side notes

[Saturday, October 20th, 2012]
(This is my first true recall in a few days. I've been with Alex, super stressed off and on, getting stoned and drunk... So this was new and refreshing to recall a dream for once.)

I'm at an unfamiliar home, but I see my old friends, The Everette family. Caleb, Jonathan, Aaron, and their Mom. Isaiah and their Dad, I can't find. In this new home, I fumble through games and movies like I used to when I visited them. I talk for awhile with some of them, and go outside a few times. Suddenly, everyone is leaving. They aren't here anymore. Their Mom must have taken them to church or something-

My Mom pulls up, or something and my memory fades. The next thing I remember, I'm driving down a Phoenix road trying to figure out my way home. In the upper right corner of my vision, their is a Minimap like in WoW and Google Maps of the road. I'm going the wrong way, but it reroutes a way to turn after awhile I do turn. I make it back all the way to a Highway that leads to my home.

No recall.

I had a dream that I was on the main screen of the "GunZ" game and someone was giving me food. o.o There's a little dream fragment for you!

NOTE: I have just noticed I never moved my WBTB time from 4am back to 3am. I already set my alarm, so now I'll be on the right schedule. Hopefully this gives me some better recall. Also, I'm not really going to post any "dream fragments" on here unless they're interesting.. It'll save some space for reading-worthy dreams. I'll keep fragments in a personal journal.

Whenever I start to focus on dreamwork which seems to be about a two year cycle, I find myself trying so hard that the first few days are dreamless. This is frustrating but you'd think I'd learn from the past and have comfort in knowing this dry spell will pass.

Happy dreaming and bountiful patience to you all!

I have a friend whose dad shut off the Internet at her house, so she only has Internet access when she's at her mom's house. She went back to her dad's house yesterday. Anyway, I had a dream last night that I was on tumblr and saw a post she made saying that her dad turned the Internet back on again. I woke up disappointed because it was only a dream (we mainly only see each other online because we live a couple hours apart).

I went back to sleep and had a dream that I had to look after a few pets for my friend Giana (even though they aren't her pets IWL). I had to look after five various rodents (a hamster, two very tiny chinchillas, and two jerboas. They were kept in a big cage, which I was keeping in my room. The problem was that they kept escaping from the cage; they managed to squeeze through the bars and out of the cage pretty easily. The chinchillas (which were roughly the same size as the hamster and jerboas, as opposed to actual chinchilla size) especially liked to escape. One of them even tried to bite my thumb when I carried it back to its cage (again); it was kind of uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt.

In another dream, I had to select a "teacher". I chose Kayleigh, my tulpa. She started throwing dodgeballs at me, and I didn't know why, so she told me she was doing it because I had to learn that nothing could hurt me because I was dreaming and that I shouldn't be afraid in dreams. I guess I was supposed to take that advice and make myself believe that, though I still didn't really get what was going on. The dream felt rather vague when I woke up, too.

I know she was only trying to help me improve my dream control, but I don't think I really learned anything from that "lesson". It does seem like something she would do, though...

So last night air found myself behind the wheel of a vehicle but only with no wheel, I was on the LHS with possibly a passenger or more near me.

I must have found something peculiar (maybe where I was sitting) so I FINALLY asked myself "am I dreaming?"

I took a quick look around and decided that I wasn't. I was happy when I woke up and shortly after remembered asking myself that question yet now recalled that it was indeed a dream!

Next time though: continue to look around and validate if it really is a dream, look for text or clocks and test them, don't get too excited if the answer is yes.....

[Sunday, October 14th, 2012]
<later in the day, I take a nap>
<dream is foggy, I forget to write this down and it vanishes>

I remember summoning a 18-wheeler to come pick me up and bring me somewhere. We were on V.M. road and heading north, and as we passed the train tracks and took the bend to the left- we came to an obstacle. There was a giant wall in the road. I turned around and did something to a giant rock behind me. A triangle with an eye appeared and the triangle began to spin around the eye. It glowed a thick white light and shot out a beam of light towards the wall. The wall glowed with white veins and the wall opened.

(Everything resembled futuristic, alien technology- and it was pretty neat to watch.)

[Sunday, October 14th, 2012]
(Around 3AM and I wake up and remember quite a bit. I've been sleeping for along time. A LONG TIME.)


