memorable

(night of) 10-12-20

Pre-sleep : focusing on Becky
1) Early night dream (1:21-1:37) I'm fighting in a big huge field, I'm beating up these people one by one - they are mean horrible racist (white supremacists) things. Each time I smash one to the ground I see an image of a black woman and child pop up (almost like I am saving them) but it's all very much in a video game type of format. Though the format is daft my rage is real, I feel so angry I need to get rid of these vile human beings. I go deeper and deeper into this infinite field, and rack up quite a few points, feels kind of like Classic Doom game. I wake up with my blood pumping

2) (from long dream period of 3:16 - 4:00) Suburban setting: Middle America, an innocent looking back yard with a white picket fence, and then some kind of electrical sparks -and 'boom' the whole area around the house has been morphed and changed, sparking different colors and metals (though layered on top of the same structures) And a bunch of scary looking aliens appear in this mess, armed to the teeth and running after the lady who did this: Now we see a blond lady, mid twenties, she is driving away from this craziness, driving in her pink Cadillac, no roof and I am sitting in the back with another person. Behind us the aliens are catching up, but a invisible triceratops comes stampeding around the corner and bashes the aliens out of the way. Now we have the same scene from the viewpoint of the Triceratops, his journey begins - seemingly willed into existence just after the aliens appeared, outside the american house. He sees the aliens and feels and urge to chase after them and we see the pink Cadillac from the perspective of the triceratops now, as he charges directly at the aliens saving the car from harm.
After a few moments the car slows down to a halt and I ask the lady driving the car what she has in the glove compartment - I m not sure WHY I ask though. I climb forward to the front seat and open it - inside it's like a doorway to another universe, vast and open, I don't know how it is this big. The door to open the glove compartment is both regular size and the size of an actual door.
**time missing**
I ve warmed up to this lady with the blonde hair, we have a spark between us, I know she likes me too. We sit at a dinner table, a bunch of us eating and I move seats so that now I am sitting directly across from her. I want to talk to her more, kiss her even. My wife walks into the room, I'm confused - am I married? I recall then that I AM married, and I don't know what to make of these feelings toward this woman now

3) Dream Frag (from 5:45 - 6:05) Watching an episode of classic Sabrina the teenage witch, She is in New York, in the middle of the new York iconic Central Park. She is walking past what looks like a coffee shop and now we see it is actually 'central Perk'. Phoebe pops her head out of the door. It looks like she is working there as it is late and she is cleaning up, she waves at Sabrina and we now know this is a 'cameo'. She runs over to Sabrina to say hi, but Phoebe is actually tiny compared to Sabrina, like a mouse, and there seems to be a crazy explanation here that she exists in a parallel 'smaller' reality. It makes for a comedic exchange between characters though


4) Short dream (7:19-7:27) Sitting in my house (that is not my real house) My wife asks me to write a song for her, she needs it for work. It looks like I am a professional song writer in this reality. I tell her I will, and start to talk some more but she butts in - then she starts to moan at me , saying that I always say that I will do things, but never actually do them (even though I was about to start) I tell her I just wanted to ask if she needed just the lyrics or the tune as well? because I usually just write lyrics. Then I am sitting on a sofa and I have longer hair, I'm suddenly a teenager again - and it is my step dad that is shouting at me - I get pissed off, I tell him to try to talk to me like an actual human being every once in a while.

12/10/20

I am outdoors walking down a crowded sidewalk. There is some kind of festival with many people my age and younger. I see some people I know walking behind me. There is an open plot of land which is a farm with many cows in it between two houses in the neighborhood we are walking through. The owner is by their front fence with a few other people looking at the cows. One of the larger cows which was leaning over the fence jumps over it. There is a larger man who holds it in place by the horns in the crowd of people, still by the fence. I am amused by the cow and want to pet it. Somebody behind me holds me back and my vision goes black.

I wake up in the upstairs of the farmhouse in a dark bedroom with someone babysitting me for some reason. I gather there are many people on hallucinagens at this festival and they were concerned I was trying to pet the bull. The younger blonde farmer chick is now babysitting me just sitting around making sure I am ok. I am confused because I didn't remember taking anything to impair my judgement. I just wanted to pet the cow.
We walk together into the next room which is like a large open theater and has bleacher like seating. It's dimly lit and I gather there is a certain ceremony going on.

I see some guys I grew up with all sitting in a mixed group towards the upper right of the seats. He tells me they have 12 portions of Corceps?(maybe a fungus maybe a flower I don't really know) And offers me some for the trip. A certain point is reached in the ceremony and everyone whips out their portion to dose. Everyone has a bowl of chunky looking bluish almost yogurt consistency liquid in wooden bowls. They all start drinking theirs. He encourages me to drink mine. I say hold up. I pull out my phone and Google the name he tells me. I am looking it up first before drinking it.

A girl I know IWL from festival is sitting close to me and gets really upset that I am on my phone during the ceremony and gets up angrily telling me how I am messing with her vibe. I'm like, tough tits chick, I'm not just gonna take something I have no idea what it is even if my oldest friend I know just hands it to me. So I turn the brightness down on my phone and just keep reading.

I read that it is a powerful natural hallucination used in indigenous ceremonies for journey. I see the words witchcraft and occult in one of the articles and decide that's good enough for me. I sit up to start drinking mine and grab a bowl which is already empty. I think someone has drunk mine but actually just grabbed the wrong bowl. My friend hands me mine and I smell it. It smells like blueberries. I bring the bowl to my lips to drink and the dream fades.

I call a bank about withdrawing money from my Alexa account, the guy tells me to come in to do the transaction. When I get there it is a smaller strip mall bank that almost looks like an airport terminal kiosk.
I wait in line but notice the guy I talked to is on the left side of the desk. There is an older guy there in the background sort of glaring at me. I gather he is evil and don't want to talk to him. I tell them I just called about an Alexa withdrawal and the guy on the left helps me.
He asks for my ID which I panic thinking I don't have it on me. It is in my hat.
When we finish he hands me my money and my cards back, only I have one extra card in the stack. It is a vertical card with some braille on it. It has a picture of the old guy on it and the name Micheal Flynn at the bottom with his picture on the front.
I gather that Micheal Flynn is a demon. I have been marked with this card but don't understand the intention. I stand in front of the kiosk for a minute or so while looking from the card to back up at them with a raised eyebrow. The guy who gave me the card was my lead. He is helping me track down the demon.

I go to my car which is in eyesight to the kiosk. I sit in the passenger seat and stake it out. While sitting I get tired but only pretend to lower my head while watching the activity intently. A girl with black hair a black shirt and a broom to sweep with comes out of a store next-door to the bank. When I look at her she ignores me and pretends to work. While I pretend to hang my head down so she can't see my eyes she just stands there staring at me while slowly lifting her shirt or pulling it down or something equally tempting my attention. I pretend to ignore her while I look up casually still watching the kiosk to the left of where she is standing. I have decided she is the demon I've been looking for.

I get out of the car and approach her, the gig is up. I grab her while walking back into her empty store that is similar to a smaller department store with the same type of nooks and crannies as a clothing store.
While holding her arms I notice her face go fuzzy with distortion when I poke certain parts of her back and neck and arms while she isn't struggling too much. She walks with me while I calmly explain to her that she has been found out, I know what she is. Whatever is going on here is going to stop, there is no room for evil in these parts ect ect. But I do mention if she weren't evil we'd probably get along fine. I attempt to be smooth about it as to not attract the attention of the security guard I know is working.

He may have seen me as we tuck away into the back cubby corner of the shop. The outline of her face is still going buzzy every few seconds and I gather the entity inside her isn't pleased to be found out.
When we get to the back I begin some incantation speaking words I do not recognize while she writhes as I hold both of her arms behind her back. I notice the guard coming up behind me so I let her go and immediately begin on some false conversational tangent about how her brother had a conversation with her and I just want to know what she told my sister because it was very important that I hear it from her (hoping my tone would falsely show the tension he may have witnessed while also implying this being a personal matter between two consenting parties, and not an exorcism).

