All DJ Entries

Sep 26 2018

[D] I'm on a bed in early morning daylight. F is there and urges me to leave the bed and go to a courtyard/street. It reminds me of 6 courtyard mixed with the street I drive to work everyday. The dream transitions and I'm in 9 on the couch. To the left on the treadmill is one of my cousins. He's laughing. Suddenly he's in the hallway and has a large twisted plastic lattice tucked somehow into his briefs (he's also wearing a t-shirt and socks).

Later I'm in a bathroom with F who's trying to get something from the medicine cabinet. We're switching apartments or houses this day. The hair on my legs is 20 times longer and hangs off at the sides like a wavy beard. My dream self thinks/makes a comment about being like a Yak but F is busy and doesn't respond. In retrospect I looked like a satyr. I'm worrying about work, something related to me being adopted and I say the wrong thing.

I'm in a sundown-lit street with F, F is mad at me for something.

I'm drunk, running down a street along the sidewalk on the left side. I almost run into several poles and fences. There are people at several houses/front lawns which are restaurants, some people are leaning back in their chairs and heads are over the fence. I arrive at F's grandma's house. She and a lot of people my age and younger are sitting around tables under a pop up tent in her driveway. I see her and she looks mad at me, I try to appease her by offering to make some pink lemonade (there's a huge pink lemonade canister, probably a foot and a half in diameter and a foot tall, which is mostly empty and somewhat crusty [like how it gets when the powder has been opened and closed so many times and exposed to moisture for too long]). She refuses my offer and refuses to speak to me. Eventually I sit down and notice the cousin from before is on the other side of the table. Finally F's grandma confronts me about the work/adoption issue from before, and says "I thought you were moving in". I try to explain but it all comes out wrong. I understand that my cousin is jealous of my living situation/work because he lives here with F's grandma.



This was all one long dream btw, very vivid. The running dream was interesting -- in these dreams my awareness is usually activated.

I'm at an airport watching airplanes take off. So far, there have been smaller planes with strange wings, but now I overhear the pilot radio requesting takeoff for a Boeing 747. I head out to the balcony which is open to the outside to watch it take off. The airport itself seems relatively small with only a few runways with some trees surrounding it. I see the big plane at the end of the runway. It rolls out onto the takeoff stretch and begins to accelerate. I can hear the 4 engines from where I'm standing. It accelerates quite fast, and as it reaches the closest point to me, the sound is so deafening that I have to turn around and go back inside.

I was in some house with a bunch of DC's I've never seen before. A few of them looked like old friends from school, but I was unfamiliar with most of them. A different one was asking us random questions, and we were supposed to put our hands up to answer, like in school. The entire place was decorated in a hardwood style. It had a very homely vibe. It took place in a weird, circular kitchen. It's like there was a big pillar in the middle that had all the things a kitchen should have. Counter tops, a stove, and a refrigerator. We were all sitting around it.

I was in front of the fridge, and there were a few people off to my left. The fridge door was open though, and for some reason, it was GIANT. It stretched all the way over to me, and it kept swaying back and forth. We couldn't close it for some reason. I pushed it away, and it swayed a bit too far to the right, hit someone, and they shoved it back, yelling at someone next to me, because they couldn't see it was me that pushed it.

I circled around the pillar eventually, saw a few people and went outside. It looked like my old elementary school's yard. A ton of DC's were here. The one that was inside asking all the questions was out here now, sitting in a big chair.

Next, I was put aside, and started basically watching some kind of mad max style movie. It was almost a desert. A man was having a hard time climbing up a rubble filled highway hill. There was a husk of a car nearby, with a stash of something valuable. He climbed onto it and took a box of something. Eventually the person who owned the car's stash came by, and was about to get angry, but then the man offered to buy the valuables for 49 currency. I don't remember what he said they were, but they certainly weren't dollars.

Yet another apocalyptic style dream... I've been having a lot of these lately.

First the dream about the airships lighting the sky on fire, New York becoming a charred, jagged ocean of black rock, then the dream about the meteor strike... And those are just the big ones.

Not gonna be surprised if something cataclysmic happens in real life soon.

