side notes

Not sure where to start.


No jamie dreams this week. First week in a long time. C stole the show but I dealt with that.

Not posting in color because I just want this entry in and want to forget about it.

Dream 1: C comes to visit me at an art gallery and tells me to calm down or something.

Dream 2: Before I fell asleep I was having some major stress because I was supposed to meet up with C. In the dream she gave me a big hug, I've never felt so healed from a hug ever, I woke up feeling really good... Stood her up anyway.

Dream 3: after standing her up, I dream I get a call from C and it sounds like she's crying... instead of talking normally she starts reading one of my messages back to me.

IRL life C and her sister start sharing angry memes at me on facebook. *sigh* Time for a damage control letter. "I have some serious emotional issues to work on so It's best to be your friend from a distance." It's not a lie it's actually true. Hopefully she won't be bothering me anytime soon. If at all.

all other dreams were too foggy to recall.

I want my dream Queen back dammit. Jamie where are you?

Mantra
I only remember that I recalled my mantra and was planning to do what I said in my mantra. I knew I was at the end of the dream at that point. I don't remember anything before that part of the dream.

---

I know that my dream self was not really going to do my mantra, but rather act it out as part of the dream's storyline.

Good

A dream with Jamie in it. We are in a video game or something. Can't remember much just that the vibe is good. I like how she is being really consistent lately.

Some HH while waking up.

I was thinking about C and got a flash of a pink heart shaped box of chocolates... Um. No. Spirits do not start this shit again in someone else...

Some more HH

Was thinking about C again. Suddenly saw Jesus looking to the side as if he didn't approve. Ah I was wondering what he had to say about that.

Grossest dream ever

I'm working at McDonald's when a strange order comes up. On the screen it says some sandwich like a "Dirty Harry.". I am freaking out because I have never in my life heard of this. I ask the till person just what in the hell is going on? She replies that a special employee must make it something to do with someone's maiden name's something something. I am still confused AF. James the manager runs out and says he has to do it. He then performs making the sandwich by toasting the bun. Then he literally starts kissing the wall and slobbering all over it and he's making these loud rubbery kersplunk sounds. He then wipes the open part of the bun on the part of the wall with his slobber all over it and then finishes making the sandwich normally. I am so grossed out that I wake up right away. This is not the first time I have seen James in a dream where he does something absolutely disgusting and I never want him in my dreams AGAIN.

Boring dream

I was with all these people I seemed to know in a huge house that was also a mini apartment complex... Hard to explain but I kept wanting to leave and explore the underground tunnels.

Pyramid

I am with Jamie in What is supposed to be the great pyramid of Egypt. Our roles are kind of strange in this dream - We are both asian, we are also both children, and she's also my older sister. I am trying to get into a room in the top of the pyramid but it's way too small to fit in. Jamie is inside mocking me like a big sister would. I give up and go down a long passage in the dark. I find a lightswitch and turn it on. A second later Jamie turns herself into a ghost and shuts the light switch off, laughs and then speeds off. I can't get the light switch working again so I continue my way down.

Hug

I am in a strange basement with super long hallways with a young couple. I turn a corner and a 6 or 7 year old girl comes out of nowhere and hugs my waist, she looks up ans smiles at me. I say, "Thank you." and push her off after a few seconds. I am paranoid her parents will think I'm a creep or something. I have an impression that it may have been Jamie, but can't be sure.

No more fortnite please

I am with Jamie in fortnite again. We are by ourselves on the snowy side of the map. We are just building long tunnels and stuff, meanwhile we are having this massive conversation, some of it relevant to the dream and some of it just regular stuff. We are really getting along in this dream.

"Cockroaches" in my way
I needed to crawl through a thick bush of sorts, towards my mother waiting behind it for some reason. In front of me, on the stem of the plants making up the bush, sat two gigantic "cockroaches". I "knew" they were cockroaches when I found them in the dream, but in reality, they looked like a sort of moth, stretched into the shape of a cockroach and resized to a size double the size of my hand. I wanted to push them off of the stem, but I took them instead. Something like this always happens in my dreams. I then tried to set it on the dirt, but for some reason, the back of it had a crimson-colored substance on it's back, sticking to my hand as if it like super glue to my hand. After a few attempts of getting it off using my other hand to attempt to push it off, I tried to set it back on the stem. It moved its legs and gripped onto the tree, somehow very easily coming off of my hand, as if it could control how sticky the red substance was.

---

I actually forgot to submit this when I wrote it.