He stares blankly for a few moments while she just stands there looking between the two of us.
"You can't do that here" he says. The gig is up I think.
"If you want to get rid of that thing inside her you better follow me to the fire, it's the only way" he continues.
I am shocked. He knows what I am doing and is offering help. Very cool. I walk her behind him and he leads us to another part of the store which has a fireplace in the wall. I gather the only way is to channel this being back into the fire from which it came.
The dream fades as the incantations begin with her writhing in my arms once again.

I’m with a coworker visiting a city, we arrived at night, there’s no street lights, we can barely see in the dark. I asked him if he got some place to sleep. He tells me we got one with three beds, and laughs. We try to walk on the street but it’s impossible to see for me. The cars have all lights off. They look like shadows and seem to be very damaged. I notice I forgot my bag somewhere else while we went out of the subway station, which is the last spot of light I can see now. Get back to look for my bag. I complain about the darkness while I put my hands on some surface in front of me. I wish it’s daylight while looking down my hands. It turns into daylight on the borders of my vision! No need to think about it anymore, I know what this means. Lucid again! I get excited, go back where we were, I don’t want to leave this dreamscape. Want to explore and enjoy. My coworker is not there anymore, I see a very tight street, on my right while walking down the place, there’re kiosks selling newspapers on both sides. I’m curious to see what my dream mind will put there. The place silently starts to fall down like it was an earthquake, on my left side. I see people between the mass of earth and papers. I wonder for what could it mean. Keep on walking until I get into a very known non-lucid dreamscape cemetery. There you are! I say, while I immediately recognize this cemetery. It’s still the same, like I was here yesterday. I wonder for what does it mean in my mind, what have changed along the years in this place. Then Start to walk among the graves amazed because of the very old memory view. There I see something new, a tall wall covered in plants… slowly woke up to write a draft for this entry. It was the first dream of the night when I saw the clock.

12/9/20

With A at some certain restaurant. It feels french and fancy. Things are pleasant and wishy washy.
The room opens up to a large hilly landscape. People are dressed in all white laying on the grass in small groups. There are funky trees scattered about. I befriend some bohemians who are making music. I wonder if I have my drum with me.
While walking back to the restaurant I feel drunk and cannot see for a few minutes. I gather some guy has come up to me attempting to give me a hug and he wants something from me. I am repulsed and gather he is a homeless guy trying to take advantage of me. He grabs me quickly but I push him away even though my vision is impaired.

It is night now and things are neon coloured with lights and glowy things all over. It feels like a night time festival.
This transitions to being at a church camp
I find my like-minded people but mostly everyone else is 'in on it'.

I am in a sort of secluded church camp now. I am an older leader. I befriend a kid who is kind of the outcast, we goof off in a photo booth and make silly faces. The picture print outs are very small, I put it in my pocket.

Guys are in separate dorms than girls. We are segregated all day as well. I find myself in a girl's room at night time. The gravity is different for me and I am being pulled away from the door. I attempt to climb up the floor while everyone else just lays around in their sleeping bags
After crawling through the door it is higher up and I fall to the floor with a thud

Certain days the guys clean up after the girls and certain days the girls clean up after the guys. It is the only time we are allowed into each other's sections. The rooms are named after planets and moons, they are divvied up through the week, we decide to clean Io today.

The girls are purposely messy and throw trash on the ground while the guys are walking around them cleaning. We all use our hands and have no cleaning tools. I imagine this to be quite unsanitary. My hands are full of candy wrappers and general bits of trash from the floor. We are leaving a room when the girls call our attention to empty chip bags that were under one of their sleeping bags. I take up the bag and begin to stuff other trash into it. They are all staring at me as if I have done something improper.

Some of the rooms have bunk beds and some of the beds are in small plywood constructed rooms in a long hallway that almost resembles a boxcar, my room is one of these though I only lay down once I think. I walk back and forth a lot. The ideology of the place is getting to me.
I don't like it. I am tired.

I go to the back of the row of rooms and there are several boys and one other leader in there all sitting around the same table. They are all wearing the same blue jumpsuits. They all look tired too. I ask when we are supposed to sleep. Cause I notice it doesn't really get dark here but the girls are sleeping regularly. They say they don't really sleep when they're here. I am reminded of lock-ins when I used to go to weekend camps.

We are told to go on a trip to one of the head pastor's house. While in the van with all the other kids I pull out the picture reel from earlier while next to the kid I befriended. I tell him these are nice mementos. "Mementos are really nice" I say "because they are an accurate memory of the past. Because memories can be flawed, we only remember what we want to remember. And memories can change based on how we feel" The other leader looks at me weird as do some of the boys. I gather I have been ideologically inappropriate again.

When we reach the pastors house I notice it is a very large house. We are all gathered at his front door as he is in the doorway. He steps outside and makes us watch him select a pair of shoes from his massive rack of dress shoes and work boots that are up against the house. There must be hundreds of pairs of shoes. This feels excessive to me. There is a tv screen on the porch he instructs us to watch as he wants to show us something. There are two cameras on his person as he is walking his cat down the street. Both views are on the tv. He is just rambling about his sweet little girl kitty and his dog as he is walking around giving them treats. We watch the screen of his perspective for a few minutes. I am not amused.
I ask the other leader if we can go in now cause I really don't wanna watch this dude feed his cat. Some of the kids giggle but the leader is solemn and quietly informs me this is the proper way they are instructed to do what they are told. It must happen this way before we enter. I roll my eyes and wait.

Once inside we are all sitting in a circle of chairs in the living room. It feels like a small group meeting but only the head pastor and a couple of his subservients are talking one at a time. I gather right off the bat that I am being singled out.

I am open at first but very regularly they are looking directly at me while saying something ominous. They also are constantly bumping into only me. Either walking past my chair or literally coming over to me and standing directly in front of me with their back to me.
Several times they are excitedly squatting and basically twerking in my lap. Everytime this happens my eyes get wider and wider. I am disgusted and in complete disbelief. I glance around the room with a dissatisfied look on my face and catch the glances of a couple of the guys in passing. We give each other that knowing look while I slowly shake my head.

This is gross, these are grown ass men in their sunday's best rubbing their body all over me "accidentally" and only me. One of the times one of them from inside the circle is passing a book to one on the outside of the circle over my head. He hits me in the head with the book in passing but doesn't acknowledge it. I just look around the room and catch the eyes of whoever will look at me. I am obviously being singled out here, this is gonna be good.

I now notice a blackboard on the wall to my left. It has many words written on it but in the very center is the word DEAD. I gather they are all words of personal submission. There are also the "higher ups" in the group all sitting around a rectangular table all very deeply in prayer or study or whatever. They have Uno cards I gather they are using like tarot cards but only Jesus inspired. I find it comical.

At a certain point everyone in the circle stands up while looking at me. I remain sitting with my arms crossed unmoved. A guy I know to my right slowly starts to crouch while everyone is holding hands with each other in the circle. Everyone else starts to crouch too. He says let's get down lower so we can be with him too. I look around while everyone prays with their head down. There is a girl in a wheelchair across from me I used to be friends with but she looks different. She has the silliest look on her face and one of her eyes is literally going around in circles. I hold back an audible laugh in the quietness of their group prayer.

While the main pastor is talking again I find extreme distain with his message. He is belittling the people around me. His demeanour is pompous and entitled. He encourages people to doubt themselves and ensures people they are less than they think they are. The only way to salvation is to listen to me he says. You must die to yourself and only support me, it's what god wants. I am visibly not having any of this bullshit.

He then announces God is telling him that one of us is in need of divine intervention. Shocker. While walking around the outside of the circle he is talking of the devil and the damnation of self-knowledge. Without warning he pushes my chair into the center of the circle exclaiming "God has chosen you my son to be directly touched by his loving hand!" "Whhooooooaaaa you don't say!?" I say out loud mockingly. Saw this coming.

