All DJ Entries

12/6/20

I am at a sort of camping house which is located in a campground I frequent. It is a common area that seems like slightly nicer than a large shed. It is run down but charming like a rustic 3rd world b&b.
There are daily cleaners who tidy up the place and the shower always smells nice.
At a certain point I am doing laundry in a common space just casually listening to the sounds of the machines and the outdoors.
There are a few people who hang out in the common room/kitchen, it is familiar to me because I have spent a fair amount of time in this room. Other people have the same sense of ownership. They have special events which can be facilitated like communal meal time or paid tours of the grounds we are on. There may be lasertag? I gather it costs like ten bucks a night for a fold out bed in one of the rooms. It's not fancy but it's dry and warm. I live there for a while with friends from the campground. I meet amazing people and we form a sort of impromptu family unit.

Alex's wedding

Alex the French guy cooking and I become friends at the campground ground, we become best friends during the summer and while there he meets the love of his life. She is called Eve and just as wild as he is.
They hit it off really well while at the campground and are always around each other. At a certain point he asks her to marry him. Very happy for them both I tell him I am ordained and would love to officiate the ceremony for them.
Fast forward to the day of it is something slightly different.
His grand idea is to entertain her and her friend in the middle of a street while musicians set up behind them in a mass of chairs and perform their favorite sonata flash mob style. She is meant not to see the group before they are set up so him and I are attempting to distract them while the musicians show up. I am the main distraction. I am playing an accordion for the first time, I really enjoy how it sounds and remember some of the notes I play while dancing with the accordion like a drunk street performer, I get some compliments on passing.
Cars keep coming down the path and Alex is getting distraught because Eve and her friend see people coming in and setting up behind them though I think they try to pretend not to, to preserve the illusion of surprise. The road was supposed to be closed off but traffic keeps cutting through the parking lot driving past where we are, we move to only blocking one lane.
Her and her friend finally notice something special going on so he abandons the surprise and decides to move to an open part of the parking lot with no road going through it.

The location then turns into a large room like one of those strip mall churches with drop ceilings and tile floors.
She knows what's happening now, but it's ok the magic is in the air, everyone is getting excited now. She is getting ready with her bride's maids and they all have a different bright neon colour on. She is all blue in a tight fitting dress with a Massive blue fohawk, her friends have on, red and green with their hair dyed respectively, with also matching awesome huge hairstyles.
Alex has on a snazzy suit. It almost looks like a mix of period and futuristic style.

There are lines of chairs people are filing in taking their seats little by little. Alex was sitting next to me waiting for the orchestra to all get there and set up along with guests. At a certain point he goes to the doorway to see his fiancé. I think of the tradition and what people will think of him seeing her before the ceremony but he doesn't seem to mind. He stands with his back to the doorway and she comes up and gives him a kiss on the cheek, I am standing close to him, they are both giddy.
He glances to the side but doesn't see all of her.

Things then begin to be quite chaotic.
Not all of the orchestra is here yet, there is uncertainty if they will all show up.
A long tuba flute player is in front of me blowing into his flute thing, obviously bored.
The ones that are there are just casually tuning their instruments making that pre-show cacophony.
The bride starts to freak out a little bit, getting nervous and pacing back and forth at the front of the room. Alex goes up to try to comfort her to no avail.
I now have an open seat next to me. There is an older couple which walks in looking for a seat and asks me if the one next to me is open. I tell them that's the groom's seat but see many open seats behind me I motion towards.
There is a rough not unattractive girl who walks in, and I point to a seat behind me as well. A guy she was flirting with earlier in the dream(at the campground maybe?) is sitting next to the open seat. She mentions 'well at least someone can carry me out of here if I get too drunk' and the guy quietly pumps a 'Yes' fist action. I also gather she has some kind of show she is popular for.

Things are becoming more chaotic now as the couple begins to audibly fight at the front of the room. There is a great disagreement which neither party is seeing eye to eye. The band is all here but are waiting to start playing. As with the crowd, we are all just kind of looking at each other while we watch the obviously distraught couple attempting to make amends just prior to their wedding.

I really feel bad for the couple, Alex is being proud and trying to make light of everything to calm her down. She is upset he is not understanding her, claiming his insincerity is not helping and she's kind of laugh crying at his attitude. She tries to get away as he's following her back and forth in front of the room.
It is really hard to watch.

People in the audience start to bicker at each other, making snide comments and generally escalating the situation.
Things are really going downhill now.
Everyone is standing up and multiple people in the audience are in arguments.
Someone makes a comment to the girl with the show obviously trying to throw shade however she seems oblivious to the criticism. I finally interject and say something for the first time.
'I mean, we all have seen your show, so we know who you are, but have YOU seen your show?'
People gasp and everything stops while people standing in a circle are all looking at her and I now.
I continue 'Now don't get me wrong, I like you, and I'm sure many people here do too. But you should really watch your show. Because if you do that then you would actually See Yourself. Like see yourself how we see you, not just how you see you, and that's not a bad thing. It's just the perspective of seeing yourself the way other people do. That's why relationships are so important, it's a way for us to see each other through each other's eyes, and that's beautiful. That's what is so special about Alex and Eve, they see each other, because they love each other, and it's that completely unadulterated vision which bonds people in this way.'
Everyone is silent but smiling,
The couple is quietly hugging behind the circle of people, they are watching and listening with tears in their eyes while smiling and pressing themselves into each other.
'Its important to see who you really are, or at least to find someone who can really see you, so that you can see yourself, and love yourself, so that you can love each other'
The dream fades with a warmth of compassion in the room though it is quiet after my voice.

