dream fragment

4th August 2020 8:30

Dream (Fragmented):

Fairly long and vivid, completely continuous all the way through, though I remember the last parts better, mostly.

+ The very first bit I recall, was in a maintenance tunnel of sorts. It was a typical grey-white looking tunnel, painted brickwork, artificial and cold lights, but quite bright. There was piping painted the same way. I was configuring a gun that fired four shots simultaneously and each barrel could be re-rolled to have a random element. I remember testing the gun each time I re-rolled the stats.

+ In one earlier bit I was around my old home area and was going to play basketball with some black friends, after I'd asked what they were up to or something. We got to a basketball arena of some kind, it looked odd, it was indoors now and was all rusty and/or fleshy. I didn't care much. In the end the game was more like half basketball, half rugby and somehow I needed my sibling T's help to finish the game so I had to go find him or something.

Then, the last part;

I was at some sort of religious gathering, there were pews and there was a seat reserved for a representative of each major religion and some seats reserved for representatives of other smaller religions, but the representatives themselves were absent. A woman appeared, she was dressed in what I can only remember as a "revealing" dress; she was a seductress of some sort and teased these religious representatives. But they knew her as is if she did this regularly and they let themselves be entertained by her presence.

I was stuck behind a screen of some sort, like an acrylic screen. Then I got out of that place somehow. My old school friend, JC, appeared at some point when I was outside. Dark and moody streets, maybe a bit wet even. Night time but lit by neon signs and other such things. Me and JC knocked someone out and I remember shooting a group of patrolling guards in a line, taking each one out. Then JC took a hazmat from one of these guys.

(Cut some of this bit short because of my pain)

We walked at brisk pace, for quite a long way; through a city, then a mall, a toilet roll store (with vividly coloured packaging), then a baby store, inside an ASDA/Walmart place and then we get held up in some queue for the supermarket. So we started running and jumped over a balcony or stair bit onto an outdoor area, and the crowd stuck in the queue got angered by this for some reason and many of them followed suit. It was day time, I remember around noon or afternoon. Sunny and I recall the grass by the side of the pavement and general greenery.

I tried to sprint. Running felt slow, but not as bad as in nightmares from my childhood. It mostly just felt annoying, but someone nearly tripped me up from behind (stepping on my heel). I didn't look back but sort of had a rear vision? JC caught up to me and took off the hazmat mask. We approached a gas station next to where his home supposedly was in the dream. JC shot a guard that he'd initially forgotten was there. I told him he was an idiot, because they had cameras at the gas station, and what had he just done? Taken his mask off.

But we were on the final stretch to getting to his home and I woke up, sweating, as seems to be normal when I have these vivid and intense dreams.

---

Notes:
- I haven't seen JC in a dream in a while but oddly enough his likeness was very much as I remember it from my teens, when I was at school with him. He was slightly shorter than me too.
- The basketball arena was odd but I think it probably came from recently playing certain games; for some reason the concept of arena was enough to cause the two things to associate this way.
- T's appearance matched the dirty and partly grotesque appearance of the arena.

- This DJ entry is called pre-cursor because of the next entry, which took place today too.

A fragment of something
I see something, some sort of white object in the shape of a line.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I slept in our summer place this night

I'm outside our summer place and are about to walk up the stairs. I know it's a dream but I know that I'm trapped in the dream narrative. I have to do something to become full lucid. I think to myself that it's only a dream and that I can control it. I'm now full lucid. I walk up the stairs into the room I fell asleep before I slept this night (The Blue Room). No one is there and I open the window in order to fly away. I Fly but the sensations I get is not satifying. It's like I'm in a shell that is moving. I force the dream to make it more real. I start to exhort the dream to make me feel the wind in my face. I feel the wind but it's obviously fake. My vision is getting smaller as the dream fades.

I'm in the blue room where I fell asleep this night. I look to my side and see two small sparrows. I look away for a second and look back but now there are four rats instead. I go away from the bed and wonder how my vision could make me think that the rats were actually sparrows. There are a cat under the bed and I try to pet it. It's playful and it goes on it's back so I can pet it's stomach. I walk down the stairs and realize it's a dream. I look down on my hands and the left hand is normal but my right hand has turned into grass just like the background where I look on the right hand. I look to the sea but it's just black. I try to see something and there comes a really big boat by the waters. I fly to it but suddenly see a flying boat. I go to it and there are Pia, Sebastian and Felicia. In the dream I didn't think that it was weird that the boat was flying.

