false awakening

26.11.2010

At the living room. (MILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had a couple of non lucid dreams, but I was lazy to write them down. I remember four lucid dreams. Chained.

I went to bed telling myself I had to MILD for a lucid dream. I wanted to attempt to Astral Project from another lucid dream.

I was at home with my two made up female friends. I realized I was dreaming. I did not see oddities so I did a RC to make sure I was indeed dreaming. I was.

I was in the living room. We had a few pieces of furniture. The room was almost empty. One of the female DC jumped on me and tried to have sex with me. I avoided at first as I did want to project, but then I agreed. I recalled I can have sex without waking up. While having sex, the dream when fuzzy, I realized I did not make the dream stable (flying) when the dream first started.
I told my self to chain it into another lucid dream.

26.11.2010

keep chaining (DEILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had a couple of non lucid dreams, but I was lazy to write them down. I remember four lucid dreams. Chained.

Second:

I was in the street and realized I successfully performed another L-DEILD. I checked my hands (with a 6th small finger coming out from my index) and confirmed.

I decided to fly to make the dream stable. While I was flying I felt double consciousness in bed and I started to loose the dream. I realized that I was at the end of my REM and I was not able to chain in.
I attempted to chain again.

26.11.2010

Chain Reaction (DEILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had a couple of non lucid dreams, but I was lazy to write them down. I remember four lucid dreams. Chained.

I felt my body in bed. I felt some minor vibrations. My trance was very mild so I fell asleep. I was at a Chinese restaurant. I was with some family and I decided to follow the dream. The dream looked more stable. I walked with my parents to find a table, however, I realized I was wasting a lucid so I just left while my dream mom was talking to me. She did not complain.

There was a female DC sitting on a table. She was super hot. I really wanted to both have sex with her and to Astral Project. I realized I could always chain another dream, chaining always works for me. We had sex and when my dream was ending, I just focused on chaining once more.

26.11.2010

Failed Astral Projection ends the chain (DEILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had a couple of non lucid dreams, but I was lazy to write them down. I remember four lucid dreams. Chained.

I re spawned in the middle of the street, right outside the Chinese restaurant. I saw a female DC next to a car. She looked at me with the intention of having sex, but I avoided her. I decided to Astral Project, my dream quality was low so I tried to save it. I decided to fall on my back and focus on Astral Projection. The dream was ending sooner than I expected.

I had a FA in my bed. I did not feel like I was projecting. I thought I awoke so I tried to not move. I tried to focus in floating and pulling my Astral Body away from my self. I walked away from my bed, I felt I could float, but did not work well. I was next to the door and I could not walk through it either. I realized I did not fail to project but I woke up. My wife was cooking and she smiled at me when she saw me. I woke up for real.

I usually preface my journal entries with a little bit of background about the past few days or that night specifically. I haven't DJed in a while because even though I'm getting a couple dreams of recall a night, for some reason I always felt a strange aversion to doing it while home. I don't really know why, but tonight I induced my third ever lucid dream so it's definitely a sign that I need to DJ again! I went to bed at 11pm after eating so much dessert and too much food probably. I now have a blistering headache probably because I usually don't eat any dessert at all or carbs. Today was brutal for my body!

I set my alarm for 4:55am and I didn't have any dreams that I recall until that buzzer went off. It was the first time in a while I was totally conscious after the buzzer sounded. I moved only a little and did a couple of multiplication problems in my head. I focused some consciousness on my hands and affirmed that I would have a lucid dream and I would recognize the dream state. I guess I was right!


Dream 1-- Lucid Dream #3

I am in this room with Dean. It's like a play room or something. There is a carpet on the ground, a rocking horse to my left, a TV with some cartoon on, a shelf with some books, and us. I feel like a kid and Dean kinda appears to be a little bit younger. I knew him for a long time so that might make sense.

Anyway, I'm watching the TV and Dean comes over in front of the TV and asks if I want to take this pill, which is called EACL in the dream. He looks really happy and excited, so I'm like sure. I take it and it makes everything around me change. I suddenly have full senses and am fully participating in the dream, but I don't exactly know that I am in a dream, I just know that I have full control and that everything feels amazing. I start crawling on my hands and knees in a direction away from Dean. He follows me a little bit, pretty close behind me. As I stop, I feel his forearm pressing into the back on my dick. It feels really good, and I am flooded with a feeling of pleasure, but then I kick him in the knee, causing him to collapse against a bookshelf. He doesn't look hurt or anything, but he says "ow" in a monotone voice. In that instant, I feel a pang of anger and sadness simultaneously. I have this thought like "I shouldn't have kicked him in the knee, that was naughty of me" and at the same time "I'm angry as shit because you did that." I look over at him and I say "Don't touch my dick with your forearm" in a really angry tone. I get up and walk over to the TV again, and sit down and watch. I hear his footsteps walking over to where I am sitting and he sits next to the rocking horse watching the TV as well. I go in to PassObs while still being lucid and I start to have these vivid thoughts that replay the dream in my mind and what was said/done. I start to regret kicking him but I feel really good about standing up for myself and not letting him do something to me that I didn't want.

Dream 2-- Police in my House

This dream is actually a continuation of the last dream because as soon as the previous one ends I have a false awakening in my bed and have this really strange feeling like I was just in the corner of my room facing the wall. I rationalize that I must have had the previous dream while facing the wall and walked back over to the bed. Then, I hear the alarm for my house go off, and I hear my parents downstairs. They are playing around and I hear my dad and mom start chasing eachother around the kitchen table. I start having vivid thoughts about how it might be possible that Dad could slip and fall and break his four front teeth. If that happened, he might go to a doctor and get perfect white teeth that would starkly contrast all his other teeth, and he would be walking around with 4 giant white teeth in front and all the rest would be small and greenish. I suddenly stopped thinking about that and had the urge to walk downstairs.

I don't remember this journey, but now I am in my laundry room with my parents, and the door to the garage is open. They tell me the police are outside and they are going to be searching the house. My dad turns to me an says in a private voice "Will they find anything in the garage apartment?" I try to think back to the last time I used it, and I start have these vivid memories about events that never actually occurred. I start picturing the apartment in my mind, the layout and everything. I can see my bag lying in the middle of the floor because I left it there, and then I the vivid imagery continues with the police walking up to the room and seeing the bag with marijuana blantantly lying in the middle of the ground. I have doubts about this image, but I have the definite knowledge that weed is somewhere in that room.

The room changes as I come back into the "real" situation in the laundry room. There is now a new door that never existed before and a police man in a tan jacket, hat, and pants is knocking on. He has a gun in his hand and I can see him through the glass window/door. My mom starts to walk over to the door, but the next thing I know there is a cop coming out of the side of the wall it seems. He is pointing his gun straight at me, so I raise my hands in the air. He is just staring at me, and I can feel my hands in the air. I'm thinking "I'm defenseless I have no weapons, and even if I did my hands are in the air" He tells me to start walking, and I turn around and start to walk away from the garage and into my main house.

I don't remember the short 5 step interim journey into my living room, but there is a cop dressed in the same tan outfit just laying down on a living room couch just chatting on his phone, twirling his gun around his finger. He's being really casual and I have this thought of confusion but also certainty that we are 1) in a movie and 2) the police aren't police but rather thieves trying to take all of our money and kill us. I walk to the back of the room. My sister and family and other people are there.

I walk over to a table in the corner and then look over at the "police" who are just relaxing on the couches. I walk toward a doorway and see an iphone laying on the table with a bright screen that says "ibpad (2)" as in this person got 2 text messages from the name ibpad. I slide the thing at the bottom of the phone and immediately start walking forward because I see the woman who might own the phone walking back into the room. I walk up to her so that my body is in the doorway and she is trying to walk past me. I instantly introduce myself "Hi, I'm Casper" and she is obviously trying to walk past me, but I just stand there and then she looks up and does a fake smile saying "Hi, I'm Evelyn" then I continue to not move. I rub my eyes because I am sleepy and say "How are you?" trying to make friendly conversation because I know she is trying to get to her phone and I feel like its my mission to stop her.

