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Morning of December 7, 2018. Friday.

Dream #: 18,981-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min. Readability score: 66.



I become vividly aware of being in my brother-in-law Bob’s car in the back seat, on the right side. (This subliminally stems from sleeping on the right side of our bed, though my conscious self’s identity is otherwise absent as I have not been in La Crosse since 1994. My dream self’s location in the back seat implies being in temporary isolation from my reticular activating system’s processing.) It is nighttime. The parked car is in the middle of the east side of Wood Street. (This is scene is erroneous, as Bob would typically only park on Loomis Street near where he lived.)

An unknown male is backing up his car, which remains perpendicular, from the other side of the street, towards Bob’s car. Although I think his vehicle might hit hard, as he does not seem to notice Bob’s car, the back of it only bumps the right side near my door.

I start yelling at him and leave Bob’s car to go to the front of it. By now, a few other unknown people are present. At least one police officer (a preconscious simulacrum that does not activate) is nearby, but there is not much interaction (due to my level of dream state consciousness in the transition to the next scene). The man remains in his car. I point out to the others how the right front wheel of Bob’s car is now bent, the top at an outward angle. I go over to the left side and see that the left front tire has what resembles a big pile of white cream (or white “clay”) near it that appears as if it had been squeezed out from a short cylindrical protuberance on the tire. (Gamma-aminobutyric acid, or GABA, in its natural form, is rare autosymbolism, yet has appeared in several dreams recently.)

I walk back to Loomis Street, into the backyard of the house by way of the alley, and enter the house via the back door. As I walk around, I see that everyone is in bed. I want to tell them about the mishap with the car. The house is dark, and I complain that it is before eight o'clock in asking why everyone is already asleep. One bedroom replaces the porch, with the bed visible beyond the living room’s doorway and long ways to it, but my dream self does not recognize this error. At this point, I am more viably subliminally aware I am in the dream state (as validated by seeing people in bed and the RAS precursor of the previous scene not initiating), which triggers the next stage of the dreaming process.

Vestibular system correlation kicks in as usual at this level of dream state consciousness. I am in Southside La Crosse now, near a group of about seven unfamiliar teenagers, both males and females. I easily allow myself to rise in the air and hover for a time, but I also fly around for short distances. Most of the other people are surprised. I tell them that I cannot understand why people walk over a long distance (such as from one side of town to another) when flying is so much easier. The others take turns rising in the air for a short time.

From here, an unknown male happily flies with me, including through the service area of a restaurant (caused by subliminal hunger during sleep). I eventually arrive in the parking lot of a shopping mall. However, it also has a vague association with my old middle school in Arcadia.

The parking lot (autosymbolism for an inactive body while sleeping) usually comes at a closer emerging consciousness stage than does a porch (in which porch, warehouse, shed or garage, parking lot typically correlates with incremental bands of concurrent consciousness in the waking process). There are a few unknown men who are amazed at how I hover and fly around. They talk about gravity and how I am “defying the laws of gravity.” I tell them that flying is a natural activity and that you only have to allow yourself to rise in the air.

They continue to mention gravity as I walk to the other side of the parking lot, near the street, to prepare to fly again. I cheerfully yell back at them, “If gravity existed as you say it does, then the moon would be stuck to the Earth!” My affirmation stems from how the dream self and its imaginary physicality (moon) is not bound by the physical (Earth).

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Created Thursday 06 December 2018
Had quite a rough night, but I toughed out the odds...

Scrap Group 1
Watching a D&D discussion podcast.

One or two fragments of my wandering around a shopping center.

Dream 1 - Jaunt to the Shimmering Void Mall

Scene 1 - Whirlwind Breath
The visuals were blurred. WILD transition in bed. Of course, I was incapable of moving. Noticing how strongly I as breathing, I thought to use such respiration to blast me out of the room. Instead, I'd somehow conjured a whirlwind. I was sent spiraling in midair. About 10 seconds later, I was violently thrust through the floor and into the void. Transition.

Scene 2 - E and the Shimmering Void Mall
The visuals were a bit dim and blurred. I was falling in a dark void, pitch black initially, then glimmering with bursts of light in the distance. As soon as I hit "ground", I called out to my guide. It took a bit of patience and a lot of repeating, but eventually, I saw her form several yards ahead of me. She was dressed in worn, faded casual clothing. Furthermore, she appeared a bit different than usual, appearing thinner (if still untoned) having lighter hair tied in an unkempt bun, and being a few years younger than me. Her facial features also wasn't hers, though I corrected that in time.

My guide seemed a bit woozy, almost tilting over, as she asked why I'd called her. I scooped her in my arms to keep her from falling. I then requested for her to lead me to the Backyard. While she yawned, she agreed to as much, but not before she finished her work at an arcade she was supposedly employed in. Thought she was just blowing steam to distract me. Still, I was curious enough to see where this was going.

