side notes

18th May

Fragment:
Last dream, in a place like Azeroth, Westfall.

Something about Warcraft II and the Deadmines. Several passing thoughts about classic dungeons. Then a mix of STV and the dam at Dun Modr. But it had a lower tier which was ramped. There was a ship like the Juggernaut inside DM but it was more Alliance-like than Orcish. The front of it looked like an old 1800s steam boat or something. I remember having a view point from above the chimney and looking in and thinking that the model wasn't finished because it just looked like a tube with few shadows and straight cuts through into each deck of the ship.

I then became aware of my body. I was sort of crouching but sitting on my bottom and became aware or made note of my genitals. I think H was present as a voice and we were talking. I said something about how "at normal size I'd barely be able to push my tip into the top of the chimney", which made me realise my scale in the dream a little bit. Even so, being giant didn't make question reality either as it should have. The dream ended soon after.

---

Notes:
- Although I often have passing thoughts that relate to this type of dream situation (being giant-sized and "playing" with things), it's rare for me to actually have dreams within these contexts and dreams involving some kind of sexual stimulation or play are not too common for me.
- I used to mess around in private server versions of WoW that I'd run privately/on my own many years ago and would often change my character's scale to the maximum possible (usually 10 times or something). This dream may relate to that in some sense, and admittedly I'd sort of forgotten about that until re-typing this dream on this DJ.
- I remember when I woke up I thought it was odd I could hear H as a voice but not be aware of H's presence physically within the dream. I remember it made me feel as though there was quite a deep level of immersion in physical terms.

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7/23/2020
Fell asleep at ~1AM.
Woke up at 6:30AM
Woke up at 8AM, wrote down 1 tag
Woke up at 9:30, chilled for a while and wrote down 1 tag

What to work on: Using SSILD and becoming lucid
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Dream 1: I was out front of our house and lou manillo came to tell me to water the grass this weekend. After speaking with him, his father came out and told me to water the grass this weekend too.

Dream 2(partly lucid!): I was at some school and had been working out really hard. I did some sort of circuit around the school. After I wanted to go home and had to use Evans car. After starting his car I couldn't find a brake. I went slowly and just avoided things, I wasnt able to stop often. I played around by pressingthe park button to stop, I tried lifting the gas pedal and also dropping the steering wheel. The steering wheel idea worked. I was driving and was vividly taking in the scenery. I was in an urban area with lots of homes. The roads were very inconsistent, sometimes pavement, sometimes really sketchy dirt roads. I recognized some landmarks every once in a while and tried to get home. I realized that the geographical area makes no sense, its always changing. This combined with my experience of the malfunctioning car made me lucid. I wanted to get home as fast as possible and it started flooding. At this point the car was basically a floating cushion and a steering wheel. I floated up with the car until the floot brought us to the top of a tall building. I grabbed the top and the flood started to recede. I climbed on top and wanted to fly home now. I was looking around and thinking about how I could fly because I knew at that point that if I tried I wouldn't make it, I would just fall into the water. The flood started rising and falling again. Thats the last part I remember from the dream.

11th May

Dream:Earliest dream. I was in some place in the countryside, the dream was very vivid. I had my boots on, some pants, some t-shirt and my leather jacket. H was walking with me, I remember feeling the gravel beneath my feet.

In the dream I was recognising the place. I'd been here before in some other dream. This prompted me to tell H about it and he sort of dismissed it and even though I tried doing some reality checks with my hands, I didn't become aware of the dream state.

In my dream mind, this place wasn't exactly like how I remembered it from the other dream anyway. There was a gravel road and some buildings and some gravel plots along it, but the original place I was remembering had a normal road and it carried on, it didn't end abruptly like this gravel road. It reminded me of the southern areas of my country. There were pine trees and short grass that looked a bit dry. The dirt was fine and dusty and caramel coloured. The sky was a little bit cloudy but mostly clear and it seemed like the sun was setting. I remember looking all around me to try and identify anything from the original dream, but I felt there was nothing. The surroundings looked vast and vague at the same time.

After walking along the road with H for a while, we eventually came to a very large gravel lot, like a parking lot, clearly meant for that use. I remember H telling me to wait here. He had to get some book, or something, from town? I said I'd wait. I didn't know what I'd do in the meantime and I had the feeling that it would be a long time. Then my awareness transitioned to some other place.

