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    1. 7/23/20

      by , 07-24-2020 at 03:49 AM

      Rooftop Water


      I am on a rooftop. There is a depression in the roof, that can be lined with a tarp and then filled with water. I think about doing this, because I think it would be nice to wade/swim. But it is getting dark fast and I don’t really want to be swimming when it gets dark.

      Con Man in Coffin

      Trying to remember the proper order of events here…

      There is a guy in a bar. He is playing some kind of a game with the person behind the bar. I think it’s some kind of gambling game. I think he also cheats. Then someone comes to arrest him, but he escapes. The guy (who might be me by this point, I’m not sure) looks for a place to hide. He goes to the back of the building he is in, which appears to be a cabinet making shop or something. He looks for something to hide in, and chooses a long, coffin-like box…

      …Later, someone buys the box, with the man still inside. He then remains hidden while this family takes it home and places it in their house. I don’t quite know what it is they are supposed to be doing with this coffin, but I/he is waiting for a chance to climb out. At one point, he can see that there is a fire starting downstairs. The family puts it out, but somewhere around here the guy starts praying for Jesus to help him…

      …The man escapes. I/he tries to find a way out, going into an outer room of the building and then outside. The family is not watching, so he runs behind a garage, into a garden area, and eventually makes his way to freedom…

      …I think that later, there is someone tying a ribbon around the former con man’s neck, as though to reward him for no longer being a con artist…

      Assisting the Clock/Piano Repairman

      I have to help someone do some work. In order to do so, I need a measuring stick of the proper length. I look at a couple, and choose one that I think will work. It feels as though I am under pressure to “prove” myself or something.

      The repair guy shows up. He is maybe 60-ish, and seems more friendly than I might have expected. He has the air of an eccentric professor. We get to work on a clock, which I need to steady while he does something with it. Then we are working on a piano, and he starts playing music with one hand. He is very impressive in his musical abilities, and a small crowd of people gather. Since he seems to be taking some time to play music, I sit down to watch…

      Water Adventures

      I have a little boat. A very little boat. It is kind of like a box, really, maybe 2 feet long and 1.5 feet wide. I also have a little paddle to go with this box. I think I am with my family on some water. We go boating away somewhere…

      …Tying up the boat… untying… I jump over something in my boat and land in another section of water (?)… My dad and brother follow me… My brother tries to dive under some obstruction, but gets stuck partway under. I rescue him. My dad dives into the water elsewhere, and says that it is very cold. Apparently the water is very cold in some places…

      …(Same dream? Before or after, I’m not sure) we are on what I think is an island. It seems that there are some antagonists taking over, and they make it to some land that is close to where we are. There are only a couple of us, and there are a bunch of them. But, we remember something we watched on a movie or TV show one time, and make explosives with dried grass. This seems to work well, and I think we defeat the bad guys…

      Fragment (was I lucid? I don’t remember!)

      I am walking through the library of my former college. I see a former classmate from a different college sitting there, but I don’t say hi to him. I keep on walking, and see that the library is full of stuff other than books. This seems odd, and I think I should do a reality check. I do a nose pinch, but I don’t remember what happens after that!
      Categories
      Uncategorized
    2. Dream Journal Paradigm 2020, i, fire and more

      by , 06-01-2020 at 09:39 AM
      Afternoon of May 24, 2020. Sunday.

      Reading time (optimized): 4 min.



      Fire, lightning, electricity, wiring, circuits, lasers, candles, lightbulbs, flashlights, headlights, sunbeams, and the sun are fundamental characteristic features of the cortical arousal of the waking process and represent the increase of neuronal energy and the emergence of consciousness for anyone who legitimately understands the dream state.

      Although the same transitions occur every sleep cycle, they stabilize with uniqueness in vivid liminal sleep-wake management. Here, I will include the modulatory factor in the upper case, a description of the relevant dream content, and the ultradian implication (with virtual or literal melatonin or serotonin mediation). My goal is to find correlations I had not previously noticed (to develop more clarity of mind, though, as there are more than 20,000 examples of this form of dream state management, it is not feasible to include more variables at this time. I may study them in pairs of variables at a later date, though I have found all major statistical curves and causal factors for most dream content over 50 years.)

      Before I describe the many unique and intriguing versions of this process, I will begin with including my lifelong activity of pulling myself out of undefined liminal space (that has no imagery and seems integrated with enigmatic space) by summoning an unseen candle, perceiving my emerging consciousness as a candle flame. When this happens as a result of sleep apnea (though which is rare), and no vestibular-cerebral handshake (viable body-mind agreement), it is the only type of dreaming experience where I feel genuine fear. Variations of it are rare. One variation occurred in December of 1969. In addition to sustaining my consciousness as the essence of a candle flame, I also absentmindedly summoned an unseen dragon that roared and breathed fire. (Undefined liminal space never contains imagery. Also, the duality as a result of being between dreaming space and waking space is far less in this state. That is likely what causes a sense of dread.)

      19690519. FIRE. Toby and I rescue Brenda from her burning house, though it is erroneously on the school grounds. Dark, before dawn. (Includes audio near the waking point: “You boys are wonderful!”)

