All DJ Entries

Key:
Side Notes (Side Notes)
Title
Dream
Lucid

Distant Galaxy

On the balcony, outside was Infinite blackness.
I'm talking to a family member, in the corner of my eye, I see a galaxy with planets. I want to take a picture of that!
I don't want to get too close or I'll drift off into Outer Space.
I step near the ledge, it's hard to breathe over here.
Later, I was talking to my Mom, there was a giant tank of water, there was a Shark eating another Shark and I didn't want to see that.

Black Box with Medicine

I was at a hospital, I picked up my medicine box.
There was another belonging to someone else, I hesitated but grabbed it. I gave my medicine box to a woman who
accompanied me. I have to get this box to this guy.
The medicine box said "Floor 9", can't get up there fast with stairs, so i'll have to go on an elevator.
I dash to the hallway where there is 3 or 4 elevators. The first one on my right looks suspicious.
I feel like the elevator will collapse....so I decided to pick the next one, on the left.
I push the 'up' button and the elevator opens, I walk inside.
There's 9 floors, 9 buttons, I found it!
The 9 button is glowing and I push it.
This floor is different from the other floors...it's like a mix between a cafeteria from school and a church.
I am greeted by this priest, who insists I go on stage, I do.
'I don't have time for this' I think.
I am nervous, the spectators are waiting and worse of all the priest is stroking my hair.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up creeped out, I really have nothing much to say except: how does my Mind come up with this?
August 4th, 2017

I'm off today, but wasn't planning on WILDing. Then I woke up around 1am and wasn't able to fall back asleep.

So I got up, watched some TV and took

2x300 Alpha GPC - 2:47am
8mgs Galantamine - 3:53am

and went back to sleep on the sofa.

Next thing I know, I'm sitting up, laying down, sitting up, laying down... over and over.
I realize I'm dreaming and I added some feet to head flat sliding motion. Then I hovered out of the room in the same position.

I decided right away that I want some sx, after not LDing for about 3 wks. I got some 2 long sx episodes.

Next time, i don't remember how, but I ended up on the street. Started walking slowly. I noticed how good my awareness is and how long it lasts. I wanted to do something meaningful, haha, so I kneeled down and started to pour dirt through my hands while noticing how it feels.

Then I remembered the TOTM - change the moon to blue. I read what dreamvixen said in the thread and at that time I decided that I want to do this task.

I looked up and it was at night, but overcast. I kept looking for the moon. Did the "hey look, there is the moon", but it didn't work. That's when I said forget it and got some more sx.

I have recently taken up using the voice recorder for recording dreams, but in preparation for the upcoming dream workshop I will be running I will start using manual entry again. I need to get quick, to the point and sharp in sharing dream content with others, so I can be a leading example for the people I coach.

Now before I start out with writing the dreams of the previous 3 nights, which I have bullet pointed on paper there is a couple of highly significant dream I want to write up. These all pertain to the significance of the Dinosaurs, particulary the T-Rex, in my dreams, as these have heralded some pretty significant developments over the past year. In fact just sitting down listening to some of the files have sent goosebumps through my body at some of the symbolisms and messages contained in these dreams.

The first occurred during the summer of 2016, I was in full swing with writing my thesis and I had seen a blossoming of my use of cannabis, cigarettes and other kinds of addiction. As such I had started working directly with my dreams with regards exploring the reason for my smoking, or addiction in general.

I had noticed that recently a T-Rex had started appearing as a repeating theme in my dreams. Like for instance I saw him in a hotel roof top pool on 01-08-16, where I hid in a pool with a friend trying to avoid being caught – where I speculate that he is connected with investigation of smoking. Or on 08-08-16 I found myself in a dinosaur park, a la Jurassic Park, with a hole in the fence, where the T-Rex was on the inside, but I end up getting caught by a raptor and eaten just outside the park in a broken car, where I was trying to hide out. And such I started setting intentions for my next lucid dream to investigate what this symbol of the T-Rex could represent.

I don't have a record of this lucid dream where I manage to summon the T-Rex, but it occurred within a couple of weeks following the setting of the intention to investigate, before 01-09-2016, when I moved out of the place I was living and back in with my parents.

I recall being awake in the morning, to then go back to sleep with the intention to summon the T-Rex.

“Summoning the T-Rex”

I am sat in our living room. It is forenoon and I am texting M – a primary school class mate, whom I have always maintained a slight crush on. We are talking about a party and I feel I am somewhat intruding, but she end up inviting me around.

Then all of a sudden a text message rolls in from the phone company, which reads something like “We are all one, you no longer need to put in the number or contact of the person you are trying to reach it will happen automatically.” This stumbles me a bit, but I don't think much further of it.

There is a slight skip.

I find myself in a bus headed out from Aarhus towards Hornslet. I speculate on the nature of “oneness” and start feeling my consciousness drift outwards, though not quite becoming one. At one point a bus pass in the opposite direction and a choir of children are singing a song, with the lyrics “we are all one” included.

The bus drives off the high way and I find myself walking on the road below, heading under the bridge with the highway on top.

I am with my old friend Tim and we are walking together. I look up and I see a hawk sitting in mid air, which I find curious as its wings are placed alongside its body. It basically looks like it is sitting on a stick, though there is no stick there to be sat on.

Then it makes a rapid dive and hits the ground beak first right next to me, which startles me quite a lot.

We walk on, towards the bridge, past a couple of bushes on the side of the road that have purple flowers on them. As we walk a couple of smaller birds come flying straight towards my face, so I have to step quickly to the left to avoid being hit.

I start thinking to myself: “This is truly strange behaviour for birds.” and as we approach the bridge finally I see a crow sitting in one of the bushes by the side. I start looking around and I decide to look at my hands.

I become lucid and I spend a few moments stabilising the dream, and when I feel comfortable I start thinking about my goals.

