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A man's talking to a woman he's recently made immortal. She's very upset, talking about the moment when she'd thought she was about to die, and how she'd thought back on all these things in her life - her family, and the man she'd almost married. I see an image of that man lying in a pool of blood with her kneeling beside him - injured in the line of duty; he's a fed, she was a cop. He survived that. She's saying to the man who made her immortal that she doesn't expect him to be able to understand any of this - it's implied that she thinks of him as too inhuman. He's annoyed. He says to her, if she's so fixated on dying, go right ahead. If a year goes by and she's still feeling so "inconsistent," come tell him, and he'll kill her himself. He's entirely serious, but he believes that this won't be necessary - he believes that trying to make her focus on living will just drive her further into this self-destructive line of thought, but that if she spends time thoroughly thinking about death, she'll stop desiring it.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

The soprano from the other night, looking a little younger here, is sitting in a room with another woman, both of them dressed all in white with long white gloves. There's a mirror on the wall behind them. This other woman is standing up and singing, holding sheet music in her left hand - it's light popular music; she sings prettily but not professionally. The door to the hall opens, and a third young woman says, complaining, "Cora, it's almost dawn."

-A particularly violent and vivid frag involving me fighting an older military type man with a spear and winning when he decided to commit suicide.

-Something to do with 'Interstellar'

-Something to do with my mom's friend's kids.

-Something to do with wanting a weapon for Christmas being a good thing.

-My friend K's dad had taken up metal-sculpting and he had made all of these hilarious cartoon statues of people screaming and pouting.

I say this every time but I haven't posted in forever. I've been having really vivid dreams lately and I think it's from the new vertigo med I'm on. I'm really enjoying them, although they can be a bit strange. And I can never remember them when I wake up. So I'm just going to post this one since it was.. umm... yeah.

don't remember the beginning of this one. All I remember was walking into the bathroom and finding an old friend in the bathtub trying to drown herself. I ran towards her as fast as I could but it was like slow motion. I jumped in the tub and pulled her out and put my arms around her. She was crying. "It's alright," I kept saying. I yelled for x friend to tell friend in bathtub's mom and I think she did. Sometime after that she was feeling better and we were hanging out doing something I can't remember. Eventually her mom came.

well I suppose I'll post another one from last night. I was in Walmart searching for Christmas presents for everyone. I found a bunch of cheap Knick Knacks for TPLSG goodie bags and a fish book for my dad. Then there was a race starting for people to pick up things for a dollar, which was mostly candy. The race started and I got a huge bag of m&ms for that price. It was a steal. The end.

10/20/14

Note: It has been a long time since I have posted a dream. I have been having some serious issues with depression and I have been unable to remember most of my dreams and mostly not cared about the ones I have remembered. I think I am breaking out of the darkness of depression now and I will try to post dreams more often again.

Fall Into Darkness
I am somewhere I don’t recognize, but I don’t really care about that. I feel awful. I hurt inside, my depression is giving me serious problems right now. I don’t really notice anything going on around me, just the pain inside. I finally pull myself to my feet and I look around. The room I’m in looks abandoned. It looks like whoever had been here left in a bit of chaos. It looks like it used to be an office of some kind but now it is trashed. There is some broken computer equipment lying by a desk that is almost broken in half, papers are strewn everywhere, and none of the lights are working, leaving the room only illuminated by a street light outside the window. I don’t pay too much attention to the setting, however, I walk over to the window and look out.

The window has been broken and I am able to step right out onto the ledge. I see there is a city outside, but there aren’t many lights on even though it is night time. I look down and see I am a long way up in what must be a skyscraper. There are people way down there, though there is something odd about the way they’re moving. Because of how I am feeling, however, I don’t pay too much attention to the people down below. I am just hurting so much inside. I know things will never get any better. I’m no good to anyone, and I’m no good to myself, there is only one way to escape such pain. So with absolutely no hope in my broken and dying heart I step off of the ledge and feel myself falling into the comforting embrace of death…

But no… that doesn’t happen. I fall for a bit and then I feel I am being lifted back up into the air. It feels almost like flying, which is an exhilarating feeling compared to the crushing depression I felt just seconds before. I notice that someone has put their arms around me. Someone has snatched me right out of the air, taking me into a strong and comforting embrace… and we are flying! Or it certainly feels like flying… maybe it was just a really high jump because the next thing I notice is that my rescuer and I land safely on the roof of a building next to the one I jumped from. My rescuer sets me down and now I am able to turn around and see who it is. I turn around and find myself staring directly into the blue eyes of Alex Mercer from Prototype.