<dream had more before this, but this is where I started to remember>
I remember being ontop of a building's roof with a few other people. There is a small lake between me and the rest of the land. In the small beige-mud lake, there is debris everywhere and people scattered through out. Whenever I come close to the edge of the roof, a giant tenticle shoots out of the mud and tries to hit me. I hit it with a weapon before it sinks back down. Eventually, it becomes like WoW... when the tenticle pop's back up- I command the rest of my "raid" group to attack, and all of the people drowning in the mud all leap out and attack the tenticle. I begin to shoot it with some kind of range attack as this is happening. It sinks back one more time before I lure it back up for a final attack. We did it! Everyone is teleported to the dry land. There's a neat looking Mage Staff with a star at the end of it for loot. A few people "roll" for it- in a new way that I don't recognize. I leap from piece of debris to debris all the way across the swamp and as I'm climbing up a small hill to get to the land, I realize that I'm a low level but also the leader of the group. I walk up to the loot on the ground and try to right click on it, but nothing happens. I try to ask how to roll, but I'm teleported to Stormwind or some other city in real life before I have a chance.

In this other city, I try talking to the Raid but realize I've left the group and that it was a Guild group- that I can't talk to since I'm not in it now.

+

I'm leaving town to go up Yarnell hill with my Mom and maybe Casey/Nathan. We're on our way up the hill, and we must have been walking. We walk up the hill faster than usual and we notice that some parts of the railing going up the hill have been smashed and damaged. There've been reports of someone vandalising the rails. We make our way up the hill and we find a cave. It's a giant cave temple- that I tell my Mom is a "Shaman Training Temple" inside, we see people who look like WoW characters all standing around, as if they're really Shaman Trainers or people to buy things from or Questgivers. We walk up to the middle of the giant cave/room and one of us talks to a questgiver. One of the quest involves stopping the man from damaging the rails, apparently its Virgil from McDonald's management.

We leave and start walking up Yarnell hill more. Now I'm not with my Mom or Casey anymore, it's Nathan and Tyler. After awhile, we become thristier than ever and have to stop at a random convenience store. Inside, I grab a cup and fill it with a little ice and water. Its not enough ice though, so I hold the cup against the icemachine more and I notice how I can fill the cup up with ice without the water overflowing. I turn around and see a few kids I know selling some new drink ideas. (There was a peanut butter & honey snack- and there was a "Honey-Fizz" drink, as I'd like to call it, was handed to me. It was a dark yellow bottle of "Honey"-flavored soda. I opened it and downed it quick. It was AMAZING. It was one of the best drinks I've ever had. I made this known to everyone around me. After awhile of talking to Tyler and Nathan about this, I wake up.
<woke up>

[Friday, October 12th, 2012]
(Slept with Alex tonight. I woke up a few times and told Alex about my dream, but I forgot it entirely- since I didn't go straight to my Dream Journal. I was also tired as HELL when I first zonked out, due to overstonage and sexhaustion. I forgive myself- hopefully, the next morning will be better. Though I do plan on getting stoned in the morning with Alex and Nathan- we'll see how that goes.)

(I'll also note, that I've read a lot of books that changed my outlook on a lot of things- and I said a prayer (Soul Download) to help me with my ego problem. I felt different immediately, and I could feel that my ego had dissolved. It felt amazing- and me and Alex haven't had anything close to a fight since.)

[Thursday, October 11th, 2012]

<The night before this, Alex had told me how she felt about me... she popped the question, "Why are we together?" a few times and after she left, it felt like the end of the world. She was definitely going to leave me... I was angry and sad at the same time. Why is she so unfair with me? Demanding things of me, but when I ask for the same, she tells me I will never understand. She must love to drill me further into the ground. Even now as I type this, I can't help feeling a helpless feeling... a bitter disgust for the Alex that night, that lectured me like a child and let me know I was a horrible boyfriend. My heart sank 3 times smaller that night. I sat in my bed and sobbed for hours and screamed into my pillow, trying to stop my heart from hurting. I thought about hurting myself physically, I thought about leaving her before she could leave me. I even left a few scars on my mind. I finally calmed down after talking to her on the phone... she made me laugh... while I was going to get cigarettes, but I still felt miserable as I lied down to go to bed.>

(Before I fell asleep, being as horrible anxious and depressed and emotional as I was... I told my subconscious to just give me whatever dream it thought I needed to see. "Go ahead. Throw anything I need to see at me. But make me lucid. I need to be lucid!" I fall asleep.)

