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Ritual: Last night I experimented for the first time with kava kava root (Piper methysticum). I had read many anecdotal reports that it instigated vivid dreams and perhaps even lucidity, so I thought it was worth trying out. I ordered some dried powdered root from an online herb and spice supplier that I trust. I don't have any doubts about the freshness and quality, as the package confirms that it was packed earlier this month and sourced from Vanuatu. I had read many reports of people complaining about the taste, describing it as "muddy," so I was surprised when I opened the package and encountered the most extraordinary and delightful fragrance. The plant is related to pepper, so it made sense that the scent would be peppery, but there was also something delicately floral about it and even a hint of wintergreen.

I had abstained from alcohol all day, since the two should not be consumed together, and my plan was to drink the kava before bed. I had a late dinner, ending at 11pm, so my plan was to give myself two hours to digest, then start drinking the kava at 1am and go to bed a few hours afterward (unless it made me too sleepy before that, which seemed like a distinct possibility). I don't like cold drinks late at night, but I read that you could warm kava gently without destroying its properties, so I adapted a recipe for "Mexican Hot Cocokavachocolate," blending two tablespoons of powdered kava kava (half what the recipe calls for, as I didn't want to overdo it my first time), two tablespoons of cocoa powder, agave syrup, a spoonful of cinnamon, and a generous pinch of cayenne with about two cups of almond milk (I skipped the vanilla extract suggested by the recipe because I didn't want to use even a tiny amount of alcohol). I blended this until it was frothy and then separated it into two mugs, putting one in the fridge—I planned to start with a minimal dose, and work up from there if it felt warranted. The other mug I heated briefly in the microwave, just enough to warm it, and then topped it with a dusting of grated Himalayan salt and freshly made whipped cream.

Okay, I'll admit I have a slightly weird palate (for instance, I *love* the taste of wormwood), but this was one of the most delicious dessert drinks I have ever tried in my life! It was so much better than regular hot chocolate; the spices and kava gave it exceptional depth of flavor and an unusual aftertaste. I didn't even need to strain it: I don't know if my powder was ground unusually finely or if the almond milk held it in suspension better than plain water, but it only added body, not grit, to the concoction.

I'm glad that I had done enough research to anticipate the curiously numbing, analgesic sensation that spread from my mouth all the down my esophagus, because that's the kind of thing that would really worry you if you didn't know it was supposed to happen! I sipped the kava very slowly over the next hour or so, to make sure my stomach didn't have any problems with this new experience. Everything was fine, and the onset of bodily relaxation came quickly, though my mind remained clear. After the first mug I felt like it would be fine to drink the second one I had reserved, so I slowly consumed that too. Despite the heavy feeling in my body, it never did make me drowsy, so I played SWTOR until 3:30am and then read DV and some LD books to prep for bed, retiring at 4:30am. I should note that I never felt any trace of euphoria, either, an effect that some had noted. That didn't bother me, though: my only interest was in enhancing my dreams.

Unfortunately, in that respect, the kava kava was a total bust. It was no different from any ordinary night of crappy dreaming: I was vaguely aware of dreaming most of the night, but my recall was terrible and what details I could specify were mostly mundane day residue. There was no sense of complex overarching plots, just lots of little random scenarios. Lots of people have written that kava helped them sleep more deeply and wake refreshed, but I didn't experience that either: I woke three times in the first several hours of sleep, which is typical, except that I felt much groggier than usual during those brief wakeful periods. At 9:00am I woke up and felt so unpleasantly lethargic, mentally as well as phsyically, and the dreaming had been so disappointing, that I decided to try to clear my head with an ample dose of piracetam. That stuff is amazing: to preserve its efficacy I save it for special occasions, but it always works really well to clear up any "brain fog."

Within fifteen minutes I was feeling complete mental clarity, so I decided to turn it into a proper WBTB. I added some L-theanine, alpha-GPC and bacopa and returned to bed using WILD technique. My focus was still subpar and I couldn't count effectively, so I initially fell into non-lucid sleep, but gradually became more aware of the dream as it progressed. There was no "aha" moment of lucidity, but I was definitely lucid by the end.

In conclusion, the kava kava didn't seem to improve my dreaming in the slightest, but at least it didn't suppress it either. If anything helped me get lucid, I believe it was the piracetam and other supplements I took at WBTB, because those I've had success with many times before. My recall was poor for most of the night, and even after waking up from the LD only the last scene was initially clear; recollection of the earlier incidents revived only after I started tracing back the course of events.

DILD, "Creating a Cat": I was hanging out with a friend, JM, and her young son. [DR: yesterday I had seen a picture of this kid that she had posted on Facebook.] The little boy was telling us a story about a butterfly who took care of him in the place he used to be. It sounded like he was talking about before he was born, and this reminded me of a book I had learned about last night, about a project to compile and investigate accounts of young children who claim to have memories of past lives. [DR: Jim B. Tucker, Return to Life, 2015.] After I mentioned the book to my friend, she told me about the time she took her son to an island off the coast of Wales (the named started with a 'T', something like "Tirnagal" or "Tiriagal") and he had started talking about how he used to live there. As she describes this, suddenly we both turn and stare as we hear the boy start speaking another language with the somber intonations of an adult. I have no idea what Welsh sounds like, but what the boy is saying definitely has the structures of a formal language—it is not just childish babble. The experience is so uncanny that I feel the hairs on my arms rise. Before I leave, I say to my friend, "The only thing I regret about not having a kid is the way it can sometimes provide unexpected insights into the human experience." [DR: This comment might also have been inspired by something I was reading last night, on p.163 of The Ego Tunnel, by Thomas Metzinger (2009), where he describes a toddler who falls and looks to his mother for social cues about how to emotionally react.]

