Side Notes
To preface this, I have to admit that I didn't really lucid dream on acid. This would probably be even more fascinating, if it wasn't for the inability to sleep while under the influence of such substances. Sorry for the clickbait-ish title - I just had to call it this. Anyway, it all started with a long non-lucid dream with the usual mess of changing people, places and storylines. At some point I ended up observing a plot in which a teenage girl dosed her unprepared friend with LSD, who was then having a difficult time... The story ended and it turned out that I had been watching a video on youtube. I proceeded to some music when I suddenly saw myself in a reflecting surface and noticed my own huge pupils. This made me "remember" that I (too?) was on acid (yeah, that's obviously how this usually works *facepalm). I just laid back and enjoyed the effects which mainly consisted of some strange visual phenomena and a pleasurably relaxed, slightly confused headspace. At some point I "woke up" and wondered how I could have fallen asleep in the first place and that it was too early to wake up, that I should still be tripping. Nonetheless, I went into the living-room where I found my niece. This seemed even weirder as I knew she was away for holiday. While hugging her I pinched my nose...and could still breath. Now, this seemed to clear things up for me. Gravity disappeared and we both started floating upwards, until we went straight through the ceiling. Suddenly, I was alone again, now floating in a gray mist. I wondered what to do now... While I was perfectly aware of my current dream state, I still took the previous events as waking reality. And so I ended up believing that I was indeed lucid dreaming on acid... Under these circumstances I thought that I'd be able to conjure up almost anything - which I normally fail to do. So, I just asked my subconscious to take me to a beautiful place. At first, everything turned dark but I waited patiently (despite questioning if this would work). Then, an intense sensation of being accelerated built up throughout my body. I felt like being shot out of a canon, flying through darkness. Slowly surroundings began to form again. I was flying at breakneck speed along a street with forest on both sides. When I was nearing a bend, I slowed down and finally came to a halt. There it was: A mountain lake shimmering in the sunlight, surrounded by trees of the darkest green and huge mountains to either side. I was in complete awe, both by the sight and that this all was even possible. Then, I was accelerated again and taken to another mountain road with a picturesque hotel. The surroundings reminded me of a real place with a huge volcanic crater nearby through which I always wanted to fly in a lucid dream. So, I just went into that direction. When I crossed the ridge, my wish was fulfilled and I could indeed fly through this amazing landscape that almost looked like a canyon. With an euphoric feeling of freedom I navigated through the changing scenery. When I came closer to the other end, I started waking up...and slowly realized that it all - also the first part - had been a dream. The whole story made me laugh quite a bit. My two take-away messages are: Even if one is lucid enough to be aware of the own dream state, memory and rational thinking can stil be heavily impaired. And, the limitations that I experience in lucid dreaming (and analogous in waking reality) are ultimately only self-imposed.
15th July 2021 Fragment: (recall going from later to earliest bit) I'm walking with a group of people, one of them is JC from school. He's older, but otherwise looks how he used to, mostly. We're escorting a mech, a train of sorts which is depositing rails in front of itself as it goes? I've just been paid for half of my service on our current mission. I was given two glittering golden rocks (the "gold" doesn't quite look like actual gold but in the dream I don't become aware of this). One of them is not covered in this glittering gold. The one that is completely covered in glittery gold, I hold in my right hand and crush as we walk. I see on the top right of my vision an interface element that displays that I was credited with 40 million credits. JC tells me the company actually recommends against doing this, especially without having finished the mission yet. I tell him "I don't care, my inventory is too full" and I think about how the group doesn't seem keen on waiting for me to sort this out, as evidenced by the fact that we're on the move. (just before this) I'm with JC wrapped in a sort of throw, it's grey and white. (I think like one I have at home in waking life) There's a very serious Covid context, though I'm not worried about it. R, also from school around the same time as JC, is not too far from us, she's some sort of inventory or cataloguing person? She's wearing a labcoat, which when I first see her makes me do a RC by counting the fingers on my right hand, though my RC fails to pass, for one thing because the count was correct and for another because I didn't question it further because of the social situation. Me and JC are a distance away just sitting here basically. R tells us that we have to wait for this shipment of cloth or something. I think I check the order details myself, either on an interface element or some nearby physical interface. Unfortunately, we still reach the conclusion that this is the best option. I was considering trying to change the order to something else that would still be suitable but delivered quicker. Any other option is noted to have an even longer lead time on production. R chit chats, saying she's surprised that "you two idiots are still around", as if she expected to never see us again in life. I tell her in jest "dad always says there are always idiots around; I guess that happens to be here" or something to this effect. She's amused in some way but still thinks the same of us, I don't find myself thinking about it much further one way or