Hello New York!
19/05/20
Lucid #1 - (DILD)


I’m stood on a busy city street and it has a New York vibe about it. I see one of my childhood friends and see he is a paper boy. He has finished his round and collects his cash from a man only all he receives is a postcard. He is angry and rightly so. I’m shocked he did all that work for nothing! He walks away and is now in front of me. I go after him but as I leave I realise my foot is caught on a random one strap over the shoulder bag which is now looped around my ankle. I call out his name but trip and stumble clumsily over the bag as I walk forward. I am then out in the city street and appear to have a bunch of friends with me. I am still tripping over the bag which I can’t shake off my foot. I stick my leg up and try to shake it off and say “Bloody hell!” In a rather comical way. I then stumble and catch myself on a spherical stone on top of a wall. It shakes me and now I look at my surroundings and see a massive city square bustling with people. I look up and see towering skyscrapers, neon signs and a large blue universal studios globe hanging at the centre. It looks as if I’m in Times Square? “New York?” I say perplexed surprised to be here. It is in that moment I turn to my friends, still holding the stone sphere, with the bag around my leg and I realise how bizzare all this is. “I’m dreaming aren’t I?” I ask as if I need confirmation from them. I hear their laughs and they all think I’m been silly but I’m not. It all feels odd. I look around again and the whole city looks real and it feels as if I’m really here. I doubt I am dreaming for a moment and then remember the reality check! I look at my hand and see my wedding ring. I close my hand and know if I open it and the ring is gone I am dreaming. It all looks so real though that I doubt it will work. As I open my hand I’m shocked to see the front of my ring has vanished and the ring finger can’t open fully and remains bent and crooked as if glitched. I feel an overwhelming sense of amazement and begin to laugh with shock and joy. I throw my arms up and yell “waaaa-haaaaay!” I’m over joyed that I’m finally having a lucid dream! I remember if I get too excited I may wake up so I quickly rub my hands together to stabilise the dream as I had learnt. I then decide I need to start moving or I risk waking up. So I set off and begin walking with a skip in my step and letting out a shaky breath of air as I try to calm my excitement. The setting has now changed to night time without my realising and I walk down the busy open square probably with a huge grin on my face. “Hello New York!” I say taking it all in. I then see a yellow taxi cab and inside I see a friend and her baby smiling back at me. “Oh it’s you! Hello!” I yell and wave at them finding the oddity hilarious and equally amazing. I don’t know quite what to do with myself and randomly decide I want to skid around on some ice for some reason since there’s so much space. Only there is no ice? I don’t see this as a problem and put my hands out and effortlessly begin spraying ice from my finger tips which seem to stiffen and tingle as I do. I am amazed and a little in disbelief that it worked and how easy it was and watch it hiss out of my fingers and hit the floor. It sticks and begins to spread and twinkles with a frosty sparkle. I hear the friends I was with in the back ground talking. One asks “Do you think I’m dreaming too?” “Yeah probably” another replies. Now my ice is done and I go to skid but it’s already vanishing and not slippy enough to skid on. So I use my hands again and this time cover the patch in water first then add the ice after hoping it will freeze it. It works and now we have a large ice patch to skid on. I jump in triumph and hope I may stay in the air levitating as I do but instead gravity brings my feet back to the ground. It didn’t work but I think oh well one thing at a time. I then skid across the ice effortlessly and beckon my friends to do the same. They do and I see them now. I don’t really recognise them but one looks like the bully character from a series I’m watching. I am so giddy and tell them to keep going. “skid!” They do but they don’t seem to be having any fun and only doing it because I say so. This disappoints me a little and then. I wake up.

Analysis:
So this was my first lucid dream after beginning practice. It took me 9 days to accomplish and to this date is still one of the best I’ve had. It started with me noticing the oddness of the bag that wouldn’t leave my ankle followed by the realisation that I was in New York even though I don’t live there and never actually been either. It was a strange feeling as everything felt so real so how could I be dreaming. Thankfully a successful RC confirmed it and I was jumping for joy but managed not to wake myself up at the same time thankfully. For my first real lucid I had surprisingly good dream control and was able to use ice powers expertly and even used my imagination to solve a problem by freezing water to make it slippy. It was very stable and I felt fully awake within the dream and was an amazing first glimpse at what could be achieved.

Waking Notes:

Stability: High
Control: High
Clarity: High
Awareness: High
Length: Low

Trigger: Noticing Dream oddity
RC: Successful hand check
Length: 3 mins approx.
Goals: To become lucid
Techniques: WBTB, MILD, RCs, ADA,
Time: 6 - 6:30am
Lucid count: 1

- Heavy emphasis on ADA & RCs in the evening
-Slep through the night with Low recall
-Woke from a 6am alarm

I went to bed 11 pm and set an alarm 7 am to re-sleep and get some lucids but I didn't get one. It took a really long time to re-sleep the first time. Probably because I already slept 8 hours.

I'm walking past the school and thinking about how this probably is a dream. I can't remember how I got here. I think I did a RC and decide that it isn't a dream.

Notes: I'm not sure I did the RC but in the dream I thought I did it.

I'm walking home from town and see Hugo walking in front of me. As I enter the big door to my house Hugo turns and greets me. He walks in and we talk about somehting in the outer yard.

I'm in Hemmakväll and looking at their candy. They have small 15 g candy bars for 100 kr (12 USD)! I am shocked because of the high prices.

