All DJ Entries

The other night I had a dream. I was in my house's big bathroom which is almost oppiste of my Dad's bedroom (Mom sleeps elsewhere). The parents were both in the room, and they're literally counting coins (toonies, loonies, quarters, dimes and nickles). Some reason, one of our cordless phones were in the bathroom (I'm going to guess Dad left it there after talking with one of his friends). Someone calls and I answered it and then I get Mom. When Mom is talking on the phone in the bathroom, I see Dad taking all the coins and putting it in his pocket. Mom gets done on the phone and I said Dad took the money. We both go into the room and Mom says to Dad "You took (sister's money) let's hope you don't take her booze bottle as well" dream ends

19th May 2021

Fragment (remembered this while in the car and thinking about money):

I'm somewhere, meeting back up with dad. I'm giving him several old pound coins. I deliberately picked old ones instead of newer ones to give him and I remember ruffling through something (a cloth bag?) to get them.

---

20th May 2021

Fragment:

I'm in a version of my old town. It's dark, night time, but no street lights or anything? I meet up with D (childhood friend), an accidental meeting. I follow him into a building, climbing some stairs that lead up to the ground floor where the entrance is. The building is the one opposite of the cafe on the main street.

(transition)

We're then inside his apartment, but like the building, it's not the same as it would be in waking life. There's a lot of stuff everywhere and I make some remark on how it's comforting to know that other people can also have this issue. It's mostly clothes, clean but unarranged and piled up. I forget what we talk about, but we discuss something. It's dark here too, but more like dawn than night. There's a cold ambient light.

Then, I think I need a wee and I go somewhere in the flat. I go into this sort of secret compartment behind something and I forget all about needing a wee as I climb down a wall ladder comprised of metal loops in the wall. Then this part has a connection to the lift shaft. It's dark and goes a long way down in there. I look away? The rest of the room is some kind of cubical underhang thing on the building. There's a barred window in here at some two or three feet away. It looks much brighter on the outside, like it's daytime there. I look again into the lift shaft and the aperture is smaller than before now.

I'd have to crawl first to fit through now and drop down. A mouse, two mice come out. They look clean but I don't trust them. One gets close and for whatever reason I still reach toward it with my hand. It gets on top of my hand and bites me. It doesn't hurt a lot but I feel worried about getting an infection. I'm angry at the mouse but quickly forget about it. I go elsewhere, not sure where, and there I eventually wash my hands in a bathroom.

(there was a lot more to this dream but I couldn't recall much)

Notes:
- Before I fell asleep on night preceding the 19th fragment, I was again thinking of a general thing of Occipitalred's thoughts on dream awareness.

- It's ironic that only just recently I told Occipitalred I couldn't remember any dreams about money but then just a day or so before I had indeed dreamed about the subject of money in some form.

- I like to collect old and non-circulating coins, even if they are actually fairly recent. It seems odd that I would give dad the older ones rather than the newer ones, especially since in the dream there was some subtext of money being required to pay something banal.

- The dream with the mouse is one of a few recent-ish ones where a rodent has appeared.

22nd April 2021

There are quite a few personal thoughts and notes here but I guess when are dreams ever anything other than personal? But this took me quite a while to type up, which is frustrating on some level.

Fragment:

Playing DII, with the barbarian. I remember I look at the waypoints and see I'm in Act 3 but it's actually hell (Act 4). The colours all look weird, the character looks a fuzzy dark navy blue on some parts. It's generally dark and I am going to where Diablo "lives", I remember going past the hellforge or something.

Very little recall of this dream but it had a strange feel to it, a bit like some of the weirder pre-sleep dreams I used to get as a kid, where reality made no sense with waking physics and was all fuzzy like static noise.

(DFLN) Dream:

Spoiler for Lengthy dream:

I'm in BL, in a dream generated location. I'm feeling preoccupied about basic totems for some reason, something about acquiring more while AFK. I go around to where AH's base is, but it's not at all like her waking life base and is on a different world. I play or hear some voice recording of her, talking about AFK gains and stuff like that. Her voice is soft and quieter than I would expect. Her base is massively unfinished and her character is just sitting here in the middle of it all.

Occasionally I see the character turn or twitch randomly and on closer inspection an interface element reveals that it's possessed by a "PharmBot" user entity, briefly, which in the dream I have knowledge of being a bot that keeps track of peoples' farms and then reports their status on a Discord server. Walking around and seeing the unfinished base, I notice I still have permissions in some parts of it. I think to myself, maybe I can ask for a special permission to be able to finish up her base for her. I feel a sadness of sorts. I talk to H about all of this?

The world is a lush type and green-ish for the most part but there is a dominant pale yellow tint.

