non-lucid

31st January 2021

Fragment:

I am in the kitchen. It's a day like it has been lately, kind of cloudy, a sort of desaturated natural light. Out of the kitchen's window it's not like how it should be, it's more like there's a driveway and there's a big van parked there but still it doesn't block much of the view or light somehow. There's a similar van parked over at next door's too.

I open the cupboard where we keep the glasses? I grab and take out one of the blue ones, put my upper lips over the edge and sort of feel it melt a bit; the glass still feels rigid like glass but as I start biting into the top rim, it's a soft chew and there's something pleasurable about it. I get erotic thoughts somewhat unrelated to the glass itself but related to the sensations and M/M themes.

Fragment:

I'm with someone, perhaps T? We're riding on the back of a winged creature, flying high in a somewhat mountainous area. There's an MMO feel to things but it feels distinctly real too. I see us in third-person for the most part.

Using a long gun-cannon thing, I am shooting at a somewhat generic 50ft reptilian below past some ridges and canyons; he is otherwise engaged in combat with other humans down there, in a semi-flat area. The shots I fire are highly explosive and I aim for vulnerable parts of the head, trying to "break" them, like if this was the game Monster Hunter.

As I was about to break a part of the rear of the head, someone else does and I don't get credit it for it, and become annoyed. This happens once more on another part of the creature's head. I then aim for the eye instead and get credit this time, but at this point there's little left of the head apart from the lower jaw. He still lives somehow and is still in combat with the humans.

(gap)

I'm going through a mine-shaft like tunnel on the side of a ravine, parts of it are enclosed by rock, others are open to the outside. I am trying to go to a place that will let me head down, to an area like where the creature was.

Fragment:

Something about WoW. I'm in a large city and I have some kind of Honour points I can spend. The place reminds me of a mix of Dalaran, Exodar and Shattrath and it is flying in the sky as Dalaran would be. I come to a central hall of sorts, there are energy bridges and energy surfaces that I can walk on. I approach an NPC and see what PvP equipment I could buy with what little honour I have.

Fragment:

Something about being in Brazil or some other South American country. There's a distinct feel of advanced technology throughout the dream. High-tech structures and such like, though I don't remember seeing much of it. I am or was at some sort of resort or house away from everything, in a hilly and mountainous area overlooking a large river.

I remember little of my own presence in the dream. The dream plot focuses on a serpentine creature, it is red and its scales are small relative to its size. It has been dormant for untold years and it wants to ruin all of the technology that has been brought about. The dream implies that it's not the first time this has happened and that it's part of a recurring cycle.

The creature's size is comparable to the mountains in the area. I remember it could communicate telepathically or something.

---

Notes:
- The order is not chronological, the first fragment was the last I had this morning.
- One of my right hand fingers is particularly sore because of an injury and I was unable to write any initial notes for any of these fragments because of it, bits of recall just remained and came back as I wrote.
- The fragment in the kitchen is reminiscent of how I come to certain creative ideas sometimes, often through some physical sensations.
- The day in the kitchen was remarkably like what it was like when I actually went in the kitchen for the first time today, though I think it looked less messy in the dream, more normal.
- The red end-bringing serpent and the cycle seem to be a somewhat obvious but less literal Ourobouran reference.

Recall could have been better yesterday and today I was unable to retain it anyway, mostly due to how nights/mornings have been going I think.

28th January 2021

Fragment:

At home, following a diagonal run of cabling in the wall around the stairs or the first landing. I notice wet patches in parts of the cable runs, as if there's water leaking into those areas or a pipe is also running there and is burst.

Created Wednesday 27 January 2021

At last, something worth mentioning. It's also been twelve days since my last LD. Twelve days too many, if you ask me.

Spoiler for Lots of words:

Scrap Group 1
Vaguely recall travelling a highway. I had my thoughts set on time dilation.

Dream 1 - The Scheme, Struggle, and Shapechanger

Scene 1 - Bowling Alley Billiard Scheme ft Kramer
The visuals were slightly blurred. Spectator mode. This follows a shabby group of people in a similarly run-down car as they go down an urban shopping district. Leading the crew is a middle-aged auburn-haired woman in a trenchcoat.

As she drives, she reviews some scheme she'd cooked up earlier. Along the way, she picks up Kramer from Seinfeld, who was also in on the plot. His task was to go into a bowling alley, and win some games at a rigged game of billiards.

Kramer's dropped off, and the crew waits. However, too much time passes. The bosswoman barges in, to find Kramer drinking the day away with a crowd at a bar. Frustrated, she deigns to pull the con off herself.

