All DJ Entries

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was walking out on a sidewalk, near the top of a hill. It was daytime, and the sun was bright. I was walking past the stone gates of some kind of professional center. The gates had an arched entranceway.

One of my old friends, PD, walked out from the gates. PD was apparently dressed as a business professional. But she looked kind of horrible. She wore a grey skirt and a green blazer, with a white blouse that had some kind of old-style bow-tie on the front of it. Everything looked like it was from the 1970s.

PD's hair was also weird. It didn't look quite real. It was curly or crimpy. It looked wet, like after a shower, when a person's hair looks damp and a bit disarranged. But it also looked dry and dead, like the stringy hair of an animal that had been laying on the road for a while.

PD's face looked about the same, except that she may have had a tan, and that her face may have been a bit worn with age.

I called out to PD, kind of gently, since we were so close, and I was so awe-stricken at seeing her. PD said, "What makes you think you can just come up and talk to me after all this time? I don't want to see you anymore."

PD either got onto a bus or got into a white SUV, driven by some rich guy who had been waiting for her. I respected PD's desire not to speak to me.

I walked down the hill and found myself under a bridge, like a bridge for a highway overpass. The sunlight curved down under the shade of the bridge, making a warm little quarter-circle of light in a small space.

Some kids may have been skateboarding in that space of light. One of the kids may have had a red and white skateboard, with a design almost like the Coca-Cola logo.

Dream #2

I was watching an old film. The main thing about this film was actually the music. Some great composer from the early twentieth century had made this music. The film may have been a documented performance to accompany the music.

But what the film was was living footage of an actual event. The footage was from one of the World Wars, possibly WWII. The scene was some torn out space of land. The upper right area looked like a trench or a foxhole. But the whole area before the foxhole was a blasted out cavity in the ground.

Two or three men sat slumped on the ledge of the trench and the blown out space. Behind the men was a bright light. Some thick cloud of gas spewed out from behind the men and into the blown out space.

The way the men were slumped against the trench and each other, it was obvious they were dead. I assumed that the gas clouds I was seeing were poison gas, and that the men had been killed by it. I assumed their deaths had been very painful.

At some point the music built up to an ominous crescendo. I was trying to figure out why the composer of this music wanted us to watch the actual deaths of soldiers on the battlefield while we listened to his music.

Dream - Lucid

I was in a classroom somewhere. I was given a test to take. For some reason, I was really, really angry. I kept trying to scream and yell, but it was like I had drainage in my chest and my voice was all raspy.

Then, I figured out why I was so damn angry: My parents had gotten a divorce, and my dad was about to marry my uncle's ex-wife (who is dead in waking life). I was so pissed. I couldn't believe my dad would do that. I couldn't even believe my parents weren't together anymore. I was RAGING.

I was then in a garage. It reminded me of a garage we had in a different house. It was daytime outside. My dad and my uncle's ex-wife were trying to set up for the wedding, which was going to be held in the fabulous garage. My brother was there too, helping them set up. I refused to help them set up. I was so angry. I kept trying to yell "Fuck you!" and "You're a bitch!" and various other profane statements, but I still couldn't yell. That made everything so much more frustrating. I then tried to punch a wall, and it was like punching through water; when I hit the wall, I just tapped it because of all the resistance I was experiencing. I tried again and again, and I couldn't punch the damn wall. SO FRUSTRATING.

At one point, I had an empty water bottle that I had written "Fuck you" in black marker around the mouth. I put it in the garage. When I came back in there at another point, it was on the floor.

I then went inside and saw my grandpa eating lunch and reading the paper. I gave him a big hug. It was the only thing that happened that was good. I didn't let him go for a bit.

I then hadn't talked for awhile. I was in another room with my brother. I was trying to tell him how angry I was about the whole thing. I started yelling my profanities again, and this time, I could yell because my voice had had a rest. It felt so good to yell and get my anger out. I knew it wouldn't be long though until my voice went out again.

This happened again at some point, and in the garage, I did manage to get a few choice words out, but not many, because my voice quickly went out again.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was sitting in an office with my boss. I sat in front of the desk and my boss sat behind it. The room seemed kind of small. The light was really grey. The desk was cluttered with all kinds of piles of paper. My view may have been really low, too, as if I were very short or in a low down chair.

