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I am in a boat (very similar to if not the same as Dad’s old fishing boat) with 2-3 others. The lake we are on looks like Pyramid, albeit smaller and with a deeper, cleaner blue. The guy driving this boat has short and coarse gingery blond hair and a detached expression on his face as he maneuvers this machine absolutely recklessly. I feel the vibrations from the thin floor as he speeds over the water. I am grossly aware of how close to nothing is separating me from the water and the extent of damage this speed could cause. I bear down as he nears a sizable rock barely protruding from the surface and instead of turning to the right turns towards the shore. The momentum carries us across the sand and up and off a slight incline. This goes on for a while, him recklessly driving the boat, on both land and water.




(fragment) I am outside what I think is Kat’s house. I stand outside the back glass slider door, in swim trunks, dripping wet. Kat opens the door and I say “I’ll need a towel”. She leaves and is gone for longer than I expected. I wonder if how I phrased that was rude and/or if I was supposed to bring my own towel.

Over the last two days or so I haven't been able to either retain dream memories or make note of them for multiple reasons. I do still have some scraps of memories left so maybe writing those out would be a good idea.

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Scrap, two days ago:

In the kitchen. There's a fluffy, sort of orange coloured spider thing? It's in the thing that holds loose leaf tea for brewing, maybe it's dead or not but it looked crammed in it. It's in the sink anyway, and I turn the tap on and water pours on it.

The fur absorbs the water and it gets a lot bigger. In the dream this spooks me, mostly because it was unexpected, but then it somehow becomes a bit sexual as I decide in the dream that I shouldn't be afraid of it and I show it my naked bottom, but it felt like it was partially a taunt of some kind too. I don't remember any other details except that the dream started to sort of distort, weird colours.

Scrap, one day ago:

The dream just seemed to be a Johnny Bravo cartoon or something. I just remember some really crude scene where there was a woman with her breasts bare and Johnny made a crude remark in surprise.

Scrap, today:

Lots of being outside. Day time mostly, but kind of grey. Was in a van at several points? Maybe helping H. Memory of the dream has faded more than I expected. It felt like it was a long dream sequence.

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Some notes:

- The dream with the spider was odd. Mostly, it made me realise that while I have largely gotten over my phobia of spiders, there are still plenty of types of spider that I wouldn't commonly see in waking life, simply because they don't exist here and I think that seeing these different kinds might still make me jump a bit more than seeing the ones that do exist around here. The instinctual behaviour of getting spooked by spiders never seems to have really abandoned me even though I got over my phobia, but perhaps it's also a sign that there's still more that can be done about it.
- The sexual part of that dream probably relates to how I've realised in the past that positive emotional association can be helpful when dealing with phobia-type stuff.
- Not sure what brought on the cartoon dream, as I haven't watched that specific cartoon at all in over 10, maybe 15 years?
- Today's dream had an overarching plot to it, but I can't remember any specific detail anymore that would let me expand on the dream's detail.

I am coming back from a trip with Dad. I am driving and it looks like we’re on or by Geiger Grade, though the area looks less developed and like we’re a little farther away? I comment on how it feels like it took no time getting back. He agrees. I think he drove there. It had just been dusk, but now it seems closer to twilight or darker. We are out of the car and by a small lake or pond nestled between some trees and hills. There is another family enjoying this place too. There is a sense of vacation or seemingly endless summer nights.

I am somewhere outside, by a fairly wide and deep seeming river and what looks like an old, overgrown stone bridge. I think I am somehow above the water and under the bridge, moving forward. Now, I am either under the water or envisioning the sensation of myself under the water. It feels very real, and I seem to be on my back and drowning. I submit to it (I think it’s supposed to be like I’m laying on my back in bed and feeling the sensation of falling asleep).




I am downtown (it looks slightly different - I am on more of a grassy hillside with walking paths) and it is very crowded. The paths are all filled and everyone is walking very slowly. I get irritated and go around them, walking on the grass uphill.

Morning of 23rd of Feb.

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Dream Fragment:

Not sure where to start. I was in a church, but I remember a feel of RTS game to things and I was preparing an assault on the priest or something. Details are missing. Then I was ready and water appeared and partially flooded the church? Previously, me and someone else had replaced the trousers the priest was going to wear. Then the water was more like bed covers or something.

