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Date of Dream: THU 16 JUL - 2020



Dream No. 688 - Insult Competition

I don’t remember much about this dream. From where I do remember, I came into some sort of very large theatre, with groups of people I have interacted with throughout all stages of my life; the majority though, were those from my high school. I remember we were going to watch some sort of movie but I have forgotten what the movie was about. There was all this time before the movie and I noticed people were moving around the large room, with lots of floor space, and interacting with each other.

Lea/Axel from Kingdom Hearts approached me and he said that I was going to be facing him for Round 1 of this competition where we had to try and insult each other as brutally as we could. The winner was obviously who affected the other the most, and Lea said that the winner would then face the final boss, Riku. I had my wits about me and knew the dream was manipulating them, so even though I lost against Lea, I was glad that I wouldn’t have to go and face my otherwise influenced dream guide.

Later on in the dream, I was in another scene; on the ‘lakeside’ boardwalks again that seems to be a recurring area across my dreams. This time, I seemed to have a concern about my brother and so decided to call out for Dreamy WB to come and help me. She wasn’t coming at all though. Eventually, I saw Riku (KH3 appearance) and so called for him, but he actually didn’t stop. Rather he kept walking on and so I actually had to chase after him. In-fact, he left the scene and that’s when I realised that although it looked like Riku, it actually wasn’t in; the dream brought in a fake to trick me. After that, I woke up.



Dream No. 688
Dream Guide: None
Lucid?: No

Date of Dream: TUE 14 JUL - 2020



Dream No. 687 - The Dream's Unethical Employment

I can’t remember how this dream started. From where I do remember, it seemed a cold rainy night but then the sky was lit so I could still see from natural light. Along with my brother in the car, I had to drive my grandma to the seemingly local hospital for her to get some tests done. Compared to real life, the hospital grounds were a complex maze of roads and roundabouts and it was hard to find where the right building was.

The dream did a weird shift with time. I was still driving the car but now my grandma seemed to be in the hospital. I ended up for some reason slowly driving past the hospital and through the windows, I could see nothing but elevators everywhere and all there doors were open, all the elevators large and having a very ominous look about them. As I was driving past, I had the passing thought of ‘guess I need Riku again’ but the thought was nowhere near strong enough to warrant a scene change or an appearance from Riku himself; the dream continued its course but I wasn’t disappointed.

I was then seen to be leaving the hopsital grounds and I had to find a way to get back onto the correct side of the freeway to get back home, which in the dream was a completely different suburb to IRL. This was the part of the dream where my brother seemed to be very bossy in the car and so he was telling what to do but not helping me. Eventually, I didn’t manage to find my way onto the freeway and ended up in this unknown suburb.

I then seemed to be by myself and that’s when Riku appeared in his KH3 appearance. He didn’t come to help me with anything specifically; rather he came to share something with me as a friend, in-fact it’s like he was hoping I could help. He looked disgusted as he told me “the dream’s making me work for a strip club!”. Instead of trying to help Riku find a way out, I thought it’d be easier just to cooperate with the dream, so I reassured him that I would go and work at the strip club as well. Riku still wasn’t impressed with the idea of his forced employment but his energy was suggesting he felt better about it with having me for support.

However, after this, the dream quickly moved me on to another scene and it was said that to prove I have what it takes to work at the strip club, I needed to work at KFC first. I was indeed shown in a KFC uniform and I was approaching the oven full of chickens. As I picked up a pair of tongs, I was shown flipping all the individual pieces of chicken over, one by one. That scene then ended.

There was then a scene with my mum and we seemed to be on this odd looking flying ship and was flying through this really cool dark cave with occasional glowing crystals of blue light. As we got deeper in though, it became just an empty black void and in-fact, everything outside the ship felt empty, even myself inside the ship felt weightless. I was freaked out, but at the same time, because my mum was with me, I felt fascinated and like the experience was so surreal.

I was then on a beach and I was working at a seaside restaurant. My job was to serve the customers on the tables but in a weird way. I had to purchase the food and then give it to them. I asked a staff member how to do it but they weren’t helpful and were telling me things I already knew. As I paid for apple juice and then took a bottle out of the fridge, about to give it to a customer, I asked; “and how am I supposed to make money from this?”. I suddenly noticed Australian singer Taylor Henderson sitting at a table and he piped up and said to me, “the money they give you is what you make”. I can’t remember what else he said and I can’t remember anymore of the dream.



