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WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

*This is a very rough draft*


two women, two children, and had my dad been there before what I remember?
we were in a rushed situation (after the tidal wave fragment?)
in a house/cabin on high ground

I realized the two women were abandoning us
i argued about me being left responsible for the children and that we all needed to help
they were in the car about to drive away. I got in.
their hair looked nice, long
one was up in a pony tail
their hair was important to them

selfish, uncaring women
they started to drive off
I fucked up their hair angrily
pulling her band out of her hair and throwing it out the window
doing something else, also rather ineffectual, to the other one’s hair
I started to leave the car to go back to the children

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

This dream is from the night before the night before last


Book-ended Children

Children running down a sloping sidewalk that curved back and forth. Stone wall along the sidewalk. Cobblestone ground. My consciousness looking down on them as they ran toward “me”. Saying to myself I remember this, I remember reading this. My mom was showing me another reel.

There was something forced about what the children were doing. they didn’t like it but they did relatively well at pretending. I think I knew more about why, that it had something to do with the parents, but I don’t recall now.

Mom put on another old reel. it seemed to be of my father’s side of the family. I knew he would like to see it and wondered at my mom having it instead of him.

In waking life my father idealizes tradition and is also an extraordinarily creative and brilliant man. I think he idealizes being a child, simple carefree yet responsible times. He was a “hippie” black sheep in his family when he was younger. That side of my family had a lot of power that was used for massive capitalistic gains and political influence. There is corruption, greed, addiction, and yet amazing intelligence and creativity smattered around the people. I am curious and feel it is important to know more about this family history. It also makes me feel sick to think of knowing more. My fascination and desire to know the different sides of my family (and myself) usually wins out, though. Well, at least in the internal battles of which I am aware.

I watched the reel on an old contraption that displayed more like a television than a projector. My mom stood to the side, close to the moving picture.

Soft thwacking noises like an old projector. I could almost see the frames as they shuffled past, specks and lines of light flashing and morphing with them.

A man (I think a/the/[my?] father), somber and proud like in older photographs, sat on the right, looking at the camera. The children to the left of him in their sitting positions, and then sat a huge man in a tuxedo complete with tailcoat. The two men were like bookends, the children between them. We’d only been watching it a minute, and mom already wanted to change reels. I said no, I want to see them when they move. I said their body language would be very significant, would show me more about who they actually are. It felt intensely important and I was riveted.

The large, hulking man stood and walked to the right. Maybe 8 or 9 feet tall, who knows, maybe 10. Big, round belly, sloped shoulders. (He reminds me of the way my maternal grandpa looked when he was dying of cancer, that same kind of oval shape, but much more extreme, and more solid and thick.) I didn’t think he was a family member of mine. The father (it was my impression I think, though perhaps it was a waking reflection) stood and slowly walked to the right. I watched his body carefully (from where the audience would be if there was one) and couldn’t tell much about him from the way he walked. It was so slow, as if he was favoring physical pain. His stiffness swallowed up his personality.

There were a lot of dream characters projecting their personae in this dream, like they were conforming to older, more serious social pressures. Personae that were hollow yet strong. Weak, deep, and shallow and full of tightly woven rules.

I feel an association between the father dream character and my paternal great grandfather, father of my father's father. I never knew him. It makes sense, given my grandfather’s and his brother’s dichotomies, success and greed for one, creativity and susceptibility in the other. Or so I've interpreted and oversimplified.

The trickle of this history of family emotions is a reason I think this song taps a large body of water inside me.



“I am out here studying stones
trying to learn to be less alive
using all of my will to keep very still
still even on the inside

I've cut all the pertinent wires
so my eyes won't make their connections
I am holding my breath
I am feigning my death
when I'm looking in your direction

...when all the forbidden fruit is fallen and rotted
well that's when I'm gonna come down"

Even if they’re partial hogwash, I feel love flowing from new understandings.

DELETED

1. I'm looking after a classroom of children, but we are not in a classroom. Two of the boys get in a fight, and the smaller, scrawnier one ends up on top with his foot on the other boy's neck. He is stepping down as hard as he can, and I realize that he is trying to kill him. I am shocked at this behavior from such young children. I break up the fight, and I grab the scrawny boy and push him into the hallway. I scold him furiously but he seems to have no remorse for his actions. His head is covered by a tightly fitting glass dome.

