non-lucid

2019, 11-04

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

2019, 11-04

Skyrim: Déjà Vu

I am going down the street on my way to Windhelm in my game of Skyrim VR. I spot some special friends ahead. There are three Thalmor escorting a prisoner. I walk over to them. The lead Thalmor tells me to go away. I cut the prisoner free and give him my electric sword that I got from Balgruuf. I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade. As the Thalmor attack I start with a fus, though since it’s only one word it just staggers them. The prisoner and I still make quick work of the Thalmor. I set to looting the dead Thalmor. One of them was a woman about my size, so her elven armor is now mine. It’s too bad I damaged it… The prisoner and I he will head for Windhelm.

We reach Windhelm with no problems. I find the blacksmith. I ask if he can repair the armor and he says yes. I leave it with him. I have to talk to Viola Giordano, but first I have to turn subtitles on. I can’t figure out how to do that. I am distracted by Rolff harassing Suvaris. Rolff breaks off his verbal assault on Suvaris to ask what I’m staring at. He calls me an elf lover. I call him dickless. He tries to get in my face so I fus him. The loser calls for a guard and says I assaulted him. I call him dickless again. The guard asks if it’s true. I respond, “It is true… this man has no dick.” Rolff says his dick is huge. I say I’m sure it is… for a grain of rice. He tells me to take that back. The guard says we should go in opposite directions, he wants no trouble.

I head to the Palace of the Kings. Ulfric is talking to Galmar about Whiterun, He says he would like to take the city with no bloodshed. He sits down on the throne. I approach Ulfric. He says he remembers me. I say yes, I was at Helgen. He says no, he remembers me from before that… or after? It’s unclear to him. He asks how many times this makes. I am quite confused now. I ask how many times for what? He asks how many times have I repeated this? He says he remembers enough to know we’ve done this before, but in Helgen I said I have done it “sooooo many times” so he is asking how many times. This has taken me by surprise, how can Ulfric remember a past game? I finally say I’ve lost count.

Now things get back on track. Ulfric says I should talk to Galmar about joining the Stormcloaks. I have barely gotten out, “I can’t…” when Ulfric goes off script again. He says he remembers I won’t join unless he gives his word that all races in Skyrim will be treated equally, especially the Dunmer in the Gray Quarter. But he has heard rumors that someone there is capturing citizens of Skyrim and sending them… somewhere… to be used as slaves. Ulfric knows the Project AHO mod?! How?! He says if I investigate and find the rumor false or if I find the rumor true and put a stop to it, he will see to improvements in the Gray Quarter, he knows Brunwulf would be glad to take on the project. But he will NOT do so if there’s a chance those blasted elves are sending Skyrim citizens into slavery. He says he doesn’t have the people to investigate, but he will trust my findings. I am still trying to figure out how Ulfric can be reacting to a mod that shouldn’t affect him. A mod I don’t even have active! I tell Ulfric I don’t think anyone in the Gray Quarter is involved, there’s an Orc kidnapping people near Mixwater Mill… but if it will help things move forward then I will check.

I leave the Palace of the Kings. The next normal stop I would make is High Hrothgar to see the Graybeards. But this is going strangely. I am trying to figure out what is going on when Rolff tells me to get the fuck out of his city. I tell him to cram it up his ass. I wonder what I have to do to prove that no one in the Gray Quarter is involved with slavery. Then I wonder about the guy at the Corner Club, he has clearly expressed that he doesn’t care about anyone unless they’re a Dunmer. Should I investigate that? Well I said I would… Rolff says I should get my worthless elf-loving… His interference has pissed me off. I turn around and, without thinking about it, hit him with a full three-word fus. FUS-RO-DAH! Rolff goes flying and crashes into a wall. He collapses, stunned. I am also stunned… I did a full fus! The glitch just happened a bit late! Do I still need to go to High Hrothgar? Probably. It’s getting late and I’m tired. I go to Candlehearth Hall and rent a room. I go to the room and lie down on the bed, falling asleep there and waking up here.

2019, 11-01

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

Skyrim: Dragon Falling

Note: I have been including a lot more detail than I really have time for, so I will try to be a bit more succinct about my journal entries to allow for more postings.

