non-lucid

This technically isn't my first memory, but it was the first memory that I remembered. For whatever reason, my memories happened out of order. My actual first memory was the Christmas party of 2006.

I remember being on a car trip with my mom. After that happened, I saw me and my mom in my house in the doorway to the kitchen. I was depicted as a generic baby. You know, the kind that has one hair on it's head, one tooth, and a generic blue one piece pajama outfit. My mom said something to my grandma, and then my grandma replied with something. I then woke up to my grandma telling me about how awesome I am.

I can only remember this dream in fragments.

- A male co-worker and I are running around a warhouse complex trying to avoid being seen. The ocean side city we are in has been invaded by large transforming robots and most of the people who live their have been killed or have fled.

- a robot shaped like a white stretch hummer hunts me, but I do not know why, though it is continualy foiled by a robot shaped like a red transport truck cab. I can usually escape because the two giant machines are too busy fighting each other.

- I try to get the attention of a group of police officers or evacuation officials but ay first they do not see me. When they finally do they make a big ruckus and attract the attention of some jet shaped robots who then annihilate the officers. I go back into hiding.

- a female friend of mine has replaced the male co-worker but she runs around in a panic and is almost captured several times.

- group of surviviors or people left behind in the city gather underneath a bridge and plot against the invading robots. At some point it is determined that I have gained telekenetic powers (and that is what the white hummer is after me for) and it is decided that it is up to me to defend what left of the city people from invaders.

- The group of survivors lay low for a while and most of the invading robots leave the city, with only a few patrolling overhead as aircraft every now and then.

- At a nearby beach a group of fellow human survivors have banded together and formed a milita. Their clothing and weapons are of a mixture of thai and mongol influence. They decide to march on what is left of our city with the intention of taking over. Despite their dispay of bravado I make short work of them with my psychic powers and lift the soldiers and their large banners into the air like toys. They wisely retreat.

- I feel bad about hurting some of the sodiers and send them peace offerings and they join us in our struggle against the robotic oppressors but I cannot remember if they agreed before the dream ended.

I am a winged white tigress and I am with Knuckles the Echidna at a crocodile sanctuary. At first we are in a forested area and I stab him violently with my claws, which attracts the attention of Archiemedes and the other fire ants. Afterwards Knuckles is still able to move, and we go inside the building were crocs are on every level and roaming around freely.

I see a ghost and for a second I am scared but then joyfully accept the ghost and willing choose to see it as a Virgin Mary figure, which it does look like, even craddling a little baby. My fear is then transfered to the crocs which I expend a lot of energy trying to avoid.

Knuckles waits for me outside and I tell him that a horrible fear of mine would be ripped apart and eaten alive by crocs while still conscious of what's going on. Then I start flying around the trees surrounding the sanctuary before returning to where Knux is and giving him a ladybug shaped pin to give to his girlfriend Julie-Su. He throws it away and says that Julie-Su wouldn't be interested in such junk.

I leave him and started flying over the crocodile infested lake beyond the sanctuary and start teasing the crocs because I know I can out swim them, by dipping into the water quickly and then surfacing and flying out of their reach. I dive and fly for a while, having lots of fun, till I see a blimp floating by one egde of the lake. I start to follow it, but the dream ends because I wake up.


I used to read the Sonic the Hedgehog comic book years ago so I think that is where the characters in this dream came from.

August 27, 2008:
One of my rare positive dreams.

I was sleeping in my mother's room on her bed for this one, which isn't usual for me but her bed is softer and my back hurt a lot.

As I was beginning to fall asleep I started to dream that shadowy grey figures were shuffling around the bed, they were wearing grey cloaks and had veils over their faces. I was sort of scared but then another figure appeared who was a humanoid with golden hair, and announced himself as a "golden" something, at which point a bubble of light began to expand from our bodies to fill the room. The shadowy figures couldn't withstand this and disintegrated. The light filled all of the corners of the room and then expanded beyond it and my new friend and I flew around inside of a bubble of light. He demonstrated that he could expand or contract the bubble, and then the dream faded into the blackness that's usually deep sleep for me.

August 17, 2008:
I had a dream that I was wandering through a dense forest, trying to collect textbooks for my class, and I came across a set of train tracks that had been built out of tupperware bins. I was trying to cross the tracks, but knocked some of the bins over. I was worried that the workers I'd encountered working on the tracks would be upset. On the trail away from the tracks, I encountered some other people who had crossed the tracks and were also lugging text-books.

