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I'm in another world with dragons, samurai and some form of magic. Many heroes are looking for a hidden treasure, but fail to find it. A small, bald old man stands on the edge of a jungle, on a cliff. In front of him about five kilometers away there is a massive chasm in the side of a mountain. I can see a cavern full of treasure inside the chasm. The piles of gold are massive.

The old man flies down to the treasure. A bit later a boy dressed like a warrior follows him. He rides a massive dragon made of water. A magic spell he knows, I assume. He also has two small dragons following him.

The boy enters the cavern full of gold and confronts the old man. I'm there with my brother as well. The boy is angry that the old man has been hiding the treasure all this time. The old man tries to calm him down by saying it was for a good reason. I look around and spot a huge egg. It's the size of a house. There's a metallic serpent coiled around the egg that looks like a colorful jewel. It looks quite pretty. "You have a dragon egg here?!" I ask, but before he can say anything, an adult red dragon enters the cavern. We all spread out and get ready to fight. The small dragons that followed the boy try to attack the red dragon with fire. It does nothing. The red dragon rears it's head, preparing to turn us to ash. Just before the flames reach me, the scene ends.

I'm in an ancient Japanese city. My brother was killed by the dragon. There is a statue of my brother in the middle of the town. There's writing carved all over the statue, memorable things my brother said. People have a large brush and paint over the carvings with ink, like writing them again. It's my turn, but my hands shake too much to use the brush. I dip my hand in the ink and swipe over the word "No". I walk away and fail to hold back tears. I bawl and collapse into a little ball against a wall.

Ritual: WTB 2am, woke up after a couple hours and strapped on the Motivaider, timed for 30m intervals. I woke up again after what I thought must be at least an hour and hadn't felt any vibrations. I decided that my awareness was not sufficient tonight to continue, removed the device, and went back to sleep. But apparently this process created an anchor for the idea of lucidity, because in my next sleep interval I became aware of lying in that intermediate state between sleeping and waking and went through the motions of getting up into a WILD. However, in retrospect it is clear that I was already dreaming at the start of this experience, so it was not a genuine WILD but a dreamed WILD (hence DWILD). It was 5:45am when I woke from the dream.

DWILD, "Another rainbow": I am lying on the flat surface of a wooden table as though it were a bed in a large, strange room with a distant, domed ceiling. I feel groggily half-asleep, but notice the distinctive sensations in my body that make me wonder if I'm close to the dream state. I start playing with it as I would when inducing a WILD, attempting to roll and rotate my body while avoiding real physical movement. When I find myself face down and succeed in getting up on my hands and knees, I'm sure that I'm sufficiently integrated with my dream body to get off the table and explore the dream—and given that in retrospect I know was dreaming all along, it is apparent that the sense of difficulty that I experience as I carefully maneuver myself into a standing position, similar to what I experience in real WILDs, must be wholly a mental fabrication.

My awareness is still low and initially lacking in agency, so I go along with the dream narrative for a while. The space in which I find myself is strange and hard to describe. There's a kind of reflective dome above me that rotates and shifts to reflect different parts of an upper floor or balcony. The dome moves until it is showing a distorted reflection of what looks like an early twentieth-century radio, one of the elegant ones in a large wooden cabinet. I am aware that seated up by the radio there is an older man who owns this place, and I am his guest. After this is a scene in which someone tells my brother that if he wants to get along with this man then he should take up shortwave radio as a hobby.

Then a bunch of us are seated at a long table for a dinner party. [Source: Order of the Phoenix was on TV last night, and it has a number of scenes with people seated at long tables.] Plates are served and they all contain huge sandwiches. The older man that I saw in the balcony earlier is picking disinterestedly at his sandwich and asks where the other food is, the stuff that had been simmering in the crockpot. My brother, who had put together the food, says that it will be coming up as the next course. I'm seated directly across from the older man, who I think of as our "host," and can tell from his expression he doesn't want to eat the sandwich. I decide to be helpful and comment loudly: "That's a huge sandwich! I couldn't eat all that even for one meal." Although this is true, my intention in speaking was to save face for the other man by legitimizing the option of leaving the sandwich uneaten while waiting for the next course.

