side notes

24th January 2021

Fragment:

(at the end of a long segment about family)

Uncle M mentions "Bucaccus"; it is apparently some kind of organ, gland or hormone? He apparently had many issues with it when he was my age and suggested I get it looked at. I remember previously in the dream I had been having some kind of tantrum, throwing things. I apologised to my uncle and someone else there, an old woman?

Fragment:

Waiting for a train in a subway station. I'm wearing one of those new and modern drawing gloves on my right hand. I'm writing some kind of story on the palm of that glove on my right hand. I don't make notice of the fact that I was using my left hand to do so.

The train eventually arrives and I get in; then when I get out somewhere else, I find that my little story has rubbed off completely and is gone and I try to remember what I had written.

Fragment:

Looking at some profiles on an art site. One of these profiles has thirteen thousand people who are basically subscribed to it. Part of the page seems odd and the dominant layout colour is incorrect to what it should be in waking life, it's a deep blue in the dream.

As I scroll down I find extra sections, like multiple featured text posts with commenting areas of their own. There's also some section labelled "high-profile banned/blacklisted users". I look through this section, which only has a dozen of usernames, and find that some usernames start similar to mine but mine isn't on the list, I feel some sort of relief?

This person's profile has a lot of issues with spamming?

Fragment:

I'm in my old home, my room. I'm visiting. I am upset for some reason? And then there's some kind of hybrid species woman; she's part octopus and she's sad for some reason. Her mom is here too and has the same features, but her mom has a blue tinge and she has a pink-ish tinge.

In any case, I try to comfort her, but she is resistant to any comfort I try to offer. I remember at one point we touch one another a bit, half sensually, half not, like a strange dance? I am curious about the tentacles and she lets me touch them. This implies some trust on her part, I feel.

The suckers nip on my skin but much less harshly than I expected; I feel that she has control over this and has made it so as to not hurt me.

Her mother says something about how she could just cut off her tentacles if she's that sad (comes across as half-serious/half-sarcastic) and that they'll grow back. Her mother warns her however, that it will take months to regrow them and that during sleep she'll be waking up to what feels like every five minutes and bleeding or something.

I tell her that she should do no such thing. I feel the mother's suggestion was too serious and that it would cause so much more damage than good.

---

Notes:

- The last fragment feels strangely ironic considering how I am feeling right now about something.
- The tentacles had ends that were more squid-like than octopus-like, come to think of it.
- I think it's been a while now since I dreamt of any subways or trains. It had also been a while since I dreamt about a website, specifically an art one.

23rd January 2021

Multiple sequences from one dream:

Very trippy bit just before waking up.

Before that, I am at a building. A utilities company or office building. I am waiting to be seen or talk to someone. There had been a mistake of some kind on a bill, so I got 60 off as a voucher, but the company was cheeky and raised the price anyway in the end, resulting in only 10 off in total.

In a larger room, with open plan connections and several large windows, I speak to a woman at a desk. I basically ask her if I can't speak to someone here about retentions; I want to get a better deal. She says no.

There's a spray bottle on a table, it has a transparent green-blue liquid and the label has a number on it? I start typing it on my phone's dialler, it takes me a while, it's a long number? Things start to get trippy at this point.

For each set of three numbers, there's something that looks like skin showing up on my phone? This image, which is more real than just image, pans from side to side as I go through each set.

An eye appears in each equivalent bit for each set I complete.

(recall starts becoming vague, two separate sequences blending)

Final bit of some sequence, I'm inside a mouth with multiple openings, about seven I think. There's enough standing room and a bit of headroom but not much. The multiple openings open and shut periodically, I think. Sunlight comes through, there's a beautiful blue sky outside. I'm adding missing features to the mouth, like teeth and I reach or am outside to add some sort of ceramic scales to the outer part. It's all a bit jumbled, can only say it was a bit too trippy to recall accurately.

Mixing. I'm going to Romania by someone's request. He was organising some kind of "save the world" thing? I remember going about with a group of people, night time but bright?

(recall gap)

Using a double barrel shotgun of some kind, it doesn't feel as good to use as I'd hoped. It has a locked firing mode that fires each barrel in sequence with a set delay if I press the trigger once. I expected it to fire one of the two barrels only per trigger press. I fight some soldiers with berets. Something reminds me or looks like Promethea.

At one point I remember being in a bedroom of some sort. Open sky, no ceiling and not all walls are here. I feel I am stealing or intruding, but it doesn't stop me. I find a box full of mini-discs and floppy disks.