Unknown transition.

Scene 2 - Hard Working Interpreter
The visuals were slightly dim. Spectator mode again. Within a decent looking apartment suite, a light skinned, dark haired middle aged man is performing his morning routine. Through mysterious means, we're informed that he's an Englishman working as an interpreter for Japanese business people. It's said to be a strenuous task, not helped that said 'business people' were in all likelihood frontmen for a criminal organization. We see a clip of the interpreter relieving his stress with a bottle pack of Corona all to himself. The next day, the Englishman gets up late. He rushes to put on a suit, and grabs a canned nutritional shake for his breakfast. He had to hurry, as he was to take part in an important negotiation.

Transition.

Scene 3 - Hawk and Wolf
The visuals were slightly blurred. This occurs inside the narrow corridors of abandoned industrial facility, a maze of dusty concrete. I'd the perspective of a dark haired woman dressed in heavy, long-faded khaki hiking apparel. I 'recalled' she was well versed in many vocations, from animal studies, to hand-to-hand-combat, and even magic. The latter was revealed quickly when I (as the woman) was able to speak with some crows fluttering nearby. Those corvids said nothing of interest, merely expressing their wariness, so I continued along.

Skyrim drowned my thoughts momentarily. I remembered a supposed mission in a cave, during which events would change depending on the survival of an NPC's encounter with bandits. If he lived, the player had to make a very difficult speech check to avoid combat with him in turn. In any case, the primary objective was retrieving some McGuffin.

Anyway, I returned from my trance to 'reality'. I then recalled why I was in this derelict site in the first place: I was to rescue a bird, a robin, I think. I turned a corner, when I found my possible charge getting swarmed by a group of predators! Distinct among the beasts was a large wolf with brown fur. The rabid canine scares away his competition, leaving the bird solely at his mercy.

I knew better than to charge headlong. So, I climbed along the walls with impossible grace. Then, while the wolf still wasn't looking, I instantly shape-changed into a small hawk, and dive-bombed at his snout. The beast jumped back in fright, but soon sprang back at ready. This distraction allowed my ward to get away. More than annoyed, the wolf growled it would have his revenge for my meddling.

A frantic melee follows. At every interval, I'd weave just out of the beast's grasp, then retaliate with a quick swipe of my beak or talon. Of course, given the difference in size, I wasn't doing serious damage. I paused to 'recall' the rules of this shapechanging magic. Incidentally, said rules happened to be from D&D. Whatever the case, I opted to change into a black bear. I pounced upon the wolf, aiming my claws and fangs at his neck, but catching his shoulders instead. My opponent was in terrible shape, though I figured his counterattack would leave a mark...

The dream faded shortly after.

Dream 2 - Your Name Is Macheval

Scene 1 - Suburban Team Party
The visuals were blurred. Spectator mode. This starts outside a suburban house at night time. Soon, a sizable group rushes towards the front door. It's soon revealed the group were RED and BLU team members from TF2, the Heavy, Demo, and Spy distinguishable. After knocking on the door, a light skinned, dark haired woman answers, her young daughter not far behind. The Spy asks to be invited inside. The homeowner is hesitant, but allows the crew to enter. Big mistake. In minutes, the interior is ravished from the rambunctious antics of the Team.

Transition.

Scene 2 - What's a Macheval?
The visuals started slightly blurred. I was in an unknown house, hauling around filled large cardboard boxes in a daze. Soon, I was confronted by a pale, dark haired woman in her fourties. She complained that I misplaced her fractional distillation apparatus. I 'recalled' having used that for a chemistry project earlier, and mentioned as much. I sift through the luggage, and find it's in the wrong box (got mixed in with kitchenware, I think). This makes me worry I'd misplaced other things as well. The woman gets frustrated, and complains of my work. In my defense, I remind her that "the Apocalypse" only happened a while ago, and I'd happened to loot these things in that time frame. Logistics and organization just wasn't then a priority. This didn't placate her in the least.

Timeskip. I step outside to an empty backyard late at night. It's then I notice as to how light was the air. This brings much inquiry. Didn't take much longer to figure out the dream.

I gaze up at a wonderful sky full of stars. As usual, I'm drawn into the spinning cosmos as I slowly as I ascended. Ah, that never gets old. During my trip, I pass by colorful glowing spheres about 4 meters in diameter. I suspected these were mental misrepresentations of celestial bodies. Furthermore, a funky 16-bit tune sounded. It's possible it was a song I knew, but I can't recall which exactly.

