All DJ Entries

7/2/2014

In bed: 11:18 PM - 7:40 AM

#4. II. 7:40 AM
I have my Japanese final today in the middle of the day. There are tons of events going on on campus though for some reason. Out somewhere with my brother, I have the bike, he want to switch but I bringing up again that I have the exam. Lady with dogs lending her bike to him randomly. She has motorcycle anyway. I start trying to pull my bike out with LB, BB, NB on the back of it for some reason. The ladies’ dogs are getting in the way coming up to me and such which is annoying. Once I get it out, she says something about I could have just introduced the kids to the dogs. She drives off on the motorcycle later.
Point when I go to carnival of sorts. It is sort of like a puzzle-thon with a route you follow and different puzzles and riddles you have to solve. A friend of mine is with me that I apparently told to come. I am ahead of him a little bit and enjoying myself. He not liking it though apparently. I am in a narrow hallway with a bunch of people, many leading the riddles like an old friend of mine, GS, that I see here. I pick up on that my friend kinda wants to leave. We deciding to skip ahead through hallway to see what’s ahead. We reach a door leading out to a courtyard. Seeing seniors charging towards us down some stairs from other way, we deciding to go back and leave. As we are walking back through the other hallway, realizing I'm late for final, whole class and mom have called my phone looking for me.
I hurry to leave. I go back to some dormitory-like long and big bathroom to get all my stuff. I have so much for some reason. I have a few big bags, so I start dumping my stuff into them to see if this helps. I am in a bit of a bind since exam has already just started since it is 12:15 or so and it started not long before that. I decide to wake up to avoid dealing with the situation.

#3. I. 6:05 AM
I am at a library looking for a particular interactive book. I walk towards a back section where I’ve found it in the past and go to an semi-open space in the back left corner. When I walk past the last tall shelf and reach the area, I see that there is one of those box TVs hanging up on the far wall facing me and the area. It is playing some cartoon that I kinda enjoy. I use the remote control over here to raise the volume very slightly. After a few moments of me standing there watching the show, a lady comes walking up who must be a librarian. She tells me that I am not allowed to use or watch the TV and gives me other admonitions before walking away. I feel annoyed, but decide to continue on with looking for the book. I search a bit unable to find it then look it up. I learn that it is apparently in the iOS section of the library which is confusing since I found it back here in the past.
BB with me later in library, I handling leftover chicken and fries for us later that are on plates on a bed here currently. I work at wrapping them up and then putting in backpack pocket.
Arriving back at place that I am staying though I have to go to sleep soon as I am going somewhere soon. Wishing goodnight to that girl staying in same place, she a bit older, seems sister like to me. She looks Indian and some decoration around her nose of some sort. We are slightly sentimental which seems to be because I am going away for a week or so. Entering the door behind us. Opens into a bathroom. I follow the next door to a weird separator room of two sections of bathroom like those types of bathrooms out there. Except, I have to climb through this dark separator room with my toiletries and stuff to other side of it. There seems to be a room connected over there too. Over here, I have some calf pads to use in the tub since my legs are tired apparently. CP demonstrating how to use them. You have to lay in the tub facing up and raise your legs up so that your head is below your legs and other different contortions of your body.

This lucid is from the morning of 5/11/2014.

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #208: Carnival Chain

I have a false awakening where Wife is bustling about the room getting ready for something. I’m groggy and not seeing anything too well, but I follow her as she heads out the door. There’s some kind of event that we’re supposed to be getting ready for, but I have no memory of what it is. I do remember wanting to have a lucid dream, though, so I feel frustrated that I’m expected to get up.

I follow Wife for a bit and suddenly we’re outside by some docks. She’s dressed in a white sundress that I’ve never seen her in before, holding hands with our two children “E” and “R”. She looks beautiful. I wish that I could go with them but I’m almost too tired to move.

I tell her that I’m going back to bed, which she seems to accept. Somehow I stagger back to the bed and as soon as my head hits the pillow, I attempt to WILD. Right away I get the sense of motion and I can’t believe how quickly it’s working. I go with the momentum and experience a moment of massive acceleration before emerging in a mid-morning carnival scene that I know is a dream.

I’m not pleased with the vividness of the scene, so I rub my hands together and then stare at them, trying to draw out as much detail as I can. It takes a few frustrating moments but finally fine details start to emerge. One oddity is that my hands are covered with cuts and scrapes like I’ve been fighting or working with something sharp.

As the scene comes into better focus, I see that Wife is walking here with me at the carnival. We pass a sandwich vendor who stops us and begins an emphatic explanation of what it takes to make the turkey sandwich. He says that the “traditional” sandwich of “turkey on a donut” is outdated and that rye bread is the wave of the future. It sounds crazy to me, but I try to grasp the details, hoping for some flash of insight. It never comes, though, and the dream fades.

