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Last night I have a dream that I'm kissing deeply with my boy classmate.
This boy classmate has a crush on me since in first year highschool and it's true.


We are on my english teacher's classroom. It's very weird that inside the room there is a ride and I and my boy classmate rode on it. So when the ride is about to start, we're kissing in LIPS and I don't know why we did it. When the ride started, I looked at the people who is with us also riding and I saw them they are also kissing. I think it's tradition there in my dream that when you ride in that ride, you have to kiss your partner (opposite sex) and so we did. My boy classmate really wanted to kiss me so he kissed me in my neck but I refused because I'm afraid what will happen next. But in the end we kissed very deeply that I can feel our tongues but I was able to control myself because I know if I'll not stop I'm sure it will lead to sex.


I dont know what does it mean.

Dream 1

I'm just walking down the sidewalk, minding my own business, when three or four older guys come up to me and a friend, carrying these thin red sticks that I instinctively know are for butt-whupping. I begin to walk faster, but it's no use because they are really going after us. I think that they were going after my friend. I wait until one guy comes close and I think that I used a red stick. I whipped it right into his stomach and he falls backwards. I stand completely still, a nonchalant expression on my face. The other two come at me, but I easily disarm them use a flurry of moves to beat them back. I feel like a badass. One man advances towards me with a strange, twisted, ruby knife that looks cruel.

Health bars appear in the bottom left corner. I deftly hit one man aside until he stumbles in a heap, his health level shrunk to a tiny slice of red. I turned to a man who came at me from behind. I slap him back with the pole, and his health shrinks to a thin line. I'm satisfied now, but he comes at me and I unthinkingly lightly swat at him with the pole. He staggers backwards, his health line completely disappearing. I reach a hand out to him, "No." I say in disbelief. He falls backwards and lands like a sack of sand, dead.

I start to scream, "Noooooo!" I turn around and can see my friends staring at me, in confusion and perhaps a little fear. See, in the dream I had a rule with myself that I'd never kill another human, and now I'd just killed a man by accident. You could describe me as feeling sorrowful, and agonized because I knew that the man was bad but also refusing to admit that he needed to die. I fall to my knees in the middle of the street, still howling.

I decide to 'redo' the entire situation to see if I can make things end better. Everything happens very similar to last time, as far as I can remember. But the fights moves into the backyard of a house near the street that we fought in. I remember looking at one house and repeatedly thinking that "we were in the neighbor's yard". I took out all the other guys, until just one was left. He was gross, chubby, and reminded me of that guy on X-Men Evolution because I think he was wearing overalls.

I discovered that I had the power to control water, but it didn't really come as a surprise. I was throwing water at him, he was about 20 yards away. I glance at the ground and see a hole carved into the ground, filled with water. I think that I won't be able to mentally lift it all, but I reach out a hand and make a scooping motion. The water flies up and hovers in a big moving droplet, and I realize that it's frozen. It turns a silvery, cold color. I throw it at the advancing man, and he flies backwards. I have a bad feeling, and I think that he was dead. When I look at him he is encased in a block of ice. I feel discouraged. Things didn't end as well as I'd hope, maybe worse than last time.

I sigh. I know that eventually, maybe years from now, the ice will melt and the bad guy will be released again. Then I'll have to deal with him again, since I know he will go after me and attempt murder.

Dream 2

I remember running from my dad's house. I'm on the sidewalk in front of my neighbor's house, I feel very creepy and spooked. I continue onward.

Now I'm in a room which I believe is an apartment. The room is white, and I sit at a table. A guy that I know is to my left, and Girlfriend 1 sits on my right. Girlfriend 2 and/or Girlfriend 3 sits on Girlfriend 3's other side. The guy is talking to me, and showing me pictures that he's posted on Instagram, except the pictures are printed on little flashcards that he has in a huge stack. The pictures are all the quote-y girly kind that teenage girls like to post, except they're about baseball. I feign interest.

He casually leans toward me and wraps an arm around my shoulder/waist. I feel very warm, and I haven't felt like that before. My heart was hot and I felt very at ease, peaceful. I kept telling myself that I needed to shake him off, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I tell myself that I have to, and that Girlfriend 1 is sitting right next to me, although suddenly it feels as if she is one person away from me, as if she'd have to lean around someone to see me. I distractedly flip through the cards and realize that I can't imagine ever reaching the bottom of the stack. The cards seem to multiply, like one replaces the one that I take away.

I think to myself that he must like me, I mean he's got his arm around me! Girlfriend 1 leans forward and becomes very still. Oh no, she's seen us. I feel almost defiant, because I want him.

22.06.2013

Almost Killing Someone (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I can't remember much to this dream, but it had the similar environment like the previous dream, except the scenario was more cruel. Basically people who were in trouble had to run around some area inside the building, and if you didn't comply, it would only make matters worse. It was like being inside of a building full of snobby, immature, and inconsiderate individuals. There was this one guy that really bugged me, bugged me to the point where even in the non-lucid state, I couldn't tolerate his existence anymore.

I believe I grabbed his neck and had a gun form from my left hand. I shoved the tip of the barrel extending from my hand to make him feel how close he was to getting his brains blown. Of course, I don't really shoot him, but I was just inches away from doing so. I probably felt bad later on, but that's probably because now I feel a bit miserable just recalling it.

_________________________

22.06.2013

Kinesiology Professor Owns Quarter of a Billion Dollars (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I'm inside of a building resembling a University, and the presumption is because I saw my Kinesiology professor there, and I already had my own respect for him despite this just being a non-lucid dream. He was gathering everyone in his class, about 15 people I'm presuming, to give a final speech before the class was officially over.

He went on to state something related to expressing lessons of love and how people may have seen him as someone who's only doing the job for the money. He clears the misconception immediately by admitting that he's only doing this to teach and grow, because he already has an accumulation of a quarter of a billion dollars, so the money behind the job is not really important to him. He goes on to declare other things that makes me and the rest of the classmates almost cry.

I go up to him, shake his hand, and gave him a hug because of what he said, and I started to cry. I told him he's one of the best damn coaches/professors/teacher in this University. And he really was.

He pats my back a few times, and everyone begins to go their separate ways, and I can't remember where I heading for, but I do know that I wanted to stand still for a bit and let the experience marinate a bit.

I was a smart young man at a university in this dream, and I was in love with a young woman who clearly was not as smart, but liked to steal the show, but I loved her, and let her. So we were doing this very important presentation in class, which I think was "Mary Had a Little Lamb", and the presentation was supposed to be mine, but I let my girlfriend be a part of it, and she insisted on being the lamb, and that was the starring role so she pretty much took over. In mid presentation, the professor took her out of class, and told her she could no longer participate, but I got mad at the professor and insisted that was not fair and participate she must because we were a team.

After all that, I suggested to my love that she and I move away to raise sheep. Apparently a cousin of mine had won a lottery, and she bought this farm, and we could go there as long as we would take the elderly cousin with us.

The cousin was not that elderly after all, maybe on the early side of retirement age, and she proved very useful as a chaperone, because along with us there also came two unmarried young women. All day long young men who lived in the area would drive up in their cars to take a look at, wave at or chat up the two maidens. The young men strangely would not even get out of their cars. The chaperone would then be with the two unmarried young women.

