of red cotton.

More red: A red-haired guy gave me a ride home. He seemed creepy, in a pushy way. He wanted to come in to my place for some reason, and i think I let him, maybe to go to the toilet or something. Then wanted to stay longer and I told him to leave. I remember he had a weird smile on his face as I basically forced him out of my front door.

I was at my mom’s house (random made-up dream home) My uncle was there and we were talking. I saw a crow, wanted to feed it peanuts. I told my uncle to hold on while I went inside to get some nuts. I grabbed some, and I was holding them up in my hand so I could show the crow that I had some nuts to feed it. My uncle was laughing at me, and he took a nut and said, ‘Here’s how you do it!’ and threw it at the crow. I was angry because I thought he scared the bird and was being rude.

I had a friend– sometimes her hair was red, sometimes she was a blonde. She was a newish friend, and I felt I didn’t trust her completely although we were spending a lot of time together. At one point, I was in the back of a cab, she was on my right and my husband on my left. They seemed to be getting along well. I was considering the fact that I don’t drink anymore, and they both do. I felt that my husband probably thinks this friend is more exciting than me.

I was going to move back in with my mom for some reason, work related I think. My husband was now some guy I had only been dating for about a month. Up until now we both lived in a house we shared with other people. I wasn’t sure this guy even really liked me that much, the relationship was new, and I think the guy had a reputation for dating lots of women before me. This friend was moving in to this house when I left, I was not happy about this. I was trying to have a discussion with this friend about how I felt about her moving in. Friend was polyamorous and acting like I was being unreasonable and prudish. Right before I woke up I was deciding that I just needed to break things off guy because none of this was worth it.

I was in car with my mother— she was driving and we were on freeway. She was driving erratically, and I asked her if she could slow down. She said she drives slow.
I told her i felt afraid, and said I always have dreams with her driving and we wreck. [Good chance to be lucid here, but did not. I think we actually wrecked.]

I was eating a salad from a white cardboard to go box, and I saw what I had thought was black pepper move and realized that they were little bugs. I discreetly chewed the last bite and closed the box so no one would know I had been eating bugs.

I recall walking down a path with my mom in a frozen, wintery environment. It's possible I was barefoot for some reason. The ground was snow at first, then ice. I ran, then suddenly stopped so I would keep on sliding for a few meters. I got to a clearing in the forest. While sliding around, I also started floating in a controllable way. I wasn't particularly surprised by this.

My mom was still with me. We were in some ancient Egyptian ruins, along with a group of other people. One of them was an Egyptian god in human form. The others were dodgy types, definitely villains. Most of the ruins were partially buries in the sand. We got to a large hall. At some point it became clear the bad guys were... well, bad. They held my mother hostage. I saw light pouring in from openings in the ceiling, and realized I could fly out through there, but I think I didn't leave because they still had my mom. There was a bit of a battle. I flew towards one buff-looking baddie, grabbed him in mid-air and smashed him into a wall. I think I smashed him a few times with my "super fist" (I was half awake at this point, this bit was half fantasy-half actual dream). Still at the far wall, I looked at the group of villains in the distance and decided to blow them up. I took out a detonator, and pressed it. They blew up in a haze of blood. Sadly, I died too, as apparently this was a game and I "failed" by doing this. Maybe I had blown up the hostages as well?

Once again, my mother was present. I was playing with our cats (Sylvester, Lotje and Fleurtje), who have obviously been dead/disappeared for almost a decade. Now, they *were* dead in this dream, but I was using some kind of trick that manifested memories into reality. My mom also saw the cats and happily petted one, I think (she loved our cats, too). I said that this 'memory' was almost as real as it was in reality.

I was outside somewhere, in a place that had high grass. Maybe a primitive village? The place came under attack from Orcs (the kind from the Gothic games). In true Gothic style, I killed a few with a one-handed weapon. A lot of people were killed, though. Elsewhere in the area, there were "Dragon Moss" monsters from Guild Wars, and other beasties behind them. I was in danger of being overwhelmed, until I fired one arrow which somehow killed them all instantly.

Vague scene involving my grandparents on father's side, including grandma (who has been dead for years).

Last dream of the 'night'. Berlin at night. I 'knew' the war against Nazi Germany was going badly, very badly. In a last ditch effort to fix this, we'd flatten Berlin. I saw a "B2 Spirit" stealth bomber from behind. It was somehow somewhere on the ground in the middle of Berlin. I took off using only very little runway (= street), and started gaining altitude. The idea was to drop the bomb when I got high enough. I don't think I ever got to that point before I woke up.

I checked into a hotel where I knew my husband had a room already. It was late and dark inside the hotel. It was closed for the night. A night clerk said they had 6 rooms left and asked me what kind I wanted. I went upstairs to let myself into my husband’s room while they were getting my room ready. Husband wasn’t in his room so I went back downstairs.

I was standing outside the hotel waiting for Mom to fly in to town. I saw a plane crash and land on it’s wing, then it tipped over upside down. I heard people screaming inside plane. I was worried my Mom was on that flight. Then I heard her screaming. I started running towards the plane and then saw that she was coming from the hotel and she was ok.