I was complaining about my boss, as if I were talking about him to somebody else -- even though I was talking to him. I told him, "My boss never tells me anything. I never know what he's doing."

Dream - Lucid

Something made me go lucid, I think it was my cell phone again; I was examining it, and the battery kept going more charged, then less charged every time I looked at it. I also thought it was weird that it was still charged at all, since it had been on for 5 days at the airport. I examined my hands and counted 6 fingers on one of them. I counted them again with the same result. I tried to show someone who was with me that I could make more fingers appear out of my hand, though it didn't work. I started to feel anxious, and I lost the dream. -_-

~

I was in what looked like a hospital. I was next to a gurney, and I was standing on a black rubber mat (like the ones you see in the kitchens at restaurants). The walls were white, as was the tiled floor. I was standing next to someone, a lady I think.

I then saw sharks swimming under the tiled floor, which was apparently transparent. If you weren't on a rubber mat, the sharks could get you. I was temporarily on the floor, and a shark quickly went after me. I jumped on another mat, and the shark swam under it. It couldn't get me anymore.

The lady who had been standing next to me had a system figured out to where the sharks couldn't get her. It worked like this: She would put some unused staples through one of the holes on the rubber mats, and the sharks would leave her alone, even if she wasn't standing on a mat. She wouldn't share this system with me or anyone else, and I was angry because of it. That wasn't fair.

Then, I was in a grocery store, walking down one of the aisles which contained a couple of shelves of coffee mugs among other things. I apparently worked there, but wasn't on the clock. I was still angry about the lady and the sharks. I saw a guy I know in waking life, Mason, walk down the aisle as well. At first I wasn't sure if it was him. He was wearing a black shirt with white lettering. He almost looked a little younger than he really is. We didn't really talk to each other, but we looked at each other. He had a creepy-looking smile on his face.

Anyway, I was still really angry, like I said before. I was raging angry, in fact. I think the lady was supposed to be my boss at the grocery store as well, and she was doing other extremely unfair things, though I can't remember specifics. When no employees were around, I started to tear all the coffee mugs off the shelves. I would grab them and pull them off angrily and quickly, feeling more and more satisfied as each stack of mugs fell to the floor. However, none of them broke, but I didn't seem to think this was strange.

As soon as all the mugs were off the shelves, I left an anonymous note, though I don't remember what it said. I then walked away.

I was then talking to one of the employees about what happened. I casually asked if they had heard about the coffee mugs. They said yes, they had. I asked who cleaned up the mess.
"Tony," they replied. (Tony is a guy I know in waking life who actually does work at a grocery store).
I imagined Tony cleaning up the mugs.
I also talked to a couple of other people about the mugs, asking if they had heard about it, or letting the person I was talking to bring it up themselves. I wasn't about to give myself away.

I then noticed that I had posted pictures of the note I wrote on the internet. The note looked like a placard. Why I did this was beyond me, because it seemed like a dead giveaway. I immediately took the pictures down, thinking to myself
"I'm incriminating myself..."

Dream 1

I wrote my hubby a letter and after that he was trying to be nice to me. I walked into a room and he was lying on a bed with a short fattish lady, they were both naked. He looked at me while he was cuddling her and said "this is what you want to do..the fountain" ((this meant oral sex on a woman in my dream)) I said "what the fuck" and walked over to them both. I tried to push the fat bitch out of the way but I wasn't able to, and anyway my hubby was holding her tightly while he was touching her, I felt completly repulsed. My hubby then tried to make me give her oral sex but I managed to get away ((wtf)) I stormed out and slammed the door behind me, I screamed to him "You'll fuckin regret this" he answered by making loud "Ummmmmm" noises to try and piss me off and make me jealous, I shouted to him again "Fuck you!" I stormed upstairs and bashed the 2 hanging light switches and they clanged loudly against the tiles.

