side notes

Recalled a lot of frags last night.

I was at the grocery store with my mom. We were buying food for some event at my taekwondo studio. I recommended that we buy 20 packages of spaghetti. (A lot) But she said that would be too much. I had to remind her about the children class at the studio that has like 50 students.

I was outside the grocery store (same dream probably, but I can't remember how I got out here.) Still with my mom, and we were discussing how we were going to carry the groceries home. Apparently we didn't have a car. Another detail I recall was the sky was very weird, it looked like the sun was rising and setting at the same time.

I was actually at my taekwondo studio and the master was having us do this weird new thing with our kicks that was supposed to help us stretch out. When I started doing it, I was pretty bad, but I looked even worse because I was too far into the corner of the studio and didn't have requited room to move around.
After we were done doing 15 of the kicks (all of us) even though mine were pretty sloppy, he dismissed class and let us go.

I was in my math class. We were getting our tests back, and they were pass/fail. I looked at my test and (I kid you not) the number 99.99% was written on the top. Apparently I had dropped a negative sign somewhere on the test. I looked through it and found the circled problem. And when I looked at it, there WAS a negative sign next to the number, be it small and difficult to see.
A called my teacher to show her that she had graded it wrong, but she said that I had written the negative sign too high up, and she couldn't count it.
I started looking through my backpack for a pencil to change the answer. As I did, the classroom morphed into the backstage of a play setting, with people in costumes going on/off stage and people moving props and stuff. But I was still focused on finding a pencil. I never did find one but what I found was much more interesting.
I found a number of drawings, many of them of dream related things. One of them was of two of "me" one of them looked like me from real life. The other of myself when I see myself in dreams. Another was of Manei, my own dream guide sitting in a meditative position.
I actually became mildly lucid after seeing that drawing.
The third and final drawing that I remember seeing was of... I never told anyone about my recurring "Symbol" dream, but that will be discussed later.

Or maybe I'll completely forget to talk about the symbol dream.

And that brings me to the title of this entry. I have had really bad recall and haven't had a lucid dream in at-least two months. But last night I had recall for the second night in a row. It seems like good launchpad to start breaking down these mental barriers.
And that's because I think I finally figured out why lucid dreaming got so difficult. It's all in my head. It only got more difficult because I thought it was going to get more difficult, and It can get easier, too. I know how easy some of my lucid dreams came, and it's not a difficult concept to grasp. So I am starting a project called "breaking mental barriers" to try and reset myself to the mindset that lucid dreaming is easy. This next week, I'm going to act like a newbie lucid dreamer, and go back to the basics of DILD and the likes, with hopes that I can start lucid dreaming again.

As I went to sleep tonight, I recited a mantra, "I will stabilize". I also firmly fixed in my mind that as soon as I began dreaming, I would know that I was dreaming.

This worked. I spent some time drifting, and then a dream began. I was lying in bed, and the lights were on. I looked to my left. There were 3 tiny, glowing playing cards floating in the space above my head. I thought, "Yes, I'm dreaming," and snatched the playing cards from where they were floating. It's hard to explain, but the cards were a cue for me - it was specifically seeing the cards that made me lucid. I don't remember what suites the cards were, only that they were 1/4 the size of normal playing cards, they were glowing, and they immediately induced lucidity.

I got out of bed, and my bedroom was very different and not at all like my real bedroom. The carpet was worn out, and an ugly shade of tannish orangy brown. My "dream room" carpet is always this ugly color, for some reason. The door was in the wrong place, and led to a hallway that doesn't exist, and there was no furniture besides my bed. The bed was a twin, but in real life, I have a full. I said, "Stabilize!". I went to the door and tried to visualize that as soon as I went through it, I would be in a rainforest. I tried very hard to convince myself of this.

When I went through the door, everything was dark. I saw shadowy forms that hinted that I was in another room. I got frustrated and lost lucidity.

I woke up, grumbled, and tried WILD. I got past the initial wave and felt as if I was sinking into my bed. I sat up out of my body. I tried to open my eyes, but it was very hard, and I felt like I was opening my physical eyes. I was really tired and had work in the morning, so I gave up on it and lapsed back into unawareness. I dreamed that my head had made a huge dent in my pillow, so now my pillow had 2 lumps of stuffing on either side and nothing in the middle. I tossed and turned (in the dream) and tried to make it comfortable somehow.

I dreamed I was shopping at a store. I've never been there in my waking life. There was a desk on a top shelf that I was interested in - it was $50, and I thought it would make a good room divider. But my cell phone was malfunctioning badly. The screen came off (how?) and then it got hot to touch and melted. I got some of the melted screen on my finger, and it burned me. I kept thinking about how frustrated I was that all of my money now had to go toward buying a new phone. I needed a smartphone, too, so it was going to be expensive.

I woke up. I tried some visualizations. I visualized a room full of dolls, where each doll represented a DC I knew. I visualized putting a doll on the floor and making it grow to full size. (I was not asleep at this time). I began drifting off, but the visualization didn't completely take hold, and I didn't become lucid. Instead, the room became the room of a woman with a group of really odd friends. My dream followed their antics, but I don't recall any specifics on what they were.

Review:
Dream clues:
- Playing cards (instant lucidity)
- My pillow doesn't have stuffing. It's a memory foam pillow.
- Unfamiliar store, without recalling how I got there
- Malfunctioning phone (malfunctioning electronics)
- Spectator perspective

Edit: Believe it or not... I actually figured out the playing cards while I was riding the train home. In my dream, they were glowing like they were lit up LEDs. On the train ride home, there's an installation where LED playing cards flash by the train windows. I tend to stare out the window at them because I'm bored and they're something to look at... which means I'm also staring at my reflection. So, since mirrors instantly make me lucid (for some reason), apparently my brain linked the playing cards with my reflection strongly enough that just looking at a card makes me lucid.

Ah! So close so close so close... Slept 8.5 hours today, not surprising after last night's early waking, at first I thought I had no recall but then memories came in from the night from multiple scenes and did quick journal. Woke once or twice during the night but just too tired to journal.

