side notes

5th November 2021

Dream:

Later bit, disjointed. JC discovered he's suffering from macaquism (made-up dream thing?) after he was "enlightened", in his words, about my condition. Then, we get to start on drawing class, it's like at college/high school but different room and layout.

Earlier. In a city, L? Cobbled and semi-narrow pavements. I'm going to the bank. There's been some disaster and the building across the way from the bank looks like it's partly exploded and I want to take photos. It's night time and I fiddle on with my camera and the poor lighting. People are gathered nearby and I sort of make my way through and past them, having apparently forgotten my goal. I go far enough to find firefighters and such who are now off duty.

The sky/light is getting brighter? Not as dark now, early day. There's some kind of secondary blast and it makes me jump a little. At the end of the way there are some school kids fighting amongst themselves, blaming each other for something. I turn back after I get a small hit of flying vomit from the kids, although I did not have line of sight to what was actually going on. I go past the bank again now, noticing that it has been damaged too. At this point I remember about wanting to go to the bank but realise I can't so I carry on. I have thoughts about my family, maybe if they're wondering about what's taking me so long.

At one point, there's some villain. I get into a situation where I'm now inside the bank building and I get herded around with other people, wrong place wrong time. I mostly find all of this to be annoying more than anything else. We're made to get off the building by something like a fire escape stair but it doesn't go down far enough. A young woman just jumps down and injures herself, knocked out. I understand that would be foolish to repeat and so instead I climb down more carefully by holding the railings and effectively dropping a much shorter distance, and safely.

Then something about a hero being needed (some narration?), and sure enough a single one answers the call. It's a middle-aged man, not confident in his role as a hero. He doesn't trust that his devices will be enough. (Intrusion, partly related to my thoughts over the years about Batman) Equally, I am not very confident in this hero's ability myself. He seems willing to try, regardless.

(Recall gap?)

Some bit later on, sort of at the old home. Something in the balcony of my old room. There are weird bugs, leaf bugs, I think I tell dad. And other weird black skittering centipede things, but kind of fat. They are having a war of some kind between some spiders, big and small. I think to myself that the only answer to this will be mass destruction. I think of what chemical would both be at hand and also appropriate in terms of effectiveness.

Notes:

- I remember carrying my replica gladius around in the dream, for a large portion of it.

- The last bit with the bugs fighting the arachnids at first glance seems to relate to thoughts that more developed species or cultures may have at any point about less developed ones, say if some highly advanced species visited us or vice versa. Like many other things though, I am noticing that this is a pattern (of thought in this case) that is abstract and can be applied in a multitude of different but similar contexts; in a sense relating to concepts of macrocosmos vs. microcosmos and how they mirror each other.

- Although I didn't make note of it in my initial notes, I get the impression I was lucid for some of this dream, but I don't recall thinking of this as a lucid on waking. There were certain pre-lucid elements and it may have just been a case of higher awareness closer to the required threshold for lucidity.

- I don't know what the supposed illness JC had might have been in terms of symptoms, as I didn't notice anything specifically. Thematically, it all seemed to be a bit about the ability for someone else to understand the difficulties of some illnesses based on having their own experiences with an illness.

- Despite my low level of confidence in him and his own low level, the middle-aged hero persisted in his role. Heroism is not necessarily about bravery but sometimes maybe about the lack of freedom of choice? Plus, the role of a hero is not necessarily easy or by choice anyway? Many "heroes" the world have seen have been posthumously awarded the honour and in life were often not recognised. This dream as a whole had more themes about death (and life) than I realised or noticed at first: My friend's illness, implied to be lifelong; the exploded building with a subsequent explosion; the woman who jumped off trying to get away, knocking herself out; the hero who may face his doom, seemingly left with no choice; the bugs fighting their own wars, ignorant to a higher intelligence intent on destroying them all.
-- I feel that in the last few months I've had a lot of dreams relating to death and the state of post-death, sometimes very much in a "what if" way, all of it seemingly relating to my questions to myself about legacy (framed as: "should I die today, then...?").

24th October 2021

Scraps: Something about a planet and an RTS-like view. Before that, with a group of people.


27th October 2021

Scraps: I'm in a supermarket or such like and I am talking to someone about Guinness (the drink).