Non-dream stuff - had a couple of non-lucid dreams I remember in some detail. Chronological order slightly forgotten.

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Dream fragment:
I was playing some sort of space game, I could see in third-person view the ship I was controlling. Though I distinctly remember being "in" the game, I know my partner was watching me play, and I was in a system that had 3 jump gates to other stars; the jumpgates looked a bit Stargate-like, but two were coloured red and one was green. I wanted to go in one of the red ones. The system was very dark, there was a red giant star at its centre and when I arrived at the gates (that for some reason were clustered together) there were 2 ships, which were part of local military.

I remember using the jumpgate, though I don't remember the transition special effects, and when I got to the next system, it felt like it was a bit more dangerous. Visually it was confusing, I was struggling with the controls all of a sudden and the field of view adjustment kept changing for no reason. There was a blue giant star, and a regular yellow star; I remember some nebulae, blue, too, but there was something odd about the "skybox"* for the system.

In my controls struggle I accidentally started warping, backwards, somehow. The warp got faster and faster and I could see a "ul" units measurement at the bottom of the interface, going up quickly from 0.x to ~700. I managed to stop it and was now in a different system. I remember commenting to myself "oh, I forgot that worked that way", regarding the system travelling feature of the warp. It reminds me now of the warp mechanic in Eliteangerous.

Then I used it again and went forwards this time but steering at the same time, but when I warped out, I was in a planet with my ship, in the middle of a mega city, so I had to quickly try and maneuver up through openings I could see.

I remember getting past the atmosphere though I don't remember what happened next.

Dream sequence:
On a plane, with my partner. I don't think I was too happy about it; but we were landing, and we were landing in a street somewhere in France. This was the planned destination and the landing worked and stopped more than few hundred feet away from the nearest building.

We got out and I think we went to a flat somewhere, I think it was my aunt's and I remember some sort of interaction with my aunt before the dream started. But all I remember from the flat was that it was like our real kitchen and there was a bathroom. The bathroom was filthy, there was trimmed hair everywhere; there was a slight yellow tinge on things, not from urine or anything, as far as I can gather. There were no strong smells. But it felt filthy. I was trying to clean the toilet's rim with some paper, for some reason, and it was taking very long.

There was a transition and the next thing I remember is being at a supermarket in the same city, and I'm picking up what looks like a sweetener capsule dispenser thing, but instead, they have pictures of great monuments on them. I pick one that has a Great Pyramid, and I remember thinking or commenting to someone near me, "with this we can build our own pyramid... seems it takes about 3.8 acres of land, so we just need to get some 4 acres of land somewhere".

I walk to one of those self-checkout things, only carrying this little thing, and I scan it but I'm a little confused as to how things work and take a little while to understand where to place it; then I do, and I'm about to pay, but this other French guy about my age or younger starts using the same machine as I'm using, and I speak to him in English saying "excuse me, could you help me pay?" and he doesn't even look at me, which I feel to be rude. In the dream I have the distinct feeling they ignored English on purpose. I somehow manage to pay with my card, which I took out of my wallet blindly, but confirmed to be the card I wanted by the 4 last numbers, which were accurate to waking life as I remember.

I leave the shop and go down some street. Of note, I go past a man painting some sort of tall vertical canvases, in his own shop, but do not talk or engage with him. Down this street I am looking for a suitable land for this pyramid I want to build. I find some plaza and some ruins, and in the dream I think that because there are some Aztec-looking ruins I could just use them as a base for the pyramid... It's a micro steppe pyramid in its own right, this ruin, and I remember a hole that would be the stairwell. It is exceedingly dark in here, but I can see somehow. There is a different hole next to a wall, big enough for any grown man to slide in, but I do not satisfy my curiosity and walk away instead. Something felt odd but that wall opening, like it would go down forever.

