side notes

(Good -- um... afternoon, everybody. On the weekdays, I usually write my dreams in the morning, on my subway ride in to work. But this morning I didn't think I remembered any dreams.

Then, sitting at work (really stressing over something, in fact), I suddenly recalled this dream. Weird.

The dream is weird. I'd say at least part of the influence on it is the fact that over the past couple days I've been reading Jack Kerouac's Book of Dreams. In one dream, Kerouac meets Dinah Shore. That dream was so charming, I think I also wanted to have a dream where I met a celebrity. So my unconscious obliged... kinda.)

Susan Faludi was out in the desert doing research on a new book she was writing. The book was similar to The Terror Dream. But this book had less to do with feminism and more to do with some general national conspiracy. I probably identified with Faludi or saw through her eyes.

Faludi had discovered whatever it was she had been trying to discover. She may now have been standing by her car in an empty road in the middle of the desert. Faludi may have slammed down the trunk or hatchback of her car with an air of finality.

She intended to go somewhere. Instead of taking her car, which now may not even have existed, she flew up into the air, possibly by means of a red and white striped parachute.

She flew away to her right, along the road. She knew that she actually needed to head along the road, but in the opposite direction. She flew over a small overpass. This overpass was a landmark telling her she was definitely going in the wrong direction.

The wind was carrying her in this direction, although she "had control" over "her power of flight." She kept telling herself that she would work up the momentum of the wind in order to get swinging around in the correct direction.

But she kept flying and flying in the wrong direction. It was now night. Faludi was in the woods. It was cold and snowing. Still flying along the highway, I/Faludi (I definitely was part of her decision making process here) saw a billboard. The billboard was on a 50-foot tall, steel column.

I knew that if I/she grabbed on to the guard rail in front of the walkway before the billboard, I/she could stop the uncontrolled flight and at least get my/her bearings. So Faludi grabbed the railing and did some kind of elastic flip onto the walkway before the billboard.

The walkway was snowy and lit by a few fluorescent flood lamps. Othewise, everything was snowy, cotton-grey dark. Some pine trees may have reached as high as the billboard.

Faludi huddled behind some weird, clear, plastic rectangle which I figured was some kind of a solar panel for powering the billboard's lights. Faludi thought she could call someone, perhaps her husband, to pick her up here. But it was just so cold, and she felt like it would take forever for someone to get here.

I had a false awakening. I was going about my "daily life" when somebody, possibly my mother, told me that Susan Faludi had died. I was really surprised and upset. I regretted the fact that I'd never gotten to meet her.

But it also seemed weird that Faludi should have died. She had always seemed like such a healthy person to me.

Somehow I saw a photo of her -- possibly on the web. The photo showed Faludi in a motorized wheelchair, like they have at the front of grocery stores, the kind that look almost like cars or scooters with baskets on the front. Faludi was overweight, with short, grey hair. She wore a white t-shirt and black slacks, both of which were sloppy and tight on her.

Again, this didn't make sense. I thought, There's no way Faludi could have changed this quickky. I began to doubt seriously whether Faludi was in fact dead.

(Just one small note on this, from November 14th. After looking at some news images, I realize that the image Susan Faludi is hiding behind in the snow is a teleprompter. I'm not sure why a teleprompter is hanging out on a billboard. And I'm not sure why I thought it was a solar panel.

But, then again, I'm still not sure why this dream involved Susan Faludi. The actions in this dream are completely the opposite of what I feel Falud's actions would be. They're more like what I think my own actions would be. So maybe the dream is saying I wish I was like Susan Faludi, but that I'm just still horribly, embarrassingly like myself. Oh, well.)

Hey pretty much im new to this site.
I have one lucid dream from my childhood that i remember, i think i was about 8.

Im in a car, a land-cruiser ute that my dad owned (at the time) but instead of the dashboard all across were there would be a speedometer and etc there was what appeared to be the part of a piano u see when you open up the part above the piano keys all those bits of wood that go up and down, there stll was a steering wheel. I was frightened i remember saying something to my dad who was in another car then he said something like ok see you there. There were friends small friends i think like muppets with me, i then attempeted to drive it somehow, i was near my dads work He has a business at an old brickworks. the street leading up to the gate sort of has wilderness on one side and houses on the other, the street has a large dip in it I was frightened because the car seemed out of control and i went down into the dip which was warping and physics defyingly steep then i appeared at some kind of house maybe one i had visited, i was carrying a staff or stick and i met extremely short people there like my previous friends but i didnt know them and i showed off how i could do kicks by pole vaulting around wiht the stick or some kind of move. I then scared then or impressed them and that is all i can recollect.

