lucid

Note: This is the first dream I remember having in my life. I must have been three or four years old.

I'm in the living room of our first house on twenty-sixth and Alberta in Portland, Oregon. I'm not sure of my age but I can see my skinny little girl legs dangling down from my dad's lap. So I figure I'm three or four. We're in his light blue reclining chair. The sun sheds light on the chair and on me and on dad. I feel safe. Then it is dark. Not completely dark but the dark of a dense cloud covering sun. I am in the lap of Beetleguise. His black and white striped pants in place of my dad's blue jeans.

FYI before I get into this dream too far, this one was so awesome and personal to me... I am only going to write down a general outline of it.

The first thing I remember is that I was standing on a dam between a lake and these huge, open plains. It was sunset and the sky was a beautiful red with some clouds. However, I somehow learned that the world was about to end, that very night, due to a huge meteor that was going to strike the Earth. I went to see who had caused this and when I found them, they said there was nothing they could do. Ready to accept my fate, I went back to this lake and just waited for the inevitable, deciding to be at peace by just relaxing in the sunset by this lake. However, right before the meteor hit, I became lucid for a couple of seconds. Intead of seeing this as the end, I saw it as a way to accomplich my dream goals. Maybe... if I concentrated enough... when this meteor hit... I.. could... meet.. them...BAM! The meteor hit before I could concentrate on creating a new scene for after everything was destroyed. My lucidity was lost although I was still aware that I needed to find them, I wasn't really aware enough to figure out a creative solution.

Anyways, after the meteor hit I ended up at this strange hotel place. I could remember that they should be there if I just kept looking. I frantically began running as fast as I could go throughout the entire place, but no luck. Eventually, I ended up heading outside to this huge market area that was very nice and relaxing, well, if it hadn't been destroyed by this meteor. The strange thing was... it seemed like I had been the only survivor and the whole world was wiped out, but I managed to survive. Anyways, an immense sadness overcame me as I walked through this destroyed market. I couldn't help but stop and grieve for all the lost sould who, an hour before, had been part of this thriving market area. I also feared, that since it appeared I was the only survivor, the one I was looking for had probably been lost as well. I simply sat down and began weeping.

I then had one of the most intense flashbacks of my life. It went back about 6 years. I would of been about 10 I think and I was strolling through this same market area. It was so beautiful and peaceful. Everyone was just strolling about, buying this, looking at that. Then in the flashback, the one I was searching for appeared. Although I had never met them, they came over to me. Then we went about through this market and spent a very nice day together. This all occurred in the flashback. When it was over, I rose from weeping and pondered the flashback. I was still somewhat aware at this point, although I felt utterly hopless being able to actually find them in the dream. I was still awestruck however at how wonderful the flashback had been. Although it was more like watching a movie, it really inspired me that it would still happen, although maybe not in this dream. I then proceeded through the ruined marketplace, feeling a very intenst mixed emotion of being extremely sad and still hopeful at the same time. Sometime during my walk, I woke up and recorded the dream. When I woke up, I had tears in my eyes and I was breathing very heavily. I felt so amazing though, like... i don't know, it was just one of those dreams that makes you feel amazing for an entire week.

I am now very hopeful for my next dream that it will happen.

There was wind and trees was shaking. And 5-story buildings also shaked. I understood that its a dream and tried to go through a fence, but couldnt, it was hard. I just flew over it. then i flew a bit and looked at the scenery. I landed and thought what to do next and my kid awoke me.

I got out of bed and looked out of the window. Some people were driving by the house, and I told them that my pops had already gone to the wake. The guy drove off, almost running into my ditch. I "went back to bed".

Woke up...there's a girl in my bed. She's about 5'3 110 black straight hair light skinned....black, small breasts...like an A cup, but booty for days! OH, and she's naked. I need to do this chick. She's sleep so i start sliding her up the bed towards me...okay maybe she's a 120 cause it's a little harder than expected. Once I pulled her up, she woke up. She started playing with me, and I tried to enter her...but it felt like I couldn't put it in! It was like she still had clothes on or something blocking it. Everything goes to black...and I can still feel her touching me as I try to insert my junk but it's a no go.