Eventually I get her talking about something and then my sisters walk up and we start having a real conversation that she can't really walk away from. In the middle of it, I look over at the police again and at the TV screen we have in our living room. The screen is a blown up picture of the messages on her iphone! As I look over and try to read the text, everyone else looks over and she is like "Shit!" I can't read the text in time, but suddenly the whole scene changes. I walk over to the fireplace and watch my dad talk to some asian guy who apparently goes to my school. He tells my dad he is going to be taking a 7th century military history class, and my ears perk up because I had a dream earlier in the year that I was taking that class and all it involved was playing on the computer in the form of some military strategy game. I'm listening intently to their conversation and he shows does the syllabus for the class. Dad reads it and after about two seconds he says "I'd be fine in this class until about the first Sunday, damn there are so many papers" Immediately i start to feel anxious and worried that I have to do all of these assignments that I never turned in and I start feeling stupid for not reading the syllabus, which gives a day-to-day report on what is due.

I look at the TV again, and it's baseball. Everybody is dressed in all white and I see the batter hit the ball pretty well. He starts running and I wake up.

Dream 3-- Spider Nightmare

This dream is the scariest fucking dream I have ever had. Not because of some ridiculous clown or my inability to run away from something, but that it represents something in my life so accurately but in a symbolic way that when I woke up and remembered the dream I started to convulse and cry for about 2 minutes. Even thinking about it now makes me a little uneasy.

The dream starts off in the same living room as before, but this time it's just me and my oldest sister. We are hanging out I don't really remember anything specific standing out. Suddenly, a spider drops down and lands on me. It crawls underneath my shirt, and I start to freak out. I'm screaming and trying to get her to help me but she doesn't understand what's going on. I pull out my iphone to determine what the extent of the problem is. I look up the type of spider that just crawled underneath my shirt, and it gives me this really long definition of this spider that involves some fucked up rules.

The spider is basically stuck underneath my shirt until someone other than myself removes it. As long as I try to remove it, it will have the ability to crawl away and avoid me. I won't be able to lift it off or grab it because it will just wiggle away. I won't enjoy having it underneath my shirt either. Not only will I be able to permanently feel it there, crawling around and just perched on my back, but everytime I eat something it will gnaw my kidneys and eat away at my core until I am dead. These rules scare the shit out of me and I immeditaely implore my sister to to remove the spider. I freak out and jump around and try to get the spider off of me. I'm still wearing my white shirt, so I just try to feel where it is on my back and grab it or brush it off, but it runs around on my back and even to my stomache. It just keeps crawling around and I can never get it off.

My sister tries something but it doesn't work, so she gives up and tells me we have to go get on the bus. I'm still freaking out but suddenly I am riding on this bus. There are a lot of people I know on this bus, and I am sitting in the back row, alone. I am trying to figure out how to get this spider off of me. I can't lean back into the seat and I can feel it start gnawing away at me. I almost cry on the spot because I feel helpless to change this horrible situation. I try to talk to the people around me but they don't seem to listen. The person across the aisle from me won't look at me when I try to talk to him, and my sister who is in the row in front of me turns around and gives me some food to eat. She tells me I just have a stomache ache and it will all go away. I start eating the food and remember that one of the rules was that the spider would eat away at my back equal to the amount of food I ate. I start feeling a seering pain in my right back/side and I feel so awful. I cry, I almost resign myself to death.

Then we are out of the bus, and we are on some beach. There is a lot of people gathering for a game of flag football to my left. I still feel the spider, and I am seated on a hill. As I am looking over, I hear one captain of one team call my name. He yells over to me "Casper, Dallas (which is my original home town)". I want to get up and play but I remember that I have this spider. Three girls who are standing up start talking to me from my right. They are all really pretty and I know one girl from Cru. We start talking and it's casual like "Hey, what's up" I get into this whole monologue about Cru and I feel really stupid and like I should stop talking and that everyone finds me weird. I have stopped thinking about the spider though.

Sitting, I fall backwards to a laying down position, and that randomly brings me into a tent. I am laying next to some asian guy. We are talking a little bit, but I find the conversation boring and start focusing on my shoes. I tell him that these skateboarding shoes are the coolest things ever invented and that they look so good when people take pictures of them. I start moving the shoe in different angles and just observing the shoe move. Then I wake up and remember my dream about 15 minutes later and start to cry/convulse.

I couldn't fall back asleep after all of these dream occurred so I said 'fuck it' and got out of bed to write in my DJ before starting my day. I have a horrible head ache and I need some advil. I couldn't fall back asleep because these dreams really preoccupied me while I was trying to relax.

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

I'm standing just outside the window of a cream-colored building, looking up and into the building through the window. There is a sort of rectangular tower or column inside the building, wide enough for the name of the building to be displayed at the top in tall, narrow, bright teal letters made of molded metal. [The font is Times New Roman, or something like it.] I'm controlling what letters appear there by typing on a keyboard. First, I type “Walgreens Bookstore.” Then, my mom is standing next to me and rebukes me gently, telling me to put in the real name of the building. I backspace over what I've typed, and the teal letters disappear. I then type the real name of the building, “Public Library.”

Once again, I realize easily and naturally that I'm dreaming. Saying something like “Wait” to my mom, I turn away from the window and look to my left, intending to go and explore. The sidewalk I'm standing on outside the public library runs right along the edge of a river, which has more sidewalks and buildings all along both sides. The dream only lasts a couple of seconds before fading, though.

I'm lying on a mattress on a floor somewhere. There are blankets covering me, and my dad is bending down closely over me, as if to tuck me in. I'm breathing hard, and it feels like I'm being smothered. I start to panic, but then I think, It's okay. It's just a memory. I can't breathe because I have a stuffy nose in reality. [Which I don't, by the way, but it seemed logical at the time. Also, that must have been either a false memory or one from when I was really little.]

Dreamskip. I'm still on the mattress on the floor, but my dad is gone and the blankets aren't over my head. I'm in between two raised platforms [loft beds, maybe?] with shelves built into the sides, and there are all kinds of toys and books and stuff all over them. Someone says something about being in seminary. [I don't really remember this part.]

I find myself looking up at a white stucco ceiling high above me. Thinking I've woken up, I try to DEILD back in, and succeed. [LOL, I just performed a DEILD within a false awakening! Awesome!]

I'm back on the mattress on the floor again. This time, I reach out from the mattress to feel the carpet beneath it. It's brown and semi-shaggy, the kind we have in our current house. I'm not fully immersed or engaged in the dream, though, and it only lasts a few seconds.

When I woke up for real, I remembered and remarked aloud: “This house doesn't have stucco ceilings! All its ceilings are flat!” Only then did I realize that that had been a false awakening.

--------------------
Side notes:
I really like that brown carpet. I've noticed that in my dreams, any indoor space where I'm residing usually has that kind of carpet, even if it's not my current house. I think the reason I'm so attached to it, and therefore, the reason it shows up so much in my dreams, is because I helped pick out the carpet for this house, unlike at either of the other two houses.

Also, that public library is so going into my current NaNoWriMo novel. Most of it is set in a dream world version of Louisville, where I lived once and which is by a river.

P vs D
I'm in a video game. It's a futuristic shooter. I'm just wandering through a spaceship when I come upon two teams fighting a match. One team has the clan tag P, the other D. P makes me think of Protoss, and for some reason I think D means Terran. The players where space suits like the marines in Starcraft. D's suits are blue, P is red. They aren't shooting each other though. They are playing a sport where you throw a ball, a bit like basketball but more like water polo without water (which, interestingly, is nothing like the game we call polo, but I digress). The glowing blue ball is in the hands of a player from the D team. The game is stopped and the two sides are arguing about something. Something about one team being rude. Then something about old forums posts for a clan called 3DM which later turned into D.

The Girl in the Window
Method DILD (false awakening), DEILD
Lucidity C
Vividness C
Control C
Short lucid here. Still got sex on the brain lately. Don't recall before, but start with a false awakening. I quickly realize I am not in my own room so I become lucid. I seem to be in a hotel room. The bed is near the window which is unshaded. It's sunny and bright outside. I look out the window. I figure I am on about the third or fourth floor. The window overlooks a swimming pool area which is surrounded by more hotel rooms on all sides. Down one floor and to the right, I see in through the window of another guest's room. It's an attractive young woman wearing just a towel. She sees me, we make eye contact. She smiles.