Partly lucid dream:

I was in the car going somewhere with a few friends and people I knew and this girl who is with someone now but who I've wanted to be with for about 2 years and care about alot was there too but we weren't talking really. Then the driver(Can't remember who) was going a different way so just me and her had to walk together, and she was like why didn't you call, and I asked the same and then she sat down and started to cry. I hugged her and we kissed and I told her I loved her and it was like super emotional.

End of dream.

Date: May 6, 2013
Sleep Time: 6 hours
Lucid Dream Technique: MILD & WBTB

Dreamed I was taking care of what I believe was a flea. I cared a great deal for this flea. There was an emotional attachment so strong, I felt like this flea was a part of me. My love and commitment for this flea was tremendous! I cared for this flea like a mother loves and adores her child. I provided comfort, security, and attention everyday to the flea. Even though I could barely 'see' this flea with my naked human eye, I knew this flea existed and I knew this flea was a 'life.' Then, one day, I anxiously came home and went looking for the flea and to my astonishment, my flea was nowhere to be found. I mourned for what seemed a lifetime, for my love was gone and no more...I cried forever.

Note to self: What the hell ???

It first started at the back of a music store. The music store had instruments all around. I didn't bother to check which ones I liked because I was focusing on something else, my messages through Facebook. There was no computer screen in front of me, I just sort of knew it was there. Like a vividly visual image. Through this image I saw messages from Quynh. I saw her sending messages to other people too. I was scrolling down the page looking to see what she was doing, who she was talking with. I didn't find much, only memories of the times I wanted to be with her.

Here's the second dream that was similar to the first.

I could recall sending her a friend request through Facebook and hoping that she would accept it so I could see that picture that made me first fall in love with her. It's been so long since she posted that picture but I hoped for the best.

Fortunately, she accepted it! The minute she accepted the request, I clicked on her profile and went through her picture section looking for that special picture. I scrolled through tons of pictures but I couldn't find that special one. I was hoping to feel better by seeing just that one picture again but I couldn't find it. Then the dream was all over.

4/3/13

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[Alright. I'll try to keep this to the point. Forgive my confusing scattered words. It's taken me my whole life to master this level of communication... and I'm still very far from being the Master.

I'm assuming this topic is alright for DreamViews because it ties heavily into my dreams and general life.
And I'm assuming people here will talk to me as if I'm not "psycho". And be quite loving and understanding.
BLESS the ones who aren't offended at my words.

If anyone has read Charles Fort's works, they'll understand what I mean when I say:

In every truth lies the hint of what can be called fantasy, and
in everyone's yarn there lurks something of what can be called the truth.

Please keep this in mind. This is an experience that is a little "off".
It's an experience- incompleted by the knowledge of what it was I experienced.
I'm missing the right way to relate this to you.
I know what I felt, and I know what I thought I understood about it.
That is all. And nothing more. Like many humans, I am filled with pride and vanity.
But I acknowledge that I TRULY know nothing.
I am not claiming to know anything on these subjects.]

All times are approximate.

Please keep an open mind.

This is my experience with Lucy.

================================================== =
__________________________________________________ ____________________________
[Background]

My name is Austin.

4 days ago, I experienced Lucy, aka "Acid" aka "LSD" with my "perfect-for-me" girlfriend.

Her name is Alex.

I love this tragic girl bottomlessly, so much it hurts. But this trip was different than with shrooms.
This time, I caught a glimpse of one of those most peculiar facets of reality.
I caught a glimpse beyond the veil. I felt something else's presence among the two of us.
I think it was what the Alchemists and the Shamans and the Wizards and Philosophers
and Dreamers and Scientists and more... would understand as "Lucifer".

Not many people will understand what I'm about to say.
That is because what I'm going to say CANNOT be put into these helpless words. Not in these hopeless worlds.
Hopefully, someone on these forums who has experimented with altered consciousness-
Will understand these metaphors and will relate. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.
I will do my BEST to explain them to the others who don't get it yet.
This is why people who are actually on to something- are soon discredited as incoherent or such.
What we seek cannot be put into words. The words will escape you like sand through fingers.
Reminiscent of deja vu. If someone demands you explain these secrets, it won't happen. It can't.
Experience is the only way. First-hand.

Now.

I believe Lucifer can appear as and through different things to different people.
But to me it was or was through the gentle and mysterious lover.
The fiery serpentine chasing me up the spiral staircase.
Lucy was the image in between the mirror. Behind the lights.
She was there- but not in a physical sense. The lights would glow brightly when she was close.

My experience with this "entity" was gentle. Loving. Harshly beautiful. With a tinge of dark.
A hint of mystery. He/she told me things through my girlfriend. Beautiful things.
The problem is- my girlfriend claims that I was lost in a trip the entire time.
Conversations I thought I had between us, were just conversations with myself...
Through my girlfriend. But I'll have to ask for more faith from YOU
that I know that I was talking with "someone" whether it was my girlfriend
or an "entity" of less-than-physical existence. It may very well all have been in my head.
But I'm implying that perhaps that's how this thing works.
It IS all in your head. But at the same time it's not JUST in your head.

Oh man, it makes you double take on schizophrenia and general insanity in the world.
What if one of these people screaming on the street are screaming the truth?

Lately, I've been having these reoccurring thoughts in my head that I'm somehow Lucifer.
I just notice all these similarities to me and the angel they call "Lucifer".
My cardinal sin is Pride. I'm a dreamer, a musician, a lover, a woman and a man.
I don't belong here and I feel out of place. I equate myself to a Lion.
I seek knowledge. It reminds me of the story of the Apple of Eden.

I have a STRONG intuition that I'll meet Lucifer on Lucy.
__________________________________________________ ______________
[Austin]

I was one of those "weird kids" you find in school... That never did and never will fit in.
The quiet, smart, awkward kid. The outlandish kind. But I've held on to my innocence.
Longer than most could- I still have real good in my heart. I still have that light inside.
I feel like I have a perfect blend of female and male inside. I feel almost superhuman inside.
But broken at the same time. Like something is missing. My heart is full, but my roots are dry.
But I have a love for horror. An amorous pulling to the mysterious. Everyone has these things.

But I'm uncontrollably thirsty for knowledge. Wisdom. The way the Universe works, in all her wonder.
I've procrastinated the ignition of my life. I've waited to begin my life-
Just to bury myself in books. Drowned myself in watery facts and ideas.
Pondered for hours on "reality" breaking ideas. Ideas that would make sheep panic.
Ideas that only excite ME. "Maybe the world isn't as boring as I thought," I thought.

My life works in symbols. Archetypes.
The boundless ocean. The mother. The Lion. The female. Green. Autumn.
The King. Duality. Trinity. Clocks, and Stuffed Bears. Dreams. It doesn't matter.
But it does.

I know about the connection between you and I. Through reading, experience with dreams,
books of esotericism, books of all sorts!, and simple observation. It doesn't take a genius to see
That there is someone pulling strings in reality. Watch those coincidences.
Try to find connections. It used to be impossible- Then it became improbable.
Now it's highly probable. I know most of you will take me as insane.
There will be one who takes these words just right.

