memorable

This was from the first night I tried lucid dreaming. I would continue to be a lurker for awhile longer and even went on another account for awhile.

I think that account got banned when I tried to manually hard-delete all of my DJ entries by putting the word 'Deleted' in place of all the entries.

Anyways, I think I was so hyped on Lucid Dreaming the first night that I found myself already lucid in a dream. The first thing I remember was being on the beach resort that I dream about. (I dream about that place a LOT, so we're just going to describe it as THAT beach resort.)
But the detail that I remember was that I wasn't just standing on the beach, but I started about 20 feet in the air, and fell in the sand. It didn't hurt or anything. As soon as I got up, I said.
"Ooh, I'm lucid dreaming!"
I looked around, there was only one other dream character on the beach. He was laying in a reclining chair, reading some magazine. He looked like an Asian man, probably in his 50's or 60's. He told me about his daughter, and that she was missing her hair clip, and wanted me to find it for her. I'm not really certain why I decided to follow along with this idiotic dream plot. I guess I didn't have as good of lucidity as I remember. Keep in mind this was my first ever properly induced lucid dream.
I had a weird sense that what I was looking for was in one of the hotel rooms. I checked the first two, and they were completely vacant. But in the third one, there was a red hair clip on the floor just inside the door. I grabbed it, and looked up and to my left. There was the girl who I assumed was the man's daughter.
I walked over to her, and gave her the clip. She thanked me, but never actually took it. Then she began taking off her clothes to reveal that she had several outfits on in layers. But she could transition between them in a very dreamlike manner; such as take off a pair of shorts, and have a pair of long pants on underneath. She asked my opinion on each outfit that she was wearing, trying to see what will impress me. My replies were all like "enhh..." and "It's okay...". As it turns out this girl would be Manei, my own dream guide.
So after a brief fashion show from my future dream guide, the dream began to destabilize. I tried to dream spin, recalling what I had read on dreamviews. But my dream destabilized too fast and I lost control.

Morning of April 19, 2009. Sunday.



I am at Northern Engraving, a factory where I had worked in the 1980s, on the second floor in the lunchroom. I am seated at a wooden picnic table and talking with a coworker about having seen tiny people of about four inches high. No one believes they exist. (My dream seems to have at least one reset after the point where the coworkers leave and the tiny people are seen by me.)

When there are again no coworkers in the lunchroom (which illogically implies that all my coworkers had come back only to all leave again) of which has minimal lighting, I see the tiny people running across the floor near the doorway (from right to left) and they are soon aware that I can see them. They seem like humans at first, only miniature. At this point, my dream becomes extraordinarily vivid.

Over time, there seems to be an area beyond the lunchroom where the doorway connects to the Barolin Street house’s doorway directly into the hallway (from where would have been our oldest son’s bedroom at the time).

There also seems to be areas that lead out from there into WWTI (where I worked in maintenance as well as having taken two courses in machine tool and carpentry). I sit on the floor with my knees up and my back against the hall’s wall and I am very friendly with these apparent aliens that also somehow now seem like fairies relative to the legends. A female sits on the back of my raised hand while a few others are also seated on the floor and we share a few jokes about humans (even though I am human). After being friends with them for awhile, they agree to take me to their planet to explore or perhaps to live for a time. (My conscious self identity is not extant, so I am unaware of my present life status of living in Australia and having a family.)

They eventually lead me into an old abandoned building, though of which they claim is their spaceship disguised as a building and which had been there for a long time. It reminds me of my high school in Florida in some ways. I go into a large old shower room with a concrete floor and with about four adjoining open showers, which is apparently an internal part of the spaceship supposedly near where the engine is. Interestingly, I suddenly and clearly realize that their intent is malicious (and that they are against humanity) and consider that I will probably be killed if I stay here, because I now understand that the building is not a spaceship, and I also realize that it is set to blow up very soon. I manage to escape just in time, feeling very intelligent by intuitively knowing of their deception. I am not sure if they were in the explosion or not, but it seems they might have been. A four-block area is destroyed by the explosion as I wake while on the perimeter of the area, feeling safe.

---

As with most of my non-lucid dreams of this type, this dream is about my lifelong experience of being subliminally aware of being in the dream state even when not lucid and as such, has nothing to do with “interpretation” (especially as usually misused to imply “meaning”) as commonly propagated by the unknowing (including so-called experts and professionals who usually have zero understanding of what a dream is). It is ultimately about my lifelong relationship with RAS (reticular activating system) and its mediation while unconscious. I have the choice of remaining in my fantastic dream or accepting the biological urge to wake and urinate.

The presence of the tiny people vivified my dream but not enough to trigger threads of conscious self identity, though did link me to a later setting (though of which we no longer live) and of which is a subliminal reminder that I am really unconscious and in a bedroom. The combined fantasy of aliens and fairies is obviously unrelated to real life. I deliberately (though again, subliminally, that is, without being aware I am dreaming) use this impossible scenario to sustain my dream. It is purposeful, but ultimately fails, as waking is a biological necessity.

Still, in subliminally avoiding the inevitability of waking, I ultimately end up in a shower room, associated with bathrooms, of course, during which RAS becomes the “enemy” in its role as the waking trigger.

Had I chosen to gone with the aliens in their spaceship (if my dream had taken this route), the vestibular system symbolism would have been utilized. (This is associated with various forms of movement, typically flight symbols such as birds and airplanes, though also the common falling sensation, which is solely biological.)

The explosion simply symbolizes the cessation of the dream state itself and my (subliminal) choice to end it. What could have been typical return flight waking symbolism transmuted to a more defined bathroom wake-up call.

---

The dream starts off in a well organized, modern looking house that has an open concept kitchen/dinig room/living room combo. There are two old ladies having tea and an a man who looks like Tommy Chong who has the front of his shirt rolled inwardly half way up his abdomen. They are sitting in the living room part and I watch them with amusement because their behaviour is silly and spacey as if they were high on drugs or something. The old man gets up and leaves and the two old ladies go into the kitchen area which is elevated from the living room and dining areas.