Eventually this bit is over and I'm outside walking around. I walk on cobbled streets, meant for pedestrian use only. I reach some place like a parking lot. Mom is there for whatever reason.

She starts telling me off about the trousers thing with the priest. She tells me all about how he can't get out of bed easily now and how depressed and sad he is... He has to call for a bucket of boiling water to be poured on his legs to get up each morning? I remember that scene vaguely, visually.

Apparently he can't feel them anymore either. I think it's all a bit ridiculous, just because he was without his trousers for a while in a cold church...

Mom and I get into an argument of sorts. She won't see reason and how there's something weird about priests story. I ask rhetorically "how miserable can he be, with his fancy BMW" but she gives me the old "money isn't happiness" crap. I comment "good riddance" if the priest doesn't return to the church, because he had a monotone voice that made his sermons completely boring, regardless of how interesting they actually were.

Eventually we can't agree on anything and mom gets into this old and grey VW van? I walk away and put my hood up. At this point I'm keenly aware of what I'm wearing. My working trousers, my old cream hoodie and my black boots.

I feel moody after the argument and walk back from where I cam from on the wide cobbled paths. Some teens are about, up to no good I feel. I feel moody and I am aware of my face doing that thing where I look so grumpy that I just end up looking nasty and violent to anyone who sees me.

I message H on my phone, which feels bigger than it actually should be. My message is about mom and how it felt like she was being unreasonable. While messaging I am distracted and I take the wrong turn. I see a barrier of some kind along the path and a kid's park beyond it. I feel annoyed. In the dream I knew this wasn't the way and turn back around and cross some bridge.

The surroundings are odd along these paths. It's like an old town area but there are no buildings properly speaking? Just some walls, not even building walls. A transition?

I am back at the church. I realise it's more like a chapel really. There's a service and the priest is nowhere to be seen. There's a small black man. It almost looks like he suffers from some form of dwarfism. People in the church aren't paying full attention because they are reading something on the pews about the priest's current/latest condition.

The small man invites me to stay, and I nod or something. I try to find somewhere I feel comfortable about sitting. When I do sit, he starts singing. He has a beautiful and sort of deep voice, much more than I'd expect for how small he is. I think to myself how I'd much prefer to see him all the time at the services, over that priest.

Then everything finishes, and we're outside. I find the priest at some stairs going into an underground area, where I was going to leave through. The priest is wearing what looks to be an overly warm coat, even for a cold day and he seems to be pretty much fine in terms of his health.

For whatever reason, an old school friend of mine is in the tunnel too, but I see him as if I'd see him every day. But he's carrying some stuff, including a toolbox like H has. I give him a hand and bring the toolbox. We quicken our pace and move away from the group of people behind us. I want to tell him something about what's been going on, but I forget what it was.

Some transition again. I'm at the priest's house for some reason. He and his wife are there. They're not aware of my presence? They talk about how their plan worked and how they could now swap hairstyles or something. It didn't make much sense at all even in the dream, but I felt it proved I was right about something weird going on with the priest.

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No notes for now.

I seem to be visiting my parents, who live on an island. I’m busy for most of the day cleaning out a cabinet or wardrobe. In only another hour or so, there are going to be guests over for dinner.

We’re out of the house now for some reason. Mother is concerned that I’ve been exerting myself so much, and I should drink some water. I’m not particularly thirsty but say I will. My father and I go off to a sort of convenience store-like shop nearby to buy a bottle, but the water is very expensive – almost 10 dollars for a water bottle (though I can’t swear it wasn't some other currency). That’s right, I remember – there isn’t any fresh water on the island, so it all has to be shipped here, and that makes it so expensive. My father asks if it’s OK if I don’t get the water, and I say I’m fine with it. Again, I don’t particularly care either way – I just want to keep them happy.

Not long after that, I step onto what unexpectedly turns out to be an elevator – a floating glass elevator, à la Willy Wonka. It rises up and flies partway across the island to a large building, then down several stories into its basement. I briefly see the various underground floors on the way down. I consider getting off and heading back – I don’t want to be late for dinner – but rumor has it that the headquarters of the secret police is on one of those floors, and I have a history with them. Just walking through their headquarters would be asking for trouble.

