memorable

2022 May 2nd

Note to self, at this point I started recording dreams with year first, month second and day third, because as I was archiving dream notes from my old phone, I realised just how much of a mess day first was causing me and it was something I had not given any thought when I first started recording them in that way. In the future, it will be easier to maintain an organised record by using year first, as I already do for some other things.

Some in-line notes.


Dream (Fragmented):

I'm at my old bedroom. Dad is here visiting or something. For some reason, there are some sex toys out in my room and dad grabs them and piles them on top of an old computer desk I used to have in waking life. (The plastic "veneered" one)

Dad doesn't comment much of anything about the sex toys, but I feel embarrassed. He talks to me about something completely unrelated.

(recall gap)

I'm swimming out of a body of water into a stairwell. I can't see the bottom of the water and as I climb out of the water, I'm soaked and dripping. I don't feel cold or hot. My hair is somewhat long and I see it in front of me and feel water dripping off it. The place looks like a school of some kind.

I get up to the first mid-landing of these stairs and then climb some more steps up to a second landing. There are no more stairs after this point, as if they're missing, and so this landing just leads over back into the water again, from a higher point.

(The preceding segment was recalled while dreaming the next segment)

I'm in a field, walking along with two people. One of them is a local, the other someone I know (from the dream?). This field is strange, as it is made up of "strips" about one yard wide of specific plants, which all just seem rather wild and not at all cultivated, despite the organised strip logic going on.

As a result, there's a varied array of colours, ranging from a nearly blue-green to a dry yellow-green or maybe brown. The local man is slim and on the older side. He tells me something about how they have no choice and how this is all they can afford to do. I understand "they" as their people, as if I'm visiting somewhere that I'm foreign to.

Then, as we walk off the slightly sloped field area and starting down on a slightly steeper slope, I notice a small lizard, about a foot long counting the tail. Its on the side of a plant or a piece of dry/dead wood. It has a black scaled body interrupted by fluorescent yellow chevron stripes. The tail is flat and spiney, almost beaver-like.

Then we're walking into a road and I worry about traffic but it doesn't look like there's any, it looks kind of desolate or calm. It's day time, the sun is low but it's not sunset yet and it's half cloudy but it appears bright. There's a road for each direction and they're about twenty to thirty feet away from the other, one of them being on a lower bit, as this whole area is a sort of downwards-sloping cliff seaside cliff area, to the end of which we're walking towards.

As we get closer, even though the lowest point of the cliff is only about one yard up from sea level, I feel afraid I might drop or be pushed into the sea (on accident or otherwise). (It's at this point I recall the previous segment, I think the water must trigger the memory, though I don't think I "live" the memory in the dream at this point)

Then, I'm at a house that looks like old home. Some part of recall is missing, weirdly I seem to have slept on the sofa and it's as if I was really asleep in the dream, for a time. I grab something I'd apparently left on the sofa. I see the old man from before and say "morning" to him. I feel a little disoriented and think to myself that I didn't mean to fall asleep and yet I did somehow.

Then, I'm at an ALDI with H. We drove in in a sporty car. We pretend we're only friends and H says to a checkout person he has to get a massage coupon thing for his partner. The person at the checkout asks "what would she like?" and meanwhile I'm looking for three two-litre bottles of some soft drink, though I can only find one bottle. This ALDI feels more like a tiny service station shop and I think to myself we should have gone to our usual place. (This segment had something to do with the previous one, but I could not retain recall of what or how)

(recall gap)

Something about playing a game with a demon, and needing to do this to release an angel or something. The game doesn't make much sense at all and I can't think of how to describe it; in any case I struggle with this game in the dream. This takes place at some big/vast house, or some kind of palace.


Notes:

- Although I'd normally make this dream only visible to myself and DV contacts and so on, I feel that part of me has done that far too often of late, out of some sense of lack of confidence, an aspect I've been struggling with (again) in waking life.

- This entire dream was very peculiar. I feel I could make this remark about so many dreams. In particular however, this dream felt especially switched on in terms of symbolic representation. When recalling the dream, it feels like some part of me was aware of this. Everything about it feels organised and metaphorical in a deeper way than usual, though I think some of it may be inexpressible through words. The dream itself in parts felt like one of those dreams that feels just like life in the sense of "this is how things are, this is my life". This dream would benefit greatly from a fuller exploration on paper that is not constrained to words alone and that can make directed (lines/arrows) associative links between elements.

- I suspect that dad was representative of false expectations in some sense, because in the dream my embarrassment and the sex toy context were in fact irrelevant to our conversation about whatever else dad talked about. I am not certain what the significance of that desk specifically might be, but I must have been around 8 or 9 years of age when we had that desk, and the computer used communally with my siblings was on top of it, under one of the bunk beds.
-- In a sense, the sex toys are also likely representative of the other side of false expectation; what my mind or feelings give importance to often has nothing to do with how others are perceiving me and if anything, I end up being bound or imprisoned by my own false notions of what others think.
-- The other aspect to this is that family (represented by dad) are something that I keep entirely separate from sexual contexts as far as mental constructs go, I feel more so than most other people do, though that may be a result of upbringing; here, the two contexts meet but are essentially ignored by one another, as dad makes no remark and pays no mind, other than some sort of strange "tidying out of the way", and the toys themselves are inert objects that cannot on their own express anything except via context. This makes me think about how Jung defined libido as "psychic energy" as opposed to "sexual energy" as Freud probably did and it seems like the sex toys can also be representative of a transformation of my point of view on said energies. Again, I cannot fully form thoughts on this via text alone, this requires diagrammatic and drawn exploration that can show links and associations in a way that text can't.