A dream city. H wasn't here and though I have forgotten the dream plot exactly, there was something about a family that had to get to where I just was (the gravel/pine tree area). I was here to speed things along somehow? Something about a gang going after this family.

Then details are missing; I remember getting into a car, a silver convertible and also trying to fix down a panel on the boot or something. Then the mom of this family, who was driving, started the car before I'd even sat down and put a seatbelt on. She raced through the streets and I had little balance, tipping backwards and holding the open and swaying door with my right hand. I was partially sat on her son's legs, eventually he managed to help me in, but it took a while.

Some other part of the same dream. The chronology of the sequences is muddled. I went into a tall building and I remember carrying my black backpack and climbing lots of stairs. I didn't feel tired at all and my legs didn't hurt. Along the way, some young adult (early 20s) tugged on my backpack to have an easier time climbing. I resent that he'd done that but I said nothing and only gave him a look that made it clear to him not to do it again.

The staircase was very much like the one from my university. Very narrow, but no lift at each landing. Eventually I got to a pretty high floor, and it looked like my virtual gallery in some sense. There was a high open space that my fear of heights creep in a little, because there were no railings at all. I remember wondering what H would think of that.

Just behind the stairwell I'd come from, was a platform/floor and I climbed over its ledge without too much effort. It led down a dark unlit and narrow corridor. At the end of it was another stairwell, to my left. It went both up and down. There was a door directly in front of me. A white service door to my right after a short and narrow yard-long hall. Light came through the edges of this white service door and the stairs going up also allowed some natural light in from above, but not much, as it was still very dark in here.

On the stairs, a bunch of young adults (early 20s again) were sat on the steps. They looked at me, but more like through me. I looked back for a moment, but then ignored them. I tried opening the door in front of me but it was well shut and locked. I went back through the narrow corridor I'd come from and then skipped over the gap with the stairs and took a left turn. My mind blocked out the open space with no railings.

There were corridors and rooms this way. Many contrasts of dark and narrow halls with natural light from some windows. The floor was carpeted, not sure what colour, but I remember a cleaning lady. It just looked like a hotel in many regards but the rooms belonged to specific people who worked here or something, like an office area in a university. I can't recall the rest of the dream.

---

Notes:
- In many ways, the last part of the dream was just some mish-mash of my first university's building and my general concepts of offices and temporary living spaces. The presence of the people in their early 20s ties in with the "university" feel.
- It can feel a bit annoying to ask H about the reality and have him only make me dismiss what I'm thinking about, though since then I have tried to imagine the situation occurring differently.
- My leather jacket seems to have been a recurring feature for some recent dreams but I haven't found any particular reason why just yet, since I have not worn it in a long time. The only thing that comes to mind is that feels like a bit of a shame that I just let it sit unused for quite a long time, but on the other hand it is usually too hot for me to wear it.
- Dreams where physical activity occurs are always refreshing for me in some mental sense. Being able to do intense physical activity such as climbing many flights of stairs can feel rewarding and the amount of inordinate pain I would get from doing it in real-life makes it feel like a waste of my energy and time. In dreams my low thresholds of pain don't really materialise and it is often the only time I get a break from feeling pain and discomfort throughout a day.

More catching up...

---

12th May

Dream:

Dream recall faded somewhat. In the first dream I remember being at a house with H and someone else, a girl our age, but not sure who she was. We were all very hungry, and it was about noon. Someone suggested ordering pizza, but I didn't want to for some reason, so instead I got on the phone and ordered a man made of food or something, like synthetic food. He was supposed to get there by two in the afternoon. I figured when he arrived, I'd "butcher" him for the synthetic meat he was made of, wondering which bits H would be picky about, but as time went by, it seemed like he wasn't going to turn up at all, which made me regret not ordering the pizza in the first place.

Then I remember going through some sort of tunnels or halls, in an old style (20-60s) building. No natural lighting, just incandescent lights. Gave me the impression of night time. I was still hungry, but I came to a room where there was something written over its double doors (I forget what) that suggested I could eat there. I went in and there was a bar-like counter and I talked to a woman in her 40s and asked her about eating or something. I told her I realised it was late but I really needed something and she was kind and tried to figure something out. At some point my parents showed up and start commenting on the food-making. I forget what else happened.