I have another From this week or more recently
Its a little boring


I am not playing but sort of manipulating a game i have been playing a lot recently called heroes of newerth. i am controlling it and then i start thinking about strategy, as the game is almost entirely based around strategy I notice im dreaming and think how cool looking at the fading images of the game and still hearing the thoughts of strategy which i remembered that morning but not now i then wake up.

non-dream - non-lucid - lucid

01/11/10 Mainly fragmented stuff have been on a week long break to see if I could reduce the amount of stress I had associated with dreaming (RCs, awareness checks and writing down). My recall seems to have improved slightly, but I have forced myself not to write things down, but here I am back again.

Was in a computer FPS like scenario, had a feeling I was in someone else's dream. Kept running over the same places looking for something, the key to get further with no success. I was climbing stuff.

Same scenery but I am supposed to be there, being followed by two teenagers, Jacob Bausager seems afraid of them, he borrows the plane and crashes it, it is my parents I go ballistic, I trusted him with it.

different people setting up various outlets to make money, Martin is one of them, I have one of his beers and help him out a bit. His mum comes and tells me I have always understood him, I don't understand this as I was horrible to him in school, we talk about his legs. Martin explains how I used to hit them, back in school when they were at their worst.

Drinking blood of a woman, she has betrayed me and I shouldn't have come out on top, but her blood gives me strength, when she is almost completely dry I get a narcotic rush and tell her “Now I know why they drain them completely” She replies that I haven't come close yet. I feel euphoric I feel like having sex with this woman, but I am not going to do it with her dead. I start pouring blood into the hole I have been sucking from, she asks what I am doing and I reply that I don't want to kill her. She sounds hopeful, but tells me that I will need to hypnotise her. I tell her I don't know how to do that and she explains that I will need to talk to Thomas (White Court Vamp, Dresden Files) about that.

OK a note here: During my time in Thailand I got attacked by vampires, they laid off the attacks as I stroke a bargain with the family patron vamp. I was suspicious then as to what was involved in the deal, but nothing so far has come up. This is my first vamp related dream since then and the only one ever with me on the sucking side. Although I try to be a good guy I must admit I am fairly interested in seeing if this is somewhat part of the same overall plot. IWL as per me writing this down I can't help but think “Is this it, am I turning now?”

(This next section I think I was more awake than in a dream, but I will write it down anyhows)

I am in the other guys dream as mentioned before, fairly positive I have just been awake. I am practising expectations behind doors, as a way of changing scenery (I am horrendous at dream control involving change of location). So the entire exercise for me here is to successfully explore a dream while lucid (A flowing change of scenery where I don't get caught up in my poor conscious imaginative skills to interfere). I keep thinking to myself “Damn this doesn't count, I can't even get into first person, so really I am just visualising all of this and not dreaming at all. Damn that means I will wake up shortly as well” (A pretty non-productive way of thinking!) It only lasts about 30 seconds to a minute.

All I can remember is something about going somewhere important, having to do something important and a lot of people were counting on me to do something but I can't remember who or what. Also dreamt about the ex, talking to her again and (for some reason) talking about getting back together - scares me, I completely hate her but is this a sign that my subconscious doesn't? I really hope it's not the case - however talking to her seems to be a reoccurring dream sign and I really just want to forget everything but its like my subconscious won't. Maybe next time I'll remember to RC and it will lead to a LD and I can change my surroundings. Maybe my recall will get better. hell, maybe i'll win the lottery.

This was my last dream of the night. Unfortunately, I don't remember the first dreams. There was also a beginning to this dream, that I don't recall any more:

I was with a partner. I want to say it was a woman. I remember her being very acrobatics and focused. We were in an industrial area infested with zombies. I vaguely recall shooting one in the head with a handgun, at some point.

We entered into a huge cylindrical factory. Five or six stories high. The center of the factory was mostly empty, with multiple stories of girder like cat walks forming circles around the middle. I remember several (blue-gray) male zombies followed us into this area. My partner had something like a hefty trophy. Except the trophy was made out of zombie meat. It was like a cup with two large winged handles. It was a sickly skin color with dark greenish veins that ran throughout it, including the handles. It looked like a normal trophy, wrapped tightly in flesh.

This object (I knew I think from the forgotten beginning) contained the genetic information and viruses that made the outbreak of zombies possible. It was our intention to make sure that no one ever found this object again. My partner suggested we stuff it down a grate that was at the center of the factory. This was like a manhole sized storm drain. We did. Then filled the drain with gravel. Somehow, we ruptured the water mains next. This clause the entire structure to collapse in on itself. We barely got out.

I remember seeing the entire area submerge with water as we made our way to an island. This island was in fact a mound of my own clothing (!) situated at the far corner of yet another, still larger warehouse. I remember thinking: I hope my computer backup files are safe from this flood. At this point I began to walk along the far wall of this enormous warehouse and it emerged into a Costco/Target like superstore. One of the female employees, wearing a white lab coat and glasses passed by me and without looking up said: " I hate customers."