I had a non lucid dream about telekinesis tonight. I remember it being interesting and I'm sad that I don't remember that much about it.

Interruption to the DJ catch up to put one from the past night. Some particularly detailed dreams, but I ended up having so much initial recall of so many dreams that in the end I let go of many and only made notes of a couple. Of note is the fact that last night I took for the first time a multi-vitamin B complex. It somehow did increase dream vividness far beyond what I expected.

---

2nd August 2020

Dream:

In space. In a game like Freelancer, flying a ship with a similar camera view as the game would have. I am on a server and I interact with some other people, but it's a small and private server.

I remember at some point discussing something with someone and then bringing up a list looking at all the potential guns and turrets there were. There were Nomad weapons that went by names such as "Redeemer" and came in three different marks. I remember thinking that it was silly to call it redeemer because there should be a Class Ten weapon using that as an acronym. The turrets list was like a "give mode" menu too, but I didn't have access to that function.

Everything was so detailed, I remember asteroids and distant nebulas and overall the sense of scale was just about right. I'm not sure I flew with a specific aim in mind but I found a Klingon wreckage of a Warbird or something. I shot its turrets so that I could loot them, and I wanted to do so quickly so that someone else couldn't interrupt me or steal them from me.

Then very close by was a station where I landed my ship. I got out but don't remember doing so physically, and then was inside the station. It was like a hospital mixed a bit with an office, and now the server people were here with me as a group? But something has a Farscape feel to it. Seems poorly lit or dark, but visibility is OK.

I forget some details but eventually H is with me at some point and we are waiting at the end of some hall. There are other people here, just sitting on some kind of benches, all waiting same as us. It was like a lobby? The light here mostly comes from the floor, a bit blue-ish, not even just a cold light, actually blue-ish. There are some commercial type fridges with the metal framed glass doors and they have cans of drink in them and I open one of them behind someone and fiddle with or organise some cans.

Then eventually we go through a doorway. We're outside, it's day time, slightly cloudy but bright though I didn't notice shadows properly and we are visiting a church here to do some work. The transition into this area was perfectly seamless.

The church was unusual, it was very open and seemed to be in the ruins of a massive old cathedral, some parts more ruined than others. But overall there was no "ceiling" to speak of and it was an open church. I could hear the wind and the leaves of tall trees surrounding the area, I could hear this very clearly in the dream.

The floor was all just grassy turf and there was no flooring really, but there were brand new things and some old things here in the main congregation area of this new church. There was a wooden house of some kind, which was full-size and looked just like the typical thing seen in a nativity, just bigger effectively.

But two kids were following us, they seemed curious. Though I got the feeling from H it'd be better if they weren't following us, so as we approached a wall panel between some old pillars, we went behind a wooden carved statue of Jesus. The statue featured prominently the colours red and blue on the clothing, and His hair was curly and dark, as was His beard. He did have a crown of thorns, too. The colours seemed a bit worn but probably better than could be expected for something out here in the elements.

Anyway, H pushed some panel behind the statue and we went through and it shut. Though the structure was very open, this didn't really limit the kids following us, but it made it more difficult; H then went around more sneakily trying to just get past them or spook them or something. Either way, the whole time H seemed to know what he was doing and I just followed his lead as with any normal job.

One of the kids was gone at this point, but the other one remained and followed more closely now; his father or grandfather appeared and was trying to convince him to go back with him, but the child seemed insistent in following us and seeing what we were doing. The man apologised for the behaviour, clearly nervous and feeling a bit foolish in some sense. I did not mind him or the kid so much at this point.

Eventually we are on a rooftop part of the old cathedral building. It's high, but not as high as it would have been on top of the actual cathedral; I got the sense that this was a secondary, inner, chapel, built to be inside the cathedral itself. We got on the rooftop simply, because the grassy terrain ramped up to it, I recall. It's all leafy and there's lots of Autumn-coloured leaves on top, a contrast to the green grasses from earlier. I remember stepping on the leaves and feeling them under my boots, which made me more aware of what I was wearing. I remember walking over and maybe stepping on a dead sapling that was growing here. Its wood was dark and bendy.