He begins circling my chair looking at me intently. I notice the circle has thinned. The younger kids are gone and it is only 'the faith warriors' now. Shits about to get real I gather. He begins on some diatribe "Now son do you believe you were sent by God here today to…" and continues to talk for 5 minutes about divine intervention and the necessity of purging self for the attainment of 'rightfulness'. I let him talk while still having my arms crossed.
He pauses, "Well? Son? Do you?"
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was an actual question in there, it just sounded like you were talking at me not to me, can you please rephrase the statement?" I return.
The dream fades

Prison camp

I am in a prison camp that feels like north korea. It's a run down warehouse on the water, everything is rusted and smells.
I am with many other people who are also there against our will. Everyone has a job or location that they work at everyday.
There are lines for everything everywhere.
Everything is moderated/controlled and most everything survival related costs money, only we are paid literal pennies for our labor. People are depressed and just waiting to die. All hope is seemingly lost. I befriend some people but the whole experience is very drab.

While standing outside a building on the concrete road near the entrance I hear a voice in my head.
It says, "Listen. He is coming, You will be free."
I am confused but attentive. I see someone who is a higher up, someone with authority but not callous towards us. He is walking past me but doesn't notice me at first. I notice he begins to choke, he is unwell in just that moment. So I run to the kiosk behind me which has food and drinks I grab a cup which is on one of the lights and fill it with water. The older korean lady working here yells at me that I can't do that but I disregard her and give the water to the guy who is coughing really quick. He takes it and drinks in several large gulps and is suddenly well. His eyes are filled with gratitude and he sees me. He tells me he is in my debt and he will repay me, this is how it begins.

I am unsure what will happen now so I continue on with my routine. While working/moving around the warehouse and outside I notice a small number of people here and there who are standing at stations but don't have any work to do. I gather they have fallen through the cracks of the system and are still here but are not being told to do a job, they have been forgotten. It seems nice to have free time.

Suddenly the man returns and informs me I no longer have to work. I have been cleared from the system. But It would be up to me to figure out how to escape. The first domino seems to have fallen.
While walking around with free time now I befriend the other people who don't have to work.
One of them is a larger black man who sometimes works the gate and one of them is Jack Black. He gets a letter from family and inside of it is a refund totalling several hundred dollars, he is beside himself, I sit beside him. I tell him 'thats south korea money' implying it's enough money to bribe our way out of here. There are several others, maybe the black guy has a girlfriend. I don't recall. We work together to devise a plan of escape.

The day comes to execute the plan.
I am on rollerblades and when the big daily white semi truck delivery comes I ride next to it opposite of the warehouse and guards.
I am crouched and holding onto the wheel well on the front right wheel as it turns to leave the gate. I gather neither the semi nor the guards can see me riding along out the gate. After the semi is out of the gate and stopped my friends are in the back. The door opens and we overtake the semi driver, we control the vehicle now and all 6 of us are on the road to freedom. I gather we are still being pursued by the administration of the camp. But we drive on the highway and celebrate for a while anyway. The open road and wind feels nice we are all laughing.

We stop at a gas station which also has a mattress factory attached to it. It is night time. Peter Capaldi is now in our group. He is concerned he might regenerate soon. The administration seems to have caught up to us while we were inside. They steal back the semi but seem unconcerned with us as prisoners(maybe we look different?) I take as many supplies from the trunk as possible while the truck is pulling away. We are still free but now stranded in the middle of nowhere in a mattress factory. It is quiet as we all stand in front of the station looking outwards into the darkness.

12/7/20

Kostas the Grecian baker is showing off a pumpkin plant growing on the wall of his bakery, talking about keeping the roots on the wall because it is so beautiful. I think he wants to harvest the blossoms to cook. I agree whole heartily and take some video for him.

I am walking down a hallway in a school going to class, all other classes have already begun. No one minds that I am late to the room.
I sit down at an open desk with my backpack. Everyone is already going over a test or homework.
When I sit down the desk is small and I fall backwards with the desk attached to me doing a roll, everyone kind of laughs but nothing is too disrupted.
I realize I am 32 and have been out of school for quite a while. I shout 'hey everyone! This is a dream!'
They cheer and start to get up, the teacher looks defeated. I say out loud that this should be obvious because I am older and have been out of highschool for over a decade, so this is definitely a dream.
I tell the whole class to pinch their nose and breathe to prove they are dreaming. Some are confused, some do it. I do it together with them and prove that I am on fact dreaming. It's a great feeling.
I leave the classroom, there is a group of students standing in the doorway blocking my way. I ask them if this is a door, because it definitely looks like a door. And one by one they move out of my way begrudgingly. The dream destabilizes multiple times in the hallway so I drop to the floor and feel the cool tile with my hands to re-stabilize the dream the hallway comes back into clarity and I begin walking again.
This happens several times in the dream I always drop down and feel the ground or rub my hands as I feel the dream start to collapse and with some focus it rematerializes around me.
While outside I fly around with ease, not as much effort as I remember it taking. I have a sort of iron man pose.
The school is now a 1800's military academy and I see rows of students/soldiers carrying bayonets.
They are scared of me, one of them throws their bayonet and almost hits me as I fly over. I fly higher into the air and over the pond. It's an old campus with a large pond in the middle and many older trees like southern live oaks.
The dream starts to crash again so I land and feel the grass through my fingers,I pay attention to the sounds of the water and the street nearby. The scene comes back but the soldiers are gone. There are creatures now moving faster than vision almost.
I reach out my hands and control one that has gone by me and is almost on the other side of the water.
I intend to control its movement and wind it back like a toy. I see it's movement slow. It is like an animated toyish looking trex that belongs on a playground spring but it is moving around very fast, it moves backwards and forwards and I am content with my control so I let it go.

I tell someone close to me that I am dreaming and they tell me to come with them, we all get in a car and they tell me I have to meet Theodore Roosevelt, they tell me that I'm gonna love Teddy.
He is showing me his collection of cars, one of them looks like a pre-model T but it's combined with a wooden boat. Without saying anything I help him take it down off a rack and fold the wheels down to drive. I complement the antiquity of the collection and tell him the oldest one is my favorite, Teddy is much more informal than I am expecting as he is wearing swim shorts and a safari hard hat. His mustache is large and pointy.
We go into an army bunker with other officers and the dream starts to collapse again. I drop down and feel the cool floor, then the windowsill and start to take in all the details and senses. The dream comes back but the men are gone. There is a redhead now who looks similar to Lucile ball. She is sitting on the edge of a desk in an all khaki military dress.
She is pleased to meet me, I ask if it's really her and she nods. I am so pleased to see her again. I wrap my arms around her lower half and just embrace her. I tell someone else in the room that this is the Prime Matriarch. She is my guide, I have been looking for her for literally months. It is an immense relief to be finally close to her so I just breathe it in for a few minutes.
There are several props and maps around the room she begins trying to show me things while explaining, I don't grasp the meaning of anything she says but the warmth of her presence is comforting.
The dream destabilizes again and I rub my hands together quickly and feel the walls of the barracks.
I hear talking and can feel sensations of the walls but my vision hasn't returned yet. I imagine where I just was and intend to step back into the barracks.

I am now with a couple old friends in their apartment. They show me a collectable figurine they have from one of the Batman cartoons. He undoes the box in a meticulous way to show me the figure inside and puts it all back before going into the other room.
The box falls forward and I grab it to put back on the shelf. Everything has become shifted in the box and I attempt to put it right. But nothing fits the way it was. I try to fold the box back up the correct way and am unsuccessful, I know they will be displeased that I messed up their collectable. They are leaving to go get ice cream across the street I tell them to wait for me while I struggle with the box
I finally give up and admit defeat, I have the thought that they will think I was trying to play with the toy rather than admire the collectable. They go ahead of me to the ice cream place anyway.

I am now in a 50's style diner, it's packed with classmates and people I used to know, they are all at different tables having their own conversations. I gather that I am still dreaming but don't intend to change anything.
I see the girl with blue hair and I tug on it as I walk by her but don't say anything. She follows me around so I talk to her in passing, then a girl I used to date runs up to me like an excited puppy and tries to derail my attention. It works and I give her the drink I have in my hand. The dream starts to crash so I drop to the floor again to re-stabilize.