I step out through my window and directly to her balcony, all the way across the pool courtyard. It's as if the scene through my window is just a flat painting and I violate the fake 3D perspective and just step the short distance in 2D space. Does that make sense? Anyway, I somehow unrealistically get to the girl's room. Once I am in, things return to be more realistic. She is laying on a bed, still wearing just a white towel. She is brunette and nicely tanned. She smiles at me seductively. There's another bed in the room and another girl who I don't really pay attention to. I flirt with the girl in the towel:

Me: I'm the guy from the window.
Her: (laugh) I'm the girl from the window.
Me: Did you just get out of the shower?
Her: (nods, she stands up, walks behind me, takes my hand and starts to lead me away)
Me: (now aware of the other girl) Your roommate won't mind?

Then I wake. Damn it. I DEILD back. I'm in the same room, but the towel girl is gone. The other girl is still here. The towel girl had left my field of vision while I was looking at the other girl, so I guess this kinda makes sense. The second girl is blonde and pale, quite the opposite of the other girl. She walks to me and says nervously: "I'm not as good at this as she is", referring to the other girl who seems gone for good. We start to have sex but I'm still thinking what happened to the first girl. Dream fades. I try to DEILD again but no success.

Dream 1-- DILD! *Dreamsign: HSfriend* Task of the Month

YES!! I finally had my second lucid dream after trying to induce lucids for over a week now! I'm so psyched because even though I'm officially attempting to achieve lucidity through the WILD technique, I'm managing to recognize my dream signs while in the dream state! This is really encouraging because these dreamsigns recur so much, and are so common that if I can really start consistently seeing them as such then I should be lucid almost all the time! Also, I think it helped that I was thinking about the task of the month as a something to do after I became lucid because I completed it as soon as I became lucid!

The dream starts off with me walking down this open field at night with no one around me. I am walking on grass, and I can see a bunch of stuff in the distance, but I have this feeling like I know exactly where I am going. I keep walking for about a minute and eventually find myself sitting on a porch with Dean, William and an old man. I look over at Dean and he is lying down on some stairs, and I think that's typical for Dean, who would normally come over to my house and just sleep on my couch.

Will, the old man and I are talking about some important topic I can't specifically recall right now. Suddenly there is this loud noise to the right and it's this truck that is trying to back into it's logical space. It's making a lot of noise and it has to go through a long, drawn out procedure of getting through this tiny space in order to park. It pulls forward, and shifts positions and goes back. It's hard to explain but the entire process takes about 2 minutes to complete. After it's done I l walk over and see that the truck has compacted to the size of a normal car, and I think that is really weird how it all happened.

When I go back to talk to Will, I recognize him as an HSfriend (friend from high school) and immediately I become lucid! I tell him that I am lucid and that I have full control over my dream and I can do whatever I want right now. He sits and just looks at me silently. I then tell him that I have always looked up to him and that I think he is really cool. He says "whoa." I don't know what else to say so I walk past him and find another of my high school friends, Sean. He walks up to me and says "I love you, man" and gives me a big hug. I say "I love you too dude, thank you." When we are hugging, I close my eyes and things go black, which causes me to start to lose lucidity. I remember that I can spin around, so I start to spin but my brain sort of comes back into my body and I can feel my body spinning in a dream while my body is remaining still on the bed. It feels really weird because I have the sensation that I'm spinning in the bed while I'm not moving at all.

Dream 2-- PassObs Degrassi

So I'm watching an episode of Degrassi, and everything seems to be going according to the Degrassi-esque drama, but I'm passobs the whole time. I'm just the camera watching all the action, and there is a line of thoughts that follow as the scene progresses. After about 30 seconds, the characters all change and the storyline becomes something really weird.

In every episode of Degrassi there are usually multiple stories that progress in segments and the show will switch from one story to another constantly. In one of my stories, Abed from the show Community thinks that he is gay so he is going into a doctor's office to check. For most of my dream he is waiting in the waiting room looking around nervously. The last Abed scene, a doctor in the form of Chevy Chase (who is also in Community) comes out and tells Abed that his results are ready. There is a close up of his face looking worried, and then a far-away shot of him following the doctor through these two glass doors.

In another story, there are these two people who are apparently cheating on their girlfriend/boyfriend with eachother. In one scene they are having sex and it looks like the scene from fight club where it's really blurry and slowed down. You can't really tell what's going on but you know they are having sex and one scene will kind of mold into the other. I see her totally naked and I have this thought like 'I don't think they can show boobs on this show' but that doesn't stop the dream. The boobs and the woman's body morph into the guys face and suddenly they are in a different sexual position. It's hard to explain, but I remember paying attention to how the bodies morphed and how her boobs became his nose. It was really interesting to watch and observe.

In the last story, I was actually involved, but I can't remember it that well. I am running down a long corridor with black and white checkers on a marble floor beneath me. The corridor is rather narrow and I can see that it gets smaller up ahead. I am running and at first it doesn't seem like I'm making progress, but somehow I imagine that there are people in the opening, which makes me complete the journey really fast. I guess I took my mind off the corridor situation, which made it a non-issue. When I reach the opening there are HSfriends again, but I don't go lucid this time. We all talk for a while about a problem going on in the house we are in. It's really dramatic and we all have to search for something, but it's too blurry at this point.

Dream Fragment 1-- BC Movie

I just got home from Boston where I was watching the Yale/Harvard football game and visiting my friend at BU. While at BU I was thinking about how I went over to BC during my college tours and had to compare the two campuses.

In my dream, I am walking on concrete in no specific path, but once again I have this feeling like I know where I am going. It's raining/drizzling but I don't have the feeling like I am getting wet or that I am cold at all. I walk into this building and there are students sitting in chairs facing a TV screen. Also, there is a woman who is standing behind a podium and looking out at all of us. she is obviously a representative for the college. All the kids sitting are watching a movie, and I decide to remain standing behind all of the chairs. I adopt a wide stance and I remember thinking about how wide my stance was and naming it "solid." I physically tried to avoid watching what was on the TV because I didn't want to get sucked in. This is what I do in real life now. I don't watch TV and I don't watch movies because they drag me into the PassObs state so well. I try to RC all the time now when I am typing up my dream journal because I will realize that I am not even paying attention to the noise of the keyboard or the feeling of sitting in the chair!!

Suddenly, I am talking to H. Huffines because he was one person that I wanted to visit while at BU who I never got a chance to see. I was thinking about him in real life. His dad also talks to me, but I don't remember to go lucid. I can't remember the dialogue, but it was nothing special.

False Awakening 1-- Pam offers me a Job

My alarm clock goes off at 5am to remind me to WILD. I remember that I am supposed to WILD and so I remain still and fall back asleep. I have a False Awakening in my bed and I turn to my side to see my mom's friend Pam on my laptop with glasses on. She is looking through e-mails or something and starts talking to me without looking at me. She tells me about this job opportunity she has as an actor's apprentice. I would follow him around and do his dirty work and get him shows and all of this stuff. The whole time I'm in passobs just not really "there." I don't look around, I have a lot of thoughts just swarming through my mind and I don't say anything. I wake up.

False Awakening 2-- Lawyer in my Den

This dream is scattered and happens directly after the first false awakening. I am a lawyer and I'm representing this client who I think is disabled. I don't specifically remember the facts of the case or why I am trying it, but I do remember looking through this light blue notebook filled to the brim with papers with all sorts of legal words. It's just passage after passage of what the client is saying, what the law is and other arguments. I try to read over these very carefully, and I actually start to get a photographic memory of what all the contents are as I'm flipping through the book! At first, I'm reading this outside. I'm in a chair and I'm leaning back with the notebook in my lap. there are about 6-7 pages that I read front and back. This clues me in to the whole case and what is going on.

Suddenly, without warning, I sit up and I am in this large comfy couch that we have in our downstairs den, which is a living room basically. I am talking to a client who is sitting in a chair at a table that is correctly placed in the layout of my den, and he isn't looking at me. He is looking to the left according to how I am looking at him, but it's straightforward for him. He is white, stocky, grey haired, and he looks rather sad, he had a light blue sweater on. We start talking about the case and I basically ask him a list of questions that I feel would apply to this case. The more questions I ask, however, the more I become passobs because I analyze the question I am asking, I analyze his answer, and I'm in my head about what to say or do next.

First, we start talking about the complaint and the laws surrounding the issue. He tries to direct me to pages where he addressed certain concerns Im brining up, but as Iflip through the pages I realize that all of the text is blurry and jumbled (a new dreamsign) so I stop trying to look. I just converse with him directly about the issue and begin asking him surprisingly poignant questions that I had never heard myself ask before. Things like "Do you admire his situation? Would you trade your life for his?" After this question there was a long silence. I stopped to think about what I just said, and I was really analyzing his face to gauge his reaction. He didn't say anything and I prompted him to speak, but he, in a whispering voice, said "I don't know."

