side notes

22nd February 2021

Dream:

I'm in a hotel or apartment building. I'm on a floor above ground level but don't know which; I am walking towards a lobby-looking hall, with elevators and I want to go to the ground floor. There's this group of four black guys in their late teens, they seem to be shadowing me but I don't let it bother me even though they look like they could easily be trouble if they wanted to.

I let them know I've seen them by looking at one of them in the eye, through a mirror showing us all. The mirror is between the elevator doors. None of us speak, that I can recall and they're just doing their own thing behind me at any rate, some kind of non-verbal communication.

(recall gap)

I'm outside, in the streets of a town. It's night time? I have awareness of Covid, but I'm not wearing a mask. It bothers me, but for some reason I make no effort to find one. Throughout most of the dream onwards this bothers me a bit on some level.

At some point I meet up with M, whom I haven't seen in years in waking life. I remember he has a car? Like an SUV or something. There's something about my aunt B too.

I walk around town, it's a bit like there's some kind of annual fair on. I am finding these little areas where there's some kind of more conventional role playing game involving furries in fursuits. But they look much more realistic, like they're actually their characters. One of them tells me they will actually pay me if I participate in the games wearing a fursuit myself. I think to myself I wouldn't mind, but I don't have one and would likely end up feeling embarrassed anyhow.

(recall is vague for the following two paragraphs)

At one point I'm climbing some stone stairs. It's sort of outdoors, but under some kind of natural rock formation? There's these two statues... I've seen them elsewhere in the dream. They look like they're flowing with some magical energy, it's a deep blue colour. The statues are damaged, incomplete. I remember thinking they're supposed to be in some museum somewhere, but this is actually their original location. This is a different place from the town? In Russia somewhere, I somehow understand. This is where they were first discovered.

The statues are from ancient Greece, but from a more mythological period or something. They look like the lower bodies of some serpentine creatures, scaly. The heads are missing and one statue practically only has the very bottom of it left. I remember going past the statues while thinking about the whole thing, then I go up some more stone stairs. There's one of those role playing games again here, I forget what happens but it's some kind of murder mystery and I'm greeted by a furry who is dark and almost crawling at ground level, and he seems eager for me to take part in the game.

Eventually I come across an attraction which takes place in a castle. I remember telling M I would try it out and that I'd let him know later all about it. You have to queue up for the attraction but initially there's just me and one other person.

A heavy wooden door opens and allows us in. Inside, I immediately gain a HUD and there's some semblance to Legend of Zelda. I grab a knife, it looks toy-like and oversized somehow. I use it to attack some creatures. I then find a mace, in a similar style. My ally goes first through the next door. A stone armour golem tries to ambush him from behind but I hit it with the mace on the head, making enough noise my ally notices and doesn't get ambushed. We defeat the golem.

We're now in a big room. It's church-like, cathedral-like, even. There's a Dark Souls feel to it. A boss is in the middle, we try fighting it but it deals a lot of damage.

(memory intrusion?)

Something about WoW, a group of players fighting a boss. One player is a monk tanking and rolling around and healing himself but not quickly enough.

Then, we have eventually lost our battle with the boss in the church-like room. I am outside now and at the queue again? There's a lot more people here waiting this time. They're all younger than me and some look very impatient and like they'd be a bit rude.

(recall gap)

I'm on some castellated bit, across from the castle with the game attraction in it. There's other people here too, sat at rudimentary and makeshift artillery things that have a fantasy feel to them. I try one, but it's broken and does nothing. Sunset? I recall artillery from these guns going into the core of the other castle, I remember they were supposedly targetting the boss and providing support this way.

I forget the rest but the dream ended soon after.

---

Notes:
- I feel the chronology of the dream is messed up versus what it actually was, but I didn't try to fix it.

- There's something very personal to this dream about the dichotomy of me separating my life into separate organised areas of thought. Yesterday I had been thinking of consolidating some things.

18th February 2021

Dream:

In a version of our home and street. The van is outside and it was open in order for me to do something?

Our street looks like it's part of some city like Paris, I don't know. To the right and beyond where there's that intersecting road, there are much taller buildings. I recall something about having to wait. Maybe I have a backpack. Our front door is open. At several points throughout the dream I alter the colours of our house, both interior and exterior. I remember we have some kind of small tiled mosaic floor. I eventually become satisfied with a sandy colour scheme with red accents.

I remember I see a dream neighbour down the street. He's walking a dog or something and I'm concerned about it pooping near our door, but in reality they are too far for it to matter.

I don't remember what kind of day it is, maybe sunny but light looks overcast. At some point while I'm waiting I get into a random car across the street, it's red maybe? When I get in I'm suddenly on a first floor level, but I don't realise or care about this in the dream. I think at one point I see a man from one of the windows (right side of the car, I was looking out left initially) and we talk.