I leave my friend's apartment and go outside. Now I'm on a beach. This is one of my most distinctive and common dream signs, despite the fact that I have little interest in beaches in WL and rarely visit them. I think it is related to the tide, a phenomenon that has always unsettled me. Despite the frequency and distinctiveness of this dream sign, for some reason it is one that I always have trouble recognizing as such. On this occasion I already have some degree of dream-awareness, but I lack awareness of that awareness, the metacognition that is characteristic of true lucidity.

As I'm walking along the beach, the sand looks soft and warm and comfortable, and I can't resist the temptation to lie down in it. Initially I am lying on my stomach, but then I roll onto my back, and feel as cozy as a kid making snow angels. I pause to reflect, why do you never hear of kids making sand angels? My comfort is soon disturbed by rippling in the sand... I notice that the whole beach is now billowing and subsiding, the dunes rolling like great waves. "Is it supposed to do that?" I vaguely wonder, and then a particularly large dune threatens to bury me, forcing me back on my feet to keep my balance. Though not quite lucid at this point, I have instinctive awareness of my mastery and control in this environment: I find it easy to "surf" these sand waves as they roll by underfoot. But they are getting even bigger, and I have the impression that the water is now rising rapidly as well, so I decide to find higher ground.

At the edge of the beach I find a stairwell leading up into a building. Getting into it takes some creative climbing, as there are various panels of transparent plexiglass serving as barriers, but I manage to circumvent them and get inside. The stairs emerge into the center of a dim, semi-industrial space, with narrow walkways on all four sides surrounding the wide pit formed by the stairwell in the middle of the room. No sooner have I gotten my bearings than a round hatch covering the end of a large pipe poking through the wall opens, and a humanoid creature crawls out. It is gollum-like, with huge bulging eyes. I don't want to be spotted, so I hold still and focus on being invisible. I feel a moment of relief as the creature initially descends the stairs, but it comes back promptly joined by a second person, a male human. As they approach the spot where I'm standing, I retreat into a corner to avoid them: even if they can't see me, they might blunder into me by accident if I'm not careful. On the bright side, having to strategize in this tense situation is improving my lucid awareness.

I reflect that my "invisibility" is just a mind trick: I am willing the DCs not to see me, and from their lack of reaction I assume it is working, but I can still see my own body plainly. This bothers me—at this point I'm a fairly experienced dreamer, so shouldn't I be able to dispense with a body? I've had no dearth of NLDs where I'm just a disembodied perspective, so surely I should be able to accomplish the same thing in my LDs. I decide to try to eliminate my dream body.

My body does obediently disappear from my field of vision, but the trouble is I still *feel* like I'm in a human body, with two legs, two arms, and two eyes located frontally in my head. If I have really transcended the body, I should no longer feel like I am mapped onto a human being. I conclude that I should begin subverting the pattern, and my first attempt is to try to shift my visual apparatus to floor level. This seems like it should be a fairly easy, basic task, but I find that I have trouble with it, maybe because I get caught up in questions like, well, if I'm not seeing out of physical eyes, then shouldn't my vision be even more radically different—unconstrained by frontality, for instance?

Meanwhile the man and gollum-like creature disappear into a side door, still apparently oblivious to my presence. I retrace my steps to the top of the stairs and examine the hatch that the latter had crawled out of. I consider going in there to explore, but decide that from the look of the creature and the size of the hatch, it will probably just be a cramped and uncomfortable network of tunnels. Instead I decide to follow the two through the side door.

I find myself in a large, open exhibition space with various vendors and booths. I pause for a moment to wonder why spaces like this are so common in my dreams. I don't know if this was a product of false memory or else better access to dream memory than I have in waking life, because at the time I was under the impression that I encountered such rooms on a regular basis; now that I'm awake I don't feel like they're especially common. At first I was just wandering around with no specific purpose, when it occurred to me that I shouldn't waste this opportunity to work on some tasks. There are a ton of things on my docket, but nothing especially pressing, so I thought over a few possibilities and decided to work on my Ars Magica forms and techniques—the other day I printed out the whole list of combinations and decided I should make it a long-term goal to try out all of them eventually.

I recalled that "creo animál" was the first one on my list that I had not tried, so I started intoning, "Creo animál!" I lengthened the syllables in a resonant voice, putting emphasis on the first syllable of "creo" and the last syllable of "animál." I repeated the invocation a few times in this manner, staring at an empty patch of floor. I didn't have a clear idea in mind of what kind of animal I wanted to create, but I thought I could leave that open for the dream to surprise me. However, nothing was happening. I thought perhaps I needed some raw materials, so I telekinetically lifted a nearby booth (hoping this wouldn't be too much inconvenience to the vendor) and pulled it into the space where I was working, then focused on compacting its form and shape into something suitable to my purpose. It folded itself up obediently until it was much smaller. However, I felt like I needed to impose a pattern on it since the dream wasn't responding with anything, so I arbitrarily chose the form of a cat. People started gathering around to watch the show as the booth finished its transformation, and now there was a short-haired black and white cat sitting stiffly on the floor. [In retrospect, the technique was closer to "muto" than "creo," since I adapted existing material rather than conjuring it from thin air.]

The newly-created cat was not moving, and did not seem capable of movement; it was like an empty shell of a cat, a living doll. This made sense, since I had created the body but not endowed it with sentience: I concluded that this would require a separate effect. Luckily this concurred with another task I needed to work on. "Creo mentem," I said, directing my words at the cat, and this time the effect resolved quickly: now the cat seemed to be capable of moving and perceiving its environment.