I've have had at least 2 lucid dreams in the past two days. I think I may have figured out what is causing me to have lucid dreams. It was never the specific technique or the meditation. It was the fact that I was staying awake for 90 minutes then falling back to sleep with the intention to lucid dream. 90 minutes is not a magic number. It's about fully waking up - when the mind/body least wants to - and stretching the rubber band of sleep deprivation. Then we release that tension by lying down and quickly falling asleep with no other thought than to recognize the next time we dream. Some experts would describe this as REM rebound. One must figure out how their mind/body relate to sleep deprivation and REM sleep during the WBTB period.



For my next dream goal, I am going to get a dream character to tell me their name.

Therapy

A dream Jamie was living with me, but we went to some office building she was going in for counselling on her BPD or something. I haven't heard from her in how long and already we're going to marriage counselling .
note: She was wearing a toque in this dream. In a lot of the dreams where she seems to be with me, it's winter time. I wonder if these are supposed to be future pacing dreams?


Note IRL C, and old friend from previous work is now posting stuff on facebook about Twin Flames. Uggh. So i messaged her and said I've definitely been experiencing some shit around twin flames. It's a path I would not recommend to anyone, although it seems I had no real choice going on it.


Kissing dream

Dream I was kissing some girl, and having sex with her. Both dreams were not Jamie.


Jamie is mad

I'm in a dream where me, Jamie, and C are all working at the same job. Jamie is the supervisor and as soon as C shows up, she starts bitching C out about how she's showing up at her shift at the wrong time. Jamie is being really mean to her, C walks away almost tearing up.

In another dream, Jamie is just taking me by the hand and leading me somewhere. She doesn't talk but now she seems worried, and she's clenching my hand really hard.

I guess I'll have to be really careful with C and not let things go too far. I just want to warn her about this stuff because she was really nice to me back in the day, and I don't forget that.

All week my dreams were less and less. I had trouble sleeping etc.

Unknown creatures in normal society
I talk to somebody, possibly my mother or my father. Then, I go down the staircase towards the exit of the house. Meanwhile, something important happens and some also important dialogue or monologue occurs. Back to going down the stairs, the door where one of my neighbors live suddenly opens, revealing something looking like a classical alien happily dancing out of the flat, which was considered as a monster in the dream. I go further downstairs and exit the house.

Sometime in the dream, I also seem to be in another one of my neighbor's flats, finding a different monster, which might have had fluffy, long fur.

---

I don't remember anything that was spoken in the dream, I only remember that it was an exciting story, likely including an element of the alien/monster species being endangered by a sort of war and hatred against them.

my recall has been the worst this week.


Jamie Dreams

One dream where I saw her in some house. she said ,"Hello." to me and smiled. For some reason I built a ramp over her and a wall behind her like infortnite. Okay, not sure why I did that.

Second dream, I wam watching myself sending her another message. Not sure of the context of this, if in the dream we are talking now or what?

Third dream. she's sitting on my bed looking down on me and smiling with warmth. She says, "Robert I love you." Likewise.

Other dreams

A bunch of fragments about the netflix series Dark. ( I binge watched the entire second season yesterday). In one dream i am with a woman from the show and we are exploring buildings looking for something. Another dream had to do with Mikkel.

What?

A dream of Jamie's voice or, The Voice. Telling me she's upset at something I'm doing online IRL... Not sure how she would know that. I'm always cautious of the voice. Is it a familiar spirit repeating her thoughts to me and mixing it up with lies? Or does she really sense what I'm thinking or doing?Hard to say, but if you wanna call the shots in my life, you kinda gotta be in it you know.

crazy

I was on top of a building overlooking a scene. there was a hole with a building over it like in the show: LOST. Something exploded inside and I saw a bunch of metal getting pulled in. The building collapsed and got sucked up. Next random cars were getting magnetically pulled in. The town nearby was in a panic and I saw military pulling into the town. People were saying it was an excuse to bring in martial law.

Creepy guy

I was walking through a huge shopping building with my dog. I was heading outside when a blond man approached me. He said we had to take my dog somewhere safe or something and he was offering a ride. I said, "NO," He kept insisting. I kept refusing and he started getting angry. I mentioned to the people walking near us that this guy had an agenda or something. Two guys with him insisted that he was okay. I didn't buy it and kept ranting as I was walking away. He kept following but backed off when some women walking by came to my defence. Last part of the dream is driving away and seeing a bunch of tornadoes in the distance.

FNaF + school + Doctor Who + ...¹
²I remember being in my old primary school, about first or second grade. I am one of the children, seemingly coming from another class because I had to be assigned a new place to sit, a kid changing seats to the one next to him to let me sit there. I place down my bag at my new sitting place and listen to the female teacher.
It seems we will go to visit.. something having to do with the Five Nights at Freddy's animatronic 'Circus Baby', according to what she says. Can't exactly remember what she says, though.