- The flooded school bit was odd because of how vivid it felt in terms of sensations, regarding swimming and water. I don't remember any specific emotions, but the school was an unknown place that I've never visited and which only vaguely conformed to some constructs of schools, none of which I've ever encountered myself.

- I can't help but feel that I associate the encounters with water in this dream as being some kind of metaphor relating to collectives, more so than an unconsciousness. In a sense, the stairs were exactly about this; I can leave a collective but on the way up and out, there's actually no way out, and all I can see again is the collective, despite whatever other aspiration I might have had. There was a (somehow neutral) sense of hopelessness to this in the dream.

- The strange field feels like it was about my whole Self. The locals, i.e. my non-conscious elements, do their best to cultivate other non-conscious elements and so on (the plants) but they are constrained by what they can afford to do. I am not sure what "afford to do" could mean in a sense of personality. The land felt inhospitable to cultivation and taming, and perhaps these non-conscious elements actively taking part in growing and tending to things, are actually unwelcome by the rest of the unconscious landscape. I am checking in on them, but I seem to be there in a capacity that cannot act or make changes to the situation at present, and that any changes would have to be future, such as based on a report or the like.
-- In a sense, the plants felt very much foreign to the land as I did, even if the locals themselves just seemed... Well, local.

- Despite the small size, the lizard felt instantly appealing to look at, to be interested in. The black scaled body felt immediately relatable to what I have wanted to portray in my alter-ego for some time. The chevron striped pattern seemed unique to me. And in some sense I always find myself relating to reptiles though I have seldom spent time near them, perhaps because they have a tendency to run away from humans and to be solitary, which may be part of the appeal in itself. The lizard's tail appeared dangerous but as the lizard was most likely not aggressive, it seemed like an aspect of self-defence only. Curiously, I am now recalling that the lizard seemed to be in shade rather than in sunlight, and it's the only wild animal I recall seeing in the dream.

- The part with H at the service station ALDI definitely feels related to how perceptions are so based on physical appearances and how it's very difficult to move on from this, in cultural terms.

- The game with the demon felt like some kind of mix between Tetris, cards and other games of chance. I really can't describe it, especially for how little visual recall I have left of it. I just remember a somewhat dark and red-hued room, and a cloth-draped table.

deleted

15th April 2022

9:45
Dream:

In a somewhat surreal place. Daytime. There are some platforms? Doesn't seem like there's anybody else around.

(recall gap)

I'm at a dinner or lunch. It's sunny and bright outside, it looks a bit cold actually. The room isn't very big for a dining room and looks kind of bare apart from the table which fits in lengthways with the room. The window is a bit like the ones we have at home, double-glazed I think. Mom, dad and sibling T are sat at the table and I think I take a seat or am already sitting down too.

Then some people enter the room I think, a man in his sixties and one in his fourties; the younger man is the other's son and has a wife who is also in her fourties. All of them are naked from the waist down and have unusually large genitals, two or three times what should be average. The wife has male genitals too, of such a size though she's otherwise average and modest. She has a faded blonde-ish-ness and her hair is tied back. I see all of this while being sat down but they are standing up and talking to us. The couple sits down next to T. Dad is sitting to my left and the other "dad" is serving me bits of food. It looks like we're mostly having meat, possibly mostly charcuterie at that.

My small plate has some paprika-ish looking meat and then the older man cuts me some of those thin and long ones. Dad steals it from my plate and then the other guy makes a mock complaint while serving me some more, sitting down himself afterwards. Not sure what happens next, short gap in recall.

I'm in the bathroom now, with T? The bathroom has a big double-glazed window down to ankle level or so, with no frosting or anything. I need a wee and try to do something about it but I also watch outside and see a doing being walked just near the window. There are other houses with large front-yard gardens very much like this one, no fences. All grass is neatly mown.

After something, we're all leaving for us to go somewhere else. For some reason however, I stay behind and I think I watch the outside some more. It's different now or I'm at a different window, and see a street sloping down. Cobbled? I see them all go down this street, I think the hosts are actually fully clothed by this point. Eventually, as they get just about out of view, I decide that I should come with them too. Another short gap in recall.

Then, we're at some kind of restaurant-like place. There are large tables and we walk over to one with six seats ready, but which would have room for eight or more people. There are other people in the restaurant and they're just sitting there. They seem to be staring at us and smiling slightly, I feel a little observed I think. The older man from our host group asks me if I want any crackers and I say yes. It looks like he's made himself a cracker with peanut butter on it.

T seems to think this is a bad idea. I don't care and want to eat something, I think after having drunk some Schweppes or something. I'm about to eat the cracker, but my alarm goes off and I wake up.

9th April 2022

9:30-9:45
Dream (disjointed):

I'm in a little town-ish area. Flat with a few green spaces. It seems clear or sunny but dim too somehow, like nearing the end of the day, though not colour-wise? I go towards a small building thing. It's supposed to be like a little kiosk but for McDonald's, these two things don't really seem related, almost. I pick up some order from a young woman, reminds me of A, H's sister. My order is in a big but strong brown paper bag and I check it over quickly.