I'm biking town and drive through Hemmakväll. They have an exit at their back too. I drive back and there is an Indian couple there jumping on my bike. The girl behind me and the man on the back. I drive without using my hands and there are also more pedals for the seat where the man sits. He isn't biking a lot and I do all the hard work. I turn by leaning to the sides. It becomes really heavy and I stop biking but the bike keeps on going. I tell them by every turn which way I'm going and ask them if they want to leave. I'm by the last turn to my house and they want to leave. The Indian man is really greatful and I am just happy to have been able to help them. I walk to my house and see two boys around my age, a bit younger. They are joking about names and I laugh when one of them says the other boys name is Valor. My mom is excpecting the two boys and do a sign to them to come in.

I'm in church with a lot of people.

12/5/20

Some large slave revolt where we all kill our masters/bourgeoisie.
There is a large sword battle at some plantation just after arriving with a large group of tradesmen. It is spanning the outside and indoor docking area. At a certain point I am struggling against an older bald man while holding the bendy blade of a long thin rapier which bends like a fencing sword. Everyone was dressed like revolutionary times though it feels kind of piratey.
There is a family left after everything dies down who are kind of deranged, the father looks like Andy Garcia.
They are making jokes at the end about having an affinity for toes and fingers. The father is almost yelling at the family, but still going along with it in a joking manner.
There is the main master dead or dying pinned to the wall, they exact their revenge in grotesque fashion.
Talking to the daughter about how she likes her french toast afterwards. She mentions wanting to be charged for peanut butter on it but she wants to cook it for herself when the time comes and to let her know.
It feels like I'm at a waffle house now.

I have walked into a neighbor's house down the street for help handling a bunch of things. Including a giant raw turkey on a cutting board. They are mourning the loss of the head of the household who is Dimebag Darrel. The wife is very friendly and she helps me get all of my possessions under control. I leave the turkey outside for a duration of time and when I come back it is missing and someone is complaining that it was just sitting out in the open so they got rid of it. But someone else had donated an even larger turkey so that was very kind. I befriend the daughter in the process who ends up being Aurora. She asks Ben and I to help her perform in front of their church later on. While preparing for the event we realize we don't have any music or lyrics to prepare with. At a certain point I become lucid and tell everyone around me. 'Its ok! I am lucid dreaming right now! It will be fine, we don't need to prepare, I am lucid dreaming it will work out fine when the time comes!' I continue the dream plot to the concert and gather we are doing a sort of 'battle of the bands' style competition. The other duo are doing Christian mumble rap and we are doing a techno-country style. At some point we are dressed up in costumes and have glam makeup on. I have on thick winged eyeliner and a black bob wig. I don't think we ever performed with Aurora but she hung out with us afterwards. She was relieved we did well and she asked me to give her a massage. She sat in a low to the ground gaming L chair. I reached over the shoulders and massaged her shoulders/back for a while. She really enjoyed it but then got self conscious about enjoying it so much. I gather that Ben has left me with all of these people who are kind of like Aurora's posse. No one drives and I am across town not close to my house. I see a Meijer in the distance but it is not the one closest to my house. I decide to start walking back. There are groups of trannies all hanging around outside a dimly lit bowling alley. I gather people think I am a girl.

I'm in a kitchen and Monica is there. They have a rat problem and I am there to fix it. I've got laser vision and I'm able to kill them pretty fast, I fly too. After some time my laser doesn't have any effect and I wake up.

Notes: Monica was here yesterday. I saw a short movie where superman uses his laser vision yesterday.

I went to sleep 01 am and I accidentaly set an alarm 7 am. I re-slept at least 6 times and got a lucid each time. Many of them were short but the lucidity was really high. I wake up for real 9.30 am. It's too bad I can't remember them all.

I'm in my room and about to fly out. When I fly out I fall down to the ground. I see a big wall in front of me and I think about going through it. I start with my hand and I'm able too! I read a DJ where someone became like a jelly in order to pass through so I did the same. My body become half liquid as I pass it pretty slowly. I look at my slimy hand and see that two fingers are gone just like in the series I watched yesterday. I am nervous when my face goes in the wall. My vision becomes very unstable at first but I am able to fix it. I pass through and there is a big office on the other side. There are three girls in my age. I wake up.

Notes: I had at least one more lucid were I passed through a wall but I can't remember it.

I'm just walking around with very high lucidity. I don't feel like doing anything crazy.

I'm in a room with some computers. I have some friends doing some work on them. I lose myself to the dream narrative. There is a man behind a computer and he got some information he is filing out on me. I tell him my first and last name and he puts them in small boxes. I tell him the name of the church I'm in too but I'm a bit ashamed by it at first. I walk to another computer and a friend of mine have got information about some kind of leader. He says that he is able to do some kind of blackmailing with the information or something like it. I get some papers by a teacher and my grades are on them. There is a circle with different grades pointing out from the middle. If the grade is longer to the right it's an A and if it is in the middle it's a C and most to the left it is an F. My grades are spread out on the right side of the paper but I'm worried because I've got better grades than that. I see our physics teacher walk past and I tell her that something is wrong. She doesn't give me a straight answer and walks away. Signe asks if she can look at my grades and takes the paper. I tell her that I've actually got mostly A.

Notes: I thought I remembered much more from my dreams. I am afraid that I won't be able to enter a new lucid if I interrupt my sleep with writing my last down. Next time I will try to remember to write them down and look what happens instead.

I'm going to write it while I feel like it. To strike while the iron's still hot they say. It is better. So much better. After applying what I'd written yesterday that is.

A peculiar feeling. As I of my own did nothing, the fish came upon my bait by itself. It was sort of effortless. Well, more effortless than the previous practice.