Decided I still felt sleepy enough to try for a WILD again. Spent about an hour trying to sleep, with mantra going ("I'm dreaming" mostly) with visualization of desired scene. It was a fun scene so didn't really feel the time going by . Probably the wrong thing to do (visualizing the scene and playing with it)? Felt like I was trying to "make it happen" by holding the scene in my mind. At one point I did get some body hallucinations: like I was swinging. I could change the feeling from front/back swinging to side-to-side swinging like on a huge hammock. I know, I know, "don't fiddle with the noise, sonny." . I was on my back for all this, not my usual sleeping position.

Didn't feel like I was making progress, so I rolled over to side (usual sleeping position), and decided just to "let it happen" instead of trying to "make it happen," let go of visualisations, did my usual "go to sleep/dream" relaxing/releasing of mind/thoughts, but kept "I'm dreaming" mantra. And pretty soon my breathing became a bit shaky and laboured, my heart rate went up a bit, and my mind entered a feeling just like how lucidity feels in a DILD, yet I was totally aware as it occurred! Tried to stay relaxed and kept mantra going. Strong feeling of excitement/anticipation. But I didn't see anything except the back of my eyelids. I thought "where's the dream?" Feeling subsided a bit, and I found I could "push" back towards it a little.

Didn't make it in but that's the closest I've ever been....but jeez after an hour of visualization, no dream images waiting for me!?

Anyway, "Let it happen" seems to be the key, which is I believe just what Sageous is teaching . Also I think it's not a bad mantra...

The experience gives me confidence that I can in fact WILD! Just have to hold on to the patience longer and let the dream form...

Right. I am way behind with journalling. In the meantime, got mostly short lds and finally a long one today (will post separately).

Date: 1 Nov

Combo: SJW, B6, p.oil cap, latte

It's been around two months since the last time I took this combo. This time, I found the dreams before the wbtb very emotionally charged and not with pleasant emotions. It was mentally exhausting.

I do a quick wbtb and go back to bed repeating the mantras. An hour passes by where I thought I was awake but actually I was in some sort of deep sleep. Can't recall thinking or dreaming anything. I take a couple mins to concentrate on having an ld and fall asleep.

LD: From the darkness, the scene begins to form around me and I start walking briskly to allow myself to get in properly. I am on the street in some neighborhood. As I examine the surroundings, I see a chimp in the yard across the street. Cool! I remember that I was supposed to turn into a gorilla for the NY task, so having a point of reference for the transition is very welcome. My thoughts and emotions make the chimp stand on its feet and beat its chest or something like that.

The dream is kind of unstable and as I look around, I see the chimp suddenly vanish in front of my eyes. It quickly fades away to become transparent, where only the contours can be seen, then these disappear as well. I want the chimp to reappear and look in another direction. Behind the fence of a close by yard, there are now a number of bear cubs and as I am staring at them they quickly increase in numbers. The whole yard is now filled with bear cubs, maybe 15-20 of them. I look towards what I feel is the city center, hoping to see a tall building, but there are only 5- story blocks here. There's this gut feeling that I shouldn't have started changing the dream so early on as this is causing too much instability, but it's already too late. I wake up.

I do another quick and rather sloppy attempt to have an ld, but it seems that I fall into unmemorable sleep again.

4 Nov

From scratch short ld in the living room. High instability, decided to do yoga - handstand but lost the feel of my hands and dream collapsed.

5 Nov

Stable, vivid, somewhat unpleasant atmosphere. Recognized frequency of objects (toilets) as DS. Decided to leave the place by phasing through a mirror. Imagined Egypt behind and phased but ended in the void. Shortly felt warmth and some sand around but then continued floating forwards in the dark void. Minor dream paralysis (in the void) while trying to rub hands.

I dreamed that I was part of a crew that was going to ride in a rocket to the moon. The capsule we were going in looked very old, like 1960s era Soviet technology, and it was very tiny. It had one circular room. 2 men were operating the actual controls, and I was supposed to navigate. For some reason, I did this with old-fashioned looking blueprints. Our first mission was successful.

Things went a little wrong during the 2nd mission. There was another woman, Sophia, who was training to be a navigator. They assigned both of us to the capsule for the next mission, but it was far too cramped for 4 people to fit inside... when all 4 people got in, I didn't have enough space to actually do my job. Finally, it was decided that Sophia would stay behind.

Eventually, we docked at a tiny space station with a room with several beds built into the wall.

Then, a perspective shift. I'm now a spectator, and Captain Kirk is leading an old-fashioned-looking starship. He's only doing it temporarily, until they pick up the "real" captain. They run into a very strange colony/organism, it's a giant, translucent, organic bag of liquid with worms and snake-like creatures inside of it. It reminds me a lot of looking through a microscope at a slide full of tiny creatures. Anyway, it engulfs the ship. Kirk leaves the ship and floats into a little air sac/bubble in order to try negotiating with the creatures, but they're sort of evil. Eventually, he decides it can't be done, so he punches a hole in the side of the sac and all of the fluid drains off into space.

Then I dream that my mother gave me 2 bowls of popcorn. One is smaller than the other. I sit and pet an orange kitten, and we both eat popcorn.