28th October 2021

Some in-line bracketed notes.

Fragment:

I'm outside, a green area, possibly a field in a rural area, sunny, bright, clear. (The location is realistic but the player characters are mostly as in-game, maybe perceived as slightly more realistic) There's a fairly large group of Horde players staging something over by slightly hilly corner of the field. I have an NPC forsaken rogue bodyguard, being a rogue myself, seeing in the usual third-person view.

The AI for my bodyguard isn't especially clever, but when I come out of stealth the NPC does support me a fair bit in a logical way. Most of the Horde players don't react to my ambushes; I repeatedly target priests and mages, focusing each one down. Most of my targets are forsaken themselves and are wearing T1 gear. I employ the usual rogue tactics, stealth, ambush, cloak of shadows, vanish. During the dream, I presume part of the reason they don't get at me in full force is some shock or surprise factor, with some awareness that their collective looked a bit too passive for that to be the reason. (Possibly an intrusion from some classic videos I remember from way back when, where people sometimes ignored fights or were AFK standing around etc.)

The last target is an enemy rogue who I have a small chase with and then end up using cheap shot and stun locking him to death in the dark cover of some bushes. (Think he was forsaken too)

An earlier bit; something in space. It's a mix of Master of Orion II and other space games which are 3D. Something about starting a new game and not being able to pick previous locations in the galaxy. I remember being able to see one of my previous ships or avatars travelling through space, in a distant system while in some kind of strategy view.

20th October 2021

Some in-line bracketed notes. Was too tired to properly write down initial notes on recall.

Fragment:

Growing female dream character, an NPC of some kind. She's white, her hair is not black but it's dark and tied back. I have to watch over her for a while to make sure I get points correctly for some reason. She is or gets to about three or four times my size. We're in water, or floating in the air?

Before that, there was more going on in the same area, something about a dream thing? (Intrusion from "Dream Academy" related PM by MoonageDaydream, I really regretted not being able to hold on to this part of recall.)

Even earlier, something about Ed Edd 'n Eddy (the cartoon); I'm talking to someone but seeing/watching the cartoon too? I mention that some of my interest in growth themes probably comes from watching cartoons like this. Some appropriately themed scene plays out in the cartoon, involving Edd mostly, I think. (I remember on waking considering how he was often a thematically unwilling victim, even in a case like this that might be "empowering").

16th October 2021

Fragment:

Something involving myself in my reptilian form. (I had slightly raised awareness for a while but recall was lost.) Some kind of laboratory facility or complex? I recall some bit involving swimming and someone had invented some equipment that had nano forge vents that would absorb oxygen directly into the bloodstream, from the water.

Some other part, travelling on a highway but in an odd place; sunny and mountainous/cliffy. There's an unfinished road on the return trip and I'd have to build the bridge somehow.

Fragment:

I'm at the old home, it's early morning and S needs walking. I want to, but can't find the things I need and get confused by a different layout of the light switches.

(For brief moments I'd wake up and realise I was actually not at the dream location and that there was really no dog in need of a walk but then I'd drift back to sleep and the dream would continue on the same theme. H was there with me.)

Then I'm at A somewhere near the mall. The layout is different and the buildings look different too. As I observe, I make conclusions about how I draw buildings based on the look of these buildings, near a threshold of awareness that's almost lucid. I remember carefully studying the outlines of the buildings.


18th October 2021

Recall faded for leaving it too long.

Dream (fragmented):

I'm in a town or city. It's very dark and night time, and I'm in a car or something with someone driving me, possibly H or family. Then I notice these empty buses being escorted into a residential suburban area. In the dream there's some pretext about overpopulation and some event to which people will be going to, the next day. I comment on this out loud, I think in a disappointed or judgmental way.

(When I woke up, I thought about how this seemed like a preparation phase for a change in my personality. A lot of dream characters to move.)

Earlier in the dream. I'm with H in the car and we're stopping somewhere. We're in a similar residential area with detached housing, it's daytime and overcast. Then we're in a house but it has a more office-like feel. There are two white men here, both older than either me or H. One is an electrician and the other someone relating to this place. We help with some issue, a rug trapped under a bit of carpeted floor. The office guy appreciates the help but doesn't quite like the result of what we've done even though the previous situation had caused him an injury. There's some kind of table nearby? A pool or cue table, maybe.