It was then I thought of tasks. First in mind was lifting a heavy object. Conveniently, several meteors were passing by, craggy rocks well over three times my size. I reached out for them, but they'd eluded me. So, I follow one of the rocks as it fell into a planet. Once past orbit, I dived into its trajectory, and, just as we were about to hit land, I caught it. Still, its force of was great enough to drag me along with it, leaving behind a deep imprint on the dirt. After it stopped moving, I heaved it on my back. It was awkward to grip, but aside from that, there wasn't any difficulty.

With that done, I chucked it aside, then zipped around to find something else to do. Soon, I find myself in an empty urban streets surrounded by desert, still at night, of course. I made a super front flip up the roof of a long building. This reminds me of the related spindash task. And so, I start rolling in place. Initially, the visuals and sensations weren't very convincing, but that soon changed into a bewildering display that almost knocked me out of my senses. Somehow, I adjusted just as quickly. I spun faster and faster, before I launched myself off the building. Task complete.

I fall down onto a lone pathway in the middle of nowhere. As I travel down, I try remembering another task. A false one came to mind: create your own dance move. Even at the time, I figured it probably wasn't genuine, but oh well, it gave me something to do. Feeling silly, I jumped up, and made my legs lose consistency. My limbs dangled with the wind like wet noodles. The sight made me chuckle to myself, but upon landing, my joints stiffen back to normal. Aww.

Then, in the distance, I noticed the shadow of a megacomplex, glaring spotlights lining the site's perimeter under a night sky. I hurry past the gate, to enter a series of hallways flooded with chlorinated water. Many a folk were bathing in the area.6 Along the way, I noticed a violin duet playing, starting as a fast-paced flourish, then slowing into a waltz. I also gaze upon an extra curvy dark haired woman. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I'm only momentarily distracted before I go back to recalling another task. The superhero one comes to wit. I try catching up to the dark haired woman, but she remained just out of reach. So, I turned my attention to some random child nearby, some skinny boy around 10 years old.

"Hey kid", I started. "What's my superhero name?"

Just then, another figure surfaced from below, a pale young girl with vibrant blue hair. "Macheval" (pronounced mak-ah-vle), she answers in deadpan.

"What was that?", I asked.

She repeats. "Macheval."

"So it's Macheval?"

The boy then interjects with a simple "yes."

Didn't really know what to think of the name. Also, I was weirded out by these creepy monotone kids. So, I thanked them, and scurried away.

The dream started fading. I quickly raised my hand as part of stabilization, only to see I was doing such in bed. So concluded the dream.

27th January 2021:

Fragment:

Night time. Some part in a house. Mom and her friend MJ? Something taking S out for a walk. (recall gap) At the house door, I'm in bare feet. S is outside and a bit "on the loose". She's three times her normal size, making her bigger than a lion. Her body shape seems elongated?

From my position standing in the doorway, I see a German Shepherd approach with a man from the left and become concerned the dogs will fight. The GS first comes up to me and licks my face and generally wants attention. This part feels very vivid and real.

Then the dogs spot each other and get fighty. I am reluctant to go out with bare feet to deal with this but S just comes up to the GS and I then try and hold her by her collar, though her size is making it difficult.

(Think I woke up, it was early. I remember thinking I didn't want to bother writing notes yet and that I would try and simply recall the dream later. At this point I remember thinking about my switch in the way Occipitalred suggested. I remember the positions accurately and feel them mentally, toggling it a couple of times there.)

Semi-Lucid Fragment:

I'm outdoors somewhere? Night time still. I remember old school mates and friends. MB is here too. Me and my friends get into a sort of pretend game with real guns, fighting each other. I see an RPG launcher and grab it, everyone becomes afraid of me, except MB, kind of. I shoot a few rockets at him, they sort of just bounce off instead of exploding but they hurt him anyway. I try to really kill him, as I remember on some level what he represents.

Later I'm in some kind of office-like place with H and I remember we had been having fun and I'm naked and have fluids on me. But as I'm walking somewhere to get myself clean in the dark, I become semi-lucid. I simply know I'm dreaming and realise I don't need to do any such thing such as cleaning myself. I try to will the mess away but it doesn't happen and I conclude it doesn't matter. I step over on to desks and over cubicle separators and despite the darkness I feel I can move around easily. I feel a level of energy that I have rarely known in waking life, and notice no pain. But lucidity eventually fades.

(Recall is poor, I think because after this I continued dreaming and being asleep and the level of awareness dropped. I think this was kind of a WBTB but somewhat delayed. This dream felt like it was the start of being asleep again, anyway. My level of awareness and overall lucidity was somewhat poor.)