I remember going up some street and then seeing some big building with a hand-painted sign that said:

"2 any artist;
60(something) (something);
214 accomplished artist"

or something to this effect. I got annoyed reading the sign. The numbers were value/money, and I felt that it was unfair to unknown artists. I commented something out aloud and realise that I'm standing next to the shop with that man from before, with the tall cyllinders that he painted. He said to me "unfortunately that's how it works; you can see how much work I have here - because it is exotic and unusual, I am not considered to be good or accomplished" or something like this. His shop was literally cluttered with all of his artistic work, some of it looked quite nice, some of it was indeed a bit unusual.

There was another dream after this but I've forgotten most of the details, apart from a teen boy being naked and antagonising me, who I punched in the face, though he didn't back down and just kept being annoying. There was a little girl but she seemed sad, she had a little pink dress.

---

Notes:

• *The skybox is traditionally a scaled up 3D element that keeps the exact same position as the player and makes up the far-distance objects that can be represented either with 2D sprites or low resolution 3D models.
• The comments of the other artist reflect partly the basic feel I have about art's value in general.
• My partner was present at some points in the second dream but I don't remember the interactions between us.
• I have been to France only once, when I was a kid, and had the possibility of going again when I was around 16, but didn't.
• In the dream I just couldn't understand why at the supermarket the guy was rude to me. I was being polite and asking for help to get out of his way. But it later occurred to me in the dream that if I'd used my native language instead he wouldn't have been so rude, so it felt like it was a French/English animosity thing.
• I don't know where the 3.8 acres figure came from (it seems very specific but for no reason) in the dream for the Great Pyramid's base area; but checking quickly has revealed to me that the Pyramid's base is about 13 acres, about 3.25 times my 4 acres land estimate in the dream. I do not have any intuitive understanding of the actual area taken by an acre in waking life, so if there was any accuracy at all, it would have been a surprise.

Did I sell myself?

I remember a train station since I could see it so clearly and it was so detailed. The black steel beams that created a beautiful pattern decorated with pink flowers that was climbing it’s way up to the roof. Old gate lanters were everywhere to be seen and just helped the whole thing to look so old fashioned and romantic.
But we only passed it by. With us, I meant the group of people I was hanging out with. One really tall man, easy above 2 meters. I tried to grab his arm and since I felt we had that kind of connection. I tried to look up to him. To really get a good glimpse of his face but it was definitely not a very easy task! He was busy with our mission, to look for more people to join us. We passed by a shop that selled gemstones, that I had visited in a different dream from before. She was dressed all in black, had at least three different shades of purple in her black poffy emo looking hair. She was looking so cool and not to mention her attitude. The super tall man talked to her while walking away from the train station and the little gem shop. I couldn’t help but to feel jealous and tried to get his attention but he didn’t care. He didn’t shove me off or anything just giving me the look: “Not now, K?”
He was never looking directly at me either. More like, glancing at me or even looking down at me… since he was so freaking-ishly tall!

I went home and straight to the bed. Sulking. There were other girls in the room, kind of half naked. I suddenly didn’t wear anything on my upper body, topless you know, and talked to the girls that seemed more or less drunk or even high. The place was really dirty. What I noticed when I tried to walked around was that every girl were in this weird kind of state. Even I had a hard time trying to stay on my feet. Music was playing on the loudest possible volume outside the room. Since there were sooo many beds in a room made me start to think of what kind of a place this was.




Note: The man looked like an inspector.

Morning of September 22, 2018. Saturday.

Reading time: 1 min 22 sec. Readability score: 62.



I am sitting in a wooden chair that is first in a mostly undefined featureless room, though with a vague essence of our present home. It is possibly late morning at first. The passage of time seems unusual at the beginning. Several years may have passed very quickly with a brief awareness of different seasons. Soon, it is in an overgrown field. A Twin Wasp engine is on the ground, a few weeds growing around it. It seems to be golden at one point.

The rest of the airplane is elsewhere in the field. There is a 1940s feeling, though based on movies of the time. It seems my task is to fly two ballet dancers (male and female, about thirty years of age), in white, from the area, where they have been for a very long time, living in the minimal ruins of an unknown region. They have still been able to thrive somehow.

Although they sit in the back of a small airplane, they seem to be mentally flying it as I sit in the pilot’s seat. There is a sustained awareness of motion. We move through liminal space of only vague definition as the sky. When I look back at the waking point, they are no longer present.

