All DJ Entries

I am either at a concert or watching a recording of one. I seem to be extremely close to the small stage, with a point of view a bit taller than I really am. I think it’s the Jerry Garcia Band playing, though I can only see Jerry on the dim stage. He looks like an early 70s Jerry right now and in the next moment he looks like a 90s Jerry. This makes me wonder if this is a recording or some kind of psychedelic experience (i.e. me just hallucinating his earlier appearance). He sings and fumbles with some lyrics but returns to the right words with a grin. He’s now singing Friend of the Devil and does the same thing. Someone in the crowd starts singing the wrong verse - Jerry confidently sings the correct one and then says “nice try.”



I am in an airport or other large, public place. I need to find a bathroom and end up walking into one (there are no walls or signs or anything). This space is slightly raised and features a dozen or more circular booth tables. Walking closer, I see that they are not tables but an almost full circle or urinals. There are so many of them and it’s so empty in here that it's almost both peaceful and overwhelming. I pick one that seems to be slightly off to the side in case someone else shows up.



I am getting on a bus. The driver, a lady with a perfectly relaxed and peaceful energy, stops me on the way in to give me what looks like a stamp or a blotter. She has a small stack of them and picks one out for me. It features a tiny psychedelic design, what looks like space or just a stellar design. This bus is smaller and has been converted. Melissa is with me and we sit on its floor, against some pillows. The energy here is also incredibly peaceful and relaxed.

Another lucid, another entry.

I awoke in the middle of the night. Usually, I go about it by getting out of my bed, maybe drinking some water, and going back to bed to do the attempt. This time though, I didn't really feel like doing all of that. I decided to try something new. I'm sure you've felt very drowsy after waking up; so drowsy that you can barely open your eyes and have to try really hard to do so. I was in this state. I resolved to at least fully open my eyes, since I wasn't going to get up. Turns out, that was the perfect amount of awareness I needed. The moment my eyes were fully open, I laid down and closed them again. I did my relaxation breaths, and began saying my mantra. Almost immediately, I was going into a dream. If you guys have ever seen the new Moon Knight show, then the transition from wakefulness to dreaming was like when the main character blacks out.

The dream, like the last 7, was less than ideal. After I got up, it was so real that I had to check to see if I was dreaming. I kicked a nearby radiator, and I didn't feel any pain. Right now I'm unable to describe it well. It was vivid, but also not vivid. I still did not feel like I was fully in the dream world, but the dream world itself was clear.

So, I recalled back to when I kept reading these stories where people just shout "Stabilize" or something like that and it works. I thought stabilization was based on sensory input so I wasn't really sure it would work, but I was open to the possibility since anything is possible within a dream. So, last night, I tried something similar. I said, "Ok, Dream. When I snap my fingers, I want you to stabilize. I want this dream to be as clear and as Vivid as possible, OK? 3,2,1..." I snapped, and nothing changed. I snapped again, and still nothing. The dream ended shorty thereafter.

For reasons I don't think I've made clear here, I think i'm rushing. It used to be because I was racing to try and stabilize the dream before it ended, of course to no avail. I'm rushing now because I just want to get it over with so I can do cool things in my dream. I've got to take it much slower than I am, I think.

Still, it is kind of frustrating. I have problems with dream control despite believing in myself. I thought that was all you needed. Even once I got past the stabilization hurdle, I want to summon something, but I've never been able to do it. I've controlled the dream before. In a lucid a while back, I was flying. After I landed, I couldn't summon anything. In my first lucid ever, I tried to summon something but again, nothing worked. It seems like that action in particular is where I'm having problems, but to be fair, I haven't tried much else. The only other thing is stabilization, but is that dream control or just stimulating my senses? I guess now that I think of it, I don't really know what it means to stabilize. I guess it means to stimulate as many senses as possible to boost your presence in the dream.

Well in any case, commanding the dream to stabilize didn't work last night, so I guess I'll try touching stuff and rubbing my hands together. Maybe I'll stretch or spin around. I wonder if exercise works. Anyway, after that, I'll try and find a dream character so I can talk to my subconscious about where my mental block is. Maybe then I can finally get some dream control. I should probably take my time too; maybe then I'll actually get a dream that lasts longer than 2 minutes.

I think I have to treat this as the beginning of my journey. I'm getting frustrated because I've been at this for years now, but It's only the last 3 months where I've actually learned anything. It was then that WILD finally clicked for me, and I was able to use it to get consistent Lucid dreams. Maybe acting as if I only started learning how to lucid dream 3 months ago will help reduce frustration.

**As for the blue guy that showed up to make me lucid a couple weeks ago, (I named him Azure) He has yet to appear since then. Sad

2022 May 8th

Fragment:

Something like NMS. Flying through space in a system of a few planets. There's a Dyson sphere surface (like in FL before entry) and there's a planet which just seems to be melding or embedded with the sphere surface (which in itself appears impossibly flat). Something feels slightly trippy as I start to warp towards this planet.