The diner disappears, I am now in a highrise corner new york flat with large windows looking out to the night time city and only one other guy in it. He looks identical to Mark Sheppard. I tell him that I am dreaming and he agrees with me, I go through several periods of almost waking up but always come back into this room. Maybe 4 or 5 times. He is impressed but attempts to get my name. When he speaks details it is gibberish and the same with me, so he tries to write it down. They look like wingdings combined with korean characters. I describe very clearly what I see.
He tells me he wrote his name. But I cannot read it. He is very amused that we can have normal conversation but certain details seem to be 'edited' in real time from us. He tells me to find him when I wake up.
I write my name down in permanent marker but he tells me it just looks like random gibberish to him. We are both amused that we can't seem to share each other's name. I do manage to piece it together one of the times I phase back into his apartment after partially destabilizing. He says his name is Marc Bilit. I need to find him when I wake up. He is also surprised when I come back into the room. Apparently when I destabilize I just disappear from right in front of him, and when I come back I just pop back into existence. He is very tickled by this occurrence. Marc Bilit. Remember Marc Bilit it's very important that I find him when I wake up. We are working to understand cross communication between dreams.

Big giant house

I was in something like mansion. In something like a hallway, I stepped into a bedroom that had a lot of things in it. There was a bed and things all over the place. A keyboard started playing by itself, in just a couple of notes for a few seconds. It did this by itself. I went out of the room and found a long winding staircase. On the main level i walked through a few giant living rooms with old architecture. I found another staircase. But right beside the stairs a panel in the wall was missing. i saw my childhood friend Gary , his brother and a few other people sitting on a couch. I went down a few more steps into the room. Gary seemed annoyed that I was there but some older guy was telling me about the house and that it was haunted.

I said, "Yeah the keyboard upstairs plays by itself." He agreed with me. Several of us left the room. I went back up to the main level. I saw a winding staircase leading upstairs and I was trying to figure out the actual layout of the place. I found yet another large living room this time with 3 pianos. I was going to play one of them when i woke up.

House party.

I was hearing the Dark Tower audio throughout this dream. I'm on Wolves now, Now narrated by some old guy who butchers songs... I was in a living room with Manvi from work. I think she said she was having guests over. Something was spilled all over her table which was in front of a large TV. We both tried desperately to clean it up. After it was clean i sat beside her on the couch to watch TV. i think she was a little nervous because it was me and her. As if the dream responded to her nervousness suddenly her guests were there. There was a guy who was hearing the audiobook audio and asked if it was the Dark Tower. I said yes, and was going to have a conversation with him until i woke up.


Lucid

I was trapped in a house with some psycho guy. He had me in some traps like the movie SAW. He had a wife that told me I was a better fuck than her husband.. and i also have false memories of that act... Anyway they leave the room. I become lucid when i float up out of the traps. I fly up and intend a hole in the floor. I lower into another room. and for a while, I keep floating through more holes in more rooms. Kind of like those lucids where you are in a house and you keep finding hidden rooms and basements inside more rooms and basements and it an go on a long as the lucid. Eventually i wanted outside. I wanted to look for Jamie. I saw a house and went inside. My memory got really foggy and sped up. I found jamie, or a DC that looked like her and i remember feeling the desire to sleep with her. Not sure if we did.

either than that no jamie dreams. not sure if the lucid was her. I hope i get Jamie dreams regularly Like I use to.

12/6/20

I am at a sort of camping house which is located in a campground I frequent. It is a common area that seems like slightly nicer than a large shed. It is run down but charming like a rustic 3rd world b&b.
There are daily cleaners who tidy up the place and the shower always smells nice.
At a certain point I am doing laundry in a common space just casually listening to the sounds of the machines and the outdoors.
There are a few people who hang out in the common room/kitchen, it is familiar to me because I have spent a fair amount of time in this room. Other people have the same sense of ownership. They have special events which can be facilitated like communal meal time or paid tours of the grounds we are on. There may be lasertag? I gather it costs like ten bucks a night for a fold out bed in one of the rooms. It's not fancy but it's dry and warm. I live there for a while with friends from the campground. I meet amazing people and we form a sort of impromptu family unit.

Alex's wedding

Alex the French guy cooking and I become friends at the campground ground, we become best friends during the summer and while there he meets the love of his life. She is called Eve and just as wild as he is.
They hit it off really well while at the campground and are always around each other. At a certain point he asks her to marry him. Very happy for them both I tell him I am ordained and would love to officiate the ceremony for them.
Fast forward to the day of it is something slightly different.
His grand idea is to entertain her and her friend in the middle of a street while musicians set up behind them in a mass of chairs and perform their favorite sonata flash mob style. She is meant not to see the group before they are set up so him and I are attempting to distract them while the musicians show up. I am the main distraction. I am playing an accordion for the first time, I really enjoy how it sounds and remember some of the notes I play while dancing with the accordion like a drunk street performer, I get some compliments on passing.
Cars keep coming down the path and Alex is getting distraught because Eve and her friend see people coming in and setting up behind them though I think they try to pretend not to, to preserve the illusion of surprise. The road was supposed to be closed off but traffic keeps cutting through the parking lot driving past where we are, we move to only blocking one lane.
Her and her friend finally notice something special going on so he abandons the surprise and decides to move to an open part of the parking lot with no road going through it.

The location then turns into a large room like one of those strip mall churches with drop ceilings and tile floors.
She knows what's happening now, but it's ok the magic is in the air, everyone is getting excited now. She is getting ready with her bride's maids and they all have a different bright neon colour on. She is all blue in a tight fitting dress with a Massive blue fohawk, her friends have on, red and green with their hair dyed respectively, with also matching awesome huge hairstyles.
Alex has on a snazzy suit. It almost looks like a mix of period and futuristic style.

There are lines of chairs people are filing in taking their seats little by little. Alex was sitting next to me waiting for the orchestra to all get there and set up along with guests. At a certain point he goes to the doorway to see his fiancé. I think of the tradition and what people will think of him seeing her before the ceremony but he doesn't seem to mind. He stands with his back to the doorway and she comes up and gives him a kiss on the cheek, I am standing close to him, they are both giddy.
He glances to the side but doesn't see all of her.

Things then begin to be quite chaotic.
Not all of the orchestra is here yet, there is uncertainty if they will all show up.
A long tuba flute player is in front of me blowing into his flute thing, obviously bored.
The ones that are there are just casually tuning their instruments making that pre-show cacophony.
The bride starts to freak out a little bit, getting nervous and pacing back and forth at the front of the room. Alex goes up to try to comfort her to no avail.
I now have an open seat next to me. There is an older couple which walks in looking for a seat and asks me if the one next to me is open. I tell them that's the groom's seat but see many open seats behind me I motion towards.
There is a rough not unattractive girl who walks in, and I point to a seat behind me as well. A guy she was flirting with earlier in the dream(at the campground maybe?) is sitting next to the open seat. She mentions 'well at least someone can carry me out of here if I get too drunk' and the guy quietly pumps a 'Yes' fist action. I also gather she has some kind of show she is popular for.

Things are becoming more chaotic now as the couple begins to audibly fight at the front of the room. There is a great disagreement which neither party is seeing eye to eye. The band is all here but are waiting to start playing. As with the crowd, we are all just kind of looking at each other while we watch the obviously distraught couple attempting to make amends just prior to their wedding.

I really feel bad for the couple, Alex is being proud and trying to make light of everything to calm her down. She is upset he is not understanding her, claiming his insincerity is not helping and she's kind of laugh crying at his attitude. She tries to get away as he's following her back and forth in front of the room.
It is really hard to watch.

People in the audience start to bicker at each other, making snide comments and generally escalating the situation.
Things are really going downhill now.
Everyone is standing up and multiple people in the audience are in arguments.
Someone makes a comment to the girl with the show obviously trying to throw shade however she seems oblivious to the criticism. I finally interject and say something for the first time.
'I mean, we all have seen your show, so we know who you are, but have YOU seen your show?'
People gasp and everything stops while people standing in a circle are all looking at her and I now.
I continue 'Now don't get me wrong, I like you, and I'm sure many people here do too. But you should really watch your show. Because if you do that then you would actually See Yourself. Like see yourself how we see you, not just how you see you, and that's not a bad thing. It's just the perspective of seeing yourself the way other people do. That's why relationships are so important, it's a way for us to see each other through each other's eyes, and that's beautiful. That's what is so special about Alex and Eve, they see each other, because they love each other, and it's that completely unadulterated vision which bonds people in this way.'
Everyone is silent but smiling,
The couple is quietly hugging behind the circle of people, they are watching and listening with tears in their eyes while smiling and pressing themselves into each other.
'Its important to see who you really are, or at least to find someone who can really see you, so that you can see yourself, and love yourself, so that you can love each other'
The dream fades with a warmth of compassion in the room though it is quiet after my voice.