The environment briefly warped. Now, we were in an empty courtyard within a mall, twilight from outside the only light source available. E pivoted herself to let herself stand and walk on her own two feet. She spoke of having two jobs in this structure, a Dave and Busters, and a different arcade. I asked for a pause to do other things between our explanation. As per the contest, I briefly tried conjuring a Christmas bulb, but couldn't. I opted not to force anything. Anyway, my guide mentioned details of her tasks within both jobs, though I can't recall specifics.

This went on for over two minutes, until the dream destabilized. Quick DEILD.

Scene 3 - Tornado Breath
The visuals were blurred. Transition in bed. Once again, I couldn't move. I tried the wind trick above, only this time, I wanted to bring a full-blown tornado. This was accomplished with surprising ease. I was instantly sent spinning inside the disaster's funnel. Although this all visually appeared as simplistic 16-bit graphics, both the sensation and deafening winds were more than believable.

Destabilization a minute later. Various unknown non-lucid transitions until getting to below.

Scene 4 - Honey Rice and Dumplings
The visuals were dim and blurred. Non-lucid. I was seated in a void. Whereas the surroundings were pitch black, I could plainly see two full plates of Chinese dumplings laid out in front of me. With a pair of chopsticks in hand, I wasted no time helping myself. Some of the dumplings were a little soggy, but overall, they tasted fantastic. I went on to the point that I could barely breathe.

I then called to the unseen patrons, asking if they still had any "Honey Rice" left. Although I couldn't see them, I did hear them say there was some of that food, and indeed, they slid me a plateful of such.

I got curious at that moment. So, I imagined rubbing my hands, and lo and behold, I did just that. Got aware again. Still, I just continued indulging myself, shoveling down as much delicious rice and dumplings as I could. I continued for two minutes until the dream collapsed.

I really just want to know the meaning behind this dream. It happened a few hours ago, but I’m still incredibly spooked about it. **DISCLAIMER** I’m very afraid of death but have not thought or talked about it in a very long time.

What I remember is being in an old primary school even though I am of my current age ( f. 16 ) and with some friends. I was very far from family so I didn’t have time to go back to them after receiving news about a nuclear attack very soon. The school staff prepared us, took all security precautions and measures (somehow the school had activated technology to fight against the radiation of the bomb). The staff told us some people will die and some won’t. They said if you were to feel yourself peeing, it’s because you’re dying. So without taking any chances, I took out my phone (I was lying on the ground for whatever reason) and started texting my boyfriend and family. I could feel myself start to pee, so I knew I was about to die. I saw the explosion from about a mile or two away, the only thing is this had some sort of smoke in it that killed us, wasn’t radiation. I felt my heart beating rapidly, i could feel my organs move around and eventually burst from inside of me. Everything was incredibky vivid, I could see myself from outside of my body staring at my corpse and feeling sorry. when I woke up I wondered how I was even alive. I wonder what’s the meaning behind this. I’m truly shaken up still

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Once again at my friend Zilla's home, actually her mom's. I go outside on the neighborhood for a walk and find lots of new shoes from a shop discarded by the dumpster. Some are still in the original boxes, but I will need bags to carry them with me. My friends, Zilla and Licas, they come by and we arrange to go get bags at home to rescue those shoes. At some point I am there guarding it so that no one else takes it and a couple of policemen comes ask me what I am doing. They think I am responsible for all those shoes on the ground and I could get a fine for it. But I explain what I am actually doing and ask if they can wait for my friends to come with bags.

Later on a department store, a vintage thing, looks like it's the 1930's. I am with a friend, a cute curly blond lady. She sees another lady she dislikes, paying for some very luxurious towels and leaving them unattended at the cashier's balcony. In a moment of distraction of the cashier, she steals the towels and runs towards me, so we go away before anyone notices. I become accidentally involved. We head to an elevator and she acts all paranoid as we descend to the garage level. I actually think she might have gotten away with it. I feel like I'm in a Hitchcock movie. I go home by train. Unfortunately there must have been witnesses or something, because days later I receive a notification to pay for the towels she stole - they considered me accomplice - and they even charged me 9€ for a pen I took by mistake that I had used to sign a cheque.

Some epic story, I think in China , but could be in Korea, Mongolia. This one felt a bit like a Bong Joon-ho movie. It was about some invaders, from another kingdom or tribe, and some people being driven out of their lands and persecuted. Their rulers are probably dead but there is a prince and a princess whom they believe are still alive but were captured. They escape through the mountains and reach an arid plateau. they are walking in two parallel lines along a path crossing the plateau, when their prince and princess appear at the end of the lines, running, looking beaten down. They rejoice, happy that they escaped. Unfortunately they were being followed by the enemy army, which is coming ready for an ambush. They have like a giant white sleeve-like trap they pull along the line of people, capturing them like fish in a net. I don't know how it is possible, but it works. And I am trapped with them.

