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Thursday 5/2/13

last night bed 12am - 7:30am

DR: Lots of dreams in the morning. Didn't get up to write them down, just replayed with words. All I remember is that there was an Earth Invasion with some bots. (Watched the Iron man yesterday, scene where huge robots are shooting at crowds)

Nap 8am - 10:15am
So happy, because 15 min after I woke up, cleaners came to neighbors apartment to clean the carpet.

WILD+2 DEILDs

As soon as I felt it, I pushed my head back and got some intense falling sensation that ended in LD. I did this twice. One entry - as I'm laying, I think about looking at my hands, so I raise my dream hands and they are so cool. Black swirling, shiny fog. Then I decide I can get up now.

I pet one of my cats, it was MM. I could tell from the way she looked - just like in WL, and her coat felt exactly the same. I was gonna take it easy and stabilize by looking at the wall in my brothers bedroom. As I'm zooming in on details, I start floating backwards to the window, but I stop it, because want to look at the wall some more.

They were short, just 20 sec each.

This WILD was amazing. Very vivid and realistic, rich content, successful summoning, and a Task of the Month success (plus a failure.) Forgive the length of this entry, but the dream was 25-30 minutes, and a lot happened! (Edit: After further review... best LD ever.)

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #90: The Night of the Weredog

I experience a sharp transition that feels like a short fall face-first onto a paved surface. My arms are splayed out over my head and I can't move. I can see just a bit and it looks like I'm on a basketball court at night, but I'm afraid to open my eyes more to look around.

I'm totally paralyzed. I'm conscious and aware but for some reason can't move, and I think I'm experiencing something similar to REM atonia. I know it's all in my head, though, so I start peeling my dream-arms out of this fake physical body by rotating them forward into the ground using thought rather than my muscles. It takes a little effort, but eventually I feel this set of "dream-arms" separate out and move independently. Soon the rest of my dream-body follows and I'm able to exit completely and get to my feet.

It is a basketball court -- four of them in fact, all arranged together in one giant rectangle. I'm alone on this court but teenagers are playing small, informal games on the other courts. The courts are surrounded by concrete stands and a metal railing. For fun, I stunt-jump off of the metal railing and land back on the court, then see Wife approaching out of the darkness. She's dressed for bed and looks groggy. "You're still up?" she says. "Shouldn't you get to bed?"

"Shhh, it's okay," I say. "Go back to sleep. I'm having one of my dreams." She nods, yawns, and wanders off into the darkness. False awakening averted.

I roam around the basketball court for a while before regaining focus on my goals for the dream -- summon NewArtemis and have her do the werewolf tranformation for Advanced Task of the Month. I put my right hand out for the handshake summon and look away, pointing my gaze over my left shoulder. I don't feel anything at first, but I'm relaxed about it. I know it'll work if I just give it time. I imagine the sensation of a hand pressing into my palm, and then slowly, vaguely it takes shape. After a few moments, I give the "hand" a squeeze and it squeezes back.

Without looking, I check for a forearm, probing all the way up to the elbow. "[NewArtemis], is that you?"

"Hey! Yeah I'm here!" Cool, I think, but I want to be sure the summon's really solid before I look. I check the DC's arm -- quite thin, but it's there. I reach her shoulder and I'm a little worried when it just feels like bare skin.

"So before I look... uh, what's the story with your clothing situation?"

"It's fine, I'm dressed!" she says. "Come on, quit worrying so much!"

Slowly, I turn to look. I'm shocked to see that I'm shaking hands with a short, middle-aged woman in a blue business suit. There's about a half second of sudden blackness and then a hard scene transition -- now I'm shaking hands with NewArtemis (no longer the businesswoman and back to her usual DC appearance) on some beachside boardwalk at night. Success! "Told you!" she crows. "Let's go!" She sprints past a burly, mustachioed man eating an ice cream cone, heading toward the sand. I follow, flying to keep up.

As she reaches the beach sand, she notices that I'm flying. She looks annoyed. "You know, I can't seem to get my flying to work right now." I notice that I'm unable to fly more than a few feet off of the ground. I try a Hulk jump and can only manage a measly 20 feet or so. Seeing this, she tries a Hulk jump of her own and manages about 50 feet. "Ha!"

There are some dunes along the shore and we practice competitively Hulk jumping up and down the dunes as we continue along the water. After doing this for a bit, we come to a long line of black-robed cultists standing at the top of a dune in a long series of rows, torches in hand. They're droning and chanting, obviously in the middle of performing some dark ritual. There are probably 50 of them in total and I think that this looks like a perfect place to go for the "mythical creature" Task of the Month. "[NewArtemis]! Do your werewolf transformation! These guys are just begging to get eaten by a werewolf."



She looks doubtful. "I'm not so sure," she says. "Isn't this just a bunch of college kids doing a fraternity initiation?"

Just as she says this, one of the "evil acolytes" flips his hood back. He's a friendly-looking blonde guy with a goofy smile. "Hey guys! Sorry if we freaked you out! We're just a bunch of college kids doing a fraternity initiation!" (He uses her precise wording.)

I sigh. We continue for a little while longer, coming to a well-lit swimming pool. "Maybe we should go ahead now and do your werewolf transformation while we're thinking about it," I suggest, and the moment I say this, she changes fast into a big, black dog, bounds ahead of me, and leaps joyfully into the pool! She splashes playfully in the pool for a while, panting and grinning.



But as she kicks up more water, the playful splashing turns into thrashing and now the black dog has turned into my 3-year-old son and he's sinking fast. I'm still aware that it's a dream so even though I badly want to pull him out of the water, I don't feel as freaked out as I would in waking life. I dive into the pool and even underwater I can hear my son calling to me. I can see and breathe without any trouble and I swim to the bottom of the pool, scoop him up, then fly back out of the water, landing poolside to tend to him. He seems unharmed and the moment I set him down, he runs off into a nearby grotto.