I wondered if "mentem" alone was sufficient: wouldn't that create something with the bland mental workings of a robot? Wouldn't I need to add "imáginem" to endow it with emotions and imagination, the "spark of life"? I wasn't sure, but I thought I'd better throw that in for good measure, so I intoned "Creo imáginem," focusing on giving the creature the capacity for emotions and inner life. Immediately I had doubts about whether this was wise. I don't know if my doubts were caused by the cat's behavior or if the cat's behavior was conditioned by my doubts, but whichever it was, the creature did not look pleased. It was lashing its tail in the way cats do when they're annoyed, and its face was contorted into a savage snarl. I wondered if throwing in "imáginem" had been overkill—emotions are not always pleasant, after all, and a creature so unexpectedly brought into existence might well be feeling upset and disoriented. Plus, I didn't even know if "imáginem," was necessary for a complete being; perhaps sentience was sufficiently specified by "mentem." [Consulting the Ars Magica rulebook now, I see that I misremembered the scope of of the Form: "imáginem" deals with sensations and illusions, not emotions and imagination. Though actually that makes the whole Form seem superfluous to the dreamstate, where there is no obvious difference between creating a thing and creating an illusion of that thing.]

I knelt down to have a closer look at my creation, and felt even more disturbed. There was something awful and abject about its face, a wound or rot-like distortion of its jaw that left the teeth clearly visible through its cheek. [DR: I realize this might also be day residue, because recently I was reading articles about the so-called "zombie cat" which came with graphic pictures of a similarly disfigured animal.] I decided that I should try to understand what this cat was experiencing, so I said, "Intéllego animál." I felt impressions of fear and rage coming from the poor creature, and guiltily realized that I must have screwed up somehow. It made it even worse that it was a cat, a kind of animal for which I feel a great love and sympathy.



With a sweeping gesture I willed all the effects I had invoked to disperse, effectively uncreating the cat. I didn't have a clear visual sense of the result (did the body simply disappear or did the vendor's booth revert to its former shape? I'm not sure), but at least I felt that the spell had ended. I looked up at the spectators who had been watching the whole event and sheepishly apologized: "It didn't want to be a cat. I'm sorry. It just didn't work out."

One woman spoke up in reply. Her words were uttered very calmly and slowly, emphasizing each of the adjectives, and I felt like she was subtly criticizing my actions: "People want to be fair, and dominating, and controlling, and diverting."

Ritual: WTB 2:30am, woke 7:15. I was stressed over something and felt too awake to go back to sleep right away, so I got up and put some time into a project for work. Returned to bed at 8:45am, no techniques, though I wondered if the WBTB would make lucidity more likely (happily it did) and woke again at 10am. Recall: 6/10.

DILD, "Wine and Cheese": I'm walking down a footpath outdoors, carrying a cat in the hem of my dress. That is, I've folded up my hem to make a kind of pocket with the cat in it. She is an orange tabby short-hair that doesn't resemble any cat I've known in WL. I think she'll probably want to look around, so I try to arrange the "pocket" in such a way that she can rest her paws on the edge of the hem that I am holding and peek her head out. This works for a while, but then I notice that my black inner dress feels too tight around my legs, hampering my movements, and I think I must have accidentally caught it up together with the hem of the outer dress (which is a sheer light brown fabric). In trying to rearrange it so I can walk unimpeded, the cat falls back down into the "pocket," but I figure this isn't so bad, since the outer dress is translucent, maybe she can still enjoy the view.

However, the cat is getting restless, and I remember something I read the other day on the forums: that if you just keep walking or wandering in a particular direction, the dream will destabilize. Well, such a thing has never happened to me before, despite numerous opportunities, but now I've caught a touch of schema infection from reading about it. [I agree with FryingMan that as a community we should try to be more conscientious about making claims that might infect other people's schemas!] So of course now that I'm anxious about it I start to feel destabilization coming on—I need to do something, quick! I notice that I am walking past a little wine-and-cheese shop, so I decide to duck in for a snack.

Almost immediately I start to wonder if this was a bad idea... sitting down for a whole meal seems like a very drab and tedious way to spend my precious dream time. I decide to keep it short and just taste a few things; there's no need to finish after all. So I order some white wine and a cheese plate. The lady running the shop insists that we also try a certain specialty of theirs, which turns out to be a kind of spread that you put over toast. I see that all of these menu options are also listed on a small chalkboard hung over the doorway to the kitchen, though she prepares everything from behind a counter that is in the dining room. She serves us two types of their specialty spread, together with wedges of three kinds of cheese. It looks like very high-quality cheese, and I'm surprised (and a bit dismayed) to see how big the pieces are.

The only seating in the place, which is very small, is a long communal table. I sit down and don't find it odd that I have a dining companion who sits to my right, though I didn't notice her before and my impressions are so vague that all I can really specify (uncertainly) is her gender. The orange cat I was carrying before is on the floor at my feet, and I hope the proprietor won't mind if she sees me feeding the cat little pieces of cheese. I take a sip of wine and a bite of some cheese and I am pleasantly surprised. Normally in dreams my sense of taste is dull and muted, but the taste and texture of this cheese is identical to the real thing. It is a sharp, tangy cheese with a firm, slightly crumbly texture like certain Spanish or French cheeses made from ewe's milk. I feel more enthusiastic about being here now, since I can enjoy a delightful snack without worrying about any extra calories! But on my second bite of cheese, as I concentrate on enjoying it, my perceptions accidentally shift to my real mouth—which of course is completely empty and tastes like night saliva. The dream fades and I very nearly wake up.