Then, I eventually wander off in a random direction and find some creatures over a lava pit place. The dream starts to feel more like DOOM now but visually remains mostly the same. I shoot some energy weapons at the creatures and kill a few of them quickly but I start to feel overwhelmed by their numbers. Some look a bit like cacodemons or something but not quite, and the rest are generic mish-mash. I think I fall in the lava and get annoyed or frustrated by how sticky it is and how I'm going to die and have to come back here.

(recall gap)

I'm in our office/computer room but it's mixed with the old home. I have knowledge of it being where L's room would have been. I'm sitting with someone at the desk, a guy, he's to my left. I'm teaching him something about drawing. He asks me about making a logo and I say that it depends, things can vary based on budget. If he wanted to just spend five on it, then this pen I have that he seems to be interested in, that would do. I forget the conversation details, but this person is a dream character who is a generic friend in the dream's context, though maybe closer than just an acquaintance.

The doorbell rings (I forget the sound it makes) and I go to answer the door. It was day in the office but now I'm in the corridor, it's dark. I make a mistake, instead of going to the hall on the right I go straight through mom and dad's bedroom where mom seems to be sleeping and I go into mom's study. There's a twilight or dawn ambience in here. I realise this isn't the right place to be at all and start to feel rushed to answer the door, turning around and walking quickly back through to the hall, then opening the front door cautiously, not remembering I could have looked through the seeing hole.

The person is a maid and she doesn't look like anyone I know. I wait or ask for an explanation. She's black, though a relatively light tone, not much darker than me in reality. Her hair is sort of curly, medium length and is tied up in a bunch at the top rear of her head. I hold onto the door as we talk, apprehensive for some reason.

She explains that mom's old maid (who I haven't seen in many years) won't be coming anymore because she's been ill and only been getting worse. I'm not told what with, exactly, but there's an implied sense of a condition much like mine.

Spoiler for slightly erotic:

I think because of waking reality, I have an erection in the dream, possibly since I got up and started walking from the office room, though I tried keeping it from seeming obvious. When she walks further into the hall, her right hand brushes past my legs and she doesn't say anything but immediately looks apprehensive and embarrassed.

She says something and feels she must excuse herself for today. I feel I leave an unwarranted poor impression on her.

(gap)

Still at the old home and in the same general dream context, in terms of ambience etc. There's something about dad, he's talking with me and someone else. He tells us about having found a cancer, a melanoma. He has no top on and feels around his right arm with his left hand and finds the point. It's inside, near the join to the forearm. I wonder about removal with chemotherapy and stuff. I have some kind of daydream thing where I see myself having that entire area surgically removed, being left with a hole there very near the inner elbow. It seems excessive and like it would leave me weak because of how much of that area is muscle but I also wonder if the doctors couldn't put in an artificial and flexible latticed matrix of some kind, for the body to use as framework for regeneration, like scaffolding or the beams in a building. But I feel they'd never bother with such a thing.

Spoiler for Notes, spoilered for length:

- AH passed away from cancer earlier this year and one thing I have felt sad about is that what little rights I had left around her base were taken away from me by people I don't even know, even if I understand that her legacy was willingly left to these people, who she did know. I suppose it's made me think about how in my perception, some people just have more "rights" on the memory of someone. It doesn't feel fair, but I guess very little feels fair to me these days.

-- On the topic of fairness, this morning after I got up from bed, I was feeling easily annoyed by some things, mostly environmental issues that I feel unable to help with as an individual, because of the way society is set up. This came about in part because it was a recycling day.

- Dad doesn't have any cancer that we know of and to be honest I think most of the cancer themes in the dream were really just a manifestation of somewhat irrational worries I get about having cancer myself. Especially with AH's passing, I have become somewhat more fearful of having something like that happen to me and the worst of it is that even through these reminders I find myself spending time doing lots of meaningless things. I end up feeling helpless in a sense, feeling like I won't accomplish anything meaningful in my lifetime and that I won't leave a legacy behind that is what I would like to leave behind.

-- This is especially true of my creative activities, where I fear that if I would simply pass away all of a sudden, the things that would be left behind wouldn't reflect enough about how I feel about life, emotions, pain and other certain topics. I feel like the very thing I want to make depictions about (my condition and its limitations) is exactly what stops me from doing something meaningful. I often feel too tired and unable to engage myself into a creative mode, especially lately. The latter half of last year felt decent in creative terms and I thought that because I am being more functional with my current medication that this trend would continue.

- Lately, oddly enough, I tend to recall fairly well what I am thinking of before bed, but I still do not notice any transition into sleep and my thoughts eventually become dispersed anyway. Last night in bed I was thinking about BL:TPS and how its story had been written and how it compared to BL2 and BL3 and how BL1 tied into all of it too. I remember I was also thinking about Freelancer and certain story moments, as well as the game world in general. I had a few thoughts about DV and the members I know a bit better but recall of this is more vague now. I do remember thinking about what OccipitalRed has said recently about consciousness and awareness whilst dreaming in general even in non-lucid contexts.