“Ah the T-Rex!” I say out loud and abandon my friend to go look for him. I turn around, away from the bridge in the opposite direction and start screaming out over the fields “T-Rex, Where Are You??” but I don't get a response.

I find myself next to a crash barrier, again screaming out over the fields for the T-Rex. Then I start feeling fear, although I am also aware of it all being only a dream. So I skip back across the road and climb a small elderflower tree.

I shout for the dino to appear again and this time I get a response, though from a group of children behind the bushes of which the tree I have climbed is a part. They say “We tried calling him, he doesn't want to show up.”.

I then try to scream out for him, mimicking his roar. The Children respond in a laughing way “We tried that as well, it won't help.”

I sit for a brief second before the dream starts fading and I “wake up”.

I find myself in my room and walk out towards the living room. Outside I see a lot of plants and it is raining.

“Hang on a minute it wasn't raining when I was awake earlier” I think to myself and realise I am still dreaming.

I turn around and walk back into my room and stare at my computer screen.

I turn around, while still being within the realms of the computer game that was on the screen and look up. I find a long and narrow dirt pathway, surrounded by a fence on the right hand side and bushes on the left.

Up at the entrance – or T-cross – I see the T-Rex come sprinting around from the right hand side. I get anxious and excited as I start running towards him. It seems like the dino knows we only have a limited amount of time to complete the encounter.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN??” I scream at him as we run towards one another. There is no response, and I feel my fear rising as we continue to sprint towards one another. “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME??” I try instead and just as we are right in front of one another and I am staring into his wide open jaws he transforms.

All of a sudden a ghost appears before me, with the limbs of the dino sprawling out behind the spectre hanging a few metres above the ground.

“Michela!?!?” I exclaim in utter surprise.

I wake up.

Michela represents a previous romantic affiliation gone sour, very sour indeed. Both in terms of the pain I felt when she left, but also because of the stressful situation I was facing with quitting my job. I awoke with a multitude of new angles to investigate my addiction to cigarettes from, which included the shame and loss of pride I felt from loosing her – the shame associated with not being able to attract a woman and keep her faithful, more so than actually loosing her being particularly painful.

A couple of months later I started on a spiritual education and at the time I was still smoking cigarettes. I started a practice of smoking without guilt and I recall arriving at the first module having spent 6 hours without smoking. I felt the physiological cravings, but I didn't feel the desire to smoke, which I found facinating.

I continued to the first module and when we arrived in the first opening sharing circle and were briefed that we would be opening up, diving into intimacy, then it hit me. I was now experiencing full on craving and desire at the same time as I was experiencing fear towards intimacy at the same time as it was the only thing I truly desired. And from this experience I recalled another meaning associated with Michela.

The next dream took place I think in the beginning of April, the first time F and I slept in the same bed, and seeing as we kissed the first time on April 3rd I believe the accurate date is 14-04-17 as this is 2 weeks after the date of our first kiss.

“Dino makes a gesture”

I find myself alone in a small and humble cabin. It is bright morning/forenoon and the sun is shining through the windows. The cabin is located in a large garden that is surrounded by tall walls in a rectangular fashion, with the cabin taking central space.

Suddenly outside I hear/feel the T-Rex approaching, and this time I recognise his presence. There seems to be a telepathic or at least non-verbal acceptance of one another, a kind of respect with a hint of fear, but this time from both parties.

I venture out of the house to see what is going on. There is a clothes line with clothing on it immediately next to the house.

I never actually see the T-Rex, but I find that after he has been circling the house he has left me a circular meditation mat against the clothing line.

End of dream.

I wake up feeling excited. I have just slept next to a woman I am madly in love with and I find that I for the first time actually like sleeping up close to her.

I experience a brief feeling of alarm, but I quickly re-frame the story positively as I tell F about the dream.

Now I acknowledge that interpreting dreams in hindsight is easier than trying to gleam out the prospective material from the time of their occurrence. However this dream theme I believe heralded a powerful spiritual lesson.

The first appearances of the T-Rex motif happened just after a relationship had developed from an intimate/romantic nature to a friendly one. In this relationship I discovered a tendency to become extremely preoccupied with me feeling responsible for the emotional state of the other. This responsibility was coupled with an elevated sense of anxiety for loosing her. However the appearance of Dinosaurs happened before.

A funny thing is that the following entry- which took place pretty much immediately after my fling (Karen) and I had started getting romantic - 08-04-16 Surviving the Ocean Quest in the desert - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views Actually occurred simultaneously with my then fling having a reciprocal dream, of being taken to the desert by frightening shadow figures that gave her the mission to gather all the animals for the ship. Now I am aware this synchronisation makes more sense to me on a subjective level – we had been practising trying to dream share, and a lot of themes in the dreams were in line with what was happening in our waking lives – however even if this is disregarded this is the first appearance of the “Dino theme”.

Specifically the purple dinos shooting an assortment of weaponry at my heart – which I at the time interpreted as a symbol of having my heart broken a couple of times in order to finally open up – seems to indeed have been at play, though increasing in complexity and meaning over the past year. Let me illustrate a bit further.

When the T-Rex and the Raptors start making their appearance, as I mentioned the relationship had moved in a friendly direction, which I told her I was OK with, but I was quietly mourning the loss I felt.

During this time as mentioned I had started seeing a rise in my consumption of cigarettes and cannabis. I felt stressed with my thesis and on top of this stress I was overwhelmed by the insights into myself and my shifting perspectives of the world through my world with Ayahuasca, and as such I sought to slow it all down a bit though the use of cigarettes and cannabis.

The Dino dreams appeared in between spouts of regular cannabis use, as I had a somewhat ambivalent relationship to this medicinal plant. On the one hand I was grateful for the visionary aspects and emotional teachings, at the other I was aware that it was stealing my dreams – although this latter aspect was sometimes a welcome aspect when I felt things were moving too quickly.