another. Me and JC sort of become melded with each other as we're sat here, waiting in the bundled throw. R is very strict about viral control, but I don't recall in what way. She partly looks like an Asian woman in her thirties more so than herself really (probably a dream attempt at making her appear a more chronologically correct age). Then there's a drone of some kind. It's scanning the local area and I ask R about it, "is it a geological survey drone?" but she doesn't reply, not ignoring me, but as if I never said anything. I get up and follow the drone around for a bit, the view swaps from first to third person and back again a few times. I follow it to a site not too far, a beach of some kind and it goes into a receptacle that changes shape mechanically, as it receives the drone. Then, from the sea a train sort of surfaces from the water, it all looks very Japanese "Mecha" style. (This is where the first bit of recall started) (there was more recall from earlier parts but they faded and other details were lost, it was a long dream) Notes: - This is the most recent time I've actually done a reality check whilst dreaming, which goes beyond just thinking about it, but because of the social context at hand I became distracted far too easily from really questioning reality. Even so, with the previous DJ entry, that's two times recently compared to not very often, if at all, in the last months. -- I am realising now that this may be an issue with my artificial dream sign, by its nature it's more likely to include a distracting social context. I should think further on this. In addition to that, I think it's ironic on some level I decided to do a hand RC when it isn't necessarily my preferred way of checking anymore. If I could go back into this dream and change my approach, I would instead have stopped and thought about what I was doing and where I was; after all, how could I be meeting people I knew years ago but haven't seen since, for no reason at all? Not just one of them, but two of them at the same time, along with other suspicious dream qualities. - The dream had a bit of a feel of MHW and Dark Souls there at the end. - There was something "desaturated" about all of the dream's location. Like there was a faintly yellow mist and there was no sky to speak of exactly, just this mist. No memory of shadows really, defined or undefined.
13th July 2021 Fragment: In space, Freelancer setting. I'm in a beautiful looking system, but fairly simple and generic. One white star? An ice asteroid field in the distance which I think I'm approaching. I'm with someone else, who's in a different ship, maybe T? Or an NPC like Juni. We're sneaking or getting away from something and we're taking unmapped/unknown travel routes, the type pirates and bounty hunters and freelancers use. This dream might have been from when my alarm went off, I don't remember resetting it. Fragment: Some interactions with other people. There's a context of survival and maybe one of servitude too (slavery? maybe not though). Most of this dream takes place in an indoors setting and it's daytime outside. There's an overcast characteristic to lighting. I recall some bit where I'm helping someone, they pass me a long-ish cardboard box which doesn't look so strong. As I take hold of it, it's bottom half sort of drops off from the upper lid section. A glass or metal thing drops out, it sounds like glass smashing. It's an electron valve or something? But I don't remember looking. The person that was passing me the box, a lady, gets upset with me, but we quickly get over it and we do something else. (recall gap?) Now I'm on Minecraft. I've just spawned in a new world. It's an unusual ravine locale. I am near and sort of under a 5x5 pillar and then I look around and up. The pillar goes up, a hundred or so blocks, as do other similar ones in the ravine area. Over this pillar is a railroad track laid on top of oak planks going from one side of the chasm to the other. The natural stone pillar has decorative stone bricks at the corners in a semi-random fashion and the other pillars are similar. The chasm or ravine is longer than it is wide but seems to mostly be rectangular. I don't recall noticing any ore at all. For some reason, I just fly up and look around. On the rail track, minecarts are going around. They have loot chests on them and I quickly inspect contents as they go past. They seem reasonably OK. I think there's another track that runs carts in the opposite direction, just nearby. To either end of the chasm, in terms of longitude, there are these sort of old West mineshaft entrances, which half look like a barn or house. They are built into the natural rock walls. My dream knowledge of the area makes it feel like a classic DOOM map, like actually behind the stone walls there's nothing, as if they are just set dressing. I go into one of these mine entrances and it has more loot chests which I inspect. I hear zombies nearby, but ignore them. Then I feel like I hear our doorbell but I start going into a dark stairwell made with oak plank stair blocks. On some level I start to question the reality of this and wake up and ask H if the doorbell had really rang, but no. Notes: - The Freelancer dream was nice even if a lot of recall went. I always enjoy those dreams because of the way space always looks more realistic than the game did but it still looks more fantastic than space would actually look like anyway. The system was a bit like some Sigma or Tau systems but "felt" closer to core systems. -- The dream plot was a generic story/campaign plot, as far as I can recall. I don't recall what my ship was like. - I think I haven't had lucid thoughts very much until that dream where the doorbell noise manifested. Notably, the dream entry that follows for the 15th also had a lucidity cue. - I would like to think about the symbolism of situation surrounding the smashing object in the second fragment but a bit too tired to think about it, hopefully come back to it at some point.