Review:
Dream clues:
- I do not normally operate rockets
- It is not the 1960s
- "Spectator" perspective
- My mother is 2000 miles away
- I don't own a kitten

00:00 Tuesday November 5, 2013 DILD #5!
02:25 bedtime
06:25
1) lying on ground eyes at ground level MFLd's path (to left to back yard) promising to get the sprinkers installed so all the plants will grow properly. I'm touching and looking at the plants and imagining the sprinkler heads going nearby. Lying with wife on the brick path, we're settling down for the night for sleep just down from the circle. We have to make room for the nuns to come down the path at night (imagine one walking down). S1 (current age) comes and asks me about a towel and what are my plans when I go to the gym. In the gym I give advice: calfs twice a week, it's the smallest muscle in the body. Then all the other muscles 3 times a week. A trainer is there agreeing with me. Return to the MFLds's porch. Talking to man who own's the Gs house now whom I later suspect of pulling down the chimney.
On the circle by parent's house(DS), nighttime. Standing with LDiS (old gf), I start flying (levitating while vertical) with her, holding her so she flies with me she's facing me. I very slowly fly upwards, I see the pespective changing on the lights and stars, it's fascinating. I'm saying "I always like to fly like this it's my favorite way". We go up pretty high. It's awesome. I show how the perspective changes while we can altitude. I'm flying by will, can see the lights from city and the stars. We're going far above the power lines. I ask her if she's ever flown that high before. She says maybe once or twice. I say I'll tell you a secret: I didn't used to fly this high myself. We're flying away from where we started, dark trees below, we kiss a few times. Coming down. It's daytime back at parent's house. I see the entire chimney ripped off of the house leaving a gaping hole. I'm saying "holy crap what happened here?" Like the next door neighbor who lived at the G's house had pulled a wire that was attached to the chimney and pulled it down. Wife there very upset, trying to re-install the phone wire and other wires. In front yard, lots of people around (workmen/inspectors), sitting at table with workmen with a workplan on a brown piece of paper. I'm trying to read it. The worksheet shows the progress of the repairs. Front and back side. On the back side it 's about repairing the phone lines. It's blank, I ask what's the status. I see scribbled on the paper then "must fix first". We first must fix the bathtub to upgrade it to hold 45 gallons. Wife was trying to tie the cable and the phone lines back on the house so at least the alarm would work.
Talking with some people on the G's side of the fence, they're from a TV show doing an interview. I don't want anyone to hear. We walk all the way to the bathroom window, some are following us from the group, I'm trying to tell this guy the story, I don't want to tell him that I was flying, I said I went for a walk with a lady, and ex-girlfriend whom I hadn't seen in 20 years, who is also the former girlfriend of the next-door neighbor. I'm trying to get close enough to this guy to tell him the story quietly, he keeps backing up when I step forwards to him maintaining our distance. I say "come closer", then put my hand up to my mouth so that only he can hear, that this ex GF shows up and went walking and came back then this happened. I think what they've done is disabled the alarm system and that they were casing the joint and planning to rob the house in the night. The guy agrees. Sitting at the table, a woman comments about an analogy about sex, what's the point of a little thing rubbing in another place, agreeing that the exGF showing up is suspicious.

F1) something to do with the workplace

Memories of dreams of flying over the G's house, but that's usually in the daytime and at low altitude. Decades old dreams.

06:42 (WBTB long recording) MILD over previous dream's night flight.
08:51 DILD #5

2) driving towards the mountains on teh freeways. The freeways were covered and long. I was trying to get to my favorite lake UL. I was on a open topped train, like of nothing but flatcars with nothing on top of them. my feet were barely clearing the objects immediately to the right of the tracks by inches. Very slow moving train. I had a backpack on and shorts and a t shirt and I was going to UL. I thought "what will I do when I get there? I have no camping gear or more clothes, the clothes will get smelly." I guess I have a car and so I can leave and return. I'm standing on the edge of the car barely missing things on the right. I start running along the flatcars to the right, going up and down different levels, my body is light and I'm running very quickly and easily.

3) arrived in a town with a water park. Bright daytime. Touristy looking location, tons of people. I say "oh I've arrived in XXXX" (some name of city). I didn't expect to be there so sono. I planned to enter the water park and check out the hot chicks in bikinis. Crowds of people were pushing all around me to make their way to the entrance. Some woman was annoyed and said "why are you all pushing!?". MEO. Walking up a short stairway. Go around building to the right then left. Enter the water park, my friend MR is with me. I'm annoyed by his presence that means I can't go girl watching. We enter a restaurant and look for a good table, the tables line the edges of the room only. Look all arond the room. There's a table/booth back to the right by the door. Not the best table but we go there. M sits down, my seat (on the left) is covered with chocolate syrup and a pile of melted ice cream, as is the seat in the next booth to the left. I say "my seat is covered with chocolate syrup!" They clean it. Look at seat, it's clean. I don't sit down.

F2) a guy is kicking a ball, but he violated regulations by kicking it on protected red Indian ground, he should have started kicking it over the line on the allowed ground. Someone says "you got a XXX (some nonsense word) on your shoe" to the kicking guy.

4) walking on a road, a tiny chinese girl is walking towards me and crying. Comes up and grabs my leg, I think she's lost. Almost doll sized. I pick her up and comfort her. Walk down road a bit more and find her family's house to the left. Give her back to the parents. Large family. They think that this is a nice man, not all strangers are bad. Continue walking, it's a dead end, I need to get down, trying to see how, have to walk through a garden. Looking at a park fence. I need to choose between the left playground and the right playground. They're both tiny. Bright and clean small park behind the fence. Evertying is made from shiny bright chrome, large chrome tubing. I enter park by unlatching fence, latch is strange plastic thing that pulls up off of the fence. Looking at gate mechanism for a second, it's weird. I go in and close/lock fence behind me. Walk through tiny park, basketball court big enough for 2-3 people to stand, some weird large headed chinese people are playing on this basketball court, I walk through to the road beyond.

