false awakening

My brother and I appeared inside the garage, where we enter a small door near the left end of the wall. Once we were fully inside we found ourselves in a different place. It look like an underground battle arena, we were both in 3rd person point of view, watching a child fend himself from the traps hidden under the ground. We laugh considering how young he was and I started trying some of the moves he perform to evade a few situations. Soon I became 1st person point of view.

Once this happen my brother and I both became lucid and found our opponent. He was a huge human male wearing modern clothes with a baseball cap. The only weapon my brother and I have was a cylinder shape silver liquid spray can. The towering human charge toward us, which we began using the spray can that cause the enemy to become sticky and unable to move. However this was not enough to defeat him as he soon broke free from it and quickly lunges at me with his right arm.

Feeling confident I decided to block his attack, which led us going back and forth with hand to hand combat. After a few more punches to the face from one another. I lost my lucidity and soon after the dream scene had change. I found myself in the living room , the use to be large human was still there and threw his pants on me. I told him you should be more polite and continue to walk off. I then enter an unknown hallway that led me to my family. My father,mother, and brother were eating at the table.

The sunshine pierce through the house making it very bright. All of them greeted me when I sat down with them. My father began talking to me but as soon as he did, I was having trouble hearing him. He then ends his speech by saying " that means I'll be working 6 plus 4 in total 10 hours each day " I stand up and ask does that mean I have a job? My father loses eye contact with me and remain silent. I left the table and retrace my steps to the unfamiliar hallway that surprisingly led me back to the living room.

Once I've made it back I sat down and observe distant family relatives celebrating for their return. I watch them in till my brother showed up and sat next to me. I turn around to face him, I ask if he remember the dream we had today? He doesn't look at me and stares at his plate while using his fork to play with the food. He then tells me he wish he didn't remember it. I made a smirk telling him it was fun. That is when my eyes catch my father and I notice the other people I didn't know well leaving.

Some of the guest didn't clean up so I offered to help out. The items I pick up were, some random green liquid , a dark box I didn't pay much attention to and a pen with a red pencil. I gave all of the items to my father except for the red pencil. After that the sunshine had faded, which soon left the house to be dim. I was still sitting at the living room reading a book and notice my brother sitting at the far right from where I was. Moments later our cousin approach us. I continue reading the book but was interrupted once she threw a napkin hurled up in to a ball at the page I was reading.

I then got up and open the napkin to begin saying let see what my cousin has said to me. The words were short and didn't seem to be something I could understand. It stated "Dak-Shur" I came back to the table to see her now sitting and tell her and my brother a funny joke. We laugh for awhile, my cousin stated that this seems like the first time seeing me and proceeded to ask my various questions. If I was goth or in to certain dark books, I replied by saying I wasn't but didn't mind any content like that.

She then kicks the chair I am in and for sometime the dream scene change. I must had been in third person again as I see two bobble headed man, one was arresting the other that had been dress in a police uniform. They argue for quite sometime before I found myself back in the living room sitting in the same spot. I assume I must have fallen asleep, and look at the window to see it was still night. I notice my brother was no longer at the living room table. The conclusion that he went back in to the underground dreamworld we were in the morning. I jolted to the garage and turn on the lights.

I made sure to look around so I wasn't followed. I then open up the small door inside at the end of the garage wall. I dismantle one of the wall plugin. Soon after the front door to the garage began to creek open. I could see the face of my cousin looking at me. I shut the door without any warning and continue back to the dismantle plugin. I then tried to force my consciousness to transmit through the plugin to enter the dreamworld. However it did not work, I close the garage door and enter back in the living room.

My cousin kept giving me strange looks, wondering what I was hiding from her. To evade her stare attacks, I enter inside the restroom in the living room. Pretending I needed to use it. That's when the ground beneath my feet started shaking violently. I could hear bombs exploding outside. I make an attempt to turn on the lights but it wasn't working. I fled the restroom and my father room. I tried turning on the lights there, it didn't work the first time , the second time the lights came on in a different angle than it usually would.

This is a common sign in my dreams I thought. So I did the nose pinch RC twice and confirm I am dreaming. I went in to the kitchen and phase through the back door. While I am doing this I decided to say I am dreaming. I'm outside now, it looks like night still, the sky has skies above one another. The closest sky was cloudy while at the farthest sky had many visible lighting strikes resembling Jupiter thunderstorms. I make a decision about walking on the road or going up hill. I chose the hill as I check out the enticing sounds of the lighting.

I was then approach by a tekken character and decided to greet each other. But soon after we both got tackle down to the ground by a DC. This makes me have an FA. Lucidity Time: 2 minutes

Ritual: I haven't let myself get bothered by my dry spell of the last few weeks, since it was easily attributable to lack of motivation and practice. My work life has been much more relaxed, so I think dreaming has been less psychologically necessary. I'm starting to observe a consistent pattern where I get lucid more frequently and intensely at times when I am under the most stress in waking life. I always think I'll have more time to work on dreaming when that stress disappears, but usually I find my motivation disappears along with it. I think this is because when I have more free time, I indulge in other kinds of experiences that satisfy my mind in a way similar to dreaming: films, books, and especially computer games.

Recently I started getting irritated with the bad dream recall and lack of lucidity, and decided to put more work into it. I did a few WILD attempts where my inability to count much higher than ten revealed my lack of mental focus and clarity, and they went nowhere. Today I found myself wide awake after sleeping four hours, a perfect WBTB, so I decided to try again. I didn't want to take any active supplements (alpha-gpc, galantamine, or piracetam), but I also didn't want to miss out on the placebo effect and reifying of intentions that might be gained from swallowing something, so I took a few tablets of bacopa and one of NAC. For good measure I also strapped on my MotivAider, set to 45 minutes, then lay down to do some counting. My focus was still crap.

I was not fully asleep yet when I felt the first pulse of the MotivAider, however it roused me enough that I noticed I was seeing some really amazing hypnagogic patterns. This is the first time I've experienced such distinctly geometric and symmetrical patterns in the hypnagogic state. I got up to use the bathroom and was amazed at the way the patterns persisted every time I closed my eyes, moving and transforming. I was tempted to wake up more fully to sketch them, but realized I could make better use of this state, so I preserved it and kept watching the imagery as I lay back down in bed.

I decided to skip the counting this time and work directly on tactile sensations. I concentrated on trying to move the dream body without activating my real one, and there was that inevitable ambiguity at first, but then I reached up to touch my face and I was pretty sure it was my dream arm that did it. I felt around my mouth with my tongue and was sure of it: the taste in my mouth felt too flat, too muted, to even be the normal background mouth-taste that we typically overlook. When I was confident that I had integrated into the dream body, I got up into my bedroom.

WILD, "Reflections / Zznvogayi": It is my first time getting lucid this month, so I decide to try a TOTM. The mirror task is convenient, since there are large mirrored sliding closet doors only steps away from my bed. I walk over and stand in front of one. At first I think the reflection bears a close resemblance to me, only with fuller cheeks and smaller eyes. But rapidly these features grow more exaggerated until they no longer look like me at all: the face is horribly bloated and the eyes have all but vanished beneath the puffy surrounding tissue. I recognize this as DR: I've been reading Gyo, a horror manga by Junji Ito, and it's full of faces like this. I force myself to keep watching as the image becomes more and more hideous, as though it is deliberately trying to unnerve me, but I remain calm and at last it vanishes.