I follow my son into the grotto, a low-ceilinged cave with a shallow pool of water, partially bricked walls, and some form of dim light that reflects off the water and plays across the cave ceiling. I find that my son E has changed back into NewArtemis in human form. "Sorry about the pool thing, man," Art says, rolling her eyes. "Hey, do Task of the Month on these DCs!" She gestures at a family of tourists that are exploring the grotto. (The task is to tell a DC they're not real and see their reaction.)

I'm impressed that she reminded me of this. "Good idea! Hey kid," I say, addressing a boy of about 11, "you're not real."

"Nuh-uhh..." the kid counters, looking cross and uncomfortable. Okay, that should be good for a Basic completion, but I'm looking for more.

Now I address a bearded man in his mid-60s, who I assume is the boy's grandfather. "You're not real. This is all happening inside my dream."

"Nonsense," the grandfather says, "you're not real. I'll prove it." He flicks me on the left arm, looking proud of himself. I counterargue by levitating him a couple of feet off of the ground and setting him back down. He blubbers for a moment, then looks off at one of the cave walls, mentally processing this existential crisis. I feel a little bad for him.

"[NewArtemis], you should do this too, get those Basic wings," I say, only partly joking. She doesn't respond, and when I look over, she's changed into a man in his late 20s, short-haired, prematurely balding, and slumped against the wall in fatigue. He mumbles something about how long the dream has been and how tired it's made him. I throw the guy over my shoulder and carry him out of the grotto. When I set him down outside, he's turned back into a tired-looking NewArtemis. "Are you okay?" I ask. She says that she is, but everything has started to feel wobbly and unstable.

Suddenly, the whole scene rocks and something pitches us forward. We both yelp and I fall flat on my face, my hands flailing out in front of me. I'm semi-paralyzed and the scene has gone dark, but I've managed to grab onto NewArtemis' left ankle where it feels like she's wearing some kind of thick winter sock. There's a loud rumbling in the background that sounds like an earthquake. "I can still move!" yells NewArtemis over the noise and she drags me slowly forward across some kind of rough gravel. My face is smashed down into the gravel so I can't respond. She keeps hauling us forward for about 15 more seconds before the scene collapses into...

...a false awakening in some unknown house. Mom is here and I excitedly start telling her about the incredible LD that I just had, going over as many details as I can recall. She tells me to keep my voice down -- my son R is sleeping in the next room over. I apologize, continuing the recollection in a softer tone of voice. After a while, this scene fades, too, and I'm awake.

Key: Notes/Comments Nonlucid Dream
Lucid Dream
I was going to try a WILD, but it was way too loud, so I instead did a MILD with a mantra of "I will realize I am dreaming." I had some REM rebound from lack of sleep from the night before.

Dream 1, Nonlucid Dream

I was in a city like San Francisco, except it was cleaner. This asian guy had this big staff with colorful bubbles in it. I acquired the staff somehow. I realized that the staff had magical powers. I pointed it toward a car and a white light flew from the end of the staff to the car: the car grew in size. Eventually some guys came up to me, they were like "Give me that staff of yours" and so I shrunk them. Later this girl came up to me and said, "The staff of gods! You can grow things, resurrect people, and kill people!" I walked around 'San Francisco' and I dropped my staff at one point. It rolled under a car. I went under the car and noticed that the colorful bubbles, which looked like bubbles, had spilled out. I used the staff to suck them up somehow. Someone called my name, though, and I forgot the staff. The dream sort of 'skipped' at this point and I was in a car driving with my mom. I think she was driving to work. I realized that I had left my staff at the city, under the car. I said,
"Oh no! I left my staff under the car! It has magical powers." My mom gave me an annoyed look.
"Staffs in real life don't have magical powers," she said.
"It must have been a dream then," I said.

Dream 2, Lucid Dream

I was at my school. Two boys were following me around. They said, "I can't believe she doesn't realize that this is a dream."Then, of course, I became lucid. I'm dreaming!I thought, shouting it in my mind. I forgot to stabilize, but I DID remember the TotM. I took off running, and found the nearest person I saw. His name is Nate Yu. I barely know him in waking life, but he goes to my school. I ran up to him. I was confident he would give me a lump of coal when I asked.
"Hey, I need you to give me that lump of coal you're carrying around." I got this idea from CanisLucidis' dream journal post. He nods, and pulls out of his pocket what my dream thinks to be a lump of coal. It's got some black, like coal, but it's connected to some sparkly, rough, silver rock that's more pliable, like clay. "Thanks," I say. I squeeze the rock in my hands, but instead of getting a diamond, I got a boring rock. I ran off, still squeezing the rock, but eventually I gave up and threw the rock on the ground. I thought of making coal materialize at this point, but I decided I'd try asking a few more people first. I went to where there was most people: the lockerrooms. I ran over screaming, "HEY, IF ANYONE HAS A LUMP OF COAL CAN THEY GIVE IT TO ME PLEASE?" Everyone just looked at me oddly and continued what they were doing in the lockerroom. I noticed that the boys were also entering the girls' lockerroom along with the other girls. Eventually I gave up and ran off to these 3 boys. I was also thinking of some of my dream goals I also had. I asked them, "Hey, can I have that coal you're carrying around? I can turn it into a diamond." They looked at eachother, considering it, and the middle boy nodded and handed me a lump of the silvery rock instead of coal. For some reason it seemed like the 'coal' was used like a drug in this dream. I squeezed it into a diamond shape, but no actual diamond. They started to look angry. "It's okay, it's okay. I can make it into a diamond like they have in minecraft." I tried again. No diamond. The boys looked even more angry, but instead of beating me up, like I thought they would, they ran off. I turned around. I could hear my 5-year-old stepbrother Gabriel screaming in waking life. He's going to wake me up!I thought. I could hear my brother trying to quiet him down. The dream was blurry and extremely unstable now. I ran my hand across the nearest wall, and it felt real as one would in real life. Then, thinking of a post on dreamviews about 'making out' with the dream, I dropped to my knees. I felt super disconnected from the dream by now when I said, "The ground is going to taste like strawberries instead of the ground." I licked the ground. It felt rough, like the ground would normally, and it tasted like a juicy strawberry. Then his screaming started again. I decided that he would inevitably wake me up anyway, so I decided that I'd try my first DEILD. I exited the dream, and then I kept my eyes closed when I woke up. Almost immediately I heard the 'vibrations' (which, to me, sounded alot more like blood rushing through my ears.) I freaked out because this is my first time hearing them and started flailing my leg around in an effort to wake myself up. I kicked myself in the morning for not tolerating the vibrations

4/22/13
I got into bed and just decided to go through my usual process for WILD instead of turning off completely. There are a lot of naps I take where I just practice going to sleep instead of practicing WILD. This time, I just went with my old strategy of not talking to myself and actively reminding myself not to talk to myself without using any words.