After the sandwich course, we take a break from the meal and everyone who was at the table, about a dozen people in all, are standing in another room. The host is there, and a bunch of vague random people I don't recognize, as well as DC versions of my brother, mom, and dad. For some reason, maybe because of the lull in the narrative, I finally remember my intended task, the leprechaun TOTY, as well as how I had planned to accomplish it. My chief difficulty in previous attempts had been that once I managed to create the necessary rainbow, I got thwarted in my attempts to seek the end of it. As I had earlier been pondering this difficulty, a straightforward solution, perfectly obvious in retrospect, finally occurred to me: why not create the rainbow such that it ends right in front of where I'm standing?

"Okay everyone, we're going to play a game, kind of like a party game." I smile at the host and add, "It'll give you time to digest before the next course." I reach out and pat his belly, an oddly familiar gesture given that the DC did not scan as anyone I know in WL. [Possible source: yesterday I was doing research related to Budai, the so-called "Laughing Buddha," and rubbing his belly is a recognized ritual gesture. But the DC did not in any other respect remind me of Budai.] I complete my announcement by telling the group: "We're going to make a rainbow!"

The room we are in is walled entirely with glass on two sides, like a skyscraper, and I recognize that this clear view of the sky will be helpful for the task. I'm slightly more concerned about the fact that we're three or four storeys up, which means that if the rainbow ends here and I start digging through the floor, I won't actually be digging in solid ground. I remind myself that it is silly to maintain these kind waking life assumptions in the dream state. It can be solid ground if it wants to be, or maybe I can find the leprechaun in the room below us. Dream is nothing but malleable, so I really don't need to be this finicky.

I continue with my instructions to the group: "What we need to do is hold hands and create the end of the rainbow right here." I gesture to indicate the patch of floor in middle of our circle of people. "Then we'll go through, fight the leprechaun, and take his gold." I look around to gauge the response and decide the DCs need a little more incentive. "We can split the money," I add, and am pleased to see that this perks up their interest.

We join hands around a large circle. I feel that my shirt cuffs are too long and and getting in the way, so I have to break off and fold them up in order to get proper skin contact with the people around me. Once again I wonder if I'm being too finicky. Probably. Even the hand-holding seems like overkill, but I thought it might help us join our focus on the same goal.

My assumption had been that the assistance of the DCs would help my own confidence and focus on the task. This idea was probably based on my last rainbow-making dream, when I really did feel like I benefited from the help volunteered by the little girl. But this group of DCs is not helping at all. Like typical adults in a social setting, they are only marginally interested in my unusual party game. While I'm trying to concentrate on making a rainbow, the others are getting distracted and starting to chit-chat among themselves. This is distracting me in turn.

"Quiet!" I rebuke them sharply. "No talking, please. I need you to concentrate. Focus your intention." I figure they could use a reminder of the goal of our task: "We're going to create a rainbow"

Periodically I've been glancing out the windows to see if a rainbow is visible in the sky yet. This time I notice that the weather has changed. The sky is grey and a steady rain is now pouring down. Rain, well, that's halfway to a rainbow, isn't it? I let myself be encouraged that the environment is showing some response.

I continue attempting to focus, and the DCs continue to stand around without helping much. They're quieter after my reprimand but still distracted, and I have the impression that they don't seem to know how to focus their intentions properly. This is exasperating. What good are dream characters who don't even know how to interact with a dream? My mom starts speaking and I almost raise my hand to swat at her, irritated by yet another interruption, until I realize that what she's saying might actually be helpful. She is commenting on the light, how it needs to filter through the water particles a certain way to create a rainbow.

I had never intended to create a rainbow with meteorological accuracy, but hey, since it's already raining outside, we might as well give it a shot. If we can just get the right sort of light, it might encourage our expectations in a way that will make this easier. You know how when it rains and then you see the light break through the clouds, and you wonder if you will see a rainbow? That's the expeirence I was now trying to recreate. I look out the window and sure enough, in one direction bright sunlight is now alternating with the dark clouds. Very well, the rainbow can come from that direction.

Once again I concentrate, reminding myself that rainbows consist of light broken into the spectrum of colors. I think I almost see them in front of me, faint and translucent, but I can't tell if I'm only imagining them until the DCs all break out into "oohs" and "ahs," and saying things like "amazing!" I smile triumphantly, amused that everyone is acting so impressed after their earlier disengagement.

(While it seems odd to make the above distinction between something that "happens" in a dream and something I'm "only imagining," given the many times I have attempted to complete some task by imagining the outcome and it has not tangibly manifested in the dream, some such distinction seems warranted, if much less clear and stark than the difference between imagining and experiencing in waking life.)

