All DJ Entries

So... I've been planning on posting new entries to my DJ here on DV, but I'm not quite sure where to start.
My dreams are one hell of a mess at the moment, and they're probably not much fun to read.
It seems like many of them are centered around hurting me one way or another.
Usually this is done through Faye, a recurring DC.
They're not nightmares though. Well, at least most of them aren't.
I usually catch those when they start and become lucid, allowing me either change or stop them.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

I'm hanging out with some waking-life friends.
We're at V's place, up in his attic, where he has set up a bar and a large couch to relax.
Overall I'm having a good time, but there's something making me somewhat uncomfortable.
There's a woman with us that I don't think I have seen before.
But everyone is acting as if we've all known each other for years.
In fact, at one point, she is telling a story about her and I getting into trouble
when we were on vacation together.

What? I don't remember this woman, and we were supposedly spending out holidays together?
What is going on?

We have a few drinks, discuss some things that I cannot recall, and end up talking about what everyone
is currently doing in their lives. It's mostly a discussion about what our expectations were a few years back,
about what we would be doing now, and how everything actually turned out.
It's my turn, and I walk about making video games, and that I am not quite certain how I am going to transition
from university life to working. I haven't fully decided exactly what I want to do yet, but I do know
roughly which direction I want to go.

The woman I do not know interrupts me, and starts saying hurtful things.
I don't remember exactly how she said it, but she was basically stating that I will never amount to anything.
I am shocked. I do not understand how one of my friends would ever say anything like that.
I have a good relationship with all of my friends, nobody would ever do this.
But for some reason it really hurts. To the point where I actually consider whether or not I am a failure as a person.

Fortunately, I slowly become aware of what is actually happening.
I am dreaming.
This is a dream.

I attempt to look at the facial expression of everyone, to see if they agreed with what the woman said.
But they are all gone. I find myself alone with this woman now.
She looks pleased with herself. She has accomplished what she wanted.

I try to elevate my level of awareness by thinking about my current situation.
There is some improvement. Enough to realize that the woman is Faye.

"Wipe that grin off your face"

I am pissed.
She keeps doing this lately and I absolutely hate it.
I decide to confront her about it.

"Why do you keep doing this?"
"You are doing this to yourself. Remember, I am a part of yourself"

I remember having confronted her before, and she said the exact same thing.
Why is she my dream guide again? Lately her influence on my dreams has been purely negative...



Here's another example, where she attempts to distract me (from lucidity):

I am walking through the city together with a friend of mine.
She's rushing from shop to shop, looking at all the things.
Despite the situation being so hectic, I become lucid.
I also quickly realize that the woman I'm with is Faye.
I immediately decide that I want to leave. There is nothing of interest in this dream scene.

I concentrate, trying to leave the current scene behind and go to Riven instead.
But Faye interrupts me. She grabs my hand and drags me away.
I tell her to leave me alone, but she won't listen.

I feel anger building up inside of myself.
She's done this a few times now, trying to break my lucidity.
And usually she succeeds...

"You're not going anywhere!"

My muscles tense up from anger.
Suddenly the buildings around me begin to collapse, seemingly as a reacting to tensing up my muscles.
It's an odd feeling.
First there is some guilt from destroying the buildings by accident.
But that quickly disappears once I understand that nobody was in these buildings.
After all this is a dream.

Unfortunately Faye is having none of it.
She takes control of the surrounding DC's and makes them yell at me.

"Why did you do this? Why did you kill those people?"

Things like that.
I eventually loose lucidity...


These dreams are quite frustrating.
But I think that I can fix this mess if I manage to reach a high level of lucidity.
By that I mean, if manage to think clearly within a lucid dream, and be aware of this goal,
which is difficult with this level of interference and distraction.
Still, I'm confident that I'll manage to fix it... hopefully soon.