The dream is skipping to our teacher going down to check on the animatronic, opening a chamber with a hissing noise as a sort of white smoke came out of it and it revealed the chamber to be a metallic, dark and blue tube with Circus Baby standing in the middle, the tube just large enough to fit her in. Upon looking into the chamber, the teacher started to scream as Circus Baby activated.

Scene change to a bar, restaurant or some sort of store standing in a forest, the teacher laying motionless in front of it. I know that she fell from a hole in the sky. I am suddenly inside the store and an unfriendly man, possibly some sort of elve or dwarf seems to have something to do with the death of the teacher. Then either I turn into the doctor or the doctor appears, in his eleventh regeneration. He suddenly begins a speech about that the man can't just "play with lives". I don't remember the rest of the conversation.

Now I am again somewhere having to do with a storm, but I don't remember anything except that.

---

¹: The school came from the fact that I am constantly stressed out about it, Doctor Who came from my excitement of it coming on One (A German TV channel) every Tuesday, FNaF came from me watching an entire series of Five Nights at Freddy's: Help Wanted on YouTube and the storm came from me looking at stormchasing videos again.

²: I had chanted a mantra for a second before drifting off. Seemed to have helped with recall a lot, even when chanting it such a low amount. I will retry this next night.

Mesocyclone
I am out in a field with just grass with some trees around, looking at a very low hanging colossal supercell with strong rotation and very amazing looking shelf clouds.
I also remember the shelf cloud rolling by me in my home, making me grab my camera but the cable was still attached. It passed by really quickly and I would've caught it, but my mother blocked me for a second, making me miss it as I get to the kitchen. I was very disappointed and sad, and maybe even start arguing with my mother.

---

This dream definitely took inspiration from all the stormchasing videos I've watched that day.

The second part of the dream likely happened because of my fear of missing out on something rare.

I don't know which of the two parts happened first.

Trouble sleeping. Mind going haywire again

Searching

I go to look for Jamie but she's in a different town. I go there and she's in this dream where she's living a different life as some skater teen or something. She's too cool to even acknowledge I'm there. she takes off somewhere and I was going to look for her But I get caught up in other dream characters and their story line.

fortdumb

I keep dreaming of fortnite a lot where I keep getting wins. IRL I really suck at the game.

Not again

A dream audio only. A woman is saying like a newscaster that Jamie took her own life... Please no more dreams like this.

Side note: I was really sick when dreaming these and the dreams I get when I'm sick are often very vivid so I usually recall them easier than my other dreams. I seem to have forgotten a lot about these dreams, though.

Slenderman survival w/ a friend
I'm outside along with a friend. We own a mansion for shelter which is in the middle of the forest with paths leading around from the mansion through the forest. The next thing I remember is that we see static and start sprinting into any direction in the forest. As the static grows more intense, I remark that I don't want to play this 'game' anymore and that I don't like horror like this, before the slenderman popped out in front of me. I ran back towards the mansion, going in before my friend closes both doors, then swearing and quickly turning on the lights in the entrance hall. It's night now. We wait and I am scared of the fact that the slenderman can come out of the darkness and that the mansion is mostly dark.

Next day, I go out wandering for some reason, before later on my way back hearing strong breathing coming closer. I don't know what it is, but luckily it's staying in the bushes for now. Shortly before the entrance to the mansion, my friend tells me that what I heard is something which has a generic male name which I don't remember.

Skip to the monster running towards the house now. I run to the front door and quickly close it in third person view, using a cursor to close the doors. It's lagging so it's hard for me to hit the door, but I manage to do it, relieved as the breathing is right in front of the door but nothing came through. Though then I remember the side door left of me and also try to close that, but this time, it's lagging too much so I back away to a small table with a light on it. I think about going upstairs to hide, but it was too late. The breathing reveals itself to be a creepy dog-like creature which suddenly storms towards me, then I wake up. Soon after this, though, I fall asleep again. I don't remember the dream I got then, but when I woke up from that, I fell asleep once again and I remember that dream in many fragments.

Fake lucidity, false awakening
The next thing I remember is that I am in a strange place, a tiny bit of water seemingly flowing between two sidewalks, surrounded by brick walls running along very far. I do a reality check with my hand which doesn't work, so I try a nose reality check and I breathe through my pinched nose. Though, for some reason, I don't get lucid, I just dream about being lucid. I try controlling the dream, but nothing happened. Then I get a false awakening, before reentering the previous dream scene. I see another person who tells me something, while I try to control the dream again. I then end up in a sort of Subnautica scene, and then I don't remember anything else.

