side notes

22nd December 2020

Woken abruptly and also got up late; last bits of recall are overlapping.

Fragmented:

I see or am at some sort of small rave party thing. Part of trying to find someone, not sure who or why. There was a nervous woman with me/the protagonist. She had doubts about what we were doing.

The rooms are lush and beautiful, out of a mix of Warcraft, Farscape, Star Trek and maybe Valerian. I recall a bed covered by a blue quilt, the bed's frame is painted gold and looks like the paint itself gives it texture. Cobalt and gold colours in general here? There are fancy uplighters, diamond shape shades?

A woman is laying on this bed, but sort of sitting up (as one might when reading a book) and it looked like she was getting wise to what's going on, whatever that is, but the dream implies it to be somewhat insidious somehow. I/the protagonist was taller than the companion. (as I recall this, intuition tells me that this dream is pulling on the lack of fun/personal time of the recent weeks)

There was a second earlier rave place, a bit bigger and in the same style of decoration and architecture, but more bar-like and open-plan.

Earlier, something about JC or another part where a special keyboard has built-in controls for a specific program or game. I had to cut into it like insulation or foam but using my fingers, because something was wrong with this keyboard.

Even earlier or in-between. Something about a group of friends. I interact with them. There was a girl a bit younger than me; she kept wanting my attention but also initially she didn't like me at all or rejected me in some sense. In the dream I was of a somewhat overly stiff attitude; I remember reading or being told by this group about some personal things and self-pleasuring was mentioned, I felt unusually uneasy about this. My dream self was more like a character than usual.

This girl eventually became my friend, but she was quite vulgar.

Fragmented:

A vivid and real-like dream where I had showered or something. My armpit muscles seemed unusual and H is naked. Something about deodorant? We were in our bathroom. The details were accurate.

Fragment:

Drawing an alien drone but the head shape was very modified compared to the original design.

Jamie

Just me and her in a black space she gives me a huge hug. Almost like she was reacting to my last journal entry.

what

A dream where my brother goes up to me and tells me that he talked to Jamie and she said that she's never going to even try to talk to me again... Well, that's discouraging. What do i even do this for?

Pyramid.

Me and some friends wind up in some giant pyramid in the middle of a city at night. The whole place is like a maze. We get to the room at the top. There's a giant anubis statue standing at the side of the room. Behind him is a hallway that goes all the way around the top of the pyramid as well. I go up and down the steps that lead to the hallway. Soon i notice the statue is gone. Only it's not a statue but slowly walking toward us. I ask my friends if this is the prototype pyramid? They say yes. I try to escape I leave the room and notice a multicolored slide. I go down it and I'm sliding and winding for what seems like forever and reach the exit of the pyramid.

Strange

I was in some apartment in New york. The apartment was mine in the dream. I was by myself rumaging looking for some trophy or something. Some guy came in and i showed him the trophy. He said Jake (from the dark tower books) was coming to kill me. I said to the man that I didn't have the item he is looking for. (apparently someone stole something from Jake and his friends and I was framed for it.)

Some dream about escaping a basement with y brother where a bunch of drugged out dangerous people lived.

17th December 2020

Fragment:

(left too long because of little opportunity to write)

First bit. Looking at one of my art(ist) profiles. I feel sort of amazed, I have just over 250 people watching my profile, apparently.

Another bit, in some church, near the end of a dream. I'm helping some women, mostly in their 50s and so on. They eventually tell me I can't be allowed to join their group officially as it is for women only but they tell me that because I helped them they can however offer me an honorific title or position.

I feel pleased or satisfied, though I can't remember if I accept, but they seem happy either way too.

19th December 2020

Fragment:

In the car with H. We're driving along some bendy and somewhat narrow road in an industrial estate-like place. Some van "uncloaks" in front of us at a corner. H is upset and surprised by this.

Earlier bit; (recall faded too much) something about a large area of land owned by someone and cities on it. A mountain and atop it some castle? Night time. Lots of street/city lights in the distance. A semi mountainous region in general but a lot of water and rock outcroppings that are at least a couple of hundred stories tall, each.

---

Notes:

- Although I seem to remember the dreams from 17th of December were kind of long, the recalled portion has an interesting personal contrast between two worlds that are very different but are also very important to me.

-- The profile watching count certainly comes from recent worries based off/around self-expectation.

- The uncloaking van was certainly based off recently replaying through the Freelancer campaign but interestingly during the day there were at least two incidents with vans appearing a bit out of nowhere when we were on the road.

7th December 2020

Very fragmented:

Me and H were getting some pipes out of an organ. It was a rank supposedly, but actually it can't have been more than an octave.

Pipes were semi-stopped? With some blue felt inside the top to achieve this.