12.05.2018
09:00 AM

Xanathar Errand Boy (Non-Lucid)

I am in a car accident and the other driver is a lacky of the beholder crime lord Xanathar. I am coerced into joining the guild under fear of disentefration.

The first errand I have to do is get rid of evidence of the car crash which I do with another guild member. I then meet the Xanathar in person and he shows me a collection kf d&d miniatures. Apparently he collects them and has more that he wants me to go to the store and buy for him.

At the store I only find half of the ones on his list and it worries me. I take the ones I can find to the check out. I leave them there for a minute and when i come back they are gone. I tell the cashier I need the back and it's a life or death situation. She finds them in the go back bin and I buy them.

Back at the Xanathar dungeon I am showing Xanathar the new minis and he is happy. I try very hard not to let him realize there are any missing. Right about then I wake up.

12-4

Fragment (a): Guy with vape-ish thing that has a rubber cover on mouthpiece, like a new paintbrush. He gives me douche chills. He's explaining something in a condescending way? Darkish wood room?

Dream (i): In a very dark crawlspace/attic/room, sneaking around, don't want to be found. Strong sense of foreboding, remember thinking "oh no" after feeling fear, remembering in-dream that fear/expectation will cause the thing to happen. I don't get close to lucidity though. Strange how I can peripherally recognize things to do/not do in a dream, and realize them, but not realize I'm in a dream. Fell through with companion onto a palette/tub in the corner of the room; window across the way? Transition, outside 8 on dog walking path by poop bag station. Talking to dad about politics/voting? Notable as the first time I've dreamed about this area of 8, which is strange because I've walked the path thrice daily for over a year living here.

Dream (ii): FA-type dream, but in totally distorted version of 8. Has almost the same vibe as (i) (foreboding), but now F is here. She's gotten dressed in her pajamas again and is sitting on the couch, I join her there (third person moment). Notable because in the waking between (i) and (ii), I MILDed that I wanted to return to the dream location of (i), and in a sense they were very close together in a way that I can't quite put my finger on. It's just that "dream understanding" that comes to you.

Fragment (b): Series of in-bed FAs.

Lucid #71: In a house, don't remember the first few moments of the dream, suddenly gain consciousness and push my hands into a wall. Feels cool. When I pull them back out, I have rotten/termite-eaten wood one one of my index fingers. Something looks wrong about my wrist where the (sleeve?) meets my hand -- the overlap is backwards. It looks my hand (which looks totally real) is actually a glove, and the sleeve is my real body? So I pull off my hand like a glove, and underneath there's a foot! It's not mine because it's not hairy and looks feminine, and the toes are painted blue (#00008b looks like a match). I feel it with my hand and then put it against my face to see if it feels real -- it does! I have a hand foot! How strange. I don't know for sure now, but I remember after waking thinking that the senses to my hand felt different -- it didn't feel like I could control a hand and those nerve impulses would be "translated" into foot movements -- it actually felt like controlling another foot in the place of my hand. If that makes sense. But there's no way to verify that now I guess. Anyway, after feeling the foot, I was torn between sitting down and meditating and teleporting to my dream world, and I ended up hesitating and woke up.

Fragment (c): Series of controllable hypnagogic episodes. First, a series of faces that I could move, and who had personalities I could understand. I don't remember the second. I also had one or more dreams after this but lost them.



Notes: Excited about the December Contest!

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Something with Zilla. I am preparing toasts in a kitchen and I put lots of margarine on it. Can't remember details, but she and a friend are in the next room making arrangements for something and I can see and hear through the walls and I am feeling excited with this ability. There is a guy too and at some point they all take a bus and I know from my super-power that the the guy is carrying a good amount of money with him and they advised him to be discreet.

Me and mom drive into a very degraded neighborhood, looking for the house of a lady to pick her up for something. Some houses are falling apart, people here are really poor. On arrival to the address, my mom crosses path with her older brother who doesn't get along with her and vice-versa, but he tries to get a ride from us. She pretty much ignores him and goes to sit on some low wall that surrounds he area. He then goes away with someone else. Then a third person says that maybe we should have been more sympathetic, that the man is down because one of his grandfathers died. But this grandfather isn't grandfather of my mom. He was a well known gypsy with a reputation. My mom doesn't feel any obligation of anything and anyway we also had family members dying and he never showed up.
We pick up the person we came for, she lives with kids in the basement of one of these houses.
We go to the city center, go through some place like a street market, looks like a dystopian future, but everyone dresses like the 80s, including us. There is a celebration of an election going on, but it looks chaotic and dangerous like in a Mad Max movie. And we are worried about two street kittens that mom used to feed in this area and were forced to move on to another area and now we can't find them.