12/4/20

Joel is showing off Chiang Mai locations. There are fragments of food and countryside businesses as we hop around a map of Thailand. It is borderline cartoonish at times. Too many fragments.

I was dreaming then suddenly walking into a bar/poolhall/game center which happened to be close to my house. I was excited and full of energy to be there. There are fun lights and awesome smells, the place is packed with people. I was moving quickly through the crowd just exploring the entire place. It felt like a new well financed business which had everything entertainment you could imagine. People my age were just hanging out drinking, playing games and the mood was elevated. I begin singing at the top of my lungs like chester with a couple other guys. It sounds good and we rock out while people walk around us just causally listening and bobbing their heads.
At a certain point I find Nathan in there so we hang out some, I want a beer so we go to the bar in the center of the building. I don't remember arriving here so I ask the guy bartending like 3 times if this is really happening because I didn't think any of it was real. He laughs and assures me it's real, telling me I seem to be having a really good time. I felt like it was a dream the majority of the time.

I walk with Nathan down the street to go smoke or something, he is staying at a house which is close by.
It was like 12:50 when we left to go to the other house. When we finish we walk back and it is like 1:15 when we get there. All the lights are off and no one is there but the owners, they are still happy to have us in. They let us in and I am confused. It was so packed and now it is completely empty.
They inform us they do close at 1 due to it being a new business and having so many people in one place at once. It was only the second day they had been open and it was incredibly successful.
We all hang out with the owners for a while.
It is a sweet business. Diner food, arcade games, karaoke, pool hall, and a fancy bar in the center to boot. I ran multiple laps while they were open. Kept finding myself in the upstairs 'employees only' area. The woman owner saw me up there once and didn't seem to mind, just casually pointing out which way I should go.
Hang out with the owners talking about the business for a while, they are really cool and laid back.
While talking I gather there are now two couples or at least another guy and girl with the couple who own the place. The girl owner is sleeping on a cot face down and the new girl who looks like the brunette from Raised by Wolves makes a comment about how her friend always sleeps in super late because she gave her extra NyQuil. While giving me a knowing look. I gather she has killed her quietly somehow and is aiming to take her place. (This is what happened in the show, no spoilers). There is another guy I don't really recognize, he has a shaved head and bright grey eyes, he is in on it as well. I don't understand why any of this is happening so I just quietly excuse myself. In talking to them as I am leaving I must have filled out an application to work there as it is on the counter of the bar. I consider taking it with me so I am not connected to this thing which is obviously about to blow up. But decide that may look suspicious so I leave it where it was.

It's the next day and I am walking back again, I end up in a large complex which is a public space built to be a hangout spot. It is a large indoor dome structure with a water feature on top of a pile of boulders in the center. It is well landscaped and looks ritzy and well lit. Perfectly manicured little odd shapes of grass and perfectly fitted red brick paths all leading around the area. With concrete circular tables and benches scattered about.
I walk around and find a food court area with music coming from it. It is decorated like a 30's style speakeasy, brass rails, wooden carved accents, large tan fans, black and white tiles, the works. Just past a Starbucks there is a stage with a guy and a girl playing instruments singing. I feel like I've heard the song before, it sounds like some kind of folk music, they look like people from my old church. This whole thing has a very Sunday afternoon vibe. There is a large crowd of teenagers sitting in the audience watching. Only half paying attention because, you know, teenagers. I try to walk around the back of the crowd to get out the side door but there is just a mass of people mostly girls all sitting asses to elbows blocking the walking path with their stools and tables.
I walk around and in front of everyone to leave the building.

Walking back down the strip mall it is the next morning and I am super tired. I realize I have been barefoot and look for a pair of my shoes in the mass of pairs of shoes that have been left in front of the poolhall. I find several pairs that look like mine but none of them fit. Before laying down the 'other' guy shows up out front. He has a concerned look on his face but he attempts to make smalltalk with me. He mentions working for a launch provider which is close to here and they have a couple satellites to launch in the next few days. I am not really interested and don't want to talk to him much longer. I have a bed/my big winter sleeping bag rolled out and I try to get some sleep on the sidewalk while people are walking/driving by. While falling asleep I see a group of three cops standing on the sidewalk down the way from me. I pretend not to notice them and begin to fall asleep in the dream.

I wake up to a sort of middle aged hispanic woman getting my attention standing over me, I immediately tell her I was about to scuttle off, I am still fairly drowsy. But I notice she is a police officer, she asks if I am 'No-ha' I say yes and shake her hand from laying down. I ask her name and she says 'In-ki-ya' her friends call her. I already know exactly what all of this is about. But I play dumb and look around to notice there are now 6 or 7 police cruisers of various designs on the street now. I say 'Whooa, what's this all about?? I see a lot of cop cars, and one really messed up car' then I notice another car/van which looks like it has been completely stripped for parts, no doors or wheels or anything sitting in front of the shopping mall, (I have been sleeping in front of the pool hall where it all went down apparently).
I put on my best clueless face/attitude not wanting to get involved. I gather she's not buying it and already suspicious of me.

I am traveling to Doug's house with G, we've never visited him before so we're very excited. When we get there he is overwhelmed to see us. We are all hanging out around him in his living room. We're all nude and his hair is longer and comes down over his eyes. It's casual and I gather we're all kind of passively watching a ritual taking place in the corner of the room. It opens up into a rocky cave and in the distance I can see a burning monument of sorts. It kind of looks like a mini greek colosseum with life-sized figurines all holding hands around the border, like the Indian Circle of Friends sculpture. The flames are yellow and white but not consuming the structure. I understand what we are witnessing is very important and thousands of years old. Doug is talking about people he knows who have trouble understanding their own reality. I make a remark about 'how many people get to see a 5,000 year old ritual, in a cave, while nude?' it is comforting and reassuring to watch.
We are now in an oversized tub, almost like a hot tub mixed with an overly large Victorian footed porcelain tub. We're all sitting around the edges. There is a squid like octopus swimming around. Everytime it touches me it latches onto my hand, the suckers kind of hurt and it doesn't want to let go.

12/2/20

Elon is giving some kind of presentation. I am in the audience. I win a contest allowing me to play the guitar to accompany his band. When they play I still sit in the audience but my guitar is wired into the sound system. It sounds really good and I play better than I have ever played before. There are lead plucking parts and van Halen style taping at one point. The crowd enjoys the show and I can tell Elon was pleasantly surprised at my performance as well. We talk after the show while walking out onto a runway and to his car. His entourage is behind him and we walk side by side. I am starstruck but maintain my composure. I make a joke he likes about how people usually treat him when they meet him "omg I know right! That's totally true, like seriously people!" he responds laughing. We arrive at his car and he says we should totally do this again sometime soon. I assume he is just being nice. But later in the dream I am at another function sitting at a roundtable with some friends and Elon asks me to play along with them again. He is on stage rocking his heart out, he is obviously showing off playing a large drum and the band is just generally jamming. I start playing my guitar along with them only at some point it becomes a bass guitar in my hands. I can't play the bass as well IRL, but in the dream it sounds really good, I remember some of the chord progressions and the accompanyment meshes really well. The crowd enjoys the jam, Elon is in full performer mode sweating up a storm. At a certain point I think he has his shirt off wearing black wrist cuffs and a black headband. My friends around the table are flabbergasted that I am playing with the band from the audience. This time I scoot my chair over in front of the sound guys table who has some lights on his table projecting onto the stage. I sit in front of the light and my silhouette is outlined on the stage. The song goes really well and people clap at the end. I don't get to conversate with him after this time. But I still brag to my friends that I got to hang out with Elon in person 2 times in one week. I am still beside myself.