I then dreamed I was running through various yards and rooms, something to do with my cousins on my dad's side and a birthday party. Something went wrong involving a pool and an airplane or blimp, but I don't remember what.

August 20, 2008:
I had a dream that a pale-haired little boy was dictating a novel to me. It seemed to practically write itself. I don't remember what it was about.

I then dreamed that I was trying to get into a foreign city, but it was built high on top of some sort of artificial structure, and the only way up was an escalator that was heavily guarded. You could only enter by successfully winning a lottery. At the bottom was a station where people collected the mail from the city - either private mail, or a postman collected it for delivery to other cities - and only certain kinds of letters or packages could go through it, because it was sort of like a pipe/tube/conveyor system.

I managed to get a lottery ticket by pretending that I worked in the city, and found out that it was for a show-girl. When I got to my destination, I realized I'd have to fake knowing what the job was in order to fit in and stay. I was told that if I didn't want to perform the number I was assigned, I could pass my ticket on to another girl in exchange for a voucher, but then I'd have to perform the next piece I was assigned or get kicked out. I only had 10 minutes to prepare. The other girls helpfully coached me (it was a Caribbean themed number) and I managed to get through it somehow.

Then the dream shifted to the vast tangle of girders supporting the city, where two men were fighting on motorcycles, riding up and down and tumbling through the supports, while a third man was caught in the middle of it all.

Original entry dated 05/16/2006:

I had a dream about interdimensional geckos crawling through the ancient haunted cathedrals of Paris.

Original entry dated 07/23/2008:

I had a lot of disturbing dreams the past few nights.

I had a dream a friend's girlfriend was pregnant.

Then I dreamed that J came and visited my house with his 2 daughters. I didn't recognize the house in the dream, although I realized it was mine. He kept trying to give me a Christmas ornament, which I didn't want, and refused to accept. Then his wife drove up and honked the horn angrily, and he left.

I had a third dream that the ghost of a man who had drowned was following me around, trying to tell me something. I desperately didn't want to be left alone because I knew that he would show up and try to speak to me again, but I got left behind while trying to lock my door, and he appeared. I screamed loud enough to wake myself up and bring C running into the room with her axe. Apparently it was also a rather inhuman scream, because she thought that it was the rabbit screaming rather than me.

Original dream dated 07/20/2008:

Dreamed that we (my family) were in a house packing. I was being followed around by a very annoying blonde-haired little girl who had several dolls. She wanted some ceramic stuff packed (dolls and tea pots) and I was trying to pack them carefully so they didn't break, but she was being very careless with them. In addition, the house we were in spooked me very badly. It always felt like something was there watching you, and some rooms were so bad, nobody would turn their back on them. It was bitterly cold in the dream, even though when I woke up the apartment was actually quite warm.

Had a second dream:
Dreamed that I was helping liquidate another store that was going out of business, only this one was full of odds and ends and books, and I had to sleep there overnight, which was very uncomfortable. I was very tired and everything, but the boss kept coming in and asking if we'd gotten everything sold yet, packed up and sent out yet, etc.
Then, my family was looking at different houses to rent (in the dream), one house had sort of like a river with a bridge across it, it was really cool but expensive (and the room they were renting was not large enough). The houses were within walking distance to a cool thrift shop.
Anyway, it was the 4th of July and my family wanted to go see fireworks. We wound up climbing up on this embankment with a bunch of other people. I dreamed that my aunt was driving the car to the bridge where we eventually climbed the embankment, only the car was being pulled along by cables and beads of light, and I kept wondering how we didn't fall off the bridge.
After the fireworks show, there was a woman putting on a juggling performance, only it was almost more like belly dancing. There was a story and a theme, with music. I somehow managed to get digital recordings of the music, and the performer said it was o.k. to share them with other people who'd seen the show and wanted the music.

Original entry dated July 16, 2008:

Had a dream that I was in an airport (?) discussing something with an acquaintance of a friend. I was explaining that I thought the friend had been trying to get ahold of me, but thought that the guy would think I was crazy for some reason.

Had a dream that I had a small plot of land, and was charged with growing award-winning tomato plants. All I needed to do was water them twice a day. I also considered growing petunias.

