non-lucid

I was going to military enrollment this morning.

I wake up 5.30 am naturally and can't resleep. I am nervous for military enrollment and go to the train. Recall gap. I stand in the train and go to a back seat. There are a man that enters. I think about corona distance because they warned us about that in the military mail. There comes more and more people and we get pretty crowded in there.

Notes: I dreamt about being nervous and that I can't sleep but in reality I slept good.

I'm sitting in my chair and look on the big screen in the TV-room upstairs. Gustav show me a music video that he has made from my guitar playing. It sounds like through the fire and flames and I am really impressed with the video. There are some Mike Wachowski memes in the video about him being a big a big sea monster eating a big boat or something. There is a part where the music sounds weird. I ask Gustav about it and he wonders what I mean. He tells me to play the part on the guitar. I don't know what part it is so I try to play something else instead. I improvise Cliffs of Dover and I get some notes wrong but it sounds good. I am impressed with myself and I tell Gustav that I have never played it before.

Notes: In the dream I played an open Em with a high G on the E-string. When I woke up I laughed at myself how I could believe I actually played Cliffs of Dover with that fingering on the guitar.

12/2/20

Elon is giving some kind of presentation. I am in the audience. I win a contest allowing me to play the guitar to accompany his band. When they play I still sit in the audience but my guitar is wired into the sound system. It sounds really good and I play better than I have ever played before. There are lead plucking parts and van Halen style taping at one point. The crowd enjoys the show and I can tell Elon was pleasantly surprised at my performance as well. We talk after the show while walking out onto a runway and to his car. His entourage is behind him and we walk side by side. I am starstruck but maintain my composure. I make a joke he likes about how people usually treat him when they meet him "omg I know right! That's totally true, like seriously people!" he responds laughing. We arrive at his car and he says we should totally do this again sometime soon. I assume he is just being nice. But later in the dream I am at another function sitting at a roundtable with some friends and Elon asks me to play along with them again. He is on stage rocking his heart out, he is obviously showing off playing a large drum and the band is just generally jamming. I start playing my guitar along with them only at some point it becomes a bass guitar in my hands. I can't play the bass as well IRL, but in the dream it sounds really good, I remember some of the chord progressions and the accompanyment meshes really well. The crowd enjoys the jam, Elon is in full performer mode sweating up a storm. At a certain point I think he has his shirt off wearing black wrist cuffs and a black headband. My friends around the table are flabbergasted that I am playing with the band from the audience. This time I scoot my chair over in front of the sound guys table who has some lights on his table projecting onto the stage. I sit in front of the light and my silhouette is outlined on the stage. The song goes really well and people clap at the end. I don't get to conversate with him after this time. But I still brag to my friends that I got to hang out with Elon in person 2 times in one week. I am still beside myself.

There is another performance this time I don't know who is on stage but I have an oversized midi controller in the shape of a larger misformed original grey nintendo gameboy. It has several lines on it with options on each line like a mad lib. But when I press them they play different sampled sounds that are all in the same key. It is hard to describe but I am pretty much head banging mashing buttons and it sounds like trip hop techno. I see an old friend from highschool and he throws me the rock on horns while smiling devilishly. He asks about the controller after the performance and I attempt to explain it. People around me are generally impressed at the show. I played from the audience again but only the people around me knew I was coming through the speakers.

Vr headset playing in a room. Don't recognize the game but it is somewhat surreal. My cat comes and lays down next to me while I am playing and the game sees her and puts her in the game as a dog with a cat's face. I walk into a table in the room I am in while walking around in vr. (I've never tried vr irl)

I am looking for G and gather she is at some trump fundraiser, or has been kidnapped to go there or something. I drive my car to a rich neighborhood that I think the place is at and for some reason I keep looking for the place called "Goat Barn" I am unsure if it's a street or location. I park my car and begin walking around the neighborhood. It is very cold and snowy out. I wonder why I got out to walk as none of the street names match what I am looking for. I have a flyer in my hand that is for the fundraiser in typical propaganda style but there is no address on the flyer. I try googling Goat Barn on my phone but come up with nothing. I am standing in front of one of the large houses and for some reason I pull their mailbox off the post. No one is home but I am still cautious someone might have seen me mess up the mailbox. I start to walk away and see the person pull into their driveway. I cut through some yards and smaller walkways between houses to get to the other side of the neighborhood. The Goat Barn is no where to be seen.

I have very high lucid chances when I go to sleep again in the morning. That's why I set an alarm 9 am and re-sleep when I wake up in the morning.

I'm home and there is some kind of big man without a shirt I'm fighting against. He weights about 300 kg maybe. He is in our kitchen and I try to hit him but he doesn't get hurt. Another man enters the room who is at the big man's team. He is tall and thin. I tell them that this is unfair and I ask them where my teammates are. They are quiet as if they are hiding something. I say a weird name, Galatzhar or something. I ask them where this man is because I need him in order to be able to punch the big man. They don't know who I'm talking about. I go look in the house for my teammates. When I enter my parent's room they are sleeping next to each other. I come back to the kitchen and now my mom stands there. I get somewhat lucid and tell myself it is a dream loudly but I wake up.

I wake up 7.30 am and go to the bathroom. I go to sleep again and enter a dream.

