All DJ Entries

I'm scaling a steep cliff on the side of a mountain fortress with a large group of medieval soldiers seeking to take over the castle up ahead. It is a difficult climb, and all progress is halted as the defenders unleash a massive deluge of boiling hot oil that spashes down the cliff. Fortunately, it's steep enough that we just press ourselves flat into the rock, and the oil flows just over us all, missing us by just a few feet. Then some sort of god flies out of the castle and levitates above the stone walls as he laughs at us. He thinks it is barely worth his concern, but nevertheless throws a few fire balls at us. Several people are killed instantly.

He looks over at me, and now seems threatened somewhat. With a spin, he disappears from sight, and I am immediately teleported to a small town inside the castle walls. Somehow we breached the castle and there is utter chaos as people are running everywhere. It turns out everyone is running because there is an army of Djinns (the kind from the show 'Supernatural') - a kind of genie that puts people to sleep, fulfilling all their wishes in their dreams while draining their blood and killing them in the process. Just one is scary, but there are over a hundred here.

I am immediately surrounded by about a dozen of them. I'm not quite sure what to do about this. Before I come up with a plan, one of the female Djinns (and quite an attractive one I may add) tells the others to step aside and watch. She holds out her hand and uses telekinesis to spin my body around. I want to fight it, but just go limp as all my muscles relax. She softly lays my body on the packed dirt ground and closes my eyes all with telekinesis. This is the part where the nice dream is supposed to start. I'm given a moment to choose, but can't decide what to dream about.

The moment is gone, and there will be no pleasant dreams for me apparently. Since the Djinns are psychic, they know that I'm awake in my body, even though my eyes are closed and I cannot move it. I can still feel everything. They take delight in knowing that I'll be able to feel all the pain of being slowly drained of blood until I die, with nothing I can do about it. I feel a sharp stabbing pain as a large gauge needle is roughly stabbed into my arm.

Rather than languish in pain as I am slowly killed, I imagine that I'm someone else. Someone very alive, and experiencing blissfully pleasant feelings. I know it's not real, but I decide to believe it anyway because the more I do, the more real it becomes, and the more this excruciating painful death seems like a distant memory than a current reality.

Right before I fully switch to being someone else, I wake up.

Ritual: It was a great night for dreaming, probably because I went to bed so much earlier than usual, though I've also been especially attentive to my RCs for the last couple days. I went to bed a little before midnight, and I'm also currently on the East Coast, so the clock was three hours ahead of my usual time zone. My sleep was punctuated with the usual half-dozen wakings, though I didn't do any specific night practices other than try to pay attention to the transitions between sleeping and waking, and in this I was not persistant or prompt enough to pull off a WILD or a DEILD. But by around 6am I woke up from the first DILD, spent until 7:30am writing it down, then went back to bed and lucked into a second one.

NLD, "Drones": I'm standing by a floor-to-ceiling, wall-length window in a big hotel suite, looking out over the curve of a bay. From the height we must be somewhere between the 20th and 30th floor, and to the right I can see another tall building, or perhaps an extension of the same hotel, following the curve of the beach. Ahead and to the left is the flat horizon of the sea. It would be a pleasant view if it weren't for all the drones hovering in our field of vision, each one carrying a sign with a single word on it, white block letters on a black background. The words seem to be completely random.

"It's like some dystopian future," I comment to Peter Dinklage, who is standing to my left. I muse about what it would be like if the drones were weaponized, and turned on us like machines tend to do in science fiction. Though a chilling thought, they are awkwardly constructed without any armoring, and look like they would be easy to shoot down.

Then I notice that although they are not armed with guns, each drone is fitted with a camera, which is just as bad in some ways. Are they conducting mass surveillance on us? The cameras are all pointed directly at us. As I watch, a see a few drones of a different type fly in very close. They are not carrying signs, and they are disk-shaped, topped with a transparent dome through which we can see tiny people inside operating them. The pilots can't be human: even though I am standing next to a dwarf, they are much smaller than him, the size of babies, but with adult features and pointed ears. One of them waves at us, and Peter Dinklage says something like, "This is really disturbing."

FA-DILD, "Smallpox": Shortly after this I have the sense of waking up, though it is not a typical FA; I do not find myself in bed. I feel like I am standing in the same spot, in the same room, only awake now. Everyone else who was in the room a moment ago is gone, and there is no longer any impression of a view. The light has changed, becoming greyer and dimmer: it felt like late afternoon a moment ago, now it feels like early morning.

At once I notice that something is wrong with my body: a dense network of small patchy blisters is completely covering my skin. I look at myself in third person, as though in a mirror, and see them everywhere: covering my face, my chest, my arms, every patch of visible skin is mottled with these raised lesions. I know exactly what they are, too, I've seen them before in historical pictures: these are smallpox pustules, apparently in an early stage, since they are slightly lighter than my natural skin color and haven't scabbed or opened yet.

Immediately my rational mind rejects the scenario: didn't I get vaccinated for this? I realize I don't specifically remember getting a smallpox vaccine, but... isn't that because smallpox is extinct? I can't recall the details but I'm sure I remembered hearing that. Surely it's not making a comeback, like measles, because of all these anti-vaccers? But that can't be right—if smallpox were coming back then vaccinations for it would have become available, and I'd have been first in line.

This can't be happening. I try to will away the pustules but nothing changes. I remain unconvinced. This can't be happening, it must be a dream. If I can levitate, I will know it is a dream: I put my mind to it and though I do not levitate properly, I can feel that gravity is definitely different from waking life. So it is a dream! Okay, that's what I thought. Thank goodness I don't really have smallpox. Now I just need to fix my appearance.

I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror, trying to will my skin smooth again. The pustules are stubbornly persistant, but a lock of hair turns white and I decide to transform the rest of it for fun. It instantly turns stark white, but the texture remains smooth and silky. This gives me the idea to turn my skin jet black, like that of a drow elf. I concentrate and most of it transforms, but there are still pale patches on my forehead and upper cheeks, and when I look down at my legs, they are a streaky grey that is fading out toward the ankles, more like body paint than skin pigment.