Close call with ghost leviathan area I am at the mountain island in Subnautica, and for some reason falling down into the water at the side like a rock. I am a bit scared of the reaper, but then I notice a hole, which I go in, but I notice the water color suddenly gets really dark and I am afraid a ghost leviathan might spawn so I quickly retreat. Command and Conquer with Angela Merkel I am on a sort of flat, circular island which is in its entirety surrounded by very spiky and cartoon-ish mountains, which also nearly split the island save for a ~10 meter gap. There is apparently a battle. It also seems to be a recurring dream, where last time there was an intense battle with mammoth tanks and artillery walkers, now it is that in my fraction the leader is Angela Merkel and apparently this time, after a short battle, for some reason they apparently realize they need to nuke each other, and so they do. Yeah, idk what that second dream was.
Random lucid after unintentional WBTB. Slept ~6.5 hours, awake for an hour, then fell back asleep... The dream started non-lucid, with me walking around some village by the sea. Somehow my awareness was increasing throughout, and at some point rational thought caught up with the knowledge of being in a dream that I already had for some time at this point. I kinda awoke into the dream, now with my waking-life-like consciousness present, inside the brightness of the dream surroundings. The whole scene seemed strangely permeable, I could have just chosen to wake up but I wanted to try and stay. To stabilize I kneed down and engaged my senses. To my right there were people walking along the promenade, in front of me there was something like a sandbox. I let my hands run through the sand and once again, I was astonished how real this mind-made representation can feel. Using my hands as a shovel I picked up some sand and closely examined it. I could see every miniscule stone; most of them being of a white color but some also dark. While I was focused on this stuff immediate in front of me, I realized that the world around me was quite unstable and seemed to change shape all the time. I clenched my left hand and let the sand run down slowly. It seemed that I could feel every single grain of sand leave my hand. By now, the dream was very stable and I was fully aware. I went along the promenade and towards the sea. There sat a friend of mine with her son (who seemed to have some kind of disability) playing at the beach. Somehow I, too, had acquired a small child on the way (which I didn't really question - despite my lucidity). I considered what to do now and found that I'd like to go swimming. Though I knew this to be a dream I still felt somewhat responsible for the child and so I asked my friend to keep an eye on him. She agreed and I dove into the water straight away. Reminding myself that this is a dream I continued to swim and breath underwater. It was pretty difficult though because some kind of force was pulling me up and also holding me back. I struggled against it and finally freed myself somewhat. I kept swimming further but at some point the surroundings dissolved and I woke up.