Some other bit, something about water in a container; it looks odd inside. I drink some (why?) but it has weird fibres floating in it. I try to search online about it.

But then we pour the water out on the floor and it's revealed that the fibres were half parasite things; they moved but incredibly slowly. Later I sweat them out through my thighs and I decide to use a H2O2 spray to kill them all and almost bathe myself in it too so it soaks into me and kills any remaining inside my body. I have doubts about what I'm doing and what is going on.

At a mansion place, I'm with my family here. We're guests to some friend of dad. I remember paintings hanging on the walls. There are stone or white wood ballustrades and there's no ceiling or it's made of glass. The host eventually becomes very surprised when he learns (from a servant?) how much it had cost him to accommodate all of us here.

An unknown man comes in, he's wearing a dulled red jumpsuit. He is a thief, I quickly observe but I allow him to continue and I say nothing. I do not dislike our host but yet I allow this thief to steal from him.

But when he tries to steal a painting with strange colouring patterns on it, with the figure of a woman in a white-ish dress, I let him get away with it for a while before I start following him. I follow him into a corridor and jump on him and tell him he absolutely cannot take this painting because it's special to me. I think I'm angry? I ask him to take anything else except for this painting. I tell him that there are many other paintings in this big house and that many are by famous artists and can fetch far better prices on a black market.

I have some feeling the painting is about my cousin T, but there was nothing identifiable on it that would indicate this. The visual recall is too vague.

Then, we're all leaving. I am more wary about the thief now but allow him to continue with his subtleties. I see mom and my sibling T and three others from the family, squeezed inside a white or silver Peugeot. I don't notice which is side the driver is on. I try to find the car I'm supposed to get in, but I can't find it.

Eventually I'm just walking around a town with dad and some more family. It's sunny, with a few clouds. Distant mountains kind of like where I live now, but sharper contours? But otherwise the area looks more like my native country even though it is a dream-generated place. In the distance I also see a thin but very tall smoke stack.

Dad tells me this stack is for the purpose of "releasing the excess gas from the dormant volcano", and he refers to the volcano by name but I lost the recall of that name.

We all cross a street at a crossing, except dad, who goes into an open manhole, with a warm orange glow coming out of it. I look in and there's a vertical climbing pole at the centre of it and it seems to go down a very long way, it's bright inside but a saturated orange dominates. I tell the rest I'll lag behind so that dad can catch up with us. I am across the road and there's some kind of cafe on this side. The rest of the family go in and through the cafe and out again on another side.

(recall gap)

Mix of several RPGs and reality. I kill a mob pack referencing something to Lord of the Rings. A unique and unidentified teal rarity ring drops and there's some kind of interface overlay even though I'm in first person.

It's some kind of occult void ring. It distorts reality around it and I put it on, on my right hand I think. I'm in a room with pews, gothic windows and some kind of statues too maybe. Everything becomes dark except outside through the windows still seems bright, if dull. There's some kind of wind that I can't feel, but can see. Objects like the pews leave a trailing ghostly effect, with a dark, dark red after-shadow-image.

I go to a piano. I realise there's two time limits now that I see at a top/central position of some UI. I was supposed to do something on the piano and don't manage to open some kind of secret passage in time.

Then there's a cutscene about an ogre and a witch. There's animosity between the characters and there's an extreme distance between the two. Some dialogues? He loses all the will he had to kill her for some reason but still he rampages forward. While watching, I make note of the fact that there's some gold piled up in the side of some rooms as the ogre goes through these large underground gothic halls.

---

Notes:

- The ogre and the witch were very stereotypical in their representations.

- The woman's painting had a dark background that contrasted her brighter dress. The painting had a rainbow-like spotty pattern all over it, like light scattering or something. It's similar to an idea I've had for painting but I haven't been able to attempt it properly.

- Before falling asleep, I tried doing this active imagination thing and I remember getting a bit lost or carried away in it, especially as it made me get closer to falling asleep.

- The smoke stack is like one where I live but it was taller than that; I'm not sure what the volcano thing could be about.

I recently had a dream where I saved a very nice checkpoint that I could reload like in game. For fun, I ranked my top dreams up to the "Checkpoint" dream, determining the best checkpoints I could have in previous dreams. This considers if I want to have fun, do activities, or retreat to a safe haven in the midst of a dangerous fight.