It all seems fine and I have awareness of having ordered a few happy meals menus. I walk away from the building with the bag, towards some stone stairs bit. Here, there's some dream-generated or popular character, and sibling T. They're sitting and we are about to start getting things out of the bag so we can eat here, but I suggest we should go up the steps instead and eat at one of the white tables up there. We go to the tables and they sit down. I open the bag now and get everything out. However, there's only 1 menu, which T takes.

I feel confused, and then annoyed, asking him why he didn't order menus for everyone (implied to have been the point) and as he eats a bagel from his menu, he looks at me and does that smug shrug. I feel annoyed and go back down the steps and to that kiosk building. I get annoyed once more, as the woman has shut the shutters to the shop and is probably gone by now too. In my head, I think something about it being 3PM. I open the door to the building, and inside it looks like old home, the downstairs kitchen. There's a pressure cooker on top of the hob and I open it, finding nothing inside despite some expectation otherwise.

I feel generally disappointed and annoyed. (Rest of recall for this part was lost)

(recall gap, a late part of the dream?)

I'm in a street and sitting down, talking to an unshaven Irish man (strong accent). He's a train conductor, and I'm being informally interviewed to determine whether I'm a suitable passenger for the city train he drives. I see the train in the background, we're sort of on a platform for it and there are people waiting inside the train. The Irish man is Catholic and as he's smoking a cigarette, he remarks something like "... thank God I don't follow it all to the letter."

I mention my own Catholic upbringing and he seems to quietly appreciate this. When he asks about my general behaviour, I also tell him I won't be misbehaving or loud or anything like that, and that I tend to be quiet and out of the way in general. After a bit more talking and some other questions I can't recall, he then seems satisfied with me and I can now be a passenger on his trains. I get in and there's something about seat assignment that should be happening, but because I'm new there is no seat assigned to me yet. Then, I have some discussion with the driver about this, while the train goes into a subterranean area.

He says something about refitting or remodelling the train in a few stops/minutes. Some man gets annoyed with the driver as he overhears this. The man says that he's late as is and can't wait that long. Then, something about disembarking with most other passengers. The conductor is down on the floor?

(recall gap, unknown chronology)

Something about a cyber man and cyber woman. They have a discussion about some memory. A third and younger cyber man checks his own memory for the event in question and confirms witnessing the details as relayed by the older man. The woman was lying, apparently. It was something about a loom of wires, part of an arm, and how it had been lifted. (?)

(recall gap, unknown time again)

Walking in a town, overcast. My hands feel very noticeably calloused and/or rough and I think to myself that it's the tenth day or something. I think that they're almost done forming the needed callus.

Laid down at 8:30PM
was up at 9:30PM with RLS.
Laid back down after 10-15min.
Later I have very strong SP like sensations. I start focusing on the dream state. It is very dark. Have to visualize. I “get up” but I am not sure. I jump up and down and find I am hovering. Good. I get pulled back. I try some more. I can see myself so I start fighting my other self. I wrestle with me and get on top. I start to choke me. It feels like a representation of my waking self and I have to subdue it. I have to win to enter the dream. Who is this other?
After that victory, I “get out of bed” and jump up and down again to test. I stop mid jump and hover in the room. Then, I drift out and hover through the bathroom into the hallway. I think to turn into the other part of the house but suddenly get a strong urge to go outside time. Instead of opening the door, I decide to phase through. There is resistance and some darkness but only for a moment as I push my face through.
I am on side porch. The only thing in existence is a small area that the light from the porch could illuminate. Beyond that; darkness. I see the full carport and a vehicle and some bit of the shed and part of the yard. I try to fly away to make the full scene materialize but I am sucked back to the porch by some unseen and unknown force. Apparently, I am allowed to only go so far. I decide to make due.
I realize the parked car is a small red hatchback. We don’t own anything like that but I don’t think about this. I decide to open the door and fold it back to break it off but it crumbles easily like it’s made of thin aluminum. I think of a soda can. This is kind of fun so I proceed to destroy the car bit by bit by pulling it apart and folding sheets up and wading them up like pieces of paper. It is very satisfying and I continue to do this until I wake up.
The time is 10:30PM

It was about 200 years in the future. We had made it. We'd survived every obstacle in our way. We'd survived the wars, the societal collapse and everything else. The world was a sunny and beautiful place. Cities were full of greenery and people were happy. But I wasn't. Sitting on a grassy hill overlooking a shining utopian city, I felt a mix of hope for our future, and utter misery. Everyone I'd ever known was dead, and I was completely, totally alone.

I remember walking a wide, open street on a dark and rainy night, having just collected my takeout. There were a fair few people around. I considered getting on the bus to do some other chore I had to do, but changed my mind when I realized my food would get cold. I felt a tinge of despair as I'm always postponing things.

In the next scene, I'm walking through a suspiciously clean and dry-looking back alley behind a local Burger King. I enter the place, only to find it's an absolute maze of weird-looking, narrow corridors. I somehow know there are multiple women in here, all of them vampires. Suddenly, I'm confronted by one of them. A nice-looking brunette, about my height. I had a false memory of having met her before, a week or so prior. We talked as if we were already acquainted. The conversation went well. She told me she'd always been in love with me, which surprised me. I was feeling a noticeably low amount of social anxiety. Anyway... before you know it, we were kissing. She told me she worked two jobs and this was her day/night off. Then we had sex, which was nice (despite my inexperience). I was having conflicting thoughts. She was nice and reasonably attractive, but I wasn't fully "feeling it" yet.