Dream 2

A bloke i know from work told someone that he would get them a ticket for a plane ride, this bloke was dead excited about it, I said "your joking, he wont get you one" ((Dream skip)) I saw this bloke from work talking to the other bloke again and he was telling him he wasn't able to get him a ticket, this bloke was gutted and he came over and told me, I said "I told you..he's so full of Bull-shit" ((lol))

i'm grounded but everyone left and i'm at home alone. i leave and there is snow on the ground and i'm walking somewhere near Rotary Park with Jon (ex boyfriend) trying to be sociable, friendly. he keeps trying to hold my hand and tell me he loves me and i'm just like, "Jon, no."
he is really pissing me off.
then James (youth minister) pulls up in the church van with all the stupid kids from my church and is like "get in, Mallory" so whatever, i get in. i know he'll mention something to my mom about seeing me and i figure i'll be in less trouble if i'm with church people. so anyway, James is trying to get me to go with him and the kids on this trip that's going to take all day and i'm just like "no, i don't want to go" and he is stubborn and ignoring me. he keeps driving and everyone is pissing me off.

i don't remember how the dream ended but i'm really glad it did.

I was in a department/grocery store of some sort. There was a glass display near the center of the store and I was looking at men's style wrist watches. I was kind of bored but I was determined to find a watch I liked and buy it. Most of them were bulky and coloured black. Someone (a unidentificable woman) told me to hurry up but instead of buying a wrist watch I went to the checkout and purchased a bottle of red wine, even though I don't drink alcohol. This angered the person who I was with for some reason, but I don't know why.

I am in a house I do not recognize and most of the action takes place in the large kitchen, dining room or hallway to the bedrooms. The house sits at the top of a hill amidst a forest whose leaves are ablaze with all the brilliant, fiery colours of autumn. The inside facade of the house consists of very natural colours and materials: wood floors and earth tone colour schemes.

There is going to be a party if sorts tomorrow, maybe a family reunion or something, and I am in the kitchen making dish after dish of salads and casseroles and other side dishes. I think the party is a pot luck because even though I know that other people are going to be bringing food, I have an almost uncontrollable urge to make as much food as possible. I worry that there will now be enough for everyone even though I am not sure how many people are going to be there (though I know it is going to be a lot).

I have guests who have arrived already and they are going to stay the night. There are two men and two women. I am suddenly in the living room talking with one of the men who has a beige polo shirt and who has a bushy brown beard. He is joyful and always smiling and seems very happy to talk to me. We are related in the dream, but I forget how. From just above the knees down to his ankles his pants become transparent and I can see his leg bones. The transparency effect becomes stronger the further down the leg you go and his feet have completely disappeared. I know this is wrong somehow and I sit back with a white marker to blend the white of his bones with his pants and try to colour in his legs to make them look full. For some reason I think that the man will be embarassed about it if other people notice. Suddenly I realize that the bearded man I am talking too is a ghost and that is why his legs are transparent. I am not afraid or anything but I am confused as to why he has come here and not gone to the afterlife and I think I ask him this and his response is that he is glad that family is getting together. He disappears soon afterwards and I think I realized that there were other ghosts around as well or something but I cannot remember if I talked to them or not.

While I am the same person in the dream in mind, my body has suddenly aged significantly and I am now an old lady. Also quite suddenly I am in a foul mood (though not because of the aging) and start throwing plates and cutlery around roughly and pushing the two women guests (one is a blond middle aged woman in a baby blue sweater and the other is younger with brown hair?) around in the kitchen . They are visibly shaken by my sudden mood change and though they say nothing I can tell by the expressions on their face that they wish I would retire for the night so they could finish their work in peace. I stomp out of the kitchen in a huff and scream "Dont touch my fucking cheese casserole or I'll fucking kill you!" as I enter the hallway to my bedroom. For some reason I think they will eat it when I am gone and it only adds to my sudden and inexplainable rage.

I go up to my bedroom and lay down on the bed and though the house has three other people in it downstairs I cannot hear them at all. They have either gone to bed or are tiptoeing around because they think I am trying to sleep, but honestly, to me it feels like they are not there at all. The house feels empty again like it did for a long time before they arrived. The window is open and I can feel the soft night breeze coming in the window and hear the rustling of the leaves on the trees. A few autumn leaves are blown in with the wind and scatter across my bed and my floor but this doesn't bother me and I find that I am no longer so full of rage but feel very lonely. I become confused and start to think all the planning and cooking was not real and I imagined the whole thing. I get up and head downstairs. I cannot find my three guests but there is indeed many plates of food prepared and scattered through the kitchen and in the fridge.