Had a dream that I was wandering through a cave with a dark-haired companion, a man in his early 40s. We were fighting giant spiders, and I was armed with nothing but a bow and arrow (he was unarmed, and also afraid of spiders).

07/07/08

Another nightmare.

Dreamt that I was on a trip with my cousins on my dad's side of the family, we drove up to an old decrepit building that looked like a warehouse, it was some religious thing and we had to go inside.

It was sort of like a conveyor belt/rollercoaster ride, and very dark inside, with all sorts of terrifying machinery. Halfway through I was invited to pick something up by a kind of monster/beast, but I declined, and said that I didn't want to take anything out with me. IT looked angry, but it let me go.

I wanted to tell the other people waiting in line the trick about not taking/keeping anything, but was worried the trick would not work for them. I also wanted to accompany my cousins back in even though I was terrified, but was worried that the thing would not let me go free a second time.

07/09/08

Dreamed about college again. Yeah, still having college nightmares.

Dreamed that I was taking an English course with Prof. Dimino, but hadn't been going to classes/hadn't kept up on my homework, and now I was terrified that I was going to fail and there was nothing I could do about it.

Original dream dated July 04, 2008:
Dreamed that Reese and I were trying to get home from an airport called Mariana airport, and we couldn't. Mom was supposed to pick us up, but never showed up, so we took the bus instead. Somewhere along the line, it turned into Reese driving her jeep, and we got stuck in traffic on the Interstate. It turned out that Mom had never planned on picking us up and there had been a miscommunication. For some reason, we lived in a 2-story white house.

I had a dream that my pet rabbit had a heart attack and was dying, so I wrapped her up in a purple towel and cried while she groomed my head.

Original dream dated July 05, 2008:
I had a dream that I was working on rules for a D20 game, and they turned into rules for the world...

Somewhere along the way, we got invaded by alien wasps that climbed up your nose and replaced your brain, stealing your soul. It happened to me, and I wasn't technically supposed to get another 'chance' at working things out in the world, but for some reason, I was given one. I had to abide by the rules I'd written, though, which stated that if you lost then it would rain forever and everything would be covered by 500 feet of soil over the next few thousand years. I escaped from the original area (which was quite dangerous) with some friends of mine, including a tall brown-haired man. We got to a coffee shop and tried to figure out what to do. We were sort of stuck in there, at least one of us was covered in blood, and I realized that we were all doomed unless I recovered the book I'd been working on and revised the rule set. The brown haired guy offered to run through the rain for several miles to get it, but it was very dangerous out there and there were zombies, and I argued that if he died it was permanent but I could revive myself... the dream left off there.

Original dream dated June 18, 2008):

Had a dream I was in middle school again (and therefore, generally terrified). I stopped in a classroom to have a conversation with Bruce Campbell, who rather than simply being in Spiderman WAS Spiderman.
I discovered, to my chagrin, that the lock combination on my locker was the same as the lock on another locker, and that this was a prevalent problem. I went to go and point it out to someone.

A group of little assholes had hurt a friend of mine, and they had decided to start messing with me, too, so I actually decided to get even with them. I got into a fight with them and managed to beat the shit out of at least one of them. One of the others was this big, fat girl with a snout like a mole or a shrew that was constantly oozing mucous. She expressed her displeasure at the fact that I'd harmed a friend of hers, and we got into a yelling match about who had started it. Ultimately, it didn't matter, because the gang of kids wouldn't leave me alone, so I got them isolated in a park and took them down one by one.

The next dream was also pretty jumbled. I was riding with Mom and my brother to class, and class started at 11:40 (in the dream, I was back in middleschool, again) and I was late, again, but Mom wanted to stop by the beach first. On the way, we discovered that an orange tabby cat had accidentally hitched a ride on the outside of our car. We opened the window and grabbed him and pulled him in. He was very soft and friendly, and I liked him a lot. He behaved as if he were somebody's pet.

When we got to the beach, Mom wanted to leave him there because she didn't want a cat in the car, and I said that was cruel because he'd obviously come from somewhere else and was clearly somebody's pet. She said we'd come back for him, but I said he didn't know the area and was bound to wander off (and I didn't believe her, anyway). She left, but for some reason the beach area had been transformed into a jungle kingdom. In any case, I decided to stay with the cat until Mom came back because my reasoning was that the cat's life was more important than one missed day of class.