I woke up with a new understanding of how new relationships work for "normal people". Love often doesn't just appear fully-formed, you have to give things a chance and hope it grows from there.

28th of March 2022

(I may add some notes at one point, especially if I draw the monument)

6:00 or 7:00
Fragment:

I am my alter ego but my dorsal scales are pointier, like my character N. I'm at some kind of fair or public event. Eventually after a bit of walking around, I come to a wooden bench, where mom and dad are sitting. They each move over to a side and as they sort of part, this dwarf man is revealed to be sitting there too. He has a miserable look. My parents don't even acknowledge that he's there at all. I do at first and try to sit next to him and between my parents. There's some dialogue, but recall was lost.

Unknown Time
Fragment:

In space, sort of game-ish and like Sins of a Solar Empire and Stellaris, in that you have starlanes for travel between stars (haven't played either in a while but think about it on and off when I see them on the library). I'm travelling with someone else, we're each on our own ships. As we travel and spend a bit of time wandering in a star system, the star suddenly starts to go nova. So I tell the other person we need to warp out of here now, and we head to the edge of the system, getting out just in time and travelling across nearby stars and seeing the explosion from this point. (Scale is similar to Sins)

Some other bit where I'm planning a star fortress load-out, Stellaris UI. And some other bit about managing something in a star system, possibly in sequence with the planning.

8:00 and onwards (order jumbled)
Fragment:

Climbing some eroded stone stairs. Some kind of natural or carved out limestone rock. Feels underground. As I go up the stairs, I leave behind random things, like statuettes of animals. There's also some animal following me? I don't feel attached to it however; it may be a bird. I remember an opening through which I can see a vast darkness but also underground "cliffs" and ravines. Maybe streaming water. The limestone has a beautiful creamy colour.

Fragment:

(Generally darker dream, both in lighting and mood) Dream streets, lots of people. Parts of the dream repeat themselves or I return to certain areas. The streets have shops, and there's a Japanese/neon-heavy feel. Something has a feel to it like Cybermancy.

Some plot line about a group of people who are uploading themselves into a thing or collective. I am not especially interested or anything but I help them in some way and when they start getting persecuted by some assassins or something, I use a rifle, struggling on with it for a bit, until I realise I'm "missing a skill point" for it, which I then quickly put a point it. I aim at one of the assassin at point blank, as he aims at someone else with a firearm of his own. I shoot him in the head and he dies instantly. Then, twin female assassins (though not human) standing a few feet away and moving; I spot them and aim for the head, but miss my shot, hitting her in the back or chest, but she's not really harmed by the shot.

She comes after me now and I apologise for not killing her with a single shot. I kneel, and expectantly wait for her to kill me. Something very Japanese in feel about this last bit.

After I die, I think I return to a previous point in the dream and do other things, or differently.

(recall gap?)

Then, some place like L. I'm near a monument of some sort, in a large square, which in the dream I "know" about; there's a road around the monument? It's sort of rounded itself, but not at the front where the road is. It's clear and sunny and I think I'm with someone else at first, maybe family.

The monument itself is a dream generated thing and the square reminds me more of France in some respects, although it definitely has the feel of L. I think there's an obelisk further away in the middle of the square. (I should draw this before I completely lose what little recall is left)

Near the front of the monument and at head level, there's a wide gap that's not got much height to it, maybe two feet high in opening. Through it, I see some sunlight but mostly darkness, and this underplace seems to be full of dark earthy dirt and corpses, mostly skeletal I think, though I can't recall their state exactly.

Then, as I circle around to the next corner, I climb some stairs. Up here, it's a relatively flat area which is a narrow-ish U shape. There are many stone benches, which are just part of the overall structure. Lavish and floral motifs, general renaissance or art nouveau aesthetics. The stone benches have fairly fancy cushions on them, of different and saturated-ish colours. People are touring and lazing about as in mostly any capitol-city style of a place. I head for a free seat at the bend/corner. The dream ends here, I feel just as something was about to happen.

Edit: Somehow I had recorded the wrong date for this dream, corrected this now.

Date: 25/03/2022
Bedtime: 4am
Awakening: 7am
Return to bed: 7.30am
Method of entry: dream consciousness
Attempt: successful
Awakening: 12pm
Phase experience: The Full Stomach Experiment

DREAM STATE

Taking Daisy (my former neighbour's daughter) to school. We are both on bicycles but suddenly I am on a skateboard without wheels and struggle to keep up with her in a playground full of grassy knolls, sand dunes and rough terrain in general. I pick up the skateboard and run after the girl, fearing I might lose her as she goes into a train station and down a flight of stairs leading to a platform on foot (her bicycle disappears). A tanned commuter is coming down the steps right behind me and speaks to me but I can't remember what was said. Daisy finally halts and speaks to the stranger briefly as though he's familiar.

Me, my wife, our kids and my mother get inside a black vintage Citroen and ride to the city for sightseeing and perhaps do some shopping. My mum is driving (she doesn't own this type of car in real life) and turns on the radio, causing Limp Bizkit's song 'Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)' to blast from the speakers. We all start singing along to the chorus and swaying to the rap-rock beat, but I soon find myself unable to sing properly as my voice becomes muffled.