There is a knock at the front door and I open it to see a young black man in grey clothing standing on the path leading to my house. He is smiling and asks me to walk with him for a while. Even though it is the middle of the night and I don't know this man I go with him anyway and we walk through a path that leads to a forest talking, though I cannot remember any of our conversation now, but I am very content to be with this man because I feel like I know him but I cannot articulate how. The sun starts to rise and we go return to my house and stand at the very top of the hill and I am surprised to see a very long line of people outside of my house consisting of thousands of people, most of whom I do not recognize as family or friends. I have trouble believing that all of these people are here for the party and the young man in grey just responds that these are all the people whose lives I have affected or who love me.

I start to realize that something is amiss and suddenly I am back laying in bed, half conscious and vagely aware that I am waking from a deep sleep. Instead of being in my bedroom though I am in a hospital room surrounded by the three people from before who were my guests. It dawns on me that I had died the night before and the walk through the forest with the young man was actually a walk through a replay of my long life with my guardian angel, though I did not realize it at the time. I was able to talk to the ghost of the man with the transpartent legs before because I had been a ghost too.

I reach out and take the hands of the people surrounding me and tell them I love them. I feel so full of love for them and for the whole world that I feel like I am going to burst with joy. Even though I had just died the night before the doctors let me leave the hospital and go back to my house for the pot luck party. There are not thousands of people there but there is a lot and everyone is happy, filled with good food and enjoying life and the company of others.


This is a very unusual dream for me, because it ended positive and there was lots of positive feelings in it, when usually my dreams are dark and depressing and scary. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying...

I am walking aimlessly over a big field.
Something feels completely wrong.
I can't quite put my finger on it, but I am a bit scared.
Somehow the whole experience is a bit frightening even though it shouldn't be.
I have a feeling like the color is being drawn out of the world.
I don't like this at all.

Fortunately I then realize that I'm dreaming, but that scares me even more...
Usually whenever I get that sort of nightmare feeling, which I have right now,
it goes away immediately after I become lucid, but this time, it doesn't.

Suddenly, I feel a very scary presence behind me.
I am nearly too afraid to turn around to face it, but I end up doing it.
There's a man. Even though he's dressed in white, he's dark... so very dark.
It's his presence, it is his urge to kill me, I can feel it... so strongly.

He's wearing a white and silver armor with a white coat and he is wielding a very large polearm.
He approaches me slowly.
Why am I so afraid of him?

He calls me by a name that I do not know, but it is clearly meant for me, and I have no doubt that I am the person he is looking for.
He also calls me a dragon and a dream warrior and claims he is a paladin himself.

"You shall die by my hand in the name of the lord."

I am so fucking scared. I don't know what to do, I feel completely helpless.
He takes his polearm and charges me. FUCK!

Somehow my body reacts by itself.
The dragon within me awakens, or rather explodes. I have never powered up even remotely this fast.
I instinctively summon my katana trying to block the inevitable hit.

I black out for a second as he hits me...

The land is on fire. I am fully charged up. My aura burns, the sky is red and the clouds are burning.
I am so afraid, afraid to die. I don't care if I use too much power, I just want to survive somehow.
He keeps attacking me relentlessly, and I am only barely able to dodge and block his hits. Everything happens so fast.
The moves I use are not my own, my body reacts instinctively, and I know if I interrupt this I will die, if I think, I will die.

"Do you know how we kill dragons?"

He activates some device on his polearm and my katana dematerializes in my hand and rematerializes in a holster attached to his polearm.

"You dragons are helpless without your weapons."

Fuck... FUCK!
He walks towards me slowly. He knows without my katana I don't stand a chance, there's no need for him to rush.
I'm so afraid.
In my desperation I call out into the fabric of space and scream as loudly as I can:

"YUYA!!!"

He's getting closer and closer, just a few more steps.
Finally, he strikes, slowly...