Visiting my university and particularly the student's association. All is so different, dark, degraded, once again Mad Max like. Instead of political work the kids are having hardcore parties and the association looks like a really shabby non-recommendable club.

I go outside and walk the streets and I spot a little squirrel looking for food. I have some cat food with me and I slowly approach and try to feed him. When he finally caves in and comes eating on my hand, I sit on the floor against a wall. Then some guys come warn me that I am sitting against the Israel's embassy and that I'd better move on or they'll find suspicious and shoot me. I get up and as I walk towards their entrance, I am dragged by a crowd who is also in celebration mode and apparently welcoming someone important. I don't want to have anything to do with that, so I cross the road only to see myself in the path of a car with black windows, escorted by bikes and lots of security. Once again I really don't want to be in the middle of all this.

At home, I check my non-lethal traps for rats. All empty. And then I hear noises in the walls and realize they are infested with rats nests. I open a few holes and there they are, some very large rats. And they look at me with their really cute eyes like challenging me, knowing that I don't want to kill them. But I think I need more traps and maybe will even try to catch them by hand, as they are so many.

A post apocalyptic scene with zombies. I am watching from a distance a man on top of a car in the middle of water. He thinks he is safe there, but the water is knee deep and 3 zombies head towards him. Luckily we're dealing with slow zombies. So I have time to go there and try to help. As I fight through the zombies, a military jeep comes by with half a dozen soldiers, men and women, and they take care of it. They take the man who is injured and say are they can't take me as the jeep is full. But 3 ladies in the back seat squeeze themselves and still find a little space for me. On the way they are arguing with one of them who shoots black zombies more than whites and he does so also to those zombies who are not an immediate threath. Since there is an official program to find a cure, the protocol states they only kill the ones they really have to, but they noticed this guy is trigger happy regarding black zombies. He denies but everybody can see he is a racist and is using the opportunity to shoot some black people in the hopes that when the cure is achieved, the world will have less of them. We are shocked.

Somewhere in a middle eastern town. In some compound with my dogs in a garage. My dog Lady finds a way to break the gate and they all run outside and disappear in the labyrinth of a street market. I freak out at the idea they get lost and don't come back, so I follow them and shout their names, so they don't lose me as a reference. I spot Maya and Soraia and lure them to me. Since they are the smaller ones, I grab them and then go look for the others. It is easier to get the other to follow if I carry these two. But on the way back, Maya and Tara become human girls and they want to buy scarfs from a salesman. I say no, Tara insists. She gets a blue scarf and somehow she has the money to pay, but she doesn't leave a tip. The couple of owners and their family start saying profanities and insulting the girls, but they speak in portuguese and I realize they are actually a portuguese family. I go to them and very politely I say that I understood all they said. They feel awkward. I explain she doesn't know about tips and the local customs, even I didn't know, but that they are the best people and don't deserve to be insulted that way. I leave a tip them and then we go away.

Sooooooo, last night was pretty wild. I'm still popping B6 every day, and meditating a decent amount (maybe once a day). Well, falling asleep I kept lucidity on my mind, and hoped for the random dild... You know I don't like depending on dilds.... I woke up at 12pm, that's 2 hours after I went to bed. And I was decently awake. I felt like I was getting sick. My throat was sore af, and every time I inhaled and exhaled, my throat would bother me. I tried wilding. And honestly I have always struggled with this induction technique.. well tonight was different!!!! As I was falling back asleep, I kept focusing on the slight bother in my throat. I kept breathing calmly and focused on making awareness and focusing on my breath. The bothersome feeling in my throat was suddenly gone. I couldn't move, and it felt like a blanket in the form of sleep itself was slowly put over my entire body. It felt like SP. So I took the opportunity to transition into a dream!! I "forced" myself to sit up in my bed (it felt almost impossible to do). I RCed, and I was in a dream!!!! I got up and walked towards the door to the entrance hall. My dog was laying i front of the door. He got up as I approached the door. As he walked past me I graced my hand through his fur. He felt just like in waking life lol. I went into the entrance hall, the lights were off. I flipped the switch but the lights didn't turn on. I jumped up to the lightbulb and snapped my fingers to make it light up. It didn't lol. I walked into the next room, and found my brother and his family sleeping. They were also sleeping in two other rooms lol. I felt like I was waking up from the dream. I woke up.

Good dream!!! VERY VIVID!!!! the gravity was a bit off , but all in all it was good. But short. Ohh well I wilded!!!!! I'll try to keep this feeling in my memory, so I might be able to do it once again 👍👍


Later that night I had trouble falling back asleep. But eventually I did fall asleep. I had a VERY VIVID dream. The dream content is irrelevant. But the fact that I was semi lucid is not!!! Well... The entire dream I knew I was dreaming. And a dream character also had realised she was dreaming... I even talked to some dream characters about this dream, and that I had been in this dream for at least 20 minutes. But I was never REALLY lucid. It was a weird feeling.... A feeling of lucidity and forgetfullness at the same time.... I woke up...

