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Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm by the courtyard and there is a big metal box and two people by it. One of them has the spirit of Alex but I never saw his face. There are two mini tanks that are about to fight. One of them is like a normal tank and the other one is just the wheels of a tank. They drive past each other instead and start to target each others' base. The tank I watch has a big canon that is pointed backwards and a small canon that it's using to shoot the base down. Alex makes a joke about communism and that he is Putin. The objective has changed and now the goal is to shoot the bullets until they deform and get the shape of a cube. There is a fire heating the bullets up so they will change shape more easily. One of the bullets hits the big trash can outside my door and it catches fire. The tire is melting down and I try to blow it out. It works after a while. Someone gets burned on a bullet and I am responsible for it, but I don't know why. I move up the little stair in the courtyard and they are having a fire there. The fire is made out of coal and paper that never burns up. Simon is cutting out big pieces of paper with a ruler but he is having a hard time so I help him. I put the pieces from the paper on the fire and they don't burn up.

I'm in a field and being hunted by a dinosaur. I go to a friendly dinosaur and a big monkey that is hiding me behind a big rock. The monkey has the spirit of Daniel from Kristianstad. I go to the other side of the rock because the evil dinosaur is changing position. I get eaten pretty many times in the dream and I don't remember how I transitioned back each time I got eaten.

Notes: One of my worst nightmares when I was smaller was about being eaten by dinosaurs. I talked with Daniel yesterday.

I'm in a hotel with Casper, Diego and Håkanssons. There is a show on TV that everyone is wathing but I'm not interested and goes to sleep on a big pillow instead.

My dad saw into the future and got a hint how he was to become successful and now he just sits by a chair in the courtyard with two people on each side of him. They talk and exchange idéas on how they will be successful.

Notes: My dad is studying to be more successful.

I'm outside the gate and know it's a dream. I fly away but notice that the dream is not stable. I land and touch my face. As I touch my face the whole world turns a little bit browner and my vision gets weird. There are patterns of waves that interupts my sight. I don't feel my face at first but more of my senses is activated. The dream is stable and I start to fly again. I fly to Hemköp and there are all different kinds of people I fly over. The color has changed to gray and there are only men walking.

Notes: Many of my dreams was near my house today.

Morning of August 3, 2018. Friday.

Reading time: 53 sec. Readability score: 59.



For my dream induction (deliberate entry), I decided to be in a stagecoach in primarily an afternoon setting. It is a relaxed and passive dream self incarnation. The sense of movement is very realistic at this stage of vestibular system correlation (a factor of all dreams at this level of consciousness, though typically related to flight). At times, ambiguity enters the sequence, and it almost seems like I am riding in a fast-moving car, including the external ambiance. I maintain the stagecoach setting as Zsuzsanna and our second-youngest son are seated across from me.

I see dinosaurs through the window off to my left, including a triceratops, and cannot determine if the stagecoach is traveling through time or an animatronics display in what might be a ghost town (modeled after the “Gunsmoke” set). It seems “safer” to make it an animatronics display, though not as adventurous.

I see an orange Volkswagen Beetle parked under low-set branches as if left there long ago. I think of it as “my” old car, but it is a false memory in part. In reality, I only had a big remote control model of one when I was a boy (that my father gave me for Christmas). It ran on real fuel. I mostly made it go in a circle in our big front yard in Cubitis.

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Overwatch twitch streamer
4/29/2018
In this dream I was a m2f2m transgender overwatch twitch streamer. Wow, what a combo. I was getting ~20 viewers on average. I was using a facecam and made the mistake of mentioning my real name to the audience. The viewers then searched my past and found some racy photos and private info about me that I didn't want to get out to the public. Turns out I transitioned to female- voice, breasts, and all- and took naughty pictures before getting off treatment and going back to being male. The chat started asking questions and teasing me for my life choices. I had a dream memory of wanting to be a government employee. I was called in for an interview not knowing what specific job I had wanted. They offered me various jobs, and I agreed to an office job. They started the interview for it and I just absolutely bombed the interview. I feared more private info would get out and I panicked. I left a competitive game I was in and immediately felt my heart skip a beat. The entire chat was spamming MonkaS and Pogchamp. I quickly rejoined the game, but was afraid of getting punished by blizzard, the maker of the game overwatch.
For the record I am and have always been a straight male with no desire to become female in waking life.

Mascot job and minecraft drop.
Took a job at a school being a mascot. I was not the only mascot, there seemed to be about 20 of them in total. $10 an hour, not bad. I thought I had another job lined up to start in a week, but it turns out that one fell through. I still had a dress from when I was female from before the previous dream? I didn't use it. Visited grandparents later in the dream, but forgot details.
Another dream involved going through a 20x20 hole in a minecraft world. It was part of a mountain and the entrance shrunk before opening up to a large area. I recall looking at all the beautiful scenery that showed up from the other side of this hole, and as I was walking along a cliff, someone walking with me pushed a friend of mine down the cliff. It was a very very long fall, and at the bottom was a huge pond. The pond was completely surrounded by the mountains in a circle, so I worried both for the friend surviving the fall and how they'd get back out. The person who pushed the friend down there assured me the friend would be fine, but I wasn't convinced.

5/2/2018
Another dream of me committing a crime..Must be an internal fear. I was super exited to see the POTUS AND FLOTUS in the dream. I had a mini camera. It was a stick, taller than wide, but it was small. Just big enough to peak over my hand as I clinched my fist. I took a picture of the POTUS AND FLOTUS, but was charged a crime for this. I guess it had something to do with unauthorized photography or concealed camera or something lol.
I had a choice of paying a fine or getting a small jail sentence. I was in the Overwatch League, either in contenders or open division. I was not a pro though, it was like I won a contest or something. Very awkward for me, because there was a warrant out for the crime I had committed. I guess they didn't know who did the illegal act, but they announced what the charges were? I shared with my teammates that I was the one who did the crime and that got me kicked off the team. My Asian dad(Turns out I was Asian in the dream!) tried to get me into the Shanghai Dragons. He bribed the team $5000 to let me on their team.