When I decided to summon the T-Rex I thought it was somehow related to my addictions, and it turned out accurate. However the transformation from T-Rex into my ex-fling added a twist I hadn't seen coming, which was the connection between addiction and love-relational issues.

From the first observation of my feeling responsible for the emotions of a lover, I immediately suspected that I was dealing with a pattern established in early childhood. Due to my parents' difficult relation my mother was always stressed and frequently displayed intense outbursts of anger. I particularly recall an episode – think I might have been 3-4 years old – where my sister and I were sat in our room on the floor and Mother comes down. She gets angry about the mess, picks up a play guitar and throws it across the room hitting my sister in the head, resulting in a hospital visit and a scar on her face. This and other incidents I hypothesise fostered the self-concept that “mother's emotions are dangerous, and I am responsible”.

Following the dream as I mentioned earlier I saw a striking connection between the fear of intimacy and my addictions, and around the same time I had another T-Rex dream, though he played a smaller part in this (as he transformed into a dragon and cleansed an entire island and evolutionary history through a fire bath). This dream heralded the cleansing phase I have gone through roughly the past year of getting acquainted with my relational fears, addressing them and letting go of old self images that no longer serve me.

During November of 2017 I had an Ayahuasca ceremony specifically directed towards examining my addictive behaviours. The themes that emerged were memories of my mother being very harsh on me playing as a boy – that she didn't have the energy required to play with me. As such I was forced to put a lid on my playful energy, which in adolescence transforms into sexual energy, resulting in great shame about my own emotional and sexual nature. Ayahuasca provided a definition of my addiction as “the behaviour that arise as a result of wanting to escape the constant narrative of self-loathing and self-blame”. The self-blame I have already discussed, the self-loathing is partly directed at the feeling that sexual and playful aspects of me are “wrong”.

I would later be presented with my dad's contribution towards the ease with which I accepted the “I am wrong” self-concept, though that will be a different story, though basically it has to do with him (a) raising me through commands; (b) never complimenting me on anything; (c) always questioning whether or not I had performed a certain task; (d) being critical on anything that deviates from the norms he deems liveable.

Let me quickly add that I love and adore both of my parents, who supports me like rocks in their own respective ways. A deep realisation on this spiritual path has been that most of the times our behaviour arise out of conditioned responses we are not to be blamed for. My parents did the best with what they had available, it isn't a question of them not loving me.

In February 2017 I met F. There was a striking explosion of energy running through my body at our first embrace and as I mentioned she is the first woman I have slept next to – we have never had physical sex – that I felt not only comfortable sleeping against, but good.

We started out helping one another with the processes of Ayahuasca, but after about a month it became clear that there was a deeper connection. It turned romantic and sensual, but a series of complications eventually led to this romantic aspect destabilising.

The T-Rex dream where he presents a meditation pillow I hypothesise – according to the Jungian notion that dreams can have a prospective, future development directed meaning – was a way for me to truly observe the nature of my relational problems.

During our romantic affiliation I started feeling insecure, as she was still entangled with her boyfriend. She had stated that she wanted him out of the house and leaving him, as well as not feeling comfortable with his touch and being intimate with him. This in my mind made him an Ex-Boyfriend and I believed that this was the path she wanted to go down, however it quickly changed into something else where it became obvious that he would be spending a significant amount of time with her, sleeping in the same bed as her.

I felt like she was manipulating me, using me to instigate changes in him so he could become a better boyfriend to her. I was confused about her pulling back when our kissing, cuddling and petting got intense resulting in us never having anything but clothes-on-energetic sex (which however was a very powerful and potent experience for both of us I believe).

Following a week at her parents I was headed to the aforementioned education during a weekend, she slept with her boyfriend. There were quasi-valid reasons for her doing so, but I felt betrayed as we had in my mind agreed to a monogamous structure, although I had been open towards a more open constellation. I ended up forgiving her, with a few demands as to how our future relation – and the one she had towards her boyfriend – should look like. Demands initially met, but quickly broken.

This started the hell ride into jealousy, romantic ideation, mistrust and pain. I went into it with full consciousness and journalled about it vigorously. I saw how I didn't have energy to do anything but wait around hopefully for a message, constructing fantasies about her activities when she didn't contact me etc.

The point is not to arrive at a blame game, I have come to realise it takes two to tango and I have been overly focused on my own workings in this process, but this has been a profitable approach – as it is indeed the only thing I can ever change.

What I saw was that F quickly became my entire world. I felt love, and I felt terrified to loose it. She became an object I perceived would be able to fulfil my deepest yearning, to feel loved and appreciated – and I clung to her, constantly trying to get the relationship defined in ways that would guarantee the safety that she would be there to fulfil my needs. I became obsessed with having sex with her, I felt that it would make up for the shameful aspect of her having cheated on me. I saw how I was feeling the familiar feeling of anxiety of her leaving me as this “is the last chance for love” and similarly that she would move onto someone else the minute someone better came around – which would be pretty quick. These last observations illuminate a self-concept totally deprived of feelings of self-worth or feeling of being worthy of love an appreciation by another human being. I saw how I through expending all my energy on worrying about her behaviour, waiting for messages became fatigued and tired and couldn't keep up work on my own projects, which I abandoned.

There is much more information to the story, but I eventually arrived at a point where we had a conversation. In this she informed me of three key things that made me realise I had to quit the contact. She felt guilty towards her (ex)-boyfriend when she was with me, that she didn't really want him to understand that it was over and she couldn't promise she was never going to want to be with him again.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I was in so much pain and missed her like crazy. Following this quitting of contact I started working with the last of my addictions – which is sort of a tricky one – which is the tendency to intellectualise situations arriving at a conceptual understanding of things which put me in a positive lighting. Self-centered and also grounded in placing value in the opinions of others.