I am playing Skyrim VR. I am in Whiterun, I am here to deliver the dragonstone to Farengar. I go to Dragonsreach and go to Farengar inside. He is talking to Delphine. I comment that the warrior innkeeper is back. Delphine gives me a strange look. Farengar takes the dragonstone and then the housecarl Irileth comes in to say there’s a dragon attacking. She says Farengar and I should come. As we are leaving the room I pass by Delphine and deliberately comment, “It’s too bad we don’t have any sworn dragon slayers around…” as I look at Delphine. This gets me another strange look from her, then she hurries off.

I go up to talk to Jarl Balgruuf. He says he wants me to help fight the dragon. He even gives me an electrically charged sword. I head to the Western Watchtower where the dragon is attacking. Irileth and several guards come with me. Mirmulnir is attacking the tower. I realize my new sword, or any sword, is useless. I use Battery by Metallica to call lightning down on Mirmulnir. Guards are firing arrows at the dragon. I pause to wonder how Battery is working in Skyrim when Mirmulnir targets me with a blast of fire. I stop questioning and use Whiplash by Metallica to deflect the fire back at Mirmulnir. The dragon is hit by fire and lightning at the same time and crashes to the ground. Irileth jumps onto his head and drives her sword in, killing him. For a bit I think I won’t get the energy rush as usual, but when I get closer I am able to draw the energy in.

After the guards and Irileth debate if I could be dragonborn I head back to Whiterun to report success against the dragon. I hear the Greybeards call as I return to Whiterun. I tell Balgruuf that the dragon is dead and he gives me some heavy armor… I don’t use heavy armor… then I leave. I sell the armor at a local blacksmith since I never use heavy armor. Everyone is saying I should go straight to see the Greybeards, but I always head down to Windhelm after this so I can stop the serial killer there before he kills another victim. I leave Whiterun and head along the road to Windhelm. On the way I find Cicero and his broken wagon wheel. Instead of asking the farmer to help I use a Harry Potter spell, reparo, to fix the wheel myself. He does a happy dance and gives me gold before heading off. I wake up wondering how I didn’t do a reality check when I successfully used Battery and Whiplash in a game of Skyrim.

2019, 10-30

Skyrim: Bleak Falls Barrow

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am playing Skyrim VR, I am exploring Bleak Falls Barrow for what seems like the millionth time. There are bandits at the entrance and I nail them with fireballs when they attack me. To my surprise, one of the bandits actually runs away and doesn’t return to attack again. I go into the barrow and find a few more bandits inside. They have a camp set up and a couple maps, apparently these bandits have heard there is a valuable treasure somewhere in here and they hope to claim it. They attack me on sight and I take them out with fireballs just like the ones outside.

I feel like I’ve played this level a million times, but things seem a bit different. I’m not exactly sure what is different, but something is. Thoughts of it being different slip from my mind as zombies attack. There seem to be more of them than I remember. Maybe I just set the game on a higher difficulty. Yes, that must be the difference. I fight my way through the zombies using fireballs and my sword. It also seems darker in the dungeon than I remember. Did I change the brightness settings? Well this is more realistic… an ancient crypt would be pretty dark.

I continue through the passages, fighting the zombies that attack and finally I reach the chamber with the dragon wall. It looks mostly like I remember it looking in my previous times playing this, and I think any small differences are due to an update on a static mesh improvement mod. I read the word ‘fus’ as it draws my attention right to it and then more draugr attack. There is the boss draugr that comes out of the coffin in front of the dragon wall and three others that I don’t see where they come from. They are all especially weak against fire so I let more fireballs fly.

When the draugr are all re-dead I find the dragonstone map of dragon burial sites in the treasure chest along with some gold. I have to take this back to Whiterun. I leave Bleak Falls Barrow and head down the other side of the mountain towards Whiterun. But I am still on the way when I wake up.

I am in what appears to be an alleyway. It is kind of dark and dimly lit with street lights. I am here with about three other people. I am here with two strangers and my girlfriend in the dream named Kiara. Kiara is petite and of japanese descent. She has a bubbly and energetic personality. Anyway, the two other people and I have been informed that we have been accepted into medical school. We received a bag of supplies that we will need during our simulations in school. The bag was a black messenger bag with a vinyl case in which you can see the supplies that are within. There are a bunch of needles, bandages, and suture equipment, as well as several bottles that resemble vape juice bottles that contain various medicine like insulin. As we are all opening and inspecting our bags, we try on our uniforms. It comes with a sash, kind of like one you would see on a swat agent except it held medical supplies. A sense of awe came over me as I couldn't believe that I was here. My girlfriend then begins to rifle through the bag saying something about big money.