I walked a little further and came to the hair product isle. I grabbed some shampoo and proceeded to take a shower. Because situated in the shampoo isle, strangely, was my home shower. I began to wash and lather my hair. I had a thick full head of it. I remember thinking: why didn't I shave my head before I took a shower? (My usual pattern is to shave my head before I take a shower.) Nevertheless, I kept shampooing away as I looked around at different products on the shelves nearby...

The next thought I had was: "How does Costso know which stuff belongs to me?" Then, a final more horrifying thought occurred: "Maybe Costco will be (or is) in the business of public housing...?"

In recent years, Costco has gotten into the business of health insurance... I haven't been to Costco in years. Or thought much about their health-care. I have been searching my brain for creative solutions to the US economy. This is not one that occurred. Seems my subconscious hinting at a new hope: corporations that act in the place of governments. I was woken by my cell phone at this point.

Date:10-27-10
Time: 2:30 pm.

This isn't a dream post in the regular sense, this is more of food for thought. Different (not new) ideas about dreaming. I mention God, and soul, but there isn't a specific religion, and this isn't me preaching. I don't mean to offend anyone, or take anyone's enjoyment out of Lucid dreaming, if you don't agree, that is perfectly fine, but this post is more for the thinkers on the sight. Also I don't take on sides of Astral Projecting/OBEing/Lucid dreaming. Instead I think of them more of experiences than any kind of category. I will post a link to a new thread, so please do not comment here. Comment on the actual post. Thanks, and enjoy!

What if lucid dreaming was more than dreaming while being conscious What if it was a gateway to another world? Think about it, all of the dream characters some of them you have never seen before, what if they were actual beings? Sure some of them are just DCs representing you, but what if there were others that weren't? Today I took an hour long nap, a successful wild! After several failed attempts at realizing FAs, I finally started to think, I ended getting out of my bed at my place of work. From there the rest were LDs. This isn't going to be a post about my specific LDs (coming shortly), they are about my ideas that I ended up with during the dream.

I want to make a few notes about what I have discovered in the dream world today. First DCs are representations of yourself. What ever your thinking, that DC will be saying. I noticed several times when I was thinking or talking to myself, a nearby DC was repeating it, at first I didn't think anything of it, since it always happened, but now I paid attention to what I was thinking, and who was talking. The exact same thing. Now this idea goes further with, whatever your doing (just not controlling the dream world, instead just letting it happen) will be done to you. I noticed a DC eating something, but for some odd reason my mouth felt like it was full of food and I couldn't do anything. I didn't put two and two together until today as I have had that happen several times. Other properties about yourself can be manipulated by a DC along with the DC can manipulate yourself. You almost trick yourself out when in a dreamworld. Once I understood this, then I could control anything I wanted. I could fly at will (no arm flailing), summon tornadoes, breathe underwater, run super fast, read minds (my own haha), shoot energy blasts, and tons of others when the other night all I could do was explore. Flying was the best one I got the hang of it, no more butterflies, just the excitement to be able to fly! I used to walk my dog at night, and looked up into the sky and said I wish cool nights like this were in my dreams, and that I could fly! Today it happened! More to what I accomplished in the actual dream journal entry!

Have you ever heard a radio in your dreams? For me I never noticed until now, but there were always some kind of background noise somewhere. Once I started listening to it I found the source. It sounded like rapid clips of commercials, shows, and songs put together, and having it play super fast. Kind of sounds like channel surfing. You have the white noise, and occasionally you'll come across a channel that works and hear it for a second until you switch it. Now imagine there are hidden messages within it. It seems like your being is being contacted (no pun intended) by another being through this. I listened closely at it. First I thought it was just everything I heard today being played at a super fast rate, that my subconscious was playing it out. Then I thought it was all of my thoughts playing at a super alarming rate, since my dream is within my head, people can speak as fast as they think! there are no physical limits.

Then I heard the word God a couple of times and sat down next to it and listened. It brought up all of my concerns about dieing. It even said I had till Halloween night, or right around it until I was going to die. Then an announcer came on the speaker phone of were I was at and asked if there was some body named something was there, I couldn't remember the name. And the radio laughed and said never mind. They said that i was afraid of being just short of making it into purgatory and that I was afraid I would end up in hell. That was correct, that is what I am afraid of, not death itself. They said something about cleaning up my act, and that I would make it to heaven eventually, I just have to make peace with God. Then I tried asking a question but the radio shut off. It turned back on after a couple of minutes and said that what I was experiencing was part of the afterlife, since we have a soul we are able to just barely connect with other souls. But there are still DCs that were just DCs made up by my mind.