Gradually as these addictions fell away I was confronted with my underlying anxiety. I never knew myself to be a person experiencing anxiety, but that was what the addictions were for I suppose. I spent a few months experiencing extreme states of panic, which included a fear of dying, a fear of being abandoned at a future dimensional shift, as well as being rejected and abandoned in a romantic sense. It took a lot of breathing and being with the fear and panic and I was incapable of performing even the slightest actions that dealt with finding jobs, new residence or worldly matters in general.

Things got better, I still experience fear and anxiety, but when I do now I don't panic and try to get rid of it, rather I breathe into it and try and understand what it is trying to tell me and it seems a lot of things are shifting within.

I am back in contact with F, I love her, love the contact and am trying to manage my romantic inclinations towards her consciously, which at present involves awareness of how desire towards a particular outcome with her (ending up n a romantic relation) can result in suffering through envy and jealousy.

To come full circle back to the dreaming the present story illustrates the process by which working actively with intention, lucidity and analytical interpretation of certain dream themes that crop up repeatedly can help bring visibility to the sub conscious processes that govern our behaviour. I went through the process alone, yet I feel that had I not been so stubborn and approached someone with knowledge in these areas I could have progressed much quicker, perhaps even saving an intimate relationship in the process.

Morning of August 4, 2017. Friday.



In my dream, I am apparently living in the middle apartment of the east side of the second floor of the King Street boarding house, an impressive mansion that was part of a tour, but not that great on the inside.

Still, it seems that an unfamiliar male has taken residence in this apartment. I am not fully sure of what the situation is, though I do know that I am a vampire. That is, I am a pretend vampire for a time, and I am using some sort of technology to exist as such. The technology is apparently unseen by the “real” world I live in. (It is of a lifelong recurring theme of using invisible technology that exists in another dimension to bring about whatever is to occur in my dream, though which I usually incorrectly see as being my real world.)

I show this male and a couple of his visitors how I have fangs and how I can levitate. There is an unknown male with me, though I eventually assume that he is my friend Eddie. We both seem to be about twenty-five years old. Eddie cannot seem to decide if he looks the most like Christian Slater or Stephen Geoffreys and consequently acts like both in an overacting vampire pretense. He seems amused by our act but eventually does not say much other than agree with my own pretense, which is more serious. We are wearing cloaks and are ready to fly through the night sky of La Crosse.

Time seems to have passed and I am now seemingly on my own, flying in an unknown region, seemingly late at night.

I see the preconscious below, walking along with an unknown friend, an unfamiliar male of about the same age. I decide to fly down and see what is going on.

The preconscious, an unknown male of perhaps thirty or more, seems happy to see me, but he tells me that my flight did not look as if I had been flying regularly. I do not get angry, as I know it is an illusion anyway, though which he does not perceive as such. His friend wants to see my fangs, and I will them to grow out.

He has a gift for me. It is supposedly my favorite food; a bunch of “stone grapes”, from a supposedly very rare plant, which looks like a normal bunch of grapes other than being thorny and more woody and having no discernible grapes on it, only small seed-like features that are very crunchy. I put it up to my mouth and eat the entire bunch, feeling my teeth gnaw through it, but I do not taste anything other than a slight tree-bark flavor. I know that no human being could eat this, but it is apparently a very thoughtful gift and I thank him. Still, I know that this hidden technology of mine (which is phased within another dimension, only operable by me) only makes it look like it has gone past my teeth and into the back of my mouth to swallow. He does not realize this. He does not know that it phases out of existence once it goes past my teeth. There is no way I could have actually eaten anything like this anyway, but I do not want him to be disappointed or disrupt his faith regarding his belief in vampires, or cease to trust me in my vampire guise.

He kisses me lightly on the right temple, in affirmation of a long-term friendship, and I wonder if I am just a creature to show off to a friend of his every now and then, perhaps once or twice every several years. Apparently, being friends with a vampire like me has given him a status of bravery and strength, but I consider if I am seen as just a “pet” to brag about knowing. Still, I hold no anger.

---

12:00am-5:00am August 4th
Current neighborhood and home, for some reason I was running from C at night. I guessed it was because I did something harmful in the house to him, so I ran outside and meant to get help from a neighbor. I saw that the neighbor's car wasn't there so I just ran behind their house. C came out and shouted that I could come back and we'd talk it out, he said he already knew where I was. I felt a bit predictable and less safe, but he seemed to be in a good mood. He asked me what I had intended to do and I responded that I'd get help from the neighbors some how. Oh, I also remember C was limping so I must have kicked him or something but I still can't remember why. Come to think of it, the neighbors light was on so they might have been home but because their car wasn't there I didn't bother. In real life they always leave their lights on anyway.



Dream Notes: I actually have no idea if I ever went to sleep last night or not, but if I did even if for a few minutes then this was the dream result. I actually told myself to stay awake because I wanted to see how it affected my lucid dreaming attempts in afternoon naps. As for the dream, I think it's a jab at my dream habits, because my family in my dream is more harmful than helpful I always end up running to the neighbors for help. Perhaps it's because in real life they are strangers and I'm not sure if they'd help me or not because of that. But they would be more likely to help me because I am apart of the community and I'm young, most of them are older adults with children so they would be willing to help in the sense that they have already know how to be protective for their own children.

Morning of August 4, 2017. Friday.



I am not of my conscious self, though there are a few threads in which I am aware of a few facets of my identity. I am not sure of my implied age; perhaps it is only about twenty. Mostly, I am only aware of my mother. My mother has recently died. However, I think I can talk with her by initiating some sort of will.

The scene is distorted and my memory is askew. My mother is in the baby cot of our present address, though the baby cot unrealistically accommodates her full height. I do not see it as my present address (even though it is) as I have no discernible memory of my conscious self’s present living location. I speak to her, trying to will her eyes to open, on thought alone. It seems to work at times, but is she really okay with this act, or is she angry at me for “waking” her? Holding her eyes open by my mental will alone eventually seems a bit strange.