So I go to bed laying down on my stomach in a very comfortable position. HI starts up extremely fast. Or maybe I missed it. I began to feel a little funny and it wasn't SP. The lower half of my body begins to lift off the bed with a sensation that felt exactly like the times I had inflated myself before. I contemplate going with that, but I'm still not anchored into the dream and I didn't want to do anything that was going to interfere while I could still feel my real body. I tried to move my hand and it didn't work, so I could tell the dream wasn't quite ready.

I try to replace the floating sensation because there's an association with inflation and waking up in me right now. (I'm trying to remove this, because I do like the sensation otherwise.) The dark dream like state fills with water and it has a very refreshing feeling. I'm content floating in it, but I didn't really get rid of the inflated feeling. The water has the pattern of beach waves, and I get tossed forward and backward gently, floating halfway in the water. I don't offer any resistance to it.

I take my hand out of the water to see what would happen, and some bubbles appeared. I laughed, because I didn't have to think about the bubbles for any to come. The subconscious expectation has such a power that I can barely wait to start messing with it. A wave knocks over my head and I'm breathing underwater for a moment. I think about how dangerous this would be if I couldn't choke in real life.

4/23/13
I took another WILD nap today and had basically the exact same dream. The only difference, was that at the beginning, instead of avoiding inflation I tried to embrace it. I remembered that if I could initiate flight I would get some points for the LC. I didn't really start the transformation (that I could see, but I felt a little different) but I at least started floating more definitely than last night.
The dream still filled with water despite me not going for that this time, so it really seems like a huge copy.
I was going to try getting out of bed when my phone rang.

4/24/13
So I waited until the usual time before taking a nap again. I did more or less the same thing, but saw a bit less HI. I was planning on summoning the persona of someone I knew.
The same as the last two nights, I had a feeling of being lifted off the bed. The difference was that the previous two nights, it felt like I was being hoisted upwards by myself (A consequence of associating the lift with inflation), but this time it really only felt like my bed wasn't there. This was how my mind was presenting sleep paralysis onset, so I waited for sleep paralysis this time. Once the floating sensation transitioned to sleep paralysis, I did a DEILD roll and entered a complete dream version of my room at night.
I thought about summoning that dream character, but I didn't get very far before it destabilized. I don't remember what went wrong here, but I probably didn't strengthen the dream vividness enough.

Wednesday 4/24/13

last night bed 1am - 8:50am

Today nap 11am - 1:20pm

Nap WILD

I was getting close to WILD, so I imagined I'm flying upwards and I started to feel sensation of flying up, then I imagined falling down, and got that strong sensation.

Here I thought, that I must be already dreaming, no need to wait for any clues and decided to get up. I payed attention to my body standing up and it felt as my real body. Went out on my balcony and thought I better confirm, before jumping off. I did a thumb/palm and it was going in easily. Didn't push it all the way through, because I was a little grossed out. Then I pinched my nose and I could breathe. I didn't do these RCs in a long time. Even so, I was just climbing down on the outside of the balcony instead of jumping off, just in case.


I'm walking through neighbors yard. Looks like it's winter, trees are without leaves, maybe with some yellow, spring flowers. I walk over to our yard and neighbor is looking at me and waving, calling my name. I yell back, yes, you can see me, because you do meditations (he does IWL). But he can't hear me, so he stops.

I perch myself on top of the fence and start singing. Beautiful voice, melody, cool words. I'm very happy with myself. (As WILDing, one of my requests was let me hear some beautiful music. So I guess this was it? I guess I need to specify "not sung by me")

My dad and my mom are in the yard and it's so real, as if I was there for real. Dad in red tshirt, cleaning vegetables.

I don't know what to do, so I say this is also nice, visiting family. Then I remember I wanted to go to starship Voyager. So I say when I turn around, there is starsip Voyager. I turn around all smiles, but there is only open field.

I walk through the fields with a little girl and we are finding lots of toys in bags. I ask her if she would like them. Principal walks by.

As I get out of this LD, I start to iniciate another flying/falling sensation and it works. At some point I can feel both up and down falling at the same time. It was awesome. When it was over, I smiled to myself and said ok, now we can go and have a lucid dream. Again, I said to myself no need to wait for clues, I just get up. The moment I got up, neighbor came home with such a ruckus, sounded like she is moving or something. Damn. Then I just got up and will continue tomorrow.

Our guests woke me up again, I spent about an hour trying to fall asleep, my mind was way too awake, and when I finally fell asleep I got into some WILD/OBE thing where I couldn’t move much.

Total sleep time: 6 hrs

HI dreamlet1: Some woman, her face was colored black with something like tar. She lives in the woods, in a hole under the trees. A scary story begins about the holes in the woods.

HI dreamlet2: I am an unknown street most likely in my home town, have different hairstyle

Dream3 WILD/OBE: I am in my hometown again, in front of me are my guests. I am looking at my hands, some blue pink ghost like double layer is also visible. My hands quickly stretch out, a familiar feeling, they stretch into infinity, space bends and the whole of me is quickly sucked forward. I also feel my dream body detaching. A short moment of darkness follows and then I find myself on our old balcony. It is dark, there is some light perhaps from the moon. I immediately notice my position and feel my dream body. Instead of my feet being on the floor of the balcony, my midsection is where the floor is and my feet are below it. Don’t feel the floor, I notice that my position and state is somewhat similar to when I sometimes meditate – I am physically sitting, but feel the rest of my body is standing. I decide not to pay too much attention to that because I have to stabilize. I run my fingers over the surface of the balcony, very realistic. Everything is rather clear, but I can’t move my legs. I try to but I can’t.