11th July 2021 ~7:30 Fragment: Transitioning from the TBC era to WLK era. T is there as his paladin at one point. There's something very Roman-esque about the setting? We need to complete some gold-payment quest to continue on into the city. There's a group of randoms with us, part of our party. Fragment: In a place like L, by the pier area I think. There's a lot of commotion because of an upcoming football match. It's dark-ish, twilight-like, orange and purple hues in the sky? I want to take the subway to go somewhere, but first I got into this church. Many people are leaving an on-going service in the church but many still remain. Aunt G enters the church, I notice her and approach, getting her attention. She eventually recognises me and I tell her we should go somewhere together (to make up for lost time?) because I realise this place is actually quite crowded. I don't entirely feel safe, I think. Someone, an older lady but not as old as my aunt, she's putting up cordons and tells us we can't go in a certain area of the church. She had white hair, maybe tied back. The church is artificially lit, quite a warm light which contrasts with the twilight. Originally I wanted to move towards one of the areas that was cordoned off. We end up leaving the church and heading down a nearby subway entrance. (recall gap) We are next to a guy who's a pipe maker. I tell my aunt how many churches just can't afford new pipes, even though they'd benefit from them. The pipe maker gives us a statistic; only about five-hundred thousand out of one and a half million can afford such things. I realise and remark that it's only a third. I also remark that the distribution is going to be geographically unfair or disproportionate, too. (after writing these two, I got up and had thoughts about WBTB as I got back in bed) ~10:00 Fragment: Visiting a church with H. In the dream, I had a dream where I'd visited this church and it was sort of empty. So, when we're there together, I already know the layout. During the dream, this made me vaguely think of "vision quest" dreaming and that sort of thing (no doubt related to reading Dreamgates before bed). The church has an odd layout, the rooms are laid in an inwards spiralling fashion. One of the back rooms we go through is tiled and looks a bit industrial. It has four big cylindrical tanks, all white. They're about twice and a half our height. I understand them to be part of some boiler system. A man, possibly the warden, is showing us around the church, some kind of introduction. Before this, me and H are outside. We just got out of the van. It's dark? I don't remember the grounds too well but there are tall trees and low dry-stone walls. H shows me something about a painting, which resides out here, on the external church walls. The painting is very big, mostly vertical. It's about one yard wide by four yards tall. The painting itself is kind of sepia in tones. It has a sketch-like look. At first I just see some eyes at the top, like part of an incomplete portrait, but as I move it around (because I'm moving it to hang it on another wall), the image changes. On some level, this makes me think of those "holo" images. Fragment: At a mall place with H. We live in a flat inside the mall, accessible via an escalator through a store, it's either a clothing or jewellery store. Some people I know from school are here, there's some interaction. Rest of recall is gone. Notes: - We went today somewhere that took us the same road that we can take when we went to see a pipe maker. This was recently, so I wonder if that dream theme was influenced by this. - The TBC->WLK dream theme probably came from a nostalgia of the actual WLK period and from having some interest in its classic revival. On the other hand, I have little or no interest in paying to play the game, especially since there's very little social motivation for me to do so. The last time I went on, the atmosphere was more "toxic" than I recalled, something I found hugely disappointed, making me feel like some people just never grow up. Perhaps when I played many years ago, I was just that much younger that I didn't think much of it/just ignored it or maybe it wasn't that far removed from daily life, but now it would just bother me. -- I still find WoW dream themes to be fairly enjoyable, since they do tend to focus on the sense of adventure, combat or exploration, which were feelings that were much more present in me when I was younger. I haven't felt a genuine sense of wonder about anything at all for many years. - In the area where I used to live, the mall has flats over it. Although the mall in the dream had a more "airport-shops" feel to it, the rest of the associations seemed fairly close to memory of home.
Survival in chaos Dream fragment. There was some sort of survival situation, it seems to be happening with some sort of massive creatures or robots the dream itself compares to war of the worlds. At some point, at the location shown below (map day2_coast_09, Half-Life 2), a character imagined what it'd be like to be so powerful, which the dream illustrated. First, you saw a war of the worlds tripod emerge from the ocean, then, as it passed through an area where you can't see it, it turned into this large, bulky, and black robot and approaches something to fight it. War in my home There is a war in my home, and I am laying in a bed of sort with a friend who is fighting with me. He expresses his concerns if this position is safe, but I say that I can just play dead, but he doesn't feel safe so he runs away. Then, suddenly somebody discovers me, somebody with a female voice, who insults me and then crushes my skull. After just a second, it switches to the view of my friend. Then, there's a scene change. The war's over. A man is running around and complaining that he has to clean up. Apparently, there's a bunch of scorpions around because somebody broke a terrarium of sort. He puts away a few flower pots on the window sill and sees many small scorpions, which he crushes. Then, he sees what seems to be a dead tarantula on a cardboard box, which I know he thinks is a scorpion, which he whacks with something to make sure it's dead. Then, what appears to be an extremely agile spider jumps towards the man and I switch from spectator to active, as I then run away from the spider thing, which is now a butterfly or moth. It lands right in my face, and I try to wipe it off but it won't come off, which I explain to myself as the fact that it is way too flat. Then, somebody comes and gives me something which makes it easier to remove. Coast screenshot:
RTG = Radioisotope thermoelectric generator Finding my cat I am looking at some sort of website where we can apparently get a large list of benefits if we register, including ~350€. And apparently, they are saving cats they found alone outside by giving them away to new owners. I am afraid of that because one of my cats is roaming around outside after they ran away, but she always sticks to a certain area around my house, which means I can easily find her. But then I am not sure if she got taken away by that organization. Later, I find her in a bush and one of those people from the organization is wondering what I am doing, or maybe I just thought that they did, but I explain that this is my cat. Later, I think that it might have not been mine and that the cat just looked like mine. But I tell my mother anyway, and I ask if we should carry her home to save her or if we should use one of those portable cat cage-like things. She says we should use the latter. Makeshift RTG I am putting the last piece into my makeshift RTG: the radioactive material. It's this large pellet; it resembles ~2kg of plutonium, but in the dream, it's apparently not plutonium and I am having problems finding the name of it on the periodic table. I think it begins with W. Later, I show it to some friends on Discord, and when I return to it, the walls and ceiling of the space where the pellet is in are red hot, which is apparently according to how it's supposed to work. I feel around about 30cm above the ceiling of the little chamber in the middle, in which the pellet is sitting, and I feel the extreme heat of the chamber, even on my torso. I am also a bit worried that some of the heat I feel might be caused by radioactive particles hitting me. I have made a drawing of the makeshift RTG and also got the picture that the dream got inspired from: Drawings Picture of plutonium pellet
Jamie dreams Think I had 3. all short flashes. First was she was feeling bad about last weeks dream I had, Felt apologetic. Second she is reading a message I sent to her, and she is thinking and remembering things I was thinking about, as if we both felt the same about each situation??? 3rd dream was her showing concern. I had right shoulder pain last night. I made the mistake of web md'ing it last night and it set me on a huge panic spree. But it went away. In any case I'll be checking in with my doctor soon. but maybe that's what Jamie was sensing. Dad I was driving my yellow Neon. And my dad wanted to make use of it. I found that annoying.
5th July 2021 Fragment: I'm looking at my profile on one of the art sites? I notice I have an unread PM and click to check it. It's from a site moderator I think and I check to see if it really is one, by looking for a certain symbol or something? The message reads at first something like "Dear user, as it is so rare to come across individuals like yourself", going on for a short bit and then asking further down if I'd like to become a moderator, myself. There's still some kind of special application process and scrolling through the, actually somewhat long, message, I see some red hyperlink buttons with white text. They have something to do with answering some questions for the application. At the start of these is also a green one and I perceive green as bad? The green one is for saying that you're not interested in this or something. I think about this and consider the responsibilities, the kind of things I might have to deal with, potentially unpleasant. And also the fact that it's not a paid role or position, it's voluntary even with the application and so on. Despite all this I still consider applying. Rest of recall faded. Fragment: In a game world of some kind, with H. It feels like DOOM, Quake or UT. The zone feels a bit void of anything at all, very empty. There's an orange-purple atmospheric effect? The only things that seem to exist around here are some kind of simple and white geometric structures that we walk across. I do some jumping tricks and get up on top of what is supposed to be like a small building. There's a "BFG 9000" here on the flat rooftop, it's a secret pick-up. This BFG has a unique design and is really quite big, as I pick it up I visually note that H gets it too. The weapon's design is chunky at the start, then it becomes tri-pronged kind of and extends almost two yards in front. These bits sticking out are like electro-magnetic rails and they are a silvery metal but with a light blue electric glow. The rest of the design is primarily green, the green tone I associate with DOOM. Anyway, then a boss or elite enemy appears or something. I consider whether or not we should use our new BFGs on it and end up deciding not and that we should just use regular rocket launchers to fight it. I think about the fact that the BFG has very limited ammo and sooner or later we'll end up firing at the same time anyway in combat situations, effectively wasting shots. Notes: - On waking and trying to draw the weapon in its most basic form I realised I couldn't imagine what the grip for it could be like. I then realised I've never really paid attention to this detail on BFG designs. - The first dream may relate to how I have sometimes done things freely for others because I felt that it was important enough to do as a voluntary thing. The issue has often been for me that I have not been either rewarded nor recognised for it and not even getting some recognition for helping makes it feel like I've been used for my eagerness, ultimately making me feel naive and cynical about such things.
