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fell asleep around 12, woke up around 3, went back to bed, finally woke up around 7

12am - 3am
a long and complicated dream about a tall girl with red hair. in the dream we were good friends. there was a very jovial atmosphere, unlike most of my dreams.

then a dream where i discussed lucid dreaming at length -- without actually becoming lucid.

3am-7am

i am at a strange clothes store with my boyfriend. the store mainly sells lolita dresses but contains a large variety of different clothing items as well as miscellaneous objects. at the far end of the room there is a passage to a second room which is brightly lit with many large windows. the store owners, a middle-aged asian woman and her teenage daughter, work here, making all the clothes from scratch. we talk to the two women for a while. there are many items of clothing hanging on racks here and i discover a finely crafted leather jacket with luxurious fur trim; i ask the younger woman how much it would cost and she tells me "about a month's salary". we leave this room and return to the main part of the store. there is a dress i would like to buy here, but it is too expensive. instead, my boyfriend and i decide to buy two dvds. these "dvds" come in vhs cases with elaborate box art; the one my boyfriend buys has art that's a slightly altered version of the dark side of the moon cover, and mine is a complex pattern of organic plantlike shapes. we understand that these movies are beautiful works of art and that watching them will change our lives. we trade the shop owners a large pyramidal prism for the dvds.

then i leave the store and enter into a shady urban area at night. i am now running away from three young white men who want to mug me. i see my dad's car parked on the side of the street: i get in and we drive away.

terrible recall tonight

1. i am working on a group project with unfamiliar people. we are in the auditorium of my elementary school. we are on laptops and we are running a program with a neon green and red on black colour scheme. there is some anxiety associated with this dream.

2. i am waiting for the bus in the snow with an unfamiliar girl. the atmosphere is very bleak.

3. i cannot remember anything about this dream except that i became lucid at one point! i simply realized that the circumstances of the situation were unrealistic and deduced that it was a dream. sadly my lucidity faded very quickly -- before i could do anything of interest.

4. false awakening. i am in bed in my room: very tired and disoriented. windows 7 error messages pop up and disappear constantly, obstructing my vision. i wonder if i am dreaming but decide that i am not. i am afraid that i am going insane.

first i am trying to sneak in to a children's arcade. i don't remember anything else about this dream.

then i am on a hilly cliff-edge with a woman who seems vaguely familiar. the ground is blanketed with snow. there are several white and orange cats roaming around. we realize the cats are coming from an area further ahead so we follow the path to there, but we find that it is blocked by thick shrubs. the woman remarks she hopes to get into that area someday. the ground slopes softly to the right and we walk down there, but as we continue down the slope we gain momentum and lose control. the woman slips and accidentally touches a snake. there are 3 snakes here: one with yellow and black stripes, which she touched; one tawny brown coloured; and one whose pattern i don't remember. the woman is afraid the snake is venomous and she wants to get medical attention. i follow her to a building that resembles my school; it is night now. i have brought the snake corpses with me. at some point they turn to globs of pink flesh. i enter the school and the woman is gone. there are two boys at the top of a stairway with a metal bucket. they instruct me to put the flesh in the bucket and i do so.

then i am outside the school again with a girl. we see a dead man's body and i remove another glob of flesh from it. this one is lighter pink and fat-streaked. as we reenter the school the girl remarks that i should hide it, so they don't know i'm adding human flesh to the bucket. i try to throw it into the bucket when the boys aren't looking, but i miss. they don't seem put off by the fact that it's human flesh, however.

i wake up with severe abdominal pain.
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short analysis:
in the dream i considered the snowy landscape to be part of the dominican republic. this explains the presence of snakes and is attributable to the fact that a friend who had visited gave me a ring from there the day previous.

the brown snake looked and moved exactly like a large snake i saw in a forest a year or so ago (i live in ontario-- generally the only snakes you encounter here are tiny green garter snakes - this one was brown, 5 or 6 inches around and quite long... unusual sight to see on a walk in the forest. it didn't scare me at all, in fact i was curious -- and in this dream i adopted the same attitude towards the snakes, although the woman was terrified).

the dead body and the globs of flesh didn't disturb me in the dream; it was all very matter-of-fact. i wonder, upon waking, if these images of bodily mutilation can be explained by the severe pain i was experiencing. although i did not feel any pain in the dream, the body-horror type images could have been a sort of alternate perception of it -- a symbol of pain, so to speak.