DEILD, "Navriela": Luckily I realize that I am not fully awake but just below the threshold, so I think I can probably DEILD. Initially I try to DEILD back into the dream I just left, but it has fragmented beyond retrieval. So I just focus on getting the dreamstate back. Visuals kick in first: I see what looks like the vantage of a movie camera tracking steadily from left to right over something that resembles a grim, minimalist palace interior, perhaps an empty throne room. Everything is smooth and metallic grey and vertical. Probably because I start to wonder what was supporting the camera for this shot, which is too smooth and gravity-defying for a human cameraman, I now hear a male voice off-screen saying, "It is difficult to make a movie like this." I listen and continue to hear voices conversing about the film, so with both sight and sound back in play, I know that dream is kicking in.

The camera has moved right through a doorway into the upper landing of a stairwell, and now I see a slender woman dressed all in silver begin to descend the stairs. To stabilize my senses I study her outfit, and I'm impressed how clearly I can perceive its details. She is wearing a kind of short jacket over a lower garment that reaches to her mid-thigh. It is not shorts or a skirt, however, and as I study it closely I observe a series of folds that suggest the garment consists of a single piece of cloth that was tucked between and through her legs to form something resembling short pants. I recognize this style of clothing—it looks like jongkraben, a kind of lower garment worn by both men and women in nineteenth-century Siam—but I'm surprised to see it in such an unusual context as this medieval/futuristic palace, worn by a pale, lithe, elf-like woman with white-blonde hair. I think I see some tassles dangling from the front, so I circle my perspective (still disembodied) around the woman to confirm what her outfit looks like from the front, and then continue to follow her down two flights of stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs she encounters an elderly but vigorous old man with a long white beard who resembles Gandalf. He starts talking to her and at one point asks, "What is your name?" I'm pleased that he has asked the question I was wondering. There is something so youthful yet elvishly ancient about the woman that she strongly reminds me of Galadriel in LOTR, even resembling Cate Blanchett a little bit, and I half-expect her to say that "Galadriel" is her name, especially now that I'm thinking it. But the dream surprises me, and she answers with something that sounds equally elvish, but a name I don't think I've ever heard before: "Navriela."

I start to think I should embody myself in this dream and work on some task. Had I been a little more on the ball I might have thought to accompany Navriela to a nearby forest to make another attempt my lucid dare, but I am too distracted by my growing attraction to her. I reflect that if I was one of the guys I would surely go "caveman" on her, and this gives me an idea for an experiment: what if I try to become a man? I sometimes identify as male characters in NLDs, but I hadn't attempted this before in an LD.

I imagined myself as a guy and approached Navriela with romantic intentions. She was compliant as I took her into my arms, and we fell together on a bed that was conveniently placed in an adjoining room. I started trying to make love to her as a man, although it was all rather vague and hasty (I don't even think we took our clothes off) and I didn't notice any differences in my anatomy. Nevertheless, there was something very arousing about it and I quickly orgasmed. "It's always so much easier for men," I thought wryly—overlooking the fact that it is always easier in dreams anyway.

FA: I woke up and immediately went to my computer to start writing my report, but I was having trouble accessing my word file. First I tried under "Open Recent," in Word since it's usually somewhere in that list, and when I didn't see it I tried typing the name of the file in the search box, but that didn't work either. I resorted to my back-up plan, dropping to desktop and clicking to the alias of my dream journal that I'd placed there, but even that failed for some reason. Since I actually do often have trouble accessing the file when I'm half-awake and hastening not to lose precious seconds of dream recall, it never occurred to me that my technical difficulties this time were evidence of an FA—even after discovering that my computer was in the middle of doing a full scan of some kind, and that my files were all locked until the scan was complete. Instead, I rationalized this by "remembering" that I had updated the OS just before I went to bed, and that concluded a mass file update was part of the process. Fortunately the progress bar was already at 56% and resolving quickly, so I waited it out. The OS shifted over to the new version, and now a new icon appeared on the top of all my window frames. It was a cartoon-like graphic of a noble male face haloed in a bright burst of sunlight, resembling a demigod or superhero. I figured this was the logo of the new OS, the name of which I knew at the time, but I wasn't paying much attention because finally I was able to open my dream journal file and start taking notes. Initially I started jotting down a lot of keywords and short phrases so I wouldn't lose any key events: "Navriela," and "four kittens" and "wine and cheese shop," and then started filling in the details.

Eventually I woke up again and realized the last sequence had been an FA. Unfortunately my overall recall was now somewhat eroded the delay in waking up properly, especially of earlier sequences before I became aware that I was dreaming. I don't think there was ever a clear boundary or "aha" moment when I got lucid; it just seemed to naturally dawn upon me while I was walking down the path carrying the cat.

NLD: I can partly recall an even earlier scene, non-lucid, where I was in a store, looking through horse halters. I was surprised to find horse supplies for sale at a mainstream store like this—it resembled a budget department store like a Target. I compared several halters but didn't like their quality or appearance. One that I rejected was covered with pale pink fake fur; another incorporated a fly mask but I wasn't sure if the eye holes would fit properly. I ended up rejecting them all and walking away. As I left, I noticed that the halters were on display in the children's section of the store, which annoyed me: why is horseback riding so often pigeonholed as an activity for young children? Certainly it helps to start young, but it takes years of practice to get any good at it. I think it was after walking out of the store that I was carrying the cat in my dress, where my dream report started, but the transition is unclear. I also now have no idea what the keywords "four kittens" was referring to, among all the notes I had recorded in my dreamed dream journal—so there is probably at least one lost scene.

Killing crabs

I was a mercenary. I wanted to get a higher rank within a brotherhood, so my master gave me mission. I had to go to the swamp, and kill a beast. It was dark afternoon. The sky was overcast, and dense fog covered the horizon.