I decide that perhaps I should give my dream body some more time to adapt to the dream. I start rubbing my hands, now my elbows barely move! I decide to wait a bit, but black out for a second, then I am back to the dream still no improvement. I force my limbs to move, and I can feel a great force on them preventing them from moving. I try touching the wall again with my fingertips, but it doesn’t help. I look to my side, towards the end of the balcony and see many plants there, it looks like a small jungle, it is dark and there is a dark hole between the plants. Now, it is definitely not the time to expect something scary to come out of there, I tell myself. I try to be indifferent about it. I then notice that a song is playing “give me my love, give me my love”, a nice song, but then it gets stuck, the same part plays over and over again. I wake up.

Comments and Analysis: I was worried after waking up that I have finally managed to mess myself up and instead of having normal LDs, the more time I spend in the void, the more aware I become of my falling asleep and will begin to get stuck more in the middle. I really hope not! Now, I feel relaxed about the situation, but am sure I will be getting more experiences where I would need to remain calm.

The stretching hands and being pulled forward (not just the two bodies separating) experience plus ghost like layer is something I have seen before and I kind of relate to OBE types of experiences (if these can be differentiated from WILD). I can only say it is a different feeling altogether.

Such continuous dream paralysis is not something completely new, but the only memories I have of it are when I was a very young. I don’t remember getting stuck in the middle of a floor ever.

Some explantion why this happened: I am thinking that the longer time spent in WBTB, the more my mind is aware of my physical body. If I WBTB for 5 min, then I would transition to the dream much faster. An alternative explanation is that I am being increasingly aware of the void and this somehow affects me.

Future strategy: I really have to write a few key words on a piece of paper so that I don’t forget. 1. Patience and detachment. I didn’t panic today, but the situation could have been different. 2. Rubbing hands 3. Try zooming into something else or 4. Try floating up?

Saturday 4/20/13

last night bed 1:30am - 8am

Had a few dreams about being chased by police. There ia about 4 of us. We are trying to escape from a house, where we did some bad things. We are going up and down the ladder. Then outside, it's late evening, dark. I'm crouching and walking to a corner to hide in a dark shaddow. As we go by a window, I hear a dog from inside of the house. A little puppy comes to where I'm hiding, but doesn't start barking. Police are walking nearby, looking for us. (Was watching manhunt for the Boston marathon bomber all day yesterday IWL)

This wasn't a fun chase dream I normally get. There was something sinister about me. I did something bad.

NAP: around 8:45am -12pm

Started getting vibrations while on back, got up to turn of sound on laptop and layed down on left side.

WILD: Suddenly I'm looking at my laptop screen and I see there is a new registered member. I can read everything very well. I think, that this is a great time to prove that I was seeing through my closed eyelids. So I wanna open my eyes and look at the screen to prove, that what I saw was real in WL. But I can't open my eyes. I realize, I'm sleeping and dreaming. I think to myself, well, if I'm dreaming, I may as well get up, because then I'm lucid. (IWL, I have been watching new registrations pretty closely. If you reading this venn99, it's becasue of you. Thank you for getting me lucid)

I get out of the window and start walking through the backyard in my parents house. There is a toll column made out of concrete bricks with two openings. I keep telling myself "I'm dreaming" and I'm confident I can keep my awareness, but I lose it suddenly.

LD1: Probably a DEILD. I get a headrush and hear someone dusting bedsheets few feet away, which turns into a chain saw soound right next to my head. I keep telling myself "I'm not scared, no matter what you do". And I really am not scared. Again, I'm getting out some window, this time it has consistency of liquid glass, but I still get out. I jump out of the kitchen balcony on first floor. As I'm falling fastand enjoing this awesome roller coaster feeling in my stomach, I'm determined to hit the ground and see what happens. But just before I hit, I get the smallest thought not to, although I still want to, but I switch direction and few inches above ground start flying paralel to the ground.

LD2: Not sure what type of LD this was. Wow, I even forgot, what it was about. I didn't get up after, just replayed it im my mind with words and went back to sleep hoping for moar. Oh, I just remembered. I was trying to summon Linkzelda. But someone else walked in through the door at fast pace.

16.04.2013

Ada and Double Suicide and Ada's and Eva's Polarity (WILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

After using self-hypnosis to get into the lucid dreaming state within 5-10 minutes, along with 5 minute dream-like states that occurred maybe 4 times or so at most (20 minutes of instant lucid dreaming), I know I'm getting better at inducing WILDs just from sitting down on a chair and going through a preset command script I used in an e-book that I practiced for maybe 2-3 months.

My hands and feet were becoming paralyzed, my body felt relaxed, the imagination was wild, and now for the dream.

I'm in an area similar to the image above me, except the environment was 10-20 times larger, and the colors were more dull and gray as well. I didn't mind this since this was my first time inducing a WILD through self-hypnosis, so the environment itself would be redefined later on through my DEILD attempts that worked successfully.

The sky above me were mixed with turquoise and dark gray, and the clouds absorbed the color of it was well. There's a moon there too, but I didn't pay attention to it much, and there were some points in the dream where it just felt like the lighting came out of nowhere. The right of me are the same borders in the image above, except they extended to the chest rather than the waist or mid-thigh region.

They were more metallic than a brick-composition, I noticed that the dark pit was gargantuan, and yet I wasn't as bothered by it than I should have been. Everything felt in control, to some extent, I decided that I would meet the Ada dream character that showed up occasionally in my dream journals. I decided instead of passively acknowledging her, I would just make a dream where I would ask her the point of her existence.

So after absorbing the environment for maybe 1-2 minutes overall, I decided to look forward, and I see someone in a red dress with black hair that's chained to a huge cylindrical column. I had two thoughts at the time.


1. I wanted to have sex with her for some odd reason. Someone completely in a submissive state that had no chance of escape and looked with concern on what I would do. It's like she was putting up a facial expression of "Try Me."