Me and my wife take turns in playing a virtual reality game where we have to control a space probe and make it crash on a particular planet of our choice. I'm trying to avoid the red planet Mars and then aim for Jupiter in a bid to make the spacecraft enter its Great Red Spot. I enter the Jovian atmosphere by heading for the stormy bullseye which grows in size to become a gigantic, warm-coloured cyclone. The centre of the storm is like a peaceful vortex and soon it is just me descending into the cloudy funnel like a solitary astronaut. The deeper I go, the less realistic the atmospheric surroundings become and the more I feel like I'm traveling through a simulated tunnel, the end of which is dark and the swirling patterns leading to it increasingly display white tendrils and blue wisps among the dominant fiery colours. Soon, my hands touch the whirling clouds, leading to my death in the game and suddenly I'm no longer a participant as I find myself looking at a screaming avatar on a screen, perishing in Jupiter's storm with a red caption that reads 'Game Over' and I laugh it off with my wife.

WAKING STATE

I wake up to the sound of my alarm and make sure the kids get up for school. I feel quite tired after experiencing a bout of insomnia and return to bed having used the loo with no intention to enter the phase state. I fall asleep almost immediately.

DREAM STATE

Me and my family decorate and change the layout of the living room, which looks different. There is a lot going on: walls being painted, furniture being moved and oddly, cement being applied to the floor. My wife, my mother and my oldest sister (estranged in waking life) block me into a corner of the room with a sofa and decide to go shopping. I can't move but I am busy doing something where I am. My youngest son Alfie is about to enter the room and I tell him to stop as it is a hazardous environment. He reaches for the light switch and I start panicking, thinking he might get an electric shock. Then, I notice the switch has been cemented over but don't find it odd—instead I tell my son, 'Alfie, you can't turn the light on because mum's gone over the switch with cement!' He teases me about threatening to touch it with his finger and I get slightly annoyed.

Scene shift: Me, my wife, my mum, my sister and someone else are walking together outdoors on a pavement when I notice a social contradiction—me and my estranged sister haven't spoken in years and yet she is walking next to me! Am I dreaming? I check my right arm tattoo to find the simplistic picture of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary instead of a dagger going through a skull with a ribbon displaying my wife and kids' names spiralling around them as is the case in real life. I rub the erroneous tattoo with one finger to see if I can smudge it and find that it looks surprisingly permanent, but at this point I already have enough evidence to convince me that the world around me is an illusion. 'I'm definitely dreaming!'

PHASE STATE

I look at my oneiric, make-believe family members and none of them look right. Their faces are strange and somewhat vacant. The fourth person is a complete stranger and all of them stand before me like slightly animated mannequins. I laugh and tell them they look fake. To the one resembling my sister I say: 'What the hell are you doing here?' and to the strange bald and chubby Latino man, 'And who the hell are you?' I deliberately pick a fight with the random with the intent to practise martial arts. We fight over and around stationary vehicles and he's giving me the right resistance: good at sparring and blocking! Feeling satisfied with the training, I fly away and pass through the wall of a house nearby to encounter an interior similar to my living room in the real world. As I explore the environment, it takes me a few seconds to recall my plan of action, and I remember the experiment of 'eating to feel full' as I go through the ceiling, which feels treacly around my torso. Half way up the loft, I think of ceiling as edible and find that the wooden floor near my mouth tastes like crispy, condensed candyfloss. I continue to pull myself upwards as I chew part of the floor above the ceiling.

I find a metal tube akin to an elongated thermos flask on the floor of the loft and start pulling proper pink candyfloss out of it, immediately stuffing my face with the woolly edible. I spot a bed in the middle of the loft and sit on it, continuing to eat lots of candyfloss from the long, metallic flask—amounts that I would not be able to cope with in waking life. At this point, I treat the source of the fluffy, sugary substance as capable of providing limitlessly—a magical bottomless pit! I jump to the middle of the bed to crouch as I swallow as much candyfloss as I can in fast succession. My knees come to rest on the mattress as I gobble up what's on my left hand whist pulling more candyfloss out of the flask with my right hand. As I stuff my face, I notice two freestanding, full-length mirrors—one in front of me about three feet away from the bed, and the other to my left; but none of them display my reflection initially, they only appear to convincingly reflect the loft environment without my presence.

I wish to see myself eating, so I look at the flask for a moment then back at mirrors—according to the frontal and profile reflections, I am a huge, bald, chubby and cute baby greedily eating a lot of candyfloss. My reflections' movements match my own, giving me the impression that I have really turned into an oversized baby. The profile reflection begins to reveal blonde tufts of hair on an enlarged head. I gaze at the frontal reflection as I continue to munch and, as I savour the fluffy sugar, I tell the baby I see: 'You look ridiculous!' I start wondering what the reflection would look like if it got mad at me. The baby inside the mirror continues to mimic my movements but morphs into a frowning Gollum-like creature, gradually becoming slender and his tufts of hair grow longer and darker. I've been chomping on limitless candyfloss since I arrived in this loft and I still don't feel full. I would be feeling sick by now if I had consumed this much candyfloss in the real world! Try as I might, I cannot reach that feeling of being stuffed. It's not normal.

WAKING STATE

I wake up on an empty stomach and don't feel full in the real world either. I feel no different. I jot down my sleep experiences and go about my day.

03/21: The Price Is Right is back in dreams again, this time in animated form, in to the style of PBS (Public Broadcasting Service)-style shows for kids such as Arthur (R.I.P.) and WordGirl, and like the dream on December 4th, it's Showcase time again, but in a classroom-like setting. This time, there is a "category" that tells the four remaining students things about a Showcase they're trying to bid on.