2. I'm looking at this magical board that is covered in numbers. I have to find the right numbers for a certain task. I am inside some sort of strange shop. I get the feeling that I work here. There is another woman nearby, and I think that she works in the shop as well. She reaches for something on one of the shelves, and pulls off another board like the one I am using. I try to warn her against using that board, because I remember that bad things have happened to others who have used it. Before I can fully explain to her the dangers, she passes out and hits the floor with a sickening thud. I run over to her and see that there is blood seeping from her ear.

3. I'm skateboarding around town, and for once I can actually stay on the board.

4. I'm lying on a floor, unable to get up or speak. There is a dream character standing over me, and he keeps saying things about how he wants to save me. I get the feeling that I am dead or dying, and that is why I am unable to communicate. The dream character says he wants to give me a healthy perspective on life and fix all the distortions in my thinking. He leans closer to me, and I notice that there is some words or symbols tattooed on his chest that have started to glow. They glow brighter and brighter as he comes closer to me until everything disappears in a flash of white.

I was waiting in line or something trying to register myself as a character for the LD Video Game.

--

I was back at school in a class with my head on the desk. I was asleep. I knew I had to wake up to get to my own class. I was already late, so I made myself wake up. I was scared about getting into my class late.

I got up and as I walked out, I looked at the teacher. She didn't look at me. As I looked for my class, I said hi to an old acquaintance by his last name "Zski" (though I used his complete last name). I said hello to an old teacher "Mrs. Jpe" (used real last name), and I gave her a hug. I saw an old friend "Swn Tnnt." I was nervous that I couldn't find my class room. What was I, stupid?

The End
--

I was walking along outside when I saw a large trash can--the type supplied by trash companies.

The lid was open and there was a girl about 5 yrs old, and two babies in the trash. They were sleeping--kind of. I was terrified for them. Someone with me stood up inside the trash can.

I told the DC to be careful a few times, but he/she kept almost stepping on the head of one of the babies. Finally they weren't standing in the trash can anymore.

I asked the girl who was the care taker of the babies if they wouldn't rather just sleep outside in nature, but I realized that that could be dangerous

I was thinking about helping them somehow. Then there were only two girls and they were older now. One took off her pants the way entertainers do with special pants designed to come completely away by ripping them off. Both were cute.

Then I was with my brother I think. He climbed into the back of a pup-truck and I followed. I told him he shouldn't sit on the tail gate, but he wouldn't listen. I don't really know where we were going.

The End

Note: In order for this dream to make sense, you must know that right now I live in a suburb of Tokyo. My family has actually been given potassium iodide, but have not been directed to take it yet (and probably won't, we're pretty far away from Fukushima and aren't in any real danger).

I am walking down an unknown hallway trying to get home. I see my one-year-old daughter, and she has a pack of potassium iodide pills in her hand. She is waving them at me as she toddles over. "You don't need those." I say. "We're very far away from the power plant." I take the pills from her and we exit through a door at the end of the hallway. I get tired of waiting for her to walk, so I pick her up and carry her. I see that I am at a part of the base where you have to cross an offbase highway and reenter through another gate. My house is on the other side. I see that (in my dream but not IRL) the crosswalk that goes over the highway fell in the earthquake and I have to cross at street level. As I head to the gate, the gate guard grabs my daughter from me and begins to strap her to a gurney. She starts crying and I scream at him to give her back, but they won't listen. Out of nowhere comes my husband, who decks the guy with my daughter and snatches her away. My son is with him.
We get back to my house and grab our luggage, and get into the car. As we are heading out, the gate guard on the other side stops us and says that if we leave, we need to take some gurneys with us. We pack them into the back of the van and head off down ruined streets (again not IRL, the area I live in didn't get much damage).

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I needed to go to the bathroom really bad. I was running into a public restroom. Some woman, possibly a pretty, young woman and possibly my mother, was using the first stall I saw.

I was apparently wearing a pair of pink panties under my pants, and I didn't want there to be any chance of the woman in the stall seeing me. So I ran to a set of stalls at the far end of the restroom.

Two stalls were inside a larger, stall-like area. One of the stalls didn't have any lock, or even a handle, on its door. I had gone inside it, but now I ran out. I ran to the next stall. The lock on this stall's door was really loose. But I decided it was good enough. If somebody tried to push it open, I'd have enough time to reach up and push the door closed.