Dream:

(from falling asleep again in the morning)

At one point I'm in my native country. I'm with old schoolmates, like JC, R and some others. It's a very hilly town we're in. There are loads of people about, there's some kind of event going on?

Then, I find myself in a shop, deviating from where the group was going, I remember expecting I'd be able to catch up. Some kind of real-time advert is taking place here and it's for olive oil of all things. It almost feels Japanese, the advert. But the olive oil and the general look of the shop make me realise and conclude that I must be in my native country. Pre-lucid thoughts.

I see coins in the register being handled, they are not Euros, but they are instead an altered version of the currency my native country had prior to the Euro. I don't question things further despite finding this odd, accepting the context even with some lingering amazement at all this.

More walking around the hilly town. Eventually, I'm inside a big building. A theatre or a mix of one and a church or something. Someone mentions pipe organs. I think to myself that if I was wealthy I would buy some to make a car's adornments with.

I climb some stairs, I'm with someone up in a gallery. We're talking to another person, but they don't feel like a person? Looks like an old man though. He's some kind of curator and he mentions manipulating pupils (like university students). Me and the other person conspire with eye glances to each other that we're about to kill this old man, who we find to be immoral and tyrannical. When he turns over and is facing a part that has no railing, we both strike him with a large object at the same time, like chairs maybe.

The old man falls down, one or two stories. We presume him dead and see some witnesses downstairs are approaching to look and we go down via the stairs. We approach the supposed corpse; he still lives and surprises us with an attack and we become locked in a battle with the old man. The dream becomes a bit supernatural or trippy.

The fight follows down a hall that turns into a desert canyon, just before the dream ends.

21st January 2021

Dream:

(not the earliest point I can recall in the dream)

I'm in a dark and sooty room at the apex of a pyramid. I don't remember seeing the outside, I just have this knowledge intuitively. There's also a bottomless square pit. The soot is dark brown and seems to have an increased build up the further up it is on the inner apex. I don't know how I'm able to see, there's no light source but things look just bright enough.

There's some kind of machine near the middle of the room. By the looks of it, it should be fixed down to the ground but it isn't. It has a main moving part, a piston or pushrod of some kind. It jerks around out of control indefinitely. I think something but the recall is gone.

The scene changes a bit and a white lady with light curly hair appears? She starts speaking like she's in a documentary, she mentions the machine but then there is a focus on a puppy that appears in the room. The puppy is an integral part of the room, I feel or she explains, and an integral part of whatever purpose the machine is supposed to serve.

She explains that someone has to come and feed the puppy every day, but that otherwise it must always remain her. I touch the dog, it's a gold labrador at first? I say something aloud about it being unfair for the dog, or something.

(recall gap)

In a Japanese town, but it just looks like any town in Britain or the USA, it has more "room" like the latter. I think to myself it's odd that it's a Japanese town. All the people I see around are distant from me and I can't tell what their ethnicity actually is, making me suspect it's not really a Japanese town. But I don't investigate my suspicions further, some kind of dream plot drags me around the town; I'm being chased, or someone else is, and I'm following.

A man, he was being chased. We arrive at a house that's also a restaurant or inn. A pub, effectively? There's a flagpole outside on the garden, I notice the ground is covered in snow. For some reason I fear this man is going to defecate on his own snowy lawn. He doesn't. The flag flying on that pole is one like that for India, I notice. Three horizontal stripes, top to bottom; green, white, red or orange. With a stylised black sun in the middle.

The man invites me inside. Seemingly the chase is up.

(recall gap)

I'm shown some kind of machine. H is with me. The man leaves for a while; he said he'd like us to fix this machine for him. It looks like it's bare, i.e. no aesthetic coverings, etc.

It has some kind of plastic platters. Looks like many random bits off CD players, tape machines, etc. But the size of the parts is different from what it would be in those machines. H tries to adjust something and the large top platters ping off towards the back left side. We are annoyed, but conclude it probably helps us anyway.

(rest of recall is too vague)

---

Notes:

- The machine at the pyramid's apex looked like it was some random thing cobbled together from different bits of wood and maybe some metal. It looked very crude and it was equally crude in behaviour.

- This pyramid's apex felt almost like the mix between a loft and the inside of a regularly used chimney.
-- The room and its contents felt like they had some strong symbolic associations. Could be an interesting place to try doing some dreamwork.

- When I questioned the town's Japanese-ness, my awareness of the dream overall increased but I was instinctively taken by the dream plot before I could really think about it further. I realise now I could have thought about it further while running but I didn't.