i dreamt that i was in the bathroom at my old townhouse. i was sitting on the toilet drawing on my laptop while pouring a bath. suddenly i heard a loud beeping sound. i wasn't sure whether it was coming from outside or whether it was in my head. i plugged my ears to check. i could still hear it with my ears plugged. i became afraid that i was going crazy.

then i woke up... it was my alarm.

dreams tonight were very mundane, can't recall much of them

i had a very long dream about being in a public outdoor swimming pool. there was a girl there who was making sexual advances on me, and later an autistic boy who was trying to show me pictures of a tv show or something? also a blonde guy who i think was antagonizing me. at one point i sustained an injury to my leg and i was afraid that the pool water would infect my open wounds.

then i was at school. the entirety of this dream took place in one room, with grey floors, white walls and harsh fluorescent lighting. a tall middle-aged woman with red hair, ostensibly a teacher, was berating me for not finishing an assignment.

finally i was walking through a distorted version of downtown with two rappers. they were talking about their lives and i found it very inspiring although i can no longer remember what they said. the weather was dreary: overcast & slushy. we walked together for a long time; at one point i became separated from them and was attacked by a group of kids who threw rocks at me from across the street. it was painful. one rock was very large and hit me on the head; in the dream i could feel my consciousness slipping away and my body collapsing. i came close to fainting but i recovered. after that they left me alone and i regrouped with the rappers.

then we parted and i was sitting in deep, fresh snow on the side of the street. i was with some other people & we were telling jokes and laughing with each other.

fitful sleep tonight. various fragmented dreams. not well recalled. content is quite shallow except for the last fragment.

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my father and i are driving in the country at night. in a recessed area on the side of the road sits a dollhouse & a wicker shelf that was in my childhood bedroom. the shelf is full of stuffed animals -- i remember one was a dragon. i take some of them with me because i understand i will be going to the hospital soon.

i am then at "the hospital"; it's a distorted version of the townhouse i lived in most of my life. the lights are off. the stuffed animals aren't with me. there's nothing hospital-like about the surroundings; it's just the main floor of the townhouse. there are 2 bro kind of guys visiting a middle aged woman who has tuberculosis. they talk about how she is defecating blood.

i decide to escape. i am suddenly in bright, sunny, warm-hued "downtown toronto" -- nothing like downtown toronto really, just big glass buildings and an immense urban atmosphere -- adrenaline rush, i'm running through beautiful streets, i crest a hill on a cobblestone road and i yell "santa maria! santa maria!"

i am back in the "hospital", i don't remember how this happens. i'm in the darkened townhouse kitchen. there are two nondescript tall men watching me -- the guards. i understand i am here for mental reasons. i think i am fine, but i accept my hospitalization with equanimity. i open the fridge and eat some kind of pastry with a raspberry on top. i hear a voice narrating lil wayne's current medical situation. i wake up.

later: something about a girl at school, i don't quite recall what she looked like - generic teenage girl, probably around 13? she's very bubbly and excitable, a little obnoxious, but she takes an interest in me and i'm glad that someone finds me nice to be around. we are rehearsing something and she starts rubbing her body against mine. i am a little uncomfortable. i point out that it seems dirty; she laughs. next we are talking to each other on a bus. i remember that her backpack is very focal in these scenes. it's a jansport style backpack, mainly white with yellow, lilac and blue thunderbolt designs. we get off the bus with some of her friends and we are in a dark city area. one of her friends is wearing - hard to describe this - platform shoes with the platform made of hard black plastic; they are hollowed out in increasingly smaller concentric circles, like the pattern of a mining pit - goes clear through to the other side. i remember thinking this is really cool, actually i still do. we walk through a bridge-tunnel. we realize that the bridge has no railing and is thus illegal to walk on. the girl comments that she should have removed her shoes (they have a specific name -- it's very german -- i understand that its named after the guy who invented the pattern) and now the people on the adjacent, legal bridge would know she walked on the illegal bridge, because the opening of the tunnel has the same pattern as her shoes. i find this remarkable. a boy with us comments that he's seen the same pattern in greece and i understand that i'm in some kind of european country. the atmosphere in this scene is very nice, everything's lit by soft incandescent streetlamps.