But right before his polearm hits me, I hear the sound of a metallic collision.
I look up. Another man is standing in front of me, blocking the polearm with his sword.
He looks at me over his shoulder.
I know this man. I know him so well...

Silver! It is Silver! A man from my childhood dreams, a friend in combat, just like Yuya and Selene.
Then I see Yuya, she is here as well. They must have arrived at the same time.
However, they clearly appeared independently, because Yuya is quite surprised to see Silver and even calls out his name in amazement.

Silver looks at me.

"Fight!"

What a simple word, but such complexity behind it.
Suddenly I am no longer afraid. I am no longer alone.
The nightmare feeling disappears and the paladin takes a few steps back.

"You're friends of the dragon. All of you will die. No one opposes the lord."

Silver puts a hand on my shoulder:

"He's a paladin. Paladins kill dragons."
"Now take back your sword, you have the power to cast it into the void."

I order my katana to be cast back into the fabric of space and summon it again, and sure enough I'm holding it in my hand.
The paladin doesn't seem too surprised, he's confident that he can take on all three of us at the same time.

"Well done dragon. By asking your friends for assistance you have signed their death warrant."
"Dragons are horrible creatures. How you are able to make friends is beyond me, all of you must die."

I am angry. He is blinded by his beliefs, he has no idea what it means to be a dragon.
He is committing genocide without understanding anything.

"You are but a fool following a false god."
"A man who only believes but does not try to understand is nothing."

The paladin seems furious because I called his lord a false god.

Even with the power of all 3 of us combined, we only seem to be on even terms.
But it feels just like old times, like in my childhood dreams where I would fight together with Yuya Silver and Selene.
We fight together so well, like a perfect choreography.
Silver and I both use our swords and direct energy attacks, whereas Yuya uses her water magic.
But somehow, it just isn't enough.

Yuya is clearly struggling, and I am very worried for her. If something happens to her it will be my fault.

"First I will kill your girl. I will kill her slowly. And I will make you watch."

I can see fear in Yuya's eyes after hearing that.

Suddenly, my mind is blank.
I am calm. Perfectly calm.
It is the calm you experience when your anger is so strong that somehow you drop back into a state of calm.

"Stop."

Silver and Yuya stop, not doubting my request for a second.
I drop my katana to the ground and cancel all of my dragonic energy.

"You fool. Are you sacrificing your self?"
"There is but one fool here."

I power back up, but not on dragonic energy.
I use the same energy I use to summon my phoenix wings, a much more pure and divine power.
My phoenix wings appear, but not on my hand this time.
They appear on my back and they are huge and colorful.
This power is so very different from the dragonic one.

I look into the paladins eyes and take a step forward.
For some reason I am right in front of him now, I have no idea how I managed to approach him so fast,
and clearly neither does he.
With my right hand I reach into the body of the paladin and grab onto his very soul and pull it out.
It feels like an ability I can only use if I truly believe that a person deserves to die, if there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind.
His body drops to the ground dead.

I look into the eyes of the helpless soul I hold in my hand.

"Wherever you may go, let it be known that if anyone in the whole of existence threatens my love again, I will hunt them down."
"I don't care if they are paladin, I don't care if they are king or even if they are god. I will hunt them to beyond the planes of existence and I will crush them with my bare hands."

I watch his soul burn away in purple flames as I crush it with my hand.
My anger finally disappears.
I can't believe how angry I just was.

I hold out my hand to Silver and he shakes it.

"Thank you."
"So long."

He turns around and vanishes.
He has always been a man of few words and I have a feeling I will not see him again anytime soon.

The rest of my memories of this dream are quite foggy.
Why did I call Yuya "my love"?
Was she really my lover, or did I love her as a friend I trust with my life?

This was also remarkably scary for a lucid at first, but it turned out quite amazing.

26.04.2011

No Big Get-Off (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

*Sexually explicit (though rather clinical, lol. No big get-off to be had here :p)
*Rough draft

Visuals took over my meditation. I wasn’t that tired, this has been happening lately. I want to research this. It kind of feels like falling asleep but sometimes I’m aware of my body and the binaural water sounds I’m listening to as well. Maybe sleep paralysis? I really should read up.