I sat down on the toilet and started peeing (?). Before my eyes I now saw a list of films by Werner Herzog. They all seemed to star Claudia Cardinale, as if she were Herzog's main actor. Each film would have a description below it. The descrption was in a thin column. Some descriptions were just a small paragraph. Others were almost a page long.

I caught sight of a few descriptions of some films. The films all had a theme of a woman sinning or doing something to betray somebody, usually a man, and then having to go through retribution for all this, apparently from fate, by being put through all kinds of weird, embarrassing, or painful situations.

I couldn't quite remember what the Herzog films were which I'd seen starring Claudia Cardinale. But it didn't seem like this was the theme of those films at all. So I scanned through the list (how? It seems now like the list was just some image scrolling in the air before my eyes), looking for the films I was familiar with.

Something I read said that Herzog's later films with Cardinale got weirder and weirder, and that the women characters kept being put through more and more absurd situations. I saw some later films, some as late as 1986. But then I saw "one of Herzog's first films" listed. It was called Yvonne Rainier, and it was from 1910.

Apparently this film had something to do with a nun who'd betrayed a man, probably a priest, and the trials she'd had to go through as "fate's retribution" after this.

I now had a vision of a black and white film, almost as if I were watching from some place within the film. There was possibly some old, small chapel that had something of a medieval style to it. Some nuns were standing outside the church, talking to each other. The film was a sound film, and it seemed like the setting was America in the 1950s.

There was a nun in white. She was the main character. Now a couple of priest-like men walked past the nuns with a group of schoolchildren. The group walked into a spacious, lawny cemetery that was right next to the chapel.

The priests stopped the students in front of what was an apparently important grave. The grave had some kind of tall, church-shaped marker. Before the marker were two rows of small, stone markers.

Horror of drugs (That aren't marijuana)

I was in a big parking lot on the side of a highway. I was there to make a drug deal with two other people that I didn't know. I kept getting nervous because cars kept driving really fast through the parking lot. I kept thinking that one of them would be a cop. We were about to give up on finding the drugs, when one of the people I was with saw it. He reached his hand down a gutter and pulled out a plastic bag full of adderall pills.

Later, time skipped some and I had taken some adderall at my house. I felt sped up and kind of light headed. My old friend JP had come over, which was strange because our friendship ended on pretty bad terms. I knew that he had come over, but I couldn't find him anywhere in the house. I knew something was wrong, so I went out into the garage and JP was sitting in my car, in the passenger side seat. In the driver seat there was a little girl who JP was helping smoke out of my pipe. She had blond hair and looked as though she was two to three years old. I had never seen her before.

I opened the car door and grabbed the pipe from the girl, putting it in my pocket. I put out my hand towards the plastic bag full of pills that JP was holding, but he held back. I told him that he could keep the pills. I didn't want them because I could get in trouble with them. I then picked up the girl and felt her shaking. She had smoked crushed up adderall pills out of my pipe. I asked JP how much she had smoked. I forgot what he said. I told him how bad it was and that I may have to take her to the hospital. When I said this I looked at the girl to make sure she didn't understand what I was saying. I asked him if he did it just to get back at me or something.

He said "Honestly, yes."

I then told him that I wouldn't be the one paying for it and that it was worse for the little girl than me.

He was now in the back of my car and three girls were in the car with him. At this point the little girl had disappeared from my hands. I asked them why they didn't stop him and they all they said that they didn't know it was harmful. I called them all names over and over. I started to leave to go inside and they followed me to the door. They all started to look pretty nervous as I threatened how much trouble they would be in. I went in and walked past my parents in the living room going straight to my room. I held the pipe in my pocket to make sure it didn't fall out. I would put it away before I told my parents what was going on.

Strange club

I was with this girl who needed to get home to Texas from where we were at. She had blond, shoulder length hair and blue eyes. I think we were in a major city in California. We had maybe come from Yellowstone. We hadn't traveled very far though, so my dream logic must have failed me and thought that California was close to Yellowstone.

I started to drive her out into the city a bit to find a hotel. Later she told me that the next day I would need to drive her to Iowa to catch a plane home. I told her that I couldn't and that she would have to take a bus or something. For some reason I felt scared to not take her. After I told her that I couldn't take her she said that she had no reason to live. She turned into an old woman with messy, gray hair and went out in traffic, getting hit by a vehicle. She splattered into a white liquid material after being hit.