---

Vestibular system avatars sometimes have attributes associated with dancing as a result of the subliminal, liminal, or lucid control of, or focus upon, the illusory physicality of the dream state, the fluidity of adapting to changes in consciousness as well and anticipation of the waking start, even through hypnopompic transitions when they occur. I began to realize this when I was four years old. Airplanes and virtually all flight-related factors (including flying under my own will) are a common dynamic of the process, being present throughout every sleep cycle for over fifty years. Not counting flying under my own will, mechanical forms of flight, such as airplanes, helicopters, and spaceships, when compared with birds, seem to occur with about equal frequency.

Gold always correlates with dream state vivification and the emerging consciousness factor.

---

Sep 25 2018

[D] In house with D and F's Grandma's dog (GD). GD is running around in the back yard and living room with a carrot, balanced precariously on a fence or string or hammock. D is avoiding her. GD is simultaneously a dog and a full-grown savage (think raised by wolves) naked man with long black matted hair. We (F and I?) have a conversation about taking a picture of him to share so he can be returned to his proper owner (this makes my dream self ponder what should fall under the responsibility of pet adopters).

[F] Long house, dark outside, I'm putting something up on my walls. Papers, plans, something? There's discussion/controversy over it.

[D] I'm with rory from gilmore girls, I'm her mom (or the other way around)? We're looking at boarding schools, transition to scene with all blond girls changing, one blond girl turns around and looks at us with a scowl, distinct image of this. Maybe I had changed back into a guy. I think rory's mom was now separate from me as an entity. With F now in a room full of monogrammed purses, like a giant walk in closet. I find several wthat are close to her initials or almost have all of them, there were a few humorous ones I found myself starting to question. If I had stayed in the dream longer I would have become lucid, at this point my awareness was spiking.



I believe I had 2 or 3 more but I can't find any trace of them in my memory palace. Will visit it during the day, and I think I'll sweep it out and start over clean with today's dreams. I think each time I wake up, I need to somehow activate my memory with an exercise so that placing my dreams in the memory palace will be more effective.

Non-dream stuff - Had a few non-lucids, mostly only remember the details for one sequence, since I didn't come to write on the journal straight away.

---

Fragment:
I was in a game and I fought two girls that were teamed up, over a wooden planks bridge or something like that; the landscape was pretty blocky in general as I remember it, and these girls had picked/were characters that were really strong together, due to the way their abilities synergised with each other. I mostly struggled to deal significant damage to them, as they recovered or blocked it and eventually I remember falling in a low pit and getting cornered and killed. I don't remember what kind of abilities or weapons I was using.

Dream:
I was in the same game, and with this dream I remember the format more clearly: it was a player-versus-player online game. It was night but very clear as there was a bright moon light, and many of us, the players, were on a rocky slope upward toward a castle. The castle had a gate, and it was going to open when the game began.

This time I had a power armour (Enclave-type) like from the Fallout series, and I remember I "pressed" esc and was looking at the armour's details on a menu. The menu was very plain, and was mostly just drop-down menus. The dominant colour was a cyan-ish blue, not unlike a fluoroscan.

I remember my eldest sibling being out of scene in the dream but commenting about the game and asking me what it was like. At this point, I do remember seeing the "screen" as I was pointing at something, but other than that, the entirety of the dream takes place "inside" the game. I replied something in conversation while still looking at the armour details, when I found some sliders and options I could adjust for abilities.

I noticed there was a little face icon with a number in front of it, 4300, my interpretation of which was that this was how many points I had left to spend (and some abilities took 100,1000,2000, etc). I noticed a regeneration ability that I really wanted to pick (tends to be a personal favourite in games) but then when I was looking for it again, I couldn't find it. I tweaked some other settings I don't recall, such as my max health ability but then the match was starting while I was still looking at the menu, and very quickly, someone else killed me.