Productive night!!!! Good to have a wild, but a bit frustrating to only be semi lucid in the other dream.... Let's make it happen tomorrow night

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

Something about russians and some test. Something on a public swimming pool, with a couple of ladies, crossing the locker room to avoid or meet someone, but then getting excited about a swim in the pool.

A friend says he invented a simulation of a nuclear bomb, but without radiation and the blast is harmless so wants to test it. I'm not feeling sure about that, but he insists on blowing it up and says we can hide in an underground shelter nearby. Strangely enough, he sets it off in the middle of a town, so I wonder about all other people if the test goes wrong. Anyway, he is not going to stop for anything and he blasts the thing off. The shock wave is strangely slow, so we can run ahead of it and seek the shelter. He doesn't go, but me and Alex and Zilla we run to it. Zilla is the only one who knows where it is. Alex trips when we cross a bridge and he grabs a piece of my clothing asking for help. But I tell him "it's ok, the bomb is harmless, you'll be fine." And I shrug him off and keep going (watch a bitch I can be). I look back a few steps later and ask him if he'll be ok? He ain't sure, but he doesn't complain and gets up to keep running.
Zilla finally stops behind a building with a garden and I ask if the bunker is there. She says no and that she also wants to experience the blast on the surface, but she is taking cover behind the building She finds a hose on a wall and takes an improvised shower. Recommends me to do the same, in case the blast is hot. I feel pretty upset with all this and think these guys are just fucking insane. The blast is coming.

I am a at a supermarket with Riverstone, shopping for food. Some troll just put 200€ of frozen fish on our trolley. We're vegetarian, I ask the cashier to keep it and take it away, but Riverstone is looking at all the codfish and saying maybe we should buy it for special occasions. I am pissed he is even considering that and say "absolutely no".

Everyone seems to be losing his/her voice. I am also starting to loose mine. It's some virus that's going around and infecting more and more people. It's afflictive.

Morning of December 4, 2018. Tuesday.

Dream #: 18,978-02. Reading time: 3 min 20 sec. Readability score: 62.



At the beginning of my non-lucid dream, I am with an unfamiliar woman (of perhaps twenty) in a fictitious room of the Barolin Street house that is implied to be between the main bedroom and the lounge room. There is no furniture in the room. Despite my lack of viable dream state awareness, I am subliminally aware that I am dreaming.

My dream self believes that we are awake but that I am ritually inducing the dream state. We are lying on the wooden floor. I am aware of Zsuzsanna being nearby, yet I also do not see the unfamiliar woman as an imposter or trespasser. (This is because she is supposed to be the usual Naiad and melatonin mediator, modeled after a young Zsuzsanna, but because I am not viably lucid, the situation is distorted and integrated with other dreaming processes.) I am teaching her how to enter the dream state by creating the illusion of water as autosymbolic of natural melatonin and as defining illusory physicality within sleep. I cause the floor to transform into shallow water (the typical beginning of dream state entry since early childhood), and we float around for a short time even though it only seems about four inches deep. There is an awareness that I am entering the dream state (even though I am already dreaming). I consider that if the water becomes very deep as we go farther into the dream state, sharks might eventually appear below us, but there is no continuity of perceived threat.

From here, I enter a more vivid dream segment. There are no thoughts about the unfamiliar woman, who has vanished, or of the previous exercise. Zsuzsanna and our two youngest children are present. There is no longer any association with dream entry or being in the dream state. There is a storm approaching from the south. I look out from the lounge room and see odd clouds, one of them shaped like a top. Despite the several big fluffy clouds being white, they supposedly are storm clouds. I try to create a tornado from the one that looks like a top. Soon, there is a loud crash, and something, perhaps a large tree branch (though I do not see it) comes through the roof above the hallway, leaving an irregular hole. Rain comes in. Zsuzsanna and I look at the damage. I deliberately stand under the rain coming through the ceiling. I feel cool and refreshed, and my dream becomes much more vivid. (I have used water to vivify and sustain my dreams since early childhood.)

In the next scene, I walk around observing water flowing down the walls from the edges of the ceiling. There is a plastic storage box on a high shelf that I feel concern about getting wet, as it may contain textbooks or my dream journals. However, it does not seem that the water is anywhere but on the walls. Through the windows, I look at the cluster of white clouds again and notice more that are shaped like tops, though I try to imagine more than there are.