A few hours later I recorded these two dreams.
Visiting brother
I was visiting my brother. He was super depressed and lonely. He lived alone and was very sickly. I was visiting with a few family members. We visited to try to support and encourage him, but he was very defensive on everything we said and did. He did not want out help and he rejected us. He offered me a soda. I went to grab a glass from the cabinet and found there were no clean glasses. In fact, there was no clean dishes at all. Many were piled in the sink and scattered around the counter and floor. I then saw that the trash was way overflowing as well. I was going to clean a dish and my brother like freaked out. He didn't want me touching his stuff. He expressed that he had no clean laundry and had not taken a shower in a long time either. I pleaded with my brother to please let me do the dishes or help around the house in some way, but he drove me and my family out of the house. I left in tears realizing I may never see my brother alive again due to how sick he was and how sad his life had become. (My brother is in a bad place iwl, but he is nowhere near that depraved.)

Invictus.
I dunno what caused me to realize I was dreaming, but I looked around me and saw I was in a dark house, with little lighting. To confirm the dream and ground myself I did the nose plug RC to great success. I could breath clearly through my plugged nose. This was a strange occurrence to me, because in the past when I do that RC I could breathe indeed, but it'd usually be as if I was congested or could only barely breathe. I then remembered to check if I could plug my nose and breath through it without using my fingers, but doing so only caused me to stop breathing. I looked at my hands for a second to try to increase the dream's clarity, but it either didn't work or I rushed through it. I then tried remembering my dream goals. I thought for a second, but couldn't figure it out. I then announced that around the next corner would be someone that could interpret my dream goal. I walked around the corner and indeed someone was there!

...It was my sleeping brother. I woke him up and told him he was dreaming, and a part of my dream. I explained that he would be the one to tell me what I was supposed to do in this dream. He just mumbled a few words about invictered, invict...something. He then fell back asleep. Figures. I leave this room and walk down a hallway and see a lit room at the end. I go to the end and I see my dad. I figure he must know what it is I wanted to do now. I say that I want to spawn something, and then try to share with him the word my brother tried to say. My dad clarified the word was Invictus. Invictus is what I am to spawn in this dream. Got it. (For the record, this was never one of my dream goals. I didn't know what Invictus was at the time let alone did I want to spawn such a thing.) Invictus is supposed to be some sort of alien invader that would be reaching earth soon. I walk through the hallway and open the front door and say to the sky "Invictus will invade in ten seconds." I then start counting down from 10, while searching the house for a weapon. I can't find one within the 10 seconds I had, so I just got outside and continue the dream plot. I then say "Invictus will invade now." As I had already counted down from 10 without anything happening. I was in a random neighborhood at dusk. The sun was going down and I could only see well due to street lights. As I look for Invictus I hear and see an aircraft flying overhead. A few soldiers then spotted me from a distance and mistook me for one of the alien invaders and shot at me. I surrendered and shouted "I'm innocent!" Then then came closer and put the arms around me and started walking me through the street. I then see 2 Velociraptors run past me as I realize things are getting real now. Some soldiers shoot at the dinosaurs with no success. I then see a dragon on the sidewalk on my right!

It was a very long yellow and black chinese dragon. The soldiers shot at it too until we got closer and found it was just a kids ride you'd see at a grocery store...Now 8 or so more Velociraptors passed by on the left with a leader dinosaur guiding them. I was about to look closer at the larger dinosaur but I got distracted by a crowd of people chanting to my right. They were shouting what seemed to be political slogans. I thought it very odd until I could hear just what they were saying. They had signs that read Trump 2020 and were saying things like "SUPPORT TRUMP"(To parody the slogan 'Abort Trump') and "All Lives Matter"(Opposed to only black lives matter). They spotted someone who disagreed with what they were saying and the one in charge of the march responded that they should all go and hug the person who disagrees with them.

I have recently taken up using the voice recorder for recording dreams, but in preparation for the upcoming dream workshop I will be running I will start using manual entry again. I need to get quick, to the point and sharp in sharing dream content with others, so I can be a leading example for the people I coach.

Now before I start out with writing the dreams of the previous 3 nights, which I have bullet pointed on paper there is a couple of highly significant dream I want to write up. These all pertain to the significance of the Dinosaurs, particulary the T-Rex, in my dreams, as these have heralded some pretty significant developments over the past year. In fact just sitting down listening to some of the files have sent goosebumps through my body at some of the symbolisms and messages contained in these dreams.

The first occurred during the summer of 2016, I was in full swing with writing my thesis and I had seen a blossoming of my use of cannabis, cigarettes and other kinds of addiction. As such I had started working directly with my dreams with regards exploring the reason for my smoking, or addiction in general.

I had noticed that recently a T-Rex had started appearing as a repeating theme in my dreams. Like for instance I saw him in a hotel roof top pool on 01-08-16, where I hid in a pool with a friend trying to avoid being caught – where I speculate that he is connected with investigation of smoking. Or on 08-08-16 I found myself in a dinosaur park, a la Jurassic Park, with a hole in the fence, where the T-Rex was on the inside, but I end up getting caught by a raptor and eaten just outside the park in a broken car, where I was trying to hide out. And such I started setting intentions for my next lucid dream to investigate what this symbol of the T-Rex could represent.

I don't have a record of this lucid dream where I manage to summon the T-Rex, but it occurred within a couple of weeks following the setting of the intention to investigate, before 01-09-2016, when I moved out of the place I was living and back in with my parents.

I recall being awake in the morning, to then go back to sleep with the intention to summon the T-Rex.

“Summoning the T-Rex”

I am sat in our living room. It is forenoon and I am texting M – a primary school class mate, whom I have always maintained a slight crush on. We are talking about a party and I feel I am somewhat intruding, but she end up inviting me around.

Then all of a sudden a text message rolls in from the phone company, which reads something like “We are all one, you no longer need to put in the number or contact of the person you are trying to reach it will happen automatically.” This stumbles me a bit, but I don't think much further of it.

There is a slight skip.

I find myself in a bus headed out from Aarhus towards Hornslet. I speculate on the nature of “oneness” and start feeling my consciousness drift outwards, though not quite becoming one. At one point a bus pass in the opposite direction and a choir of children are singing a song, with the lyrics “we are all one” included.