I follow them and notice that the kitchen counters are covered with weather worn peices of driftwood, many of which are flat like serving trays. Upon the driftwood trays are an assortment of natual objects: bleached animal skulls and bones, pine cones, sea shells, dried flowers and feathers, and other such things. At the far end of the counter is a picture frame that has been decorated with leis an flower petals. The image in the picture is a smiling man who looks like a East Indian guru.

One of the old ladies take a white, ashy substance and smears three verticle lines on her forehead and then starts chanting in what sounds like Hindu and begins dancing wildly around the kitchen. I retreat down into the dining area to give her space but continue watching. The chanting old lady goes over to the other old lady (who is keeping pace with the chanting my clapping her hands) and blesses or shares energy with her with a sweeping motion from the front of her face to the top of her head and then down over the shoulders.

I turn my attention away from the old ladies for a moment and notice a coffee table upon which are many hand-blown glass ornaments. I turn my attention to back to the dancing and chanting old lady and try to make sense of what she is saying. She is repeating "Nahm Devali, Om Devali" over and over again. As she is chanting she takes the white ashy substance and smears a vertical line on the other old lady's forehead.

Suddenly the living room and dining room area is full of people, dancing and socalizing casually. Since the wild dancing has stopped I go back up into the kitchen to the first old lady who has been chanting, but I have to squeeze by many of the people who have appeared. The old lady is waiting for me with a big smile on her face. Before I can say anything she introduced herself as a Jody with a "y." I tell her that my name is also Jodie, but it is spelled with an "ie." She laughs and says "Isn't that cool!?"

More people come into the house and I turn around to leave the kitchen, because it is becoming quite crowded, and see my mother at the bottom of the stairs, smiling at me. She looks very peaceful and content, but doesn't say anything. I wander around the crowded living area observing all the people and eventually notice an elderly North American indian man dressed as a Plains Indian Chief. I ask him if he can teach me how to bleach animal bones and he kindly and amusingly replies "Why don't you teach yourself?"

I understand that he means that I should not be afraid to try things out for myself and I thank him to which he responds with a big smile.


The dream ends there.

Morning of March 27, 2009. Friday.



One dream of this date was very long and detailed but with a few uneventful sections. For the most part, I was some sort of doctor moving through time in the manner of an angelic being. While in the past in-dream, there are far more people who seem to respect me than in later eras. In one era, I heal an elderly lady with a serious illness who is close to death. The family already has an urn for cremation and looking forward to inheriting her money. In this part, I notice my reflection on the glass door in one area of the hospital. I have bright silvery eyes but the rest (including my hair, although quite shorter in my dream) looks mostly human. For some reason, I seem to be dressed like an ancient Turkish warrior but with some contemporary leisure-like additions and mostly in darker brown and tan color tones. The image included with this entry is fairly close to my in-dream appearance.

The different hospitals and such in different time periods seem to have nothing to do with what I am wearing at different times concerning potential anachronisms. At one point I am wearing a fairly simple herringbone suit. It seems completely without logic, although each time, what I am wearing seems “divine” somehow and I feel very powerful and important in my outfits; much more “intense” and purposeful than in many similar dreams. I also have a flaming sword for defense, and at times, some sort of rod that alters energy relative to healing powers. Concerning a few people I heal, there are people worried (not the patient, but certain relatives for the most part and at least one doctor) that I am there to either kill them or take them into “another world” (perhaps Purgatory). I only help people who sincerely believe in my mission to aid them, whether or not they had previous knowledge or belief in what I was. Some seem more receptive than others, but all are willing and eventually appreciative.

Later on, closer to the last part of my dream, some mindsets seem to think it is impossible to ever get better from an illness, even with the help of a doctor. This seems to be some sort of extreme pattern of not believing in “unseen” aspects, even medicines to some extent and oddly enough, seems to be in the future (about twenty years from now). This ironically seems to be some sort of “full circle” manifestation (and the idea that “fringe medicine” and so called fad diets and higher levels of misinformation will have more influence than ever before in human history). Another group of people believe that illness is caused by “magic”; or another mindset - that being ill is not real but a form of “being superstitious”. In this (seemingly) not-so-distant-future scene, many people (there are a variety of different fringe groups) do not even believe that a condition can be helped by medicinal aid (enforced pessimism it seems), which they see as somewhat of a hit-and-miss affair and perhaps related to the severe shortage of experienced (even qualified) doctors of the recent past. In fact, doctors are fairly rare across the whole world in this dream - many Western regions, oddly enough, do not have any doctors in the actual main cities as different time periods are entered. Medicine itself becomes said to be only “coincidental” when it does seem to work on the person. (Perhaps a person needs to use a “strong imagination” for medicine to work at all.)

A man annoys me even though he eventually flies around with me (I fly at tremendous speeds in this dream) to watch and learn things from different time periods (only past times) although much of his doubt remains. Even though some of the healing was apparently done by some sort of divine energy, I start to talk about actual Western concepts of medicine, which people seem to have lost knowledge of in just a few years after 2020 or 2030 in many of the more civilized areas.

The man then goes on talking about how doctors are “only in movies” (as if they could not possibly exist in reality - even though I am still aware that there are doctors in some regions in this other world/time) and that I am probably flying around because of a helicopter holding me up with wires or some such - and he keeps implying that I am only making a movie even though some people are actually healed and up and about by then. I get an impression, due to a newer “science”, that only some people are able to convince themselves to walk for very long from one location to another - due to an odd concept that your legs will only keep working up until a certain total (lifetime) distance is walked (there is even some sort of weird “right leg, left leg averaging” taught in school - a main field of modern “futuristic” mathematics).

There are even expensive little gadgets that keep track of how much you have walked since your day of birth - most people even look for programmed shortcuts (via localized GPS systems, mostly in shopping malls, in competition with each other based on claims of both price and accuracy) to get to their car or other transport, as well as the steps to the front door of their house, in the shortest amount of steps possible. (There is also a different type of energy used for transport, but I am not certain of what it is). There are a few other unusual events, but these are most of the main aspects, including a PSA on a television where a man announces something like, “Did you know that every time you take that little detour or careless extra step to the side, you may be taking a day off your life… (Music jingle: ‘Don’t wear down the bones in your little toes, keep track of each foot wherever it goes…’) Our no-nonsense GPS systems will benefit you over the other brands and make sure your legs remain in top form for all your extended walking tasks… Don’t worry about becoming jelly-legged before your time”. Cut to divided screen where one brand promo shows a full walk to the car by which the driver smiles and smokes a cigarette after sitting down behind the driver’s seat and sighing in happiness, and the other (of the split-screen promo) where the man gets halfway across the parking lot before his legs collapse and he falls over and cannot move and starts looking worried as vultures and hyenas gather round (animation superimposed on live action).