Zsuzsanna and our two youngest children look outside and up from (fictitious) lounge room windows at the south end of the room. It seems to be nighttime now. Near our house are two tall palm trees (not a real-life feature). The palm trees start to move in the wind and soon bow down near the windows and, at first, “roar” at us. Loud human voices, somewhat electronic, come from atop them. I find it curious but not unusual.

Upon going outside, I see that Isaiah Washington (from “The 100”) is inside a space (as if I am viewing the imagery with x-ray vision) in the fetal position near the bottom of one of the palm trees. He is speaking into a microphone. He loudly and cheerfully states, “This is sector seven.” It seems that another male (though I do not see him) is inside the other palm tree. The loud voices are coming from loudspeakers atop the palm trees.

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The neurological function of the preconscious simulacrum (Isaiah Washington in this case) is to guide the dream self back into wakefulness (which is known as RAS or reticular activating system mediation or modulation depending on the mode of the dream self) - and enigmatic space typically results in an avatar with authority (fictitious or not) as in this case. The fetal position implies being “reborn” into waking life. The bowing palm trees are the association with a form of vestibular system correlation, the emerging awareness (vestibular precursor) of the return to viable physicality upon waking (as the dream self does not correctly discern the physical body until RAS and the vestibular system kicks in, which often results in flying or falling, bicycle riding, using stairs, and so on). It follows the usual autosymbolism-driven formats, in the same order, that my dreams have for over fifty years, though the processes are always unique and intriguing in their rendering.

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This Dream started on my way to the store. On my way there, I was being attacked by a rapist. I eventually made it home safely, but during that time I had become lucid. I told J about it and then my mom, and eventually we had the idea of going out on an adventure. I tried manipulating my face and gave myself a huge jawline in the mirror, but it slowly turned to normal. I then went into the room mmkk was in and asked if he wanted to come. He said sure, and then I had to re-stabilize, which I did successfully. As we were walking down the street, We realized that mmkk was gone and J turned into one of my mom's co-workers. He saw someone across the street driving a vehicle from one of his old jobs on the sidewalk. Eventually my dream did destabilize and my attempts to fix it didn't work, so I ended up going on deviant art and beginning to write my dream log. It the destabilized again and I actually woke up.

It’s sometimes disappointing to wake up with only fragmented memories of dreams—but sometimes, trying to image what the context might have been is almost worth it.

In the beginning of the dream, I’m walking into a building. Many people are already there—it seems like some event is taking place, possibly multiple events. A couple men are entering at the same time as I am. One of them seems to be able to see me—although he doesn’t say anything to me—and the other doesn’t. I’m keeping track of the people who are able to see me since I’m really not supposed to be here, and I’m trying to keep a low profile.

The space I’m entering is basically a circular building with a separate central area, although the specifics kept changing throughout the dream. The first area I walk through, going clockwise, seems to be a restaurant. I pass people sitting at tables, including one that’s occupied by dreadlocked guys dressed in Jamaican colors who seem to be having a lot of fun.

[Note: today, the day after the dream, I was given a story to work on about reggae becoming a UNESCO intangible cultural heritage—so maybe that’s what they were so happy about.]

There was a lot that happened after that, most of which I can’t remember very clearly. But, towards the end, the space was like an auditorium, with a lecture area in the center and areas for students to sit all around it and higher up. I had put the table I had surreptitiously borrowed from Nancy Pelosi among the tables in the student area while I went and did some other stuff, but in the meantime, students had come in, including my friend Dirk. And somebody, noticing that the table is more wheelchair-friendly than the standard tables there, which have metal bars crisscrossed underneath them, has set him up with it.

Now, I had totally been intending to give Nancy Pelosi her table back. It’s what I came back here to do. But Dirk is clearly getting some good out of it. Also, Nancy Pelosi was more of a jerk than I had expected. I figure she can just buy a new table or something.

1.12.18

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-03-12 There have been many dreams of late, a certain theme have played over in its variety of incarnations. Approaching the water, confronting/releasing the reptiles. This dream showed up about a week following our last gathering. It felt big, as intense symbolically as when I have been guided previously by African Dream root. I didn’t intend to dive into it, but it seems appropriate at this time.

Dream 1: (2018-11-23) A series of events transpire in a complicated building complex with a large body of water, containing dinosaurs in them, which revolve around teaching others to express their needs and confronting children in an armoured “Big Daddy” suit.

I am in a large building complex, it is very bright and modern looking. There is plenty of sunlight pouring through the windows and there is a lot of greenery spread out around in the building. It is as if the building is roughly centred around a large pool in the middle, which is in place both at the ground floor and the basement. At the ground floor this massive square pool is surrounded by spectator seats, as there are multiple shows of “scary” animals taking place. In particular at present there are two megalodons in the waters as well as a larger dinosaur that during the dream ends up killing and consuming the two sharks.