Dream No. 687
Dream Guide: Riku
Lucid?: No

Date of Dream: MON 13 JUL - 2020



Dream No. 686 - Reality Is Believing

I don’t remember how this dream started. From where I do remember, my family and I were just finishing up at our beach-side holiday destination. On the way back home, I seemed to end up by myself but at another accommodation complex, somewhere within the Dandenong Ranges. It was an entire group of people and I heard that it was supposed to split up between males and females. I was a special case though; the person told me that I was going to be in the mens’ cabin to be with Riku. As the announcement was being made, a short sub-scene was playing with Riku, supposedly in the cabin, in his KH2 appearance, wearing his Organisation XIII coat, but he looked happy and had this fatherly energy about him like he was ready to care for me. I was now so excited and couldn’t wait until we got to be in our cabins.

The next scene felt like we were finally getting access to the cabins, but the scene actually took place at my other grandparents’ house. Apparently there was still the females cabin and the males cabin, but then I also heard that there was a now a third group made called the Dream Eaters cabin (Dream Eaters IRL is the Kingdom Hearts interpretation of Dream Guide) and apparently I was going to be with the Dream Eaters. I then found out that it would consist of 2 men and 2 ladies.

I went in the back room behind my grandparents’ garage and there were 4 laminated pieces of paper in there, who were supposedly going to be my Dream Eaters. One of them was Riku, and another one of them was WBD… I can’t remember the other man and woman. I felt more excited than in the last scene and I realised that I had to awaken them. I went up to the couch which the 4 pieces of paper were laying on and I recited a repetitive prayer over them to awaken them.

Three of the Dream Eaters had awaken, but I was notably struggling with Riku. However, Master Yen Sid appeared, supposedly walking in from the garage and he caught my attention. I turned towards him and he spoke to me, saying something like “you might be struggling because you think he’s not real but in order to awaken him, you need to think he’s real”. As Master Yen Sid walked off again I felt this new, confident energy within me as I recited something very short and indeed Riku became human, once again in his KH2, Organisation XIII appearance but again without the blindfold.

I was excited to see the other Dream Eaters but I was most excited to see him and almost screamed in excitement when he got up off the couch. Riku didn’t hesitate and went outside into the backyard with me. Once we were outside, we were talking with each other and he was laughing as he then did cartwheels on the grass in an attempt to entertain me but I could tell he was having fun while doing them too. However, the fun couldn’t last forever and the dream scene changed again.

I was now by myself and was apparently getting ready to see Edward (Ed) B at a convention. There was a sub-scene of him talking to me. He said that he’d only allow two people in the room at a time because there was going to be no one around to protect him; from this, there was this grave feeling that I would miss out and that I had travelled to the con for nothing. My surrounding energy was projecting the thought of ‘he seems to care more about himself than any of his fans. Why can’t he take alternative measures to make sure everyone gets their turn?’. I can’t remember anything else about this dream.



Dream No. 686
Dream Guide: Riku, WBD, (+1 man), (+1 woman)
Lucid?: No



I was unpleasantly shocked to see that WBD was portrayed as a dream guide in this dream, because IRL, she's one of my online community members that has mistreated me in the past. In contrast though, I was pleasantly surprised and honoured to see Master Yen Sid, and the fact that he seemed to already have an awareness of the connection between me and Riku. Also, my dreams seem to use the term 'Dream Eaters', but that's basically KH-DDD's interpretation of 'Dream Guides'.

Date of Dream: SUN 12 JUL - 2020



Dream No. 685 - Ice-Cream At The Cinemas

I don’t remember much about this dream. From where I do remember, the whole family were shopping in the main area of Ferntree Gully at the large Woolworths store. I forgot specifically what we bought there but I can remember it was all things pleasant, seeing as though we were on a family outing. On the way back home, there was talk between me and my mum that we wanted to stop by this cinema, not to watch the movies but because apparently they sold the best homemade ice-cream there and we wanted to stock up enough to take home for the Coronavirus lockdown.

Once we got to the cinema complex, we thought it was shut completely and was disappointed that we couldn’t get our ice-cream. My mum and I still decided to go into the shop and we managed to convince the staff to give us a tub. I ended up choosing the strawberry ice-cream. The rest of the scene showed a scene of mum and I back at home trying to make another one of their flavours ourselves; a mix of chocolate fudge brownie and cookies and cream. I can’t remember anything else about this dream.



Dream No. 685
Dream Guide: None
Lucid?: No

9th May

Dream:

I was in Texas or Arizona or such. A hot and arid place in America at any rate. I remember only a few details from the end. I could see through a panoramic view of an online maps thing; I was looking up Niagara falls. To my surprise there was a city there. It was grand, modern and overall beautiful. The water courses ran under and through the city. It was a sunny day in the view.

Then the next thing I remember, I was packing up or something, to walk there from where I was. There were others doing the same. One of them was a Turkish or Arabic man, not much older than me. We knew each other vaguely. As we said goodbye as we both got ready to leave, he said to me "may God be with you in your travels". I simply replied "goodbye", and quickly regretted it. I realised I could have said goodbye in my own language and not in English, as it would have had a more similar meaning to his own, longer, expression.