I go into a room that might be considered to be my room in Cubitis, last seen in 1978, although I have no memory or viable association with Cubits and the room is different anyway. I realize that keeping my mother’s remains in the box from the Barnabas Collins “Dark Shadows” board game is proving to be problematic. I do not even consider that, realistically, my mother would never have fit in this little pretend coffin of cardboard. By way of a false memory, I know that other people are known to keep the bodies of the deceased around their house. It is not unusual; it is a tradition, and yet, a part of my mother’s remains have leaked from the bottom of the box, like acid from an old battery, reminding me of my Kenner Easy-Show movie projector being ruined by leaking batteries so that I could no longer repeatedly watch the same short Thor and Flintstones cartoons on my Cubitis bedroom’s south wall. (My mother had told me to throw out my movie projector, which had been a combined birthday and Christmas gift from my older sister Carol, and to not touch the leaking batteries that had ruined it.)

The gore may be toxic and I am concerned that I had better not eat or touch my face or mouth until I wash my hands, so that no decaying syrupy gore poisons me. I spend a very long time washing and rinsing my hands under the bathtub faucet. The light is bright and I am actually in our present home, though I am not my conscious self and I have no clue to my real life status. I still have to find a place for the Barnabas Collins cardboard container with the plastic lid, which contains my mother’s remains, even though it is just a little box. I have to bury it somewhere. It is in too poor a condition to keep in the open now.

There is some sort of temporary offset dream, where I find myself living on Barolin Street. Two unfamiliar men seem to think that I have taken their truck. They come in through the back way without even knocking. Apparently, the truck was at the front of my house. I certainly did not steal it. I was not even aware of it. These imposers annoy me. They come back a second time as if I had put it back and taken it again. I certainly had not taken it and tell them so. I do not even know what it looks like.

I have to take care of my mother’s remains in the little Barnabas Collins “Dark Shadows” coffin. Her whole body somehow fits in there, with room to spare. She is on her back in this toy coffin from a board game that I had not seen in real life for many years. I decide to bury it inside a set of concrete steps in the Loomis Street backyard, which is also somehow the Cubitis front yard at the same time. The small set of steps does not go anywhere in particular.

For seemingly a long time, as long as it took me to wash my hands, I dig with my hands in the sand. I feel the sand flowing through my fingers. I do not question how a step in a set of concrete steps could be or become sand, but this is where I will bury the toy coffin.

I dig and dig with my hands, and the oblong hole keeps filling back up, not being quite deep enough for burial. Still, I persist with confidence.

The concrete steps have somehow separated, and have transformed into, or have always been, small cardboard boxes of mostly paperback Gothic novels. The area of the ground I had been digging in looks untouched, and it is now normal soil. Will this work out?

---

2017, 08-03

Living Another Life

Daenerys: I am in a room with a man that I am thinking is my brother, though he looks almost like a girl. I am looking at a really pretty purple dress that my brother says was a gift. Then he cops a feel on my breast and pinches hard. I push his hand off and tell him to quit that, he says something about waking a dragon… but I see no dragon, just someone who likes to feel up his sister, what a pervert. He takes my silence as a response and leaves. Soon a couple women come in and fill a tub with hot water and scented soaps, apparently I’m supposed to bathe. I get in the tub and the women bathe me even though I could do it myself, the young one chatting constantly about a man I’m supposed to meet who is hot and strong and brave and… After bathing I get dressed in the pretty dress and step outside to where my brother is waiting. The nicest thing he can say is I don’t smell like a horse, which is good since Kahl Drogo has thousands of horses and wants a different mount tonight. I call him an ass. He stares at me in stunned silence as a fat man comes up in a cart and says I look regal, we must go right away before we’re late.

The three of us ride through a town that looks like an old style pueblo, but bigger than I have imagined a pueblo. We get to a huge palace like house and go inside. There are lots of people there, they are all men it seems. The fat man points across the room and says that’s Kahl Drogo. He says he will make introductions and heads over. My brother is saying I had better satisfy Kahl Drogo so he can claim the lands that are ours by blood. I ask him if he really expects me to sleep with a man just to get him a crown. He says he’d let Drogo and every man in his khalasar take me and all of their horses if that means he gets his crown, I should be thankful it’s just Kahl Drogo. I am about to call him a few choice words when the fat man returns and says Kahl Drogo is coming. My brother is telling me to stand up straight, hold my head up, smile… I tell him to stop being an asshole. He grabs my arm painfully and I stomp on his foot painfully and we both give forced smiles to Kahl Drogo as he approaches. Everything fades.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eddard: I am a man now, and I am at the gates of a castle watching a lot of people arrive. I am waiting for my friend to come, he is with them and he is king. As they arrive I don’t see my friend. I see a woman in a crown and I have to resist an urge to call her a bitch. A fat man in a crown gets off a tired horse and comes over to give me a bear hug. I realize that is my friend! He’s gotten fat! He wants to go down to the crypts to pay his respects to someone. The Queen bitch doesn’t want us to do that now. There are introductions made and then the king and I go down into some crypts under the castle, finding our way by torch light. Stone statues of people with wolves at their feet line the wall. We reach the last of the crypts and the king, his name is Robert, pays his respects. We head back and he tells me how my friend John Erin got suddenly sick and died. And he wants me to take John’s place as the King’s Hand. I don’t like that idea, it would take me away from my home… so I say I am not worthy of that honor. Robert says it’s no honor, he wants me to run the kingdom while he eats, drinks, and whores himself to an early grave. I want to call him an asshole. I feel like I’m surrounded by assholes.

I had a dream about some kind of A-Team type techno-thriller stuff. I was in a dry grassy field, running with a gun, looking around. This wasn't a short dream, but I only remember that brief part and the overall situation.

Another fragment about half a body on an autopsy table, a woman cut in half. There was a solemn feeling to the scene. It might have tied into the first dream.