So I wait as some other people get on the elevator and it continues to the third major hub on the island – it isn’t very large, and so there are only the three. This one is on the other end, farther away – a place I’ve never been before. The elevator flies over lawns dotted with groves of trees. It’s dusk now, and we approach and pass a blue light – some sort of decorative sculpture marking the approach. This whole area is like an estate, or a place that was one at some previous time.

Once we’re there, I get off. There’s a tower there – perhaps I have to climb down the side to get to the ground, but one way or another, I wind up climbing on it. It’s a fairly small building, though tall, made of square, grey stones, each of which has a shape cut through it large enough to make a foothold or handhold – circles, squares, stars, etc. Each stone is also marked with two sets of letters, one a capital letter, the others one or more lowercase ones. As I grab hold of one hollow stone, I feel a switch flip on the inside edge, causing the opening to light up. The whole thing is a giant cipher key, I realize. I don’t have any messages in need of decoding – but if I happen to find any, I now know exactly where to bring them.

I climb around for a bit, playing around with it to make sure I know how it works. But once I’m back on the ground, a woman starts yelling at me for climbing on the tower. Guess I wasn’t supposed to be doing that. I stay calm. What she’s saying doesn’t make much sense – really not a coherent accusation against me at all, just anger. I ask a couple reasonable questions. She answers, still in an angry tone. But then, having lost her momentum, the absurdity of it seems to dawn on her, and she starts laughing. I laugh, too. It seems like everything is OK now.

12.2.20

Some fragments. Recall seemed better for the second and third dreams on waking up.

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Dream Fragment:

I was in the kitchen. It was a bit dark but not night time. Like very early morning just after sun rise, and with the blinds rolled down. I remember standing by the fridge, naked I think? I remember seeing my feet and legs. For some reason, I could hear in my head what I thought at the time to be a theme song for the TV show called Roswell, a show I never watched myself, but I know of it. I don't actually remember what that music sounded like but it seemed familiar in the dream, in a way that makes me think that it had nothing to do with that show, but I'll have to try and find it after writing this DJ.

Wedged between the fridge and the counter it is adjacent to, I remember noticing one of the wooden grave markers H's dad was working on yesterday when we went there. The cross was upside down and it looked like we had just shoved it in there in a hurry to make some room in the kitchen. The fridge is a fridge on top and freezer on the bottom and I remember seeing the logo somewhat distinctly in the dream.

No idea how this dream went on or ended.

Dream Fragment:

I was entering some sort of supermarket, it felt like it was underground. There were quite a few people here, seemed like a popular place. Looked a bit like the cheap supermarket I go to but for whatever reason my old friend from university, R, was walking along with me. We both had a trolley.

I was very confused by the layout, first there were mostly energy drinks and then soft drinks. I think I commented on them being crap but I also felt hungry more than anything else. We continued on and eventually we got to a very odd bit, where I had to watch what other people were doing to understand. There was like a sort of circular checkpoint thing that we had to go into in queues. I grabbed some big and fresh looking pears I spotted to my right, and apparently some bananas too. I knew immediately the pears would be sweet, as I prefer them, and not at all wooden. There were some fake metal barriers to enforce queues.

I got to the centre of this checkpoint thing. There was a woman on a swivel chair? She was wearing a cap but had curled hair tucked into it or something. She was in the middle of this four-section rounded island with shop scanner things on each of the four sections. I remember giving her the fruits or placing them down on the metal/glass surface.

She scanned the fruit somehow and I continued off away from the checkpoint thing.

Dream Fragment:

Some kind of mix of GTA and other games like Deus Ex. I remember being on a completely unknown city and having a map divided into levels, like there used to be in Zelda's dungeons. 1F,2F, etc.

There were some ghoul like enemies at some point and a UDamage pickup, which when I tried getting, some quick imp or rat thing got it and scurried off.

I remember being on some sort of snow bike and using a turbo mode that activated an orange energy saw and killing some of these ghouls. This was an enclosed area, with many narrow paths and with an underground feel to it. At the end of it I found a portal marked by an inverse encircled pentagram, which was a path to hell. I decided to not go through yet but would come back to it when I felt stronger.