(Hours later, I have my first dream that I remember...)

I walk out of a motel room with Alex beside me and we look around. Some kind of festival was occuring all around us. People are walking around in all directions, mostly heading for a particular carnival ground. Some are in costume, some are stark naked. We walk around for a bit and decide to head back to where we came from, to change our appearence. I decide I wanted to either be stark naked too, or cross-dress. Back at the motel room, I skim through my options in clothes, and notice I suddenly have a lot of female clothes in my closet as well as male ones. Alex isn't with me anymore though. So I walk back outside and wander around some more- still with the urge to rip off all of my clothes.

Glancing around at people more, I notice that I know quite a lot of people here- no family members, but people from my town that I know are very common here. Suddenly, I see some people walking towards Bashas'. Apparently, Bashas' is allowing our festival to take as much food as we want to bring back for a feast. I follow the small crowd to Bashas'. Outside, I wait for an employee to unlock the doors... and we head in with shopping carts. We start tossing in random items, from meats to snacks to candy to cheeses to drinks. The second cart starts filling up with purely meat, and I warn them not to overdo it on meat.

<dream skips>

We're back at the festival. I grab a flyer from the ground and it shows my whole family is performing. Tim Z****, Bob Z****, and a few other Z****'s that I've never heard of. I realize that I can't cross-dress or go stark naked because they're here and I don't want them to think bad of me. I see Zack and Alex together and I walk up to them. Zack and me are friendly like we used to be.

<HOLE IN MEMORY> My Dad was involved with this memory, as were Alex and Zack. We were gathering something off the dirt street, there were lots of them... we were in the old west and my Dad was standing next to an old wagon. <memory skips>

We're now in the middle of a cardboard-like city. The buildings are close together and flat and textureless like a cheap old video game using 3D models of a wall and a cheap texture stretched across the surface. It's like a type of maze here with buildings painted on the walls. The structures do however tower into the sky like normal. I'm still with Alex and Zack. We're doing something <HOLE IN MEMORY> when me and Alex seperate from Zack. The grey sky becomes covered in clouds the color of charcoal. They become the darkest black imaginable. Me and Alex look at each other and instantly begin to run down the street, searching for shelter. I see Zack behind us walking some other direction, almost as if he's unaware. He turns a corner and I lose sight of him. I keep running the other way.

We arrive inside of a dark building to wait out the storm. Rain begins to POUR and we wait there for hours. When it finally stops, we go outside, and color is returning to the sky. The sun peaks out from behind the clouds, but the world is still a dull grey tone.

We walk back to where our motel was and I find where my car is parked. We hop in and begin to drive. She wants to find Zack... she's worried sick about him. I'm depressed- We drive for a bit more and <HOLE IN MEMORY> I park in the Circle K with pumps, and do a horrible job. I try to re-align my park job a few times before I give up and decide its okay how I parked. Alex walks up to me and starts yelling at me about some unknown thing and asks me why I left her somewhere. I tried to explain I didn't leave her anywhere... but it's no use. We both hop in the car however and drive off towards the direction of McDonalds. "Please, we have to find Zack. I'm worried about him." I keep driving.

Suddenly, we're in a Fun-House of Mirrors, sitting inside a track-ride. We slowly turn a corner and see Zack lying down. The car stops and Alex gets out and runs to Zack and gives him a long hug. She lets go and kisses Zack on the lips. I blink my eyes and see that Zack has his knuckle up to Alex lips. It's a gesture towards me- that Zack would have made before while he was still my friend. I watch the whole scene objectively, as if it had nothing to do with me... a movie I knew was depressing, but lacked the emotion to feel. The only thing I felt was that I was a horrible boyfriend- at that moment I remembered all of the things I had been saying throughout the dream. It was like my horrible self from waking life was invading my dreams- I had said pathetic things about Zack and that I was tired of all this shit and more. I felt horrible compared to Zack, who had just done something nice for me

<I wake up feeling like shit.>

(I still admired the intensity of the dream, and closed my eyes again and imagined being lucid during it... I repeated in my head, "It's a dream.")
================================================== =============
<I fell back into a dream.>
<It's continued with "Pedophilia in a Dark Place" after this dream.