Earlier again. Something in a city, outer view from above of a skyscraper which I'd previously seen in the dream, only head-on or at street level. The top view showed a weird outline, it had the shape of a Liberty star from FL but something else too. In the dream it made sense as to explain something about the building, when seen in a profile view. I was in some kind of complex before any of this.


19th October 2021

Fragment:

Vague recall. I'm in our bedroom but in the dream context I'm not sure it feels that way. It's dark and maybe night time. I'm ordering food somehow? Getting fast food, I think someone recommended I get McDonald's. Dad is here at one point and we're talking, we're outside somewhere, again night time. I think the dream jumps between these two settings a few times.

---

Notes:

- In the 18th's dream, there had been transitions, but like many other dreams lately, when I come to writing recall down for dreams, the transitional periods between scenes often just fizzle away from memory and I know that in some cases the dreams were long and continuous.

Some in-line bracketed notes.


12th October 2021

(First and third dreams, long and bordering on epic, as well as being vivid, to the point that I still have decent visual recall of the last one even now)

Fragment:

I'm outside somewhere. There's a post-apocalypse sense. It's daytime and sunny and I'm atop a mountain of sorts. There's a crashed jet that has been here a while by the looks of it. I am descending the mountain carefully. The path I need to take isn't clear. Something about O and K (H's friends) and this feeling like a survival game. They have a base together somewhere in a cliff-side and I feel they are trying too hard at efficiency. At some point at the base of the mountain, there are undead and I fight them in first-person with a knife of some sort. H helps me in some way. This area looks crypt-like, but ruined.

(The vastness of the game area makes me think of that area in Cybermancy that takes place on... Mars? But this feels more Earth-like environment-wise and stuff looks a bit unpolished)

Later, night time in a village of some kind. There's an inn? Context seems more normal now though.

Dream:

Something about me and two other people, maybe siblings or friends. We hijack ourselves into someone's family car. We ask them forcibly to take us somewhere out of a city. It is daytime and sunny. The place we reach is some old and small fortification. It has rounded edges and is painted white but looks abandoned otherwise. The man in the car, the driver, vents his frustration about the situation at some point, and doesn't want to leave?

Before we get out of the car, I give his wife a teal 25 euro note, as compensation for taxying us. I remember at first the notes felt just like one, but I realised they were more just stiffly rolled together. I was going to give her a yellow 20 euro note at first.

Out of the car. There are some external stairs to the top. Inside, there's a plain room with a door that I know to be hidden behind a curtain of sorts. My companions go in there, but I don't. I go back out and up atop.

Dream:

I am in a place like Karazhan but even bigger. I think I tell H about it, do not recall reply. I'm with a 25-man group and HW is here I think. There's a boss that's accessible on an outdoor rampart. It's gloriously sunny and bright outside, almost over-exposed and white, but the boss is actually in a room past the end of this short-ish and curved rampart. The raid group is behind me in a hallway and someone has to go pull the boss, I say I will.

I run in the darker flame-lit boss room and get in aggro range, then using evasion and sprint away back to the main raid group. I have cloak of shadows ready to use at any moment and I let the tank take the boss off me and the end of the hall room the raid is in. I start to deal damage, very slowly and cautiously, but nobody else does the same. I use feint regularly and the rest of the raid group starts attacking but even despite all my caution I am starting to gain too much threat. I vanish at least once to clear it off but quickly builds back up. I get targeted and end up dying.

Somehow, in the end I still did the most damage and am revived after the fight. For some reason a few others also died but not from pulling aggro.

My class seems to be a mix of a rogue and a paladin. When I am revived I buff with greater blessings as appropriate, which as always I find somewhat annoying to do. We go into the darker areas of this enormous alternate version of Karazhan. We walk for quite a while and go up ramps and such. At some point we come out at a bit that is like the interior of Blackrock Mountain but even more vast and a bit of a blend with some general areas of Molten Core. I realise I can mount at this point and quickly take a detour near some pouring magma bit, and take a quest there from an NPC I think.