Dream fragment:

A different dream or perhaps after a different segment I've forgotten. Only small bits, many of which just ordinary. But in the end of this dream I was walking around a downtown area with my dad, H and someone else I think. There was a man announcing that free testing for a certain genetic or auto-immune disease or something would be available. I muttered to myself about it not being available to me freely in the past and then the man approached me, unconcerned by my complaints but addressing them; he began to inspect my nose with his hands and as he did he said "normally we wouldn't check people who have infections on their nose because this excludes them" or something to this effect. His attitude and face while going over my nose and talking to me suggested (some medical) curiosity. Just as he was about to move on to inspect some other part of my face or body, the doorbell in reality rang and I woke up, having to answer the door.

---

Notes:
- Of these two dreams, as I am re-reading them, I actually remember the second fragment better than I do the first dream. There was an underground parking lot or something around the middle or beginning of that dream, which was where me, my dad, H and the other person had come from, out onto the downtown street area.
- I remember in the first dream I had visualised or seen a picture of what the synthetic man was to look like. For some reason I have the memory of wooden flooring in the first house of that dream.
- The part in the second dream where I was muttering to myself is probably a crossed over feeling of frustration at the lack of help I receive for my condition from official systems. The follow-up interaction with the man is probably representative of some of my hope that with chance and timing I might actually get someone to genuinely be interested in giving me the help I need, rather than the help that gets pushed onto me.

Jamie

Dreamt I woke up in bed and Jamie was there already getting busy with something naughty. Won't give any details either than she likes to make comical faces.

Dark

Strange dream. I was in a room with a young girl maybe 8. This was a FA on a particular day where i was having trouble sleeping. So while I'm trying to babysit this girl i am trying to sleep in bed and the room is small. So i get her to go to sleep as well. But I tell her to go to the corner of the bed and not beside me, I don't want anyone to walk in and think I'm a pedo. She's restless though and is hard to convince to go to sleep. There's a part where we were also playing video games on a TV.

FA, i'm in the same bed but have sleep apnea, or paralysis. I look at the ceiling and see an evil face in the pattern of texture spatter. I immediately feel it's a demonic presence. I can feel it trying to take over my mind. I let it in for a while, but I only feel it's pure darkness and fear. It wants to spread fear because it FEARS eternity in hell, which is whee it will wind up eventually. I call out to Jesus a bit and...

FA, back in the room with the girl. I ask he if she fell asleep yet. She says no. I say, "Me neither." I get up and apperently her mother is there but she's talking about demonic things (maybe the same demon controlling multiple levels of dreams???). We get into an argument about eligion and I say I am saved by Jesus. She tries to retort and says we won't get along.

good to have a nice jamie dream though.

9th May

Dream:

I was in Texas or Arizona or such. A hot and arid place in America at any rate. I remember only a few details from the end. I could see through a panoramic view of an online maps thing; I was looking up Niagara falls. To my surprise there was a city there. It was grand, modern and overall beautiful. The water courses ran under and through the city. It was a sunny day in the view.

Then the next thing I remember, I was packing up or something, to walk there from where I was. There were others doing the same. One of them was a Turkish or Arabic man, not much older than me. We knew each other vaguely. As we said goodbye as we both got ready to leave, he said to me "may God be with you in your travels". I simply replied "goodbye", and quickly regretted it. I realised I could have said goodbye in my own language and not in English, as it would have had a more similar meaning to his own, longer, expression.

I walked through a flat and rocky, dusty area. There were rock cliff faces to either side, or perhaps ancient ruined buildings. I came to a Y shaped road junction in the middle of the desert; this bit had a few hills but was mostly flat otherwise. Cars went by. I remember noticing a car drive past and I noticed the driver somewhat clearly, a woman, medium length hair, tied at the back. The car was a faded cerulean blue and quite old and blocky-looking. I was getting ready to cross and I looked towards the horizon beyond the road. Big red canyons, piled up in an abnormal way. Dream ended shortly after.

Dream:

Again remember little of the dream's start. I remember being at the foot of a mountain, then teleporting or entering some dark place. Then there was fighting as I was going through this cramped and strange factory place. It did some laundry of mine as I went through it. Some pants and hoodies, they became a warmer colour as they were made ready for me. Some boys, two twins I think, got my attention and they lead me out from the place. I think I was getting stuck on some mechanism when they started talking to me. The place had many traps anyway, when I first got in, there were flying needle darts and other things.

The reality and history of this place were just somehow known to me to be different from normal. I didn't realise I was dreaming even so, but it was like a mix of Trigun and Path of Exile. I remember then being in a shack of some kind, made up of corrugated panels. There was an old man? Some gadgets scattered about. I remember we talked for a little while about this world of theirs. I made some surprised remark about how they had all this technology but seemed to live otherwise primitive lives. I don't remember his reply but he was amused I think.