The bus drives off the high way and I find myself walking on the road below, heading under the bridge with the highway on top.

I am with my old friend Tim and we are walking together. I look up and I see a hawk sitting in mid air, which I find curious as its wings are placed alongside its body. It basically looks like it is sitting on a stick, though there is no stick there to be sat on.

Then it makes a rapid dive and hits the ground beak first right next to me, which startles me quite a lot.

We walk on, towards the bridge, past a couple of bushes on the side of the road that have purple flowers on them. As we walk a couple of smaller birds come flying straight towards my face, so I have to step quickly to the left to avoid being hit.

I start thinking to myself: “This is truly strange behaviour for birds.” and as we approach the bridge finally I see a crow sitting in one of the bushes by the side. I start looking around and I decide to look at my hands.

I become lucid and I spend a few moments stabilising the dream, and when I feel comfortable I start thinking about my goals.

“Ah the T-Rex!” I say out loud and abandon my friend to go look for him. I turn around, away from the bridge in the opposite direction and start screaming out over the fields “T-Rex, Where Are You??” but I don't get a response.

I find myself next to a crash barrier, again screaming out over the fields for the T-Rex. Then I start feeling fear, although I am also aware of it all being only a dream. So I skip back across the road and climb a small elderflower tree.

I shout for the dino to appear again and this time I get a response, though from a group of children behind the bushes of which the tree I have climbed is a part. They say “We tried calling him, he doesn't want to show up.”.

I then try to scream out for him, mimicking his roar. The Children respond in a laughing way “We tried that as well, it won't help.”

I sit for a brief second before the dream starts fading and I “wake up”.

I find myself in my room and walk out towards the living room. Outside I see a lot of plants and it is raining.

“Hang on a minute it wasn't raining when I was awake earlier” I think to myself and realise I am still dreaming.

I turn around and walk back into my room and stare at my computer screen.

I turn around, while still being within the realms of the computer game that was on the screen and look up. I find a long and narrow dirt pathway, surrounded by a fence on the right hand side and bushes on the left.

Up at the entrance – or T-cross – I see the T-Rex come sprinting around from the right hand side. I get anxious and excited as I start running towards him. It seems like the dino knows we only have a limited amount of time to complete the encounter.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN??” I scream at him as we run towards one another. There is no response, and I feel my fear rising as we continue to sprint towards one another. “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME??” I try instead and just as we are right in front of one another and I am staring into his wide open jaws he transforms.

All of a sudden a ghost appears before me, with the limbs of the dino sprawling out behind the spectre hanging a few metres above the ground.

“Michela!?!?” I exclaim in utter surprise.

I wake up.

Michela represents a previous romantic affiliation gone sour, very sour indeed. Both in terms of the pain I felt when she left, but also because of the stressful situation I was facing with quitting my job. I awoke with a multitude of new angles to investigate my addiction to cigarettes from, which included the shame and loss of pride I felt from loosing her – the shame associated with not being able to attract a woman and keep her faithful, more so than actually loosing her being particularly painful.

A couple of months later I started on a spiritual education and at the time I was still smoking cigarettes. I started a practice of smoking without guilt and I recall arriving at the first module having spent 6 hours without smoking. I felt the physiological cravings, but I didn't feel the desire to smoke, which I found facinating.

I continued to the first module and when we arrived in the first opening sharing circle and were briefed that we would be opening up, diving into intimacy, then it hit me. I was now experiencing full on craving and desire at the same time as I was experiencing fear towards intimacy at the same time as it was the only thing I truly desired. And from this experience I recalled another meaning associated with Michela.

The next dream took place I think in the beginning of April, the first time F and I slept in the same bed, and seeing as we kissed the first time on April 3rd I believe the accurate date is 14-04-17 as this is 2 weeks after the date of our first kiss.

“Dino makes a gesture”

I find myself alone in a small and humble cabin. It is bright morning/forenoon and the sun is shining through the windows. The cabin is located in a large garden that is surrounded by tall walls in a rectangular fashion, with the cabin taking central space.

Suddenly outside I hear/feel the T-Rex approaching, and this time I recognise his presence. There seems to be a telepathic or at least non-verbal acceptance of one another, a kind of respect with a hint of fear, but this time from both parties.

I venture out of the house to see what is going on. There is a clothes line with clothing on it immediately next to the house.

I never actually see the T-Rex, but I find that after he has been circling the house he has left me a circular meditation mat against the clothing line.

End of dream.

I wake up feeling excited. I have just slept next to a woman I am madly in love with and I find that I for the first time actually like sleeping up close to her.

I experience a brief feeling of alarm, but I quickly re-frame the story positively as I tell F about the dream.

Now I acknowledge that interpreting dreams in hindsight is easier than trying to gleam out the prospective material from the time of their occurrence. However this dream theme I believe heralded a powerful spiritual lesson.

The first appearances of the T-Rex motif happened just after a relationship had developed from an intimate/romantic nature to a friendly one. In this relationship I discovered a tendency to become extremely preoccupied with me feeling responsible for the emotional state of the other. This responsibility was coupled with an elevated sense of anxiety for loosing her. However the appearance of Dinosaurs happened before.

A funny thing is that the following entry- which took place pretty much immediately after my fling (Karen) and I had started getting romantic - 08-04-16 Surviving the Ocean Quest in the desert - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views Actually occurred simultaneously with my then fling having a reciprocal dream, of being taken to the desert by frightening shadow figures that gave her the mission to gather all the animals for the ship. Now I am aware this synchronisation makes more sense to me on a subjective level – we had been practising trying to dream share, and a lot of themes in the dreams were in line with what was happening in our waking lives – however even if this is disregarded this is the first appearance of the “Dino theme”.

Specifically the purple dinos shooting an assortment of weaponry at my heart – which I at the time interpreted as a symbol of having my heart broken a couple of times in order to finally open up – seems to indeed have been at play, though increasing in complexity and meaning over the past year. Let me illustrate a bit further.