(recall gap)

The next thing I remember, I'm in a car with two people. I'm on the front passenger side, which is on the right (though I don't realise this in the dream). One person is a man and the other I can't recall. We're in a very busy area of a city like L but bigger, wider roads. We're on a four or five lane road approaching a very complicated and busy intersection.

Me and the man are having a conversation. We're discussing building a computer while the lights are still red. He's apparently from the past and is asking me about how hardware prices have changed and I presume he means over the last twenty years.

In the dream, I think I feel I was in a further future time than in reality. I tell him, some things like USB and other small accessory stuff are a bit cheaper, but not much. Otherwise most other things remain more or less the same but with very good specs.

The lights at this intersection become green and we start going. On the right there's a diagonally intersecting road we're merging with, it has just as many lanes and it's busy too and then there's an ambulance trying to come across from the opposite direction. I am quiet for now to let the driver concentrate, but once we are out of the complex situation, we resume discussion.

Fragment:

Bins and recycling are being collected. I forgot to put things out? And I try to do it then seeing as I still think they're about to collect it. But I don't see the collecting hi-vis people anymore by the time I get outside. Some other people are here, they are looking through bags. They tell me they are from some charity, they mention it by name. I forget what we talk about but I recall they were looking for clothes primarily.

Notes:
- Both sections of the longer dream relate to home in some way. Present home, past home and past-would-be home, I feel.
- The apprehension about the neighbour walking the dog may stem from the fact that lately dogs seem to have taken a liking to our door for doing their needs.
- Somewhat related, the part about re-decorating the house may

Hardly any recall. this week. Just vague dreams about demons. Probably from listening to audio books about The Warrens...

15th February 2021

Thoughts:

I woke up wanting to write down my dream recall, which was quite clear initially. Our alarms kept going off and this demotivated me a bit and I generally just felt a bit too sluggish to actually start writing my dream down; I hoped I'd remember some of it after getting up, but unfortunately not, perhaps because I got too distracted with other things, too soon.

Just wanted to put this here as a memo to myself. Maybe next time I have such a clear recall I'll actually write it down, instead of not bothering.

14th February 2021

Dream:

(Long-ish. Recall broken up a bit.)

Some bit in my home town. It seems dark but it's kind of day time, it's not just cloudy, because there's still colour saturation even in the dark. I walk around a corner of a modified version of where the primary school I went to is. There's something about this dream segment that has some consistency with previous dreams around this area. The buildings' height seems slightly exaggerated. The school itself has the main building in a different place, it's where the gate should be.

There are some people I sort of bump into and talk with, I forget who. We are on the pavement by the main road that passes here, in front of the police station and where my cousin used to live.

(Another bit, don't recall surroundings)

There's some kind of wooden cabinet, not unlike the one we have here at home but smaller? Lighter wood stain. I'm trying to climb it. It has a hole of some sort on an inner side panel up top in the middle. Somehow, this is the entrance into a building. I've been there previously in the dream but recall is lost. The centres of mass in play mean that I can't balance myself properly to climb up.

I remember I ask someone for help, someone I knew from school comes by, C?

(gap)

There's something about a vacuum and my eldest sibling. A car parking lot? Sort of hilly.

Then, I'm in some kind of complex. It's got a high tech but magical feel. Purple and deep blue hues, with light blue highlights. Light seems neutral otherwise. Crystal walls or something. I am with other people, forget who, but one I think is a dream character and is guiding the way.

Then a room with a crystal bridge or something. I think I cross it. Then I'm in a more normal looking basement. There are more people here, some possibly from my family. Some are just pure dream characters.

(gap)

I'm at a table in this basement with some other people, or perhaps I'm just a presence. A guy is having a happy conversation, with the air. And someone at the table starts to think this is odd. Then I see through his eyes and see he's talking to a ghostly woman.

(rest of recall too vague to put into words)

---

Notes:

- Lately I've been playing a game where a character keeps seeing his dead girl-friend. That last bit from the dream seemed to be a related intrusion from that context.
- The crystal place had a certain familiar feel, but I can't quite place it. On introspection, it only seems to be related to a general feeling of certain archetypical locations from several media (primarily animated films, games).

13th February 2021

Fragment:

I'm talking to my mom. The shadows in my eyes are bothering me on some level and I possibly say something about it. She looks at me, alarmed, noticing and telling me that there are some kind of wisps growing out of the centre of my eyes. I cannot feel or see them, but feel they are related to the shadows.

I remember talking to H and I ask him to help me call someone about it. I display some issue of confidence in trying to get this sorted out.

Then I am at a mall place? Looks like the one from my home town. Feels small and cramped but only a few people are around. I am not wearing a mask and I'm here to try and find an optician. I ask one if they can see me and they tell me I'll have to see doctor (recall gone) and that I should try looking elsewhere or something. Just nearby there's a group of people about to go on some tour?

A chunkier fellow notices I'm not wearing a mask and gives me an operating theatre looking type.