Somehow it's a truly beautiful area and scene but I don't think or realise this in the dream.

As we get near the opposite end I become concerned and tell everyone to stop. The roof slopes down more quickly ahead and there are no leaves. I start to realise the danger of being on a roof more than before. I tell H, "there are no tiles here, we'll slip right off". So in agreement we start to walk back. I had thoughts of the kid falling and didn't want to feel responsible should something happen, but I also think about how the parent/grandparent would feel should such a thing happen.

At this point my fear of heights seems to kick in a little and I stick more toward the inner edge, where there's a vertical structure jutting out the middle of the roof; I step up on a stone ledge of sorts and as I keep walking back with a tight grip on some stone stuff, I start to realise there had been a music playing for quite some time, in a quick crescendo now. I could hear a jackdaw or crow cawing for the same amount of time too. These sounds were immensely beautiful and as they became more and more vivid I eventually woke up.

Dream Fragment:

Only made brief notes of this one. Dream about visiting a therapist to treat some narcolepsy (that I do not suffer from in real life). I basically kept falling asleep throughout this dream and having different dreams within the dream. In the last part, there was some joint therapy dream thing about recognising that I was asleep, and we had a timed round to shoot enemies and shoot their limbs off with guns.

Then an old skeleton is under some bushes or canopy on some grass. It was Kerrigan's skeleton? The front of the skull was missing or smashed, but some of the lower jaw mandible was intact. Someone took off what was the bones of a tail part of the skeleton and then I or someone else tossed the full skeleton towards someone, Sol, I think? She suddenly had to go though, and we all criticised her for doing this every time.

Scraps:

- A small Spartan-like nation? They had a strong military that seemed American in some sense and they were testing some nuclear weapons and special bullets. It was sunny. Lots of concrete structures.

---

Notes:
- There sure is a lot to make note of here, and I didn't even record all the detail of the first dream fully, it would have taken me too long and most of it is ultimately filler in some sense. But I greatly enjoyed that dream's experience.
- I probably remembered scraps of at least five long dreams in total, but all dreams were fairly vivid. They also all felt like they changed very quickly.

- In a between-period of sleeping and not sleeping after my initial waking up, I tried to focus my mind on drawing but did not have any dreams relating to that or art in general.

- The children following us were both boys, probably between the ages of 6-10. I don't remember having a great look at them, mostly because they followed us from behind most of the time.
- This first dream is the longest dream sequence I have dreamt of for quite a long time now.

- In the second dream, the skeleton was whole, all joined together, something that I know in waking life is impossible except if it had been put together as a museum piece of some kind. The bones were particularly yellowed and somewhat pitted.
- The guns/shooting thing probably came about from playing KF quite a bit with H lately.
- The weapons-testing in the scraps dream likely came about from a general enjoyment of controlled loud noises and explosions (despite their dangers and harmful nature).

- The therapist figure seems to be recurring a little recently. I think it's part is an inner representation of a guide because I have often sought help from therapists for guidance with the psychological side of life and because I've had some good ones, I suppose I feel on some level that they can be very useful guides, even when they say things I'm not happy with or don't agree with.
- This type of figure is also ironically likely to be the antithesis of my frustrations with healthcare systems; these dream therapists actually care about me and there is no payment or any such thing involved, there is a genuine feel of interest in helping me as if they were devoted to that.
- The narcolepsy and the falling asleep thing may have been subconscious cues about dreaming reality.

Subnautica-like dream
I am in some sort of very dark abandoned hospital, nearly everything made out of stainless steel, even floor and walls, with no sign of decoration or anything else that would make one feel in any way happy, or even at all positive. There's blood everywhere, and it's too silent. I walk through it, and I think I discover another person.

Next thing I remember is looking for something outside in the water in a small submarine, like the seamoth, in some sort of kelp biome reminiscent of Subnautica, but different. I get whatever it was that I was looking for and go back to some sort of base, which you enter by going under a sort of large hydraulic opening which opens as you approach it, and you go through to the surface of the water, and it closes again, and you are inside and can swim a few meters to dry land. There were other people, and we were working on something.

Then, the next thing we do is go to some exceedingly exceedingly large cave, in which a creature just a bit smaller lives. It's literally many many kilometers large and we do some sort of research mission. Then I wake up.