It's been 7 months sense I last posted so I will do a lot of updating

This dream had a lot going on but the part I remember the best is the last part. I returned to my home where I lived with my parents, brother, and his fiancée. (The home was a complex that housed multiple families and it was raised above the ground) when I got back I found that this stranger was trying to steal my money, but I managed to run him off and get my money back. When I returned to my room afterwards I found that my stuff had been stolen. I became furious and went about looking for the criminal when I found they returned to the scene of the crime. It was two teenage girls. The blonde had been the mastermind, and I got her to confess by pinning her to the ground via holding her neck and waist down on the ground and I started trying to stretch her when she finally agreed to bring my stuff back. They left after showing me everything was back in my room when a pretty African American woman came to our place. She asked to speak with us in private, so my parents and I followed her outside. She told us that she worked for the government and they discovered that missiles were going to be launched at America wiping out half the population and we were in the spot that was going to be in the center of the explosion. She wouldn't say who was launching them, but she said our family had the option of buying tickets to a train that would take us to an underground bunker. We only had enough for 4 people and my dad agreed to stay behind. My parents went inside to start packing essentials while I looked up at the sky to see a solar eclipse. I became very frightened and shook my head then looked back up to see a normal moon in the sky, so I calmed down a little. I started packing my stuff, then went with my mom to put our things with my aunts because they said they'd let us put our stuff with theirs. I noticed that everyone in the complex was packing, but there wasn't a panic. It was a very intense calm, the air was heavy with fear. The sky started flashing red and my aunt told me it was practice for the people who had to stay behind, so they would know when to brace themselves. It was a very dark night even though the moon was full. As I finished packing, the speakers came on and said it was time to board the train. We got our stuff and filed down the ramps to the station. As we stood about to board, it finally sunk in that my dad wouldn't be coming. I could tell my family cared but they wouldn't show it. They stood on the train waiting for me, but I couldn't board. My dad and I don't have a close relationship and it's like this dream made me realize how much I cared. He insisted I get on and I finally did. As the train pulled away I couldn't take the pain and shouted "I love you!" With teary eyes. He shouted it back before he got out of ears reach and the train descended underground. This is where I woke up.

This dream was very emotional for me. I felt such an intense mixture of fear, pain, and anger that I was genuinely glad that it wasn't real when I woke up. Any help with interpretations are appreciated.

09.06.14

Five - to six lucid dreams in a row. In RL I am sleeping in a hotel, and are doing a lot of relaxing, meditation and energy exercises. This dreams felt like peeling the personal onion. A follow up to the previous 4-5 lucid dreams in a row from 29.05 http://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/auke...elp-dcs-58402/ Here I where lucid in between dreams and felt that DC's where helping me attaining my awareness.

1. Floating borders. Mostly grey tones, but a kind of a "Who framed Roger Rabbit" car was in technicolor at the bottom of a slope near the water. I was lucid and flying. I am sure I was in this dream a bit, but can’t remember details. I was thinking, but not feeling.

2. Found myself in a open parkland with greens, pathways and benches. There were buildings on the left and front of me. There where pictures of heroes or villains on the walls in beautiful drawn comic book art. Everything was clear as real life, but brighter and in comic art. I became very satisfied with how clear and stable everything was. I took a usual look at my hands, but I felt that it was not necessary. Some people who looked somewhat similar to the ones in the pictures, came from a doorway at the left. They were also drawn. I wondered why I was not drawn, and then I was. My arms became cartoonish while I looked at them. I started fighting like in a computer game with one of the characters, but I did not know how to do it. It felt kind of slow and low in spirit, trying to kick him in the shins all the time. I knew I probably could had boosted it up, but my interest was not in this. The setting was not in any way dangerous. In this dream, I am probably more lucid than in the previous.

My sleep was not very deep since I had contact with the physical room I was sleeping in between dreams trough vision.

3. I enter a room witch reminds me of the years I lived together with other students. Its full of people and there is music so there must be a party. I use one of my confident skills, and change the record to a rare and groovy track. A young student woman sits down in the coach next to me, she tells me that she also lives there, that she loved my taste in music, and suggests that we maybe could share a bed. I think that is a good idea, and suggest that we try it out at once. When she lays down, she is shape shifting a bit. She is a bit too thin and something is strange. I can't hold the dream. Again, I just know that I am dreaming. I hear music, but it is not clear. I can see details and colors. However, I cannot feel.

4. I come back to a similar setting. There is a party and many people. I am still Lucid, and now I start to interact with more awareness, not just react. I go out into a small balcony that also are crowded. It seems to hang in the air over a spacious setting, like a blue screen or just space. I turn around and in the doorway stands an older, but healthy looking man. He is white haired, has clear features and is a head taller than the people between us. We talk. What I can surly remember of or conversation is this.

Old Man: The God's do exist. (This is a follow up on a previous LD where I asked a DC "What is God") He has the smile of a teacher who wants followup questions. He also does reminds me quite much of a Buddhist teacher I know.

I: But are they evil?

Old Man: Does not answer, looks like I have asked the wrong question.

I: But there acts is not exactly what you can call humane?

Old Man: Right.

Now there is another DC standing in between us. He is so close to me that he must almost be standing on my toes. He/she is shorter than me and are masked in a black sort of scarf. He stands completely still as if he has not been put to play yet. I get the feeling he is waiting for the ongoing talk to end. I ask the old man if he's real and at the same time touch his face. He feels completely like a shaven, around 60 year’s old man. I get a kind of grey/every day and safe/family member feeling. Our conversation ends with the old man saying something like:

They (The God's) are not in any way, what you would consider safe.