1. Enigma: The basic premise of the dream, revisiting 6 past dreams.
2. L: the sheer amount of control I have here is insane, and the aquarium seems safe and beautiful enough.
3. Perfect Plan: very cool and has myself to consult in case something goes wrong.
4. The Dream Guide: The titular character could be very helpful.
5. Nice Meal: at a beach with my sister, en route to good food and music. What more could you ask for?
6. SERENDIPITY: the cool beginning may be double edged, but meeting two of my friends and the potential with amazing ending is promising.
7. Hypothesis: Also with a really big amount of control and potentially able to go anywhere
8. Beautiful Garden: The titular location is very pretty and I have telekinesis.
9. Deja vu ii: has a similar theme and is very nice, only problem is it seems to be going nowhere
10. To the Sun: The hill is very pretty and it's worth seeing where Jamie is going off to or using the lighthouse as vantage point.
11. Detective Noir: I'm in a bar with black and white style which is pretty cool.
12. High Level Area: The challenges and the obstacles seems pretty interesting.
13. Dream Competition: I had gone through quite a bit to reach a relatively safe place. The titular event also seems interesting.
14. Checkpoint: Truly one of the outliers of the 3/5 dreams, it has the best "checkpoint" out of them all -- a beautiful girl greets me and says it's a nice day. Though simple, it surpasses a lot of one-time 5/5's and even 6/5's.

Big giant house

I was in something like mansion. In something like a hallway, I stepped into a bedroom that had a lot of things in it. There was a bed and things all over the place. A keyboard started playing by itself, in just a couple of notes for a few seconds. It did this by itself. I went out of the room and found a long winding staircase. On the main level i walked through a few giant living rooms with old architecture. I found another staircase. But right beside the stairs a panel in the wall was missing. i saw my childhood friend Gary , his brother and a few other people sitting on a couch. I went down a few more steps into the room. Gary seemed annoyed that I was there but some older guy was telling me about the house and that it was haunted.

I said, "Yeah the keyboard upstairs plays by itself." He agreed with me. Several of us left the room. I went back up to the main level. I saw a winding staircase leading upstairs and I was trying to figure out the actual layout of the place. I found yet another large living room this time with 3 pianos. I was going to play one of them when i woke up.

House party.

I was hearing the Dark Tower audio throughout this dream. I'm on Wolves now, Now narrated by some old guy who butchers songs... I was in a living room with Manvi from work. I think she said she was having guests over. Something was spilled all over her table which was in front of a large TV. We both tried desperately to clean it up. After it was clean i sat beside her on the couch to watch TV. i think she was a little nervous because it was me and her. As if the dream responded to her nervousness suddenly her guests were there. There was a guy who was hearing the audiobook audio and asked if it was the Dark Tower. I said yes, and was going to have a conversation with him until i woke up.


Lucid

I was trapped in a house with some psycho guy. He had me in some traps like the movie SAW. He had a wife that told me I was a better fuck than her husband.. and i also have false memories of that act... Anyway they leave the room. I become lucid when i float up out of the traps. I fly up and intend a hole in the floor. I lower into another room. and for a while, I keep floating through more holes in more rooms. Kind of like those lucids where you are in a house and you keep finding hidden rooms and basements inside more rooms and basements and it an go on a long as the lucid. Eventually i wanted outside. I wanted to look for Jamie. I saw a house and went inside. My memory got really foggy and sped up. I found jamie, or a DC that looked like her and i remember feeling the desire to sleep with her. Not sure if we did.

either than that no jamie dreams. not sure if the lucid was her. I hope i get Jamie dreams regularly Like I use to.

1st December 2020

Dream:

By the end of a dream sequence. I remember some editing interface, like video game authoring tools and sort of in focus, there's a female furry character. A white wolf lady with red-ish accents on the hair on her head. She was part of some kind of animated sign or billboard and had a stylised drawing look to her. I felt curious or interested, but distant in terms of personal connection. I scrubbed through the animation a few times.

The surrounding area looked like an alleyway of some kind, a street. There were metal-ring fences and such like, some warehouse type buildings. Sunset.

In the editing interface there was some sort of point and click thing that allowed me to find the source files of textures, sounds, anything really, as long as it was visible in the dream reality and I had the correct and corresponding editing suite module in interface focus.

(recall gap)

Near the end of a second dream sequence. I was walking around with JC, from school, in a town I don't recognise. Not dissimilar from the previous area, but morning time instead now. It was an industrial/commercial estate type area and there were covid-related queues for getting into shops. I remember feeling I had no patience for such things (queuing etc) right now. JC was as I remember him; soft face, somewhat short but around the same as me in reality. Perhaps he seemed shorter because he still looked younger.

We walked past a car stuck in a queue at the entrance to a parking lot area, part of a superstore/shop. It was a blue colour, cerulean like? Like a VW Beetle, but not? JC was in a suit, kind of like JSco might have. He was infantile and yet, mature in some sense. That's how I always felt about him, I now realise.

I have my casual clothes on. Sweat pants or whatever which I wear both for lounging and for work. Black nylon t-shirt. As we walked, he commented "I want some GTA pussy, you know?". I don't remember replying. Then he continued "It's been a long time."