(recall gap)

Border control place, at an Arabic-looking kind of building. Some kind of ID is needed to enter this place, which is an unspecified foreign country.

(recall gap)

Then I'm in a drawing class. Feels like college but with a mix of university too. There are photocopies of classical Roman-themed drawings which are sitting upright on a conveyor system and going around the classroom. I'm late to the class and don't get a brief and such. I start trying to draw based on one drawing of a gladiator down on the floor, the composition is focused on his head, wearing one of those brass helms. (Like in Jean-Leon Gerome's "Pollice Verso")

I get about halfway through drawing this with a BIC pen and then somebody takes away the reference drawing I was using. I get annoyed by this and I try to simply wait to get it back and make attempts on my own to continue my drawing but it seems like it's not going to happen. I try to ask my tutor V for help but this doesn't go so well because he's trying to talk and me and others keep interrupting him and he forgets where he was with it, so he never really finishes circling around to any of us.

Then the class is ending and my drawing remains unfinished, even though I'd been trying to make do without the reference. As people are leaving, someone takes the drawing I was working on, though I don't realise at first. When I do realise, I get annoyed and a bit frustrated by how everything was going.

I just can't find the drawing anywhere and assume someone stole it. V and JC were waiting for me to finish looking because V was offering to give us a ride home and now they've been waiting a bit too long and just leave without me. It's now night time outside and there are other people around, so I am unable to distinguish who they are or where they went, in the dark.

At this point I try to reverse time, without much fine control over how much time to reverse. The dream ends after a failed attempt where I reverted time too much, I think.

Notes:

- The main "trippy" thing about what was going on in the first segment was more or less what I could only ever describe as a feeling of dread when I first played some games like FL and when I experimented with placing planets and objects in such ways that the effect was so unnatural and which meant that when physically navigating these instances in a ship created a feeling very much like a fear of unknown and a sensation like falling. I can't really describe the effect on me too well because it has always felt particularly unique and I've never heard any special term for it, so weak comparisons are the best I can do.

- I haven't thought much at all about something like the mentioned gladiator's painting for quite some time, though it is definitely amongst my favourites in paintings of such styles. The closest thing I can think of right now that has any associative resemblance would be thinking of a hairstyle for a character for H.
-- The other aspect of this in the segment, is that the drawn reference of the gladiator that I was looking at was exceptionally well drawn and originally in graphite. The dead gladiator's expression was that of shock, looking sideways to his right, which relative to the position of his head would be "up". The point of view was at eye level to the dead gladiator and there was a fracture or some other kind of damage to the helmet. I distinctly recall there being chainmail under his helm.

- The whole atmosphere to the drawing/college segment was one of a transitional phase, much like university actually had been. There was some dedication on my part but I was still not "in tune" with all of it. Although I do not recall exactly the quality of my own work too much in this segment, it wasn't too far off the original drawing I was looking at for reference. Symbolically, as this had the feel of a transitional phase and there are aspects of hindrances and frustrations, this is likely related to some of my current issues, which are not with some external factor this time but with an internal one, since it reflects the seriousness I want to put in while also reflecting something of myself to be lacking, with regards to having the required drive to push myself along where I want to go. (I am not feeling able to adequately express the sentiment of the relevance of this to myself right now)

- Again this dream shows a strong symbolic element relating to three principles; individuality, group and collective, which seem to be strongly recurring elements at present, or perhaps my mind is much more focused on noticing this type of recurring element lately.

Explanation: A dream map is an interconnecting map detailing places you've been to or seen in your dreams, lucid or not. If a line connects two places, they are connected, if not they are not. Question marks depict a recall gap. I got the idea for a dream map from a certain thread on Uboachan's yume board. It's very fun seeing how your dreams connect to one another and helps you remember the landscapes so you may go back to them later and explore more.

The first through third editions of my dream map are nothing special. So I'm starting here on the most recent fourth.

Attached Thumbnails

 

2022 May 7th

8:20
Dream:

I'm on WoW, I'm playing as a human paladin, by the gear probably level 30ish. Model is vanilla style. I'm with a female caster, a night elf or a human, I think it changes. We're part of the same guild, one which I just joined very recently and we're doing a quest together. This is an alt for her, but this is a main for me. She has a mechanical squirrel mount. She's the same level or a bit higher and her character seems more life-like and "flowing" in terms of animations.

There's another player nearby from the guild who is at max level. The quest me and the caster are doing requires killing an NPC that is scripted to put a certain buff on us, but I kill the NPC too fast at first. I think I apologise and get the feeling she may be annoyed by the fact I killed it too fast. A random player of a similar level appears and joins us for the quest. We do the thing properly this time and then this player leaves us again. Neither of us lost much health and I sufficiently use a holy light rank one to heal her. I think about how I wish I had flash of light.