The ninja character, who in until now has been like a statue, comes to life and makes me follow him of the balcony. We go through a short state of grey swirling mist.

5. This dream sets on the inside. (Inside body?) I have that feeling of being inside an organic cave with a laboratory in it. I get the hospital feeling. It is a mixture of stonewalls, not build, but mountain walls. In addition, some tech installations. I immediately gets the feeling that something is wrong. I became fully lucid in the last dream, and are remaining that here. A DC in a white coat are with me at once and expresses that something has gone horrible wrong with my son. I am on a sunken floor in a small waiting room. The DC looks sad and somewhat powerless over the situation. He gives me the feeling that he and some other helpers tried as best they could. On my way into a mountain hall I meet another white coated DC. He is probably the doctor. By now, my feelings are unbearable. I can see a boy sitting in a chair connected to wires. He's head/face looks literary like a mix between a broken white plate, and a head that looks more like a pancake than a head. I am now panicking.

My first response, as I enter the scene is.

He is alive! I thought you said that he was…?

The first health worker looks down.

I turn to the doctor and ask, what has happen here?

Doctor say’s, Double bypass gone wrong.

I take a second and consider my options. I am fully lucid, which means I can do what I like. However, I am now longer in contact with the "this is JUST a dream" feel I had in the past dreams.

I scream: Can't you see what you have done! You have given me this unbearable sensation of feeling in my stomach. I can’t stand staying here any longer! I fly through the ceiling while the DC's looked at me in disbelief. You can’t leave, they said, looking restless. I also had a strong feeling that it was wrong of me to escape but I could not bear to stay there. Never, in my whole life, have I felt such a powerful feeling of despair, loss and anger. I cannot describe it, but it was surely a horrible feel. I would have gladly changed it for some severe physical pain anytime. The rage drove me into my last lucid dream. I now demanded to meet death! Again, going through this grey kind of swirling mist.

6. I met him and just had a quick look at my hands to stabilize before I attacked. Death was as one would expect, cloaked in black, standing in some sort of fire on a stage. Death had a whip or a tail that turned in to an oven-like black thing at the end with a gate that opened that was made of black bars. I dived in to it. First, the dream was all black, I did not know what to expect. Then it shifted into vaguely contours on the walls of organic forms witch could look a little like faces. Deaths black tail was in front of me. It was long and slim and had a triangle on the end. I started to pull it. Still angry and upset. Nevertheless, it was just more tale. I felt extremely angry. The thing I was doing felt as such a desperate and useless action. Then, in a last effort, I worded in a deep angry, almost God like tone.

"COME HERE NOW".

I woke up...

This dream and the next has some synchronicity with real life random events. I feel that the team here are regarding not getting in touch with my heart. This is my main goal in life and this was a great opportunity to practice compassion for others and myself. Instead, I go into uncontrolled rage and try to kill death. I was off course scared when I woke, with that request to Death still ringing in my head.
Around the same time in RL, right after this dream, I was going to act in the wizard of OZ. Which I think, strangely enough, I have never seen or read. Before someone would ask me to do the role as the tin man, and before I knew anything about it. I did a google search on "driftwood" witch came up with a picture of the main characters from this story. I remember seeing the face of a sad and grey tin man and thought he resembled somehow the grey Jester from my previous LD. Then the day after, the director told me that the Tin man had no heart and that he would receive on in the end. I remember thinking that this is not a coincidence.

The night after this dream, my son had a nightmare and woke up screaming. The same night my wife dreamt that my son had defecated a snake. I had a dream a while back where a boy the age of my son, only scary looking, in black clothes, spewed a snake into my mouth. I was brave in this dream and merged with it, but it did hurt so much (more like a physical sensation) in my stomach that I woke. In addition, the double bypass refers to a heart connection.

One more thing that happened a day or so after this dream, which I did not react to then, but which have later made me wonder. I got a mail from a fellow Buddhist. It contained a form for filling out my wishes for my death. This was because I had entered a course earlier this spring named, “Preparing to die.”