[Wednesday, October 10th, 2012]
I remember singing "In The Company of Wolves" with Nathan and Alex.

<That's it for recall.>

(Later, I remember being inside of a strange building and outside meeting with smaller kids. There was baseball being played around me but I only remember faint impressions of it being something like a school or private school to be more exact.)

In the lodge of sorts. In my room I put too much stress on my red curtains. The section comes down. I hold the bar, attempting to fix it but soon come to believe it is a lost cause. A piece is broken/missing. I see a cat who I realize is Nala.

We come face to face and I begin to remember that she is dead. In my room I am in bed naked and Alexander crawls in next to me also naked. He spoons me and I can feel his smooth skin and th great warmth radiating from it. Suddenly I remember that his sweetheart is just outisde my room. The room with one missing curtain. I mildly panic, worried she can see us. Alexander doesn't seem a bit worried. I spot Kova. I pick her up and take her to the long couch where Alexanders' sweeheart sits. I give her the cat to play with and she seems very pleased.


Note: Kova is my cat, sister of Nala.

Note: This is the first dream I remember having in my life. I must have been three or four years old.

I'm in the living room of our first house on twenty-sixth and Alberta in Portland, Oregon. I'm not sure of my age but I can see my skinny little girl legs dangling down from my dad's lap. So I figure I'm three or four. We're in his light blue reclining chair. The sun sheds light on the chair and on me and on dad. I feel safe. Then it is dark. Not completely dark but the dark of a dense cloud covering sun. I am in the lap of Beetleguise. His black and white striped pants in place of my dad's blue jeans.

Cora, Keely and I are working behind the scenes at a university of some sort. In the main area I see Tom Waitts. I joke around with him and he leaves. I think I made him uncomfortable. The girls and I ride a strange elevator up to a hay colored loft area. We talk. I tell them that my uncle rocky invited me to this concert and I haven't even been inside yet. We go back down and I get a bit of vertigo. I sat on my butt for the decent. The university area is a really big and confusing. Cora and I leave and go around the corner. There is a very steep hill. I go for it at a run. I make it almost all the way up when I see car lights and turn a quick right into some major astral wind. The people I passed don't seem to be affected by it. I worry that they're looking at me funny. I do some swimming motions and make it finally. Im any raised, patio of some sort, that borders the main arena/university. There are many iron gates and green shrubs. I find Cora and we are in the hallway. I get the sense that this hallway is for staff only. We are sitting along rounded hallway. The kind that circle an arena. There is a girl next to her, along with various other apparent coworkers. The girl is dark skinned with gray blue and black dreadlocks. She bends Cora's head into her lap and begins to passionately kiss her. At first I am surprised but after a while I am just bored and somewhat anxious. Cora tells me something about her mystery girl, it is something along the lines of " I don't think I can live without her, I'm so grateful to have her in my life." Suddenly unconcerned about someone I need to keep in contact with via cell phone. I reach for my phone and by the time I'm looking at the screen to dial/TEXT it is pouring down soft warm rain. I'm mildly concerned for my phones well being but I soon forget. I am wandering now but have a definite goal in mind. A beautiful woman is around. She looks like Halle Berry and I know that she's kind and powerful. I find my way back to that patio/courtyard. Someone is leading me to a table surrounded by very special people these people are the ones whom this whole production/concert is for. I know that I'm not supposed to be worthy of their presence but whoever is leading the insist that I belong. " How could we possibly begin without you?" They say to me as I take my spot around the table.
Note: at some Point I find myself and alone lit room and the university I'm talking to an older professor. All of the doorknobs are defective.

I didn't remember what my dream is when I woke up, only just that it involved a person. Earlier today I had flashbacks of the dream. I now remember one scene of the dream.Scene:
I feel terribly alone. I'm in woods, I think it's central park. I see a person, but just like my last dream, the "lag" had returned. I moved closer to the person. The lag was changing the person's gender from female to male on and off. Before I woke up it stopped at female and I still can barely see the person's face. I feel terrified. I feel as though something terrifying will happen. Suddenly,(Just like a movie trailer when it zooms up on a demon-like girl) I zoomed toward the girl. Just as I start wake up I only get to see the pale, white girls' mouth and the bottom of her nose(I could not see her eyes) she was smirking guilty-like. The girl had the same jacket on as the girl I liked in the fifth grade when we really started talking.<END OF DREAM>