The dream, like one of the Wayne's World films, shows all the possible endings, and one of them it decides to show is when one of the students overbids on their Showcase, gets booed, and has these red "down" marker like objects thrown at them. There was also another possible ending where all the students overbid on their Showcase, gets booed, and has the same thing that happened to one student, happen to all of them.

However, there was one student who feared this monster that would be out to get him if he lost, kind of like me when I was younger -- well, my elementary and middle school days, but I never really explained it to anyone. I forget his/her/its name, but it resembled like a typical villain from an anime, as they're usually blond-haired, and this one was no different. I'm guessing this one was male, dressed like a "scene" kid (possibly skater/emo mix) revealed in dark shadows.

Watching the events play out on TV in my room, I ask in disbelief, "What is Weston Gardner doing on a kids' show?", and the dream ends at 6-ish in the morning before any of the students on the show in the dream reacted to it. (also, that wasn't the "monster" the student feared.) (Personally, I think the mysterious character the dream showed looked like a mix between him and professional wrestler Jeff Hardy -- minus the hair dye.)

(Fun Fact: Weston was actually a contestant on The Price Is Right 12 years ago in Season 39 (2010-11), show #5263K -- aired out of order on October 13th, 2010, actually airing on September 22, 2010 in an afternoon showing, in the place of the long-running soap opera As The World Turns, which ended after the 2009-10 season in the U.S. on CBS. He won two prizes in the Drew Carey-created pricing game Rat Race (a late-Season 38 debutante) totaling $3,614, and later went on to win his Showcase, accumulating $28,638 in cash and prizes, including an extra $1,000 in his Showcase Showdown -- that's where they spin the big Wheel to see who qualifies for the final round of the show, simply named "The Showcase", and the three contestants that got up on stage to play a pricing game try to get as close as they can to $1.00 -- without going over. He passed the first Showcase, which included a boat, to his opponent, and she overbid. Oh, and the show re-aired two days after Christmas 2010 on December 27th.)

I had a heck of a bad day yesterday (mentally having to play the protagonist and antagonist at the same time in the morning), and it was stressful. I just have to learn not to take game shows and their results way too seriously, which I had been doing since my teenage years, and quite frankly, I think it was anxiety and depression-inducing. I just have to find a better way to manage mental health and anxiety. -WM86

3rd March 2022

Long dream, but I left recall too late.

Fragment:

Something like WoW but with more Korean-style game mechanics; progression, levels, gear, and so on mostly like Lost Ark. The areas have a similar feel to that game but it plays more like WoW. Then, I enter some end-game dungeon on my own and tell T about it, via PM I think. I figure that the dungeon is too hard for me to do alone and with my current gear. Looking in the map, I think at first that it's a small instance, at least until I realise there are other layers which are much bigger.

I decide to explore the starting area of the instance a little bit, despite actually intending to leave. The place is a bit like a mix of Onyxia's lair and Molten Core. I explore a small rock tunnel, with a sort of high and triangular shape. This tunnel is next to a different tunnel which was the entrance. In the tunnel I explore, I find Hellfire orc engineers and a number of their landmines which are invisible at first. Not confident about my ability to solo this, I use a number of shielding abilities and area of effect (Paladin?). The mines do way less damage than I was expecting, not even taking my shields off.


5th March 2022

Fragment:

H has a "Velvetiser" thing (his mom showed us this, recently) and H is using the machine. I can't see much of what's going on because I seem to be sitting down. In our kitchen?

Fragment:

Something about H transforming into a woman and being nearby or narrating. This (other) somewhat fat woman sits naked on top of my chest and is trying to get me to put my lips on her genitals. I resist and feel distressed by the forceful nature of what seems to be going on, being put off by the fact there is an odd taste or smell. I feel abused. (This feeling lingers as I wake up)


6th March 2022

Left recall too late.

Fragment:

(near end of dream) I am with H in an area with a few small warehouses. I think in the middle of some woods, although there is a "town" feeling to the place. It also feels a bit like a garden centre? We go into one of the warehouses. There are stacks and stacks of wooden organ pipes. We make some deal with a white man, short black hair, mid 40s/50s. Then, before we leave, I ask him at last something that had been on my mind: "Do you know of any similar dealers such as yourself, who deal in metal pipes instead?"

He does give me a reply in full but I lost recall of it. I do recall the reply was to my satisfaction and I gratefully express my thanks before we leave the warehouse. It's possible he gave me some contact details. Inside the warehouse, it seemed quite dark apart from the fact that it was lit by hanging bare incandescent bulbs. Outside it's sunny. There's a bright chalk-ish white gravel which makes paths. The woods are fir of some kind.

Date: 17/03/2022
Bedtime: 2.30am
Awakening: 7.40am
Return to bed: 8am
Method of entry: dream consciousness
Attempt: successful
Awakening: 10am
DILD: The Body Check Experiment

DREAMING

At a shopping centre, me and a number of people are trying to evade and hide from a pride of lions. I experience intense fear as the big cats seem to be all over the place and almost impossible to avoid. We start climbing decorated walls in order to reach large shelves as the environment starts to resemble a museum interior. It's only a matter of time before someone dies in front of me. We reach a high shelf but a poor woman on its edge is pulled and devoured by a giant feline beast. I am terrified as I find this situation to be an absolute nightmare.