His voice didn't sound at all like his actual voice and he spoke in perfect English with none of our native accent. I didn't notice any of this during the dream.

I remember as we walked along I thought to myself "Great, he's gonna be trying really hard, I'm gonna not be caring and one of these girls will just hit on me instead of him; that would be typical."

We reached some dead-end looking bit. Concrete-y. Breeze blocks or something like that made up a low wall, damming up earth and whatnot. There may have been a staircase up and through one part. On the top of this low wall, there were heads, some kind of digital representations/avatars or holograms of girls from the neighbourhood and the local school (college/high school). There were a lot of fake blondes? I forget how the heads looked exactly but they didn't seem out of place, somehow. JC sort of inspected each one as we kind of circled around this bit.

The dream ended soon after, I was woken up by the door.

---

Notes:

- It's possible these were two separate dreams, but I had a feeling they were linked in some sense.

- JC is one of many friends I had at school that I got along with fairly well, but characteristically, after college I never really heard from him again and he didn't seem too interested in keeping in touch. I remember walking with him in town a few times and having long conversations, probably mostly about games though.

- Although we shared a common name, physically we were very different and though he wasn't any weaker than me, I always thought he appeared somewhat meek. In this dream he sort of had an aura of over-confidence contradictory to how I knew him, which would have been more over-cautious than anything. In essence, the dream character as a persona was someone else, but took on his physical appearance. In the dream I was my current age, but perhaps with a younger style of thinking.

- I may have seen a furry character before like the one in the first part of the dream, though I'm not certain if my brain was referencing anything specific. It felt like she was her own original thing, despite what I might consider to be a stereotype representation.
-- On further thought, I found out about the sub-culture when I was in my mid-teens, which was also around the same time as I knew JC.

- I don't know what the "GTA pussy" thing was about really, but even in the dream something felt out of place about it. Part of me realised on typing my initial notes that we really have no control over what our friends say sometimes and how we have to just get on and live with it or do something about it and potentially get into a conflict with them.

- My over-analytical view of this dream is suggesting to me now I should probably try to do some more serious inner work on these subjects.

29th November 2020

Fragment:

Some part about being in a car with dad and he had an accident or something and then stuff repeated itself. I think it was mostly a light collision but I lost the details.

(recall gap)

Another part where I'm cooperatively going around with another dream character (male, stronger?) and we need to reach some kind of extraction point but while avoiding a military presence that's nearby. There was an APC on a hill or bridge and some kind of gunship.

I remember deviating from the straight trajectory we were on and finding a flatbed with a rocket turret mounted on the flat bit and used the turret to shoot the gunship down or whatever it was. I had a temporary cloaking buff that prevented my detection.

This part had started off on top of a green-ish hilly type area. Then nearing the extraction point with the military presence there was a forest but there were lots of orange tones, dead leaves and leafless trees. Daytime all the way throughout.

Then I carried on and met up with the other dream character I was originally with, we were in some city area not far. Grey-ish and concrete-y. There were pits? Some green liquid at the bottom of the pits. Vague recall of tall buildings and cracked foundations and cracked streets, which was where these pits or ravines were. I remember a cage at some point. Either I got stuck there or the other character did.

There was more to the dream but I took too long to start writing and forgot too many details despite the relatively vivid details of the dream.

---

Notes:

- This dream was originally quite long. Recall has actually not been particularly poor lately, but my DJing has been lacking, mostly because I have been waking up too tired and lethargic and so if I do start writing the recall is usually fading or gone. Also often by the point I realise I could have written something down, I have already slept again since the initial recall or have simply not bothered because it has felt too tiring to try.

- The area where dad was driving was thematically similar to the remainder of the dream.

22nd November 2020

Dream:

I was sitting at a desk and there was a piece of paper; it was blank or had something recently drawn on it. I wanted to practice doing buildings and started off with a very simple rectangular one. I wasn't being able to keep the lines steady in any direction, which annoyed me.

Then, next to this building, I started drawing another building starting with a sloping roof and then drawing in some windows but then quite soon I was drawing these small cross sections in parts of this building and these sections started draw themselves full of complete scenes of what the rooms were like. I kept drawing cross section bits and adding in small details and finding details adding themselves to the drawing. As I kept my focus on drawing, perceptually, it started to feel like I kept getting closer and closer to the paper.

Very gradually and seamlessly, I entered one of these scenes but I could somehow still see things sort of in cross section, like in a 2.5D platformer game or something.

I remember a few characters, there was an elephant lady on a bed in a room above or adjacent to the main view/focus; she had some lights on but it was otherwise dark in her room and she was sliding the end of her trunk on a grating to a ventilation shaft; this made noise that scared another character in a different room and I think that character became angry out of embarrassment or something.