When the T-Rex and the Raptors start making their appearance, as I mentioned the relationship had moved in a friendly direction, which I told her I was OK with, but I was quietly mourning the loss I felt.

During this time as mentioned I had started seeing a rise in my consumption of cigarettes and cannabis. I felt stressed with my thesis and on top of this stress I was overwhelmed by the insights into myself and my shifting perspectives of the world through my world with Ayahuasca, and as such I sought to slow it all down a bit though the use of cigarettes and cannabis.

The Dino dreams appeared in between spouts of regular cannabis use, as I had a somewhat ambivalent relationship to this medicinal plant. On the one hand I was grateful for the visionary aspects and emotional teachings, at the other I was aware that it was stealing my dreams – although this latter aspect was sometimes a welcome aspect when I felt things were moving too quickly.

When I decided to summon the T-Rex I thought it was somehow related to my addictions, and it turned out accurate. However the transformation from T-Rex into my ex-fling added a twist I hadn't seen coming, which was the connection between addiction and love-relational issues.

From the first observation of my feeling responsible for the emotions of a lover, I immediately suspected that I was dealing with a pattern established in early childhood. Due to my parents' difficult relation my mother was always stressed and frequently displayed intense outbursts of anger. I particularly recall an episode – think I might have been 3-4 years old – where my sister and I were sat in our room on the floor and Mother comes down. She gets angry about the mess, picks up a play guitar and throws it across the room hitting my sister in the head, resulting in a hospital visit and a scar on her face. This and other incidents I hypothesise fostered the self-concept that “mother's emotions are dangerous, and I am responsible”.

Following the dream as I mentioned earlier I saw a striking connection between the fear of intimacy and my addictions, and around the same time I had another T-Rex dream, though he played a smaller part in this (as he transformed into a dragon and cleansed an entire island and evolutionary history through a fire bath). This dream heralded the cleansing phase I have gone through roughly the past year of getting acquainted with my relational fears, addressing them and letting go of old self images that no longer serve me.

During November of 2017 I had an Ayahuasca ceremony specifically directed towards examining my addictive behaviours. The themes that emerged were memories of my mother being very harsh on me playing as a boy – that she didn't have the energy required to play with me. As such I was forced to put a lid on my playful energy, which in adolescence transforms into sexual energy, resulting in great shame about my own emotional and sexual nature. Ayahuasca provided a definition of my addiction as “the behaviour that arise as a result of wanting to escape the constant narrative of self-loathing and self-blame”. The self-blame I have already discussed, the self-loathing is partly directed at the feeling that sexual and playful aspects of me are “wrong”.

I would later be presented with my dad's contribution towards the ease with which I accepted the “I am wrong” self-concept, though that will be a different story, though basically it has to do with him (a) raising me through commands; (b) never complimenting me on anything; (c) always questioning whether or not I had performed a certain task; (d) being critical on anything that deviates from the norms he deems liveable.

Let me quickly add that I love and adore both of my parents, who supports me like rocks in their own respective ways. A deep realisation on this spiritual path has been that most of the times our behaviour arise out of conditioned responses we are not to be blamed for. My parents did the best with what they had available, it isn't a question of them not loving me.

In February 2017 I met F. There was a striking explosion of energy running through my body at our first embrace and as I mentioned she is the first woman I have slept next to – we have never had physical sex – that I felt not only comfortable sleeping against, but good.

We started out helping one another with the processes of Ayahuasca, but after about a month it became clear that there was a deeper connection. It turned romantic and sensual, but a series of complications eventually led to this romantic aspect destabilising.

The T-Rex dream where he presents a meditation pillow I hypothesise – according to the Jungian notion that dreams can have a prospective, future development directed meaning – was a way for me to truly observe the nature of my relational problems.

During our romantic affiliation I started feeling insecure, as she was still entangled with her boyfriend. She had stated that she wanted him out of the house and leaving him, as well as not feeling comfortable with his touch and being intimate with him. This in my mind made him an Ex-Boyfriend and I believed that this was the path she wanted to go down, however it quickly changed into something else where it became obvious that he would be spending a significant amount of time with her, sleeping in the same bed as her.

I felt like she was manipulating me, using me to instigate changes in him so he could become a better boyfriend to her. I was confused about her pulling back when our kissing, cuddling and petting got intense resulting in us never having anything but clothes-on-energetic sex (which however was a very powerful and potent experience for both of us I believe).

Following a week at her parents I was headed to the aforementioned education during a weekend, she slept with her boyfriend. There were quasi-valid reasons for her doing so, but I felt betrayed as we had in my mind agreed to a monogamous structure, although I had been open towards a more open constellation. I ended up forgiving her, with a few demands as to how our future relation – and the one she had towards her boyfriend – should look like. Demands initially met, but quickly broken.

This started the hell ride into jealousy, romantic ideation, mistrust and pain. I went into it with full consciousness and journalled about it vigorously. I saw how I didn't have energy to do anything but wait around hopefully for a message, constructing fantasies about her activities when she didn't contact me etc.

The point is not to arrive at a blame game, I have come to realise it takes two to tango and I have been overly focused on my own workings in this process, but this has been a profitable approach – as it is indeed the only thing I can ever change.

What I saw was that F quickly became my entire world. I felt love, and I felt terrified to loose it. She became an object I perceived would be able to fulfil my deepest yearning, to feel loved and appreciated – and I clung to her, constantly trying to get the relationship defined in ways that would guarantee the safety that she would be there to fulfil my needs. I became obsessed with having sex with her, I felt that it would make up for the shameful aspect of her having cheated on me. I saw how I was feeling the familiar feeling of anxiety of her leaving me as this “is the last chance for love” and similarly that she would move onto someone else the minute someone better came around – which would be pretty quick. These last observations illuminate a self-concept totally deprived of feelings of self-worth or feeling of being worthy of love an appreciation by another human being. I saw how I through expending all my energy on worrying about her behaviour, waiting for messages became fatigued and tired and couldn't keep up work on my own projects, which I abandoned.

