lucid

I started off having some kind of anxiety dream about being late for school or something. When I arrived at school, I knew something was fishy about the situation because this has been such a common dream for me.
I do a nose-plug reality check, and find out I can breathe. I do it again, and confirm that I am, in fact dreaming. At this point, I was in my high school's parking lot and it was very foggy. (Not in that the dream itself was unstable, but the area was realistically foggy)
I began to go about my business. I tried to stabilize, and I yelled out "I'm lucid dreaming!"
A dream character turned around. "Oh, No you dont!" He yelled as he ran at me. He was a pale and thin man, quite a bit taller than me in a black leather coat. He had short black hair.
He tried to punch me, but (being lucid) I kicked him in the chest and sent him flying back several feet. He pulled out a knife and ran towards me again. He tried to stab me in the left shoulder, but the knife broke when it hit me.
Another dream character showed up, quite a bit younger with dirty blonde hair in a sort of bowl cut. I just stood there to see what they would do. The black haired man took out a handgun and started shooting at me. I looked down in front of me and saw the bullets hitting my body and falling on the pavement.
The blonde man opened the trunk of a red car and took out an assault rifle, something like an AK-47 or something. He handed it to the black haired man. "Here! Try this!"
Sure enough he started shooting me. The bullets were just falling on the ground and I was confident these DCs would just give up eventually. I didn't realize that I was losing stability.
The Blonde man reached into the trunk again and took out an RPG. He handed it off to the black-haired man who shot it at me. I held up my hand and sort of caught the blast in my palm, deflecting the explosion away from me.
I woke up.

Sort of sucks that I just stood there. But at the same time, funny to see DCs fail at killing me.

LUCID
*Lama Dorjee takes me to sukhavati!
I become lucid using wbtb/mild. I realize I am dreaming standing the kitchen making popcorn. I proceeded walking outside calmly so that I won't wake up. My goal was to meet up with my Guru and ask to be taken to sukhavati. I tried opening one of the apartment doors on the second floor expecting him to be therer but he wasn't. The apartment appeared dark and spooky. I made it to gound level and notice this blue suv pulling into the parking lot. I knew this had to be Lama dorjee and then he got out of the car looked at me without moving for a moment. I started to laugh because I was so amazing how real this was. I helped him take all bags out of the car and while doing so I asked him can you take me to sukhavati. Then he responded let's go! We started to fly up and dissolve into white space. I rested in the white space for a while with out waking up.

*Deity yoga in CVS.
I realized I was dreaming while being in this CVS. This blonde girl with beautiful blue caught my attention. I thought about sex but didn't wanna get distracted from my goal. I stood in the middle in the of CVS and started to float in the lotus posture. Lucky I was in front of a window so I could actually see my self transform. One of the people in CVS commented, can he actually do that! I transformed fully into chenrezik and by this time CVS was gone and I was not floating on a actual lotus over a clear pure blue ocean. I felt that I was entering another dimension and started to experience fear for some reason. (According to the teaching it's not good to tell your experiences but no one knows who I am so I think it will be ok, hopefully this will bring inspiration to others who practice dream yoga under a qualified teacher.)

I'm just playing catch-up here a little bit. These are the dreams I have recorded from the past couple of weeks that I haven't uploaded yet.

#1 - Hmm [Non-Lucid]

I was in a bed in a dark room with A, this girl that I know through some friends that one of them has a crush on, and T, a different friend's old roommate. T wasn't very involved, I could just hear him moving around. I was giving A a full-body massage. Afterwards we all got up and walked to a classroom, which was just down the hall from the room we were in. Hmm.

#2 - Kenny Dies [DILD]

Most of this dream is blurry in my memory now, but I remember it starting with me, my old friend D, and Kenny from South Park all being chased by someone. We were going through some obstacle course connected to a mall or something and we were trying to escape from a room that was filling up with water before it was too late. At one point D and I turned around and saw Kenny floating in the water, having drowned. D looked shocked and said "Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" I jumped up and said "You bastards!!" I tried to go after him but D pulled me away, and then my memory gets hazy again.... The next thing I remember is walking outside the mall in the parking lot and becoming lucid. There was some cool pattern in the clouds, but I can't remember what it was now. I decided to walk through the mall and gathered up a crowd of DCs around me all chanting a mantra of stability with me, something like "this dream is long, vivid, and solid". While we were walking around I was also picking up various pieces of furniture in the store effortlessly with one hand and hurling them across the store. I was really worked up and this girl next to me did part of the chant wrong, so I looked over and said "No!" and shoved her headfirst into a glass wall. It didn't break, she just hit it really hard and then fell over. When I saw that it was actually someone I know and like in waking life I felt bad, and I picked her up and sat her down on a chair to see if she was alright. After that I started getting kind of unfocused and the dream ended.

#3 - Too Much Energy [DILD]

The main thing I remember about this dream is that I was pissed when I realized it wasn't real, because it was going really well. I became lucid around the time I was doing all these crazy calculated flips around this huge auditorium that were really fun and impressive as hell, and then when I realized what was going on I just had endless amounts of energy. I got really unfocused and just started grabbing stuff and throwing it all over the place until I woke up.

#4 - Back Once Again [DILD]

I was back at my old middle school with O and we were visiting our old orchestra teacher Mr. L. Afterwards we somehow got lost in the crowd and became part of the student body there, so we started trying to find our English class that we were supposed to head to next. We realized that we needed to pick our schedules first, so we started walking to the office and on the way we saw an old friend of ours wearing this cute sweater that I own that looked totally weird on him. X) We were also on the second floor of the building and I could see a tower of people stacked on top of each other coming up and leaning in our direction from the first floor visible beyond the railing. >_> Around this time I became lucid, and I ran into the girl M in the hallway who I haven't seen at least since we graduated high school but who I knew since kindergarten. I walked up to her and said "Hey, girl." She came up to me and I grabbed her and ripped her shirt down and started groping her and kissing her neck, but I got a little too into it and the dream faded away.

I took 50 mg of zinc at dinner the night that this next dream happened. I like to think that it had an effect.

#5 - More Summoning And Possession Practice [DILD]

There was some weird school stuff going on this dream before my memory really cuts in. The first thing I really recall is becoming lucid while packing up my stuff in a dark room. I wasn't immediately lucid enough to break out of this action at first, so I started repeating a mantra "electricity works in dreams" while I kept trying to turn on the lights and use my cell phone light to help me find stuff. It worked to an extent, and some of the lights showed up or got brighter if they were already on. My cat was also in the room with me but walked out it and down the school hallway at some point. I decided to walk out to the hall myself and followed it down to a large open area in a very fancy hotel-type building. There was also a large window spanning several stores to the left of us that was visible because every floor ended in a balcony. I decided to fly forward and grabbed a sofa with people sitting on it with my right hand as I passed by it, and I phased us through the window. Outside I could see groups of people eating dinner at tables below us, and I chucked the couch at one of them and then just moved on without even really watching what happened. I flew higher up to where there was a rooftop balcony with no covering and saw a family eating dinner or something. I decided that I wanted to see if I could summon a whole group of people, so I flew a ways over to the next rooftop thinking that I wanted to see a small group of gossiping women. When I got there it worked perfectly, there were four women in classy dressed gossiping about something at a table, and they didn't seem to take notice of me. I decided to possess one of them but it didn't go completely smoothly, and the other women started looking at me (as her) and asking if I was alright, I was making weird faces trying to adjust the feeling. I finally started getting situated but then my libido started ramping up and it woke me up. Man, if I could just control that feeling without waking up more often....