I like the adventure dreams, but I can kind of remember not liking my dreams as much after I started watching too many CSI type crime shows with nasty stuff in them.

It was a big part of why I gave up the lucid dreaming project last year.

[2 hr waking]
+(f) there is recall, I'm amazed I have any, but forget it

[7-8 hr waking]
+ I'm getting in to a dentist chair. I look down at the chair and I see blood dripping and moving around beneath thick, clear plastic covers.

+ a bunch (pile?) of people are huddling on a stretcher underneath a blanket, they are very cold and shivering. I try to get in from the side pull up the blanket and get in. There is now a lot of room, I see the dark material of the stretcher beneath me.

+[long, vivid] I'm standing on a street corner where there is a vacant lot. I realize all of a sudden that all my things are gone!. I'm a college student and live (rent) that spot and all my things are now gone! I believe at first that the cleaning people have made a mistake and thrown everything out. Even my desk! I'm walking by the area again and realize that no, all my things instead have been impounded by the landlord because of past due rent payments. I see along the side of the lot a long narrow locked cage with all my things inside. I see bookshelves full of textbooks. I wonder how my things didn't get stolen before since they're just right there out in the open.

I wander up to a nearby building looking for the landlord to try to settle the payment and get my things back. I look back at the building behind me and see a white house from the outside, with a rotating display of street address numbers where the numbers are vertically displayed from top to bottom. I sort of recognize the top number as mine, and watch as it rotates out of view. There are about 5-6 addresses on this rotating display. There are so many addresses there because this is a house of student rental apartments. I keep looking but the number I recognize is not visible ever again.

I walk further and come across a cage, there are two girls there whom I feel like I recognize. Inside this square tall cage are more of my things. I see one of my big blue fabric suitcases that is very full and I think the zipper has busted, which will allow my things to poor out onto the ground. (Some brief dialogue with them?)

Heading farther down the street I encounter a small, low, two-leve coffee table. "Ah, this is my table!" I think. I look at it and realize there is writing on the top of the table, and I think I read the word "dream" or imagine that I read it. The more I look at the words the more they appear to be nonsense words written using latin letters.

I am talking with an old man. He indicates that I will need to pay to him, and we walk along the street back towards my lot. I'm wondering how much I will need to pay to get my things back. I don't know how long I have not paid rent. I imagine I will have to pay $3000 or more.

Walking along, I see on a (stool/stump) off to the right a walking-stick insect. It is slowly moving and showing off the parts of its body, I'm amazed at how much like a stick it looks. I'm pretty sure I've seen it before.

2017, 08-02

Someone Else’s Skin

I am in a dark forest at night and there is snow falling lightly. I am on a horse, and there are two men there with me also on horses. One of them is young but seems to be the leader. We are all dressed in all black. The other two are arguing about whether some people we are after called Wildings are in fact dead. Did the cold kill them? Garrett says cold can kill, and shows that he lost both ears to the cold at some point. I gather that the one man who looks like a leader is Sir Waymar Royce and the other man is Garrett. They call me Will… so I’m a man? Garrett tells Sir Royce that he believes the Wildings are dead because I said so. Sir Royce wants to see the Wilding camp I found, so we head off.

Sir Royce is riding a big horse, really too big for the terrain, and Garrett and I are on smaller horses. We get to the base of a ridge and then go on foot, leaving Garrett with the horses. At the top of the ridge we look down into the Wilding camp. There are no bodies, but their gear was left behind. Sir Royce sees this as an “I told you so!” moment, and I ask why they would have left their weapons behind. Sir Royce wants me to climb a tree to see if I can spot the Wildings so I do. I see no Wildings but I see strange specters approaching. I look down and see Sir Royce is engaging one in battle. He gets wounded and several specters surround him to finish him off. I call out to distract them and jump down among them. I pull out a sword and use the song Battery by Metallica to charge it with light energy since these look like demon specters. I cut down the one Sir Royce was fighting and turn to face the others as the first lets out an unearthly shriek. I take down a second and then a third, their shrieks echoing in the night… and then everything fades to black.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the darkness clears I am somewhere else. Now its daylight and I am on a small horse or pony, going through a medieval town with some other people. I feel I am a young boy now… We go to a town square where a man is being executed. I see the man has no ears, and that triggers a memory of Garrett in the dark forest, that’s Garrett! A man is pronouncing Garrett has been sentenced to death. I start to say something but a boy near me stops me. I say I know the man being executed, the boy says there’s no way I could know that man… he’s an oath breaker from the wall. I look back and see the man take a large sword and cut off Garrett’s head. One man there seems to find it funny. We leave on horseback heading for a castle. The man who did the execution (I find myself thinking he is my father) is explaining that the person who hands down a death sentence should be the one to carry it out.

Two of the boys had gone ahead to race back to the castle but we catch up. One of them (my brother Robb) is holding something squirming. There is a HUGE wolf lying dead. Robb is holding a cub! It’s adorable! I want to pet it. The other boy (half brother John) hands me a cub and I cuddle it. After arguing for a bit it is decided we (me and my two brothers and two sisters) will keep the cubs and raise them as our own. The boy who laughed at the execution seems disappointed that we aren’t going to kill the cubs. I give him a dirty look and ask what kind of person would want to kill innocent cubs? We head back towards the castle. John stops as we move away from the wolf and finds one more cub that he keeps. I am thinking I should have said something about knowing Garrett, but there’s no point to it now. Everything fades…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After the darkness clears this time it is night again and I am in a forest of some kind. Now I feel like I am a grown woman. There is a man sitting near a creepy tree with a creepier face carved in the trunk, I have the thought that man is my husband. I approach him and say the name that comes to mind… “Ned?” I almost add “Flanders” after that but I stop myself. Ned asks about our children and I tell him they are inside trying to choose names for the wolf cubs… but wasn’t one of those wolf cubs mine? No… that was a different dream, where I was a young boy… and that seems really weird to be thinking. I have bad news for my husband… a letter. I take it from a pocket and hand it to him. He reads it and then looks grief stricken. His old friend John (not my brother / son) had died, and he is taking that hard. I hug him to try to help him feel better. He keeps reading and finds another old friend named Robert who is coming for a visit. That cheers him up some. He starts talking about all there is to do to prepare for a visit from the king and a whole lot of people. Then everything fades again and I wake up.