2. I wanted to break the chains off of her and talk to her


I decided to go with the second option since it's kind of pointless having sex in the first place if my intention was to talk to someone. I walk forward, maybe 20-30 feet away from her, then I bend my elbows upwards, but kept them at the same length as the higher regions of my arm, and started to declare passively,

"Isn't it funny that you would be chained like this when you're the one that saves others?"


I get closer to her, and she doesn't really put much effort in responding or even trying to have any kind of ambition to argue with me. I decided to work on the left side (my left side) of the part where she's chained. I don't know what I did, but I broke the chains off with my bare hands.

I step back and let her get used to moving, since I'm sure she was locked up like that for months now, considering after the last scare she gave me, I wondered if she was chained because my subconscious decided to make her a threat from that experience. I didn't think about it too much, and then she started to wrap her arms around me and then she slowly glides me down to the floor.

It's still difficult to recall how it felt, since most of this self-hypnotic induced lucid dream was visuals combined with short pressing sensations in my mind. Her image started to alter between long hair with a different face and short hair with the preset image I had of her from Resident Evil 4 and Resident Evil 6.

After this awkward hug from her, she gets up and decides to rest her elbows on the metal handrail, and she has her feet surprisingly close to the edge from almost falling off the dark pit. I started feeling that she wanted to go inside the darkness, but I eventually stopped speculating on it and realized she's just waiting for me to ask her something.

It takes a while for me to formulate something to talk about, since I'm still trying to solidify the dream state, and it's kind of hard for me to recall exactly what I stated since I decided to put off the recall for about 30 minutes after the self-hypnosis session was over.

I didn't really greet her at all, I mostly just started asking questions to her about a few random things. I decided I should get a little closer to her, but not too close. I don't know why I was afraid to be near her, she didn't really have any kind of negative vibe, I guess that I felt things were a little too easy for me.

So I decided to go near the handrail as well and sat down to place my legs between one of the balusters. I wrapped my right arm around this same baluster, and I braced my face against its cold metallic structure. Most of the sensations were obviously done through pure thought and will, and I continued to hold on tightly to the baluster. I looked down into the darkness, and almost felt like dipping inside the pit as well.

It seemed to me that she was just waiting for me to ask if we would want to jump into the darkness together. Since my recall of what was being said is mediocre, I'll still try to do my best. I continued looking into the darkness, passively acknowledging her with my left peripheral vision, and asked her,


"How can I get you to talk to me more?"


She responds, "Just do more of this and you'll be fine."


I reply,

"Doesn't it feel weird that getting into the dream state is so easy now, when I had such a difficult time inducing for months?"


She states back to my response,

"Well, that's because you had a predisposition that your subconscious was a trickster. It was due to that video you saw of a person explaining how dreams worked, and how the subconscious presumably worked. You saw that using that mindset to make it look as if you're being tested or challeneged motivated you because there was a thrill that would be apparent if you rised to that challenge or test."


I reply,

"But now I know that doesn't have to be the case. It's useless trying to think everything is a challenge when I can just start acknowleding how easy it is when I just set my expectations to be in this dream state."


She replies (or maybe I continued from what I said, I can't remember too well),


"But you know that based on what you learned about your mind, or anyone's mind, it doesn't have to be that way. It's only that way because the subconscious simply does what you desire, even if its a conditioned response you're not aware of. When you start thinking things will be easier, and you keep practicing that it will be that way, there is no conflict. There is no fight or challenge, and you realize you will finally get what you want."

She eventually stops talking for a bit and continues to look at the environment in front of her. I'm not sure if she was just staring at nothing and wanted to fixate at a random point so she could collect her thoughts, or just was enjoying the view of the dull environment. I started to feel slightly cold, but it wasn't too concerning, and then she comes back and asks, as if she knew what I was going to ask to her,


"Are you not grateful for what your mind is giving you?"


I reply,


"Yes, but it's not enough..."


She declares,

"You never really had to do much in your life other than to just work hard and be lucky. But now working hard isn't enough for you because you still need to be able to retain the memory of what you learned more right?"


"Exactly," I replied.


The silence comes back again, and there were a few more things that I probably talked to her about that I don't really want to post here. After a while, I start to realize that after I told her she could trascend that retention of information to reality and have complete access to the confines of my mind, I noticed she was slowly picking up my thoughts while we're both in the dream state.

This felt awkward, having an experience that implied that there was some kind of dichotomy, even though it was all from the same source, except that it was delegated through another projection, which was her. So we started to use less of our mouths and more of of a implied telepathic communication with each other. Eventually, how we discussed with each other didn't matter, there was a mix of actual movement of the dreaming body lips and pure thought.

I noticed my waking life hands here completely "frozen" or they felt like there wasn't any kind of effort being put into them, but that didn't really distract me with the stabilization since I just had to redirect my focus back to the environment. My waking life eyes were completely shut, and it would be physically impossible for me to open them unless I made the command and desire to do so.


So that cleared up my problem with having my eyes open from time to time before in my lucid dreams, thanks to self-hypnosis, it's just a few command cues and into the dream land I go!

I come back to the environment and Ada, and then she asks me,

"Do you want to jump inside the darkness?"

I was still afraid of what was going to happen, and I decided to say nothing and she what she would say next. I realized the environment we were in was completely different from the image above, and was now like this:

"Save me," as she quickly jumps over the handrail and dives into the darkness.

My dream body starts moving on its own, and I held onto the very bottom of the metal baluster from the handrail to place my feet firmly on the side of the edge before it was cut off from the darkness to push myself at a faster rate in hopes to catch.


I started to feel the wind blowing my face, and I quickly see her making a content descent towards the darkness, waiting for me to hold her and be with her to wherever the dark void takes us. I twist my body to the left since she was on the left side, and realized she only said save me to lure me into touching her body.

I wrapped my whole body around her, and at first I felt this was going to be a double suicide since we both probably didn't know what would happen after mindlessly jumping off the edge into the darkenss. In a way, I felt she knew was doing, but because I doubt she had her own intentions, especially since this was all incubated, I had fears that would would die and I would just wake up.