That's it for now!

My second lucid dream.

Method:
I began by trying to WILD. I was unsuccessful, and stopped, but somehow managed to otherwise retain consciousness when I tried to go to normal sleep. As I was lying in my bed, I recognized sleep paralysis; I tried to move my foot slightly and I couldn't. I was over the moon! I used the knowledge that I was in SP to enter a dream, and as with my previous LD, i found myself in my bedroom.

Dream:
As soon as I was in the dream, I instantly ran from my bedroom and dived down the staircase. I landed smoothly near the door, but smashed a window and walked out onto the grass. Although the dream felt real, it was not as real or as vivid as I would have liked. I tried shouting 'increase lucidity now!' and 'increase clarity now!' but there wasn't much of an effect. I then jumped up and was instantly flying. I fly with both arms straight ahead, hands closed in a fist, kind of superman style. I flew up over houses and fields, getting faster and faster, and it felt amazing! I went up next through the clouds, still gaining speed. I was almost in space now. I decided that I needed to land somewhere and begin an adventure. I slowly flew down and decelerated, and surrendered control of where I was flying so as to make a more random decision.

I ended up in front of a gigantic glass and cream brick skyscraper, which was completely isolated in a desert. I flew up to one of the windows and broke it, then flew inside. There was a syndicate of businessmen inside having a meeting. They did not take too much notice of me. Some guards were coming up so I knew I had to escape, but I could not find a glass window large enough. It did not cross my mind to go through the wall, so I flew down the stairs. Once I was certain that I was safe, I decided to do something else. I decided to do something which I have feared doing in a dream, especially a lucid one; to look in a mirror. I convinced myself that there was a mirror around the corner, and there was. As I approached it, I could feel my heart beating (not sure if it was my real heart or the heart of my dream body) and I felt incredibly sick. I looked at my reflection. It looked just like me, but with a wider nose. My face kept shifting and contorting. It was nowhere near as bad as I had thought it would be, and was proud to have conquered my fear on only my second lucid. After this, I flew out of the building and the dream slowly faded. I woke up.

PS. it's snowing today!

I woke up this morning and started to fall back to sleep. I tried to think that I would have a lucid dream. I know I started to see pictures in my head, and before I knew it I was walking down a hallway repeating "I'll know when I'm dreaming." Suddenly I realized what I was saying and where I was at...I knew I was dreaming!

I was walking down a hallway with hardwood floors and large green rugs covering most of the floor room area. The hardwood could only be seen around the edges. There were a lot of doorways leading into other rooms and they were the same way, but they were all empty. I brought my face down to the carpet to feel/smell the carpet and it felt/smelled like brand new carpet. Everything looked really clean. I touched the wall and it felt like a wall. It felt a little fragile (my awareness) so I kept trying to hold onto my surroundings so I wouldn't fall into a regular dream (lose my awareness).

The dream kind of split into 3 different dreams in a way. I seemed to lose my way, but I always knew I was dreaming, so it lasted quite a while. Anytime I started to feel myself drift it was because I would get excited at the fact that I knew I was dreaming and I would stop what I was doing and focus on my breath to collect myself and just take in everything around me to solidify it and it worked; I maintained lucidity (for the parts I remember).

Anyway, I was walking this hallway looking for people I might or might not know. Once again there wasn't anybody around. I would call out names and try to expect to see them around the next corner, but it just felt so desolate and nobody was around. I started to get a little frustrated since this is what happened a while back and I stopped trying to lucid because it was so boring.

As I was walking I noticed the scenery was changing. The rooms I passed and the hallway I was in was getting more detailed. I started to pay attention to that instead of looking for people because it was really getting beautiful. I realized those once empty rooms were full of stuff now. Intricate and beautifully crafted lights hanging from vaulted ceilings, big cushy couches with elegant designs, artwork painted on every wall, ect.. No matter where I looked there was so much to see! It looked kind of ritzy but really warm, inviting and comfortable at the same time. Every room I looked into was so amazingly beautiful. They now had big arched doorways to look into and so much to see!

I thought to enter different rooms but kept walking until I came to a room with a glass door. It was a shorter door so I had to bend down to look into it. The door was framed in molded, black cast iron or something, and there were designs in the cast iron. There was glass in the middle so I could see in the room and it looked like a fairy tale inside. It was very vivid at the time, but I've lost some of the details. It looked like it was outside in a way, so I'm not sure if it was inside or outside. There was a very pale woman lying on the ground with her eyes closed. There was an animal present too and that's what I can't remember. I get the feeling it wasn't a real creature (maybe some kind of large white bird you could ride or a unicorn or something?) but I do know that it was white and the ground and this woman were covered in big, white, soft feathers. They looked like big downy feathers they were so light and soft looking. I crawled through the doorway to get inside and crawled over to this lady. She was beautiful in a surreal way. She was very thin and almost inhuman looking, with no wrinkles or creases in her skin and almost white she was so pale. For a flicker of an instant I almost got scared. I suddenly thought, what if the dream shifted and she opened her eyes and looked like she wanted to hurt me? I dismissed this idea quickly though so I wouldn't make it true. I reached out and held her hand, and when I did she finally did open her eyes and look at me. I felt no fear. She was very peaceful. I don't remember if she said anything right away, but somehow I knew I could make a wish with her. I asked her if I could ask her for a wish and she said that I could and she would do what she could to help make it happen. This didn't mean it would come true, but she would try. I won't tell you my wish (like a birthday wish, I still want it to come true!), but I will say I was kind of ashamed for what it was. She just smiled and made me feel the wish was fine. It made me feel better about it. At some point I had let go of her hand and I must have walked to the other side of her because I remember being on the other side of her and bending down to where she lay again. I asked her if I could ask for one more thing and she asked what it was. I asked if I could find someone I know and she smiled and said that they wouldn't mind seeing me here (in a way that made me feel that they would really like seeing me here). For some reason when I asked I put my head to her head and thought of people I knew as if that would help her to know who I knew, but afterward I knew this had been silly; she could read my mind well enough.

I don't remember leaving this lady, only that I did. At this point my memory gets a little hazy. I remember walking the halls again and I must have decided to go outside to look for someone because I saw a group of people playing basketball on a small hill. I walked up to them and didn't recognize them but I asked them if they knew where I could find people I might know (still lucid). I'm pretty sure they said they didn't. They continued to play basketball.

I was back walking the hallways again and they were back to being empty again, only this time it didn't feel so empty. I knew I would find people. One of the doorways ahead looked much larger, more like an entire wall would be missing to an open room and I knew that's where I would find my friends. The room was on my left and I turned into it and sure enough there were about 3 or 4 people in the room that I recognized. The lady had granted my "one more thing!" They didn't look like the people they were suppose to look like, but I knew who they were. They were sitting on a couch in the middle of the room talking. I walked over to the couch and sat next to a friend of mine and just laid my head on their shoulder to snuggle. They looked surprised to see me and smiled, putting their arm around me and holding me back. It just felt really nice to be there. We talked but I can't remember what about now. I remember them saying they were happy to see me and couldn't believe I was there, but otherwise I just remember feeling cozy and being happy to be surrounded by people I knew.

It gets hazy again here, which is why I said there were 3 different aspects to this dream because it made sense and then gets hazy and then changes scene before it makes sense again. I don't think I was completely lucid in between these times but it came back to me (I had to keep trying to maintain it).