Lately I've been noticing the insane improbable-almost-to-the-point-of-impossible amount of coincidences.
The Universe was talking to me all the time. I just needed to tune in.
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
[Alex]

She's the most interesting human I've met so far.

She has reason behind everything she does!

If she were an element, she'd be fire. She's a white Tiger she says.
Her taste is deliciously refined. She knows what she likes.
During Shrooms, I noticed something very peculiar.
While everyone else in the room tripped blindly.
She unscrewed light bulbs, turned things upside down.
I saw it. It resonated with me.
It was her act of defiance I think that caught my eye.
Her rebellion against the collection of rules we call society.
Mischievous girl. I understand she'll break my heart one day.
...
She grew up so fast. She's had a miserable life so far.
It beat the shit out of her. Her Mother is a monster. (Broke my damn side-view mirror that bitch.)
She never had a father. (He left before Alex was born.)

I've noticed that she does NOT attract happy karmic events.
If there ever was an unlucky human, it was her.
Her life hands her more shit than most humans would be able to handle.
She is hardened to this cruel world. The pessimist out of us.
But she knows things. She knows how it really is.
I'm wary of her. But just as wary as someone can be
of someone you love more than anything.

Our relationship is confusing.
At times we're like best friends.
Sometimes we're enemies.
Sometimes we're just animals using each other.
But when it's all said and done...
All I want to do is hold her hand and keep her safe through this lifetime.
That is what I'm here to do.
If there's anything that's real in this goddamned life, it's that I TRULY love that girl.
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[0:00]
We walked into my bedroom and placed two blotters each (piece of paper with LSD dropped on) under our tongues.
We sat around for a moment and began to feel excited and restless. Hence our decision to go to the local convenience store to grab a drink for the trip.
We smoked a bowl and headed down the hallway to go outside.
"Do you want to drive?" I dangle my Miku anime-keychain.
"Mmm... Yes!" I barely offer it, but she barely ever accepts. I become aware of the symbolism in that.

(throughout that day, I had seen the theme of "Lucifer"
sowing itself in and out of the tapestry of reality. Through coincidence. Shit happens, you know, but you'll start to notice that a great deal of that "shit"'s probability doesn't match up with the general idea of probability that society has built. Too many coincidences to be without an explanation. Too much smoke to be without a fire. I'd see pictures on Tumblr of serpents and horns- I'd see references to the Bible and things like that- but there was just so much of it today, more so than usual.)


Pulling up, I asked my girlfriend, "Do you know the story of The Garden of Eden?" ...
"Yeah, I know about that story." She humors me.
"Well... sh-should I trust him? I know I'll have to meet him eventually..."
"I don't know..." She knows.
"Huh." I drop it.

I know she doesn't understand my curiosity. I accept it's just one of our differences.

We grab our drinks- 2 thirst busters, and a pink powerade for me and a blood red powerade for her.

When we get back to the house, giddy and excited, we metaphorically "stumble" through the door.
I mean by that- that we were a little "off" by now. It had been 30min. We were walking perfectly fine.
Talking a little strangely... but perfectly functional. Just a little "different" and "strange".

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
[0:35]
As we walked back in the room and shut the door, she unloaded a pocketful of things and change.
I pointed it out to her that she was becoming a little more like me.
"It's because I love you." It made sense. I picked up a lot of her traits at times too.

We sat on my bed and loved on each other a little. Tickles, talking, touching, pictures, videos.
It was about an hour through, that we started to feel a little more than just "stoned."
The first stage was the breaking of the shell. The realization that there's more to "you" than just "you."
I watched the clock and became the clock. My awareness controlled how I existed.
Visuals were normal. If a little more relaxed. "Diffused" is a good word. "Unfocused".

I stayed consciously aware of what I was feeling constantly. It was creeping up pretty slowly- but it wasn't anything like I had felt before.
I could "feel" it coming on, as I could with other things. It felt like... a drop-off. A cliff.
It felt like I was hanging off the side of a great cliff, dangling over the abyss from a rope.
Alex told me several times throughout the trip that that's how I "felt", as if she could feel what I felt too.

We immediately went to work with our music playlists that we had planned out. I'm usually the one who spends time thinking about the future (making playlists for acid trips is a good example of this), but Alex surprised me this time by being prepared. Notice this coincidence.

She listened to her music first. Of Monsters and Men. The Head and the Heart. Modest Mouse. Bright Eyes.
Amazing music. But it left me wanting something more familiar.

On to my music. I felt around with my ears the following: Gorillaz, The Beatles, Vampire Weekend, Arcade Fire, Radiohead, Panic! At The Disco...

Oh, such beautiful things tucked away neatly in these songs. A word to the wise:
Alot of these bands know what they're talking about. They know what I'M talking about.
It's all in the music that we listen to- secrets. But remember that words can't describe what I've seen.
But music is a better language for something like this.

Take note that "Lucifer" is constantly associated with things such as "light, music, beauty, etc".

Well back to the trip. By this point, another hour has passed. I had been on the brink of tears countless times now from what I'd seen
and momentarily forgotten.
(Amnesia sucks. I have reason to believe my human is plagued with holey memory. I hope to one day find out why. Probably heavy fluoride in the pineal gland.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[1:15]
Now, me and Alex just wanted to talk again.

She told me about what laughter was for.
She told me that:
"Love is strange- If you get too filled up with that wonderfulness [love], it'll make you sad. You need to let it out every once in awhile.
It's meant to be shared."

My god! Right in front of our eyes. Laughter was the human mechanism for sharing love with the world. The letting out of steam.
It was biological as much as it was just... oddly metaphysically organic. I mean by that... ... no. I'll have to leave that one for you. It's a mechanism of my higher-self as much as it is my human.

"If you start to feel sad... it's because you need to let it out. Share it." If there's one thing I held on to throughout my trip, it was this.

Countless times I felt that well of sadness rising up. I pushed it down by laughing at how wonderful everything was. I just looked around.
I laughed at how crazy I was for thinking I was talking to the devil. I laughed at how impossibly-obviously it presented itself to me.
I laughed at how all of my favorite bands had all of the answers to my questions- but in code.
I laughed at how awkward my soul piloted my human. I would lean into kiss my lover, and land somewhere else and just laugh.
I laughed at how perfect she was. How she always found the perfect thing to say to me. It was like a storybook. Like a dream.
Like I had always wished and wished for. She completed me, like a puzzle piece. How curious.



My soul wasn't very good at integrating me into society, in general, I observed.
I just have never understood the importance of fitting in. Never in my life.
If I had a finger to point... it would be at my soul.
From what I understand...
He should be the one who deals with matters spanning over the 4th dimension... over and outside of time.

But...
I am him. I just sometimes forget.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[1:45]
Alex.

She was different now. She was still her. But now with a mischievous grin. Cheshire was smiling through my love's face.
She walked like a Goddess, like a perfect little hipster indie kid. (I think that's what I would incarnate as if I were Lucy.) [I'll call her Lucy.]
She pointed to my antique clock and told me the face was the surface of a pond. She was pointing at my symbols. She knew what it meant to me. She knew I had always equated myself with the element water. She knew my personality was watery in itself.
"It's like a dirty pond with scattered numbers."
She knew about my shaky relationship with time.
The pond represented me.