3rd July 2021 Fragment: (long dreams, recall was good at first, but didn't make enough of an effort to start noting them down) Some kind of RPG shooter, maybe a mix of Borderlands and something else, in which I'm helping two other people with a boss. I change to the highest difficulty and also to my best character, on the fly. I become aware that the gear drops will now possibly come with requirements the other players I'm helping won't be able to meet, but I consider that it really shouldn't matter in the long run and should actually be beneficial. It's a small and kind of dark room, can't remember much else about the location. (recall faded too much) I'm in a dropship of some kind and I'm next to a tank-like vehicle. We're dropping into a small combat zone, feels like some kind of last-effort push kind of thing? The tank feels like the DRG 'dozer in terms of shape, but bigger, wider. More like a SC Fatboy, but smaller in overall scale. Some bit later in a sea rig, also with the dropship or the tank, some family there too? 4th July 2021 Fragment: Some bit about WoW. At first I'm playing a warrior and I have a huge two-handed weapon, looks very much like Sul'Thraze, but although my character isn't one, the attack animations are that of a troll character. It's an unfamiliar and novel area, completely original to the dream as far as I can recall. There's some bit later on, taking place on a small natural incline, grassy and a bit rocky. The colours are all very muted and towards purple hues all the way throughout, there are a few stone ruins. At this last point I'm playing an underleveled warlock and trying to help in a high level group fight. Notes: - Before bed on the first night, I read the Dreamgates parts in the centre of the book about creativity and read the exercise there again too also while in bed. -- I have really enjoyed this part so far and it has been motivating to read and re-read it, especially since I feel I've been accomplishing so little lately. - The WoW dream was mostly residue of actual feelings while playing the game, but the troll thing felt a bit different, perhaps because WoW trolls have this tribal aspect associated to them and because of Dreamgates making me think about Shaman-related things - Not sure if I've ever had a dream take place in a sea rig before, but possibly.
2nd July 2021 Fragment: In Outland. Some alternate version of Helfire I've dreamed of before, years ago I think. It's a mix of Netherstorm in terms of landscape features but looks like Helfire. Something about me trying to get to level seventy but I find out that eighty is actually the maximum level, through seeing other players I think. There's a back-and-forth mix of D3 and WoW. I'm both trying to create a level twenty or so questline involving dragons, for the zone I'm in, I think; but also trying to work on an art project about an erotica comic in a M/M theme. (recall started fading at this point) At one point, I'm working on this comic project and alt-tabbing between games and drawings for reference and then H comes in to this odd office room I'm in and starts talking to me. The room is very wooden? A dark-ish stain, probably? H is kind of having a go at me for "not doing much". I feel annoyed and partly insulted, since I try as much as I can. Constant interruptions occur (not just or only from H but something else) while I'm trying to work on this questline thing. The dream eventually deviates into some other bit in a town. (recall gap) I'm in a subway starting at my home town and I'm sort of composing a train run schedule that will go from a yellow line to the blue line? Stations seem dark and unfamiliar, not to mention cramped, they seem more like my vague memory of the London underground and some other generic subways I've seen. I'm alone in this train with the conductor, I'm just in the passenger area at first looking at the maps. Then I knock on the door to the cabin or something and I tell him about what I'll be doing. I can see through the front glass that we are arriving at a station full of people, mostly university students or something, people in school uniforms. I tell the conductor that we can't stop here for now because "that's too many gamers" and that I'll add this station later on into the schedule. And I think about how they'd probably end up giving this new route I'm making a very bad reputation and causes issues later on. So I think to myself that they'll just have to catch a different train for now. Notes: - Feels like it's been a while since a proper subway dream, though I suppose I have had a few not that long ago, that come to mind. -- As always this should be enough of a cue to question reality, but it never seems to be enough, nothing seems to be enough. - Again, dragons. Dragons are rarely the central topic in my dreams. This time they weren't the focus of eroticism but seems there was still a loose link since I was working on both their questline and the erotic comic. -- This thematic could relate both to my difficulty in sticking to a single project and to the fact that I always want to do really involved things. Doing either a comic or a full questline are projects that require a lot of time and attention. Relating to the difficulty in sticking to a project, I often lose track of myself and my attention to things when things start feeling long. - Unusually, the train was symbolically under my control though indirect influence of its compliant conductor, maybe a metaphor about navigation, guidance or inability to lead action directly. -- Relating to this, I have found that I am much calmer and more able to work effectively if I'm not directly in charge of something. If I am in advisory or assisting role, I tend to be able to remain emotionally detached for better results. Thinking further about this, ironically this is not the case when it comes to doing artwork for others, since that's still primarily based on my own ability to lead artistically (since I'm not being asked to emulate another artists' style). - When in the dream H has a go at me, I think this is actually a metaphor for me having a go at myself. I do sometimes think I'm not trying as hard as I could be. I often think about how it feels like I'm not leading myself anywhere but also about how it feels so hard without anyone guiding me. -- The irony to me feels like even under guidance I still feel like I'm not getting guidance, which makes me feel like it's a problem relating to myself only and not to others and their interactions with me.