During the entire dream I felt really curious and excited, and in the hospital part very disturbed, hence the title.

Otherworldly computer chip adventure
I am in Subnautica, and some option I accidentally selected transports me to the void, there might even have been a ghost leviathan already spawned. I panic and press another button and it sends me to the Aurora and again I panic since suddenly there's a reaper leviathan.

Then, the scene changes to me and a younger version of a guy I know, Ethan, in some place I can't discern. I can only see that there's the eponymous computer chip and another object, possibly also computer related. I take the computer chip, and Ethan and I suddenly travel through a little tunnel in the chip to some more degenerated version of reality. I find out that it does just that, it's supposed to. I travel through it again and see a sort of weird sea creature from the perspective of the sky.

Suddenly, I am in the living room of my waking home and open the cupboard of my father. The scene might have changed slightly so that the cupboard and I are standing in a cafe. In any case there was some sort of woman, maybe my mother, and if the cafe existed she was co-owner with me. I pulled the chip out of the cupboard and we travelled to a sort of grassy plains area. Now the purpose of the chip was simply to travel to another dimension and back. We walked around a bit, and not even ten seconds after that she suddenly found a large, beautiful diamond. We were very happy and returned. We suddenly then had lots of money to spend and did so. I don't remember how, though.

Chemistry?
I might have done something relating to chemistry.

1st June

Dream:

I was on a country road with H. We were walking along it when the road curved towards a big estate. There were tall and trimmed hedged along either side of the road. On the right side were some bushes partially under the shade of an oak. The bushes had bright cobalt-blue fruits. On closer inspection they looked like strawberries, in shape.

I took one and ate it and it was sweet. I then told H I wanted to make jam with these cobalt berries and H said we couldn't take many but I started to pick the large berries into my pockets until I couldn't take any more.

Some bit of the dream is missing, or there is a transition.

Then we're inside the big estate place, but it was just like our home with a bigger scale for the rooms. I remember being in the kitchen and it looked regal or something.

Dream Fragment:

In some kind of museum or gallery, there were many objects on display, everything was lit from underneath. I remember there was this wide trunk or stump and I smashed it's side somehow. Its core was crystalline and I pulled out one piece.

It was shaped like an amorphous animal. I suddenly had a long knife, and started carving it to look like a dog. It felt more like wood than crystal.

---

Notes:
- The second dream may have just been a run-on sequence from the first.
- In the first dream, I remember it was sunny and it felt like it was a quiet road. I remember that the cobalt colour of the berries was particularly vivid.
- At the time I think I had started making jam more often, a habit I have kept a bit by now. I like to make jam or jelly out of fruits other people might not consider, so maybe the exotic character of the berries and my desire to turn them into a jam might be interconnected.
- I still have some visual memory of the second dream which allows me to make note that it looked a bit like that place in space odyssey, with the white floors and rooms at the end. It was darker than that because the light was focused on the displays though.
- Looking back on this dream, I quite like the idea of the crystal and of carving it. To me, quite a while now since I had this dream, it feels analogous to some of my inner concepts around transformation and undefined forms, shapeshifting and so on. The carving is significant as a whole because carving and sculpting as a whole are of major interest to me but they aren't activities I've had much chance to work in. On top of that it deals with the subject of controlling matter and changing it.

31st May

Several dreams, remember a few fragments of each.

Dream Fragment:

In one dream I was at my old home, in my bedroom. It was night time but the light was either on or quite bright from outside anyway. The balcony door was open, but blocked by closed curtains. The curtains that were there were the old ones from many years ago. They were white and a warm yellow. The colours inverted with one another on a bottom trim, which must be at least half a yard high or something.

While I was noticing the pattern on the curtains, the wind was blowing sort of strongly but gently, making them sort of billow out, which in the dream reminded me of how a labcoat flows when someone is moving with one on. It was a sort of pre-lucid moment but it didn't last since I didn't actually end up questioning reality.

I think then I walked across to where my desk used to be, but I don't really remember what happened next. Possibly it was a transition or something into another of the dream fragments I have.

Dream Fragment:

I was playing some space game, just starting out on it. I remember a main menu, and it looked a bit like the Starmade game, though it wasn't really like it either. But it had a desolate and empty feeling to it. I remember I was configuring a new world, but I don't really remember more than that.