Woke up...headed outside. My brother was there. He's telling me how he found some liquor in my room, and he put it in the utility room. I was like "I might as well turn it up then. I was going to look for it, but I noticed the dryer was out on the carport. WTF....bro was acting weird too...doesn't ever curse and he was.....A hearse pulled up next door, and I guess they put the body of my friends dad in it.....but it was weird. They put him in on a stretcher, and the body was still moving. I've seen dead bodies before, and they always look like they're still breathing, but it was beyond that. His hands were moving, and he even braced himself when they slammed the stretcher in there. WTF...it's not even him. It's some lady.

Cora, Keely and I are working behind the scenes at a university of some sort. In the main area I see Tom Waitts. I joke around with him and he leaves. I think I made him uncomfortable. The girls and I ride a strange elevator up to a hay colored loft area. We talk. I tell them that my uncle rocky invited me to this concert and I haven't even been inside yet. We go back down and I get a bit of vertigo. I sat on my butt for the decent. The university area is a really big and confusing. Cora and I leave and go around the corner. There is a very steep hill. I go for it at a run. I make it almost all the way up when I see car lights and turn a quick right into some major astral wind. The people I passed don't seem to be affected by it. I worry that they're looking at me funny. I do some swimming motions and make it finally. Im any raised, patio of some sort, that borders the main arena/university. There are many iron gates and green shrubs. I find Cora and we are in the hallway. I get the sense that this hallway is for staff only. We are sitting along rounded hallway. The kind that circle an arena. There is a girl next to her, along with various other apparent coworkers. The girl is dark skinned with gray blue and black dreadlocks. She bends Cora's head into her lap and begins to passionately kiss her. At first I am surprised but after a while I am just bored and somewhat anxious. Cora tells me something about her mystery girl, it is something along the lines of " I don't think I can live without her, I'm so grateful to have her in my life." Suddenly unconcerned about someone I need to keep in contact with via cell phone. I reach for my phone and by the time I'm looking at the screen to dial/TEXT it is pouring down soft warm rain. I'm mildly concerned for my phones well being but I soon forget. I am wandering now but have a definite goal in mind. A beautiful woman is around. She looks like Halle Berry and I know that she's kind and powerful. I find my way back to that patio/courtyard. Someone is leading me to a table surrounded by very special people these people are the ones whom this whole production/concert is for. I know that I'm not supposed to be worthy of their presence but whoever is leading the insist that I belong. " How could we possibly begin without you?" They say to me as I take my spot around the table.
Note: at some Point I find myself and alone lit room and the university I'm talking to an older professor. All of the doorknobs are defective.

We are outside. It is beautiful day. Sun shining. And near some sort of fenced lot when the animals begin to roam. They are huge and attacking everyone. As I head east, an animal tracks me down so I hold very still. I breathe deeply. The animal passes. I make it back to the dorms where I find myself in a room that is not mine. I'm only wearing a short dress as I peruse the closet. It is filled with a retro clothing may be from the seventies. I'd try on a mauve, long sleeved button up shirt. I know I'll need some sort of cold protection. I take the shirt and see that there's a dog in the room. I fear it is one of the wild alien animals and continue to treat it as such, however it doesn't seem to pose any threat. I take a shower hoping the dog will leave me alone. It just jumps in. Brian joins me. I'm in room 19. We start to have sex but here a jeep pull up outside of our window. The jeep crew some of whom we may or may not know, offer to take us to a refuge. However we cannot tell the leaders what we've done or we will be negatively judged. I think we refuse. Now we are in Brian's car driving north of the few companions on a busy street. We see through a foggy sky a fleet of quick moving UFOs do twisty curvy maneuvers. They are blasting some announcement over their communication form. Brian and I are making fun of the address because it seems very obvious. All of a sudden a blanket of snow and ice is on all you can see. We panic a bit and start looking for any extra clothing we can pile on. I still am sporting a short dress and the shirt from someone's retro closet. I spy a hat, one of those kind with fur on the inside. a girl we are with grabs at first but soon I spy and other like it. After driving for a bit we realize that there is no more snow. We've reached a mountain. The road to it, you can spot all sorts of perversely large animals. The results of the recent panic. We traverse a rocky path alongside the mountain. Inlaid eye level in the mountains are short wide windows. I look inside and see a classroom laboratory. The people inside don't seem to be concerned about the recent panic. Now I'm at Suzette Kenny's house. I into the basement and Kenny is sleeping on the couch. As I go upstairs I'm thinking about the safety of Maya and mom. Suzette assures me they are safe. There is a black man smiling at me on the couch. Sharon appears to be very frail. I tell Suzette I plan on walking back, but she insists on giving me a ride.

