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Morning of May 8, 2017. Monday.



Once again, my life status changes upon becoming unconscious and I am perhaps implied to be around fourteen years of age. The dynamics of my memory are different as always. This combination of dream state amnesia and the total loss of critical thinking skills and any hint of intellect is typical of non-lucid dreams.

I am in the Cubitis living room and I believe it is nighttime. My mother (deceased in 2002) is alive and well. My father (deceased in 1979) is also alive but not present at first. Over time, I hear what may be shotgun blasts in the distance, perhaps somewhere in the cow pasture to the east. There are additional similar sounds, not quite identifiable. I do not have that much concern. (I was not able to validate if real sounds in the environment, such as car doors slamming, were responsible for this segment, but it seems likely.)

I grasp the doorknob of the front door. My sense of touch is greatly enhanced. I twist it to make sure it is locked. Later however, I realize that my father is coming home at some point, so I unlock the door, making sure the doorknob turns all the way around. I even open the door slightly and close it again.

I go into my room and look out the north windows. My father is sleeping in the back seat of a car, his head to the north. I am somewhat puzzled and I do not know how long the car had been there. (As my father represents my conscious self identity in certain cases now that I am older, this simply represents the fact that I am actually asleep.)

I go through the back door and into the area of what would be the square concrete platform and the side yard at the south (and the utility room to the east), except that it seems like some sort of open porch with a lot of random furniture stored. It seems morning now even though it was night just moments before.

A neighbor drives into their driveway. Only Don M is present. He gets out of his car and comes over, saying, “My man!” as a friendly gesture. However, he then gives me an odd look and starts to move a desk out of my family’s fictional storage area as if we are not supposed to have it. For a time, he drags it upside-down from one end. I help him for a short time. (In reality, they had given us some furniture in 1973, including a pale teal-colored desk that I kept the largest dream work notebook binder volumes in, as it had a bookcase on the left side. Apparently, perfume had spilled all over it and they no longer wanted it, plus the drawer was missing. The smell did not wear off for a long time.)

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This dream type is in great contrast to other dream types (and as such, has its own associated mood), mainly being a subliminal reminder that I am sleeping as well as being a “denial review”. That is, my dreams often reveal what I am not (when awake as my conscious self) rather than what I am. (For example, when awake I am…not asleep, not in the “back seat”, not living in Cubitis, not with my parents, not involved with Don M’s daughter, not having furniture taken from me, not a teenager, and so on.) All the characters here (other then my dream self) are deceased in reality.

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It started with me waking up from my bed. The blue sky is dim as if it will turn night soon. I look around and see a phone, however I assume it is my brother instead of mine. I hear words and people as I put my head back down to the pillows below. I think of my mother and father and offcially get out of bed to greet them. As I am out and about, I see my mother reorganizing the refrigerator. Talking with my father about outside stuff, things I didn't care to pay much attention to. I walk over to get something to drink, to where my father addressed to how I've messed up on something. I can no longer remember what it was about.

But when I heard it I became agitated and eventually slam my fist on the counter. My mother said "looks like he is at it again" As my father simply sigh in a gesture to say this wasn't the first time I acted out. Looks like I'm a hot head in this one I thought to myself. That is when my brother came down stairs from the shadowy corners. He and I greeted each other but then walk off and for an unknown reason both I and my parents had a desire to follow him. We did which led us to a holographic image appearing infront us like some future tec stuff. It showed my brother bashing a flower set up in anger.

We continue to watch and then I came in to the picture, I look a bit younger and so did my brother. My brother had stormed out somewhere and my younger self followed. I and my parents along with my brother both followed as well. I came close to the younger me and touch his clothes. That's when he became even younger and my holo brother was looking to fight. That's when my lucidity began, my parents did not know what was happening. I told them this is a vision my brother is having. I told my brother to hurry up and complete this so we can all wake up.

My borther look at me and gave me the ok face. He and I both walk up to the card that we knew would be the exit. My brother read of the bar code which should release us. As he had done so I began to feel faint and very light. After that I had awoken to where my lucidity was no more. My family and I all appeared to be in the mouth of a serpant dragon. The monster then spit us all out except for this one guy with torn up clothes and long blonde hair. I could sense his intentions were to stay with it for I don't know. After this happened I had awaken again, but chose to not open my eyes. Instead I use my loud neighbors as an advantage.

I knew I would wake up like this sooner or later. Instead of lying there thinking about how much I hate them. I'll use them for a skill I never was very good at. With not much effort, I lay there and ponder what trigger thought should be the one to shoot me in to a dream. That's when I could feel myself needing to use the restroom slightly. Ah, that's a good thought to use as it has a feeling as well. Before I knew it, I had enter a dream and was using the restroom. It work with my eyes shock, hoping that I wasn't actually wetting myself. But I doubt it as the liquid look to fake round like. Before I could look around a lot, I had woken up again due to another disturbance from the waking world.