I walked through a flat and rocky, dusty area. There were rock cliff faces to either side, or perhaps ancient ruined buildings. I came to a Y shaped road junction in the middle of the desert; this bit had a few hills but was mostly flat otherwise. Cars went by. I remember noticing a car drive past and I noticed the driver somewhat clearly, a woman, medium length hair, tied at the back. The car was a faded cerulean blue and quite old and blocky-looking. I was getting ready to cross and I looked towards the horizon beyond the road. Big red canyons, piled up in an abnormal way. Dream ended shortly after.

Dream:

Again remember little of the dream's start. I remember being at the foot of a mountain, then teleporting or entering some dark place. Then there was fighting as I was going through this cramped and strange factory place. It did some laundry of mine as I went through it. Some pants and hoodies, they became a warmer colour as they were made ready for me. Some boys, two twins I think, got my attention and they lead me out from the place. I think I was getting stuck on some mechanism when they started talking to me. The place had many traps anyway, when I first got in, there were flying needle darts and other things.

The reality and history of this place were just somehow known to me to be different from normal. I didn't realise I was dreaming even so, but it was like a mix of Trigun and Path of Exile. I remember then being in a shack of some kind, made up of corrugated panels. There was an old man? Some gadgets scattered about. I remember we talked for a little while about this world of theirs. I made some surprised remark about how they had all this technology but seemed to live otherwise primitive lives. I don't remember his reply but he was amused I think.

Then I remember being in a basement of some other shack place. It was night time, but I think I had walked there. It was in the middle of a town of sorts. This woman owned it and we talked. As I stood next to her at surface level, there was some kind of dust storm outside and I could see people in sorts of brown power armour. There wasn't much light and so through the dust I mostly just got glimpses of things, even though I think I'd seen the surrounding area earlier in the dream.

The woman told me a story about how she got this bit of land, and then I could "see" a memory; not far at all from us, less than thirty yards away, the vision began with a medieval gate to a different area of this town, with a cliff to the right. It was day time, and this little girl, no older than eight, walked toward the gate with her dog. They looked cartoony. A massive castle tower fell from the high cliff, crashing on the gate. The impact made a small shockwave and the girl and dog were blown back a small distance, the dog landed in some deep water and yelped and drowned, the girl crying and trying to save him. This vision made me sad and the feeling carried through when I woke up later.

The woman told me that the girl was her friend when she was younger, and that she didn't know where she was anymore. She seemed sad for not knowing, but she also seemed to convey the feeling that maybe the other girl didn't want to be friends with her anymore. The woman's face seemed to imply regret and guilt (from inaction?). I remember we walked outside for a bit in the area in front of the gate, it was sunny and clear.

---

Notes:
- Although the second dream did so very allegorically rather than in a literal sense, it reflected a lot of my thoughts at the time of these dreams. Firstly how we all live in a world of technology, but we are otherwise primitive without it because it is not a part of us. Also in the same way, technology did not necessarily makes these peoples' lives any better and this reflected my trend of thoughts about how many of us simply take what we have for granted.
- It was odd that I was aware of the dream-world to be a different one from the waking one, but I did not come close to any thresholds of pre-consciousness, as far as I can recall.
- It is not often that a feeling within a dream carries on into waking except when it was the last thing felt, which wasn't the case here.
- My regret about not saying goodbye to the Arabic man in the same manner comes from the value I put on words sometimes and also reflects how I struggle with not being able to say what I actually wanted to have said to someone.

8th May

Dream:

I was in the car with H. H was driving very fast and race-like, even though we weren't in a rush to get anywhere. Pretty close one between a double length bus and a car. I remember the tyres screeching a lot all the way and I asked H why. He said it was because they brand new Michelin tyres.

It was like my native country and town. Eventually we arrived at a place, ground floor of a building, in front of it was like a petrol station. The place we walked into was like a school, for kids between the ages of eight and ten. H and I had been here earlier in the dream to drop off a keyboard temporarily. Now, we were here to pick it up again. I think the kids were actually teens in the earlier part of the dream. One of the kids now, was asking why we had to take the keyboard away again and H explained it had only been meant as a temporary thing anyway. H asked if anyone had played the keyboard. Some kids said they hadn't, somehow clearly afraid of being reprimanded, even though it was unlikely, but they also said they had practised at home like H had taught and demonstrated.