I was with a bunch of people, everything was a bit purple and dimly lit. We were fighting a boss and the boss was pennywise. I was going to be going through the tough part of the fight while everyone was fighting as well. We're in this cube shaped room and the fight is about to begin. Pennywise is more of this thing warping, he warps next to me and explains what is about to happen and what I need to do, then the fight starts. The cube is bouncy and everyone is on the ground. My part in the fight is dodging pennywise as he morphs into these smaller little blobs of himself that are bouncing around the room. Every time a blob of him gets near me I'm supposed to dodge it, so I'm trying to time where I'm going to jump next to avoid the blobs, a few times they get really close to me but I dodge, at some point a blob starts to expand really close to me but contracts as it gets in my face. At some point I witness this guy decked out in gear killing pennywise's true form as he looked like some sort of demon.

The dream turned to what seemed like the end of a movie involving pennywise. My view is flying in the air looking at this empty forest with hills and possibly a cave, I see pennywise's head in the forest and I wave towards him, his head slightly looks at me. There's no music involved but more of an ambient wind and I hear this faint laugh which meant pennywise was never killed. The movie was supposed to end but I felt like I was sort of trapped in that dream and what would happen next would be him returning so I was panicking to get out of the dream before that happened.

Another scene was this free space where people could create things, there were these tall structures and someone was creating this rollercoaster or maybe a water slide.

2019, 10-22

Skyrim: The Endless Loop

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am on my computer, sitting in my own living room. I am reading a web comic called Cookie and Rose by Cobi van Leeuwen which follows the adventures of two Pusheen sisters named Cookie and Rose and their friends and family. This episode starts out with the ladies entering into an Egyptian pyramid to explore. It is night and the headlights of their jeep provide the only light revealing the entrance. The ladies and a couple other Sheens enter the pyramid. One of them has a map showing the layout of an expansive series of passages and chambers in the pyramid. Shortly after they have entered the main corridor there is a loud noise and the ground disappears from underneath Cookie’s feet. Cookie drops out of sight along with the torch she is carrying. Everysheen gasps and Rose reaches for her sister, but it is too late. Cookie is gone and nosheen knows where to. This is where the episode ends. I leave a comment that says, “COOKIE! NO!” with a shocked emoji. Well that’s enough Facebook for now, I take out my VR headset and start up Skyrim VR.

The game starts up and goes directly to the beginning sequence. I am back in the cart with Ralof, Lokir, and Ulfric. This stupid thing has looped again! I quietly curse at the Thalmor, who I blame for the loop. Then I find myself singing a song from Silent Hill 4 called Tender Sugar… “Not again, not again, not again, this dream I can't awake. What is real, what is real, what is real? It's getting hard for me to take. What I need, what I need, what I need, a little something I rely. And the white sugar gently hides me. Oh the sweet sugar saves me, it's the room that confines me…” The driver of the carriage calls back to stop that singing. I stop singing and I realize Ralof, Lokir, and Ulfric are all staring at me. Can they hear me? This game wasn’t supposed to have voice recognition… Ralof tells me to go ahead and keep singing… what are they going to do? Execute me twice? This sets Lokir off, he says it’s all Ralof’s and Ulfric’s fault that he got captured and if he had his way he would see both of them burned alive over a low fire so it would take a nice long time for them to die. Then he emphasizes that he doesn’t include me in that, he knows I’m no foul Stormcloak and… I tell him to cram it. He does a double take, but then for a wonder, he shuts up.

We arrive in Helgen and go in. I see Elenwen on a horse not far off. I mutter to myself that I will definitely fus her straight to Oblivion this time. A fus, a ro, and a dah and she will go flying off of the highest cliff I can find into the endless abyss. Then I realize I’m thinking aloud and Ulfric is looking at me and I shut up. Now I am in front of the Imperial captain who orders my unjust execution and the lyrics of Metallica come out… “Die, die, die, my darling! Don't utter a single word! Die, die, die, my darling! Just shut your pretty mouth, I'll be seeing you again. I'll be seeing you in Hell!” Then General Tullius is giving his monologue. Ulfric is completely ignoring him and looking at me. This seems to frustrate Tullius a bit, his monologue seems less confident and he finally walks off. Ulfric keeps staring at me. Now Evanescence lyrics from the song Taking Over Me come out, I don’t seem to be able to stop myself… “You don't remember me, but I remember you. I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you. But who can decide what they dream? And dream I do…” The lyrics trail off as I ask if Ulfric somehow DOES remember me… no, that’s impossible. This is another loop.