30th June 2021 Woken up by postman. Some in-line notes. Fragment: (going from end to start, kind of) I am with mom, she's taking me on a ride, on some kind of bicycle but it's really long, like ten yards long or something. She's asking me what I think of an alien race on a film that (in the dream) I had apparently watched. I am not too interested in the topic and feel that she is being oddly too insistent about it. (wake up at about this point) The whole time, I don't have a good hold of the bike thing and am concerned I might fall off but I persist in trying to stay on. (realistically I could have walked just as fast or faster) The rear end I'm at comes off from the seat area in the front, it looks a bit like one of those streamline cars' side skirts, sort of half-sectioned or something, difficult to explain. I'm holding on to it in a hunched and semi-crouched position. I have my regular clothes on as far as I can tell, wearing my normal boots. My boots make it feel very difficult to keep my feet inside the gap in the panelling. I have passing thoughts about how mom is being able to pedal this thing with me on it too and where I'm at a leverage point that should make climbing this bit quite difficult. We're climbing up on the small hill that leads to the newer roundabout, which used to be the P exit. We're on the cobbled pavement. A bit earlier, me, T and mom are walking in A, at the roundabout before the other we eventually ride up to. It's morning, sort of sunny but not. The surroundings seem different to how they should be in waking life but I'm not certain in what way. We get to a car and T unlocks it. He gets in and starts the car, it's some old car, maybe like a Mini or an older VW or something. We say something and then me and mom walk across to a pavement on the right, where those small houses should be. Soon I become aware of the car's engine being turned back off again, though I don't look. I think something to myself about it, but can't recall what. At this point I'm talking to mom about teachers and smoking. (probably intrusions from recent thoughts on both as concepts) She says you can't really get away from it (smoking) completely in that environment. We talk about teachers' pay and how it varies a lot and isn't quite adequate. Then when we are across and have walked along for a bit, that's where the weird bike thing is and when we get on it. Scraps: Some earlier dream sequence but recall slipped too much. Something like a game with T. We have guns and are expecting a massive encounter against NPCs or something inside a large building, but then nothing happens. There are flood lights and there's a cold ambience, despite the lights seeming warm in terms of glare. Some teens appeared and I think we hid or something, waiting to hear what they might say. Notes: - In bed, and before bed, I thought about lucid dreaming for a while and thought about wanting to do something with art or drawing while lucid. -- Also had thoughts based on the Dreamgates book reading, about how I have never felt completely comfortable with any name (even ones I've made for myself) and so I wondered what kind of names dream characters might give me. - Last night I started feeling really dizzy and just "slow" after midnight, not sure why. Wasn't able to do anything other than lie down and read a small bit. - Mom's appearance in this dream is no doubt related to her recent episode. On some level, any family appearance really ought to be enough for me to question reality, but it never is. She was half normal, half not, as hinted by the feeling I got off odd insistence, a behaviour I've only seen a bit of but am familiar with.