Now I remember walking down the street of a town I used to live in (lucid again). I knew I had been at the grocery store (actually I suddenly remember purchasing a bunch of things...bones for my dogs, food for dinner...and someone being angry with me that I was at the checkout too long, and it wasn't lucid). Anyway, I was lucid again and on foot walking down this road and I knew my destination was a house ahead. I had been in a car but I didn't know what had happened to it. I saw other cars passing with people in them and thought of hitch hiking so I could get there faster (wasn't sure how much longer I would be lucid) but I wasn't sure where they would take me, and I wanted to know what was in this house.

I tried envisioning myself getting there faster. I would look down and think I'd gone a long way and when I looked up I was closer! I did this a few times until I was at the house. It was two story and kind of victorian looking in a way? It had a large porch and a peaked roof. I think parts of it were trimmed in black designs.

I walked up onto the porch and felt my lucidity beginning to wander so I had to breath real slow again and focus on the details of the house (which I can't remember a lot of now). I was facing the door and looking at the deck and banister around me. When I finally felt more "there" I went up to the door and went inside.

It felt really small inside, or I felt too big for the house at first. I was on a landing above the rest of the house looking down and into a big living area. The landing had black, cast iron looking hand rails with some posts that went to the ceiling. There was no electricity in this house. There could have been but the people that lived there liked fire better. There were 3 huge fire pit areas, with huge fires burning inside of them lighting up the room. There were also dots of fire throughout the living area that I took as candles. I think there were only 2 people in the room and I started to walk down a set of stairs made in that same black cast iron. There were hand rails to hold onto as I went down. I remember talking to one person but not what was said. He was a huge black man, very overweight but light on his feet. I remember him being very friendly and feeling comfortable around him, but not what we talked about. I think I must have lost lucidity at this point because I can't seem to remember anymore.

When I woke up the clock said 8:30 am.

Pre-bed 5HTP 100MG
Bedtime 10:00PM
Trouble sleeping - 5MG Melatonin
WBTB 2:30AM
4MG Galantamine, 250MG Choline, 300MG GPC, 1.25MG Melatonin
Insomnia!
3:00AM Took additional 5MG Melatonin, 300 GPC
SSILD/WILD/Meditation
Finally asleep around 4:00AM

119 The Bike Ride DILD

I am walking down a street downtown behind some people. I see a woman in a blue dress walking quickly past me. She is on her cell phone and looks like a business woman. I think, "Gee working at the office on the weekend?" Then I remember its Friday morning and become lucid.

I walk fast around the people in front of me for some reason. I look around at the scene. The details are blurry. I think about the basic TOTM and want to ask them to guess my number. I slowly turn around and wonder if the scene would change on its own but when I do the dream destabilizes.

I keep from waking up by visualizing a motion. I quickly decide cycling. In a few seconds I am back in the dream on my bike. I can feel the breeze and smell the fresh air of outside. I never have smells in dreams and am surprised at this. I don't see any DCs now. The bike ride feels really good. I can feel my leg muscles stretching and working. I think how its been too long since it got cold. "Oh yeah, It's still a dream." I come into some traffic. I feel exhilarated and triumphant. I run into the traffic to let the cars try to hit me. I see a white SUV come my way and then swerve. I yell, "What's up bitches?" The dream fades.

Again I DEILD by visualizing peddling. I find that I am just lying in my bed peddling in the air. I think I am probably still dreaming but I wonder if I will wake my wife. Then I hear some very original music. It sort of sounds like a pop song but the words are garbled. I am intrigued by it. The music is very moving and extremely enjoyable. I feel joy and exhilaration. I begin to sing to it. I realize my words are garbled and change to humming. I wonder if my wife can hear it in real life. ( I cannot even begin to remember the song now... sad)

I feel SP now and I get out of bed with very little trouble. The room is dark and I walk to the bedroom door. I pause and try to think of ancient Rome. I know its Greek but the first image I get is the Parthenon.



I think that maybe it's close enough for a gladiator fight to get TOTY. I expect to see it when I open the door but its just my house. I walk to the dining room and bump into the table. It's totally dark in here but somehow I made the light in the bed room come on by thinking how I need to see. I can see the light coming from behind me but it's not enough to see in the room.

I can't see my cat but I hear it hiss at me. I reach for it and feel fur and then pain. I squeeze it and move my hand. I feel a giant lump of fur attached to my hand for just a few seconds then it vanishes. I become scared and whimper a bit. I quickly compose myself and yell at the cat. "STOP IT, STUPID! ... I am going outside."

I walk to the front door. I try to picture a new scene but come up blank. I wake up.



I have some wakefulness still so I move the to living room recliner.

I have several DILDs but wake almost instantly. Some I forgot.

120 Rainbow Demon WILD

I am in my recliner I have SP. I hear my wife walk into the living room. She says something sexy and then climbs on top of me and straddles me. She pins my hands above my head by the wrists. When I look at her she turns into the rainbow fractal demon. I freak out and push it away. This time I notice there aren't really any fractals incorporated. It's just humanoid shaped and dark. The rainbow colors remind me of how a soap bubble shows color in the sunlight. It's just on the surface and enough to give it definition and detail.

We are now just sort of floating in the void together. I think, "Hey its a DC I'll do basic." I see it sort of far away and ignoring me. It is turned to its left and appears to be playing Opossum. I know this and go ahead and ask, "Guess a number between 1 and 100."
It replies with my wifes voice, "Um 69." (Whore)
I almost laugh at this. "Nah, it was 50."
I wake up

Try to DEILD but have DILD.

121 Horrible Contractors DILD/DEILD

I hear a noise like a large diesel engine outside and get out of my recliner. I open the door and stand in the doorway. I see some Mexican men working in my yard. They are doing construction. I wonder why they would wake me at 5 in the morning with there construction work. One is pushing a wheelbarrow and the other is on my porch with some strange looking red thing with wheels. It almost looks like a barbecue pit with wheelbarrow handles.

I am pissed but I realize I am staring at them with a hammer in my hand and wearing only boxer briefs. I don't look at it but I vividly feel there is a hammer in my right hand. Embarrassed, I walk back inside. Then, I think, "Wait. I might be intimidating right now.Maybe I can chase them off." I go back outside and see two cars are somehow parked on my porch. I don't see the men so I walk into the yard. "They better not be working on MY house." I look and see some roofing material on my roof. "Well I guess if they want to. I need a roof." I walk around to find the men and say, "Oh yeah. This is a dream." Everything fades to black.

I DEILD perfectly and get up out of the recliner. I am much closer to the door now so I easily step outside. Again I am shocked to smell the air. It's like rain. I wonder if am just sleep walking. I realize my eyes are closed. I cautiously open them. I see some distortion then it clears up. I am on the front poach. Again I feel like I am in my underwear. I really hope this is a dream because this might get embarrassing. I step off the porch but notice I am hovering. I laugh. I slowly float to the ground. Then, I jump up high. Then, I float back down. I feel bored now but I remember the advanced TOTM. Fireworks. Its hard to explain but I sort of clap/rub my hands like I am starting a fire with flint and steel. I see a bottle rocket shoot forward and make a little pop and some yellow color. I do it several times again. Then, I decide that I really want a big show. I look up and do one big clap. I see a giant red explosion. Then a green. All typical fire works. Then I get a nice surprise. The color of the next few explosions turn into rainbow streaks. But the odd thing about it was that is looked really 8-bit and in straight lines.

Similar to this. I think of it as 8-bit because the lines looked dotted.



I laugh and dance around in the glow of the fireworks. I feel like a child. I begin to sing some children's song (I can't for the life of me remember what it was). I realize my voice sounds like it did when I was a young boy. I wake up.