17th January 2021

In bed, at about 3 AM whilst trying to fall asleep. During the whole thing I noticed my heart rate was higher than it would normally be at rest. Dialogue as close to original as I can recall and notes are in-line and unbracketed.

Not a dream and conscious with my eyes closed:

I start to think about wanting to be lucid and then wanting to look for the black lizard.

I hear the voice of Data and find myself seeing I'm on the bridge of the Enterprise, the one that's his contemporary. It's a bit clear at first visually. I have encountered Data other times in my head recently. For some reason he seems to encourage my conscious control and mastery of the sub-conscious and wishes to serve me.

Data: "Hello, may I call you captain?"

Me: "Hello. Yes, you may."

Data: "Will you accompany me to the turbolift sir?"

Me: "Yes, why?"

I find my own voice comes out naturally as if it was Picard's; I eventually try to alter this but with little success. Whenever Data speaks, half of it feels like it's being controlled by me, resulting in strange dialogue, but otherwise it feels detached from my ego.

Data: "I'd like to show you to the bridge; the battle bridge; no, the dream bridge."

Me: "The dream bridge?"

The visuals are muddy and too much like as seen in the show for my liking and I try to taste the walls, I try to feel where I'm walking and touching the railings and so on. It doesn't improve the visuals, but there is a feel of being in the place. We get on the turbolift and then find ourselves on a similar version of the bridge we were just in but it has a different feel. I see the large screen and the unmanned bridge.

Data: "Yes sir. The dream bridge will allow you dream control if you so desire."

Me: "How does it work?"

Data: "It allows you to scroll; view, pre-view, select, choose and so on. As in your childhood sir, it works the same way."

I understand what Data is referring to as being my pre-sleep lucid experiences from when I was much younger but this is somewhat different, more elaborate. I have an intuitive feel of how it's going to work but don't fully understand and the unclear visuals make it difficult to manipulate anything. I sit on a version of the captain's chair on this bridge. I feel the chair, just. There is some kind of controllable trackball I instinctively conjure on the right arm of the chair. I try to use and feel it for scrolling.

Me: "If I have any further questions, I will call on you, that will do for now. Goodbye Mr. Data."

Data says goodbye politely and I lose awareness of his presence as if he is completely gone. I try and use what's available to try to look through potential dreams. It doesn't work very well or as I expect. But one scene does pre-view better on the large screen, a M/M themed scene that plays itself out. But from there I don't know how to progress. I try to visualise more but it doesn't really work and visuals in general remained poor or unclear.

The rest of the dialogue recall is too vague now, and I recall calling out to Data a couple of times and he would appear every single time I called him, and disappear whenever we said goodbye to each other. The computer would talk to me as well if I started a sentence by saying "Computer," but for the most part it was useless, probably because of how in the show I perceive the ship's computer as having no intelligence, a feature that Data, even as a character in my head, exhibits very well.

I have found the experience to be somewhat odd; although a lizard character has tried to (aggressively) promote my ego's control and confidence, Data as a character is seemingly trying to promote control and mastery but in a very loose and passive way, allowing me to explore at my own pace for the most part and actively trying to teach me things. I think what has surprised me is the fact that these characters are not at the ego level but they are promoting it and basically siding with the ego.

Data seemingly has loyalty for me as he would indeed for the captain on the Enterprise. For a couple of nights now I have thought about trying to remember what those pre-sleep experiences from my childhood felt like, so this whole thing has felt like a following of that and the theme may be because we've been watching the show again, although this was unexpected.

The rest of the recall is lost but I was awake for a while longer after this.

Washroom

Waled into a wal mart with a mcdonald's and tried to use the restroom. I was led to a long corridoor where all the storage is. I went into an area that was supposed to be a washroom. A girl I know from work A was there She wasn't doing anything and I kept asking her to leave. She wouldn't leave and had some strange excuse. I kept erguing with her to get her to leave but i woke up.

Jamie

Another flash of a dream fragment where we were.. You know. She was on top.

Flower

The dream was too long and complicated to remember. I just remember being outside with a girl at night time. I seemed to know her. Part of the game we were in involved a giant flower which sprung way up. Kind of like the size of plants you see in "honey I shrunk the kids." I began climbing the stalk of the flower. I was really hard to climb and i felt tired all the time. I eventually reached very close to the top and decided it was enough and then slid down it like it was a fireman's pole.