-- Notably, I don't ever seem to dream about the very last things I think of. Frequently, the subjects I end up dreaming about stem either from pertinent thoughts (conscious or just below the threshold) through a day or from a couple of hours before bed.

- Although I didn't realise it until writing out this DJ entry, I feel like the part of the dream about the maid was a spin on the lusty maid story cliche, something that consciously doesn't attract me very much. The irony here is that the maid that in the dream was ill, was someone who I did feel attracted to when I was a teenager and the maid in the dream had some resemblance to her.

- I did feel some sort of sadness when I learned that mom's former maid was unwell, especially because of the feeling of it being something similar to what I have.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Watching tv with other people. Some famous reporter, sided by two other tv personalities are sitting behind a table, in what appears to be a hotel room, decorated with antique tiles and vintage wallpaper. But something is weird and I realize they are balancing to the sides at a certain cadence. I say they seem to be on a train and indeed they explain they are doing a special emission from an old train. They show a little bit more of their surroundings and then announce some guest who comes in from another wagon. I say the train should be called the lusitano express as in orient express but from Portugal.
I go to the toilet and then go with dad to some movie festival. The film we go see is playing at a small cinema in a mall. My dad acts weird when we get there and then he whispers that I have peed my pants. I feel embarrassed, but hide it with my shoulder bag. So I go all the way down to the basement, where the restrooms are. I clean up the best I can and then we go watch the movie. It's a documentary about this poor simple man with some mental problems who is a good christian and does nice things. But then it shifts and he is acting strange, gathering certain items secretly. Then he goes into some neighborhood with buildings that look like my mom's apartment building,but a bit more recent and upgraded. We don't understand what he is doing until flames erupt around the base of a couple buildings and he runs away. Some people in the buildings notice the flames or the burnt smell and warn all the residents, who manage to get out. Some are fighting the fire the way they can, with buckets of water, blankets, etc. The firefighters arrive and they control the fire, but there is considerable damage to some apartments, especially on ground floor. Then we notice the residents are all middle eastern refugees and we watch as they start talking to each other, offering support. Some older man learns that a younger man from Syria has been going through difficulties and says he does not eat breakfast as he can't afford all meals. The older man is outraged and says out loud to everyone else that this can't be and that the other man should have asked for their help and they would have helped him have breakfast everyday. It is so heartwarming to see their sense of community in contrast with the hate of the other guy we thought was a good person at first. Then the documentary shifts to scenes from the kind man when he was still in his country. There is a scene in which he improvises a raft to go to a small bank of land in the middle of a river, looking for something in the middle of rubble and trash. Turns out it was a kitty who was crying in pain, looking pretty bad, with burns and lack of hair throughout the body. He rescues her and brings her along. The kitty is now beautiful and pampered. I am about to cry but I hold my tears.
Then some jerk sitting to my right side, starts complaining out loud about his feet hurting, because of his shoes and he seems annoyed the film didn't end already as he needs some relief. I feel like yelling "just take your shoes off" but I keep calm and ignore. The problem is that random dudes from nearby rows and seats also start making comments about the length of the film and expressing sympathy for the hurt feet guy and it's becoming too disruptive. Fortunately someone shushes most of them. I just need to turn to a guy to my left who says no one has the right to shush him in a free country. I tell him to shut up. Meanwhile the movie ends and lights are back on and the guy seems like he wants to apologize to me, which makes me let down the guard. But then he tries to hug and kiss me as if that's ok and I push him back. He insists on kissing me so I defend myself by making him trip backwards to the ground. But the guy is very tall and his head and neck hit the armrest of a seat and he almost breaks his neck. I feel deeply concerned by his well being but don't show weakness and pretend it was on purpose. I say "that's your punishment and if you don't start respecting women and other people in general, next time I'll really kill you."

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP


Part of a team planning something that implies invading someone's underwater bunker and living there for a year. But the plan fails, because the bunker is at a lake or near the shore and there is as a guy driving buy who spots us diving and he knows to whom this place belongs and what's down there under water. I think we should abort but the others decide to go anyway.
Nothing happens for weeks. We get used to living there. It's more like an underwater complex, spacious and with multiple areas, even has a living room with a piano, very stylish.
At some point we're running a full business from there and I interview 3 ladies for the secretary job. Someone even brings in a dog,
Then there is one incident, when the two guys who take shifts guarding outside, get into a fight. While they are not watching, some hired killer comes in the complex to eliminate us. And somehow I know this but no one listens to me. There are escape pods and I consider going on one, but I decide to stay and locate and neutralize the enemy.