I hold on for DEILD, and in a few seconds I’m back in the carnival scene. I take a few steps but something seems to be stuck in my throat. I try to sort of gag and clear my throat, but it’s still there. I feel like there’s some kind of waking life problem and remember that I’m sleeping on my stomach. I have this vision of the pillow pressing on my throat and in a few seconds, I’m out of the dream.

I flop onto my side, get ready for DEILD, and re-enter the carnival scene a few seconds later. Wife’s here with me again, and says something flirtatious. I’m feeling very interested, so we make out for a bit before getting down to some sexytime. I’ll spare the details here, but it's interesting that after the "festivities" the dream continues long enough for us to wander around the carnival a bit more.

Finally the dream breaks, and I DEILD in one last time to the same carnival scene. Wife and I pass by a carnival barker who’s inviting passerby to try out the “lucidity machine”, a large, boxy contraption that he says is guaranteed to make you have a lucid dream for only “4 quarters”.

I encourage Wife to try this out. “But you’re already having a lucid dream,” she replies.

“Yeah, but you’re not.”

She wrinkles her nose. “Four quarters seems kind of expensive.”

“It’s not real money,” I tell her. “Please just try it.”

I’m exasperated by all of this. Wife shakes her head and continues to skeptically study the device as the dream ends.

I enter this unregulated fun house with shit that is too dangerous for anyone, like rusty fucking metal wall shards hanging out of the walls. I go in and these two boys go in after me, and they gang up together and decide to chase/beat me at racing through this thing for some reason. And this fun house didn't lead through it to an exit, you had to find your way. I see kids and old people who've been stuck in here for I'd say a long time. They're skinny and weak looking and dirty and begging me for something but they're to weak to tell me so they just reach their hands out to me. I have no choice but to run because I hear those two boys catching up. I run and duck under things and jump over this rusty fence, and then crawl into this tube that leads a story up. and I hear them climb into the tube a few seconds later. Then I drop off the side of a tube crack instead of continuing forward, and they don't hear me, I continue to run while ducking and I hear them bickering to each other about where I went. Then I ran down this clear glass tube that's going down at a slope, and then I begin to walk through water getting deeper and deeper, this leads to a glass tank that's surrounded by the ocean depths. The water is so deep now that I'm swimming under water, and the tube had opened up into a square tank filled with fish and eels, there's no air pocket at the top, I'd have to go back up the sloped glass tunnel that lead me in here. I look out of the glass tank at the dark ocean and see this huge great white swim fast as fuck towards the tank I'm in and it slams into it and it shakes. It scared the fuck out of me so I swim back the way I cam as fast as I can. Then I see those two boys swimming into the tank but they don't see me swimming above them so I keep going. Then run out once I surface enough. I keep to this lowest floor and see a exit to the night outside, and I see carnival lights but the exit is squished by upper level tubes and I just make it out and the worker from the beginning give me a dirty look and the scummy people he was chatting with give me dirty looks like they were hoping I fail.

I'm walking slowly through a really crappy, almost deserted carnival. It's really quiet and unsettling. As I walk I keep looking into empty cages, wondering why they are empty. I stop walking and decide to turn around and go back. I turn around and behind me is a huge, full grown tiger. It startles me a bit but it has a calm look on it's face so I don't feel afraid. It's really beautiful and bigger than normal. I go to walk around it, but it turns around as well and begins to follow me. I continue walking and place my hand on it's head when it catches up to my side. While walking, the scenery changes and we are walking on a sidewalk next to the stater bros in my town. Again the area is pretty quiet and empty. It suddenly gets insanely hot and the tiger and I start panting and walking slower. I get horribly worried about it and stop walking. I kneel down beside him and stroke his face, talking to him and telling him we are almost home. He looks sad and he collapses, his head resting on my lap. I start to panic and yell for someone to get me some water. Suddenly I look up and my Grandma and my little sister are there next to me. I tell them to please buy me some water because my tiger is sick. They agree and start walking to the store. Half way there my sister yells that this is stupid and she leaves. I start crying and murmuring to my tiger, telling him that everything will be okay. I look up again and my grandma hands me a big bottle of cold water and a red bowl to pour it in. I sigh with relief and pour the water into the bowl. The tiger lifts it's head and drinks it all. I scratch it's head the whole time. After he is done, we get up and start walking again. I keep my hand on his head, petting it lightly and he purrs happily. We our on our way home.

This dream is from the morning of 1/1/2014.