Then I rush back on a swift grey ram mount towards the next area's entrance. This is much more like MC now and the next boss is some kind of golem.

All the dreams this week weren't good.

Jamie 1

Jamie seemed mad at me. Telling me she's never going to talk to me again... I think I always knew that deep down. But one can hope.

Jamie 2

Some nights later Dreamed I saw her at a bar but she was avoiding me.

Map

I'm looking at map of where I live. There's a road east and west. South is Lethbridge. Under my town is shaded dark red. above the down is a lighter red. There are words describing each shaded region but I forget what. There is an icon on the east end of town it is a face of a native american with a red bandana. He looks sinister and the dream implies he's cursed this region. (IWL, It has been snowy and icy and I have called in at work too much not wanting to drive these roads. This dream was a day before the snowfall, Felt that the drean predicted this???)

Don't drive

One one of the days I was going to go to work (but called in anyway) I had a series of dreams of dogs biting me and people fighting me.

Dream 1

I was in my house and a bunch of dogs that looked like my dog were trying to bite me. I had a razor and cut on of the dogs legs. It yelped and started bleeding everywhere on it's hind leg. Asuka and maybe data were there I asked them for a rage and something to tie it with to stop the bleeding.

Dream 2

Someone was on the front end of my house with a gun. I was in a garage behind a white van. I got a peek at the intruder and aimed my pistol or something at him. I shot him and it hit.

Dream 3

I was fighting someone on stairs. It was Gary, a friend from childhood who ignores me now. I Was hitting him with some pole and he stopped trying to fight me after he fell down the stairs. I asked, "Are you done?" He said, "Yes." I asked him "Why don't you talk to us anymore?" He looked shocked. I said, "I don't even do drugs or drink hardly at all." And he still looked shocked and seemed to be considering what I was saying. Then I woke up.
After I woke up I found that the rods that were clear before were snowy and icy again...

Dark Hogwarts

I was getting off the Hogwarts express with a bunch of children in cloaks. I was young like them. Everything was so dark even with the lights, it was nightime nd I couldn't see much. I saw the Cone shapes of the tops of the Hogwarts towers as I was walking along but coult still barely see them.

Jamie

Just a dream with her in it. Can't remember any context. She was just around and really seemed happy to see me.

ok

A couple dreams about some other girl I used to work with.

Lost?

Dream about being lost in some big house and my uncle was there?

Can't remember much detail for any of these dreams...

Church.

Had a dream I was sleeping in some old church or something. A girl was with me. i flew up to the ceiling though I wasn't lucid. I had a little room with a bed set up. We ate something. She was a white girl with red hair??? anyway we flew somewhere else and wound up in a stairwell that was also an elevator. We couldn't climb because of a construction crew? So we somehow jumped up past them and into a hallway. Wound up in some room and She was playing a piano... but was sitting on top of it and playing the keys reversed. She made this amazing sounding music and I felt live falling in love. Then we got up and left somewhere.

No kids

Another dream where a young girl asks me about sex or something. And i get kinda pissed off and say that children should not do that. It's really damaging to them, physically and plus lifelong emotional disorders. And i said that the adult in that case would get thrown in jail and murdered by inmates with children, so it's no good for anyone involved. Really odd dream to have.

End of the world.

I'm driving with my brother. At first we see a huge volcano in the distance going off. And I get really scared. As we drive into calgary I see a bunch of nuclear missiles from North Korea in the sky. My brother just laughs and says nothing is going to happen. I forget what happened after.

No jamie dreams.

Crazy

Was on a dirt road outside some restaurant. Went inside there was a group there. They were being really noisy. Some strange bald Native American girl started attacking me for no reason. Her head was shaped like the people in "Coneheads." The group pulled her off me and they all left the building. I went outside angry and everyone from the group was in a large green bus. They talked to me for a bit and then pulled out of the driveway.
I saw someone at the other side of a pond watching me. He seemed familiar like someone I work with and I called to him. His face distorted and i became lucid. I kept telling him I knew him and that this was a dream. eventually he walked away and the dream ended.

I don't know Why I waste so many lucids on telling people that it is a dream...