11th January 2021

Dream:

At a school. For whatever reason, it has headstones on its gardens like a church yard would. I'm in a classroom initially, banal stuff happens. Not sure what the class/lecture is. Feels like school from when I was between age 10-15.

Eventually, a second teacher comes in. A black woman, she smiles a lot and seems friendly. She sits next to me on my left at my desk. I notice she has extremely short hair, not unlike my own haircut in waking life right now but her hair is curly. Her skin tone itself is very dark but not the darkest I've ever seen.

She smiles and we talk about some forms I was supposed to have filled. It was some kind of evaluation or assessment, I remember doing bits of it beforehand. There's this page with a table layout and she asks if we should go from there. She's sort of... half on a phone line with someone at the same time? That other person can hear our conversation but I don't remember hearing them.

At some point, I notice we're outside, still sitting at the same desk. As we're going through the page, because of the way she explains some things, it becomes obvious to me that what little I'd done was not fully correct and my assumptions about the column headers were erroneous.

I have some vague recall that it was an assessment about my physical symptoms.

It's kind of a perfect day; sunny outside with a very light amount of distant clouds. I feel or notice the tufty grass under where we're sitting.

She gets another call, or someone comes? and tells her that she's going to be suspended from work. Apparently, she forgot (and I didn't know) that we were violating the rights of the dead, by blocking the space between them and the sky. She's not phased by this and smiles politely but genuinely. This other party berates me and tells me I'll be failing this class. I feel sad and start sobbing.

The black lady leads and accompanies me into one of the school halls. Dark and unlit, except for a reflecting glow from outside.

I ask her, in my native language and in anger and crying, "why is there such a stupid rule?". I feel frustrated and say whatever else comes to mind, and I say "it's a pointless rule!" as I walk toward a window. From a first-floor (we were on a ground floor a moment ago but I didn't notice this) window I see the tightly packed headstones and ask "why the hell does a school even have graves on its grounds?!" and I think I walk back to her and we walk together a little bit.

She's about to say something and I try to stop sobbing and I say "I'm sorry, I know it's not your fault" and I feel that the suspension she's getting is completely unfair. She smiles again and tells me something, also talking about her suspension though before she can manage to comfort me I feel myself running away, still angry and confused at everything that had just happened.

I'm not on the school grounds anymore and I'm running angrily and aimlessly through a city street wide enough for six cars. Three buses following behind each other are coming my way, slowly, but I make no effort to avoid them at first. I think about how I could die crushed by one and nobody would care, but before I get too close, I preserve myself and avoid getting trapped or run over but in a blind anger I swing my arms at them, trying to hit the back plating. I continue running down the street in my emotional state with some awareness of people around looking at me a little.

The street slopes downwards and is in the shade of a large and tall building to the left. As the street continues down it has an edge and beyond that in the distance I see the rest of this massive city lit by sunlight, on a sort of cylindrical slope or half-tube. It's an amazing cityscape but I don't even make an effort to appreciate this during the dream.

(later, or after waking up and falling asleep again while thinking about how I would like to be lucid and would like to anger an Olympian god)

I'm in a dark house. There's a door leading to a basement with vehicles and I want to take a bomber jet. Mom is in this first room and tells me that dad took something out for a ride but as I approach the door he comes through it and lets me know that I can't use what I was wanting to, just right now. I seemingly don't care too much and go through anyway and get on a "mini" battleship, no bigger than a small van.

I take it out and immediately I'm in some kind of combat adventure. There are bad guy lackeys trying to shoot at me but they do so in vain and even though "miniature" this battleship moves a ton of water; I'm going down some kind of tropical river. Going down some rapids I think about taking out some more distant targets and then I open a realistic-view interactive map of a nearby area and decide I want to teleport there, trying to pick a precise spot and imagining the best spot to make the battleship drop on to displace a lot of water when it reappears and falls in. But when I actually do teleport, I'm not in the battleship anymore.

I'm now some kind of gorilla; some remnant of the anger from the earlier dream returns, in some way. I go down an area full of people and cars and I attack them but only in passing; I seem to be focusing on simple continuing along and just damaging whatever's within reach along the way. At one point near the end, a panicked man in his car pointlessly tries to run me over. I'm about the same size as the car but easily avoid it and then proceed to chase after him for a while before I lose interest and continue my aimless rampage. This bit takes place near a fast food car park.

---

Notes:

- This dream was completely non-lucid and at no points did my awareness really raise any higher; there were no pre-lucid thoughts or feelings. It was very vivid overall and all emotions were quite intense, but none of the intensity carried over on waking.