I'm home and see that the clock is 17:00. I become lucid and walk out. I fly over some buildings and I am a little bit afraid that someone will grab me but it doesn't happen. I try to summon someone who will start to fly next to me but it fails. I want to fly to a star and I see one. I start to fly to it but it disappears. I look for another one but I can't find one. A star appears at the top of my vision. As I move my eyes to look at it the star moves away, always so that it is at the top of my vision. It's moving out from my view so that I can never look at it directly. I ignore that I can't see a star and just fly up into the darkness. As I fly it becomes darker and darker. I start to lose myself to the darkness. The sense of my body slowly disappears. I close my eyes and think to myself that it is going to be a FA in my bed. I wake up in my room and I'm not sure if it is a dream. I do my RC but I'm still not sure. I try to turn on the switch to the lamps with my mind but fail. I try to do some telekinesis to a book and succeed. I open up my window and fly out. It's dark outside. I fly to a big house and ask if anyone is home through a window. A girl in my age answers. The windows are too small to enter through. I start to punch the brick wall and I am able to destroy it. She is amused and says that it is another way to enter. She is playing some kind of Mario game on a small TV screen by her feet as she lays on a sofa. The TV screen is in a bad position for her so I use my telekinesis in order to fix it. It is fairly hard but I am able to fix it. I lay on the other side of the sofa with my head against her lap. I think about whether I should play Mario with her. The dream fades away.

Notes: I have tried to reach the stars several times now. Maybe I need another approach. I want to learn how to walk through walls so that I don't need to enter through windows all the time.

12/1/20

I am at a school lock-in at a large period style manor with my old classmates.
I saw her dressed in an all black victorian style dress walking calmly, standing out in the crowd she is graceful and glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.
We walk by each other, I notice her notice me but I do not acknowledge her as I walk slowly with my hands behind my back. I don't see her again.
I am with a group of guys who look like power lifters wearing singlets. We are all cutting up laughing.
We put wigs on and joke loudly about starting a strip club, girls line up for us to jokingly grind on them while trapy thump music plays in the background.
The joke gets old.

It's time for bed and we're all herded into different rooms. They are large dormitory style rooms only the beds are also large, some have several pillows on them.
I don't see any open beds really so I sleep at the foot of one of the large beds.
They are all kids now, I am unsure if I am also a kid.
Another kid lays down next to me unaware there are pillow positions.
I ask him if he wants the other bed next to us, he says no, I am fine with it and fall asleep anyway.
In the morning time the old nanny-like ladies are waking us up
We are all standing around them as the introductions are happening. There are laminated numbers hanging from the ceiling. I gather we will be here for a few weeks.
The room starts to rotate and I see out the windows a line of coloured small circus style tents outside that the african american boys were sleeping in.
I think I want to sleep outside the next night as the segregation is totally unfair.
I look and most of the boys inside are african american too, I am confused.
The caretaker (who looks like Paterson Joseph) outside tells us while standing on a ladder that this place has history and our water comes from the creek which has had slaves shitting in it for centuries and we should feel lucky to have this history in our water.
We are all sprayed at once to shower and brush our teeth. I continued brushing my teeth after and am scolded by one of the nannies.
The morning chores begin
I am the oldest one so I am unsure what to do and wander around. They are preparing food in the kitchen so I offer to cut stuff up. Everyone is using their hands instead of utensils and all the counters are cutting boards.
He hands me a few slices of pineapple to dice. I take them to a station and grab a knife. The blade has been bent twisted sideways so it is not straight holding the handle. I cut them up anyway.
Walking around more they are spreading new concrete/floor sealer in one of the rooms and a boy is being charged with the activity with two adult guardians.
The older guys tell me they do this every 2 days or so. The kid does a horrible job spreading as the coloured dye on top doesn't swirl right and they bash him for it.
I tell the guys I am massage therapist and kind of the all around guy so I can do many things.
One of them asks me about a rumour he heard about Massage therapists having all the right words to sell their craft but their skill is sometimes lacking. I go in on the topic of there being too many therapists in my state so there are plenty who don't take their practice seriously. He tells me he can tell I am smart one and we should get along just fine.

I am in a cooking competition like master chef. Another stressful one. It is the first challenge and we are tasked with making a dish that describes us, we only have 45 minutes. We can only use the ingredients we brought with us. I wanted to braise some pork but don't have the time. I am standing next to that one bald guy with glasses and neck tattoos. Everyone is far more experienced than I am. He mentions going across the street to get some ingredients and asks if I need anything, I still haven't decided what I will cook and spend most of my time brainstorming. My box is full of frozen meat and reminds me of my deep freeze. No time to dethaw. I end up cooking some small chicken pieces that were marinaded. There is a small garnish station set up so I make a small salad like garnish on the side. I remember I have some rice as well and make a fried spanish rice in a cup form next to my chicken slices on a long plate with the leafy greens on the end. Gordon yells at me for making a salad. This is the worst meal I have made in my entire life. I am ashamed. There are maybe 20 people all at their desks in the competition. A kid who only got one vegetable on his plate ends up going home. I am relieved but still believe I am the worst one here.