Then I remember being in a basement of some other shack place. It was night time, but I think I had walked there. It was in the middle of a town of sorts. This woman owned it and we talked. As I stood next to her at surface level, there was some kind of dust storm outside and I could see people in sorts of brown power armour. There wasn't much light and so through the dust I mostly just got glimpses of things, even though I think I'd seen the surrounding area earlier in the dream.

The woman told me a story about how she got this bit of land, and then I could "see" a memory; not far at all from us, less than thirty yards away, the vision began with a medieval gate to a different area of this town, with a cliff to the right. It was day time, and this little girl, no older than eight, walked toward the gate with her dog. They looked cartoony. A massive castle tower fell from the high cliff, crashing on the gate. The impact made a small shockwave and the girl and dog were blown back a small distance, the dog landed in some deep water and yelped and drowned, the girl crying and trying to save him. This vision made me sad and the feeling carried through when I woke up later.

The woman told me that the girl was her friend when she was younger, and that she didn't know where she was anymore. She seemed sad for not knowing, but she also seemed to convey the feeling that maybe the other girl didn't want to be friends with her anymore. The woman's face seemed to imply regret and guilt (from inaction?). I remember we walked outside for a bit in the area in front of the gate, it was sunny and clear.

---

Notes:
- Although the second dream did so very allegorically rather than in a literal sense, it reflected a lot of my thoughts at the time of these dreams. Firstly how we all live in a world of technology, but we are otherwise primitive without it because it is not a part of us. Also in the same way, technology did not necessarily makes these peoples' lives any better and this reflected my trend of thoughts about how many of us simply take what we have for granted.
- It was odd that I was aware of the dream-world to be a different one from the waking one, but I did not come close to any thresholds of pre-consciousness, as far as I can recall.
- It is not often that a feeling within a dream carries on into waking except when it was the last thing felt, which wasn't the case here.
- My regret about not saying goodbye to the Arabic man in the same manner comes from the value I put on words sometimes and also reflects how I struggle with not being able to say what I actually wanted to have said to someone.

8th May

Dream:

I was in the car with H. H was driving very fast and race-like, even though we weren't in a rush to get anywhere. Pretty close one between a double length bus and a car. I remember the tyres screeching a lot all the way and I asked H why. He said it was because they brand new Michelin tyres.

It was like my native country and town. Eventually we arrived at a place, ground floor of a building, in front of it was like a petrol station. The place we walked into was like a school, for kids between the ages of eight and ten. H and I had been here earlier in the dream to drop off a keyboard temporarily. Now, we were here to pick it up again. I think the kids were actually teens in the earlier part of the dream. One of the kids now, was asking why we had to take the keyboard away again and H explained it had only been meant as a temporary thing anyway. H asked if anyone had played the keyboard. Some kids said they hadn't, somehow clearly afraid of being reprimanded, even though it was unlikely, but they also said they had practised at home like H had taught and demonstrated.

I didn't speak much at all, H talked to the kids a lot. Somehow reminded me of my geometry teacher, trying to actively get the kids to think and take interest in things. Eventually, a lady walked in, the teacher who runs the place. She was happy to see the kids entertained and it was as if we'd known her and vice versa for years. I remember noticing I had my black leather jacket and my regular boots on. I think in the dream we both became distracted from our objective of getting the keyboard. There was also a set of keys we'd left in the earlier visit, but we weren't being able to find them. The layout was different from the earlier visit.

Scraps:

Grandma from mom's side, dad and I, talking. I remember she was holding a golden cross that she wore around her neck. I made mental note of the size of the cross, almost too big to be held by one hand alone.

---

Notes:
- I don't believe H has actually ever bought Michelin-branded tyres.

Saturday Night, 7/18/20

I had an FA. I noticed that the perspective was wrong for waking up; I was looking down on my bed. I floated around the room a bit, confirming I was dreaming. I noticed the room was vague and the dream did not feel very stable. I aimed for the floor of my room and landed, bounced up and down a little trying to feel the carpet on the soles of my feet. I could hear a soft crunching sound, like the sound of velvet being gently crushed. The dream faded anyway, my vision going black. However, I still felt more connected to the dream than to my waking life body so I tried to imagine "throwing" myself back into the dream. I opened my eyes, a bit uncertain whether it would work, but it did. I was back in my room standing on the ground. I floated again to confirm. Up near the ceiling I grabbed onto the top of the cube structure where there was a wooden platform (it's sort of like the top of a bookcase). I alternated between staring at the wood grain and rubbing my hand across the wood. Sure enough the grains of the wood became incredibly detailed and lifelike. Looking around I could now see the lines on the palms of my hands, the bumps on the blue walls, the sharp outlines of various pieces of furniture.