Walking in my home
I used to live with a man here but I broke up with him, I think
I see some items that are colorful, 3 that go together
I'm in the bed we used to sleep in together. I lay around a bit. At one point looking out the large window and the white light barely tinted with blue.

I decide to give head to myself
Wondering if I’d like the taste
The taste wasn’t very obvious; it was fine
I want to try different things
I’m reacting to it and can feel it at the same time
I see my hips lift, but I feel like I'm laying below myself at the same time with my head between my legs, of course. :p
It was pretty clinical. I was figuring out my anatomy and pleasure reactions more than really trying to get off.
Kinda tentative at first
Licking it feels nice but too general
Sucking on my clit is pretty pleasurable I think
Pressing my chin onto it
The general pressure feels very good, like I could eventually cum like that
Hips lifting in reaction to the pleasure I’m giving myself
Pressing hard makes my chin and pubic bone pretty sore, but my clit is happy. I stop the chin method
grazing my teeth against my clit feels like a bit of a stab of pleasure, a bit too intense but a nice “jump start” to be used occasionally
Nibbling my clit with my teeth feels too sharp

A man comes over and we’re going to a concert together, some alternative rock group I used to like pretty well in high school but wasn’t that crazy about

Got into the car with one of the guys who came to my house, we’re driving together. I’m driving, and the other guy has another car. He is a bit surly. We go to the corner convenience store. Something somewhat significant happens inside (with the man at the counter? I was watching through the window?)

I remember I have to get something for the concert, a set of 3 items that pertain to the band. The items are important. One was a kind of book. They were like a key to something and would be recognized (by the band?). The surly guy was annoyed. I brushed his annoyance off.

We had time, there would be an opening band, I imagined and told the guy in my car. He agreed and said something about me being on top of the planning. I questioned that I was, thinking I had procrastinated and that I was lucky there is probably an opening band which I hadn’t taken into account before. I thought that if there wasn’t an opening band we’d be late.

Driving into my old small curved driveway (where I lived in waking life in high school). When entering it I focus on its small entrance and how it is pretty awkward to veer into it but I do. A tree has overgrown but I pull up enough for the guy in the car behind to have easier access to the house's door as well. The tree’s branches come into the window and they’re more solid than I’d thought. They kinda hurt and I wonder about being able to open the door.

I had the 3 items I think, got to the concert, there are different rooms/areas
The concert hasn’t started in the main, larger area. The opening group will play in a smaller room that we go to. There are chain link fences. I sit on the bleachers. I am alone, the man has gone off somewhere and will come back and I think the surly guy left a bit before that.

Old school, old teacher, Claudia and another
Claudia was being strict about the students sitting in rows of two. Katie, a student, kept sitting where she wanted over and over. Claudia kept correcting/directing her. Katie seemed like she was somewhat unconscious of her actions, and also quietly (subconsciously, perhaps) angry and dismissing, like she was telling them to leave her the hell alone silently.

I didn’t have a very good seat. I'm in the section to the side of the area where the students were sitting. The other teacher (Leigh?) called my name as if I was still a student. I knew it was a better seat and she gave me a look like she knew I wasn’t supposed to be grouped with them but she was going to pretend she didn’t and make an exception so I could have a better seat. After a couple moments’ hesitation I stood, picked up my backpack and another item, and went to go sit there. Claudia noticed and said something. The other teacher gave a vague argument about why I should be fine sitting there. Claudia was strict, enforced the rules. Leigh gave me a subtly exasperated look mixed with a c'est la vie look about Claudia. I kinda shrugged and sat back down and felt a little embarrassed in front of the students.

I saw a man I had dream memories of. We had been around each other regularly. He was like Adam (a man who had been a gay porn star I used to be friendly with in waking life. We always had a fun time, joking and being silly and also emotionally and physically affectionate. He had one of those vibrant, open personalities that didn’t seem needy, more just loving. He did little things, like when I was a waitress and had been serving him and his life partner, he poked his head into the back of the restaurant where I was making espressos and handed me the folded-up tip all furtive-like. He whispered matter-of-factly, “thanks for the blowjob.”, turned, and went back to his table. Leaving me cracking up. Very deadpan and playful at the same time, so much fun.) So, this dream character had the spirit of Adam and looked like Ozzy Osbourne (they are a bit similar in looks in some ways in waking life).