Color legend: Non-dream Dream Lucid

Lucid #177: The Rivals

I'm sitting at a table with Wife looking through some photos when I somehow become lucid. She steps away from the table and leaps onto a nearby bed, posing and smiling seductively. I feel super amorous and move eagerly toward her. But to the side of me, I notice four other guys moving toward her, all of them looking just as eager as me. Wife looks playfully at each of us as if she's choosing.

I'm so angered by this turn of events that I punch the closest rival in the face. He crumples to the floor, his face immediately becoming a bruised mess. He shrinks into a little troll monster with a pinched, sour expression and then just sits there, not moving. Now the other men have all vanished and I leap triumphantly onto the bed and sexytime commences.

We get about fifteen seconds of fun before Wife does this strange transformation into a half-sized Wife replica doll. Total mood killer. I pick up the doll and it's light as a feather. I feel sad and guilty, wondering if my attack on the DC caused this. I walk out the door carrying the doll and it transforms into a slightly wilted bouquet of flowers before disappearing entirely.

Now I'm in some sort of indoor carnival. I walk past a vendor with curly, slightly 80s-looking hair and a mustache. I slow down and note how vivid everything is. I remember that it's been a few weeks since my last lucid and I reflect on what a shock it is to experience the realness of lucid dreaming after some time off.

I approach a circle of benches and there's Wife, sitting by herself on the right side of one. I approach her calmly, hoping I can keep her DC more stable this time. She looks up at me and we smile at one another as the dream ends.

First Dreams - Very Weird:

Dream 1:
I was hanging out at some carnival, it was a very gloomy day. It also had enormous lecture halls beneath the ground in several buildings. After wandering around for awhile and eating some gross carnival food, I went down into one of these lecture halls and sat next to a couple friends from high school. President of the United States (PotUS) came to give a speech about something, except he wasn't Barack Obama, he was some young punk that looked like a young Barack Obama (Maybe 16 years old) and he was extremely cocky. He got up in front of this mostly empty lecture hall that could probably fit about 600-700 people. This guy pulled out a gun and my mom came out of nowhere and jumped in front of the bullet. She got shot and lay there bleeding while the young PotUS just watched with an emotionless look on his face. I wondered, why the hell would she do that? He must really mean a lot to her. Dream fades to black.

Dream 2:
I was back at the carnival, it was raining this time. I wandered around again until I eventually found my way down to the lecture hall. I sat in a different place this time, farther in back. Exact same thing happened otherwise.

Dream 3:
Back at the carnival, this time there were a couple of cops as well. They gave me a hard time and ignored me when I tried to tell them that someone was going to try and shoot the president. I eventually went down to one of the lecture halls, as though I had no choice in the matter. This time, the PotUS was coming out of the lecture hall right when I got to it, some guy came out of nowhere and tried to shoot him. My mother jumped in front of the bullet again. Same stuff.

Dream 4:
After fading to black this time, I became lucid in the darkness. I guess this would be a true DEILD. I tried to create a different scene because I was tired of watching my mother get shot over and over again. Didn't work, I was back at the rainy carnival, this time one of the cops was holding me down and....spanking me? It was a horrible, helpless feeling. I told him that he was a nice guy and that he didn't want to hurt me. Didn't work, so I told him the same thing again while I transformed him into another person that looked like a stereotypical hippie. He let me go and I teleported to another world. I was at a beautiful house on the second floor. I started in a tiny bed that might be appropriate for a little 6 year old. Being that I am 6'3, it was a little too small for me. I was feeling tired all of a sudden and I wanted to take a nap, so I looked around, expecting to see some giant beds to lay in. Two, giant super king-sized beds appeared behind me with small rays of light shining down on them from some skylights. This room reminded me of what my parents' bedroom looked like in the early morning when I was a small child (a recurring place of safety for me in dreams). I moved curtains over the skylights so that I could take a nice nap without light. I then realized that if I took a nap in a dream, I would probably either wake up or go to a different place. I didn't want that so I decided to look around instead. The house was quite an interesting design, I thought. The entire building was in the shape of a '+'. Outside of the room I was in there was a balcony that led to the other wings of the home. I looked over the edge and saw an indoor river, surrounded by plants that led to the front door. Outside of the house, there was a zen garden and an old-school, large, wooden gate that led to a busy street (there were no cars, just people walking). I went down into the garden and noticed the edges of the dream starting to blur. I stabilized. These bugs started attacking me. First it was mosquitoes, then spiders started jumping at me. I didn't like that so I ran away. My heart was pumping super fast and I woke up.