5) leaving a bathroom where I did #2, walking in an indoor hallway outside the bathroom, imagined the smell being in the hallway. Ahead of me where there should be an archway to an intersection of hallways is a solid yellow wall. It's not supposed to be there, it's supposed to be an archway, DC friend tries to walk though the wall but hits his head. I approach the wall and think to myself "There is no wall." And imagine my body parts moving right through the wall. Doesn't work at first, try again. I imagine I just need to keep moving my body parts as if there was no wall, like it's an illusion. I make it through but the resistance is immense, like walking through taffy. Another DC comes through the wall. I say "that wall was really sticky. Really sticky." We turn to right go down hallway to a door, I say "oh, thus must mean I'm dreaming." DC smiles knowingly and he opens the door and heads outside. I follow, I think "ok this guy knows about dreaming and he's going to tell me some things!" He knowingly nods again. I have so many questions I want to ask about so many different things. Daylight outside. Everything is bright and vivid. There were people around, but not too crowded, like an outdoor college campus walking between buildings. We walk slowly, and turn to the left. I think I should stabilize. I reach down to the ground, I look at the texture of the stone/pebbly concrete and run my fingers over it, feeling the bumps. The touch sensation is a bit muted, like 75% of WL. I touch a nearby fence/railing along the side and run my fingers over the fence and feel the shapes. I think OK it's time to look at my hands, I haven't done this in a LD yet. Did hand RC. Hands were BIZARRE. Fingers transforming and pulsing while I look, becoming stumpy and growing long. clumps of mini-hands with gnarled fingers in place of fingers that look like tree roots. I'm fascinated by my hands, and while walking keep looking at them again and again. I notice that everything around, especially DCs, are so bright. Turn to the left again, a building is to the left. "Godzilla hands", twisted a zillion of them I think of my hands. I ask the guy whom I'm following "why is that? Is it some sort of impression I have of myself?" People very bright, very clear. Female DCs around, I purposefully ignore them to concentrate on stability and a long dream. Walk a bit more, turn around and look back behind me. Still looking at hands some more. I feel embarassed about these hands. I wonder if DCs can see the hands the way I see them or if they look normal to them. A female DC is inspecting her hands. Someone asks her if they look weird to her, she at first says no then embarassed says yes.

Fast transition to wake, "No!" I say. Lying on right side. Spent a minute trying to DEILD back in but decided to record. Length 2-3 minutes.

09:20 temp 18C

1. I dream I am working at a nursing home. I take care of an old lady, and take her to a doctor appointment, but forget to actually take her in to see the doctor. I send her off (to somewhere) and then remember that the doctor hasn't actually seen her, and start worrying that even though she is healthy she may have health problems that aren't so obvious... but there's no way to fix it without getting in a lot of trouble.

2. One of my less comfortable OBEs. I partially woke up, but my body was still 'paralyzed' and I was half asleep. I tried to settle down and catch onto a dreamlet or something. That isn't working and I'm not entirely lucid, so I try to sit up out of my body. My body "sticks" to me like it's glue, so I try to roll over out of it. I feel like I am tipping and sinking backwards into the bed. I am in the "wind tunnel". I start to panic, and after a lot of flailing around and struggling, I lapse back into unawareness.

3. I dream that there is a huge snowstorm and the whole city has shut down. The city I live in is one I've never seen before in my life. I go outside and start trying to shovel snow with everybody else.

4. I dream I am in a castle. I am moving through room after room. The floor has diamond floor tiles in various brown colors. I can get on top of the walls and run along them, and jump down into other rooms. As I am crossing a hallway, I see a mirror. Mirrors always make me lucid - I approach it, see my reflection, and 'push' into lucidity. Unfortunately, I'm sleeping too lightly, and it wakes me up (not a false awakening).

I grumble and roll over. A few minutes pass. Someone lightly knocks on my door, twice. I ignore it because if my brother is trying to wake me up on the morning I have a day off work, he's being a jerk.

Someone knocks on my door again, a little louder, twice.
I say "what?" but there's no answer. I get up and open my door, but nobody is there. I hear someone in the kitchen. I go into the kitchen and ask my roommate, "Did you knock on my door?"
She says, "No, I wouldn't do that."
My brother is asleep... my other roommate isn't home. My roommate verified that she was, in fact, making breakfast, and that I did ask her if she knocked on my door. Even though it was a hypnopompic hallucination, it still sounded very real, and was pretty creepy.

Review:
Last night was semi-productive, I guess. I'm having more lucids, but the quality has gone down. I don't think it's because I'm getting "worse" at lucid dreaming, so much as I am having a lot more lucid dreams lately and the quality will slowly improve again.

When I say OBE, I don't really mean that I believe it's an actual out of body experience. I mean that it's a specific kind of lucid dream I have where it feels like I am rising/rolling/whatever out of my body, and either end up in the void or end up in a facsimile of my bedroom, while my "body" remains in bed. I don't believe anything paranormal is going on, it's just a really specific kind of dream with a really specific feeling... and a specific set of challenges that I still haven't overcome.

Clues I was dreaming:
- I don't work in a nursing home
- We don't have blizzards where I live
- I don't generally wander around castles

I dreamed about abandoned, crumbling, overgrown overpasses and train tracks through the wilderness. I clung to the bottom of one, like monkey bars. Some friends and I went into the wilderness to explore, but we were afraid of getting lost. We ran across another group of people. In our explorations, we cut through a lot of grass and underbrush, and I was worried about the impact we were having on the landscape.

I then dreamed that I got a job at a shop in a historic section of a city. It was a job at a candy shop, and it was partly commission-based. My mother didn't want me to take it. She said the area was "too dangerous".
I was at the outside cafe section of a nearby restaurant when I went lucid. The restaurant was inside of a converted Victorian style house. When I realized I was dreaming, I immediately went inside to look for a specific DC I really wanted to see. I didn't see him. Instead, there was a waiter who was in his late 30s but mostly bald. I covered my eyes and tried to imagine that he was the DC. When I uncovered them, he had changed a little bit; his face had morphed, and was a little blurry, and tufts of hair were coming out of the side of his head, and he looked a little... melted. I got very frustrated.
I recall that my surroundings were hazy. I recall the restaurant having a lot of dark wood in its decor, and being a fine dining/upscale sort of place.

Review:
I think I went lucid because I realized the area I was in was unfamiliar and I did not recall how I got there, and this was a cue that I was dreaming. I have also just randomly gone lucid a lot out of "habit" - I am used to habitually questioning reality, now, so I also do it while I am dreaming as well, which I suppose is the whole point of ADA. This has led to a gradual but measurable increase in lucid dreams. Three years of practice are finally paying off.