I was in my house. I entered parent's bedroom for some reason and saw my father in chains as if he was locked in a dungeon. The chains had control over him, making him aggressive. I immediately rushed to free him, breaking the chains. There were three chains and with breaking each one of them, a fingernail from my father's finger was torn. I finally managed to free him. Then I found myself in school, just before an exam starts. Curiously my father was taking an exam too, though it was different. I can't recall much from my exam sheets, but I remember father asking me about some other countries and details about them, even stuff like coal mines.

Ritual: WTB 2am, woke up after a couple hours and strapped on the Motivaider, timed for 30m intervals. I woke up again after what I thought must be at least an hour and hadn't felt any vibrations. I decided that my awareness was not sufficient tonight to continue, removed the device, and went back to sleep. But apparently this process created an anchor for the idea of lucidity, because in my next sleep interval I became aware of lying in that intermediate state between sleeping and waking and went through the motions of getting up into a WILD. However, in retrospect it is clear that I was already dreaming at the start of this experience, so it was not a genuine WILD but a dreamed WILD (hence DWILD). It was 5:45am when I woke from the dream.

DWILD, "Another rainbow": I am lying on the flat surface of a wooden table as though it were a bed in a large, strange room with a distant, domed ceiling. I feel groggily half-asleep, but notice the distinctive sensations in my body that make me wonder if I'm close to the dream state. I start playing with it as I would when inducing a WILD, attempting to roll and rotate my body while avoiding real physical movement. When I find myself face down and succeed in getting up on my hands and knees, I'm sure that I'm sufficiently integrated with my dream body to get off the table and explore the dream—and given that in retrospect I know was dreaming all along, it is apparent that the sense of difficulty that I experience as I carefully maneuver myself into a standing position, similar to what I experience in real WILDs, must be wholly a mental fabrication.

My awareness is still low and initially lacking in agency, so I go along with the dream narrative for a while. The space in which I find myself is strange and hard to describe. There's a kind of reflective dome above me that rotates and shifts to reflect different parts of an upper floor or balcony. The dome moves until it is showing a distorted reflection of what looks like an early twentieth-century radio, one of the elegant ones in a large wooden cabinet. I am aware that seated up by the radio there is an older man who owns this place, and I am his guest. After this is a scene in which someone tells my brother that if he wants to get along with this man then he should take up shortwave radio as a hobby.

Then a bunch of us are seated at a long table for a dinner party. [Source: Order of the Phoenix was on TV last night, and it has a number of scenes with people seated at long tables.] Plates are served and they all contain huge sandwiches. The older man that I saw in the balcony earlier is picking disinterestedly at his sandwich and asks where the other food is, the stuff that had been simmering in the crockpot. My brother, who had put together the food, says that it will be coming up as the next course. I'm seated directly across from the older man, who I think of as our "host," and can tell from his expression he doesn't want to eat the sandwich. I decide to be helpful and comment loudly: "That's a huge sandwich! I couldn't eat all that even for one meal." Although this is true, my intention in speaking was to save face for the other man by legitimizing the option of leaving the sandwich uneaten while waiting for the next course.

After the sandwich course, we take a break from the meal and everyone who was at the table, about a dozen people in all, are standing in another room. The host is there, and a bunch of vague random people I don't recognize, as well as DC versions of my brother, mom, and dad. For some reason, maybe because of the lull in the narrative, I finally remember my intended task, the leprechaun TOTY, as well as how I had planned to accomplish it. My chief difficulty in previous attempts had been that once I managed to create the necessary rainbow, I got thwarted in my attempts to seek the end of it. As I had earlier been pondering this difficulty, a straightforward solution, perfectly obvious in retrospect, finally occurred to me: why not create the rainbow such that it ends right in front of where I'm standing?

"Okay everyone, we're going to play a game, kind of like a party game." I smile at the host and add, "It'll give you time to digest before the next course." I reach out and pat his belly, an oddly familiar gesture given that the DC did not scan as anyone I know in WL. [Possible source: yesterday I was doing research related to Budai, the so-called "Laughing Buddha," and rubbing his belly is a recognized ritual gesture. But the DC did not in any other respect remind me of Budai.] I complete my announcement by telling the group: "We're going to make a rainbow!"