Our bodies started to rotate, which only made the descent faster and more intense, and as the darkenss and the random dark energy rushes through us, we finally hit rock bottom.

But we were perfectly fine, it felt as if there was no gravity in this state, and our bodies immeidately flipped in their normal positions rather than the diving head first position from before. We floated around a bit, and Ada is now wearing her default Resident Evil 6 outfit.

The environment was shifting a lot, between the two background images I showed above, and it felt kind of pointless going through the dive if we were going to be in alternating places. Whatever the reason, I decided not to question it and asked her on her existence in my dreams.

"I'm not really suppose to have a defined set of characteristics, but I am the opposite of Eva."

I started to ask her why, and she states,

"Because you created expectations for her to be a higher aspect of yourself, so if you tried to find her, you would have a difficult time even communicating with that kind of projection from your mind because most of the time, you're not able to sustain a positive attitude for a very long time. And since you have to reach a higher state, it would be difficult for her to come down to your level."

So I asked,

"So if you're the opposite of her, I'm guessing you're easier to communicate...but doesn't that make you feel "degraded"?"

She responds,

"No, it's nothing like that, it may seem like it's like that at first glance, but it goes even deeper than that. You don't have that kind of black and white mindset, you're in the middle, and we both exist to just be representations of your personas. But that doesn't mean I'm evil or that she's good, it's just done to delegate certain abilities so that there isn't a conflict."

"Conflict?" "With what?"


"With yourself."

I felt that trying to be smart would get me nowhere, and I decided that it's best that I should prepare to leave and go back to the waking state again. I told Ada to take care, and slowly went back to the dream entrance, but then I stopped mid-way and realize I wasn't really being too friendly with her. Instead of apologizing, I asked her if it's alright if I left her here.

"We really don't mind because we'll be with you anyway."

I told her farewell, and slowly rise back from the dream state, and it took maybe 3-5 minutes just to get my hand back into bending right.


I never knew self-hypnosis would be so effective if you kept working at it. All those long hours that I thought I wasted has finally coming to an end, and all I have to do is, just like what this fortune cookie said:


"Affirm, visualize it, believe it, and it will actualize itself."


That's what self-hypnosis is really all about, and the moment you realize it, there's nothing to stop you other than yourself.

I'll probably go through a 2-3 hour self-hypnosis session since that one was maybe 1 hour to 90 minutes. I'll plan things I want to do, and just do my best to keep them in mind and have them in reality in the dreams.

It's getting to the point where it's not overactive imagination, but rather just being able to get into the suggestive state that so many people have trouble doing because they just don't remember...it's all in your mind. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Somehow managed my first ever WILD when I wasn't even trying to. I was trying to nap during a really hot day and my face was sweating so I rolled onto my back and in what seemed like seconds my vision started to get fuzzy/blurry and my jaw locked tightly. I honestly thought I was going to break my own teeth so I took the chance and moved my jaw open slightly, which felt like forcing open a rusted hinge. Then stuff started to happen really fast. I started to hear really loud, clear music, and felt like I was being pulled upwards by a bunch of strings attached to my body. I started floating fast over waves or something, like i was a crowd-surfing plank of wood. I knew exactly what was happening at this point and was not scared or confused at all, I even tried(with some success) changing the sensations I felt as I floated. The transition into the dream was pretty smooth, as though the hands that were carrying me just dropped me off right outside the gym of my high school. right as i was being dropped off i considered stabilizing or calling for Radical Larry the Wizard(my favorite DC), but i was so excited that i just didn't. I ran and ran, flying through walls and throwing chunks of metal at groups of passing cheerleaders. The lucidity and the dream both ended pretty quick, as you would expect under those conditions. So the dream sucked, but getting there was HELLA TIGHT!

I started out my WILD on the balcony of a hotel room. I wasn't wearing very much, just a chiffon dress, and both my hands were on the railing of the balcony. My boyfriend walked out of the room behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, making me smile quite a lot. We stood there for a while until I turned round and kissed the tip of his nose, telling him I'd be back in a minute.

Eventually I exited the hotel and walked out onto the street below. It was a short walk to the empire state building (My dream self must be rich to afford a trip like that ) and I began the walk, realizing along the way I had no shoes on. I reached the bottom of the esb and looked up at it. This is my least favourite task so I was pretty reluctant to do this. I shut my eyes and concentrated on the fact that I wanted to transform my self into a giant primate (for... some... reason... :L) and stood there for a while, pretty soon feeling my limbs extending and growing.

When I reopened my eyes I discovered I was now a giant primate and even though I didn't particually want to be, I needed this task finishing. People around me had already started to scream and run away so I thought I might as well start scaling the building.

It took me a while but eventually I reached the top of the building, swinging round from the top of the spire whilst I waited for the task force to respond. They eventually did and some fighter jets came soaring through the sky and started firing some tranquilliser bullets at myself. It was quite a scary experience and I really didn't like it. A bunch of army people were surrounding the bottom of the building and trying to set up nets and stuffs. As the jets flew past I tried to grab out at them to complete the second part of the task. When I realiised this wasn't working I started to climb down, being hit by a few tranquillisers on the way down and making me a bit drowsy. There were tanks and other things on the ground so I picked one of these up and threw it upwards at one of the planes, causing a collision and a pretty explosion in the sky.

At this point people started to try and actually kill me so I decided now was a good time to run. I ran as quickly as I could to the Brooklyn river and jumped in it, transforming back to my normal size and climbing out, running past the army guys and into my hotel before climbing in the shower to wash the rubbish off of my skin.

06.04.2013

Fix Yourself Instead of Fixing Others (WILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

We're in a room, the fancy hotels that would have a large glass window that let's you see the city and beyond. I'm wearing a blue polo shirt and black jeans, I tried not looking at her for a while and decided to focus on something rather than her.

I don't know why, things felt awkward, so I continued to look at the darkness over the window. The room we were in was at least 200 feet or so above the ground. I didn't focus on the city itself, just the darkness. The moon is beautiful just using peripheral vision, it illuminates the bland structure of this simulated city.