01/17/13

Great Wall Graffiti
I fly to the moon in my Fire Valkyrie as described in my hypnosis program. I land and wait for the dream to stabilize before focusing on what I want to do. I remember I had been planning on doing one of the tasks of the year from DV. The task, "China (Asia) - Vandalize the Great Wall of China. Defend yourself against authorities using Kung Fu." I have decided to graffiti the Great Wall of China. This is the only plan that comes to mind at this time, so I focus on a portal to get to some part of the Great Wall of China. The portal opens and I go through. On the other side I find I am standing near the base of the Great Wall.

It is an impressive structure, and there is plenty of room for my graffiti. So I think about what I want to leave there… I decide that since multiple dreamers will be trying to get to the Great Wall, maybe I can leave a message… something simple. I get some spray paint out and create some rather decorative graffiti that reads, "YOU ARE DREAMING!" It takes a surprisingly short time, and I remember the other part of the challenge… to fight off the authorities using martial arts. But no authorities have arrived. I decide to take some more time to wait for them, so I add another message a short distance along the wall. This one reads, "QUESTION REALITY!" in big block letters. Where are the authorities? Isn't someone going to tell me to stop? Bored, I spray the symbol of the Assassins from Assassin's Creed.

No one comes. I add the words, "NOTHING IS TRUE, EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED." beside the symbol. No one comes. I am now thinking of all the other ways I could be using this lucid dream. Will this even count without the authorities showing up? Maybe I should get a phone, call, and report myself… Then I see there is someone watching me! Yay! Someone to beat up! But they don't look like authorities… and I don't think they really care that I'm putting graffiti all over the Great Wall of China. When I get closer I see they are Templars. Great. Will it count if I beat up a bunch of Templars using martial arts? One of them says I have something they want back, and unless I want to lose something I care about I will return it immediately. I can't remember stealing anything from the Templars, but I want to trigger a fight. So I tell them to come take it from me. They attack me. I find I can fight with the skill of Ziva David off of NCIS, kicking each of their asses as they close in on me to attack.

One of them is shooting at me, but I remember that I am supposed to use only martial arts… so I go for cover behind a rock and then suddenly jump from behind it to attack the shooter as he gets closer. I kick the gun from his hand and then kick him in the groin, which is clearly very painful. Others are shooting at me, too. But one of them says no shooting, they might hit the device. I don't know what device they mean, but it results in them not using their guns any more. So I kick the rest of their asses in typical Ziva David style, walking away from them as they are on the ground either in pain or unconscious. I don't think I killed anyone, but that is ok… as long as they're hurt… I look back at the graffiti on the Great Wall of China. Still no authorities have arrived. Just Templars. If it counts, great, if not, I'll do it again later. I wake up.

deleted

Hi all,

For my first dream journal post I thought I would post one of my craziest lucid dreams. This dream was wrapped up in so many metaphors and symbolism for different parts of my life and mind that I literally feel like I took a walk through my mind the night I had it. Most of the other lucid dreams I've had have been far shorter and much more subtle and impressionistic but this lucid dream was definitely the longest, and darkest of all I've had.

I'm not sure if it would be considered lucid or 'semi-lucid' as while I was fully aware of the fact I was dreaming I was still afraid of certain things in the dream that, had I of been fully conscious I would have known couldn't hurt me. I also had many moments of doubting myself and thinking that maybe I wasn't dreaming and maybe I'm awake. Anyway, you decide for yourself.

On to the dream...

It started out as a nightmare, I can't remember much about what happened before I went lucid only that in the moment my mind decided to let me know I was dreaming and 'woke me up' so to speak, I found myself in a giant black room filled with darkness and death and basically everything horrible my mind could conjure up. The room wasn't so much a 'room' as such, but more like a space that seemed to go on forever.

The space was filled with all sorts of bad things everything from demons and dead bodies hanging to negative people in my life that I've encountered. I didn't particularly feel threatened by anything, like what you would in a non lucid dream, I wasn't thinking 'oh god that demon is going to eat my eyeballs as his entrée' but more like 'make it go away, I don't want to look at it any more' This is what I mean when I say I don't think I was fully lucid as while I knew nothing was physically going to hurt me, I still didn't have the control to change what was occurring.

Anyway, I was trying really hard to make all this bad stuff go away and make things happy but I just couldn't do it. I began to have a full blown freak out, soon after this is where I began to doubt myself and for some reason I started to think that maybe I wasn't dreaming and maybe I was just going insane. Going insane has always really scared me so I started to freak out even more wondering why I couldn't control what was happening or even wake myself up.

I became so desperate to wake myself up that I started screaming out to my boyfriend at the time (who was lying beside me) to wake me up, hoping I would say it in real life and he'd hear me. Obviously this didn't happen.

After a while, I gave up trying to get out of the dream and instead tried to focus all of my energy on trying to make something appear that would help me or tell me what to do. I closed my eyes and focused and when I opened them a man sitting in a therapist chair appeared.

The man was sitting, waiting for me in classic therapist manner (one leg crossed, clipboard in hand ready to make notes) and he looked a little like Steven Spielberg. Since apparently everyone we see in dreams we've seen before there is a chance maybe the therapist actually was Steven Speilberg (haha!)

I sat in the chair in front of the therapist and told him frantically that I wasn't sure what was going on, I thought I was going insane, that I didn't know why I couldn't control anything and that I couldn't make it go away. The therapist told me that I couldn't control everything, that I just had to stop fighting it and embrace it and that I would find out more later.

This conversation went on for a little while before I ventured off into the vast darkness, still quite terrified although wanting to take the therapists advice, I tried to embrace it, I tried to let go of my fear. I kept walking and the darkness began to transform into a beautiful dream landscape. Bright colours, patterns, like something from an acid trip. I was literally bouncing off the walls and floating.

Soon after this moment of psychedelia the colours began to change back into more natural colours and everything started to look more real again. I looked ahead and the landscape transformed into my old primary school assembly hall. It was like walking back through a memory and I could see the childhood version of myself at assembly. I examined myself for a second before I went up to child me and hugged myself. I felt at peace and happy, like I had reunited with a piece of myself.

Then my childhood self turned into some kind of tiny demon and started attacking me, I couldn't get it off me so I bit it's throat out and ended up waking up panicked and scared.

At the point I realized I was dreaming and became lucid, I tried playing some basketball and jumping high and stuff like that. I got bored though, I wanted to do something more spectacular...

I jumped backwards but up (moving up towards the sky, looking down on earth), in a tremendous speed. The jump made me fly off earth. I could see earth getting smaller and smaller, and small white stars would suddenly start too surround me. Suddenly, I totally let go and just fell, in space, down. Straight down. And I let go. Falling further and deeper away in space. Faster and faster. As we know, there is no gravity in space, but tonight, in my dream there was :-) I fell, and let go. It was an amazing feeling, just amazing. I remember that as I fell there was like ambient music playing, beautiful tones that made the whole thing better, calmer, and more relaxed. Faster, deeper.

I could have done something, tried something, but the thing is, it was amazing to just LET GO.

Smoothly everything got vaguer, and I woke up, totally amazed.