See also this that may be a connecting dream: http://www.dreamviews.com/blogs/auke...ntinues-58349/

Last night, I had my second lucid dream. In it, I became aware my mother, who I had just been talking to, had vanished. This sparked lucidity, and I euphorically ran down a track at a college I live nearby to, shouting in triumph. I nearly lost lucidity, so I calmed down. I've never flown in a dream, so I tried. Nothing happened, even though I knew it was a dream, I knew I was able to fly if I had the expectation present. Disappointed, I saw my sister walking ahead of me, but she was walking funny.. like she was made of melted putty, swinging her arms and legs strangely. She transformed then into a large, sinister character with a monstrous face torn in some parts to reveal his skull, which was slightly on fire, wearing a trench coat. Rorschach meets Ghost Rider, then takes nightmare steroids and grows. He strode quickly toward me, then transformed into an obscure acquaintance. My desire in dreams is to talk to DCs, so I asked him, what do you represent? He answered, you, now. He walked away, gaining a blue toga and a massive bow, like a Greek hero, or Kid Icarus. I looked into the sky, which started to fade to black, then back down to retain my dream awareness. I tried spinning to a new environment to no avail.

Knowing this was a lucid dream, I started looking for some lucid booty, and I am not a pirate. I asked several women I saw to undress, but they vehemently defended their honor as any woman in a street would, making me feel self-conscious and slightly abashed. I walked into a nearby building and couldn't change anything. Nothing, I was in a very low degree control over the dream. I talked with a couple people about making plans to go to another dream, and they were drawing up plans for it (a cruise in a wondrous tropical sea with a boatload of girls), when I walked past a man I knew sitting on a couch. He said, Matt, this will always be a part of you, then proceeded to molest a girl I know who he was next to, who was sniffling and unresponsive. Enraged, I lost sight of creating a tropical paradise and wanted to hit him, though I'm not generally violent. As I moved slightly toward him, I merged with the girl on the couch, who turned into a very close lady friend, and the dream turned sexual.

I woke up feeling angry, ashamed at the disturbing content and thrown off in general. Did I expect to be turned down? Was the amorous ending a reward for trying to attack evil, or did I give into my anger and become the evil itself? Mainly, I see the strangeness of it all as being caused by my inability to control and manipulate my dream environment (not able to fly, create new dream, etc.). If I had been flying, I think I could have escaped the nightmarish elements of it.

The real unanswerable question is, why are the two evil characters in the piece, the fearsome monster hero and the predator, a part of me, and how can I either integrate them into my psyche... or destroy them? Love your enemies despite their wickedness, even if they are within, or are these weeds in me that I should be rooted out and burned?

In my first dream I was a test subject for GladOs in an Aperture Science lab. I was going through all kinds of trials and tests. Suddenly I see Desirae and I know I'm getting rescued. Glados gets disabled and we think we won. Suddenly, she starts getting her control over the facility back. I started telling Desirae to hurry up and to help me pack. We went to the elevator where we would escape but rooms started changing and the room that we came from became some stairs. I ran into the elevator and Desirae was still packing stuff I told her it's now or never and she was still closing the last briefcase so I grabbed her hair and pulled her in right before the elevator doors closed and we started descending.
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I was in Belen running back home. I was running pretty fast. I was roomates with Katey. She went off to work and I was with a few animals and had found my laptop. I went to sleep and had a dream that I was lucid dreaming. In the dream, I was in an arid desert as a young deer or elk. I started hearing more elks appearing and I suddenly know I'm in the death realm.I hear someone say Cesar is coming and I think it's my uncle. I see another elk and ask why he's here and he doesn't wanna answer. I ask again and he gets mad. I say sorry it's my first time doing this and they tell me I can't be looking so young and so they transform me into a bigger elk. I ask something else and wake up to my dream. I rush to my laptop to write my dream down but there's animals all over my backpack where my laptop is so I yell at them and they move. There's someone at the door and I answer. Suddenly Lieutenants and Captains are doing inspections of the house. It's pretty dirty. The Captain then turns into an elk and starts mowing the front lawn with his antlers. All I care about is remembering the dream so I could write it down.
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I was in my house and talking to Desirae. I ask her if she wants to have sex but she says no that she's gonna go have sex with someone else. I get mad and ask her what she means. She says that she doesn't want to have sex with me but instead wants to go to someone else's house and have sex with them. I get even more upset and tell her to leave and I'll have sex with someone else too. I leave and go to a lake on some plains. I see on the news that there's going to be a meteor falling and a news agency from Venezuela is going to record it. I go along with the news agency and we hop on a homemade boat. We go into a place where there's a lot of shanty homes and downed planes that say something about Atlantis on them. We see a plane take off from under water. We sail around waiting and looking for when the meteor is going to fall. I was with a fat lady and the news reporter. I remember the water splashing on us and it tasted gross. Suddenly, we see the meteor coming in. We record it and it lands and we see it glow as it enters the water. I say it's probably about 20 feet or around 35/40 meters. We go towards where it landed and then the fat lady jumps in and grabs the meteor. It turns out it's bones of a small animal. The bones run away and jump into the water so I grab them again. We decide to head back so we park the boat near one of the planes and start climbing up the shanty houses. The bones suddenly turn into a white rat and Shaniqua. I put shaniqua into a container so I can throw the white rat to the house I need to jump to, where a few people are waiting. When I get back to Shaniqua, I find out I microwaved her for a few seconds. She seems confused and stupid.