Dream 5:
I was at my parents house and there was a giant snake that was slithering around like a lil' creep. The cats tried to kill it but it escaped into hiding. Soon there were baby snakes everywhere. One bit me, ouch, nothing bad happened so I assumed they weren't poisonous. I decided that it was time to catch that sneaky little snake. My sister and I picked up some giant butterfly nets. This snake was extra tricky though, it would take the shape of one of the cats and then there would be three cats and we would have to figure out which one was just the shape-shifting snake. After going through this process of the snake taking cat form, us discovering it, then it running away a couple of times, my sister eventually caught it with a net. During this process a couple random, nameless DC's got brutally torn apart by the snake. It didn't seem like a big deal in the dream but now it seems kind of messed up. I put my net over hers and we welded it shut with torches coming out of our fingers. I woke up.

fragment:
I was only semi-lucid during this dream, so I won't count it as lucid. I remember that there was some dream guy that was talking to me. He told me that he could tell me a grand secret of lucid dreaming if I went to this magical pool of water. I went there and my body turned into water. I blended with the water and became the water. Then I woke up. Super short dream.

Super long fragment:
I was hanging out at some strange building with my brother and one of my uncles. We all decided to smoke some weed outside, then they went down into a double secret basement that was three floors beneath the surface. I didn't want to go down there so i stayed at ground level. Eventually some weird stuff started happening and the dream turned into a kind of ghost murdering RPG. The house turned into a ranch out in the middle of a post-nuclear testing site in a desert somewhere. There was also a giant group of people with guns and swords now. We hacked and slashed our way through ghosts and possessed people that turned on us. After awhile, I had probably killed these ghosts a hundred times and I got tired of it and most of the group was dead so I ran towards the home and went down into the double secret basement where my uncle and brother were hanging out. My uncle had been possessed and my brother had to kill him. My brother and I got overrun by dozens of ghost-demons and he got pulled behind while I barely escaped. I went up to the top floor of the building and this strange light zoomed by at super speed and drove away all of the ghosts that attacked me. My mom and dad were hanging out up there, reading books as though nothing were wrong. I asked them what that light was, they told me it was their little dog. They said she was possessed by the guardians of the property. I asked them if the guardians protected my brother too, they said that the guardians refused and that he must have done something pretty naughty because they wanted nothing to do with him. I woke up.

10/9/2013

Dream 1:

I was in school, in a parking lot. I was starting a carnival in the parking lot. The parking lot wasn't real, and it was a pretty small one. I was doing it with N. S. There were only shops in the carnival. Three in total. I was very lazy towards the carnival and I completely neglected it. Barely anyone came to it. I then started walking around in a forested area near the parking lot. I then walked to the sidewalk and saw Ms. D., who was walking away from the school. I said hi to her, and walked toward the school. I then walked into the building and got to the third floor. I saw Ms. B and Mr. C, and Mr. Br. They, along with the school principal, Mr. R., were gathering in a room on that floor. I think the room was fictional, too.

Dream 2:

I was in a helicopter with a spec ops team. I was part of the team. We were sent to do a mission. When we landed, we eventually got to a rocky area with a natural arch. There was a Middle Eastern building next to it. We then went passed the arch, and fought some insurgents for Covenant technology. It was all purple.

Dream:
I was at a carnival and some girl (who liked girls) was trying to hit on another girl and her friends didn’t like it. Her friends decided they were going to shoot at the girl when she went to her car at the parking lot. They started shooting and bullets were flying all over the place. People started running to their cars screaming. The girl was dunking and dodging bullets all the way to her car and out of the hundreds of bullets shot, they all missed her.

Fragments:
1. Kelly Roland singing “Kisses Down Low.”
2. Cleaning and cooking fried chicken with Andre Zimmerman from, “Bizarre Foods.” (BTW, I'm frying chicken today)
3. Man and a Little girl and I think the man was my husband. (BTW, I don't have a daughter, I have all boys. I wonder if I'm pregnant )

June 14, 2013
Lucid Dream 518: Castle Love'n
Series: Sexcapades, Episode 12
DILD
Technique: ADA



Clarity: Moderate
Recall: Low
Enjoyment: Moderate

I was at some sort of lock-in playing basketball in a gym. Part way through the game, I realized I was dreaming. I convinced everyone that we were dreaming and I told them all, "Welcome to My Castle." I noticed the walls wee made of large stone blocks and the basketball court had now disappeared. I stated giving a tour of my castle (from my "108 Stars of Destiny series") and, at the same time, exploring the castle. I lead the group of people into the kitchen which was awesome. White Marble floors and stone-like counters. There was a large gold chandelier hanging in the middle. I looked around at the group and noticed some very attractive females amongst them. I picked out a group of 3 of them and said, "You 3 can come see my bedroom next." I led the 3 girls into the next room. The entire floor of this room was a mattress instead of a normal floor. I began undressing the chicks and I went down on one of them. She had a clit piercing. At one point, I was banging a chick doggystyle and she suddenly was only a bottom half. There was no top half whatsoever. Only the waist, down, lol. At some point during this sex scene, I began to wake up. I immediately prepared to DEILD.
[COLOR="#008000"]

Series Details
Class is thrown out the window in the dream series, "Sexcapades." Not unlike your favorite porn video, I unleash my inner "Ron Jeremy" and give those DCs what they are looking for ! Stay tuned for more entries to the series!