I am at the Finances office, to clear up a doubt about my taxes, but the world looks a bit post-apocalyptic and the place looks chaotic. No one comes to help me, so I just barge in and look for employees in the lower level office rooms. I find a room with two workers behind desks covered in piles of paper and attending a 3rd person, so I wait on a bench in the corridor for a chance to talk to them. While there, the corridor behind me fills with debris, like the walls just collapsed. But the workers just keep doing their business as usual, as if nothing happened and eventually ask me what they can do to help me. We discuss income tax and they issue an invoice for the tax I have to pay, and then I leave.
I meet my dad on my way out, and I tell him about my tax issues. But then he starts tickling me and playing with me like he used to when I was a child. But not in a good way. (And this is actually real, my father never abused me, but he did harass me a lot and disguised it as innocent play) Things escalate as he starts pulling my pants off. I get really mad at him and yell at him that that wasn't ok when I was a child and it is not ok now, and that he will face consequences, because I am an adult now. I call him an abuser and tell him that what he did, was never play, it was always sexual abuse/harassment and he seriously needs treatment for his mental problem. He goes speechless. He looks down on the ground, then grabs a sandwich, but can't even swallow it because his throat is so dry. Then he changes subject and asks me about some movie he saw or wants to see, that is directed by some director he knows and Robert Rodriguez and he wants to know if I know him. But I am jut too furious and do not get distracted by the change of subject.

29th November 2020

Fragment:

Some part about being in a car with dad and he had an accident or something and then stuff repeated itself. I think it was mostly a light collision but I lost the details.

(recall gap)

Another part where I'm cooperatively going around with another dream character (male, stronger?) and we need to reach some kind of extraction point but while avoiding a military presence that's nearby. There was an APC on a hill or bridge and some kind of gunship.

I remember deviating from the straight trajectory we were on and finding a flatbed with a rocket turret mounted on the flat bit and used the turret to shoot the gunship down or whatever it was. I had a temporary cloaking buff that prevented my detection.

This part had started off on top of a green-ish hilly type area. Then nearing the extraction point with the military presence there was a forest but there were lots of orange tones, dead leaves and leafless trees. Daytime all the way throughout.

Then I carried on and met up with the other dream character I was originally with, we were in some city area not far. Grey-ish and concrete-y. There were pits? Some green liquid at the bottom of the pits. Vague recall of tall buildings and cracked foundations and cracked streets, which was where these pits or ravines were. I remember a cage at some point. Either I got stuck there or the other character did.

There was more to the dream but I took too long to start writing and forgot too many details despite the relatively vivid details of the dream.

---

Notes:

- This dream was originally quite long. Recall has actually not been particularly poor lately, but my DJing has been lacking, mostly because I have been waking up too tired and lethargic and so if I do start writing the recall is usually fading or gone. Also often by the point I realise I could have written something down, I have already slept again since the initial recall or have simply not bothered because it has felt too tiring to try.

- The area where dad was driving was thematically similar to the remainder of the dream.

A set of recurring bear dreams.


Mid October, 2017

I was in a variation on my aunt F and uncle C's house where a party was being held. There were so many strange and quirky characters there that it felt more like an indoor carnival. In one room I met a woman who was the caretaker of a semi-trained bear. People took turns meeting the bear, warily, before leaving, fully amused by their encounter. It was a black bear, small as bears go but still large enough to do some serious damage if it wanted to. It followed me around in particular and it kept resting its head in my lap every time I sat down. Each time I would feel a little on edge despite its outward displays of affection. I was worried about making the wrong move and setting off its wilder instincts. After the fourth or fifth time I started to even feel annoyed, not wanting to have to stay on my toes all the time. The caretaker woman seemed to sense my annoyance and she came up to me saying, “It is a great honor to be chosen by a bear.” I wandered out of the room, thoughtful, but not entirely convinced.

***

Thursday Night, 11/7/19

See "The Jaguar Woman" entry.

***

Tuesday Night, 6/30/20

I was someone else, a man in his 40's I think, outside at the edge of a forest as dusk was approaching. I morphed to resemble my waking self. I began climbing a large arbor for some reason, treating it like a jungle gym. While I was up there, I discovered a baby elephant hanging from its trunk in the arbor I was climbing. I stared at it for a while, confused by how it got up there. It changed into a bear cub. Das showed up. He thought the baby bear was cute and wanted to pet it indefinitely. I began to think about the implications, however, and I started looking around nervously for the mother. It appeared to be alone out here, but I was still wary.

"We shouldn't have put our scent on the cub." I told Das, "The mother will smell us and get angry if she's around."

Das shrugged. "I'm not worried. Look! He wants pets!"

I sighed and edged my way down the arbor. "Come on." I said, trying not to be too loud, "It's almost night time, we need to leave the forest now if we want to get clear of wherever the mother bear is at." I started creeping quietly away from the arbor and towards a sparser area of trees.

Das shrugged again but reluctantly stopped petting the cub and trailed along behind me.