Notes:

- Even after waking, I've been left with this strange sensation in my eyes, even about half an hour later.
- These shadows have been particularly bothersome lately, for at least a month or so, since they've been sitting mostly at the centre of my vision.

10th February 2021

Notes:

Haven't made much effort to recall, though initial recall was decent. Lately I've still been struggling to get up, but managed to get up at quarter past ten today.

Dream vividness has been a bit lower I think, though I can't say with certainty, possibly because I haven't been taking Vitamin B so much after re-reading up on B6's half-life.

Trying to not fall asleep again, my mind became distracted with random drawing ideas for my characters. Part of my issue at the moment seems to be I can't manage to feel compelled to record anything in the morning, possibly made worse by the fact I'm not getting up at what I'd consider a "good time". Partly sunny this morning.

12th February 2021

Fragments:

Bit about Discord. V sends me a message about some video, but the video link isn't on the private message, it's on my server. I think I wonder why he did this.

I check out the video; it shows what I in the dream assume to be his school, a high school? My presence enters the video. In a classroom, there's some kind of exercise about characters drawn on the chalkboard and they resemble Pokemon or something. Recall is too vague.

Another bit, outside in a town or village with H. We're getting in our out of the van. I remember narrow pavement and cobbled roads as well as a certain hilliness; it has a feel of my native country. Something political but entirely fictional happens in this dream segment; recall details are gone.

I have been neglecting to write up my dream journals at length. These are notes from the last month sans narrative.

1/11/20

Hanging out with Korn
Nate doing back up vocals for them
I scream with them in a performance
Upstairs in one of their rooms
Monkey says cool we have enough fans
I say ok in that case you guys suck ass
Why don't you make some good music?
They laugh
They are doing an acoustic set practicing new music in their living room
It is a large room with many mementos
I sit off to the side and listen
The girls are brainstorming what to decorate themselves as
I recommend fairies or elves, they love the idea
There is a fancy marble stair coffee table that has a fancy chess board in the center of the room

1/13/20

Jeremy's truck pulling trash bin
Nate's tequila pond idea with Chris and Andy
Party in the backyard people jump the fence into my neighbor's pool
In the basement of my middle school, there is another shadow school
I attend a guest class with other adults
It is about lucid dreaming, Smile is teaching
There's a list of dream websites I ask him if he used Dreamviews he says no
Park my car at a strip mall and go into a costume store
Everyone wears different costumes
Turns into a sickbay by the entrance
I see Mel teaching different craft classes for kids
She talks to me about the teacher from my middle school
I wander the parking lot at night clicking my key fob trying to find my car, other cars keep beeping instead
I see other cars that are my model but different colors
Eventually, find my car and drive away

1/16/20

Old times video game flea market
I stow away in a minivan with two girls in the back
Aleeya likes me, her friend texts me an offer, and her picture
Ride all the way home with them
Hide from the parents

Their family runs a BBQ Restaurant that is incredibly popular
People line up around the building waiting for them to open
I gather their brisket is world-renowned

I am in downtown Kyoto
Part of a school trip but we have wandered off from the group to explore
Huge skyscrapers all around and fancy shops
Feels like a mall
I am with a friend at first but we get separated
I am dressed in all green/pirate pagan wear
I put on a foam life jacket I find by one of the booths
Look in many stores
Fancy glass store
The woman asks me if I need anything
I smile and say "I have no needs" and continue to browse.
She tells me the clocks are in the back
I am blown away by the detail and variety
I ask my friend if we can just book a single night Airbnb and stay downtown away from our group, he isn't sure

1/20/20

Guy shows me the tomatoes he grew, hands me three
I accidentally eat one and feel bad about it
It tastes good
One of my friends Elijah eats the other one
I only have one left out of the three he was showing me and feel bad because he did not offer me to try them
I am babysitting his kids while he is at work at a church
My shower has drywall over the tub and I am using a smaller section
There are three showers in my bathroom
I am on a video call with Leyanna
I am more buff than IRL

1/21/20

Who is Erwen?

1/22/20

In Spanish class
Smoke some weed and put in eyedrops
Class votes on who's drawing is the best on the board in the back
Everyone votes for Cody's pop can
Everyone knows he's dead
I leave the class without looking
Come back and ask the teacher to show me
We talk and I tell her he was my brother
Start to cry while I talk
The teacher is compassionate
She is younger now

We are now in Bosnia/Romania
My car is in a side lot
It is glistening purple electric in the sun
Another person is telling me how to take care of the paint with a special tool
I get in the car and three black guys get in the back seat as well
I ask them where we are going fellas
We drive down the street and they are content

I am with a girl who is my interest
We kiss occasionally
We are on crowded city streets and walking between cafes
We swim in a pool together, maybe skinny dipping, I have no shame