I was moving on the wet ground. There was thick vegetation, making it harder to move. I went around flooded ruins of a castle, walked on a wooden log to the other side of river, close tot he waterfall, and finally faced the beasts. Huge, brown crabs with powerful jaws. I took a mace, and with a few well placed strikes killed one.

I did the same with the rest. Despite their appearance, the crabs weren't such a big threat. I turned back, and slowly went back to my master.

School - Video about cat

I was in school, close to the classroom doors. The group of classmates were just about to enter, when one girl ran towards them. She was really excited. She told us that our teacher is ill, and we can go home. Some of classmates hesitated, but the girl persuaded some of them to go.

I stayed with a small group, and chosen a sitting place. Then the teacher appeared, and used the projector to show us a video about cat one girl prepared. I also had such video, my sister asked me if I can deliver it. We watched the movie.

Forgotten lucid?

I was sitting in a bus. I was watching the scenery through the window, and thinking about a lucid dream I just get, despite recalling nothing from it.

#428 - DEILD - 6:28AM

I intended to have G + Menthol during WBTB but I just could not get out of bed. Luckily, I pulled off a late morning DEILD. I was slightly disappointed that I got my dream goals all wrong, but I was super stoked to get lucid regardless.

I am watching YouTube through my TV and I see that CanisLucidus has his own lucid dreaming channel now. There's a lot of how-to talk and then does some funny skits and songs like some variety show. At first I think Wurlman and I need to step up out podcast game, but I quickly decide that we have our own thing going and shouldn't try to one-up CL. I find his show very entertaining and I am amused that we now have a really cool lucid dreaming TV show. I notice my father next to me on the couch and I expect him to say something about how he dislikes what I am watching, but he remains very quiet. I wake up.

At first I am pissed that galantamine didn't do much for me but then I realize I passed right back out when my alarm went off. I move a bit and get comfortable and settle right into meditation. Instead of focusing on breath I use body awareness in my hand and arms as my anchor. I hit heavy HI really quickly and my daughter says something about my hands feeling numb. at the same time, I realize they are very tingly like I had my circulation cut off. I say to her, "As soon as my hands start feeling different [normal] you let me know. OK?" I wonder, Will that really work? If I lose lucidity will my subconscious tell me when I am fully in the dream? Right after this thought, I notice I have vibrations. I decide now is the time to shift my awareness to something external — the center of the room. I start to feel some tendency to separate, so I try sitting up. It takes a lot of effort to move only a few inches and I hear a voice, "You've got to work those astral muscles. It's been awhile so it's going to feel tough at first, but the more you exercise the better..." I accept what my inner-self is telling me and make I several efforts to get up; each getting easier. Once I sit up completely, I visualize the motion of running and a scene quickly comes to view.

I am in a kitchen in a different house. I spot a back door and run to it. As I step into the back yard, I notice the numbness in my hands still, so I shift my awareness from body once more to the dream environment and quickly forget the hand sensation. I try to think of my goals, but my mind feel slightly jumbled. Flying. I was supposed to fly. I look up at the day time sky and begin to make swimming motions allowing me to slowly rise up. There is something about the swimming motion that brings my focus back to my body and the dream darkens, threatening to crash. I stay calm and simply shift my focus back to something more visually external. I see that I am tangled in a tree and I use it to pull my weightless body up higher then, jump onto the roof of the house. Now I think maybe my goal was to make music with random objects in the dream. I look around and, on the house, I see some sort of wooden structure with many different types of roof vents lined up. I decide these will make great drums and I begin to strike them with my hands. At first It is just a dull flat sound with no real rhythm. I try harder to have some sort of pattern, but my visuals won't match the sound. I decide it's better to just look away and I quickly get some sort of drum beat with realistic sounds. A song quickly forms and I sing the first words that some to my mind in a jazz tone, "Well, my little baby... she's a real sexy lady now.... Yeeaahhh." I am slightly startled how different my voice sounds, but I don't let it distract me. Organ music begins play a little tune now as I see movement in the corner of my eye. A black cat is walking along the road out front and I feel a strong desire to go after it, but I can't decide if I want to stop the music now or play a little more. I am torn between the two and sit there undecided as I suddenly wake up.

Went back to bed around noon today, felt very tired. I listed to a two hour binary beat track on you tube. This did not induce lucidity but it did give me a very vivid dream. I was sat in front of a big field where I had set up a tent and small fire (u sure why I was there I think there was some sort of cattle sale going on. In the next field there were many people setting up big round tables and chairs, tents and bar b question. I didn't know them. As I sat and looked down the farm lane, I saw a black shape "ambling" toward me. As it got closer I could see that it was a lack cat who had a big grey rat by it's side. I knew that they were friends. As they got nearer still I noticed that the black cats two front paws were tethered together by black cable ties, both ends were sticking out. The rat was helping the cat walk. I shouted to my daughter to go get a pair of scissor or something so I could free the cats legs. With the scissors now in hand I turned back to the cat, but the legs were no longer the there'd together, but the cable ties were still on each paw. I tried to cut through them and as I did, they opened up to reveal electrical wiring. At this point I wondered if I should cut them off.........unfortunately the home phone rang and woke me up. I wish I could have continued the dream I may have become lucid, who knows

March 01, 2015

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I was walking through a dark labyrinth of hallways... It reminded me of the hallways of a church I once went to a youth group sleepover thing I went to with one of my friends in Middle School... The place creeped me out a fair bit. There were a lot of ramps and short stairwells to get to the room I was looking for: The room in which my students were all doing their Language Arts rotations for the day. I got to the room, and had just met my MT or someone else who was going to work with the kids that day... but there was no one i the room. We panicked for a bit, but then realized they were just in the next room over. The room was connected by a door at the back, so we went into the other room. It was bright and cheerful and loud. We found the adult who was with them currently, and found out that the class cat (I WISH we could have class cats, but allergies...) had just had her kittens, but one of the kittens was very, very sick and was about to die. They didn't want the kids in the room when it happened, so they had moved the kids to another room. Then I helped my MT put things on the wall; they were masks, or faces or something. Actually a little creepy. I then had to pass out to each student a contraption of some sort that involved a magnifying glass. One of my students (who is notorious for loosing things left and right) lost most of his contraption.