Although the first sections of my dream seem intense and serious and more vivid than some dreams, much of the rest seems silly and somewhat annoying - with less implied purpose, though I also get an impression that I healed members of a certain family throughout time, including brothers and sisters in the same family (but half-brothers and half-sisters who may not even know of each other - my wife has younger half-brothers and possibly half-sisters who probably do not even know of her at all).

Blood and Rainbows (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I am watching two people fight each other. The DC that is winning ties the other guy to a lightpost by his arm and walks away. all of a sudden the skin on his arm comes off and you can see all the fat and blood, flesh... very pretty... A van pulls up and he is thrown into the van. Continuing from before,i am now in the front of the van and we are speeding down the road. I look back and he is on the floor - he seems to be in a lot of pain. I kinda start to think about the situation, and I realise its all a dream. I throw myself out of the van and land on the footpath on the side of the road. I look around and see that I am at my old school. Its also pretty vivid too. Apart from the lack of trees, fences and cars on the road, its a pretty accurate manifestation of the side entrance of my school. I run to the closest DC and ask them for green eggs and ham, they replied, "I don't have any, but my brother does" She points into the school, a place where I have to run around a building because the place he is is raised... its hard to explain... anyway I change my mind and I make a rainbow appear. unfortunately the end of it is also inside the school, but I run to it anyway. The dream begins to fade so I focus on the paving at my feet. I lose it. Everything is black... so i visualise the rainbow and eventually I'm back in the dream, walking up to the end of the rainbow. Its width is a couple metres and the colours are in the right order... but its like a giant blow up slide. I try to climb it, but I slide off. stupid gravity... I stand back and squash it with my mind, it works, but the colours are mixed up. Its now like an orange path with patches of other colours. I walk up it anyway. then it goes second person, which is like the bane of my brain! I completely lose lucidity D: The end

07.03.2009

Can't Nuke Me! (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I am in a building (in the middle of nowhere) where we get to watch explosions from a distance. I could have gone to a few closer buildings like most people did but I chose the one furthest away from the site. It turns out I made the right decision, because we were the only building that didn't blow up... the explosion was very pretty I guess, for a dream. Im outside the building and I see a ghost ship flying over the debris that used to be a group of buildings in front of ours. theres rubble everywhere, even large rocks floating in the sky. it kinda looks like we're on mars. I'm back inside the building and there is tons of arcade game that i didnt notice before. Theres some good stuff, but I get distracted and follow a DC into the bathroom.

07.03.2009

Family get-together (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Me and my family are riding bikes around a lake, which is something we never do together (?) After a couple minutes we reach a park and have lunch

07.03.2009

Name (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm at a public pool - there are 2 of them, one is up stairs to the left. it seems that there is nothing around the place but beaches and mountains not too far from where we are now. In the distance I see a friend of mine as a lifegaurd. I jumped in a small gap where there was tons of seaweed, I end up being in an ocean and a large sand mountain rises from the seabed. i think.

Blood and Rainbows (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I am watching two people fight each other. The DC that is winning ties the other guy to a lightpost by his arm and walks away. all of a sudden the skin on his arm comes off and you can see all the fat and blood, flesh... very pretty... A van pulls up and he is thrown into the van. Continuing from before,i am now in the front of the van and we are speeding down the road. I look back and he is on the floor - he seems to be in a lot of pain. I kinda start to think about the situation, and I realise its all a dream. I throw myself out of the van and land on the footpath on the side of the road. I look around and see that I am at my old school. Its also pretty vivid too. Apart from the lack of trees, fences and cars on the road, its a pretty accurate manifestation of the side entrance of my school. I run to the closest DC and ask them for green eggs and ham, they replied, "I don't have any, but my brother does" She points into the school, a place where I have to run around a building because the place he is is raised... its hard to explain... anyway I change my mind and I make a rainbow appear. unfortunately the end of it is also inside the school, but I run to it anyway. The dream begins to fade so I focus on the paving at my feet. I lose it. Everything is black... so i visualise the rainbow and eventually I'm back in the dream, walking up to the end of the rainbow. Its width is a couple metres and the colours are in the right order... but its like a giant blow up slide. I try to climb it, but I slide off. stupid gravity... I stand back and squash it with my mind, it works, but the colours are mixed up. Its now like an orange path with patches of other colours. I walk up it anyway. then it goes second person, which is like the bane of my brain! I completely lose lucidity D: The end

07.03.2009

Can't Nuke Me! (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I am in a building (in the middle of nowhere) where we get to watch explosions from a distance. I could have gone to a few closer buildings like most people did but I chose the one furthest away from the site. It turns out I made the right decision, because we were the only building that didn't blow up... the explosion was very pretty I guess, for a dream. Im outside the building and I see a ghost ship flying over the debris that used to be a group of buildings in front of ours. theres rubble everywhere, even large rocks floating in the sky. it kinda looks like we're on mars. I'm back inside the building and there is tons of arcade game that i didnt notice before. Theres some good stuff, but I get distracted and follow a DC into the bathroom.

07.03.2009

Family get-together (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Me and my family are riding bikes around a lake, which is something we never do together (?) After a couple minutes we reach a park and have lunch

07.03.2009

Name (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm at a public pool - there are 2 of them, one is up stairs to the left. it seems that there is nothing around the place but beaches and mountains not too far from where we are now. In the distance I see a friend of mine as a lifegaurd. I jumped in a small gap where there was tons of seaweed, I end up being in an ocean and a large sand mountain rises from the seabed. i think.

Morning of December 23, 2008. Tuesday.