Everything goes normally from there. They try to have my head off and then Alduin attacks. I follow Ralof and the other Stormcloaks into the tower. But then it hits me that I’ve lost all of the progress I’d made in my previous game. This feels extremely depressing and I just drop to my knees under the weight of the depression. I ignore Ulfric when he says we need to move now, he’s not talking about me. Ralof tells me to get up the tower, but I ignore him, too. I say I think I’ll sit this one out. Ulfric asks what I’m waiting for. I look up, wondering why Ulfric would be addressing me when there are Stormcloaks who need to get away safely, including a wounded Stormcloak near me. I focus healing energy and he recovers. It must have been him Ulfric was talking to. I return to waiting to see what happens if I just sit here. Then someone is pulling me to my feet. I look and see Ulfric. He says he doesn’t know why I have decided to give up so easily… I say I have done this sooooo many times… Ulfric continues and says there’s no way the Dragonborn would give up, we’re leaving now. Then Ralof is also pulling me up. If I don’t go I’ll probably get Ralof and Ulfric killed… but how does Ulfric know I’m Dragonborn? That hasn’t been discovered yet…

I get up and go along with Ulfric and Ralof. Aside from Ulfric being with us everything is following the normal course. I get separated for a bit and have to follow Hadvar until I find Ralof again. I don’t see Ulfric. Ralof says they got separated. The rest of the intro quest goes normally. I take too much pleasure in setting the Imperial captain on fire, the one who ordered my execution even though I wasn’t on the list. Ralof and I get out of Helgen just as Alduin is flying away. Ralof wants to get my promise that there will be no more talk of giving up. I realize my depression has lifted some and I no longer feel like giving this cycle up. I tell Ralof it was a passing depression, and it has passed now. I thank him for helping me. He says we are both safe, that’s what counts. We make our way to Riverwood before I wake up.

Jamie dreams

First dream I think I was making out with her, only i don't think I was me... hmm.


Second dream was a FA, I was looking at a wall and I saw writing from Jamie that said, "I've loved you." Good to hear.

Crazy vivid dream

Started out with I was in a big apartment building and ran into Jaas and Haley from didsbury... Haley had a black eye. I just sort of passed and waved at them.

Later I was with a group of people and i forget a sequence of events.. but I trapped some bad guy inside a piece of paper. don't really understand it myself but i did. Dream logic i guess.

Next part I'm going through a building like a motel. but it looks under construction and a bunch of homeless looking people are there. I'm handed a key to my room and I go through hallways made of plywood. My room doesn't even lock and it's also a thin door made of ply wood. I decide not to stay in it. I get back with the group of people. I somehow let the guy out of the piece of paper. I'm hiding in parts of the room and he starts killing people with a buzz saw. I get behind him and perform a chokehold on him. I hold him there for quite some time and he looks passed out. He gets up right after i let him go and i leave the room with a bunch of people...

2019, 10-17

Underground Slavery

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am playing Skyrim VR. I am in a cage. There is a Dunmer outside the cage gazing in at me. He is wearing green robes and has some mechanical device over his left eye that makes it look like he has been assimilated by the Borg. I ask who he is and he says he is Shanath Selthri, we are now in Sadrith Kegran, and I am his property. I say no, I belong to no one. He says he bought and paid for me so I am his. I tell him I’ve heard enough of that bullshit, I’m out of here. He says not until he lets me out, I can’t even get out of that cage unless he lets me out. I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade and cut through the cage bars, creating an easy exit. Shanath steps back and stares at this and repeats that I am his slave and I must obey him. I find myself speaking in Disturbed lyrics. “I’m no slave, are you feeling brave? Or have you gone out of your mind?” I am thinking to cut him in two but then I stop… he’s no threat to me so there’s no need to kill. Instead I cut my blade through the air just centimeters from his chest. I’m rewarded with a look of fear and smell of urine. He has wet himself. Good enough. I unform my blade and walk out the door.