It seems like the show is over, but the TOTM instructions were to keep looking as long as you can, so I continue watching the mirror. For a while it shows no reflection at all, just an empty dark space. Then a new reflection appears. This woman is beautiful, elegantly dressed in an archaic ballgown. I note that the bottom of her dress expands into almost a full half-sphere, and recall that this style was characteristic of the 1850s. I look up toward her face, but even though the expansive bottom of her dress is brightly illuminated, her entire upper body is in deep shadow and I can make out nothing but the silhouette of an appealingly slender torso. I keep staring until finally a tinge of light illuminates the lower curve of a shapely breast. I never do see the rest of her. As I continue watching, she is replaced by a male figure. I have the impression of a hairy man in rough clothing or primitive furs, but already the dream is deconstructing itself around me and when it stabilizes I am in another place entirely.

I find myself at the top of stairs leading down through water and rockery, landscaping that reminds me of a Chinese garden, though the buildings on all sides look contemporary. I wander down the stairs wondering what to do next. In late May I finally started playing Dragon Age: Inquisition, and was delighted to discover that one of the core characters is a lucid dreamer. This gives me the idea to try to summon him. Summoning people, historical or fictional (I rarely attempt it with WL people because I feel like it would be rude to deal with their doppelgangers), has always been my weakest area of dream control, but I'm determined to make it work. At first I hope to recognize the character among random DCs passing by, but don't see any likely candidates. Then I notice that at the bottom of the stairs is a large cafe, with a number of tables clustered in a semi-interior space with no front wall. This gives me an idea.

The cafe is organized enough to have a hostess desk, so I approach the two women working there and tell them, "There's someone waiting for me." When they ask his name, I say "Solas." One of the women acknowledges that he is here, and tells me to follow her. Oh my, is my trick actually working? I worry that I might get too excited over the prospect of success and destabilize the dream, and of course even that thought comes dangerously close to doing so, but I quell it and force myself to keep going along with the events I've set in motion, despite my impatience. So I follow the hostess, who leads me among the small circular tables toward one where a man is sitting by himself. I squint at him, trying to figure out if he really looks like Solas. Not so much: his face is thin enough but the features aren't right, and his skin has an odd greenish cast. I do my best to will his appearance into a better fit with my expectations, but this doesn't work. Oh well, appearances aren't everything. Maybe at least he'll identify as the character?

I sit down at the table and say, "Are you Solas?" He confirms that he is not. I don't remember our conversation clearly, but I recall being impressed with this DC's confidence and sense of his own identity. He seemed to find my questions foolish or nonsensical whenever I attempted to steer him toward my own ideas of how the scene should play out. For instance, when I asked something like "Are you from Thedas?" he replied emphatically, "I am from here." Still trying to keep up with the DA:I theme, I asked, "Is this the Fade?" I seem to recall he had an interesting answer to that, but I've unfortunately forgotten it.

At some point either I ask for his name or he volunteers it... and it is both odd and unfamiliar. I repeat what I think I've heard: "Vinyogi?" He shakes his head and says it again. This time I can make out that there are four syllables, with the emphasis on the second. "Zunvogayi?" I have to try several times before he's happy with my pronunciation, but it sounded something like that. I ask how to spell it, thinking this will help me remember it better, and he explains that the first syllable is spelled 'Zzn', but clarifies that the second 'z' functions as a 'u'. He gets up to leave and I follow, badgering him about how to spell the rest of it. He asks why I want to know, which I realize is a reasonable suspicion. I try to come up with an explanation that will sound bland and plausible without mentioning that I'm dreaming this, so I say something lame along the lines of, "I like to keep records of my activities."

Outside the cafe we head left down a path and then turn to the right, where some DCs are gathered looking at a long thin object resembling a small oar that is attached to a wall with a number on the paddle end. From their conversation I gather that it is a house number, and possibly they are trying to figure out if they should proceed with some kind of heist. Zznvogayi pulls out some cards and lays down four of them as though doing a divination. There are words and pictures on the cards, but they don't make sense to me. From what I can tell, the cards suggest that "if you have guts you get ice cream." I tentatively interpret that to mean that bravery will yield rewards... a favorable oracle? The DCs discuss the matter among themselves. Meanwhile I'm still pestering Zznvogayi to tell me how to spell the rest of his name, which he finally does. Of course it was just as complicated as the first syllable, and all I remember now is him explaining: "The 'v' and the 'd' are the same." "That makes sense," I reply, thinking how easily the two letters could merge based on linguistic similarity, and the fact that in some languages, like Sanskrit, they commonly occur in the compound phoneme 'dv'.

I want to make another attempt at summoning Solas, but this environment is too modern and urban to be suitable, so I decide to find somewhere better. Since there are a lot of DCs around I offer to make a show of it, announcing, "I'm going to make a portal!" Sure enough, this gets their attention and a small audience gathers behind me. I realize that with so many people watching I ought to give them a good visual spectacle. I begin by establishing, a few feet above the ground, a smudge of light colored deep cobalt blue. Then I wave my hand in a circle to rotate the light, spinning it into a flat vertical disk. I recall the beautiful hypnagogic patterns I was watching earlier as I fell asleep, and decorate the disk similarly. When I feel that the portal is well-established, I step through, trying to fix my thoughts on an environment appropriate to DA:I. However, at the spur of the moment I have trouble remembering any setting in particular, and for a while I find myself floating in unconstructed dream space. I focus on staying in the dream and finally a new environment forms around me. Across well-groomed lawns are large buildings whose style is unmistakably contemporary. There are no windows on the side wall of the building that I'm facing, just a four-digit number to identify it. This place looks like an expensive corporate campus: very far from what I was hoping for!

FA: It was probably the disappointment that woke me, but I had so much to write that I immediately went into "preserve and recall" mode, grabbing the notebook next to my bed and jotting down as many notes as I could before the memories faded, starting with the name 'Zznvogayi'. At one point I noticed that the pen wasn't making any marks on the paper, and remembered that earlier I had covered part of that page with an oval of wax. I tried to remember why and thought it must have had something to do with portals. I flipped over to a new page and continued taking notes, until I woke up more fully and realized that I was not actually writing, it had been an FA, and I would need to pick up my notebook for real and do it properly.

*Super brief notes*
May 29th 2015
-I see the dream forming around me and find myself in the backseat of a car which I will to drive around wherever it may.
-Wife in bed with me but she has a particular younger woman's body. Wife's DC seems jealous at my interest in her modified body and I joke with her and say "but it is on you!" and laugh.
-FA immediately recognized, think of finding Girl Friday, hear loud blender sound as I float down over the stairs and find my wife in the kitchen. Get frisky in the kitchen. As I reflect on the dream I think about how the stairs were on the opposite side and how I could have just made this a house which Girl Friday would already be in.
-FA immediately recognized again, remembering my adjustment idea I turn away from stairs and towards a bedroom where I decide Girl Friday will be. I find her in the bedroom and we have a long romantic and sexual afternoon also bringing in another woman at one point. We leisurely hang out in the living room with much kissing as I lose myself in this dream world. When I wake I reflect back on what felt long half of a day spent with my Girl Friday and feeling like I am fully living and experiencing another world at night! My first experience with very strong time dilation. Count these as #332,333,334 ; 8mg G + 500mg C

May 30th 2015
Lucid nap with Girl Friday on my lap and the woman who joined us from the night before; sex. #335

May 31st 2015
-A scene forms around me outside of a motel and I go to a room with the door ajar and the sound of the shower running. I find two housekeepers in the shower and join them; sexual pleasuring; guys come in that want to attack me and I float up and send a blast of fire in every direction in what I perceived to be a mile wide ball of fire. #336
-semi lucid with 2 girls kissing in front of wife and I at some club. We both seem to be turned on by it.