On the bright side, changing the color of my skin finally got rid of the pustules, leaving it smooth again. Now I just want to even out the color, but the pale patches resist my initial attempts to darken them through will alone. I try to use my hands, as though spreading pigment over the resistant areas, and this helps a bit, but it is not an easy fix. As I peer closer into the mirror during this process, I notice that my eyes are solid black. I can't remember if this was the correct color for drow eyes, but I really like the effect. By the time I complete the skin transformation, my hair has faded from snow white to a yellower bone white, and this looks better and more natural with the jet black eyes and skin.

During this process my hair has been going through stylistic variations, always long and straight, but hanging down in different ways, and smeared with substances like blood or oil. I figure this makes sense for drow fashion, since living underground they probably don't bathe all that often, making hair treatments like oil very practical, whereas the bloody streaks look impressively gruesome. Although my skin won't stay pure black, it doesn't fully revert to its natural shade either, but retains traces of color, like streaky orange-browns on a muted blue base, while the hair stays yellowish-white.

WBTB: I woke up and spent over an hour writing the report of the last dream, but afterwards it was still early enough to go back to bed. Although I was not sleepy, it was a pleasantly lazy morning, and I enjoyed drifting in hypnagogic imagery. There was a period of ambiguity where it became increasingly difficulty to tell if I was having waking or dreaming experiences, and then I slipped again into full dream.

DILD, "Bed Monsters": I was wandering through the large house belonging to my in-laws where I am currently staying, and I had lost count of the number of bedrooms... there had to be more than twenty. Just how big was this place? At that moment I realized, no, of course it is not so big in waking life, it is because I am dreaming that the size has been exaggerated. Dreaming, eh? Wasn't there something I had meant to do, if I found myself dreaming in a bedroom? Suddenly I recalled this month's TOTM, to make friends with the monster under your bed. Oh! I should get back to the room where I'd been sleeping! I dashed back so quickly I was afraid I would destabilize the dream, but luckily it stayed intact.

I peered under the bed but it was a pleasant open space. It looked like there were a few banal things stored under there, but nothing looked sinister or monstrous. I felt around for something to work with, and my hand closed around a small plush object, which I withdrew and examined closely. It was a small brown teddy bear, only five inches long, with a plump, pear-shaped body and tiny beady eyes. There was a lighter brown oval around the bit of stiching that served as a nose. I was impressed with the detail with which I could perceive it, but had no idea how was I supposed to "make friends" with it. It seemed totally inert, a harmless stuffed animal. I set it on the thick folds of the comforter piled on the bed. "Dance!" I commanded. It just sat there. "Dance!" I tried a few more times, but it remained inaminate.

I walked around to the other side of the bed, setting down the teddy bear on a dresser. I turned away for a moment, and when I looked again it had changed: now it was a sort of bell-shaped plastic structure hanging from the ceiling by a string. I couldn't tell what its purpose was, but it still appeared to be an inert object.

It occurred to me that I had been walking around and standing right next to the bed completely heedless of the space underneath. If there really were monsters under there, I'd have to watch out for my ankles! I wondered if this was the problem, that I didn't really have any lingering childhood fear of monsters under the bed. Perhaps I should try again with more intent.

I bent down and looked under the bed from this side, trying to keep the idea of monsters in mind. I still didn't see much under there: it was a light and airy space, just like in waking life, completely different from the overstuffed space under my bed at home. But I did see a scrap of cloth within arm's reach, so pulled it out. It turned out to be a little crocheted cat, only about three inches long, white with some orange spots. I guessed it must have been made by a total amateur. The body seemed floppy like it was unstuffed, and as I turned it over in my hands, I discovered that it was actually crocheted in a single flat piece with the four little legs sticking out horizontally, so only when it was folded in half along the back did it look plausibly like a cat. The head was the only piece that appeared to have been crocheted with any semblance of three-dimensionality. As I studied it closely, I saw tiny points of bright green contrasting with the dominant the white and orange: there was a little green tuft on the trip of the tail, and projecting from the head was a narrow appendange like the antenna of a cartoon alien, also topped with a green point.

However, this object also showed no sign of motion or life, so it would be hard to say I was "making friends" with it. But then my eye caught a glimpse of orange fur near my feet: my cat had appeared! I wasn't surprised that she had turned up: when thinking about the task in waking life, I had reasoned that she really was the monster under my bed. Though I adopted her when she was about five months old (the best guess of the shelter) she had been living in a feral state before that, and even after five years of comfortable indoor living she still has the edgy instincts of a street cat: she hisses at the slightest provocation, and holes up under the bed for hours whenever a stranger is in the house.

I knelt down to ruffle her long, soft fur, which felt totally life-like, but I noticed the color was off. In the dream she was calico, with big orange patches, but I remembered that she was a tabby in waking life. I wondered if she could qualify as my dream bed monster—though right now she was acting very pleasant and relaxed, and I figured it probably wouldn't count because I had already made friends with her in WL.

Yet again I peeked under the bed, and this time at last I found the perfect candidate for my experiment. I felt that it was connected somehow with the tame cat at my feet, as though all her feral qualities had separated into a different animal. This one had a tortoise-shell coat, all the same colors as a calico but in smaller, more mingled patches. Although the fur resembled that of a cat, the body suggested another animal entirely, with a narrower head and tapering snout. I was pretty sure it was a fox. Best of all, it was already hissing and snarling at me! This was the monster I had been looking for!

Now all I had to do was make friends with it. I began calling to it in the cooing, overly affectionate voice I might use with my cat. "Come here... lovely sweetie... lovely sweetie. I have treats for you my love... treats for you my love." The animal reacted as any feral creature would, holding its ground and continuing to hiss and snarl. I could see the tension locked into its body, poised for fight or flight. I reasoned that since it was a dream monster, the best approach would be to hug it, but that wasn't obviously wasn't going to be possible while it was still under the bed. I needed to draw it out first.