Snipers pin down me and some kids at a hilly mountainous home.
Drama drama drama
A mounty looking navy seal guy shows up and I task him with helping us.
He sees the snipers and throws me his huge binoculars.
I hold a 4 wheeler while he starts it on a hill to go to a better vantage point.
He dies a gorey death sliding down a skiing lift cable, gets cut in half and his upper half lands on top of a cooked hog sitting on a picnic table. He screams the whole way.

Things wind down and the house is now a run down hillbilly home with just 2 somewhat disabled people living in it.
I walk down the driveway and they have a vendors tent set up selling only various types of plastic pencils. One of them looks like an ice cream cone and I ask if this is the only edible one.

1st December 2020

Dream:

By the end of a dream sequence. I remember some editing interface, like video game authoring tools and sort of in focus, there's a female furry character. A white wolf lady with red-ish accents on the hair on her head. She was part of some kind of animated sign or billboard and had a stylised drawing look to her. I felt curious or interested, but distant in terms of personal connection. I scrubbed through the animation a few times.

The surrounding area looked like an alleyway of some kind, a street. There were metal-ring fences and such like, some warehouse type buildings. Sunset.

In the editing interface there was some sort of point and click thing that allowed me to find the source files of textures, sounds, anything really, as long as it was visible in the dream reality and I had the correct and corresponding editing suite module in interface focus.

(recall gap)

Near the end of a second dream sequence. I was walking around with JC, from school, in a town I don't recognise. Not dissimilar from the previous area, but morning time instead now. It was an industrial/commercial estate type area and there were covid-related queues for getting into shops. I remember feeling I had no patience for such things (queuing etc) right now. JC was as I remember him; soft face, somewhat short but around the same as me in reality. Perhaps he seemed shorter because he still looked younger.

We walked past a car stuck in a queue at the entrance to a parking lot area, part of a superstore/shop. It was a blue colour, cerulean like? Like a VW Beetle, but not? JC was in a suit, kind of like JSco might have. He was infantile and yet, mature in some sense. That's how I always felt about him, I now realise.

I have my casual clothes on. Sweat pants or whatever which I wear both for lounging and for work. Black nylon t-shirt. As we walked, he commented "I want some GTA pussy, you know?". I don't remember replying. Then he continued "It's been a long time."

His voice didn't sound at all like his actual voice and he spoke in perfect English with none of our native accent. I didn't notice any of this during the dream.

I remember as we walked along I thought to myself "Great, he's gonna be trying really hard, I'm gonna not be caring and one of these girls will just hit on me instead of him; that would be typical."

We reached some dead-end looking bit. Concrete-y. Breeze blocks or something like that made up a low wall, damming up earth and whatnot. There may have been a staircase up and through one part. On the top of this low wall, there were heads, some kind of digital representations/avatars or holograms of girls from the neighbourhood and the local school (college/high school). There were a lot of fake blondes? I forget how the heads looked exactly but they didn't seem out of place, somehow. JC sort of inspected each one as we kind of circled around this bit.

The dream ended soon after, I was woken up by the door.

---

Notes:

- It's possible these were two separate dreams, but I had a feeling they were linked in some sense.

- JC is one of many friends I had at school that I got along with fairly well, but characteristically, after college I never really heard from him again and he didn't seem too interested in keeping in touch. I remember walking with him in town a few times and having long conversations, probably mostly about games though.

- Although we shared a common name, physically we were very different and though he wasn't any weaker than me, I always thought he appeared somewhat meek. In this dream he sort of had an aura of over-confidence contradictory to how I knew him, which would have been more over-cautious than anything. In essence, the dream character as a persona was someone else, but took on his physical appearance. In the dream I was my current age, but perhaps with a younger style of thinking.

- I may have seen a furry character before like the one in the first part of the dream, though I'm not certain if my brain was referencing anything specific. It felt like she was her own original thing, despite what I might consider to be a stereotype representation.
-- On further thought, I found out about the sub-culture when I was in my mid-teens, which was also around the same time as I knew JC.

- I don't know what the "GTA pussy" thing was about really, but even in the dream something felt out of place about it. Part of me realised on typing my initial notes that we really have no control over what our friends say sometimes and how we have to just get on and live with it or do something about it and potentially get into a conflict with them.

- My over-analytical view of this dream is suggesting to me now I should probably try to do some more serious inner work on these subjects.

Jamie

3rd person perspective dream. just images of me and jamie walking around at night. we were holding hands and smiling. It's nice to have a dream like that, lately she's been more distant or cold... So this is good.

Lucid

I was with a group of people by a mountain. We went inside a house. Forgot what happened. Became lucid randomly in a living room. A bunch of people were on a couple of couches. One guy said, "Who why does the floor keep changing color?" I said it's because this is a dream. I saw a girl sitting on a couch and i like the look of her.Instinct took over and I was going to rip her clothes off. But she vanished. Another girl was lying on the couch, She looked like Bri an old manager that no longer works where I do. I asked if it was her. She groggily said, "yes," and that's when I woke up.

I'm sitting in church with Martin and William. I'm learning some kind of sentance about the sacrament (?) by heart

Notes: I had to learn a sentance about baptism by heart some days ago.