Then I was outside and it was night time. Everything was brightly lit. I remember fighting some guys at a bridge over a wide channel of water that looked like it had very strong currents, as it was quite foamy and uneven.

Much earlier in the dream there was an area of sort of open field but I don't really remember any details. Too tired to write much more.

---

Notes:
- I'm not entirely sure what prompted the appearance of both the cross and the pentagram (both inverted) in two separate dreams, but yesterday H's dad was making about twelve of these cross-shaped grave markers. I remember asking if they were consecrated or blessed in any way once they were done. I was told that there's no point, since they are just temporary markers. This might account for the marker's appearance in my dream, as I had some interest in them since he was basically working on them all day and we were there for most of it.

- The third dream was a mix of many, many games, far too many to actually describe in reasonable detail. But the part with the UDamage and the inverted pentagram was most definitely based mostly on: DOOM, Daikatana and Unreal (Tournament). All of these have some themes in common, but the game engines are also all quite similar in some aspects. Hell and unholy motifs such as ghouls are closely related to DOOM of course and they also feature in UT. Some time ago I was working on a cathedral level for UT, but abandoned the project due to its complexity for my current skill level. The level featured an underground hellish portal that would take players to the top of the level.

- The Christian-type symbols probably also made their appearances because last night I spent a fair bit of time speaking to H about how I have often felt, and often still feel, because of my constant pain issues. There is a somewhat subconscious link between pain and some version of hell, for me.

- In the second dream, I seem to remember R was wearing his typical leather jacket. I don't remember seeing his face much in the dream.

- In that same dream, many of the dream characters seemed to be some type or another of friends or acquaintances I used to have. My mom appeared in that dream at some point, near the end, along with some dreamed up ogre-like uncle of some kind.

Just a dream fragment. Recall was a bit poor this past night and the night before, maybe because I've been a bit restless.

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Dream Fragment:

I'm at an alternate version of the big square in my old home town. An older version of it, I think? I got in a car with one of my aunts (B). It was dark. We drove somewhere underground, where it was also particularly dark but there were a few lights here and there at foot level or something. There was a green hue to everything.

The underground area was like a tunnel at first, a bit like some of the subway tunnels in the town. But then it became narrower and more like a sewer of some kind.

Then I remember being on foot on my own. There were narrow concrete straits over darkness below. There was green-ish looking water coming out of cylindrical openings in some of the concrete walls.

---

Notes:

- Although I didn't realise it on waking up or during the dream, it made sense that the underground area resembled the subway tunnels, because under that square in waking life is where the station is.
- I remember having some conversation with my aunt, but can't even remember what about.

I am looking at a map. It looks similar to Reno Sparks, but it looks like there’s another freeway parallel to 395, creating more of a square than a cross. I zoom in? towards the top of this other freeway, and it looks like there’s a road that branches off and up into a small valley. I see a symbol for a river or a waterfall and a lone building below it. I think it is a cafe or something similar that is supposed to be good. I like the idea of getting up out of a town a little, and now I am at this spot. It is secluded, empty, and peaceful. I can tell there is water a ways up that I think has been diverted so this long, low, white building can exist. The surrounding slopes are fairly steep and slightly vegetated. I can still see Mt. Rose in the distance, dusted with snow, from a perspective I’ve never had before.

Recorded the majority of these dreams early on in a vague form on my phone on waking up. Had to go somewhere in the car; while I was waiting in the car for an hour, typed everything out in more detail, which I'm now putting on the DJ here.

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First Dream (Some detail missing):

Fairly long dream. Can’t remember the start now but I would recurringly go for a swim with H but also alone. When I started, I felt weak and slow. I can’t remember the water's temperature.

We were on some sort of cruise ship but it was mostly empty, and I don’t think it was ever moving. I started to become strong at swimming, when I was back on the decks I can remember feeling like I my chest was sort of almost puffing out from all the swimming workout.

At some point I was walking down some wooden decking stairs and I could see my parents lounging on some patio type chairs on a higher level. I could hear dad make some sort of mock bird call. I remember then seeing some birds. Seagulls? Dad laughed. H asked from some place below, “is that your dad?” I said yes and then remember continuing down the stairs and losing sight of them.

It was daytime for most of this dream but I made note of the fact that it was sort of cloudy and grey. I remember a horizon of water. It may have been windy but I don’t remember the sound of it.