Later on, some bit where there was a nurse character, whose details I don't remember so well. I knocked her on the head with something massive and she went down (through the floor or over a mezzanine?) and something broke her fall, I think maybe me. I remember telling her "you idiot, this is my dream!". In the dream this was meant as some sort of explanation to the confusion she displayed when she realised she was fine after the hit and the fall. Nearby up some steps on a flat tier was a giant cobra, but in the dream I thought it was an adder, for some reason.

Fragment:

An earlier dream focused on NCIS, but which I don't care enough to make full note of the details. The dream focused on McGee and he was flying a small private jet and then someone is with him passes him a phone, with Gibbs on the line. In the dream it was like in the actual show, in terms of witticisms, humour and timings. McGee was more self-aware as a character than any other and questioned how could it be possible that Ducky and Gibbs were already at the scene in this other country he'd now be landing in at.

---

Notes:

- In the first dream, the whole thing reminded me a bit of the type of crazy and silly drawings in "finding Wally". I went through a few of those books quite often when I was younger. I don't know where those books are or if they were thrown away.

- A lot of detail was missing from my recall but the from the moment the scenes started being filled in as I drew cross sections and windows, there was a huge amount of ornamental detailing to the scenes that made them feel overly complete.

- I haven't seen a snake in my dreams for a while and I don't think I'd ever had an elephant in a dream before (hm, which also has a "snake" on its face?).

- There was some kind of dark and red-ish lighting to the room/area the giant cobra was in.

- The nurse did elicit some type of pre-lucid awareness, especially considering my remark to her confusion.

- I slept quite poorly. My neck and lower teeth were aching as I wrote my notes and afterwards.

20th November 2020

Fragment:

In a place like a restaurant or something. Someone was talking to me and they were telling me how "mussels are the tastiest thing there is" or something. I remember thinking of, or seeing some clams and thinking that besides the meat within, there would be pearls of value or something.

---

Notes:

- I remembered this fragment much later in the day while in a church. A stained glass I was looking towards for a while had pearls as a small detail in places and this triggered some vague visual recall of the dream.

- I remember after the dream and also after recalling this fragment, I did feel some sort of craving for the food in question; there was some sort of taste in the dream, it was meaty but I can't recall any more detail than that. I have never found this type food appealing before, but I have been curious about it, having possibly thought about it again recently.
-- My family, and most people where I'm from, do enjoy this type of food, but I have never wanted to taste it. Part of me thinks it can't be that different from snails and so I wonder now about similarities.

- It's possible that in the dream I thought about the pearls being a metaphor of some sort; when the recall came to me, this was my first feeling about them. I don't remember the pearls visually. Later on in the day I had disassociated thoughts about how it might be possible to modify the clams to create different pearls, or objects.

- Can't recall my reaction to being told that mussels are supposedly so tasty.

17th November 2020

Fragment:

(Lost most of recall I woke up early in the morning because I was too hot, around 6am?, unknown)

Raid groups or something like them? There were some dream characters that were kind of like combat medics. This didn't make me RC even though it should have been a prominent cue to do so. I think it did raise my level of dream awareness but not enough. I remember specifically noticing that these dream characters were glitching visually, their limbs clipped through their clothing in weird ways, as poorly animated models might do.

Fragment:

Something with C from school and T. There was a general context around the old home.

---

18th November 2020

Fragment:

I was talking via Steam to Sh from the PTFG. It didn't quite sound like him though. He was asking me how I was and we discussed something about my well-being at length; the conversation was heavily focused on me but mostly because he kept asking questions in that direction.

---

Notes (for 18th only):

- Last night I spend some time speaking with F from BL and we caught up a bit and he was asking me how we'd been.

- Dream recall had vanished by the time I got up from bed and when the recall first came through, I mistook it for a real memory, taking me a couple of minutes to go through it and realising it was simply vague recall of a dream.

- I slept poorly last night and the last few days have been very difficult for me, physically. I have also been feeling completely demotivated from my creative activity.

- Last night I continued reading the book from the LD Book Club and I had been thinking about the four-step process for dream-work. After my initial recall of this dream this morning, I have been considering trying them on this, since it's a fairly short dream and seemingly quite specifically directed towards how I've been feeling.

- All I can visually recall from the dream is the chat window and Sh's icon.
-- Typing the above note, I have just realised that my abbreviation for the person in the chat has a secondary and much more specific significance to me.

I did recall a lot more dreams but they faded fast... Should I jot notes again? My life is too busy for that.

Jamie 1

Was dosing off. Saw her looking and me from the shadows. I saw her face and the outline of her amazing hair. She didn't seem to happy or anything just neutral.