For anybody who is just getting started, remember this: it took a year and a half of trying before I had my first lucid dream.

I need to work on remembering to stabilize and observe before trying to do anything. I've been frustrated at the haziness of my lucids lately, but I also have not been observing and stabilizing as I ought to. I need to work on vividness and stabilization. I miss the beautiful landscapes of my first few lucids... I've stopped observing and gotten too impatient, and it's backfiring.

I try too often to exert direct control. I think my attempt to change the waiter may have been a tad too direct. I still wouldn't call it a complete failure - I did succeed at partially changing his features.

Things I could have done:
- Asked the waiter to seat me, sat down at the table, and waited for the DC I was trying to find to show up at the time we'd agreed on.
- Continued to look for the DC in the crowd.
- Looked for the table that I knew the DC was waiting at.
- Used the restaurant doorway to go somewhere that I knew the DC was at (scene change).
- Reached behind myself and felt for the DC's hand.

So, tonight will be another night - and hopefully, another lucid. I need to remember to use my environment to my advantage.

Morning of November 3, 2013. Sunday.



This was another funny connection and recurring dream-oriented pattern. It also relates to my most recent dream. What I saw was a large staff with a golden snowflake design on the top. Inside the snowflake area (the center) was the Blue Pearl floating within an implied globe setup (but the mechanism not visible), but this time I saw it to be planet Earth, shining and glowing, and blue rays emerging at times. It felt very meaningful and timeless and really “shined”. I saw it turn slightly and felt as if it was very deep within my consciousness. A feeling of bliss.

“Suzy Snowflake” was a song I came to really enjoy when young as well. I took another song “Susie Q” (also spelled as “Suzi Q” - my wife usually uses the Suzi spelling for the anglicized form of her first name now), as turning out to be two things, Q for Queensland, and, on a more humorous and lesser note, the omnipotent being from the “Star Trek” series.

The image is another scan of an old handmade pamphlet (made many years ago) which became a sort of personal running gag for my wife and me. One of the first things I had heard about her from a relative the first time we were communicating via postal mail was that she was “fragile”…The play on “I am avalanche” was another thing that caused people to believe the Yin-Yang pairing would bring destruction, but I think it is a reference to enlightenment, or the existence of Universal Mind. I think the comic strip clip is from B.C., the one with the cavemen. The snowflake is usually connected to the six-pointed Star of David (known in Hebrew as the Shield of David or Magen David), though, although it seems eight-pointed in the first panel of the strip.

NOTE: I'm just going to use all blue from now on cause changing colors is a pain. I'll just use bold lettering for lucidity.

So I recall this one small fragment of the first part of my dream. I was just laser designating aircraft and someone else would shoot the aircraft down. That was it...boring right?

So the more memorable part of my dream was I was in my friend Joey's house. Of course since it was a dream it looked nothing like his house. Well the layout was similar, but everything else was changed. But anyway, I'm in his house and I'm making a lot of noise. His mother comes to me and demands I be quiet because her grandchildren are trying to sleep. I apologize and go on about my business when I realize it's the middle of the night and I'm not being very curtious. So I proceed to go to the bathroom and I forget what I did in there specifically, but my friends Matt and Maggie then came rushing into the bathroom. The two begin to make out in a vulgar fashion. I'm quite surprised to see this, as they aren't dating or even hardly know one another. Then the two of them turn to me and throw me out of the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I get up and go into Joey's room where he's playing XBox. I ask him what game he's playing, and he says it's called "Occulus Rift 2." I'm pretty sure in real life the Occulus rift is a gaming headset simulator thing, or it might be a game, I don't recall. So as he continues to play I draw out a shotgun and load in seven or eight shells. I'm actually feeling really jealous of Romeo and Juliet in the bathroom for some unknown reason. I go in and bust the door down and begin shooting. However my shells down seem to do any sort of damage to them, but it sure as hell scared the shit out of the two.
"I shot you," I say. "You're supposed to be dead, c'mon!"
"Okay," Maggie says, and then falls over on the ground. In all my confusion I check my shotgun and see I used all my shells, and no one died in my relentless jealous rampage. I now leave the bathroom and go downstairs where Joey is waiting for me with a M1 Carbine and he fires at me. I fire my shotgun which has been magically reloaded, and that was a mistake. Joe's mom now comes in and she is livid. She rebukes me for quite sometime. That's all I can recall.

Way back when I was about nine years old and before I learned easier ways to learn things in a so-called paranormal sense, I did try to understand whatever I read at a few levels. Regarding such things, there are always at least three or four layered elements which can be directly validated (thus eliminating chance for coincidence or “unintended” synchronicity) much like checking the product to a multiplication problem with division. Technically, even only one layer of my experiences and work would have been enough, but this, as I have said in the past, is an entire strata of fixed aspects, how the web is woven. And so, not only are there several visible links to everything that exists in a person’s life (for them to “unravel” it as they see fit), there are also several more sparse, more hidden links (perhaps even infinite), so much so, you could have probably called me “Face-Palm Boy” when it took me so long to “get” certain things, or perhaps more like “Slap-Forehead Boy” when I learned something I should have known already.

At least one ancestor of the non-native lines was of the Vaudois - also known as the Waldensians. This group used various codes and watermarks which developed into some forms of modern cryptography and even formation of the modern English language. Over the years, time and time again, I was completely baffled by the “veil” over people’s eyes that prevented them from understanding something as simple as the alphabet or letter frequency, and why people did not use the system to more often win games like Hangman and to solve cryptograms - people were actually getting angry with me when I almost always won Hangman, saying I was “cheating” (simply by understanding the English language alphabet and the patterns of letter usage), for some inexplicable reason, preferring to wallow in negativity than enhance their understanding of practically anything at all.