I've hade other lucid dreams, intense once. But this, tonight, was the most amazing fucking experience I can ever remember having. Far better than any trip, dream or other feeling that I can remember having :-)

January 15, 2013

Lucid Dream

I was walking down the street in my friend's neighborhood, it as night at around 11pm as I remember looking at my phone for the time. As I was walking back to my friend's house there was an old man walking into his house and he yelled out to me, something like “Hi, hope you have a nice day.”. I turn around and shout back, “Thanks, you too, and sweet dreams.”, and at this point I think I became somewhat more aware of the dream once I said that but it did not make me lucid at this point. As I turn around and continue walking, like I said before I was more aware of my surroundings, I noticed what a beautiful night it really was. All the houses in the distance were shrouded by a light foggy mist with a really blue color, and I remember looking in the sky, it was a darker blue but the stars were out and plentiful. I love admiring the stars so I kept my eyes on the sky as I kept walking, and then something happened which caused me to become lucid, the stars started forming constellation lines between them. I could not make out any of the constellations but there were plenty of lines connecting the stars and I was so not-normal that I knew it had to be a dream. I did not even RC, I was convinced at this point and looking at the sky I wanted to fly, so I jumped way up into the air. A part of me was like “why did you do that!” because the last couple times I tried to do something like flying right of the bat the dream would end, but the other part of me was just staying calm and enjoying it and the dream did not end up ending right here . I wasn't actually flying, I just jumped around 100ft into the air and did a little flip at the top before starting to fall back to the ground, this happens to me a lot. So, as I reached the ground, I don't know what possessed me, but I just lifted my hands up and wanted to make and explosion go off in the distance, which it did. About 3 explosions go off, and I remember being amazed at the lighting on all the houses and even myself, but then the explosions jut disappeared once I stopped paying full attention to them. I still really wanted to fly, not just jump high but actually fly. Realizing that I have had good control in the dream so far, I set out to try it again, I jumped way up into the air with my mind focused on not stopping. This is where the dream got interesting, I was flying alright, but really fast and before I knew it I was skyrocketing out off the Earth's atmosphere into space. I just went with it as I kept going and going, it was almost like I was on a ride, I was just sitting back admiring the view of flying through space. I remember looking back and there was this huge red open portal thing behind Earth, I did not pay much attention to it. At first, there was a lot of colors everywhere, but after awhile everything started getting blacker and blacker with nothing to see. Well, that went on up until I noticed I was approaching something, it was the red portal again, but it was in-front of me. I was not stopping so I flew right through it and it took me back to where I started, right outside of Earth where the portal was to start with. I was confused at the time and something was telling me that I was in a parallel universe where time went backwards and I even had like a vision of some people walking backwards and everything. I can't remember exactly how it ended, but the rest of the dream is unclear to me.

01/16/13

Detta Walker's Rage
I am in my Fire Valkyrie heading for the moon. I land on the moon and get out, waiting for the dream to stabilize before deciding to aim for a Dark Tower dream this time. I focus on opening a portal. But a portal doesn't open. Instead a door appears. Well, that is consistent with the Dark Tower series… So I open the door and go through to the other side. I find I am on a beach. The beach seems to stretch out indefinitely in both directions with some hills on the one side and an endless ocean on the other. I walk along the beach with the ocean to my left. The first thing I hear other than the waves is a stream of expletives. Wtf? I follow the sound of a woman cursing a blue streak… I find Roland, Eddie, and a woman who could only be Detta Walker. She is cursing fluently at Roland and Eddie, calling them pathetic honkey mo-fos and saying she will bit off their dicks and feed them to each other… Roland and Eddie see me approaching and watch me warily. Eddie seems happy to see another person, Roland seems a bit more hesitant. When they look over at me so does Detta, and she immediately includes me in her abuse. She says for me to come join the party, those two honkey mo-fos are about to have their way with her but she's going to bite off their little white candles and then I can eat both of them, she calls me a fucking honkey hoe. She clearly would like to be accompanying her rant with rude gestures but she is tied to a wheelchair. She pauses and then continues her rant, now she is asking how many honkey mo-fos did they call in to handle one black woman… does it really take that many? Maybe some of them don't even have little white candles, but rather they just have a hole where their little white candles should be… gaping holes leading to the bowels of hell itself… She asks which of them (looking at me) have little white candles and which of them have the holes to stick 'em in. I wonder who she is talking to and I look behind me. There are five men back there, all of them white to Detta's disgust, all of them Templars to my own disgust. Detta asks if I do all five of them at once, I tell her I'd sooner kill myself than let a fucking Templar touch me… She now starts calling them honkey Templar mo-fo pieces of shit. I can't help but laugh. She calls me a hoe again and asks what is so funny, does it tickle to have their little white candles up inside of me? I tell her I don't let Templar bastards touch me. She asks if they're bastards, too? Of course! Their mammas must be so ugly a pig wouldn't do her… their daddies must have been flat drunk for them to even be conceived… then she calls them honkey bastard Templar mo-fos. I notice the Templars are actually being silent. I comment that Detta managed to stun Templars to silence… I like her. She asks if I'm going to lick her cunt… because it has teeth and will bite my face off when I try. One of the Templars finally says I stole something from them and they want it back. Detta asks if the honkey mo-fo Templar bastards lost their fer-special to some honkey hoe. She said I should break it. Then use it to cut off their little white candles. She cackles madly. I have had enough of her cursing. Roland and Eddie seem to be ignoring it and waiting for a chance to speak. Roland finally asks if I am the Raven… then who are those other people. I tell him they aren't with me. Detta identifies them as honkey mo-fo bastard fucking Templars with their main fuck, who is obviously me. I want to calm Detta. I use a song spell to calm her down, or I am about to when the Templars get violent. Roland cuts them down with his guns, though is clearly not happy about using the ammo. I tell him I can help with ammo supplies… and with Detta, who is cackling about how Roland blew the honkey mo-fos can all kill each other. I focus on the song Voices from the Macross Plus soundtrack and manage to soothe Detta. She falls asleep. Probably she will shift back to O'Detta Holmes. I look at one of the bullets from Roland's revolver and use my Pentacle to create more, enough to fill his ammo belts. He asks what manner of magic I used to create those… I am more focused on getting MoSh into the dream. I focus on opening a portal, hoping it isn't too late. Unfortunately it is… everything fades as I wake up.

This morning I dreamt that there was a party of sorts in my yard or something like that, but it didn’t look like my yard. I left and went walking around some buildings. When I was walking some people came to chase me and said they were “Infected with the slime!” and tried to attack me. I simply said something along the lines off “You are cured of slime” and then it became so. Basically, I already knew that I was dreaming, but my thoughts weren’t that clear. I don’t even remember when I became lucid, I just seemed to be vaguely aware of it already.

When I went back to my yard I saw that aliens were coming to attack us, so everyone evacuated into our spaceship. When I went back outside to see how things were the place was now surrounded by water and ancient looking pillars were sticking out from the water as well as some destroyed submerged buildings. It looked like a completely different place now. I looked up and above me I saw what looked like high tech jets. These were apparently the aircrafts/spaceships of the aliens. They kept flying by and shooting down blue glowing bullets, but they were mostly missing. At one point though a jet passed right above and shot some bullets. There was a small woven canopy above me placed at the entrance to the spaceship, but I knew it wouldn’t be able to hold back the bullets so I just braced myself. I knew that I couldn’t be killed anyways.

I didn’t really feel the bullets when they hit me. I simply saw them pass through and go into the ground. But, when I touched my head with my hand it felt wet. I looked at the ground and blood dripped down onto the ground. The bullets had passed right through my head. The wounds had closed nearly instantly though and I was in no pain so I wasn’t really worried. I then jumped up and started to fly.

For a while now, or really since forever, I’ve had trouble flying. I only ever seem to be able to fly to a certain height and then I start to fall down again. There have only been a few instances where I’ve flown really high and fast. Anyways, I kept dipping up and down when I flew and I had to move my arms a lot. I also kept trying to make wings appear on my back since for a while I’ve wanted to fly with wings again in a dream. Unfortunately though, it wasn’t working, and I kept going up and down. Sometimes I even fell in the water, which looked a little odd. It looked not quite natural, or like it was very murky when I felt it shouldn’t be. I flew on.