In the beginning of the dream there is a show happening in the central room where the sharks and dino monsters are held. To begin with there is a jovial touristy atmosphere surrounding the show and all the spectator seats are filled. It very much has a Jurassic World kinda feel, which is significant in its theming.

I find myself at the basement looking into the waters through a thick sheating of glass. This is where I observe the massive dinosaur consume the two sharks in the tank. It also slams into the glass, though I am unsure if it displays signs of cracking at this or not. In any case this is where I get the feeling that is common to my dreams “I know how this story plays out”. I know that the massive dinosaur is going to crack the tank, thereby releasing 4 dinosaurs where one is a massive snake, the other is a t-rex, the third is the water-dino itself, while the 4th is unknown (immediately here the theme of the 4th unknown deserves attention as it has been a running theme since the night before our first dream sharing gathering, where I encountered an inner child that I didn’t know all that well amongst 3 others that I knew very well).

As per usual as I am thinking this an alarm goes off and there is a somewhat panicky atmosphere as the building starts being evacuated.

I head out off to a side building. It is on the right hand side of the body of water. This time I am on the upper floor. I am sat on a pathway made of steel and below there is a botanic room, again beautiful and floral. I am preparing a workshop. This workshop is about me making myself available to my clients for whatever they dare express their desires around. This particularly is meant for me to teach others about expressing their desires in a public forum, but with me as an object (something that was a major theme at a spiritual workshop in 2017, which I spoke to MA about). F is there and she says that she is interested in a massage, but nothing sexual.

Then I am in Hornslet, where I grew up. M is there with E on the road from the park, leading up to the council building. For some reason this is still connected to the building complex with the sharks and dinos. I am also there talking to M about what happened between them at the spot, so both while it is happening and after. M tells me how they decided to have sex, despite some of the warnings we had discussed about romantic ideations following transpersonal journeys.

M tells me: “We had a lot of sex and to begin with it was just vaginal penetration. But then I decided to fuck her in the ass, despite the fact that she had told me that she didn’t want to. It was rough on her, but I decided to do it anyway so she would have the experience from a friend. She needed to learn”. Throughout this interaction there is an implicit meaning between us around E’s tendency of leaning too hard on support from the outside, in particular male support, which can lead to her being exploited, which is what M was trying to teach her tough-love style.

There is a brief flash of running into my Cousin on a similar steel pathway on the uppermost floor.

The last full scenario again takes place on the right hand side of the large body of water, somehow in the same place as the last scenario with “expressing desire”, yet also below and somewhat unrelated. Again very bright and a light and pleasant atmosphere.

I am in a “Big Dady” suit from Bio Shock. I have almost won, yet I am caught off-guard by a grenade that slips under a big white statue or cardboard cut-out of a statue. The grenade is thrown by a little girl and the reason it catches me off guard is that I have stepped in a puddle of water and the grenade explodes in a long arc of lightning, nearly killing me. I try to escape by rushing to the stairways, but am electrocuted.

I sit down and feign death until the little girl and her mother appears. They walk down towards me the mother approaching. She leans really close checking my pulse, talking to me, asking me if I am dead or not. She has almost decided that I am death until one of my eye-lashes brush against her cheek and she proclaims “I felt a streak of lash against my cheek” and she discovers my deception. But she is so close and in such a vulnerable position that I manage to throw her off and have her eliminated upstairs.

The small girl that was accompanying her mother knows that upon the death of her mother that she can’t hope to win our contest. I am simply armoured too heavily in my “Big Dady” suit. I walk upstairs and am now confronted by 3 children, 2 boys and the girl. They all know they have lost, but decide to choose their weapons – pillows.

As we engage in a pillow fight and the kids seem drained of hope, I get a bad feeling. I feel bad for them and as such I decide not to fight to kill them.

Dream Ends.

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

I woke up in my teenage bedroom at my parent's house. There is a noise of jets outside and I go check it out and see three Northrop black planes passing by. They are flying quite low. But the stranger thing is they come back and pass in front of my window a couple more times and then come even closer and start circling my building as if scanning it. Last circle they slow down and come really close to my window, like less than a meter away and I realize they are tiny, no more than a meter wide, so they are actually unmanned drones and they seem to be very interested in me. Were they looking for me or did I attract their interest for being up staring at them while everyone else sleeps?
I then remember getting my phone to film, but it's too late, they are gone. Meanwhile my mom is awaking and I wanna tell her, she will freak out, but she is dressed up already and in a hurry to go somewhere for a few days for some conference. I feel worried, she never leaves abruptly like this.
Later on my father opens the door to a lady and her son. I don't like the woman, she is full of herself, but her son is actually a cool kid. They seem to be trying to fix us together, but there's no way, he is just a kid. Am I also a kid? Because I don't feel like it. I show him my room, the room from my teen years. He likes the furniture but dislikes the arrangement and gives me some advices on decoration. I'm like "seriously?".