I find myself driving with a stranger , we're in what looks to be a red car that just stop at a red light. That's when I had the memory of being in a movie scene. We kept driving in till I find myself on a school bus with my father, we discuss several things. Apparently I was an actor, my grandfather was refusing to accept my father money. He began telling me we need to find a way to convince him to get help. My father then catches a man staring at us on the opposite end of our seat. My father quickly ask what was the man job? He responded saying that it was mowing obama's lawn and that he was skilled at it. My father wanted to know why, the man said why as well.

This irritated my father and told him not to speak. That's when my father abruptly got up from his seat and walk toward the back of the bus. The man that had made my father left smiled at me. That's when the bus stop and all of us got up from our seats to exit the bus. When I arrived outside I notice the weather was clouded no doubt preparing to rain. The school was surrounded by skinny trees with no leaves on them and somehow I knew I had become a little kid once again.

My recall remembers parents had force me to attend school again. I ran pass a couple of buses and kids so I could reach the entrance first. Once there I enter inside a notice a lot of other small kids. I decided to keep jogging for a couple of minutes and began thinking to myself that school would be no problem. I had an idea what majority of what the questions would be like. Eventually as time went by I became aware that I was reaching the end of the hallway.

I began saying I have to start thinking more properly. I walk to a near by blue locker to lean against it so I could take my bag. Something I notice was that my pants had now disappeared and that a boy had turn around kept staring at me with a look I find familiar. I ask the boy what? He then grabs my bag but is unsuccessful in snatching it from me. My face then grows a smirk, I realize that I still had all my adult strength despite being a little kid again.

I grab his hand that is place on the bag and put pressure to show him the difference. I said did he like that as I could hear him panicking. That is when an accomplice of his came and grab on to the bag. I look at him and became lucid. Now I had better control dealing with the both of them. I push the first boy off to where landed on the ground. The other boy was a bit bigger so I kick him as he lets go of my shirt. I grab my bag and ask why do I always have to fight.

I look back to make sure they were down. That's when I had an FA. Lucidity Time: 11 seconds

It was dark, stormy evening. I went to the living room. Everyone was sitting on the couch, I went closer and sat down on it. Mother took a phone out of her pocket and said "I recorded my screams when I was dreaming!". Knowing that my mother had night terrors before, I told her to replay it.

She used the phone, and we all heard screams of anguished human. The voice haven't belonged to my mother, but rather to a male. After a while I went to the kitchen and made myself a breakfast, then I woke up.

I got to bed extremely sleepy and right off the back began to experience dreams and SP.

They were chained to me always looking at the closet. The first time was a forgotten dream that lasted 1 or 2 minutes. The second time was me slipping into SP and quickly breaking out. And the I realized what was going on and this time allowed my self to go into SP. FA I get up out of bed and look into the closet. Something red appears from it and is talking as well. I didn't know what it was until I got into the hall where a light was on at. It was then revealed to me this it was the red ape-faced Shoganzord. He was pretty accurate to the real thing and then realized that he was chasing me. I ran down the steps and went outside where it was raining. He came out then I got Lucid and say. "If you want to get me, then turn into the Shogun Megazord." I was across the street from him and he walked off in between some houses. When he showed up again he was the Shogun Megazord. He looked up at me with a smile on his blue face. I can also see the detailing of the lines on his chest and arms, the mass of him body and he motioned with his head for me to come or he would come after me as That massive thing and I don't think I would want that.

I was abroad, and i knew no one. It looked like somesort of erasmus project, because everyone somehow knew me. People here were quite interesting. Some were wearing those frenchmaide costumes.. others were really gothic looking.. i said.. ok .. this is not a bad place to be. And what happens next? we are in the church. Sitting and watching some teathre show.. One girl took a sit next to me.. and said: Matej.. many girls here likes you.. what will you do with it? I dont know.. dont know yet. She looked at me.. and said: you know.. women are not that different from men, and that she knows all about my lovelife. No you dont I replied.. So i looked back to the stage.. and everything was burning.. And no one did nothing.. it somehow looked like a part of the show.. but it was burning quite hard.. My vision started to be blurry.. very blurry.. and in a few seconds later.. it looked like a great party.. everybody was dancing.. and moving around.. but my vision just got worse.. I could not see anything now.. just some blurry shapes.. and I was wearing sunglasses. It was like I am super stoned but dont know from what! What the fuck is going on!!!.. and now I am lying in my bed..I am awake.. or at least i think so.. but one problem still remains. I am still High.. everything is spinning.. and I am trying to open my eyes.. And i cant.. i try really hard.. still cant. What is going on!! ?? and i said to myself.. well.. this has to be a dream.. it has no sense at all.. it has to be a dream, I am dreaming. And It was true.. When i realized that i was dreaming.. some mind vortex opened up.. it was black and gray.. like a gravity hole.. and i was traveling trough it.. I said! well this is the feeling i was telling Nikija about.. It is not really fun.. until you get used to it..
Where am I?
I am l laying on red rooftoop bricks.. oooh.. where am I now? at least my vision is perfect again. I took my time.. and said.. ok .. it is morning, the sunrise is here. And i looked around a bit.. and figured out that I am laying or lying? (or wtf this word should be..) on the top of a really high church.. it should be 300m high at least.. And i was just at the edge of the roof. I was very calm.. and said.. well this could be dangerous.. sleeping so close to the edge.. with such a drop down.. So i stood up.. You have to get out of here, before somebody sees you.. I tried to find an exit from this rooftop and I saw one.. but i had to jump 1m or so.. to another ledge. At the same time.. i saw that someone trough the window and he was walking trough some hallway.. O fuck.. What can I do? Just stand still.. no matter if you are all in black.. and the rooftop is red.. just stand still.. he will not see you!! And I was correct. He did not notice me. So i jumped over the gap and came into the building. Ok.. now i have to find an exit. I was running from door to door.. and my shoes were making such a strange noise.. like I was wearing High heels.. but i looked down.. and the shoes were normal. Well.. fuck it.. I was still running.. here is the kitchen.. and a cook.. i ran and i ran.. trying to be stealth.. hiding in the corners when people were passing by.. and i found some emergency exit.. OH YeA... and i ran down and down those stairs.. until i have reached the first floor. And there was a reception.. Stay casual.. i said to myself.. so i said hi to the receptionist.. and smiled. I made it out of the building.. but i was still pretending that i am going running.. so i was tying my shoes.. and hair. And now all the other people came out of this church.. even the guy who was walking on the hallways.. and he was the principle .. he just said.. Matej.. come here! OOh.. he even knows me. . just great! and when i was walking towards him.. I saw a reflection of myself in the window.. and i was wearing Chef uniform.. so I said to the principle.. do i have to cook today? he said yes!! do I have a punishment or why me? he said.. I just need someone with great sense of logic.. to make the sandwiches..

Thu, 21 May 2015:
1st feel transitioned to dream but float to confirm. Slow! Yes. Darkish. Wife gets out of bed and goes to toilet. I wonder if she did in waking and go in front of toilet and dance around to see if I get a reaction. Not really but she looks up and either she has no face or it is blurred and hard to make out. Shortly after back in bed needing to turn over.