As I wandered through this area, I found a huge tree that also had a throne, and a pelt nailed to it. I took the pelt down and kept wandering. There were wood-and-vine tunnels, like tunnels through a massive tree, and apparently I'd stumbled into the kingdom of some sort of nasty dictator. In any case, I found a snake - a large ball-python - and played with him for a bit. Then I heard a legend about a snake that came out of the throne from a hole in the back of the tree that it was carved out of, so I went to investigate. I found the hole and knocked on the trunk next to it, and the snake slithered out. He was a very pretty snake, very glossy and red and black, and very docile, so I picked him up and draped him over my shoulders and walked along with two snakes and the cat. People were scared of the snake, for some reason.

I came to a beach, where three men were planning on crossing, one of them called himself Columbus and they were determined to cross the sea, only all that they had was a lttle dinghy. But some sort of reward was being offered for getting to the other side. I decided to accompany them on their adventure, for some reason, but once we got the boat launched from the beach, the dream sort of faded out.

In the next dream I was at an old apartment (from when I was.... in middleschool) and getting ready to go to class. Thankfully, I wasn't actually in middleschool any more - this was like a special event where college grads went and talked to the kids. I was still late, though.

I cannot recall how this dream starts but at some point I am in a small fixed wing aircraft that seats approximately ten people. The outside of the aircraft looks like a Cessna 195, except that the fuselage is slightly longer and it is painted completely white. The inside of the aircraft seems much bigger than the outside would allow and the seats and carpeting are a mix of light greys and blues. The first two rows of seats are arraged with the aisle between them, but the last row of seats sits oddly in the middle of the aisle. I am seated by myself on the farthest left seat on the back row. There are four other passengers on the plane. In the front row on the left side there is a man wearing a dark red t-shirt who has brown hair and is obese. In the front on the right are two passengers with short hair, one blond, the other redhead. In the middle row on the right side of the plane there is a woman with shoulder length blond hair. Despite the small size of the craft it has three crew members; the pilot, co-pilot, and a thin, blond stewardess.

There is a long metal pole positioned directly in front of my seat. It is the only such pole on the plane and it runs from the floor to the ceiling. Though I am strapped into my seat with a sturdy "X" shaped seatbeat, I lean forward and cling tightly to the pole. The aircraft is flying low over a lush green temperate forest, but swearving back and forth in wide arcs, like it is trying desperately to gain altitude but just cannot. The landscape below varies from thick forests and wide open fields filled with long grasses and wildflowers. Rolling hills are divided by sparking rivers and lakes. While the scenery is beautiful I cannot enjoy it because the erratic flying of the plane is making me very anxious. Everyone on the plane is silent and facing forward; there is no conversation. The other passengers do not look scared but rather bored. No one else seems bothered by the plane pitching and rolling but I am terrified that the plane is going to crash. I am thankful for the pole because it gives me something extra to cling to, even though it is completely useless in doing anything to protect me if the plane does go down.

The sun begins to set as the aircraft swerves wildly over a grassy hill, almost crashing into it, and then suddenly lands smoothly on a narrow landing strip on the other side. I could not get off the plane quick enough! There is a lake or river nearby and an abandoned and crumbling lighthouse. There are no other signs of civilization other than the old lighthouse and landing strip, but the pilot insists that we have stopped for the night to rest and refuel. Everybody sleeps on the plane except for me. I sleep under a tree on the hill that the plane almost crashed into before landing. When the next day comes it has suddenly changed from summer to autumn. The trees are now reds, oranges and yellows rather than green, and the grass has faded to dull shades of green and brown. The plane takes off and flies smoothly at first, but then begins to swerve and dip and arc all over the place again. I cannot remember how long flew for, but it was awhile and I am strapped tightly into my seat and clinging fearfully to the pole again. The crew and passengers are still silent and unaffected by the plane's erratic flying.

Suddenly I am on the ground watching the white plane fly away into the distance. It is no longer having trouble staying on course or gaining altitude. This makes me feel bad, like I was somehow causing the plane's troubles. I am standing in an open field on a hill and there is a thick forest nearby. It is still autumn and I know that I am in the middle of nowhere, but relieved to be on solid ground. I know that I am far away from civilization and for the most part will have to live off the land, but this does not upset me one bit. I makes me feel happy and at peace. I walk into the forest and after a while come to a small dark brown wooden cabin. I know this is my home and make myself comfortable inside.