It was Brian's birthday and we were at my old pre-school. We were sitting on couches surrounding a large rectangular pool. I wanted to sit by him but there wasn't any room for me so I chose a couch to myself. I went to go swimming but there were four or five large basketball players about to start a swim race. I was confident I would be faster than them so before they took off I jumped or dove in a ways down. Diving in the water was much more shallow than I anticipated. I nearly hit my head on the bottom. When I came up one of the basketball players was saying rude things to me. Telling me I didn't belong. Brian was asleep on one of his lady friend's laps when I returned so I went to find some food. A very nice waitress offered me caviar and something to scoop it up with that looked like tiny, purplish/blue clam chips. I am finally feeling a little better when her manager loudly whispers to her that

I've taken too much.

I tell him

I can hear him.

I'm supposed to take seven to eight but apparently i have taken nine or ten. I ask him ,

“How on earth is someone who has never eaten caviar know the proper way?”

I also imply that he thinks he is better than me. Now we are beginning a mischievous task. I'm not aware of it, but I go along. They've started off already, deeper into Peninsula School. Not leaving me any time to gather my belongings. It seems they're always just around the next corner. There is a small boy in a wheelchair whom I know cannot move too much. I see him roll forward and begin to call his guardian when I see him look at me and gegin to roll back into place.

EPIPHANY; While typing out this dream (journal to computer) I thought about how during the entire dream I am suffering. One blow after another. Then I meet this young child who appears to have little to nothing. What is this saying to me?


NOTE: I VERY OFTEN HAVE DREAMS ABOUT ANXIETY OVER LEAVING BEHIND A PURSE, BAG, SUITCASE, BACKPACK. SUFFERING FEELINGS OF PANIC AND DEPRESSION.

Dad and I are talking and at the foot of his bed is a huge scorpion. I fear it but he is just curious.



FRAGMENT:
I am in the school, at the end of the long hallway. I reach down and when my finger comes back there is blood on it.

I've had vivid dreams the past few weeks. Almost 100% forgotten. A few lucid fragments I clearly recall:

Fragment #1: I'm walking to the corner of Cherry St along the sidewalk looking at houses. I get to the corner house and it's huge. It has boarded up painted gray windows. I start looking around comparing houses and realize: "This is a dream!" I leap off into the air flying about 15ft up. For some odd reason, I head towards my house (I think to get my map?), I see the rooftops of houses start to fill my view. The dream piece by piece fades into patches of gray fog, and ends.

Cherry is also the street I had my first trained lucid dream on. I've had several lucid dreams in recent years that started on this corner. This represents a small but significant breakthrough for my Map of Dreamland objectives.

Fragment #2: I'm in a strange house. It is sunny out, probably around 2pm. My EX-GF is there. She is dressed very gaudy. Pink scarf. Thick makeup. Half slut, half goofball. Not her style in waking life, but she looked very real, and so did the living room area we were in. This detail is hazy now, but the topic of her current BF comes up. That he may not be thrilled I'm in their home. I decided to leave by going upstairs (to avoid her BF?). I essentially fly up the stairs. When I reach the top, I see something that makes my blood run cold...

Inside her 2nd floor kitchen was a hazy looking ghost of a woman. Rotating around the figure was a candle and something else. There was a female sounding whirring noise. I barely looked at this thing for 2 seconds when I went flying away. Down a hall, into a garage, out a side door into the street. I got a good distance a way before I looked behind me. I was alone in a peaceful looking suburb. It seemed familiar and connected to my city, but does not exist in waking life.

I had a dream this morning that I was looking at sheet music. I turned the page, and the next page was what it should have been. I went back to the first page of the music, and it had turned into the page of a manga. "I must be dreaming," I said as I was suddenly snapped back to my bed. Unfortunately, I could feel my dream eyes closing, which meant I was waking up. I opened my eyes and realized I had woken up in sleep paralysis. I could move my fingers a little bit, but even that was really difficult. I knew it was important to stay calm, so I focused on keeping my breathing steady to keep myself calm. I figured I'd "wake up" from SP if I just stayed calm and kept my eyes open.