I didn't speak much at all, H talked to the kids a lot. Somehow reminded me of my geometry teacher, trying to actively get the kids to think and take interest in things. Eventually, a lady walked in, the teacher who runs the place. She was happy to see the kids entertained and it was as if we'd known her and vice versa for years. I remember noticing I had my black leather jacket and my regular boots on. I think in the dream we both became distracted from our objective of getting the keyboard. There was also a set of keys we'd left in the earlier visit, but we weren't being able to find them. The layout was different from the earlier visit.

Scraps:

Grandma from mom's side, dad and I, talking. I remember she was holding a golden cross that she wore around her neck. I made mental note of the size of the cross, almost too big to be held by one hand alone.

---

Notes:
- I don't believe H has actually ever bought Michelin-branded tyres.

Saturday Night, 7/18/20

I had an FA. I noticed that the perspective was wrong for waking up; I was looking down on my bed. I floated around the room a bit, confirming I was dreaming. I noticed the room was vague and the dream did not feel very stable. I aimed for the floor of my room and landed, bounced up and down a little trying to feel the carpet on the soles of my feet. I could hear a soft crunching sound, like the sound of velvet being gently crushed. The dream faded anyway, my vision going black. However, I still felt more connected to the dream than to my waking life body so I tried to imagine "throwing" myself back into the dream. I opened my eyes, a bit uncertain whether it would work, but it did. I was back in my room standing on the ground. I floated again to confirm. Up near the ceiling I grabbed onto the top of the cube structure where there was a wooden platform (it's sort of like the top of a bookcase). I alternated between staring at the wood grain and rubbing my hand across the wood. Sure enough the grains of the wood became incredibly detailed and lifelike. Looking around I could now see the lines on the palms of my hands, the bumps on the blue walls, the sharp outlines of various pieces of furniture.

Satisfied that the dream was fully stabilized, I phased through the window of my room and glided over the land below. It was quite beautiful out, sunrise coloring the clouds. Although my backyard was much bigger than in waking life it was otherwise consistent with its current configuration. At least up until the stand of bamboo at the far end. Behind there and off to the right, instead of a fence, I found an open plot of dirt with a partially built lighthouse. At last! I thought, Although, I was kind of hoping to have it by an ocean... I considered that on the one hand it was convenient to have it close to my house but on the other hand I would have to use some trick of the mind in order to make use of it as I'd originally planned, as a lighthouse by the sea.

Off to my left a woman and two young children were wandering from the bamboo forest into my backyard. I waved at the family. The youngest child, the boy, seemed to be the only one who saw me. He tried to get his mother and sister to look over. The mother squinted in my general direction and shrugged before continuing on her way. The little boy looked confused. I told him not to worry about it. It wasn't clear if he could hear me. I returned my attention to the lighthouse and saw that the first floor was thoroughly encased in rock and therefore inaccessible. I had planned to have steps carved into rock leading up to the base of the building and I mused that the dream must have constructed it this way like a bug in a video game when it was placed somewhere different from the intended landscape. The next two floors were far smaller than I'd planned. Beyond that it was completely unfinished. I began planning how I would fix it and build it out as if I were using Minecraft blocks. I wondered if I should leave it with its current black and white colors or change them to match the colors I'd planned for it when I designed it in waking life. I had only just begun modifying the structure when I heard a loud sound. Annoyed, I looked up to see that some random guy on a motorcycle had ridden up and parked behind the lighthouse, apparently oblivious to my presence. When I saw that he wasn't going to interfere further I tried to return my concentration to the task at hand but the dream faded into a different scene and I lapsed into non-lucidity.

Spoiler for Additional Notes:

Made progress on two of my LD goals: creating a lighthouse and experimenting with dream cartography. The lighthouse is a place I designed in waking life that I had never encountered in a dream before. Basically I was trying to incubate it by creating drawings, written pieces, and even a design in Minecraft creative mode (which is no doubt why I ended up modifying it with Minecraft blocks in this dream). This was my first success in finding/creating the lighthouse in an LD, although I'd come across a version of it briefly in a non lucid once. I'd originally planned to build it from scratch near a particular recurring beach location. Instead I found it partially constructed... in my backyard. I didn't actively work to recall my waking life goal during the LD as I usually would, instead I just explored and found what I needed quickly. That makes this my first successful LD incubation attempt, as well.

Additionally, I've been wanting to not only map out my recurring dream locations but to experiment with creating new ones and testing their level of permanence and the permanence of the connections between dream locations. Behind the bamboo in my backyard happens to be one spot I'd considered using for experimentation as I'd rarely gone into the bamboo area in dreams and never off to the right. Apparently my subconscious decided to combine two ideas and gave me a partial lighthouse in that spot. I think I'll just find some way to work with this development. Maybe I'll use the lighthouse like a TARDIS lol.

Another side note: When I was very young my dad started building a wooden playhouse in the backyard and never finished it (eventually we took it down). This seems to be a symbolic reference to that, although I'm not sure why.