I started to hear sounds in the bushes and a low rumble, and I realized the mother bear had arrived. For a moment I picked up the pace but continued to try to be as quiet as possible, hoping we might somehow get away before it finished locking onto our location. I searched my mind for what to do in case of a bear attack, and I remembered to play dead. The mother bear showed herself, blocking our path. I realized we weren't going to make it. The bear roared angrily and charged at us, knocking down Das first. Then she ripped into me (which didn't hurt as much as one would expect) and I got to see my intestines, right before my right eye was detached from its retina and everything went dark. I woke up. "Damn it Das..." I said out loud.

***

Thursday Night, 11/5/20

I'm talking with my parents outside on the deck when an adolescent black bear wanders into our back yard and we notice it has an abscess on the right side of its head. My mom wants to go over to it and treat it. I'm also worried about the bear's health, but I do not think it's a good idea to go up to it like that. I suggest maybe calling a wildlife center instead. "I have some leftover antibiotic ointment from when the cats were sick, I'll go get it!" My mom says and goes back into the house. My dad laughs at us and goes back inside to the other side of the house.

I follow my mom and try to get her to reconsider, but she doesn't listen to me. "Well, here it goes!" She starts heading back outside with the ointment.

"Mom, no!"

My mom jumps a little, startled. "Ah, you scared me!"

"You should be scared, it's a bear!" I look away for a moment, wondering about the wildlife center idea again, but when I look back I see that my mom is way out in the yard heading towards the bear.

For whatever reason I decide I have no choice but to do things my mom's way now. The least I can do is try to mitigate the danger so she doesn't get attacked... But this is probably a bad move. I head outside and my mom is scaring the bear towards the fence and towards me. I'm worried it will feel cornered. I backtrack a little and grab a bag of cat treats as it's the only thing I can get to quickly. I manage to get the bear's attention with the food, tossing a handful of treats on the ground in front of it to distract it. My mom comes up behind the bear with the ointment. The bear finishes the treats very quickly so I keep having to scramble to get handful after handful ready. I'm worried about the gaps of time where the bear might get aggressive. "When I say stop, stop until I can get more treats." I tell my mom, convinced the bear needs to be distracted with the process eating to not notice her. It's a dubious plan to begin with but I'm clinging to it.

My mom is applying the ointment to the bear, but I'm struggling to get the next set of treats out of the bag. The bear is slowly starting to look up. "Stop." I say. My mom does not stop. The bear looks directly at me with dark black eyes. "Stop, stop." I say again. Still no response from my mom. I imagine I can see impatience developing in the bear's expression, although it's hard to tell. "STOP!" I'm trying not to be too loud, but I'm starting to panic. I finally get the last of the treats out of the bag and toss them on the ground.

"Done!" My mom exclaims cheerfully.

"Mom, get inside, quick." I say anxiously. I make sure she makes it inside while the bear's still eating, then I go in myself and close the screen door first. Why am I bothering to close the screen door first? It's not going to stop a bear and I'm wasting time... I think and close the sliding glass door as quickly as I can. I can see the bear standing in the yard, eyeing the bag in my hand as if annoyed there are no more freebies.

***

Monday Night, 11/23/20

I'm in a building I don't recognize. My dad is there and says something very mean to me, although I can't remember exactly what it was or why it happened. Rather than feeling hurt or scared, I suddenly feel a deep anger come up as the full implication of the words sink in. "I am not stupid." I yell powerfully. My dad disappears but I yell it again. It seems to be irrelevant that no one is around anymore. I can see out a window onto the unfamiliar street outside. It's night time and raining a little. I still feel the anger, like a raw energy. I open my mouth and a bear's roar comes out, a guttural rumbling. I stop, confused at the ability to make such a sound and feeling self conscious, thinking people will think I'm weak for being too emotional and sounding ridiculous. Then I decide I don't care, even if anyone was around to hear. Twice more, I let out the bear's roar which resolves into a more human sounding scream. The dream fades.

Jamie 1

One flash of a dream with her standing in a black space staring at me. she looks mad at me about something.

Jamie 2

This one I had just yesterday. We are walking down a street, it reminds me of olds when we use to hang out and walk down the street. We come across a house that has burned down. I have false memories of knowing the owner that lived there and he had some secret rooms with a stash of... i don't know what. when we walk by Jamie says she wants to find it. There's basically a pile of ashes where the house was along with some wooden boards on the ground still red in ambers. We walk on the lawn and I wake up. Well at least she wasn't mad anymore.

Lucid

Was walking outside at night. Got lucid but forget how. I was in a primal instinct mood. Didn't remember to look for Jamie. I was by a house and i tried to look in the window. i thought i saw a couple sleeping. I was going to fly through the window, but it shifted into a giant TV screen of a show where a couple were sleeping in bed. I was going to fly into it...