Eventually I came to a broken down building which was mostly composed of metal, and it was very rusty. I went inside. The building was abandoned. On the inside though, it looked like it wasn’t only rusty, but also had blood on it. It reminded me of Silent Hill. It looked like it might have been a sports place of sorts before it was abandoned. While walking through the place I noticed a control room overlooking a big pit with stands, and sitting in there was a zombie. The zombie looked my way, but it seemed very weak and didn’t try to get up. Nonetheless, I was terrified. I turned around and headed back for the entrance, but when I got there a zombie was standing in front of the doors. Right away I jumped and flew on top of some lockers that were close by. The zombie ran towards me and clawed at the lockers, trying to get me. There was some stuff on top of the lockers as well so I threw them at the zombie, but it didn’t really have much of an effect. Soon, another zombie came, and I threw stuff at them as well, but it also did virtually nothing. Right after that though, I woke up.

Eventually I came to a broken down building which was mostly composed of metal, and it was very rusty. I went inside. The building was abandoned. On the inside though, it looked like it wasn’t only rusty, but also had blood on it. It reminded me of Silent Hill. It looked like it might have been a sports place of sorts before it was abandoned. While walking through the place I noticed a control room overlooking a big pit with stands, and sitting in there was a zombie. The zombie looked my way, but it seemed very weak and didn’t try to get up. Nonetheless, I was terrified. I turned around and headed back for the entrance, but when I got there a zombie was standing in front of the doors. Right away I jumped and flew on top of some lockers that were close by. The zombie ran towards me and clawed at the lockers, trying to get me. There was some stuff on top of the lockers as well so I threw them at the zombie, but it didn’t really have much of an effect. Soon, another zombie came, and I threw stuff at them as well, but it also did virtually nothing. Right after that though, I woke up.

I remember walking towards a room in a building, to "investigate" something (my recall was a bit fuzzy during the non-lucid part). It was a two story building, with an opening to the first floor in the center, kind of like a shopping mall. I had these keys in my pocket, and they kept duplicating, which I think was part of the thing I was supposed to investigate. As I was walking towards the end of the hallway thing, it became completely enclosed (you couldn't see down to the first floor anymore) and the walls were covered completely in religious scriptures. And as I got closer to the end where it turned right into a room, the architecture of the building kept CHANGING, and the text on the walls was moving around.

Right as I got to the end and turned into the room, my vision suddenly flashed for a second, and all I could see were lines and lines of strange symbols (almost like the hallucinations in the Dead Space games). Right at that point, I realized that I was dreaming, and did an RC (nose plug) to test, and became lucid.

Naturally, I was kind of freaking out about the really demonic events happening, and right as two people that looked like missionaries walked up, I thought "oh crap, what if they're demons instead!" No points for guessing what happened next. They suddenly got bright red eyes and snake tongues, and started walking towards me.

I just thought to myself "nope nope nope, just a dream, no demons here," and they returned to their human forms, but still surrounded me and tried to keep me from moving away. I just pointed at each of them, and said "you're gone, you're gone, you're gone, and you're gone," and they all just disappeared.

I turned around to exit the room, and instead of the wall that should have been there I was walking into a large lobby/lounge area, full of people and with huge windows on the far wall. I looked around in the crowd, and thought to myself about how I could make someone appear. As I was thinking about that, out of the corner of my eye I saw this girl I've been interested in just walking around with everyone else. I walked up, said hi, then just grabbed her and started doing the deed on one of the couches in the lounge (hey, no judging, everyone's tried it, right?). I started with foreplay, but when things got to the point of actual penetration, things got weird. She got hesitant, and every time I looked away she would wind up dressed again. Eventually I gave up, and walked off.

At that point, details get a bit fuzzy. I remember trying to make a phone call, but the phone was acting "weird" and wouldn't do what I wanted. At one point I was afraid I accidentally called my cousin, but wound up talking to a friend with the same name. I might have lost control around this point, I'm not too sure. Right after the phone call, I suddenly woke up and everything ended.

Before I begin this, I'll provide some much-needed context for you fine readers. I have been dreaming lucidly since I was eight after an accidental experience of dream control, and have been doing so on a nightly basis since I was ten, nearly eleven. Since that time (I am now seventeen, will be eighteen in July), my capabilities and understanding of my dream world had expanded to such a degree that I'm more comfortable in dreaming than I am when I am awake. Recently, though (about 2 and a half weeks ago in real world time, to be exact), I was killed in a dream by something that I cannot remember, and have forgotten everything about my dream world that I did not write down anywhere in the real world. My dream logs from a psychology assignment from sophomore year have been instrumental in my re-learning of this separate reality of mine, and I hope you enjoy reading about my experience as much as I enjoy being able to undertake it. Unfortunately, I don't think I have enough time in the day to be able to write out the full extent of my dreams, but I will try and get down as much as I can as regularly as I can.
At the present day, I have gone to a school for the disabled called Yamaku, which is the setting of a semi-popular visual novel called Katawa Shoujo (which I recommend to anybody who enjoys a good read, and a heart-wrenching, immersion-filled story). I have been associating myself mainly with the characters of said visual novel, but a few people from my real life are also present. Not to mention, other fictional characters. This is perceived entirely in the third dimension; my mind has successfully (albeit subconsciously) rendered even two-dimensional, cartoon characters into something that may as well exist in the real world.

(Day 1 of 2)

I'm beginning to become accustomed to the pasty walls of the nurse's office. It's a little comforting to be able to wake up in an environment where I don't feel like an odd-ball. I turned onto my side to get a look at Misha's cot and say "good morning" to her, but she was still out like a light. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, in addition to working herself way more than necessary, she got herself a punctured lung... her and her confidence, I guess. I hope she turns out okay; Hanako was going absolutely nuts over the subject last night. With a half-concerned/half-disappointed sigh, I stood myself out of bed and headed out for breakfast. Thankfully, the nurse wasn't there this morning, so his usually intrusive behavior didn't happen either. That was refreshing.

Nothing particularly interesting happened on the way over. Nothing really happened in the lunch line either, except for Seiji venting to me about a very low grade that he had gotten on his most recent history test. He almost whacked Maro in the face when he threw back his arms in disgust, and I have to admit that holding back a few chuckles was not as easy as one would think. Once I got my food, I decided that the obnoxious clamor of everyone else was a bit much for me; plus, Lilly wasn't even there early like she usually was, neither was Kenji (though I don't think I'm unhappy about THAT one).

Instead, I chose to wander the halls of the school. I mean, they won't let me take classes there anyway, so it's not like I'd have sounded weird if I told someone (honestly, mind you) that I was exploring the building. Only as I was going up and down the corridors did I notice the feeling of similarity that was EVERYWHERE. Everything feels so... plain. With the exception of one or two things, of course; that painting on the third floor is still really abstract in an intriguing manner, and the library still has a characteristic smell that can only really be found in a library.

On the bright side, the people at Yamaku are anything but dull. I peered into a few classrooms, but there were just teachers getting ready for the day to begin in a short while. Mr. Nomiya had a furrowed brow, though, and was grumbling something into his cell phone. For some reason, I get the sense that he was gesticulating stupidly before I had looked, or had slammed his fist on the desk a few times, or... something. Nomiya is "out there," to say the least. Rin, unable to use the art room while Nomiya was on a call, had sat herself on the staircase to the roof. I tried starting a conversation with her, but trying to make small talk with Rin is like trying to teach astrophysics to a paperclip. Bored out of my skull, I decided that it was time to get less public and have some fun. It was raining out, but hey, things that super humans do look cooler in the rain, right?