I reached under the bed and the animal snapped at the air and threatened to bite me. I considered drawing my hand back for a different approach but decided to let it go ahead and bite, inspired by that wonderful scene in Miyazaki's Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind where Nausicaa tames the fox-squirrel by remaining calm and patient when it bites her finger. Plus, since it was a dream I didn't have to worry about physical harm. So I kept reaching toward the animal until it bit down on the middle of my left index finger. The pain was surprisingly clear and sharp, but easily manageable. I kept thinking of that scene from Nausicaa and projecting similar expectations on this situation. I felt the animal relax enough to take a few steps closer to me, but it had not yet emerged from under the bed when the dream abruptly faded. Intriguingly, even after I had fully transitioned to wakefulness, I could still feel a distinct itch in the second joint of my left index finger where the animal had bitten me.

Attached Thumbnails

 

4am coffee from 2 tbsp grounds with milk and sugar.

#416 - WILD

I wake at some point and try DEILD phase tech, but this time I was surprised by entering straight into it, skipping all the usual OBE stuff. I was only mildly lucid at first and thought that I was only seeing strong HI. I thought that I wasn't fully there and was trying to convince myself that I was dreaming, hoping that my dream time would catch up to my expectations. However, during the entire experience, I was already fully immersed in the dream and everything was extremely vivid. I even had the thought at some point that caffeine always makes my dreams more visually vivid.

I am standing next to a refrigerator in a kitchen that looks like the Smith's house, but my coworker bro Brandon is there. I see the fridge is so vivid and I take a closer look to stabilize — like I needed to. I note the eggshell texture on the door and the brownish fake wood handle. There is some chrome and I expect to see my distorted reflection. It's not there at first, but I do a double take and there I am. I feel like my eye are open extra wide and I can't believe how vivid the dream is. I look around for a moment and realize that I am in fact fully in the dream. Unfortunately, it's at this point that something external wakes me.

I had another vivid dream about swimming in an ocean and a shark bit my knee where I had been having pain in waking life. Strangely, my knee feels a thousand times better today.

Circumstances have caused a woman to temporarily move in with me; we're not romantically entangled in any way. At the moment I'm cooking breakfast and she's sitting at the table - she's asked for eggs benedict. I'm mentioning some gadget that was around in the 50s for cooking breakfast that I'd liked, I don't know why they don't make that one anymore.

As we're talking, at some point I make a reference to something else that had happened in the 50s, and she gets the reference and responds as if she was also there. The character side of me doesn't take notice of this, but the dreamer side of me finds it odd that she got that reference - I take this as an indication that she's also, if not immortal, at least significantly older than her appearance. It's also clear that she knows I'm not human, though the character side of me doesn't know she knows.

When I bring the food to the table, I say something to her and she responds with yes, father, and then immediately looks embarrassed. The character side of me takes it as a joke in response to what I'd just said to her - but the dreamer side of me is thinking, that explains it.

I'm dancing with a different woman in my apartment. She's got short black hair in this 20s finger wave look, deliberately trying to recreate that look from the past, but this is the 1990s, and she's mortal. The dreamer side of me thinks of the song we're listening to as 'bland, inoffensive 90s romance music.' She's describing some kind of dull pain that lasts for weeks on end, and asks if I can imagine living like that, expecting the answer to be no. I have, actually. I try to describe the actual sensation without being specific about the setting, but she figures it out immediately and gets excited: "The Inquisition? You were there?" She always gets excited about these big name historical events she's read about, and they're never the parts worth remembering.

(Woke up. Back to sleep.)

Someone of no immediately identifiable gender, who has been on the road for a very long time, parks their truck outside my IRL home and starts to eat lunch, clearly believing that no one is around here during the daytime. When they see me watching them from the window they start to leave, but I stop them, telling them I don't mind them stopping here.

Unfortunately, the dream apparently took that as an open invitation. While I'm outside talking to them, a great deal of people walk into the house - a married couple under the misimpression that it's theirs now and all their relatives. When I confront them they quickly accept that an error has been made, but they still keep standing around in the house. Telling them to get out does nothing.

So I rephrase, framing it as a narrative instead of a command. "And the people walked out of the house."

And giving no indication that they've heard me, as if it's their own idea, they all turn and start making their way out of the house. I'm pleased by how easy and effective that was compared to trying to control through commands - admittedly I hadn't put any mental force behind the command here, but there wasn't any mental effort involved in the narrative approach either. They're moving more slowly than I'd like, so I continue narrating. "It's a beautiful day, so they all decided to go outside." I'm curious whether the weather will respond to that - it doesn't seem to, but then it was decent weather to begin with. They're all outside now, but they're milling around outside the door. "They all decided to go to the park to catch up with their relatives." They start moving toward the road, and the women closest to me have started discussing some cousin they haven't seen in a while. This is really wonderfully effective, I'll have to remember that in the future.

Ritual: Lately I haven't been dreaming much because I've been staying up too late (after 3am usually) playing computer games late at night. I've noticed that the later I go to bed, the less awareness I have in my dreams. Tonight for RL reasons I went to bed two hours earlier than usual, at 1am, and wondered if it might cause me to LD naturally. Sure enough, without any special intention or practices, I woke at 6am with the following...

DILD: I was moving through a grocery store, picking up some items and observing what else I might want to gather, until I reached a row of cash registers and knew I was in the last room. I had already picked up a bag of assorted stuffed animals from a whole bin of them. I recall making the same kind of obsessive comparisons I do in WL to decide which bag to pick. There were slight variations in all the stuffed animals so I was looking for the set I found the most appealing. I decided relatively quickly, the decisive factor being a stuffed bat I liked, and was carrying the bag with me.

I turned around and walked back through the store to pick up some remaining things I hadn't fully decided on the first time through. I was considering getting some food, and glanced at what was on offer in the seafood section. I think I ended up going back out the front door at this point and found myself at a bus stop. The bus came and I didn't think I wanted to leave yet because I wasn't finished in the store. I was planning take the next bus if it were going to come in an hour, but I know sometimes the schedule is slower on Sundays. I asked the ticket seller when the next bus would be, and she said, "1:40." This startled me because it was already around 3:30pm in the afternoon. The next bus couldn't come earlier than this one... did she mean the next one wouldn't be here until the middle of the night? I asked about this and she nodded. I decided I'd better scrap my plans and leave on this bus, because I didn't have enough I wanted to do here to occupy a whole evening. I yelled at the driver not to leave yet and quickly slipped the ticket-seller a twenty dollar bill, which I figured should be enough, though I didn't know the exact price. I grabbed the change without counting it and jumped on the bus. But then I remembered I would also need a ticket for the guy I was with... there had actually been no guy with me earlier in the store scene but now the scene shifted.