Then I met two people who escorted me around my dream, I asked questions about this afterlife thought, and said it was true. I just thought back to when somebody on here said DCs tend to try and trick you into believing your not dreaming. So I denied it for a couple of seconds until I thought of something. I asked well aren't you two apart of my dream, so I can control you, and I attempted to control them and their actions, but I couldn't. I could do it on everything else, but couldn't on them. So I began to wonder about it. They said we were able to control what we called a "dream" by physical manipulation of the environment. Since there were no laws of physics, I could fly, but it was me flying, it was the environment bending to what I wanted. Objects can appear, because the environment put them there, not us. That is why we have to turn around think of something, then turn back around and it is there. Then shortly after all of these thoughts I woke up, but with brand new ideas of what the meaning of our dreams, and why we have them.

Date:10-27-10
Time: 2:30 pm.

This isn't a dream post in the regular sense, this is more of food for thought. Different (not new) ideas about dreaming. I mention God, and soul, but there isn't a specific religion, and this isn't me preaching. I don't mean to offend anyone, or take anyone's enjoyment out of Lucid dreaming, if you don't agree, that is perfectly fine, but this post is more for the thinkers on the sight. Also I don't take on sides of Astral Projecting/OBEing/Lucid dreaming. Instead I think of them more of experiences than any kind of category. I will post a link to a new thread, so please do not comment here. Comment on the actual post. Thanks, and enjoy!

What if lucid dreaming was more than dreaming while being conscious What if it was a gateway to another world(Not the astral realm, but the after life!)? Think about it, all of the dream characters some of them you have never seen before, what if they were actual beings? Sure some of them are just dream characters representing you, but what if there were others that weren't? Today I took an hour long nap, a successful WILD! After several failed attempts at realizing false awakenings, I finally started to think. I ended getting out of my bed at my place of work. From there the rest were lucid dreams. This isn't going to be a post about my specific lucid dreams (coming shortly), they are about my ideas that I ended up with during the dream.

Getting started: I want to make a few notes about what I have discovered in the dream world today. First dream charactersare representations of yourself. What ever your thinking, that DC will be saying. I noticed several times when I was thinking or talking to myself, a nearby dream character was repeating it. At first I didn't think anything of it, since it always happened, but now I paid attention to what I was thinking, and who was talking. The exact same thing was being thought, and said. Now this idea goes further with, whatever your doing (just not controlling the dream world by manipulation, instead just letting it happen) will be done to you. I noticed a DC eating something, but for some odd reason my mouth felt like it was full of food and I couldn't do anything. I didn't put two and two together until today as I have had that happen several times. Other properties about yourself can be manipulated by a DC along with the DC can manipulate yourself. You almost trick yourself out when in a dreamworld. Once I understood this, then I could control anything I wanted. I could fly at will (no arm flailing), summon tornadoes, breathe underwater, run super fast, read minds (my own haha), shoot energy blasts, and tons of others when the other night all I could do was explore. Flying was the best one I got the hang of it, no more butterflies, just the excitement to be able to fly! I used to walk my dog at night, and looked up into the sky and said I wish cool nights like this were in my dreams, and that I could fly! Today it happened! More to what I accomplished in the actual dream journal entry!

Have you ever heard a radio in your dreams? For me I never noticed until now, but there were always some kind of background noise somewhere. Once I started listening to it I found the source. It sounded like rapid clips of commercials, shows, and songs put together, and having it play super fast. Kind of sounds like channel surfing. You have the white noise, and occasionally you'll come across a channel that works and hear it for a second until you switch it. Now imagine there are hidden messages within it. It seems like your being is being contacted (no pun intended) by another being through this. I listened closely at it.

First I thought it was just everything I heard today being played at a super fast rate, that my subconscious was playing it out. Then I thought it was all of my thoughts playing at a super alarming rate, since my dream is within my head, people can speak as fast as they think! There are no physical limits. Then I heard the word God a couple of times and sat down next to it and listened. It brought up all of my concerns about dieing. It even said I had till Halloween night, or right around it until I was going to die. Then an announcer came on the speaker phone of were I was at and asked if there was some body named something was there, I couldn't remember the name. And the radio laughed and said never mind. They said that i was afraid of being just short of making it into purgatory and that I was afraid I would end up in hell. That was correct, that is what I am afraid of, not death itself. They said something about cleaning up my act, and that I would make it to heaven eventually, I just have to make peace with God. Then I tried asking a question but the radio shut off. It turned back on after a couple of minutes and said that what I was experiencing was part of the afterlife. Since we have a soul we are able to just barely connect with other souls. But there are still dream characters that were just made up by my mind.

Then I met two people who escorted me around my dream, I asked questions about this afterlife thought, and said it was true. I just thought back to when somebody on here said dream characters tend to try and trick you into believing your not dreaming. So I denied it for a couple of seconds until I thought of something. I asked well aren't you two apart of my dream, so I can control you, and I attempted to control them and their actions, but I couldn't. I could do it on everything else, but couldn't on them.