- I took an extra supplement before bed last night.

- That woman was such a nice person and after writing my initial notes for the dream it really reminded me of how lucky I was through school at times, having had figures like her present not just once but many times.

House.

Me and Jamie are attacked by something outside my inner world house. I remember sharp tendrils going into my abdomen while me and her are laying on the ground.

aunt

A dream my aunt was mad at me about something. I kept trying to fix what she was mad about but she got meaner..

24th December 2020

Scraps:

(recall faded too much to record details) Dream with pre-lucid thoughts, inside another dream. Don't remember how the transition "out" of the "deeper" dream worked.

26th December 2020

Scraps:

Vague recall of using an auction house in WoW, likely in Ironforge. I was looking at or for a Warlods' Deck or a Heroism card.

In a separate dream/sequence, vague visual recall of some symbolic shapes, mostly relating to genitals.

28th December 2020

Fragment:

I'm a priest of sorts? Both literally and as a sort of RPG class. Recall being in an ancient but intact Greek temple, which has Egyptian styled elements present.

A bit earlier but in the same location, I'm in a group with T and old friends like M. At the end my old friends are being nasty to me. I remember violence and anger, also from my part. I threw brass vases and other decorative items. There were a pair of scrapyard-like crushers outside the temple; the outdoor area seems to have been made up mostly of rough-hewn limestone; there's a vague feeling of it being similar to certain temple locations from Saint Seya. Arrived on bicycles with two other people, but on the way to the temple we had been intercepted by another group of individuals, I don't recall our interactions.

Earlier still? I could give blessings and fortitude (as if buffs or spells) at no cost since I was a priest. It was implied or I had intuitive knowledge that it would otherwise cost reagents and gold coins to do this.

22nd December 2020

Woken abruptly and also got up late; last bits of recall are overlapping.

Fragmented:

I see or am at some sort of small rave party thing. Part of trying to find someone, not sure who or why. There was a nervous woman with me/the protagonist. She had doubts about what we were doing.

The rooms are lush and beautiful, out of a mix of Warcraft, Farscape, Star Trek and maybe Valerian. I recall a bed covered by a blue quilt, the bed's frame is painted gold and looks like the paint itself gives it texture. Cobalt and gold colours in general here? There are fancy uplighters, diamond shape shades?

A woman is laying on this bed, but sort of sitting up (as one might when reading a book) and it looked like she was getting wise to what's going on, whatever that is, but the dream implies it to be somewhat insidious somehow. I/the protagonist was taller than the companion. (as I recall this, intuition tells me that this dream is pulling on the lack of fun/personal time of the recent weeks)

There was a second earlier rave place, a bit bigger and in the same style of decoration and architecture, but more bar-like and open-plan.

Earlier, something about JC or another part where a special keyboard has built-in controls for a specific program or game. I had to cut into it like insulation or foam but using my fingers, because something was wrong with this keyboard.

Even earlier or in-between. Something about a group of friends. I interact with them. There was a girl a bit younger than me; she kept wanting my attention but also initially she didn't like me at all or rejected me in some sense. In the dream I was of a somewhat overly stiff attitude; I remember reading or being told by this group about some personal things and self-pleasuring was mentioned, I felt unusually uneasy about this. My dream self was more like a character than usual.

This girl eventually became my friend, but she was quite vulgar.

Fragmented:

A vivid and real-like dream where I had showered or something. My armpit muscles seemed unusual and H is naked. Something about deodorant? We were in our bathroom. The details were accurate.

Fragment:

Drawing an alien drone but the head shape was very modified compared to the original design.

Jamie

Just me and her in a black space she gives me a huge hug. Almost like she was reacting to my last journal entry.

what

A dream where my brother goes up to me and tells me that he talked to Jamie and she said that she's never going to even try to talk to me again... Well, that's discouraging. What do i even do this for?

Pyramid.

Me and some friends wind up in some giant pyramid in the middle of a city at night. The whole place is like a maze. We get to the room at the top. There's a giant anubis statue standing at the side of the room. Behind him is a hallway that goes all the way around the top of the pyramid as well. I go up and down the steps that lead to the hallway. Soon i notice the statue is gone. Only it's not a statue but slowly walking toward us. I ask my friends if this is the prototype pyramid? They say yes. I try to escape I leave the room and notice a multicolored slide. I go down it and I'm sliding and winding for what seems like forever and reach the exit of the pyramid.