There is another performance this time I don't know who is on stage but I have an oversized midi controller in the shape of a larger misformed original grey nintendo gameboy. It has several lines on it with options on each line like a mad lib. But when I press them they play different sampled sounds that are all in the same key. It is hard to describe but I am pretty much head banging mashing buttons and it sounds like trip hop techno. I see an old friend from highschool and he throws me the rock on horns while smiling devilishly. He asks about the controller after the performance and I attempt to explain it. People around me are generally impressed at the show. I played from the audience again but only the people around me knew I was coming through the speakers.

Vr headset playing in a room. Don't recognize the game but it is somewhat surreal. My cat comes and lays down next to me while I am playing and the game sees her and puts her in the game as a dog with a cat's face. I walk into a table in the room I am in while walking around in vr. (I've never tried vr irl)

I am looking for G and gather she is at some trump fundraiser, or has been kidnapped to go there or something. I drive my car to a rich neighborhood that I think the place is at and for some reason I keep looking for the place called "Goat Barn" I am unsure if it's a street or location. I park my car and begin walking around the neighborhood. It is very cold and snowy out. I wonder why I got out to walk as none of the street names match what I am looking for. I have a flyer in my hand that is for the fundraiser in typical propaganda style but there is no address on the flyer. I try googling Goat Barn on my phone but come up with nothing. I am standing in front of one of the large houses and for some reason I pull their mailbox off the post. No one is home but I am still cautious someone might have seen me mess up the mailbox. I start to walk away and see the person pull into their driveway. I cut through some yards and smaller walkways between houses to get to the other side of the neighborhood. The Goat Barn is no where to be seen.

12/1/20

I am at a school lock-in at a large period style manor with my old classmates.
I saw her dressed in an all black victorian style dress walking calmly, standing out in the crowd she is graceful and glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.
We walk by each other, I notice her notice me but I do not acknowledge her as I walk slowly with my hands behind my back. I don't see her again.
I am with a group of guys who look like power lifters wearing singlets. We are all cutting up laughing.
We put wigs on and joke loudly about starting a strip club, girls line up for us to jokingly grind on them while trapy thump music plays in the background.
The joke gets old.

It's time for bed and we're all herded into different rooms. They are large dormitory style rooms only the beds are also large, some have several pillows on them.
I don't see any open beds really so I sleep at the foot of one of the large beds.
They are all kids now, I am unsure if I am also a kid.
Another kid lays down next to me unaware there are pillow positions.
I ask him if he wants the other bed next to us, he says no, I am fine with it and fall asleep anyway.
In the morning time the old nanny-like ladies are waking us up
We are all standing around them as the introductions are happening. There are laminated numbers hanging from the ceiling. I gather we will be here for a few weeks.
The room starts to rotate and I see out the windows a line of coloured small circus style tents outside that the african american boys were sleeping in.
I think I want to sleep outside the next night as the segregation is totally unfair.
I look and most of the boys inside are african american too, I am confused.
The caretaker (who looks like Paterson Joseph) outside tells us while standing on a ladder that this place has history and our water comes from the creek which has had slaves shitting in it for centuries and we should feel lucky to have this history in our water.
We are all sprayed at once to shower and brush our teeth. I continued brushing my teeth after and am scolded by one of the nannies.
The morning chores begin
I am the oldest one so I am unsure what to do and wander around. They are preparing food in the kitchen so I offer to cut stuff up. Everyone is using their hands instead of utensils and all the counters are cutting boards.
He hands me a few slices of pineapple to dice. I take them to a station and grab a knife. The blade has been bent twisted sideways so it is not straight holding the handle. I cut them up anyway.
Walking around more they are spreading new concrete/floor sealer in one of the rooms and a boy is being charged with the activity with two adult guardians.
The older guys tell me they do this every 2 days or so. The kid does a horrible job spreading as the coloured dye on top doesn't swirl right and they bash him for it.
I tell the guys I am massage therapist and kind of the all around guy so I can do many things.
One of them asks me about a rumour he heard about Massage therapists having all the right words to sell their craft but their skill is sometimes lacking. I go in on the topic of there being too many therapists in my state so there are plenty who don't take their practice seriously. He tells me he can tell I am smart one and we should get along just fine.

I am in a cooking competition like master chef. Another stressful one. It is the first challenge and we are tasked with making a dish that describes us, we only have 45 minutes. We can only use the ingredients we brought with us. I wanted to braise some pork but don't have the time. I am standing next to that one bald guy with glasses and neck tattoos. Everyone is far more experienced than I am. He mentions going across the street to get some ingredients and asks if I need anything, I still haven't decided what I will cook and spend most of my time brainstorming. My box is full of frozen meat and reminds me of my deep freeze. No time to dethaw. I end up cooking some small chicken pieces that were marinaded. There is a small garnish station set up so I make a small salad like garnish on the side. I remember I have some rice as well and make a fried spanish rice in a cup form next to my chicken slices on a long plate with the leafy greens on the end. Gordon yells at me for making a salad. This is the worst meal I have made in my entire life. I am ashamed. There are maybe 20 people all at their desks in the competition. A kid who only got one vegetable on his plate ends up going home. I am relieved but still believe I am the worst one here.

Snipers pin down me and some kids at a hilly mountainous home.
Drama drama drama
A mounty looking navy seal guy shows up and I task him with helping us.
He sees the snipers and throws me his huge binoculars.
I hold a 4 wheeler while he starts it on a hill to go to a better vantage point.
He dies a gorey death sliding down a skiing lift cable, gets cut in half and his upper half lands on top of a cooked hog sitting on a picnic table. He screams the whole way.

Things wind down and the house is now a run down hillbilly home with just 2 somewhat disabled people living in it.
I walk down the driveway and they have a vendors tent set up selling only various types of plastic pencils. One of them looks like an ice cream cone and I ask if this is the only edible one.

A set of recurring bear dreams.


Mid October, 2017

I was in a variation on my aunt F and uncle C's house where a party was being held. There were so many strange and quirky characters there that it felt more like an indoor carnival. In one room I met a woman who was the caretaker of a semi-trained bear. People took turns meeting the bear, warily, before leaving, fully amused by their encounter. It was a black bear, small as bears go but still large enough to do some serious damage if it wanted to. It followed me around in particular and it kept resting its head in my lap every time I sat down. Each time I would feel a little on edge despite its outward displays of affection. I was worried about making the wrong move and setting off its wilder instincts. After the fourth or fifth time I started to even feel annoyed, not wanting to have to stay on my toes all the time. The caretaker woman seemed to sense my annoyance and she came up to me saying, “It is a great honor to be chosen by a bear.” I wandered out of the room, thoughtful, but not entirely convinced.

***

Thursday Night, 11/7/19

See "The Jaguar Woman" entry.

***

Tuesday Night, 6/30/20

I was someone else, a man in his 40's I think, outside at the edge of a forest as dusk was approaching. I morphed to resemble my waking self. I began climbing a large arbor for some reason, treating it like a jungle gym. While I was up there, I discovered a baby elephant hanging from its trunk in the arbor I was climbing. I stared at it for a while, confused by how it got up there. It changed into a bear cub. Das showed up. He thought the baby bear was cute and wanted to pet it indefinitely. I began to think about the implications, however, and I started looking around nervously for the mother. It appeared to be alone out here, but I was still wary.

"We shouldn't have put our scent on the cub." I told Das, "The mother will smell us and get angry if she's around."

Das shrugged. "I'm not worried. Look! He wants pets!"

I sighed and edged my way down the arbor. "Come on." I said, trying not to be too loud, "It's almost night time, we need to leave the forest now if we want to get clear of wherever the mother bear is at." I started creeping quietly away from the arbor and towards a sparser area of trees.

Das shrugged again but reluctantly stopped petting the cub and trailed along behind me.

I started to hear sounds in the bushes and a low rumble, and I realized the mother bear had arrived. For a moment I picked up the pace but continued to try to be as quiet as possible, hoping we might somehow get away before it finished locking onto our location. I searched my mind for what to do in case of a bear attack, and I remembered to play dead. The mother bear showed herself, blocking our path. I realized we weren't going to make it. The bear roared angrily and charged at us, knocking down Das first. Then she ripped into me (which didn't hurt as much as one would expect) and I got to see my intestines, right before my right eye was detached from its retina and everything went dark. I woke up. "Damn it Das..." I said out loud.