Wrong

I was in some living room when a young girl came up to me and said I could touch her. I was like, "wait. How old are you? Can I see some ID?" or something she answered twice both times giving a different age. Both were underage answers and I felt like this was a bad situation That I should just leave. I remember getting up to leave and that's where the dream ends.

Jamie?

A dream with Jamie in it. She seemed a lot taller than I remember, and she wasn't talking to me or happy with me? not sure.

24th September 2021

Left recall too late.

Fragment:

I'm in Gruul's lair, it's mostly like in WoW but something seems more realistic in detail, characters maybe? Me and a raid group kill Gruul rather quickly. It's a 25 man group but oddly most of the characters aren't actual players? I remember talking to someone too.

---

26th September 2021

There were other dreams but recall was again left too late I think?

Fragment:

One bit where I'm in space with an Avorion spaceship. I approach one of those concentric asteroid ring formations. Something later about dad talking to me about a mission or a bet which is worth sixty eight million. I am dismissive.

---

Notes:

- Maybe the realistic character details come from recently playing Conan Exiles.

- It may have been that I was speaking to L in the Gruul's lair dream but I cannot recall. There seemed to be some kind of backwards logic to the raid progression.

- I haven't actually been playing much in the way of space games.

13th September 2021

Recall mostly gone, left initial writing for too long.

Fragment:

I'm on our street but it's not like in waking life. It's a mix of streets from old London as in films and also of where H's mom lives. I just gout out of the car, maybe on my own. It's day time, but overcast? In the dream everything has a very real feel to it. As I'm dreaming, my memory feels fuzzy; "18, that's not the number of J's door, but this doesn't look like our street?" I think to myself.

I'm not sure what conclusion I made but I eventually go to ring the doorbell and go in. J is here briefly, I think. The house looks nothing like any of our homes, it just seems dream generated. Something about a pit or elevator shaft. Some task or chore that needs doing, possibly related to it? While indoors, it seems like the outside gets brighter than it had been.

---

20th September 2021

Scraps:

Getting into fights and arguments with my eldest sibling. As a dream character he blends with some stereotype/nasty dream character archetype. He's treating me like shit and has called me pathetic a great number of times over several days (false memory). I threaten him saying "I can change but you won't like it." I resist an urge to flip the dining table against him. Mom and dad defend me in their ways. Dad mentions something about if he'd had the dream/nightmare that I had... (my recall of this trailed off but there was an implied behaviour that he was being understanding)

At some point I throw a wooden chair against the wall. (It breaks?) Night time, we're in the second floor of the old home, the kitchen is L shaped.

Some other dream also involving old home themes, recall vague. I remember looking at some M/M stuff (on the computer?) and then some kind of disagreements?

---

22nd September 2021

Fragment:

In a supermarket with H. Very realistic, completely dream generated setting. Lots of running (literal?) around, as it's closing soon. Night time, they dim the lights but too much, I feel. I hope that H will complain as I am running around. Then the lights are still dim, but more acceptably so.

---

Notes:

- Recall has actually not been too bad in general for the last few months, but I keep leaving recall too long or falling asleep again without enough awareness to either recall later or to set an intent to notice I was falling asleep.

- In the second fragment, there's some sort of mirroring with the initial context and an incident when I was six or seven, at school.

Victoria

A dream about the other Victoria I used to work with... An old co worker came up to me in some office building hallway and told me that the other Victoria has just passed. I was really shocked. Note: I follow her as friends on fb. She hasn't been online for like 6 days. I'm not even gonna go there...

Island

Really crazy dream about a really small island on a lake. I was with some people. A woman with brown hair. Jamie or Asuka, couldn't tell. And maybe two others. The dream island manifested Giant animal spirits of people. Talking like King kong Giant. One guy stepped on and there was a large ape like king kong. Someone else manifested a giant lizard. I stepped on and a giant green cobra came out of the ground. The brown haired woman stepped on and another giant cobra sprang from the ground... Only it had 3 heads!!! The island itself was like only 50 feet wide, so the animals keep trying to fight, but when one of us gets knocked from the island by the creature it vanishes, and when we go back on it, the monster comes back. So we keep getting knocked off the island and running back on. Lots of crazy fights going on.

Data

Was outside a house at night time. Apparently it was my house. I walked up and the porch light is on and Data walks out the front door. Data from Star Trek. His pale skin looks painted on. I can't believe it's him. He greets me like he knows me and I just can't believe it.