I was sitting next to a really hot guy and trying out a computer game he was showing me. This is how my mind accounted for the scene shift: I had been playing a game. Now I was distracted by our conversation. The guy was trying to figure out if he should go to—I think he was calling it "Burning Man," but I knew he meant a big festive parade through the city. After talking to him a few minutes I realized that I hadn't been paying attention to the game. I looked back at the screen and didn't recognize where my character was. Fortunately it was easy to restart from a save. But then my conversation with the guy took an even more distracting turn when I noticed how hot he was, felt an attraction that was apparently mutual, and started kissing him. After a few minutes of that I remembered the game I was playing and worried my character would have gotten killed, but I looked back at the screen and everything was fine... my character was actually going around doing things on his own.

"This game plays itself!" I commented in surprise. But I didn't want to miss any part of the story, so I restarted again, only this time I was disappointed to see that the game had apparently been creating its own saves too, and now even the save point was well past the spot where I had gotten distracted. I wondered if I should just stop playing for now and start over from the beginning later.

The scene shift at this point is vague, but the next thing I knew I was bodily in the game, back at the grocery store—though it looked different than the first one—this time with two companions, a guy and a girl. We were engaged in combat with the store employees, and everyone was throwing bottles. I didn't like this, so I called a halt to the bottle-throwing and my friends and I went outside. I was trying to explain to them what my objections were. "Too much broken glass," I complained. Even out here, the ground was littered with it, and on looking at it I felt a tiny sharp pang in the sole of my left foot. It seemed like I might really be feeling this with my physical body, so I continued my explanation: "The problem is, when there's too much broken glass, then you can feel it in the real world. Some kind of psycho-physical complex." The pang in my foot, which I could still feel, seemed like a great example: here I was in virtual reality, but stepping on broken glass made my real foot twinge. (Interestingly, I think a sensation in my physical foot was actually bleeding into, because I thought I could still feel it faintly when I woke up.)

Up to this point I was not lucid, rather I was convinced that I was bodily immersed in a computer game (I think my brain often explains dreaming this way to itself), but as the pang in my foot made me contemplate the connection between my VR body and my physical body, I realized that I was actually dreaming. I was about to walk off with my friends, but it occurred to me, "If I'm lucid, I should do something useful." I remembered the wine TOTM. I'd just been in a store where we were smashing bottles of wine, what a waste! And we left on such bad terms, they might not like me going back in there... not to mention all that broken glass... but I guess I'd better hazard it. I turned around and half-opened the door, but then I realized there might be an easier way.

I turned back to my friends. "Does anyone have any wine?" The girl immediately pulled a bottle from her backpack and gave it to me. Then I realized there might be another hitch. "Do you have an opener?" I asked her dubiously. She actually did! She pulled out a corkscrew and was waving it in the air at me, but I had already realized that I might be making things more complicated than necessary. I glanced at the bottle of wine and saw that although it was still sealed, the top covered in light blue foil, under the foil the cork seemed to be protruding three-quarters of the way out of the bottle. I tried to pull it out manually and was able to do so easily. There was still a small piece of cork in the neck of the bottle, but this shouldn't be a problem. My other friend was holding a butter knife, so I grabbed it from his hand without ceremony and used the handle (as the blade was smeared with butter) to push the cork inside. Lest it bob up and block the flow of the wine, I kept the knife handle in the neck to hold the cork to one side as I lifted the bottle toward my mouth to drink.

"You guys don't mind if I drink the whole bottle, do you? I'm supposed to for my task." Without waiting for a reply, I tilted my head back and chugged. I was finished in seconds. Fortunately, even though the bottle had been full, it didn't feel like I drank any more than a glassful. My immediate reaction was surprise—that it tasted so convincingly like real wine. "It's actually a decent chardonnay," I commented to the girl who had given me the bottle. I focused my attention on the taste that lingered in my mouth: very buttery, rich, even ambrosial, with a hint of something sour around the edges but not strong enough to be off-putting. As I thought about what words I should use to describe it, I felt myself waking up.

First dream

I was playing Diablo 2 : Lord of destruciton on my laptop. I was a paladin, running through the forest in the first act.

Second dream

I was standing in the middle of the stage. I was holding an electric guitar in my hands. When I was ready to play, I felt strong, stinging sensation in the right side of my lower body. My mother arrived, and she told me Why are you dating with sister of your brothers girlfriend? I looked at a DC standing close to the stage. A skinny blonde with pearl white teeth and brown eyes. She had pale carnation, and she was wearing casual clothes. A black shirt and jeans trousers. She was smiling to me. I saw her first time, yet my DC mother claimed that she was her. I replied to my mother Don't disturb me! I have a concert to play, and there is a weird stinging sensation in the right side of my lower body!

*I woke up with the same weird pain, but luckily it ceased until now.*

Dream - Lucid

Something to do with packaging out donuts. When they were all packaged (there were quite a few boxes), I was looking at them, and there were some glazed and chocolate iced french cruellers, which those aren't supposed to be chocolate iced, only glazed. They also looked really wilted and small. I remember seeing one that was small and had just a little chocolate icing on it.

Then, I was designing this roller coaster with my dad in the garage. We were picking out different kinds of track. I remember the train on it also looked very sleek, silver and thin with only one person being able to fit in each car. I was thinking about the fact that we had a roller coaster in our garage. We must be rich. The roller coaster was starting and I got in the front car.

~

I was with Dallas at the house I grew up in. We lived there. It was nighttime. His mom called. She was actually this guy I dated in the 8th's grade mom IWL, but she was Dallas's mom in the dream. I didn't really want to talk to her. She was asking Dallas if we had any mayo or mustard that we could let her borrow for something she was making. I thought that maybe we did. He put the phone down for a bit. I then went to check the fridge. We had a little bit of mayo, maybe half of a jar. I didn't see any mustard. I guess I was going to have to talk to her after all. I went to go pick up the phone to tell her. It was sitting on the counter, but was a spoon instead of a phone? I started to speak.
"Hello?" I said.
She said hello or hey or something.
"We have less than half a jar of mayo and no mustard. I'm sorry, I thought we had some! I guess we used it all!"
She said something else, like that's ok or something. We hung up.