then i am in a distorted version of a thrift store i frequent. my stepmother is getting married, today, and she wants a pink themed wedding. she gives me 5 dollars to buy a dress and she also wants me to look after a young girl (age 3-5, black hair, olive skin). i notice that the girl is wearing lipstick and eye shadow and i think to myself that her father is awful for making her look like a slut. i ask her if she likes wearing eye makeup and she says yes. i can't find a pink dress at the thrift store so i go to a version of the victoria's secret pink store. i find something and i try to steal it but i fail somehow. then an employee asks us to leave. i am frightened for a moment but then i realize it is just because the store is closing.

then i am inside of a south park video game (??) it looks terrible, like some awful game you'd see on newgrounds in 2005 or sth. top-down view, white background (snow) with a grey line representing the road and brown blocks representing buildings. i understand that it was made to be terrible on purpose. i have to go somewhere in the game but every time i try to go there i am transported back. this goes on for a very long time.

finally i return to real life. i am in a different store. this one has bright wooden floors, white walls; it is very open and spacious. the girl and i are standing in front of a white shelf which houses a scattered assortment of strange toys. she takes interest in a toy which seems to be some kind of japanese thing based on jersey shore?? i realize i have spent a very long time in the video game and i should have returned the girl by now; my stepmother must be wondering where she is. the girl's face has changed - her eyes are very dark and there is a swollen red area under her eyes (similar to the famous picture of omayra sanchez -- if you're going to look this up be warned that it is disturbing).

the room has darkened. my stepmother appears. the girl is lying on the ground. stepmother is angry. she tells me that the "death squad" has been informed and people from all over the world are searching for her. i break down crying. i understand that the police will be coming to talk to me.

i walk over to the edge of the room and beyond a short banister is a beautiful landscape. it is hard to describe its beauty in words. i am high above the ground; i can see the peaks of mountains and clouds moving through the deep & light blues of the sky. below me, miles below me, are vast rolling hills and lush greenery. rivers flow through the land. the immense scale is very very difficult to describe. i understand, somehow, that this is Iceland. i want to get closer. there is a very thin wooden tree trunk that i jump over the banister onto. the landscape more beautiful now and I understand that this is not only iceland but Heaven. i almost cry.

i know the police are coming for me soon and my life will be awful. i debate whether to let go of the tree and fall into heaven, or face real life. heaven is so beautiful. i let myself slip a little but then i grip the tree again.

i wake up.

Have to Study

I suddenly realize that I have only a few hours left to study for my Formal Languages final at 1:30. [Interestingly, that /is/ the actual time of the final, though at the time of dreaming I still had an entire day left to study. I woke from this dream feeling definitely anxious.]

Frags:

• "professor story"
• "psychological [illegible]"
• "borrow car, teleport?, materialize car"
• "machine gun"

A dormitory and some tarot cards. Anxiety is what I feel. It is dark, not night, but hazy and dull and dim. Maya is near/here. A large box filled with alcoholic bottles. Empty maybe. Trouble. In the end I am not fearful. I'm going on some sort of journey. Someone asks me if/to write goodbyes. A bicycle is lying down and I write my goodbyes. I think I write down names around the bicycle in chalk. I think Rick S is here, talking to me. I write to my mom; I love you more than the moon and the stars.

The first dream I had, I was angry at someone. I don't remember why, but it turned into a dream where I was a the father of a bride in India, and my anger made me miss out on her wedding.

Another dream I had, there was a cat that me and my brother Jeremy were playing with. It was a little asshole and kept biting and scratching us. It wasn't as bad as it's mother though. The mother wasn't around, but the dream made me think that we had previously owned the mother for a long time. We called her "Master" and the little one had no name yet. Even though he was mean, I liked him. We played for awhile, even though when I say play, I mean he bit me and hissed.


The later dreams I had... on and off, argueing with my wife and other people. I kept waking up with bad anxiety, realizing nobody was fighting with me, then going back to sleep hoping I didn't have any more of those dreams. But they kept on happening. Last night was kind of a bad night. Hopefully my anxiety doesn't screw with me next time.

I was leaving school. It was cold, dark and raining/snowing. I believe that I was also mildly lucid, at least in the beginning of the dream. I went out the the bus loop and I was getting close to the buses when they all started leaving without me, meaning that I would have to walk home several miles in the snow. (This is a common anxiety that I have in real life.)
To make matters worse somebody shoved me into the street and I was now cold, wet and muddy.
I got up and found out that there was one bus still there. It was bus number 25. There was a scrawny-looking man driving it and he told me that he was going to the middle school next to my subdivision. I told him to let me ride the bus but he said he could not because I was not singed up, so I still had to walk home.
I would not be beat, and took my cell phone out of my backpack and called my mom for a ride. I guess anxiety dreams don't like being "beaten" because the dream ended at that point.