The room we are in is walled entirely with glass on two sides, like a skyscraper, and I recognize that this clear view of the sky will be helpful for the task. I'm slightly more concerned about the fact that we're three or four storeys up, which means that if the rainbow ends here and I start digging through the floor, I won't actually be digging in solid ground. I remind myself that it is silly to maintain these kind waking life assumptions in the dream state. It can be solid ground if it wants to be, or maybe I can find the leprechaun in the room below us. Dream is nothing but malleable, so I really don't need to be this finicky.

I continue with my instructions to the group: "What we need to do is hold hands and create the end of the rainbow right here." I gesture to indicate the patch of floor in middle of our circle of people. "Then we'll go through, fight the leprechaun, and take his gold." I look around to gauge the response and decide the DCs need a little more incentive. "We can split the money," I add, and am pleased to see that this perks up their interest.

We join hands around a large circle. I feel that my shirt cuffs are too long and and getting in the way, so I have to break off and fold them up in order to get proper skin contact with the people around me. Once again I wonder if I'm being too finicky. Probably. Even the hand-holding seems like overkill, but I thought it might help us join our focus on the same goal.

My assumption had been that the assistance of the DCs would help my own confidence and focus on the task. This idea was probably based on my last rainbow-making dream, when I really did feel like I benefited from the help volunteered by the little girl. But this group of DCs is not helping at all. Like typical adults in a social setting, they are only marginally interested in my unusual party game. While I'm trying to concentrate on making a rainbow, the others are getting distracted and starting to chit-chat among themselves. This is distracting me in turn.

"Quiet!" I rebuke them sharply. "No talking, please. I need you to concentrate. Focus your intention." I figure they could use a reminder of the goal of our task: "We're going to create a rainbow"

Periodically I've been glancing out the windows to see if a rainbow is visible in the sky yet. This time I notice that the weather has changed. The sky is grey and a steady rain is now pouring down. Rain, well, that's halfway to a rainbow, isn't it? I let myself be encouraged that the environment is showing some response.

I continue attempting to focus, and the DCs continue to stand around without helping much. They're quieter after my reprimand but still distracted, and I have the impression that they don't seem to know how to focus their intentions properly. This is exasperating. What good are dream characters who don't even know how to interact with a dream? My mom starts speaking and I almost raise my hand to swat at her, irritated by yet another interruption, until I realize that what she's saying might actually be helpful. She is commenting on the light, how it needs to filter through the water particles a certain way to create a rainbow.

I had never intended to create a rainbow with meteorological accuracy, but hey, since it's already raining outside, we might as well give it a shot. If we can just get the right sort of light, it might encourage our expectations in a way that will make this easier. You know how when it rains and then you see the light break through the clouds, and you wonder if you will see a rainbow? That's the expeirence I was now trying to recreate. I look out the window and sure enough, in one direction bright sunlight is now alternating with the dark clouds. Very well, the rainbow can come from that direction.

Once again I concentrate, reminding myself that rainbows consist of light broken into the spectrum of colors. I think I almost see them in front of me, faint and translucent, but I can't tell if I'm only imagining them until the DCs all break out into "oohs" and "ahs," and saying things like "amazing!" I smile triumphantly, amused that everyone is acting so impressed after their earlier disengagement.

(While it seems odd to make the above distinction between something that "happens" in a dream and something I'm "only imagining," given the many times I have attempted to complete some task by imagining the outcome and it has not tangibly manifested in the dream, some such distinction seems warranted, if much less clear and stark than the difference between imagining and experiencing in waking life.)

It is a bit odd to try to look at a rainbow head on, from immediate proximity, but I do see a faint shimmering band extending from the lit quarter of the clouds to the floor right in front of my feet. I remind everyone that creating the rainbow was only the first step. "Now we have to dig through the floor." I start scrabbling at the smooth wooden boards, trying to imagine that the floor is soft and that my hands can scoop it up like clay. I feel everyone watching (no one else is trying to help) and their expressions are dubious. If merely creating a rainbow surprised them, imagine the skepticism they must feel watching me try to break through solid floor with my hands! I wonder if I can better align the expectations of the onlookers if I use some sort of tool to dig with, but I can't think of what might be handy.

This time it is my dad who speaks up with some advice: "The location of the floor isn't localized on the floor." I don't understand what he's trying to tell me, and I don't have long to think about it because I feel myself waking. I lose the dream and lay still for a few minutes, feeling to see if I can DEILD, but no, my body is fully awake now.

I went to sleep at about 4am. Emi came to sleep home with Eri and they talked to about that hour. Im writing a day later, so... i don't remember very well the dreams. I will highlight what i remember well. The other things are things i wrote in my DJ.