Satisfied that the dream was fully stabilized, I phased through the window of my room and glided over the land below. It was quite beautiful out, sunrise coloring the clouds. Although my backyard was much bigger than in waking life it was otherwise consistent with its current configuration. At least up until the stand of bamboo at the far end. Behind there and off to the right, instead of a fence, I found an open plot of dirt with a partially built lighthouse. At last! I thought, Although, I was kind of hoping to have it by an ocean... I considered that on the one hand it was convenient to have it close to my house but on the other hand I would have to use some trick of the mind in order to make use of it as I'd originally planned, as a lighthouse by the sea.

Off to my left a woman and two young children were wandering from the bamboo forest into my backyard. I waved at the family. The youngest child, the boy, seemed to be the only one who saw me. He tried to get his mother and sister to look over. The mother squinted in my general direction and shrugged before continuing on her way. The little boy looked confused. I told him not to worry about it. It wasn't clear if he could hear me. I returned my attention to the lighthouse and saw that the first floor was thoroughly encased in rock and therefore inaccessible. I had planned to have steps carved into rock leading up to the base of the building and I mused that the dream must have constructed it this way like a bug in a video game when it was placed somewhere different from the intended landscape. The next two floors were far smaller than I'd planned. Beyond that it was completely unfinished. I began planning how I would fix it and build it out as if I were using Minecraft blocks. I wondered if I should leave it with its current black and white colors or change them to match the colors I'd planned for it when I designed it in waking life. I had only just begun modifying the structure when I heard a loud sound. Annoyed, I looked up to see that some random guy on a motorcycle had ridden up and parked behind the lighthouse, apparently oblivious to my presence. When I saw that he wasn't going to interfere further I tried to return my concentration to the task at hand but the dream faded into a different scene and I lapsed into non-lucidity.

Spoiler for Additional Notes:

Made progress on two of my LD goals: creating a lighthouse and experimenting with dream cartography. The lighthouse is a place I designed in waking life that I had never encountered in a dream before. Basically I was trying to incubate it by creating drawings, written pieces, and even a design in Minecraft creative mode (which is no doubt why I ended up modifying it with Minecraft blocks in this dream). This was my first success in finding/creating the lighthouse in an LD, although I'd come across a version of it briefly in a non lucid once. I'd originally planned to build it from scratch near a particular recurring beach location. Instead I found it partially constructed... in my backyard. I didn't actively work to recall my waking life goal during the LD as I usually would, instead I just explored and found what I needed quickly. That makes this my first successful LD incubation attempt, as well.

Additionally, I've been wanting to not only map out my recurring dream locations but to experiment with creating new ones and testing their level of permanence and the permanence of the connections between dream locations. Behind the bamboo in my backyard happens to be one spot I'd considered using for experimentation as I'd rarely gone into the bamboo area in dreams and never off to the right. Apparently my subconscious decided to combine two ideas and gave me a partial lighthouse in that spot. I think I'll just find some way to work with this development. Maybe I'll use the lighthouse like a TARDIS lol.

Another side note: When I was very young my dad started building a wooden playhouse in the backyard and never finished it (eventually we took it down). This seems to be a symbolic reference to that, although I'm not sure why.

7th May

Dream:

Don't remember the start but was in a game doing some crop-related things while I was appearing offline or something. All of a sudden, a female character shows up and starts punching me up with some flying fists. At first I assumed it was A but then I die and respawn and notice it's someone else that I don't know.

It's a Spanish player and we mostly speak in Spanish. I realise my accent is a bit broken but that doesn't stop me so much. I tell her I don't remember knowing her, I assume it's possible I've just forgotten who she is but she doesn't really answer the question or seem bothered by this, anyway. Then she starts telling me how she used to live on some place called something "Peak". In the dream I had some vague memory of it. I ask her if she had a place nearby on K and she insists not, but my dream memory tells me she did.