      19710209. LIGHTNING. Frankenstein’s monster is the driver of a taxi I get into (though I do not notice until I am sitting in it in the back seat, left side). I see lightning flashing only inside the school in the early morning on a clear day. There is a sense of amusement rather than a threat. As a school is associated with learning, the lightning represents potential wakefulness and is analogous to the monster rising from his bed. The taxi is analogous with my physical body, of which I do not yet have control, as I am asleep in reality. Otherwise, summoning vehicles as I often do, is more about increasing my imaginary physicality to enhance and sustain the dream state.

      19710516. LIGHTNING and FIRE. A bolt of lightning comes down and strikes a church belfry in the distance, setting it afire, while I am on the otherwise empty school grounds with my mother. Dark, before dawn. (Includes audio: I say, "It’s not my fault” to my mother.) It is essentially a visual and visually exaggerated version of the candle-lighting process.

      19740127. SPARKS and FIRE. I am at my middle school with my GI Joe jeep, though it is erroneously a remote control toy (confused with my remote control orange Volkswagon). Low lighting in the cafeteria. At first, I seem to be operating it, but the narrative changes. Sparks and fire begin near the gas pedal when it stops, but it does not spread. A moving vehicle (analogous to the body) typically represents the anticipation of a vestibular-cerebral handshake, and I often summon vehicles in all modes of dreaming. The fire near the gas pedal anticipates atonia to myoclonus, which is often a spontaneous leg kick with waking.

      19791106. FIRE. In a parking lot (management of liminality during an absent vestibular-cerebral handshake), I see a car erupt into flames as its unknown owner enters it (though I feel no emotion or sense of dread). Curiously, as a result, the car reveals what looks like an oversized human ribcage that had been its top and sides. Nighttime, low light. It is a direct validation that a vehicle is analogous to the human body.

      19820905. ANTHROPOMORPHIC LIGHTNING (ELECTRICITY). Early morning setting. An imp, about a foot tall, lives inside the kitchen cabinet under the sink. He seems to be made of electricity, though he maintains a sketchy human form and monitors the plumbing (seemingly with the pipe missing). Although he seems mischievous, I do not feel threatened. Later, I see Earl in the back of a car in a parking lot (liminal space management). He is instead the disabled man from a real advertisement in which he had said, “I’m a little tired. I’m alright though,” when rising from the water in an Olympic-size pool. It ties in with how the “electric imp” was a simulacrum of melatonin mediation. (The clue is the statement “I’m a little tired,” though unspoken in the dream, meaning I am sleeping, as water signifies the dream state’s dynamics.)

      19901209 FIRE. I see the front-left heating element on the stove catch fire for no discernible reason in the otherwise dark Loomis Street kitchen. I feel no sense of threat. (Audio: An unknown girl exclaims “Fire!”) This variation of the candle flame summoning has an association with the area underneath the stove element as a virtual portal deeper into dream space.

      20160222. CANDLE FLAME. I summon a giant candle to undo the magic of a male cult leader. (Audio: “…and now a golden candle, taller than me, appears here.”) (My dream was extremely long with a complex narrative.)



      I include these detailed explanatory factors with each relevant series about my fundamental dreaming habits and their inherent dream-based meanings, so I can remove the more extensive redundancies from past entries (on my two main online dream journals), and keep this introductory page as a public reference for future entries.


    3. Loose Wiring

      by , 01-31-2020 at 09:17 AM
      Morning of January 31, 2020. Friday.

      Dream #: 19,401-02. Reading time: 1 min 35 sec.



      My dream self’s focus is on electrical wiring, which is typically co-occurrent with an increase in mental activity (neuronal energy) while sleeping (and sometimes, as here, eventually renders fire). (It is a common sleep-wake mediation process for me, but the rendering and narrative are always different, though in one dream it was more obvious than usual when I “removed my head,” which was a football helmet, and examined and moved the wiring inside it.)

      The setting is unknown (though my dream implies it is our present home). Zsuzsanna is nearby (to my left, modeling our sleeping position). At about neck level, a cluster of gold wiring is hanging from an open part of the wall (so it is a type of wall mediation, that is, navigating emerging liminality, as well as associations with increasing mental activity). Although the wires are loose, I consider that the current is stable as long as they do not get moved either accidentally or with intent.

      Zsuzsanna’s brother Simon approaches and comments on the wiring. I move the cluster slightly and consider the loose wiring (and certain wires touching each other) might cause a short.

      As a result of moving the wires, my dream’s dynamics and narrative changes, with my liminal intent to continue sleeping. The incidental preconscious personification as Simon, who remains passive, also correlates with my sleep-wake mediation. (The preconscious simulacrum only dominates when waking is more of a priority, kind of a no-brainer.)

      My dream changes into typical indoor-outdoor liminal ambiguity. The outcome of this wall mediation results in its virtual division expanding and becoming a beach that defines open liminal space yet is still impossibly implied to be inside our house. (However, potential water reinduction is not clearly defined, as the ocean seems distant.) I now see a very long electrical cord that seems to go all the way to the shore (while the beach sand it is in is still a part of the floor of our house), and minimal fire consumes part of its length as I walk along, mentally extinguishing it to sustain my dream. (Fire also sometimes correlates with the increase in body temperature when closer to waking.) There is no more fire, and I sleep for about another hour.