In this dream, I vividly see a black fog. However, it then becomes connected to the “Swiss cheese” effect that I have not had in many years. The “Swiss cheese” effect seems related to “evil” (or at least negativity) as well. The three who seem to cause the “black fog” effect are also in my dream. Normally, I would see this as a warning - and it may still turn out to be as such. I think the “Swiss cheese” idea is somehow related to being able to see important truths or environmental facets to some extent even when much of the truth is not visible otherwise, or perhaps more mundane facets are blocked to clarify the “message” or to “force” the seeing of it via the “holes in the cheese”. (This “Swiss cheese” actually looks like a vertically floating slice of Swiss cheese, but perhaps more like a dark 2-D energy pattern, partially with the effect of a blurry flyscreen.)

One of them does some sort of maneuver to hurt my family and ends up slipping on wet stone and breaking her head on the floor (the setting seems to be some sort of ancient castle); it seems very realistic and “correct”. I feel resolved in this - that the danger is less than before. I even feel good about it, thinking it will symbolically be a part of the real world (vindication) as well.

Also, I had an amazing visionary dream, so beautiful as to be breathtaking in its large-scale nature and feeling of closeness. Thousands, perhaps millions of people, mostly girls of various ages (up to about twenty or thirty years) and from every culture and race imaginable - all equally beautiful regardless of skin color - from the lightest to the darkest, in all shades - singing throughout many scenes and environments, including some sort of place of worship - but far too large to exist in reality I would say, as it seems bigger than a city. I try to single one entity out, but it is impossible - as there are too many (although I am aware of each as an individual when I see a particular singer). They are singing for me (and my family) and the survival of my kind(?) or “species”. A few times, there seems to be far more of them than humans presently on Earth. The scenes are different, though. At times they seem to all be wearing a white robe; other times, various forms of elaborate (even bizarre) jewelry and costumes. There is something like a light remaining after their eyes and mouths open and close, which seems egg-like, of a shining, but “ancient” bronze-like property, which seems inter-dimensional or some such and having a different nature than their supposed origin (hard to explain). There is bright light. There is love. I have a slight uneasiness. They are like angels that can eliminate the human race with the blink of an eye at the right time. I feel an eerie sense of hearing this singing of a “higher power”. They eventually seem infinite as I study in awe. They are without end. I had similar dreams around age eight.

There is someone with a knife who is trying to kill an emu. There is a strange distortion in this in that there is a picture of it where it has hundreds of small wings. There is also an idea that my wife had another baby, but it is on its own and outside (although this is anachronistic in that it occurs in an older home in the USA before I met my wife). This “baby” is more like a smaller featherless emu - I am somewhat angry over how the emu/human/baby is seemingly on its own. I pick up my baby emu/human/mother/son(?) Many people are near me, including slaves from both Egypt and more modern times. There are flowers tied to a cage (recurring during this time period only). I ask an African-American (who seems to be from the 17th century - there are a mix of people from different eras) about working in a business office in his last “incarnation” and also talk to some supposed Egyptian slaves and others. There is a strong idea in my dream that “slavery” (relative to the human race in general) as such, now works at a more advanced, precise, and negative way than ever before (but far more subtle). A man goes up to an “infamous” woman and stabs her in the back at the same time she is stabbing someone else in the back, presumably out of revenge(?) She is not fully human, though (part emu?). Oddly, she tells him to stop doing what he is doing even though she should be dying at that point. The man seems to consider taking the knife out or becoming more violent to stop her from completing her act. I am not sure how it ends.

There is some sort of conspiracy involving Mesopotamia and the Tigris and Euphrates rivers - something to do with a “secret code” evolving with the alphabet relating directly to “clues” passed down for and by my “species” to survive in the world with the dominate species of “normal” humans. It goes on and on and on for seemingly an hour or so, but I can remember none of it.

Beautiful visionary states arise out of another “black fog” dream. It apparently has different implications than usual. The “black fog” is more and more solid, some sort of entity which becomes a gigantic face looking up from Earth into the sky. A face made of black soil, burnt wood, muddy water, and smoking ashes. The sky becomes a “face”. The “Sky-face” is made of ocean water, and cloud (water-vapor). I am trying to work out who is who. Is it Yin and Yang? There is a feeling of movement and spiral-related changes. I am not sure if the black fog in this case is “evil” and the sky is “good”, but I am aware of the relationship of “opposites”. The great “Sky-face” seems to invert when I fly around it (similar to the Necker cube illusion - that is - looking into a hollow as from the inside of a mask rather than from the outside). This divine(?) being immediately inverts itself instead of turning its head to make its face look in the opposite direction from where it was looking.

In real life, an emu named Mary was killed (this being the only time I ever dreamed of an emu being stabbed by a man and my dream’s scenario actually occurred in real life a block or so from where we live and at the same time as the dream). Link: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2009-02-0...-killer/281998

This is less of a childhood dream and more of a childhood dream fragment.

I am in my own neighborhood. It is wintertime. I encounter a robot that looks like Jonathan. (Persistent dream Nemesis) Don't ask me how I know it is a robot, I just do.
Well it is a robot, but it has a rubber skin to make it look like an actual person. I start having a fight with it for some reason. The robot is ridiculously strong, it can pick me up with one hand and throw me about 10 yards, and it does so repeatedly.
I eventually climb onto the robot's back and try to break its head off. I hear a snapping sound and see that the rubber skin has ripped around the neck and that sparks are flying out of the joint.
I am exhausted and beaten. I drop the defeated robot. I look down the street. About 20 of these robots are walking in a row shoulder to shoulder towards me. I run to my friend's house and bang on the door begging him to let me in. He will not. As the robots close in, panic takes hold of me and causes me to wake up.

I am a young east Indian woman living in an impoverished area with near a beach. I live with my husband, his parents, and another woman whom I call Auntie. My mother-in-law (MIL) and Auntie dote on me because I have no family of my own and I am pregnant. My husband and my father-in-law (FIL) work long hours during the day and are not around very often. In many ways the family is very traditional, but in other ways surprisingly liberal, as they permitted the marriage to my husband even though I was already pregnant with someone else's child. MIL and Auntie are convinced the child will be a boy, FIL remains silent on the issue, and my husband (who is always very kind to me) thinks it will be a girl becuase everyone else thinks it will be a boy. I do not tell my family, but somehow I instinctively or psychically know what the gender of the child is, and it is a girl.