I exit Shanath’s house into a city with huge glowing mushrooms. Graceful bridges span streams of phosphorescent water and strange crab creatures have glowing things on their backs. It is as bright as noon, but when I look up I see I’m not outside, I’m are in a huge underground cavern. Everything glows a different color, the result is beautiful. I wander through the town looking at the sights. The town is filled with mostly Dunmer, though there are some other people around. I notice the other people are all wearing rags while the Dunmer are wearing brightly colored robes like Shanath had been. I approach a woman in rags and speak to her. She looks at me but doesn’t answer. I try again. A Dunmer in dark pink robes comes over and tells me to leave her slave alone. I tell her she just lost her slave. And unless she wants to lose more than that she will walk away. I am feeling angry as I form my right arm into an Alex Mercer blade and fix the Dunmer woman with what I hope is an intimidating glare. She starts responding with, “How dare you…” but then thinks better of it and hurries off.

I turn my attention back to the woman. She looks scared. I tell her she’s safe with me now and will soon be free. I ask her if she can respond to me. She shakes her head and opens her mouth to reveal she has no tongue. I ask if these foul slave traders did that to her and she nods. I am even angrier now. I focus healing energy on the woman and it is able to regenerate her tongue. Her speech is a bit slurred as if she’s forgotten how to talk properly. She then points behind me. I look and see the woman from earlier along with a Dunmer man in green robes and several guards. The Dunmer woman points at me and says I’m the one who was so arrogant as to think I can take her slave. I glare at both of them and say true arrogance is thinking you have the right to abduct innocent people and bring them into an existence of forced labor and imprisonment. I tell her that ends now. I am taking the slaves with me. I will heal them and set them free. I brandish my Alex Mercer blade and add that if anyone interferes they will find themselves minus more than just a couple slaves.

I keep the slave woman close to me as I go to look for more. The guards block my way. I still have hope of getting out without killing so I fus the group of five guards. FUS-RO-DAH! The guards fly backwards and land in a pile. I tell them that is the last non-lethal method I will use, so do not interfere! The Dunmer man says I can’t leave so I might as well give up. I ignore him and go off to find more slaves. I find more and heal their tongues. I have a dozen slaves with me when we head for the exit. When I go to pass through I feel my energy getting drained. I see I have an amulet on that is doing it. I pull the amulet off and throw it on the ground. I see they are all wearing the amulets so I take all of the amulets off and leave them in a pile on the ground. We all walk out of a cave and into the sunlight. Everyone seems to be unsure of what to do. I figure they need money to start a new life. I pull a purse full of gold from my robes. I have tons of it! I give each person 10,000 gold to start with and I still have tons left. What do I want to spend it on? I’ll hang on to it for now. I wake up here.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

It's night, the light in my garage turns on and I take a peak through the window. I see a guy inside my fence, by the gate near the pine tree. I can tell he is Asian and is wearing sunglasses, which is bizarre. I knock on the window and make a face like " hey, what are you doing here?" and he runs away, exiting through the gate. I get out and go after him. As soon as I turn on the road after my house to follow him, there is a building and he goes up a central staircase, many stories high. I look up to spot him but soon I lose him because there are many other people going up and down.