From the look in his eyes it appears Alex is a mix of concerned and annoyed. He asks what I was thinking when I did something that foolish, do I want to die? I tell him that was the general idea. I tell him there really is no reason for me to continue. He looks at me for a bit longer and then asks if I even realize that I’m dreaming. He says he knows I can’t really die in a dream, but do I really want to? I stop for a bit and look at him, trying to comprehend the idea that I am just dreaming now. The pain inside has faded a lot now that I am here with Alex. He takes me into his arms and says he would love for me to be able to come to the dream state permanently so we could be together more, but not like that. He said he only wants that to happen when it is my time, he doesn’t want to see my life end like that, there is still too much that I can do in my current home world. I tell him there isn’t any hope. I tell him I can’t do it alone. I can’t face all that is against me all alone. He said I am never really alone, he is right here with me. And so is Altaïr… and Hetfield… and everyone else that is in my inner world. And even in the physical world I have my friends and my mom. I tell him that everything just feels so hopeless. He said he can help me with that… and he’ll no longer take ‘no’ for an answer. He pulls me back into his arms and holds me there, it feels comforting. I don’t even realize that he’s actually consuming me until everything around me fades to black and then I wake up feeling at peace.

I was in a huge house having a good time(don't remember what I was doing) until something happened that made people turn on each other. I was with this guy who kept killing other guys and hiding the bodies in an elevator, which was covered in urine and vomit. Apparently this fight started when a space craft went down(not sure exactly what happened). So there was a lot of fighting. And in the final fight, it was 2 against 2. We were throwing stuff at each other and one of the things was liquid cyanide. I got sick of fighting and decided I couldn't take it anymore. I ran away and grabbed a bottle of cyanide and dripped some into my mouth and went into the house. A girl who was fighting saw me and told the others and they all ran to find me. I went down this super long hallway and stood behind a sculpture. I then started to drink more of the cyanide until the people caught up with me. One guy stuck his hand down my throat and made me puke it up. Hey, at least it made them stop fighting, right? The end.

short dream

I was inside my house and I looked out the front window and saw a man with a rope around his neck, the rope tied to the tree in my front yard. He was ready to hang himself. I ran outside to him and yelled "Dont!" and he said something like, "but I don't want to live anymore" and I was going to try to talk him out of it but I realized that I had no idea what to say.. but apparently I figured something out because he didn't go through with it.

I wish I remembered more of this dream

I was standing on the shore of an ocean. it was foggy and I was looking out to sea. I don't remember this but I think I went out as far as I could and drowned (on purpose?). I was then in space, something guiding me (God?) and we zoomed throughout the universe. I saw stars and galaxies and it was amazing. Then I appeared in this room full of guitars. Some of them had broken strings. They represented people's lives. Then, I asked if there was a place to go rollerblading in heaven. I appeared outside on a smooth tarmac and there was this girl rollerblading like an ice skater. I joined her and it was fun

I wanted to die.

I was with my friends and we arranged a date to die. We told our parents and they accepted our decision. Eventually, we arrived at this pond/mini lake/idk what to call it. It was me, Niki, Aubrey, Brittany, and Dani. Two of them tried drowning themselves but it didn't work so we arranged another date. This time, we would jump off a cliff together. It took a bunch of delays, but eventually we arrived at this cliff. All our parents were there, crying. But it was like they accepted it. They would let us kill ourselves. During this dream, I woke up several times but would fall back asleep and return to it. Unfortunately, we never got to jump. But I would have loved to..