Later after a WBTB, I get comfortable. I feel I have transitioned again but when I make a small move to get out of bed it feels like I risk moving my waking body and waking up. I try to float again but nothing and then I mentally push my whole body towards the right front corner of my bad and my dream by jumps up on to the corner of the bed! I walk out of the room this time and out to the loft

and I think about my day time visualization: floating up and then over the loft and I do. I float down to the landing or ledge where we could display items but we don't. From there I float down to the floor. I get some audio of my son asking me what I'm doing but I know it's just from the dream I head to front door and I walk out. Before I walk out I can hear what sounds like a crowd of people outside and I like that I will be able to walk through the crowd and pick out some beautiful DC's! as I walk out there is a crowd and I find one girl.

Spoiler for sexual content:

Stick it in her mouth

and then I think how I wanted and planned to go about things like this more consensually. I cross the street and there are 3 women wearing choir robes like you might see in church. I think about the church connection but continue over there with my dirty intentions. I look at them with the look that I know they all want a piece of me and one by one they go to work

Spoiler for sexual content:

on my ahem. They make it grow larger and larger with the skillful pleasuring using their mouths and tongues and one of them comments how big it is getting. this goes on for several minutes and at one point I notice that one of the women has a vagina on her lower stomach. odd but not freaky, as I reflect how I am fully aware that this is all my dream. I talk about how one of them needs to get on and take a ride

and there's a little girl nearby that approaches and starts crying. I decided I had enough and switched to consoling her. I no longer felt like I was naked but neither did I put on any clothes or really consider this. I tried to commit to memory what she was saying as she was crying but that part is gone. She hugs me back as she cries.

I walked back to the other side of the street and there was another woman crying a little more gently, whereas the girl was more sobbing. I was going through the dream details in my head to better commit them to memory when I felt what was a false awakening but I wasn't sure at first. I was back in my bed and my wife was playfully touching my arm but then started tickling me under my arm and I kind of moan like she is going to wake me up but I tried to feel if I was still asleep and decided that indeed I was. I did an in dream wild again (like earlier in the month) closing my dream eyes until a new scene forms through my closed dream eyes or maybe I open them up gently but either way I was in a long room not very wide but plenty of space. There were a number of pieces of equipment to the end of the room in front of me and this pilot or astronaut in a suit

like a pressure suit and there was a small one man rocket or flight craft that was warming up its' engines

and pointing towards the ceiling though there wasn't really a ceiling or a sky but mind you this all felt very indoors. he gets down from the rocket contraption having started the warm up process and is talking to me and something in my head makes me wonder what they wear under that suit and he hears my thoughts and unzips his outfit and shows me that he is naked underneath. I see his penis and everything. he's zips it back up and continues to prepare. I look back towards the part of the room I was in before that was basically behind me when I was facing the astronaut guy and my son is sitting and doing his studies and back towards where the astronaut was there is now a TV and something risque is on TV. it seems to be some r-rated version of MTV where some chunky lady is walking around without a top on. I start to lose a little lucidity here as I wonder if we should change the channel but after a bit I realized it doesn't matter regaining some lucidity. I start thinking about how it seems like the scene is going on for a long time and I start thinking about my goals. I jump to memory peg number 5 and after a bit of a scene fade I find myself standing over my wife

who is sitting in a chair in our dining room. number 5 is the smell task of the month and I remember how I smelled her hair earlier in the day freshly washed with a nice scent to it and the dream seems to replicate the scent but it was a little more faint almost as if the dream accounted for the time that has passed since the fresh washing of the hair. I then think about how I reset memory peg number 2 back to the lucid dare to become a tree and I start stretching out my arms like the branches of the tree and my feet down like the roots and I get the sensation of my torso and arms growing and expanding upwards

but I'm not too sure how much of a tree I became with no mirror around. I then thought of memory peg number 6 and this is the talking to the monster under your bed for task of the month. I decide that there is a bed just ahead and I walk that way but I don't see one and the dream is fading a bit and I decide that I will just arrive back in bed, my dream bed and then I can get out of bed and talk to the monster from there but it doesn't work and I soon find myself back in my actual bed needing to urinate but I stay still and try to reenter the dream but eventually realize I am too wake and need to relieve myself before trying anything else. when I go back to bed I do get a lot of great visualisations that seem to take legs which like in my previous LD aftermath several days ago I wondered if I might be in a dream state with the amount of effect I have over what seems like HH's. very long lucid series! 8 milligrams of G + 500 milligrams of choline. #326 & 327

< Don't worry, you don't have to read the whole thing to comment >

Sat, 16 May 2015:
SSILD: maybe I was already asleep because when I thought I was still trying to get to sleep, I was noticing how the things I was imagining were folding into my HI's. I was having unusual control over them or influence of the HI's so maybe a short NREM stage. I lost track of my awareness though until a little later.
I am in a home setting that is unfamiliar when I look back from waking perspective recording this dream. I'm in a family room and my son and his girlfriend and others are there including members of my extended family. At some point I seem to be losing clothes and end up in my underwear. It seems like my son's girlfriend is trying to go look at my junk bouncing around in my underwear. I don't want my son to see that so I move behind the couch. At one point everyone starts looking at me like I did something wrong and my first thought is what did I do? But then I realized this is a dream scenario! I am dreaming! My son's girlfriend comes over to me as I'm sitting on a chair and leans over me and I can see down her blouse . her breasts seem smaller than in waking life, though I'm only guessing, because I've never seen her naked of course…except in dreams that is. The previous one with her started off non lucid and I felt so guilty! Some of those feelings came in here but I mentally reminded myself that this is just a dream. (Memory gap) we are driving in the van with openings between the two front seats and my wife is getting frisky

Spoiler for sexual content:

reaching down into my underwear

and this cute lady in a short skirt is in the backseat pretending that she is sleeping but I can see her eye slightly peeked open. I think of her joining in and regain my lucidity . (memory gap) I'm in a new house and there is a lady actually it's the same lady from the backseat and she has a baby in arms and a little girl who is maybe 5 to 7 years old. I talk to the baby and wonder if I disturbed his sleep. I have lost my awareness again. ( memory gap) she's going home and she is outside of her door holding the baby carrying something else and trying to deal with her little girl and I asked her if she needs help. she says sure and brightens up her smile and tells me to come on in!

this is when I realize I'm dreaming again and get my awareness back. she is sitting on a chair and her short skirt alluringly and the kids are now gone. start

Spoiler for sexual content:

taking off my clothes and running my hands up her skirt and removing her blouse. Some level of sex

before another memory gap. A guy brings me outside and wants to show me something. We take off flying. He says we are passing over England and Manchester City. I look over at him and it is my son.

We are flying together high up in the sky. I wonder if we are high enough that I can see the shape of the British Isles and after moments of looking for it I am suddenly in a blank space with a solitary standing elephant-dude figurine. Primarily colored in soft blue and white.