I remember a few times I’d take my boots off, but at no point do I remember what I was wearing.

When I went swimming, after a short while I’d usually arrive at this sea floor base of some kind. This place did have a lot of people. I remember lockers, the inside of this place almost felt like some swimming pool changing rooms but with a more modern and futuristic feel to it, a bit more like the base from Ocean Girl or the sea city from Bioshock.

Before this dream or through the middle of it, I was stuck in some sort of void like limbo with H for a time. It was like being in an out of control perpetual fall, and there was a strange light and distant but dark cosmic background. This void was filled with ancient structures and artefacts from unknown civilisations, a lot of the stuff looking like it was from some sort of classic period.

I remember interacting with some walls and pillars from a distance, with some kind of telekinetic ability, and cutting them up into smaller chunks. As I did their lighting would change, usually to some dramatic purples and yellows.

At some nearer the “end” of the cruise ship segments I went into this too, to have a wee, but there were no toilets. In the dream my mind was telling me that there were some type of urinals but there was nothing on walls or anything like toilets. Instead there were some tables. I walked past a clear plastic box filled with what looked like cheap and brightly coloured electronic components.

At the tables were some big circuit boards with several components already soldered on, including some transformers. For whatever reason I had to have a wee on these boards, but I remember someone telling me I could only wee on the electrolytic capacitors... I remember doing it, but on a big black electrolytic cap, and then some guy appeared, who apparently owned all this stuff and told me off just for weeing on the big one. He was annoyed but not angry or shouting.

Then I remember going out of that room after a short dialogue. I went some stone stairs, in a wide spiral. It reminded me of castles and churches. There were a few murderhole windows where daylight shun from. This was a different place, it was puzzle like. As I reached some kind of landing I immediately realised that the structure was like in some games like Legend of Zelda and some modern puzzles where the paths loop back into themselves, but I could get around the issue of looping paths by taking them whilst walking backwards.

I remember a crawl space path where the same would happen and there were statues and displays scattered about like some museum. There was a warm artificial mood light and everything had a sort of modern feel to it in the areas with displays.

Second Dream (Fragment):

A different dream. I was born out of a big egg, looked mostly like a birds egg but was covered in a polka dot pattern on the outside. A sort of magenta colour to the dots.

There was some old man in this dream and I remember telling him we all had stomachs made from tin and gold. When I told him there was also sulfuric acid in there, he was incredulous.

Third Dream? (Fragment) NSFW:

A still image, as if on a computer, no doubt from a transition phase into wakefulness,

Spoiler for NSFW:

of a giant phallus in space “absorbing” planets along its skin.

One of the stranger things I might draw from time to time. But unusual for this type of thing to appear whilst still sort of in the dreaming context.

---

Notes:

⁃ Almost immediately after waking up I realised I probably had the swimming and diving dream because I spent so much of last night reading stuff on Dreamviews. It made me feel like the water was representative of dreaming in itself.
⁃ When I was reading stuff last night I had some thoughts about symbology, mostly because of the topics but I think also because of something I’d said/posted. I feel this is probably why the dream ended up being so metaphorical.
⁃ I ended up taking the whole swimming and diving experience, which in the dream made me stronger, as a sign that I may be making some progress again with dreaming. There was just a sort of clear association in my head when I woke up that all of this was a metaphor for how I was doing lately.
⁃ The void filled with artefacts etc. also felt relevant in that context because it seemed like a collection of lost and unknown culture.
⁃ This void was very similar to the Chthonic voids found in Grim Dawn, probably because I was also playing that a bit last night.

I am in a fairly large used bookstore. The shelves are dark wood, tall, and full. The aisles are large and grid-like, but the place seems dim. It has a cluttered but homey atmosphere. I’m looking through the large ‘H’ section for Aldous Huxley. There is a couple looking at this section too; I politely step around them, but I think they are right in front of where I need to be. I think they move and I find a couple of Huxley books. I am now looking at a narrow shelf at the end of one of the aisle shelves. There are two cassettes? and their covers are two different pictures of Makayla and some guy on the beach. They are both in swimsuits and standing next to each other, arms around one another. It looks like Hawaii. I find it slightly odd that these are here and wonder why they are. There is also a haphazard stack of small, square, used notebooks. I flip through one, intrigued by going through someone else’s writing. I notice a date - 2000 or 2001. At the end, there is a picture of a hand holding a pen or pencil.