Bedtime: 12:20

Well, I guess bedtime doesn't determine everything.

It started off with some dream about driving and walking through an urban area trying to get my cousins to a baseball game.

Somehow or other, I wound up in what felt like the woods behind my neighborhood. It was tropical though, and everything was green. The dream was very clear despite being nonlucid. I was showing them houses that had been overgrown and abandoned many years ago. We were talking about how we would have liked to live in them in their prime.

We came to this one house, a huge four story mansion. (Or the frame of one anyway) A massive tree, about 20 feet in diameter and easily 500 feet tall had cleaved the entire frame in half, leaving only two smaller sections standing. Myself and the party of DCs (there were two or three of us total.) were hypothesizing about how the middle must have once looked.

We made our way around back, climbing over fallen trees. We saw that a river ran along the back of the house. There were waterfalls flowing from the cliff-side into the river.

"How cool would it be to live with 3...4 waterfalls in your backyard?!"

I then made an observation of some of the tropical flora. There were fern trees all around us.

This for one reason or another made me become lucid.

I stabilized briefly. I then decided that I wanted to go and see my subconscious and tell him/her/it that I wanted more lucid dreams. I shouted "I want to see my subconscious right now!"

I saw that there was a small double door between two large boulders on the forest floor. The two DCs that I was with walked through it.

I opened the door after them. It was nothing but blackness. I let myself fall in. I fell for awhile before arriving at this location suspended in the blackness.

There was a throne chair with a small child sitting in it. Built up around us was the back wall of the throne room, made out of castle stones, and the floor, made up of tiles. This crumbled away about a hundred feet from the chair in every direction, as if this one slice of the castle had been removed from the rest and placed into this void.

The child (who I guess was supposed to be my subconscious) was wearing a red king robe, golden crown and had a long scepter. Though none of this quite fit him because he was so small.

There were a couple of guards in strange white armor positioned on either side of his throne. I think Manei and Marcus manifested into the room behind me. I could feel their energies.

SubC "I am your subconscious, and I am very busy! Each time you say something to me, it's gonna cost you [some kind of special money]. You have 1,800 of it. Go!"

Me "How come so many of my efforts to lucid dream fail?"

1,750

SubC "Because you didn't do the work I gave to you. Remember Jonathan? Why is he not dead?"

Me "I did the right thing. He said that he wanted to go peacefully, so me and Manei agreed to let him go."

1,625

SubC "But that wasn't what you were supposed to do!" His tone of voice started to sound a bit whiny at this point.

Manei "If there is one thing [my name was garbled] taught me, it's that you shouldn't let other people decide who you are. You should [follow your own path or something.]

I saw that Manei had some kind of money counter for talking to this guy too. She only had about 600 of it. Marcus had no money and therefore wasn't allowed to speak.

SubC "What? You're taking his side?"

Manei (mad) "I wish I was never on your side to begin with."

SubC "Guards, show of force."

Me "Look at you. You try to control people and [mold them into what you want or something.] And when they start rebelling against you, you threaten them. [If you want people to respect you, you have to earn that respect, not force it out of them or something.]" (My ability to recall dialogue is horrible.)

1,333

SubC "Stop it! Stop it! It's not true! Guards, Seize them!" (He started sounding more and more like a whiny child.)

The two guards began to advance on me. The dream started to fade. I saw my 'money' was starting to tick down.

Me: "The way you choose to remove me from your presence rather than learn from me proves just how weak and immature you really are. When you [grow up a little], you will see that I was right about everything. I see no way we can come to an agreement if you are going to act like this."

545

The dream cut to black here. I had an FA, but somehow still remained semi lucid. I was on the steps of one of the dorm complexes at my college.

Spoiler for Sexy Toys:

There was a huge blue dildo toy. There was a bottle on the back end of it that you could fill with whatever liquid you wanted, then squeeze it and it would squirt out the front. It was also covered in this soft fabric.

I was trying to hide this object because I didn't want anyone to know that I dreamed about it. I was also thinking about how I was going to describe this scene when I woke up and started writing about it in my DJ. Dang partial lucidity.

At one point I tried to throw it away, but it wouldn't fit in the trash can. It seemed to be continually growing. Eventually it started getting so heavy that I couldn't carry it.

There was also a part where I dreamed that I was trying to send one of my cats away in a cardboard box that would float like a boat on a lake. I felt like the lake we were at had taken the place of my old middle school.

Interpretations:

I really don't know what to make of this. I don't know why my subconscious was so childlike and closed-minded. He wanted things done a particular way, his way. He wanted no part of anyone else, and didn't want to earn their respect. (Sure, sounds like a much younger me, but I'm sure a lot of us acted that way as children since we simply didn't know any better.)

February 28, 2015

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Water Fountain Woes

I was at the math/science center I went to in High School. I walked past a water fountain that wasn't turning off. It was always on, so I pulled it out of the wall to try to fix it. But I pulled it too hard and disconnected it from the water intake thingy. I hooked it back up and the water kept coming. I eventually gave up trying to fix it, and got a drink from it before leaving.