Several memory gaps, perhaps my awareness work needs to be stepped back up during the day and have come to rely on the G + C combination which I did not take this night. I really wanted to be lucid tonight because I wanted and natural lucid dream before my next G experiment the next night. On the other hand I am hopeful that this could be some sign of "breaking down the wall" that Thomas Yuschak speaks of. #323



Sun, 17 May 2015:
*Longish dream+DILD: we are in some foreign country, possibly India and I am waiting in our vehicle at a small airport drop off area and the doors are locked but after a little while people start trying to open the doors and before long many people are trying to open the doors. one guy gets in and then lets another in and soon the truck is packed. It is like a van sized SUV. One last guy crams in and I thought he was going to sit on top of me or something but he went crawling to the back. I was in the front passenger seat. one of the guys that got in started driving. He seems to be the patriarch of this family and he is driving too fast and I told him to be careful driving so close to the other cars. I asked him what is going on, why is everyone so frantic? he says that the Muslims want to vote (so I assume that they are protesting and rioting). I think to myself why were they not allowed to vote? This goes into a false awakening where all of the people in the van and some additional people are in a big room sleeping and people are starting to get up and wake up and I notice how dark it is. I asked couple of girls near me why is everyone getting up? What time do you go to bed? And one answered sometimes 12 or 1 and then I realized I asked the wrong question. what time do you usually wake up? and she answered around 8. I see a clock or somehow know that it's 6 a.m. and I ask why is everyone getting up at 6 a.m. then? No answer, but some one by the window says but there is an aurora borealis happening right now. I say "well I'll get up for that!" I go to the window where they are peeking through the blinds. aluminum style 1 inch or 1 and half inch blinds. I look up and all of the clouds in the sky seem to be glowing a little bit but I don't see what he's referring to at first and then I notice the lower set of clouds closer to the horizon are glowing more so and the colors are undulating. As I look more, it gets more impressive!

I say out loud this must be a dream! Somebody sees react like yeah yeah. I try to look at my hands but it is too dark in the room although it does look like there is something about my hands I moved to the nose pinch RC can do it several times to be surebefore I think about starting to mount various women in front of all these people. I'm able to breathe through my pinched nose and I lookout after night display some more. it is so beautiful! Let's start shooting back and forth across the sky along with a laser gun sound effect that is interesting but the lights are so beautiful! After a while of looking at it i turn my attention to looking for a suitable mate and walk through the room passing several girls that are too young including a little blonde girl . I see a beautiful girl, probably 20's, holding the hands of two younger girls and leading them into a room.

Spoiler for BEWARE-negative schema (but resolved). NOT sexual content:

I go in as well and the door closes and I turn around and they're gone and it is like a small closet with the walls painted yellow. I think about the podcast I listen to last night and it seems to plant a seed have negative things happening sometimes in LD's but I stay calm. I open the door I'm behind the door is just a yellow wall like the rest of the closet and I try to avoid thoughts of being trapped and

I decide I will just fly up through the roof and I do! This leads me to a series of different scenes all seemingly underground with no windows but some more interesting than others. one was wide open and what would look like maybe a big space station somewhere on a planet perhaps

and I spend a bit of time flying quickly through there enjoying flying indoors. At one point I came to somewhat of a dead end but there was an opening that led to a very dark hallway and I wasn't interested in exploring that way

so I turned around and flew some more and eventually I fly into another scene. This next one was full of DC's. They all look like military or worker guys in dark blue jumpsuits

and I think about how in the podcast Sensei talks about how in some place, some powers don't work and sure enough here I don't have all of my normal dream super powers. I take a few swings at two of the guys and they kind of laugh at me. one guy takes me by the arm almost as if I'm being arrested or at least taken out of there. he's a boisterous guy that seems like a bit of an asshole . we look across the room and theres is a guy dressed a little differently, dressed like a movie star in casual attire. the guy who grabbed my arm says that guy is an asshole. As we approach I feel like messing with them and I start to say hey this guy says you're an... But the guy fills in and says something like yeah he is a whole lot of something trying to playoff what he really said about him using words that sounded a bit like what he really said, "a whole." I chime in and said no he called you an asshole. I think I'm forgetting some parts but at some point I feel myself back in bed and with a strong urge to reposition myself off of my sore left shoulder. After trying to stay still for a few minutes I eventually have to turn over and maybe I waited too long because my shoulder is still sore. It was worth it though! #324

empowering non-lucid: Water park amusement park bathroom mini golf. Guy kicks my wife. I fight him though he is bigger. Guy says they will break up fight if I get off him. I do but guy starts fighting me again and I quickly break his neck with head twist.



Mon, 18 May 2015:
Later driving into fancy neighborhood #lostMyWay trying to find my car parked outside. Became a covered area suddenly from aerial view (map?).
Go into a big resort like place and try to pass through to get to where we are heading. #Wife #son security system starts to drop down as if I am not authorized to pass but moves back up as I back away, then down again as I approach. Finally a flying droid thing stays with me until #security arrives. He holds a fork like stick to my balls while questioning me. Must you? I ask. Later they let me go and with family back inside car and I think about how dream like that was...why didn't I RC? I should now! Hands hmmm...look away and look again
..yeah I just counted 6?...hard to see one of my fingers!Nose pinch yep! Tell family I'm going to take off and fly out of car a little and see youngish girl reminds me of one I saw that day. I walk up and I remember my plan to make it feel okay and remove any negative thoughts and ask the girl (brownish blonde, more blonde) to take off her clothes.

Spoiler for Strong Sexual Content & language:

She takes her time easing onto my c**k. We have sex for a while. Wife and son looking at one point. I brush it off, they are only DCs. I even tell my wife you like watching me f**k this young one, don't you? I think as I am doing it that I should make sure I don't carry this fantasy over to waking life and say something like that to my wife during sex or when feeling frisky. I lightly squeeze and rub the girl's nipples and she is kissing me a lot all over so I pull up my shirt which is only thing left on me with the idea that she can lick my nipples and she does almost instantly.

5-6min count as 5 for contest. #325

Late am btb: HI's to quasi dreams? Very good fantasy visualizations with GF and C and friend. Later even said time to RC...hand look 3 times but then quickly felt back in bed so didn't count as a separate LD.

I was walking down the living room to enter the garage. I open the garage door and turn on the lights to see my father head appearing out of it. I'm shock to see him as his body completely emerges to the living room. I quickly catch on that I am dreaming. I begin opening the front door, but I could hear my father and brother having a conversation in the kitchen. So I decided to listen in, in till going out the back door.

The sky was sunny with some clouds, I can see two kids playing with something that looks like a tree branch. I then started walking on the field, the area actually look recognizable to me. But as I continue to walk further in the fields it's routes began to change. I soon reach the end, I could see a wooden house with a car park outside. A road was the only way I could continue moving forward. Then I soon could hear my father and brother voice from a distance.

I ran to them to say I'm dreaming. My brother laughs and tells me that we should go back. They continue to walk toward the house, deciding now that I should make an attempt to prove my claim. I got my brother attention when I told him to look at my fingers, I only have 4 and they were oddly shape. My brother turns around and observe my fingers. That's when I turn my head to see 3 people walking near the fields. One resemble a character from TTT2.

As walk over to them, I notice one of them had fallen down. Before I could help them up, the sky begins to rain over everything. That is when the scene change in to be inside father room. There were other people also here with a look on their face that stated they were angry. I notice I was begin to feel a lot of symptoms. My face had saliva pouring my head and mouth and I could not stop twitching. Someone ask me to stop doing that but it was difficult for me to speak.

I went toward the bathroom mirror to see what was happening to my face. I saw that half of my face was covered in a white foam and my eyes kept trying to turn to the back of my head on their own, Despite my eyes movement this didn't change the direction of my vision for the dream. I came out and told everyone sorry and lost lucidity. I then have an FA. Lucidity Time: 7 minutes

Date: 16 May

Wbtb

I fall asleep and have a brief non-ld where I am with family members in this unfamiliar house. It's dark in the room and I am trying to fall asleep but they keep on talking so loud. At some point everybody leaves and I find myself in a large movie room with big screen TV and loud bass systems. I think to myself that I find it really weird people are so obsessed with these things. A large TV, so what? Now, it would be much cooler if actually you were making this whole TV into existence, if you were the cause of all the music - ie. if you are dreaming all this. Then this will give a whole new meaning to the experience. I take a moment to imagine how it would feel.