So I began to wonder about it. They said we were able to control what we called a "dream" by physical manipulation of the environment. Since there were no laws of physics, I could fly, but it was not me flying, it was the environment bending to what I wanted. Objects can appear, because the environment put them there, not us. That is why we have to turn around think of something, then turn back around and it is there. Then shortly after all of these thoughts I woke up, but with brand new ideas of what the meaning of our dreams, and why we have them.

i was playing d line against a team of realy small kids and i shot in as fast as i culd and almost made the tackle on the quarter back but he juke out of the ay nd i only got an arm on him. next i was running around a gym naked looking for a shower but there was like a thousdand showers to choose from nd i culdnt find the right one untill i made it to a room where i thought there was towels so i went in and saw these girls layen on the couch near the towels. I saw that the towels had turned into light bulbs i showed one of the girls this and she asked if iused condoms i said yeaa nd they said i culd stay. one girl stayed on the couch wit me ad the other sat acros from uss with her friends. I started feelin on her pussy nd then she stopped me i was confused but it was like 5 45 in the dream nd i was like fuck it lets sleep , itexted my friend ryan nd said bring me condoms but he nevered showed up.. i woke up in the dream nd the girl led me to my parents, we left nd i was mad cuz i didnt get laid....nigas be presssed fa pussy

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

10.28.2010

Escape Underground (Non-lucid)

My sister says something about my sleeping habits.

- I think around this time, there's a view of my dark room.

Mad, I run away and into a dark underground place. I think mom yells after me, maybe I'm even chased after.

- Me and my sister find a store there. I see a baby shirt, one with a Dragon Ball Z design on it. I find a bigger one, though still a bit too small. Me and her find similar shirts (different colors) and we hold them side by side, but I don't think she would agree that they were the same.

- I've picked up this big glass design and am trying to align the bottom part with the stand it was on. I'm being careful, but I still end up dropping it. It's so fragile that it shatters. The person who was watching me heads towards me.

- I see a security guard by the door has been knocked out. He was trying to help me? He has glass on him, I notice as I head over and pick him up from under the arms to take with me. I enter a new underground place. It's dark, and I don't know my way, but then suddenly I do - a voice in my head? There's a way you can go around and miss anyone coming in. I circle around the people who are after me.

- Earlier: In the store, a boy was sitting at a table playing this game. As he played, he explained to me that you knock down mini trees using a stick(?) by finding their weak spots, which were brown patches. At first he didn't do very well, but got better as he went along. His dad, sitting across from him, nodded. The boy joked about something - his dad knocking big trees over with an axe or something.

- Earlier in store: I was worried about money - I only had a few dollars. I offered to get my sister's money when I got mine, but she refused. We weren't getting along in this dream.

- Jump: At this airport-like place I'm ready to get away, but I pass my sister who's coming up the stairs. She's wearing a purple shirt. I look away to the side as we pass. The scene repeats and we're both putting up our hair as we pass (me to try and change my looks; my hair was down and I was going to braid it).

She sees me, asks "Think you can get away?". I immediately leap into action by jumping off the platform onto the one below. About here is where I feel deja vu for this place (I think I know which dream it came from). I leap onto the next platform below. This scene reminds me of the scene on the Narada in Star Trek 2009 where Kirk jumps platforms; I did rewatch the movie that night. Also had a Star Trek dream before this one.

I'm worried about getting away, because now that she's seen me, she must have sent someone after me.

I don't know if it's me going to bed earlier or what, but my recall has been uber high. Still want to get it a little better - I don't want just long and many dreams, I want to remember more details.

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

10.27.2010

Two Sides (Non-lucid)

Anime-style. There's a girl who has two sides. In teal-haired mode she can summon her minions. A boy (brown hair) is friends with the light pink-haired side of her.

The teal half wants the boy's soul or something and sends her minions after him. At one point he's hiding in a closet clutching the door shut as hard as possible.

- At one point he(?) is in a dark place like a chamber, blindly searching for pink girl. His hand touched a little lock on a grate on the floor.

Mmm, Donuts (Non-lucid)

I was in class. I stacked some books on my desk and put them under the chair. They were heavy and it hurt my hands, but I made sure not to show anything. An angel walked around the room and stopped at me. She came up close, clutched my fists in hers and said a special message to me - general uplifting things, and she healed my hands. It did seem to make the pain almost disappear.

Dad was at the front of the class ahead of me (I think I was on the second row to the right, three or four desks down). I believe some kids were talking about roleplaying games, and dad started talking about Nascar and the gestures to indicate driving. I followed him out of the room and glomped him. I told about him about the angel.

He ended up dragging me to the doctor's office in the school(?). We were sitting on a window-seat type area, me kind of hidden behind him. The doctor came in and dad made a joke about me, something about being dead that was supposed to mean that I was invisible. He asked if it was okay for me to be there. The doctor asked him to strip down, and he did, down to his gray boxers which he owns in real life.

Suddenly there's a kitchen area in front of us and people are making donuts in a big deep friar. She sees me eying them and gives me a tiny piece, saying that she 'can share her donuts'. As she gives me a bigger piece, dad leans over to the side and snags his own. The donuts are like glazed ones, but with chocolate on top.