I remember the number "25" on the side of the bus so vividly. I'm quite certain I was completely focused on it for a few seconds. I wonder if it will have further significance in my dreams...

Due to alcohol, I only gained some fragments, again impressionist in nature...sometimes I feel like Monet is in my head!
Fragment 1
On a coach with a large number of people I know, drinking...surprisingly! The weather was hot,almost like it was a holiday transfer coach!However, far from being at ease. Person 1 proceded to cause me unease through repeated laughing. I couldn't entirely remember why although it probably eminates from a socially awkward situation that had occured the previous day. Again, as a repeated motif for me colours and clothes were particulary visible.
Fragment 2
Being somewhat aware that I was on the Titanic,although not worried.This is perhaps due to the coverage of the diaster in the media at the moment-suddenly however, I had a somewhat false awakening but dreaming that I 'loved' my friend!

That's all I got but looking forward to some more dreaming later!

I can remember only little parts of two dreams I had last night.

In the first on I am in my apartment and for some reason I have a pet alligator. It is still a wild and dangerous creature and I have to be careful where I walk in my own house. I have two cats and constantly fear that the alligator will eat them. On morning I wake up and find the alligator surrounded by bloodstains on the carpet and walls. I fear that is has eaten my cats but I look around and see one of them under a table near my bed. I don't know where the other cat is. With the amount of blood on the floor and walls it looks like something bigger then a cat was killed though. The alligator sleeps contently, in the middle of the floor, like most creatures do after eating a huge meal.

In the second dream I am visiting a friend in another country. Most of the dream is blurry until the end when I have to go to the airport to catch my flight. My friend and her family and friends are having a good time around a campfire and I do not want to disturb them so I quickly and quietly take off alone and catch a bus to the airport, which is 30 minutes away. The airport is small and there is no security checkpoint the the boarding pass desk is just a fold-out table by a collapsable wall. There are only two flights leaving the airport.

I go to reach for my passport, and while I find it, I realize that I have left my suitcase at my friend's place. I am kind of panicking because my boarding pass is in the suitcase. I call and leave several messages on my friend's cell phone asking if she or a family member could drive my bag to the airport because there are no more buses going back in that direction. I look at the clock and see that it is 5:30 pm and my flight does not leave until 9:30 pm so I know I have time. I sit in the waiting area for over an hour and their is no sign of my friend or my suitcase. I call again and leave another message and wait for another hour and still nothing.

I am very upset and panicking for a bit but then I realize that I have my passport, my identification and my money so I can just buy another ticket, even if it is inconvenient. The thought of just returning to my friend's place to get my bag myself never enters my mind. After I have bought a new ticket several waiter's arrive pushing a cart of delicious smelling food and place it on a long narrow table covered in a white table cloth. For some reason I think I am not allowed to have any food and I wander around and watch the other passengers and airport staff eat.

I meet a little boy who is wearing a fox hat and seems to be by himself. He eyes the food while clutching his little napsack but is too shy to go get any. I grab a plate and fill it with candies and sugary pastries and take it over to him and share. He doesn't say anything but seems really happy. His favourite treat seems to be a pasty that has a sweet lemony filling on one side and a spicy filling on the other.

I can not remember any more of this dream.

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

[This is a catch-up post. These dreams are from the nights of December 24-27, 2011. Adult content warning for the one from December 25-26.]

Night of December 24-25

I'm at church, with my choir, accompanying our performance of “What Child is This?” on my clarinet. My clarinet keeps misfiring; some of the notes here and there refuse to play. I'm embarrassed. [This was definitely an anxiety dream. Exactly that actually happened during our choir rehearsal on Thursday, December 22, and I was afraid it was going to happen during the performance, which was the morning after I had this dream, on Christmas Day. Thankfully, it didn't happen; my clarinet worked fine.]

Night of December 25-26

I'm at this place that's kind of like a spa. It's a place for people to rest, relax, and renew. I'm in an outdoor area of this place, and it's a beautiful, warm, sunny day. I'm lying around on the ground, wearing only panties, along with several other women who are doing exactly the same. Other people are walking around the grounds, and the thought crosses my mind: Maybe I should go and put on some slightly more modest panties.