29th November 2020

Fragment:

Some part about being in a car with dad and he had an accident or something and then stuff repeated itself. I think it was mostly a light collision but I lost the details.

(recall gap)

Another part where I'm cooperatively going around with another dream character (male, stronger?) and we need to reach some kind of extraction point but while avoiding a military presence that's nearby. There was an APC on a hill or bridge and some kind of gunship.

I remember deviating from the straight trajectory we were on and finding a flatbed with a rocket turret mounted on the flat bit and used the turret to shoot the gunship down or whatever it was. I had a temporary cloaking buff that prevented my detection.

This part had started off on top of a green-ish hilly type area. Then nearing the extraction point with the military presence there was a forest but there were lots of orange tones, dead leaves and leafless trees. Daytime all the way throughout.

Then I carried on and met up with the other dream character I was originally with, we were in some city area not far. Grey-ish and concrete-y. There were pits? Some green liquid at the bottom of the pits. Vague recall of tall buildings and cracked foundations and cracked streets, which was where these pits or ravines were. I remember a cage at some point. Either I got stuck there or the other character did.

There was more to the dream but I took too long to start writing and forgot too many details despite the relatively vivid details of the dream.

---

Notes:

- This dream was originally quite long. Recall has actually not been particularly poor lately, but my DJing has been lacking, mostly because I have been waking up too tired and lethargic and so if I do start writing the recall is usually fading or gone. Also often by the point I realise I could have written something down, I have already slept again since the initial recall or have simply not bothered because it has felt too tiring to try.

- The area where dad was driving was thematically similar to the remainder of the dream.

22nd November 2020

Dream:

I was sitting at a desk and there was a piece of paper; it was blank or had something recently drawn on it. I wanted to practice doing buildings and started off with a very simple rectangular one. I wasn't being able to keep the lines steady in any direction, which annoyed me.

Then, next to this building, I started drawing another building starting with a sloping roof and then drawing in some windows but then quite soon I was drawing these small cross sections in parts of this building and these sections started draw themselves full of complete scenes of what the rooms were like. I kept drawing cross section bits and adding in small details and finding details adding themselves to the drawing. As I kept my focus on drawing, perceptually, it started to feel like I kept getting closer and closer to the paper.

Very gradually and seamlessly, I entered one of these scenes but I could somehow still see things sort of in cross section, like in a 2.5D platformer game or something.

I remember a few characters, there was an elephant lady on a bed in a room above or adjacent to the main view/focus; she had some lights on but it was otherwise dark in her room and she was sliding the end of her trunk on a grating to a ventilation shaft; this made noise that scared another character in a different room and I think that character became angry out of embarrassment or something.

Later on, some bit where there was a nurse character, whose details I don't remember so well. I knocked her on the head with something massive and she went down (through the floor or over a mezzanine?) and something broke her fall, I think maybe me. I remember telling her "you idiot, this is my dream!". In the dream this was meant as some sort of explanation to the confusion she displayed when she realised she was fine after the hit and the fall. Nearby up some steps on a flat tier was a giant cobra, but in the dream I thought it was an adder, for some reason.

Fragment:

An earlier dream focused on NCIS, but which I don't care enough to make full note of the details. The dream focused on McGee and he was flying a small private jet and then someone is with him passes him a phone, with Gibbs on the line. In the dream it was like in the actual show, in terms of witticisms, humour and timings. McGee was more self-aware as a character than any other and questioned how could it be possible that Ducky and Gibbs were already at the scene in this other country he'd now be landing in at.

---

Notes:

- In the first dream, the whole thing reminded me a bit of the type of crazy and silly drawings in "finding Wally". I went through a few of those books quite often when I was younger. I don't know where those books are or if they were thrown away.

- A lot of detail was missing from my recall but the from the moment the scenes started being filled in as I drew cross sections and windows, there was a huge amount of ornamental detailing to the scenes that made them feel overly complete.

- I haven't seen a snake in my dreams for a while and I don't think I'd ever had an elephant in a dream before (hm, which also has a "snake" on its face?).

- There was some kind of dark and red-ish lighting to the room/area the giant cobra was in.

- The nurse did elicit some type of pre-lucid awareness, especially considering my remark to her confusion.

- I slept quite poorly. My neck and lower teeth were aching as I wrote my notes and afterwards.

11/29/20

I am back in my old grade school. All of my old classmates are there, we are all dressed in our uniforms. But we are all our current ages. It's like a combination of a class reunion and an assembly/lunchroom gathering. All the teachers are treating us like kids, all the classmates are acting exactly like they were when we were younger. I say the word Ass while talking to a teacher and the whole table gasps and the teacher starts to get mad. I seem to be the only one who knows I'm 32. I sarcastically ask her, what??? Are you going to do?? Give me a detention?? Ha! I kind of shout that we are all between 28 and 32 but no one seems to have changed. Everyone is exactly who they were when we were kids. I am partly disgusted by everyone's demeanour. The first girl I met when I was visiting my middle school as a kid was there sitting next to me. I try to talk to her but she is visibly bothered with my attitude and thinks I am bad for cussing. It figures.