She got up and stretched. "Man, all this damn water." ...again, referring to ME.
As if she had finally seen the real me.
She said it as if just arriving there to that moment in time, before flashing me a grin.
Again, I got the impression of being in the presence of a Goddess- in the flesh. She knew I knew.

She analyzed my life so far and hit every nail on the head. With such grace and the perfect hint of mystery to keep me there. She talked about my innocence and my attachment to my inner child.
I have a stuffed animal, a tattered old bear- she told me that my child was beaten up.
My innocence was hurt.

I think I feel the need to use the word "her" because I was still clinging on to egos. I was afraid to be one with this. All the warnings.
All the damn warnings from humanity. Avoid the one they call the devil. I struggled within myself against it.

"It's like a bunch dolls in a dollhouse." She referred to the bodies we inhabited.

At this point- my mind was so far in the "strange". My nerves and senses were totally "not-normal".
I didn't think of it as, "Sight" or "Hearing" or "Feeling"... it was more of a five-pronged color wheel of general sensation manifesting itself as a big picture. I mean... My senses began to blur into one sense.

And the trails. Oh my... There was a mesmerizing soft blur behind any sort of movement.

I also began to notice catching weird alien thoughts in my own head. I felt like I was tuning in on Alex's thoughts.
I STILL can't figure out who it really was that first wanted that cigarette. Also...
I would look at Alex with a question and she would verbally respond.
Me and Alex began to slowly realize something. Not that we were melding consciousness. But that we already were one consciousness.
I was getting my first understanding of what "Duality" and "Unity" truly meant.

I spoke incoherently, akin to Jack Sparrow. I was trying to grasp an idea.
It was being relayed to me from outside of my head, that's for sure.

But here's a metaphor to help you understand what I mean.
Sometimes, if you stare directly at something...
It vanishes.
But if you learn to look with the corner of your eye.
You might get a better glimpse.

If I thought too hard at an idea, it would run away.
Same with Lucy/Lucifer. If we chased after her, she would vanish.
She would stop amusing us. She had a tendency to sneak in and out of our trip.

And then something happened... she tried to get me to kiss her. She had that devilish look in her eye.
I... recoiled. I subconsciously knew that what I was dealing with was indeed very heavy. It meant something.
And I needed to be perfectly conscious so I could make a decision. These cautious thoughts were definitely mine.

I know what LSD can do to you. You have to keep your mind clear and empty or else you'll convince yourself of something.
I decided that this vision or feeling of dancing with the devil was TOO persistent to be a simple delusion.
I might be an odd human, but I know that these was DEFINITELY something more to this than delusion.
Truly, there's some truth in my yarn. But I kept a clear head so that I would feel the feelings as they came.

I was forced to make a decision of a life time. If I went through with this, I had a feeling my life would never be the same. But my life was always so boring... I kind of ached for it, you know?

Vampire Weekend summed it up perfectly:

"It’s not right but it’s now or never
And if I wait could I ever forgive myself? "

I finally kissed her back, pushing through my hesitation. It WAS just my girlfriend.
I kiss her all the time. But this time it was mixed-up, fearful, and hesitant.
We lost ourselves in our slow kisses for awhile. And suddenly...
for JUST a moment, I woke up from the Matrix that we live in.
I realized in that moment that I was NOT my body... or even my mind, for that matter.
Whatever I really was, it was "green" and "bright" and "vibrant" and "full of love".
She was more "grey" and "scarred" and "hopeless" but "wise" and "full of texture"
The best way I can describe what it felt like... I was an amorphous living "thing".
A giant changing organism of "light". I felt MYSELF (I'll capitalize when I refer to our higher self.)
brushing up against my lover... in an alien landscape, in alien bodies. It was more beautiful than anything you've ever experienced.
It was scarring to someone who wants to remain ignorant. I now knew.

She knew I had finally seen the true HER. SHE was disfigured and bruised from the horrors and disappointments of her lives.
I held her body close and radiated an infinite love that she had never felt before. She knew I knew. She knew I loved her regardless.
I didn't get to see any specifics, but I know that we've known each other intimately besides this life. Same with all the people in my life.

We cuddled for a little and loved each other. I accepted every little part of her, and she accepted every little part of me.

__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[2:00]
We laid in my bed and stared around my room. It was as if I was my soul, checking up on my human. My room was a wreck.
Disorganized and messy. I scolded myself. My eyes caught all these symbols that I would have never caught.
I looked at my long hair and saw my female trying to claw her way out. She was desperate to be seen and pet.
It was tragic. I felt a little drunk- by that I mean that drunken feeling of trying to walk. A great happy cheerfulness filled me
despite my slight lack of coordination.

I had to go to the bathroom though... I was afraid to be away from Alex, so I hesitated...
"I REAAAALLY need to goooo."
"Okay, I'm going now."
"Alright baby, here I go."
"I NEED TO PEEEE."
(I said all of those... probably 20 seconds apart. Stalling.)

I worked up the courage to break away. I drifted like a ghost down the hall.
Once in the bathroom, I got on my knees and peed close to the toilet (a strange habit I'd picked up years ago).
I got up, and checked myself out in the mirror. My pupils were huge. I could see my soul showing through my eyes.
It was beautiful. I always thought that was beautiful. Enlarged pupils are subconsciously attractive to me.
Then I returned to Alex. We were both thinking about the same thing now. Ourselves.

We both stared at our vessels with self-love. She began to talk again,
"You know... I never really got why people are so against this." I knew she was referring to our self-love.
"If you have what you have, what's the point in Not loving it?" -She continued while eyeing herself with love and a hint of lust.
I did the same.

Sometime throughout the trip, I stripped naked and watched my body closely.
It was so... gorgeous. My male and female energies were so balanced.
I marveled at my body's hips and legs, and my shoulders and eyes.


(I'd always had a deeply ingrained disgust with egoists.
Egotistical people had always disgusted me. They were never going to grow, because they were so weighed down by their own empty weight. My religious Dad pointed out that I had pride in my eyes, countless times through my childhood. He made sure I knew it was wrong.)

(But... I couldn't find an argument to this one. I had always thought myself and Alex to be extremely attractive.
In a different kind of way than what society could see. I would walk by a group of girls, flicking on a switch inside.
I would think confident feelings, I would KNOW that I was sexy... and the girls would always look my direction and blush.
I had that power. Everyone does. And if it's already there... It's just a matter of turning it on.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[2:30]
Alex had to go pee next. It had been 2 1/2 hours now. She left to go to the bathroom...
But I found myself following close behind, as if I were going to the bathroom as well.
As if we were going to share that experience. I paused and realized that I couldn't follow her in there.
She chuckled at me and left.

I realized I still needed to pee! I normally was very "good" at holding my bladder.
But this time felt different. Seconds had passed since Alex left the room.
"I don't think I can wait." I said to myself, alone in my room.
I panicked when I thought that perhaps Lucy had something to do with my bladder un-control.

Then I realized it. I wasn't feeling MY need to pee. I was feeling Alex's need to pee.
I had already pissed. Now it was her turn.
Only catch.
I was going to experience her turn.