I was going up a hill or something at night. I did a reality check, asking if I was in a dream. Since it was night, I couldn't see my hand very well. I grabbed my phone and shine my light on my hand but it only lit up a little bit of it. Everything started feeling so real. I came to the conclusion that I wasn't in a dream and said "Nah, this can't be a dream" I was obviously wrong, and the feeling of realism went away. I kept walking up the hill and there was a firefight. I was part of counter strike. There was a new update and it made it look more like Battlefield, with bullet drop and even more scopes. I got mad because my helmet had a scope and so did my gun and I didn't know how to exit that view. We ended up losing to the terrorist team and I got pissed of and left the server. I was then at home browsing what looked to be the new marketplace and everyone was trading cards, since they were the only new drops available.

I was in the tower with my shoes off. I could see the level 2 and saw F. Martinez taking a dummy out of level 2 and putting it in his car. I figured he was using it as a drill during count. The tower was in the middle of the parking lot. I tried calling Martinez on the radio but instead kept saying R. Varela. I went down there and saw old inmates in wheel chairs and nurses and I figured that they were doing the Geriatrics or LTCU moves. I realized I didn't put my boots back on so I ran back to the tower. Bugaloo was there and I grabbed him. For a few seconds, Bugaloo actually felt like he was there. I wondered if he liked the height of the tower and I thought how he'd react to me holding him over the railing. I decided not to because the wind might kick up and he might fall off my hands. Thinking that, I started wondering if I would jump after him to save him. My view changed to me seeing buildings from a bird's eye view. I thought I wouldn't jump after someone because we'd both die. I remember feeling fear and thinking the only reason I wouldn't like falling is because I couldn't do anything to save myself. I then saw some guy jump after a girl and I knew it was 007 or something. He grabbed her and then deployed this bouncy thing that saved his fall. I fell down on the thing with them and it seemed like a huge, strong trampoline.

I was working the tower and inmates were being stupid like always so they were searching them early in the morning because they found something on one of them. After, I went down to some sort of restaurant or food court. I was talking to some people about a guy not eating his muffin. I got upset when he didn't eat it so when he got up I followed him and recorded a message on the beer bottle he had left on a table. I said "Look, motherfucker, you'd better start eating that shit or I swear I'll beat the shit out of you. I'll do it, bro" I felt mad but I made sure not to say I was gonna kill him. I put something down near the bottle, expecting it to be the muffin, but it was my phone. I went back to the table to get the muffin and saw some guy eating it to help out the other guy. He got scared when I walked towards him but I pretended I didn't see him. I grabbed the muffin and took it. The guy then started eating it sadly.

I'm in a bedroom that reminds me of the one at almond drive. The layout is pretty much the same except for a few details, the main one being that it's a great deal bigger. It's sometime in the evening and I'm sitting down on the floor in a corner. It's where the dresser holding the television should be but it's not there. Instead it's a huge empty space. All of my pillows and blankets are in the corner with me and all of my makeup as well. Even though it's evening and fairly dark, I lift up a hand mirror and I begin to put on a bit of makeup. I hear shuffling near me so I turn towards where the noise came from. A girl is sitting on the bed on the other side of the room. She's staring at me, watching me put on my makeup. I stare back at her for a few moments and then turn back to the mirror feeling annoyed by her watching me. I ask her what she's staring at as I finish up. She says nothing and the quiet begins to bother me. I slam the mirror down and angrily look back at her, screaming "what?!" She only smirks at me, slowly climbs off of the bed and walks towards me. The closer she gets the more annoyed and angry I become. She reaches me and kneels down, reaching for and grabbing one of my arms. She squeezes my arm painfully and yanks me up off the floor hard. I resist a little but it doesn't do much good. She pulls me in front of her and grabs onto my other arm to hold me in place. For the first time I realize that I'm only wearing a bra and underwear. She's wearing a big, long sweatshirt. She continues to hold me there, smirking the whole damn time. After what feels like hours, I can no longer stand looking at her so I look down at the floor. She starts laughing then. "See? That wasn't so hard, was it?", she says. I start shaking with anger and I immediately look back up at her and tell her to go to hell. She only laughs again and shoves me back onto the floor. I hit the floor hard and it hurts. I move back into the corner and try to keep a distance between us which only makes her smile widen. When I cannot move further, she crowds into my face and forces my legs open, settling in between them. One of her hands grabs my neck and the other grabs my chin, forcing me to look at her face. "You're so adorable. You're also mine", she leans in and whispers. "So be a good girl." She roughly pulls my face towards hers and kisses me. I'm pissed off beyond belief but I don't fight it. I relax a little bit in her arms and I kiss her back. I can feel her smile. She pulls away after a minute and kisses my forehead, telling me that I'm a good girl. She gets up off the floor and leaves the room.