Then, I got the idea to use this as an opportunity for DEILD. I closed my eyes, hoping to transition back into a dream. Before long, my ears started ringing, which I'd heard was common during SP. It'd stop whenever I opened my eyes, though.

Eventually, I just woke up - for real - instead. I was pretty sure the SP had just been a dream because it had had that "hazy" feel to it, and I was also fairly certain I hadn't been holding my Link plushie, which I would've been holding if I was awake (though I can't say for certain that I wasn't, since I didn't look down at my hand and could barely move).

I soon fell asleep and had another dream. In this dream, an old lady who looked to be about 90 or 100 walked into a doctor's office, sat down on the chair, and said, "Goodbye, humans. I'm the president's own woman."

Suzette tries to snatch up my bag for me. Christa M. is there. She is laughing. We realize that it is out of reach. Lakeside. Riverside. It is on a counter in the bathroom of the hotel room. I though Brian was sleeping so I have a cigarette. H says to me calmly, “I though you quit smoking?” I proceed to explain that I have but make a list of reasons to justify my slips. All I want is a soda back at Suzette's house. All I can find is beer. Maya and I leave Laura and Brian at the house, while we go either to the garage or a small store. On the “familiar departure” I remember being lucid enough to realize it's familiarity and also talk myself into opening my eyes for the fast decent downward which otherwise I am too afraid to experience. I feel my stomach jump. I think that it's only a dream. Laura C. and I decide to take a set at a tall round table with stools. Mildly aware that there are at least two people with us. One, a boy, really wants to sit by me. At an intersection we find Laura M. broken down/stuck in her white Jeep and one one seems to be helping her. I also hesitate.

Two-two scratches at the door. The sliding glass door. I let him in. I am so happy and shocked. No one else seems to want to give this miraculous event any attention. Am I lucid? I pick him up and give him all of my love. He seems disturbed, not himself. I am reminded of Buffy's second coming (laugh out loud). He is in pain. I now notice a large hole on the right lower side of his tummy. Holding him, cradling him in my arms, I turn to my family for some help or advice. Something! They all look down, shaking heads nay. They tell me that he may be alive and that there may be hope, but it is not “RIGHT”. They gave me the feeling that helping save Two-two was immoral or corrupt. I turn to Brian, the same reaction from him. A sad, firm, absolute; NO. I am so distraught, lost, speechless. I've snapped. I'm yelling and screaming and raising hell. My heart is broken.

I am at work. In a cubicle or cash register. Either way, I feel I am in a smaller space within a much larger space at my place of work. Mandy S. is my coworker and there are other employees around maybe two or three. I am being honored in some way by higher management but I get a feeling of jealousy or envy somewhere in the group of four or five. Not necessarily from Mandy S. I am very feminine in this dream. A heart breaker and I wear a lot of make up. Eyelashes are particularly emphasized as I recall. I sense something taboo happening concerning a bathrobe and possibly my dream ego. Outside of this work place seems to be the base of Mt.Ka. A facility wraps around that is our work place. There is a mound that we sit on. I cannot recall if this was a sort of break time or an evacuation, but we sit on the hill. Ryland B. is here. He is not happy. He is very aggravated and I think it has very much to do with me and my opinion of an outcome.

We sit below the cracked mountain that appears so often to my dream ego, Mt.Ka, on a grassy mound outside of our place of work as it begins to rain black tar. There is no instant fear or panic but I sense that we all got up and fled to one of two doors equally far apart. I do not believe I was able to get inside the large gray door. Nor did I try the other door. What takes place after that I cannot recall.

I'm in a bank. I'm asked to complete a transfer for a man that works there. We are in an office that multiple people share. I sit at a woman's computer who I don't know. I look on the desktop for an icon that would lead to a transfer but I don't find one. I open up a game that is like The Sims. I eat some of her candy.

I work in a tall stone building. Maybe brick. The corridors remind me of Hogwarts. Not all mythical like. Just the architecture. This workplace of mine empties out to a busy city/town that I visit often. Full of twists, turns, hills and hidden doors. The main walk of this town takes you to waterfront. I often get lost in this city.