When it finally dawned on me what was going on...
I began to squirm and struggle to hold in my bladder-
While I was experienced pee-ing.
I could feel it so clearly. It felt good~
But I was unable to enjoy the relieving feeling due to my panic.
It reminds me slightly of orgasm, but just a hint.
I'm proud to say, that I LSD didn't make me piss

I continued to squirm, until she was done.
Then I walked out of my room and met her at the door to explain.
She grinned at me.

__________________________________________________ _________________________________
[3:30]
At about 3 1/2 hours.
We fell into the bed again, and fell entranced by my ceiling light.
It broke my popcorn ceiling into a crystal kaleidoscope.
It began to glow intensely. We lied there in that room staring at that light forever.
It was so fucking beautiful. I could tell that there was something "more" to the light.
There was something "behind" the light. "Inside" it. "Outside" of it...
Wait no... There's no word for it. "Within" would be the best fit.

Lucy was close-by. The light vibrated. The ceiling crawled.
The room came to life. We were coming to a peak of the trip.
Alex snapped me out of it.
"Don't let it take you away."
What a strange thing to say, I thought.
I'm sure she knew what I felt.
But I looked away and broke the spell.

Our gazes returned shortly after.
She gasped- "I can see your heartbeat in the ceiling."
Both of our jaws dropped. It was true. The light was pulsating to my heart.
We were pushed back against the wall and the bed... HARD.
But it was because of how incredibly beautiful and powerful it was.
The entity.
... ...
She joked for the third time, "If this is the peak, I'd still be disappointed."
I laughed at that challenge to Lucy.

We sat up from our bed, feeling like we had lived an eternity in moments.

The green curtains had crawling vines. If you relaxed your eyes on them, they would move like crazy.
I could also see aura around Alex. Her's was red.
She told me mine was a bright green.

By now, we had abandoned words for the most part. We both realized how much easier it was
to communicate in "soul-speak", in thought, and in feeling.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[4:30]
We walked outside. Oh. My. God.

"There's a world out here..." We both gasped. We were coming down fast.

But that one moment when I first experienced nature... our SUN, the neighborhood.
I will never forget it. It made me gasp in my female's voice. It was THAT powerful.
I was powerfully aware of our position in the solar system. That big glowing thing in the sky...
It's in a very basic sense: "Alive".

Fire is... "Alive." Plants and animals... they're "alive and conscious".

My only metaphor for this... would be...
There's these Mexican candies... I forget their name...
But it's a plastic container, with this spicy/sour chile mango
Squishy candy inside.
You squeeze it out through the top and it comes out in strands.
Like squishy red grass.
The inside of the container is primal life. Life in it's most basic form. Before it's manifested in this world.
When it's squeezed out, it seperates into egos and distinctions. Each little blade is a different manifestation of the same thing.

(Matter is alive too, just vibrating at a different level. But I digress- back to the trip.)

My lover and I sat beautifully in our bodies. I followed her to a spot in the shade, out of the morning sun where we found our perch. Watching the school children and other humans waking up, and going to school and work.
We sat there and watched, understanding that they may never know the things we know.
They may go their whole lives and never see the truth.
I began to grow nervous that people were walking about as, well, we were tripping balls in my front driveway.

I shook it off, "Ah fuck it. A school bus of children could pass by for all I care."
A school bus passed 6 seconds later. Me and Alex eyed each other and knew that Lucy was still with us.

We had a conversation between a human God and Goddess in my front yard about the tops of trees.
She pointed to the top of the pine tree before us.
"You know, the tops of trees are my favorite parts of trees." She spoke softly.
I thought to myself of whether there was symbolism in what she said.
She paused before saying, "It matters."

She reminded me of plants. I had always wanted to communicate with one. I cupped in my hands a yellow flowered weed next to me, and I closed my eyes. I felt something. But not very strongly. I felt impatient.

"You want to go inside, don't you?" I had a feeling.
"Yeah..."
"Well... can we wait out here for just a second?"
"Yeah, as long as you want."
But I couldn't fully enjoy it, now that I knew she wanted to go inside.
I asked one more question... It was aimed at Lucy AND Alex.
"You aren't going leave me... are you?" The insecure little girl I had once been was asking.
I began to tear up and almost cry at the thought of being disconnected from this in the future.
I don't remember her answer. But it was good. I remembered to laugh, so I wouldn't be sad.
So we got up and walked inside.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________
[6:00]
It was approximately 6 hours into our trip, more or less.
Lucy was still here, but in a less HERE way.

(INTERJECTION: The overwhelming clarity of LSD is so strange to experience, in stark contrast to the drug propaganda out there. Do not listen to your government on matters like this. You have to trust your heart on this to know if you're ready for something like this. I was ready. I've been waiting for this day my entire life.)

Now I wasn't talking directly to Lucy. I was talking to just my Alex.
She noted that I had been talking "past her" for the past few hours.
That I had, in reality, been lost in a sort of trip. But I know what I experienced.
I have faith in it. And I will not let the world shake it out of me like they do to the rest of us.

Back to the experience. I confronted another demon of mine.
My occasional lack of passion. My lack of red and orange and yellow.
My lack of masculine energies.

Alex was calling me to her. She stretched her beautiful body in my bed, like a cat.
I knew her body wanted mine. I knew her animal ached for mine.
But I am not the normal male. Not the normal man.
I didn't feel like a wolf ready to take control.
I was unsure and awkward. I felt wrong every time I tried to force a passionate kiss.
I couldn't fake passion. So I sat there awkward.

I don't know how many Panic! At The Disco songs I heard before it happened.
(Panic! was playing on shuffle the first time we made love.)

She took control. She pushed me against the bed. She has what I don't have.
I tried to fight back... but she was too strong for me.
I quivered and moaned like the female I felt.
She touched my body and made me feel powerless.
I began to tear up in fear and quiet submission.
Oh, it was then I felt real passion.
This is one reason why we're like puzzle pieces. We match.


Sometimes I curse myself for being born in a male body, when I'm so obviously not.
But I understand that things happen for reasons. Perhaps I chose this existence to make amends
with my masculinity.


I'll skip out some pretty details.
But there was passionate kisses.
"I can see why humans do that." She smirked along with me.
It was a physical means to elicit a reaction in our souls. It was a way to communicate.
We were trading delicate feelings through lips.
Two aliens; two children of the stars-
experiencing what it was like to love as humans.
Oh the impossibly mad love.

Once I felt that passion in my bones...
The man in me awoke. The wolf.
I grabbed her and forced her down like I wished she would to me all those times.

!@#$%^&

I came earlier than I wanted to and I sat in shame for a minute.
Alex knew what my look meant, and she told me that she had felt amazing regardless.
"So why worry?"

__________________________________________________ _________________
[7:00]


Alex eventually fell asleep.
We cuddled together and held each other close until then.

Then I was alone.
I moved to my computer.
I was compelled to listen to "Colorblind" by Counting Crows.
It was an anthem of my human and soul, specific to me.
It touched my hurt that I had accumulated as this specific human.
My awkward un-belonging. My prison of skin. My lack of color.
(Books, the only thing I had found solace in before... can only show you black and white.)

I cried my eyes out. I couldn't fight the sadness back.
It all poured out. I was terrified of how deep the feeling was.
I went to Alex and was about to shake her, when
"I'm fine." was sung.