In any case, she then tells me how she'd lost everything. I realise I don't care about my place so much anymore and offer to give her some stuff and tell her we need to go to my place in the game. Most of this seems to take place on K. We then start going through some portals or something, and I start carrying her on my back for some reason. I remember some other players spotting us and staring for a minute.

Then eventually we're at my old (actual) home, it's night time and dark. I walk into the room that used to be L's and there's an extra bed like a sofa bed. There's a computer with an old CRT screen on the desk and I think about using it to give her some stuff? She asks me some questions and I answer, I think mostly about the room? I think she just looks like a person now and not a game character.

Then all of a sudden while we talk, my sibling T sits up. T had been sleeping on the extra bed all along and we somehow hadn't realised. Looked younger and not so scruffy? I apologise and say I didn't realise. I look at the screen for a moment and it has something like Diablo on it. We leave the room and go to my old room instead. But essentially, the exact same thing happens again there. I don't remember to question the dream-like nature of what just happened. Rest of dream recall is mostly gone. Scraps of being in the street and talking to this Spanish girl.

---

Notes:
- The initial context within the dream of giving my stuff away is a common occurrence anyway when I'm playing games in which you are able to hoard or accumulate stuff. I often end up giving stuff away because I have not created any particular attachment to it or feel like I might not be putting it to good use any time soon. One further note on this regard is that sometimes I feel that my kindness is taken but not appreciated, it becomes "old history" so to speak of rather quickly, with some people, while others do remember it for a long time.
- Although I wrote this dream months ago, I have the feeling that the computer screen in L's room was a CRT, but this may be a false memory now. When I wrote that it has something like Diablo on it, I think I meant that it had Diablo II just running but with nothing happening.

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7/17/2020
Fell asleep at ~1AM.
Woke up at 6:30AM
Woke up at 8AM,
Woke up at 9:30, chilled for a while and wrote down tags for 1 dream

What to work on: Using SSILD and becoming lucid
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Dream 1(Baseball): I was going to an olympic festival with my family. There were many people going to celebrate and support their family members. One guy had a baby rhino on a leash. The rhino was SUPER excted and kept running around. At one point it got too excited and was causing trouble so the owner shortened the leash and made it mostly immobile. At this point it was mad and it looked like a big dog now with a ton of fur. We were going to play baseball against this other family during this festival. They weren't as good as we were. I asked if my dad brought my glove and he brought me one but it was really stiff. I played around with it for a bit and it was ok after.

Dream 2(Fire nature lady): I think this was connected to the last dream, we may have started talking about the history of the event and then this video started playing and I was seeing the video from first person perspective. There was this hand brushing off dead pine needles from trees. This happened for a while then the hand grabbed a branch. It held on for a bit and then I saw it was this thin old lady. She took her hand off and there were new little sprouts in the tree there. She was clearly someone very in touch with nature and had some kind of magical powers. People said she was actually evil though, she caused a big problem. She demonstrated her fire powers to people. I saw that like from a video and then became a person watching her. She was showing people she could make fire and then she killed everyone watching except for me, I as hidden a bit. I rebelled against everyones praise for her and said what she does is terrible! Everyone condemned me and I had to to the boring work sector to serve all the boring meaningless tasks.

No techniques used, just had some intention and slept an hour longer than usual.

In a normal dream some seven hours after first going to bed I slowly realized that I was dreaming and that I could take control. When I was fully lucid I "woke up" in my bed though, but by RCing I caught the false awakening. Trying to get up I noticed that I could barely move. So, I carefully rolled to the side and put my feet on the floor. I still couldn't stand up and so I let myself slide to the floor next to the bed. I hoped to gain more control over my dream body when getting further away, so I crawled through the room. This felt kinda strange because I could move through the furniture to some extent. Somehow I came to imagine being in a transparent sphere which I could roll by pushing the sides. Like this, I moved around a bit until I awoke again in the bed.

I RCed again just to be sure and surprisingly I was still dreaming (I could have guessed because I heard someone snoring in the other room - with nobody there). Realizing I was still too groggy to go anywhere I sat up and simply meditated. Everything got completely still immediately. Then, I woke up for real.