***

Thursday Night, 11/5/20

I'm talking with my parents outside on the deck when an adolescent black bear wanders into our back yard and we notice it has an abscess on the right side of its head. My mom wants to go over to it and treat it. I'm also worried about the bear's health, but I do not think it's a good idea to go up to it like that. I suggest maybe calling a wildlife center instead. "I have some leftover antibiotic ointment from when the cats were sick, I'll go get it!" My mom says and goes back into the house. My dad laughs at us and goes back inside to the other side of the house.

I follow my mom and try to get her to reconsider, but she doesn't listen to me. "Well, here it goes!" She starts heading back outside with the ointment.

"Mom, no!"

My mom jumps a little, startled. "Ah, you scared me!"

"You should be scared, it's a bear!" I look away for a moment, wondering about the wildlife center idea again, but when I look back I see that my mom is way out in the yard heading towards the bear.

For whatever reason I decide I have no choice but to do things my mom's way now. The least I can do is try to mitigate the danger so she doesn't get attacked... But this is probably a bad move. I head outside and my mom is scaring the bear towards the fence and towards me. I'm worried it will feel cornered. I backtrack a little and grab a bag of cat treats as it's the only thing I can get to quickly. I manage to get the bear's attention with the food, tossing a handful of treats on the ground in front of it to distract it. My mom comes up behind the bear with the ointment. The bear finishes the treats very quickly so I keep having to scramble to get handful after handful ready. I'm worried about the gaps of time where the bear might get aggressive. "When I say stop, stop until I can get more treats." I tell my mom, convinced the bear needs to be distracted with the process eating to not notice her. It's a dubious plan to begin with but I'm clinging to it.

My mom is applying the ointment to the bear, but I'm struggling to get the next set of treats out of the bag. The bear is slowly starting to look up. "Stop." I say. My mom does not stop. The bear looks directly at me with dark black eyes. "Stop, stop." I say again. Still no response from my mom. I imagine I can see impatience developing in the bear's expression, although it's hard to tell. "STOP!" I'm trying not to be too loud, but I'm starting to panic. I finally get the last of the treats out of the bag and toss them on the ground.

"Done!" My mom exclaims cheerfully.

"Mom, get inside, quick." I say anxiously. I make sure she makes it inside while the bear's still eating, then I go in myself and close the screen door first. Why am I bothering to close the screen door first? It's not going to stop a bear and I'm wasting time... I think and close the sliding glass door as quickly as I can. I can see the bear standing in the yard, eyeing the bag in my hand as if annoyed there are no more freebies.

***

Monday Night, 11/23/20

I'm in a building I don't recognize. My dad is there and says something very mean to me, although I can't remember exactly what it was or why it happened. Rather than feeling hurt or scared, I suddenly feel a deep anger come up as the full implication of the words sink in. "I am not stupid." I yell powerfully. My dad disappears but I yell it again. It seems to be irrelevant that no one is around anymore. I can see out a window onto the unfamiliar street outside. It's night time and raining a little. I still feel the anger, like a raw energy. I open my mouth and a bear's roar comes out, a guttural rumbling. I stop, confused at the ability to make such a sound and feeling self conscious, thinking people will think I'm weak for being too emotional and sounding ridiculous. Then I decide I don't care, even if anyone was around to hear. Twice more, I let out the bear's roar which resolves into a more human sounding scream. The dream fades.

11/27/20

I am with mark weins
He is a swinger with some norwegians
He wears pink lace underwear

2069
I am on a layover in texas, Ben asks if we can hang out before my next flight, I agree.
He picks me up and we drive back to his parents house without notice.
When we get to his house he gives me a small black electronic device I do not recognize. It kind of looks like a small digital camera with a display on the back and buttons on top but I don't know how to turn it on.

The house is incredibly large with hundreds of rooms and a grand foyer which has been extensively decorated for Christmas. Multiple floors overlook the entrance room with many hallways coming from various directions. It is reminiscent of the house from Home Alone only it is cartoonishly large.

I gather that this is mostly Ben's family and extended family. Only there are almost a hundred people scattered about running their own unique intentions saying goodbyes and everyone seems to be in a hurry. I gather that the adults are dropping off their kids of various ages and they are all going on some adult outing together.

I do not recognize anyone, everyone is quite comfortable and I get the impression this is a yearly occurrence for everyone involved. The kids all form their own little friendship groups as if they were being dropped at summer camp. No one recognizes me and I don't even see his parents anywhere.

I was traveling and forgot what time I needed to be back at the airport. I do not have my ticket but remember I had a picture of it on my phone. Looking at the time I realized my layover was only 45 minutes and I have been in this house much longer than that. I was somewhat anxious but am now resigned to the realization I have missed my flight and now am only looking for Ben.

Walking up stairs and checking hallways I decide to start walking into rooms, they are all different shapes with different groups of people in them having their own little social gatherings. I lean against a large papasan chair that has a smooth leather jacket hanging on the side. As soon as I do a smug looking short haired blonde teenager appears and immediately starts chastising me for wrinkling his perfectly smooth leather jacket. He points to me as I am wearing my members only jacket and insults me saying I wouldn't care because I'm already wearing a wrinkled leather jacket. I'm inclined to agree. I move along.

I understand that there are going to be 50+ people all staying in this house in various rooms scattered all about. Only the adults were leaving one by one couple by couple out the grand entrance, assuming they are all congregating in front of the house for their adventure. I do not know where they are going but they are all excited to leave their kids and the kids are apathetic/happy to be with their friends.

I cannot find Ben anywhere, like no where no where. Always new rooms new couches new arrangements of kids of all ages 18-5 having their own little gatherings scattered about. I wander around for almost an hour looking for him to no avail.

Things are starting to not make sense as I don't recognize technology or even the styles of most people. It occurs to me I may be out of my time. I ask some kids what year it is and they are just laughing at me thinking I am kidding. That there is no way someone doesn't know what year it is at Christmas time. Finally someone says it's the year 2069. I am somewhat flabbergasted. I have no idea how I have slipped out of my time again. But I am welcome to the adventure.

There are still some adults here and there saying goodbye to their kids. I notice a somewhat concerned couple saying goodbye to their children and assuring each other that everything will be fine and they will be back in no time. They are dressed somewhat bohemian and I feel a comradery with their style. Most of the parents are ritzy and done up like they are at a formal Christmas party, like upper class glitzy styles and too many conflicting expensive perfumes.

I see an older gentleman come out of a door to the grande entrance and I think at first it is Ben's father. Only his face looks like Caesar. I extend my hand and tell him it's good to see him again and it's been too long. He doesn't know who I am but shakes my hand anyway. I wonder if my hand is dry or sweaty from the hurried walking around this expansive house.

I finally see Ben up some stairs walking a girl with mocha skin up more stairs and to his loft getaway. I gather he has been avoiding everyone and I am somewhat frustrated I have missed my flight and have been wandering around for the better part of an hour in another time, confused as hell. His loft has a large balcony overlooking the city below. It is a cartoonishly large futuristic and detailed city, with purples and greens and blues and yellow hues to the buildings. I now definitely know I am out of my time.

I am standing on the rail looking out to the view just taking it all in when he approaches me to my side and stands by the rail next to me. He asks if I've ever seen anything like it before. I say yes, it's exactly like the city I saw in my dreams a couple nights ago. He is taken aback but not entirely surprised. There is a girl sitting on cushions behind us who is the girl he was leading up here. She is confused at our conversation. I remember that he left me in the beginning so I start into some great tirade exclaiming my frustration with him. I take off my jacket and I have no clothes on underneath. I have no shame but I am yelling at him that I have been lost, and out of place, and I have no clothes, and I missed my flight, and I have no idea how I got to 2069. The girl with him is bashful at my appearance and several people walk by gawking while I am going on my monologue. I am unphased in noticing them as I am always comfortable nude. He assures me he can get me to Denver quickly. I look off the balcony, there are multi hot air balloons in various shapes and colours, I joking say Oh you're gonna fly us there in a balloon!? He smiles knowingly and responds that if I had left with his dad we could fly the blimp.
'Noah?' I hear, and I am awake.