      Several of my recent dreams have had atypical variations of intentional water reinduction, all with unique results, for example, “Digging Up a Pool” from January 28.


      Categories
      lucid
    4. DILD , Reconnection

      by , 12-19-2019 at 03:08 PM (Nef's dream journal)
      I tried to have a WILD this morning but fell asleep instead, but nevertheless I had a dild upon having a hand rc and realized I'm dreaming, although it was more of a semi lucid state. I knew that I'm dreaming but thats all that I knew, and wasn't really conscious of anything else at this point.
      I was outside infront of my house under a large tree. I started to use the force to move the branches around, I finally succeeded. I regained my connection to the force. I felt this intense vibration in my hands, head and in the air as I stretched my hand out to the large branch of tree , it was something special.
      Then I thought it's time to do something. So I started to go towards the local mall, for some reason that seemed to be a nice place to experiment around.
      On the way out I met with my friend, so we decided to go together there.. First I thought I'd jump on one of the cars to ease our transportation since walking is a bit hectic, especially in a lucid dream.
      the place was vacant, it was winter, snow covered the streets. the sky was almost pink . There was some sorts of barricade of cars there, we started to climb through the debris , then we were ambushed by what I suspected to be a krayt dragon, or some sort of dragon ,it was thin but nevertheless big and caused much panic.
      I reacted quickly I waved hand signs and blew fire onto the dragon, it seemed to have hurt it and it went away...I was like "damn ,even my fire element ability has came back too!"


      After that my lucidity really faded and I lost recall
    5. 18 Nov: Diverse dreams and lucid at a party full of white lotuses

      by , 11-18-2019 at 08:33 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      A Rinpoche I don't know is visiting Portugal. He says the Rinpoches house needs to be emptied fast and they are looking for some place where to store furniture and books. I offer to store the books but say I have no covered place to store the furniture. He argues it just needs to be a cemented floor, no need for cover cause they can use a tarp. But they also don't know how long it will be, so I keep saying no, afraid of the weather changes. Anyway, this Rinpoche hands me one book as an example and I treat it as a precious treasure.

      Attending some VIP award ceremony for which I bought a ticket. I go to the main entrance of the venue, I look fabulous and confident, but the door keepers tell me the entrance is for guests only or nominees. The bought tickets have to enter through a lateral door. There is a mother and daughter who also get denied entrance and I join them in looking for the secondary door. I try to cheer them up by showing enthusiasm and not upset with the setback. I have some big props/ jewels I have to carry in my hands and I am sick of it and considering leaving them behind. They tell me not to do it.

      At an underground bunker in the USSR. An accident with grenades exploding at the entrance reveals our location to some team outside looking for us. They enter through an opening on the back. I resist but all others surrender, so I also give up. They subject us to indoctrination treatment, make us watch videos about the great motherland. I laugh and do not allow the brainwashing. The others decided to play along, figure they will suffer less. I also consider they might put me in sleep deprivation and so on, so I also consider playing along, as it is naive of them to think we can actually believe their bullshit after watching some videos.


      Crossing some station and I become lucid. Drop my backpack, take my shoes and socks, open a door to another dream. There is a garden and a nice party with beautiful dancers like nymphs. There are a lot of white lotuses with purple orbs glowing in the center. Up close the orbs look like a white bubble of a thin membrane with the purple one inside. I put my hand through the external one and pick the purple one, which actually looks like a molecule with several atoms and bridges, also made from the thin membrane. They start to deflate but I make them turn into a sort of purple lotus flower and then I eat it. Tastes like raw cabbage. That was sort of pointless. Look around and think of lying a bit and decide what to do next. Think about my guru but get distracted by Henri, which I haven't seen in years but is now here in a suit and tie. I call him, he doesn't even notice I am there. I wake up cause I am snoring loud.


      With my mom, I think in my home because there is a fireplace burning. I leave her for a moment in the living room and when I come back she threw a lot of absurd things in the fire, like a can where I keep coffee capsules, a wooden box and a bunch of unopened yogurts. I can't save the yogurts because they melted away, but manage to recover the rest before it burns. She has no recollection of having done that. I surely didn't, so then we get really concerned about her mental health.

      I am a boy playing piano on stage at a public recital. Some colleagues trolled me and put something inside the piano so when I reach some notes it sounds really bad. I have to stop and open the piano and find a saxofone inside. I show it to the audience, they show sympathy for me, but my teacher who also despises me, doesn't allow me to sit back and play again and announces the next kid to perform. I am revolted. I try to cope but can't sit in the audience. I sneak out and head for some beautiful deserted place. Seems like we are in an island. I see ocean, a bay, but also a mountain and chose to go there. Just go first to my room pick my bag so I can go there, but I can't find the bag. Outside sitting in a car is Tatiana but she pretends not to see me.
    6. 16 Sep: Museum inauguration, whales and a catastrophe in New York