FA, check my phone to see how much time on my alarm is left. The phone has strange symbols. Become lucid but I am more concerned with how much time i have left so i try to wake up for real.

FA, check my phone to see how much time on my alarm is left. The phone has the same strange symbols. Become lucid and try to wake up again.

FA, check my phone to see how much time on my alarm is left. The phone has the same strange symbols. Become lucid and try to wake up again.

Yes that happened four or five times in a row and really woke up with 2 minutes on my alarm left.

Dad

somewhere with my dad in a house or something. I am telling him how he was really emotinally abusive when I was younger. I was mad and really accusing him. He looked really pissed off.

No Jamie dreams this week. Even though i usually have one dream of her once a week for like almost over 2 years now??? It's not unusual for a week or two to go by where she's not present. I must say I've never had a more consistent character in my dreams. Are these dreams my own obsession? Her's? or something else trying to convince me of a delusion?

Dream 1

I was moving or something. My dad came to pick me up and we started driving to my new place. at some point the car was going up a steep hill in Olds, it stopped and I started freaking out. The dream sped up and we stopped at a Tim Horton's. I had no debit or cash but I had silver coins. I was trying to pay for coffee with silver coins. There was a table with other silver coins. the till guy was an older guy and he saw me put the coins on a stack on the table. I realized that wasn't the way to pay so I tried getting my coins back.

Dream 2

Something about living somewhere with lots of extra rooms, Some were hidden.

Only Jamie Dream I had was she was at a table with a ridiculous amount of lines of coke... Really hope she is not doing harmful drugs anymore... And i really miss the dreams where we would hang out lots.

Work Related?

I was lost in some abandoned city. I tried callinga guy from work for a ride home. He answered but acted like he couldn't hear me. I kept saying ,"hello, hello,"

disturbing

Very disturbing dream where i was a woman in this dream and I was raped in a dark room.... I won't go into the details.

Family

A family related dream. I was in a town somewhere with my dad. something about music..

24th May

Dream:

Was in some kind of gallery or museum. The room was large and square. It had a lower tier/level kind of, also square and I walked down to it with some stairs. H was there I think and I was supposed to connect some displays of paintings with power, but I only had a single extension lead.

(Some section I don't remember.)

Then, as I was talking to someone a delegation appeared or something and a few others including H got close to the group. There was a mayor of some kind and the museum's curator. My dad was also part of this delegation. He had a dark brown suit and seemed taller and younger. Then he started moving ahead of the group into some hall and the group followed him.

I didn't really want to join this event but H said something to me from behind and said I should go because of dad, giving me a push and then I just continued with the momentum. Then in some other room, dad and this other guy start climbing some nonsensical spiral staircase. It was made with beautifully stained wood and a carved/turned centre pillar, but for some reason only had a bannister/railing on the inner side of the steps. It went very high up, four or five stories.

I was feeling my fear of heights so I didn't look down or backwards and wondered how the hell I was going to get back down.

Because of the missing bannister bit, we were all climbing the staircase by pulling ourselves up on the centre pillar or something. I remembering seeing dad reach the top and jumping to a flat area just under ceiling level and over a wall.

The whole place looked highly decorated and detailed in a neo-classic style, mostly comprising wood or painted wood. Eventually I got to the top too and I wasn't sure about the jump but the point of view changed from my eye sight to an overview of the area and then I jumped.

Then the rest of the dream was in this sort of top down view. I walked around this secluded area and eventually found some portal or something? And then I became like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat.

I have no more recall of the dream.

---

Notes:
- Not too long after this dream I started work on a virtual gallery project in which I pretty much wanted to embody this general neo-classic styling and museum feel. Some of this idea of powered displays must have bled through into my subconscious because I did indeed later on create something similar for my project.
- The suit my dad was wearing was in the style of a suit I remember him actually wearing when he was more given to wearing suits anyway because of work.
- In retrospect, H's presence in this dream was a bit "guide-like" I suppose, as H's role was fairly limited in the dream but somewhat essential for the action to unfold as it did.

Not a lucid but two nights ago I had a nightmare, I was in my room at my dad's old house, and I was lying upside down and when I looked up there was a scary girl with dark hair like in the ring.

This morning, I had SP, I kept thinking I was going to imagine something scary into my room but nothing came, I was struggling to lift my arms, I could feel them detaching slightly. Random note, I'm starting to think it's messed up that when I'm caught in those situations, the immediate thought isn't "it's hard to breathe" but it's "please don't imagine something scary coming into the room."

I had a chain of lucids as well, I'm having trouble recalling all of them though. It seemed like in each one there wasn't a dream sign that made my realize I was dreaming, the first one I was kinda just like 'oh wait this is a dream' and then went into a lucid, and then the rest were me going back into dreams with a slight awareness that turned into a lucid.