Let's run away
To a place no one can find us
Because no one would dare to look
Where we are going
There is no pain, no fear
A place so far away
No one could reach us
Once we leave
We will never be able
To come back
Because
You can't come back
From death

Dream
Notes

I was in a warzone in a city. We were fighting the enemy with no clear objective. The city was big and it had buildings like that in New York City. The sun was setting and the fire and flames from the battle made the area even more orange. I ended up on a roof and shot someone I then went to shoot another person that was in the building across from me but stopped. I was a women wearing the USMC dress uniform. She had no cap and her hair looked like C Sanchez's hair but I don't think it was her. I knew she was an enemy. She stood over the chest were an ally of mine was and put down some flowers. I knew she was paying tributes to him. She looked at me, waiting to get shot but I dropped my weapon and stood at attention and saluted her. I was wearing the Air Force dress uniform and there was a man behind me to my left. I think he was an ally. I jumped off the room and committed suicide. I was teleported to a street and say an armored van driving by. I jumped on it and tried to hijack it. The drivers, who was a man and a woman, got out and I asked for a ride. After a while, they agreed. I got dropped off at a trailer home where a skinny man and two fat women were. I prepared a sandwich with cheese and lettuce and I think chicken. The man was leaving and I went outside. Alex was there and she hugged me. I knew we were dating and I told her to be careful and we kissed good-bye. The woman in uniform was in a building and she was standing in an office with the window blown off. I committed suicide because I saw compassion in the enemy and didn't want the fighting to continue, hoping others would see and stop fighting.

I'm at some random place with HER, and she grabs me and we both fall to the floor. She's still holding me, like a bomb is about to explode, and I don't fight back. In fact, I enjoy the makeshift embrace and tell her "there's no way I'll fight this". At the moment there's an argument going on between two people, and I really don't think much of it.


We're on the ground, and I'm looking at things develop. One guy is yelling at another guy, and I have that "I wish I knew what was going on, because I would step in and knock someone out".....and just like that....the other guy shot him. He's yelling at everyone...pointing the gun all over the place, and I think I"m about to get shot. I closed my eyes, and got right with GOD. When I opened them, everyone was scattering around like roaches. He held the gun to his head and shot him self. Blood was everywhere. At that moment I didn't feel like the bad ass I was trying to be. I saw his soul outside of him for a second and vanish.....


recall gets sloppy but I do remember sitting someplace with a dead body by my legs.....


Later on, I'm on a bus. Someone behind me is jabbing me in the ass with the end of a pencil. It happened two times, and i grabbed the pencil and broke it in two. On the third time, I turned around after breaking the pencil in his face and said "do you want me to kill you and myself like the last guy did"....and the girl he was with sat next to me.


She mounted me. She was wearing a spider web pattern shirt that had hole in it. Underneath I could see her tits, and my zipper was down. I'm pretty sure she knew I was erect, and I knew I could see her nipples. She did something in some sort of way that made her have a black top underneath the spiderweb. I was really waiting for her to flip out after seeing all of me...but maybe she just didn't care or notice.

I remember building a use case diagram in UML notation, and it included:

Death with extensions for Died of Natural Causes, Murder, and Suicide.

I was at it again. Quynh is still haunting my dreams with feelings of suicide and murder. I'm sitting in front of my kitchen table, staring at the memories when me and Quynh were arguing over our friendship. We recently stopped chatting on Yahoo but I thought of others ways to gain back friendship in the dream.

I was losing myself and never knew when to give up on this girl. I messaged her in the dream and sent her a few photos of different areas of the world. I'm not sure why. She sent back a message telling me she didn't want a virus opening up one of my letters.

I turned around and stared at the front yard in front of me and wondered what this feeling felt like and why it felt so sad while I was thinking. I heard my mother in the next living room and it only made it worse because the more I saw her sitting on that couch on this boring day, I wanted something bright to come my way.

I later appeared in my own room, thinking. The room was dark. I laid upon my bed and thought more about Quynh. There was only one option I was able to perform to get rid of these thoughts. I wanted to kill Quynh and commit suicide. It was the only thing I felt was something to wait for. Then I woke up.

There was a multiple murder at the edge of town along the forest in some shacks. I had a vision of what happened kind of on a television in my mind. One of the murders happened like this: a guy started riding a horse away from his house, away from a danger. There was a fire that was engulfing the land below him and he was racing away from it. Then the fire on the ground stopped but there were flames coming from him. There was a sense that he was causing the fire to come from the air by racing through it so quickly on the horse and I thought that if he just slowed down, the fire would go out. He got to a wood clearing. Then he shot himself in the head. A police officer related the shooting to the media by doing a backflip. Then, I was watching news coverage of the event next to a lake. It was like Hurricane Sandy. There was a benefit/donation number for money that would go to the families. There was a number for crime tips. I went into a lake and was swimming in it. It was beautiful. Then I went up onto this land area that reminds me of the area by the shed where I used to live. People in the media were questioning me and others. Somebody offered me a beer and I declined because it was honey flavored and I didn't think it would be good. He said it was the best beer in the world. I tasted it and indeed it was good.