The dream suddenly changes again and I am no longer in the dream but watching it from a third person perspective. The cabin in the autumn forest is still there but now it is a home (or school?) for troubled youth. The woman who lives there is a robust and beautiful black woman in her mid thirties. She is coarse and tough but genuinely cares for the youth under her charge. Love and wisdom permeate her entire being. There are several youth of mixed backgrounds and they are sitting around a square wooden table. I cannot recall any of the conversation but at one point a young man in a dark blue baseball cap becomes very upset and storms out of the cabin. The woman stands in the doorway and shouts his name: "Owen!!" but the youth keeps running. The end of the dream has this young man standing in a small clearing in the forest looking up at the blue sky.

(original post dated 06/11/2008):

Dreamed that my aunt S was using my sewing machine to knit with, somehow. I wanted to remove the yarn in order to do some sewing, but didn't know if she was done with it yet, and my cousin Jenny wasn't much help because she didn't know. I had gotten a new pair of pants that, at first, looked really cool, but they were falling apart and had holes in them, which I had not realized when I bought them - hence the need to sew them up. Once I put them on, I was chagrined to discover that they were actually tacky snow-pants with a bright orange camouflage pattern on them.

Then, I was an imp cleaning up someone's house. And then, for some reason, we were also putting on this show, where we jumped from a platform into a lake below us, and I was an imp but also myself. Something about my swimsuit, I don't remember. I was debating a graceful dive vs. a back-flop (more in character for an imp) when the platform abruptly descended. The guy working it was asian and looked familiar but I couldn't make out who he was, and suddenly I was underwater and swimming back up to the platform before it ascended again.

Then I was playing a text-based MUD, and was debating whether to be a Paladin or a Monk, and decided to be a Paladin but specialize in unarmed combat and fist-weapons.

(original post dated 06/11/2008)

I had a dream that there was a baby who went missing, and that the stepfather was the suspect, but the police could never prove anything. Also something about him trying to give it away to another family by convincing them that it was their own lost child, but they came to their senses and knew better. In any case, the child's sibling spent their whole life trying to find out what happened, and prove that the stepdad did it.

I had another dream that R and I were driving around Orlando/Venice/Florida at night, looking for a public pool (I think?) and wound up driving up this ramp that wrapped around this condo building in a spiral, the top had no rails and Reese was scared to try backing up, we didn't know how to turn around and get down again, and she was ranting about how anyone who lived at the top of this thing was insane.

I had a dream about a woman whose boyfriend beat up on her, finally scaring her by threatening to throw her out of a window (the drop was 5 stories), she finally had enough and sent HIM through the glass. He unfortunately survived the fall, although he lost a lot of blood, and she was afraid he was going to come after her again. Somehow the dream twisted so that he turned into a gigantic robot for reasons I don't understand, and the cops were completely useless in the ensuing shootout, but somehow she got the best of him, although I don't remember how.

This was followed by a dream about giant anthropomorphic vampire bats. Throughout most of the dream, I didn't realize the grandmother, mother, and baby were vampires as well, only that the grandmother was intent on killing the Head Vampire (also the head of the family), which she finally succeeded in, revealing that she and the others were also vampires by commenting that "the baby needs fresh blood for feeding" and then commenting that she was willing to go without, and would fill up on milk, although that always brought the chance of disease with it into the house. Very strange.

In any case, I must have been thrashing around in my sleep, because when I do that my pet rabbit gets upset and sits next to the bed. When I woke up, she was huddled right next to me again. She tends to do this when I have a nasty nightmare, which makes me think that I may talk or yell a lot whenever I'm having one. This is corroborated by roommates, boyfriends, etc. It's touching that she does this, but I'm worried I might hurt her while I'm thrashing around.

Most of the general items and fashions in this dream appear to be from the mid to late 1800s, though most of the transportation machines that appear look like they came from the 1930s-40s.


I am a Gypsy and travelling but do not know my destination. I appear to be in my late teens and have nothing with me except for the ragged brown dress and light blue handknit sweater I am wearing. My meager worldy possessions are in a faded green corderoy bag. I am alone and very pregnant. I do not know where the father is as he is never mentioned in the dream. I feel mistrustful of most of the people that appear in this dream, as well as unfairly judged by them because of my youth and pregnancy.