- I dream being in a forest or somewhere spatious (meaning no buildings. Also could have been a town). I was with my father and (my deceased (2 years)) dog in a car. My father went there to leave the dog free. He said to me that that was the idea. [Interpretation: why to let him free? He was bothersome, but we wouldn't let him free for that, never. Once my father let go a dog because it had bited my sister when she was little. But even then he regreted it. However the reason why we let him go (i didn't know until the last moment) was because an animal should be free. Yesterday when i was walking i saw some caged birds and thought about this. I remember that i had a bird, and my sister one day dropped the cage and he was free. I was upset because it was given to me as a gift, but at the same time i was happy because he was free. That kind of thought i had when my father said to me in this dream he wanted to set free the dog. Also he not only gives freedom to the dog, but also to himself. (The main drawback would be where he would get food from... but i thought he would learn, and he would feel good not to feel imprisioned. Probably not at first, but after some time yes.)] My father was wearing the same tshirt i was wearing that day. I didn't interpret that as dream sign, so it remained as non-lucid.

I got up went to bathroom, and went back to bed. Then woke up at 12:

I was on a building and went outside to the streets. There was like a revolution going on. I was walking and my younger sister walked besides me. Then i saw Mike, the librarian, he wanted to vaccinate me. He was acting like ... if he was vaccinated and goodbye mike and welcome alien or something like that (like one would see in a movie). So he was about to stitch me with the syringe but i said not a chance in earth. I grabbed his arm and hand and pointed the syringe to his other hand. Then it made contact with his skin and i pressed down. I didn't feel good doing that, or having that reaction (it's like killing someone for defending oneself. One could react like that, but it probably won't feel emotionally good afterwards. The same with this case). But even though i did that i knew i wasn't going to escape because there were so many people already vaccinated, and they would try to vaccinate others, and these others were few (the only chance would be to escape, flying or something like that, or...). I saw my grandmother right next to mike, and while i was doing that she stitched me with a syringe and said to Mike "it's done". (Why people do that? I thought. They think they do something good while they are not.) Anyways i wasn't vaxxinated, just a stitch with the syringe, which even that would do. So i kept walking with them, and i explained my sister that i didn't want to because the vaccines have blood, poison and things like that. Then i focused on myself, that i would have to be aware of the whole process, since i could transform or whatever but still be in charge. However i didn't feel any changes, and i thought that there was a probability for me to be immune.

My father and I were going to a poorely design supermarket to buy some food. As we head there we got thrown in jail with this other one guy for no reason. I manage to except right before the guard shut the door. I am now running and trying to find a place to catch my breath. But as I stop running I see I am in a place that looks like huge yellow and white lego peices and huge pink/red flowers around the entire area. We were still in a building but this look odd in my cases. For some reason even though I knew the guards were gaining on me and I could see there was no where to go as apart of the stairs to go down was blown off.

I just began dancing for about a couple of minutes. That's when I see my father run out and I mistaken it as the guard so I jump down from the upper deck and landed on the flower. I tried to keep my balance on it as it was split in to 6 parts. I look at them as I continue to grip. My father and now brother were watching me. I could feel myself slipping. Suddenly I could feel myself getting lucid. And an idea pop up in my head, I decided to pull the flower back as far as I can with my own weight so it can parachute me rather than trying to not fall off. It would have not work but since I knew it was a dream it did.

I flew up high and landed on another flower and continue to do the same intill I landed next to my father,brother and mother. My father began showing this natural grass landscape that appear infront of his hands. He said while changing the structure of it, that land could become something else. But I can't seem to remember what else he said after that. I could feel my dream body becoming faint. So I knew I was going to wake up now.

D1 - I am way out in the ocean and inorder to be safe I have to get inside a small submersible. I have to get inside via a small opening that is part filled with water, so I have to squeeze under the water and come up inside the submarine.

D2 - At my parents house I am in their back garden at night. I can't really figure how I was not lucid I was puzzling to myself in the dream, saying "I haven't had a dream involving the end of their garden in ages" then I was non-lucid walking back to their house in the rain. Inside they were sitting down to eat even though the roof was leaking everywhere. My dad said they were waiting for the roof to cave in so they could claim on the insurance for a new roof. The roof did start to fall in. A repair man came and was up on the roof, he then started running about and put his foot through Oo.
I used my powers to make a glass umbrella for my mum, then a round glass chair with a dome, so she wouldn't get wet?!

[comment]
I have been trying to resolve issues from childhood about my dad. So I am interested that it was only my mother I was trying to protect, from?? the water signifying emotions.
Glass usual is symbolic of me not being able to hide my emotions.