The dream jumps ahead a few months and I have given birth to a girl like I knew I would. Despite wanting a boy, MIL and Auntie are happy to have a new addition to the family. The dreams jumps ahead again (it does this frequently) to when I am pregnant with my second child. I psychically know the child will be a boy but say nothing to the family since I know they are all hoping for a boy anyway. About the time I give birth to my son, FIL retires and it is up to my husband to support all of us by himself. We care very much for each other but we rarely get to spend time along together because of family obligations or one or both of us being too exhausted.

The dreams jumps ahead again. My daughter is now five years old and my son is now two. I am pregnant yet again. I have grown very close to MIL and Auntie but their traditional superstitions have them believing that bad fortune will befall the family soon. Unlike the previous pregnancies I have trouble telling what gender this child will be. I think it is a boy, though every time I close my eyes, put my hands on my belly and concentrate, a horrible sense of coldness and dread overcome me, but not because I sence anything evil, more like I am being engulfed in a vast, endless dark void. I do not tell anyone of these feelings.

Bad fortune does seem to befall the family early in my pregnancy though, as my husband loses his job, Auntie turns to prostituion for money, MIL falls ill and FIL becomes very depressed. FIL will not eat and soon he falls sick and dies. We have very little money from Auntie's street walking to buy food, and thus definately cannot afford to pay for creamation or ceremonial rites, so we have no choice but to leave FIL's body rotting in the streets just outside of our dismal hovel. MIL is soon consumed by a similar dispair that took FIL and we all fear that she will die soon. One night Auntie goes out to work the streets and never returns and all we can do is assume the worst.

When I am eight months pregnant a tall skinny man arrives at the door of our meger lodgings and claims to be my brother (he does look like one of my bros in real life actually). He says that he is worried about me having so many children and thinks that I should stop. My husband and MIL throw him out and warn him never to come back. The next morning there is a basket of fresh white lotus flowers outside of our door, which I am able to sell to street vendors and pedestrians for a few coins each because they are considered good luck by many people. MIL wants me to keep one for myself but I ignore her and sell the last one because I want to be able to afford to feed my newborn when it comes along. Almost immediately a terrible pain erupts in my abdomen and blood starts gushing from my vagina. I somehow make my way home, but it is too late - I have miscarried what would have been my second son. MIL and my husband are very sad and they shun me for awhile, which makes my grief over losing my third child even worse.

The dreams jumps ahead again and our family is experiencing more favourable times. I am close to MIL again, who is no longer sick or depressed, my husband is employed again, our surviving children are healthy and being educated, and I am pregnant again. This one is going to be a girl and I tell my MIL that I am able to predict the gender of the child, but didn't say anything before out of fear of being accused of insanity or witchcraft and being thrown out of the house. To my surprise MIL is very happy at my psychic ability and tries to convince me to use my powers to make money. I refuse because I fear that if I reveal to some expecting couples that they will have a girl rather than a boy, they will then voluntarily abort the female fetus or abandon the baby girl upon birth (which is a very real problem in India actually).


The dream ends there.

I believe this may be a past life dream.

Dream starts off with my dad and myself at a giant church which is also a busy tourist destination, though the denomination is not clear. The building is square and seems identical on each side, and it five several stories tall. The outside of the church has bricked pathways that encircle the building and each each side (compass direction) of the building is painted different bright, solid colours. I cannot remember all of them but recall that the south side of the building was painted dark blues and either dark purples or greens. The crowds are made up of many people of different backgrounds, as well as non-humans. There are alien like creature that look like they just stepped out of a science fiction film like Star Wars, while others are antropormorpic animals, dressed in human clothing. No one is bothered by the wide range of non-human creatures, as this is quite normal in this dream world and though I am not bothered by it, I do take note of it because in the dream I have never encountered non-human civilians before.

There is a a small castle or fortress to the north of the church, that is much bigger and made of plain grey bricks. The whole place is set upon a cliff and a tan brick wall keeps people from falling off the edge into a churning ocean. Between the pathways and buildings are elaborate and beautiful gardens filled with many fragrant flowers. It is forbidden by law to touch or damage the flowers and benches are provided all along the cobbled pathways so that people can sit and admire them.

Along the pathways themselves are many sculptures, both abstract and figurative, that seem to have nothing to do with religion, made in a variety of different media. My dad and I are between the north end of the church and the fortress, looking at a brown (bronze?) sculpture. My dad asks me "Do you see him?" and points up. There is a little figure of a burly, bearded man dressed as a lumber jack and carrying a large axe over his shoulder. The rest of the statue itself looks like a crude replica of the Eiffel Tower. My dad is reading a plaque on the side of the statue about what it represents. I leave him to have a quick look around and encircle the church (and thus discover its different coloured sides) before I find my dad on the east side looking at some plastic, light blue and white triangular peices that are slightly curled, that I think are supposed to represent waves of water or something.

I am feeling impatient because I want to leave the crowded pathways and look inside the church, for that is I thought we had come there for. Eventually we do made our way inside, through the south entrance (as that is the only one open, the others are sealed). The inside seems warm and inviting, everything is made of wood and it looks like a simple cottage with a long hall down the middle. To the immediate right there is a small dining room where several (Christian) nuns sit around a dining table in front of empty plates and glasses made of fine porceline. They are dressed casually (wool sweaters, cotton skirts, slippers) and their nun headresses are grey, not black. They at first ignore us and the stready flow of people coming in and out of the entrance. I notice, and point out to my dad, burning embers on the dark brown wooded floor of the dining room, which the nuns have not seen or simply ignore.

We begin to stamp the embers out, as some of them are quite large and could possibly cause a fire, and only then does one elderly nun take notice of what we are doing and joins us in our stamping. When the embers are out she provides no possible explaination of what could have caused it but takes us on a personal tour which ends at a cramped but homely kitchen at the end of the hall. Many of the rooms along the way are sealed with heavy wooden doors and I cannot see inside them, while others are open, though windowless and dark and look mearly like the inside of a chapel with rows of pews and alters filled with candles, some burning and some not. Despite this there are not religious icons or statues anywhere and the only indictation that the building is a church so far is the casually dressed nuns walking the halls.