Dream Fragment:

Some fragment of one of H's schematics. Obsessive thoughts about ohms and resistance. There were specific values in the dream but the memory is lost to me.

Dream:

Outside on a street. Looks like my native area or the city nearby. Though it is day time, it looks overcast and desaturated. I walk on some cobbled pavement, and I'm headed towards a store or shop? Maybe a barber or hairdresser, something about the windows it had made me feel or think this. The windows were not see-through, they had like full-sized vynil stickers on them, as a style thing primarily I think but also as a sort of advertising. I don't remember what images were displayed, but something relating to the human figure overall.

There were other dreams but I don't remember them.

Criminal minds fragment
I am some sort of detective from the series Criminal Minds. Somebody is threatening to throw someone from somebody's family off a skyscraper. I don't remember much else.

29th May

Dream Fragment:

I remember little of most of the dream. Just one part stands out.

I was being shown someone's pet or something. It was a cat at first but then it was a hyena. It was on a stand or pedestal of sorts and the animal itself looked elongated compared to what I'd expect.

Then the person showing me the hyena, was telling me something about its urinary system and they put their hand sort of inside the hyena from underneath and pulled out a very large fleshy and desaturated pink sac.

Some explanation was given to me. I didn't feel any disgust and was curious about the anatomy and around this point I realised the hyena looked to be sort of split into three parts but still joined together by some spinning tube thing between each sectioned part. I remember the hyena's head was turned toward us most of the time and was panting. Something about this segment reminds me of having the dog at the vet.

Dream Fragment:

Maybe this was the first dream. Something about H and our friend C. I remember we were at our house, or some version of it. H was concerned about someone breaking into the shed and I reassured H by pointing at a very Sims-like alarm system installed just to the side of the shed door.

I remember it was a dark night but there was a full moon in sight. The ambience looked darker than it should have done considering the full moon and how big/close it appeared to be.

---

Notes:

- The alarm system from the Sims should have been a somewhat obvious dream sign.
- The dream with the hyena, while similar in feel to the experience of having the dog at the vet, was probably just a manifestation of the interest I have in analysing anatomy from a hands-on approach. My lack of disgust or similar feeling is somewhat unusual within the context of automatic reactions, but perhaps is some indication that I could overcome such reactions more easily with training or simply by being exposed to this type of demonstration on a regular basis. I often feel sad that things have to die for us to have a better look at them and this aspect and the fleshy sac both relate directly to how I feel about meat in cooking, at times.
- I believe the rotating tube sections were simply the dream mind's way of justifying the body being split in three sections while the creature was still alive with no pain. In a way it felt a bit like something I might be able to do with a 3D model and perhaps that's part of where this originated too.

Disturbing occurrences in a hospital
I am in hospital, in the room I was when I was last there because of my diabetes. I am afraid of someone or something who is also in the hospital. It seems to sort of be a person, and everyone is oblivious of it's true nature. I am very afraid of even seeing it, something is very disturbing about it and I want nothing to do with it. People keep wanting to show me pictures, but I avoid them. I feel uncomfortable and just want to watch TV but I get confused because there are constantly clones of TV channels.

Laptop fragment
My father tells me to charge my laptop, but I get frustrated that he seems to always decide things such as that.

Not able to get up
I keep falling on my back and someone constantly has to help me get up, but I keep falling.

Grey = awake
Yellow = non-lucid
Blue = lucid

---

There's something to do with Regina from once upon a time and a witch. They want to go somewhere with some circular magical construction in a gigantic warehouse made out of a black material, but they need food. Thus the evil witch decides to bring Henry from the same series as food. Regina of course says no and provides the food they need. Henry still goes with them, though. Suddenly there's a scene change to people going insane and violently throwing themselves onto their children. Suddenly I am one such child and someone sits down on me, and I wake up.

---

That was a weird dream with horrible themes. Not good.

Tiny fragment
Something moving in a room. Maybe having to do with a dragon.

brief HH of holding keys in my hand. I just remember the keys are from work and i use them to open the compactor room door. However IRL the keys went missing.

I did have a jamie dream but i remember nothing about it.

Vague sense of a longer dream but it eludes me.

I'll have to figure out a better sleep cycle. Working nights 5 days a week really sucks. It's like jail.