I was in some classroom. I was holding an assault rifle, there was a shootout within students, and some kind of ranks on how much has been killed. I was sneaking around, some students at s lesson. When I was about to shoot, the door to classroom opened and my father appeared. He was wearing only trousers and in one hand holding a shirt, in other a loaf of bread.

Trying to form new habits. First start developing an habit on meditation: zazen and theravada meditation. After this is established i will try to keep mindfulness for the rest of the day (everyday), which will be supported by ADA and self-awareness. I will take this as seriously as i can.

I dreamt many events last night, so i will post the fragments here:

• My mother throws flour on me. We weren't at home, but at a place we were staying... It was uncertain for how long, and the place wasn't ours.
• I go to the bathrooms to take a shower. It was a big room (I think it was located where the primary bathrooms of my college were). There were toilet boxes in the wall in front of the door. To the left side of the door there were like 4 sinks. Some steps more and there was like an empty space in the middle where all the showers were together (like 6) [For description: it was like the gas rooms of WWII where german prisioners walked in for a "collective shower", but this was a shower for real...]. There was nobody in the showers so i decided i would take one myself, but i notice that it was reserved by Obama. After realizing this i see him, fully dressed. I realize that he was on Argentina, and on this school, but i wasn't surprised or anything. I start seeing that more people come in the bathroom, some going to the toilets, some going to the sinks, so i decide that i do not need a shower anymore and i go outside.
• Outside the bathroom there was an event going on, like a festival. The lights shut down and everything is dark. I stay for a while without seeing until some lights come again. I see some kids climbing in some desks, away of this event, so i go to help them. A girl was having trouble to come down, so i hold the desk and the chair and i tell her to climb on me. She nervously did and was safe.
• After that i dreamt something else that is not connected to the previous dreams. I was in a jail, not inside a cell, but where police officers should be. Well, there was no police apparently, many dangerous guys on cells and one drunk bald guy coming in and out of the cells. He had a beer glass and every time it ran out of beer he went in the cells to refill it. He asked me if i wanted to drink, of course i said no (it was home made alcohol..., and who knows what it had inside, besides i didn't want to drink any alcohol at all). After the third, fourth drink he started puring the drink in my head, since he was standing and i was lying on the floor. I wanted to do something about it, but at the same time i thought that he could easily open the cells and all the others would come out and that wouldn't be good (although there was an axe in the floor, beside the drunk man. He looked like Flea of RHCP). However i think i questioned why i couldn't get out of that place (i was waiting for the guy in charge there, so when he leaves i would go with him, but i questioned why i had to do that).
• Then i dream about the future and my family. Apparently the economic measures of this country aren't doing any good to the economics of the members of my family, so each time they are poorer. I dreamt something that supposedly happens about 6 months or a year from now. My aunt from my mother has no electricity on her house anymore, she can't pay the bills anymore and apparently she will loose her house. She barely has anything to eat because there's no work. However we were reunited with the rest of my mom's family, and we were enjoying the moment. My grandfather gave me some pens (blue and green), we were standing on a roof and the place was wide. We could have jumped through roofs (i think there was a big tree with vines, that's why the place felt wide).
• Then i find myself experimenting in a swamp. I had like 2 repelents on water, which repeled some monsters. Those monsters were like dolphins with heads of human and teeth of sharks. If those things caught you, you definitely were dead. But i was on water, proximate to 2 of them, and they couldn't touch me, because of this "net" that repelled them. A group came by with my father in it and i think i showed this to them. First i showed the monsters, and they showed how dangerous they were, and then i showed this device. After that we caught one of these monsters and we chop its head off (it was cruel but that's the decision we took as a group (very stupid to take decisions as groups)). Anyhow she was still alive and with those fierce teeth. Somehow the repellent blanket gets moved, my father didn't notice this and he stomps right on her mouth. Of course the blonde monster head ate his foot. He was asking me to come back, like coming back in time, to the part we were in the swamp. I checked if i could do this and i asked a partner there if he could, but both couldn't. There were 2 options. Going back in time (i was trying CTRL + Z, but i didn't have the keys... i should get away from PC for a while), or deal with this, accept it and start moving on. (This things happens, and even though one doesn't like it, it is of no use to regret or lament, so i try not to from the very beginning).
• Then i was left with the head alone for a while, while the group did other things. Of course i was watching it, and i noticed that it was coming to me (like rolling down). So i grabbed it by the hair and i throwed it up where it belonged again. It didn't stay, it came down again to me, so i grabbed it again and throwed it again. It did the same, but at this time i was already angry. Angry and cruel apparently, because i grabbed the head and started hitting it in the wall. After i was done i throwed it where it belonged and it stayed there, but i think the monster was dead by now...

