non-lucid

Of course as soon as I go on break something interesting happens.

A little background:
About a year ago, my friend S and I wrote a story. In the story I came up with this character named Raiah. She was basically this bull-headed, immature cyborg girl who would solve all of her problems with a rocket launcher and had two true loves: Food and Music. Originally she was supposed to be just a one-time character but S and I loved her so much that we kept her in the story until she basically became the main character.
At one point, we wanted to start a Youtube LP channel and I was supposed to play games in her character. S played as another character. But we soon discovered that we enjoyed simply playing games in character and didn't give a crap about the YouTube channel.

I recall being in my dorm room with my roommate and S. I am non-lucid but I am thinking to myself that for some reason I want to manifest Raiah in my next lucid dream when I go to sleep. I am working on my computer on this amazing realistic picture of her character, beyond my artistic abilities IWL.
For some reason there are three cans of Nos energy drink on my desk, and I decide to drink all of them. (Now I've never had any of those hardcore energy drinks IWL, because one cup of coffee, and I'm up all night. I'm scared to know what three cans of a potent energy drink would do to me.) I recall drinking them very clearly though. They are tangy and sweet, sort of like the flavor of Gatorade.
I try to recall my motivation for drinking them, but cannot. I notice that they don't seem to have much of an effect on me. I don't seem to be getting the jitters or anything.
I begin to notice how strange the situation is.
...
I can't recall most of what happened. Most of it were just my attempts to manifest Raiah. I was non-lucid of course.
...
I can recall some flashes that were more akin to my waking daydreams rather than sleeping dreams. They involved her character sitting next to S's character playing video games. It looked like a cartoon.
...
I recall the ending though. I was semi lucid, back at the beach resort with Manei. The place looks off though. The building has been duplicated and there are now four of them with a central courtyard in the middle, that kind of looks like the quad from my college, except there are palm trees in it.
It is a dark night.
She was telling me that she didn't want me manifesting this character into my dream world because Raiah would be a distraction from me learning how to lucid dream.
And then she said, possibly the funniest thing I have ever heard her say.
"If I was Sonic the Hedgehog, Raiah would be that stupid talking fox that never does anything..."
"Tails? Isn't he like really smart? He builds planes and stuff?"
You can ignore this dialogue. I put it in because it was funny, but I don't think Manei has half a clue about anything in the gaming world...
I recall looking to the sky and seeing some very odd hovercraft fly across. It had four orange glowing circles on it that I thought were some kind of anti-gravity discs or something.
I began to become fully lucid and realized that, while conscious I had no reason to manifest this character into my dreams. I had probably just subconsciously manifested her by accident. Manei was right. This character would be nothing more than a distraction for me.
There was some other aspect to this that passes through my head, though. Manei and Raiah were supposed to be like opposite characters in my dreams. Maybe there is something I could learn from this...

I wake up. At freaking 2 in the morning. I try to get back to sleep, but I can't.

Standing on the roof of an impossibly tall and beautiful glass building, a city of green and glass stretches around us in all directions as far as the eye can see. The sun is setting just slightly to the left, reflecting orange off the glass city and bathing everything in a surreal light.

I’ve recently started work as an assistant to a big shot CEO. My partner in the job is a young man with wavy auburn curls and a genuine smile. I like him already. Standing before the railing a few feet in front of us, Big Shot gives me and the young man a stern talk about maintaining a status quo of outstanding work, all the while, looking out at the city and the setting sun. The only view we get is of his back. He has a nice pinstriped suit, and his hair is well gelled. I don’t hear much of what he’s saying because I’m trying to remember what his name is; Steven? Stefan? I can’t remember.

Big Shot finishes his talk and takes his leave. The muted click of the door as he exits emphasizes the silence between the young man and me, now alone on the roof. Mason is his name, I think, and as I try to remember his surname said young man steps forward to look out at the city from the edge of the railing where Big Shot stood only moments before. Turning back to catch my attention, he gestures out toward the sea of orange glass.

“Isn’t it strange to think that we don’t know how old these buildings are, even though we use them every day?” he shakes his head in amazement and returns his gaze to the golden city.