I am in front of a restaurant
Using a special tool with metal spheres on the end of it to break the glass corners of a structure at the entrance
As one side breaks, it sprays fine glass shards down one side of my face
I gather I am making the entrance into something new
A car with an older man pulls up and watches me work for a few minutes
He is confused
I try to explain to him what I am doing
He shrugs and drives away

1/26/20

Parents decide to go out to dinner with another couple, they are meeting another couple at a restaurant.
I am upset and tell them I disagree with their choice because it isn't safe to be meeting in groups of six yet.
I crawl into the car to express my dismay and they have a daughter of the friends in the backseat. The daughter decides to stay at home with us and so does the father but he quickly disappears somewhere.
It is G myself and her hanging around the house for the night.
It begins storming outside and we notice 2 tornadoes forming in the distance so we all rush in and go to the basement to bunker down and wait it out.
The wind and rain are very loud

In another house
Rundown and flooded in one entrance
The other door has a large hornet hive on the outside of it that buzzes viciously when I touch the door
The home is decrepit and seemingly uninhabited for quite some time
I walk back and forth between the two entrances trying to decide how to get out

I am in another room with several people
There is a young African American boy being violent with myself and others
I warn him to cut it out
He continues so I tackle him to the floor and pull out a shotgun I find on the floor and press the barrel against his cheek
I say now you stop this now or I'm gonna put a huge hole in your floor directly behind your head.
Someone else in the room giggles
He nods his head slowly with wide eyes
I pump the shotgun several times to empty the shells from the barrel
Only 2 or three of them are good cartridges the others seem to be crumpled and bunk

At a certain point, he finds a gun on the floor and starts waving it around jokingly aiming it at me
I scold him and tell him to never aim his gun at anyone, never let the barrel point at another person he doesn't intend on killing.
He moves the barrel to the side and up and down trying out the technique, I nod.

I am back in the house from earlier in the dream, only now I know it to be an Airbnb type setup and the family is away but coming back today.
We have only lived here for a couple of days but I feel like cleaning up thoroughly
Opening the windows and scrubbing counters and doing dishes I realize the house was much dirtier when I started than the mess we made
Check out is 3 pm and it is almost 4 o'clock and the family gets home while I am cleaning
For some reason, I have a large pot of water on to boil for mac n cheese
I almost throw away a series of canisters like garden pots or trash cans that are all stacked together
The owner tells me they are "odds and ends" I gather this is a hoarding family and may not take to my cleaning house that well. Oh well, the kitchen is clean and the fresh air is starting to clear the space.

1/27/20

Driving from the passenger seat
Keep changing seats, driving from the backseat
A cop turns around and follows me into the neighborhood

I attend church, Will Smith gives me a turban, Shaq shows me how to put it on
Boys and girls are separated
We celebrate afterward and I learn Dave Chappelle was there too

Beginning of a middle school Sunday school class, I joke they have to audition
People go along with it we all laugh

1/31/20

Get hooked by a helicopter fishing line
One large hook goes through my right foot
The other is in my right hand
They land and still pull me along
My toes and top of my foot have been mauled and gory
My knee and leg are torn up too
It doesn't hurt but I gather I am in shock

I am driving someone's white truck back to the spa
I select quick travel and the truck appears across the street from the spa and I am standing inside suddenly
Nothing looks recognizable
There are dozens of employees just standing around
Several clinic-based modalities have been added and I gather there are several doctors working for her now
It is more like a doctor's office than a relaxing spa
Mel is kind and tells me to have a look around
One of her eyes is all red
There are many new walls and walkways I have no idea how to get around.
The float section of the spa has been dumbed down and all the old murals have been painted over
As I walk back I try to walk through a room that has people laying on cots/hospital beds
A doctor across the room talking to another doctor raises his hand to me and shakes his head as if to gesture not to come this way
I try to go around but all other walkways lead to this room
I take the long way around and exit the spa
I am in a mall now and the spa has an entrance with many signs above it
So many partnerships it isn't even recognizable as a float spa
I am sad

2/02/20

In a big church service
Everyone had taken off their shoes
It ends with a congregation in the back wanting to sing a long traditional song
The pastor wants everyone to sing it
The smaller congregation is from an older church and wanted to sing it for everyone else
Everyone tries to sing it at once and it sounds horrid
An older man in the group at the back is pointing at me
I cannot keep my balance
Everyone else is turned around watching them
I am standing in front of everyone
The pastor has everyone restart the song but has a favorite kid begin the lyrics
They are on an overhead projector at the front of the room
It has like 5 verses

2/03/20

Boxing fight hug punching
Food festival giveaway large tent with a band
Tryst with Em, put up a tarp from rain
They cut people's hair
Nighttime kings island run
Bathroom with ancient symbols
I have seen the real thing
Shoot purple energy from my hand
I am magic and elusive
The invisible one is someone else and threatens our family

2/04/20

I am in Hank Greens classroom talking to him
Just happen to be there
We shake hands he's happy that I'm a fan