Eva: You know looking at the city is not really real.

Me: I just wanted to enjoy the view, even if it's just simulation.

Eva: You didn't come all this way just to look at a city, or the sky, or the moon. You came to see me right?

Me: .............


Eva: Don't be shy, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to see me. Wait, are you afraid of what people will think about you just because of me? Remember what happened to those people who mocked you right?

They were just distractions, they prevented you from having fun, even though you knew it was all a dream, and not reality.


I turned around, ignored the city view and decided to sit at the edge of the bed Eva was resting on. The bed is kind of hard to describe, all I know is that there was a bed, and that it consisted of a dark maroon color with different shades of red. The bed was comfortable, but I just wanted to sit at the edge before things get too comfortable in this room.

Me: They were my friends Eva.


Eva: Sure they were your friends, but they didn't really take your behavior too kindly. You let them drain all the kinds of fun you could've had.


I slowly turned around to her, slightly irritated, but she was clearly right. Instead of trying to argue, I decided to let her give her own opinions on how I reacted towards these people. I felt a complete sense of privacy within this dream, only one person to really focus on. There was a brown desk to the right of her, and it had a lamp shining with a hue of yellow. The base of the lamp was a laminated brown marble texture with mixes of white, gray, and milky yellow.


Eva: Come a little closer.


I decided to just freeze and not make a move. She takes the dark maroon bedsheet and gets closer to me.


Eva: I'm just kidding silly, come on, lighten up.


I still didn't know what to do, I decided to just let her take action.


She's just wearing a black bra and underwear, and she gets closer to the left side of my shoulder. She wraps her arms around me and we stayed like this for a few minutes. I started to phase out, slowly feeling her presence around me. The feelings were mixed, and I decided it was best to let whatever happen, happen.

She broke the silence and went back to the topic on my experiences with friends overall.


Eva: You spent more time satisfying these people more than being pleased with yourself. As long as you had an emotional bond with them, you respected them no matter how they looked like. You even allowed yourself to almost fail college just so you can help another friend out.


Me: But she really had a difficult time...


Eva: Yes, but you're not responsible for her life.


Me: But she was my friend.


Eva: Do friends almost make you fail college?



Me: Tch.....you really are honest aren't you?


Eva: Isn't that what you wanted me to be?


I closed my eyes and thought things over, it was the first time in a long time since I talked with someone in my dreams where they struck a nerve on me a few times. I realized I shifted my perspective back to myself near the glass window, except this time, I was bracing my back against it.

I had my left leg up forming an "A" and had my right leg completely stretched out. I decided to look at the bottom of the bed with the dark maroon sheets hanging all the way, almost touching the floor. I still didn't want to look at her directly, but at least have her in my peripheral vision.

I did it so that I would have more focus on her because I would be forced to see her presence. She gets off the bed and slowly walks towards me. I looked down on the dark red carpet with random circular designs. I get a bit anxious, but I quickly realized that I'm being a wimp for nothing since this is just a dream.


Eva: Come on, she wanted you to have some fun for yourself, there's no point feeling depressed about her, she has her own life to worry about.


I'm back at the edge of the bed again, focusing on her with my peripheral vision once more, and she sits to the back of me, spreads her legs and locks them around my waist. She moves her arms under mine, wraps them on my stomach and places her head on my back.

Eva: Instead of trying to fix others, try fixing yourself. You shouldn't feel awkward around me, I'm just trying to help you. You're thinking about the worst case scenarios, and you wonder why it's so difficult for you to find me.

You're already aware that this whole experience is within the confines of your mind, and you shouldn't let other people's opinions affect what you want to do with your life, both in waking and dreaming.

Those same people who tried to change you ended up leaving you and forgetting about you, they focused on their own lives, and you should do the same. You realized that no matter how much you wanted to help people, that virtue has its limits. There's no point in trying to cleanse a person of their doubts and guilt, there are just some things people want to hold on to because of the memories behind them.

I'm sure most people have at least one experience that they regret, and they let it drag them down. You shouldn't try to help them fix their problems if they're consistently showing that they don't want to forgive themselves. What hope is there for a person who doesn't want to help themselves? The only thing you can do is to simply have faith that they will make the right decision.

You have to try your best and keep pushing forward, and I'm more than happy to help you. If you really want to live your dreams, you have to be willing to make difficult choices, even if it means forgetting your friends. It also means allowing yourself to change in order to accomplish those goals, there's no point letting other people drag you down; don't become too fixated with their lives that you forget about your own responsibilities.

Do you even know what you want to do in the future?


Me: [*editing that part out*]
I just want to continue pursuing knowledge and developing myself, is that so wrong?

Eva: No, I didn't say it was, but I..............


editing that part out >_>

I was lying down in bed like usual and it was my 3rd sleep phase that day, I configured my smartphone alarm (Dream as Android) to skip recording 27 minutes, and I had my 56th lucid dream. I tried focusing on phosphenia as usual and fell asleep within very few minutes.

I was in my home (which like usually wasn't remotely like my actual home, it was a big and complex building) and was only wearing underwear. I became lucid fast for no specific reason.

I tried to fly and while that worked the windows and walls proved to be impenetrable, I even tried using a flame blast which materialized as a dark red beam, which however didn't leave a scratch, I guess my home is supposed not to be destroyed by me
So I just went through the doors (like 5 rooms, the building was big and mostly blue), and when I was outside I could fly perfectly and with exceptional ease, it was easier than walking is in real life. It was night und I was looking at things from above, the house looked smaller and more normal from the outside. I applied some kind of invincibility nano armor scales and let myself drop to the ground, slightly shattering the ground.

Then I went through a forest and tried focusing on details, with a lot of success, for the first time I can really recall that the details were absolutely like in real life, maybe even slightly better. After some time I had contact with some people and tried reading what was written on some chocolate, after just a second of focusing I was able to read, and consistently at that, things didn't change once written at all. I even noticed some false grammar which after waking up proved indeed to be an perfectly correct assumption from me. I also tried some but it didn't taste crazy or anything, just pretty weak like chocolate. Someone was offering me chocolate with hazelnuts but I wasn't interested.