I know how old these building are, but I choose to let his question hang in the air. All our history was lost when the internet crashed in the early 21st century, so no one can know I came from 2014 or I would never hear the end of it. Besides, life is better in this future. There’s no need to remember the damaged past.

Before he left, Big Shot told Mason and me we had some chores to take care of. After another few minutes on the roof, we figure it’s time to get started and make our way toward the stairs. Behind us, the sun disappears below the skyline and the roof access door slides shut with a muted click.

Cutting to the chase:

In the dream, I wake up in my bed as normal, but there's someone in my room with me. Turns out it's my history teacher. She explains that I've been taken to the future, or an alternate reality, I'm not sure. Either way I've been taken from my life and into another kind of society.

Here, most people have had their brain implanted into a robot body and are now basically Robocops. There are a few Fleshdwellers (humans with their original body intact and in use) left, most of them have become Crawlers (nightmareish creatures with a lust for murder, they have no depth perception for some reason and no hair and red eyes.. long story short: they're dangerous and creepy) who hunt down the remaining non-Crawler Fleshdwellers for scientific research. ..and "spare parts", I guess.

One night, while running from a Crawler, I run into a person (with a robotic body). She's my friend apparently, and takes me down into the sewers, hoping the smell will mask mine so the Crawler will get lost in there. We end up getting caught in a current and the further along we get, the cleaner the water becomes.

Until we surface again in a lake full of pure water, glistening in both moon- and sunlight at the same time. It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen. It reminds me of where the Elves live in Lord of the Rings. But the people living there are no elves, they're just.. ..humans. Looking, talking and walking like humans. Except they have no word for "I" and always speak in "we" and "us".

Then of course my alarm goes off and that's that for this dream

It was totally awesome and I want to go back there.

Summary: walking in large outdoor park in daylight, avoiding back and forth sprinklers, thinking about math results, go to building, can't find entrance to classrooms, finally enter and teacher quizzes me on which class I should enter, "lines of Lucien"

I'm outdoors in a large open park-like area in daylight. I'm with someone who later turns out to be my son S2. At first I'm thinking about meeting up with a group. Then I'm thinking about math: I'm waiting for results of a test? I'm finishing 8th grade? There are lawn sprinklers (the back and forth kind not the circular ones) operating on the paths, I try to time my passing so that the sprinklers are moving away from me as I pass through them to minimize how much water splashes on me, but I always seem to get caught in the return movement and get a bit wet.

I'm with S2 and we approach a building, looking rather old and decrepit, he makes a comment about it I forgot, we're walking along it and trying to find the entrance. I can hear faint sounds of people inside so I know we should be able to get in. I can't see any windows but S2 is able to dig his fingers into the walls and find the edges of panels/shutters that are covering the windows and swings several of them open, we try to look through most the glass is dark / opaque. At some point we look back the way we came and see the entrance.

We go inside and it is like a classroom, with rows of students at desks quietly working, S2 says something like this must be the lunch period. There is a turnstyle we need to enter?

A male teacher approaches and starts asking me about things that I know in order to determine which class I need to enter. He asks if I've studied the equations of intersecting planes and "the Lines of Lucien." I think I have but I don't want to say "yes" and be put in to the wrong class. I try to indicate what I've learned, I think of parabolas and conic sections, I bend the index fingers of my left and right hands and bring them together in order to indicate this, and say I've studied parabolas, hyperboles, and conic sections.

I think for a moment (a pearl of lucidity?) that I've studied math far beyond these levels.

Black: Non-dream
Blue: Non-lucid
Red: Lucid

Dreams keep getting more stressful lately, must be the pressure of exams starting to take a toll on my sleep.
Didn't properly do a WBTB last night either.

Dream 1 - Joust
Kind of like a farmland, there's a fence too, and past that fence is a Mexican-like desert. I am Mexican in the dream (I'm not Mexican IWL) and I'm aspiring to be a knight like the four knights that exist on the green farmland. I head over the fence to help the Mexicans or something, this bit is fuzzy but I recall something to do with snakes. The knights come over now, and the Mexicans all cheer for them and my help is unappreciated. There is a Kill/Death/Assist score on the top right corner of my vision (like a video game) and one of the knights has a score of 108/0/0. My score is something like 0/2/0. He scorns me, he looks exactly like Alfred Molina, the bad guy in 'The Sorcerers Apprentice'.