I did sort of a comparison between the old and a few while doing something. And the new one was just, it performed better by miles on the first try already. So I decided to do it a couple of times more and see how much I could maintain it.

The first highest number was around 200 (~210). Which was very interesting now that I think back on it. Because I'd counted inside my dream before while lucid. And guess how far up I counted? 200. So I felt like this sort of correlated with how much lucidity I could maintain. The next peak was around 400 (~420). I tried again while doing another activity (shovelling snow) and I maintained it for the entirety of the duration plus before starting it, and after ending it. I ended up stopping at 1200 since I felt like I didn't want to overwork myself this time. But 1200! It didn't take very long to get such a huge leap of improvement.

One weakness though, of this is that I'd need to vocalize internally or externally the number. So I'm having a tough time maintaing it as I type away these words. And another is when I may be doing mathematical calculations or something, it feels like it interrupts or overlaps with the counting of numbers. How would I overcome these weaknesses?

(talking appears to be easier to maintain than writing)

Dreams:

LDs ( 3 FA, stayed lucid)
School, english style wooden old one
Noticed my mother and father there
Very vivid.. checked fingers... 5 then stared into 6 slowly, persistent dream
FAS
- 1 in different spot of the school, near 3 chairs
- 1 in some sort of apartment building that included roommates but they weren't present
- 1 in bed
Meditated 2-3 times (Didn't have a dream goal). I spun around 2 of the times

I can't remember if I had another dream as I had to get up pretty abruptly.

12/4/20

Joel is showing off Chiang Mai locations. There are fragments of food and countryside businesses as we hop around a map of Thailand. It is borderline cartoonish at times. Too many fragments.

I was dreaming then suddenly walking into a bar/poolhall/game center which happened to be close to my house. I was excited and full of energy to be there. There are fun lights and awesome smells, the place is packed with people. I was moving quickly through the crowd just exploring the entire place. It felt like a new well financed business which had everything entertainment you could imagine. People my age were just hanging out drinking, playing games and the mood was elevated. I begin singing at the top of my lungs like chester with a couple other guys. It sounds good and we rock out while people walk around us just causally listening and bobbing their heads.
At a certain point I find Nathan in there so we hang out some, I want a beer so we go to the bar in the center of the building. I don't remember arriving here so I ask the guy bartending like 3 times if this is really happening because I didn't think any of it was real. He laughs and assures me it's real, telling me I seem to be having a really good time. I felt like it was a dream the majority of the time.

I walk with Nathan down the street to go smoke or something, he is staying at a house which is close by.
It was like 12:50 when we left to go to the other house. When we finish we walk back and it is like 1:15 when we get there. All the lights are off and no one is there but the owners, they are still happy to have us in. They let us in and I am confused. It was so packed and now it is completely empty.
They inform us they do close at 1 due to it being a new business and having so many people in one place at once. It was only the second day they had been open and it was incredibly successful.
We all hang out with the owners for a while.
It is a sweet business. Diner food, arcade games, karaoke, pool hall, and a fancy bar in the center to boot. I ran multiple laps while they were open. Kept finding myself in the upstairs 'employees only' area. The woman owner saw me up there once and didn't seem to mind, just casually pointing out which way I should go.
Hang out with the owners talking about the business for a while, they are really cool and laid back.
While talking I gather there are now two couples or at least another guy and girl with the couple who own the place. The girl owner is sleeping on a cot face down and the new girl who looks like the brunette from Raised by Wolves makes a comment about how her friend always sleeps in super late because she gave her extra NyQuil. While giving me a knowing look. I gather she has killed her quietly somehow and is aiming to take her place. (This is what happened in the show, no spoilers). There is another guy I don't really recognize, he has a shaved head and bright grey eyes, he is in on it as well. I don't understand why any of this is happening so I just quietly excuse myself. In talking to them as I am leaving I must have filled out an application to work there as it is on the counter of the bar. I consider taking it with me so I am not connected to this thing which is obviously about to blow up. But decide that may look suspicious so I leave it where it was.

It's the next day and I am walking back again, I end up in a large complex which is a public space built to be a hangout spot. It is a large indoor dome structure with a water feature on top of a pile of boulders in the center. It is well landscaped and looks ritzy and well lit. Perfectly manicured little odd shapes of grass and perfectly fitted red brick paths all leading around the area. With concrete circular tables and benches scattered about.
I walk around and find a food court area with music coming from it. It is decorated like a 30's style speakeasy, brass rails, wooden carved accents, large tan fans, black and white tiles, the works. Just past a Starbucks there is a stage with a guy and a girl playing instruments singing. I feel like I've heard the song before, it sounds like some kind of folk music, they look like people from my old church. This whole thing has a very Sunday afternoon vibe. There is a large crowd of teenagers sitting in the audience watching. Only half paying attention because, you know, teenagers. I try to walk around the back of the crowd to get out the side door but there is just a mass of people mostly girls all sitting asses to elbows blocking the walking path with their stools and tables.
I walk around and in front of everyone to leave the building.

Walking back down the strip mall it is the next morning and I am super tired. I realize I have been barefoot and look for a pair of my shoes in the mass of pairs of shoes that have been left in front of the poolhall. I find several pairs that look like mine but none of them fit. Before laying down the 'other' guy shows up out front. He has a concerned look on his face but he attempts to make smalltalk with me. He mentions working for a launch provider which is close to here and they have a couple satellites to launch in the next few days. I am not really interested and don't want to talk to him much longer. I have a bed/my big winter sleeping bag rolled out and I try to get some sleep on the sidewalk while people are walking/driving by. While falling asleep I see a group of three cops standing on the sidewalk down the way from me. I pretend not to notice them and begin to fall asleep in the dream.