Jamie 2

Can't remember what i was doing in the dream. Jamie was there but she was in her distant phases and vanished from the dream.

Lucid

I was with Victoria (The younger one) from work. We were by the lethbridge Hospital at night. We went across the street to the building where they hold AA meetings. There was a hidden door or something and we went into some hidden rooms. I knew this was impossible so i became Lucid. Victoria vanished somewhere. I wasn't interested in her. I wanted to look for jamie. I found myself at a window and then I was outside. I was thinking of how to find Jamie when everything started going black.

I better get back into stabilizing dreams and doing Time Dilation again. i'm surprised i"ve been lucid shortly every week with my method of wbtb.

15th November 2020

Fragment:

A vast and somewhat empty place apart from some abstract platforms as I recall. There was a "sky" made up of pastel colours, light oranges, pinks and blues.

There was a demon queen, or something. She looked mostly humanoid and had purple skin? She wore some ornaments or accessories like gold bangles and chains but apart from that she must have been almost naked. She was bigger than me but not a lot bigger. Thought I suspected so, I asked her midway through some conversation if we were in an alternate dimension, to which she answered yes.

The demon queen and I were on one side of... a table? Not sure. And opposite from us were two other people, maybe a couple. The queen was able to alter or modify certain traits with some species like humans and elves, but not dwarves. But these two other people looked human even though one was supposedly an elf and the other a dwarf. So I asked her, what if they have a child together, could that child be altered in the same ways?

(recall gap)

Vague recall of an office-like place, either from the inside or the outside.

---

Notes:

- My last journaled dream featured mystical aspects like demons, but the setting and context were entirely different. The theme here was of a more medieval/fantastic aspect, by comparison.

- Unfortunately, I couldn't retain recall very well with this dream so I've completely lost any details that would be left of the other characters and the dream location.

- The demon queen as a dream character had some aspects relating to my own personal interests in transmutation and transformation. The purple skin may have seemed random when I first recorded the dream but in retrospect that element is present in some characters I've created and is a colour I generally like, although her skin's hue was a bit brighter/lighter.
-- "Queen" was an implied intuitive feeling about the character, not something that was mentioned or explained literally.

- There was a feel of "sunset" to this dream and there were no changes in light while in the platform dimension.

Summary:

DJ everyday in 3 stages (23rd)
Weekly/monthly recall
WBTB ideas (on off)
good things come in 3s
dreams (school, Un kid prank, pear, lucy. Lion lady transforming)
Notice the awareness


Thoughts
Just some monologues to type out my thoughts and ideas I learned, interesting dreams not included.

Maybe I need to up DJ game again. I'm not progressing right now. I'm just not thinking lucid dreaming stuff enough.

I need meaning. A reason. Something to...

A way just to immerse myself in lucid dreaming stuff again. And maybe DJ is the best way. Maybe not, but I will try it out once again.

A meaning... as in a way to attach myself to the dream, because dreams have been feeling rather... dull? Maybe some are fun, even meaningful but it's bland. Weekly lucids, but bland. But maybe it's because I'm not giving my dreams the love they deserve? A way to think about it, the dreams, and seeing/recalling them in my mind to impress more of myself, my sensations into dreams, that's what's lacking maybe.

It's been a while though, since I've posted here. twice I had a break from lucid dreaming. Once from a injury, and it just stopped dreams for a while. And another time I was preoccupied with something. But posting on DV was pretty helpful for a very strong recall I think. The fact that someone else might read your DJ and notice every typos and stuff like that is helpful. It's helpful because it forces me to read it over again to edit and that reading over it really help reinforce and strengthen the recall it seems.

3 times? Recalling dreams 3 times a day seems to be a sweet spot to keep recall in a strong state. I will try to do that. I remember my best recall was created by that. I wrote them down in steps:

Jotting- after fully awakening and remembering all dreams, jot them in a few words
Writing- expand and recall the rest of the dreams and write them down in the middle of the day, just type it out real quickly from the notes
Digging- try to dig deeper from the plot before, recalling anything that's been forgotten (also attach meanings to dreams)

I'm just not doing the second and third part of what I used to do as much. But that it was such a good way to improve recall.

And I should honestly begin to do that again. And I will. I'll do all that for a week, till the 23rd.

I should also do a weekly review of dreams or something like that. It's something I wanted to do before but never did. Maybe a weekly or monthly review of things I've written. Doesn't even have to be very long, it can even be just skimming everything in the past week or month, and it would only take 5 minutes to do that right? As I'm typing this, please be convinced. DO IT! FUTURE ME! I BELIEVE IN YOU! DO A WEEKLY REVIEW AND POST IT ON THE 23RD! And maybe even a monthly review. I know, I know... it might be chore, some people may make snide comments about your DJ, but that's ok just for a week, and see how it goes. Just do it for a week, you might actually enjoy it. You can stop it anytime after the week if it sucks. But you know that it'll improve your recall tremendously. Thanks and love you!