Dream 2 - School Camp
We're in some run down farm house for a school field trip, everyone goes out onto the field to get into groups and I need to go toilet. I head to a toilet but it's practically in the open, I'm really uncomfortable about it and try to close the windows. I smack my head on an open window that I swear I had closed (I have an inkling of a feeling that this isn't right) - my mind tells me that some kids opened it, but they're no where to be seen (again this feeling of dreaming comes, but I don't quite realize it). I've missed out on getting into a group with my friends because I was closing windows for 5 minutes. I start getting stressed out, I try find a group but then Bobby Lee (the actor in some of the MadTV sketches) starts giving a damn announcement. I am forced to wait while he rants on, getting more and more panicky as I just want to get into a group and feel safe. Towards the end I start thinking "Hmm, screw it, I'll just muck around, this is a field trip after all", but the feeling of stress is kind of still there.

1.
Mom was singing with a boy and man. I liked one of the songs a lot and asked her for it, but she got annoyed. I said ‘never mind’ and went to my room, closing the door.

2.
A man (Man 1) walking into a central room on a spaceship. Another man (Man 2) that seems familiar to me (I remember his looks but can’t describe them ._.) is standing facing away, hands clasped behind his back. Memory’s real fuzzy here. The man who walked in asks the other what his preferences are – he wants them to get involved with this third man (Man 3) to help him or something.

Jump.

Man 1 is flirting/roughhousing with Spider-man and laughing. From a distance to the left, Man 2 and Spider-man are watching the scene thoughtfully. It had the feel of Man 2 showing him something to make a point.

3.
I’m playing a game. It’s like Mario in that you control little characters, directing them on a map to the place you want to go. I choose a little creature that reminds me of a fiery red Pac-Man and direct him to a nearby place.

It looks a lot like a Mario area but more surreal. I end up making my character fling to the far left and have to make my way back to where I started, ignoring loot and things I see, which is hard. I wonder what skills he has besides the basic attack, and manage to find where to look. I’m surprised to see it has two Frost skills, because I had assumed it was a Fire creature.

It’s blurry here, but ‘I’ and some other people are negotiating or something but it goes bad, and turns into a big fight. I’m stealthily moving northward around the action.

Huge golems are hurling rocks over to the left towards me. I as my dwarf Erde dodge them. As I pass the golems, I think about what I should be going after in the fight, but end up completely bypassing everything to go down the north corridor.

I’m looking through the rooms when my sister comes up and seems to be looking for something. From here on, I felt like I knew a step ahead what was going on. I knew she was looking for her child that I hadn’t known about before. I keep looking for the place the child would be hiding. I see a blanket seat in a closet at one point.

”Read the letter,” She says as she looks in a closet to the right in the room at the end, calling out the boy’s name (which I can’t remember). There’s a folded up white piece of paper on a pile of blankets(?) on the floor.

“This one?” I ask as I unfold it and glance over it. It doesn’t make much sense, but I know it’s supposed to be a letter telling me about the child.

Gap.

I’m looking at a blue box of corndogs, and there’s a quote on it from my sister and a friend about how they’d conceived the babies on accident. The friend’s name was something like ‘Gosh’ but I knew it really meant the red-headed friend Rane had long ago. I felt that something was kind of off with that.

Inspiration: Playing Dragon Age: Origins, just finished the Deep Roads stuff recently. My sister and her child might have come from the dwarf commoner’s sister Rica, or from my own sister and a previous dream. We did have a box of corndogs a few weeks ago that I thought about recently.

From November 3rd.

I’m at a pharmacy with a group of people to get medicine. We’re directed to another line to the left. I get mine but someone with me points out that he gave me the wrong one. I look at the carton box and see the brand name and ‘Energy’ under it. Mine isn’t supposed to have that.