Fragment:

Something about a challenge involving putting on the one ring? Not sure if this was a dream or a thought while awake at some point. No clear visuals.

Dream:

A dentist's office of sorts, but seems built into a larger hospital. Doctor Cameron from "House" is here and she's here for an appointment. The dentist is a female of similar age and build, different hair and face.

They are discussing some sort of serious treatment option. Cameron has forgotten part of what had happened last time she was on the chair. The dentist then suggests letting Cameron hear the audio log.

Cameron is definitely distraught about what happened and the fact that she can't remember it at all. The dentist says that she can hear the tape when they both go over to Cameron's friends' place, which is implied by context of tapes and something else that it will be mine/H's place. Cameron tells her that she's gay and implies she'd like to hook up with her before coming over to our place or something.

The dream was in this warped field, it was a hill in a field with a forest off to the right, I was in a group of people storming up the hill that had floating pieces around it, I was aware I was in a dream, I could jump onto the floating pieces, I thought I was going to fall off the cliff of the hill but realized I could float down or stop right before hitting the ground, it looked a lot steeper than I originally thought.

I ended up down the hill and into this market place that had a parking lot. I was aware again that I was dreaming, I was running in the parking lot when it seemed like the dream would crash, I started rubbing my hands together to feel the friction. I decided I wanted to do something cool so I decided I was going to try to shoot fire out of my hands, I held up my right hand and pointed it in the air, nothing was happening, I turned my right hand into finger guns and it looked like sparks of fire started to shoot out. I looked at the ground to see an animal, I think it was a duck or a fox and I was trying to change it into something else but it was shifting into a blob of animal that I did not recognize.

Monday Night, 1/25/21

I was basically Sam Winchester from Supernatural. I was returning from a mission with a group of fellow hunters where we'd had to translate between various languages. I walked up to a linguist guy and asked, "Do we ever translate messages from the 21st language over the phone?" (I had knowledge from the dream the the 21st and "final" language was demonic and therefore forbidden, with few people who could translate it, but we needed it nonetheless.)

"Yes, we have to sometimes." The linguist told me.

"Right." I realized our plans and knowledge were probably being constantly intercepted, which would explain a lot about our recent troubles. I quickly cooked up a scheme. "Alright, we're going to steal the book from the source so we don't have to pass information over the phones anymore. Come on." I grabbed the linguist by the arm and led him down a corridor. The section of floor we were standing on was actually an elevator, which transported us rapidly below ground.

"Wait, where exactly are we going?" The linguist asked with great confusion.

"Just popping over to hell real quick. Don't worry, I do it all the time."

"What!" The elevator reached the bottom and opened up into a series of corridors. "I didn't sign up for this..." The linguist complained but I shushed him. The place looked more like the version from Charmed than Supernatural. I scurried down a corridor, apparently knowing my way around very well, and the linguist trailed reluctantly behind me. I came to what looked like a dead end. I put my hand on the wall and it opened to the central chamber with the book. Unexpectedly, the room was packed full of bad guys, as they were in the middle of a major ritual. Oops. I ran back down the corridors pushing the poor linguist back in the other direction.

We made it back to the elevator, which took us back to ground level. "Split up!" I told the linguist, "They'll recognize me but they haven't seen you yet." I ran off to the left while he ran right. I made my way down a long hallway and then went outside. Now I could see that we'd been inside a large, black castle. The kind you'd expect villains to live in, with intimidating Gothic arches and lots of spires.


I morphed into a young boy and clambered over the rocks surrounding the castle. In front of me was the sea, stretching out into the foggy horizon. I found myself climbing on the Statue of Liberty... or perhaps a replica of it, since it wasn't to scale. It looked like it had seen better days but it was more or less intact. I worried that I would be seen and hoped the bad guys couldn't look everywhere at once. I scaled down to the base of the statue, where I discovered that mermaids were carved into the green stone. They looked like they were just part of the statue but I knew from my dream memories that they were real. "Hey, remember me from years ago?" I asked one of the mermaids. No response. They appeared to be sleeping. Good. I recalled a group of allies warning me that when these mermaids smelled blood in or near the water, they could attack viciously. Is there any blood around here? I wondered nervously. It was late in the evening and I was crouching on the shady side of the statue, right next to the water and a sleeping mermaid. I couldn't see very clearly. I pulled out my phone, looking for the flashlight app. It took a while to turn it on since droplets of water kept getting on the screen. I was eventually able to confirm that there was no blood, however.