- Jacob was sitting beside me in class.
- My hands began hurting again soon.
- When Dad was talking about Nascar, I turned to Jacob and said 'that's my dad', but he didn't seem impressed.

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, [Commentary made while awake]

I woke up just before 5:00 A.M. last night and was disappointed that I'd slept through most of the night, couldn't remember any dreams, and wasn't going to have time for another full sleep cycle before the rest of the house started getting up at 5:30. I decided to try to go back to sleep anyway, focusing once again on MILD affirmations and visualizations. It worked.

At some point between 5:00 and 6:40 [when I woke up for real], I have a false awakening where I'm in my current room and my bed is parallel to the closet doors [not perpendicular to them, as it is in reality]. I'm lying on the floor between the bed and the closet, all tangled up in my blankets. [I'm not sure when this happened relative to my other dreams, so I'm just sticking it here at the beginning.]

I'm looking at the results of a Google Image Search for something involving the terms “japan” and [I think] “front.” Almost all the photos that are coming up are of cherry blossoms, but one of them is of autumn leaves. I say something along the lines of, “There are about ten hundred billion pictures of cherry blossoms, but almost no pictures of the leaves.”

The next thing I know, I'm lying on my back in a wide expanse of grass. Several big, flat leaves in bright red, yellow, and green gently float down onto me from the nearest tree. The sky is blue and the weather is sunny, clear, and calm. There are trees spread out all over this grassy area, all with leaves that are turning autumn colors. Somewhere in here, I recognize that I'm dreaming, but there's no specific moment that triggers this realization. Saito is there with me, and I want to show him a seed pod from a magnolia tree. So, one comes rolling down the hill toward me, and I catch it. It's bigger than it would be in real life, and I say so when I show it to him. He says to me, “It's your mind.” Indeed; by now I'm not only aware that I'm dreaming, but I've caught on to the fact that this is my mind's rendering of what autumn is. I look around for an acorn, but find none. I say, “Of course there aren't any acorns – all my trees are are liquid-ambers.” [That's because that's what most of the trees in the neighborhood where I grew up were.]

This big, tall, flying guy in a blue costume with matching blue makeup, who looks like he came straight from a Cirque du Soleil production, comes and lifts me up in his arms and flies away with me. As I'm being lifted off the ground, the thought of hot-air balloons crosses my mind, and [for some inexplicable reason], I ask myself, “Which city in Canada is the balloon city?” The blue flying guy flies us through a series of very large, rectangular rooms with movie projection screens on all the walls and the ceiling. At first, the screens are showing immersive views of natural vistas in Canada, accompanied by some appropriately dramatic and inspiring music that I don't recognize. I'm not afraid, because I recognize that the movie screens and the guy flying me through them are all part of the Disney theme park attraction I'm now on. The attraction is kind of like Soarin' meets the CircleVision movie at Canada's pavilion in Epcot. The film footage is filmed in a style very much like that of Soarin'; it's obviously intended to make it look like you're flying, except that the shots are designed for the big rectangular screens. The film in the last room of the attraction shows the transition over the border into the U.S., and flies us over Mt. Rushmore and then under a waterfall projected on the back wall. We go under the waterfall by going through an opening in the wall.

Once I'm through the opening, I'm standing on the ground, and the blue flying guy is gone. I recognize the place where I'm standing as the interior of the Snow White's Scary Adventures attraction from Disneyland. There are no ride vehicles anywhere to be seen, though. The Evil Queen is just a little way in front of me. I approach her, and she turns around and says something scary [just like on the real ride]. I scream really loudly and high-pitched. For a few moments, terror completely overtakes all my awareness. While screaming, I think, Wake me up! Wake me up! hoping that the dream will end. [Remarkably,] It doesn't this time. I finish screaming, and observe that the dream hasn't ended, I'm still standing there, and the Evil Queen is also still standing there, turned to face the path where the ride vehicles should be, but is now motionless and silent, as she has finished saying her prerecorded phrase. So I start punching her in the face. I do this repeatedly, but I don't feel anything. While I'm beating her up, I shout at her: “You're an AAT*! I carry more complicated devices than you around on my back every day!” Which is true; she may be computer-controlled, but my laptop is much higher-tech. No longer afraid of her, I walk along the path and into the next scene of the attraction, where there is another AAT figure of the Evil Queen [this is the case in reality, too, but the track layout there is completely different]. This one turns around and starts to shriek something at me to try and scare me, but her words stop and peter out halfway through, because she can see that I'm not afraid of her. I continue walking through the scene. [*My personal shortening of “Audio-Animatronic™,” the robotic technology used to create characters in many attractions at Disney theme parks. I think I shouted more things than this, but this is all I remember shouting now.]