Then I was in some kind of weird building (nothing too fancy but I just can't describe it, there was a lot of stuff scattered all over the place) were I was talking with generic dream characters about jokes, I know I remembered one of them after waking up, but forgot it now cause it was not that interesting.
I was constantly wondering when the dream would end and this time around it seems my REM phase got weak and I woke up (I think there was something in real life helping as well).

I'll skip my improval notes because this dream was kind of like breaking my personal wall of sound that had be keeping me down for nearly 2 years! When I woke up my alarm just started recording so all that happened within like 25 minutes of me falling asleep. When resuming sleep I felt that the barrier keeping me from falling asleep conscious "took a serious blow", but after some minutes I fell asleep normally again. I may still take some weeks or months till my first real WILD but for the first time I feel I'm getting close!

I was waling along the street of Cardiff Bay thinking about my boyfriend. His hand appeared in mine and we walked together for a while. Then I had an idea and pulled him into 'my' T.A.R.D.I.S and we time travelled back to ancient Rome. When we arrived I grabbed a sonic screwdriver from the control and we exited the blue box, walking the few feet into the Colosseum. I sent my boyfriend up into the stands, thinking of the task of the month and made my way towards the arena. A fight was just finishing so I slipped my way to the front of the little waiting area thing that was basically a cave underneath the stands seperated from the arena by a metal cross-hatched gate.

The fight finished, massive cheering occured and these gates lifted, signalling that one of us was required to enter the arena. I took my chance and grabbed a sword on my way in, placing the sonic into my pocket for later use. Our fight started and I remember sighing deeply, the guy I was against was massive and had it been a normal fight I would have been dead within 10 seconds. I raised my sword to meet his attacks, our constant to and fro-ing going on for about 5 minutes, one of us always countering the other's attacks until I got bored and pulled my sonic out of my pocket. recieving a blow to the arm in the process, and pointed it at the guy, freezing him in place.

Putting the sonic back into my pocket I jabbed him with my sword before slicing his head off, causing a massive uproar to be heard from the crowd as I hadn't waited for the emperor's blessing. Dropping my sword I sprinted over to where I'd left my boyfriend and dragged him towards the exit, both of us running like mad to avoid being caught by everyone chasing us. We quickly got back to the T.A.R.D.I.S and shut the doors. Setting her into flight mode and returning to modern day.

I pulled off Basic Task of the Month in this one and got part of the way through Advanced. Considering that I came into this dream in a bit of an unfocused mood, I'm calling this a success!

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #83: Expensive Snacks

I WILD into a scene where I'm standing in the driveway of our house. There's a dark blue jeeped parked here. I notice that the jeep's license plate is made out of paper and as I lean down to investigate it, Wife comes up from behind me and says, "You're going to pick up the kids, right?"

I say something along the lines of, "Huh?" I turn to face her but she's already walking away. She waves over her shoulder, calling, "Thanksloveyoubye!!" before vanishing back into the house.

I turn my attention back to that weird "license plate". It's filled with extremely small print that mostly seems to be related to lucid dreaming. I try to memorize a little of it but I can tell that the text is changing. I give up on this hopeless task and climb into the jeep.

Two child seats are jammed into the back, totally askew and clearly not properly installed. For a moment I worry about picking up the kids in seats that are this unsafe but I quickly remember that I have no intention of actually going to get the kids. I'm interested in the car, though, so I climb into the driver's seat.

Without me having to do anything, the car starts driving itself backwards through my neighborhood. I have no idea why it's in reverse, but the car's going at a fine pace and making great turns, so I just go with it. I decide to chill a bit and just let the car drive me around. I think of how comfortable my seat is and it automatically reclines for me.

I happen to glance over at the passenger seat and notice that one of Wife's rings is laying on the cushion. I try to remember whether she lost this ring IWL. No, it's not missing. But the Task of the Month occurs to me and I decide to give the ring a taste. I jam it into my mouth and start sucking on it. The taste is slightly oily at first, but I'm not getting a lot of flavor. I start to suck a bit harder and I feel the top of the ring begin to melt! My mouth is filled with the taste of vegetable oil.

I spit the ring out and see that about a third of it is completely melted. The damage bothers me so I grip it in my hand for a moment to repair it. It comes out whole again and I toss it back onto the seat.

I want to go for the Advanced Task now (transform a lump of coal into a diamond), so I conjure a lump of coal by "finding" it behind my back. As I bring it forward to look at it, though, I feel the scene darkening and losing focus. The change is sudden, so I'm left with no time to complete the diamond transformation. I get ready to DEILD but when the scene collapses I'm left totally awake.

Um...decent transition minus the fact that I'm wrestling with the demon HI that I was experiencing while trying to wild. I choked it out, walked out side and threw it across the street. And lost complete lucidity. I get back to the house, and notice trees have been moved, everything seems a bit out of place, but it doesn't trigger lucidity. I go into my room, and there's a girl who's been changed into a horse. I guess I have to take care of her or something. Finally she starts talking to me...recall is spotty so I don't know what we talked about....and then there's a transition.

There's a cartoon about how this couple on a hot air balloon had to eat food, and the only thing the guy supplied was alcohol. Then it switches to them driving around every where in this snowy place drunk. Everyone is singing, and everyone else is drunk. Now I'm on a bus (and things look real again) and this girl starts singing:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HmJQyS8QVw

I joined in and she was smiling, everyone on the bus started singing. Some of the words were off, and someone said there are different versions of the song. Later on I'm at a club, and this girl I'm with is buying me drinks. She's one of those "obviously gay...has to dress more like a guy than me" types. Cat Williams was there, along with some other stars. We stayed there till it closed, and the scene faded.

I woke up at D's house. B was there, and I think um....I can't even think of this chicks name....small petite, Puerto Rican....had her phone number, but just didn't get anywhere with her. Anyways, I spent a little time talking to both of them about last night, and how many drinks we had.