Relieved, I turned the light off and looked back out toward the sea, wondering about my next move. My phone morphed into a wizard's wand. Maybe I could use the flying spell? How's that work again? Then I recalled an in-dream memory of my "magic mentor" laughing and saying, "The so called flying spell is completely useless! It's a joke, really. If you want to fly, what you really need is a dragon." Oh, right. But where would I get a dragon? I happened to know that the bad guys had stolen all the dragons in the country and were keeping them locked up deep underground. However, there is one dragon I could get to. I looked back to the castle and craned my neck to see a large black dragon chained to the highest spire of the castle. This was, apparently, the personal dragon of the head bad guy, aka "the Night King". That is, he was magically bonded with the dragon, allowing him to command it.


At some point I morphed again to resemble my waking self. Somehow I managed to scale all the way up to where the dragon was located. I crept around to the side of the dragon at first, trying not to be noticed by it just yet so I wouldn't get fried. "What are you doing here?" The dragon asked telepathically.

"Getting you out of here." I said quietly and unhooked the chain around its neck. The dragon grunted in response, seeming disinterested. Dream logic said I would have to ride the dragon (without a saddle I might add) and that the only way to accomplish this, since I wasn't bonded with it, was to command it to fly first and then jump onto its back while it was in mid air. "Vlar!" I shouted, and the dragon spread its wings and launched itself into the air. I flung myself from the spire, flailing wildly in midair for a while before just barely landing on the dragon. This seemed to destabilize it for a few moments, but I hoped that as a relatively smaller woman the dragon would have an easier time carrying me than the Night King. Sure enough, the dragon's flight smoothed out soon after.

We were traveling in the opposite direction of the sea. I only had minimal steering control of the dragon, who informed me his name was Rijik. He was flying close to the ground and we were narrowly missing obstacles. I hope he accounts for the trees that could knock me off. I thought.

"Trees can't hurt us at the speed we're going!" Rijik replied, "They're like bugs in the wind."

Easy for you to say. You've got armored scales. And you're a dragon.

Rijik laughed but flew a little higher. "It's these pillars you should be more worried about." Sure enough, we narrowly avoided a series of tall, white pillars. By this point I suspected the dragon was purposefully messing with me. "Doesn't it feel liberating to have that castle so far behind you, a tiny speck in the distance?"

I glanced back at the castle. It did look a bit smaller, but we'd only escaped about 30 seconds ago and it seemed a little soon to be celebrating already. I would like for it to be much further behind us and much tinier looking.


After traveling a while in silence, I was about to suggest we fly up as high as possible, enough to get some cloud cover so we wouldn't be seen by any potential pursuers. However, I noticed a strange looking tree out in the middle of an otherwise empty field. It was dead and it had strange branches that curved out and then straight upwards like many fingers reaching towards the sky. In the center of this circle of branches was a big hollow with stuff piled inside it. "That's the Knob Tree." Rijik said.

"The what? Uh, that sounds kind of..."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"It's called that because of all the doorknobs."

"Oh right. Of course." Upon closer inspection I could see that the stuff inside the tree was, indeed, a pile of many doorknobs.



Up ahead, there was a gigantic palace in ruins. It looked as though it had been sliced vertically in half such that all the interior rooms were exposed, on every floor. Despite its condition, it loomed over us and gave me an uneasy feeling. It must have been nearly twice as tall as the black castle we had fled. It was built upon a mountain of rock, which functioned like a wall that even the dragon would have a hard time clearing.

A narration began, describing an event that had occurred long ago. Decades ago? Centuries? The Narrator said that the palace had been inhabited by an evil ruler. One man had, little by little, betrayed his own people in an attempt to appease this ruler. Each time, the man had a chance to redeem himself by recognizing how far he'd strayed from his moral compass, but each time he only sank deeper into self delusion. Finally, the man "fell beyond saving" (presumably in a spiritual or moral sense), and his last betrayal led to horrific atrocities. All the remaining people banded together and ultimately sacrificed themselves in order to ensure the evil could not persist any longer. They broke down every door to every room and placed the doorknobs of each door of the palace into the tree. I glanced back at the dead tree in the field and saw a sort of time lapse animation of the tree's hollow going from being empty to being piled high with so many doorknobs that they fell to the ground around it.

By this point Rijik had to fly almost vertically upward because we were so close to the palace. I got a closer look at what was inside the faded and crumbling interior. I was horrified to see that each room contained one or more pictures of smiling children, some so many that they were stacked on top of each other. Sometimes there was a photo of a parent next to them. In a few places there were cubbies containing small caskets. I realized the whole place was like a cross between a war museum and a mausoleum. I could see debris, leaves, and tiny spiders strewn about the floors and I wondered who had set all this up, how long ago, and whether it was still being maintained.