Later I respawned or something, somewhere in the map, and I was trying to be sneaky through some dark areas, which remind me now of the Kuva Fortress in Warframe, and ended up running into a few different people; they didn't attack me immediately so I didn't attack them either, and one of them also had a power armour and she (a pretty faced black woman, I saw, as she didn't have the power helmet on) was asking me how I'd managed to configure certain abilities for the armour. She commented on the fact that I was killed at the start while looking at the menu and that whoever had done it was distasteful for doing so. I appreciated her comment.

I remember giving her some advice on the armour abilities, though I don't remember the details. She and a few others, a mix of young (teens?) boys and girls, were at the top landing of a small staircase, to which I walked up to as well; there was a doorway to the right, though I have a vague memory of what was through it; I can't remember it other than being a room with wooden floorboards.

---

• There was some other dream fragment I initially remembered, but ended up forgetting while remembering the big dream sequence.
• The two girls that killed me in the game in the first fragment had a cheeky playful attitude and sort of taunted me as they fought.
• The castle doesn't remind me of any particular place, but it had an Unreal Tournament feel to it.
• The transition from being inside the game, to being outside but playing and then back into being inside again was something rare, as that's not really happened before very much.
• The death while in the menu felt a bit too sudden/random; I don't remember hearing a projectile or a weapon firing, but it seemed like I got hit by a one-hit-kill explosion. And I thought the starting area would be safe until left.
• The black woman in power armour seemed to have some sort of strong motivation for being there that wasn't directly related to the game itself, she just had a sort of serious look on her face like she was looking for something in particular.
• I'm making note that while maybe it's not directly related, she was black and had a very meaningful interaction via conversation with me in the dream, and recently in my last DJ entry I've had a lot of black (but the actual colour) dream signs. Oddly enough, it is of some contrast to the last entry that the bit where we stood and talked was brightly lit by a single light from above, and I think the walls were a bright yellow, but it was otherwise dark. But generally speaking, this dream was not even half as dark as the one in my last entry anyway.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation

"Awakening in C's room with grandmother leads to dad fixing the cellar"

I awake in C's bedroom. It is still dark outside. We get out of bed and she heads towards the toilet, handing me some boxer shorts on the way there. They look like my Finding Waldo boxers, but I am in doubt as to whether they are mine or hers. Sensing a brief glimpse of excitement I look down, but find that she is wearing a pair of rather boring black panties.

As she heads towards the hallway and the toilet I look down and find that I have all my clothes packed up in blue Ikea bags, as I would normally use for my washing clothes. The clothes are clean though, but I think to myself that I need to move this out of here.

Her Ex boyfriend gets out of bed and walks towards the hallway as well. He is a short, scrawny and little man and I wonder what she has ever really seen in him anyway.

a small skip...

I awake in the same bed. I am lying next to my grandmother on my mother's side. I find it weird to be sharing a bed with my grandmother, but at the same time I find nothing wrong with simply sharing closeness and intimacy. She leans in closer to me and I accept the embrace. She smiles and laughs as the she initiates the following dialogue:

“You know you grandfather was such a devil.” She says.
“How so?” I reply.
“Well he actually woke up one night and asked me this - “Maybe the reason you can’t sleep at night is because I keep stealing the duvet at night””
“Wow he actually said that?” I respond.
“Yes” she responds, also indicating that he didn’t do anything about it at all.

I get up and I walk into the living room. My grandmother is in there, but she has gained a lot of weight. This is a good thing as I see that she no longer looks scrawny and too slim, but has gained some roundness and looks like an older version of my mother and aunt combined. She is talking, even flirting, with this man on the right side of the living room. There is an element of school gym about the room and the man – whom is unknown, but maybe middle aged – is standing by some wall bars. I find it good that she has gained weight and are interested in men again.

The scene shifts.

I am now outside. It is early morning and still darkish. I want to go up to C’s room again to find my cigarettes and get my clothes out of her flat. I look up and am encouraged as I see that there are lights in her room. But on a second look I see that the light is lit in the room above hers. This is a challenge as I don’t want to wake her up to get my stuff, but I quickly think that the cellar door will be open in my own house and I can probably find some cigarettes there.