We are in a food garden
Outdoor pavilion, many vines, and varieties
I eat part of a huge avocado
The seed is soft and makes me sick and woosy

A cult wears blue and white
They are super defensive
I am wearing all blue and questioning them
I see my old guitar teacher in the leader's inner circle
I try to introduce myself but they scoff in metaphor and riddles
I don't understand a word they are saying to me
The leader looks like Kenneth Copeland
We have a 1 on 1 exchange
He has glowy red night time eyes
He talks for a few minutes and everything segues to much later, we have all been put in a trance
The leader is deposed somehow
We party at his end playing musical instruments like a bluegrass jam band
I play a stand-up bass on its side
We are in a theatre

We witness a boat coming down the snowy icy street very quickly and doesn't see the water's edge
As he approaches the intersection his boat plunges under the water by the angle he was turning and he goes under the ice
I gather this is a problem and he might need help
I see his boat barely surface and his body is limp
I jump in the fridged icy water and swim towards him
He's in bad shape, I pick him up and get him to the shore, he's not just knocked out, his body is pretty messed up
His eye is all red
His limbs are eviscerated and barely holding together
I pull out my phone and begin to dial 911
I gather he's not going to make it
He starts to come to
I tell him he's going to be ok
Just relax, just relax, you're ok man, don't worry you're going to be alright
I am deeply worried he will realize how bad it is and freak out in his final moments
The more I look at him the worse it is
In the final second, he realizes how messed up he is, his eyes go wide, and then still
It is over

2/07/20

Meditating at the bottom of a pool
Slow-motion choreography fight
Android woman all metal
Dad's backseat with spiders
Victor's party house, escape from police
The horn says $500!
Ben wears cyber goth BDSM wear to impress a young blonde
There are different tribes of post-apocalyptic gear wearing folk

2/08/20

In theatre to watch show laying on the floor in front of seats, I have a ticket
Argue with people in front who are mad I'm not in the right place
Use light to read the ticket and find the right seat
I sit in the very back
There is a massive explosion elsewhere while I'm in the theatre
I feel shockwave

On phone with a Russian girl, I am undercover
Sitting on a pergola next to the house smoking a cig, it is disgusting
Rick rolls up in a wrecked green car held together by duct tape
The car rolls over when parked wrong on a wooden grass divider I help him escape

Stalked by an ancient mummy
In a hospital, I press the "feeling down" button in the elevator
Makes an appointment with someone
I have a badge
They don't let me in the employee's area
Another nurse talks to me
I vent some and describe being stalked
They don't believe me
Christopher Eccleston is with me

I am in Jamaica
With a disabled family
Most of them are in wheelchairs/hick like
They tell me it costs 4k a month to live there
It is a large family celebration
They eat chicken tenders, sliders, and cheap pan pizzas
One of the siblings is a sentient hand in a jar
I want to find Mokko
I have no money or supplies, just my clothes
They point me down the road

I walk by myself for a while
There is a large music festival going on by the path
Some white girls notice me but I keep walking
I see Matthew walking by in a crowd, I call to him
He is somewhat annoyed for me to meet him
He tells me he is doing a collab with ML7
His hair is a large purple fro
I ask if he can show me the way to Mokko
He agrees and we walk down the path
Many run-down communities and farm places
It starts to rain hard and it is night
There are 4-5 feet of water we are traveling through
They are walking on bundles of straw that are standing up in a field
We are all soaked
Matthew goes ahead and I lose him
The friend is not ML7 but we walk together
He is short white and wearing black-rimmed glasses
He tells me ML7 is overrated and only good at Anna, we laugh together

We walk into a large tree community
Carved pathways and many rooms people/families are living in
I lose the friend
I am by myself for a while
I befriend a jamaica guy
We talk about Jamaica
I am passionate and he can see
I have no money so the panhandlers leave me alone
We see a couple of girls dressed as fairies
One tries to do magic and makes a small boy levitate
My guide climbs behind him to the second floor and reveals the kid was on a string
It was a sham to get money out of tourists
I have no money or possessions
The Jamaican guy tells me he can see a part of jamaica inside of me
Something is here for me to find

4th February 2021

Fragment:

I'm with JC, we're walking together through an alternate version of my town. I remember asking him about his family's cafe or something, I ask if it was located near his house (I visualise it a bit) and I'm generally asking him questions about things I'm sure we've talked about in waking life, when we knew each other.

Initially we had been at some kind of school or public building, leaving. We walk through the areas of town, which are much more open than usual, but the buildings seem proportionately expanded as well. We're headed somewhere specific, towards where my home is, but I forget the exact destination. I feel we're walking from the physically lowest part of town. It's day time but I think I remember a sunset at some point.

Fragment:

(Complicated dream, vague recall.)