She quickly goes to duel the max level guildie nearby and gets very low HP, so I use some current-rank holy light casts on her. I think she's amused by all of this. She says she's spoken to management and I've been cleared (DRG intrusion) for "dungeon proc ID". I'm not sure what this means but can guess, I tell her. She tells me that she can see the raw data and where ores/herbs spawn and such like.

Earlier. I'm with other guild members in a large communal bed thing, about seven of us I think? We're all supposedly trying to sleep. And at the foot-end of the bed there's player information, like there would be in the guild roster, but physical. I'm next to all the other paladins, I see, and many of whom are level 70, max level I think. I'm a noob in the guild. The guild has been around for seven years, I think to myself, and then I spot this paladin who's been here for five years and several months, being one of the oldest members who's still around.

Even earlier. Something about an adventure and a town on water and natives or something. (Was not interested enough to write down recall and too tired.)

10:00
Fragment:

Another WoW dream. Something about being a rogue. I'm in a forest not unlike Feralas and there are tall mountain sides near where I am. Again, something to do with a guild and a quest. I remember looking through or into a tree trunk of a large tree?

9th
Notes:

- These dreams have two primary meanings that I'm seeing currently; one part is a sense of nostalgia for what playing the game was like, while the other part is the currently recurring collective aspect to my dreams lately.

(Need to make further notes on this but am unable to concentrate enough at present)

2022 May 3rd

Dream:

I'm somewhere with H, at or near some kind of compound. His dad or a friend of his dad's is around too. There's something about precious stones in the compound, they spawn at random and in areas inhabited by some unusual creatures. It's not a nature reserve or anything like that, it's more like it's been abandoned despite still being apparently owned by someone. One of these strange creatures is a cat thing, the size of a dog and with more legs. It wants scratches but I'm wary of it, as it also wants to escape if given a chance, so I'm mindful about the door and my position. I consider that these animals may all be dangerous.

I find one of the stones nearby and I leave. I somehow know it's worth 100K or so. I tell H and I feel proud and relieved, since it will be a huge help to us. I think to myself that we should make sure people aren't needlessly making this place known publicly or we won't even get a chance to get some more stones when we need the money.

Later, a group of people who had also been getting gemstones is near an exit area. One of the people in the group is D, old school friend. Most of them seem a bit greedy, having hoarded many stones, rather than just getting one or two. I say to them that I can't see why they can't be more reasonable, and that I would always try to compromise when possible.

(recall gap)

Some other bit, also in some complex?


2022 May 4th

Dream:

(Left recall a bit late)

I'm at home with H. We go into the kitchen to do something. We're naked? I open the blinds and see a bunch of the neighbourhood kids out the back, some on the walls, others in the yard itself. (Quick note, this actually happened four days later, on the 8th)

We motion from inside for them to get out and such, and then we go out a side door from the kitchen to the back, where the heart should have been. I lose track of H. In the yard, I see that some of the kids look a bit miserable, they're stuck in here by accident and I now feel sorry for them, and less upset about the fact they're here.

Then, the back wall changes when I'm not paying attention. It's a cut-down wooden fence and I see loads of people around, playing around, having BBQs and so on. To my right, I see that we're on a sort of large plateau area and there are new apartment buildings in this area, some still being built. About twenty story high each. One has a green-ish and white colour scheme going. It's no wonder there are so many people here, I now feel. I feel annoyed and get into a sort of argument with a random woman, I think she was someone from school. As a character, I express confusion at all this and feel neglected. I ask why they built all this, why didn't the local authority let us know about any of it? And so on. I get unsatisfactory replies and just feel more and more frustrated.

Later. At a supermarket inside a larger mall. (Like one in A but bigger) Initially I'm with H but then we split up because I need to go swap some pasta cheese ice cream thing. It looks like it has a blue cheese in it. Then, that woman from before again, she shows me some chocolate ice cream like knock-off Magnums. I try a sample or something, and so does she.

I dreamt about a price-gouging resort that had a bunch of computers, it also had its own currency (like "limbra pounds", "l£") eventually after getting into a spat about fall damage with the owner, I started a revolution and riot with the unhappy guests. There was also a lot of computers lying about, a lot of them had old windows 95 games on them. There was also one of my friends being possesed by a shapeshifting reptillian, and a vending machine that dispensed old grape fanta that had a promotion from the 2000s on them.

I also dreamt about Deltarune, there was a "Mirror" universe everyone found themselves in. Everything was flipped, and after the party found themselves in trouble, they found Frisk, who appeared to be able to shapeshift in and out of a goat form, as well as conjure objects.