At last Rijik and I reached the top of the palace, but there was only more mountain and no clear way over to the other side. Climbing down to the roof, I saw an old woman. I realized she had been the one narrating the story. "Quickly, through here!" She said, revealing a hole in the rock covered by a curtain of vines. "They've already opened a wormhole to get to you." Great, wormholes? I thought, Now they'll be able to get to us just by knowing where to look and we won't be able to simply outrun them. So much for putting as much distance as possible between us. "There is one location that's safe from them," The old woman continued, "But the only way to get there is via a specific bus. There's a bus stop right down there." She pointed. "The next bus leaves in 3 hours."

I lay flat on my stomach and rolled through the hole in the wall, barely able to fit. I lost my grip and fell but luckily the drop wasn't far on this side of the palace wall. I could actually see the wormhole nearby (kind of like the ones from Stargate but without the gate) and I hoped I hadn't been seen already. Rijik must have found a way over the wall because I saw him fly past. The bus stop was tiny, and there was nothing at all next to it except for a little bush. Three hours waiting at a bus stop with the bad guys here any second? How can this work? I considered taking Rijik off in a random direction to kill some time and try to shake the tail, then circling back in time to catch the bus, but then I decided it would only increase our chances of being seen. We'd have to find a place to hide, much as I disliked the idea. I crouched behind the bush and started digging with my hands in the dirt, hoping to find a secret passageway or something. It seemed unlikely so I gave up shortly after.

I scanned my surroundings for other options. The coast looked clear, so I entered a random dark garage, as one does. A small metal case was sitting on the floor. Intel! I thought, and scooped up the case with delight. Suddenly light shone in from an opened door and two men in suits walked in. They looked kind of like Yakuza. "Hunters are so stupid." One of them said, laughing. "They're so good at picking up our little 'gifts' but not so good at finding anything of actual value." I'd be offended, but he's kind of right. We never questioned the conveniently located cases of intel. Darn.

Looking past the Yakuza guys I saw that Rijik had been captured. He was being forced to battle a red dragon in an outdoor arena. I assumed other dragons were in the area as well. The Night King must have brought them all here. I started hatching a plot to try to break them free and escape again, myself, in the process. Of course, my options were limited at the moment. Perhaps I could get close to the arena and convince Rijik to turn on the Night King despite the magic bond and then help free the other dragons? Rijik knew me a little now, after all, and the Night King had been abusive. I didn't know enough about dragons to know if that even had a chance of working, but it was my best shot. Unfortunately I woke up before I could try saving the dragons.

I had the car dream again last night.

In last night's dream, the things I remember the most were the following:

I again tried to argue with mom when she told me to go and get in the car and buckle-up in the middle seat. She was really snippy and quickly snapped at me and told me that if I said anything else to her about it that she would walk me to the car and buckle me into the middle seat herself. When she said this I decided it was best to go and and to what she said and walked out to the car and go in and scooted over to the middle seat and put the lap belt around my waist.

After I had been waiting in the car for a couple of minutes, my sister was opening the passenger side door and sitting down next to me in the passenger seat. When she closed her door and buckled-up, her body was pressed against mine and it made me feel really uncomfortable while we waited in the car for mom. While we waited she kept wanting to talk about how she felt about granddad being sick and dying and trying to get me to share mine. Sometimes she would comment on how bad it stunk in the car and accuse me of doing something like tooting to cause it. As we sat in the car and waited, I saw our reflection in the windshield and felt totally humiliated that I was so much taller than her yet she was riding by the window and I was stuck in the middle.

Eventually, mom opened the driver side door and sat down on my other side. When she closed her door, her body was also pressed against mine and I felt squished and smothered with my mom pressing against my left side and my sister against my right side.

When mom was getting ready to turn the key to start the car, she noticed something stunk in the car and asked us about it. My sister told her I had been tooting and I told her that it was something in the back seat. Mom then tried to get the car started and I asked to be let out after it became obvious it didn't want to start. Mom snapped at me and told me she was in charge and doing the best she could and that I would stay buckled in my seat. While she was getting in my face telling me to calm down, she started sniffing and said she thought it smelled like poo and asked if I could have stepped in dog poo. I bent down and checked my shoes and noticed I stepped in something.