Creepin'

I was visiting the admissions adviser for my grad program, but I was being a super creeper and like walking around her back yard. The neighborhood seemed familiar to me, as if I've been there before. I could see inside the house but I never went inside. I noticed that the snow was all melting and it was getting warmer, so I assumed spring was coming very soon. When I got around to the front of the house again, I saw some of my students playing by the street. I went to talk to them and they got really excited and wanted to show me their homes.



Ceiling Troubles

I was at home, holding my girl cat and snuggling her. The whole room seemed larger than IWL, and a LOT cleaner looking and brighter. My dad came into the room from the backyard, and said, "Gotta feed mah CATS!!" When the cats went to eat, I realized my old dog was in the room as well. She was flopping as she tried to get up to get to the food. My dad came over and nudged her a little to help her up. She's been gone for almost 5 years now, so I was very confused until I realized it was a dream. oh right. I'm at Zukin's asleep on her floor right now. "I'm dreaming." I said, looking at my hands, which oddly enough looked completely normal. I still knew I was dreaming, though. My dad looked up and said, "What? You're crazy."

I ignored him and went to my bedroom. I looked up and decided to use the ceiling as a portal. I jumped up and expected to go through the ceiling into another land, but ended up smashing into it, making a hole and getting stuck in it. I looked around the attic and made the hole bigger by smashing pieces away, until I could look down at my dad, who was standing there looking up at me. "WTF are you doing Kestrel...?"

"Oh, just hanging around."

Me and my dream humor. Then I woke up.

06.02.2015

My cat ends my dream (DILD)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Full Dream (+1 pts)
2nd DILD (+5 pts)
DC Interaction (+2 pts)
Stabilize (+1 pts)
Flight (+4 pts)

I had a false awakening and I started writing down my previous dream. I planned to do a WBTB but I could not get out from bed. I was paralyzed. However, a moment ago I was writing a dream and I found the timeline to be impossible. I somehow turned lucid, but I could not do a reality check. The dream quality was terrible. My wife asked me where was I going and I told her I needed to fly.

I exited the house and took of to fly. After flying for a while, I could see the dawn of a new day and I saw a beach. I wanted to approach the beach but I felt something hitting me on my legs (I was still flying) until I woke up... from my cat jumping on me.

30.01.2015

1-30-15 Fragments - A cat escaped (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Dream Fragment (0.5 pts)

One of my cats ran away from home. It was raining and she freaked out and started to run in circles.

*I recall brief moments.*

I was sitting in my room. Through the window I saw it was cloudy morning. It was raining. I was playnig an xbox game. I stood up, went to the kitchen, and took a glass of water. I went back to my room, played for a while, and drank. It tasted weird. It was kinda bittery. I went back to kitchen, and saw a colofrul cat peeing into all the glasses. Disgusted I cleaned the glass and brushed me teeth. Next my mother arrived, and we drove to the city.

#397 - DEILD - 7:08AM

My WBTB was around 2:30AM and I kept it super brief. I was up only long enough to take some galantamine and wash it down with cold peppermint tea. This G night was a little disappointing since I didn't start becoming aware until much later in the morning. I suppose it was because I have been having back issues and I over did it with muscle relaxers pre-bed making me extra tired. Sometimes its hard to find that balance between dream and wakefulness that's required for LD and a lot of thinks factor into it.

I partially wake from a dream and enter DEILD. I have vibrations and slowly float out of body. I see something odd made of red laser light but I ignore it since I feel really unstable. I exit the room and find myself in what looks like D's house (my mom's friend). I haven't been here since I was little and I am surprised it's showed up in this dream. I just want to get outside so I exit the front door. There is a lot of stuff out there and I spot a cat curled up sleeping in a cushioned chair. I reach down and pet the cat on the head. The cat responds with a low purring meow sound and I walk away. I step into the yard only to find the edge of dream world disappearing into the void. I don't want to deal with that so I try entering another part of the house. I open a door but there is void in there too. Instead of stepping in, I reach an arm in and feel around for a light switch. The dream seams to be breaking up so I look back at the well lit porch for stability. After flipping the switch, I look back to see nothing has happened. I enter the room anyway and find myself lost in the void. I try going back but the door I came in is no longer there. I need stimuli and go with the first thing I think of. Sex. I blind summon a naked female body and couple with her. Her face look sort of familiar but no one I really recognized. We make out and things start to become more sexual but I stop as I begin to feel a bit of guilt. The dream crashes here and I wake up.

#398 - DILD - 8:53AM

I am at the park up the road from my house looking at my old Ford Ranger that I used to own in waking life. There is a wheel missing and the other tires are flat. For some reason I have a push lawn mower and my mountain bike. I really want to ride the bike but I don't want to leave the mower here. I try putting the mower in the truck cab but it wont fit. I realize I drove my SUV and fit the mower in the back of that. I spot some tough looking men with colorful glasses strutting by. I worry that they are up to no good but they don't bother me or my stuff. I feel the need for some shades and spot some white ones in the front seat and put them on. I realize that I don't usually wear white but I figure I may as well try something different. There was a lot of time spent here messing around with things but I finally feel content and decide to hop on my bike.

As I ride my bike toward the street I notice something feels odd. I look down and see the tires are flat on the bicycle. I decide to keep pedaling as I head in the direction of the gas station to get air. I tell myself that if I pretend the tires are normal then they will be. This thought reminds me of dream control and brings me to full lucidity.I am nearly into the street now and I decide that I will be able to ride super fast with the cars. Unfortunately, it's kind of slow and difficult like riding up hill. Although I can't pull of the speed thing, I know I can't be hurt so, I decide to mess with the oncoming traffic. I spy and orange car and pedal hard toward it expecting some sort of impact. Just before the collusion, my front tire jams up sending me over the handle bars and the car vanishes just before it hits me. This is disorienting but thrilling at the same time. I get back on my bike to experiment with this again but before I get going, someone makes a noise in the other room and wakes me up.