I also remember taking a shopping cart from one world to another, and seeing alternate versions of my family.

I was basically reliving the years when my mom had dad had just divorced and I lived alone with dad. We barely talked. He had a new girlfriend (black girl, kind of cute) almost immediately, which I despised. He called me down for dinner, but when I got there he just placed two plates for him and his GF, and ignored me completely as if I wasn't even there. I said, "fine, if it's going to be like this, I'm headed back upstairs". I did. At some point, while heading downstairs for dinner, I came across some pretty deep water. I decided to try and walk on water by running really quickly. It worked, I only sank an inch of so into the water, but made it across.

In the next dream I was with a girl, engaging in some foot fetishist sex. She enjoyed it.

I dreamed I was in school, as in college. But it was a weird school and I forgot quite what class I was taking. And I had an assignment to go pick a certain type of plant that grew wild in the area(the 'school' itself was a cabin somewhere I think I had classmates but I don't remember them well).
So I went out to pick the plants, but the as I drove up to the field I was going to take them from, I saw that a storm was coming. The sky got darker and darker and I saw streaks of lightning. I wasn't lucid but I was aware enough to know that I, picking the plants in that field, would be the tallest object around and that was dangerous. So I shot a quick video on my phone showing the sky and lightning and explaining that would not be completing the assignment on time(it was due that evening for some reason) because it just wasn't safe.
Back at the school, I showed the video as evidence to the teacher, who said I could it later, no problem. A classmate who had gone somewhere else to pick the plants gave hers to the teacher. I wandered away to play with a small dog on the cabin's porch.
---
Cut to me at my retail job. I was still somehow in the cabin but it looked a little more like a storefront now. I went to the register to ring a guy up. I forgot what he was buying aside from a magazine. The guy was friendly and quite good-looking and I was talking to him, I forget about what. Then I noticed that the magazine was called Transmasc, short for trans masculine. So am I. I wanted to strike up a conversation based on that, but I wasn't out in the dream just like in real life, so I kept quiet within earshot of my coworkers. For the last few seconds of the dream, after the guy had left, I was staring at the magazine display and trying to figure out an excuse for buying a remaining copy of Transmasc that wouldn't look weird.

So I'm chilling in kikos house, I go outside to feed some plantain to the bird feeder. As I exit the house I notice there were two new birds in the corridor but on the right side of the house, not by the feeder. So I go inside the house to not scare them, the birds were big and veryy beautiful, the colors were of all the phases of blue and purple, I googled them and found out it's called the Victoria crowned pigeon, they had a very beautiful blue crest on their head, they were very exotic birds indeed. So I'm inside the house spying on them and so is my uncle, so I whisper to him to bring me my cellphone so I can record them, and so he does.
I get my cellphone, I peak outside the house to record them and one of them says "Hello", I look over to my uncle and he says that he didn't speak. I look back at the birds and the bird says "Yes, I'm talking to you", I got scared for a bit because a bird was talking to me.
I said: "Heello (shaky voice), please don't go, I won't harm you"
Male bird: "Yes, I know you won't"
And so our conversation started.
I started asking questions, and the first obvious one I asked was:
me: "How can you speak in spanish?"
Then both of the birds started talking to me,
Birds: "We are special beings from another planet, we have lived on earth for many years now and we learned how to speak with humans and with birds. We really enjoy your planet earth so we like being here, we know how to speak really good spanish "
My uncle disappeared, we were us three speaking. They never told me why they visited me.
They also told me their names, their names reminded me of the greek alphabet but their is no way I could remember this.
Me:" from where do you guys come from?"
Birds: "We come from another planet, we travel through portals."
Portals just like you see in the movies.
Me: "how do you make the portals?"
Birds: "They told me the name of a very weird material that they used to make the portals, it was something from their planet that made it possible to open the portal."
Me: "Does your planet have a sun?"
Birds:"Yeah, of course"
Me: "How is your sun, yellow like mine?"
Birds: "It's actually more orange than yours."
Me: "Is the oxygen of your planet like earth?"
Birds: "Yeah it is, you could actually go to our planet and breath normally"
Me: "What is the predominant or superior species of your planet?"
Birds: "It's us, my species, in our bird form, we also have an ability to transform into different creatures but we like the human form. With our intelligence our species is the most powerful one of our planet, our planet is about 500 (light years or something) away. The only way humans can get there is by using the portal. One time we saw a human in our planet but we think he was astral projecting because he disappeared suddenly or maybe he died."
Me: "Can you guys speak with the bird species of earth?"
Birds: "yeah we can, we can speak in their language"
Me: "Do birds speak to each other when they tweet at each other?"
Birds: "All birds of earth speak the same language, an eagle can speak with a pigeon, when you hear a bird tweet it's actually a secret phrase, it's actually a coded message that only the same species knows and the tweet actually means a long sentence. For example a short tweet can mean - go away fast that they are hunting us"

Then both of them transformed into their human form, I couldn't see the process in which they transformed to humans, I only saw them as humans, it was a man and a woman.
Then they explained to me that they needed to to a ritual in order to conserve their energy and to recharge their energy so they could maintain their shape and open portal, this ritual consisted of something with hugging a lot and being very close to each others bodies.
They showed me a portal, I could see through the portal and the other side in their planet, I saw the portal but I was scared of entering it because maybe I couldn't return to my body.