At the beginning of this dream I am sitting in a glass bus terminal on a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. It is night time and raining hard. The only nearby lighting is old fashioned oil burning street lamp which really does not supply a lot of light. Beyond the immaediate area around the lamp and a little bit inside the terminal everything is utterly, pitch black. I can see faint yellow and red lights flickering in the distance, but I have no idea what they are. I am waiting for a bus that will take me to a nearby port. There lies a ship that I know I am supposed to board but I do not know how because I have neither money nor a ticket.

After a while of sitting a bus does come along and it appears that it came from the 1950s or early 60s. There are several unsavory looking men taking up most of the seats at the front of the bus so I head to the empty seats at the back. They all stop talking and leer at me as I walk by which makes me feel nervous and fearful. The bus is well lit and clean and I stare out the window as it travels, though I can still see nothing through the darkness outside. I am uncomfortably aware of the men at the front talking quietly amongst themselves then shooting leering glances in my direction and laughing coarsely.

The bus arrives at the port and all of the passengers disembark. It then turns around and drives back the way it came, eventually disappearing into the darkness. The lighting of the port is dim but much better than at the bus stop. The only ship in the port is docked beside the only building, which is multistoried, made of concrete and painted white. I am not sure exactly where to go so I cautiously follow the group of men who also disembarked from the bus, but they do not head towards the ship like I hope and instead go to a pickup truck parked on the far side of port and drive off.

There is a large group of people outside a set of glass doors and they appear to also be Gypsies seeking passage on the ship. A man with a goatee and dressed in a black navy uniform stands between the people and the door and is telling everyone that they cannot board the ship. Many of the Gypsies hand the man wads of cash or jewelry and he quickly waves them inside. It is not long before most of the people are inside and the few who were rejected linger around the port. The rain no longer pours and slows down to a gentle trickle. An elderly Gypsy couple arrive late and convince the man at the door to let me in along with them. He accepts only when they produce an acceptable bribe.

Once on the ship we join with the rest of the Gypsies and are told that there is no rooms available and the only space available is on the floor in secluded halls and storage rooms or out on the deck. Everyone scrambles to find space inside and the few unlucky ones who have to go out onto the deck try to find spots out of the wind and rain. Because we are the last ones to board, the elderly couple and I try to make ourselves comfortable undernearth a lifeboat, but it is hard to crawl under for them because of their age, and for me becuase of my bulging belly.

I do not know how much time passes, but the ship is far out at sea and though it is still dark, the ambient lighting of the scene allows me to see practically everything. The rain has stopped but the temperature drops drastically, almost to the point where I can see my breath. I am laying on the open deck looking up at the sky. It is overcast with thick, dark grey and maroon coloured clouds. I stand up and look over the rail. The water is choppy and dark, and I can see icebergs in the distance all around the ship. An old man who looks like the captain of the Titanic (as portrayed by Bernard Hill in James Cameron's film) dressed in a white and blue navy uniform comes out and asks me if I would like to sleep inside. When I say yes he takes me to a room with eight cots in it. The small beds look like hospital gurneys and have lime green burlap blankets on them. The room is devoid of people but seven of the beds look like they have been slept in and have bags and coats thrown around nearby I recognize the possessions as Gypsy in origin. There is one bed left and it is in the far corner of the room against the wall. I lay down upon it, using my corderoy bag as a pillow, and fall asleep almost immediately.

I have a dream within a dream.

I am sitting on a bench outside of the white building back at the port when an old fashioned pickup truck drives up and stops in front of me. The leering men on the bus are in the truck and they try to convince me to get in with them. I say no and try to ignore them, but two jump out of the back of the truck and grab me by the arms and try to force me into the vehicle. I kick and scream and out of nowhere a police officer with short black hair and dressed in a modern uniform appears and tells the men to let me go. He then warns them to leave and not come back. The leering men get back into their truck and mumble angrily as they drive off. The police officer encourages me to keep going on my journey before disappearing as mysteriously as he appeared.

I wake up to a room filled with people. The other Gypsies have returned and most of them are not happy to see me as they paid heavily in bribes to get into that room and I was given a bed for free. Some of them also vocalize their disapproval of the shame of me being a single unwed mother, especially one travelling alone, but they speak to each other and not address me directly. I ignore their jeers and go out to visit the kind elderly couple on the deck, but they are nowhere to be found. It is still dark and icebergs still surround the ship but there are more of them and they are much closer. The ship seems to be heading for a large featureless landscape in the distance that looks like either a beach with cliffs or a glacier.