11/25/20

The laundry room was flooded, I was concerned about the clothes that were on the floor but there are too many so I resign that everything is wet again, the dream fades

Having trouble falling back asleep. I am suddenly somewhere else. In another room I do not recognize, it is afternoon. G is sitting on a futon looking at a stack of older pictures she has found, they are framed.

I lean in closer to see and there are nude photos of when she was younger in various poses, the largest frame is of two guys sitting down exposing their member, I gather these are ex boyfriends, she is giggly at the memories. I am furious. She doesn't understand why I am mad so I begin to throw the frames back at her face with force while shouting I don't want to see my best friends dick! She is bewildered and doesn't grasp my irateness.
I am back laying in bed.

What followed was quite confusing as I was phasing back and forth from my dream to my bed uncontrollably. I would be in bed and see the dimness and the low rumble of other people walking through the house, and back to that brightly lit room which was completely unrecognizable to me. While in the room the girl who was with me now looked identical to someone I used to work with. Only she knew me as someone else. I was confused every time telling her I didn't know where I was, I didn't know who she was, I've never been here before. She called me a different name and assumed I was joking or being sarcastic the entire time. The jump occurred 3 or 4 times before I was stabilized in the other place.

She was with one of her younger friends and I, recognizing her somewhat asked her name, she said Addison. This is not her name IWL, still unfamiliar with my location or how I got there. Everything felt too real and detailed to be a dream. I told her that her name was Breanna, she laughed and still thought I was joking, but I could see the concern start to appear on her face. Perhaps I was having some mental psychosis I felt her think. This is all just too real. I felt like it was wholly possible as I was in a place where nothing made sense to me but everyone around me was certain of me.

They were crawling out the second story window to sit on the roof to overlook the neighborhood as teenagers often do. I was tired of being confused and decided it was time for me to leave.

I told them I was leaving and though there was a slight protest they quickly faded from my immediacy. As I was leaving the house I now found myself in a heavily populated terminal of sorts. The clarity now fully hit me as everything was INCREDIBLY coloured and crisp in detail. Like a fine lifelike render from a video game. I could not believe my eyes. The room was large and decorated with a variety of screens and advertisements and swirling passing vehicles. It was a bustling metropolitan city center of sorts.

All the people around me had neon coloured garments and LED strip like accents, it truly felt like a cyberpunk setting only everything was clean and bright. I now noticed there were humanoid shapes as well. Perhaps they were robots, perhaps they were augmented humans I couldn't be sure. Everyone was relaxed and generally having a good time. Completely overcome by the detail of my surroundings I began to cry. It was beautiful, there was too much detail for me to focus on everything. I was awash in the emotion of finally being somewhere new, as if I always knew this was where I would end up. It was relief coupled with the bliss of newness. I felt the tears stream down my face as I smiled larger than I have in sometime.

I walked to a large walled window to my left which I knew to overlook the city and I can only describe it as planet coaster combined with Coruscant. Vast sprawling brightly coloured buildings with streamlined shapes and transit systems which resembled high-speed roller coasters. It was also overwhelming. There was too much to see, every window in the terminal had a similar vantage. I took a few deep breaths and continued to explore the terminal I was in.

I now noticed there were screens for people to buy different tickets for different rides or tours or locations I couldn't be sure. None of the writing looked familiar but I recognized a $ sign and numbers here and there. I was made aware that there was a public communal buying platform where people could list the tickets they had bought and opt to sell the ones they weren't going to use at a discounted rate to anyone else looking for the same destination. Nothing but smiles, it truly felt eutopia-like.

I ventured into a room off to the side with maybe a dozen full body wrapping chairs which would contour to your shape when you sat in them. They felt like a captains chair on a spaceship. We were all oriented generally facing a large screen in the corner of the room but could still see out the walkway to the grand terminal.

On my left arm pad where my hand comfortably rested there was a myriad of controls including a couple joysticks. Curious I began to click buttons and toggle the stick. On the large screen we were all looking at appears an overlay with games and information and I gather I am controlling a cursor on the screen. Concerned the display I pulled up accidentally was obscuring other people's experience I quickly looked around to apologise to those around me. No one batted an eye and continued tapping away at their own controls and all still watching the screen. It was then I realized that only I could see the display overlay I had pulled up because it was unique to this chair. And everyone else had their own display that they all saw on the same screen which I was unaware of. Impressed I continued to toggle and click but quickly gave up because I couldn't read any of the characters on the screen.

I began walking back through the terminal just taking in all of the details and colours. It was an amazing sight and felt so futuristic I was amazed no one noticed me out of place.

There were various humanoids intersparsed through the crowds of actual humans. I question a droid which I gather to be an informational hub of sorts. He explained this terminal is a dome of protection from the outside environment, all domes are connected with high-speed transit and entertainment junctions. There was more information conveyed but the details are lost to me. Other than the knowledge of some great existential threat. They were all hiding from a predatory extraterrestrial race which occasionally would land and take a batch of humans never to be seen again. It informed me of a breaking news of a landing occuring and authorities were being dispatched to quarantine the area.

I am fond of ETs so I decide I will follow this cue and attempt to make contact. I am now outside the dome in a sort of dark and foggy area, I see bright lights and a circular craft just beyond a large boulder in front of me to the left. As I round the large rock I glance up and am almost blinded by the lights. They shine in a sort of pulsating manner coming from the center. I hear a ruckus behind me and know these are the authorities coming to help/make things worse.

I am now in the craft surrounded by a brilliant white light, it is clean and only the corners are barely visible. I see a face in front of me which has undecipherable features. There is a metallic sheen to the lower half. It looks at me close with a tilted head as I begin on some monologue, the dream fades

Lucid dreaming can be fickle, y'know. All I do is a WBTB, I just focus on going back to sleep because I had work to get up for. I wasn't even trying to lucid dream. Some time passes and I sort of "load" into the dream like a game or turning up the brightness on a monitor. I mean one moment, I am visualizing myself looking into the mirror, I get the feeling that I can focus on it more, then the dream fully loads around me. I am not going to wonder what technique that was.

BUT the BIG BIG thing here for the first time in a loooong time - maybe ever, I stabilized the dream past 30 seconds. What I did this time around was focus on the details on the back of my hands. The feeling of walking on the ground. The feeling of the clothes on my body. Sounds. Anything. I tried very hardest not to do any thinking inside the dream. I went searching around for a dream guide. I knock on a door. No answer. I knock on a window and I guess a woman who was the mother told me they were at school. So I spend the rest of the dream wandering around my neighborhood for about 10 minutes.

Notes: I woke up in the night and remembered the lucid and another dream. But then I forgot it when I woke up because I didn't write it down. I thought that I would remember it. From now on I'm going to suppose that all the dreams that I don't write down I will forget. Then I will probably write them down because I think my dreams are precious.

I'm walking out of Det Röda Huset and I'm under the tree. I'm lucid and know it's a dream. I lie on my back and hover over the ground backwards. The apple tree is big and prominent. The sky is purple with different layers of clouds, some of them are getting thinner and dissolving into purpleness. The quiet atmosphere is blissful and I am truly without a worry in the world. I think about how this is a dream. I imagine my real body lying in my bed and I see my sleeping face in the dream. I wonder what I want to do and fly up. I see a house with a window. I know there is someone inside so I try to break the window (my normal entrance into houses) but it's not working properly. It gets cracks but not enough. A big lady comes out from the door and tries to catch me. I lose my lucidity in the chase and I can't remember more.

Notes: I've been under that tree in really many dreams now. I am often lucid when I see it. I always get beautiful experiences when I'm lucid in Sturkö, it is an amazing place with many precious memories.

I'm walking in school and go to the guitar place. I want to see if the guitar is there. It is lying on the floor and I am feeling happy and relieved. Upon further inspectation I notice that the neck of the guitar is really thick. It is a steel-string acoustic guitar and I wonder why it got a thicker neck than a nylon-string guitar.

Notes: The school's public guitar has been missing for some days now and I often go and check if it has returned. Someone probably stole it or broke it which is sad because I really liked it.