When I came back from the restroom I was arguing with Myrna about the nature of destiny and if life was predestined from the beginning. None of us were backing down from the argument, and I was getting frustrated. At last I reached my tipping point and sat down outside the bathroom doors. Myrna continued along the hallway with Cesar until they reached the end. It was a hall with beige marble walls facing a long mirror. While I had dinner a waiter stood nearby. Myrna waits enough to get desperate and walks back to me. I realize it's time to leave, so I get up to put an end to this childish tantrum.

"It's getting late! Look, you forgot the papers!" she says, while opening the door to the restrooms.

I follow her to a most elegant and sparkling facility of crystal black marble walls. She brakes step by the door to one of the bathroom stalls and opens it. What I saw when I turned to look was a toilet with the lid down, and on top of it, a small piece of parchment, nicely folded (my reality check). I worriedly grab it and we leave to meet up with Cesar.

We turned the corner and reached a foyer. People are lined on either side facing an entrance. Cesar sits on a bench in the center, waiting for us.

The next thing I know is that we're sitting in a small theater. A movie is projected on a widescreen; it is a horror film. I can hear Ara's screams echoing around the theater; she's always like this when watching anything scary.

"Ara where are you!" I shout.

A voice booms overhead, without a specific source, "Well, find out where I'm sitting!" I scan the area but it is very dark to see. It takes me a little while but I spot her silhouette by the front seats to my left. A skeleton appears on the screen. Everyone screams. Ara laughs hysterically.



I'll skip now to the moment I got lucid as the next sections of the dream are not relevant to tell. Moments prior to this stage in the dream, I heard a voice convey to me that demons could be seen if we directed our gaze to the upper left corner of our vision.



I see a play or theater room. The space opened to a large rectangular area below a step. There were sliding doors to the front and right sides of the room. A couple of windows to the back allowed for some light to shine through. Some cushions and a white sofa were neatly organized around. Not much is happening here except I'm growing scared but I don't know why. I remember then what the voice had said.

I play out the words in my head again and again, There is a demon on the upper left corner of my vision. I do not want to look but curiosity slowly pulls my head against resistance. In that remembrance, of the voice, of the dreaded words, I recall a similar event from another dream, a lucid dream. In it I had feared a monster at the other side of a door. It is through this memory that I finally find out I'm dreaming.

I hear the words, this is a dream, loud and clear in my head. I see nothing in the upper left corner of my vision.

With that I immediately feel different; it is a familiar sensation, a lucid sensation. Lucid, I'm uncertain on what it is I want to do. I change places. A corridor (there's always a corridor) appears before me. I believe I haven't left this residence. I'm fearful once more. Then, I remember MoonageDaydream's advice, about facing what scares you. Doing this is intimidating to me, but I reason there is nothing to lose by trying. I stand resolute and hope whatever it is I see isn't traumatizing. Nothing ever comes out from anywhere, to my fortune.

My vision now spins without me intending it. I can only make out a set of windows, one after the other. While I keep spinning I know I'm losing grip of the dream. I remember Sageous' advice here; he commented we should use this moment of lucidity to recover the memory of our sleeping body.

Where is my body? Where is my real body? I ask numerous times. I can't seem to remember where it is my body lies! I concentrate, though I am so drowsy! I can't for the life of me access this thought, yet I can feel my real body lying in bed. It doesn't take me long to finally wake up to reality.

…Doing archaeology somewhere. I dig up some artifacts, which include some strange round things. I don’t think people are impressed by that. There is some other stuff too though. Also, there are holes that have been dug and filled in again, and I am looking through some of the filled holes. I find some metal artifacts associated with one of them…

…In a large building. I go up some stairs to the second floor, which has a kind of mezzanine surrounding the first floor on one side and another section off to my right. There is a picture of C-- here, a girl I recently met…

…In a large building, going up and down stairs. The building reminds me of one of the administrative buildings on the campus of IUP. There is a girl going down one set of stairs, and I am going down another. I want to be the first to reach the bottom floor…

…Watching the new Dr. Who. I had speculated in waking life that I dream more about the classic Dr. Who than the new version, and in my dream I wonder if that is true. I don’t become lucid though…

Awake/explanation
Normal dream
Lucid dream

There's a weird thing that happens to me sometimes that, last time it happened I made a mental note I would realize what's happening: sometimes I guess my eyes aren't shut all the way when I'm sleeping and when it begins to get light outside, I have a false awakening where I'm lying in bed staring at my lit up wall, or can see the light from the window, and I can move my body, but my vision won't change. I can 'close my eyes' and move my body, then open them again and it will still just be the same sight. I'll be stuck in that one position, because I can't move in real life, so all I can see is what my eyes are seeing.