Walking

Dream of walking at night time with a group of people around a town surrounded by woods.

Lucid

Become lucid in a pantry. Wanted to try my new time dilation method of looking at a watch but there was no watch on my wrists... They were all swollen. Decided to do the counting thing instead and put my hand on the ground. Managed to count to 60 with the usual distortions. Tried to jump afterwards but I felt too heavy and couldn't. Felt the distortions crushing around me and I woke up.

Bjork

Was on a hill and saw Bjork. This made me semi lucid. Began walking beside her and I was joking around saying she looked like some singer. She said, "What do you mean?" and her forehead was glowing red and she began to change shape. She slowly morphed into a muscular dude wearing a wrestling outfit and began throwing cars at random houses.

Work people.

Had this dream after lucky from work dropped me off. Dreamed I was in his car with val from work also. He dropped her off and then he dropped me off at my house at what looked kind of like grove street.

A strong wind began blowing and I could see storm clouds. I wanted to escape it so began looking for a vehicle. Lucky hadn't left yet so he drove towards me fast and kinda hit me but I wasn't injured. I got back in his truck.

FA, and was somewhere with Val, There was this walkway going over scenic drive. We went up the steps but we wound up in some tower. There were various dead bodies around and Val started screaming and ran off. I went to the other side of the walking bridge and got a cop to follow me to the dead bodies. Was back in the tower and got lost in it somehow. The stench was so horrible that I was about to throw up.

Drive

Was in someone's van in the passenger seat. We were driving in chilliwack but found a wooded area. We went down a dirt road with trees on one side and a river on the other. There were a bunch of mountain ions around the car and I thought it was strange that they would be there.

Became semi lucid outside that person's house when we got there. I started doing a nose pinch RC. and the girl asked me what I was doing. I said she was a manager at a lucid dreaming forum how could she not know what a nose pinch RC was. I noticed she was wearing a mcdonald's manager uniform and had to rethink my last statement, then woke up.

It all started when I was visiting my older brother in this 6-story building. I was sleeping, but then things changed. I was bugging him from the bottom floor. For some reason he pointed a camera to the ceiling to show that he didn’t want to leave his room on the 6th floor.
[New Scene]
While at Best Buy, some lady asked me if I wanted $500. Obviously, I took it.
[New Scene]
I was on a small incline somewhere, being chased by these spheres of wood splinters(big ones). Later, I walked out a nearby building and tried to walk past all the sleeping spheres, but that was difficult when a large rock ball rolled down the stairs I was using. There was also a black cat. It turns out that around 50% of spheres were awakened by me and some other guy. As a result, The other guy got stabbed in the head by a huge wooden spike. It didn’t do anything but hurt and show up on the over-head map.
[New Scene]
I was back home, although it was destroyed. Dad was there, but he was leaving. When I asked him where he was going, He laughed and said that he wasn’t telling me(very uncharacteristic of him). Latter, I put a helmet on and barricaded the garage. I thought it was a good idea, but it turned out that some kid found it immediately and disappeared. (He found the metal panel that was loose). Next, I was right outside it when some teenagers showed up in a car, me knowing they were going to get something they needed from the sidewalk. So, I left and took off running unseen to the south. When I got to near the end of the road, I saw this group of houses that were barricaded and manned. One person pointed a gun at me and shouted “Freeze!” so I froze. They asked me what I wanted, which was to find my family. They told me to go back to my house to get supplies, to which I responded, “There’s nothing at my house.” Later, I left to the south east, and ended up in a building where the ground floor was a McDonalds. The elevator was incredibly slow. Finally I get to the ground floor, I go outside, and wake up.

-Marcus, Jadegreen's dc appeared running past me and I thought that he was created by my younger brother.

-A electronic dc told me not to walk in the street while looking at my phone cause I could get hit by a car.

-I met with a receptionist who told me to focus on Nicholas lucas. Than a guy who I thought was Dawn came up from behind me and glomped me. But when the scene changed so did his appearance. He became Eye and I ended up pushing him away.
Last thing I recall is being non lucid and bathing in a tub near a kind of broken wall and appearing in a room where a young boy was playing a game while talking to his sister.

I had a very deep dream last night, deeper than usual but it was a cool dream nonetheless despite what may be said I did enjoy it.

I don't remember the sequence of events really well but what I remember earliest was waking up (in Dream) to a disaster. I must have been in high school in my dream because there was a whole class with me, some people I recognized, one person who wasn't even in a class with me, but most I don't remember. My mom was there too, something terrible happened. I woke up and we were all in a large auditorium but everyone was down, knocked out, moaning, wounded or all of the above. I don't know what happened but my mind just wanted to think I was tortured but because I woke up and noticed it I think something else must have happened like a large fight with something else, my whole class was like this so we were not fighting amongst ourselves.

When I woke up my serious wound was my hand, it was covered in blood, a large amount of blood and there was a gash on the bottom part of my pointer finger that starts in the middle and goes to the part where it connects with the hand itself and it was bleeding pretty bad. I remember looking off and seeing my mom was injured as well and my nephew was there with a similar wound to mine. There were nurses who rushed in to help all of us but I had to yell basically to receive attention for my ever bleeding wound and they pulled out a needle and string to stitch it up. I didn't feel pain throughout the whole thing until they started to stitch me up. From my notes there was something about underground student clubs, I think it was to teach us how to be detectives and also how to fight with weapons.