I went skiing with my family. We were walking up the mountain. There was no lift. There was no snow. I got to the top and instead of going on skis, people were hopping on socks that would fly over not snow but metal rollers. I was going down and had a good hang of it. The problem was that there were too many people in the way and I had to slow down. At one point in the descent I got to a train station. Everyone was going through. I tried to go through using my metro card but it wasn't working. I went to buy a ticket at the machine but my coins weren't all going in. I had to bang on the machine so that they'd go in. As I banged, they went in but the price that I still had to pay went up. Also, my coins turned into little toy naked girls and I was embarrassed that the employee would see them. Later I was walking around at college. I wondered why there was a lobby in every building with chairs to sit in. I reasoned that it was worth building this part of the building because students would like it and if a college didn't have such areas students would be unhappy and go to different colleges. I was hungry and went to the dining hall to get a slice of pizza. When I got to the register I tried to pay with a 20 dollar bill but the woman didn't have enough change and she was frustrated that I payed with a 20. I told her I'd go find some coins. I found many many "coins" but they were actually nails. There were big nails representing more money and small nails representing less. I picked up all I could carry in my arms and walked back to the register. My money turned into vegetables especially potatoes. They were huge potatoes.

This dream isn't recent, but I wanted to post this first because it's been on my mind lately. In the dream I cheat on my boyfriend with a stranger, and kill myself. I've never considered cheating, or killing myself. However, the dream came at a time when I was considering a break up. I look at the state of the water throughout the dream. The raging, relentless ocean. The running water. The tranquil pool.

I am traveling in a group of five. We set off across the world, seeking a way to keep it from ending. This world is winding down and the end is eminent. Our efforts are futile. Yet while I travel with them I find I can hope. We come to the ocean, it is vast and ceaselessly tumultuous. The waves tower and crash, and we walk between them, on rough stone platforms. I'm trailing behind the others, and I realize they wouldn't care one way or another if I left them. I do not speak a word, I just decide to leave. I turn around and make my way home.

I am approaching my house. The forest meets my back door, the smooth golden path transitioning prettily into a single stone step. The door stands open. I hesitate knowing that as soon as I go inside, I may not be able to leave. I considering trying to find those I have left to their quest and then decide that it is hopeless. How would I even know where to look?
Inside the house it is cool and dark. I feel a sharp stab of sadness, thinking that I will find the house empty and that my boyfriend has long since left. I notice that the floors are a white/grey tile, there's an L-shaped sectional in the middle of the room with blankets piled on it. There are dark brown curtains covering the far wall, to my right is a wall of glass blocks. I know the bathroom is on the other side. I keep thinking that I can hear water running. I walk to the end of the glass block wall and step into the long hall preceding the bathroom. There's a sink there full of water, and a maid who has been dusting the drapes walks up beside me. I think about how easy it would be to kill myself now before my boyfriend has discovered the depth of my betrayal, and with that thought I remember having sex with a stranger in an alleyway when we first realized the world would end. I think about slitting my wrists in warm water, and about asking the maid to draw it for me.
"I know what you are thinking. It is not as bad as that, is it?" she gestures behind me and I notice movement on the couch. There's a person under the blankets, he rolls over. It's my boyfriend. Tentatively I allow myself to believe that I do not have to tell him what I've done. I go to kneel in front of the couch. He refuses to look at me.
"Hey," I begin, "it isn't too late! I came home." my throat feels thick, like I'm about to cry. I worry that he knows what I have done to him, and doesn't want me anymore. "We can go anywhere, just you and me. We can watch and wait for the world to end, together."
He turns his back to me. I plead with him, but he has ceased to exist. There is now only a pile of blankets on the couch.