At my mom's. She is in the bathroom and I am in my old bedroom. I feel an itch on my legs and realize I have a few infected pores. As I watch it closely, more and more pores are getting weird, purplish, engorging, becoming furuncules. They grow so large, they become like mushrooms. I pop some of them. It is disgusting. [COLOR="#FF0000"]But I realize I am dreaming. So just for fun, I turn the mushroom furuncules into flowers. At first it is not so easy to do it, but once I get the gist, I enjoy a wave of all types of flowers in all the colors of the rainbow, sprouting through my skin and blossoming and then giving way to other flowers. It is ticklish, I really feel them bursting out and growing, it is a strange and wonderful sensation. Also it is so incredibly beautiful to watch. As a final touch, I look to the palms of my hands and visualize a lotus flower blossoming in each of them. They do appear, one white lotus in each hand, first the leafs, then the flowers opening. Then I feel so light and glowy and I naturally start floating. I want to cross the wall and fly away but my mom calls for me and I turn back, because I don't want to scare her, even if it's in a dream. On the hallway I find my friend Belchior instead of my mom. He smiles at me, doesn't say a word and I realize there is nothing keeping me here. I keep floating on air and I feel like I am expanding in size. The ceiling can't contain me. I cross through the wall and ceiling and I am floating outside. Not like flying with effort or conscientiously, just standing weightless in the air. I can see my feet. Then I see a golden throne set up in the middle of the street in front of my mom's building. I float towards it and notice a golden Buddha statue which I touch and then I am inside four walls. It is an all white and gold room, marble floors and walls, rich golden curtains and sofas and beautiful big Buddha statues everywhere, in gold or white stone, in Tibetan, Thai and other styles. There is a panoramic window to a garden outside and passageways to other rooms. An Asian man comes in in servants clothing and welcomes me. Then a few ladies also appear, with foods to serve or just offering their services. I am a bit overwhelmed and then two beautiful cats come strutting in my direction. This feels like heave and I feel that I could stay here forever and just be pampered. But why and for what? Then I wonder where this servants come from? Do they have a life and a family? Why do they work for me? Do they suffer? I can't accept having servants. I could not enjoy paradise.
I go outside to the garden. There is a glass wall separating it from some corridors that go around it and where normal people are circulating and going somewhere. I spot a girl I seem to know and I have a dejá vu. I feel like I have been here before and have seen that girl before in that exact place, but in a somewhat different situation, one in which I was her equal. But now I am separated by a wall, in a garden with waterfalls and she looks lonely and sad. I do something that breaks the separation and now they all can see me and come inside the garden. I try to talk to the girl, but it becomes quite chaotic with people talking in groups, mingling and hanging out. There is one one dude going around imitating a cow mooing.

At some nice Portuguese town, on a break from some professional training I am attending but which I do not care about at all. The lady that usually assists me at the parish council, sees me and comes talk to me about how good this training is and professional opportunities that might arise from it and I'm like "oh c'mon, I dont give a shit about it and I am not even staying 'till the end". She is a bit shocked.
I go to the next door, which is a clinic of sorts and check their vending machine at the entrance for some snacks. Also at the entrance are a few patients freaking out because the electronic system that registers the patients is down and they can't get to their appointment. I calm them down and I feel compassion for them and somehow I create the conditions for the system to be fixed.

Then outside again I see Rinpoche coming down the street with the usual entourage and I bow down as he passes by. He enters the next door and some people enter after him and close it behind, while others stay outside guarding the entrance. I feel bold and uninhibited and I say to them I'd like to go in. They say definitely no and then they also go inside and shut the door again. So I put my hand through the door and I hear them freaking out. They still don't open. So I just cut out a hole on the door with my fingers so I can look inside. Rinpoche is in another room deeper inside. I finally manage to go inside so they let me sit at a desk alongside other people waiting for a chance to meet Rinpoche.

Jamie

This dream was a little turn from how she's usually been lately. Just a dream at her house where I am trying to talk to her but she's painfully pretending I don't exist... What did I do now?

Pennywise

After Seeing "It," in theatres and taking to the audio books I had two related dreams... first is seeing a big white wall Pennywise is there with big red balloons which I don't really find scary. Two days later it's the same dream but he's taunting me about Jamie... implying he may have captured her dream self or something, Which I don't particularly believe...


Other non lucids


I had some vivid ones but they are fading... First is of being in a room and cuddling some girl in bed, but she's a character from 13 reasons why... We both realize that we don't really like eachother and I leave. Which leads to a scene of her me and a bunch of other kids jumping into a lake from a high water fall.

some dream with my brother in it. He takes me to some homosexual bathhouse... I'm disturbed and don't want to go. He tells me to buy a locker or something and i see a guy with a big beard at the desk. I'm still grossed out so I leave the place.

Morning of October 6, 2019. Sunday.

Dream #: 19,284-04. Reading time: 1 min 40 sec.



Induction: I am sitting in an armchair wearing headphones in an unknown residence. The room is not well-lit. I listen to various vocal sounds on a tape playing in a cassette deck to my left, some that are partial affirmations related to dreaming, though there is the usual gibberish. I do not maintain full dream state awareness (though my perception remains instinctual, as the processes are the same, lucid or not).

I see many maidenhair ferns in small plant pots. It is a beautiful tranquil sight. I feel I am where I should be. I notice it now seems to be late morning.