I wake up to a sort of middle aged hispanic woman getting my attention standing over me, I immediately tell her I was about to scuttle off, I am still fairly drowsy. But I notice she is a police officer, she asks if I am 'No-ha' I say yes and shake her hand from laying down. I ask her name and she says 'In-ki-ya' her friends call her. I already know exactly what all of this is about. But I play dumb and look around to notice there are now 6 or 7 police cruisers of various designs on the street now. I say 'Whooa, what's this all about?? I see a lot of cop cars, and one really messed up car' then I notice another car/van which looks like it has been completely stripped for parts, no doors or wheels or anything sitting in front of the shopping mall, (I have been sleeping in front of the pool hall where it all went down apparently).
I put on my best clueless face/attitude not wanting to get involved. I gather she's not buying it and already suspicious of me.

I am traveling to Doug's house with G, we've never visited him before so we're very excited. When we get there he is overwhelmed to see us. We are all hanging out around him in his living room. We're all nude and his hair is longer and comes down over his eyes. It's casual and I gather we're all kind of passively watching a ritual taking place in the corner of the room. It opens up into a rocky cave and in the distance I can see a burning monument of sorts. It kind of looks like a mini greek colosseum with life-sized figurines all holding hands around the border, like the Indian Circle of Friends sculpture. The flames are yellow and white but not consuming the structure. I understand what we are witnessing is very important and thousands of years old. Doug is talking about people he knows who have trouble understanding their own reality. I make a remark about 'how many people get to see a 5,000 year old ritual, in a cave, while nude?' it is comforting and reassuring to watch.
We are now in an oversized tub, almost like a hot tub mixed with an overly large Victorian footed porcelain tub. We're all sitting around the edges. There is a squid like octopus swimming around. Everytime it touches me it latches onto my hand, the suckers kind of hurt and it doesn't want to let go.

I'm sort of coming up with a new awareness training idea. I decided to write it out so it'll I'd remember to apply the idea later on.

The problem with my old system of rating my awareness was that I had to take pauses in between to measure my score. This sort of gave pauses in between what I did that gave more room to lose awareness.

I noticed that during the day, about 80%, I'd find myself (automatically) regaining awareness or doing sort of what I did every 3-4 events. So It's sort of like a regaining the present awareness. There were some times where I'd lose this 3-4, where I'd become emotional or something like that. I did my best to stay aware and notice what the source of the sleeping autopilot and... It's something like attachment I guess. To emotion or things, past or future? I don't know exactly. It's like not the act of feeling it but how I react to feeling or events. It's sort of like the un-attachment that skipper was talking about probably. But I guess I'm discovering it or rediscovering it through the hard way by experience.

So my idea for a new awareness training is to just count the number of times - well two ideas perhaps. Count the number of times I got unaware or I got aware. Use that as a score. I will have to test it out and see how it goes. But the idea of counting the number of unawareness isn't really new, it's just like the prayer beads that monks use to count the number of times they lost their mindfulness or something.

But the other problem I had with the previous practice was that I needed something to write down my score. And it might have been not ideal, as I was anchoring this increased awareness to writing, and I can't always have time or situation to note it down.

Is it more important to notice the surroundings or the emotions? Maybe the noticing of emotions should be - or better be described as noticing attachments?

BUT I also need a way to break the cycle of attachments on top of that. Say, to stop the mind from wandering after getting distracted- or like simply a new default mode network or thought process to implant after noticing myself getting attached?

One at a time? Or both at once? Perhaps cycling them would be nice. Practice one on some days and practice the other on the rest.

Or maybe just do nothing at all - just let things unfold on it's own. And all I need to do is to just- ...be?

Dreams
School ukulele May 4 hr ish
AP BED re outside storm vivid

12/3/20

I am with a group of people who all feel like outcasts of some kind. Marc Ruffalo is with us and at one point he throws a bus as hulk with us on it for rapid transportation. We are a sort of mutant club with all varying abilities. I can shoot web from my wrists like Spidey but I don't believe I have any of the other abilities. There is a part where the goblin is attacking me and I keep shooting web at his face. Only the web is thin and spindly like a normal spiders web and not doing anything besides making him webby, not like thick Spidey web. Goblin is somewhat inconvenienced but not overly upset with me.

I am at a general country store and notice they have fireworks for super cheap. Like 1¢ bottle rockets and 5¢ firecrackers. I want to buy some but don't have any money. It's such a great deal.

I am watching a movie with some mother, I think it is someone I used to work with. Her
son gets home, he bought a pack of fireworks.
When he hands them to me I notice they are burning like an ember. Out of caution for them not exploding I douse them with water. While by the sink I accidentally turn on a burner on low and burn up a towel that was sitting on the oven. It smokes up the house but no one noticed until just the corners were remaining. There is a plasticy synthetic smell in the air.
The father of the family gets home, he doesn't know I am there and sees me before his family and isn't very happy to see me. He offers to drive me home, I am grateful. While driving the mood was somewhat tense and I noticed we get off on the wrong exit driving towards the city rather than my neighborhood.

Wartime we are being shot at. I am with friends and we have a goal to accomplish by setting certain checkpoints. They are small white buttons on the battlefield that we need to active one at a time. The last one my friend gets shot up pretty bad he can't move very well and I am tearing apart some raw chicken over the button but cannot set the checkpoint. A guy is standing maybe ten feet away shooting at us. I have no more bullets so I pull out a chef's knife and yell like a crazy person while charging at him. He gives up before I get to him and throws his gun away. We set the checkpoint and the war is over. I bump fists with the guy who gave up as a sign of good faith. My friend is fine. My arms are shot up and really sore but everyone lives.