I wake up and remember That in my inner world house. I do have a character named Data who lives there. Although in a decade this is the first time I actually have seen him as the character. Usually he's very vague in image, like a shadow. I sometimes think he has glasses on.

8th September 2021

Fragment:

(from an earlier awakening, most detail lost)

I'm with someone. It's a person of an alien species. He (?) is like a gel of energy that is contained within a humanoid shaped vessel. In the dream I eventually understand that this is purposefully metaphorical. He is very young and is more mature than most humans but has much to learn. His species gains the ability to take on other forms as they get older but for the most part for now he can only leave the humanoid shape and take an amorphous shape.

We are friends and do things together, but I forget what. I think he sets up a physical MMO server thing of some kind and other people start joining our realm (BL intrusion?). Eventually, he finds another person of his species and I'm happy for him since he can share his unique aspects with someone else.

I remember he actually also had the ability to exit his humanoid vessel and go into other objects. At one point he goes into one of two giant screens and his friend does the same with the free screen. This was relevant for the MMO thing but I don't remember how.

The setting seems to be mostly urban, semi-futuristic. At some point we're inside a great house or hall, it feels like an ancient library, with a techy feel.

Notes:

- The shapeshifting gel energy being is obviously an intrusion from ST: DS9, since I have been watching this recently. In the dream it felt novel, and at the time of first recall it still had some of that feel.

5th September 2021

Fragment:

(micro dream/daydream after having woken, slightly more aware than during regular dreaming but not lucid)

Driving around in a learner car. Daytime, clear weather. I'm with a (white?) male driving instructor. Going around a countryside bit with some awareness of a river of sorts running alongside the curvy road I'm on, the view of the river is blocked by typical reeds. The driving instructor throws some litter out the window, looks like some kind of metal foil. I think this is so wasteful, so I make us stop off the road in the middle of a floodplain farm field, having cleared the more dangerous part of the road first.

I get out and tell him to get out too (aggressively?) and I start heading for where the litter was thrown.

Notes:

- Though the instructor has a "teacher" role, he has bad habits and in fact ends up being the one who's bossed around by me.
-- My attitude overall through the segment is one of confidence, not overly so, just enough to feel like I am doing the right things and not doubt myself too much.
-- Notably I also wait to express my anger by first clearing any traffic and driving off a spot that's least dangerous despite doing so in a reckless/angry manner. This is some sign of self-control, something that I feel could be doing better, at the time of writing this entry now.

- The dream location was very much like areas of my native home but with some mix of certain lakes near where I live now.

4th September 2021

Fragment:

I'm with my family and my god mother's family. We're in some kind of hall, but it looks like a bigger version of my childhood bedroom, at least in layout. It also feels partly church-like. There's an on-going conversation about money, savings and debts. It's established that our family has less savings but also potentially much fewer debts to pay.

Then some discussion just between me and my siblings. We head outside and it's sunny, low angle, maybe misty.

(maybe earlier in the dream, disjointed) Some bit about needing the deuterium power cell to be replaced for the auxiliary power system of a flats building, maybe where aunt B lives. The deuterium radioisotope generators is in a small outbuilding that's fallen into disrepair, in the shadow of the apartment building. There's a presumably lead-lined window that gives a peek inside. There's a cyan-blue glow inside. I worry on some level about being exposed to radiation.

(disjointed, part of a living dream memory of sorts) I'm at a place like a mall or the cinema in a mall, reminds me of the one near home. Black or very dark walls? Dark flooring. There's something about WoW. (the false memory feels like it's part of my teen years but being relived)

Some other bit later on. A church place again? There's a coffin I think. Something about a corpse is important. I fight with someone, a frail-looking but kind of mad (insane) person?

---

Notes:

- Even almost twenty days after having first written this dream, my visual recall was notably better than I was expecting.

- In the dream and on initial recall I didn't think of it, but the cyan-blue glow chamber with the radioisotope cell somehow now reminds me of that dream I had with the lizard and the blue energy core. Very similar glow. Additionally, this small chamber was notably much darker than it should have been.

- Most of the dream involved warm colours apart from that glow.