In one of the lucids I was in what looked like a diner but was a bit bigger, the floor was checkered black and white. There was a person behind a circular counter. I turned to them and said "tell me a joke" and then they just started saying "plane crash plane crash plane crash" over and over, I shrugged and turned to another guy and said the exact same thing and then he said "plane crash plane crash plane crash." I turned to a guy and asked him to tell me a joke and he starts explaining a joke but it was like the words were rearranged in the sentences and it sounded really strange like he was saying random words out of order. I turned to a waitress walking by (it actually may have been a robot waitress) and asked her to tell me a joke, and she explodes into this really intricate joke that sounds more like an elaborate story but the dream faded.

In another lucid I'm inside my friend Will's old house, I start thinking "okay this is a dream" and rubbing my hands together to feel the friction. I then start doing math, 1+1 =2, 2+2 = 4 etc. There are people in the house walking around and I'm like "hey guys this is a dream" and people are kinda just looking at me and then going about their business, it feels like if you tell somebody something and it should elicit a reaction but they aren't really listening but instead are nodding and smiling. I turn towards a window overlooking a lake. I decide I'd like to go through it, so I put my hand up to the glass and I merge through the glass and out to the backyard.

At some point I'm in a parking lot and it's dark outside. I start rubbing my hands together to feel friction. I then think that it's too dark out and I'd like to make it day time. There are giant trees in front of me over a moonlit sky in my view. I shout 'ILLUMINATE!' but it doesn't turn to day, it just gets a little bit brighter. I shout "CLARITY NOW!" and it gets a little bit brighter but it almost was like a strange filter got put on my sight, like it was still nighttime but there was now a purple and green hue on the outlines of trees and clouds in the sky. I take note of the weird colors and then look around. There are a bunch of random people from different directions running together into a single path. I jump over a row of bushes and down a set of concrete steps with railings next to them and bushes. I see people running on a concrete/brick path which takes a left and then curves right next to a row of buildings. Thinking back this was probably inspired by the quad at my university. I think to myself I wonder if I could imagine Liz into the lucid. I see someone in the pack of runners who looks like her from behind. I start running and weave in between people, I start doing math out loud to try to stabilize the dream 3x3=9. When I get near her I grab her shoulder and she turns around but instead of her it's vic g. from my high school and she's wearing pink and blue makeup. I stand there in confusion as runners shove past us up the path.

It was night time, I was in a neighborhood, it might've started at my old house in KC but I was walking down the sidewalk and looked left to see a very small house with a small porch, Anna n was sitting parallel to the sidewalk and I thought Liz was sitting with her back facing me. They both came down and I gave Anna a hug, then went to hug Liz. She embraced me and hugged me close, I kissed her but when she pulled away from me it was not her but Celia who looked very shocked. I was shocked too, I started apologizing saying I thought it was Liz and Anna started laughing and I felt that she was trying to sabotage me. I freak out because I'm trying to explain the situation and I'm trying to find Liz.

I end up at what I assume is Liz's house which is a big house in another neighborhood, I really can't recognize this house and I'm not sure where it is IRL. But I'm inside looking for her, I open up a door to find pizza boxes with Domino's pizza in it spread out in a room. I see Nate on a bean bag chair and Liz on a couch, I say "hey you guys" or something like that, I then ask Liz to talk alone. We go up to the attic and I start explaining what happened but there's other people in the room listening too. At some point we're outside and people are shooting on a lowered basketball hoop, Liz turns to me and says that I can still stay the night if I want because she wanted someone to sleep with, she explained she wanted something for 5 minutes so that she could go to sleep quicker. I felt really guilty and was freaking out the entire dream trying to explain it was an accident and I thought it was her that I had kissed, but logic wasn't serving me because it actually had been her when I went in for the kiss.

Another dream I'm looking at what is supposed to be different Mario games, the style switches when the game switches. It looks like a 2-d world with a wheel spinning clockwise and notches inside the wheel, someone had been playing the level but falling down and dying. They tried to do a wall jump near the bottom but just missed a platform and died. I'm thinking how I could get a workout if I was inside the wheel running one way. I'm now in the wheel but it's more of a hangout spot, Kev d is there and Kyle s is there as well. Kev is talking on the phone to somebody but he's using a different name, I think it's Milton. My dad is there at some point with some other parent's I think Thomas r. parents too. I'm laughing about something and jokingly say "we drink to drink" and then I started to get nervous because I wasn't sure if the parents wanted to hear that but my dad and the other parents were laughing.