What now?
The maid has drawn back the drapes. The entire wall behind the drapes is glass, one panel slides back. I know what I will do, what is the point of drawing things out? My world has already ended anyway. My feet are bare and the floor is cool beneath them. I'm wearing a white sun-dress with large red flowers on it. I step to the edge of the tile. My house stands so high off the earth that even the titan trees on the ground below seem tiny.
"Yes." I think, and take a shaking breath. This is where I will find release from my grief. I stare out over the valley. Then I close my eyes, and I dive neatly out into the air.
I can actually feel the wind on my face, the longer I fall the more free I feel. The air streams past me. Intuitively I know that I will land in water, or that I must. I became aware then, that I am dreaming. My mind resisted the dream, telling me three separate times that I could choose to wake up, that hitting the ground would be the death of me.
"No." I thought, "I want to see how this ends."
So I fell, and fell, and fell. I could see the tree tops and directed myself toward it because I knew there would be water at its center. By then I am without all the pain that was with me when I jumped.

When my body hits the canopy my mind separates from it. I am crouching beside a tranquil pool when I see my body tumble like a rag doll through the trees and plunge into the water. I stand up and walk out to the body. I know it is me, but she no longer looks like me. I take her wrists in my hands and pull her from the water, dragging her beneath a tree and arrange her among the roots.

I leave her there and go to find the others in their quest to save the world.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakenin

I am all dolled up to sing and dance at the Oscars. But when I am dancing, I behave like a troll. My dance partners are so upset with me and during a break ask me why am I doing it. And I say it's hard to explain, but it's just stronger than me. They think I'm having a stroke or something, but the truth is I'm having a blast, just having fun.

I get a phone call and I understand someone died. I'm worried sick to know who died, but then I'm told it s a distant cousin called Tomé. He was found dead and all pointed out to suicide. I can't remember his face, but he was best friend with my dad who seems insulted by the fact I can't remember him, so he insults me back, with some remarks about my limited intelligence. That's when I remember which cousin is. I only met him once or twice but he was somethin. I say to my father that Tomé was the only intelligent person on this family and I loved him very dearly. All of a sudden memories start to flow and I cry compulsively.
I go outside and I am possibly in Germany. There are lushy green hills and a castle that looks like Nuremberg castle. The colours and details are amazing, but I'm consumed by the sadness of my cousin's death.
Then there's a bear on the lose and it is angry killing people.The bear enters the houses and follows people to the attics and basements. So we have to keep running cause no door seems to stop it. Then I meet some guy along the way and we end up together in a dead end at some terrace. While we're there we get to know better and we feel a strong attraction to each out, so we make out very passionately, despite the danger lurking.
Then we see the bear on the street again, it finds it's cub and seems to calm down. They return to the mountains.
I get lucid and remember my cousin again. I think there might still be a chance to stop his suicide, maybe it didn't yet happen in real life, so I send a telepathic message out there to him, asking not to do it, saying how much we love him. Then from the horizon, giant clouds of black spectres rise up, gather in the millions and start coming in my direction. They look like Dementors, they want to stop what I'm doing. And I conjure a kind of light shield (like a Patronum spell) to stop them. They are too strong, I feel the shield weakening, but then I trust absolutely in the power of love and they start fading away, I start to fade away, then I wake up.

I am dreaming some kind of movie about a girl (I'm her) and a widowed guy (who looks like Tom Hanks) in a small town. Some public event is going on and we hide in some storage house away from the crowd, where we get naked to make love. But then some kids go inside looking for something and expose us publicly. I'm embarrassed, mainly for being caught naked, but the guy is embarrassed because of what people might think for him being a widow, so he says to people that he regrets all of this, that he shouldn't have done it, that he insulted his wife's memory. But then once they're gone, he wants to make out again. I feel mad with his attitude, so I tell him to fuck off.