Review:

I liked the part where i just met Obama and didn't care at all, and walked outside that place which was of no use to me anymore.
I liked the part where i helped the little girl.
I would have liked to question myself about the situation a little more, to avoid uncomfortable situations. Also i would like to develop more the skill of observation.
I didn't like the group decisions. Probably it was because my father was there, but since im old enough now i have to take leadership on myself. I will start to be more responsible for myself.
I didn't like the cruelty of chopping of the head of that swamp monster. It doens't matter if it is evil or not, i don't have any right for doing that, and if i do it is a false right since kamma doesn't work that way. I recognize i was cruel, so if i acted cruel something related to that will come up as result.
I didn't like the moment of perplexity where i saw my father lost his foot. Either i accept it or i do something about it, but at that moment i was stiff.
I didnt like the anger and cruelty that i took on that head. I acted based on that qualities of the mind, and i felt like no control. I should have felt with control, and i had discernment i probably could have stopped, but i didn't. I hope to diminish anger, erradicate cruelty, be mindful even in moments i forget, and develop discernment (with observance and questioning).

Other:

I was navigating through internet, looking for an avatar image. I saw an image on a geiser i had on site before and i decided to change it. I thought about looking for something related to fire, because of Zodiac (although i don't believe on it). However a couple days before (30th July) we talked about how "Ofiuco" changed the signs. So I recalled i was actually Piscis (water) instead of Aries (fire). And i realized that although i like fire i probably feel more at ease with water. So i looked for Piscis and in the images i saw, i saw sirens (the monsters of the swamp were actually sirens, but there were male as well and neither gender were beautiful). After seeing this i decided to write down the dreams of last night.

I am in a nice house walking upstairs as I see my brother eating while watching television on the floor. He seems to be having a good time as I continue waling up the stairs. In till I had this feeling that someone was planning on breaking in to the house. I could see pass the curtains of the window near the front door of a silhouette of a man walking near the door with a rifle in his hands. I give my brother the danger eye stare and he immediately lock all the doors. I could see people running outside in a panic. My mother and brother both hid somewhere in the house which this place was rather large.

Once I felt everything was secured and lock, I went upstairs only to see my father trying to open the back door. I open the door and tell him to come back another time. I informed him that we are currently having another person break in. He understands and quickly leaves as I try to find my hiding spot. This house is odd, so many stairs leading to different directions and higher levels in the house. After roaming for about 30 seconds I find a spot that seems good enough to hide in. I grabbed all the blankets I could find to cover myself in it to disguise any trace of a human being. I then remained as quiet as I humanely could and made sure my breathing could not be heard.

After 13 minutes go by, I began wondering if he had left the house or if my brother and mom were ok. I eventually fell asleep in the dream and woke up in the same spot. I began taking the blankets off me to my horror the man with the rifle and now a hand gun opens the door. He looks at me and says now I will finally get what I deserve. I rub my eyes and tell him and groggly voice to just hold on. And to think about what he is doing as I try to get to my feet. He tosses the gun at me to my confusion and tells me to stay calm and still. I look at him as I drop the gun to the floor. I got a good chance to see his appearance, he had light redish skin, long yellow hair and was wearing a red suit with a fedora on his head. He also appeared to have elf like ears with blood shot eyes.

He proceeded to grab a match and light something around in the hopes that I would be burned alive. I quickly began to ran out the room. He begins to use one his powers I suppose , his hands started bleeding on command and using his blood who could attempt to control my every movement. I could feel the effects of his ability but for some reason it was not working on me. I continue to go up the stairs as I hear him shouting for my death. I tell him he will be the one to die as the place starts being envelop in flames. I see an elavator but realize that would take too long.

I hear him coming so I take the stairs but only to find it's not stairs but another room. I become lucid and try to enter inside a painting as a good hiding place. It's no good I can't enter inside it. I continue to run as he has finally caught up to me. Releasing several bullets from his hand gun. I held my hand up to try to stop the bullets with dream control. It didn't work, as I knew the moment one the bullets were about to hit me. I woke up.

At school a child came up to me and hugged me. They would not let go. Then along came a social worker and told me I had been chosen as a substitute father, as the child's father had had a breakdown.
I went to the child's house and found that the father had made a few mistakes that had attracted the attention of the authorities.
The house looked pristine, and much nicer than mine, lol. It was open plan, with a white kitchen table with some photocopied notes on it. The father had apparently stapled they're lesson plans to the child's homework (they were also a teacher Oo).
It all started getting really weird and I got freaked out after that, feeling obviously I shouldn't be there and wtf would this happen to me also.