      by , 09-16-2019 at 09:41 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      Going with friends to a museum. It's some inauguration night. As soon as I arrive there I go look for a toilet and I separate from them. I see a sign indicating toilet on the 2nd floor. Some black kid is also going that direction but he keeps going up the stairs into the next floor, which is pitch dark. Even the area of the toilet entrance is very dark and I can barely see. I don't get to pee because the kid comes running and screaming that he is being chased by three African warriors with spears. I think it's probably actors hired to enact for the event, but when I hear their footsteps and see the shapes of these men, I also get scared and run after the kid. Back to the ground floor where there is light and other people we feel safe and the truth is they stopped chasing us, but the kid is still in absolute panic and holds on to me crying. I ask for his parents but he can't reply, he froze and says nothing. I go around with him on my arms, trying to spot someone looking for him. I think about going to the reception so they announce a lost kid through the speakers, but then spot my friends and my dad. They help look around. I then spot a group of black girls a bit older, but for some reason I feel that they might know him and ask them if they know the kid. They kinda know him and tell me he is with a white lady that runs a charity for orphan kids. They are from another similar group, both came together to this event. They lead me to her and she knows him but seems a bit spaced out, not worried at all about the kid. She wants to show me a scrap book she made all about herself, totally boring. I leave the kid with her, but I bonded with him so much I am thinking about looking how to adopt him.
      Meanwhile my dad finds another toilet where I could go, but there is a puma on the lose on that area, according to him. I don't see a puma but I see 3 or 4 lionesses running down the corridor and I jump on a balcony to escape them. They were not after me. They seem domesticated and I see them interacting with visitors and not even attacking their dogs, but I still prefer to keep my distance. So I go outside with my friends and there is an aquarium like the Sea World, with a series of tanks with whales. The whales are somewhat entertained playing a new game with balls with their trainer, but the tank is ridiculously small for so many whales. It has a canal that possibly connects to other tanks so we follow to see if they have better conditions on the next tank just to find a dying whale in a very shallow water area. We look around for help, but nobody is there, so we shout at people at a distance that a whale is dying. My dad mocks me because I say in English that the whale is thirsty, instead of saying she has no water. Anyway, the tank is emptying because something cracked it and the water got out. Soon after we hear a big explosion and behind us there is this iconic Wall Street tall building with with columns. A cloud of dust and smoke explodes to outside and debris are being projected in our direction. I say sorry to the whale that we can't save her and suggest we take the emptied canal as a shortcut to run away from the explosion. It is a good idea until we hear what seems the other tank uphill cracking and putting us in danger of being washed away. We run faster and get out of it. We reach some streets where everyone in panic dropped everything. I see a bunch of jewelry on the ground and pick it up. But then I realize it slows me down and say to myself that this greed will kill me. I still don't toss it out. I evaluate my safety, realize I am out of harms way and keep the jewels. Then we reach Central Park and it is all burned down to the ground and covered in ashes.

      Updated 10-09-2019 at 10:21 PM by 34880

      Categories
      non-lucid
    7. 22 Aug: My guru throws me a grenade and fire in a festival in Brazil

      by , 08-22-2019 at 10:12 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      I pass through a small secondhand fair. One lady is annoyingly wanting me to buy a book collection from her. I get away and enter a war game simulation area. But it turns real pretty quickly, as soon as I realize the bullets shot are real ammunition. I pick a gun from a guy on the ground, presumably dead and I go upstream along a river. End up in a garden with people dancing. No war here. But I was followed by a guy that threatens everybody with a grenade. He arms it and throws it at me. I try that trick from the movies, of kicking it away. But then Rinpoche comes out of nowhere once again, catches it and after throwing me a defying look, throws it back at me. I feel like "Whaaaat?" and panic a little bit. But almost immediately realize, with my absolute trust in my guru, that this grenade represents no danger and that I can do whatever with it. So I hold it in my hands and try to turn it into a lotus flower. Unfortunately all I succeed in doing is turning it into sort of a flower made of rags. I feel disappointed, but then Rinpoche approaches me and turns these rags into a tent and invites me to step inside it with him.

      With my parents having vacations in Brazil. We go to some festival which is in a semi rural and forested area in the outskirts of a little town. Soon after we arrived, we start seeing smoke from distant fires in the forest. We discuss how it might get dark sooner because of it. But we think we're safe. It seems very distant.
      I see banners from locals supporting Bolsonaro and I feel angry. I make a nasty comment and some man hears and he's not happy. I tell him that I love Brazil and its people, but I just can't accept that man they chose for president. Later we're walking through a street with restaurants and I spot some curtains of a place, on fire. Then look around and also see some vegetation on fire. As I raise the alarm, we notice there are fires spreading a bit everywhere, from sparks coming through the air from far away. We decide to grab our things and leave this area before it gets serious. But general panic ensues and to make things worse, as we head to the car in the parking lot at the entrance of the venue, there are landslides and large boulders falling onto the road we're taking and people are getting blocked. For a while I lose my parents in the crowd, but soon after my mom appears. As we find a safe way out, she complains about the things I chose to bring on our backpack and I don't get why she is commenting that until I realize we can't go back to our tent to get most of our stuff that we left behind and I feel awful for that.
    8. Thursday, July 25