Wall mediation with a vestibular precursor: I see a shadow at the glass-paneled door. It seems to be an uninvited ninja who has a crowbar that soon emerges between the door and door frame. I suspect this may relate to the cassette I am listening to, so I pull the jack from the cassette deck and remove my headphones. As I do, the door makes a light shutting sound, and there is no ninja. (Pulling a jack from a stereo is the opposite of what I typically do in dreams to vivify and sustain cortical arousal. In addition to a typical preconscious personification, the ninja is a vestibular simulacrum, which transitions into flight autosymbolism in the next scene.)

More wall mediation and vestibular processing: I turn about to see a winter forest setting beyond an open wall. I enjoy the beauty of the scene as the snowflakes strike my face. The time has changed again, and it now seems early evening. A jet flies overhead (unrealistically slow). I see its shadow rise on the trunk of a tree, and I lift my arms to mimic the shape. I am unsure if they are searching for the ninja or me. I decide to take to the sky and become one with the jet to gain control of the whole region. (I fly vertically straight up.)

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The tree with the rising shadow of the jet is a process whereby the tree is a representation of how my physical body does not move while I am sleeping. The flight association is the precursor to vestibular arousal. Rather than the drop, I fly up and out of my dream as I have many times since childhood. Vehicles of any kind (including aircraft) are typically a result of the imaginary physicality of the dream state, each having specific nuances and associations with different levels of muscularity and anticipation of the drop.

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The dream scene was this giant crowd of people looking at a stage and cheering. I look at the stage to see my buddy Moo up there and he's about to perform a cover performance of Logic, but before he starts he gets out this little ring box, gets on one knee, and proposes to his girlfriend. She flicks the ring up in the air and it lands on her finger and then they kiss as the crowd cheers. Then Moo starts rapping a song. The crowd is now a bunch of rows of seats on a plane but you can't really see the roof or the wings, it's just the seats and we're flying through the air low to the ground. I'm running up and down the aisles talking to various people. At some point there's an old lady on the plane that we think is psychic who sort of mutters to herself that the plane is going down. People catch wind so everyone goes back to their seats and buckles up. We look in the distance and we see this massive explosion going off. We're in the mountains now on some highway system and our plane tips over and is now this 18 wheeler turned on its side sliding down the highway.

We're now in this factory and someone is explaining out loud that this is a gang in another country where you can come and go as you please. 1/5 of the time you're doing legal work and the rest is illegal stuff. The factory shifts and now it's some sort of water slide attraction but you can also put skewers of meet in the water slide and it'll go through to be cooked. I see my Dad going through the slide and he tells me to get in. I'm leaning over the stream of water trying to grab some skewers to throw them in with us but keep missing. The skewers hit this little catch thing hanging down that let the skewers in systematically. I see some other people riding through the system.

At some point I'm on a beach with my buddy thomas. The idea is that we're at a festival walking somewhere. We see this girl who we think is a porn star. Thomas decides he wants to get a picture with her so he asks this random person to take a picture of them. The person takes the picture tells me to go stand with them too so I go to the other side of the girl and smile for the picture. Thomas is doing some quick movements jumping around the camera. I throw up a peace sign and the porn star does this weird symbol with her hands like she puts her wrists together and her fingers jut out diagonally. We get the picture and start walking away. We see some attractions and we notice there's this row of computer workers all dressed in bathing suits like it was some perk of the job that they could tan and work there.

Morning of October 5, 2019. Saturday.

Dream #: 19,283-02. Reading time: 1 min 15 sec.



I am in an unknown ambiguous setting with the common factor of indoor-outdoor ambiguity. The area is not well-lit. While it is implied to be outside, I also sense it is inside a big building with a high ceiling. The floor/ground is smooth.

I am pulling a rope from a horizontally-oriented reel on a buckboard wagon. I vividly feel the movements and sensations in my arms as I pull the rope. The wooden vehicle is at least six feet away (facing away), and the reel, its width nearly that of the wagon, is under the seat. The rope is coming from up and behind the reel.

I am guiding the rope at about waist-level to an unfamiliar man who is standing about six feet beyond a cattle fence. He, in turn, is guiding the rope to an unseen man farther away (whom I sense may be sitting or lying down). I am unaware of a backstory that might explain why I am here. Eventually, the end of the rope prevents farther pulling as it is attached to the reel.