June 14, 2013
Lucid Dream 519: Let the Buzzard Be Your Guide
Series: Land of Dreams, Episode 14
DEILD



Clarity: Very High
Recall: Low
Enjoyment: Moderate

I tried to imagine a Shingeki no Kyojin setting during the transition back into the dream state. I felt like I had woke up completely and failed the DEILD. I sat up in bed and realized I was still in my castle and I had actually succeeded. I got up and exited the room. I walked down the hall and there was a set of double stairs. I walked down the steps to the floor below. There was a large sliding glass door that led to a huge deck. I walked out on the deck. All around me was forest and jungle. The deck protruded out over a huge cliff. Apparently, my castle was on the side of a huge jungle cliff. I saw birds flying around the deck and I decided to use one of them to travel. I held out my arm as if I was a falcon trainer and a really ugly turkey buzzard bit my arm. I pulled it off and grabbed it around the neck. I said, "Take me to the dragons!" It squawked and took off. I held on as the buzzard easily flew me off the deck and into the sky.

I looked down and I was now a few feet above a huge swamp. The entire environment was a huge swampy area. The buzzard began weaving through trees and I had to contort and shift my body in order to dodge the many limbs, vines, and trees. I felt like the buzzard was trying to slam me into a tree, so I lost my grasp on its neck. I squeezed the buzzard's neck a little harder and said, "Hurry up! I want to see the Dragons!" It started flying faster and the clarity of the dream went into "beast mode." Super, super vivid and clear. "Better than real life" clarity. We flew upon, what appeared to be, a carnival/amusement park. There were tents, rides, clowns, fountains, and all sorts of random structures. Everything was colorful and the area was so full of things that I couldn't remember everything even though I was trying to soak it all in. There was a group of people in panda costumes. There were three Statue of Liberty's and one of them fell down and broke their arm off. The other two Statue of Liberty's were trying to help the other one up. We flew over a huge roller coaster and I could see a volcano off in the distance. I could see the dragon's flying around the top of the volcano. I got excited thinking about riding on the dragon when I felt myself waking up. I attempted to DEILD, but I was woken up by Niece who was visiting.

Series Details
In the dream series, "The Land of Dreams," I explore the depths of my subconscious. With no real goals in mind, I explore the creative lands and characters that come before me. Who will I meet? Where will I go? What will I do? These are the dreams that fit into no particular category. Stay tuned for more entries to the series!

I am in an unfamiliar classroom, it's is part of a school/mall/fair. It's my third grade teacher. I'm sitting next to this girl I knew in elementary, she takes out Oreos, and mini bags of cookies and tries to sneak them to only me, but then all the students around us see and hold their hands out begging for cookies loudly. This get the teachers attention, and she walks over and scolds the girl, I ate the Oreo before she saw and slipped the mini bag into the girls backpack without being seen. I think I'm still in trouble though. then at the end of the class the teacher comes around and gives each student a sticker with a grade on it and a little ball with a picture on it and on the wall towards the exit is the chart that says what picture is what grade. I expect bad one's, she give the cookie girl bad grades, but then she comes to me and gives me an A+ sticker and a ball, she said it was because I cried from reading the book. Then the bell rings and we get up and I take my ball to see what it means on the chart, it is a B+. Then we go outside and it's a shopping center/carnival, I see a girl I used to know and she tells me to follow her so I follow her through play tubes, and then she goes down a water slide and I don't want to get wet so I go around but then I never see her again. Then I'm in a field with carnival stuff laid everywhere, a whole group of goths are mad because the big corporate company took their spot beneath the trees that they wanted to set up their tents to camp, Then we realize they took their stuff down for the end of the day and i tell them to set up camp there before they return. Shortly they return and this big woman runs up to me screaming in my face to have this stuff gone but I ran away from her. Then I turn into an RV, I'm driving on the train tracks following trains and i go through this thing where the train will go over fish tanks, so I go over it and I barely balance, I realize how amazingly a car can turn when you are actually the car and not just driving it. I make it over the tank and the people sitting around having coffee cheer for me, and I exit to this underpass that has a view of the ocean and a whole bunch of goths are sitting on cement ridges having a view of it, I'm me again and walk over there so I can sit and get a view but none of them want me to sit near them but I see people I used to know want me to sit with them but they pretend not to see me.