Memory gap. I end up in another room where I feel my awareness come into focus and I realize that I made it to the dream. My mom is also here for a bit. I remember a few goals and also the advanced task of doing an in-dream wild and briefly consider trying it. However, this is not among the goals I reviewed during the wbtb and now I can't remember (also irl at the time of journalling) whether this is still the current month's task or already last month's. I decide I don't want to end up doing an old task and drop it altogether. There is a large earth globe in the completely empty now narrow room and I do a mix of telekinesis and wind blowing it around wondering if that would count towards air bending. After I have enough fun with levitating it around, I recall the other basic task - become friends with the monster under your bed.

I move forward and cautiously open the door to the next room, hoping this will work to reveal something handy. It opens into a dark room, which I disregard and continue forward. There is a bed just ahead of me and I lean down and look to see what's below. There is a ton of junk piled up. While I try to think of a monster being there I get a flash of disappearing transparent eyes. I decide to stare in the stuff below in the hopes that something will show up. After a while, I begin to see a movement under some rags and follow it. It stops and then starts at another place. I dig a bit to finally find the monster - a grey mouse! The little beast is so hyperactive it is hard to keep it in one place and as I try to hold it and make friends it even bites me! I think about the task again taking mental notes of what is going on. Ok, it has to calm down so I start caressing it. I do so for a bit until it finally calms down, I make another mental note about this and conclude that we are now friends.

The dream seems to end but it's actually an FA. I find myself journalling a page and a half worth of dreams with a lot of details and also noting my goals for the next dream. The tablet then malfunctions and keeps giving me a gaming radar with the bad guys as red dots coming near. I'm getting really confused about this since I think I have solved all my problems for the moment. It then switches to a cool 16 bit game with characters unknown to me. I decide to play it for a bit and it actually works like a normal game - very complex and thoroughly thought out. Yet I can't comprehend how this game self installed on my tablet. Why do I have this game? And then it hits me! This is an FA and I just wrote a ton of dreams for nothing. But the game - well that was pretty awesome, I think to myself, I played quite a bit of a dream game. I'm super amazed at this. The dream soon ends.

I didn't write about last night because there was really nothing special that happened there, just the horrible recall I've had earlier. But tonight was definitely incredible. I recall 2 long dreams (both combined took two pages from my notebook .-.), finally actually did a WBTB, and a DILD (though it only lasted a couple of seconds), along with an FA. So I'll start from the beginning..

The Night Watchers

I was in this sort of university dorm. The location around me was this town with not much tall buildings, all were the same house roofs and you could jump from one to the other. I was sleeping at night when a guy came and woke me up. I can't recognize who he was IWL but in the dream I knew who he was, as he was an old friend. I remember him wanting me to do a task with him and me, being annoyed that he woke me up in the night, reluctantly accepted and left with him. I went through this walkway through a park and went up to one of the house roofs. We hopped from one to the other to get to a very large church-like building which clearly stands out from the rest of the buildings. I forget what we had to do there but the next night he woke me up again and we left. Leaving through the same walkway, I could recognize some people I know in real life. We reached these hills in the park and he was setting up some device I saw as a telescope. He told me that it could shoot lasers and we pointed somewhere. I looked over and saw this large white cube, about the size of a fountain. He said that we have to blow it up using the lasers, but it wouldn't be enough and we have to access this same scenery in a dream and use powers in there to make it explode. The scene changed into a bedroom and the guy was getting ready to use the lasers on the white cube. I was about to go in bed when I woke up.

I felt really awake when I did wake up. I was debating whether to do a FILD, with a fairly high chance of success but I may not remember my last dream, or to WBTB + MILD. I eventually picked the latter and wrote down my last dream quickly as I already felt wide awake and didn't want to stay awake longer to the point where I wouldn't fall back asleep. I urinated in the dark and went back to bed. I had a really runny nose and I felt too awake, as I feared. Luckily, I was able to fall back asleep.

Bus ride and family union

I was on the bus. I was heading home when I passed by my older brother IWL who was at a stop. I looked at which bus this is and saw that it wasn't the right one. I got off at the next stop and met up with my friend on this wall in this area that seemed to be a picnic table. The friend said he needed help picking up garbage that he dropped and I was helping him. By the wall, there was a girl and she said to me, "Il y a quelque chose derriere toi." (Translates to: There's something behind you.) I looked behind me but there was nothing there. She pointed somewhere else and I found the last piece of garbage the my friend dropped. The scene changed and I'm in a bathroom. I'm apparently with my family of four, me being the eldest child and two younger children, one boy and one girl, around the age of 6 playing in the sink like it was a pool. And there was my widowed mother in the shower. She opened the curtains and got out, asking me if I wanted to go in. I replied with yes and went in and started taking off my clothes. Strangely enough I never closed the curtains. My little brother IWL was outside a window watching me, and I didn't want him to see me naked but he eventually did, along with the rest of the family. For some reason the younger two children had aged to around 12 and the girl said "He's so cool." I closed the curtains and started taking a shower. The curtains opened by themselves and my mother, now finally clothed, with my two younger siblings were just standing there smiling at me, not in a creepy way. Yup, because when you have 3 people stare at you smiling while you're taking a shower is definitely not creepy. I was thinking that it was strange that I had people looking at me like that, so then I got excited by the thought that this could be a dream. I excitedly looked at my hands only to find that they were completely normal. They even had drips of water on them. But I wasn't convinced that it was reality. I tried another RC, which I'm pretty sure was the nose plug RC, but that failed as well. I then tried flying up, and that's what worked. I flew out the window of the bathroom and decided what to do next. The thing is, though, when I reached the window and was about to go through it, my vision completely blacked out. Then, I had twitching at the bottom of the darkness only to find myself awake in my room. Excited from my LD, I went down to write it. In the hallway, I saw this mirror which didn't reflect me but in fact gave me vision of a classmate who was in my washroom in front of the mirror. Like, I saw her reflection instead of mine. I didn't question it though and went down to find my sister watching a kids show (Not the one from the last dream, my sister IWL). I went back upstairs to my room and was trying to write "Performed MILD" for my dream journal but kept accidentally writing something else instead, which I can't remember. And that's when I woke up.

Anyway, I'm really happy with myself from this night. Even though I was going for MILD, I got a DILD, and I could recognize something odd in a dream and suspect my reality from that. I think I've just reached a large milestone! Better add a milestones custom block, and I'll add dream goals along with it.

I wake up and find a roach running around on top of my blanket. I tried to catch it with my hands but it was too evasive for me. I eventually got off from the bed and turn on the lights. I then track the roach with my eyes in till he had went under the blanket again. It was difficult to see again, that's when I realize the lights had went out again. I turn them on again but quickly they turn off. I could now see the light in the bathroom was on, could be my father I thought.

Though that didn't make much sense, that's when I look at my hands to see my fingers were bend over and crooked. I became lucid and said I was in waking life a couple of minutes ago. When did I go unconscious? I enter the living room to the kitchen. Not too long I notice how short I was compare to the usual objects inside the kitchen. I must've been the size of a rat.

I still had hands despite the height and had no trouble opening the now large back door. It was night but didn't appear to look like a sky at all. I could see a lot of dark voids roaming around the area. There's a lot now I said to myself, barely any room for dream activity. I manage to get to one of the dream scenes by running up the usual hill I take. Running on the grass with my feet felt like running on a mouse pad.