In school an older woman lets me play her musical instrument which resembles a hang drum, only the underside has many springs in it. She tells me she bought it for $8 and was able to tune the springs to make good sounds. I love playing it because it sounds awesome. She tells me I can have it because I obviously enjoy it more than she does. I take it apart trying to figure out how it is a chair. I cannot get it back together and once the lady is gone I cannot get it to make the nice sounds again. She has it in her car for me to pick up when I leave.

I was friends with Karl Urban. As a joke we spray tanned his face and dyed his hair blonde. It was funny and he was in on the joke. We were both dressed like cupid and running around the school like idiots laughing.

I have the datsun car, it is parked at an old school. It has been broken into while I was in school and the windshield is broken and one of the change holders was unscrewed and taken.
While driving to Bob Evans, Karl was in the car with me. I notice the glove compartment has a dollar hanging out it and open it. It is filled with money. Various denominations all in bankroll paper bands the largest I found was 20 $50 dollar bills. I told Karl I just found a thousand dollars. I am super confused because the car was running when I came back to it so I assumed I was robbed. But there was all this money in the glove compartment.
I gathered that maybe someone stole the car for a ride/escape and stuffed a bunch of money in the glove box as a sort of 'sorry' for the repairs before returning it to the parking lot where I had it parked.
We are driving and I tell him to go back to the lot because I forgot to get the pan/chair stool the older lady told me I could have. We go back and I get the pan, Karl is confused because it doesn't look like a pan, I took it apart and can't get it back together. I take it anyway.

I gather we are supposed to meet some people at Bob Evans, but there are 3 Bob Evans close to us and I don't know which one they have gone to. No one is answering my calls. We go to one and I walk around the crowded restaurant. I don't see them so I call the other restaurant from the lobby. I ask the hostess if they have anyone by the name of our friends and she kind of scoffs like 'how would I know' I ask her if there is any sort of sign in sheet for people she is taking. She says no. I am frustrated so I hang up.

I am at a church waiting to go in. There are tons of old ladies.
We are standing along a border fence that's really just a tall wired fence with huge gaps in it.
2 mexican boys try to make a run for the fence (from our side) and I know they are being watched so I try to encourage them not to do it. One changes his mind one tries anyway. The police run after them.
Church opens up and the people standing in line all file in while the border police are running the other way to get the kid trying to jump the fence.
When I get inside I notice one of those interchangeable letters poster boards with the lines on it. There was a post-it note on it warning people not to change the letters. They were all mixed around to make funny statements, something along the lines of the Taco Lord is Coming to Save us All.

I play Minecraft and use a wooden hoe to destroy some wooden blocks. I find some kind of treasure inside but Gustav comes and steal it. I become a bit mad and walk to another location. I dig some more wooden blocks with my hoe and it goes really fast. I find one more treasure under the wood but Gustav takes it again. I dig into the ground and find a cave. There are a lot of monsters there. I jump around, kill some of them with my sword and get a lot of EXP. I get up to over lvl 2000. I dig some more and find another cave. Gustav is there. I hit him with my hand and he kills me with his diamond sword. I am angry with him because all my EXP disappeared and he stole my things before.

Notes: I don't know why I dream about Gustav being mean to me now and some dreams ago. We had thanksgiving dinner yesterday with Bernpaintners.

I'm in some kind of dark place with Diego, Edvard and David. We all have laptops and try to join a discord call. Diego's new friend Albert is also in the discord call but not physically with us. Edvard asks Albert if he can become the leader of the call. Albert says sure and gives Edvard the leader role. Edvard drags some application to the call and everyone gets Zerg, Protos or Terran cartoon background pictures. I get a Zerg picture of a cartoon Zergling. We all close our laptops. After a while we reopen them and Albert is still on the call. Diego says that we should all have a prayer and asks Albert if it is okay. Albert says it is okay.

Notes: I just met Albert three days ago. It's probably why he only was present in the call. I heard William played StarCraft II some days ago.

I play some kind of Halo game with Jonathan and Oscar. Jonathan and William use some kind of launcher that shoots containers. They try to hit targets that are being dropped from a very tall building. When they hit the targets a multiplier score thing is showed in the top of the screen. When they miss it disappears. They shoot some and are able to get the multiplier up to X72. I tell them that they can't miss now because of the high score multiplier.

Notes: Jonathan and Oscar wanted me to play Halo with them during Diego's party three days ago. I met the Håkanssons' yesterday. Diego was baptized. Diego is the only one that pray in my dreams it seems like.

11/28/20

I'm in a large dimly lit room with various beds and chairs in it. I notice an old friend Micheal laying towards the back of the room across some chairs. He's using clothes to keep warm while sleeping. I shake out a large heavy blanket for him to sleep with and drape it over him.
There's a rough looking english guy who looks like ed sheeran sitting on the couch leaning on a girl who's laying on one side. She doesn't like it. I make fun of him for it, he gets an attitude with me so I mock a British accent singing the Beatles "she don't caaaare, she don't care". She likes me. We end up cuddling and making out.
She mentions having a troubled past. At some point we are making music that's sort of punk and I'm yelling lyrics. It's still night time but I know no one who is sleeping will mind.