Saturday, October 8, 2011
Strength: Neutral
Type: Creepy-Solid
Lucidity: No

I know it's been a while, but I feel like this dream is worth writing down. I'll try to get back into the schedule.

I'm waiting for a ship at it's port. I don't specifically recall what my destination was, but I need to get on it. It finally arrives, and I get on. It starts out as a peaceful voyage, but as time goes on, the sea begins to get rough. Soon, we find ourselves steering away from waves and trying desperately to stay on board and keep the ship afloat. Sadly, we don't succeed. As a mighty wave crashes against the ship, our boat capsizes, sending us all overboard. I find myself swimming through the rough tides, searching for others. I finally find a few of my friends and we begin to swim to shore. After a while of swimming, we come across an odd, carnivalesque island.

We're greeted by an odd looking man, who's tending to the entrance of a roller-coaster. He welcomes us and informs us that the only way to reach the center of the island is through the roller-coaster. As I get on it, I can't help but feel that I've been on the ride. The ride is horror-themed, and pretty basic, providing weak scares and basic horror elements, up until the end. We round a corner and see a bloodied woman, whispering to herself in the dark, when she sees us, she lets out a blood-curling scream. Our trail then turns away and goes down a drop before ending. While I'm exiting the ride, I awake.

Portal (7:00)

Someone has opened a hellish portal in my basement. Creatures are crawling out of it, and I have to hit them with spells that fire balls of energy. I jump around the furniture, which quite large in proportion to my body.

Gold Model (9:20)

I'm trying to infiltrate an enemy base. It's near an outdoor carnival of some kind. I'm trying to find an elevator. I'm pretty sure it's here somewhere, but it's well hidden. There are people walking everywhere; they're mobilizing for some kind of attack. Eventually I find an express elevator of some kind. It takes me to a room full of high-tech jet-packs. A couple of soldiers are in the room, and I recognize them. Bad news. They're picking out which jet-packs to use in the coming deployment. They spot the one I arrived in and get very excited, because apparently the "Gold" model is quite good. I suppose it makes sense that the leader's personal transportation would be the best model available. They start coming my way, and I'm worried I'll be seen.

10/18/12
7:00 AM
Wake Back To Bed

• Fell back to sleep with goal of dreaming not expecting to become lucid.
• Let images come to me and settled on flying down a winding shape that became a river with tree covered hills on both sides.
• As I fell asleep I imagined that I was a stream of fire flying down the winding river.

Now asleep and dreaming but not lucid. I was leading a long trail of fire but couldn't see the flames coolness in front of me. So in order to see the flames I would glance behind me and then continue flying over the snaking river. The last time I looked behind me the entire bend of the last turn in the river and all the way up one bank was completely engulfed in flame. I thought this looked totally awesome and took off around the next turn.

To my surprise I found that it was now night time and I was way up high overlooking the river and gripping tightly to the top of a steal structure with a couple pipes that were protruding beside me being the only objects higher up than I was. As I questioned what was going on and how to get down I realized my situation and took two looks at my hand. Yup. Funny looking indeed I was dreaming. I remained calm and decided that I would attempt flying again.

I lifted myself over the edge of the structure and flung myself out into the night. Disappointing as it may be, I fell through the dark and the wind rushed past me. Then I temporarily became less lucid. When I landed in a dark sort of carnival area, my brain tried telling me that I had used a zip line to get down but after seeing my cousin standing in front of me I quickly shrugged off the notion and did another reality check.

At that moment my cousin Michah began to transform. First he shrank to about 2 foot tall and became a bit distorted. Then he continued to shrink into a small cantaloupe sized fur-ball with big feet and a creepily human face. I thought that I'd keep it around and tried to put it on my shoulder. It didn't like that at all and squirmed out of my hands and jotted around my feet.

Just then another version of my cousin came out from between two poorly lit booths. He didn't look like my cousin but never the less I decided that I would try to get rid of the furball and take my dream elsewhere. I probably shouldn't have waisted the time and tried spinning or something. But regardless, I attempted to put the creature in the sudo-cousins hand but both were completely apathetic to me and each other. The creature became a little aggressive and nipped my hand like a playful pup and though I knew I was dreaming I skipped back from it and I woke up.

[Thursday, October 11th, 2012]

<The night before this, Alex had told me how she felt about me... she popped the question, "Why are we together?" a few times and after she left, it felt like the end of the world. She was definitely going to leave me... I was angry and sad at the same time. Why is she so unfair with me? Demanding things of me, but when I ask for the same, she tells me I will never understand. She must love to drill me further into the ground. Even now as I type this, I can't help feeling a helpless feeling... a bitter disgust for the Alex that night, that lectured me like a child and let me know I was a horrible boyfriend. My heart sank 3 times smaller that night. I sat in my bed and sobbed for hours and screamed into my pillow, trying to stop my heart from hurting. I thought about hurting myself physically, I thought about leaving her before she could leave me. I even left a few scars on my mind. I finally calmed down after talking to her on the phone... she made me laugh... while I was going to get cigarettes, but I still felt miserable as I lied down to go to bed.>

(Before I fell asleep, being as horrible anxious and depressed and emotional as I was... I told my subconscious to just give me whatever dream it thought I needed to see. "Go ahead. Throw anything I need to see at me. But make me lucid. I need to be lucid!" I fall asleep.)