The elderly nun (who looks like the mother from James Cameron's Titanic) takes us to the second floor which is a special priviledge that the rest of the tourists are not afforded apparently, and it is much different in style the the main floor. Monks in brown cloaks wander the halls silently and avoid making eye contact with anyone and go out of their way to walk around. The walls and floors are made of plain grey bricks and there are many twisting passageways along the hall that go either up or down, yet do not contain stairs and hare been paved smooth and flat.

I ask the nun why this is so and she merely responds that it is to accomadate the many tourists in wheelchairs or those pushing strollers. She also mentions that the basement levels can only be reached by these twisting passages. At the end of one hall there is a large bay window and to the left of that there is a large red curtain from which silent monks enter and leave. A black man with a white turban, dressed in a dark blue robe decorated with silver five pointed stars and crescent moons, stares silently out of the window with a very sad expression on his face. He glances over his shoulder briefly and makes eye contact with me, before quickly looking away and returning his sad gaze out the window. I have a strong desire to speak with him, as I sense he holds much wisdom, but I do not because he seems so sad and unapproachable.

To the right of the bay window, there are two of the twisting passages, one going up and one going down. From the windowless passage going down an eerie green glow eminates. The passage going up has a single wooden frame window with a vase of daisies and seems more welcoming.

As I sit there and contemplate which passage I would like to take, the one going up (consciousness, the easy path) or the one going down (unconsciousness, the harder path) a tour group emerges from the passage going down. It seems to be a group of children lead by a middle aged man but they are all wearing radioactive protective suits that cover there whole bodies and trudge with great weariness as if their trek has been long and arduous. The sight of them needed such protection to explore the lower realm kind of scares me into impulsively running for the passage leading up. I quickly look over my shoulder and notice that dad is gone, as is the man at the window, and the hall is empty of monks, but the nun remains and smiles warmly at me, but she says nothing. Despite her reassuring glance, I scramble up the ascending path with no thoughts or expectations in my mind, like a scared animal being chased by something unseen.

The dream changes. I am suddenly in the castle north of the church, in a grand passageway that while still twisting upwards, is decorated with artworks and elegance befitting of a royal building. It is also much wider, does not slant so steeply and is lighted by large windows bordered by elaborate tapestries. People still wander the halls, but instead of nuns and monks, are woman and men dressed richly in Renaissance fashions of courtiers and aristocrats. A few of them saunter by me and sneer as they do so. I am not dressed as finely as they and instead have on a simple brown dress with a grey undershirt and light grey apron. I have read hair and know immediately that I have transformed into my deam incarnet, Kalima. I look out one of the large windows and can see the square, multicoloured church still surrounded by gardens and sculpures, though the cobblestone pathways are empty of modern-looking tourists and filled with merchants and vendors, peasants and aristocrats, human and non-human alike, bustling around in a budy medieval townscape.

I cannot consciously recall the previous part of the dream now and though I can sense that I do not belong here, and feel out of place, the farmiliarity of everything I am seeing makes me think that I have always been here. I unconsciously grasp at something hidden underneath my collar: a small silk bag containing a polished peice of jade hangs around my neck on a thin strap of leather. I keep it hidden because I feel that if anyone saw it, they would believe that I had stolen it, as it would seem too expensive for a mere peasant as myself to own such a thing. Beyound sentimental and material value, this peice of jade is magical and allows me to see beyond the constraints of the physical world, as well as grant me some minor magical powers. Through the Jade I can see the Truth at all times, and if someone were to discover it and take it away, I fear that I would be rendered powerless and blind.

Touching the Jade, I can feel its power, which pulsates with a warm but sharp electrical current, even through the rough cotton of my shirt and the thick silk bag that contains it. It jars my consciousness and I suddenly remember what I am supposed to be doing, though the sudden awareness is fragmented: Meeting friends. Finding and freeing a captive lion. Saving a King. I cannot compel the peice of Jade which, while still apart of me, is like an entity all unto its own, to show me more and I know that it reveals only what I need to know and it is up to me to figure out the rest.

I decend the winding passageway down to the main floor of the castle and meet a group of people whom I know are my friends. We came here out of curiousity at first, to see the castle, though later for an important task revealed to me through the Jade. My friends, who are all older than me by a few years, know of my power, and trust and protect me with great care. They are all humans except for one, who is a small antropormorphic ant like creature (about two inches tall) who is very wise and acts as our teacher and guide. He usually rides on someone's shoulder, since he is much too small to keep up with us walking on his own, and he greatly fears being crushed to death by being stepped on. All of us are orphans and outcasts and we have no one else in the world save for each other.

We find a lion in a cage and release it before the guards and discover us. We make are way through the lower parts of the castle and it is confusing and maze like. We are captured by some guards and brought before the King. My peice of Jade suddenly sends me a message about the King's life being in danger. I try to tell him so but he doesn't believe me. The lion captors have some how recaptured the lion and now use it as a weapon, making the poor creature attack and kill anyone it comes across, and beating it severely if it does not comply. The captors are just outside of the throne room when a soldier comes and tells the king what is happening. He finally believes me that his life is in danger and I use my magic peice of Jade to create and illusion so that my friends, the King and I can escape. We follow a secret passage revealed by the King behind the throne and it leads to the outside of the castle, but over the ocean and we have to jump into the water.

When I get out of the water I am seperated from my friends in the crowds of people outside the castle and for some reason my peice of Jade transformed me into a lion. I am immediately captured by the cruel lion tamers, who take my peice of Jade without which I cannot revert back. The King meanwhile regroups what soldiers he has left and surrounds and captures the would be assassins. I discover that I am able to revert back to human form under my own power and so not need the Jade. My friends and I are rewarded and we are no longer poor peasants. My friends take up residence in the castle, but I feel out of place because I vaguely remember my dad looking at the art outside of the castle and I leave to "find my way back home."


The dream ends there.

This is the second dream I had on October 7th, 2008.


It is sometime in future. Starts off with young students excavating remains of ancient school and many small bones of children are found. The remains of only one adult is found and not only is the body completely intact, but it is Vincent Valentine. He wakes up with little prodding and flies outside where he tries to jump straight up a very tall brick wall (or side of building) to escape the curiousty of the children, (and his own confusion at where he is).