I also confirm that I usually don't have shoes on when lucid. I saw a few houses boarding near the voids. I made my way pass a backyard and over to a road. I could see a garage door wide open with a light beaming down from above. That's when I notice someone had been standing behind me. It look like a doll of some human, they appear as if they couldn't move. That is when I wake up and attempted to write down my experience. But it was very difficult to do so. I then wake up again. Lucidity Time: 4 minutes

Hi. How's it going?

I woke up a few times, but remembered no dreams. It seems that I wake up too gradually, with whole minutes of half-awareness. By the time I realised what was going on, I already forgot all my dreams.

Interruptions (FLD/LD, ND), Back in Netherlands (ND) (—7:10)

I was in what I imagine to be a FA — I somehow knew I would enter a LD. The next thing I know is I'm in the ocean just off the beach, carrying what I assume to be my sister (it could be someone else — I'm not sure). Behind us was a goofy looking Voldermort with a sword and mediaeval clothing (of which I remember a white blouse-like shirt). The dream even paused so I could look at it a bit longer. Also, he flew and was flanked by vaguely defined henchman.

So I swam to the beach where I tried flying away — I could jump high, but I couldn't fly while carrying presumably my sister. Since there was a large, building-like obstacles in the way, we went around the right side. There was more beach there, with a small crowd of DC. For a moment I thought Voldermort would never actively harm me because of all the witnesses.

So then I headed back towards the buildings, from the east side. I jumped up and over buildings and then…

Then there was this tall wired fence, one which looked so imposing, it just had to be electrifying. Beyond the fence were endless dunes of sand. There was also someone who looked an awful lot like Steven Stone (Pokemon character). The dunes all a solid yellow and solid black (shadows), and I somehow got an impression they weren't actually dunes, but more like nonexistence.

At this point I was thinking of the ocean and beach prior and putting together some kind of theory that the island was the mere blob of existence in an endless ocean of nonexistence. Thinking back to how I was screwing about with Voldermort and such, I ascended to a higher state of lucidity. I turned around, imagined a doorway in the fence, turned back, and it was there. My vision was slightly blurry. However, I didn't want to go through — if it was all endless 'dunes', what would be the point? I then started thinking of goals I had on my mind whilst awake. I felt some sort of passion build up in me — I knew I was on a breakthrough with my clarity of mind. My goals came to me clearly, and I knew just what I ha—

I woke up. It was a FA. I lost lucidity, went back to sleep and hoped to get back to the dream.

Then there was this vague repeat of the last dream, except it had all sorts of Pokemon characters in there. It was now a video game all of the sudden without any lucidity.

…

I was by my parents' restaurant and it was raining. This was bad because I had hidden my phone beneath a flower pot (for... some reason?). I check on my phone but aside from a few drops of water it was fine. I readjusted the flower pot in such a manner my phone would remain hidden as well as remain dry. I then leave with my parents off to somewhere with the car.

On the way there, I asked where we were going. My father say something along the lines of... I don't remember, but it was boring. Not to mention I had second thoughts about housing my phone below a flower pot. I asked to be left out so I could walk the way back.

I come across a few of the landmarks we passed on the way there, such as a canal where the roads slanted up (and the canals would be subsequently deeper), as well as a whole bunch of stone stairways. The stairways had thick railings that doubled as decorative waterfalls. I could slide down these waterfalls and would go very fast, but I can't remember actually getting wet. also, I remember sliding down all the stairways, but I initially had to go up. At another point I couldn't pass through because there was a long wave of children riding out from a small grass field for sports and such. I noted that all their bicycles looked like some sort of plastic (but still sturdy) . I wondered whether this was some kind of new design thing.

Eventually I realised that I was in Amsterdam all along! How did I get there? I walked? Okay, so I wasn't wholly convinced I was in Amsterdam, so I checked for signs that I was — I saw this restaurant we once went to, as well as an alleyway with a signboard saying "King's Cross" (even though that's London/Harry Potter, even though the train station was the whole other way, even though supposed 'King's Cross' actually led to the car parking area). I decided to check out on my father's restaurant in the near vicinity. I came across something that was supposedly it, but it was buried behind curtains and such and it was hard to see. I found this rather odd.

I then came across my older sister who just so happened to bent there, which was also odd considering there was this row she had with father where due they still do not interact with each other. Therefore, I was a bit dubious over her positive demeanour.

The topic turned to that of coins and mystic religion statues and such. It's all a bit blurry (actually can't be bothered to continue typing).

I remember returning to the stone stairways again. Those were fun.

Ritual: It was a great night for dreaming, probably because I went to bed so much earlier than usual, though I've also been especially attentive to my RCs for the last couple days. I went to bed a little before midnight, and I'm also currently on the East Coast, so the clock was three hours ahead of my usual time zone. My sleep was punctuated with the usual half-dozen wakings, though I didn't do any specific night practices other than try to pay attention to the transitions between sleeping and waking, and in this I was not persistant or prompt enough to pull off a WILD or a DEILD. But by around 6am I woke up from the first DILD, spent until 7:30am writing it down, then went back to bed and lucked into a second one.

NLD, "Drones": I'm standing by a floor-to-ceiling, wall-length window in a big hotel suite, looking out over the curve of a bay. From the height we must be somewhere between the 20th and 30th floor, and to the right I can see another tall building, or perhaps an extension of the same hotel, following the curve of the beach. Ahead and to the left is the flat horizon of the sea. It would be a pleasant view if it weren't for all the drones hovering in our field of vision, each one carrying a sign with a single word on it, white block letters on a black background. The words seem to be completely random.

"It's like some dystopian future," I comment to Peter Dinklage, who is standing to my left. I muse about what it would be like if the drones were weaponized, and turned on us like machines tend to do in science fiction. Though a chilling thought, they are awkwardly constructed without any armoring, and look like they would be easy to shoot down.

Then I notice that although they are not armed with guns, each drone is fitted with a camera, which is just as bad in some ways. Are they conducting mass surveillance on us? The cameras are all pointed directly at us. As I watch, a see a few drones of a different type fly in very close. They are not carrying signs, and they are disk-shaped, topped with a transparent dome through which we can see tiny people inside operating them. The pilots can't be human: even though I am standing next to a dwarf, they are much smaller than him, the size of babies, but with adult features and pointed ears. One of them waves at us, and Peter Dinklage says something like, "This is really disturbing."

FA-DILD, "Smallpox": Shortly after this I have the sense of waking up, though it is not a typical FA; I do not find myself in bed. I feel like I am standing in the same spot, in the same room, only awake now. Everyone else who was in the room a moment ago is gone, and there is no longer any impression of a view. The light has changed, becoming greyer and dimmer: it felt like late afternoon a moment ago, now it feels like early morning.

At once I notice that something is wrong with my body: a dense network of small patchy blisters is completely covering my skin. I look at myself in third person, as though in a mirror, and see them everywhere: covering my face, my chest, my arms, every patch of visible skin is mottled with these raised lesions. I know exactly what they are, too, I've seen them before in historical pictures: these are smallpox pustules, apparently in an early stage, since they are slightly lighter than my natural skin color and haven't scabbed or opened yet.

Immediately my rational mind rejects the scenario: didn't I get vaccinated for this? I realize I don't specifically remember getting a smallpox vaccine, but... isn't that because smallpox is extinct? I can't recall the details but I'm sure I remembered hearing that. Surely it's not making a comeback, like measles, because of all these anti-vaccers? But that can't be right—if smallpox were coming back then vaccinations for it would have become available, and I'd have been first in line.