I am in an older elementary school after-hours. There is some sort of biden campaign event going on that I am not totally connected to, I don't see anyone involved but know it's happening.
When helping clear up one of the classrooms I go into a small supply closet
My parents are in there as well as other workers. My coworkers from the spa I used to work at come in all in the same uniform.
I say hey old fam but none of them recognize me or acknowledge me really, I am wearing blue jeans.
My old boss who I had a falling out with walks in she has a mask on and a sideways red painters hat. I am wearing a mask and realize we are all in too close of quarters. She starts talking to my father and I excuse myself out of the small room.
I accidentally knock her knee with my backpack when walking around her, she rubs it like I hurt her and I leave the room without her recognizing me.
I had fallen asleep in another room and was very drowsy when collecting my things, and I kept picking up other people's things. There are three hispanic black girls who are my friends in the room. I keep trying to leave but keep going back into the room because I seem to think I forgot something.
I remember where my phone was, only when I pick it up it is purple and has a girl's name on it. It is the same as my phone but looks like someone else's. I am confused. When looking for it the girls are gathered around helping me they are confused too. Then I notice my phone outline in my jean pocket. I don't tell them and put the phone back in its place telling them not to worry about it. I am sure I will find my phone somewhere.
I am very drowsy and nothing is making sense. I go to leave again and the older woman teacher tells me to give my jacket back to the other girl. I am confused but then realize she had given me the tight fitting jacket to wear because I was cold. I apologise again and take it off to give back to her. I also have a backpack on I am not sure is mine. Severe imposter syndrome combined with heavy 'i just woke up' drowsiness. They all like me, like they look up to me but I am acting like an idiot. One of them thinks I live in texas. I tell them where I'm from is not far from here. I spend a while looking for my car in the parking lot though I know I rode here with my parents.
At a certain point I am chasing my cat through the hallways, only it's dark and I don't think it's my cat once I catch it.

2nd December 2020

Fragment:

Our street, mixed with a street back in L. Sunny. The L-side had shade from taller buildings. It was generally busy. Dad's mother was there under such a shade and looking at some kind of wall graffiti; I come to her and she sees me and looks surprised to see me, but she seems a bit lost or confused and I try to guide her somehow. I remember having some low level concern that people might think I'm not related at all and that I'm just trying to take advantage of her.

Earlier in the dream, there was a gang of three hooligans or whatever coming up from down the end of our street but then I remember feeling/realising that they were likely just passing through.

3rd December 2020

Dream, fragmented:

An early bit of the dream with an overview/interactive "map" of Wales and England; this so-called map was made of dirt and leaves, which I'm walking on.

3D-like but nonetheless real, leaves were swirling around some locality markers in the West Midlands and near a central point in Wales. It looks like a tornado of leaves is persistently swirling around each one and they seem to overlap in their motions, creating some literal border friction in this sense. I talk with H. I ask in almost rhetoric manner why this can't be sorted out. It looks entirely simple from my point of view, I think.

I use a stick, or something like and try to mark or uncover a border marker for where the Welsh/English border should actually be (as far as I know/can work out) and I manage to get the Welsh leaf tornado to be "sensible" and stick within its remit but the West Midlands tornado refuses to comply and be contained in any sense.

The tornados seemed to represent local governmental authorities responsibilities for picking up recycling and other such waste.

I remember just nearby there's a large tree with bulgy and bulky roots; relative to the map, it's situated just at the very North-most point of the border between Wales and England.

Eventually, the dream moves on or I lose interest and I start looking at some junk nearby. The front of a diesel or electric train? Not sure, but then we were able to enter it from the side or something, and it's a really old house. It's dark and the daylight from outside has that cloudy day/blue tinge that I find characterises days with that weather. I think I'm still with H or another character. I have some special and unique item I traded earlier? I vaguely recall a chiselled stone, lapis lazuli, with a golden ring around some part of it; it has an oblong/obeliskish shape. (I begin to recall a much earlier bit?)

I'm at an apartment. It's a single room and it's no bigger than my old room. There's a girl here, I have the impression I'm a girl too but I don't check in any way. This girl has a pony tail and a sharp face, she looks about 20 or so. I need something from her but she's unwilling to trade; I can't recall any of the dialogue.

Eventually she walks up to the window and I kick her out; she falls several stories and I take the item somehow (was it in the flat?) and this item is one of nine or something which I need for my quest. In the flat, I notice she had some kind of modern CRT TV. For some reason, I give the screen a knock with my right hand knuckles and it resonates slightly.

I am now downstairs immediately outside the apartment building. There's a crowd and police. I'm on the phone or something and this person I'm working with tells me to remain calm and that they've taken care of everything (male voice?). A big white man is out here and he distracts the crowd, shouting and announcing that he did it, he'd killed this girl. He has medium-length hair curls of a fair colour.

I go through and past the crowd and there's some advanced cyber police of sorts. They have egg shaped hover drones, no bigger than a fist, and red scanners. They are doing forensic scans of everyone leaving the area and internally I feel concerned but I keep going and stop when asked to; they find nothing in their scan, to my relief. I continue through a street with tall buildings, it's night time, I feel? Deus Ex (classic) feel to the area here. I look at my phone and read debates about cannibalism, for some reason. One state in the USA had apparently had it as something legal for a very very long time (hundreds of years). I hear people nearby but don't look or pay attention to them.