I have two other instances during the morning trying to DEILD. I recall hitting vibrations and trying to move my dream body but not getting very far. I recall very little else and assume I must have lost concentration.

I take a picture of my mom's dog and cat as they are both sitting in the kitchen right next to each other. They both smile and look at the camera. The perfect shot. Funny how both the dog and the cat look alike, and also look like my dad's weird dog he has. My sister wants to see the picture, but when I look at it, they aren't looking at the camera anymore, even though I already took the picture. I look for another picture, but all I have are photos of the Simpsons in real life. Mostly weird ones, like a tiny animated devil sitting on a chair, with Maggie poking her head around the side, and Marge in the background. Or a photo of Mr Herman.

Suddenly I am on an airplane right next to an animated Mr Herman. Apparently he's a really fat guy, I'm not sure where his character comes from. He says, "I'm Mr. Herman!" and suddenly we're both falling from the plane. Now I'm watching us fall, hit the ground, but all cartoon like.

I stand up, the cartoon effect disappears, and there is a big bottle of whiskey in front of me. Kind of like Goldschlager, but with red bits instead of gold. Must be cinnamon flavored... An old friend next to me tells me I should have drank it earlier, but I can still drink it now. It seems like a tasty idea, so I reach for it, but wake up because I can't feel my arm, and my shoulder hurts. Arm =/= shoulder.

...All of this in an unplanned nap on the couch with the cat on me!

DEILD. Transition but am still lying on mat. Body feels incredibly heavy; I RC, but almost just "go back to sleep" because it is so hard to move. I reason that that would be pointless, however, because I am already asleep. I decide to get up, and as I do, my body becomes lighter and lighter, and until I just fly out of bed. I run out of the room on all fours.

Cats are out in the living room. My father's cat is here, which is odd, and he eyes me suspiciously as I come charging out. He seems scared, and then attacks and bites me. I hit him in face with a pillow. Then try to make friends. He seems pissed. My wife then comes out of the bedroom. I suddenly realize that this dream is scary, and things could go wrong if I let my emotions get worked up. So I still my mind and focus on people liking me

My wife seems happy to see me. She tells me to go get ready for bed, because she wants "quality time." I consider telling her this is a dream, but I do not I wake up.

I am reading a secret/restricted Jehovah's Witnesses' text called "Watchtower" In it, a discussion about a certain river where initiations and enlightenment have occurred. I go to the river. I am swimming up it, into a cave. I have a vision/flashback (?) of Gurdjieff trying to bring someone to enlightenment. He gives this man a baby. The man is at the river for the purpose of enlightenment, and is displeased to have to take care of a child. Then he becomes attached to the child. He fears for its safety. Gurdjieff comes back, and turns the child into dust. It sinks into the river. The man is devastated. Gurdjieff explains:

"At first you did not want the child. You were blown by the winds of karma one way. Then you wanted the child. You were blown the other way. Now I have taken the child, and you suffer for it." The man asks if he is close to enlightenment. Gurdjieff laughs and says there are many stages.

I swim back toward the mouth of the cave and down a small waterfall. The river has become a water park, and I accidentally bump someone coming up the waterfall (?). Segue into a FA: "wake up" at a pool. I am wondering if this is a dream when my wife asks the same question. I nose pinch and can breathe. We walk around the pool together; not super lucid, as I think my wife is real. We see a girl DC. I start fooling around with her, and she starts to rub my wife's breasts. My wife pulls away, and says it feels uncomfortable. I think to show off my dream control, and order the DC to run across the street. She does, and a path appears for her to run on. I urge her onward. Finally awake into a FA; my wife is awake, and I question her about the dream, but she says was not there. I assume it was a just a "normal" LD and return to sleep. I then wake up.

Dream WILD: Talking to my aunt on the phone; we decide to LD together. We enter the dream, and try to help some man find his daughter. More of a semi-lucid, although I was aware I was dreaming. Tough call She tells me about using LDing to contact my dead grandfather. She keeps calling it "remedying" though (like REMedying . . . .)Another FA with my wife. She has her nightlight on. We talk about something, and then I go "back" to sleep.

A dream about not being able to fall asleep. I finally take Sageous's advice to get up and do something else. I decide to make some tea. I use AnotherDreamer's recipe, made out of sunflower leaves and apple chips. I start eating the apple chips. I check my watch twice as an RC, and the numbers do change, but this is not enough to trigger me. In fact, I think I ignore it altogether.

I was driving through a city with my father. There were lots of pelicans, hawks and large birds with tags on their feet flying through the air close to the ground. My father and I took interest in one pelican in particular. It had a foot tag that had the letter "B" on it.

We were having a family reunion, and we were meeting in a church. My family was gathered about the piano, singing a song. One of my second cousins, was wearing a pair of pants that were much too large for her. She kept pulling the waistline out, gazing down at her groin and panties in a satisfied manner. I distinctly remember her panties as being white, although I'm not sure how I came to know that...

I dreamed I awoke in the night and discovered that there was a frog in my throat and I could barely speak. So I got up and walked to the bathroom. I kept thinking about a ghostly girl and her cat that sometimes appeared in our house. If you so much as touched the cat, you would die instantly. I was so afraid that the next moment I would see the cat girl. I ran in fear out into our living room. My mother was lying on the couch, and she greeted me warmly. I tried to talk, and my throat cleared and a clear, oily liquid dripped out. I wiped it off my mouth. My father was sitting in my accustomed chair, dressing himself for the day. I figured we were going to have a day off and go into town with him, and that made me happy.

I worked at a pizza parlor, and I had to cut a dog in half lengthwise to put on a pizza.