In the dream I was back in NJ, at the church I used to go. Some children are playing around in the church's basemant. At one point they needed to read the bible, so I ofered to go and find one. I go upstairs, and in one of the rooms, before the altar, I find Cesar, the deacon. I asked him if he has a bible available, and he says sure, here you go. I take the small bible and head out to the basement, but instead I go the wrong way and I end up on the left side of the altar, 3 benches away from it. I go towards the benches and I dock, not to be seen. Then I realize that I'm just wearing my underwear, now I'm really screwed in here, I think. My perseption shifts toward the midle lane; a blonde lady comes through, preaching outloud, and walking like in a beauty pageant. I think to myself "this lady is so chill, she doesn't even care what the priest or people would say about her". All the atettion focuses on her, but now she's sitting down with her family and she is taking about a testimony of life, some kind of miracle that hapened in her life. I couldn't remember exactly what she said about it.

Note: This is one of my recurring dreams, since I moved 5 years ago, from NJ. to NC. I did quit going to church around the time I learned about Lucid Dreaming. The priest was actually a good friend of mine, but never got back in touch with him since then. I feel I should call him and say: "hello padre! ARE You DREAMING!!!"

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7/15/2020
Fell asleep at ~1AM.
Woke up at 6:30AM
Woke up at 8AM, maybe wrote down tags
Woke up at 9:30, wrote down some tags as I drift in and out of more dreams

What to work on: Writing down tags upon waking from first couple alarms and using SSILD
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Dream 1(AoT/naruto): I was in this world where there had been many cases of people blowing up shops. A few times I was near these people who just lobbed small grenades at the front of the shop and I told Maria to run. One time they were kids and so I stopped 1 of them and couldnt find the other after. At another point I was high on a balcony and I was talking to a friend of mine. We were speaking about how I'm not safe here and people are after me. At one point he mentioned his sibling had received some of my packages, they were all like weapons. Then my enemy came, he was like orochimaru from naruto. He chased me all over the sides of the tall buildings and then I finally did something that showed him we have something in common and need to work together. We teleported back to the miniature map of that location and then started talking. Him and someone else turned into AoT giants which were regular size, they had no genitals. I had a boner. Then Evan found these 2 sex toys-ish. One was a sleeve you put on your dick and the other was an even longer sleeve to put over that sleeve. He put them on. I wanted to try them and before I could Lopez came and gave us weird looks like we werent supposed to be doing that with the display items.

Dream 2(Max/Matthew trying to kill me): I was at home and I remember Max getting mad and pulling a gun on me. I was trying to stop him by aiming the gun away from me and eventually he shot and missed. I had time to get away while he reloaded. I ran outside and he was running after me but I was running a bit faster than him. I wasnt even running full speed. Then I ran full speed and really gained some distance on him. I ran around many street corners and stopped at one point. I turned around to see and he came around a corner but it was Matthew now. I was running really fast and was able to make huge leaps. I jumped and ran around huge green areas and jumped over water. I leaped so large at one point I thought I was going to hurt myself. It was like I was on the moon or less gravity. I eventually got away from matthew.

Dream 3(School trip): I was on a school trip to some foreign place and we each had a spot to share with a couple classmates. I shared with Lorne and maybe someone else. At one point Kim showed up at my place and we hung out for a bit. Later we had to get ready to leave for a certain time. I picked up all my shit really quick and went downstairs. I dropped my book along the way so went back upstairs but went too far up, I went to some really fancy rooms that other people were staying at. I went back down and found my book in our room. I brought it back down and put it in my bag. We still had extra time and Lorne was wandering a little at the entrance of the building and were talking to someone who was interrupted by 2 ladies who needed him to dance. They all started dancing and we joined them for a little then left.


Dream 4(man breaks out of chamber with chainsaw and wants to get us): Thats it.

This week made up for the lack of jamie dreams for sure. Difficult subjects to deal with here...

Jamie 1

I was in some elevator with Jesus and Jamie. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke actually... Kidding. He just tells us, "I want you two to come together NOW!"
the door opens and Jesus is gone I walk out holding someone's hand. It's no longer Jamie, but eleven from stranger things... We walk down the hall and I'm confused. We pass another Elevel from stranger things in the hall... Walt 11:11? Clever girl... I ask who the other girl is and the one holding my hand shrugs.

comments. Jesus said the same thing last year. and Last year I sent a message and invited contact. I don't know what else I can possibly do here. I can message her until I'm blue in the face and she will always find a reason never to message me back or get a hold of me some other way. I can't force her to contact me and I won't try. It's up to her I guess...