I received training on how to fight with a knife in close quarters by Agent Gibbs (From NCIS) of all people and I remember it quickly, in a training exercise he said: "How are you going to fight me?" and he had a holstered knife on his left side, I asked "Dirty or Clean?" "Clean," he said. I grabbed the knife and went for his throat because I couldn't think of a clean way to fight with a knife, he stopped me, twisted my hand and threw me to the ground and said it was too obvious. Had he said dirty I was going to take the knife and aim for the stomach in a stabbing fascion.

L from death note was there and a friend in real life who was dressed to look just like him, he was there to help us solve the case of what actually happened to us in the auditorium but he (The real L) was murdered and the murderer was another detective. Right afterward the detective who murdered him went into this room where the fake L stood and the fake L said that the real L was a bad guy pretending to be him and claimed that he was the real L.

The next part of my dream took place in a large bathroom, there were 3 stalls and in front of there were toilet fewer toilets if that makes sense, just a hole in the floor that can expand and leads directly to a sewer below. My Nephew was hiding in the one farthest from the entrance and was sitting in the corner, still wounded with a bloody hand similar to mine. The man who murdered L walked in with a hooker (yes you heard me) and they stood in front of the toilet less toilet and they were arguing about something, he killed her and stuffed her in the hole and used a toilet plunger to push her into the sewer, he then checked 2 of the stalls to see if anyone was hiding there and was about to check the third but changed his mind last second and left. The next part shows our class in the auditorium but we were all better and happy, we were going to watch a movie there and we were celebrating a big victory, I don't know all that happened because I was knocked out during the fight where we all were wounded but it would seem that one of our classmates had a magical item in the shape of a square or box that stopped the attack. Everyone was cheering and we looked at him as he was the one sitting in the back but in the middle and he held up the box shaped thing into the light of the projector and it glowed gold.

The last bit of the dream was almost a flashback I think, it showed my nephew and I walking down the stairs from my apartment and we both were wounded, my hand was still bleeding pretty bad in this scene and he was too, we walked with a limp and I was also clutching my shoulder. The world seemed grey but we walked down the stairs him leading and we both had to keep a hand on the wall to steady ourselves leaving long blood smears on the wall where our hands touched it.

That was the end, overall it was an amazing dream despite what most people would think, it was like a movie and it was very deep. I loved it.

August 2nd 1:00am-9:30am
So, in my old room at night and I'm all like damn loopy and talking about sex. Mom decides it's time I finally had physical contact, she mentions a guy and having a kid so I start sulking again. But in the next morning we are outside, she has me cuddle a little yellow chick and walk across and unbalanced surface. Once I seem unenthusiastic about this training and manage to break the unbalanced stone training area, she decides it's time I went out to use my skills and get a guy.

The next scene is me in a house with a super cute and gorgeous girl named Daine. Her hair is auburn and her skin is peachy but a bit tanned, her hair is also wavy and medium length or just past shoulders. I think her eyes are brown or a dark green, definitely not blue. She is busty and a hold a bit of weight on her, but she also has muscle to counteract that. So she tells me a story of a past love while I'm going down on her and in the background near the house I can hear my mother questioning my choice of a female. After Daine finishes her story which took awhile through pauses and making other noises, though I had a feeling I wasn't that good but was willing to get better for her. Then it was my turn! and so we had a pillow fight.

Somehow the area had changed inbetween that time to someplace at night and looking up at tall modern buildings. We sat down infront of one and talked about Gary Oldman and how if we could go back in time, we'd work our butts off to get to the top and have a chance at marrying him. I spoke of a memory I had of her giving me a nickname, shroom-grass. We had been in a forest and I was tired, plopping down and willing to give up walking. But she noticed I looked like a mushroom in the grass, my hair seemed bigger then and I wore a brown dress.

Back to the present building when entered in first. Laughing and smiling I chased her out of the house and outside we saw my mother, I was actually shocked to see her there and with good reason to. Explaining amd apologizing for being inside for two months and so with my new girl, not as a joke but a very serious realisation. My mother said it was fine because time stopped or went by very slowly outside, she also said we had to give time back and that this wasn't real. I started laughing when "time" showed up and I saw it was Babe Ruth, but I saw she was serious so we left the area.

Our next setting was us walking down my old neighborhood's streets at night with my hand over Daine's shoulder and keeping her close, I suppose we were almost at the same height but she was a bit taller. She was getting scared because her fears of the joker were behind her, I just swiftly walked and pulled her along with me as I told her what my mother said and that it wasn't real so we had to keep moving and ignore it. She sniffled and was still crying but went along with me, I think it helped that I was at her side. To make her think if other things, a kid ran past and gave us a letter that I quickly opened. It held a note inside informing me that I had been gifted an estate and that there was much to learn, the anonymous sender spoke of wanting to hear about the ghost baby (that I guess I mentioned somewhere in my dream but forgot the entire story when I awoke.) and about Babe Ruth as time. Anonymous also said that more adventures awaited me and he/she(had a feeling it was a guy) also awaited my presence. End.



END NOTES AND THOUGHTS:
For the ending, I did read a Dracula fanfiction last night that had him giving away a house to his love, so I think that's probably it. But it seemed like a dead giveaway to me knowing I was dreaming. However I'd still like to know who sent it and where my home is, that I shall have new adventures in.

So the don't worry it isn't real thing caught me off guard when I woke up, I was really expecting to do a reality check at this but it just passed me by. However I think my dream has a point about the physical contact, though fixing it by going out and fucking someone is also probably not the best idea. The thing of genders, I believe the marriage thought was to make me understand that I like both genders. Strangely though I was giving and my end of receiving was just doing cute things and cuddling with my girl. Also I'm fairly certain she was older than I am, because I was going by my real age in the dream and she looked more mature. So I guess age isn't a problem for me either or I know it takes more effort but can work out as well? Just my thoughts, usually I don't think too much on dreams but this was new and thought it was trying to tell me something.