I get back in line, and I think I skip ahead of someone to the right who’s leaning on the counter, and get it exchanged. I figure the Energy one must have been accidentally put in the wrong place.

Jump.

I climb the counter in a house’s kitchen and look in the medicine cabinet. I see different kinds of meds, one a being a clear bottle with purple energy medicine in it. I take a sip against my better judgment, because I know I’m about to go sleep.

In a room, I had my moved my bare blue small mattress (actually my old twin-sized one IWL) over to the left on the floor. I have a stereo playing. I realize one of the halves of the green curtain over the door fell. I fix it, then cover both sides with a yellow curtain. Part of me thinks this is weird.

I realize that I can’t even hear the stereo that’s on in the kitchen so I may as well turn it off and just keep mine going (even though I can’t see it).

I remember wondering if the energy stuff I took was affecting me.

Inspirations: I had a conversation with mom about not drinking the Energy flavored water anymore but I have one left so I put a tiny amount of that in my jug whenever I make up some flavored water. Meds part comes from being nervous about my doctor’s appointment mixed with the energy drink thing. We actually do have a yellow curtain at the bottom of the stairs. The stereo part comes from me having to turn off dad's iPod radio in the kitchen yet again because he’s got his headphones on in the other room and can’t hear it anyway.

From November 3rd.

1.
Something big is happening. A woman is looking to me for answers. I consult some kind of book in my hands, and say that ‘it wasn’t ‘supposed to happen like this’. Something about an illustration of a cloud of brown stuff.

Inspiration: It made me think of Orzammar (in Dragon Age: Origins) so it may’ve had something to do with dwarves.

2.
I’m offered one of three “legendary creatures” that I can pick from a plain-looking bag.

Gap.

It’s a black bird, like a crow in size but a bit smaller and lighter colored.

I use a special call to communicate with it by blowing down into my thumbnail.

I meet a guy who’s intrigued by it. The bird turns out to be his father but none of us know this. The guy’s mother makes an appearance at some point.

Fixing a shoe or something by putting it in another shoe?

Inspiration: The bag and creatures reminds me a lot of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and I was thinking about HP recently.

Black: Non-dream
Blue: Non-lucid
Red: Lucid

Note
WBTB at ~5, ate a banana, was pretty good. Did 7 short SSILD cycles followed by 2 long ones, then for every 5 minutes or so afterwards I did another 2 short SSILD cycles to maintain the awareness.

Lucid Dream - Almost fought Goku...
Me and E are in the same house, we're looking for something, I think I remember where it is. She's in the lounge and I recall it being somewhere near the TV, so I head there and move towards the direction of the TV. She is in the centre of the room and kind of gasps at my sudden appearance in the room, and it felt like she was infatuated with me. Felt a bit weird because IWL we pretty much hate each other. I rustle around in the cabinets beneath the TV and there's a whole bunch of damn cables in the way. "Wait a minute... What am I doing here?" I kind of just realize that this is all a dream, I don't even bother doing a reality check.

"stabilize now...... stabilize now.... STABILIZE NOW!" The last one I yelled out and the world around me brightened a bit and became more clear, the echo of my shout rings around the room a bit. Oddly enough I noticed now that I was in a kitchen on the 1st floor of a 2 story house, opposed to being on the 2nd floor of a different 2 story house. E was gone now too. I feel like later I should try summon her back. To my left is a fridge, I approach it, the feel of my feet touching the ground is so real. I can see all the individual dust particles that have settled or were floating around the world. I head towards a some carpeted stairs and go up, I'm met by a typical baby-proof gate. I see a toddler walk out of his room rubbing his eyes, he looks at me and I realize he is me as a kid. I continue on, the baby-proof gate mysteriously gone now. I look around and see something I couldn't possibly describe accurately... It was Luffy's brother Ace (from the One Piece anime) and he was made of bubblegum, including his clothing and hat. He was there, then he wasn't. Then I saw a poster in a nearby room that had him and Luffy with there foreheads pressed against each other in an eye-glaring brotherly stare down. The thought that I could summon Luffy just blew me away, I'd be able to hang with him! Awesome. I think to myself that he's behind the door in that room with the poster, and then rush around. But nope, there's a pimply brown-haired 20 year old hipster dude just sitting on the edge of the bed texting. Then somehow I'm given this container of pills called "Black Elite Pills", which in the dream meant that they're what Goku uses to power-up to his Super Saiyan Black Elite level... Which doesn't exist, I know, but I thought it did in the dream . I see Goku in the room sitting at the computer playing games and I decide to pop open the container and eat a whole heap of them, "Hey Goku, let's do this." I throw him the container, and we're getting ready now to duke it out. But I'm awake now. Slowly the clarity of the dream must have been fading away, and I hadn't noticed.