I reach a small building. It is modern but dilapidated; all the glass is missing or broken. It's dark outside and the odd part is I recall no sky at all. I go inside this building and go up a semi-spiralling staircase. It's brighter in the top floor. There's a curtain or something. (This dream memory starts to get mixed with the other one)

I have traded all the unique and special items at some point, I don't recall with whom. Now, I have a dulled copper-y looking signet ring; I hold it in my palm and I also have a small bag made from untreated leather, of a tan colour. I open the bag and from inside I take out a live miniature Japanese racoon or something, which fits on my palm. It doesn't move much, but I hold it up to a white and bright fluffy ceiling; it yelps and sniffs as I move it around the room; I intuitively understand it's detecting something, to allow me passage from this otherwise dead-end octagonal room.

Then, behind the curtain is a door. i can open it because of the signet ring, I think. I try to close it behind me as I hear voices nearing and think I shouldn't let them follow me.

(the recall becomes too mixed)

All else I remember is a view of some train with people I know being inside it, laser rifles shooting from inside and outside the train, at each other, as the train passes through a platform. It's night-time. I have vague recall of being somewhere, waiting, and some of my aunts and my mom are there; they are complaining between themselves for some reason and I remember something about a Nazi man visiting and demanding something.

I was going to military enrollment this morning.

I wake up 5.30 am naturally and can't resleep. I am nervous for military enrollment and go to the train. Recall gap. I stand in the train and go to a back seat. There are a man that enters. I think about corona distance because they warned us about that in the military mail. There comes more and more people and we get pretty crowded in there.

Notes: I dreamt about being nervous and that I can't sleep but in reality I slept good.

I'm sitting in my chair and look on the big screen in the TV-room upstairs. Gustav show me a music video that he has made from my guitar playing. It sounds like through the fire and flames and I am really impressed with the video. There are some Mike Wachowski memes in the video about him being a big a big sea monster eating a big boat or something. There is a part where the music sounds weird. I ask Gustav about it and he wonders what I mean. He tells me to play the part on the guitar. I don't know what part it is so I try to play something else instead. I improvise Cliffs of Dover and I get some notes wrong but it sounds good. I am impressed with myself and I tell Gustav that I have never played it before.

Notes: In the dream I played an open Em with a high G on the E-string. When I woke up I laughed at myself how I could believe I actually played Cliffs of Dover with that fingering on the guitar.

12/2/20

Elon is giving some kind of presentation. I am in the audience. I win a contest allowing me to play the guitar to accompany his band. When they play I still sit in the audience but my guitar is wired into the sound system. It sounds really good and I play better than I have ever played before. There are lead plucking parts and van Halen style taping at one point. The crowd enjoys the show and I can tell Elon was pleasantly surprised at my performance as well. We talk after the show while walking out onto a runway and to his car. His entourage is behind him and we walk side by side. I am starstruck but maintain my composure. I make a joke he likes about how people usually treat him when they meet him "omg I know right! That's totally true, like seriously people!" he responds laughing. We arrive at his car and he says we should totally do this again sometime soon. I assume he is just being nice. But later in the dream I am at another function sitting at a roundtable with some friends and Elon asks me to play along with them again. He is on stage rocking his heart out, he is obviously showing off playing a large drum and the band is just generally jamming. I start playing my guitar along with them only at some point it becomes a bass guitar in my hands. I can't play the bass as well IRL, but in the dream it sounds really good, I remember some of the chord progressions and the accompanyment meshes really well. The crowd enjoys the jam, Elon is in full performer mode sweating up a storm. At a certain point I think he has his shirt off wearing black wrist cuffs and a black headband. My friends around the table are flabbergasted that I am playing with the band from the audience. This time I scoot my chair over in front of the sound guys table who has some lights on his table projecting onto the stage. I sit in front of the light and my silhouette is outlined on the stage. The song goes really well and people clap at the end. I don't get to conversate with him after this time. But I still brag to my friends that I got to hang out with Elon in person 2 times in one week. I am still beside myself.

There is another performance this time I don't know who is on stage but I have an oversized midi controller in the shape of a larger misformed original grey nintendo gameboy. It has several lines on it with options on each line like a mad lib. But when I press them they play different sampled sounds that are all in the same key. It is hard to describe but I am pretty much head banging mashing buttons and it sounds like trip hop techno. I see an old friend from highschool and he throws me the rock on horns while smiling devilishly. He asks about the controller after the performance and I attempt to explain it. People around me are generally impressed at the show. I played from the audience again but only the people around me knew I was coming through the speakers.

Vr headset playing in a room. Don't recognize the game but it is somewhat surreal. My cat comes and lays down next to me while I am playing and the game sees her and puts her in the game as a dog with a cat's face. I walk into a table in the room I am in while walking around in vr. (I've never tried vr irl)

I am looking for G and gather she is at some trump fundraiser, or has been kidnapped to go there or something. I drive my car to a rich neighborhood that I think the place is at and for some reason I keep looking for the place called "Goat Barn" I am unsure if it's a street or location. I park my car and begin walking around the neighborhood. It is very cold and snowy out. I wonder why I got out to walk as none of the street names match what I am looking for. I have a flyer in my hand that is for the fundraiser in typical propaganda style but there is no address on the flyer. I try googling Goat Barn on my phone but come up with nothing. I am standing in front of one of the large houses and for some reason I pull their mailbox off the post. No one is home but I am still cautious someone might have seen me mess up the mailbox. I start to walk away and see the person pull into their driveway. I cut through some yards and smaller walkways between houses to get to the other side of the neighborhood. The Goat Barn is no where to be seen.