This morning I was having a dream where I was riding a school-bus that a dog got onto, and I helped to get it off because people were being impatient/mean to it. When I got it off I walked it up to the house it came from and knocked a couple times and opened the door, and it went inside, and out came a very pretty girl I went to school with in high-school who seemed happy to see me. I stood there talking to her for just a second about an art show or something that was happening, when she said, "Is that your bus?" and I turned and looked to see the schoolbus I had been riding was driving away without me.

I jogged after it for a little bit thinking it would stop again, then it rounded the corner and I jogged through someone's yard trying to catch it on the other side, but it passed and was long gone by the time I got there. At that point I simply turned around and started walking the opposite direction again, thinking, "I'll just walk home then." I was in kind of a rough neighborhood and other kids who had just gotten off school were roaming around looking to make trouble/have fun outside. I tried to avoid them mostly and get home as soon as possible.

Almost before I knew it, I was home, it was dark, and my dad was in the kitchen making dinner. I explained to him I had missed the bus, and had to walk home, and that this was something that happens in my dreams a lot so it was strange that it had happened in real life. Next I commented, "you know, I got home very quickly, maybe the bus thing was a dream and now I'm awake." My dad sort of encouraged this thought process, and for some reason I didn't reality check but simply played along-- but all the sudden my eyes opened and I was met with a familiar sensation as described up top: I was lying on my side in my room and seeing the light from the window, and went to stand, but my body moved and not my sight.

I stopped for a minute when this happened. Sometimes I get caught up in the confusion of this feeling like I have gone blind somehow, or at any rate feeling something is wrong and wanting to wake up. I felt this urge again but stopped for a moment, and had a thought: if I can move my body, even if I can't move my vision, I can plug my nose and reality check to ensure that I'm dreaming. So I did.

"Okay," I thought, "so I'm dreaming, but I still can't move..."

I began trying different things. I closed my eyes moved around viciously and opened them to the same sight again. I closed my eyes and imagined being somewhere else and opened them and saw the same thing. Eventually I simply imagined myself getting up and walking out of the room. At first this was a very faint imagining that seemed to happen purely in the dark, but occasionally I would notice the light from my window again and 'shut my eyes' in the dream once more. I imagined walking into the kitchen, and soon this became a real dream. As I went into the kitchen, I noticed my dad was still there, and he was facing against the wall-- the lighting in the room had gone somewhat spooky also.

I didn't like this and knew this was going to set a bad precedent, and I told him, "I just realized I was dreaming the whole time, and I want to wake up." He didn't respond to this but simply turned around and rushed across the room with inhuman speed towards me. I pushed him away and headed outside, thinking to just ignore the ominous feeling the dream was taking on and simply focus on waking myself up. Once I got outside, I walked across the deck and turned back and looked and my father came rushing out after me again, gliding across the floor almost as if in stop-motion, and grabbed me by the neck, turning his face this way and that, not saying anything.

I warned him, "I know I'm dreaming: you can't hurt me, but if you help me wake up I won't hurt you for trying to scare me" but he continued looking around and holding my neck, and I repeated, "do you know how I can wake up?"

He looked straight at me, and I didn't like it, so I gave him a gut punch that sent him flying off into the distance. He landed and rushed back, and I did it again, and a couple more times, and suddenly...

I woke up-- but I still couldn't move! Frustrated, I reached up and plugged my nose again: yep, still dreaming, still can't move because of the light from the window. At this point I began thrashing my body around violently, and soon I felt hands grabbing me all over, and I swung at what I couldn't see randomly, shouting, "Don't touch me! Get off of me!" The touches subsided but I still couldn't move from my spot.

I woke up again and almost thought I was awake for real until I tried to move, and still couldn't move! I plugged my nose, breathed, sighed, and thought: maybe if I just close my eyes, and turn myself over facing the opposite direction, then go back to sleep, I'll move my body in real life and be facing the wall. I did so, and of course it didn't work and when I opened my eyes I was staring at the familiar scene of my room with the lit window. I began thrashing around again somewhat randomly, hoping that with enough activity, I would just wake up.

And I woke up again. Annoyed by this point, I expected I was still dreaming and reached up to plug my nose, only to find out I was really awake this time.

In retrospect, it's clear I actually could dream with my eyes partially open if I could ignore the light long enough. If I had just relaxed and not been so desperate to wake up and roll over or something, perhaps I could have just had a decent lucid dream, but the dream took on an eerie quality once I wanted to wake up but couldn't. The idea of being lucid in this halfway between state was eerie to me I guess, and the dream reacted as a result by being weird and threatening (my dad DC's weirdness, and the phantom touches).