I knew this was a sign from the Universe to let her sleep.
I was fine.

(The Universe or Lucy or whatever it was... sometimes sends me winks.
"Coffee black and eggwhite." is a line in that song."
My best friend's Dad just poured me black coffee and handed me an egg sandwich while I've been up all night typing this.)

It's truly a humbling thing to know that your entire life is a part to a play.
It's just a dance. It's put together very delicately, with lots of love and care.
But sometimes if you REALLY look closely, it's like a movie.
We all have a part to play. Dolls in a dollhouse.

__________________________________________________ _______________________________
[End?]

So that's my story so far. At the same time, it's all of our stories. We've all met Lucifer in one way or another. It lives inside of all us, whether we like it or not. It's all a matter of becoming aware of it.

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Just sending a message out in a bottle.
For most of you, you most likely will categorize me as delusional. That is fine.
This is just an oddly fascinating and fantastic story to you. But I have faith in the dreamers.
I know who I'm talking to. They know who they are. The right people will answer me.

It's all just simple math. What I'm talking about sounds magical... but it is very real.
Perhaps, one day it will be considered common knowledge. Accepted science.
But until then- we need explorers who are willing to chart this new frontier.

__________________________________________________ _______________
[Some of the other things Lucy told me through Alex...]

"You don't belong here. You feel it too, don't you?" I had always felt that.

"You're a very very VERRRY special, human, Austin. I don't think you realize how special you are." I knew this was truth, but it felt like a dirty truth. It felt wrong to say and obsess with. I know I'm meant for something big. But it's not all about me.

"You're INCREDIBLY beautiful." She stared at me sometimes... just as I had stared at the beautiful light.

"You've been waiting here, an anomaly in this world. Waiting for something alien to return you to your home."

[I also "realized" a few things by myself.]

I saw that most the people I called friends, were actually entities I knew outside of this human life.
A few of them I was "tied up to" or "chained to" with karmic debt.
My best friend is VERY pushy, and if I don't listen to what he says, I feel a backlash of negative energy.
I'm starting to realize that I actually am VERY far in debt to ALOT of people.

I also found that I was meant to go to a certain concert in California called Coachella in the middle of April.

I realized on my own that I'm destined to be a famous musician. That sounds horribly egotistical.
But you'll understand if you're ever in shoes like mine.


And lastly... I started the apocalypse. Maybe it was me individually, or me in the general sense of humans.
But when I came out of my trip, instantly I saw new signs of chaos.

This whole Korea business became frontline news. I've seen and heard ambulances every day here since.
People have been talking about the upcoming war in America. People have started making plans.
I think I might move to Seattle eventually. I have a feeling it might be safe for me.
Since me and Alex are both extremely drawn to this city.


__________________________________________________ ______________________________________
Please... if you're curious or have questions, please ask.
If you have something to add to my experience, I would certainly appreciate it!

It's a wonderful world out there, dreamers. Get out there and feel it for yourself!
For all you wisdom-seekers, may you find what you're looking for.

very interesting dream phenomena tonight. slept from about 12 pm to 9:30 am and had normal dreams, was awake for about half an hour, and fell back asleep from 10 - 11 am which is when the interesting stuff started...

midnight - 9:30 am

i was looking at clothes in a large department store. i wanted to buy a dress. the dresses i wanted (one black dress and one light blue dress with dark turquoise polka dots) were in the children's section, but i figured i could fit into them anyway since i'm petite.

the next dream began in my grade 9 drama classroom. i was talking to an attractive girl with long black hair and pale skin. i believe her name was nadia and i understood that she was russian. i felt intense feelings of love and tenderness for her. there was a bed in the classroom, and we wanted to sleep together, but we were afraid other people would see and judge us. at some point the classroom morphed into a bedroom. i remember nothing else.

10-11 am

hypnagogia

after a short period of wakefulness i lay back down in bed and shifted into a half-aware state. i was still environmentally oriented - i opened my eyes a few times to see my bedroom as it normally is - but i was experiencing the involuntary associative thought that accompanies the hypnagogic state. generally i enter directly into sleep shortly after experiencing this "hypnagogic thought" but in this case it was not so. i began to have what i now realize were auditory hallucinations. at first i believed i was listening to a podcast on my laptop, which i often do before falling asleep. the audio was very distinct and i could identify the different people's voices although i was not able to make out the content of their speech (it was a little quiet.) then music began to play: specifically, the songs neutral milk hotel - oh comely and the gerbils - glue. i remember being puzzled about how these songs were playing without me interacting w/ the laptop but i believed they were not hallucinations because the audio was so clear and the songs were so perfectly reproduced -- and after all, i was not dreaming!

i am able to tell that this was a hypnagogic state and not a dream of being in bed because at one point my roommate knocked on my door to tell me that she was leaving for school -- this occured at the appropriate time (around quarter after ten) & i responded appropriately. during the time that the hallucinatory music was playing i decided i should try to get to sleep and so i used some basic relaxation techniques (relaxing the body from the toes to the head).

dreams

the relaxation technique fades into a dream wherein i am sliding down the stairs to the basement of the old townhouse. i repeat this a few times. i am aware that this is a dream and i believe that sliding down the stairs will metaphorically allow me to 'slide' deeper into the dream state as well as 'lower' me into a state of sexual disinhibition. it seems to do both.

i enter into a dream where... well, in the interests of full disclosure, i am an underage (~12-13 y/o) girl partaking in various sex acts with a nondescript college-age boy. the perspective is quite interesting here: i am watching the dream unfold in third person, but i am experiencing the sensations that my dream-self would experience in the depicted situation. i am able to control the dream by willing certain situations to happen.

my dream-self has red hair with bangs and pigtails and green eyes. her outfit changes many times over the course of the dream. the male character has short black hair and glasses; he is tall and thin. the dream varies between realism and an anime-esque style (i very rarely dream in a non-realistic style; i can probably count the number of such dreams i've had on one hand.)

this dream is divided into multiple different scenes. each scene begins with me meeting the boy in his college classroom (large and crowded, with metal walls; he sat near the door) at the end of class. we have to be discreet, as i am underage. after we leave the classroom, the sexual activities ensue. a full description of everything that transpired in this dream would be frankly pornographic, and i have no need to write it all down here as i'll be able to remember it without epistolary assistance. what's important about these scenes is that the sexual sensations i experienced in the dream are far, far more intense than anything i have ever experienced in waking life. i attribute this to a release phenomenon engendered by the downregulation of activity in certain brain structures during REM sleep which causes disinhibition and consequent overexcitation in various other areas; there could also be a psychological component to it. nonetheless it never fails to amaze me when i experience it.

after many "scenes" the sexual dream ends, along with the lucidity. i find myself in a washroom stall, and there is a copy of a manga that contains illustrations of the previous dream on the floor. i am afraid that other people using the washroom will see it on the floor and think i am perverted. i try to find somewhere to hide it but i cannot. later i am wandering through a dark maze of strangely-proportioned washroom stalls, trying to find a normal one: i understand that they are all weirdly shaped because i am in germany.

at some point i find myself atop a large warp pipe from the mario series. i am in the middle of a great sea and i can see a small island close to me. the colours here are somewhat muted/desaturated but still quite pleasing to the eye. i go to the island, which is very small and covered in yellow-brown dead grass; there is a quaint stone hut with a thatched roof here, where there lives a young woman with long blonde hair and a weathered but beautiful face. she wears a simple cotton gown. i gather blackberries and other fruits with her in front of the hut; i understand from the local flora that i am in scandinavia. i also understand that i am inside of the video game animal crossing.

my perspective later becomes detached -- moreso playing a video game than being inside of it. it gets dark and the sea becomes stormy. i understand that the woman is the "lifeguard" of the sea and i decide to drown her as an ironic joke. i pick her up through the game's interface and drop her in the sea, but she will not drown. i do not remember anything else.