Spoiler for Substitute husband:

Wife came home and it all get way out of hand. It appeared I was taking on the role in more ways than one. She started giving me a blowjob, right there in the kitchen. It was all very wrong Oo.
Then the social worker comes through the door, and we scrabble to clean up. LMAO.

I am at work talking to someone I am I do not know at my manager office. He leaves and I go check at the beo to see what needs to be done for tommorow. As I am doing so, I am interrupted by my mother who then walks pass me. I'm wondering why she is here intill the person who runs the human resources showed up and ask me how is my head doing. Before I can respond entirely I see she is trying to lift one of the 6ft classroom tables. So I offer to help lift it to her office. It felt way lighter than it should be I thought, but I decided to just go with it. I then enter her office to see my brother and father both sitting down. I attempt to place the table down but the table legs that are meant to hold it were bent for some odd reason. I told the captain human resources that I will come back with a better table. I walk out and notice all the tables were distorted or just plain broken. I lose track of my thoughts and just left the building walking outside on the side walk for a minute or two. Thinking about nothing at all in till it hit me. I felt like I should be doing something but didn't knew what it was. I stood there for a long good second and it hit me. I was suppose to be getting tables , the urge to get a table was too strong to the point where I woke up. But it was truly a false awakening. I look around and got out of my bed. I enter in my bathroom and notice my mirror is reflecting differently then it normally would. I look at my hands and did a nose RC. I knew I am dreaming but lost lucidity fairly quickly .

I was working on [something?]My mother wanted me to help some woman clean houses in WA state.
I could see a field near the ocean, with a series of identical 2 story brick homes facing the beach.
My right shoulder hurt. Someone suggested selling my shoulder muscles as implants, because people did that apparently. I looked at my hand and my fingers were dirty.

I woke up sleeping on my right side in a weird position and my shoulder hurt. Fell back to sleep after reading for a while.

I was traveling with my mom, dad and little brother- my brother was only 5-6 years old and my parents were young. We stopped at a brick apartment/hotel. We were only supposed to be traveling for 1-2 nights so I didn’t bring a change of clothes, only a couple of different shirts. We had dropped off our things at the hotel and I was trying to barricade my dog inside so she could see out of the window but not get out or destroy anything. My dad wondered if the lady managing the apartment was trustworthy. She looked like an old boss of mine. I was at the car but decided to go back inside to grab a sweater or something. I encountered the manager opening the door to our room or the house as I was trying to, and I wondered briefly if my dad was right to suspect her, but she seemed nice so I didn’t worry too much. I think I decided to grab my dog and bring her with us.

I briefly remember being in a car with an old schoolmate, someone I haven’t thought about much at all in many years. Weird.

My dad was driving, it was very dark out, and he didn’t have the headlights on. I was in the backset with my brother, mom was in the passenger seat. I screamed, ‘I can’t see!’ and my dad turned on the headlights just in time for us to see he was veering off a bridge/cliff. He almost corrected it, but the back end of the car had fallen off and dangled for a moment before tipping. We were falling but we couldn’t see what was below us. I had hope it wouldn’t be far, but the longer we fell, I realized we would all probably die. I held my mom’s hand with my right hand but I could only see the hint of her blonde hair in the darkness, and I held my little brother’s with my left hand, I told them I loved them and tried to stay calm. I woke up.

Another fragment—
I asked my dad where my dog was. Then I saw a car parked in the middle of the road ahead of us.
It was daylight, sunny. I saw my dog jump out of the car, wearing a red harness-type device. It was mesh and covered much of her abdomen, and one of her hind legs were stuck in it, so she couldn’t run or walk properly. I ran to save her, but she kept running from me. I finally grabbed her and my dad intervened and was rough with her, pushing her in the face. She bit in in defense, and it was bad. I felt very angry with my dad for treating my dog so violently. I yelled that she had never bitten anyone before and it was his fault. I worried he would tell and she would be quarantined or taken away from me. My dad looked upset, but stoic too. I eventually asked him he was ok. The bite was on his thumb and it looked deep.

Thoughts:
This all seems pretty straightforward, I didn’t feel safe with my dad. He also treated animals rather callously, although he did love them. As far as the first dream of my mom wanting me to clean houses—maybe I feel like my mom wishes I were more conventional and responsible.

I went to bed early last night on 3 glasses of wine (yeah I know) and mild depression. I woke up around 2am with memories of a dream where my brother was very angry with me. I have these dreams fairly regularly, where either my brother, my mom, or my husband really seem to hate me and I can't figure out what it is that I have done that has made them feel this way, or to this extreme. I also had memories of being near a black dog -maybe a lab/mastiff mix?- who was viciously defending her puppy from my dog Cayna and I. I was trying to slowly back away and keep my dog from interacting with the angry dog mama, and my fingers were very nearly bitten off several times. When I woke up with these dreams still on hand, I felt too sick and too apathetic to write them down.