It is a bit odd to try to look at a rainbow head on, from immediate proximity, but I do see a faint shimmering band extending from the lit quarter of the clouds to the floor right in front of my feet. I remind everyone that creating the rainbow was only the first step. "Now we have to dig through the floor." I start scrabbling at the smooth wooden boards, trying to imagine that the floor is soft and that my hands can scoop it up like clay. I feel everyone watching (no one else is trying to help) and their expressions are dubious. If merely creating a rainbow surprised them, imagine the skepticism they must feel watching me try to break through solid floor with my hands! I wonder if I can better align the expectations of the onlookers if I use some sort of tool to dig with, but I can't think of what might be handy.

This time it is my dad who speaks up with some advice: "The location of the floor isn't localized on the floor." I don't understand what he's trying to tell me, and I don't have long to think about it because I feel myself waking. I lose the dream and lay still for a few minutes, feeling to see if I can DEILD, but no, my body is fully awake now.

I'm literally listening to sad music right now and it's making me want to cry because of this dream.
NOTE: I don't have a brother and never have had one.

I was in my old house with my mom, dad, and sis. We got the news that my brother had passed away, in something like a boating accident or military accident. I completely broke down and cried. I went into his room(his room was in the basement), looking around at his things. I wanted to find a shirt of his to wear, to smell of him and remember him, but I could not find one. I looked through all his drawers and I couldn't find a single shirt. I was desperate to find something, anything that reminded me of him, all while I was sobbing and falling apart.

This is the second dream I've had of my "brother" dying. Makes me think... did I have a brother in a past life or something? Why would I keep dreaming of him passing away?

<3 love you, brother.

I found myself in the old house I use to live in. I could hear yelling outside in the living room , so I decided to check it out. As I am outside in the living room I notice it is night outside and there were no lights on. It occured to me now that I shouldn't be here and I quickly suspected that I must be dreaming. Despite knowing I'm dreaming ,I didn't feel aware like I knew I am dreaming. So I attempted to turn on the lights but it did not came on. Now I knew for sure that I am dreaming.

I felt this huge wave of electricity zap around my head as I became lucid. I was glad but still like old times, the old back door wouldn't open when I would turn the door knob. I tried phasing through it but it still didn't work. After 4 more attempts the door finally open and I step outside. It was raining, but it was no regular rain. The rain was burning my skin and the ground was also burning my feet. Acid came to my mind, interesting as I begin to observe how my world is. I began looking through peoples window's and had an idea. What if I can make myself become invisible to others around me?


I wonder if I could perform this. So I believed myself to be invisible and walk to a near by store with people sitting around. I move a chair to see if anyone would jump at the sight of a chair moving by itself but instead a woman notice me and said hey. I in disappointment said hey back and walk off. As I am walking I notice a person lying on the ground unconscious in a elevator. The elevator look very risky so I attempted to get inside but it was almost as if these elevators were alive. It would quickly shut close and re open like some monster waiting to eat anything that dare to cross.

I made another attempt and use both of my arms to keep the door open but as I got inside I heard people caling me to come out. So I tried but it was a fight with this machine. I manage to geto ut as I hear the elevator blast off to some unknown place. I started wanting to test how my dream control is like now as I never was good at it. So I thought about summoning someone by random. I look to the ceiling of the store and thought of the person I wanted to summon. I turn around and surprise my brother appeared before me. I smiled and couldn't believe it just happen like that. I decided I wanted to summon someone else, someone a bit more rare for me. However as turn around my brother was um still there.

So I tried again and thought deeply about it and turn around to find my brother looking quite a fusion of another random person. It look weird so I wanted to make my brother look normal again and it happen. My brother look like he wanted to explore so I decided to explore with him but as soon as we started walking he dissapeared. I then continue exploring the restaurant thinking baout how long I can keep my lucidity and could feel myself losing focus. I forgot that I should touch objects and rub my hands to keep the dream flowing. But I manage to last another minute which is ok before waking up. Lucidity Time: 5 minutes

I am at my job's dock and it looks quite disorted from how it is suppose to look in waking life. I see some people I know talking on the top deck and notice someone trying to wake me up from the bed I was lying down on. Which is wierd...considering I am at work currently. He telling me to get up cause he wants to know who I like more and if this so and so is true about him. I get up and look at him and see what he and the other were argueing about. I decided I'm not interested and leap off the bed to go to no where land. But before I do this I notice a car that is very out of place and I could've sworn I seen it move on it's own.