Much to my surprise, I bumped (literally) into Hanako and Lilly when I carelessly darted out the door at the bottom of the roof's stairwell. They were on their way to class, which I thought was odd at first because of the 15-minute wait until the day began, but then I remembered that this was Hanako I was talking to. Fifteen minutes of barely any interaction were fifteen blissful minutes to be cherished. I couldn't help but smile to them when I realized that she [Hanako] was finally coming out of her shell with people other than Lilly and I (Hisao doesn't count, because he's really become more an extension of Lilly as of late (that being said... now that I think about it, why the heck wasn't he there with her?)). Since I've seen other people write down their exchanges with people in dreams, I suppose I will too.

"Hi Connor," Hanako whimpered, a faint smile visible on her face despite her best efforts to conceal her scarred face with a look to the floor tiles. I raised my hand in greeting, then fought off the urge to slap myself for doing so while Lilly was there. Stupid, stupid behavior...
"Oh, hello Connor," Lilly followed up, making no attempt to conceal the warm grin that she wore for most every conversation. I suppose that if you're blind, and you have no way to tell what you look like, maintaining an expression that is generally perceived as positive when you display it must have some type of positive reinforcement behind it. I almost waved at her, but stopped myself. It may have been a week since I've gotten here, but I'm still not used to someone not being able to see me.
"Hey guys," I answered casually, keeping about two feet (I think) of distance between us. I didn't really intend to keep a conversation going, but I like these two, so I let a little small talk slide. "How come you missed breakfast this morning?"
While Hanako was mumbling to herself, trying to think up a good way to word up an explanation, Lilly took the reins instead. She lifted her chin slightly before telling me, "Oh, we didn't miss it. We simply didn't attend." I think my silence may as well have served as the equivalent of a blank stare, since she went on to clarify after a few seconds that, "Hanako wanted to try her hand at making something."
Impressed, if not surprised, I gave Hanako some praise, only to witness her cheeks redden ever so slightly. She doesn't do this quite so often in my presence anymore, but complement her on anything besides her grades or friends and she'll turn red as a cherry tomato.
Not wanting to make my scarred friend any more embarrassed, I decided to let this be the end. We said our goodbyes, and our see-you-laters, and I resumed my route to the outside.

The rain felt good against my skin and clothes. It was a refreshing chill at first, but then became a wetness that made me feel... tranquil. Like everything would flow through my days with as much uninterrupted carefulness as the droplets on my fingertips. I'll not go on too great a tangent though; this is a journal, not a novel. My plan for the day was simple: a few minutes of practice with accuracy, speed and control, alternating between the three with two minute breaks after every completed set.

Woods being nearby the campus is such a convenience. For the 6 - 7 hours of schooling, while everyone is stuck with their noses in textbooks, I'm out jumping from branch to branch on the trees, cutting through whatever sized rocks I can manage and practicing "supernatural" powers - stuff like energy beams and teleportation. The raindrops felt like pins and needles while I was jumping around, never mind the occasional branch that I was stupid enough to whack myself against. I spent a good while in there, just practicing and re-practicing, but it was so boring for some reason. Normally, I can't get enough of it. This time I felt the oddest craving for interaction with my friends.

That ["friends"] being said, yes, I do call these characters made by my subconscious mind my friends. They feel just as real as anybody I've met in the real world, and I see little point in addressing them otherwise. Anywho, I found myself headed back to the main grounds before lunch had even begun. I figured Joe or Robert (to of my friends from the real world) would be lounging around doing something hilariously stupid, and I am certainly not one to object to funny stupid behavior. Even if they were nowhere to be found, I wouldn't have minded popping in to see if Misha was feeling okay anyways.

Emi, careless as always, was running about the track when I reached it. She was operating with so little regard for the weather making her t-shirt very see-through, as well as the fact that she was ditching class. Of course, me being stupid little old me, I couldn't help but go on over to ask what on Earth she was doing. She didn't even realize I was there, since she was so focused on her running. If she did, she certainly didn't want to talk to me, though I don't think Emi would be the person to purposely not talk to someone even if she hated their guts. For a moment, I briefly considered showing her the speeds I was capable of running at, but decided against it. Last thing I need Is Emi Ibarazaki clinging to my side like I'm her idol...

I left the track without a word before she was around the other end of the track so that she would have no chance to see me if she hadn't already. Evidently it worked, because there was no call back. By now, I have a pretty good mental map of the campus, so I didn't mind looking down while I walked to admire the pretty sight of the wet grass. Again, I felt that calm feeling pass over me and relaxed a great deal. The weather had changed to a much lighter drizzle not too long before, which meant that tilting my head down let the drops of water sprinkle onto my neck. It got me to shiver once before I was comfortable with it, and for a moment, I didn't want to lift my head because of it. An accidental bump into the side of the medical building convinced me to shut my desires up, though.

Since I was already there, I went into the brick building and proceeded to the nurse's office that I had become so familiarized with over my week's stay. Three cots from my own, Misha stirred uncomfortably when she noticed my presence. She was awake, but she certainly didn't look like she wanted to be. She forced a weak smile at me, making me feel guilty that I hadn't been able to do anything to help her condition. I sat on a chair near her side, as close as possible without making for an awkward air so that she wouldn't feel any need to raise her voice.

"You're here early," She whispered out as she exhaled. That made sense. Apparently there's a brain hiding behind the cover of those drills of hers, and it really functions. She was whispering so that she didn't have to waste breath on speech; she was still taking the same breaths as before, sacrificing only a bit of volume. Which, given our distance and the emptiness of the room, wasn't much of a problem.
I nodded and placed my palm on her forehead, which I (for some reason) had expected to feel hot, but actually felt just fine even though my hands had been made cold by the weather outside. "Yeah," I confirmed, "it was a boring day. Thought I'd come say hi, and... just check on you."
Misha smiled again, but this one looked genuine. Shizune wasn't able to be around much anymore, thanks to classes, so any meaningful interaction was well met with her. I expect that this is where her characteristic "Wahaha~!" would have come in if she hadn't had the sense to preserve her oxygen. Her head slowly shifted in place, nuzzling affectionately against my palm in thanks. "I'm fine," she assured me, taking in a slightly deeper breath so that she could fit more into her next sentence. "Is Shizune doing well in *inhale* her classes? *inhale* Do you know?"
"Nah, no idea," I regrettably declared with a shake of my head. "Haven't really been able to talk to her much, since... well, you know."
She shrugged and rolled her eyes as though she were disappointed in herself for having asked such a silly question. I suspect she's so used to being able to understand Shizune that even if she is a translator, she forgets that others don't know sign language so well. Even if she wanted to talk to her, it'd be a lot of effort on Misha's part unless she took things very slowly. I briefly considered telling Misha that I've been trying to learn what signs I can, but decided not to. I don't want to accidentally assure her of more than is possible. "I'm sure she's do- *inhale* doing just fine. *Inhale* She's top of the c-.. *inhale* class, after all."
Well, she was right about that. From what I know of her, Shizune more than likely brags about her marks at whatever opportunity she can get. I can't help but chuckle once at this, resulting in another uplifting smile from Misha. As it turns out, she's very nice to talk to when she isn't screaming and "wahaha~ing" at you without realizing the obnoxiousness of such actions.