My view switches to being in a plane, I'm jumping out of the back like a secret agent with a parachute. I fly through the clouds and see an expanse of light blue water. I fall straight into it and Lauren w. uses her parachute to land gently in the water. I pull my parachute in the water and it brings out an inflatable clear floating boat that we try to get into but only get a little ways in. I'm wondering if there's going to be any sharks out here. I look around to see where we're going and I see shorelines with tropical trees on two of our sides. We start paddling towards a direction and see a giant whale shark fly out of the water and back in, I point and say "woah a whale shark." We start to go under these overhangs of rock and now I'm sliding through a tunnel with a smooth rock underneath me. I almost went lucid here. I realized this was a dream. I call out to Austin p "hey Austin this is a dream.... this is a dream" and he sort of acknowledges it from up ahead like "I know" but it wasn't convincing. We're now in a river of this water with cliffs on the sides of us. My family is up on this tall rock to the right of me motioning me to come up. I slide around a smooth dark green and blue rock and make my way up this tall rock. At the top is my sisters and my mom with her phone in her hands trying to take a picture of us. I'm holding onto this small tree that's at the top of the rock too, the wind is blowing me off the rock as I look down to see my feed are dangling off the rock and I'm holding on to the tree but it wasn't scary. My mom takes the pic and shows it to us, my hair is really messy and long. There's some random people up on the rock with us too.

I haven't been keeping on top of my DJing but recall has remained fairly consistent throughout. Still go through my recalled dreams every morning even if I don't make note of them.

Today several dreams, some fragments of them here. I think the order is more or less the same as the order of their happening.

---

Dream Fragment:

H was driving. Remember being in a town like where I'm originally from. Night time or just past sunset. There was a previous dream in which I was in the car with dad, so perhaps this was kind of a repeat? But in the dream with dad, I took over driving for a bit and somehow sort of spun it out of control and bounced it on its sides, only for it to land fine and carry on anyway.

Dream Fragment:

Was at a supermarket. Don't remember exactly everything I got or did, but do remember that by the end of the sequence I was looking through some kind of storage cupboards for tins of canned meat or cheap baked beans. Probably brought on from having a craving for meat an hour before bed.

I also remember that the supermarket was poorly lit or dark, but had a warm (in a nice sense) atmosphere to it.

Dream Fragment:

This one was obviously because of playing Stellaris recently. Was managing some kind of space empire and the interface looked weird. I remember sending fleets to certain star systems on the empire's borders or beyond.

In the dream I can remember talking to someone, we were discussing the choices I could potentially make with a unique society altering technology, which would let me restructure some native traits of the species. For whatever reason I remember picking some choice that would let me sacrificie "Noo"s (Pops, essentially?) for some kind of benefit, but I don't remember what. Something about this melded with archetype memories of Master of Orion II.

Dream Fragment:

Something about being on a slide. I don't think I myself was in the dream, more like it was a scene from a show. It was the "past" (there was some time travel transition in a previous dream) and this kid and his dad were in this covered slide. It was a very long slide but they were going slowly, and there were two other men, friends of that dad. They were all discussing holidays or something. Outside, visible through some tiny porthole windows on the slide, was a guy on a red motorcycle or something?

The dad and the kid were saying something about making fun of the motorcycle guy because they were somehow faster going from one end to the other than he'd been.

I remember a dark BMW or dark Mercedes somewhere. The weather was grey and overcast but fairly bright.

---

Notes:
- I have already noticed this a few times in the past, but usually around an hour or so before bed, whatever I do or happens seems to be more likely to appear in some form, even vaguely, in my morning dreams. Namely the looking through cupboards with a craving thing, in the case of this DJ entry.
- In the space empire dream, I remember being dissatisfied with the whole sacrificing thing, mostly because it seemed to just be massively inconvenient; I had the feeling I was locked into the choice or something.

Woke up at around 6:30 in the morning from a dream. Had other dreams later but was too tired to make even small mental notes of the details, so no recall for those dreams.

---

Dream and awakening:

I woke up in the dream, I was apparently sleeping on a bed with dad. It looked like some version of my bedroom in the old place but it looked like my parent's room a bit too. I was too hot and the covers, the bed, etc, everything felt too hot. I got up and saw this big red fan heater H has, it was on the floor next to the bed.

I woke dad up and asked him why the heater was here and why it was on. I thought of turning it off but for some reason didn't. I concluded from looking at the heater or something else that the room was at 49C. I felt particularly unwell and remember shortly walking about the dream room before I woke up in reality. I don't remember sweating, just exhaustion really.

In reality H was pressed a bit too much against me and I felt that the bed was far too hot. I thought we might have left the heated blanket on through the night, but seemingly it was off. I went for a wee that I didn't realise I really needed, after H also got up because of the noise I had made stumbling around.

---

Notes:

- This type of dream is very typical for when I need to wake up for some biological reason, in this case needing a wee.
- Being in the same bed as dad was common when I was a child; I'd often get into bed with my parents in the middle of the night, usually sleeping between them. But I can't really remember why I did that anymore or what made me wake up in the first place. I don't recall any negative emotions from back then.