We then, for some reason, were standing at the open front door. Before we could shut it, a blonde little boy, a toddler, ran out. He was running fucking fast, too! Dallas and I went after him. I was running as hard as I possibly could and he was just booking it. I was nowhere near him. He started to go around the house next door. I saw a little alcove with bushes next to the house with a path/shortcut leading to the other side of the house. I could cut him off! I started to run down the path. I was very close to the end, and I saw the little boy stop. I was about to get to the end and get him when this big, tall guy I work with, TJ, stepped in front of me and picked me up. He was talking to me I think, but I don't remember what he was saying. The way his hand was positioned was jabbing into one of my left ribs. It hurt! I tried to get him to move his hand, and I did for a second, but he moved it back, as if he was purposefully pressing on my rib. It really hurt!

~

I dreamed something about Kohl's, though I can't quite recall the details.

~

I was at my grandma's house, though it didn't look like it at all. I was in the guest room getting ready for the day. I was putting on my bra and underwear. My hair was also pulled back. I had a q-tip that I was sticking in my nose? I guess my nose was a little runny or something (still doesn't make sense but whatever). I had to go out into the living room for something. I walked out and saw the back of my grandma's head. She was sitting on the couch watching TV with some coffee in hand. She had on a hat as well. She turned around and said good morning to me. I then looked to my right and saw two little blonde toddlers, a boy and a girl, standing there looking at me. I wasn't sure if I should be out in my underwear, but at least I wasn't naked. I also felt silly with the q-tip, which I had left sticking out of my nose. I pulled it out.

I was then going to put these pastries, an elephant ear and a pecan crispy, on this table that had lots of pecan pastries on it. It had some white and yellow iced donuts as well. As I was looking at them, I was "remembering" what my grandma had said about how she gave birth to donuts before she gave birth to babies (like months before, very early on in the pregnancy). Apparently, this was normal. I was also "remembering" that Sarah, a girl I worked with at Kohl's, had also done that; I was "remembering" her working with me at the bakery too. I was staring at the donuts wondering how the hell your body could make donuts. What kind would they be?

I then figured I needed to put the elephant ear and the crispy into a plastic bag so they didn't go stale. I went and got one and put them in. My grandma was then telling me about how she was sorry she didn't have any plastic tupperware containers because they were all at the old house (which they moved out of 8 years ago IWL). Something about how some doctor lived there temporarily.

My mom was then there, and she asked me if grandma had told me about the donuts. I told her yes.

I was in China and was making fun of some girl. I got on a bus and left somewhere. I was with my cousin and while we passed through a bridge, we saw a Ferrari parked on the road. We thought it was gonna get hit by a bus. When we got off the bus, my body had a workout meter that would glow throughout my body showing heart rate and other workout stats. It glowed a neon green when activated. When it was active, people would know where I was and they'd come to get me. I walked through a field and saw water so I asked "Why am I in China?", counted my fingers, and looked at my watch. Everything seemed normal so I ran to a bus stop and got in and was part of some zombie apocalypse.
Most of the people were dead or zombies but a few people and I camouflaged with them while they looked for survivors. A girl kept talking to me which attracted zombies but I told her to shush. We then left to look for the other survivors and I ran like a zombie up some stairs. Before I made it into a room where survivors were, I got bitten by a dog. The bite felt painful I shot the dog and went into the room. Knowing that I was soon going to die because of the bite, I taught some kids how to use my guns and after a while, a few zombies burst in saying that they wanted us alive. I killed them with a desert eagle and there was only one girl that wasn't bitten but she didn't want to leave alone. She reminded me of Sarah from the Walking Dead game.

I'm at university attending a lecture about the basics of OpenGL.
The teacher doesn't really seem into it, and none of my classmates seem interested.
To be honest, neither am I, but for a different reason.
The other students are not interested in graphics programming,
whereas I'm already quite comfortable with both Direct3D and OpenGL.
Why am I attending this class again? Perhaps for some easy credit points?
That doesn't sound like me though.

Once class is over, I hear some people discussing that they wouldn't come back
and choose another course instead. If that many people leave, this course is
going to be cancelled, and I'll have to find another one as well.
I'm mildly annoyed.

Eventually, as the lecture comes to an end, I suddenly realize that I am dreaming.
I'm not sure what gave it away.
I touch everything in close vicinity to assert that the dream is stable.
There is some initial numbness, but eventually my senses appear to be working properly.
I leave the classroom, trying to remember my dream goals...
It's not working, I can't remember anything.

I'll go visit Yuya. It has been a long time since I've seen her because Faye is messing with my dreams.
But then, just as I want to teleport to Riven, I spot a familiar face.

It's Kate! What is going on? Why is she here?
(Not a real image of Kate. Kate is an ex-gf from waking life)

She smiles. And that is all it takes to stir up old emotions, which I left behind long ago.
I'm in love again. Great... I had enough trouble getting over her as it is.
Why does it all have to come back to me now?
I reluctantly decide to ignore her and visit Yuya, as I had planned,
but something goes wrong during my attempt of teleportation...



... I'm in an apartment with Kate. I think that she is my classmate now, and that we're living together.
This is our apartment. Everything is perfect.
I am living with the woman of my dreams, we're both about to graduate,
and we have our future planned out.
It is late in the evening and I go to the bathroom to take a shower.
The water temperature knob isn't cooperating.
I seem to be dealing with something like this:


Kate joins me in the shower and she has no trouble adjusting the temperature properly.
The water is now refreshingly cold, just the way I like it.
Kate moves closer and kisses me passionately. I love her so much.
And she is so beautiful. I stare into her green eyes as we kiss...
Wait... this is not right. Those are clearly Kate's eyes, but... they feel... empty?
Oh no...
Why?
I am emotionally devastated...

This isn't Kate. This is Faye.
It feels as though I've lost Kate again. I am so sad.


Faye is now holding a rose and handing it to me.
I get the feeling that she is trying to apologize?
That does make feel a little better. Will I finally be able to reason with Faye?
I take the rose. I cut one of my fingers on a thorn. Ouch!
A single drop of blood emerges and falls to the ground.