If I wrote out the rest of our half-hour long conversation, this would become a very long post, so I will stop there. At about 1 PM, when classes were almost out, I began to pace about the entrance of the main building to wait for someone to hang out with. Not long after, the bells began to clang, and I could just barely hear the loud exodus of every student from his/her class in near-unison. I also imagined that Lilly and Hanako would probably be leaving after plenty of the others had cleared out. I felt/feel like I should have probably taken that into consideration, but then an idea popped into my head. I walked into the sea of teenagers and navigated my way beside the doors, waiting for Shizune to pass. Misha had made me feel sorry for the two of them; separation from one's closest friend when they're a 5-minute walk away must be a dreadful feeling. Eventually, I spotted her dark blue hair among the crowd of heads, reached in, and pulled her out as gently as I could by the arm. She was going to slap me, but I put my hand over her wrist before she could.

Hilariously enough, Shizune's hands began flailing about in her practiced methods of communication that were futile on just about everybody who wasn't deaf (not to mention Lilly). I held up a finger to tell her to stop, which worked after a moment, then reached forward and tapped on her binder. I mimicked an opening book with my hands, and she got the message. She must've known what I was thinking, because she tore a paper from her notebook and began writing down on it. With a force that was way more than necessary, she thrust out her arm and dangled the paper before my face. I took it from her calmly, though I couldn't escape how odd her need to be so assertive was.
"What in the name of all that is logical could possibly have been so urgent as to require you manually pick me out from a crowd??" I could almost hear a chastising voice behind the scribbling on the sheet, which made it feel all the sillier when I looked up and saw Shizune's face puffed up and red. I took my time writing down my response to aggravate her, knowing fully well that she was probably staring over my shoulder while I was doing so.
"Calm down, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come and see Misha with me. I'm going to see if Hanako and Lilly want to come too."
"I'll go with you, but please try and find some way to tell Lilly when I'm talking with Misha so that I won't be interrupted and irritated. That's the last thing she needs."
"Yeah, I will. You're right."
With a final nod of parting, Shizune followed the crowd out to the yard and went to the medical building while I stood in wait for Hanako, Lilly and Hisao. They didn't show up for some time, and I was left pacing for a bit until I took it upon myself to go looking. My first guess was that they would be in the tea room, but that guess was incorrect. Knowing that only one possibility remained, I went into the library for my second time. Sure enough, the three of them were having a very awkward conversation with Yuuko. (God, she's such a mess.) Or at least, Lilly and Hisao were. Hanako had been searching about the shelves, and reacted immediately to the door's opening by turning and waving sheepishly. I waved my hand like I was doing a mind trick in return.

The rest of the details from this point to the medical building are unimportant and uninteresting, so I will skip over them.

We quietly entered the office (except for Lilly, who had an uncharacteristic stumble when she knocked her foot against Shizune's books on the floor) to find Misha and Shizune writing notes back and forth. Once Misha noticed the three of us coming in, she looked up at us and prompted Shizune to do the same with a raising of her finger. Both of them were smiling, which was very nice to see. Such things feel like they're becoming more of a rarity for everyone... which is sort of sad, now that I think about it.

And of course my train of thought now turns to Hanako, who had just been taking a turn for the better. All of a sudden, now that she's being as open as she is, everything goes to crap. That attack a few days ago changed these people. So much fear is inside these walls, and I'm supposed to be the saving grace of all of this uncertain air. I think people here are having a hard time smiling because they know almost as well as I do that all I can do is soften the blows, not deflect them. Still, they give me this look of confidence that kills me on the inside. Especially Hanako's... I know I've shown her how to keep herself safe (barriers, jumping, etc), but it just doesn't feel like enough. Hell, a few tricks like those weren't enough to keep Misha from being harmed. If anything, they were what gave her the overconfidence to challenge something well beyond the whole lot of us. I've got to get stronger, I've got to re-learn my strength faster, for their sake.

Anyways, that was quite the tangent. It's relevant, though, so I'll keep it in here.
Misha made a few quick signs that got Shizune to hand over the paper. The weakened movements of Misha's hand were so depressing to witness. She took about forty seconds to write out her message, then handed it over to Shizune, who handed it to Hisao after a quick scan of the words.
"Hey, guys," Hisao read aloud in a soft crackling voice, broken by the lump in his throat that didn't want to let him tear up, "I'm happy you all came to see me. Wasn't expecting it."
At first, it didn't make sense why Misha had wrote down the words when the four of us could hear her. Then it occurred to me that she had become so accustomed to translating for Shizune that it had probably become a priority for her. This was both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.
Hisao started to say "We're happy to see you too," but I cut him off and took the paper from his hand. I wrote down the response that he was going to give, and handed it to Shizune, who handed it in turn to Misha after a quick read. I think Misha knew why I was doing it, which made it slightly satisfying when she flashed me a grateful smile before she took the page in her hand. I winked at her to acknowledge that her suspicion was true, which only made her lips curve wider. She read my response aloud, wrote down hers, handed it to Hisao through Shizune, and he read hers. Occasionally, Lilly would speak, and Hanako would write for her. We continued the rest of the conversation this way, and I couldn't help but feel a little tingly on the inside while we were.
"So, Shizune, what's it like being the student council?" -Hisao
"Very funny. If you must know, I'm so stressed that I'm surprised my veins haven't exploded thanks to high blood pressure." -Shizune
"I'm so sorry to hear that." -Lilly, through Hanako
"Why? It's exhilarating." -Shizune (this got a good laugh out of us all)
"You're f**king weird, dude, you know that?" -Me
"Connor! Language~!" -Misha
"It's anglo-saxon, if you must know. By the way, I can't beLIEVE that you wrote the tilde." -Me
"I can't 'beLIEVE' you called me a 'dude!'" -Shizune

Yes, the entire conversation was done in this manner, and I can honestly say that this was the happiest moment that the six of us have ever served together. No fear, no anxiety, no vein-bursting blood pressure, just laughs, note-passing and tildes. We stayed in that room writing to each other for the next three hours. If the nurse hadn't told us (well, everyone but me) that we were overstaying our welcome, we probably would have continued until Shizune's notebook was totally empty.

On our way out, we wound up splitting - Hanako and I together, Lilly and Hisao together, and Shizune by her lonesome. We said our merry farewells, and I took Hanako to her room while Hisao took Lilly to his (though I suspect his intentions were much different than mine). We spent a minute or two getting ourselves in comfortable positions on the ground, then prepared for a night of games. Playing cards, chessboards and even a backgammon set were laid about the floor around us. We played a long game of chess (which I lost embarrassingly), four or five games of War 2.0 (a card game that I made up in the seventh grade), and only one particularly boring round of backgammon. As it turns out, neither of us were good OR entertained at that game.
Since it was about 7:30, I decided to take my leave. It had been a fun day, but all of that thinking earlier made my brain want to rest itself. Incidentally, that wasn't a very good combination with the short practice session that I had had in the morning (I say short, but it felt like hours). I hugged Hanako goodbye very briefly, then wasted no time getting back to the nurse's office. I had expected Misha to be asleep, so had she, but apparently she wasn't. Maybe it was because she had slept in, and I just hadn't known about it. Either way, I hardly said two words beyond hellos before letting my head drop to the pillow and drifting off to sleep.
Interesting concept, going to sleep to wake up.

Now, it has taken me approximately three and a half hours to write all of this out, so I do not think I will be able to document the second dream. With any luck, I will increase my typing speed and be more able to get more content down in the future, but for now I must stop. I hope this has been an interesting experience to read, at the very least.