The earliest Vaudois code was in one of the earliest editions of the Bible (1535 - known as the Olivetan), which had a secret decryption: “Les Vaudois, peuple evangelique, ont mis ce thresor en publique”. Down through history, even the name “JESUS” was partially of a next consonant/next vowel code (jesus, kitat, LOVEV at row TWO, the additional V in part representing Vaudois (22 citations sur Vaudois), and the bottom half of the “heart gate” or “love gate” or whatever you want to call it) and do not forget “V” is the 22nd letter creating yet an additional “fold” over an already fixed pattern (two mirrored to two being the heart on the plane and yet again, from which V emerges from THAT pattern - it goes on and on continuously). Of course, twos mirrored bottom to bottom also make the start of the Fleur-de-lys (or a swan mirrored to its bottom and rotated).

Eventually, for a time, my dreams focused on the puzzle of the “K SEAL”, mostly because of it being in my first name (as previously shown, in the SIXTH row): claude, dmeafi, fniego, gpoihu, hquoja, jrquke, kseali. I wondered if it was about Claudius, which my father said was the one who “started” it all. After all, why would the Vaudois write about me long before I was born…that was until I learned that all patterns are fixed and repetitive and there is not much people can do to distract you from truth-seeking if you really want bliss and love in your life (and basically whatever you want) for as long as you live.

My dreams focused on a very large number of K Seal “explanations” (or “K Seal I” - I being the ninth letter and validating the pattern as genuine in this case). I will go over only a few of them here.

The most obvious one has a few layers. My first and middle name finally resolves to GPO I HUG PO VIRGO (the “K Seal” being central to slight alteration of the two last vowels from “vurgu”). Thus, my bride is met via the Post Office (GPO stands for General Post Office as well, which was the first term I saw when going out when my family moved to Florida). Virgo is the sixth sign to my ninth (Yin and Yang). (This is not astrology, but logistics in related patterns - I do not believe in astrology itself - it is apparently a distraction to hide truth from those who wish to attain the “real answers” through real consciousness rather than following a false “system”.) There is a cluster after that (The K Seal row) which resolves to “The key is VI”, VI being Roman numerals for six (and you probably already know about the “nine in six”, the IX of six being Roman for nine, with the S being another Yin/Yang form). My initials in Roman Numerals resolve to 250, and interestingly enough K is also said to represent 250. These patterns always perfectly “fold in on themselves” several times over, unlike single coincidental patterns that only have one layer.

And so, the song “Sealed With a Kiss” by Brian Hyland entered my dreams (Most of the music I hear rarely has an influence in this way). Coincidentally, he also did “Gypsy Woman” - but I no longer care much for the term “gypsy” from learning that many real Roma do not like this term, although my wife is neutral about it. Regarding “sealed with a kiss”, this is what you say when you write a letter to one you love, but also can be written as an “X”, which represents St. Andrew’s cross. Thus, I figured that the “K Seal”, other than standing for kiss, was meant to be a reference to the St. Andrew’s cross (Crux decussata), for a time (in a spiritual sense).

Over time, I found all kinds of funny patterns relating to the “K Seal”. The letter “K” itself when placed with “3” makes the rotated “heart on the plane” symbol and “K” itself being half the master number (being the eleventh letter). Not only that, it also forms the suggestion of a shape of an envelope when rotated ninety degrees to the left (and you seal an envelope). Sure enough, I saw that the “Do K3” was designed by one Claude (Claudius) Dornier - thus he found his own higher path in life - literally, I guess. I never found a single thing that did not fit, even from several layers outward - something to this day I still appreciate.

The real K seal turns out to not be letter “k” at all, but to be a combination of I and C in such a way as it makes a “k” - this being from an old watermark. The seal is for “Iesous Christos”, interestingly enough. So, the “K seal” watermark is another symbol for Christ (I am not Christian).

Regardless of the hilarious fact that “K-Seal” has been “demoted” to a type of car leak repair (supposedly the best in this region) - my dreams were quite hilarious on this one, I simply heard the Beatles song “Fixing a Hole”. Thanks for reading.

In waking life, everything has been pretty crappy. My father just had a surgery to have a bone spur or some such nonsense taken out, and has been causing a lot of problems for the rest of our family. He blew his stack three times yesterday, twice at me and once at my mom. So... Lot of stress dragging down my already pretty crappy recall.


10/27/2013: Nonlucid Waterbending
I can remember the night before last was an interesting dream. I can't remember the exact order of events, but I believe it started out with me at the school cafeteria. I was sitting, chatting with some acquaintances when I noticed I was quite thirsty.
I went up to the school lunch counter and purchased a bottle of some sort of fruit punch. I opened the bottle and chugged it down before I could even get back to my table. But I was still really thirsty, and was thinking about turning around and buying more. Also, the fruit punch was very sweet. (I have noticed that dream-food is very good)
But some dream character approached me and filled up the bottle with some magical power. It basically caused more fruit punch to bubble up out of the bottom and fill the bottle again. The dream character then told me to drink more slowly if I wanted to have the "full effect".
I obeyed and went back to my table. I started to drink the punch in little sips, but it was hard to show restraint when I was so thirsty.

The dream kindof jump-cut to my bedroom. I can remember it being dark. And one of the interesting things was that I reality checked and figured that I actually was in my room. (STOOPID)
So anyways, I was experimenting with some kind of power that was in fact very similar to the waterbending from TLA series. But it seemed very weak, and I could only control a tiny string of water, about half a inch around and maybe a foot long. I tried to control bigger bodies of water, but to no avail.
I also know that this was connected to the first portion of the dream. The fruit punch I drank may have been some kind of potion to give me the powers, or maybe it was the blurry dream character that had something to do with it.
I manipulated the water for quite awhile, trying to move it faster and move more of it, but my ability didn't seem to be improving much. I decided that (since I had been playing with this ability, my whole room was wet.) I decided to pick up all of the water using my powers and move it back to a large cup on my desk.
I began doing so, cleaning up all of the spills and such one at a time. I don't believe I finished before I woke up.