I'm at a beach, I've never seen this beach before but the ocean didn't have blue water, it was more like the cartagena beach.
I was at this beach with a dance partner (Julissa) and we were walking in the water but the tide was really low so we could see the ocean floor, although there was nothing really interesting to find on the floor. Me and Juli grabbed a shell so we could keep it as a souvenir.
We then decided to walk towards a local park that was very near, it was an ecological park that had many animals, it was like an animal zoo. To get there we had to go through a forest, we start our journey and I notice that the floor was infested with thousands of crabs, white/pink crabs all crawling around the forest floor. As I'm walking over the crabs I was being very careful that a crab didn't bite me because I had sandals on and I was worried for my feet.
After completing the journey across the crabs we come to an open road inside the forest. We follow this path and as we're walking I notice that ahead of us some weird footprints start appearing out of nowhere. The floor was wet so you could easily see the shape of the footprint, and it was from a horse. The footprints started going faster away from us, I came to the conclusion that it was a ghost horse or something like that and it was going fast, we couldn't see it because the horse was transparent but we could see it's print.
I told July to take out her phone and to start recording the scene, in the video you could clearly see how the footprints were being formed out of thin air, at this point we were running behind the prints. After chasing him a little bit more the horse went to a stop, then I could clearly see it's silhouette. I saw it's silhouette because I noticed it had an BLUE aura around him, it was a very bright blue aura, a blue like the color of a horse, a very beautiful blue, I loved that color of the horses aura. Then after I saw it's aura the horse turned visible again, you could see the horse now and it was a black horse, a very big and beautiful black horse.
I was that we had made it to the entrance of the park we were going to, we left the horse behind and entered. We go in the park and it was a total chaos inside. All the animals had escaped, the tourists were running from the animals, everything was crazy, people screaming, we went inside, ran a bit to the right side of the park and ended up in a small wooden cabin. Inside the cabin there were many kittens!
There were 2 adult cats and 4 small kittens, we played with the little kittens. They were so adorable! I was playing with them, they were really small, I carried them around and petted them. Juli notices that one of the cats had a pattern of stripes, I analyzed them and realized it was a baby leopard! I was playing with a small baby leopard. I tell her that we have to take him to a guard that can care for him. I'm going outside the cabin and as I'm going outside the door I see a big adult tiger outside looking at me right in my eyes.
This tiger had a collar so he was from the zoo but had escaped. I look at him and he jumps at my to try to eat me, I quickly close the door so we stayed locked inside. The tiger was very beautiful, amazing orange and black stripes, big and alpha but he wanted to eat me jeje.
So we look outside through the window to check when the tiger was gone, as soon as he left we go outside the cabin. We come across a path were we saw all sorts of birds passing by, Ducks, turkeys, and all sorts of the duck family. The dream ends with me trying to find a guard to hand over the small leopard.

Two weeks later I visit a farm that had the exact birds I was on this dream, the farm was in támesis.

So, I'm in my room. A dream one that's a little off but dream me does not notice that. It's in first person. Outside of my window I see the sky with clouds floating below me, I'm pretty high up I guess. (something happened to get here but I don't remember it.) The sky shifts into a dark, bloody crimson and starts storming as in my room blood akin to Silent Hill wall textures starts appearing on my walls. This is a strange start already. Me, considerably confused, feels it is best for me to immediately take out a weapon. It's an old iron flail mace. I can control the chain too, or at least I could handle it much easier. The main event comes and a stone face with the expression of one of those sad theatre masks comes out of the wall and glows. I knew in my dream mind that something was coming and prepared, it was a sort of boss rush in a video game but for me in reality. I couldn't see who was saying it, but a crowd of people chanted "FIIIIGHT!!! KIIIILL!!!" in my mind over and over, which pumped me up.

Out of the face and into my room came swarthy hoards of these humanoid beasts ripped out of uncanny valley, things that looked human but weren't quite to downright a new species. Must be bug people like in the waking world lol. Anyways This goes on for a while where I'm fighting these things in my room as they try to kill me, eventually everything just stops. A dead stop, the face goes away, the blood, I'm on ground, and I can't find my mace. But that's okay because what happens next is funnier.