I will say: I'm proud I maintained control of my lucidity well enough to not panic in these moments or be frightened by the dream overly much. I did lash out at both the DC and the phantom touches, but I never lost the sense that I wasn't their "boss" (lol), or that they could hurt me somehow in a way I couldn't control. They were being weird and I didn't like it, but I wasn't afraid they'd hurt me and I couldn't stop them.

Unfortunately I don't know what to do when this happens. I have a sleeping mask now which I actually bought partially for this purpose, and partially for WILD practice (which I have been slacking on already). Maybe I could dream, but I keep having false awakenings because of the sight of the light. If I could just shut my eyes once I knew it was happening, but I can't. It's a shame, because it's a dead giveaway that I'm dreaming, and it's probably always going to make me lucid now if I realize what's happening, but then I'm just stuck as a result.

Perhaps next time I'll try more aggressively "shutting my dream eyes", and leaving them shut while waiting to see what happens there. That did extract me from the situation at least temporarily. If I remain positive about it and not expecting anything strange to happen or feeling eerie about it, maybe I can just have a normal dream despite the light in my eyes (though I expect false awakenings still).

7th May

Dream:

Don't remember the start but was in a game doing some crop-related things while I was appearing offline or something. All of a sudden, a female character shows up and starts punching me up with some flying fists. At first I assumed it was A but then I die and respawn and notice it's someone else that I don't know.

It's a Spanish player and we mostly speak in Spanish. I realise my accent is a bit broken but that doesn't stop me so much. I tell her I don't remember knowing her, I assume it's possible I've just forgotten who she is but she doesn't really answer the question or seem bothered by this, anyway. Then she starts telling me how she used to live on some place called something "Peak". In the dream I had some vague memory of it. I ask her if she had a place nearby on K and she insists not, but my dream memory tells me she did.

In any case, she then tells me how she'd lost everything. I realise I don't care about my place so much anymore and offer to give her some stuff and tell her we need to go to my place in the game. Most of this seems to take place on K. We then start going through some portals or something, and I start carrying her on my back for some reason. I remember some other players spotting us and staring for a minute.

Then eventually we're at my old (actual) home, it's night time and dark. I walk into the room that used to be L's and there's an extra bed like a sofa bed. There's a computer with an old CRT screen on the desk and I think about using it to give her some stuff? She asks me some questions and I answer, I think mostly about the room? I think she just looks like a person now and not a game character.

Then all of a sudden while we talk, my sibling T sits up. T had been sleeping on the extra bed all along and we somehow hadn't realised. Looked younger and not so scruffy? I apologise and say I didn't realise. I look at the screen for a moment and it has something like Diablo on it. We leave the room and go to my old room instead. But essentially, the exact same thing happens again there. I don't remember to question the dream-like nature of what just happened. Rest of dream recall is mostly gone. Scraps of being in the street and talking to this Spanish girl.

---

Notes:
- The initial context within the dream of giving my stuff away is a common occurrence anyway when I'm playing games in which you are able to hoard or accumulate stuff. I often end up giving stuff away because I have not created any particular attachment to it or feel like I might not be putting it to good use any time soon. One further note on this regard is that sometimes I feel that my kindness is taken but not appreciated, it becomes "old history" so to speak of rather quickly, with some people, while others do remember it for a long time.
- Although I wrote this dream months ago, I have the feeling that the computer screen in L's room was a CRT, but this may be a false memory now. When I wrote that it has something like Diablo on it, I think I meant that it had Diablo II just running but with nothing happening.

4th May

Fragment:

A few dreams, the last one was in some kind of hotel room with two of my cousins, from dad's side. I don't remember much furniture at all We had some backpacks, mine was nothing like I've ever owned however. It was blue, bulky and square-ish; I have seen these in the past and have wondered what it would be like to have one, often thinking they are "cool".

But for some reason, we all got naked; there was some kind of pretext about us being smelly at the end of the day or something; then the two of them went to shower. I remember peeking through the somewhat open bathroom door and seeing two walk-in shower/wetroom areas, but only one shower head/hose. C was washing herself, and then her sister in turns. I think they were giggling for some reason.

Dream:

Not sure where or how this one started but I was in a city; sunny and stray white clouds. I remember lots of cut limestone blocks in the buildingwork, so it was like areas from my old home. This place was very busy, it was like one of the town/city areas with lots of public space. R from university was there. At first I walked right past him, it took me a while to recognise him.

His hair was slightly curled rather than flat. He was sitting or leaning against a wide limestone edge and was sweet talking with his girlfriend who was practically in his face and vice versa. I retraced some steps back as I realised it was him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and greeted me, apparently happy to see him. I remember conversation, but not its content.

A transition? I'm somewhere entirely different, I can't recall the environment very well but I can only describe it as dirty and gritty. Dominant hues in red, orange and moss green.