WAKING

I record the nightmare and make sure the kids get ready for school before using the loo. I return to bed and put my sleep mask on with the intension to enter the phase directly. I experience some fleeting hypnagogic imagery but eventually have to move from a supine to a side position and uncover myself as my body temperature rises to an uncomfortable level. I fall asleep.

DREAMING

I'm part of the Mafia and my gangster pals are with me at a hideout. We are listening to our butler who is trying to give us good advice about evading our enemies and doesn't seem to stop talking. He is a grey gentleman with a very English accent. Somehow, the old man ends up getting shot by an enemy so we carry him and flee the hideout before getting in a mini and driving off. Covered in blood and not looking good, the butler is dying in the backseat of the car. We need to get away and bury the body somewhere.

HYPNOPOMPIA

Scene shift: I'm lying in bed experiencing hissing in my head with accompanying hypnopompic imagery that seems to last a couple of minutes before I lose consciousness.

DREAMING

I'm in the backseat of a speeding car with my wife. The situation is a hot pursuit where the gangsters are driving away from their rivals. I tell them to be careful as they nearly crash into a truck and reassure Stacey that everything will be alright. It dawns on me that the situation is extremely unusual and I ask, 'Am I dreaming?'

LUCID DREAMING

My wife is still panicking next to me about the precarious driving and I grab her hand and tell her that she should no longer worry because it is all a dream. (Realism: 90%) I open the car door and I'm ready to jump out but I'm suddenly back in bed with a pulsating hiss in my head.

The experience is fully tactile. (Realism: 15%) Suddenly, my legs begin to float and fall on what feels like my sleeping wife lying next to me. My body rests on the bed only from the waist up and I find this odd. I decide the experience cannot be real and push against the phantom bed, causing me to start hovering over it. A dimly lit bedroom environment comes into view. (Realism: 65%) As I float 5ft above the bed, I can see my sleeping wife on her side and next to her the hint of a second body completely covered and lying dormant. I'm having an out-of-body experience.

I remember Project Elijah's task and begin palpating my body all over and counting fifteen seconds in my head. This causes the environment to become sharper immediately. (Realism: 95%) As I rub my arms, I land next to the bed with my bare feet on a highly defined carpeted floor. With one hand I part the curtains to bring more light into the room while the other hand rubs my neck and head. (Realism: 100%) The bedroom door is open and I'm about to exit into the hallway but my sleeping wife kicks me in the real world and I wake up.

WAKING

I realise I can't re-enter the dream world because time is getting on and I must get up for other commitments. I'm a bit annoyed with myself because I had said to myself a few days ago that the next time I tried to induce a lucid dream after waking in the morning, I would return to a different bed to prevent being disturbed during the experience. As a result of neglecting that preparation, I didn't get to fulfill what would have been the next step after the task: to time-travel to the future (subconscious futuristic concept for artistic purposes).

Date: 18/03/2022
Bedtime: 3.30am
Awakening: 8am
Return to bed: 8.05am
Method of entry: dream consciousness
Attempt: successful
Awakening: 11.15am
DILD: Time Travel

DREAMING

The environment is fraught with food stalls and cakes galore. The marketplace is packed with people and there are a few excited children running around. I'm eating a delicious slice of sponge cake with blue icing sugar on top. I search for more slices of cake with my mum but all we find is half-eaten ones with no icing.

I'm racing with Danny Dyer, Richard Blackwood and others along a train station platform. I'm a great runner and it is a draw with Danny Dyer after we beat everyone else. I tell Richard about my waking life memory of winning the dads' race at my kids' primary school once. He replies, 'That's right, I remember!' like he had been there (no celebrity attended that particular school sports day as far as I know). There is another race taking place with some participants who are partially naked. A little Halle Berry lookalike jumps on me like a crazed fan and wraps herself around my torso as I run. She weighs nothing apart from feeling her grip and I start to show off by running even faster whilst carrying a person.

Scene shift: On the opposite platform, the race is over but Halle Berry lookalike won't let go of me. A long-haired guy wearing a dark trenchcoat challenges me to compare the size of our private parts; we are about to expose ourselves at the same time to everybody until at the last minute he aborts by making a joke of it with a gesture and we both laugh it off having avoided considerable embarrassment despite our initial bravado. I tell little Halle that we need to part ways and she becomes visibly upset. I start flying away from her as I hear her sobbing and move speedily over the railway and through a tunnel; the flying, as far as I'm concerned, is completely natural for a race champion to do. Once I reach the end of the tunnel I come upon an urban setting. I still hear the woman crying and feel extremely sorry for her so I wish to see her face one last time for another goodbye. Suddenly, a green hologram resembling her face comes floating out of the tunnel before disappearing. 'I'm dreaming!'

LUCID DREAMING

I fly over the hustle and bustle of the city under a daytime atmosphere, gradually gaining altitude, viewing rooftops and soon going beyond the urban confines to a more idyllically rustic landscape composed of beautifully sun-kissed greenery and lakes. I remember my plan to find out what happens in a lucid dream if I wish to time-travel to the future, but instead of using a wormhole to get there as previously imagined during a dream incubation rehearsal in the waking state, I decide to close my eyes and spin in darkness to subsequently glide through the void which gradually fills with dim light.