Now for some goddamn reason, Christopher Moltisanti from the goddamn Sopranos of all people just comes into my room and starts lecturing me about standing up for myself and taking initiative. I just killed like 15 eldritch creatures, what more do you want from me asshole??? Anyways though he takes my hand and forces me into a room somewhere. It switched to third person this time so I have no idea where I went. All I know is, here comes the false awakening part, I "woke up".

I "woke up" in the same dream room I was in before, and was wondering what I even did last night. My mouth was bleeding a little. I walk out of my bedroom door and the landscape now transformed into a dense woods which transitioned into a beach side which looked like it was in a secluded area of Japan. It was nighttime. There was a very VERY small village area on the beach, architecture Japanese again. There was a lot of wildlife out there, so it was noisy but a nice kind of noisy. One that fit the tone. I walked into what looked to be a shrine. There was a book placed upon an altar type-thing. I picked it up to read it. It was in a glyphic language, looked like classical Mayan glyphs but I don't know enough of them to make out more than a simple sentence so a lot of them were definitely made up. Dream me could still read them though, and it was a story about a certain character dubbed the "Aztec Wolf". There are basically no wolves in southern Mexico so why it's a wolf I have no idea. Anyways, though, the story read something like this:

There lives a man, name unknown but legends call him the Aztec Wolf. He hunted and killed not for sacrificial or food reasons, but for no reason at all. Many creatures of the forests, rain or not, and deserts were wiped out by the Aztec Wolf's bloodlust. These creatures would be trapped as spirits, and one day they will have their revenge on the Aztec Wolf. When that time comes, the land will go silent, with Ehecatl guiding them on. (Ehecatl is the wind god in Aztec. Why is what's seemingly a Mayan written story using Nahuatl god names? No clue). Wanna hear the scary part now? After reading this, the beach went completely silent. I couldn't see any of the wildlife I previously saw.

There was only a strong breeze coming my way that made any noise. And while I didn't see anything, I felt a presence or more coming after me. At that point I realized... Oh shit......I'M the Aztec Wolf??
(Awesome chase music!)
I ran into the dense woods area and struggled around to get out. I could see civilization on the other side, glimpses of it. I kept clumsily running through the woods, definitely not in the fashion someone nicknamed the AZTEC WOLF would make it through the woodlands. Here comes another complete plot overhaul for the final part of this dream.

I eventually made it to the other side of the forest. Angry animal spirits are no longer after me. Something was really weird about this part, though. It was a small city area much like one in a previous dream, but everything was just white. Plain white. And didn't look natural. I realized pretty quickly this was a digital interpretation of a city, not a real city. Some Silicon Valley roachperson billionaire was talking about all the features of this virtual world over a massive screen that looked bigger than the moon in the sky. I ran to where I thought my house would be, and sure enough it was there. The only thing that was not a plain white in the entire world it seemed. I went in but there was only one room. The dream room. I saw me sleeping in the bed with blood coming out of my mouth.

I woke up. For real this time though. I think.

2022 May 2nd

Note to self, at this point I started recording dreams with year first, month second and day third, because as I was archiving dream notes from my old phone, I realised just how much of a mess day first was causing me and it was something I had not given any thought when I first started recording them in that way. In the future, it will be easier to maintain an organised record by using year first, as I already do for some other things.

Some in-line notes.


Dream (Fragmented):

I'm at my old bedroom. Dad is here visiting or something. For some reason, there are some sex toys out in my room and dad grabs them and piles them on top of an old computer desk I used to have in waking life. (The plastic "veneered" one)

Dad doesn't comment much of anything about the sex toys, but I feel embarrassed. He talks to me about something completely unrelated.

(recall gap)

I'm swimming out of a body of water into a stairwell. I can't see the bottom of the water and as I climb out of the water, I'm soaked and dripping. I don't feel cold or hot. My hair is somewhat long and I see it in front of me and feel water dripping off it. The place looks like a school of some kind.

I get up to the first mid-landing of these stairs and then climb some more steps up to a second landing. There are no more stairs after this point, as if they're missing, and so this landing just leads over back into the water again, from a higher point.

(The preceding segment was recalled while dreaming the next segment)

I'm in a field, walking along with two people. One of them is a local, the other someone I know (from the dream?). This field is strange, as it is made up of "strips" about one yard wide of specific plants, which all just seem rather wild and not at all cultivated, despite the organised strip logic going on.

As a result, there's a varied array of colours, ranging from a nearly blue-green to a dry yellow-green or maybe brown. The local man is slim and on the older side. He tells me something about how they have no choice and how this is all they can afford to do. I understand "they" as their people, as if I'm visiting somewhere that I'm foreign to.