I sharpen my sight by clenching my eyes real tight to see if there was a driver in there. There was no driver. So I got my hanbds on to the front of this car and notice that it felt extremely light. Light weighted enough that I could move it with my bare hands. I push the car back in to it's right parking spot and didn't think much of it. Soon after I see this woman with redish brown hair darts over to where I am at with a face that looks to be in a hurry. I walk pass her and tell her I got your car back in to the right position. She looks at me and says yeah and I decided to ocntinue walking up to the deck. I sepnd some time up there with the guys before heading back down to get some rest back in the odd bed that is still there. Which I didn't seem to mind sleeping on, outside with everyone watching me.

As I fell asleep in the dream, the scene to where it was my brother and I in this tight nit hallway with those old fashion lights that told you it could go out at anytime. My brother and I were running from this girl with a weird object in here hand. But he and I both assume that if we were hit by that thing or caught by her, it was all over. So we kept running through this maze like hallway hoping to find an end in sight somewhere. But soon we kept finding dead ends and we could hear her shoes racing through the solid concrete floor. That's when I pulled out a hero move and told my brother to go on as I fend her off myself. For some reason my brother didn't say, "no I can't do this without you". He had no problem ditching me and ran off in to the dark to where he'll be eaten hopefully. He's a cool person but his dream self is not. I am eventually greeted by her presence as she tries to attack me.

I dodge and made a left hopeing she didn't hear my breathing. She turns and comes toward my direction as I held my back closely to the front door. I could hear here steps coming closer intill I was face to face with this person. I raise my hand up as it was at this time I became lucid. I wanted to shake her hand and we did. I continue to explore the area as it look like an abandon prison station. I would then have a false awakening but soon made myself really wake up.

My father and I were going to a poorely design supermarket to buy some food. As we head there we got thrown in jail with this other one guy for no reason. I manage to except right before the guard shut the door. I am now running and trying to find a place to catch my breath. But as I stop running I see I am in a place that looks like huge yellow and white lego peices and huge pink/red flowers around the entire area. We were still in a building but this look odd in my cases. For some reason even though I knew the guards were gaining on me and I could see there was no where to go as apart of the stairs to go down was blown off.

I just began dancing for about a couple of minutes. That's when I see my father run out and I mistaken it as the guard so I jump down from the upper deck and landed on the flower. I tried to keep my balance on it as it was split in to 6 parts. I look at them as I continue to grip. My father and now brother were watching me. I could feel myself slipping. Suddenly I could feel myself getting lucid. And an idea pop up in my head, I decided to pull the flower back as far as I can with my own weight so it can parachute me rather than trying to not fall off. It would have not work but since I knew it was a dream it did.

I flew up high and landed on another flower and continue to do the same intill I landed next to my father,brother and mother. My father began showing this natural grass landscape that appear infront of his hands. He said while changing the structure of it, that land could become something else. But I can't seem to remember what else he said after that. I could feel my dream body becoming faint. So I knew I was going to wake up now.

I am talking to my cousin and telling her that I am surprise she and my brother are living with me. My brother tells me goodnight and I say night back to him. My cousin demands me to close the door for her, so I decided to just do it and I remember the door being odd to me. Infact the entire place seemed different to me, it look like a japanese traditional place than the actual homes I am familiar with. But I didn't put much thought about it. As continue walking down the hallway while thinking that was rude. I get interrupted by seeing the entire environment change infront my eyes.

I am now inside a car on the backseat and for some reason I couldn't move. There is a man in one of the front seats with a dark grey beanie turnbing his head to look directly at me. I kept trying to move but this weird sensation kept coming over me that felt like it was preventing me from moving. I was lucid at this point but could not do anything. Eventually I just lost awareness due to not focusing.

Fallen asleep at 00:46, woke up at 04:00. Tried WBTB, no lucid results.

Fragment

It was dark, I was sitting on my bed and thinking about methods of lucid dreaming and that it's possible that I'd have one this night.