Some in-line notes in brackets. 27th June 2021 Scraps: Unrecorded. Something about being underwater and there's a giant ghostly crab and an equal sized ghostly shark or something. There are underwater buildings, regular city buildings, but inside they are mostly empty? After this dream, I remember thinking about how "being in water, is to fly" or something of the sort making a comparison of the two states. (I have no special interest in dream flight that doesn't use some kind of device or body part to accomplish it, though I do like swimming quite a lot.) (This dream had a general nature of conflict or dispute and seemed to take place in an original location) 28th June 2021 (recall not written down on waking but later on this day) Fragment: At home. A courier is putting something through the letterbox. I approach and he's actually putting his hand through the letterbox now and trying to pull the triangular package back towards him through the opening. (The package was bigger than the opening but it looked stiff, not bendable) The letterbox is lower down than it should be and the door seems to be see-through actually. As I come to open the door, first opening the foyer door I think, I find that the front door is simply not there anymore. I or the courier grab the package and I ask if he has to take it back because of it being batteries or something. (possibly intrusion from looking at batteries online, the night before?) He gives me some explanation accordingly but then decides to leave it with me after all. Fragment: There was more before this but no recall. Arriving at a sea-side area, possibly by car. I'm with someone, H? There's a sandy beach where I expected loads of people would be and when I see it's mostly empty, the other person tells me "see, I told you so" or something. The beach is between a six or so story tall fortification on the left, typical sea-side fort look to it, at least for the style I'm used to. On the right, the road slopes up at slow incline and there's some other building on the side of the beach. I end up going into that building? No recall of the inside anymore. Something about two muscular women (like Klingons but not?) and I don't get along with them for some reason. I leave this building by a door on the beach level, like a back or access door. The beach isn't quite there anymore, like there's more water now. It's sunny through the entire dream segment. (Shadow positioning suggests that the sea is West, the fort South, the second building North and the road I came from (but never looked toward) is East)
25th June 2021 Unknown fragment at 8:30 but went back to sleep with dreaming intent around lucidity. Fragment (10:00): In a long rectangular building, it's like BL. There are lots of players here, including J and others I don't recognise. I feel he is ignoring me. Nearby someone is doing their "jackhammer" mining and someone in here is commenting on how it's a good thing there's no combat log to get spammed. J comments in a light-hearted way that AH's mining would have been worse. I see a fake-gold plaque mentioning her and some others? (recall gap) We're on a highway or something. At first in vehicles, I think? Then on foot or mounts, as we come off at a junction that leads into wilderness and dirt paths. It is evening/dusk, I think, just before sunset. The landscape feels like the Southern regions of my native country. We keep going along this path until I realise it's the wrong way and that we should have already turned off to the left for the castle we are supposed to get to. I'm a paladin and remember seeing myself in third-person on my mount for a while. I am the only paladin in the group. I use crusader aura and look at the minimap to help the people at the rear of the group so they benefit from it. One person in our group is Hillary Clinton? I think we address her as madam president. The castle reminds me now of Karazhan but it didn't during the dream. We go through several rooms. They are dark and seem to follow a normal house layout. Something about ghosts. Trying to help them by filling a sink with bleach, cleaning it while wearing some gloves; detritus is keeping the ghosts trapped here somehow. But this doesn't work and the ghosts complain of suffocating. I ask someone to open a window (double glazed, swings out on the top half from the middle) and we move on I think. Crossing some rooms sometimes leads into a loading screen of some sort. (Recall faded too much and detail was lost.) Earlier, or later, kind of with the same group, I'm looking through some old stashes of food. Mostly tinned or jarred stuff, but maybe some fresh things too. Under a man-made waterfall spout, in some kind of old metal receptacle (oxidised bronze?), there's jam in a jar and something like yogurts in plastic pots. Someone tells me not to bother taking anything, that it's all ancient. But I see on the jam there's a marking on the top indicating it has an expiry date of "28/2" or something which I infer to mean 2028 and so I take it. Notes: - There was a feel of Scholomance to the inner depths of the castle. -- The dark ambience was generally blue-ish. - The dried up man-made waterfall area was cliffy but was sort of in-doors, I feel. The rocks were mostly tones of grey, possibly with moss or lichen. - Not sure what brought about Hillary Clinton as a dream character. I am reminded while writing this that I was recently thinking about MoonageDaydream's name but unable to remember it at that time, realising that maybe it's Hillary, at least I seem to remember reading that in one of her dreams before. -- I haven't really been trying to think about any DV members specifically of late, but I do still check DV often especially before bed.
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