Then, as we walk off the slightly sloped field area and starting down on a slightly steeper slope, I notice a small lizard, about a foot long counting the tail. Its on the side of a plant or a piece of dry/dead wood. It has a black scaled body interrupted by fluorescent yellow chevron stripes. The tail is flat and spiney, almost beaver-like.

Then we're walking into a road and I worry about traffic but it doesn't look like there's any, it looks kind of desolate or calm. It's day time, the sun is low but it's not sunset yet and it's half cloudy but it appears bright. There's a road for each direction and they're about twenty to thirty feet away from the other, one of them being on a lower bit, as this whole area is a sort of downwards-sloping cliff seaside cliff area, to the end of which we're walking towards.

As we get closer, even though the lowest point of the cliff is only about one yard up from sea level, I feel afraid I might drop or be pushed into the sea (on accident or otherwise). (It's at this point I recall the previous segment, I think the water must trigger the memory, though I don't think I "live" the memory in the dream at this point)

Then, I'm at a house that looks like old home. Some part of recall is missing, weirdly I seem to have slept on the sofa and it's as if I was really asleep in the dream, for a time. I grab something I'd apparently left on the sofa. I see the old man from before and say "morning" to him. I feel a little disoriented and think to myself that I didn't mean to fall asleep and yet I did somehow.

Then, I'm at an ALDI with H. We drove in in a sporty car. We pretend we're only friends and H says to a checkout person he has to get a massage coupon thing for his partner. The person at the checkout asks "what would she like?" and meanwhile I'm looking for three two-litre bottles of some soft drink, though I can only find one bottle. This ALDI feels more like a tiny service station shop and I think to myself we should have gone to our usual place. (This segment had something to do with the previous one, but I could not retain recall of what or how)

(recall gap)

Something about playing a game with a demon, and needing to do this to release an angel or something. The game doesn't make much sense at all and I can't think of how to describe it; in any case I struggle with this game in the dream. This takes place at some big/vast house, or some kind of palace.


Notes:

- Although I'd normally make this dream only visible to myself and DV contacts and so on, I feel that part of me has done that far too often of late, out of some sense of lack of confidence, an aspect I've been struggling with (again) in waking life.

- This entire dream was very peculiar. I feel I could make this remark about so many dreams. In particular however, this dream felt especially switched on in terms of symbolic representation. When recalling the dream, it feels like some part of me was aware of this. Everything about it feels organised and metaphorical in a deeper way than usual, though I think some of it may be inexpressible through words. The dream itself in parts felt like one of those dreams that feels just like life in the sense of "this is how things are, this is my life". This dream would benefit greatly from a fuller exploration on paper that is not constrained to words alone and that can make directed (lines/arrows) associative links between elements.

- I suspect that dad was representative of false expectations in some sense, because in the dream my embarrassment and the sex toy context were in fact irrelevant to our conversation about whatever else dad talked about. I am not certain what the significance of that desk specifically might be, but I must have been around 8 or 9 years of age when we had that desk, and the computer used communally with my siblings was on top of it, under one of the bunk beds.
-- In a sense, the sex toys are also likely representative of the other side of false expectation; what my mind or feelings give importance to often has nothing to do with how others are perceiving me and if anything, I end up being bound or imprisoned by my own false notions of what others think.
-- The other aspect to this is that family (represented by dad) are something that I keep entirely separate from sexual contexts as far as mental constructs go, I feel more so than most other people do, though that may be a result of upbringing; here, the two contexts meet but are essentially ignored by one another, as dad makes no remark and pays no mind, other than some sort of strange "tidying out of the way", and the toys themselves are inert objects that cannot on their own express anything except via context. This makes me think about how Jung defined libido as "psychic energy" as opposed to "sexual energy" as Freud probably did and it seems like the sex toys can also be representative of a transformation of my point of view on said energies. Again, I cannot fully form thoughts on this via text alone, this requires diagrammatic and drawn exploration that can show links and associations in a way that text can't.

- The flooded school bit was odd because of how vivid it felt in terms of sensations, regarding swimming and water. I don't remember any specific emotions, but the school was an unknown place that I've never visited and which only vaguely conformed to some constructs of schools, none of which I've ever encountered myself.

- I can't help but feel that I associate the encounters with water in this dream as being some kind of metaphor relating to collectives, more so than an unconsciousness. In a sense, the stairs were exactly about this; I can leave a collective but on the way up and out, there's actually no way out, and all I can see again is the collective, despite whatever other aspiration I might have had. There was a (somehow neutral) sense of hopelessness to this in the dream.

- The strange field feels like it was about my whole Self. The locals, i.e. my non-conscious elements, do their best to cultivate other non-conscious elements and so on (the plants) but they are constrained by what they can afford to do. I am not sure what "afford to do" could mean in a sense of personality. The land felt inhospitable to cultivation and taming, and perhaps these non-conscious elements actively taking part in growing and tending to things, are actually unwelcome by the rest of the unconscious landscape. I am checking in on them, but I seem to be there in a capacity that cannot act or make changes to the situation at present, and that any changes would have to be future, such as based on a report or the like.
-- In a sense, the plants felt very much foreign to the land as I did, even if the locals themselves just seemed... Well, local.