I read for about an hour before I laid back down to attempt sleep. WILDs were on my mind, they almost always are in the early morning hours because I've had so many in these circumstances. I usually know I have to lie on my back and remain very still until I feel myself getting sleepy, then the buzzing/synthesizer noises come and then I feel myself push out of my body and float away from the bed. I tossed and turned and slept for minutes at a time until I returned to lying on my back and feeling really sleepy. I heard loud discordant crashing sounds instead of the more usual buzzing/synth sounds. I felt myself rise out of my body, and I floated to my right and up until I was against the wall. Where my face was touching the wall, I could see an Iggy Pop poster hanging there in the darkness. I don't actually have this poster or any poster hanging there, but I didn't think much of this, and I continued to float, but towards the ground at the foot of my bed. My dog's bed is there, and when I landed I saw her; her face slightly distorted like it has been in other lucid dreams, sort of snarling and scared. I tell her it's ok, I'm dreaming. As usual, I worry if I am really at the foot of my bed and talking out loud. I get up and try to fly. It works, and I start wondering around my house. The clarity wasn't the best I've had. My house was dim, somethings were normal, and others weren't. As I approached my front door I thought, 'Wait! I should experiment here. Should I meditate? (I've done this before with strange effects) Then I decided I would try to reinvent the interior of my home, because as I was trying to fall asleep earlier in the night I have visualized a fantastic treehouse/hobbit-hole house in a forest of giant trees. I closed my eyes and told my self that when I opened them, my house would be amazing. It didn't really work. My kitchen had expanded and looked different, but my old rotten house was still mostly there. From here I lost lucidity or my memory of what happened next.

New dream: I was with my Mom and Step-Dad in an upscale department store/hotel. They were trying to exit the store by climbing up some rocks that were part of a display, and I was trying to explain that all they had to do was walk through a couple of hallways back to the hotel and exit from there. They didn't seem convinced, and anyway, had already managed to mostly slip through a crack in the wall to the outside sidewalk above.

Then I was with my brother in McDonalds (!!! I haven't eaten fast food in a long time). We each had our laptops and it seemed like we were having a meeting. I was just going to order some coffee. At first we were trying to squeeze into a booth with 4 other people, and then I noticed all of the other empty booths around and suggested we use one of those. The dream gets even less cohesive here—my brother's wife was there, then we were either at their house or my Mom's. Dialogue happened but I can't remember much of what we talked about. A portion was about Shepherd puppies, and people breeding them, and how one guy had a web-cam on his to help sell them. I was trying to share my knowledge of Shepherds but no one wanted to listen.

Then I was in a car, maybe in the backseat but someone else was definitely driving. My mom and her husband were saying things about me that I found really out-of-touch, like laughing about how I love certain things/celebrities that I haven't been into since i was a teenager. I tried to correct them but they just smiled like they knew better. Then my Dad called. (he passed away last year) He told me Happy Birthday (not my birthday, but maybe I was thinking of Father's Day?) and was his usual excited and goofy self. He also joked about me liking a certain celebrity and things I used to like when I was a teenager. I turned to the woman driving, who I could now see (and I seemed to be in the front passenger seat now) and I knew she was my dad's girlfriend(dream only, not IRL). I tried to tell her that I wasn't the same person they thought I was, and she seemed to pay more attention, but still didn't really believe me.

Last, I was walking and talking to a vague someone and explaining to them how it seems that I must come off as stupid to everyone because it seems like everyone treats me that way. The look on their face told me that they also thought I was stupid, but was trying to placate me.

Thoughts:
I gave a lot of exposition throughout, so there isn't much extra to add. I think I have self esteem issues, anxiety, and guilt over not seeing my family much nor feeling very connected to them.

Programmed myself to wake after every dream, which I did but I find it very much like coming up for air then plunging back under the murky waters, quite disorientating. So lots of chaining.
Also I tried FILD a lot.

D1 - Escaping from my father I travel across europe. I am being traced by a chip sticking out of my iphone.

D2 - Staying in Ireland, in a farm house. Waking up early in a bedroom, with double windoes overlooking the farm courtyard. I am a child but do not want to go visiting the farmyard animals with the other children.

D3 - I am a child again and I am unable to stop the bathroom tap running (a phobia of mine when I was younger). I am yelling for my My mum to sort it out.

oooo I don't really remember having dreams where i'm a child before Oo, must be deeper.

I had about four false awakenings LOL