The next thing I know, I'm outside again, but surrounded by buildings this time. I decide to rub my hands together, only to discover that they're really hot. I realize that that's because my real hands are really hot under my blankets. That's the last thing I remember from that dream, but it seemed to take me a little longer to wake up fully. When I did, my face broke into a smile and then a laugh when I remembered the encounter with the Evil Queen. In reality, I had been pretty scared of those moments on that ride when I was a kid, and I still dislike them now. I'm really, really proud of this dream. I think facing something/someone you've been afraid of for a long time and standing up to it is quite an achievement, and a good, worthwhile use of the ability to lucid dream.

I woke up...Thought about my dream for a little while. Had to get up to get ready for school. I came back in to type up my dream journal and the dream was gone. This keeps happening. Hopefully I'll remember by the end of the day like I did yesterday. Also, I don't know why but for the first time in a long time I tossed and turned... No more trying to get Lucid on school nights >.< It makes me to damn tired.

Changed my colors. Also, only one page left in my dream journal! Then I move onto a new one. This one is starting to look beat up anyway, from being in my bed. Plus the cats trampling all over it. I've had it since June 2008. I hope that the next one will go faster - because it has longer entries in it, not just a bunch of fragments!

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

10.25.2010

Darkness (Non-lucid)

I think it was completely dark. A creature made of dark substance was attacking me over and over again, and it couldn't be killed.

Bugs? (Non-lucid)

Star Trek like world. A guy wearing a Trek uniform took out something from it that was covered with black dots. He looked to the doorway were a woman was standing, giving her a questioning look as he held it up.

A Book Lover's Habit (Non-lucid)

We either went to a bookshop or walked through one. As we were leaving, I got distracted by looking at book titles and then the two people in the room. I said something to them and started to leave, and again, and the last time I started to leave I really got distracted. I think we talked about a previous transaction I had with them, and then we talked about these two forms, green and red, and something about one or both of them being my consultant.

I started to fill out the green form hurriedly, and my writing was messy. I accidentally signed my name (looking really bold, like I'd embellished it) in Japanese, as ケイトリン, and the woman pointed it out to me. I said it was an accident and wrote my real first name under it.

She said it was okay, and then started talking in Spanish about how someone she knew said some phrase sometimes. She repeated the phrase twice, and it was short. Might have had 'que' in it.

I knew mom was going to be mad, because she was outside in the car waiting. I took the red form with me to fill out later.

I got in the car and yep, mom was mad. I'm pretty sure there was someone else in there too. I was apologizing, and as I gestured, a half-eaten green sucker I had in my hand flew off the stick and landed somewhere in her direction. That actually eased the tension and we laughed a bit.

- Earlier: 'Bike', paint, my sister

- Might have taken place in this dream: masturbation in my mom's bathroom.

Fragments (Non-lucid)

~ My sister told me that she liked 'BL/yaoi'. She explained that gay relationships were more complex and interesting than the relationships you normally see in shows (which is actually my reason). I believe this took place in her living room, and her boyfriend was in the room.

- Mom, mad, my friend, pix?

~ I believe I(?) was in this room full of people. There was this game where you have to kiss someone or you're killed. Me and a boy shared a (bad) kiss. Then we had sex. Most explicit sex dream I've had in a while, and I think most detailed.

Bladder Desperation (Non-lucid)

Deja vu dream, as if I'd gone through the ordeals in it before.

Takes place in a school-like place.

I have to use the bathroom, but every one I come to has too many people around, and it's mixed. At one point I start to go in one but a guy comes in!

I pass a food court and a girl calls out to me, saying something like 'you're sitting with us, right?'. I look and the people at the table don't particularly seem familiar. I get the feeling she doesn't want someone else to take the seat. I pass on.

I see a girl, possibly with short dirty-blonde hair (I think she works there) and ask her if she knows of a private bathroom I could use. She takes me with her and we go to the staff area, where the counter is. We squeeze past them (I think the manager guy is there) as the girl explains that I really have to go. The guy and a few others tease me, saying something about bladder desperation and how it can be hot.

- Somewhere around here, I look at my finger and it has salt on it. I lick it off, and the guy says I should eat it with ice cream (I think this was inspired by me wanting to try french fries with ice cream in real life).

He (and a few others?) end up coming along with us, leading me through some very weird obstacles, one being having to wait for just the right moment for these yellow bed foam pads to swing away before you dived onto this other slippery, squeezing material and dug your way through. It was extremely hard and I didn't think I was ever going to claw my way out.

When we finally get there, it's a small space with netted areas off to the side. People are sitting at a table on one side, and on the other there's a guy playing with a kid on some more foam I believe.

I'm pretty worried, because the whole reason I couldn't go before is because I have a shy bladder, but there's people here too, and in a closed space.

I think they realize I can't go there when they see the people. One guy suggests that there's a place outside I could go - think he had before. I think I considered that I'd need toilet paper then.