Strange

I was in some apartment in New york. The apartment was mine in the dream. I was by myself rumaging looking for some trophy or something. Some guy came in and i showed him the trophy. He said Jake (from the dark tower books) was coming to kill me. I said to the man that I didn't have the item he is looking for. (apparently someone stole something from Jake and his friends and I was framed for it.)

Some dream about escaping a basement with y brother where a bunch of drugged out dangerous people lived.

17th December 2020

Fragment:

(left too long because of little opportunity to write)

First bit. Looking at one of my art(ist) profiles. I feel sort of amazed, I have just over 250 people watching my profile, apparently.

Another bit, in some church, near the end of a dream. I'm helping some women, mostly in their 50s and so on. They eventually tell me I can't be allowed to join their group officially as it is for women only but they tell me that because I helped them they can however offer me an honorific title or position.

I feel pleased or satisfied, though I can't remember if I accept, but they seem happy either way too.

19th December 2020

Fragment:

In the car with H. We're driving along some bendy and somewhat narrow road in an industrial estate-like place. Some van "uncloaks" in front of us at a corner. H is upset and surprised by this.

Earlier bit; (recall faded too much) something about a large area of land owned by someone and cities on it. A mountain and atop it some castle? Night time. Lots of street/city lights in the distance. A semi mountainous region in general but a lot of water and rock outcroppings that are at least a couple of hundred stories tall, each.

---

Notes:

- Although I seem to remember the dreams from 17th of December were kind of long, the recalled portion has an interesting personal contrast between two worlds that are very different but are also very important to me.

-- The profile watching count certainly comes from recent worries based off/around self-expectation.

- The uncloaking van was certainly based off recently replaying through the Freelancer campaign but interestingly during the day there were at least two incidents with vans appearing a bit out of nowhere when we were on the road.

7th December 2020

Very fragmented:

Me and H were getting some pipes out of an organ. It was a rank supposedly, but actually it can't have been more than an octave.

Pipes were semi-stopped? With some blue felt inside the top to achieve this.

Some other bit, something about water in a container; it looks odd inside. I drink some (why?) but it has weird fibres floating in it. I try to search online about it.

But then we pour the water out on the floor and it's revealed that the fibres were half parasite things; they moved but incredibly slowly. Later I sweat them out through my thighs and I decide to use a H2O2 spray to kill them all and almost bathe myself in it too so it soaks into me and kills any remaining inside my body. I have doubts about what I'm doing and what is going on.

At a mansion place, I'm with my family here. We're guests to some friend of dad. I remember paintings hanging on the walls. There are stone or white wood ballustrades and there's no ceiling or it's made of glass. The host eventually becomes very surprised when he learns (from a servant?) how much it had cost him to accommodate all of us here.

An unknown man comes in, he's wearing a dulled red jumpsuit. He is a thief, I quickly observe but I allow him to continue and I say nothing. I do not dislike our host but yet I allow this thief to steal from him.

But when he tries to steal a painting with strange colouring patterns on it, with the figure of a woman in a white-ish dress, I let him get away with it for a while before I start following him. I follow him into a corridor and jump on him and tell him he absolutely cannot take this painting because it's special to me. I think I'm angry? I ask him to take anything else except for this painting. I tell him that there are many other paintings in this big house and that many are by famous artists and can fetch far better prices on a black market.

I have some feeling the painting is about my cousin T, but there was nothing identifiable on it that would indicate this. The visual recall is too vague.

Then, we're all leaving. I am more wary about the thief now but allow him to continue with his subtleties. I see mom and my sibling T and three others from the family, squeezed inside a white or silver Peugeot. I don't notice which is side the driver is on. I try to find the car I'm supposed to get in, but I can't find it.

Eventually I'm just walking around a town with dad and some more family. It's sunny, with a few clouds. Distant mountains kind of like where I live now, but sharper contours? But otherwise the area looks more like my native country even though it is a dream-generated place. In the distance I also see a thin but very tall smoke stack.

Dad tells me this stack is for the purpose of "releasing the excess gas from the dormant volcano", and he refers to the volcano by name but I lost the recall of that name.

We all cross a street at a crossing, except dad, who goes into an open manhole, with a warm orange glow coming out of it. I look in and there's a vertical climbing pole at the centre of it and it seems to go down a very long way, it's bright inside but a saturated orange dominates. I tell the rest I'll lag behind so that dad can catch up with us. I am across the road and there's some kind of cafe on this side. The rest of the family go in and through the cafe and out again on another side.

(recall gap)

Mix of several RPGs and reality. I kill a mob pack referencing something to Lord of the Rings. A unique and unidentified teal rarity ring drops and there's some kind of interface overlay even though I'm in first person.