Something south park related

I am watching a livestream of some girl. She gets knee'd in the face and the phone gets picked up and the stream goes dead. I am concerned for her even though I don't know her. I tell Matt Smith who is suddenly around. All I remember is the address on the screen which said 305 S th. I tell him and he does some sciencey thing to locate her. We are at a strip mall and walk outside. She is sitting at a park bench across the street. I find it incredibly lucky. She has blue eyes and straight dirty blonde hair, she is dainty and fair skinned. I am enamoured. She assures me I don't want to get mixed up with her. But we are still concerned for her well being.

Dodgeball tournament mixed with overwatch.
They take all of our things in our pockets and put them all together before the match.
We win barely
I remember I was kind of rude to the Symmetra and knock her off the second story rail with my shield. I don't play rein usually but somehow we win. I am confused. I apologise to her after the match saying it was nothing personal.
The coach of the other team is kind of mad at me for beating his team. He complains they were going to make state finals and his team worked so hard to get to where they were. I am walking to my car and I see the fair skinned girl again. I invite her to come with. I don't have my phone and have gathered it went missing in the big pile of peoples things. There is a nokia in my car I call the coach on. I assure him everything will be ok and I am sorry his team lost. But I am sure they will do better next time. He is surprised I am so supportive of my competitors. I wish them well and tell him I lost my actual phone at the competition, I say goodbye.

She is now completely nude standing over me. I motion for her to come here. She lays on top of me straddling one of my thighs. She is petite and incredibly soft. I just caress her skin from the neck down her back, her arms and sides and legs. I tell her I cannot believe how soft she is. And I could just touch her skin all day, I count her freckles down the side of her body. She is comforted and we just lay together in each other's arms. Nothing sexual, more sensual. We are incredibly close.

A set of recurring bear dreams.


Mid October, 2017

I was in a variation on my aunt F and uncle C's house where a party was being held. There were so many strange and quirky characters there that it felt more like an indoor carnival. In one room I met a woman who was the caretaker of a semi-trained bear. People took turns meeting the bear, warily, before leaving, fully amused by their encounter. It was a black bear, small as bears go but still large enough to do some serious damage if it wanted to. It followed me around in particular and it kept resting its head in my lap every time I sat down. Each time I would feel a little on edge despite its outward displays of affection. I was worried about making the wrong move and setting off its wilder instincts. After the fourth or fifth time I started to even feel annoyed, not wanting to have to stay on my toes all the time. The caretaker woman seemed to sense my annoyance and she came up to me saying, “It is a great honor to be chosen by a bear.” I wandered out of the room, thoughtful, but not entirely convinced.

***

Thursday Night, 11/7/19

See "The Jaguar Woman" entry.

***

Tuesday Night, 6/30/20

I was someone else, a man in his 40's I think, outside at the edge of a forest as dusk was approaching. I morphed to resemble my waking self. I began climbing a large arbor for some reason, treating it like a jungle gym. While I was up there, I discovered a baby elephant hanging from its trunk in the arbor I was climbing. I stared at it for a while, confused by how it got up there. It changed into a bear cub. Das showed up. He thought the baby bear was cute and wanted to pet it indefinitely. I began to think about the implications, however, and I started looking around nervously for the mother. It appeared to be alone out here, but I was still wary.

"We shouldn't have put our scent on the cub." I told Das, "The mother will smell us and get angry if she's around."

Das shrugged. "I'm not worried. Look! He wants pets!"

I sighed and edged my way down the arbor. "Come on." I said, trying not to be too loud, "It's almost night time, we need to leave the forest now if we want to get clear of wherever the mother bear is at." I started creeping quietly away from the arbor and towards a sparser area of trees.

Das shrugged again but reluctantly stopped petting the cub and trailed along behind me.

I started to hear sounds in the bushes and a low rumble, and I realized the mother bear had arrived. For a moment I picked up the pace but continued to try to be as quiet as possible, hoping we might somehow get away before it finished locking onto our location. I searched my mind for what to do in case of a bear attack, and I remembered to play dead. The mother bear showed herself, blocking our path. I realized we weren't going to make it. The bear roared angrily and charged at us, knocking down Das first. Then she ripped into me (which didn't hurt as much as one would expect) and I got to see my intestines, right before my right eye was detached from its retina and everything went dark. I woke up. "Damn it Das..." I said out loud.

***

Thursday Night, 11/5/20

I'm talking with my parents outside on the deck when an adolescent black bear wanders into our back yard and we notice it has an abscess on the right side of its head. My mom wants to go over to it and treat it. I'm also worried about the bear's health, but I do not think it's a good idea to go up to it like that. I suggest maybe calling a wildlife center instead. "I have some leftover antibiotic ointment from when the cats were sick, I'll go get it!" My mom says and goes back into the house. My dad laughs at us and goes back inside to the other side of the house.

I follow my mom and try to get her to reconsider, but she doesn't listen to me. "Well, here it goes!" She starts heading back outside with the ointment.

"Mom, no!"

My mom jumps a little, startled. "Ah, you scared me!"

"You should be scared, it's a bear!" I look away for a moment, wondering about the wildlife center idea again, but when I look back I see that my mom is way out in the yard heading towards the bear.