Jamie 2

Jamie shows up at my inner world house with that sterotypical bad boy from the dream from a few weeks ago. She's being generally mean to me. I forget most of it. I'm on a couch and she sits down for one second and hands me an ipad or something with porn on it. And she tells me to stop looking at porn, then storms off with that guy and leaves the house. I find myself outside by the curb a while later talking to some guy who asks me if she was supposed to be my girlfriend. I said, "I dunno looks like she's with that guy now."

No, comment on the porn issue other than if I were doing that, How would she know? Hacking my computer somehow? or some Twin flame/ alien love bite telepathic phenomenon? I'll try to fix any issue, but you can't expect a single bachelor to live like a saint all the time.

What?

Dream is like a movie. some woman goes to a recovery meeting like AA or NA or something. She meets a woman there the leave to have coffee, which is typical for being social after recovery meetings. But they wind up going to one of their homes and have a lesbian encounter. the whole dream I have a feeling this dream has to do with Jamie but can't be sure.

Jamie 3

Jamie approaches me in a school parking lot and tells me she is actually a MTF transgender. Which I know is not true. But she seems to think I might like that.

Interesting, Jamie is now lesbian but also a transgender

Can we go back to dream hugs now that we got it all sorted out? Or how about a real one!?!?!?

Long dream

Well it was long but i forgot most of it now. I was walking through some city but had to go inside a large building like a bank. Everything started shaking and i Thought ,"Earthquake". I'm looking for desks to hide under. A man in a suit and some other people there tell me it will be over soon. I hear a scream and look out the big glass window. The building is floating on water and a huge wave is coming toward us. I look to the man with a suit and he says we won't get hit by the wave. The building shakes and then turns onto some land and stops.

I find myself on a bus or something with a Muslim woman who is supposed to be Saad's wife. Some guy is telling her that her husband is a jackass. I cut in say, "Really me and him do get a long at times but yeah. he is a huge asshole for sure."

His wife says to me, "Maybe i agree with you. But hold on You smell like piss and shit." (she's just insulting me back). "You remind me of a muslim story i know. A mother got up one day and went to her daughters room and she said, 'wake up now my child, we are going to have pancakes for breakfast...'". I woke up from that.

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7/12/2020
Fell asleep at ~1:30AM.
Woke up at 6:30AM, dont remember anything
Woke up at 8AM, with recall, wrote down very long dream

What to work on: Writing down tags upon waking from first couple alarms and using SSILD
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Dream 1(Being late for school, going by bus, late for class, riot, detained, new floor, put in acid then given second chance, fall into water, giant hot tub with stories, comedy and chalk): I was getting ready for school and took all my school stuff plus a joint into the bathroom. then I left for school. I walked to Fielding and it was super snowy and slushy out. The stop on fielding was cancelled. I had to go to back further down to catch a bus. I got on a bus and saw a bunch of other people including Divneet. Eventually I got to school and was late for class. I saw Phoebe also late for class, she was about to eat a jello she just got on her way. I was walking upstairs and saw some classmates coming down and realized my class was on the lower floors, I was going the wrong way. I joined them and we went to the classroom but the teacher wasnt there. A lot of other students saw this as an opportunity to kind of riot and go crazy but I just decided to wait and not cause trouble so I went into this big open area while others were running around. Some H-L: Alyx looking guards brought me to the designated holding area while they caught the rest of the students. I was with 1 other kid that had a secret item and wanted to keep it from the guards so he hid it on the structure above us that was right outside the yellow forcefield looking thing that was the designated area. After that I saw a new floor or classroom being built above the school and we were supposed to take the elevator up there. I was in this glass elevator looking thing and this angry voice started saying that they wish they could just drop us in the acid underneath the elevator. She brought me very close and then backed off. Then she did drop me in it. It melted the bottom, I died and got another chance like in a game. This time I broke what was holding me there and fell into some water on the side. There I was part of this story that was being narrated then I was in a giant hot tub that had this story with all different levels and characters in it like an old mario level map. I remember there also being 2 buttons that would add bubbles to the pool and the other would make the tree start raining. After my dad told me to stop making the tree rain I got out and started walking along the side of this area, there was a wooden railing. I heard my dad talking about my friend who does comedy. Then I found chalk and put it on my hands.

Dream 2(shooting cars then 4 tuck sequence search): I was on a motorcycle with someone and we had this stick-like gun that we were shooting at other cars. At one point I was reloading and we passed right next to a uniformed officer who was not in his vehicle. A little further down we ditched the gun next to this group of people chilling on the side of the road and right after that we saw a sign saying 4 tuck sequence search and we still didn't get caught even though they were right behind us.