There is much more information to the story, but I eventually arrived at a point where we had a conversation. In this she informed me of three key things that made me realise I had to quit the contact. She felt guilty towards her (ex)-boyfriend when she was with me, that she didn't really want him to understand that it was over and she couldn't promise she was never going to want to be with him again.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done, I was in so much pain and missed her like crazy. Following this quitting of contact I started working with the last of my addictions – which is sort of a tricky one – which is the tendency to intellectualise situations arriving at a conceptual understanding of things which put me in a positive lighting. Self-centered and also grounded in placing value in the opinions of others.

Gradually as these addictions fell away I was confronted with my underlying anxiety. I never knew myself to be a person experiencing anxiety, but that was what the addictions were for I suppose. I spent a few months experiencing extreme states of panic, which included a fear of dying, a fear of being abandoned at a future dimensional shift, as well as being rejected and abandoned in a romantic sense. It took a lot of breathing and being with the fear and panic and I was incapable of performing even the slightest actions that dealt with finding jobs, new residence or worldly matters in general.

Things got better, I still experience fear and anxiety, but when I do now I don't panic and try to get rid of it, rather I breathe into it and try and understand what it is trying to tell me and it seems a lot of things are shifting within.

I am back in contact with F, I love her, love the contact and am trying to manage my romantic inclinations towards her consciously, which at present involves awareness of how desire towards a particular outcome with her (ending up n a romantic relation) can result in suffering through envy and jealousy.

To come full circle back to the dreaming the present story illustrates the process by which working actively with intention, lucidity and analytical interpretation of certain dream themes that crop up repeatedly can help bring visibility to the sub conscious processes that govern our behaviour. I went through the process alone, yet I feel that had I not been so stubborn and approached someone with knowledge in these areas I could have progressed much quicker, perhaps even saving an intimate relationship in the process.

06-13-2017 -- Shopping at Publix, and actually making a comment during the dream about 'where shopping is supposed to be a pleasure.' Wandering around the place quite a bit, though I can't fully remember why. What I can remember is going out to the car (white Corolla, for some odd reason) several times. One time, I was kind of being half-followed around the store by a couple of troublemakers who would literally bump into me now and then, and trying to cause trouble. Another time, while I was out at the car, I opened the trunk and found three black or dark blue ski masks that had a really creepy vibe to them.

Back into the store, and pushing around a shopping cart trying to find a place where I can take it in or out, grabbing food, and trying to check it out with one of the cashiers, then head back outside. This time I glance up to see a couple of T-Rex-like dinosaurs off in the distance, waving around machine guns and heading our way. People start screaming, including myself (no real surprise), and we try to run back into the store, but the dinosaurs are moving too quickly, and are firing at us. I act like I've been hit and drop to the ground, playing dead, but it doesn't seem to fool the dinosaur, because he walks right up to me and starts firing the gun directly at my head. I am getting quite a headache from this, but other than that, suffer no real harm.

So since the dinosaur is still shooting me and playing dead isn't doing much good, I hop to my feet, and just turn to walk in the store, which really freaks the dinosaur out. As I step inside, the place is a mess. There are wounded and blood everywhere. Some are sick (mentally) because of what they've seen, and are throwing up. There's a really dark, spooky, apocalyptic feel to the whole thing, with the slightest hint of zombies. I take the escalators up to the third floor, where I wander into a sort of a homeless shelter-style dorm room with bunk beds all around. One poor, deluded soul is painting scripture-sounding verses on the walls, but he's really messed up, and the verses are twisted, inaccurate, and foolish.

We're all just kind of standing around and talking, and I mention I've got some creepy ski masks if anybody needs them, though I say I have no idea where they came from, and nobody seems to much care. At one point, they open up a roll-up door in the northeast wall, and a whole bunch of people come marching in, four abreast, looking almost like they are on a stand-up roller coaster. Somehow they don't want to be here, and have volunteered to all be shot out of a giant slingshot ... and remember, we're on the third floor, here. It's really screwy. Anyway, once they've been shot out, we're all kind of congregating around the door into the dorm, discussing how that was wrong and freaky, and in just kind of shuffling around, I step through the door without even meaning to.

Lights start flashing and an alarm starts blaring, and I'm a little freaked out as everybody else steps back from me. It turns out I've now been here for something like three years or something, but I never realized that once we entered the dorm, we're not allowed to exit it unless they ask us to. Some guy dressed up in a sort of monk's habit walks up to me, and is kind of pushing me along, while asking if I thought I could just pretend the whole thing never happened, and I hopefully say something like "Well, I'd be glad to," but he's not allowing it. They open the roll-up door again, and are pushing me into a sort of parachute harness kind of thing, then I'm pushed out the door. I drop the three floors, but the harness keeps me safe, and when I hit the ground I take it off and drop it.

I'm in what used to be the open parking lot of the Publix, but it has now been converted into a covered parking structure with soldiers kind of wandering around. I glance around to see where the soldiers are and who else is around, and see a strange figure that I could swear I half-remember from some sort of movie or TV show, but can't remember what. The guy seems like a cross between Trick (the mayor's assistant from BtVS) and the Joker, or just some weird guy in a sort of jester costume, but he kind of tilts his head, gives me an odd look, and dances a few steps of an odd little jig that makes it look like he is a marionette or something. I know I should remember this, but I just can't place it.

Crouched down on the ground and muttering to himself is somebody I kind of recognize. It is mostly Tom Courtney, with just a hint of Miles O'Brien thrown in, and he's kind of muttering to himself, something about how God has told him to wait here, and he's trusted, and waited, and been left alone, and it seems he has probably been waiting for me. Meanwhile, there's this whole sort of Logan's Run kind of vibe going on, as all the soldiers and creepy people keep kind of starting to approach us, then back off, because the spot on Tom's hand is green, and the spot that was on my hand has kind of been painted over white, because I was thrown out of the dorms, but God protected me from the gun, and is still protecting me, and since neither of us have the red spot, they can't come after us, but they keep trying to start in our direction, anyway. Meanwhile, I am just looking around the parking lot, trying to find out where my white Corolla is. Strange! Very strange.

Boatload of dreams this night, a lot of it XXX-rated so expect to see a lot of "redacted". We start with a fully redacted sex dream featuring REDACTED.