      by , 08-03-2019 at 06:04 PM
      I am camping at Frenchmans with Melissa and I think one other. We are sitting around the fire pit, and there’s quite a bit of stuff set up around it, like we’re here for a while or just well prepared. I’m not sure if there’s a fire going or not. It seems to be dusk or nearing dark. I think I’m going to start the fire now. I put down some paper materials for starters, but then I can’t find any wood. I bring it up to Melissa, and she has a brief look of realization. She says she forgot to bring it. I’m not sure what to do, then Melissa says she saw some in the trailer. That does sound right, so I go to check. The trailer feels more like a big car, but still partially like a trailer. I climb in and onto what seems to be the back seats. It seems more like a bed, a bed that could fit about two. It seems kinda comfy, and I think about sleeping with Melissa in here instead. I find the firewood and it is all on top of two folded down seats, shaped almost like it is serving as the seats instead. I wonder if I should really be taking any if it is serving a purpose here. I think that most likely Opa placed it like this. I end up pulling a few pieces out, most smaller but one longer. The wood is darker in color, thin, and not very heavy.




      I am at work, going back on video to look for something, when I inadvertently see two guys arbitrarily grabbing Levis like they’re going to do a grab and run. I notice that one is wearing a backpack. Now I am out on the floor and right by them. I think just my walking by is enough to get them to drop the merchandise. They go over by men’s shoes and I think out an emergency exit door that’s open. Another man is standing by the door, sort of like a look out. He is wearing a white rabbit mask. It looks like a plain and rudimentary mask with just a strap on the backside, yet the effect is somewhat unnerving and intimidating. I don’t exactly want to go over there. I call Scott over the radio to see if he’s seeing this. From the way he says no, I assume he was not watching all along. I assume he’s pulling it up on camera now.
    9. 2 Jul: Assassin at pool, Björk show at a resort and grandpa is a slave owner in Brazil

      by , 07-02-2019 at 12:55 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      I witness an assassination at a public swimming pool. Assassin and victim are fully dressed but deep down under water. I get out and get to a friend and we both try to disappear without being noticed, but the killer sees me. The world is at a turmoil. Endless lines and traffic jams with restless people trying to get access to basic goods. We are lucky to be able to go over all of them. Once we get home I ask my friend that we barricade the door and as soon as we start closing it, a bunch of people appears asking for help, creating a lot of tension. We finish barricading but there is some other door in the back, and I am not sure nobody got in.

      Near Á-dos-Loucos at some clinic. I look through the window and I see smoke in the bushes behind. Go check. A couple car accidents started a fire. The drivers are running away, they say it is to call firefighters, but they don't come back and firefighters neither. The locals start gathering and fix it by themselves.

      At some type of vacation resort. Stephen Colbert is there. I walk down to the beach following him and some other dude. They have some beef and are trying to settle it by fighting. Colbert loses one finger in his hand. But he keeps on joking about it, doesn't seem so worried or in pain.

      Then back on my bedroom at this resort, fighting with my balcony doors. The balcony has no railings and I have to dangle dangerously to reach the doors to close them. At dome distance I see a stage where it seems are speakers giving seminars. But then I start hearing Björk singing. I see her coming on the stage and I go there to see the show. But she is on playback and I feel disappointed. She doesn't seem happy with it either and she is signalling the organizers that they shut down the playback and let her sing. They just bring another mic but the playback keeps on going and she stops pretending, exposing it.

      Brazil in colonial times. My grandpa owns a gigantic mansion in the outskirts of the jungle. I am friends with simpler people, maybe his slaves. A lady who cares for me offers me a lively wind chime made from a special kind of straw. I hang it on a tree and swear I will take it home later.
      A bad man appears from behind the trees, wants to hit me or abuse me. Things gets blurry, I guess he hit me. But I still pick a rock to bash his head. I feel horrified with the idea of taking a life so I try not to. Despite that, the man falls dead and I run away to the river to cool down. The river has a sudden flash flood and changes course, hitting my grandpa's mansion and dragging it along. It is a 4 story high building with 3 towers but remained intact. Only now it is dangerously located on top of a waterfall and has two streams of water running between the towers. The local population gathers to see if they can do a rescue mission to the people inside. After some struggle we manage to enter by one side of the house. We encounter the residents, my grandpa, guests and helpers, going about their business as usual. They are at the salon about to eat lunch and they offer us food. We argue it is dangerous and we must take them out but my grandpa responds angrily that all is ok and nobody will do such thing.
    10. 4 Jun: Flirting with the devil, Gilmore Girls and fire at my mom's

      by , 06-04-2019 at 09:31 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      Next door is a guy, which I believe to be a demon. He has a crush on me and has been trying to be my friend but I feel creeped out and have been avoiding him. Me and mom we go to his house on his absence, looking for some evidence, but we have to leave on a hurry and we forget a light on. I imagine him arriving and realizing what we did, and coming full force at us, so I decide going back and take a different approach in case he finds me there, which he does. I pretend to actually wanting to bond with him and say sorry for having entered his home uninvited. He is obviously pleased and invites me to stay. Not sure how well he bought it, but I end up spending some time with him, we watch something on tv and he gets uncomfortably close to me. I look at him and realize he is actually very good looking, with black hair and piercing blue eyes. I decide to focus on that and the fact he's been so friendly, but I can see his true nature just below his skin. I try to be compassionate, but at some point I argue that I really must go. I fear his reaction and for some time later at home I fear he will somehow come after me, like an obsessed psycho, but nothing happens.