This can't be happening. I try to will away the pustules but nothing changes. I remain unconvinced. This can't be happening, it must be a dream. If I can levitate, I will know it is a dream: I put my mind to it and though I do not levitate properly, I can feel that gravity is definitely different from waking life. So it is a dream! Okay, that's what I thought. Thank goodness I don't really have smallpox. Now I just need to fix my appearance.

I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror, trying to will my skin smooth again. The pustules are stubbornly persistant, but a lock of hair turns white and I decide to transform the rest of it for fun. It instantly turns stark white, but the texture remains smooth and silky. This gives me the idea to turn my skin jet black, like that of a drow elf. I concentrate and most of it transforms, but there are still pale patches on my forehead and upper cheeks, and when I look down at my legs, they are a streaky grey that is fading out toward the ankles, more like body paint than skin pigment.

On the bright side, changing the color of my skin finally got rid of the pustules, leaving it smooth again. Now I just want to even out the color, but the pale patches resist my initial attempts to darken them through will alone. I try to use my hands, as though spreading pigment over the resistant areas, and this helps a bit, but it is not an easy fix. As I peer closer into the mirror during this process, I notice that my eyes are solid black. I can't remember if this was the correct color for drow eyes, but I really like the effect. By the time I complete the skin transformation, my hair has faded from snow white to a yellower bone white, and this looks better and more natural with the jet black eyes and skin.

During this process my hair has been going through stylistic variations, always long and straight, but hanging down in different ways, and smeared with substances like blood or oil. I figure this makes sense for drow fashion, since living underground they probably don't bathe all that often, making hair treatments like oil very practical, whereas the bloody streaks look impressively gruesome. Although my skin won't stay pure black, it doesn't fully revert to its natural shade either, but retains traces of color, like streaky orange-browns on a muted blue base, while the hair stays yellowish-white.

WBTB: I woke up and spent over an hour writing the report of the last dream, but afterwards it was still early enough to go back to bed. Although I was not sleepy, it was a pleasantly lazy morning, and I enjoyed drifting in hypnagogic imagery. There was a period of ambiguity where it became increasingly difficulty to tell if I was having waking or dreaming experiences, and then I slipped again into full dream.

DILD, "Bed Monsters": I was wandering through the large house belonging to my in-laws where I am currently staying, and I had lost count of the number of bedrooms... there had to be more than twenty. Just how big was this place? At that moment I realized, no, of course it is not so big in waking life, it is because I am dreaming that the size has been exaggerated. Dreaming, eh? Wasn't there something I had meant to do, if I found myself dreaming in a bedroom? Suddenly I recalled this month's TOTM, to make friends with the monster under your bed. Oh! I should get back to the room where I'd been sleeping! I dashed back so quickly I was afraid I would destabilize the dream, but luckily it stayed intact.

I peered under the bed but it was a pleasant open space. It looked like there were a few banal things stored under there, but nothing looked sinister or monstrous. I felt around for something to work with, and my hand closed around a small plush object, which I withdrew and examined closely. It was a small brown teddy bear, only five inches long, with a plump, pear-shaped body and tiny beady eyes. There was a lighter brown oval around the bit of stiching that served as a nose. I was impressed with the detail with which I could perceive it, but had no idea how was I supposed to "make friends" with it. It seemed totally inert, a harmless stuffed animal. I set it on the thick folds of the comforter piled on the bed. "Dance!" I commanded. It just sat there. "Dance!" I tried a few more times, but it remained inaminate.

I walked around to the other side of the bed, setting down the teddy bear on a dresser. I turned away for a moment, and when I looked again it had changed: now it was a sort of bell-shaped plastic structure hanging from the ceiling by a string. I couldn't tell what its purpose was, but it still appeared to be an inert object.

It occurred to me that I had been walking around and standing right next to the bed completely heedless of the space underneath. If there really were monsters under there, I'd have to watch out for my ankles! I wondered if this was the problem, that I didn't really have any lingering childhood fear of monsters under the bed. Perhaps I should try again with more intent.

I bent down and looked under the bed from this side, trying to keep the idea of monsters in mind. I still didn't see much under there: it was a light and airy space, just like in waking life, completely different from the overstuffed space under my bed at home. But I did see a scrap of cloth within arm's reach, so pulled it out. It turned out to be a little crocheted cat, only about three inches long, white with some orange spots. I guessed it must have been made by a total amateur. The body seemed floppy like it was unstuffed, and as I turned it over in my hands, I discovered that it was actually crocheted in a single flat piece with the four little legs sticking out horizontally, so only when it was folded in half along the back did it look plausibly like a cat. The head was the only piece that appeared to have been crocheted with any semblance of three-dimensionality. As I studied it closely, I saw tiny points of bright green contrasting with the dominant the white and orange: there was a little green tuft on the trip of the tail, and projecting from the head was a narrow appendange like the antenna of a cartoon alien, also topped with a green point.

However, this object also showed no sign of motion or life, so it would be hard to say I was "making friends" with it. But then my eye caught a glimpse of orange fur near my feet: my cat had appeared! I wasn't surprised that she had turned up: when thinking about the task in waking life, I had reasoned that she really was the monster under my bed. Though I adopted her when she was about five months old (the best guess of the shelter) she had been living in a feral state before that, and even after five years of comfortable indoor living she still has the edgy instincts of a street cat: she hisses at the slightest provocation, and holes up under the bed for hours whenever a stranger is in the house.

I knelt down to ruffle her long, soft fur, which felt totally life-like, but I noticed the color was off. In the dream she was calico, with big orange patches, but I remembered that she was a tabby in waking life. I wondered if she could qualify as my dream bed monster—though right now she was acting very pleasant and relaxed, and I figured it probably wouldn't count because I had already made friends with her in WL.

Yet again I peeked under the bed, and this time at last I found the perfect candidate for my experiment. I felt that it was connected somehow with the tame cat at my feet, as though all her feral qualities had separated into a different animal. This one had a tortoise-shell coat, all the same colors as a calico but in smaller, more mingled patches. Although the fur resembled that of a cat, the body suggested another animal entirely, with a narrower head and tapering snout. I was pretty sure it was a fox. Best of all, it was already hissing and snarling at me! This was the monster I had been looking for!

Now all I had to do was make friends with it. I began calling to it in the cooing, overly affectionate voice I might use with my cat. "Come here... lovely sweetie... lovely sweetie. I have treats for you my love... treats for you my love." The animal reacted as any feral creature would, holding its ground and continuing to hiss and snarl. I could see the tension locked into its body, poised for fight or flight. I reasoned that since it was a dream monster, the best approach would be to hug it, but that wasn't obviously wasn't going to be possible while it was still under the bed. I needed to draw it out first.

I reached under the bed and the animal snapped at the air and threatened to bite me. I considered drawing my hand back for a different approach but decided to let it go ahead and bite, inspired by that wonderful scene in Miyazaki's Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind where Nausicaa tames the fox-squirrel by remaining calm and patient when it bites her finger. Plus, since it was a dream I didn't have to worry about physical harm. So I kept reaching toward the animal until it bit down on the middle of my left index finger. The pain was surprisingly clear and sharp, but easily manageable. I kept thinking of that scene from Nausicaa and projecting similar expectations on this situation. I felt the animal relax enough to take a few steps closer to me, but it had not yet emerged from under the bed when the dream abruptly faded. Intriguingly, even after I had fully transitioned to wakefulness, I could still feel a distinct itch in the second joint of my left index finger where the animal had bitten me.

Attached Thumbnails