- Earlier?: I'm singing on a show (with Lizzie McGuire?). We're sitting in a classroom.
- There was a girl sitting beside me and I mistook her for someone I knew who looked just like her, only she had one eye (I watched a Futurama episode night about Leela). I believe it's the two-eyed girl who tells me I sing well, even though I thought I wasn't singing my best because we weren't actual recording. We sung more than once.

Note: The whole reason for this dream was because I went to bed having to go, and every time I woke up after that I ignored it. Just before this dream my bladder was definitely started to get annoyed with me, but once more I ignored it. It was actually really interesting to see the dream that resulted from it.

All I remember is all my friends were dressed up like clowns, and I was the ringmaster in the center of the stage, shouting orders and holding a whip.

Also, my goal for tonight was to attempt to have a conversation while dreaming. While I was reading some guides that Queen Zukin was nice enough to send me, I realized that conversations are important in dreams, and I've had yet to have a full fledged conversation that I can remember. So my goal for the night was to attempt to say at least 3 lines, and I think I did it. I remember waking up going "YEAH! I HAD A CONVERSATON!" But I forgot to write the conversation down, so I forgot it

Awake, Non-lucid, Lucid, Half-awake, half-dream state, [Commentary made while awake]

While out of the house somewhere, I put on a navy-blue, stretchy headband [that I have in real life], and make some kind of wish. This causes me to suddenly have long hair again [I cut my real hair short at the beginning of this month]. My hair is down to my shoulder blades, which is still a little shorter than it was when I cut it, and seems thinner and wavier than it used to be when it was long. I don't want my mom to see me with my hair long again, because if she did, I would have to explain to her about the magical headband. So, when I return home, I do my best to avoid letting her see me.

I consider re-cutting my hair myself, but decide I don't want to, because it wouldn't come out very neat. I decide instead to go back and find the stretchy headband and make another wish to reverse the effects of the first one. I ask my mom if I can use the car to run an errand. She asks what it is, and I answer that I'm going to a vacant lot to look for something I lost. This is true, but it's not the whole truth.

I get into the brown car, and someone is in the front passenger seat. [My dad, I think.] I say to him, “Watch the street signs. I don't even know my own neighborhood in these dreams.” And they'll probably change, I think. I back the car out of the garage, turn it to my left, and continue backing in that direction all the way down to the corner, where the street turns 90 degrees. [In this dream, this corner is now a 90-degree turn like it is in reality, not a four-way intersection like it was in the first dream described in my dream journal entry dated 10/08/10.] Sure enough, as we drive down the street backwards and then back up the street going forward, each street sign says something different the second time we pass it than it did the first time we passed it. The street signs are all blue with white letters [not green with white letters, as they are in reality]. Eventually, I find the street I'm looking for and turn left onto it.

The next scene seems to take place in a fast-food restaurant. I find the headband I was looking for and restore my short haircut. [For this part of the dream, I was in “video-game-controller” mode again, as I described in my dream journal entry dated 10/21/10. I was kind of removed from the action and aware that it was all going on in my mind/imagination, and at the same time, I was fully aware of my real body.]

Woke up at 1:36 A.M., took some notes on my dream, went back to bed.

My parents and I are attending a wedding at the estate of some really rich people. The estate has a little re-creation of a neighborhood from old-timey New York, and the little church in that neighborhood is being used for the ceremony. In one room, an old man, the father or grandfather of the groom, I think, is lying on a hospital bed, all dressed up for the ceremony and being included in the festivities. After the ceremony, they make everyone attending the wedding pose for a group picture. My dad wants to put some sand in containers to use it to stabilize some photography equipment, so he gets out a bunch of sand toys, and I help him shovel sand into buckets. The people who own the estate are originally from Thailand, and they've recreated the beaches of Thailand on their estate. The sand we're shoveling is filled with beautiful blue-and-white seashells, colorful stones and jewels, and gold dust.

Woke up at 3:36 A.M., took some notes, went back to bed.

I'm at my old high school, walking across campus, looking for the classroom of one of my old teachers. I get to the western edge of campus, where the furthest-out portable classrooms used to be, and discover that there's a sort of ravine there, with concrete stairs leading down the near side and up the far side. On the far side of the ravine stand the furthest-out portables. I'm not really surprised that so much has changed in the years since I've been away.

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An aside:

When I cut my hair short in reality, it was after many years of having long hair. I've been wondering for a while whether or not my dream self (if I may steal some jargon from the Matrix universe, my residual self-image) would still have long hair. Not surprisingly, thinking about this over a period of time caused me to dream about it. I find it interesting, and reassuring, that after only three weeks of having short hair in reality, even my dream self apparently feels that that's the norm, and that having long hair feels wrong.

Also, I'm pleased with the increasing frequency of my lucid dreams, but disappointed with my lack of control. I keep realizing that I'm dreaming and either not trying to do or change anything at all, or trying and failing. I will continue trying to improve.