For whatever reason I decide I have no choice but to do things my mom's way now. The least I can do is try to mitigate the danger so she doesn't get attacked... But this is probably a bad move. I head outside and my mom is scaring the bear towards the fence and towards me. I'm worried it will feel cornered. I backtrack a little and grab a bag of cat treats as it's the only thing I can get to quickly. I manage to get the bear's attention with the food, tossing a handful of treats on the ground in front of it to distract it. My mom comes up behind the bear with the ointment. The bear finishes the treats very quickly so I keep having to scramble to get handful after handful ready. I'm worried about the gaps of time where the bear might get aggressive. "When I say stop, stop until I can get more treats." I tell my mom, convinced the bear needs to be distracted with the process eating to not notice her. It's a dubious plan to begin with but I'm clinging to it.

My mom is applying the ointment to the bear, but I'm struggling to get the next set of treats out of the bag. The bear is slowly starting to look up. "Stop." I say. My mom does not stop. The bear looks directly at me with dark black eyes. "Stop, stop." I say again. Still no response from my mom. I imagine I can see impatience developing in the bear's expression, although it's hard to tell. "STOP!" I'm trying not to be too loud, but I'm starting to panic. I finally get the last of the treats out of the bag and toss them on the ground.

"Done!" My mom exclaims cheerfully.

"Mom, get inside, quick." I say anxiously. I make sure she makes it inside while the bear's still eating, then I go in myself and close the screen door first. Why am I bothering to close the screen door first? It's not going to stop a bear and I'm wasting time... I think and close the sliding glass door as quickly as I can. I can see the bear standing in the yard, eyeing the bag in my hand as if annoyed there are no more freebies.

***

Monday Night, 11/23/20

I'm in a building I don't recognize. My dad is there and says something very mean to me, although I can't remember exactly what it was or why it happened. Rather than feeling hurt or scared, I suddenly feel a deep anger come up as the full implication of the words sink in. "I am not stupid." I yell powerfully. My dad disappears but I yell it again. It seems to be irrelevant that no one is around anymore. I can see out a window onto the unfamiliar street outside. It's night time and raining a little. I still feel the anger, like a raw energy. I open my mouth and a bear's roar comes out, a guttural rumbling. I stop, confused at the ability to make such a sound and feeling self conscious, thinking people will think I'm weak for being too emotional and sounding ridiculous. Then I decide I don't care, even if anyone was around to hear. Twice more, I let out the bear's roar which resolves into a more human sounding scream. The dream fades.

11/27/20

I am with mark weins
He is a swinger with some norwegians
He wears pink lace underwear

2069
I am on a layover in texas, Ben asks if we can hang out before my next flight, I agree.
He picks me up and we drive back to his parents house without notice.
When we get to his house he gives me a small black electronic device I do not recognize. It kind of looks like a small digital camera with a display on the back and buttons on top but I don't know how to turn it on.

The house is incredibly large with hundreds of rooms and a grand foyer which has been extensively decorated for Christmas. Multiple floors overlook the entrance room with many hallways coming from various directions. It is reminiscent of the house from Home Alone only it is cartoonishly large.

I gather that this is mostly Ben's family and extended family. Only there are almost a hundred people scattered about running their own unique intentions saying goodbyes and everyone seems to be in a hurry. I gather that the adults are dropping off their kids of various ages and they are all going on some adult outing together.

I do not recognize anyone, everyone is quite comfortable and I get the impression this is a yearly occurrence for everyone involved. The kids all form their own little friendship groups as if they were being dropped at summer camp. No one recognizes me and I don't even see his parents anywhere.

I was traveling and forgot what time I needed to be back at the airport. I do not have my ticket but remember I had a picture of it on my phone. Looking at the time I realized my layover was only 45 minutes and I have been in this house much longer than that. I was somewhat anxious but am now resigned to the realization I have missed my flight and now am only looking for Ben.

Walking up stairs and checking hallways I decide to start walking into rooms, they are all different shapes with different groups of people in them having their own little social gatherings. I lean against a large papasan chair that has a smooth leather jacket hanging on the side. As soon as I do a smug looking short haired blonde teenager appears and immediately starts chastising me for wrinkling his perfectly smooth leather jacket. He points to me as I am wearing my members only jacket and insults me saying I wouldn't care because I'm already wearing a wrinkled leather jacket. I'm inclined to agree. I move along.

I understand that there are going to be 50+ people all staying in this house in various rooms scattered all about. Only the adults were leaving one by one couple by couple out the grand entrance, assuming they are all congregating in front of the house for their adventure. I do not know where they are going but they are all excited to leave their kids and the kids are apathetic/happy to be with their friends.

I cannot find Ben anywhere, like no where no where. Always new rooms new couches new arrangements of kids of all ages 18-5 having their own little gatherings scattered about. I wander around for almost an hour looking for him to no avail.

Things are starting to not make sense as I don't recognize technology or even the styles of most people. It occurs to me I may be out of my time. I ask some kids what year it is and they are just laughing at me thinking I am kidding. That there is no way someone doesn't know what year it is at Christmas time. Finally someone says it's the year 2069. I am somewhat flabbergasted. I have no idea how I have slipped out of my time again. But I am welcome to the adventure.

There are still some adults here and there saying goodbye to their kids. I notice a somewhat concerned couple saying goodbye to their children and assuring each other that everything will be fine and they will be back in no time. They are dressed somewhat bohemian and I feel a comradery with their style. Most of the parents are ritzy and done up like they are at a formal Christmas party, like upper class glitzy styles and too many conflicting expensive perfumes.