Something is wrong...
I sense something moving through the small cut, into my hand, and then up my arm.
I get vivid flashbacks of the bee birthing blisters. Not again!
I drop the rose. But I'm too late.
Stems covered in thorns grow through my veins and sprout out of my body in various places, causing me to bleed.
More and more blood flows down into the shower. The water slowly turns red.

"Faye. Please make it stop!"
"No."
"..."
"Please! I'm sure whatever the problem is, I can fix it."
"There is no need for this!"
"I don't want the problem to be fixed."

What? Why? I don't understand.
I just barely manage not to freak out. The parasitic plant hardens in my veins making me unable to move.
The pain increases as the plant grows bigger.
Fuck fuck fuck.

"Faye! Talk to me! What is the problem?"

She doesn't reply. She just smiles, satisfied with the current situation.
I can't take it any more. I need to wake up!
I close my eyes, trying to think of my waking body lying in bed.
But I don't wake up...
Instead I begin to see, even though my eyes are closed.

She laughs at me and my inability to do anything.
Then she moves in and kisses me on the lips.
No. I don't want this.
My fear turns into anger.
I scream at the top of my lungs, wanting to push Faye away from me.
The hardened plant finally gives in under the force and breaks in many places within my body.
I push against Faye hard with both of my hands.
She is pushed through the glass shower door, which shatters into pieces.

She is cut in many places by the broken glass. She is bleeding and her blood mixes with mine on the floor.
This is so fucked up. She still looks like Kate. This is not right. I don't want to hurt her.
She again laughs at the current situation. She clearly feels like she has accomplished something.
She is satisfied. Finally, she gets up and leaves the room and I manage to wake myself up.

Well fuck. -_-
This is enough. This needs to change. Now.
I'm going to WBTB, probably do some meditation to focus my thoughts, WILD and tackle the problem with a hopefully clear head.

To mention something a little more positive, I have updated my Dream Journal Description.
I've also found this really cool painting by Sakimichan, which made me think of Yuya:

She obviously doesn't have the long pointy ears, but I thought that this painting just radiates so much energy, just as Yuya does.
There's also been a strong blue/orange theme in my dreams lately. I thought this was a pretty cool find.

Date: 29.04.2014

I was attempting a WILD but lost conscious awareness and fell asleep. I then came to in a cobblestone alley between two buildings hewn from stone, upon exiting the alley I looked around to see that I was in some kind of courtyard looking up at a huge castle-like structure that was growing from the stone. It had grass on the spires and tops of the roof/battlements like it had risen from the ground, It was falling apart and the whole place seemed abandoned.

Then I saw what looked like a patrol made up of a ragged group of soldiers, lead by a brown haired, bearded man wielding a spear and wearing a dark cloth cape with a symbol on the back I can't recall. he pointed me out to his soldiers and shouted "There he is!" This is when I realize I am wearing this leather armour with a symbol on my shoulder (I can somehow see this from a 3rd person perspective) which I know is the mark of an enemy clan/kingdom. I start to run away but the guy with the spear throws it, and it slams into my back and out my chest. I look down, kind of in shock at the spear and the amount of pain I was in, then I woke up suddenly. The feeling of the spear was pretty horrible!

Sketches:

The guy with the spear.



The symbol on the armour I was wearing.

MAN. It's been a while, right?

I'm still kinda sick and it bums me out 'cause I'm tired of feeling constantly run-down, but on the bright side it's given me the motivation I need to sleep more than usual and hopefully work off that sleep debt.

I think what's gotten me to write this entry right now is ... simply the unusual nature of the dream and how vivid it was. And I think I can remember quite a few details, though maybe not exactly. WORTH A SHOT.

Dream 1 - Amalgam
I think one thing I remember is observing Lelouch from Code Geass. His art style was anime, though I think his surroundings were still normal. I'm not sure exactly what he was doing, but he seemed to be manipulating someone in order to advance his plans. His emotions on that matter seemed to range from complete control and a lack of remorse while he was manipulating them, to a sort of rueful rumination on what he'd done afterwards. Mostly he seemed to feel it was entirely necessary no matter how unsavory it was. And I'm pretty sure he was manipulating Euphemia. Sociopath Lelouch.

Next bit I remember is bein' in a room with Hannibal from the current TV Show, and a kid who's an online friend of mine. Super nice kid. I think they were trying to help me understand that I'd injured both my arms very badly from playing legions, but I also remember a little before this. Mostly that the room had been the setting for some time, and it was quite dark and a bit messy and seemed deserted. And there was something about National Geographic.

Anyway Hannibal managed to point out to me that my arms were fricking banged up, and I finally got my shirt off to take a look. The first thing I noticed was some kinda weird, green dead skin on my chest, which I peeled off. I sort of expected that my arms would have the same problem. What I saw instead was that my arms were frickin' covered in bruises and irritated redness. The bruises were an odd sort of star-shape, dark-purple in color but looking sort of like very large asterisks. * And the next thing I noticed was the pain.

So I was just sort of staring down at my arms, watching my hands tremble and turning my arms over for a better look, while Hannibal explained that the damage was from my tendency to fly up to people in Legions and midair them point-blank. Apparently this sort of kamikaze approach to battle had been dealing damage to my arms with every rocket blast for a while now, unbeknownst to me. U tryna tell me somethin brain? Ur gonna have to speak up.

At this point my view on the matter went from "haha what injured I am not injured" to "HOLY FRICK I AM SO INJURED I hope you guys feel bad about this" or y'know "pity me!" or whatever. Also my arms fricking hurt. And I was looking to them to help me out, but Hannibal was doing his typical "you know what let's take this fixable thing and allow it to get worse for giggles" routine. This did not go over well with my internet friend, who was after all right there in the room, and who started demanding that Hannibal give me medical attention right then. Hannibal did not concede, of course, and I occupied myself with gingerly holding my arms and/or examining them and/or somehow managing to get a turtleneck sleeve onto my left arm, which got in the way of me seeing how bad it was. I woke up soon after that, still with the belief that my arms were totally damaged, and was rather relieved to find that moving didn't hurt.