It's some kind of occult void ring. It distorts reality around it and I put it on, on my right hand I think. I'm in a room with pews, gothic windows and some kind of statues too maybe. Everything becomes dark except outside through the windows still seems bright, if dull. There's some kind of wind that I can't feel, but can see. Objects like the pews leave a trailing ghostly effect, with a dark, dark red after-shadow-image.

I go to a piano. I realise there's two time limits now that I see at a top/central position of some UI. I was supposed to do something on the piano and don't manage to open some kind of secret passage in time.

Then there's a cutscene about an ogre and a witch. There's animosity between the characters and there's an extreme distance between the two. Some dialogues? He loses all the will he had to kill her for some reason but still he rampages forward. While watching, I make note of the fact that there's some gold piled up in the side of some rooms as the ogre goes through these large underground gothic halls.

---

Notes:

- The ogre and the witch were very stereotypical in their representations.

- The woman's painting had a dark background that contrasted her brighter dress. The painting had a rainbow-like spotty pattern all over it, like light scattering or something. It's similar to an idea I've had for painting but I haven't been able to attempt it properly.

- Before falling asleep, I tried doing this active imagination thing and I remember getting a bit lost or carried away in it, especially as it made me get closer to falling asleep.

- The smoke stack is like one where I live but it was taller than that; I'm not sure what the volcano thing could be about.

I recently had a dream where I saved a very nice checkpoint that I could reload like in game. For fun, I ranked my top dreams up to the "Checkpoint" dream, determining the best checkpoints I could have in previous dreams. This considers if I want to have fun, do activities, or retreat to a safe haven in the midst of a dangerous fight.

1. Enigma: The basic premise of the dream, revisiting 6 past dreams.
2. L: the sheer amount of control I have here is insane, and the aquarium seems safe and beautiful enough.
3. Perfect Plan: very cool and has myself to consult in case something goes wrong.
4. The Dream Guide: The titular character could be very helpful.
5. Nice Meal: at a beach with my sister, en route to good food and music. What more could you ask for?
6. SERENDIPITY: the cool beginning may be double edged, but meeting two of my friends and the potential with amazing ending is promising.
7. Hypothesis: Also with a really big amount of control and potentially able to go anywhere
8. Beautiful Garden: The titular location is very pretty and I have telekinesis.
9. Deja vu ii: has a similar theme and is very nice, only problem is it seems to be going nowhere
10. To the Sun: The hill is very pretty and it's worth seeing where Jamie is going off to or using the lighthouse as vantage point.
11. Detective Noir: I'm in a bar with black and white style which is pretty cool.
12. High Level Area: The challenges and the obstacles seems pretty interesting.
13. Dream Competition: I had gone through quite a bit to reach a relatively safe place. The titular event also seems interesting.
14. Checkpoint: Truly one of the outliers of the 3/5 dreams, it has the best "checkpoint" out of them all -- a beautiful girl greets me and says it's a nice day. Though simple, it surpasses a lot of one-time 5/5's and even 6/5's.

Big giant house

I was in something like mansion. In something like a hallway, I stepped into a bedroom that had a lot of things in it. There was a bed and things all over the place. A keyboard started playing by itself, in just a couple of notes for a few seconds. It did this by itself. I went out of the room and found a long winding staircase. On the main level i walked through a few giant living rooms with old architecture. I found another staircase. But right beside the stairs a panel in the wall was missing. i saw my childhood friend Gary , his brother and a few other people sitting on a couch. I went down a few more steps into the room. Gary seemed annoyed that I was there but some older guy was telling me about the house and that it was haunted.

I said, "Yeah the keyboard upstairs plays by itself." He agreed with me. Several of us left the room. I went back up to the main level. I saw a winding staircase leading upstairs and I was trying to figure out the actual layout of the place. I found yet another large living room this time with 3 pianos. I was going to play one of them when i woke up.

House party.

I was hearing the Dark Tower audio throughout this dream. I'm on Wolves now, Now narrated by some old guy who butchers songs... I was in a living room with Manvi from work. I think she said she was having guests over. Something was spilled all over her table which was in front of a large TV. We both tried desperately to clean it up. After it was clean i sat beside her on the couch to watch TV. i think she was a little nervous because it was me and her. As if the dream responded to her nervousness suddenly her guests were there. There was a guy who was hearing the audiobook audio and asked if it was the Dark Tower. I said yes, and was going to have a conversation with him until i woke up.