I'm held captive in a room up high in a skyscraper. I remember seeing a painting (?) and thinking the bad guys are the developers of the game "Hitman". Random, I know... The jail had bars that somehow "rotate" (hard to explain) which makes it impossible to break out. A jail guard sees me move and assumes I wanted to escape, so he comes in and installs an additional neck restraint which secures my neck to the wall. At some point I escape anyway, and jump through a window and fall down. But I somehow knew I'd be fine. The skyscraper looks quite futuristic.

In this dream I was flying outdoors, using a poncho I was wearing as a cape that helped me fly (it generated lift, somehow). I landed, and continue a previous plot by talking to a Spanish girl (something about her high-heeled shoes?).

Zombies attacked our old house. I was in the garden with my mom. I tried to fight, but my guns would not fire (I couldn't pull the trigger, typical in scary dreams), so I had to resort to using an improvised melee weapon.

I remember REDACTED & a T-Rex, and I saw in first person from her perspective how it bit her, holding her in its maw (still on the ground). Her sight went black, and I saw her body on the ground with a bite taken out of it.

I was watching TV, watching REDACTED by dinosaurs and giant wurms (like the ones from 2005's King Kong). REDACTED, thinking my dad and his wife Debby (who were in front of me, also watching the movie) wouldn't notice. I asked them what these wurm-things were. My dad simply said (in that typical tone): "Could you stop that, please". I knew he knew REDACTED." I simply replied "I'm not doing anything".

I remember a scene in which I recalled I'd forgotten my bicycle somewhere in southern France... I figured I should leave it there, as the cost of retrieving it would be higher than the price of the actual bike.

Dream that started in a gym and has way too many small random details, I will not bother to even *try* writing this all down. REDACTED on catwalks above the ground, waiting for them to start fighting (and REDACTED), but it doesn't happen.

Outpost on an alien planet
I see two soldiers walking through a desert on an alien planet. They pass by an old human outpost. My vision goes to the outpost. Looks like no one has been here in centuries. There are two black pods on the yard. Looks like they dropped from space. Lights on one of the pods is blinking. Something inside is still alive and trying to get out. The female soldier passing by notices this too. "I hope they make it out. Fight." she says without stopping.

Forest of Giants
I see a group of humanoids traveling through an alien forest. The trees look like redwood trees, but they are over 160 meters tall and fairly wide. I recognize two of the DCs: Storm from the X-men movies (Halle Berry) and Jason Momoa. The group is trying to sleep when a T-rex appears from the forest. Storm wakes Jason up and asks him to help. He looks groggy, but gets up without a word and walks to his own dinosaur pet, a raptor that's only slightly taller than him. He takes a dagger made of dinosaur claw from his bag and rips two large metal pieces from an abandoned car to work as weapons. The T-Rex has transformed into a giant man with a greatsword. The 80 meter tall man looks like Yondu from GotG. Jason drops the metal pieces, won't be of use against a giant sword.

I become Jason and the dream turns first person. I jump away from Yondu. I go to the nearest tree with my superhuman jumps and with two more jumps I climb 100 meters. Yondu misses his first swing at me while I jump up. Seeing the sword up close is terrifying. It looks like Frostmourne without the blue glow. I jump off the tree and try to land on Yondu. He swings the sword again and barely misses. My heart nearly stops, but I land on Yondu and my poisoned dagger sinks into him. He is paralyzed and falls down. I make several long cuts on him with the dagger, making sure he won't get up ever again. I walk back to the group. Storm thanks me.

I was in a room full of computers. Aliens were invading outside. An alien tried to get inside through an open window. I closed it with force, hurting the creature as its hand/paw got stuck. It yelped in pain.

I ran through the building, which looked like a dilapidated garage or factory, possibly with my mother. The aliens were small-ish velociraptors (the previous breed looked far more humanoid), and by "small" I still mean a meter (3 feet) tall. One of the beasts bit my arm, and I was stuck for a moment. I managed to wiggle free, and noticed I wasn't really hurt.

Once outside, I noticed a lot of computers in a circular configuration. They looked like the consoles we used in the chemical plant where I used to work. I noticed animals from various species congregating near the consoles, and I followed. I understood that was Earth's "last stand", and that all Terrestrial species would stand together against the alien menace. Major figures were William Fichtner (I skimmed through my dream the day before, and read about an earlier dream in which he appeared - this clearly triggered his presence here), and Michelle Rodriguez (looking badass as usual).

That has to be one of the largest homes in the world!

NL is driving his SUV up a huge hill and the way we are flying up the hill cues me in that I am dreaming...


We enter a woods, trees everywhere and I see an odd creature and I narrate as we go (idea from Dreamer), he is a humanoid creature with long thick flowing fur from his head, a bit like a lion-man but more alien looking...



This reminds me of the Daniel Love interview I was just listening to and his Jurassic period dreams. I tried to seed a big dinosaur, thinking of a T-rex even making their imagined cry and mimicking their little stubby arms. I start to see a few smaller creatures running through the brush, perhaps velociraptors I think.



I see a big house that I want to explore and get out of the truck but I feel the velociraptors nipping at me from behind so I calmly imagine lasers coming out of my fingers and direct them behind my back and pursuers are gone.



Onward to the house...



Inside there are many people and I have sexual fun with multiple partners, one at a time on this occasion.




-----------------------




---------------


Exiting a room where I just got snubbed I am at the edge of some downward steps and feel some boldness to fly up from there and I am able to and realize I am dreaming. What should I do? I see an interesting building and head there to explore but fade to void. I air swim towards the sound of what sounds like a big diesel truck. I wonder if the sound is coming through my open window IWL. I keep going but think to look at my hands and I am able to produce sparks, fun and mesmerizing and play with this a little while...



I notice a light up in the distance and think it looks like light coming through water...



It eventually feels like I am in water, deep and cooler water. I see a nurse shark on the white sandy bottom and play with him a bit.



I start to think about how I don't need to breathe under water and some doubt about losing that ability starts to seed into my mind but I squash the thought. I tap the nurse shark on the head and he gnaws on my hand so I hold his jaw open. Eventually wake feeling like I was just transported from another world.