But see what I like about dreams is that chance to be in the position of freaking out over very detailed, injured arms, complete with pain and trembling, but without the long-term life consequences, such as a month in the hospital. Is that weird? That's probably weird.

Dream 2 - SnailFrog
Anyway then another thing that happened was that I was outside with somebody like maybe my dad or somethin', and we found this snail thing. It was actually a very hungry small frog but it looked like a snail. Dad and I took it outside to some swampy place and set it down, and I found a grasshopper and considered lifting it by one delicate antenna (detail!) but got the feeling that the grasshopper (which was brightly colored and odd-looking) would manage to flick itself onto my hand and bite me or something. So I left that one alone and meanwhile the snail had turned into a small adorable red-ish frog with a translucent, slimy underbelly reminiscent of a snail, and he'd spied a small tan, safe-looking grasshopper. And then he went for it at incredible speeds, twisting around to try to keep up with its hopping and rolling all over the underbrush, and managed to eat it. And then he went for another one and caught it as well, after another incredible chase, though this time he ended up with a mouthful of large twigs that seemed to contradict his mouth size.

*RAMBLES ABOUT FROGS FOR A WHILE LIKE AN OLD PERSON*

So I'm not quite sure what else happened. I feel like tons of things occurred but LIKE WHAT? IDK.

- - - - - - -

Hm I can kinda remember what my dreams lately have been like. I think the night before this one I dreamed about playing legions, interspersed with crime scenes that were my doing. This is 'cause my main occupation lately has been playing Legions and watching Hannibal. And maybe thinking about sociopaths. None of those things feel like excellent uses of my time and now it's showing up in my dreams which shows that they're all I've been focusing on and arggghhhhh.

I was wondering when I'd start writing down dreams again. They seem like such a perfect way to track my mental state and get a handle on how my life's going. I think being sick borked it up after almost a solid month of recording, so hopefully this time my streak will be even longer. Feels good to be writing about 'em again~ I think this is one of my best hobbies :33

woke up naturally after this dream and spent some time just lying in bed half-awake before remembering that oh snap I was lucid in this one whaaaat

Lucid #5 Aw Yee
So it started out with me just doing my usual dream thing of picking out various items from a large department store, except this time I tried to leave without paying with everything in my shopping cart, and managed to walk outside (nighttime) before a friendly employee had to lay down the law for me. She said that if I were going to do that, there was a certain price limit I'd need to adhere to, so I had to put back some things and then I could take the rest and pay it back later. I realized that I didn't actually need a bunch of Christmas decorations (mostly it was a lot of that fake green tree stuff you can put everywhere, and a wreath) and decided that those would be the thing to put back.

As I was carrying an armful of fake green tree stuff back through the store, I passed the stuffed animal section, where a kid and his dad were having some sort of strange, stuffed-animal-related argument. I recognized that my dad and I had, in fact, had that same argument before (false memory) and was quite tempted to say as much to the kid on my second pass, now unburdened of weird fake green tree stuff. But I ultimately decided not to. Oh well.

I went back outside, where the employee was waiting with a receipt for the rest of my things. Taking and looking over the receipt, I was quite disappointed to realize that yes, I would still have to eventually pay for all this. Just not at that exact moment.

The next thing I remember is spontaneously becoming lucid simply because it felt like a dream. No reality check, no examining of my surroundings, not even an "aha" moment of "maybe this is actually a dream". My mindset simply swapped right on over to "lucid", so quickly and completely that all I remember is picking out "shooting a concussive blast from my palm" as my dream task of the moment and hopping right to it.

So then I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to shoot a concussive blast from my palm, which was... hard to figure out...? (I'm currently tempted to say "difficult" or "impossible" but that's a bad idea.) The second floor of the department store had a wall of windows which I stood in front of, right arm out, palm forward, left arm gripping and stabilizing my right, and then there was a whole lot of "how do" (meanwhile, a store employee looked on in alarm). I imagined the blast shooting out. I tried to summon the energy from within my arm. I imagined that perhaps my right upper arm might glow, and it may have. I thought about the way I was positioning my arms, and how it felt. (One thing I DIDN'T try was a voice command.) I'm pretty sure I never actually succeeded, though one window did end up broken somehow, and I have a vague-yet-pleasant memory of flying through it to the rooftop of another building in the night. Yay <3 (sorry, store employee)

I also remember trying to stabilize the dream by rubbing my hands together. Like the realization that I was lucid, it felt spontaneous and seemed to come from nowhere. Normally my dream ideas are linked back to the DreamViews forums somehow, like "oh right, I should rub my hands together to stabilize *mental image of the dream views home page*," or something like that. But this time, again, the idea seemed to have no real source of generation. I just tried rubbing my hands together and paying attention to how it felt.

Then I made the mistake of putting my rubbing hands up by my ear to listen to the sound of it, which felt so distinctly real that I started to think I was in bed, starting to move around and wake myself up. At that point I lost my conscious lucidity, though I think my state still qualified as low-level-lucidity. FAIL STABILIZATION. NICE TRY DAWG.

Oh and since it feeling real made me LESS lucid, my guess is that this sort of lucidity was the spontaneous kind that comes from the dream feeling like a dream. Things can be fuzzier in dreams, darker, and the whole dream can have a strong "dreamy" feel that can be picked up on. Which is what happened in this case, and I assume what happens to Tman and Flotsam.

ANYWAY. The last part of the dream was about some physical fight I had with my sister's boyfriend in order to protect my mom. Mom was, I believe, starting to get up there in years (and now had her own little granny apartment), and my sister's boyfriend N had decided to arm himself with sharp implements and barricade himself in the 1319 front office. I'm not sure how that counted as a threat to my mom. I think I saw him as a threat, and since he wasn't a threat to me (it being a dream, still), it translated into him being a threat to my mom, so I couldn't simply leave him alone. I sought him out, armed with sharp implements of my own, though I'm not sure which ones. I know for sure he had a box cutter, I suppose because memories involving pain are easier to remember. (THAT'S CALLED FORESHADOWING)

hhhehehehe so anyway I'm getting sweaty palms remembering this but let's see here.* There was some sort of room divider a short space away from the door, which forced me to go right. He was trying to take advantage of this somehow, I think by blocking my way into the open area of the room, and it became a struggle. This mainly consisted of me trying to stab/slice him, and him trying to stab/slice me (which was of much greater concern to me), and I ended up mostly on the defensive. There were a great deal of "too-close-for-comfort" moments. The only thing preventing the box cutter from box cutting me was my continuous and determined preventive efforts, so it was a largely bloodless struggle at first.