Dream Fragment 2--

I'm on a Balcony alone. I'm looking down at all the clothes I am wearing and find myself getting really self-critical. I realize that I haven't shaved in four or five days and I start thinking about how unattractive that must look, and how stupid I am for not just getting it done. I start taking off my pants and realize that I have three pairs of pants on. The outer layer is a blue pair of sweatpants that says "Harvard" down the left leg. Underneath these pants I have my gym shorts, which I wore to sleep tonight. And underneath that I have some under armour to keep me warm. Interestingly, this mocks the amount of pants I was wearing around for the past two days in order to stay warm in the 30 degree Boston weather.

Record my 50th LD this night. I think my actual count is off by a few but it's close enough. So yay me!

Playing Cards
In the desert, maybe in the wild west like Red Dead Redemption. I am with a friend around a campfire and there's also another DC. He's a middle-aged man. In the dream I recall thinking he looked like a well-known actor but I can't recall who. We start playing cards. My friend and I play a few rounds of Texas Hold 'Em. Then the third man is dealer and he deals out a hand of 7-Card Stud, which my friend and I don't really like. Then we play a different game where we are dealt out a lot of cards, like a whole deck. I ask it he dealt too many. Recall fades.

Sex DEILD Chain
Method DEILD
Lucidity C
Vividness B
Control C
Recall is a bit hazy. DEILD from a previous dream that I don't recall. I enter the dream in an FA, looking through my sleep mask at my bedside clock. I try to move my limbs but it either wakes me up or triggers an FA. So I lay patiently without moving, just waiting and staring at the clock. I begin to become sleepy and close my eyes which triggers yet another FA.

Now I'm in a different bed and the stability of the dream is better. It's a very large bed and there is a huge pile of laundry on it, almost up to the ceiling. I'm laying on one corner of the bed. I roll out of bed and put on my glasses. The dream becomes clearer and more vivid. I walk out of the bedroom. Outside, the hallway is an open balcony overlooking the entryway and living room of the house below. I don't recognize this house at all.

Confused and disoriented, I encounter an attractive girl who I don't recognize. I grab her and we do the business. The dream destabilizes and I wake. I DEILD back into a similar scene with a different attractive and anonymous girl. I lead her back to the bedroom with the bed covered with laundry and proceed. This cycle repeats 3-4 times, connected by a mix of FAs and DEILDs. Mostly I just recall that the sex was great.

Work and Pizza
I'm at work, which is surprisingly rare in my dreams. I sitting in one of the pens instead of my real office. I recognize many real coworkers sitting near me. CG is walking back and forth between me and LM, because LM and I don't get along. CG is calling him "Steel" for some reason. Anyway, I'm begin especially sarcastic and disruptive.

I walk to the kitchen where I see one box of pizza so I take a slice and return to my desk. Moments later, I return to the kitchen just as a pizza delivery man is dropping off another pizza box. This happens a few times, with a delivery man dropping off a single pizza just as I am there to take a slice.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID FALSE AWAKENING

Good morning! Haven't posted any dreams for like a week. It's because I haven't had any. But that changed this morning! Got my "Lucid Dreamer" pills during the week, and I decided to try one out during a WBTB this morning. It was amazing! I had a total of 13 dreams (including 4 fragments). Here's what I dreamt:

11.30: Bedtime

5.15: 40 minutes WBTB, 4 mg Galantamine + 200 mg Choline

6.30: Shelf in the middle of the road
I'm looking up at this huge computer table, shelf thingy. It's standing in the middle of the road, next to a huge crane. I can tell it's broken and I decide to climb it and fix it. It takes a very long time to fix it and I almost fall a couple of times. When I'm done, a large truck appears. It slams into the sidewalk and it stops. The guys on the truck inspects the concrete cargo for a few seconds, then drive off again.

6.30: Work
Björn is playing with the sand. He lets this basket filled with it, pour it on him. He laugh as he's being half buried. I run up to it when he's done and hold on to the bag attached to it. Ofcourse the bag breaks. Peter is there aswell. "There is no more work to be done anywhere!" he exclaims.

6.30: Eric's got a shabby house
I'm at my friend Eric's house. It looks kinda weird, with two new really shabby sofas. There's dirt and shit in them, and I see two people I don't recognise. My shoes are gone and I search the house for them. I find one of them, but the other one is totally gone. G's cat "Smulan" walks up to me and I scratch her some. After a while of searching I finally find the last shoe, and the shoelace has been stolen by some other cats. I take it back and leave.

6.30: The FA MILD
I'm sitting at a table at work, and my boss is next to me. He's impersonating some kind of chipmunk or something and is making this weird sucking sound while sticking his teeth out. "Damn his front teeth are crooked" I think and give him a big fake smile. I repeat what he just did and for some reason, I start to question my surroundings. "Then... This must be a dream!" I say. Everything starts to fade right away. "No no no! Gotta focus" I tell myself and can only see the silhouette of him. I hold this image for a few seconds before everything goes grey/black.

I can't make out anything but grey and black patterns. I start to feel my arms and hands, and they're twisting. Like I'm having muscle spasms. It feels very uncomfortable but I recognise the feeling. I know I've felt this before, and I also know it's just a trick by my mind. I lie completely still and try to get back into the dream. I give up and decide to wake up. "Why do you have to sleep on my spot next to the wall?" Monica asks me. I can tell I've rolled over in my sleep. "Sorry babe" I say and we get up and go towards the bathroom. We talk some while Monica's taking a piss. I wake up for real.

7.40: Doppelganger
I'm walking through the newly built mall in my home town. Monica is with me and we spot a nice looking restaurant and enter. It's some kind of pizza place, only alot more expensive. Suddenly I get a phonecall from someone. It's someone who sounds just like me, and claims to be me. I also get this large envelope from somewhere. I open it and find a large map of town. I can see the roads have been painted either red, orange or grey. Apparently this is where I've been driving too fast with my dad's car. I look at it for a while and I get really angry. "Wtf is this shit? I haven't even driven that car in months" Suddenly someone's banging the glass. I look up and see myself holding a phone. "Is that you?" I ask. He tells me it is. I walk up to the glass and hold the map so he can see it. "See this? What is this?" Some other people are with the other me. And all of them has a strange feeling about them.

7.40: Fragment
*My brother Morgan has been sleeping in my bed instead of Monica. I think we just had a LAN or something...

9.30: Party Movie
I'm watching a movie my brother has compiled. It's different kinds of clips from all the parties he and his friends have had. There is some really crazy shit on there. One of his friends are dry humping everyone and there is a long haired guy I recognise. "Hey, what happened to that guy?" I ask. Martin tells me something I can't remember. We continue watching the movie. I spot the long haired guy again, and once again I recognise him. I ask Martin who he is once more, but again I don't get a decent answer.

9.30: Babysitting a haunted girl
I'm on a bus in the middle of nowhere, going to this local pub. The text-light is broken and I have no idea where I am since it's so dark outside. I spot a guy playing a Monopoly game on his laptop. It's about skyscrapers instead of normal buildings. I get off the bus, and the dream changes. I'm now standing outside of this old school house in the middle of the country. Apparently I'm this kind of babysitter for a small girl who's around ten years old. The whole dream is really fucked up, and I'm kind of watching a movie again. A ghost is throwing shit around her room and scares the crap out of the little girl. I see some kind of black, child like shadow position itself over the girl, and morphs itself with her.

9.30: Boat trouble
I'm on a boat with Monica and my brother Martin. We're fishing and Monica catches a nice fish. It's very sunny and hot out, and we're just having a good time. My dad has left the boat recently to get some stuff in town. Martin gets a call from him and he tells us we have to wait there for a few weeks. "Hell no. I ain't waiting for a few weeks" I say and we all decide to get out of there on our own. Two other boats go past us and the people on them wave. We go through the narrow gap they came from, and Martin must be drunk or something. He sucks at steering and even though you have to be on the left side of small white sticks sticking up from the water. He just runs over them. "Watch it! They tell us where it's too shallow!" I yell at him. Suddenly we run over some rocks. A large scratch is made in the boat, and some water is coming in. Luckily not enough for it to sink. We continue on down the canal and suddenly it stops. We slide up on land a few meters. I bring out a map and notice that we've been going the wrong way. There's nothing but desert this way.