I walk back to the house. I find the cellar door open and as I walk inside I see that the entire room is drenched in water and insulated all around the walls. The insulation is white and it gives the entire room the look of a rugged and very large rubber cell you would find in a psychiatric ward.

I say to myself “This is a problem”, as I see the insulation being drenched and almost as big as mattresses hanging from the ceiling.

My dad walks in. I tell him “surely we can’t fix this by putting up a bit of plastic?” He responds “I’ve got this, I think it should be sufficient”.

I crawl out of the door again, which is now a small square hole in the south east corner. I notice that the terrace and lawn outside are also insulated. I think to myself “How is this going to work when the snow comes around?”.

I walk up the stairs to the main floor. I look out into the living-room and kitchen area and proclaim “wow you have really done a fantastic job with the floors” as I see that the wooden floors are totally spotless, indicating he (my dad) has spent a lot of time cleaning them. I walk into the entrance way and wipe my feet, which causes the small pebbles and dirt I have under my feet to scatter all across the floor. My dad enters the room and is furious at me for making a mess.

I feel somewhat guilty and see that it isn’t entirely fair what I have done, but I also feel hurt at his attack.

He gets out a mop and starts sweeping the floors. I wonder why he does that as it would be better to hoover before using the mop, but guess that he doesn’t want to waste time doing it again and will settle for just using the mop to sweep the mess I just made.

When he is done he packs up the mop and puts it on the shelf in the entrance, behind a candlestick up against a large painting in the entrance. I ask him why he is putting it there and that surely there must be some place better to put it. He seems to agree, but also seems frustrated at my remark.

I had been visiting JMU, something about parties going on but I was older or not an original student there.

In a game of fortnite, my friend was sending me snaps of some sort of awards show going on that was affiliated with JMU but on the fortnite map. The circles were getting smaller. I thought if I hid about I would be fine. I jumped down in to the divot which had a lot of different themed buildings down there and trees overhanging. I grabbed a heavy sniper and was sniping people who were just sitting watching the awards show at the top of entrance to the divot. I missed a few times. There were now only 3 people left. I saw one person start building out of the divot and fight the other person. I was looking at my mini map which had a bunch of different circles, it was difficult to see which one I needed to go to. I started picking up different items. There were apples in my inventory, I was trying to eat them and regain my health. Now it was a 1v1 situation. The guy jumps down into the divot. He's in some sort of armor suit. I'm shooting at him but it's not damaging him. I jump into some sort of tornado thing that propels me upwards. I snipe him again but nothing. His suit has these arms like Dr. Octopus. I'm trying to dodge shots behind pieces of metal. He starts shoving them at me trying to kill me by trapping me. His head now looks like Thanos as he climbs into a giant metal structure that is slowly moving towards me. I jump over a fence to escape, but it breaks down the fence. I start flying in between different structures that are very old and are covered in cobwebs and dust. I can't find any items to heal and I'm almost out of bullets. I jump over to another structure. It was like the playground from Kings Charter lakeview. He's now 10 times the size of me talking to me. I don't think I can escape this time. In my head if I jump one way or the other he's just going to grab me.

I was in a kind of movie theater or opera house. There was a kind of show going on. As part of the show, the performer let loose a lion to terrorize me. I lay on the ground (hiding under a seat?), and tried to stay absolutely still. I tried very hard to calm my nerves and stare it in the eye without showing fear. Hiro and his younger, chubbier brother (?) were in the audience as well.

Scene with Jack Sparrow. Kinda gross, actually. He pissed his pants and needed to clean his clothes quickly because he had to meet some people. It was disgusting but funny to watch.

A guy behind prison bars (or was I the one behind bars?) had a shotgun pointed at my face. He wanted some intel. I told him what he wanted to know. He asked how I knew that, and who my source was. I told him I wasn't going to tell him. If I did, he'd have no more need for me and I might end up dead. I recall staring pretty deeply down the barrel all the way to the end, and noticing I didn't care. I didn't feel fear.

Another note says 'university (no money)' but I'm not sure what it means. I don't recall the dream. Also, 'Kevin's place'. He's my brother. And 'pipes and WRC'. Every pipe represented a WRC game. I know it doesn't make any sense.