----

a lot to analyze here, but i'm far too lazy. it was a pleasant experience nonetheless.

There's nothing much I can get out from this dream, but here's a few.

I was standing at the end of the street I'm currently living in. I could tell that there weren't too many people around. I walked around this area earlier in the morning today(3/31/2013). I was also in front of a home where my attackers were last seen, but yet, the authorities could not do anything about it.

There was a home set out on this end of the street. The walls were the only thing that were finished, everything else was wasn't finished. It sort of reminds me of Blender because I was using it before going to sleep this morning.

There was a girl I met in the dream, not the Vietnamese one but, someone I recently seen on Youtube. She was nice, outgoing, but she wasn't normal in the dream. In the dream, she was still fun and nice, she was even playful around me. Her and me were both inside the walls of this unfinished building while she was cleaning up some books she had placed out on the floor. She'd pick these books up and place them in a nearby home on the same street. And every time she'd go in to the unfinished building to grab books, we'd both always talk to each other nicely and make friendly compliments.

There was a time when she wanted to give me one of the books she was taking away from the area. She gave me a book that used to be hers. I was a little excited that I got to keep it, especially from her. It was like treasuring her heart, her touch, on to this book. It sort of makes me want to go out there and get away from the thoughts that I have about someone else. I can but, Quynh is, of another genre, and from what I noticed throughout the moments I was left with unanswered questions, if you do not believe my friendship is good enough after a set of the given amount of time, innocence is no longer a virtue and anger will be all that is left.

very busy, haven't been able to sleep much - ruining my dream recall. some fragments tonight:

1. i was in a distorted version of downtown (bright colours, very sunny) with my boyfriend who now had massive dreadlocks cascading from the back of his head. i found that very unattractive but i decided that he is my boyfriend, so i should deal with it. we entered an empty furniture store. it was hexagonal with large windows on every side; the carpet and most of the chairs were green. we sat down on a couch. we wanted to kiss but we were afraid people would see us through the windows, so we just cuddled a little. suddenly the room started tilting from side to side. we heard the store owner coming in and we ran away -- but he was actually glad that we visited his store and he gave us smoothies.

2. i am with friends (the only one i recognize from real life is M-----) in a huge department store. we are wandering around and i was stealing things. i recall spotting a stick of men's deodorant that was selling for 80 dollars, so i decided to go to the women's department and steal a similar product. i never found the womens department but i stole some books.

then it is night and we are downtown. we want to go to a bar (i don't drink irl) but the only way to enter is through a third-story window. my mother is wearing a red shirt and lying motionless on the sidewalk a few yards away; her body seems shrunken. we pay little attention to this. i try climbing up the building's many roofs (roof-awnings? what's the architectural term for those) - dead ivy vines cover the building - but i can't make it to the top floor. at one point my mom gets up -- she's acting normally, wants to join us.

3. i am at a public indoor pool with a lot of other people. there is a young girl in a wheelchair there and a fat middle-aged woman is saying rude things about her. i tell the woman off and people applaud me.

4. i am reading a website about a spa. the company is from quebec and much of the website is written in french. i don't recall what the text said now but i remember that upon waking i remarked at the fact that it was sensical and grammatically correct -- strange because text in my dreams usually makes little sense in terms of content or syntax -- especially strange because french is my second language!

one part mentions that they have special tools for relaxation or something to that effect. the text is a link, so i click on it. it brings me to a page that displays various styles of bongs (they're all blue and silver and quite elegantly designed). there are also prices for "asian massages" for women and men. the prices are all in the 1-2k range. so i come to the realization that this is a brothel where you can smoke weed.

i decide to visit.

the spa is an outdoor pool. it is very sunny and bright outside. the geometry in this scene is odd - i think i'm floating above the water or something. a girl arrives, but no sex acts transpire, at least that i can remember. i wake up.

--------
quick analysis:
i've had many similar dreams about department stores. my dream-stores are always massive, labyrinthian, with blank white walls and floors and an eclectic assortment of items.

the image of my mother lying on the ground probably comes from the time i saw a hipster girl lying face-down on the sidewalk in toronto (with her ukulele of course). she wasn't drunk or sick or anything, i think she was trying to be artistic or protest something, but it was just silly. the police made her get up. there's also another dimension to this image i think - my mother was an alcoholic while i was growing up and to this day i have a strong aversion to being around any drunk people... especially her.

almost all the dreams i've catalogued so far have had something to do with sex. generally, dreams with sexual themes are very rare for me. i haven't had any changes in my real life that could trigger this... maybe my subconscious is just trying to embarrass me.

So recently I went to see The Last Exorcism pt 2, and two days later I have this dream about love. I honestly don't think it's anything like the movie but because I saw it recently it just reminded me of it.
Anyways so I guess I live in this big nice house with a roommate (who is currently my roommate) and there's this guy who I'm I guess showing my place around to. I don't know this guy (but he looks familiar) and I feel kind of awkward, but he's completely in love with me!
We end up in my room which is all white with a huge bed and we sit down and he kisses me, ever so gently and that's when it hits me, I'm in love with him too!! So we're all laying down (watching something, I think tv?) and my roommate keeps coming in and like flirting with him, but he doesn't pay attention to her at all (which is definitely different for me) and the last thing I remember is looking at his face (perfect!). Idk what any of it means!

I'm sure some of you are tired of posts about "Cheating/Love" dreams.
But the dreams I have are so realistic, and frank that i really need answers. My great grandmother had a gift of premonition , and i was always told to listen to my dreams. Well not every single dream. But the real serious ones. Like the one i had last night ...
This dream was about us going out to a resturant to celebrate my birthday, we were walking to the resturant and suddenly he started speeding up his pace (which is something he really does in public when we're out and i hate it) so i started to get frustrated and reminded him "we are a couple, we should be walking together hand in hand". He brushed it off. Before we could get to our destination a girl caught his eye. A smiled appeared across his face, and no matter how i reacted he would stop not smiling. He then informed me that she was an ex, who he loved dearly. He went forward with saying "she loves me a lot," getting panicky i shouted "But we are in love, i love you!" He still didnt stop smiling. Then he shouted out her name "Jazz! Jazz! Jazz!" (he doesnt have an ex named jazz in reality) She kept walking, then out of no where a microphone appeared in his hand, and he continued to shout her name over the mic. I was astonished. So when he caught up with her they said their hellos, and he went in for a hug, but i stepped in the way. A bracelet he gave me latched onto her and fell off my wrist onto the ground. She picked it up and handed it to me, then walked off. He was still in a daze... i cried so hard i woke out of my sleep crying.. Ugh, i hate these type of dreams.. But should I be worried? Some of the things he did in the dream are thing he does in real life such as, brush me off when im making a point, walk ahead of me when we're out and about, and ignore me when something bothers me. I know he loves me, but i wonder if he's falling out of love with me. By the way, im 5months pregnant and it scares me to think my fiance doesn't want me. Someone Help!