11.00: Foursome
I'm with two other girls and we're about to have a foursome with a fourth person in the next room. I feel like I need to take a piss and I tell them to wait for me while walking into the bathroom. The toilet is totally clogged up, and there's a towel in there. I decide to take a piss outside instead. "Don't worry, the house is just twenty years old, who cares right?" they say from inside the house. It's raining hard outside and I stand just outside of the door. I pee against the wall and put my leg up so my penis remains hidden from people at the other house. Luckily there is no one there. Unluckily, I don't get laid...

11.00: Fragments
*A black guy is going to have sex with a girl. His penis is like 70 cm tall. She sits down on it and goes to town!

*I'm watching a "Guardian" getting killed by a "Fade" (Wheel of Times character). He's being hold by his throat and I'm wondering why he just don't stab it in the eye sockets.

*Monica buys more roses for herself.

Amount of sleep: 11 hours

Food before bed: 2 x Omega-3
WBTB food: 1 x Lucid Dreamer (4 mg Galantamine + 200 mg Choline)

That's it! Was a very cool night, with alot of dreams. Broke my previous record of 9 dreams, with 4 more! I even had 3-4 dreams which I didn't recall. I got a memory of telling myself I had 3 more short lucids, but I didn't write them down, so I forgot them when I had a few more dreams... Galantamine + Choline seems to be enhancing dream recall ALOT. And I will try it a few more times before saying anything about the lucidity they give.

Keep on dreaming, HARE BRA!

20.11.2010

Wanted... Dead or Alive (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had a few DILDs thoughout the night. As is always the case with dreams in the middle of the night, the lucidity wasn't quite top-notch. I was easily distracted several times, and made slightly strange decisions.

Early on in the night, I was having a dream where I was on a beach. It was a dark evening, and the sand was gravelly. There were quite a lot of people around, fishing from the shore. I stood beside a strange man who had a black walkie-talkie as bait on the end of his line. I thought this was strange, even more so when I saw his bucket full of walkie talkies. I didn't bother asking him what he was doing, and sat down in the sand. The waves were quite unpredictable. It was windy, so there were big ones and small ones, with a lot of spray. Then a larger wave washed right over me, soaking my lower body. I was wearing my jeans, and my phone was in my pocket, as always. I had a moment where I panicked, then thought,
"Where have I seen this before? Only in dreams." I looked around at this scenario with puzzlement. The guy beside me had spilled his bucket and the walkie-talkies were floating away. But he was encouraging them, as if they were baby turtles trying to get out to sea. Ignoring this, I stood up and jumped into the air. I flew off over the top of the sand dunes, but saw that they went on as far as I could see. There were mountains on the horizon, so I decided to make for them. Flying was slow at first, and I tried various methods of speeding myself up. Tensing myself and scowling didn't make much difference, and I was slightly afraid of waking myself up with the exertion, so I tried something else. I remembered from a dream a few months back that I could fly faster if I imagined a force pushing me from behind. It worked, but slowly. It took a while to build up any real speed, but I kept getting faster, which was what I wanted.



The mountain range was vast. It looked like I could be in Tibet or something. There was a temple-like structure on each of the peaks, but one was larger than the rest. This was the one I went for. Flying over the tops of the mountains was difficult. I had to keep landing for a few seconds and get a running jump to fly to the next one. I felt like I had reached my maximum altitude. It had become a beautiful sunny day, and for some reason I felt like singing. The first song that came to me was Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. I sang the entire song word for word, and noted that my singing voice was far better than in real life. After that came I'm the only gay Eskimo by Corky and the Juice Pigs. I don't know why, it was just the next song that came to me. Anway, I landed at last on the balcony of the huge temple. Its roof was painted red, and all the walls seemed to be made of wicker. I stepped inside a flimsy door and looked inside. It was much darker inside, and I could see why. It was part strip-club, part casino, and part games arcade. I went inside and lost track of what I was doing after a bit.

There was a short dream segment next which I can't remember too well. I was duelling Voldemort, semi-lucid. I disarmed him and used the body-bind curse on him with his own wand. Then I sped off on a huge bike. It was bad-ass, I wish I could remember more.

I had a false awakening in what I initially assumed to be my own bed. Turned out it was in the middle of a street. My friend Hugh was standing in the road with an electric guitar. He said,
"I am Bon Jovi." This was too weird, there was no point in reality-checking.
"Play Dead or Alive!" I shouted to him. I suddenly realised I couldn't remember off the top of my head how Dead or Alive began, but hoped that it was stored in my memory somewhere, so my subconscious could play it. It started perfectly, and I sang the vocals from my bed. As the song continued, I got up and walked aimlessly down the street. A fat woman approached me. She asked if I would lift her car onto the pavement, as she couldn't park it properly. It was a weird request, but I obliged. Just for a laugh, I stretched in preparation and cracked all the joints in my spine. The car was more of a small bus, but it felt very light. I dropped it down on the pavement. The fat woman handed me a bottle of some kind of alcopop as a reward. I shrugged and drank some of it. It was red, but blueberry flavour. Some kind of thrash metal started playing in the background, as I wandered into a shop. There was a booze section, so I made straight for the Smirnoff vodka. Out of dream-excess, I snapped the neck off the bottle and took a huge swig. It was just as nasty as real life. Nail polish-remover. I coughed a bit, and woke up.

Good morning everybody. I remember three really short dreams from last night. They were all from after 2 AM. I had coffee last night and couldn't fall asleep until 2 AM.

The third dream was pretty much all lucid, even though it was short.

Dream #1

I walked through some room toward a staircase. The staircase was just past a doorway and was part of some slightly larger hallway, like for a small apartment building.

The room I was in was something like a mix between a living room and a small apartment lobby.

I had to maneuver a little bit past some kids who were rough housing with each other right in front of the doorway to the hallway. There were boys and girls, probably in their early teens or just a little younger. Their parents stood nearby. I thought the kids were funny, and they looked like they were having fun.

I wallked into the hallway and turned toward the staircase. A group of kids ran just in front of me, blocking me from the staircase. The began wrestling and rough housing with each other. I thought they were pretty funny. I just waited for their rough housing to pass.

But then I remembered that the parents were in the doorway, watching the kids. I thought that the parents would think I was weird for hanging around and watching the kids. I decided to get moving. I tried to edge past the kids. It was really difficult, because there were so many kids, and the hallway was so small.

Dream #2

I was in "my bed," in "my bedroom," which was a lot like my bedroom in waking life, except messy. My lights were on.

I was laying face-down on my bed. I was thinking bad thoughts about God. For some reason, I was really angry at God. The more I cursed him, the more amusing I found the activity.

Eventually my legs began levitating off the bed. I wasn't controlling it, but I thought I might be able to. My legs lifted higher and higher until my body was almost perpendicular to the bed, with my head on the bed.

At some point, I noticed little specks of dirt or something black all over my bed. There were also hairs or cotton fibers, also colored black, all over my bed.

I started trying to blow all the dust and dirt and hair off my bed. Some of it would blow away. But there was so much. I wondered how I could have let my bed get so dirty.

Dream #3

I was in "my bedroom" at night. I was crouched down on the floor, possibly naked, with my knees to my chest. The bedroom lights were off, but I could see by the purplish evening light.

I told myself that this wasn't actually my bedroom. That seemed pretty obvious. I told myself I was dreaming.

As soon as I told myself this, I had a false awakening and sat up on "my bed." But I was still lucid.

I stood out of the bed and told myself to remain calm. I figured I would walk out of the house and see what was around. The house seemed like a suburban house.

I was heading for the front door. But suddenly I thought, Why should I exit through the door? If I'm in a dream, I should be able to leave the house any way I want.

So I decided to walk through a wall. I turned right, into another room, possibly another bedroom. I walked straight up to the wall, which had a window on it that started at about my chest.

I thought I might climb up onto the windowsill and walk through the window. But I figured I didn't need to go throgh the trouble. Walking through a wall and walking through a window were basically the same thing.

I began to walk through the wall. It seemed pretty easy. But suddenly I saw a bright light. I felt like something was resisting. I got kind of mad, and I pushed really hard through the resistance.

I'm pretty sure I lost lucidity at this point. I fell past the wall and fell a couple stories down to the ground. I think that as I fell, I was telling myself, Oh well, I guess I woke up from that dream.