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The unseen man is my potential emerging consciousness. The man I am guiding the rope to is my preconscious (the personification of my reticular activating system and vestibular cortex) though here as a subliminally summoned vestibular witness (for correlation and potential coalescence). The buckboard wagon is autosymbolism for my physicality while in the dream state (as all single vehicles often are). The rope, attached to the reel/“real” ends because my dream self’s fictitious mental model cannot move my real physical body. In this case, the fence is autosymbolism for the virtual division between subliminal and liminal space, though typically the division between subliminal or liminal space and wakefulness. The reel is under the seat of the wagon as an association with being able to get up. (In this case, there is no drop or anticipation of one.)

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2019, 10-04

Fus You, You Foul Bullies!

Regular Dream - Video Game / Semi-lucid - Lucid Dream - Notes

I am in high school. I’m a student. Everyone is outside doing a scavenger hunt. There are items we are supposed to gather. Everyone is looking. I find a trash can with plastic bottles in it so I collect the bottles. I want to recycle them. A couple of girls laugh at me for going through the garbage. I go inside the library and find a girl reading. She finishes some soda in a red plastic cup and throws the cup away. She gets a new cup out and pours more soda. Why doesn’t she use the same cup? I go and pull the cups from the trash. The girl asks if I’m recycling. I say yes. She drinks the soda in her current cup and hands it to me before taking out another new cup. I say she can use the same cup. She laughs and pours into the new cup. I am annoyed as I leave the library. It is dark outside. I didn’t think I’d been inside that long. I start walking home. After I go a short distance, I think I’m going the wrong way. I keep going and I come to a bridge. This isn’t the way home! There are people on the bridge that look like they’re arguing. I head over there. I rub my nose and something seems off, so I pinch my nose to do a reality check. I’m dreaming!

The arguing from the people on the bridge sounds like it’s getting serious. I get closer and I hear them talking to each other, something about a hat. When I get closer still I hear expletives, some nasty slurs referring to gay people. Then the fight starts. Three guys start beating the crap out of a fourth while a fifth calls out for help. I go over there and the man calling for help tells me to go get help, fast, before they kill Ade! I don’t need help for a few bullies. I go over to them and yell at them to stop. I get their attention. One kicks the man they have been beating one more time before coming towards me. The man on the ground is writhing in pain. One of the bullies who looks to be the leader asks what I’m going to do if they won’t stop? He calls me a little girl and tells me to go away before he decides it’s ok to hit girls. I tell them to leave the two men alone or else. He asks or else what? Am I going to cry? I say no, but I will fus them off this bridge. He starts to undo his pants and says he’ll give me a fus I’ll never forget. He approaches me. I ask if they’re refusing to leave the two men alone. He says he’ll finish with them after he’s done with me.

I surreptitiously position myself where I can hit the three bullies with one fus. I tell the lead bully he’s done right now then I fus all three of them. FUS-RO-DAH! The force blasts all three bullies off the bridge. I look after the three of them and I see the splashes as they hit the water below. They struggle for a bit to regain full motion and then swim for the shore. They are swimming for different places on the shore, but that’s not a problem. They’ll live. I see someone waiting on the bank where the lead bully is heading. That person is dressed in a clown suit! What the fus is a clown doing down there? The man who had been calling for help asks me how I did that. I pay no attention, I am watching the clown as he pulls the lead bully out of the water. The bully, clearly angry and not wanting help, pulls his arm free of the clown and glares at him. That makes the clown mad. The clown’s face transforms into one big maw with what looks like hundreds of razor-sharp shark teeth. The lead bully is screaming in terror when the clown literally bites his face off! What kind of monster is that? I jump off the bridge to go after what I am thinking must be a demon of some kind. But instead of falling into the water I fall into bed and wake up.

The dream was at my dad's old house. Usually these dreams are more like nightmares with ghosts and a sense of wanting to leave but it wasn't quite like that. I was waiting for my dad to get back from the garage.

I had another dream a few nights ago in a town that backed up into the woods. The sky was grey. There was this massive structure that was like a tower but much less fortified, it felt like it could fall at any moment. The idea was that someone was going to jump off possibly to hurt themselves. The dream ended up shifting to this modern house that had been abandoned. There was a pool that had been emptied out. One of my coworker's R was there and we were flirting or something like that. At some point there was a hottub in the house and there was a group of people in there that I knew.


Another dream about being in the woods. I had ran up this tree a few steps and suddenly I'm clinging to the top limb of this wobbly tree and I just want to get down but I'm afraid of falling.