Lucid

I was trapped in a house with some psycho guy. He had me in some traps like the movie SAW. He had a wife that told me I was a better fuck than her husband.. and i also have false memories of that act... Anyway they leave the room. I become lucid when i float up out of the traps. I fly up and intend a hole in the floor. I lower into another room. and for a while, I keep floating through more holes in more rooms. Kind of like those lucids where you are in a house and you keep finding hidden rooms and basements inside more rooms and basements and it an go on a long as the lucid. Eventually i wanted outside. I wanted to look for Jamie. I saw a house and went inside. My memory got really foggy and sped up. I found jamie, or a DC that looked like her and i remember feeling the desire to sleep with her. Not sure if we did.

either than that no jamie dreams. not sure if the lucid was her. I hope i get Jamie dreams regularly Like I use to.

1st December 2020

Dream:

By the end of a dream sequence. I remember some editing interface, like video game authoring tools and sort of in focus, there's a female furry character. A white wolf lady with red-ish accents on the hair on her head. She was part of some kind of animated sign or billboard and had a stylised drawing look to her. I felt curious or interested, but distant in terms of personal connection. I scrubbed through the animation a few times.

The surrounding area looked like an alleyway of some kind, a street. There were metal-ring fences and such like, some warehouse type buildings. Sunset.

In the editing interface there was some sort of point and click thing that allowed me to find the source files of textures, sounds, anything really, as long as it was visible in the dream reality and I had the correct and corresponding editing suite module in interface focus.

(recall gap)

Near the end of a second dream sequence. I was walking around with JC, from school, in a town I don't recognise. Not dissimilar from the previous area, but morning time instead now. It was an industrial/commercial estate type area and there were covid-related queues for getting into shops. I remember feeling I had no patience for such things (queuing etc) right now. JC was as I remember him; soft face, somewhat short but around the same as me in reality. Perhaps he seemed shorter because he still looked younger.

We walked past a car stuck in a queue at the entrance to a parking lot area, part of a superstore/shop. It was a blue colour, cerulean like? Like a VW Beetle, but not? JC was in a suit, kind of like JSco might have. He was infantile and yet, mature in some sense. That's how I always felt about him, I now realise.

I have my casual clothes on. Sweat pants or whatever which I wear both for lounging and for work. Black nylon t-shirt. As we walked, he commented "I want some GTA pussy, you know?". I don't remember replying. Then he continued "It's been a long time."

His voice didn't sound at all like his actual voice and he spoke in perfect English with none of our native accent. I didn't notice any of this during the dream.

I remember as we walked along I thought to myself "Great, he's gonna be trying really hard, I'm gonna not be caring and one of these girls will just hit on me instead of him; that would be typical."

We reached some dead-end looking bit. Concrete-y. Breeze blocks or something like that made up a low wall, damming up earth and whatnot. There may have been a staircase up and through one part. On the top of this low wall, there were heads, some kind of digital representations/avatars or holograms of girls from the neighbourhood and the local school (college/high school). There were a lot of fake blondes? I forget how the heads looked exactly but they didn't seem out of place, somehow. JC sort of inspected each one as we kind of circled around this bit.

The dream ended soon after, I was woken up by the door.

---

Notes:

- It's possible these were two separate dreams, but I had a feeling they were linked in some sense.

- JC is one of many friends I had at school that I got along with fairly well, but characteristically, after college I never really heard from him again and he didn't seem too interested in keeping in touch. I remember walking with him in town a few times and having long conversations, probably mostly about games though.

- Although we shared a common name, physically we were very different and though he wasn't any weaker than me, I always thought he appeared somewhat meek. In this dream he sort of had an aura of over-confidence contradictory to how I knew him, which would have been more over-cautious than anything. In essence, the dream character as a persona was someone else, but took on his physical appearance. In the dream I was my current age, but perhaps with a younger style of thinking.

- I may have seen a furry character before like the one in the first part of the dream, though I'm not certain if my brain was referencing anything specific. It felt like she was her own original thing, despite what I might consider to be a stereotype representation.
-- On further thought, I found out about the sub-culture when I was in my mid-teens, which was also around the same time as I knew JC.

- I don't know what the "GTA pussy" thing was about really, but even in the dream something felt out of place about it. Part of me realised on typing my initial notes that we really have no control over what our friends say sometimes and how we have to just get on and live with it or do something about it and potentially get into a conflict with them.

- My over-analytical view of this dream is suggesting to me now I should probably try to do some more serious inner work on these subjects.