All of a sudden, I'm being molested by a group of two or three men. I manage to fight them off and struggle out of their grasp. All the while, I'm shouting at them, forcefully telling them to stop, and that I don't like or appreciate what they're doing. I end my tirade by telling another man, who's just sitting on the ground watching the proceedings, that he's a despicable jerk, too [or something to that effect; I don't remember my exact words here]. I tell him this because I know that he's being paid to be there as a witness to the scene that just unfolded. I also know that the molesters were also hired to do what they did. The men who hired them are also in the scene, standing around, watching it all happen. I know exactly what they're doing: They're lawyers, and they have a racket going on where they hire people to rape beautiful girls in establishments like the one I'm at, and then get the girls to sue those establishments for a lot of money, of which they get a percentage because they act as the girls' representation.

Night of December 26-27

I'm at work, but I'm participating in a dramatization of the work we do at my workplace for TV. The part of my boss [who I've mentioned in this DJ before] is being played by Tim Allen. I reflect that this was a strange casting choice, since he doesn't look at all like my boss, nor does he act much like him.

I'm watching a movie about a big, tall castle, a white one that looks like it came straight out of a fairy tale. I'm immersed in the movie, and I'm flying in circles around the top of the castle's high, central tower. There is a song playing on the movie soundtrack that I find kind of annoying, so I want to change the channel on the movie. Awww, man, the remote's all the way down there, I think to myself when I look down at the ground and see the TV remote control lying there. Then I think, Maybe I can get it by telekinesis. Wait a second. If I'm thinking about getting the remote by telekinesis, and flying around, I must be dreaming.

I stretch out my hand toward the remote control and concentrate on it, trying to use the force of my will to pull it into my hand. It doesn't work. Then, my mind calls up the primary example in my schema for what pulling an object into your hand with your mind looks like: the wampa cave scene from The Empire Strikes Back [starting at 2:20]. I think, It's kind of like the object is attached to a bungee cord that snaps it back into your hand. I try again, keeping that analogy in mind and focusing on it. This time, it works. The remote control flies up into my hand, just as if it were attached to a bungee cord.

At this point, I abruptly realize that during the time I've been concentrating on drawing the remote control into my hand, I haven't been concentrating on flying, so I've been gradually descending without noticing it. I'm now only a yard or two above the ground. I quickly correct for this and start climbing again. As I do so, I think, “And hurry! We're losing altitude fast!” And yes, “altitude” is the correct term in this instance, because this is a planet I'm flying over, not a moon. Even if it is just a dream planet. [This is a reference to the original version of the “Star Tours” ride from the Disney theme parks.] The remote control has transformed into a deodorant stick, which I use on myself. [? I don't even know.]

I woke up very pleased with myself, knowing that I could finally cross “Move an object with my mind” off my master list of lucid goals!

Non-lucid dream, [Commentary made while awake]

I'm in a big, fancy hotel. Some guy starts chasing me through the hotel. I try to get away from him by running up the stairs, further into the hotel. I discover that each floor of the hotel is really split into two sub-levels, with two short, parallel sets of stairs connecting the two sub-levels. There are completely separate, longer sets of stairs connecting the different levels. I realize that one can run all the way around each sub-level in a loop by going up and down the stairs. [ ] At some point while I'm running away, some other guy diverts me into an area off to the side from where I'm running, behind a door, and closes the door. This other guy is helping me hide from/escape from the first guy.

[I know exactly what this was all about. I'm pretty sure this dream was an expression of my anxiety over the fact that I haven't gotten my NaNoWriMo novel anywhere near finished.]

Before I went to bed I made some joking comments on an internet forum that I frequent. I had this dream afterwards:

I am on the forum and necieve a notification that someone has responded to the comments I made earlier. I go to the thread and find that people didn't find my comments funny and are attacking me and putting me down. I reply and point out that these comments were made in the Off-Topic forum and were not meant to be taken seriously. A few people reply angrily and someone says that they have reported me to a Moderator. The moderator replies to the thread and tells everyone to calm the fuck down and stop taking my joking comments so seriously. Then the Moderator bans me anyway, which upsets me, because I have a lot of online friends on that forum and the thought of not being able to interact with them anymore causes me distress.

I think this dream is a reflection of the anxieties I often have of being criticised and abandoned.