1. Somewhere with a bunch of books, I start stealing some. I get a bit mad at the person with me (Pillywiggin?) because she keeps asking about and taking books that aren’t important. I say something to that effect. ‘Only the really important ones’.

Either they knew someone was stealing or this was standard, but you had to go through a line and ID yourself. I had a few different things and wasn’t sure which to use. A wallet, some kinda electronic device…

I had a Yugioh manga left in my bag, apparently it needed to be transferred to where the rest where, but I didn’t have time.

When it was my turn, I fumble for a bit until someone behind me hands me a small transparent trip of plastic. I give it to the scanner guy in front of me and pass.

I’m in the bathroom and am a guy, apparently it’s my disguise. A girl (Gou from Free!?) follows me in and apparently wants to flirt with me. I say I have to use the bathroom, and she leaves for me to do so.

Except I also remember the scanner dude revealing that he saw the plastic exchange?? And maybe the girl was supposed to be the one to have handed me the plastic?

2. At home with me, mom, dad and Pillywiggin. We’re mad at her for something she did. Dad asks me what a fanmix is. Apparently Pillywiggin had made him one. I explain it’s a mix put together by fans of a series about characters/the series etc.

This is the second of two lucid dreams from the morning of September 6, 2013. So glad I caught that emotion dream sign for this one because it gave me an exit from a nightmare and brought me into a really nice lucid.

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #144: Cooling Off

I'm in a furniture store, looking around at couches. A plump Hispanic woman is seated nearby, answering my questions. The front of the store is a huge glass window with a clear view of the street outside.

Spoiler for Upsetting dream premise:

A big luxury car pulls up outside and a man in a light gray suit gets out. He has a mustache and is wearing shades but I can't see him well enough to make out the details of his face. I see other men in the car that look just like him. The man reaches into the car and pulls two teenage girls out of the car by their forearms and tossing them to the ground. He jumps back in the car and it speeds off.

I run outside. Both girls are weeping and it's obvious that they've been terribly mistreated by these men. They're bruised and bloodied and their clothes are in tatters. I help them inside the store where they disappear together into the store's bathroom. I'm boiling with rage and at the same time feel like I'm close to tears.

I tell the woman that these girls have been abused by these men and that we have to do something. She says, "I know" and then calmly tells me that these girls are her daughters and that she willingly sold them to the men. Now I'm yelling at her, telling her that she's an awful person, demanding that she tell me who these men are and where I can find them. I stalk back and forth in the store's aisle, the anger getting worse and worse. Again I demand that she tell me where I can find these men so that I can dispose of them personally.

The rage is so over the top that it feels bizarre to me. I can't remember feeling this way any time in waking life, so I reconsider my situation and I become lucid.

Immediately I feel this huge sense of relief as I realize that there's nothing to be angry about and that none of these awful things have actually happened. I'm still a little shaken from the preceding scene, and I walk to the bathroom where the girls retreated to earlier. I open the door and to my relief it's empty. I close it again.

I take a few deep breaths, cooling off the last of my anger and reminding myself that I'm dreaming. The anger has been replaced by happiness and a sense of peace. I feel contentment at the idea that I took control of this nightmare.

Now happy and relaxed, I remember the goal of getting to the Colosseum. I imagine that the bathroom door now leads to one of the tunnels beneath the Colosseum. I open the door, but nope, still an empty bathroom. I close the door again and walk to the back of the store.

I find myself in a hallway made of cinder blocks. There's some kind of socket wrench lying on the floor and I scoop it up. I feel like playing so I throw the socket wrench at the wall. With a thump it embeds about half an inch into the cinder block. I grab it, prying it back out and throw it toward a nearby mirror. Crack! The mirror cracks rather than breaks, but I'm delighted by how realistic the sights and sounds of this are.