I recalled dream memories of being around him daily because of people we were friends with. They seemed rich and extravagant. He and I would peripherally interact in these memories and there was a sadness there too, like we were sad we had a lot of distance between us. When I saw him at the concert, he was guarded emotionally. I initiated talking with him and he was hesitant. I told him I miss seeing him every day. He started to warm up and we linked arms and walked as we talked. He was surprised I missed him, saying “you did?” and I could feel him melting. I reaffirmed that I did. He warmed up a little more and invited me on a skiing trip and started to name-drop a bit about people who would be there (in real life he spent time and was close to famous people and he, or at least they, tended to like to name drop). It felt kinda cold and superficial, but I was excited at the prospect of going at the same time.

Our walking took us down, into what felt like the basement/garage of this amphitheater. He wanted to show it to me.

annoyed at waste, men working

Trenches for planks of wood, band members one of whom was shooting up

I’m outdoors, walking on a long balcony. Men to my left in rooms working on projects (with saws and whatnot…you know, picking up heavy objects and putting them back down) My thumb caught on a round electric saw attached to and hanging over the balcony’s railing. The tooth of the saw was slightly deformed and it was caught on my thumb without scraping much. I carefully extract my thumb so as not to cut myself more and reflect on that. The saw feels like it almost has a hold on it.There is some pain.

Grey’s anatomy short black doctor woman "Nazi" and another familiar but not famous woman had been trying to flag me down before then with some papers she wanted me to sign. I had seen but had been doing some other things. She expressed annoyance. I held my boundaries and stayed good natured.The solid short woman took my thumb; it was bleeding. Her finger came close to touching the cut/scrape like she was fascinated. I pulled it away before she could touch it and was like, don’t touch it! Um, aren’t you like a doctor? She kinda shrugged and looked to the side.

I felt emotionally strong in this dream
Another man (a doctor?) asks me out. I wasn’t expecting him too. I felt comfortable and wanted him to. He was kind of constrained but I understood why.

Cousin, aunt/CJ/Diane Hamilton interruption of me and the man.

At that point I lost the sense of emotional expression balanced with a calm and acceptance stance toward my emotions that held their intensity in check without trying to. I got angry and quiet.

Woke breathing hard, angry…with Charles in Charge theme song going through my mind, lmao. It is still being sung in my mind as I write this. Joy…*crazy face*

Oh, and my thumb still kind of hurts. When I picked up my laptop to write this the pressure and roughness of the cushion exacerbated the pain a bit.

From 4/22/11

While listening to 60 minutes delta binaural audio
Body kept jerking, releasing energy and/or resisting releasing
Discomfort, feel sick (am getting sick, a cold I think…yep, I can confirm this days later)
The pads of my feet hurt
Want to turn my head and sleep
Visuals coming and going


Then I do FFEDCIDA practice (Face, Feel, Expand, Dissipate, Coalesce, Integrate, Decide, Take Action)
(I want to add "simultaneous opposites combining"; it feels like it belongs around expanding, dissipating, and/or coalescing)

Muddy orange color
In large geometric pattern in my stomach
Like a cube but more complex, diagonal layer
Unfolding, shifting, almost clunking but that’s not the right word

Thought of being sick as a baby, when I was so sick it scared my mom
Out of control, discomfort, nothing to do, angry at being controlled
Angry and helpless and fucking pissed

Anger dissipating – fast, whirlwinds out
Into nothing, blackness?
It feels like the blackness is almost closing in on it, eating it

Fear…of that blackness, I’m somewhat ashamed to admit
Opulent white swirling energy I used to use when I did massage and subtle energy work to surround myself reaches up and twines with the orange
It feels right
Twining, like oil and water, such different energies. The orange static, the white multidimensionally hued, shifting around, how will they come together? I watch.
What is that white energy? Gratitude, it seems.
Deep gratitude like in the last lucid dream.
It is coming together
This lasts a while

The energy straightens into brown, tree-like texture
Logs almost
But hollow
One settles across the back of my body at my shoulders, holding them strong
Two more down my torso’s sides
Strength
Body feels healthier
Whole body jerks, back arches
One has settled in my spine, up my neck?