I then asked my sister to let me out so I could clean off my shoe, but as I was reaching to undo my seatbelt, mom grabbed it and told to give her my shoe and she would clean it. She said she wanted me and my sister to stay buckled in the car. I tried to explain to her it would make more sense for me to get out and clean my own shoe so she could keep working on trying to get the car started. She then got back in my face again and snapped at me about not watching where I was stepping and not noticing I had stepped in poo. She also reminded me she was in charge again.

When she got out of the car, I took off my shoe and handed it to her. She then told me that I needed to act my age and be calmer when she got back so she could concentrate on getting the car started. She then closed us back in the car and walked towards granddads house to go and clean my shoe.

While we waited in the car for her, my sister kept telling me how gross it was that I stepped in poo and asking me why I didn't think to get out of the car and check my shoes when I first noticed the car stunk. I woke-up from this dream while she was whining about how bad the car smelled and and telling me how gross it was.

I think this is the first time in this new dream where I have woken-up from it before mom go back to the car and the battery went dead.

25th January 2021

Fragment:

Something Daikatana-like? I visit several dream locations but a few of those are marshes like in the first act of the game.

I remember going into a disused entrance. Dark, wet. Some blue light or reflection from the water. Vines and so on? I'm here to find a body and destroy it, a friend or ally's body. Someone else is either with me, or guided me here.

26th January 2021

Dream:

I'm browsing the usual art site. I'm looking at someone's profile and see that I'm on some list of skilled artists this person likes, I think I am surprised by this, but appreciative.

Later, I return to the same profile? I see I am no longer on that list and spot an entry talking about the reasoning behind including each artist under a specific category. I'm listed apparently because of some KH (from BL) piece I made. They also mention how and why they chose to exclude me from their favoured artists' list, but I forget the details.

There's an animation on this entry... It's their main character, a dark-blue, almost black furred wolf/canine. The animation loops and the character grins as he cuts off the ring finger from his right hand.

I feel disappointed, or hurt.

Dream:

I'm outside, a typical city of some kind. I'm not wearing a mask and feel that I should be. I'm at a sports area and there are dozens of people of all ages, including young kids, though I think mainly kids. I become concerned because none of these people doing sports or playing outdoor games are wearing any masks. It makes me apprehensive and I almost feel as though I can see the particulates of their normal breathing in the air.

I leave this area. I remember some roads. It's day time but I forget what the sky is like exactly. I'm walking through some street under an overpass. Someone is walking along with me but I forget who. We are having a conversation and we pass several people, some don't make any effort to move out of our way even though we are practically up against a wall on the side anyway. I feel apprehensive again about transmission.

I can't recall where we go or end up.

---

Notes:
- Maybe it's only natural that I've been getting these dreams about the art browsing again. Lately I have been a bit more active and have felt the same anxieties and maybe frustrations that I was feeling around the last times I was having this sort of dream.
-- I think I felt so hurt because I feel people are so changeable and I have been finding it very difficult to connect with anyone in that world. Too often I end up feeling just too different despite having virtually similar interests.

- The outdoor dream had a grey or desaturated feel to it.

I had the car dream that I have started having again last night. The things I remember most from last nights dream were arguing with mom when she told me to go get in the car and when the car had the dead battery.

When mom told me to get in the car and buckle-up in the middle, I first tried to argue about sitting in the middle trying to explain to mom that my sister could handle the middle better than me since she was younger/shorter/smaller than me but mom snapped at me that is was my sisters day to choose her seat today and that I got to have the font seat in her car yesterday and would get to choose my seat again tomorrow. When I then tried to explain that it would be really embarrassing for me to have to ride between them she told me that was the craziest thing she had ever heard and that she was sure no-one would noticed how we were seated.

I then tried to talk mom into letting me and my sister go to the park that was a few blocks away rather than waiting in the car for her. I tried to convince her that this would be a better idea and that she could just come to the park and pick us up whenever she was done at granddads. She told me that she didn't think this was a good idea because she wasn't sure how much longer before she would be done and that the park was not on our way home. I kept trying to convince her to let us go to the park until she finally got tired of hearing it and got in my face and reminded me that she was in charge and that I was to get in granddads car and buckle-up in the middle seat now. She said she couldn't understand why I was making such a big deal about riding in the middle and waiting in the car, but that I needed to get a better attitude. I then went out and got in the car.

While waiting with my sister, I remember she kept wanting for us to talk about granddad and share our feelings about him being sick and in the nursing home. I kept trying to get her to talk about something else, but this was all she wanted to talk about and the kept brining it up again whenever I tried to change the subject and kept trying to get me to share my feelings which I did not want to do.