(I think this may be a part of the last dream, but it also may not be). I have arrived in Hawaii. I think it is the big island and I think I may be meeting up with Jim and Rhianna. I’m walking through some foliage, toward the beach. The plants thin and give way to an expanse of sand that slowly slopes to the ocean. The sun is shining languorously on the interspersed people enjoying this space, and the whole scene is peaceful and beautiful. Now, I am on a plane back. It is very dark out, but I notice buildings that are dangerously close… until I realize that this plane is graceful landing on a wide freeway, on which I think there are still cars. It looks like the bay area.

I am looking at a house for rent with Melissa. It looks like it is in the South Meadows area. It looks nice and fairly inconspicuous from the street, but when we get inside I am really impressed. There are nice wood floors and two levels. The stairs end in a little landing that overlooks the first floor. I open the back doors, stepping onto a patio that is unenclosed and almost flush with the surrounding marshland. The sun is setting, filling the clouds with a cotton candy pink that contrasts beautifully with the winter blue of the sky. This coupled with the reflections in the water creates a beautiful, peaceful scene that I feel immersed in. Back inside, I express to Melissa how much I like this place. I was thinking the rent was $1,800, but when we step out front I see a paper taped to a window that says $3,800. I tell Melissa, but I think she already knew. Kris now appears and says something about a family just moving in or out - out, I think. We then follow her into her house which is right over here. The inside seems fairly simple, yet homey.

I am at Mom’s house. I step outside and it feels like it’s the middle of the night, though it is not extremely dark. I can see frost and my breath, but I do not feel cold even though I’m not even wearing shoes or a shirt. When I’m walking back up to the house, I notice a car pulling up. At first I think it’s Ryan’s truck. When I get inside, I notice Mom is up and making food. I either ask or just find out that it is one of her guy friends outside. She ends up going out and leaving with him.




I am by the river. It is very full, as if flooded. It goes up to almost the top of the arches on a stone bridge, upon which people are jumping in from. I notice an older couple, completely nude. I notice the man’s penis, short but thicker, slightly standing out from his pubic hair.

I am outside somewhere in what looks like a marsh. The water brilliantly reflects the sky, making it hard to tell how deep it is. It’s also hard to tell what/where the land is, as the plants are lush and thick. I am walking through this, giving in to the inevitability of my feet sinking into the water at some point. I still try to avoid it as much as I can, and at one point I am jumping higher, farther, and slower than is humanly possible. This marshland is really peaceful and beautiful. Now, I’ve ended up on the edge of a forest, traveling inward. It’s gotten darker quicker than I expected, and I feel a brief pang of fear as I don’t have a light or a sense of direction.




I’m in an unfamiliar college building and walk into Mike Holmes’ class (different than his real class), finding it full when I thought it would be over. I see my empty seat at the high desks and take it. Now, I am presenting a model - a plain, rectangular, multi-floor shopping mall. I don't think I've ever actually seen this model until now, and I'm only talking about its simplicity as if it is its biggest asset. He seems to like it.

I am alone and walking up the stairs into a house or apartment near the river. The staircase is wide and tall, bending once at a 90 degree angle. The interior seems to be a tint of pink and looks fairly but not completely modern. In this large, open room there is an almost floor-to-ceiling window with a view of the river. Now, Mairin walks in. At first she doesn’t pay any attention to me, but then she ends up saying hi. A fairly large group now comes in, and I think they must be her family. I stand here and talk to her for a bit. I think either this is her place or she’s staying here.




I am wading in the river in a section that seems to be downtown. I near the other bank and see a woman approaching that seems to be homeless. I’m not sure if she is benevolent or not, but I turn around anyway. Wading back to the other side, all I can notice is that the river is full of dirty, shitty clothes and other debris. At one point it is all that surrounds me, and I become hyper aware and acutely panicky. I get a profound urge to move out of this city.




I think I’m at Dad’s house. I need to go somewhere, but it is snowing very hard. My car is either parked in the driveway or off to the side, and it’s almost completely covered in snow.