Something about being in some starships and some kind of ancient device on a planet. A wild grain field of sorts, that's where the device is located. I and four others come to it, and it requires five people in total to activate. It forms a sort of pentagon if it were viewed from above. It's comprised of five adjoining capsules of sorts. We get in them and they are like lifts, taking us down. We are then inside some starship of an ancient design, resembling ancient Mayan stylistically. It's a rectangular stepped pyramid with powerful thrusters, effectively. I remember it breaks through the crust and the thrusters smoke a lot, seemingly struggling a bit too.

Fragment (FA):

I'm in bed with H or something. It looks like my parents' old room but with a layout more like our bedroom. There's a unit with a seven-segment display across the room, it says 20:16? Eight PM, either way. I tell H that we'd stayed in bed far too long. H seems surprised but doesn't do much to get up? We're both naked, I think.

I then remember being in our office room and thinking it's amazing that it was still day time at 20:16, more specifically at this time of year, but I do not question reality.

(Recall mixed here.)

On the computer, playing BL. Trying to find my way through some portals, with H, so we can get to KH. I end up on a dead-end player-owned location. It looks like a nice location, but I feel annoyed for wasting my time.

---

Notes:
- The false awakening was unusual. For one thing, I rarely have false awakenings at all. The dream presented some very obvious dream signs that I did not pick up on at all and I still managed to find myself in amazement.
- Recall was overall poor because of having to get up to answer the door somewhat abruptly and then I returned to bed wanting to get up soon, but didn't, falling asleep again.

31st January 2021

Fragment:

I am in the kitchen. It's a day like it has been lately, kind of cloudy, a sort of desaturated natural light. Out of the kitchen's window it's not like how it should be, it's more like there's a driveway and there's a big van parked there but still it doesn't block much of the view or light somehow. There's a similar van parked over at next door's too.

I open the cupboard where we keep the glasses? I grab and take out one of the blue ones, put my upper lips over the edge and sort of feel it melt a bit; the glass still feels rigid like glass but as I start biting into the top rim, it's a soft chew and there's something pleasurable about it. I get erotic thoughts somewhat unrelated to the glass itself but related to the sensations and M/M themes.

Fragment:

I'm with someone, perhaps T? We're riding on the back of a winged creature, flying high in a somewhat mountainous area. There's an MMO feel to things but it feels distinctly real too. I see us in third-person for the most part.

Using a long gun-cannon thing, I am shooting at a somewhat generic 50ft reptilian below past some ridges and canyons; he is otherwise engaged in combat with other humans down there, in a semi-flat area. The shots I fire are highly explosive and I aim for vulnerable parts of the head, trying to "break" them, like if this was the game Monster Hunter.

As I was about to break a part of the rear of the head, someone else does and I don't get credit it for it, and become annoyed. This happens once more on another part of the creature's head. I then aim for the eye instead and get credit this time, but at this point there's little left of the head apart from the lower jaw. He still lives somehow and is still in combat with the humans.

(gap)

I'm going through a mine-shaft like tunnel on the side of a ravine, parts of it are enclosed by rock, others are open to the outside. I am trying to go to a place that will let me head down, to an area like where the creature was.

Fragment:

Something about WoW. I'm in a large city and I have some kind of Honour points I can spend. The place reminds me of a mix of Dalaran, Exodar and Shattrath and it is flying in the sky as Dalaran would be. I come to a central hall of sorts, there are energy bridges and energy surfaces that I can walk on. I approach an NPC and see what PvP equipment I could buy with what little honour I have.

Fragment:

Something about being in Brazil or some other South American country. There's a distinct feel of advanced technology throughout the dream. High-tech structures and such like, though I don't remember seeing much of it. I am or was at some sort of resort or house away from everything, in a hilly and mountainous area overlooking a large river.

I remember little of my own presence in the dream. The dream plot focuses on a serpentine creature, it is red and its scales are small relative to its size. It has been dormant for untold years and it wants to ruin all of the technology that has been brought about. The dream implies that it's not the first time this has happened and that it's part of a recurring cycle.

The creature's size is comparable to the mountains in the area. I remember it could communicate telepathically or something.

---

Notes:
- The order is not chronological, the first fragment was the last I had this morning.
- One of my right hand fingers is particularly sore because of an injury and I was unable to write any initial notes for any of these fragments because of it, bits of recall just remained and came back as I wrote.
- The fragment in the kitchen is reminiscent of how I come to certain creative ideas sometimes, often through some physical sensations.
- The day in the kitchen was remarkably like what it was like when I actually went in the kitchen for the first time today, though I think it looked less messy in the dream, more normal.
- The red end-bringing serpent and the cycle seem to be a somewhat obvious but less literal Ourobouran reference.

27th January 2021:

Fragment:

Night time. Some part in a house. Mom and her friend MJ? Something taking S out for a walk. (recall gap) At the house door, I'm in bare feet. S is outside and a bit "on the loose". She's three times her normal size, making her bigger than a lion. Her body shape seems elongated?