He is able to jump dozens of feet in the air but despite several attempts he falls just short of reaching the top. Exausted he collapses in a pool of blood which has formed below him. He wakes up in a vat of thick milky/clear liquid in a futuristic looking room. The group of children who initially discovered him surround the vat and stare intently. Vincent is uncomfortable because he is still confused about what is going on and also completely naked and his golden claw is gone.

He tries to escape using speed and agility, and finds that he can partially air- and water- bend, which is useful when demons show up and try to capture him. He also discovers that he can temporarily make himself invisible as well as strong enough to smash through concrete and tear through metal. Somewhere along the way he acquires a pair of black pants which he aquires from a particularily difficult red and black horned demon after he defeats it.

Vincent escapes but ends up in a room filled with creatures that are half demonic and half machine. He cannot hide through invisibility from them but they also do not attack. It is like a giant business office but disorganized and hellish, and covering everything are tiny multicoloured entities called nanoites that are the workhorse of this operation. They outnumber the robodemons but are enslaved to them and at first seem non-sentient and complacent.

A few robodemons are just chillin' and ask say Vincent his name, and ask that he be inspected/processed by some nanos. He doesn't tell them his real name and instead tells them that his name is "Chaos," which impresses the robodemons. Millions of tiny nanos inspect his body and report that he is an advanced machine. Vincent is confused, but says nothing. At this point Vincent notices that on the wrist of his left arm is a tattoo with multipul triangles and/or a diamond shape. As the nanos run over his body his mind briefly connects with their collective consciousness and for the first time he realizes that they are a sentient entity entirely on their own.

Being briefly connected with the nanos Vincent sees the fabric of existence that makes up this future and sees a gargantuan machine creature that asserts and protects the robodemon's domination of the world by devouring anything the robodemons comand it to. Its body capacity is unaffected by normal physics and it can go between physical reality (consciousness) and digital reality (unconsciousness) at will. While the nanos exist within most things in this world, they cannot overcome such a formitable foe and are thus forced into servitude by those that command the digital beast.

In the same futuristic demonic office Vincent meets some fellow organic humans (slaves to the robodemons) and complains about the lack of shoes (he keeps stepping on tiny nanoites that look like humans) and the robodemons agree to let a few of their human slaves take Vincent into the human world to buy some footwear. There are three burly looking men covered in scars and tattoos and two women. One is a platnium blond who eyes Vincent suspiciously and the other is a pretty and thin brunette woman who attaches herself to Vincent's arm and leads him down and out of the robodemon's futuristic world.

While the buildings and things in the robodemon's world are advanced technologically, most of the human settlements and technologies are primitive and many of the objects that people use and wear were dug up in excavations of the "old world," which the pretty brunette explains was the time before "the Reckoning" when most of the world was organic, before the robodemons appeared and enslaved the organic world to their futuristic technologies. One of the men mention something about it being 1.5 million years since that time but Vincent has trouble believing that he has slept for that long and the the world he once knew and the people in it are completely gone.

The shoes that he is shown are silly and retro, one pair being ridiculously oversized. He finds a decent pair of black leather boots which he is given for free because the human slaves believe he is a robodemon and regard him with great fear induced respect.

At some point the platnum blond talks to Vincent and reveals that her name is Lucretia. Vincent is shocked but she explains that she was named after St. Lucretia, the Lady of the Crystal, who is secretly a hero for the humans because she fought valiantly against the robodemons and allowed some humans to initially fight back and remain free from the demons for a time. There was a religion centered around St. Lucretia but the robodemons stamp out any external signs of it and thus the reverence for her sacrifice are often carried out in secret. It brings Vincent much peace to know that his former lover ended her life in an act of bravery and not suffering.

The blond Lucretia eventually reveals that she wants a perfect and immortal machine body like the robodemons and that it is she who has been betraying the hidden settlements of rebel humans to the technological oppressors. In exchange she has been promised a machine body for her loyalty. Vincent is infuriated not only at the desecration of his former love's name, but also when the blond tries to kill the brunette, with whom he was starting to develop feelings for. They fight and though the details are fuzzy, the blond dies, not by Vincent's hand, but because she is betrayed by the robodemons, who mock her inferior organic body to her death. Vincent now knows that his awakening and is new powers are needed. He makes it his goal to defeat the robodemons and free the organic world from their technological oppression.

He rallies the organic humans to fight and distract the robodemons while he forces his way into their central stronghold. Vincent starts battling the giant digital monster that allows the robodemons to control the world. Between Vincent's new god-like powers, and the giant digital monster's devouring of the physical and etheral deimensions, holes are ripped open through space and time. Vincent uses his powers to blast parts of the creature (and the essence that it is feeding on/being powered by) to bits.

Through his physical body does not change, Vincent can feel the entity Chaos, the harbinger of doom of the old world, working through him once again. After a long and epic battle, which lays waste to most of the world, he defeats the demon, then destroys the robodemon's strongholds on the world and thus frees the nanoites and remaining humans alike.

The collective consciousness of the nanoites explain that his purely organic yet immortal body was necessary to fight the robodemons since there are no nanoites in his body for them to control, (since all of the other "organics" of the world, plant or animal, have nanoites embedded in their genetic make up). Now that the oppressors were gone the organic world could flourish again since the nanoites could not grow or reproduce themselves and relied on their organic hosts to do that for them. In return the nanoites gather memories and feelings of the lives experienced by the individual organic humans and add that knowledge to their collective consciousness. There would be a balance between organic and technological, with not one being better or dominant over the other, but working together to create and sustain life in perfect harmony.

After telling Vincent what became of his friends in the world he once knew in the past (and revealing that his new brunette lover is actually the reincarnation of Rosso the Crimson) the nanoites offer to release his consciousness to the lifestream, or allow him to live on in this new world, where his immense god like powers will remain intact. Vincent chooses to live in the new world and while uncomfortable with the new religion which has begun centered around him by the greatful humans, he looks forward to watching, with the reincarnated Rosso and new human friends, the newly freed technorganic world recover and develop.


Whoa, dude! I think I've been playing way too much Dirge of Cerberus!