Then I get lucid and I decide this time I'll do something important. I've been wishing to meet my friend Isabel in the bardo. She died about 6 weeks ago. I try jumping through a portal twice but I'm kinda rusty so it fails twice. At the third time I end up in some kind of palace or opera house with a beautiful stairway. I call for her, don't see her anywhere, but I see some famous singer she likes, so I think maybe I am really at her personal "dream space" in the bardo, so I stick around, focused on meeting her.
I am attracted to a rose marble statue on the top floor and I have a strange sensual-mystical feeling about her, as if she is the core of this place. Although marble, she is also fleshy-organic. I direct my thoughts to this statue, my message to my friend and then the statue directs my eyes through a window and I see my friend on the street below. I run to meet her and she is strolling with some friend at some street market, buying vegetables. I say "hi" and then go straight to the point. "Isabel, I am here to tell you that we're in the bardo. You have to acknowledge that." She looks at me with a serious face and decides to ignore me. She continues passing by the fruit stands and I keep telling her "You died, Isabel! This isn't real! I'm here to help you recognize this!". She pushes me away, upset and I grab her hand and insist. Then she tells me "Okay, so if this is the bardo and you're awake, show me: transform this water fountain into something else." I look at the water fountain and have no idea what to do with it, but I concentrate in making it change into something. The eye of Sauron appears at its very centre under the water, and I don't know if that's me or something to scare me. In the mental fight to tranform the fountain, I make it melt and all the water flows overboard. The street becomes quickly inundated, the stands are dragged by the water torrent, as well as people and then I wake up.

I can't really put all the pieces together. I tried to WILD last night. A whole slew of lucid dreaming things happened including a lucid that I barely remember, a false awakening, and two additional non lucid dreams. Let me start with the least interesting and work my way up.

Suicide

The first dream entailed me and my mother. We decided that we were going to "Go die" so we had dug two holes in the ground and acquired some coffins.
Then my mother said that she was going to carve a death note into an Ipad. She asked me if she could use my Ipad instead of hers. Then she got an exacto knife and started carving a message into the screen about why we had decided to die/commit suicide.
We went outside, and got into our coffins. I'm not entirely sure why, but I decided to get back out and have second thoughts about committing suicide.
I was just standing in the drive in front of our house, and started talking to myself about the decision to commit suicide. The my mother got out of her coffin and decided that she didn't want to do it either. Then I told her that I needed to get a new Ipad since she scratched a death note into the screen.

Deathmatch

Another video game dream. Halo reach this time. It has been strange to me that video game dreams have stepped up their game and gotten alot more interesting and vivid recently. (Also strange because I haven't played Halo reach in almost a year now.)
I was literally a spartan. Not like controlling it or anything, like you normally would in a game, but my body was actually a spartan. But the game was still playing out normally. We were on this strange map that was sort of like a junkyard, with a dingy orange lighting to it.
The game started and I started looking for a way to help a the team. I saw a scorpion tank that nobody seemed to be using. I got in and looked back the direction that I had spawned. A wraith pulled between me and the direction that I had spawned.
I fired and killed it. Then a bunch of enemy players started swarming around my tank with energy swords. They were jumping around, trying to avoid getting shot. I realized that they were going to board my tank, so I bailed out.
When I got out, I took out my own energy sword and got into the fight. (The use of swords (though energy swords) still coincides with swords being a dream sign for me.) Unlike real halo, it took two hits to kill someone with the sword, one to break their shields, and one to finish the job. I can also remember the electric effect of the sheild being very vivid and realistic.
When fighting the first enemy, I broke his shields and killed him with two swift slashes. The second guy hit me from behind, breaking my shields. Our blades crossed and we pushed against one another. Then I killed him.
The final enemy, who was like the leader got in. I hit him and broke his shield, but my sword ran out of charge after the first hit. I tried to melee him again, with the sword hilt. He stabbed me in the chest, and the dream painlessly faded away.

Here are some images for the non-halo players to get an idea of what this looks like.

Scorpion tank



Energy sword



Terraskating

I seriously wonder about classifying this as a minor event. I will.

I was running down this highway, though a city very fast. I was lucid, but my recall was worse than my lucidity, so I couldn't remember how I got lucid. Though I was lucid. I can remember thinking about how cool this was, my sixth lucid dream.
I started to feel like my back was cold and wet. I false-awoke into my room and the window was open and all of this rain and wind was coming and and there was a violent thunderstorm happening outside. Annoyed, I closed the window and went back to "sleep"

I'm not sure what to make of all these dreams. There was a lot of waking up involved last night, and I probably don't have them in the right order. I was on an extremely consistent sleep schedule the last few nights, going to bed just around 9:15. But last night, I didn't make it to bed until 10:00.