There was a small apartment building here, not far from a road, fourty to sixty yards. The building had a kind of trough dug around it, but not very deep, no more than a foot deep. More like a small dip really, and outside the trough circling the building, was a effectively a circular pile of guns. There were so many piled up I can't even guess at the number. Some had bright colours. Reminds me of Borderlands somehow. I remember going inside and walking through some poorly lit halls until I came to a flat that was quite small, the door was wide open. It looked a mess. There were some closed curtains and the room was poorly lit too. Outside still seemed dark-ish.

I think I was here with someone, maybe H? But I don't remember what else happened in the room. I think there was a third person, a woman possibly. Then I remember being outside the building, I'm walking over the pile of guns carefully as I assume them all to be loaded. I look to my right and there's this shack made of corrugated panels or the like and there's a gang hanging out there.

Some woman, possibly the one from before, stands next to me and tells me I should go talk to them. They've been causing havoc for some time in the region/area. I agree at first but then I look down and see some blue and red grenade launchers. I pick them up, not as heavy as I might expect. I turn to the left and aim at a tree or something which is at a similar distance to me as the gang was. I fire a few practice shots. I then quickly turn back towards the gang and start firing a hail of grenades over their shack. They grab some guns and start running towards me shouting and shooting with poor aim. I remember noticing a health display of sorts over some of them that were injured. They got quite close, but I still kept using the grenades to fight them.

Recall fades a bit but then there was a transition and I remember being in some hallways, dark and moonlit. My recall stops about here.

This time I'm on a vast field, seems like a farm, a girl is riding a pony, attached to some wooden wagon. She's going around an aplpe tree, my view zooms into the girls face, and I notice she's a friend from my childhood. I feel transported to the wagon, I hang right behind it, but my friend haven't noticed. I grip and hold on tighter as she picks up the speed, now my feet are flapping in the air, just like a flag! The pressure in my hands are building so much that I feel an uncomftable pain, in the center of the palm, I let go one of my hands, just to see what's causing the pain. (To my surprise Im still holding an amethyst pendulum, that I wrapped around my fingers, before drifting to deep sleep!) I look at my hand, and it looks purple/blue! I'm dreaming! I immediately let go my other hand and get left behind with the wind.

I have landed in a small western village, to the distance I see I sign, apparently they're giving away some used items. I feel transported towards the sign and it has chaged to some other kind of advertaisment, I decide to take another glance at my hands and a quick rubbing. I go in the shop, and I don't see anybody at first, I look to my right, and two cowboys are aproaching towards me. They're holding two black frames, in both of them I see two naked cowboys, just wearing a brown hat, a big belt with shiny buckles and decorations, around their waste, and the typical cowboy boots. One of them says with an accent: "doh ya' wunt hem?" I say: "sure!" (thinking I could use them to frame my own artworks).
The other man asks: "are ya' from tha city?". I say: "no, but I live near the woods". He asks again: " do ya' know how to milk a cow?" (The instant click for the TOTM!!). I say: "no, but I bet I can milk one of ya'll hats!, this time I spin around to stabilize the dream, and when I slow down I ask one of the man: " may I have your hat?" he says: " well let's see what ya' can do!", then he hands me the brown hat.
I grabbed the hat by each end and start twisting it slowly, as it gets tighter and tighter, the hat starts to shrink. (I think I'm screwed, because that's not how someone would usually milk a cow!), so I turned the hat vertically and I started doing a pulling down motion, slowly, from the bottom end.

The hat is now looking more like a piping pastry bag, two silky drops coming down towards the floor! it works!, the man are just staring at it. I kneeled down, and I smell some honey with a hint of onion. (shit it must be the sweat of his forehad, I think) I dip my finger in it, and then tasted it, and as I tought, sweet and salty...I spitted out, and goes right on the man's boot, he reacts by saying: "dem boya' got lot'all boooaaalls!. I feel a punch coming, and I douge it. I try to run as fast as I can but I get tangled in one of the frames, one of the man grabs my shirt and shreds it off.. I drop to the floor and crawl under a counter, covered by some fabric, then I 'm looking at an uneven board, I see is a compartment on the floor, I opened quickly and go in some secret staircase. Now is pitch black, and I can feel my WL body, so I remain ralaxed. Then my body starts shaking..! (it's my youngest son Gabriel, rocking me back and fort, because he needs my company by his bed..so I go with him.

Spoiler for amethyst pendulum :

I dreamt about going through a desert trying to catch up with a friend, fighting weird monsters on the way...
...then I was on a bus full of weird people and alcoholics...I met a friend there ,but I was distracted by this naked man who had random patches of wet white fur on his body, I didnt see his private parts, but he may not have had them at all...