This technically isn't my first memory, but it was the first memory that I remembered. For whatever reason, my memories happened out of order. My actual first memory was the Christmas party of 2006.

I remember being on a car trip with my mom. After that happened, I saw me and my mom in my house in the doorway to the kitchen. I was depicted as a generic baby. You know, the kind that has one hair on it's head, one tooth, and a generic blue one piece pajama outfit. My mom said something to my grandma, and then my grandma replied with something. I then woke up to my grandma telling me about how awesome I am.

August 27, 2008:
One of my rare positive dreams.

I was sleeping in my mother's room on her bed for this one, which isn't usual for me but her bed is softer and my back hurt a lot.

As I was beginning to fall asleep I started to dream that shadowy grey figures were shuffling around the bed, they were wearing grey cloaks and had veils over their faces. I was sort of scared but then another figure appeared who was a humanoid with golden hair, and announced himself as a "golden" something, at which point a bubble of light began to expand from our bodies to fill the room. The shadowy figures couldn't withstand this and disintegrated. The light filled all of the corners of the room and then expanded beyond it and my new friend and I flew around inside of a bubble of light. He demonstrated that he could expand or contract the bubble, and then the dream faded into the blackness that's usually deep sleep for me.

Most of the general items and fashions in this dream appear to be from the mid to late 1800s, though most of the transportation machines that appear look like they came from the 1930s-40s.


I am a Gypsy and travelling but do not know my destination. I appear to be in my late teens and have nothing with me except for the ragged brown dress and light blue handknit sweater I am wearing. My meager worldy possessions are in a faded green corderoy bag. I am alone and very pregnant. I do not know where the father is as he is never mentioned in the dream. I feel mistrustful of most of the people that appear in this dream, as well as unfairly judged by them because of my youth and pregnancy.

At the beginning of this dream I am sitting in a glass bus terminal on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. It is night time and raining hard. The only nearby lighting is old fashioned oil burning street lamp which really does not supply a lot of light. Beyond the immaediate area around the lamp and a little bit inside the terminal everything is utterly, pitch black. I can see faint yellow and red lights flickering in the distance, but I have no idea what they are. I am waiting for a bus that will take me to a nearby port. There lies a ship that I know I am supposed to board but I do not know how because I have neither money nor a ticket.

After a while of sitting a bus does come along and it appears that it came from the 1950s or early 60s. There are several unsavory looking men taking up most of the seats at the front of the bus so I head to the empty seats at the back. They all stop talking and leer at me as I walk by which makes me feel nervous and fearful. The bus is well lit and clean and I stare out the window as it travels, though I can still see nothing through the darkness outside. I am uncomfortably aware of the men at the front talking quietly amongst themselves then shooting leering glances in my direction and laughing coarsely.

The bus arrives at the port and all of the passengers disembark. It then turns around and drives back the way it came, eventually disappearing into the darkness. The lighting of the port is dim but much better than at the bus stop. The only ship in the port is docked beside the only building, which is multistoried, made of concrete and painted white. I am not sure exactly where to go so I cautiously follow the group of men who also disembarked from the bus, but they do not head towards the ship like I hope and instead go to a pickup truck parked on the far side of port and drive off.

There is a large group of people outside a set of glass doors and they appear to also be Gypsies seeking passage on the ship. A man with a goatee and dressed in a black navy uniform stands between the people and the door and is telling everyone that they cannot board the ship. Many of the Gypsies hand the man wads of cash or jewelry and he quickly waves them inside. It is not long before most of the people are inside and the few who were rejected linger around the port. The rain no longer pours and slows down to a gentle trickle. An elderly Gypsy couple arrive late and convince the man at the door to let me in along with them. He accepts only when they produce an acceptable bribe.

Once on the ship we join with the rest of the Gypsies and are told that there is no rooms available and the only space available is on the floor in secluded halls and storage rooms or out on the deck. Everyone scrambles to find space inside and the few unlucky ones who have to go out onto the deck try to find spots out of the wind and rain. Because we are the last ones to board, the elderly couple and I try to make ourselves comfortable undernearth a lifeboat, but it is hard to crawl under for them because of their age, and for me becuase of my bulging belly.

I do not know how much time passes, but the ship is far out at sea and though it is still dark, the ambient lighting of the scene allows me to see practically everything. The rain has stopped but the temperature drops drastically, almost to the point where I can see my breath. I am laying on the open deck looking up at the sky. It is overcast with thick, dark grey and maroon coloured clouds. I stand up and look over the rail. The water is choppy and dark, and I can see icebergs in the distance all around the ship. An old man who looks like the captain of the Titanic (as portrayed by Bernard Hill in James Cameron's film) dressed in a white and blue navy uniform comes out and asks me if I would like to sleep inside. When I say yes he takes me to a room with eight cots in it. The small beds look like hospital gurneys and have lime green burlap blankets on them. The room is devoid of people but seven of the beds look like they have been slept in and have bags and coats thrown around nearby I recognize the possessions as Gypsy in origin. There is one bed left and it is in the far corner of the room against the wall. I lay down upon it, using my corderoy bag as a pillow, and fall asleep almost immediately.

I have a dream within a dream.

I am sitting on a bench outside of the white building back at the port when an old fashioned pickup truck drives up and stops in front of me. The leering men on the bus are in the truck and they try to convince me to get in with them. I say no and try to ignore them, but two jump out of the back of the truck and grab me by the arms and try to force me into the vehicle. I kick and scream and out of nowhere a police officer with short black hair and dressed in a modern uniform appears and tells the men to let me go. He then warns them to leave and not come back. The leering men get back into their truck and mumble angrily as they drive off. The police officer encourages me to keep going on my journey before disappearing as mysteriously as he appeared.

I wake up to a room filled with people. The other Gypsies have returned and most of them are not happy to see me as they paid heavily in bribes to get into that room and I was given a bed for free. Some of them also vocalize their disapproval of the shame of me being a single unwed mother, especially one travelling alone, but they speak to each other and not address me directly. I ignore their jeers and go out to visit the kind elderly couple on the deck, but they are nowhere to be found. It is still dark and icebergs still surround the ship but there are more of them and they are much closer. The ship seems to be heading for a large featureless landscape in the distance that looks like either a beach with cliffs or a glacier.