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Amazing huge viewing area in restaurant into big lagoon full of ocean life and penguins



Now I am in a crazy water park, riding a very turbulent water slide with animals going down the slide.








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Cave pool with prayer beads clue in the water





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Pig under water



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In the water with 3 giant whale tails nearby, somewhat intimidating but no real fear…non lucid or semi-lucid

Been having trouble remembering my dreams now that I've started working, when I'm really overtired (I was extremely fatigued all of yesterday) my dreams become more random. They seem to change scenes more often and have more abstract stuff going on that makes little sense, often with characters changing unnoticeably as well.

Dream
I remember having some random conversation with a bird and a snake, and someone else might have been there too. The bird was a bit like a pelican, and the snake wore a skin that changed its appearance. We were conversing about uhh.. Oral sex. I think someone said the pelican has the perfect mouth shape for maximum range to perform oral on the ladies, this didn't seem to make sense until I looked at its face. Its beak was practically in the shape of a vj so I was like 'hmm ok well I guess that makes sense?' (like I said, lots of random shit in dreams where I'm overtired). Eventually the pelican and snake do a sort of 'fusion' technique, the snake is sitting inside the mouth of the pelican without its skin on making him transparent. When the pelican opens its mouth it can unleash its poison attack (literally just a snake in its mouth that bites people, it's not even attached). I think there's the ocean next to us, we're inside a big room though, with a high ceiling. Something happens and now we're facing this huge giant, he reminds me of Groot but he isn't a tree at all. It keeps on growing bigger and bigger, sucking the energy out of this person who we were apparently with the whole time. It's a girl and she has a huge mana source in her, she seals it off with these bracelets to stop the world around her from absorbing her powers (from a story I was reading before bed). The Groot giant stops growing, it's a little late though since he's already like 15 metres tall -.-... We're running around trying not to die, there's something else about a crocodile that was similar to what Archer said: "Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs." I have to run up a hill (that's inside the room we're in) to get away from either the giant or crocodile. There's a lot of dinosaurs around me now, but they're super tiny. I kick one. It shoots off and hits a door on the other side of the room, I think the girl with the mana is hiding in there otherwise the giant will be able to get her mana or something. I'm at the top of the hill and I jump down back to the floor, my friend is in front of the giant now (my friend is a human that I don't recall being here before but was apparently in the story the whole time.. dream logic?). The giant attacks him, *SLAP* *SLAP* oh no! Two slaps to the face, but my friend is fine. I guess it's because the giant is smaller now? He must be running out of magic, my friend seems unphased. At some point the giant chases me, except now it's a skeleton zombie thing that apparently had both of its arms ripped off during the fight with my friend (I don't think he actually did though). He's shambling around dangerously trying to whack me with his head, mouth agape in his undead stupor.

My Dream was about how Scientist tried to clone dinosaurs afters decades of testing and experiments and they finally were able to clone the first dinosaur which is my favorite dinosaur of all time, The Torosaurus!

[ https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/i...Tnwf2bxYqIfr9A ]

After cloning the Toros they cloned many other dinosaurs, and when the first Dinosaur egg first hatched the immediately knew it was a bad idea and tried to put it down put they could not find it because it had ran away out of plain curiosity.
They evacuated the Lab and left the other Dino eggs there which also eventually hatched as well. They also ended up breeding mammoths, Dire Wolves, and Sabers. Soon enough the world was in Anarchy and these Prehistoric Creatures were everywhere. I was alone and a survivor and build a huge Tree house in the Highest Red wood Trees i could find and camped there for years to come. In this time I Tamed Sabers/ Wolves/ Raptors/ and other small creatures and made a living. Both me and the Tamed animals made a living off each other, In return for these animals hunting for me i gave them shelter and protection, which held our Relationships Close.
After many years a Huge group of people (about a Hundred) were hiking along the path nearby my tree house. They noticed the Tree House and stopped in their tracks to investigate the forest beneath. My Saber-tooth Cat came darting from the trees into the the large group of people who held Guns and Knives. Before the could shoot i ran out to protect my Cat. They are now pointing their weapons at me, and i could tell that they were scared. We walked by to their Camp after talking and they gave me a place to sleep and food to eat. I couldn't let by Tamed animals inside the camp but i still protected them day and night.

There was an invasion of aliens. Structures destroyed. I was looking at a post-apocalyptic world. The color theme is not dark; it's sunny, with lots of vegetation and ruined buildings.

I traveled to an area with lots of ruins and some people and dinosaurs/animals. There were even apes. One in particular has developed human-like intelligence, and he keeps it to himself. I dropped a nail cutter, and he found it. He knows what it is. I was thinking I should get it before other apes see it and develop intelligence, but he gave it back to me. I then asked him if he doesn't want the others to become like him. It seems the ape likes his position over the other apes.

I was in a small village where some humans gathered. There were two children who has not gone out of the village because they weren't permitted. Only adults can go out because of the danger outside. Still, I led them out and asked them about the plants around them. One said he called one shrub/tree an "apat" (four in our language), and he went on to point out other plants, but he hasn't seen most of them. The mother came rushing in to bring them back. Then there's a falling debris/alien object. I punched it away. The parent realizes that she can't keep her children safe forever. Not in this world at least.

----

Notes:

- I saw a trailer for an alien invasion movie before sleeping.

I was in a park with dinosaurs. Or mutants. We were able to escape to the neighboring park, which for some reason is free from all that. It was sunny. We talked with the owner how horrible it was in the other park. She's an old lady. She talked about how a company was trying to buy off her land/park.

I was on a grassy field. A football/soccer field. There are some people I know there: Am and Jo(Sun). We laid down on the grass. I laid down between them, and I noticed how Jo moved a bit away. I thought that was strange, and maybe it's really just how guys don't like to be too close to one another, but then I noticed that Am didn't seem to mind that my leg was over his other leg. I ignored Jo. He might have sensed something, and shortly after moved his leg closer.

I was in the house in our hometown. A door was being fixed. I told mom that thieves could get in. She said not to worry coz our neighbor will be bringing in the fix. It was night.