I sat up. It was daytime. I "had awoken from my dream." To my right was a red brick wall. To my left was a beach, possibly like Coney Island. The sky was deep blue and the light was dim, almost as if I were looking at an old film.

I had a false awakening about an hour ago, I was next to my girlfriend and thought I heard her talking to me and I was trying to tell her to wake me up, but she said I was just laying there mumbling in my sleep and then jerked awake. lol.
I had a few dream fragments though over the last day or 2. One with with an x, won't go into details , and the other was with an old friend. I seem to feel things in dreams that I can never feel in real life, I feel this kind of peace with my environment. Another one was I was in a huge downtown building like the one in Inception, and I was walking with my girlfriend. The one after that I was swimming in this cold water (I had the window open), and I was trying to navigate around an old ghost ship. I picked a huge tarantula from the water, and realized it might still be alive so I squished it in my hand, and then woke up.
I have a lot of short dreams at my girlfriends, I can never stay asleep there, i've had 2 false awakenings in the last 2 days there.

★★★☆☆

...because burning them just isn't dramatic enough.

11/18/10



A sleek metal bridge extends over the choppy sea. I stand near the center, unable to see the shores on either side, obscured as they are by mist. Rain lashes out in sheets and the wind impedes my movement - block, parry, slash - as I slice through an imperial guard with my lightsaber.

Something is speeding towards me, about to impact. I catch the missile with Force Grip, send it spinning into an enemy tank. There's a bridge running parallel to this one, and stormtroopers are setting up missile launchers on the edge. They fire -

A wave of my hand sends them careening back into the shooters.

A spider-like droid, twice my height, uses the distraction to scuttle towards me, using its legs as blades. I dodge, jump over the droid and land a glancing blow to its head. Its head swivels towards me as it prepares for another run.

A purge trooper takes a swipe at me. It misses, barely, and I go on the offensive with a flurry of lightsaber strikes. Seconds later, it collapses to the ground, spent.

I keep a wary eye on the spider droid, but it's smarter to take out the smaller enemies first.

...and I'm skating down a barely frozen river. I'm on skis, I'm on a toboggan, I'm holding on to some sort of ski lift as it takes me up, no, down the river.

And I'm stealing some sort of precious coffee grounds. Or beans. One big pile, holding together only because it doesn't occur to me that they shouldn't.

And I'm running through a house, up stairs and through hallways and secret passages.

This room, says a voice, my voice, Was created by my father as a haven for me. No one else can enter it. And I'm laying down behind the couch so that no one can see me through the window in the door.

And then I'm me, for just a moment. I look at the door and I smirk, knowing that the family that's following me will find me, only because that's what I'm expecting. I don't care. It's a dream, and not a particularly awful one. I just want to rest and not think and play through whatever game my subconscious is dreaming up...

I wake up to the family pounding on the door, yelling. I pick myself up from the ugly, floral brown couch and pad across the room. I open a closet door methodically, pull a gun from the rack.

I'm standing in front of the door, holding a crossbow at the ready, pointing through the window. The banging has stopped, and the father asks me if I'm really going to shoot his son.

Everything's all right. The gun's not even loaded.

Exploding Bridges. Scare Factor: 2/10

As an interesting aside, I have not played the game that the picture is from. Before today, I have not seen any pictures or previews, so you can imagine my surprise when I come across an actual spider-like droid from Force Unleashed II, which the dream was based on.

Granted, mine had more legs.

Okay. I'm gonna sit at this computer and record these dreams! I feel like the computer drains me of vital energy, and feel reluctant to stay at it.

11.04.10
Type: Lucid, fragment
Vividness: 10/10
Lucidity: 7/10

Had a lucid dream but forgot it once I woke up! first time that has happened to me, and I get the feeling that it was the greatest lucidity I have attained so far in the dream. Near the end I recalled an incredibly vivid scene recall of skateboarding on the roof of a large school building with some other people, brick, sunny day, in some sort of small city scape, one massive tree in the front yard and some sidewalks.. Headed around the roof shaped like a large L and made way to a glass roofed sloped section of the roof, where I heard DC down on the street below talking about gangs in the school, then I feel the dream fading so I spin with my eyes closed, slowly and completely, with the only sensation I was experiencing of my body slowly and powerfully spinning. I think to myself "my bedroom, my bedroom" and opening my eyes find myself lying in my bed!

I do a nose RC and it is successful, FA! So I go to get up, propped up on my arms, but I focus on the muscular activity of pulling myself up too much and experience and a very intense pain/spasm in my right shoulder, and I remember that my physical body is lying down with my arms back behind my head since it was a WILD attempt/induction, and I can't shake off the pain since my physical body probably used a combination of muscles which put strain on the shoulder trying to imitated the movements of my dream body. Since I couldn't gather the will to get past the sensation I woke myself up and shifted positions and tried to enter back into the dream but couldn't fall back asleep.

After spending two nights with intense WILD attempts I decided that WILD would be an excellent and direct method for me to develop, and have resolved to schedule a practice regiment for this pursuit.

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

I'm at the camp I went to as a kid [Not the one mentioned in the catchup post below, another one] with my dad. The lodge is a Marie Callender's [Cool!], and we're going out to dinner there. We get a table and order coffee and cookies. Mom is already there and tells us to come over and join her at her table. She's mad at us for not seeing her when we came in, or looking for her in the crowd. Dad and I get up and move to her table, bringing our coffee and cookies with us.

While we're in the restaurant [I think], I start looking back at old pictures of myself on various camping trips. One of them is of my and several of my Literacy AmeriCorps friends, including Laya, Jen, and Chelisa. The oldest picture is from junior high school. It's a big, panoramic picture with lots and lots of kids and their camp counselors in it. I'm near the far right, next to Erica. [She didn't even go to my junior high.] Those of us who are on that side of the picture are standing near the grassy edge of a cliff; one of the boys on in the picture is pretending to be about to step off.

I wake up in my current bed. I try several times to turn on the lamp next to it, but the bulb just flickers and sputters every time I try. I turn the knob until the flickering stops, tighten the bulb in its socket, then try again. Still nothing. I go out into the hall to look at the digital clock on one of our cable boxes, to see what time it is. It says 7:39, which disappoints me. Aw, man! It's time to get up, I think. Then I look again and see that I made a mistake: it's only 2:39. So, I get my notepad and start taking notes on the dream I just had.

...And then I woke up for real. This time, I remembered to do the nose-pinch RC. I was very annoyed with myself for not doing any RCs before and not catching the FA, especially when I realized that I had missed not one, but two of the classic dream signs, one right after another. My mind is great at giving me clues that I'm dreaming; I'm just oblivious.

After that, it seems to take me a really long time to get back to sleep. While I'm trying to do so, I think, Oh, crap, I can't talk to Cj on the phone tomorrow at 9, because that's when I'm meeting with Frank. I get up, take my laptop into the study, and sleepily start writing her an e-mail explaining that we'll have to postpone our date to talk on the phone because I have a conflicting appointment. I'm working in Yahoo! Mail [which is what I use for my main e-mail account in reality], and press Send. Suddenly, annoying, circus-y music starts to play out of the computer's speakers, and the screen is filled with a weird, old, basic HTML page with a colored background. The page appears to scroll down automatically. One of the first things to appear on it is a single sentence of text that contains my name. This is what makes me realize what's going on: I've stupidly allowed my Yahoo password to get phished by entering it into a fake website, and now my laptop has a virus. I let out a long string of curse words (actually, the same curse word repeated many times). Windows starts scanning my computer, trying to fight the virus.

Mom and P. are coming home. According to the digital clocks on the cable boxes, it's 12:02 A.M. Leaving my laptop on the floor of the study, I go outside to the street to meet them. They're coming home in a red VW New Beetle (where did they get that? I wonder silently), which they're parking on the curb across the street from our house, because our two regular cars [the ones we own in reality] are taking up both spaces in the garage. I come over to greet them as they're getting out of the car. As we walk back toward the house, I look at the side yard and see that there's a bamboo tree that sort of looks like a fountain there. Ooh, that's pretty! I think. P. goes back to put some more CDs in the New Beetle. [Neither it nor the bamboo tree exist in reality, of course, but I didn't realize that anything was strange until after I woke up. :/ ]

I woke up for real at 5:00 and took down more notes. I realized in hindsight that it hadn't actually taken me as long to fall asleep as I had thought; at least part of the process, and everything after that, had been a dream. I didn't actually have any such appointment with Cj, anyway. I was amazed at how completely and totally this dream had convinced me that I was in reality.