What else? WBTB?

Experimented with it. I've tried asking lucid dreaming advices from different people. But they've said it's (experimenting is) bad and that you should stick to one thing. But you know what? I realized you should do what you should do. Everyone needs to experiment and figure out what works for them. And that person's advice just didn't work for me. Maybe they don't experiment because they are lucid all the time, every time now. But I'm pretty sure they've experimented in their years of non lucidity and they've just forgotten about it, about trying out different stuff and figuring it all out.

I've found that spacing out WBTBs in between days like 2 days wbtb 2 day off, or 1 day on 2 day off, sort of thing gave me the maximum consecutive lucid days. Maybe the dream just gives time to refresh your mind and let it rest, or maybe it's because you body adjusts to the wbtb times if you do it too often. And if you just stop it before the body adjusts, you get sort of a maximum effect from wbtb each time. So for me, atleast it seems like the wbtb has a sort of 3 day cool down period? It's just like the 3 stages of DJing, it's like good things come in 3s. I wish I could know if other people have similar experience with wbtbs. Who knows, maybe none of this really matters.

Failure is okay. It's okay to fail really. Failure is the mother of success after all. And if you're so caught up in trying to get everything perfect, just always seeking, seeking for a better way you might not realize that you can just learn from your own mistakes. It's like the wise words, "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." Instead of trying to succeed... just simply be and your best. So that I can notice my own nose because the answer's always right there if I've just paid enough attention to my nose and get lucid from that.

BUT enough of that! I should just DJ. Freakin do the DJ, even though the dream this time was one of the most uninteresting and the shortest I've had in weeks. I've better keep my promise and DJ gracefully starting now.

Dream

I remember in a classroom, in a school of course. I was sitting beside my friend Un, we were sitting on the same large blocky square desks that were shared btween a couple of students. each desk were shared by maybe 2 students and the way that they sat had oriented them in facing towards the blackboard. Or was it a whiteboard? The classroom had a wooden feel to it, actually the desk was wooden yea, yellow. The teacher was a lady. And the class held about 20 people. It was teenagers. So this school was a highschool methinks. I slightly recall smoeone throwing a paper airplane across from the right side of the class, a boy who sat at the top right, where the entrance door, which was long and slender was at. I was near the back of the class, maybe the very back, about center, slightly to the right. I forget what we did though. We weren't studying in the class I think.

So me and Un, we leave the class, presumably after the bell and I just simply follow him. Our classroom was located in the southern part of the schoolm second floor. THe floors were white, off white. It was white but it had black speckles in them, sort of looking like the inside of a dragonfruit. The very edge of the floor in the hallways had sort of a dark goldish frame around it, with a thicker frame about the third the length of a shoe and the inner frame, which was the thickness of a pencil about three times the thickness its distance from the outer frame. The floor had a sort of a rubbery feel, it had a kind of traction to it. Anyways we went down the hallway and to the left, down the stairs and went the office there. I think I've been in this particular school in my dreams about 5 times now? maybe 6 or 7. But Un went into the office through the reception an and grabbed ahold of something and stole it from there. I wasn't sure what it was but we left after he grabbed the item.

I remember it looking like sort of a small rod the size of your hand. It had like a round ball like top connected to like a cylindrical rounded bottom like the bottom of a hairbrush. It was sort of shiny and white in color. Un went into a classrom and used the object and transformed into a child. This class was filled with smaller kids, like elementry. And he was just sort of pulling a prank on the teacher here and pretending he was a student in that class. He did this for a while and I just watched from outside the door. It got boring very fast so I decided to leave him be.

I was leaving and headed the same direction as before and I met Lucy on the way. We just decided to walk together and maybe walk back home together. Her house was the east or the right side direction of the left front entrance, which was at the lower part of the stairs we took before. There was a fruit stand there right before the entrance and I grabbed a hold of a pear there. I ate it and it was pretty ripe, part of it a bit rotten but otherwise very delicious. It was the soft kind of pear that I enjoyed really. I asked Lucy if she wasnted any, maybe one of the apples there, because those kind of looked fresher than the pears? She just had just kind of apathetic look to her for some reason so I just decided to grab an apple for myself. The apple was also a bit overripe and I thought I'd enjoy the pear more.

I had a vision here, of a house about 2-4 kilometers west of here. Inside the house and stuff going on. It was on the first floor of a house, about 3-4 people there. I was there briefly but came back to the same spot now.