24.02.2013

Leaving my human life behind and going back to the Pleiades. (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

In all my dreams I have some degree of lucidity. If I am not fully lucid, I still know that something is not right. For an instance, I have a car accident, but I do not worry because I know it is OK (at a deep level I know I am dreaming) But this dream, I really bought the dream entirely... I really thought it was real, to the point of being a bit sad when I woke up from it (despite how amazing the dream was)
Might be easier to understand if I tell you I am a Starseed. Enjoy!

I was with my wife in a big room and we were going to head out. I was sharing with her that I needed to meet with a couple clients for some psychic readings.

We decide to get out for a walk, and we wore only a short t-shirt. I was wondering that if it was going to be too cold. It was also raining and it was very foggy and cloudy at the same time, but it was warm. There were people around. We were in a city that looked like Rome since it had a lot of Roman buildings and such. These building were made out of stone and the detail was amazing.

I overheard people saying that there were going to be some major changes in the planet. Talking with my wife, she said that she overheard that the temperature was going to be around 150 F. I told her she was nuts, that no way it could get that warm. It started to rain harder and my wife ran away. I felt the rain water warm on my face and I was kinda surprised. Suddenly, I saw a like a big stone falling from the sky into the ground. I saw a couple more of these stones, both were on fire. I realized they were meteorites. I could hear the noise of the meteorite and people all around me screaming, but I was not afraid, I was in fact, somehow thrilled. I considered if I wanted to allow one of them to hit me or if it was better to avoid them. I wanted to get hit by one, but my instinct told me to avoid them.

Suddenly, a major earthquake started to happen. It was over a magnitude 9. The buildings started to crumble and I felt excited because I was going to home, to the Pleiades where I belong. The building shattered and fell over my head. My vision started to blurr and I lost consciousness. I felt I was leaving my physical body, until the image of a hospital appeared in front of my eyes. I could see my body, very wounded and my wife crying next to it. I was attached to some machine and I heard the doctor announcing my death. I floated away from the hospital. I was a bit sad because of my wife, but I was excited at the same time.

I roamed around the hospital and I saw my dad in a different room and one of my childhood friends as well. They were not sick apparently.

I appeared in a building and I had some trouble controlling my Astral Body, I was not used to be a Spirit. I rapidly decided I wanted to cros over and go back to the Pleiades, but I decided to explore first and roam a bit more. I had all the time of the world after all. I was in a 32 stories restaurant, going from room to room and I even discovered some hidden rooms as well. Someone spoke to me telling me that the restaurant had many secret rooms.

I appeared again in a park, and I was trying to float without success, so I started to climb a building (spiderman style) when suddenly, a young female greeted me. She was with a friend, and her friend was astonish, looking everywhere trying to find me. I knew right away she was a medium, so I jumped to her. She got scared and I apologized about it. She said I was acting weird and she did not know if I was a good Spirit. I told her I was. I also told her, "I am a dead medium." I explained to her that I was a Psychic Medium when I was alive. I started to wonder if she was using her clairvoyance or clairaudience to communicate with me. After I while I wanted to finally leave the Earth.

I started to float higher and higher until I left the planet. I had the Earth on my back, out of space.







I had a huge blissful feeling. I felt free. I felt I had no boundaries anymore and I felt very blessed. I was going home and I could not wait. I looked around me, and I saw an endless sea of stars







Right below me, I was able to see like a water see, but it contained stars, planets and asteroids. I wanted to explore it so a glided to get closer, until I saw a big building, a building that cannot be found on Earth. Upon entering it, I met with two ET beings talking in some strange tongue. I spoke to them and they showed me a Piano. They said it was a nice instrument to generate music found at Earth. I told them that my previous life was there and mentioned that they could find other instruments as well.

From here, I took long flights around the Universe, meet with some other ET beings. At some points, in the middle of nowhere, I spotted a few ET beings talking. One of them was considering incarnating into a human body. The other ET beings told him that the Earth was full of violence, hatred and envy. The ET being kept saying that it was not a nice place to experience a whole life at. I agreed and jumped into the conversation. I told them I was a Pleiadian who was incarnated into a human body, and crossed over recently. I shared with them the pain and sorrow the Earth is going through and told them I would not come back at all.

I decided to finally go to the Pleiades and reunite with my Galactic family.



On my way there, I met with a very hot human being. She had the same of a human and everything, but she was an ET as well. She mentioned that she came from a planet were money did not exist, love was among all people's heart and the whole planet were thriving. She also told me that everybody was hot because they were no GMOs nor other crap on their foods. She mentioned as well that they were having a blast during an entire lifetime of about 40 years. The planet was full of amusement parks, discotheques and scenic views for the enjoyment of the inhabitants. I felt it was a nice place to enjoy a lifetime, specially after dealing with the human life, but I really wanted to go back to the Pleiades.

I was going however, to spend some time with this being and getting to know the planets located in the area. I felt blissful, I felt so amazingly well. I was truly in the Here and Now... time did not matter anymore. I was in heaven.

I had a FA in a room, with my wife at planet Earth. I got frustrated and stated what the hell was going on and why I was on Earth again. I did a reality check, but it did not fail. My wife went ahead to write down a dream (something she never does in real life) and so I went to write mine. I woke up for real.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I am in Iowa. It doesn't look like Iowa at all, more like a rural village in the north of Portugal, with small stone houses and rough stone paved streets, but still I know it is in Iowa. Around the village there's miles and miles of corn fields and it's what people do for a living here. I am staying with a very noce family and the lady is telling me about how they find it so beautiful, but I am a destroyer of illusions and I say large industrial monoculture of GMO corn is not a beautiful sight, no matter how golden it looks. But they don't feel ofended. It's like they never even thought about it in a different angle and they want to know more about my point if view.
Eventually a storm at distance starts making a noise and we go look through the window and we see incredible pink clouds and a shower of lightnings. We go outside to see it better, because that is actually beautiful, but the storm surprises us and lightnings start to hit the village without a warning. Everybody panics and runs around. I want to go back in the house, but the lightnings almost seem intelligent and hit people who run down the road. But we manage to go inside. We watch the lightnings up close through the window, but they look more like flames than electrical discharges.
The storm eventually dissipates and then I'm invited to a night out in the capital. There's a disctrict that looks like Bairro Alto in Lisbon and there's a rave party out in the streets and people are dressed in costumes or just extravagant outfits. I feel melancholic and numb. I sit down on a stone slab - other people are dancing on top of other stones which seem to be part of some modern sculpture - and a friend sits by my side, puts her arm around my shoulders and asks what's going on. I start crying and I say I'm hopelessly in love, always have been and that I keep hoping to see his face in the crowd. She doesn't know what to say. I get up and decide to dance into a trance until I feel even number.