From my position standing in the doorway, I see a German Shepherd approach with a man from the left and become concerned the dogs will fight. The GS first comes up to me and licks my face and generally wants attention. This part feels very vivid and real.

Then the dogs spot each other and get fighty. I am reluctant to go out with bare feet to deal with this but S just comes up to the GS and I then try and hold her by her collar, though her size is making it difficult.

(Think I woke up, it was early. I remember thinking I didn't want to bother writing notes yet and that I would try and simply recall the dream later. At this point I remember thinking about my switch in the way Occipitalred suggested. I remember the positions accurately and feel them mentally, toggling it a couple of times there.)

Semi-Lucid Fragment:

I'm outdoors somewhere? Night time still. I remember old school mates and friends. MB is here too. Me and my friends get into a sort of pretend game with real guns, fighting each other. I see an RPG launcher and grab it, everyone becomes afraid of me, except MB, kind of. I shoot a few rockets at him, they sort of just bounce off instead of exploding but they hurt him anyway. I try to really kill him, as I remember on some level what he represents.

Later I'm in some kind of office-like place with H and I remember we had been having fun and I'm naked and have fluids on me. But as I'm walking somewhere to get myself clean in the dark, I become semi-lucid. I simply know I'm dreaming and realise I don't need to do any such thing such as cleaning myself. I try to will the mess away but it doesn't happen and I conclude it doesn't matter. I step over on to desks and over cubicle separators and despite the darkness I feel I can move around easily. I feel a level of energy that I have rarely known in waking life, and notice no pain. But lucidity eventually fades.

(Recall is poor, I think because after this I continued dreaming and being asleep and the level of awareness dropped. I think this was kind of a WBTB but somewhat delayed. This dream felt like it was the start of being asleep again, anyway. My level of awareness and overall lucidity was somewhat poor.)

Fragment:

Something about a challenge involving putting on the one ring? Not sure if this was a dream or a thought while awake at some point. No clear visuals.

Dream:

A dentist's office of sorts, but seems built into a larger hospital. Doctor Cameron from "House" is here and she's here for an appointment. The dentist is a female of similar age and build, different hair and face.

They are discussing some sort of serious treatment option. Cameron has forgotten part of what had happened last time she was on the chair. The dentist then suggests letting Cameron hear the audio log.

Cameron is definitely distraught about what happened and the fact that she can't remember it at all. The dentist says that she can hear the tape when they both go over to Cameron's friends' place, which is implied by context of tapes and something else that it will be mine/H's place. Cameron tells her that she's gay and implies she'd like to hook up with her before coming over to our place or something.

25th January 2021

Fragment:

Something Daikatana-like? I visit several dream locations but a few of those are marshes like in the first act of the game.

I remember going into a disused entrance. Dark, wet. Some blue light or reflection from the water. Vines and so on? I'm here to find a body and destroy it, a friend or ally's body. Someone else is either with me, or guided me here.

26th January 2021

Dream:

I'm browsing the usual art site. I'm looking at someone's profile and see that I'm on some list of skilled artists this person likes, I think I am surprised by this, but appreciative.

Later, I return to the same profile? I see I am no longer on that list and spot an entry talking about the reasoning behind including each artist under a specific category. I'm listed apparently because of some KH (from BL) piece I made. They also mention how and why they chose to exclude me from their favoured artists' list, but I forget the details.

There's an animation on this entry... It's their main character, a dark-blue, almost black furred wolf/canine. The animation loops and the character grins as he cuts off the ring finger from his right hand.

I feel disappointed, or hurt.

Dream:

I'm outside, a typical city of some kind. I'm not wearing a mask and feel that I should be. I'm at a sports area and there are dozens of people of all ages, including young kids, though I think mainly kids. I become concerned because none of these people doing sports or playing outdoor games are wearing any masks. It makes me apprehensive and I almost feel as though I can see the particulates of their normal breathing in the air.

I leave this area. I remember some roads. It's day time but I forget what the sky is like exactly. I'm walking through some street under an overpass. Someone is walking along with me but I forget who. We are having a conversation and we pass several people, some don't make any effort to move out of our way even though we are practically up against a wall on the side anyway. I feel apprehensive again about transmission.

I can't recall where we go or end up.

---

Notes:
- Maybe it's only natural that I've been getting these dreams about the art browsing again. Lately I have been a bit more active and have felt the same anxieties and maybe frustrations that I was feeling around the last times I was having this sort of dream.
-- I think I felt so hurt because I feel people are so changeable and I have been finding it very difficult to connect with anyone in that world. Too often I end up feeling just too different despite having virtually similar interests.

- The outdoor dream had a grey or desaturated feel to it.

this DJ is more to help identify dream control methods and tackle a system of dream control that works outnght, today are more abstract note

Notes

• REM sleep is vivid to the point where clothing can feel entirely different to what's worn outside of a dream.
• the dream can react poorly in terms of stability if the form is altered.
• The effects of the dream aren't flashy because one's visual imagination may not have a direct point of reference.
• dream control in relation to magic systems isn't necessarily a shortcut, but it can help to organise dream control
• The brain likes it's realism, it's similar to "consensus" from Mage: The Ascension, and dream control seems to be oddly easier once no one is looking.