Dream

It was winter evening, I was in my house. Brother arrived for a short while to take socks out of a drawer and drive back to his house. He asked me if I'm going with him. I accepted and entered the car. We drove to a city, he went out and I was waiting for him in the car, playing something on my phone. After a long while he came back with his wife, they were arguing about something. Brother didn't wanted to go anywhere with me, so he decided to drive me back home. I left his car and we went on foot to car of his wife, where my mother and my friend that just drove back from England were waiting. Suddenly a terrible flu got me, we entered the car and drove away.

I am in a nice house walking upstairs as I see my brother eating while watching television on the floor. He seems to be having a good time as I continue waling up the stairs. In till I had this feeling that someone was planning on breaking in to the house. I could see pass the curtains of the window near the front door of a silhouette of a man walking near the door with a rifle in his hands. I give my brother the danger eye stare and he immediately lock all the doors. I could see people running outside in a panic. My mother and brother both hid somewhere in the house which this place was rather large.

Once I felt everything was secured and lock, I went upstairs only to see my father trying to open the back door. I open the door and tell him to come back another time. I informed him that we are currently having another person break in. He understands and quickly leaves as I try to find my hiding spot. This house is odd, so many stairs leading to different directions and higher levels in the house. After roaming for about 30 seconds I find a spot that seems good enough to hide in. I grabbed all the blankets I could find to cover myself in it to disguise any trace of a human being. I then remained as quiet as I humanely could and made sure my breathing could not be heard.

After 13 minutes go by, I began wondering if he had left the house or if my brother and mom were ok. I eventually fell asleep in the dream and woke up in the same spot. I began taking the blankets off me to my horror the man with the rifle and now a hand gun opens the door. He looks at me and says now I will finally get what I deserve. I rub my eyes and tell him and groggly voice to just hold on. And to think about what he is doing as I try to get to my feet. He tosses the gun at me to my confusion and tells me to stay calm and still. I look at him as I drop the gun to the floor. I got a good chance to see his appearance, he had light redish skin, long yellow hair and was wearing a red suit with a fedora on his head. He also appeared to have elf like ears with blood shot eyes.

He proceeded to grab a match and light something around in the hopes that I would be burned alive. I quickly began to ran out the room. He begins to use one his powers I suppose , his hands started bleeding on command and using his blood who could attempt to control my every movement. I could feel the effects of his ability but for some reason it was not working on me. I continue to go up the stairs as I hear him shouting for my death. I tell him he will be the one to die as the place starts being envelop in flames. I see an elavator but realize that would take too long.

I hear him coming so I take the stairs but only to find it's not stairs but another room. I become lucid and try to enter inside a painting as a good hiding place. It's no good I can't enter inside it. I continue to run as he has finally caught up to me. Releasing several bullets from his hand gun. I held my hand up to try to stop the bullets with dream control. It didn't work, as I knew the moment one the bullets were about to hit me. I woke up.

I am at work talking to someone I am I do not know at my manager office. He leaves and I go check at the beo to see what needs to be done for tommorow. As I am doing so, I am interrupted by my mother who then walks pass me. I'm wondering why she is here intill the person who runs the human resources showed up and ask me how is my head doing. Before I can respond entirely I see she is trying to lift one of the 6ft classroom tables. So I offer to help lift it to her office. It felt way lighter than it should be I thought, but I decided to just go with it. I then enter her office to see my brother and father both sitting down. I attempt to place the table down but the table legs that are meant to hold it were bent for some odd reason. I told the captain human resources that I will come back with a better table. I walk out and notice all the tables were distorted or just plain broken. I lose track of my thoughts and just left the building walking outside on the side walk for a minute or two. Thinking about nothing at all in till it hit me. I felt like I should be doing something but didn't knew what it was. I stood there for a long good second and it hit me. I was suppose to be getting tables , the urge to get a table was too strong to the point where I woke up. But it was truly a false awakening. I look around and got out of my bed. I enter in my bathroom and notice my mirror is reflecting differently then it normally would. I look at my hands and did a nose RC. I knew I am dreaming but lost lucidity fairly quickly .

With my brother and telling him about my friend’s band, listening to them. I tell my friend that they should (re?)name their band Weirguild. I thought about how I had a new apartment to unpack. I wondered if I should go there now, or if it would be better to wait until later.
Suddenly I remembered that I had left my dog at daycare, which was an old apartment I used to live in (#4). I grabbed money but I realize I never saw her enter apartment I just dropped her off in yard. I felt panic rising.