      Watching the first episode of a new Gilmore Girls season, but so totally different from the original. Luke and Lorelai are divorced and she became a nun. Rory is blond. And the whole story is sad and boring.

      At my mom's and there is a lot of people with us. My dad is sick in her bed, my friend's daugther Leonor is eating lunch that I provided, but I leave her for a moment and when I come back she is eating a can of cat food. I am shocked at first but then ask her if it is any good. She says it's ok, but not very thrilled. I remove it from the table and scold her. Then some stupid guy is burning things with a lighter, since he heard many household products have flame retardants and wants to test it. He burns the tip of a bed duvet and then the mattress itself. I scold him hard and he just feels disapointed that things really don't go up in flames. But the fact is that they slowly burn anyway and the combustion of the mattress is spreading. I ask my mom for a fire extinguisher. She says the only one she has is being fixed. I then ask for buckets and ask everybody to help. By now, the entire mattress is burning inside and generating heat that is starting flames in the surroundings. We remove all covers and drench it in water and cover the outside flames to extinguish them. I just want to punch the stupid guy who did this.
    11. 8 Dec: Android friend, boat party, wildfires and mutant pet

      by , 12-08-2018 at 11:46 AM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening

      I have an android friend, Japanese looking, who I always treat as a human friend. Someday I have somewhere to go and leave her behind without an explanation and she resented me for that, felt treated like an appliance that would be just fine at home alone. She wanted to cut bonds with me. I gave her freedom to act as a human and live her life. Encountered her years later, on a boat, docked on an island, where there's a festival happening.
      She is still angry at me, had been living with guys who used her (I guess as a sex partner) but she had left them one after the other, tired of being constantly treated as an object.
      Very strong wildfires burst in the island leaving everyone in danger.
      In the midst of all these, there is a revelation of documents that finally show how much money Trump got from certain people and lots of people are celebrating his downfall. One lady wants to share the news on a megaphone, when a siren sounds loudly and flames approach the coast. Lots of people come take refuge in ships by the coast and becomes a nightmare to fit so many people in the boats. Chaos ensues and one guys tries to rape me in a dark corner, but I get helped by another guy whom I detest, but on that moment I even feel attracted to him.

      With a bunch of people, many familiar to me, still on a boat, but now things are calmer and on land there is some event with conferences and lectures. A friend of mine comes to tell me that such and such person can't make the lecture he or she was supposed to and they want me to do it instead. I ask about what and she says "Foucault" and I panic, because I know nothing about Foucault. She says they have a powerpoint on a computer and I just need to read it ahead and then follow it. I say no way, but I gotta try and help somehow. So I go running to the conference place, 15 mins ahead to try and read the material and get acquainted with the topic. People are already waiting in the lounge of the auditorium.

      I see an organ (keyboard) and a few chairs by the trash, go get my van to collect it and on returning I see a family emptying their house, so I ask them permission to collect the things they are throwing away. They are extremely nice and invite me to their house to see what they have and help taking it out. I am amazed with the place. I explain my work with charities and that I'd like to take all that I can, they help me pack in bags and carry it outside. They have amazing stuff. They have a weird mutant pet, like Nessie, in a lake outside that reaches inside through a balcony with his long neck. He really likes me and starts licking me. One of the kids says to let it give me a smooch, but others say no, no, because he'll rip my head off. Apparently he gets really excited with some smells and can bite someone's head off.
    12. From Parking Lot to Smoking Newspapers

      by , 10-23-2018 at 08:04 PM
      Morning of October 23, 2018. Tuesday.

      Dream #: 18,936-03. Reading time (optimized): 3 min. Readability score: 69.



      As my non-lucid dream self, holding no viable threads of my real-life identity, I become vividly aware that I am sitting in the back seat, on the left-hand side, of an otherwise empty car in the Village Shopping Center parking lot in La Crosse. It is nighttime. I become aware that the car belongs to my brother-in-law Bob. (I have not had any contact with Bob since 1994, over twenty years ago.) There are only two other cars present.

      An idea comes to my dream self’s fictitious mind that I should go to the driver’s seat and take the car back to the Loomis Street house. I am feeling very cheerful and confident. I get out on the left-hand side and go around to get in the front seat. (This is really about the typical initiating of subliminal control of the dream state and has nothing to do with waking life or “interpretation.”)

      I get behind the driver’s seat. It is difficult to close the car doors, and I try several times. They are flimsy and not like real car doors at all, but are about as efficient as a dream can make something that stems from vivid non-lucidity. (It would have been better letting the dream play itself at this specific point.) I have no idea how to start the car. I have no key. I first consider that it starts like a lawn mower, but I do not see a recoil starter assembly. There is a small metal lever on the left side, below the steering wheel. I put my foot on the gas pedal and wiggle the lever. Gasoline starts pouring from underneath the full length of the dashboard. That concerns me. I do not want to incur the risk of something catching on fire. I get out of the car, and two unfamiliar men get out of their cars and come over to help me. At this point, as the men check over the car, I anticipate an explosion (an attempt at subliminal dream control), and I tell them to move away, but nothing happens.