- Despite the small size, the lizard felt instantly appealing to look at, to be interested in. The black scaled body felt immediately relatable to what I have wanted to portray in my alter-ego for some time. The chevron striped pattern seemed unique to me. And in some sense I always find myself relating to reptiles though I have seldom spent time near them, perhaps because they have a tendency to run away from humans and to be solitary, which may be part of the appeal in itself. The lizard's tail appeared dangerous but as the lizard was most likely not aggressive, it seemed like an aspect of self-defence only. Curiously, I am now recalling that the lizard seemed to be in shade rather than in sunlight, and it's the only wild animal I recall seeing in the dream.

- The part with H at the service station ALDI definitely feels related to how perceptions are so based on physical appearances and how it's very difficult to move on from this, in cultural terms.

- The game with the demon felt like some kind of mix between Tetris, cards and other games of chance. I really can't describe it, especially for how little visual recall I have left of it. I just remember a somewhat dark and red-hued room, and a cloth-draped table.

26th April 2022

Fragment:

Something about WoW. I remember discussing Sunken Temple in chat and also being near the actual place.


28th April 2022

Fragment:

Something about drawing. I draw or notice in a character drawing, some different way of shading around the edges? (Wish I'd retained recall better)


29th April 2022

~9:00
Fragment:

(Left recall too long, about two hours from waking)

A dream bit where I'm either an observer or just watching in some sense. These two women are fighting each other, one of them is in her mid fourties or so and she's using a pole or something like one to attack the other woman. She has semi Asian features but would otherwise seem Caucasian, with a sort of gristly and greying black wavy hair.

The other woman is in her mid twenties or so. She's white, has straight black hair. The area is like some outdoor stone steps, cream colours, modern architectural feel.

As the two of them fight, the younger one starts growing, at first only her breasts but then all of her, proportionally. The older woman remarks cheekily on this and the growing younger woman complains that now she won't be able to go to the ball or gala (?) and in the end her breasts end up being smaller in proportion compared to how they were before the growth. She's also upset about the fact that she won't be able to get any clothes to fit her now.

(Dream went on, rest of recall was lost)


Notes:

- Mostly some notes for the last fragment: It is not too typical for me to be present in a dream only as an observer, though it does happen. In this case however, the relation between the dream characters seems like a dynamic that might happen between some of my characters like S and N, though with a detached relationship between each other in this case.

- The older woman had more air of confidence to herself than the younger one did, and if anything the younger woman had more anger to her. This may be a reflection of what I've found through my own conscious and waking retrospection as I've gotten older.

- In a sense, both women were the same woman. The older woman could be said to be an altered or warped version of the younger and what she lacked in drive she made up for in the self-confidence; this seems evident from how she made a cheeky remark when the younger woman started growing, rather than being intimidated by the fact. And likewise, the younger woman's angry drive became more of a hapless confusion as the situation changed unexpectedly, her concerns turning away from the immediate fighting (perhaps because the threat appeared diminished relative to her) and onto concerns about a unspecified future (the clothes, the ball/gala).

- A side note here, S and N appeared as characters mostly through non-conscious manifestation, whilst their development became partly consciously adopted. So for me the relationship between these two women in this dream is of special interest because it happened entirely out of a non-conscious dynamic, which evolved on its own. I had no influence or interaction, I was simply an observer, which meant that their development was not influenced by my thought, because as the type of observer I was, I had no specific thoughts, perhaps because any part of me that was capable of thought and emotion was inhabiting the women, whilst the senses themselves were not removed from my point of view, as an observer.

17th April 2022

Scraps:

At old home, the shop underneath. I'm talking to the old owner, T. Mom is at the shop too after a while? I look for some cereal but I either can't find what I want or it's all weirdly overpriced. Something about being in the kitchen at old home. A pizza that bakes for too long? I am distracted by something, and also need to take S for a walk.


23rd April 2022

Fragment:

Half-game, half-real. I'm killing some secret cow level mobs in an area that makes me think of the old home cul-de-sac. Then, I'm talking to L about XP per mob, I say I can do 400XP per second or about 120 something K per minute. We then ask J (family friend) who's nearby at a doorframe, see what he thinks.

(Rest of recall was lost. Recall was left too long.)


25th April 2022

~5:00
Fragment:

I am naked and H is here with me, probably naked as well. I have female genitals and H is inserting a sex toy. The sensations all feel very vivid and lifelike.

(Left recall too long, couldn't muster enough will to make initial notes even though I intended to do so.)