Then my determination finally failed, for a moment. We were locked up, both my implements blocked and me managing to block one of his, but the box cutter was free and I couldn't rally the mental strength to stop it from cutting into my left hand. I was simply mentally exhausted by all my previous efforts and how useless it felt. The pain was quite strong and highly unpleasant and all sorts of other descriptive adjectives, but I think on the whole it was a sort of relief to get it over with after a great deal of worry and anticipation. Which says a lot about my mindset in the dream at that point. Like it was a scripted event. Weird.

Anyway after that I pulled myself together and "defeated" him somehow, though not by severely injuring or killing him. I'm not sure what happened. But next thing we were simply talking, both still armed, and mom was in the room with us, almost as a sort of referee to keep us from fighting again, with her presence. At some point he admitted that his plan, had he been unable to find something sharp, had been to use an ultrafine point red sharpie and scribble madly on my skin, to try to give the impression (in the heat of the moment) that I was bleeding. Not the worst plan ever, I suppose. I said something like "Psychological warfare?" in response to this, and he was like yeah.

There was something else about a Metro train, potentially because those are rad. I don't remember anything else about it, though.

*not that this is a particularly "bad" or traumatizing memory. just quite intense I suppose. I don't know, I wouldn't call it bad.

back to sleeeeep~

I had called in to work but went in to pick up the recruiting paperwork. I was in a pretty happy mood. Dale was in the Level 2 control and so were a few other people. The prison was running extremely short and they were struggling to figure out who to pull and where. We were bullshitting on the radio and someone said to cut it out. People started getting to the Level 2 in their cars and parked them wherever. As I stepped back inside, I noticed my reflection on the glass door. I had spiky hair and was wearing a dark blue sweater vest and a lighter blue shirt underneath. I also had some jeans on and my aviators. I looked pretty normal and happy. I took off my aviators but put them back on again. I went in and Kristy's grampa told me good job and that I made it a long way. C. Sanchez was also there but she didn't look as attractive as she does in the waking world. Her apparent brother was there also. Music started playing and I did a dance to it. I went back into the control and decided to work and help out. I would need an hour to go home and change. I called the Level 3 and Romo answered. When I asked if she had anything at the Level 2, she said yes. I told her I'd work and she told me I'd have to call the prison in Grants to get paid. I walked down the hall towards North Housing and was following a crowd of many people. There were people wearing Military ACUs and there were also civilians and babies. Suddenly there was an emergency and the atmosphere changed. The area outside had flooded and there was a shark in the water. It was dawn and people were attempting to leave. I get on a cheap watercraft and try to leave, tempting the shark on the way out. I notice a cop car parked in the distance. The shark gets annoyed with my actions and dives. Suddenly, more sharks appear and circle the watercraft. I reach the shore and group up with a few people. The sharks emerge and start attacking us. They could walk! They kill 3 of the people in the group and the girl that's left and I run towards a trailer home. The people in the trailer have massive guns and fend off some sharks. By this time, it's night and the area is not as flooded. The younger guy gets yelled at for handling his missile launcher the wrong way. I go inside and some more sharks start attacking. The young guy exits the trailer and blows himself to bits with the missile launcher. I run to pick up the missle launcher and press the small button. My ear gets an agonizing pain from my eardrum being ruptured by the noise of the missiles but I manage to kill some sharks. I grab the button with my right hand and shoot the sharks. My ear doesn't hurt as bad from that shot.

My dream started off with me at my home. My dad was trying to make something in the kitchen but I messed him up somehow than he told me to leave and I did. After doing something I don't remember I appeared at a apartment. A young cousin of mine told me I had to sleep there with them for the night. He said my brother called and said be careful because of the 1970's killer. That the 1970's killer came into the apartment before with a gun. Than my cousin showed me a gun. I was like OK... Than someone else said keep the door closed. Well, I was laying on the bed and turned to see someone sitting on a baby. I was like oh my god! Move! When was this baby here!? I grabbed the baby calming it down and the person next to me said they don't know. I than got up and left and found myself in my brothers room in the basement. I could see a 2 little girls and their mom but I felt somewhat transparent to them. I became aware I was dreaming and tryed to jump/fly upstairs without them seeing me. But the little girl turned to her mom and said she saw me. The little girl took a broom and tryed hitting me and so I got scared. Than a thought popped up. A long time ago when I wrote about a airplane dream on dream central the guy said it was good I didn't stay downstairs. So I thought it might be bad and ran for the stairs. But someone chased me from behind screaming no! Than grabbed me when I was on the stairs so close to reaching the top. She grabbed my stomach and held me tight. I actually felt real pain and I was like stop! Trying to get up. I looked up and I could see a basketball court with players but than I woke up. It turned out my neck was actually in pain and I could smell smoke. There was a fire somewhere I don't know but not close enough to where I live. So we were safe but my dad closed my window for me cause it smelled bad and I went back to sleep. It was like at 4 or 5 I woke up.

Dream
Notes

I did a reality check last night. My right hand was scorched again and I had 6 Fingers. Upon realizing that, I woke up.

Later in the night, I dreamt that I was in a big city with a college campus called CNM. I was doing parkour in the parking lot. I got there in a blue truck and some girl with thick black hair took me there. She was driving around the campus while I did parkour. I then made it onto a structure that was on a tree and got on the roof. The roof started breaking wherever I would step on it and I felt something bite my left toe. I grabbed the ladder and started heading down when my right arm got stuck. I looked into the structure but but couldn't see anything so i shinned my flashlight in there. I noticed my old shoes I used to wear before I switched to minimalist shoes and field mice appeared, wanting to bite me. I felt fear, hoping they wouldn't give me any diseases. I swatted them away with my flashlight.

Before arriving at CNM, I think I was watching the campus via helicopter view on the news and discussing it with the girl and an older man.