Time skipped and I then ended up in this club in the same city. It was just a huge slab of concrete with people dancing everywhere. I found a section that was for gay people and everybody said that it was where I belonged. There was a train of eight to ten guys rubbing against each other. Most of them were old, black men. I didn't really feel comfortable with this. I tried to leave but was frozen and couldn't move for a second. I finally got away from it.

I sat down next to some other people. Then a person started to speak to us from a stage at the front. He told us that the brown squares on the floor were made of something special. He let us guess for a while what they were made out of and some of the people around us thought it something dangerous. He then said that if there were any thieves that he was afraid they would take what it was. He then revealed to us that the brown squares were marijuana. The people around me tore some of the pieces from the floor and said they were taking some home.

I then grabbed my suitcase and started to leave. It fell open though and I noticed that another suitcase had been inside of it. This suitcase was unzipped and I could see that it was completely empty. I hadn't packed any of my clothes when I left Yellowstone and was scared I would have to go back to where I was to get them. I thought about calling my parents to ask what I should do.

Plans: I didn't have any specific plans for tonight, though I was rather expecting a DDO based dream since I have been playing a lot of DDO lately… My main goal is still to have more consistent recall, as that has been very unpredictable lately. I have some recall from last night, and here it is.

Hell Is For Children
I am in a dungeon like the kind that is found in the online game DDO, Dungeons and Dragons Online. I am there looking for some prisoners, a woman in a nearby town has told me that the kobolds have kidnapped several children and are holding them captive in these very caves. Of all weird things, I have a log book in my pocket and I am able to look back over the goals I have for this quest. Find and rescue all of the children, 5 left. Kill Sagun Krent, who is apparently one of the leaders of the kobolds. Kill Darren Drexel, who is a human traitor, and apparently helped the kobolds get hold of the children in the first place. Destroy the kobold dungeon (optional) is on the end of the list. Ok, so now that I have the goals memorized, I put the log in my pocket and form Witchblade into a sword and armor. The dungeon is pretty basic, there are quite a few kobolds guarding the place, and also quite a few barrels and crates to smash, I am finding a decent amount of money. I find a locked door quite a ways in, and the kobold guarding the door has the key, so I kill that kobold and go into the main prison area. There are a few more kobolds there, I kill them, and then use some thieves tools I have on me to pick the locks to the prison cells that each have a child in them. Four children. One left. I have two girls and two boys with me, they all grab daggers from a pile of weapons stashed in the corner, not wanting to be defenseless. We look for fifth child. There is a torture room, the girl is naked and chained to a table with a kobold on top of her, forcing himself on her. Before I can act, the other four children swarm the kobold, stabbing it with their daggers, it falls off the girl and bleeds to death. Pick the locks on the girl's chains, find some rags to use as temporary clothing, she is more traumatized than the others. On the way out Sagun Krent blocks our exit. I fight him, the traitor Darren Drexel tries to grab the kids, the four stab him to death. The one girl is huddled on the floor. I kill Sagun Krent. All mandatory tasks complete. Now I can recall… no recall button? Of course not! This isn't a game! Kids and I make our way out, killing a few lingering kobolds on the way. I notice some barrels of explosives near the entrance, convenient, so once we're all outside, I detonate them with an energy ball, and the entrance to the cave collapses. All goals complete. I lead the kids back to the town, I use a healing spell on the one girl to help her overcome her trauma. Parents are thrilled to see their kids, want to give me rewards, but I wake up