I land on a hard floor made of several fluorescent hexagons which I explore with my hands and feet. I look up and it's nighttime in an urban environment illumed by a myriad multicoloured lights. It feels like a tourist zone reminiscent of Trafalgar Square in London, only somewhat richer. I'm approached by a hooded man who asks me, 'Where did you come from?' I reply, 'I'm a time traveller!' He laughs in my face and starts gathering others to surround and taunt me. I start forcing people to sit down, literally picking them up and collecting them at a bus station to form an audience that will hear me out. I lose lucidity ...

DREAMING

Some people from the crowd start to grab me but I am too strong to allow myself to be overwhelmed and in my determination, I jibber-jabber at the crowd of doubting Thomases until I turn into Ben Shapiro. I can literally hear my Shapiro voice explaining to them, like a motormouth, that I can prove I'm a time traveller. Managing to get enough space, I start spinning like a dervish until the urban dreamscape fades and I wake up.

WAKING

It seems that my dream incubation worked to a degree. A few days ago I had imagined a slightly different time-travelling narrative but I am glad that it was enough to recall the plan and the theme when I became lucid.

Strange magic dragon dream
I am at building C of my school, on the second floor (entering from the yard, you basically have 4 important doors on the bottom floor. Two on either side, which lead to a staircase leading up all the way to the third floor, with every second platform, occurring after every second unit of stairs, leading to the corresponding floor. In front and behind you, you have exits, the former leading directly to the street and the latter to the school yard. To your left, you have a freestanding stairway, leading up to a platform, whose shape can be imagined as a rectangle without the bottom edge showing the path you can walk along, the path fitting to the wall. From there, multiple rooms can be accessed and also two doors leading to the left and right staircases to the other floors). There, I apparently have a kind of private lesson with a teacher I actually do not particularly like, but, apparently he wants to teach me, and a small group of other people who want this, how to become a dragon and I guess to harness that kind of magic(? not sure about the magic part. might have had to do with fire). Thus, I enter the class. I was excited, but had a kind of feeling in me that this would be too good to be true. Though, then, after a while, it did kind of work and I guess I transformed into some kind of humanoid dragon form. I felt a great amount of the feeling of freedom and also a kind of wildness along with this. I remember knowing that this would just be a small taste and that there was more potential in this ability. At this point, I guess I had remembered others and also myself couldn't see this happen (despite us having seen it before; it was kind of contradictory, even the moment this came up) and I thought that this would just be too good to be true and that I was stuck in wishful thinking again. The teacher wanted us to try flying, but I thought that was kind of stupid, considering the fact that apparently the bell had rung and everyone was moving to their other classes, so everyone would just think we're crazy and other teachers would get angry at us, so I just waited, despite my anxiety, as I knew the teacher was impatient, but that was just way too stupid of an idea to me. So, eventually, everyone had seemingly moved and I felt like nobody was going to see this, so, after watching some of the others in my group managing to lift off and fly around, I tried flapping my arms (despite me knowing that we were doing this because apparently we had learned to develop our wings enough), and, as I failed to lift off, I felt like my worries were confirmed and was discouraged, but did not have the plan to give up. I subsequently woke up.

---

Finally started journaling again. There has just been a lot of stressful stuff going on in my life, which has prevented me from continuing this for quite a while.

I actually only remembered this because I saw a cloaked person outside, which reminded me of harry potter, which reminded me of this for some reason. Weird.

Legend:
Dream
Notes
Awake

Found myself in the middle of a Japanese lake in the middle of an impromptu holiday./with my father. We sort of got talking to one of the owners of the lake, somehow in the middle of it. For some reason there was a farting competition between all of us. We swam to shore, where I stumbled upon some giant golden coins, as well as some regular coins, some which were golden They were probably used as offerings to the kami of the lake. I grabbed some coins and wished for about ¥500 to get me through today.

I made my way back to shore, even though it seemed impossibly far. After a bit, I found myself wrapped up in a conspiracy about the the lake and the adjoining onsen, a lot of shady people were skulking around the bathhouses. An inventor was passing by, he gave me a square-shaped henshin belt with slots for spherical gems which would have probably been used to access different forms like in OOO. I put on the belt, making a very unique pose with two of my hands in V signs one pointing up, and one to the left.

HENSHIN!!

I turned into the off-green "Kamen Rider Toy", as most of my gear was themed around toys, I had a blaster that could shoot orbeez as well as having a mode that could hynotise people. I took down the proprietor as he had revealed to be behind the nefarious scheme. I also entirely forgot to finish with a rider kick .

I don't remember any Feb dreams. So I will go into the very memorable nightmare I had last night

I dreamed I was back in my high school. I was in a science classroom. But I wasn't in a science class I was in a math class. Well anyway the teacher put the math on the blackboard at the front of the classroom (something like 0.3x0.3) and for some reason the classroom was dark-like no lights were on? I had turn my laptop on to write the said math and the EA (Educational Assistant) I had in the dream was insisting I "turned the laptop off" and I kept repeating over and over, that "I had an exception and I needed the laptop to write my notes including math." I tried to get the teacher's help (EA was male, which is weird, I never had a male EA and I believe the teacher was a woman) and the teacher refused to listen either and I kept telling her to "Call the Educational Room" to learn I had an expectation.

And then somehow it turned into a something like a bar fight from out of a movie but at a school- but I was still sitting in my seat, and it was one student maybe? fighting with the teacher and I think I *might* have heard another student fighting behind me, but I never got a chance to look behind me since I look up after being shocked by the "school bar fight"