      I decide to walk to the Loomis Street house. On the way, walking east on the north side of Sill Street, I notice many boxes of magazines on the boulevard. It is a recurring situation where I realize I can take what I want (as I am deliberately though subliminally creating this scenario at its foundation, knowing it is a dream on one level), as it is left out for garbage pickup. It is also late morning. My non-lucid dream self does not register the impossible time change (as is always the case). I find a stack of magazines that are black-and-white collections of Nancy comic strips (by Ernie Bushmiller). Looking around more, I also notice stacks of interior decorating magazines, which I have no interest in at the time. This part of my dream comes from the lifelong practice of trying to initiate viable emerging consciousness threads by focusing on sustained reading skills of which do not ordinarily exist in the dream state.

      I arrive at the Loomis Street house. My sister and mother are there and seem healthy. My dream self has no recall that they are deceased. A minimal thread of my conscious self identity emerges, but it is rather odd. I vaguely recall the concept of marijuana from Nimbin, yet I have no memory that I have lived in Australia for over twenty years or of my real-life status. (Additionally, I would never try drugs in real life under any circumstances, another factor that validates my dream self is not my true conscious self identity.)

      I have some “marijuana” that I smoke with my mother and sister. It is rolled-up full-sized newspapers. There is trouble keeping them rolled up, and they burn with big flames, though I still suck in the fire and smoke. As I focus, I am astounded by my vivified perception, and yet I am not lucid. I start to become puzzled as I enter enigmatic space (a specific level of the dream state). I realize, though vaguely, that there is no marijuana and that smoking newspaper is odd.

      I start to wake, realizing what my dream self had been creating. Fire is the emerging consciousness and often part of the waking process. The newspapers, at least as related to reading them, are the attempt to sharpen my perception, as I had tried to do in the previous dream segment, but it did not initiate lucidity, only revivification.


    13. “You’re Johnny Blaze” (Fantastic “Ghost Rider” Dream)

      by , 09-18-2018 at 02:31 PM
      Morning of September 18, 2018. Tuesday.

      Reading time: 2 min 52 sec. Readability score: 70.



      Still aware of where my physical body is as I sleep, my illusory dream body rises and floats into our lounge room. I remember to focus on our porch for liminal space vivification (enhancement and sharpening of the midpoint between dreaming and waking). However, when I get to the entrance of the lounge room, there is no porch. My dream self is now implied to be corporeal but has distorted physicality. My legs are not viable, so I both fall and partly hover over the stairs, yet I do not wake. I get the impression of another physical form hovering above the ground, of which I bump. It seems to be an unfamiliar male, not very well defined. He is soon gone.

      My dream is extraordinarily vivid but does not shift to the highest level of lucidity. The neighborhood is of a different appearance. Directly across the street to the north are more houses. On the west side of the intersection, I see a flaming man on a flaming motorcycle of which is traveling quite slowly. He is going south. The imagery is eerie but wondrous. I feel a sense of otherworldly awe. The fire is beautiful and increases my awareness of the dream state.

      I anticipate his approach, as I think he will turn around and come back. He does, but eventually, the fire goes out, and he is walking with his motorcycle on my side of the street. As he is walking to the north side of the intersection, I boldly call out, “You’re Johnny Blaze.” He seems puzzled, and crosses back to my side of the street, approaching me. He is wearing a blue motorcycle racing jumpsuit with white stripes down the sides.

      He stands close to me to become Ghost Rider again. I realize he will be able to look deep into my soul and know all there is to know about me. The experience is incredible. It is as if the universe itself is looking into all areas of my existence and personal history. He is a man again, though his eyes are glowing with eternity, infinity, and universality. I notice that flakes of my skin seem to be falling away from the scar on my right thumb, as I look down at it. There is no pain or implied threat.

      Instead of any potential threat, he starts whimpering in appreciation of the life I have lived up to now. He hugs me and seems like a new friend. From here, my level of awareness shifts. I become less lucid as my dream changes into a different form, though the Johnny Blaze character is still present.

      My mother is present, but I do not recall that she had died years ago. She asks me what is going on. I say, “I knew it was a dream, so I went from there,” regarding my description of falling out the door into a vivified scenario. That is very odd though, as I am no longer lucid (yet saying “I knew it was a dream.”)

      As the waking transition starts, Johnny Blaze is no longer carrying the interconsciousness within the rendering. Still, I say, “Watch this,” only loosely expecting Ghost Rider to appear one final time.

      Instead, a wall, like that inside a house, intersects the street, and a door appears in it. There is the common indoor-outdoor ambiguity (the sense of being inside and outside at the same time). Some other dream characters, including my mother, Zsuzsanna, and me, go over to the doorway. Beyond it from our side, we see that Johnny had crashed into a row of wheelie bins and fallen over, though I realize he is not the same character as before, as the interconsciousness had left the dream state right after hugging me (in temporary coalescence and unification). He is on the ground, mostly on his back and turned a bit to the left, looking somewhat surprised and annoyed. I wake quickly from here, finding myself in the same physical position as Johnny had been.