One Woman Army
I am in the town of Korthos from DDO, and everyone is in a state of panic. I ask someone what is going on, he says the city is about to be overrun by devourer servants… not on my watch! I go to the front gate where there are a few warriors trying to hold the gates, there are many enemies just outside it. I say I will fight, they say it's too late, and they can't open the gates, they need to give the people a chance to escape. I jump over the gate and I am now facing a huge group of surprised enemies, that seem to be made up of sahuagin, various classes of human devourer minions, kobolds, zombies, and skeletons. What a nice mix. I use an Alex Mercer archetype and form my arms both into his sword blades and charge directly into the group, cutting enemies down as I charge through them, they are momentarily too surprised to respond much, this is totally unexpected. I am in the middle of the group now and I use a tendril barrage devastator attack and send razor sharp tendrils through all of the enemies anywhere near me, huge numbers of enemies of all kinds are killed by this. Now the ones who had been ready to attack are being killed before their attacks can actually land, others are just trying to get out of the path of my attacks. It's the devourer forces who are now panicking, they hadn't realized that many of them could be killed that quickly, so many of them are running away, the leaders are getting pissed and saying it's only one person, kill her, you cowards. There is one leader each, a devourer priest, a sahuagin priestess, a kobold chief, and a necromancer that is of a race I don't recognize. The human priest is closest, so I form one hand into an Alex Mercer claw and crush his neck to shut him up. I use a tendril from my left hand to pull the sahuagin priestess to me and then cut her in two with a blade formed of my right hand. I charge at the kobold chief and knock him to the ground, then impale him there with three tendrils… the necromancer is running, leaving undead to guard his back. I use a variant of Alex Mercer's ground spike attack, sending biomass into the ground that erupts through the ranks of the undead in a wave that keeps going until it catches up with and impales the necromancer. Except for the undead, the enemies are fleeing… cowards… disorganized, fleeing into the hills and surrounding wilderness. I use the blade to cut through the remaining undead, and soon all that remains outside the Korthos gate is a lot of dead bodies and blood. Two stunned Korthos guards are looking out of the gate, gaping at me, one of them says, "What the fuck are you?"

Generic, unmemorable sex dream with my husband. I think it was a threesome with another woman (which I have considered IRL, but never done).
Out of nowhere, I am playing Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. I am doing the mission when you storm the Castel Sant'Angelo to rescue Caterina Sforza. Ezio is detected by guards, and I restart the memory, frustrated. My son comes in and I give him the controller, then I realize I am late for work.

A colorful scene of children playing with various toys in a daycare begins, but it turns macabre as the toys become alive and twisted. The toys harm, dismember and murder some of the children. Other surviving children don’t notice the horror and continue to play with their toys. A hypodermic needle falls from the sky and sticks straight into the ground, causing the liquid in the chamber of the syringe to slosh about and dance, which transforms into a male and female figure having sex within the chamber of the hypodermic needle.

I see a hand facing palm forward. The hand’s fingertips elongate until the bones of the fingers pierce the skin and continue to grow. The figure who’s hand this belongs to screams in agony. All the bones extend to the point the figure’s skin sheds entirely, ripped from his body. The bony arms lengthen and the torso thickens… the bony feet take hold in the soil and wrap into the earth until the skeleton man now resembles a gigantic skeleton tree. A bone acorn drops from the tree and falls at the foot of a child who decides to climb the skeleton tree. As the child inches across the branch of an arm, it snaps, and the child falls to the ground. The child has broken his arm, and lies in a near-lifeless heap as bony roots pop out of the earth to wrap the child and bring him down unto its depths underground.

11.01.2011

Magic fragment (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I was a wizard in a world where magic was made up of the four elements. I was fighting an evil wizard in a rooftop made of wooden planks (where you could easily fall off) and I defeated him using a power that was better than ordinary magic. Then I saw a pedophile trying to trick children into thinking he had a magic school.

Notes: Exam season has begun! Goodbye good recall

DELETED

Towards the end of my sleep, I kept getting plonked right in the middle of annoying situations. The second last one was at my primary school and I was still doing work experience. Our class had to get on a bus for an excursion, but the class was split into 3 and one of the groups thought I was an actual teacher and just got on the bus.

I got on too, and the bus drove off. I was trying to decide whether I should have waited for the teacher, because I could get into serious trouble. I eventually decided to tell the bus driver to stop, but a teacher randomly appeared on the bus and said "It's okay, I'm a teacher."

I sat back down and some kids were talking about Gold Class cinemas. I said "You can put your seat all the way back in Gold Class."
__________________________________

Immediately my dream cut to me sitting in a Gold Class cinema, but I had come with nobody. So, rather than waste the $50 on seeing the movie with no one else, I decided to go back out and get a ticket refund before half an hour into the movie. The beginning of the movie had the Columbia logo where there is a lady holding a torch. As I was walking towards the door, I thought "Why do I keep ending up right in the middle of situations? I must be dreaming."

Unlike the other lucid moments I've had, this realisation came on slowly, so I didn't wake up. All I did, because I was so happy, is rub my hands. It felt so real, but this time I knew it was still just a dream.

I proceeded to walk outside the cinema, rubbing my hands the whole time, as I was just about to change the scene...

Someone turned on the shower in the room next to me, waking me up.