I woke up with the soundtrack 'Fight the Power' still echoing in my head.

Some stuff happened which I can't remember. After these events, a girl walks away from me. We'd experienced stuff together. Realizing it was my last chance, I ran after her and kinda casually asked if she wanted to have sex. Not exactly my usual MO in real life... Anyway, she said she'd told me before she wanted to do that. I didn't recall. Anyway, I wrapped my arm around her waist and we walked off. I warned her I was a bit self-conscious about my body as I'd recently put on a few pounds and am not exactly a tanned beach god.

Then we got ambushed by these SWAT-team guys. I was forced to the ground, and forcibly hogtied. Turns out the cops were hunting for so-called 'Xenoes' (plural of Xeno), a collection of mutants and mechanically augmented people. Basically everyone who wasn't a 'normal' human, was automatically a Xeno. Xenoes were being 'made' by biotech companies around the globe (Isolay was mentioned, a company from the Deus Ex games). They said human augmentation was 'breaking the fabric of society'. Normally, I would debate them fiercely on this as I'm a transhumanist. But in this case, I just wanted sex. They released me as soon as they confirmed I wasn't a Xeno and I went on my way, with my girl of course.

I was flying over my hometown towards my mom's place (not where she lives in real life). I had only just discovered how to fly and was trying to figure out how to navigate. I just followed the streets. I have the layout of the town memorized. I vaguely realized it wasn't real, as at some point I lost control of the dream and the world vanished, leaving my vision black. I focused really hard to make it come back.

I was walking the street where I used to live as a kid. I think it was 2006. While walking, I was fiddling around with this old camera we used to have. One of the early digital cameras. A voice told me 'they used to take pictures differently back then'. I could hear the 'Heroes' soundtrack in the background.

I stayed at my mom's place, but it was a truly bizarre place. It looked like a small ancient temple, maybe Mayan, in a garden that looked more like a jungle. The 'temple' was adorned all around with glyphs that somehow lit up.

I was in a space consisting of three rooms separated by open doorways without doors. There was a guy who turned out to be a firefighter. He knew André, a guy who trained me at my job. I was amazed by the coincidence. Suddenly I had this epiphany that 'everything was connected'. The 'Touch' soundtrack started playing.

I was living together with another girl, she had blonde hair and big blue eyes. I think she worked as a model since she was so stunning. Anyway, we both seemed to have a crush on the same man which I didn’t really mind. Because she had dated him but now when they had broke up, the guy was interested in me instead. He asked me out and I was sooo happy!
After the date, I came back to the street near our apartment and stopped to buy some cinema popcorn and soda to feast on while talking about my first date with my roommate. But as I ordered the popcorn and the soda the people around seemed rude and glared at me. I was holding the pink dress that I had been wearing on the date with one hand and was holding the pink shoes in the other. It looked amazing, all sparkle with rhinestones.
It did look like a prom dress!

The woman who was supposed to take care of my order was really mean. She put plenty of acorns and three popcorns on the desk and glanced at me with some attitude! I told her she forgot about my soda and that I was allergic to acorns so I really wanted to have the popcorns. She stopped being so rude and actually did as I told her. Finally. I just needed to pay but forgot to check if I had money on my card but the phone was taking ages to load the site for my bank. I was so tired so I kind of felt drunk. The girl was I was living with suddenly saw me passing by while waiting for my phone to load the site. She looked at me with fury before she walked away to the apartment. I followed her and she locked the door. I didn’t understand since we were supposed to be best friends. But when I came closer to the door I heard other girls in there talking about me. They all talked about my beautiful pink dress that seemed way to fancy for me to even own! Why had I been wearing it? Why was I seen with the girl’s ex? Why was I even a part of her life? All this questions got more painful as I was eavesdropping. The door suddenly opened and the girl came out with a key in her hand. She opened the door to another apartment and threw all my things in there and told me to stop stealing from her. I was heartbroken. I hadn’t been stealing. I had a lovely first date… I just wanted to share. I was deeply disappointed.


Note: I'm not allergic to acorn but it felt like I needed a reason not to accept the acorns. Eh.