10/28/2013: Chocolate Crazy!
I was at school again, and there was some kind of fundraiser or bake sale or... I don't know for sure, but the point was, there was this stand that was giving out free chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate to all of the students.
I went up to their stand and took a cookie and a small cup of cocoa. Also, these were very large cookies, maybe six inches across. They were delicious. I got about two thirds done with the one I had, and asked if I could take another one. One of the boys running the stand (there were two) told me that I was allowed to take as much as I wanted so long as I finished what I had first.
I obeyed, and then took another cookie and cup of cocoa, ate and drank that too. I was about to take my third helping when the bell rang and I had to go to class. But the stand was right outside the class I had to be in, and I wanted more food, so I grabbed my third helping and went into class.
After I ate my third helping I was actually feeling a little sick. But for some reason, I was still inclined to get more food from these people, so I stepped out of the classroom and took another cookie only to notice that the center of the cookie was all chocolate chips.
The boys running the stand told me that they had plenty of chocolate chips, but were running out of dough to bake the cookies. Apparently they had a small oven with them under the stand. I woke up.

Dream 1:
I'm on the phone to Tash S. I hang up by accident and call her back even though I knew I had pre-paid and usually a tight ass when it comes to calling people. Her Mum answers and say's ''is that you Dean? Tash has a guy around''. Tash is now talking to me, and I make it quick, cause I don't want to be rude and stay on phone when she has a guest.

I'm at my old house in Crystal G's, but Tash lives here. She's in her bed room and the door is closed.

Dream 2:
I'm outside a house near St agatha's with Ash K and I'm trying to remember a chorus from a song. I write it down on the footpath with a weird substance? soapy? We both laugh about the lyrics I have written down, which are wrong, but Ash knows which song I'm talking about. I can see the song on youtube. The original of the song is sung by a Chinese band which is spelt similar to this ''A1L0UD733T''. There's an English version of the song which is sung by The Beatles. I play the English version and realize I was pretty off with my choice of lyrics.

Dream Fragment:
Collingwood beat Lions by 5 points (105 - 100). I see the MCG.

I need to accept that I have woken up without moving and can try to DEILD. I try and bring on a scene and I notice a small scene of a tree with no leafs on it (Sky View).

kiss induced lucid dream (I don't like the accompanying abbreviation, though!). Seem to be a technique I'm developing....

00:00 Weds 2013-10-23

01:28 bedtime, argh, way off schedule.
06:18
1) Flying. I’m standing on a tall hill and I take a few quick steps and launch myself into the air, arms stretched out in front of me. Slow gliding. I see beautiful, vivid, high definition, golden sparkling grasses far below, amidst golden hills (WL, saw green grass sparkling unexpectedly in the sun, blown by the wind out the window at work). I look at the beauty below me and feel the magic of flying. I’m amazed. I say, “Oh, Yeah!”. I see two rotating golden disks (large) on the ground ahead, and I spiral down to meet them. The disks are like coins that were spun on their sides and now are rotating around about to flatten out against the ground. Someone’s sitting on the disks? Wife asks “why can’t the boy sambo?”

2) Swiss army knife & chase. I’m in a place with a guy and on a counter/shelf are 3 swiss army knives. The one on the left has a special bumpy/shiny case, and had blades outside the case as well as inside. I ask “hey is that the one with the saw?” “What is the one with the two blades and the saw and the file? Is that the Mark-3, the Mark-5, or the Mark-7? I used one in boy scout camp with the file, the saw, and the two blades.” I see the guy who designed the Mark-7. I say “I love that knife, every time there was a branch in my way I would saw that thing right off.” The designer and another guy start chasing me, he’s chastising me for cutting off branches. I say “they were dead already! Only on dry, dead wood!” He’s trying to fight/bash/damage me.

3) I’m flying DO high over a ski hill, flying up the hill. I look down and see a bunch of skiers, I know them. They are supposed to stop when they reached the bottom of the beginner’s hill. My view turns at the top and stops and looks at them skiing down the hill. One friend of younger son had only one foot properly fastened into a ski. I think we should have taught them how to stop hockey-style, feet parallel. But instead of stopping at the bottom of the baby hill they continued down the advanced big hill. I was concerned that they would crash.

F1) I see Chinese guy sitting on ground against a wall his legs drawn up to his chest. I say “hey, didn’t you used to be in charge of all media?” He said he’s not any more.

F2) walking through a city

F3) a fight about a demonstration

F4) something about my sister.

There was way more leading up to F1, but it slipped away. Long sequence.

06:30 – 07:30: WBTB
09:05 DILD #4! First LD in city in shared bed! Woohoo!
4) Sitting in a car, a Ford Fairmont (old family childhood car), red interior, I imagine the insignia on the car is a Cadillac logo. I’m thinking that the neighbors will not like that we’re bringing a second car into the shared parking area. Especially such an obviously American car. I was trying to put on my sweat pants while sitting in the car, my sneakers were on, I thought that will stretch the pants and get the pants insides dirty. I parked the car far away, on the other side of a large area from the house, I think “wait a minute, I’ll take this car into work today, because it’s a second car.” I plan to drive right up to our front door and park in the parking area there and get myself ready for work and go into work. I get back in the car and get ready to drive it. A couple of girls are standing just outside the driver’s window. They’re talking. Apparently they’re muslims. One has done something nasty and is going to be expelled because she has offended allah. One of them is in the driver’s seat and I’m in the back seat, and it’s time to back up, the car starts backing up. I think “this is not safe, I can’t reach the brake pedal from here.” I climb into the front seat together with the girl and reach for the brake pedal with my foot. We’re backing up. She’s enjoying it she thinks it’s a fun thing to drive. She’s smiling. We’re driving on the road in reverse, I think this is a bad idea, I look behind and turn the wheel of the car to the right, I look outside the back of the car and a man is standing on the road. There are boxes piled up around him. Then we’re driving forwards. Now we’re sitting in the back of the Ford Fairmont station wagon. She’s wearing “skinny jeans” and her feet are pulled up to the seat, I look at her legs. I lightly touch her leg. Then I look at her. She’s a beautiful young lady. She is sitting to my left, I’m turned facing her with my left arm around her neck, her head is resting at my elbow in the crook of my arm, it’s an intimate and tender pose. I look at her and think she is beautiful. Very vivid, totally life-like vivid, high definition and clear (“more real than RL”). I lean over and kiss her. Short, light, but more than a peck, about 2-3 seconds. I feel her lips on mine. I think “I’m dreaming,” and realize I AM dreaming! I pull back and with open eyes, I’m amazed, I’m a bit surprised, a quick moment of shock, it’s so life-like. Vision is bright and clear. I look back at the girl’s face, her eyes are closed, she has a bit of mascara on, her lashes are dark black. She is radiantly beautiful, shining practically, lit in the sun. Pure and beautiful. I glance out the front windshield of the car, we’re driving through a vague wooded area, the outside of the car is fuzzy: plants, trees go by. There is no driver. I am ecstatic, overwhelmed with that feeling of young love. I can’t think of what to do, I ponder for a moment and then say/think “take off your pants” and wake up, fairly fast transition, not much time to respond with a spin. I’m lying still in bed with closed eyes, think about attempting DEILDing back in but decide to record instead. Total lucid time: 10-15 seconds.