I'm indoors somewhere, and I'm wearing a cowboy hat. I look behind me and see my friend D.W. there, riding in a wheelchair. I think, Oh, good, she got a wheelchair. I feel the cowboy hat on my head and think, Oh, yeah, this is a dream. I can feel the by-now-familiar sensation of lucid-dream consciousness. I open my dream self's eyes and look very briefly at my hands, which appear normal, then up at my indoor surroundings. To engage more fully with my dream self and its sense of touch, I reach up to touch the brim of the cowboy hat with both hands, then take it off. I'm sitting in something [possibly another wheelchair, but I don't see it, so I'm not sure]. I stand up and try to turn around and talk to D.W., but just then, I heard my mom talking out in the entryway, which took my attention away from the dream, which instantaneously kicked me back into reality.

----------------------
Side notes:
I should choose my MILD affirmations with more care. The ones I focused on the most this past night were “I am self-aware and in control in my dreams” and “I bring clarity, lucidity, and stability into my dreams.” These backfired rather spectacularly in my second dream of the night. It was perfectly clear and stable, and, as far as I could tell, I was just as self-aware and in control of my own actions as I am in reality. And yet, I never realized that I was dreaming. I focused on that aspect more as I was trying to get back to sleep after 5:00, and it worked, if only briefly.

My dream recall really improved tonight, I had a lot of dreams, but I really remember a lot of fragments rather than these long and drawn out scenarios. I know that looking back it's actually very hard for me to distinguish some of my dreams from reality because they are mostly mundane and I have the PassObs state so pervasive in my dreams.

Dream 1-- HellBoy Reloaded

This movie has nothing to do with Hellboy, except that it has the main actress from the movie. I am PassObs in this dream, watching the movie as it unfolds before me. It feels like I'm caught in the trailer because she is narrating the whole time as I am observing, and there is a lot of mental commentary going on in the background of my mind.

So, the dream starts with her talking about herself and how she was a confused girl or something looking for love. Then I see a scene where she is inside of a giant cake that is being pushed down the hall. She has a similar costume as if she were in the movie Hellboy, thus the title. She says she is looking for love, and that her whole life turned around after this one event.

The cake gets pushed into a restaurant. And it's directly in the middle. Suddenly there are 5 guys, who I recognize as all competing for her love, that burst out in a murdering spree everyone in the restaurant. There are three guys who I basically discard and don't pay attention to. There is one guy with red hair, who I can't think of at the moment, and the last one is Wolverine! haha.

So I see Wolverine kill people, and then he takes this one guy out of the room by his claws. This whole time I'm thinking "how does she gets these men to like her?" "Maybe she just displays her real personality and whether or not they like her doesn't actually affect her because she has so many people who like her".. It's a really intricate thought process that I'm not doing justice to here, but I felt sad and depressed while thinking the thoughts. I was looking at the movie as a type of archetype for how to act, and I had this mental cycle that basically went "I'm not good enough, how do I get better?, the movie knows the answer so watch the movie and learn the right way."

Anyway, I follow Wolverine out into where he dragged the guy, and suddenly I'm in my cabana back in Dallas. I can't say for sure what happened after this because I had another dream at 5am that really scares me and might be a true account about what I did, but I am not for sure because I can only remember what I said happened.

Dream 2-- 5am continuation of dream 1

So, in this dream, everything repeats just like dream 1. When I follow Wolverine out I become aware that I am part of an assassination squad, and our group name is on this serving tray that looks exactly like what they would bring you for an order or room service. Once again, I am in my cabana.

I look around, and I am in this rectangular room, which doesn't actually resemble my cabana at all except the ground is carpetted a light blue and the doors are white. The tray disappears as I look back, and it is replaced by three of my high school friends: Stewart, AK, and a third person. I immediately announce to them that this is a dream and that I had just experienced this situation earlier, but I don't become lucid.

I explain to them in detail exactly what had happened, or at least what I remember. I cannot be sure if in this dream I am giving a true account of what happened in the original dream, but I seem pretty damn convinced, and everything I was describing was accurate.

So, I tell this is a dream, and I show them what I did. I walk over to a door, and I say, "I opened this door, and there's a bed and a TV, and I watched the TV from the bed." I open the door, and it initially it doesn't seem like there is a bed inside but I can see the TV. It doesn't matter, I don't look long enough to care. I walk over to another door and say and here is the exit. As I am walking over I can see the look on their faces is really freaked out/surprised. Both of their eyes are like in a way that is really exaggerated. I can't believe I didin't lucid this!! That's the end.

Dream 3-- Airport Group Bathroom

Some of my dreams that I have now-a-days seem to give me memories of dreams I've had in the past but WHILE I'M STILL IN THE DREAM. It's very weird. When I wake up I cannot remember having any dream like it, but in my dream mind I am sure of my location, and it all seems very familiar. In fact, I have memories of how the other dreams went, but they only last as long as my dream.

In this dream, I am carrying a blue tub, which is a debate term for one of the 10 gallon plastic containers that carry everything. I am walking through an airport, and I think that is my luggage. I know I need to take a shower before I board because I don't want to be gross for the flight. I walk over to this huge gray table where there is a security guard sitting down. He is black.

I put down my tub on the table, and I open it a little maybe to see what's inside but change my mind because he calls me over. He asks from my student ID, I give him my college student ID, and then I walk over to bathroom. I don't remember walking through any door, but I appear in the bathroom at the back right hand corner. I am only wearing a towel at this point. This is a huge square room where there are lines of sinks along the wall, and people sitting in stools near each sink. At the opposite corner (front left) I see a door that is slightly open and appears to be a shower. Where I am seems to be some sort of sauna.

I walk around looking for an empty spot, but I'm not saying anything. I think I'm in PassObs at this point because the scenery is so still and I'm not interacting at all. I find an empty sink and put down a white book I had in my hands apparently. As I sit, I get tapped on the shoulder. It's a black woman wearing what looks like blue scrubs as if she were a nurse.

She says something but I can't hear her because I have my right earbud in randomly. I take it out and do a sort of curt "what?" and she asks me a question I can't remember and I say "no." she proceeds to tell me that I am very rude and that I need to watch the way I speak. This comment makes me really self-conscious and ends the dream because I go into a PassObs state and everything begins to turn black. I think about how my comment really was rude and how I might actually be a rude person without realizing it and that I don't want to be rude in the future.

Dream Fragment 4-- Spider vs. Cat

This dream was a drawn out battle between what seemed like two comic super hero characters that were going to kill each other. Once again, I was passive observer in this dream, watching the scene as if it were a movie and all I could do was watch and think. We are in this darkened room, and I see the SpiderGuy (who is white with black hair, long sideburns, and I can't remember clothing) getting his head hit against a wall. As his head smashes against the wall, he looks to the right, which is looking directly at me. Suddenly, he morphs into a spider, and he crawls around trying to escape.

Because it's night, he is very sneaky and goes underneath a bed that I am on. The opponent, who I never see, starts to wait. After a little bit of no action, the spider crawls along the side of a wall at a fast speed toward the door at the other end of this darkened room. I see the opponent now, in the form of a cat, jump up and try to get him. Freaked out, the spider crawls all the way back underneath the bed, and we wait again.

We wait for a long time, maybe 2 minutes, and then these thoughts enter my head like, he's decided never to come out, what a brilliant strategy. And because thoughts determine reality, I stop thinking about the fight altogether, and just pay attention to this cat that is now sitting near the foot of this bed I am on. The cat, which is orange and white, starts to move toward me a little after I bring my attention to it.

It doesn't reach me though, it turns and climbs into what looks like a crib. There is a black cat that hops in from out of my vision. I assume that these cats know eachother because they start to snuggle. I observe how they interact with each other and try to determine what their relationship is like based on their behavior and what signals they are trying to send to each other. This is my classic PassObs state, where I am just watching an event and being purely analytical about it. I am having these thoughts like "oh, the orange cat is moving away slightly agitated so it doesn't like the black cat that much. The black cat is really needy for attention and affection, but the orange cat doesn't want to give it to him. I wonder if the orange cat knows and is just too cool or what"

Stuff like that. Whenever I go deep into PassObs, I end up either switching dream scenes completely because my environment turns all black and I lose focus on any particular sight because I am caught up in my thoughts or I wake up.