Sep 23 2018

Four nights lucid in a row! PB!

[D] FA where I'm in bed, feeling my breath intensely. I can see two spheres of breath rotating and flowing throughout themselves, as if each of them is tearing itself inside out. The spheres are located a few inches in front of my face and are about 5 inches in diameter each. They're arranged one atop the other forming a sort of figure 8. I shift to seeing this in third person from the left side. Maybe they're feeding into each other? But I see and feel their movement aligned with my even, deep breaths.

[?] Wrote something in my DJ but can only vaguely make out the words "tonight", "Jesus", and "fool". Awoke 5:30am.

[L] In 9. The dream starts in my bedroom. My bunk is high, almost shoulder level (like one of my old dorm rooms). There are some assorted items laid out on the bed. It's dark outside. I'm trying to find something. The dream shifts to the front yard briefly, then to the kitchen. I need to make F a BLT without lettuce or tomato, on a long sourdough slice. For some reason I'm trying to find a saucepan (maybe to cook the bacon?) but the only one I can find is submerged in water in a white bowl next to the sink. The pan has a thin coating of spaghetti sauce on it. Around this point I become lucid, or rather reach the threshold of awareness, but decide not to do anything about it and to observe instead. I don't consciously control anything, from dream body to dream logic. I put down the slices of toast in the toaster, and they seem too long but somehow change dimensions to fit. At first the slices are vertical as expected, but after looking away and back, they are arranged horizontally at the bottom of the toaster. I'm talking to F this whole time. Finally I tell her "I'm lucid". She doesn't really react. I decide to do something improvised, a coordinated reality check. I hold out my palm and either through speech/nonverbal command or through expectation, I have her stick her finger through my palm. It worked! However now I couldn't really see her, and could see through her. She was transparent and I could clearly read some text behind her that took the form of her body. The dream shifted quickly and I was outside the kitchen looking in, and the lights were off. I said aloud "lights on!" and some dim lights came on but not all. The dream started to fade. I remembered to do math but lost the dream before I could. When I awoke I tried to DEILD, however I could only see the emerging scene if I strained my eyes to the bottom-right corner; there were maybe 5 or 6 scenes that emerged. When I opened my eyes it was around 6:40.

[F] I find myself outside a sliding glass door with a family inside. They let me in, they're part of a resistance and they're hiding me from someone; before this I was in a ditch. This was in-depth but unfortunately my pen ran out of ink.

[D] I was in a church library. There were bookcases that slid apart, and I was shoved inside. Inside it was dark and there were others. We could see through the cracks of light left by the books. After several implied weeks of pleading my case that we weren't able to read the books in the dark, those imprisoning us finally gave us some better quarters. It was some sort of speakeasy establishment, and our quality of life went up (we had alcohol and other entertainment) but now some of the black prisoners were slaves/barmaids.

Sep 24 2018

I had at least four dreams but can only remember two. I'm trying to utilize a memory palace for dream recall when I don't have a physical DJ next to my bed, but it's not always working (although it does help a bit).

[D] I'm in the backyard of 9, in full knight's armor. I'm carrying a metal jug of gasoline or urine. It's daytime outside and I'm splashing this mystery liquid all over the lawn; I get some on my neighbor's fence.

[D] After a longish dream, I find myself sleeping 9's garage. There are several pillows, and one of them is fancy but makes no sense (day residue from a stupid sweater one of the Property Brothers was wearing). It's made by George (the Walmart brand). It was very visually vivid (and mentally/perceptually clear) at this point, and I think if I didn't get involved with the dream drama I could've easily become lucid. I was in a sling chair but now I'm in some sort of giant furniture bucket looking at a late 90's desktop and monitor. My dad comes in and talks to me for a bit. I decide to go inside and sleep on the couch (worried about bugs). When I go to shut down my computer though, my C drive disappears! I think my hard drive somehow unmounted itself (in the dream I thought somehow it got disconnected/shaken loose). It's a weird mix of XP and Vista and 7 and when I open the start menu I can't search for anything in the search bar. I start freaking out about my computer, eventually I wake up.