Wow is this site dying?

Time travel?

Me, Jamie, Asuka and Data enter one of those dream movies or something that Me and Asuka watch where we go right into the screen and participate in the scenario. The movie seems to be about Jamie. We apparently travel into Jamie's past to save her from certain things that would cause her to make bad decisions or something. She looks in her teens again like from the lucid where I found her. she's wearing the white shirt she used to wear under her work vest from when i worked with her. Jamie says to me in the middle of this, "You're saving me, are we going to get married?" and smiles. Well yes, if I have to. Might wanna really talk about this to me first.

Strange fight

Just remember I was in some downtown marketplace or something and got into a fight with some guy. He pulled out some circle thing like from doctor strange or something. It was a portal to himself from other dimensions. So if you punched him, he would deflect with the circle thing but himself from another dimension would block the punch or take the hit. He kept saying I was never going to win because I was fighting all of him from all dimensions.

Bus

Dreamed I was on a bus or something. Jamie was in the back with my cousin. they seemed to be ignoring me. I was sitting near the front arguing with some bald woman who was being really mean.

My recall is still pretty low.

This morning i broke the dry spell.
I went to sleep at like 2am last night. Slept until 10-11, i didnt check the time. My uncle came into the room to grab something so i woke up, but as soon as he left the room i got back to sleep.
I started dreaming about a reunion... it was more like a party in my grandparents house, but with people from the university, and other people i didn't know. I remember i went outside barefoot, but there was a lot of mud. Now the house has morphed to the house im currently living in, my uncle's house. I was talking with the mother of my uncle's wife, and when i was done talking i decided it was time to go. Where? Idk i just thought the time there was up and that i should do something different. So i got outside, with a shovel so i could pick up the mud trace i was leaving :joy: , and started walking towards the city center. It's actually a long walk. I've never gone walking before, i've always used bus and it takes like 40 minutes, so i was thinking "i should take the bus, otherwise it will take a really long time" but meanwhile i kept walking and it wasn't towards a bus station. It seems like i didn't care too much about the distance, i just wanted to walk and i was enjoying it. I was able to go through a mildly dangerous zone looking around happily like if i was a tourist. There were people around, old mostly, buying stuff. I just watch them and go past them. Whenever i saw to the front i saw buildings, similar to those in the movie inception where Cobb and his wife built an entire city. Then i look to my right.... and i notice something very very strange (for me).
I see like a path, a street (that i know where it is located, in my home city) and beyond that there was an old building, but still functional, looked like "the house of Black and White". The strange thing about this was that it was a dream sign for me. I analized the structure, from the point i was standing, and i saw outside the building like a walking path, that it lead to some docks. So there i knew i was dreaming. Because the building was the same. I've walked that path before, so i was extremely confident i was in a dream. And i've only been to the sea two times, and we don't have a sea in my city so it all made sense to me that this was a dream. I was 95% confident i was dreaming. So at that point i wanted to make the most out of my lucid dream, do something. Before that i said it out loud "im lucid dreaming" so i did not forget once i start changing stuff.
But i don't do anything. Im so passive that i just stand there and observe. I thought about having sex, but then i thought "meh". I see some people playing in the water, across the streets. There were some rocks in which people were laying, tanning themselves, and other people climbed it so they could jump into the water. The water was quite deep, about 10 meters i believe. I know because it was cristaline water, so you could see the bottom. People playing in the water were big though, they were giants. I could see them as tall as buildings. Then the dream starts to fade and i regret not having a plan on what to do during the lucid dream. As soon as the dream starts to fade away i remain calm, both in mind and body. So far i don't feel a body, but as soon as i'd feel it i'd stay calm. All I saw a black background with a small light. I waited; still didn't feel my body so i was doing good so far (if i wanted to go back into lucid dreaming). And i thought i would either form a new lucid dream or i would meditate in that state. But i didn't feel prepared to form a dream from scratch (now that i think about it it was dumb not having even tried it) and i wasnt sure about meditating either. So i decided to wake myself up. I don't know how i did it, i just did. Then i start feeling my body and my mind like i usually feel it while being awake, a bit more coarse than what i was experiencing. (It was strange lol. I could describe my previous mind state like if my "astral body/mind" that was awake, that way it makes a bit more sense to have noticed my "normal mind" as coarser).
I had only 2 experiences like this in my whole life. One time i was able to WILD in 2016, and now this time i exited a dream and was able to still remain asleep (in body but not in mind). I really liked the experience and i look forward to practicing this stuff a bit more. Before it seemed hard, frustrating, frightening, something only experts could do but now i see it as something very interesting and very possible for me to do, so i want to start practicing it more.