Dream 5-- High School Picnic

This dream starts off in a really nice house. I am with my friend, Will, from high school and apparently his dad and some other people. We all walk into this room that looks like a classroom, but seems to be part of the mansion as well. Everyone sits down on top of a desk because there are no chairs in this room. Some people have some bud that they are smoking and I don't have any so I start looking for some.

Somehow I know that underneath these desks there are drawers that I and pull out. I try a couple and there is nothing in them. I walk over to a separate isle of desks and try again. I find what looks like purely a rolling paper, but as I pull it out I hear a dad say "oh look he got one" so I decide to light it. I have to squish it together and roll it with my fingers for it to remain taut and not fall apart. As I am smoking it I get the feeling like I am actually getting high. My vision starts to blur a little and I completely relax into the situation. My analytical mind goes blank and I just start walking along. I end up walking outside where there are a bunch of other high school friends having a picnic.

They are sitting on these wooden tables that have pizza and chips on them. I see Gefen, and Doug, and David C., and Sean. All of these people I have seen smoke bud at one point or another, so the connection here is clear. As I am walking around, I am trying to have conversations with some of them, but I get in my head and analytical about what we are talking about, which makes me want to move on and do something else because the analytical aspect makes me really uncomfortable and uneasy. I can't talk to anybody without my mind firing a million thoughts per second, so I just wander around high for a while. I never finish my blunt, but I continue to smoke it throughout the dream.

False Awakening 1-- Talking to Daniel

So I am flying to Boston on Thursday, so I wanted to call my friend over at BU to hang out and chill. I did this during a False Awakening and our conversation was like Me: "hey man, I'm coming into town this weekend" "oh nice man.. (something about his roommate)" "I'll be there Thursday Friday Saturday wan to chill" "(says something nonresponsive)" (SILENCE) in my head I go PassObs thinking about whether I should say "are you free?" or just drop the conversation and take his non-committal response as a no. Then I start thinking about all the cool stuff he must be doing in BU and how he just chills until someone asks him to do something and then goes with the flow that way. WOW I get up in my head!!

False Awakening 2-- Comments from Matthew

Yesterday I had a 30 minute conversation with my TA in Writing class about how to do this upcoming project. He talked to me a lot about my analytical mind and how I like to tackle the larger, meta issues of a subject, which sometimes forces me away from the more pragmatic and applicable problems that the prompt is trying to point to. These comments started me thinking about how that applies to my life in everyday situations and how I could change that behavior or what I would need to do in order for that behavior to change.

In my dream, I am writing down geometrical shapes and words on graph paper while listening to a distant voice that sounds exactly like Matthew. He is telling me in my dream that I am too critical and that I need to settle down and relax. I am sorting through the paper trying to find where I put these comments. He is explaining that I already know everything I just need to organize the thoughts and make them cogent instead of muddling the issue and trying to make it more complex. I think I am awake this whole time because I am in my dorm room and everything seems normal.

After enough of these comments, I go into PassObs of self-criticism about my behavior and my ability to learn things and write essays, which causes the dream scene to go black and I wake up.

Dream 6-- Arguments with Friends about Gender

So I am in a separate darkened room with two people that I think I know. They seem to be related because they are lying in the same bed, while I am in my own chair, which I think is a bean bag chair. At first, I am facing them and we are talking about the difference between guys and girls. We are talking about it from the parent's point of view and which would be harder to raise and why.

I don't know what we were saying specifically, but out of synchronicity, the TV turns on, and I swivel around somehow in my bean bag chair. The TV character looks like Jon Stewart and he is explaining how for guys the cost of being raised is like $2 because we don't need anything. For girls it's like $50,000 because they need tampons, bras, and all of these other materials. After the show is over I turn around and we all start laughing.

Dream Fragment 7-- Nurse Mom

I am laying in the bed I sleep in whenever I go to my grandparent's house. Instead of being normal, my legs are hanging off the side and I am lying on some pillows, with my face turned to the side looking at a TV screen with some medicial show playing. I feel sick, and I transition from being inside my body to going PassObs and being a part of the show through the camera. Next, my mom walks into the room with some soup. This dream occurred chronologically after I had the dream where I smoked the blunt, so I was really worried that she would notice the smell of bud. This is an example where I have memories of previous dreams inside of my dream.

She comes over and pats me on the back in a comforting way. I start to get really paranoid and freaked out that she knows, which forces me into PassObs mode and then out of the dream!! Grr!

Dream Fragment 8-- Talking to a DC

This isn't lucid, but I'm in my dorm room talking to a DC. He is explaining to me his experiences with LD and how it helped him in his life. He explains to me how he used to be depressed and lacking in creativity. Then he found the world of LD and he never wanted to leave. It allowed him to fully explore his imagination and take a leap into another world. I suddenly get this vibrant thought of me flying over a city and just racing through the wind. There is a great breeze going through my hair, but the scene is amazing and awesome, and now I am super motivated to fly in a LD!


Overall, my dream recall really improved tonight, but I also think that I was not getting very deep sleep. I was tossing and turning a lot which I think kept my consciousness level higher than normal, but also affected my rest. I didnt hear my WILD alarm go off at 5am, but I still had many FAs which is a sign that my WILDing techniques are getting better. I feel like I am having more and more obvious chances to DILD, which is really encouraging. I am focusing more on RCing during the day and making them serious RCs. I will take deep breaths and start looking around and feeling my clothes in order to get a mixture of sense perceptions. I tell myself throughout the day "When I am dreaming, I will look at my hands and recognize the dream state." I'm really motivated on this WILD journey, and I think that with a little more practice I will start having these WILDs and DILDs tonight! I can see it happening, there is just that little extra step of realizing shit is weird in the dream. I will have to start paying more attention to my reality so that I can say "hey this is a little weird, I'm going to RC" just to ingrain the habit.

Cruise Ship
Non-lucid

This one is from several nights ago, I just hadn't posted it online. It was pretty strange, and confusing even just after I woke, not to mention nearly a week later... But here we go anyway
We are in some sort of fancy cruise ship. There is red carpeting with gold trim in all the corridors. The walls are stained cherry, and there are gold/brass fancy light fixtures protruding from the walls at regular intervals. To my right is a super old telephone, it's hooked up to a pc so that guests can make calls on the old phone, and still get the experience, even though the technology is outdated. I get the sense that I and several others have been transported through time and find ourselves on this ship.[/INDENT]
Everything gets very vague after this point.
I've got a sense of being forward in time, seeing problems in the world. Friends are dead. Relationships are ruined. We return home and fix the problems that I saw in the future. As a final act, I must go into an abandoned movie theater. I'm trapped in here, but can communicate with the outside world. There is an old man on the outside with a map of the realm I'm trapped in. He sits staring at it, while on the inside, I'm trying to find a way out. After a while, he figures out that it somehow relates to chess, he circles a few spaces on his map with a sharpie, and I play a game of chess with an unknown force, and escape. Hurray!

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Weird Movie
Non-lucid

I seem to be watching a movie. I'm not participating at all in this dream.
The dream begins with very cintematic camera angles. It shows the stomach of a woman. Then a hip with a thong being tied around it. Lips with lipstick being applied. Eyes with Eye shadow being applied. Camera zooms out to reveal it was all done by a 14-15 year old girl. I get the sense that this is a whorehouse in Britain. A 20ish boy knocks on the door, and is answered by an overly made-up woman of 45. She tells him that the girl is not ready yet because he's too early, and tells him that he knows that. In effort to keep his business, she calls another girl to come in and 'keep him busy' until the young girl from the beginning is ready.
A 20ish girl enters the room, and begs the older woman 'Nooo, please nooo!' etc. Girl and boy go into a side room. Boy appologizes for what he said to her last time. I get the feeling that it was very terrible for her. She says 'I thought you went back home.'
The boy replies 'I did but when I saw the British space shuttle on the news, I had to come back.'
I wake up. Lol that was wierd.
I reach for my dream journal to enter my dreams. I am still in bed, with the notebook on my lap, pen in my fingers trying to recall my dreams.
I wake up again... Wow, my first FA.
It's funny though, when I wake up for real I can still feel the lasting feeling of the pen between my fingers. I RC to be sure, and sure enough, I'm really awake. Oh well.