Non-lucid Lucid

I sat on the floor, in a creepy, old house. It was cold, and I was freezing. I heard horrible sounds from outside.
I looked out the window and saw a scarecrow with white eyes. I freaked out at that moment, and tried to hide, but of course I couldnt. The scarecrow found me every time and it was laughing.
" You can't hide " it repeated while I was desperately trying to run away or hide, but for some reason, my hands popped up in front of me, and I knew I was dreaming. The scarecrow stood still and I imagined a bomb or something on it. I yelled out that the scarecrow had to disappear, and.. BOOM.. everything just exploded and I entered a new dream scene. But now, It wasn't a nightmare anymore. I was in the middle of a big beautiful field with yellow trees and like thousands of rainbows everywhere. Yes, that was amazing. The last thing I remember, is that I saw a friendly dinosaur..

I'm listening to a man die while I remain in hiding. I'm thinking that maybe I should have moved sooner and saved him, even though I'd have risked being seen - but I don't have any particular emotion about this, except maybe a little irritation at myself. I've been sent into this old stone ruin of a fortress, and I'd intended for only five particular men to be spared. Now I'm down to four. It's not ideal, but I'll have to live with it.

I couldn't hear her very clearly from my hiding place under their bed, but the woman who stabbed him said something to the effect that he should have recognized her. Some personal revenge thing - none of my business. Now I'm seeing the sort of smoke haze of colors passing before my eyes that I associate with life leaving a body. I watch it dissipate in the air, and I'm irritated at the waste. Waiting around is pointless now - and the woman should be directly above me. I stab up through the mattress.

When she dies, my perspective shifts. I'm floating in the void, with this massive black slab of a door in front of me, as wide as it is tall, some kind of geometric symbol across it. It's standing on this sort of grid far below, like a chess board where all the squares are black, with the door as a line across the center of the board. There's a few gravestones occupying some of the squares of the grid - that's new. I realize immediately they represent the previous targets the door sent me after - one of them must represent that woman whose death brought me back here. The door's saying something in my head about bringing it wisdom for the dead.

I wasn't practicing seriously for the last couple weeks as I felt too busy with work to devote much time to journaling, so my motivation to LD was also low (because successful attempts commit me to hours of writing if I'm going to record them right). Last night I felt more motivated so instead of playing video games late at night I went to bed early (11:30pm, early for me anyway) and put in a solid WILD attempt, with a full two-hour WBTB (from 1:45am when I woke up naturally until 3:45) followed by 14 minutes seated meditation and the usual counting ritual on returning to bed.

The attempt felt promising as I didn't fall asleep too quickly but maintained liminal awareness for awhile, and it was around 4:15am when I finally went back to sleep. However I did not achieve a WILD, and experienced nothing but an extremely vague NLD (something about a shoot-out, I was a young man in Vietnam I think, maybe during the war, the guys on my side had a sort of built structure to take positions in but it was full of rats, and my character felt very uncomfortable about the rats).

I woke up again at 6:30am and was desperate enough to take galantamine, even though I hate the after-effects and it hardly works for me anymore. This was followed by another vaguely-recalled dream which involved distinct manifestations of dream control (elaborate flying and levitation, which felt like I was deliberately testing the limits of my abilities) but very little dream awareness. At the end I was having what felt like a very meaningful conversation with a DC, but I don't remember what we talked about. It felt like there was great complexity to this dream as well as the previous one but my recollection was not sufficient to preserve it.