Anyways we're headed out the entrance and I tried to ask Lucy what was wrong. She was just so ah humbug and I just didn't want to be near her that much. Then a girl shows up whom I knew from college. She lived to the west side of here and although I lived in the same direction as Lucy, I decided to go home with her instead because Lucy was sort of being a jerk. For the life of me, I can't remember her name. I cans ee her face and remember her beautiful features yet the name just passes me by. M? Muuuh
...

I had a few dreams before that. Scribbles hard to read.

One about a lion lady. I can't even remember now. It was pains, I had real bad shoulder pains and that distracted me pretty badly.

I'm pretty sure the inspiration of this dream came from my mother though. Although she was not in this dream. Seeds of this dream - mother, lion, fortune teller

I think the dream was about a lion who transformed into a lady. I had to fight a lion and the lion i was fighting transformed into a lady. Or it was the other way around, the lady trasformed into a lion.


P.S.

.. It got me thinking though. Does meditation also have the same 3 day thing? To either take a break once in a while or to at least switch the meditation technique every 3 days or so? Because I notice that I stupor and my meditation quality drops? Or maybe it's simply that you get bored of doing the same thing all the time? I don't know. Maybe everything I've written or thought about is trying to come together into a singular idea or concept. Something like trusting your own feelings? I feel like it's sort of connected to concepts skipper had said.

But I need to make it my own. In my own words at the moment. The clearest words that I have to describe it are something like,

Trust your feelings? You get better in doing.


And that thing I've learned in meditation to notice yourself feeling stuff? Like, you don't have to try to do good? Just notice things more and you naturally become good?

Is that meditation in its essence? To bring the unconscious to conscious?

Like... you don't meditate to do something... But you just remove excess thoughts?
... A kind of a 2 step process? One part of it is to learn to focus, and be more aware, just to notice more things. Maybe this part isn't even meditation, but simply the act of concentration. But this helps to sharpen your senses. And the other is the noticing of your thoughts/feelings/senses. The noticing of awareness itself. But the goal maybe isn't even to notice the awareness. But when you notice the awareness, you become better at whatever task you are doing. Because you have less mind chatter going on? And because you are better at this "mind clearing". You become more efficient in your art of concentration. And this art of concentration sharpens your senses. And in turn, you see things more vividly, and when you see things more vividly it's easier to notice something off in your dream? Maybe that's the goal of the dream yoga? And you cycle between different "meditations" like sound and stuff to sharpen each sense to maximum amount and to keep them sharpened.

Is this true? Perhaps, or maybe I'm just sprouting nonsense. But nonetheless it's very interesting to ponder. But note to self - remember to notice yourself pondering.


Well I didn't realize the font color was white since I was in black mode on the browser. When I tried to submit it just had the error and I copy and pasted it and it just turned out strange for some reason, looked completely normal on my dark mode browser though. I hope no one had to endure reading invisible scripts on a white background. Fixed a few typos, pretty sure there's more but oh well.

12th November 2020

Fragment:

Out with H somewhere. It's day time and we're approaching a wooden or metal gate of a farm or ranch of some sort. There is a building on the left of the gate, in the distance there are hills or low mountains and more immediately to our right is a small mounding area. There are some darkly coloured horses here and they eventually get up close to some trees on the mound area and stand up on their hind legs and basically start trying to copulate with the trees, which have some holes at just about the right height.

I don't recall what happened next exactly but I remember noticing the trees had no leaves left at all anymore, but the grass was green-ish and not covered in leaves. The horses later stopped what they were doing I think and turned into dogs instead.

13th November 2020

Fragment:

The dream was focused around a black boy I was trying to help. He must have been no older than eight years of age.

He had no parents? I think he was wanting to get some information about some random guy and the info he wanted was in a hard drive. I suggested we could plug it in at my computer and it would be quicker this way.

But for whatever reason, the drive needed a scart connector. I remember we looked for about three hours (it felt long, but not actually three-hour long) and I couldn't find one of these connectors, only some other old connectors.

I remember starting to feel frustrated after finding a component lead or something. I can't remember what we chose to do at this point but I do recall a computer, with a CRT. In retrospect now, it felt like something like what we had back at home when I was younger.

There's a large gap in my recall here.

At some point it becomes evident or is revealed that there's something mystical about the boy. He was unliving or something. There were dark forces trying to reclaim him, back to their domains. Another recall gap.

Near the end of the dream, a human-like demon is pouring (out of his mouth?) tea bags in front of the boy's feet. Something about these being a representation of the number of times the boy had avoided or cheated death or capture.

The dream was particularly long most of the recall was lost because of having to get ready in the morning and the recall I managed to keep for the initial notes was about an hour old at that point. Would like to edit in some notes at some later point.