Feeling grounded
After getting up, I recalled that when I had used that white swirly energy as a protection when I did massage and energy work, I also put a shell up around it that looked like the texture and color of those logs. I think I got some backbone back.

Apparently anger and gratitude can be a powerful mixture. Mixture isn’t quite the right word, it is as if they partially combust and transform when mixed to make something new. I’d say alchemy but that just sounds too hooey.

not that this whole thing wouldn't to most people.

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

*This is a very rough draft*


two women, two children, and had my dad been there before what I remember?
we were in a rushed situation (after the tidal wave fragment?)
in a house/cabin on high ground

I realized the two women were abandoning us
i argued about me being left responsible for the children and that we all needed to help
they were in the car about to drive away. I got in.
their hair looked nice, long
one was up in a pony tail
their hair was important to them

selfish, uncaring women
they started to drive off
I fucked up their hair angrily
pulling her band out of her hair and throwing it out the window
doing something else, also rather ineffectual, to the other one’s hair
I started to leave the car to go back to the children

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

From the night before last
*This is a rough draft that I may or may not get around to cleaning up more*

I woke, trailing out of a dream. I tried to remember but was disappointed that I didn’t. Then the dreams started to come back to me.


Dad, mom, a friend from college, and maybe another friend (best friend from high school?) sitting (on a bed or floor with cushions?). Comfort but not a lot of affection, not needy affection at least. Calmly focused.

I was asking questions about what happened when I was a child (about traumas that occurred).

It was observed that I wasn’t as angry as usual.

I told them yeah, I don’t get so angry now when talking about my childhood traumas with dad. I say “I just got tired of being angry,” feeling very heartfelt and with a glimpse of that exhaustion. “Now I just ask questions about what happened.” Dad agreed, though he still didn’t like to talk about the what. The 4 or 5 of us discussed the change in my questions about childhood traumas and if it was a good thing. My college friend appreciated my change (in the face of others having concerns about it).

16.04.2011

Mixing from reality (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Yesterday I spoken with a friend, who I am spiritually very attached. She told me her husband and her had a common friend online (over the Ikariam game) She told me she almost divorced because she "felt" in love with the other guy who she has never seen. She realized it was almost a confusion.

I was watching this dream in 3rd person. I was following a guy who was arguing with his wife. His wife had a lover online. He was sure his wife loved him, and his very wife, also loved him, but he was confused. Some discussions happened during the dream. Suddenly, I was that guy with a made up wife. She started to lie to me and I reminded her I was able to read auras. I started to read her aura and found she was not being honest. She got nervious.

I had a FA in my room where I explained to my wife this dream. She got mad at me for no reason. I woke up.

Anger

I am eating a cheap lunch with a carpenter. He tells me he is charging me by the hour.

I am paying to eat with you? But, you wouldn't charge another carpenter!

True! he laughs with his mouth full of food. Asshole. I knock him off his chair, driving him against a bar counter, forcing my forearm into his throat.

"You going to rip me off? Fuck you. I only have $___ in the bank, you ass." He turns into my ex-friend, Deneb. Deneb looks slightly confused. "Fuck you. You're an asshole."

***

I wake up from the anger. It's 4:30 am. I go back to sleep, trying to WILD, but I fall asleep too quickly. (This happens to me every day. I need to get more sleep!) I don't WILD, but, I at least remember the tail end of my dream.)

Pain

I am in a large SUV or van with extended family. We are going to a family dinner. I see a graffiti artist's van. BLEST is on the side of the blue, black, and orange scheme. I realize it's the local tagger's van here in Hawaii. (My late cousin's DJ name was BLEST, and he got it from a tagger in Colorado uncannily.) The van swerves crazily, and loud dance music is blaring out of it. I don't feel like I am crying, but tears pour down my face. I can't help it. I want to be strong for my family... but,

I wake up.

I realize it was actually Bobby AKA DJ Sabertooth AKA Saber driving through my dreams, but because I was not lucid, I thought it was the other guy. I smile to myself, and look forward to seeing him in dreams again.