With an old friend (JM) on a bus. She runs thru open bus doors to get out at stop- this seems like a strange thing at the time, like a feat she accomplished. The people on the bus are looking at her in astonishment. It was like she somehow jumped from our bus to the street through another bus into the street again.
We are walking to ? My dog’s vet? We get there and there is a dog that looks like just a head and no legs. He has a tan retro military shirt or hat on. A face that looks almost human. I say he looks like a [military] vet. I know someone who works here.*

Thoughts:
My brother loves music, he also plays some instruments. This particular friend is in a band, and I haven’t talked to him in a long time. Last time we talked he asked me if I had listened to his band yet. (He sent me some links to their music) I felt guilty because I hadn’t. I’ve been phasing this friend out of my life, not because I don’t care for him, but because we had a FWB situation before I met my husband, and my friend admitted feelings for me when I became unavailable. We’ve parted ways in an amiable way, but I don’t think he understands why Ive been ghosting him, even though I have tried to explain it in the past. I said it wouldn’t be fair to my husband, but in reality I felt it would be unfair to my friend to continue being a part of his life if he had feelings he needed to get over.

I went to bed early last night on 3 glasses of wine (yeah I know) and mild depression. I woke up around 2am with memories of a dream where my brother was very angry with me. I have these dreams fairly regularly, where either my brother, my mom, or my husband really seem to hate me and I can't figure out what it is that I have done that has made them feel this way, or to this extreme. I also had memories of being near a black dog -maybe a lab/mastiff mix?- who was viciously defending her puppy from my dog Cayna and I. I was trying to slowly back away and keep my dog from interacting with the angry dog mama, and my fingers were very nearly bitten off several times. When I woke up with these dreams still on hand, I felt too sick and too apathetic to write them down.

I read for about an hour before I laid back down to attempt sleep. WILDs were on my mind, they almost always are in the early morning hours because I've had so many in these circumstances. I usually know I have to lie on my back and remain very still until I feel myself getting sleepy, then the buzzing/synthesizer noises come and then I feel myself push out of my body and float away from the bed. I tossed and turned and slept for minutes at a time until I returned to lying on my back and feeling really sleepy. I heard loud discordant crashing sounds instead of the more usual buzzing/synth sounds. I felt myself rise out of my body, and I floated to my right and up until I was against the wall. Where my face was touching the wall, I could see an Iggy Pop poster hanging there in the darkness. I don't actually have this poster or any poster hanging there, but I didn't think much of this, and I continued to float, but towards the ground at the foot of my bed. My dog's bed is there, and when I landed I saw her; her face slightly distorted like it has been in other lucid dreams, sort of snarling and scared. I tell her it's ok, I'm dreaming. As usual, I worry if I am really at the foot of my bed and talking out loud. I get up and try to fly. It works, and I start wondering around my house. The clarity wasn't the best I've had. My house was dim, somethings were normal, and others weren't. As I approached my front door I thought, 'Wait! I should experiment here. Should I meditate? (I've done this before with strange effects) Then I decided I would try to reinvent the interior of my home, because as I was trying to fall asleep earlier in the night I have visualized a fantastic treehouse/hobbit-hole house in a forest of giant trees. I closed my eyes and told my self that when I opened them, my house would be amazing. It didn't really work. My kitchen had expanded and looked different, but my old rotten house was still mostly there. From here I lost lucidity or my memory of what happened next.

New dream: I was with my Mom and Step-Dad in an upscale department store/hotel. They were trying to exit the store by climbing up some rocks that were part of a display, and I was trying to explain that all they had to do was walk through a couple of hallways back to the hotel and exit from there. They didn't seem convinced, and anyway, had already managed to mostly slip through a crack in the wall to the outside sidewalk above.

Then I was with my brother in McDonalds (!!! I haven't eaten fast food in a long time). We each had our laptops and it seemed like we were having a meeting. I was just going to order some coffee. At first we were trying to squeeze into a booth with 4 other people, and then I noticed all of the other empty booths around and suggested we use one of those. The dream gets even less cohesive here—my brother's wife was there, then we were either at their house or my Mom's. Dialogue happened but I can't remember much of what we talked about. A portion was about Shepherd puppies, and people breeding them, and how one guy had a web-cam on his to help sell them. I was trying to share my knowledge of Shepherds but no one wanted to listen.