I was watching a shredder of sorts. I saw someone put kittens into it. I didn't see the cats being shredded but they went down.

Morning of October 10, 2015. Saturday.



This is a set of three shorter dreams in which one shifted into the other with only partial wakefulness.

The first involves being at an unknown location near a river bank. My wife Zsuzsanna and I are watching alligators swim through the water every now and then, just under the surface. A few other people are walking around. The alligators do not really seem threatening. Eventually I notice how a few of them look very different from normal alligators, though mostly around the head. I point out that it seems someone is apparently doing strange experiments with dinosaur DNA or possibly even living dinosaurs and alligators, as each alligator seems to have minor features from a known dinosaur, one having a head somewhat like a Tyrannosaurus, the other like a Styracosaurus, though flatter and more alligator-like. I even manage to pull the Styracosaurus alligator out of the water and partly onto the bank so that I can show people what I mean.

After a partial awakening and back into sleep, my wife and children and I are back on Barolin Street, except that all of the houses north of ours (as in reality) are gone and the area is replaced by a large field of mostly short grass and which is bordered by a fence adjacent to the sidewalk. Only a few other people are around farther to the north.

An unnaturally large Tyrannosaurus, probably about twice as large as any real one ever was, is walking about in the field as if being kept there by the small fence, which is only about the height of an average human waist. I see another Tyrannosaurus nearby, about three lots beyond the first one. In the back of my mind, I sense a part of myself contemplating how I will change my dream from an uneventful one into one where we are chased by the dinosaurs. (This vague awareness of making my dream in real time which also occurs with clearer awareness in indescribable abstract dreams has occurred since early childhood, though there is no hint of lucidity otherwise.)

The Tyrannosaurus moves his head down, leaning forward, and smashes down the tiny fence with his head, as if the tiny fence was somehow keeping him in the field when all he needed to do was just step over it without even noticing. I find this scene somewhat comedic, pondering the seeming low intelligence of the creature. I tell everyone that we need to go back to our house, as the dinosaur is now loose. It is soon moving very fast in our direction though the other one seems to be considering which direction to go (as there are more unknown people to the north). We go onto our porch, though the door to the main entrance and hallway is locked. From here, I non-lucidly manipulate my dream by rewinding it, pausing it, and jumping about in terms of sections of previous events.

In my next dream, we are inside the Barolin Street house, in the living room, I think. I am near the center of the room sitting on the floor. For some reason, I am practicing my firing of projectiles, which are actually finger bones from my hand. I somehow pop them out from my skeletal hand and fire them across the room (with a force that carries them to the wall, a few hitting a desk). I do this at least twelve times with all twelve of the phalanges of my right hand (not counting my thumb). I somehow continue with my left hand (not realizing it would not be possible as my right fingers are all gone). Looking down at my own skeleton, I see that I must have also already used some of my ribs at an earlier date. It is no problem, as I will eventually probably snap all my bones back into place later on.

(This may have something to do with the difficulty we had in snapping together the life-sized Billy Bones model kit a few months ago.)

Yeah, here's another. First time trying to convey multi-threaded perspective dreams. Let me know how I did. =P

BARE-BONES ENTRY OF MEDIOCRITY

Interview

Google has selected me for a special interview session at one of their local facilities. I'm not thrilled about it, but I show up anyways. As I arrive at the facility, I notice the huge analog clock on the face of the building. Except, the clock doesn't tell the time. Instead, it's keeping track of the number of people in the building with IQs over 124. I raise an eyebrow at the misplaced elitism, half-wondering why they chose something so low as 124. I enter the building anyways.

A bunch of other candidates and myself are directed to an open-floor-plan classroom on the second floor. A lecture begins. The lecturer starts going over some hex string maths and methodologies that don't make any sense. Everyone else in the class seems to understand it, but I can't be bothered to try and wrap my head around what I'm sure is nonsensical. Instead, I leave the classroom and head downstairs. However, I leave a perspective thread to follow the lecture.

While the lecture continues in the parallel thread--and I dread being called on to answer a question--I make a stop at HR to get the benefits spiel. I figure there's no way they'll be able to match everything I enjoy at my current gig, so it'll be amusing getting the sale's pitch. They start off with the badge they had given all selectees. At this point, another thread flashes back to my research into the interview after I had received the invite. The Defcon-esque badge I'd receive for attending would be proof of my qualification, and allegedly a rather impressive resume builder. As the thread where I'm in the HR benefits pitch continues, the guy starts talking about their EEO initiatives, and I can't help wonder if the only reason I got an invite was because of affirmative action silliness.

Eventually, the threads all re-converge on the lecture. I overhear one of the staff, the HR guy, talking about some data loss or something, and the need to track down the people who took it and bring them to justice. That sounds more interesting, so I volunteer, stepping out of the window onto the ledge. I'm quite high up, and as I lean over the concrete, the fall into the forest below looked a bit too real. My fear of heights kicks in and I start to have some doubts. Stomach fluttering, I take a breath, and calm my nerves. No way this isn't a dream, I remind myself. And if it isn't? I silently consider. Well, this'll suck then. I jump off, taking to the air, shouting back to the HR dude, "Just don't tell your boss on me, kay?" I shoot off at crazy speeds.

Flying so fast is exhilaration, but the archetypes necessary to enable it make the control a little wonky. Nothing I can't compensate for, as I tear through the sky, over the miles of forest below.

I spot a clearing and descend, locating the culprits. I charge up some energy in my hands, and blast them with it. The intent was fire, but due to the archetypes used to form the little globules, I end up hurling a sort of chemical foam at them. Intrigued, I made some more foam energy globules and tossed them at the crooks for the sake of experimentation. The foam burned them more aggressively than any fire could have, which honestly was a bit hard to watch as the three of them writhed in pain, screaming as the foam dissipated, sinking into their skin and leaving discolored blotch-marks. I let them run past me, not caring to continue the experiment.

Unfortunately, I notice a T-Rex in my peripherals and teleport into forest-cover as the crooks are summarily eaten by the T-Rex...who's supposedly my teacher. Weird.