At 8:30am I woke up again, realized I had another bust, and as a last resort tried my vibrating alarm. I felt it go off three times but each time it jostled me out of sleep and I didn't feel like there was much I could do dream-wise, nor did I remember any dreams of note. The last time I at least remembered to try to DEILD but the REM atonia was apparently already broken, so it didn't work. I've always been able to instinctively DEILD-chain my WILDs, even before I knew what it was called, but for some reason that is the only situation in which I've been able to pull it off. Woke up for the final time at 9:30am and now I'm frustrated enough to declare a dryspell. Writing a report anyway because it was a deliberate attempt and also so that my mind can't use the break from journaling as an excuse for not dreaming properly.

Hi everyone! I want to share with you a frightening (maybe not) dream I've had not last night, but the one before.

I was lyng on a surgical bed, while the doctor was preparing his instruments. Around us, only the purest darkness. He said the operation aim was to kill me in a slow and atrocious way. He took a little bisturi and cut my left hand's fingers with a diagonal line. I could see bone and blood. I was really scared while he was doing this, but I felt no pain, and so I accepted my coming death. He showed me two swords and asked me what was the one I liked most: one was a dark blue saber, full of reflections, the other one was yellow and a bit more opaque, and the edge was more straight. I preferred the second one, but I felt kinda of captured by the first, and I said it was my choice. He used it to pierce my heart, and blood scattered everyone. There was a still image showing the scene from my right, with me, the doctor and the objects which where nothing but shadows printed on a light brown background.
The doctor (surgeon/murderer) was angry because of my apathy.

I had this dream three times that night, one the doctor had yellow skin, and of the other one I remember nothing.

Another sludgy dream last night. The clarity is picking up a little, but not much. I'm sort of on a dry spell. I was driving with S to my college and I pulled over and made S get out because we were running low on gas.
I then drove about half a mile to a gas station, and pulled up. I was ready to pump the gas and realized that I had to go pee. I was also thinking that I should go back and get S where I left him, by the side of the road.
I went into the gas station and in the bathroom, for some reason, there was no toilet, just a large PVC pipe sticking out of the floor. The gas station was doing maintenance or something, and I figured It was where the toilet was supposed to attach, and that I could just do my business in it.
So I'm doing my thing and I realize that this situation is actually rather absurd, so I start reality checking. For some reason it takes two nose pinches and a host mental questions for me to properly become lucid. When I became lucid, I realized that if I was having dreams about peeing, that I might have to get up and go to the bathroom, otherwise I could wet the bed. So, I simply woke myself up.

Well I didn't have to go to the bathroom in WL. Kind of wasted a lucid there.

I was thinking about something on the drive to college. When I started lucid dreaming, three and a half years ago, my goal was nightly lucidity. I would sometimes say to myself that I wanted to 'become' a natural lucid dreamer. To be honest that is still my goal, and I getting closer. I have about one lucid dream a week now, and no shortage of close calls and partially lucid moments in-between. I'm really not that far off from my goal, but there is still work to be done.
Late October was a good time for me, and now I seem to be in a bit of a slump. Probably due to stress in WL. I was thinking about holding off on lucid dreaming a little bit this next week or so, letting the dry spell blow over and focusing more on issues in waking life. Because for me to be truly happy, both my waking life and my dream life have to exist harmoniously. So I might be a little less active in this next week or two. By no means will I stop posting, but I might only log on once a day to lay out a quick nonlucid DJ entry.
Back on the topic of my nightly lucidity goal. I was thinking about how all too often I forget that I shouldn't just be focused on the end result, but perhaps the journey along the way, too. This hasn't always been an easy mindset to have for lucid dreaming. To me, I always thought of 'completing one level before moving onto the next'. By that I mean, attaining nightly recall before I started practicing lucid techniques. Then, attaining nightly lucidity before practicing stabilization techniques. Then, I with a consistent means to lucid dream, I could learn stabilization and dream control with no shortage of windows to practice. But that isn't the way it's happened for me, or anybody else. I've been developing all of those skills little by little. So I'm going to try and change my mindset; lucid dreaming is an adventure to be had, in all of its stages.