WAKING TASK: find a reliable system to build your dream control around, and practice visualization that isn't tactile.

Dream Points

• I managed to destabilise the dream until it changed most of it's topic.
• There was a really, really nice roadside shopping mall with multiple levels.
• I got into a toy war with a NERF gun that had multiple firing modes dependant on how you squeezed the trigger, automatic was "mid-way", semi-automatic was all the way, and the NERF gun appeared to have some kind of pneumatic firing mechanism.

Techniques attempted:

• Shapeshifting (attempted a female form in order to destabilise the dream enough to change it's topic).
• Conjuration, attempted to conjure the book from hunter x hunter's greed island arc
• Flight, wanted to traverse the mall.

Gotta type quickly before bed.

Jamie

Just a dream of Jamie talking to me trying to reassure me that nothing is wrong and she wasn't trying to make me jealous from the previous weeks dreams.... I swear it's like she reads my dreams then plugs into my dreamworld somehow.

Apology

The bitchy girl from last weeks dreams was apologizing for last weeks dreams. Wow.

Rubiks. I was playing with a giant rubiks cube. It was really big with lots of colors. I began turning edges and suddenly it was broken and pieces were in my mouth. They tasted like hard candy.

Jamie again?

I was in some storyline dream with Jamie/ But can't remember. She was a blonde girl with a bowl cut... Okay. We were riding in the country at night on white motorbikes or mopeds. (Reminds me of the first lucid where I found jamie in a dream and she had a motorbike. Totally suited her). Later we are talking to someone about buying some other bike that was similar. The older guy asked if she was my girlfriend. Me and Jamie looked at eachother and said ,"yes."

Trudeu

Can't stand the Prime Minister and I can't even type his name right. I was in some office and he was there. He was being all FAB and acting gay... He was really annoying. And he was putting on fancy girly clothes. I remember just being annoyed and leaving.

Floating

A long dream I can't remember. I am trying to escape some complex. I am under people being shot down from guards on a rail above. I got outside the big building. It's night time. I remember I have to get a back pack back from a locker. I go around the back of the building. I am jumping high and floating as not to be seen. That's all.

24th January 2021

Fragment:

(at the end of a long segment about family)

Uncle M mentions "Bucaccus"; it is apparently some kind of organ, gland or hormone? He apparently had many issues with it when he was my age and suggested I get it looked at. I remember previously in the dream I had been having some kind of tantrum, throwing things. I apologised to my uncle and someone else there, an old woman?

Fragment:

Waiting for a train in a subway station. I'm wearing one of those new and modern drawing gloves on my right hand. I'm writing some kind of story on the palm of that glove on my right hand. I don't make notice of the fact that I was using my left hand to do so.

The train eventually arrives and I get in; then when I get out somewhere else, I find that my little story has rubbed off completely and is gone and I try to remember what I had written.

Fragment:

Looking at some profiles on an art site. One of these profiles has thirteen thousand people who are basically subscribed to it. Part of the page seems odd and the dominant layout colour is incorrect to what it should be in waking life, it's a deep blue in the dream.

As I scroll down I find extra sections, like multiple featured text posts with commenting areas of their own. There's also some section labelled "high-profile banned/blacklisted users". I look through this section, which only has a dozen of usernames, and find that some usernames start similar to mine but mine isn't on the list, I feel some sort of relief?

This person's profile has a lot of issues with spamming?

Fragment:

I'm in my old home, my room. I'm visiting. I am upset for some reason? And then there's some kind of hybrid species woman; she's part octopus and she's sad for some reason. Her mom is here too and has the same features, but her mom has a blue tinge and she has a pink-ish tinge.

In any case, I try to comfort her, but she is resistant to any comfort I try to offer. I remember at one point we touch one another a bit, half sensually, half not, like a strange dance? I am curious about the tentacles and she lets me touch them. This implies some trust on her part, I feel.

The suckers nip on my skin but much less harshly than I expected; I feel that she has control over this and has made it so as to not hurt me.

Her mother says something about how she could just cut off her tentacles if she's that sad (comes across as half-serious/half-sarcastic) and that they'll grow back. Her mother warns her however, that it will take months to regrow them and that during sleep she'll be waking up to what feels like every five minutes and bleeding or something.

I tell her that she should do no such thing. I feel the mother's suggestion was too serious and that it would cause so much more damage than good.

---

Notes:

- The last fragment feels strangely ironic considering how I am feeling right now about something.
- The tentacles had ends that were more squid-like than octopus-like, come to think of it.
- I think it's been a while now since I dreamt of any subways or trains. It had also been a while since I dreamt about a website, specifically an art one.