(Hours later, I have my first dream that I remember...)

I walk out of a motel room with Alex beside me and we look around. Some kind of festival was occuring all around us. People are walking around in all directions, mostly heading for a particular carnival ground. Some are in costume, some are stark naked. We walk around for a bit and decide to head back to where we came from, to change our appearence. I decide I wanted to either be stark naked too, or cross-dress. Back at the motel room, I skim through my options in clothes, and notice I suddenly have a lot of female clothes in my closet as well as male ones. Alex isn't with me anymore though. So I walk back outside and wander around some more- still with the urge to rip off all of my clothes.

Glancing around at people more, I notice that I know quite a lot of people here- no family members, but people from my town that I know are very common here. Suddenly, I see some people walking towards Bashas'. Apparently, Bashas' is allowing our festival to take as much food as we want to bring back for a feast. I follow the small crowd to Bashas'. Outside, I wait for an employee to unlock the doors... and we head in with shopping carts. We start tossing in random items, from meats to snacks to candy to cheeses to drinks. The second cart starts filling up with purely meat, and I warn them not to overdo it on meat.

<dream skips>

We're back at the festival. I grab a flyer from the ground and it shows my whole family is performing. Tim Z****, Bob Z****, and a few other Z****'s that I've never heard of. I realize that I can't cross-dress or go stark naked because they're here and I don't want them to think bad of me. I see Zack and Alex together and I walk up to them. Zack and me are friendly like we used to be.

<HOLE IN MEMORY> My Dad was involved with this memory, as were Alex and Zack. We were gathering something off the dirt street, there were lots of them... we were in the old west and my Dad was standing next to an old wagon. <memory skips>

We're now in the middle of a cardboard-like city. The buildings are close together and flat and textureless like a cheap old video game using 3D models of a wall and a cheap texture stretched across the surface. It's like a type of maze here with buildings painted on the walls. The structures do however tower into the sky like normal. I'm still with Alex and Zack. We're doing something <HOLE IN MEMORY> when me and Alex seperate from Zack. The grey sky becomes covered in clouds the color of charcoal. They become the darkest black imaginable. Me and Alex look at each other and instantly begin to run down the street, searching for shelter. I see Zack behind us walking some other direction, almost as if he's unaware. He turns a corner and I lose sight of him. I keep running the other way.

We arrive inside of a dark building to wait out the storm. Rain begins to POUR and we wait there for hours. When it finally stops, we go outside, and color is returning to the sky. The sun peaks out from behind the clouds, but the world is still a dull grey tone.

We walk back to where our motel was and I find where my car is parked. We hop in and begin to drive. She wants to find Zack... she's worried sick about him. I'm depressed- We drive for a bit more and <HOLE IN MEMORY> I park in the Circle K with pumps, and do a horrible job. I try to re-align my park job a few times before I give up and decide its okay how I parked. Alex walks up to me and starts yelling at me about some unknown thing and asks me why I left her somewhere. I tried to explain I didn't leave her anywhere... but it's no use. We both hop in the car however and drive off towards the direction of McDonalds. "Please, we have to find Zack. I'm worried about him." I keep driving.

Suddenly, we're in a Fun-House of Mirrors, sitting inside a track-ride. We slowly turn a corner and see Zack lying down. The car stops and Alex gets out and runs to Zack and gives him a long hug. She lets go and kisses Zack on the lips. I blink my eyes and see that Zack has his knuckle up to Alex lips. It's a gesture towards me- that Zack would have made before while he was still my friend. I watch the whole scene objectively, as if it had nothing to do with me... a movie I knew was depressing, but lacked the emotion to feel. The only thing I felt was that I was a horrible boyfriend- at that moment I remembered all of the things I had been saying throughout the dream. It was like my horrible self from waking life was invading my dreams- I had said pathetic things about Zack and that I was tired of all this shit and more. I felt horrible compared to Zack, who had just done something nice for me

<I wake up feeling like shit.>

(I still admired the intensity of the dream, and closed my eyes again and imagined being lucid during it... I repeated in my head, "It's a dream.")
================================================== =============
<I fell back into a dream.>
<It's continued with "Pedophilia in a Dark Place" after this dream.