      I should point out that I had held no thoughts of Ghost Rider, either the comic book or movie for a long time. Johnny Blaze was nothing like Nicolas Cage (or any other known actor) in my dream. He was an unfamiliar man of a more athletic build.


      Categories
      lucid , memorable
    14. Setting the Preconscious Avatar Afire

      by , 09-16-2018 at 07:01 PM
      Morning of September 09, 2018. Sunday.

      Reading time: 1 min 18 sec. Readability score: 63.



      I do not usually set the preconscious avatar on fire. It depends upon my acceptance of, and resonance with, the waking process (or how annoyed I might be about waking up in contrast to the more positive willingness) and whether or not vestibular system correlation is a factor of the transition.

      My conscious self identity is not present at the beginning. It starts with a typical bedroom induction. The bedroom is a variation of Gellibrand Street in Brisbane, where we have not lived for many years.

      Curiously, there are several other people in our bed with us, though I do not perceive them as intruders. (Our bed would need to be unrealistically wide to accommodate them, but I do not perceive it as such.) I am aware that the door into the bedroom is open, but it is to the left rather than in the middle of the opposite wall. (I am atypically sleeping on my right side, with my left more exposed to my real environment).

      Two unknown males step into the bedroom. I do not know their intent, but I assume it is intrusive. Having a vague memory of my conscious self identity but not my real-life status, I consider what I should do.

      Becoming aware that I am in the waking process of a dream, I become annoyed (as I had not used the induction process to sustain lucidity). I take hold of what is left of my dream self’s side of liminal space and create the intersection process, which is otherwise the choice to reenter deeper sleep or to wake. However, the feature is two rivers that cross each other perpendicularly rather than streets (though they are about the same size as urban streets). I mentally tie the preconscious avatar and his partner to a post where the rivers cross, mentally douse them with gasoline, and set them on fire. I deliberately fly up and out of the dream state much to my satisfaction.


      Tags: bed, fire, rivers
      Categories
      lucid
    15. viii.

      by , 07-26-2018 at 10:18 AM
      Non-dream stuff: Woke up at 8 but fell asleep again somehow, and the non-lucid dream fragment that follows was after I woke up suddenly at 9:40; I tried to not recall the dream too hard, with positive result:



      Fragment:

      Was going up a small 1-lane ramp at what reminds me now of a school I've been to in waking life. It was day and as I went up the ramp I was fiddling with a box cutter (specifically a black and yellow one I have in waking life) and there was a boy, maybe 10 or 12 in front of me walking the same direction. The light was suddenly changing as I caught up to him and it became night; there were trees and fences to the right and at the immediate left some short buildings; I could see where the road would intersect ahead;

      I said something like "hey, wait up", at first wondering if the sounds of the box cutter scared him, but he didn't seem phased by that. I remember he looked at me and smiled and I asked him "where's your brother? do you know?". The boy said "no, I don't know", and I kept walking along with him and we talked about something; we were getting to an intersection with a town road and suddenly he had a dog on a lead, I'm not sure what kind, but not small and with brown/light brown fur.

      When we got to the intersection, the dog started tugging harder and went to the left and then suddenly it was like they were gone and I walked in the same direction as they'd vanished; I seem to remember that now I had the dog for a few minutes and it was very playful and tugging all the time on the lead (reminds me of my own dog in waking life, though it didn't feel like my dog) and I remember thinking something about the dog playing with a policeman but then the dog was gone again and as I went down the road, over a bend, I saw that some 3 story apartment buildings were damaged;

      I started walking toward them instead and then I remember one of them was quite damaged, like from an explosion, but it almost looked like they were made of very large Lego. I went into a building and the first and second floor were on fire and I kept walking through, up some stairs and then saw like an "interface" notification at the top of my field of view; I mentally clicked it, and the fires nearest me simply got put out; I repeated this a few times before the dream ended. (I was woken up by the already present garbage truck coming closer and getting just slightly louder, and my partner getting up to check on his car)



      Some notes:
      • The area was reminiscent of my native country. This should have been dream-sign especially considering the absence of normal context, like the absence of my partner and my aimless wandering. I was the age I am now.
      • Other than me, the boy, the dog and the "imagined" policeman, there was nobody else in the entire dream sequence.
      • I was walking the whole time. At first this may not seem notable and though I did not feel frightened by anything at any point (such as by the fires, I was indifferent to the situation). And even if I had been afraid, it's not likely I would have run, but instead would have walked faster. This is reminiscent of real-life behaviour where I very rarely run if I'm in a public place, as it makes me feel self-conscious and observed, though the notion was not "consciously" present in my mind at the time in the dream.
      • I have the idea the dog may have been a golden retriever, but I have no clear picture in my mind.
      • I don't know who the boy really was, I think dream-generated, especially as I'm struggling to think of what his face was like and instead remembering the face of a boy in a game I've recently played.
      • I think that before the ramp the fragment starts with me going up, there was water and a pier or something, but I know it was related to the dream sequence that came before.
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