I see an older gentleman come out of a door to the grande entrance and I think at first it is Ben's father. Only his face looks like Caesar. I extend my hand and tell him it's good to see him again and it's been too long. He doesn't know who I am but shakes my hand anyway. I wonder if my hand is dry or sweaty from the hurried walking around this expansive house.

I finally see Ben up some stairs walking a girl with mocha skin up more stairs and to his loft getaway. I gather he has been avoiding everyone and I am somewhat frustrated I have missed my flight and have been wandering around for the better part of an hour in another time, confused as hell. His loft has a large balcony overlooking the city below. It is a cartoonishly large futuristic and detailed city, with purples and greens and blues and yellow hues to the buildings. I now definitely know I am out of my time.

I am standing on the rail looking out to the view just taking it all in when he approaches me to my side and stands by the rail next to me. He asks if I've ever seen anything like it before. I say yes, it's exactly like the city I saw in my dreams a couple nights ago. He is taken aback but not entirely surprised. There is a girl sitting on cushions behind us who is the girl he was leading up here. She is confused at our conversation. I remember that he left me in the beginning so I start into some great tirade exclaiming my frustration with him. I take off my jacket and I have no clothes on underneath. I have no shame but I am yelling at him that I have been lost, and out of place, and I have no clothes, and I missed my flight, and I have no idea how I got to 2069. The girl with him is bashful at my appearance and several people walk by gawking while I am going on my monologue. I am unphased in noticing them as I am always comfortable nude. He assures me he can get me to Denver quickly. I look off the balcony, there are multi hot air balloons in various shapes and colours, I joking say Oh you're gonna fly us there in a balloon!? He smiles knowingly and responds that if I had left with his dad we could fly the blimp.
'Noah?' I hear, and I am awake.

Yesterday I went from waking to a dream in just some seconds. Or I went from a dream to another dream. I don't know. I tested out the exact same thing this night and it worked again!

I wake up in the middle of the night and do my RC (pinch my nose and try to breath). I think it doesn't work at first but suddenly I am in a big yellow courtroom with a woman judge that is slamming her hammer against the table. The last time I did this transition it was very unstable and I feel that this dream is also unstable. I look at my hands and they look really real. No extra fingers and no distortions. I am in the front desk that is about to be interrogated. I walk up and fly out of the window. There is a big city outside that reminds me of Karlskrona a lot. I see my hands as I fly and it doesn't look this real in my normal dreams. I am happy because I feel the wind against my face and my hair swining backwards as I fly. I fly up and down some times just to feel the wind. I fly up and hesitate but end up doing a loop in the air with a 360 spin to it. I feel alive and happy. Without thinking about it I stretch out only my right hand in front of me and I am able to fly really really fast when I do it. I use both of my hands and it doesn't go as fast. I think to myself that I might be able to reach space with this speed. I start to fly up to the sky with one hand in front of me like Superman but as all references to which height I am flying at disappear I can't fly anymore. I try to find a star that I can focus on but it is too far away I think to myself. I fly against the city and see a lot of people. I think about dancing and suddenly I fly into a big empty room. I think that I will be able to see dancers here but I can't see anything. I look around and find a secret door in the wall. I open it up and see two pretty fat ladies dancing. I inspect them but walk out again. There is another secret door in the empty room. I enter it and see two really good looking ladies dancing, the dream becomes unstable and I wake up.

Notes: Wohooo! This flying was so trustworthy and it was so blissful, calm and refreshing. I really wonder if it was a dream from the beginning or if I actually went directly from being awake to a full scale dream. It almost feels too good to be true.

I'm in church and two guys walk in through a door. I think to myself that they might tickle me and they change appearance as I think so. They become taller and now have black hair. I quickly try to wake myself up but I can't. I am somehow able to escape and run to the cars. I take their car and escape. It's a pretty old car and it doesn't go that fast. I see a fast cool car and walk to it to drive it. I am semi lucid here because I thought it was okay to take the car because it's only a dream. Just as I am about to enter the car another man takes it and drives away.

Notes: The tickling is awful. I hate it so much.

Dad is driving us to a training center. There is a man that welcomes us and we see a picture of a big training center. We enter and it almost looks like the picture. We jump around and enjoy ourselves.

Notes: I read about the biggest training center in Sweden yesterday.

I'm with Pia and Monica. We start to fly and we each have a kite tied to our backs. It gives a different but non the less fun flying experience. Whe you fly upwards the kite drags you backwards and wants you to loop. The same is when you fly down. I experiment with the feeling and go up and down. We see a star and Monica says that India is there. We fly fast but Pia is slowing down and is tired. We leave her behind. As we fly it becomes day and night because we fly so fast (haha that would actually mean we went around the whole earth and already passed India). I ask Monica how many days and nights we have to pass before we come to India. The whole sky is filled with lightning clouds that are grey and agressive just 2 meter above us. Monica and I fly to the ground and crouch because we don't want to get hit by lightning. The lightning clouds are maybe 10 meters above us, really close to the ground.

Notes: What an interesting dream.