So last night was my first night on brain sups.
Picked up some Melatonin, Choline, and B6, took one of each about 30 min before bed.
Initial core sleep 11-7 was latent with fragments, no recollections though
Laid awake for almost an hour attempting a WILD or some visualizations to no avail. Turned off my sleep tracker on my phone and checked my messages, after I felt tired so I rolled over and fell back.. into the fun.

Standing in some large grassy meadow I realized I was no longer in my room and must be dreaming, looked at my hands to stabilize and decided to take to the air.
Feeling the wind rush past me was an exhilarating feeling as I gained altitude. Thinking there must be some kind of civilization around I found a small village which looked french from 200 years ago or so. I circled the town but then decided I would stay airborne and continue to explore the island I was on, as I climbed I played with willing my speed faster and slower. As I am fairly new to sustained flight I figured I needed the practice. Some lucidity was lost as I sped up because I was looking down and my mind couldn't keep with the details of the passing ground. I remembered this happening in a previous dream so to establish more control I focused on the distance. It was then I saw several other islands connected to the one I was flying around. Their design was somewhat colonial mixed with the bright colors of a carnival, there were 3 other islands tied together in kind of a line, each with varying size and infrastructure design. They were far in the distance and I remember thinking how amazingly detailed everything was, pondering how wonderful my mind was that I could dream such magnificent things. In trying to decide if I wanted to visit the other islands I got caught up in the details of the ground again, I lost lucidity and the dream faded as I fell.

Not certain I fully woke up, as most of these were Deilds. I relaxed back into a dream and I was suddenly surrounded by african americans. We were at a wedding. There was much joy for the celebration but it seemed it was located at a fair ground of sorts. Dusty ground and the smell of fried food in the air. I was wondering through the crowd when I noticed a friend of mines brother in a doorway to a small shack, he signaled me over. As I approached the door he took a drag of his smoke and stepped inside, it was a dark room with somewhat cramped furnishings. He kept telling me how awesome his flat screen was, when I looked at the wall it was on it was a tube, with a flat screen, probably 12 inches diagonal. I smiled and decided to go back out to the gathering, there was a woman on the PA system making some announcement. Every time she finished talking I would shout 'Dino-Babies!' into the crowd from behind something. The dream faded and I transitioned.

Now in a large house there were exotic women all around. I was lucid for most of this one as I phased through many walls and windows. The details escape me as most of it was me running from woman to woman and making out with them. Some smiled, others were taken aback by my sudden inappropriate action. Settling more into the idea that I was dreaming and most of the DC here were for my amusement , I continually rubbed my hands together to stabilize the dream if my excitement started to get the better of me. It almost seemed as if there was a meeting going on, yet I was too overwhelmed by the estrogen in the air to come to full awareness. Towards the end I had a petite woman sitting on my lap who was straddling me, caressing her arse I decided to slip a finger into the warm spot. She was soft and slightly humid, could not believe how tight she was just on my finger. The excitement lost me my lucidity and my alarm rang just as I was beginning to get mr. member's tip in.

Suddenly I am standing in a large group of people, we're all wearing tux's and gowns as it seems to be a prom of some kind. Recognizing most of the people from the church I used to go to as well as my old private school. Realizing I was dreaming I decided to seek out an old childhood crush, everytime I think I see her in a group of friends I turn her around and its someone else. We're in a large cabin type center that has wooden support beams and a soft mahogany furniture everywhere. Wondering to the back of the hall I see an old friend who is wheel-chair bound hiding in the corner with her face turned. I approach her and her turns to me, she's been crying.
'Emily?! What's wrong? Why are you crying?'
'They are making fun of me because I keep beating them in cards'
'How can they do that? Its just a game..'
'I know, but they say i'm not normal'
'No one is normal Em, what did they say?'
'Because I've spent my whole life in this chair I have developed a sort of ESP, all games are very easy for me, especially cards, they fear what they don't understand'
'That's amazing! How could anyone get mad at that!'
'I just want to be like everyone else'
'No, don't say that, you're special. You're like this for a reason, you should support your abilities and stand proud. You have purpose in this life, I don't doubt'
'I guess, thank you so much Noah' she smiled
I smiled back 'Here, come back with me'
She nodded and took my hand as we rejoined everyone else
It was obvious everyone was now looking at me with her as we approached a group of old friends, getting sideways glances and whispers. I found the friend I was looking for before and she gave me odd looks now that I was with Em. We were all sitting at a table when I noticed a guy at the table behind us speaking loud enough for us to hear
'Its just not right! People like that shouldn't be allowed to live..'
I turned back to him, death glared, and began a very poignant monologue on the validity of all humans. Details escaping I remembered the very last line
'People are people no matter who they are.'