I go to a museum with Riverstone and Nighthawk. At some point I split from them and go to the museum shop where something strange seems to be happening. There is some lady from a religious organization and a bishop and they are talking some fundamentalist shit to people. Clearly something is about to happen, and I decide to get out from there. But when I reach the door, a fat lady is locking it up with everybody inside. People seem confused and nonreactive, but I protest violently and even start crying making up that my mom is the hospital and I need to go see her. They don't care, they are doing a protest and basically taking everybody in the museum as hostages. They take us to an auditorium and force us to watch some kind of play, that I am sure is meant to brainwash us into their cause. But after offering resistance repeatedly and they reacting violently, I decide to resist by being a nuisance and making noise with some plastics I had in my bag and loud commentaries throughout their attempted play.

Lucid #68: In a long bathroom, become lucid almost immediately. Remembered my goal to anchor myself and sat down quickly on the floor. I took a look at the individual items spread out on the counters, got up a few times and each time I started to lose focus, sat back down. My visual clarity was okay, but I was focusing on stability. I tasted some popcorn which had an accurate buttery taste, but no crunchy texture. Dream felt pretty long, somewhere around 3 minutes.

Lucid Fragment A: Recorded it in my memory palace but lost it now.
Lucid Fragment B: Dual-body experience; possibly an FA? I could feel both my dream body and my paralyzed waking body. I was willing my body to move, and thinking at the same time "I hope I don't move my waking body" -- this thought gave me awareness of both. During this time I also heard vivid conversations/voices which I focused on -- it felt like a pre-WILD experience.
Lucid Fragment C: For a moment, I remember staring at a mirror and thinking "my face should be completely distorted", but it wasn't. I looked on for quite a bit at my reflection, which was 100% perfect. This took place in a dark room, and I remember reading some text that was static as well -- very strange.

Lucid #69: Long and strongly narrative-driven dream; I knew it was a dream and that I could control anything I needed to (except dream length -- I forgot about my goal to anchor myself or any goals at all), but I didn't know my own identity -- I believed I was the dream character, a boy detective. I was in a wooden attic bedroom. Out of a tall window in front of me, there were purple wolfman monsters lounging on the lawn several stories below. Someone or something was talking to me in the room, an adult male voice. I spent what felt like several minutes inspecting items in the room and interacting with the voice, as well as reading some text which did change upon looking back. Even though the text would change, the last 2-3 letters would stay the same. Throughout I feel the presence of a sidekick, maybe a dog? Suddenly I felt a sense of urgency, I expected one of the purple monsters to have come to the window (none did, which is strange since I expected and feared it). I decided I needed a sword, so I willed for there to be a longsword in a small bag. I reached in, expected it, and pulled one out! It had a rounded tip (day residue from talking about HEMA), so I figured it wasn't sharp and placed it in a belt loop that was on my shirt. Turns out it was sharp and cut through the loop. I ran my finger along the edge and felt the sharpness, which is a rare sensation in dreams (usually it's a dull, blunt pressure). From here I believe the dream continued for a bit but I can't remember specifics. In total I remember waking up (and even during the dream) feeling like the dream was going on for a really long time, close to 5 minutes! It was a really amazing experience.

Lucid #70: Another long, narrative-driven dream, sort of a sequel to #69. I'm older now, I look like the actor from Chuck in an odd third person moment. My sidekick is also grown (and human) and another person makes a juvenile comment. We are on a huge piece of land owned by someone who's hired us to drive out/defend against "the Russians" who have taken over. We take a brief tour of the land, and lots of the grass is dying/dead. I become lucid around here (in the same way as above -- I'm aware of my powers but not of my identity as ZAD). It turns out that the landowners are killing the grass on purpose to appease the Russians. We get to a chain link fence, behind which is a field and an old abandoned warehouse/factory. Suddenly a gunshot goes off and I see a bullet coming right for me. I will myself to turn invisible and slow down time to dodge it (I didn't know I could do that!). They aren't shooting at anyone else, just me, and I keep dodging and running. They shoot wherever they hear the grass/leaf cover crunch. I'm about to hide behind a tree and think I'm good, but suddenly a black wolf comes rushing at me. One of the guards (who aren't doing anything by the way) mentions that the only thing that can kill the black wolf is one of the bullets being shot at me, so I assume that this is a hostage fakeout takeout shot situation, where I have to get them to take the shot and then move the black wolf in the way. However as I'm thinking of this and wrestling with the wolf, a grey/blondish allied wolf (my partner?) starts to wrestle with the black wolf. I fear for the grey wolf and suddenly he looks at me directly in the eyes and has the most pained expression on his face -- I think they've taken the shot and taken him out. I feel profound sadness and wake up.


Notes: 70 lucids! Nice!