Then I was in a car, maybe in the backseat but someone else was definitely driving. My mom and her husband were saying things about me that I found really out-of-touch, like laughing about how I love certain things/celebrities that I haven't been into since i was a teenager. I tried to correct them but they just smiled like they knew better. Then my Dad called. (he passed away last year) He told me Happy Birthday (not my birthday, but maybe I was thinking of Father's Day?) and was his usual excited and goofy self. He also joked about me liking a certain celebrity and things I used to like when I was a teenager. I turned to the woman driving, who I could now see (and I seemed to be in the front passenger seat now) and I knew she was my dad's girlfriend(dream only, not IRL). I tried to tell her that I wasn't the same person they thought I was, and she seemed to pay more attention, but still didn't really believe me.

Last, I was walking and talking to a vague someone and explaining to them how it seems that I must come off as stupid to everyone because it seems like everyone treats me that way. The look on their face told me that they also thought I was stupid, but was trying to placate me.

Thoughts:
I gave a lot of exposition throughout, so there isn't much extra to add. I think I have self esteem issues, anxiety, and guilt over not seeing my family much nor feeling very connected to them.

5.2.16

Night shift today and tomorrow. Took a 2 hr nap around noon, then slept about 4 hrs from 6:20-10:20pm.

Nap:
I'm at work and T, the manager from another store is there. there is a problem with a hose and he tells me to get the plastic end from an older hose to fix this one.

Bunch of "tourists" are riding on our carts.

Sleep:
My brother with his family is visiting my mom's place. She just got a new place, where I have my own room when I visit, my brother and his family have their own room and my mom and dad have theirs as well.

It's a big place, long hallways between rooms. Strange thing is that the house continues into public space and there is a lobby type of a place with tunnel that's Metro entrance. I look inside and people are allowed to only enter from that side, so no strangers are able to come up from the Metro to the house. But I still find it not safe and there is bunch of strange pedestrians walking around.

I just woke up, getting some snacks and I'm going to see if they are awake. My brothers son is up and I see him through door being ajar so I enter and I see my mom waking up as well.

I get an idea that I should go and live with her. Get a bigger place together from my rent money I pay now and we would still have some leftover from rent and we would save money.

Dream
I was playing a ball game with a bunch of people who are the same age as me, plus a couple teachers too. It was day time in my old primary school, though it seemed a little like a university and that fields were bigger. The ball game was a little odd, you basically grabbed a bunch of balls and you have a goal on each side (like soccer) but your way of scoring was usually dependent on your 'stats'. The stats were generic DnD style, str, dex, con, int, wis, cha. I think my brother or maybe a friend was playing too, and he had a very high strength stat so he would always punch the ball to score. Apparently this was the meta, but I had exceptionally high dex (like 18+ or something) so I was a kicker. There were 3 fields we played on, the first field I remember grabbing 6 balls and it was intense because there's a lot of balls to attack with and defend from. We migrated to the second field and this time I grabbed 5 balls for the game, it was still pretty intense. I remember my brother punching the ball and scoring, the power from it was intense. Eventually we migrated to the third field as school finished or something. The sun was setting a little bit, it was still bright out but the sky had an orange tinge. The amount of balls in this game wasn't really clear until later. I remember zipping about, I had the ball and was dribbling like a pro soccer player. At one point I think I'm vsing my brother and I just completely bypass him with a flip and some incredible dexterous foot maneuvers. I think I score a point, everyone is a little surprised at how effective my high dexterity stat was. I go to get the ball from the goal post, I scoop up 5 balls, they're all baseballs. 1 of them is 1/3 the size of the other normal ones, I thought this was weird. I wake up after that.

I just awoke from a bizarre dream. I went to DFW airport in a matter of seconds, then was on a connecting flight to Germany (which was instant), and then I was in Germany, however I don't know which city. I was then at a rather large house and my dad was with me. I was attempting to have a nice lady assist me with my passport or visa, and for some reason she couldn't help me without my brothers help. My brother lives in Dallas, TX and it was something like 3am when I called him and told him the situation. Well, next thing I know, my brother and my mother were at the house in Germany. After all of that effort, I had just missed the passport/visa lady because she had left. I remember feeling angry at the lack of communication. However the anger subsided and I remember the four of us walking towards a beautiful sunset or sunrise and we all felt happy. Dreams are so weird.