00:00 Tues 2013-10-22
~ 01:30 (?) bedtime
03:19
1) Getting out of bed turning on the air conditioning. The A/C is a big grand piano with multiple covers not a single cover. I have to open one of the multiple flaps to get the A/C working. Wife can’t get cool she’s not comfortable. I feel the coolness of the A/C air and say “see, it’s cold, the A/C is working.” I or she says “it must be a cultural thing.”

F1) Standing outside in a large area, a truck is approaching along a long road. Truck arrives and zips around in a wide open area, I try to catch it.

F2) Receiving a medal.

06:13
2) Staying in a cheap motel. Motel is typical rectangular upside-down-U-shaped structure built around a central parking lot on some street in some city, along a busy street full of strip-malls. I’m staying on the first floor in a room at the upper right “corner” of the upside-down U, right next to the manager’s office. There is a gate between the area outside my door and the parking lot. My room is shallow but extremely wide, easily 3-4 typical motel rooms wide. The room is full of my things, stacked all over the place, it’s like I’ve moved my entire home into this room. There’s a big bed. I’m running the A/C really high. The room is cold in the morning. I have a Playboy magazine on the table, I turn it facedown. I come outside and two guys come out of the manager’s office and approach me. Sort of Hispanic looking. We go into my room. They say “your A/C is on high it’s unbalancing the whole system, you can’t do that.” The owner of the motel is there, too. I’m shocked/outraged. I say “I’ve never in my entire life had anyone in a hotel tell me that I’m using too much A/C!” I then ask, “OK, then just what is the maximum allowed setting I’m allowed to use?” They don’t answer. We leave the room, go outside. I and one of the guys, a technician, head back into the room. He’s walking in front of me. We start jumping along the tops of progressively higher series of cement domes (mushroom shaped). We’re jumping on them like a side-scrolling video game. I’m making a sound effect of “hwip Hwip HWIP!” and “blblblblblbl-BEEP-BOOP!”, “huah Huah HUAH!” the guy copies me making these sounds, too. We reenter my room. The guy start digging through my magazines, turning them over face up and looking at the covers. I say “If you keep doing that you’re going to find an ‘interesting modern magazine.’”

F3) with high school friends.

06:19 17C in room, feels pretty cold. WILD attempt, alarm goes off in 1.5 hours from now.
07:28 took a long time to relax my mind for sleep while anticipating the WILD. Eventually did and started seeing dreamlets. Wife was snoring. Time to get up now, make breakfast for family, WBTB.
~ 09:00 BTB. On the couch. Another WILD attempt.
Dreamlets: people walking down a hill, a woman’s face, cars on a road. Felt close to making it in but didn’t. WILD attempt on back, ND came on left side. Eventually feel asleep into ND:

10:19
3) Lying on some grass (parents’ house backyard? DS) with older son (as a 9-year-old boy) next to a big air mattress with a towel on top of it. Someone has stuck a twig through the towel into the air mattress (to keep the towel in place?). As soon as I approach I see the twig. I knew what the result would be. I pulled out the twig and all the air came out of the mattress. (WL, last night, the plug popped out of my air mattress while I was lying on it positioning for BTB). Next to son are two little girls on my right. On my left are an unknown older woman and man (couple). I ask son, “did you do it?” He said “no.” I turned to girls, asked “did you do it?” They didn’t answer they just looked at me with big eyes. The woman on my left commented how I was improperly interrogating the kids, called me something like “nazi.” I turn to talk to the woman, I say “I have every right to learn who ruined this very expensive air mattress!”. Her husband next to her stands up in a confrontational manner. I also stand up and step up to him, I’m not going to let him intimidate me. I step back a bit deciding a fight is not worth it, and I repeat, “I have every right to know, it is very reasonable.” The man and woman walk away. .

4) How the story was written. A famous author is sitting triumphantly in a rocking chair on the top of a hill shouting out to the people below , “For the very first time in literature, the villain has made his appearance!” He is throwing rocks down the hill. I’m DO standing down the hill a little looking up at him. There is an emotional and triumphant finale presentation where the original actresses who acted a long time ago in the story appeared and was introduced. Each one had a special name. The first one was “Kea 2 Sea” and was wearing like a lunchbox-sized-and-shaped medallion on a chain around her neck, her name was inscribed on the front of the lunchbox inside a big heart. They all approached me to be recognized, I held up my foot straight out and they touched their lunchbox amulets to the bottom of my foot, and then they bowed to me. I was incredibly touched by this special moment. There were 4 or 5 of the actresses. There was an extra actor who was also there didn’t have a special name. He was there in case they needed another actor.

F4) passing something through a small window to people in a room.