In which we attend R's dad's wake...

R and I drive a white van up a treeless green hill with mountains in distance. We arrive at a Swiss chalet style building with a large parking lot. A man in a suit greets us and takes us into a foyer where a clerk behind a counter has us sign a registry. She asks us some questions and places a neon green visitor's sticker on our shirts.

We walk down the hall towards a glass partition with a sliding door that leads out to a terrace. Outside, there are several raised rectangular platforms, and R's dad's shrouded body rests on one of them. There are no benches or chairs. We see V sitting on the ground beside their dad's body. Their dad is also there. He's healthy. He's wearing his glasses and a green and brown woolen sweater with his collar cuffed neatly over the neckline. He smiles at us and waves us over. We sit next to V but their dad continues to stand. All four of us look at the shrouded body.

More people arrive. People walk around and chat with each other. I don't know most of the people. After some time, I exit the terrace through the glass wall and walk back down the foyer. I run into a blonde man who knows me but I don't know him. He is just finishing with the clerk and placing his visitor's sticker on his shirt.

He greets me and asks about the wake. I tell him that everything is very peaceful and that R's dad is also there. He tells me that this happens sometimes, that some people believe if you attend your own wake, you must be a ghost, but he's not sure what he believes. This surprises me since I had not thought about R's dad being a ghost. I tell him that I am surprised by this though it makes sense. He says that it might not be true, no one knows for sure. He asks me what R or V thought about it, and I realized I didn't mention it to them.

In which I have a tiny man in a matchbox...

I'm screwing a hanging hook into the dry wall. I miss the stud so the hook falls out, leaving a dusty hole in the wall. A beam of light shines through, and I put my eye up to the hole to peer in. I see a man running desperately towards me as a large orb of light moves across the sky chasing him, like the plane after Cary Grant in North By Northwest. I cup my palm beneath the hole and the man leaps into it. I slam my other hand against the hole, blocking the orb. The tiny man is safe!

I place him in a matchbox with some tissue paper and bread crumbs. I bend down close to him to hear his story, but his voice is too small. I speak to him, but the sound waves blow him backwards off his feet. He puts his hands over his ears and doubles over in pain. I must figure out how to feed him, water him, keep him warm, communicate with him. Suddenly it all seems like such a chore. I consider squishing him like an ant and then remind myself that though he's ant-sized, he's still actually a human being. What a burden!


In which I have a new job as a nanny...

I'm wearing baggy pants. The kids are elementary aged and we are in a large stylish upper middle class house. They are in a basement playroom, chasing each another around a faux bamboo bar that looks like it hasn't been used in years for anything other than storing Amazon boxes. I'm bored with the game but attempting to appear engaged. I'm aware of the nanny cams watching me. I must seem patient and friendly.

My pants keep falling down. I hide behind the bar out of sight of the camera and pull them up. I try to tuck them into my underwear to make them stay. Every time I take a step, they fall again. I reach for a blanket on the play room couch and wrap it around my body like it's a toga. My pants fall to my ankles, but I'm covered now in the blanket. The kids' mom comes down the stairs and sees me. "We're playing frat house," I tell her. She disapproves. But here we are, basement bar, bratty kids, toga...

I have very high lucid chances when I go to sleep again in the morning. That's why I set an alarm 9 am and re-sleep when I wake up in the morning.

I'm home and there is some kind of big man without a shirt I'm fighting against. He weights about 300 kg maybe. He is in our kitchen and I try to hit him but he doesn't get hurt. Another man enters the room who is at the big man's team. He is tall and thin. I tell them that this is unfair and I ask them where my teammates are. They are quiet as if they are hiding something. I say a weird name, Galatzhar or something. I ask them where this man is because I need him in order to be able to punch the big man. They don't know who I'm talking about. I go look in the house for my teammates. When I enter my parent's room they are sleeping next to each other. I come back to the kitchen and now my mom stands there. I get somewhat lucid and tell myself it is a dream loudly but I wake up.

I wake up 7.30 am and go to the bathroom. I go to sleep again and enter a dream.

I'm home and see that the clock is 17:00. I become lucid and walk out. I fly over some buildings and I am a little bit afraid that someone will grab me but it doesn't happen. I try to summon someone who will start to fly next to me but it fails. I want to fly to a star and I see one. I start to fly to it but it disappears. I look for another one but I can't find one. A star appears at the top of my vision. As I move my eyes to look at it the star moves away, always so that it is at the top of my vision. It's moving out from my view so that I can never look at it directly. I ignore that I can't see a star and just fly up into the darkness. As I fly it becomes darker and darker. I start to lose myself to the darkness. The sense of my body slowly disappears. I close my eyes and think to myself that it is going to be a FA in my bed. I wake up in my room and I'm not sure if it is a dream. I do my RC but I'm still not sure. I try to turn on the switch to the lamps with my mind but fail. I try to do some telekinesis to a book and succeed. I open up my window and fly out. It's dark outside. I fly to a big house and ask if anyone is home through a window. A girl in my age answers. The windows are too small to enter through. I start to punch the brick wall and I am able to destroy it. She is amused and says that it is another way to enter. She is playing some kind of Mario game on a small TV screen by her feet as she lays on a sofa. The TV screen is in a bad position for her so I use my telekinesis in order to fix it. It is fairly hard but I am able to fix it. I lay on the other side of the sofa with my head against her lap. I think about whether I should play Mario with her. The dream fades away.

Notes: I have tried to reach the stars several times now. Maybe I need another approach. I want to learn how to walk through walls so that I don't need to enter through windows all the time.