There's a door at the end of the hall that leads outside. I step out into the sunlight, seeing a pavilion with long, wooden eating tables to my left. I remember to hook myself into the scene before continuing further, so I kneel down and run my hands over the small stone squares that make up the flooring. As I run my fingers over the cracks, I see that a tiny river of brown water runs through the separation between each stone. Somehow I can dip my fingers into this tiny stream and it feels cool to the touch.

As I make my way through the lunch pavilion, I lock eyes with a blonde woman in her early 30s. I'm stunned by how realistic she looks. Something about me seems to surprise her as well. For a moment I wonder what she's reacting to, but in the end figure she's just mirroring my reaction. I hop over some tables, reach the other side, and look back at the crowd of people calmly eating lunch. This is why I work so hard at lucid dreaming, I think. I wish that there was some way to permanently capture this experience, but I know there's nothing that can completely pierce the veil between waking and sleep to bring this experience back to me.

As I leave the pavilion, I see an ampitheater up ahead of me. I'm contemplating how to work this to my advantage when the dream ends.

I was in our hometown. I was online. Suddenly, mom asked if I can buy something (food called laswa) from the store. I exploded, asking why she's asking me to do this when she just came from the store this morning. She replied calmly and reasonably that they don't cook it that early, and they should have it by now. I was still mad, wondering aloud why buy that particular food in the first place. I replied that I'l just finish something on the computer or Twitter, and I was also eating.

I hurried to finish something on Twitter because I felt that she's going to leave already. I went out to find she did. I angrily said that I said I'll just finish whatever I was doing. It was afternoon. Found my sister and asked about mom. It was night. Found mom still within ear shot at the corner, and called out to her. She paused and looked back, asking what is it. She looked unsure and went back. I also wondered why my sister was there, and since she's there, why didn't she buy the food. Mom arrived. We talked. I asked sister if she has work. She said something about resting and a buy-back scheme with her work, that after she worked a number of years (five?), she can rest for a bit (vacation?), and store the value of her work. She can then just return for her work in the future, or the company can buy it from her for a certain amount. I thought of a way to make it a good investment scheme.

i had a dream early in the night but i don't remember it at all. i will edit this if i recall any details.

later i am in the dining room of the townhouse. various people are here. i have gotten 7 or 8 identical tattoos on my hip. they are tiny outlines of men. i colour them in with a pink marker to make it look like they're naked. a girl laughs and asks me if it's my halloween costume. suddenly i realize that it is halloween. i want candy but i do not have a costume so i go to my room and find a pair of bunny ears. i put them on and leave the house (it is night) but i only get a few steps before realizing i've forgotten to get something to hold the candy. i go back inside the house. there's a long segment here that i don't remember much of. all i remember is that i was carrying a purple nightgown with bleach stains and i saw an identical nightgown on a shelf, which creeped me out a little, and people were discussing times? i went upstairs to get a pillowcase but for some reason went into the bathroom instead. i heard someone talking about slenderman downstairs. then i entered my room. i grabbed a pillowcase and put on a glove shaped like a bunny's paw. the dream ends here.

around 9 am i had the following dream: i am visiting my mother in an unfamiliar house. we get into an argument, the details of which are a little personal and so won't be posted here. i end up screaming at her, throwing a stack of paper in her face and leaving.

edit: remembered another part of the last dream. this occurred prior to the argument. my father and i were in an apartment with white walls; a lot of stuff was made of wood. the room was filled with blue light. there were parts coming out of the walls that created steep hills and inclines and we were trying to climb on top of them. at the same time that these represented parts of the room they also represented a landscape and at times they would become much larger in scale and look, for lack of a better description, like real-life video game platforms; at one point there was an elaborate gothic church on top of one. yet they were still components of the apartment.

comment: these simultaneous perceptions feature commonly in my dreams and often make it difficult to write down an accurate description. the best way i can describe it is that they add layers of depth to the dream world.. that is to say a table in a dream is not just a table; it may occasionally be perceived as an object that is functionally or structurally related (eg a chair because it's used for dining, a dog because it has four legs and is brown) or, if not fully perceived this way these sorts of associations will persist at a subconscious level and colour the dream experience. the mechanism behind this, i think, is an intensification of associative thought. i have experienced similar perceptions in waking life w/ the use of marijuana.

Legend: Dream , Semi-Lucid , Lucid , Side notes.

Stupid Friends
Time: Logged at 6:02 AM, around 6 hours after falling asleep, first dream remembered.

Dream Summary:I'm rooming at some temple place out in the woods, a bunch of my classmates are there. A bus pulls up, it's mid day, We all load up some stuff for the trip we're about to take and get on. The bus stays in place for a good two hours getting ready. While we are waiting, me and a group of friends all get on some phone game and start playing. The goal of the game is to play different games and earn in-game money which can then be used to upgrade your village. As i'm in-game, i play some sort of game on a very hard difficulty setting, i run through avoiding the enemies and compete the mission. I do this one more time but this time, the mission is harder but i complete it and earn a massive amount of in-game cash, like really massive, enough to practically buy every thing the in-game shop has to offer. However, in order to protect your in-game character from losing the money you earned, you have to deposit it in a bank. I go to do this, but as i do this, my friends all say they want to play in-game volleyball. This absolutely pisses me off because i was forced to play and lost all of my money. I mean seriously, what in the heck. It would of taken all of like 2 seconds to deposit cash, only two seconds! but no, my friends are impatient so i had no choice. The bus is still stopped, so i walk outside and pee by a tree (the temple is out in the woods so i can go to the bathroom where i want ). I'm furious so i sit there and pee for like a straight minute, i'm even more angry at the fact my friend brought his girlfriend out and started talking to her close to the place i was peeing. What a showoff bastard.

Eventually, we get back on the bus, this time it's leaving. As we travel down the road, my backpack falls out of the bus as we cross into another road, i'm panicking . Now my backpack is sitting on a road that connects the two roads, I think hopefully that it may stay there. But nope, a giant cargo truck comes through, the backpack gets stuck on the truck front and whats worse is that the truck is going in the opposite direction and away from our temple home. I'm setting in my bus sit and i can't even say a word, my face is just full of disbelief and shock. First i lost my money and now my backpack, the only emotion that went on at the moment was: F*CK!. My anger was through the roof.

The bus gets to a temporary stop, and somehow but luckily my mom is there and she has her car. I grab one of those fold out plastic lightsabers. ( my plan was to reach out the window and scoop my backpack up with the end of the lightsaber when we got close to the truck, not that it would ever work though... D: ). However, my mom says she hears noises outside. It's night so i can't really see much. However, i hear the sounds that the predators make. (hopefully you all know what im talking about, the sound the predator made from the movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger). It's night but i can still make out shapes and believe it or not, it's those damn bobcats from last nights dream. At this moment, i was feeling this: "You have to be kidding me " And that's how it ended.

My thoughts: This dream really pissed me off. It was pretty cool though, seeing how my emotions could be like that, even in a non-lucid dream. Makes me want to try to lucid dream even more.

lovely, lovely dreams tonight. nothing particularly unpleasant has been going on in waking life as of late, but these dreams showed up anyhow. slept from about 9 to about 6.

i have spoilered the more graphic parts of the molestation dream for those of you who might be disturbed by it.

in the first dream i am driving around my city at twilight. i remember the exact area where i was -- near the intersection of R-----d & R----n.

Spoiler for click to read:

suddenly i feel invisible hands touching me. it is as if i am sitting on someone's lap but there is nobody there. i am greatly disconcerted. suddenly i am in the passenger seat and a teenaged asian boy is driving, while still touching me occasionally. he pulls into my school's parking lot (it is night now). there are 3 other boys waiting for us as well as an old man. i am nervous. the asian boy introduces me to the old man and tells me that he was the one who was touching me. a girl adds that he is 63 years old and a banker, and gives me his full name. she urges me to tell the police.

later i am in a room with blue walls. there are my little pony posters and merchandise everywhere. i am talking to a woman in her 30s about my experience. i want to tell her the man's name, but i cannot remember it. i get frustrated at this and also about the fact that i am discussing my sexual abuse in a my little pony fanclub.

in the second dream i am in an unfamiliar house. i am sitting on the couch and i am shocked to discover that my ex is sitting right beside me. for a moment i consider that this could be a dream, but the vivid and detailed imagery convinces me otherwise. i get extremely angry. i start yelling at him, asking "how did you get here?" "why are you here?" i don't get a straight answer. i begin punching and slapping him. he barely fights back.
i go do something else for a while and i come back to find my ex sitting on a bed crying. i thought he had left and now i get even angrier. i scream at him and throw heavy objects at him. i tell him that i'm going to bed, and if he isn't gone by the time i wake up "something bad will happen".
i go into my bedroom for a while and then come back. my ex is still there, playing a SNES game on a blue tv. again, i physically attack him and threaten that bad things will happen. i'm furious. the tv says "error, zero zero, error" and then i wake up.

Even though this dream was about DV conversation, the characters appeared visually like real not just as text. However, I do not remember what any of the dream character representation of DV members looked like.

I just remember the last bit:

TiredPhil (speaking in animated anger to another DV member): "You know it's obvious who is going to help me take lucidity up a level, and help me achieve a higher level of enlightenment."