Once mom finally got in the car, I remember she was really snippy when she discovered the car had cut off when she tried to put it in gear. When I tried to keep telling her I thought the car was in drive and needed to be put in park in order for it to start, she would snap at me and get in my face and tell me to calm down, that she was doing the best she could. I kept trying to tell her this is why nothing was happening when she turned the key, but this just made her more frustrated and she ignored what I was trying to tell her.

When the battery went dead after mom discovered the car was out of gear and tried to start it once she put it in park. I kept trying to talk her into letting me and my sister get out of the car while she looked for a jump start. I woke-up from this dream while mom was in my face telling me that she was in charge and that me and my sister were to stay buckled-up in the car. She was making it clear that I would not like what would happen if I did not do what she wanted me to do.

In this dream, I really felt a lack of control as no matter what I tried to suggest or ask for I was stuck buckled to the middle of the front seat of granddads car.

Gotta type quickly before bed.

Jamie

Just a dream of Jamie talking to me trying to reassure me that nothing is wrong and she wasn't trying to make me jealous from the previous weeks dreams.... I swear it's like she reads my dreams then plugs into my dreamworld somehow.

Apology

The bitchy girl from last weeks dreams was apologizing for last weeks dreams. Wow.

Rubiks. I was playing with a giant rubiks cube. It was really big with lots of colors. I began turning edges and suddenly it was broken and pieces were in my mouth. They tasted like hard candy.

Jamie again?

I was in some storyline dream with Jamie/ But can't remember. She was a blonde girl with a bowl cut... Okay. We were riding in the country at night on white motorbikes or mopeds. (Reminds me of the first lucid where I found jamie in a dream and she had a motorbike. Totally suited her). Later we are talking to someone about buying some other bike that was similar. The older guy asked if she was my girlfriend. Me and Jamie looked at eachother and said ,"yes."

Trudeu

Can't stand the Prime Minister and I can't even type his name right. I was in some office and he was there. He was being all FAB and acting gay... He was really annoying. And he was putting on fancy girly clothes. I remember just being annoyed and leaving.

Floating

A long dream I can't remember. I am trying to escape some complex. I am under people being shot down from guards on a rail above. I got outside the big building. It's night time. I remember I have to get a back pack back from a locker. I go around the back of the building. I am jumping high and floating as not to be seen. That's all.

24th January 2021

Fragment:

(at the end of a long segment about family)

Uncle M mentions "Bucaccus"; it is apparently some kind of organ, gland or hormone? He apparently had many issues with it when he was my age and suggested I get it looked at. I remember previously in the dream I had been having some kind of tantrum, throwing things. I apologised to my uncle and someone else there, an old woman?

Fragment:

Waiting for a train in a subway station. I'm wearing one of those new and modern drawing gloves on my right hand. I'm writing some kind of story on the palm of that glove on my right hand. I don't make notice of the fact that I was using my left hand to do so.

The train eventually arrives and I get in; then when I get out somewhere else, I find that my little story has rubbed off completely and is gone and I try to remember what I had written.

Fragment:

Looking at some profiles on an art site. One of these profiles has thirteen thousand people who are basically subscribed to it. Part of the page seems odd and the dominant layout colour is incorrect to what it should be in waking life, it's a deep blue in the dream.

As I scroll down I find extra sections, like multiple featured text posts with commenting areas of their own. There's also some section labelled "high-profile banned/blacklisted users". I look through this section, which only has a dozen of usernames, and find that some usernames start similar to mine but mine isn't on the list, I feel some sort of relief?

This person's profile has a lot of issues with spamming?

Fragment:

I'm in my old home, my room. I'm visiting. I am upset for some reason? And then there's some kind of hybrid species woman; she's part octopus and she's sad for some reason. Her mom is here too and has the same features, but her mom has a blue tinge and she has a pink-ish tinge.

In any case, I try to comfort her, but she is resistant to any comfort I try to offer. I remember at one point we touch one another a bit, half sensually, half not, like a strange dance? I am curious about the tentacles and she lets me touch them. This implies some trust on her part, I feel.

The suckers nip on my skin but much less harshly than I expected; I feel that she has control over this and has made it so as to not hurt me.

Her mother says something about how she could just cut off her tentacles if she's that sad (comes across as half-serious/half-sarcastic) and that they'll grow back. Her mother warns her however, that it will take months to regrow them and that during sleep she'll be waking up to what feels like every five minutes and bleeding or something.

I tell her that she should do no such thing. I feel the mother's suggestion was too serious and that it would cause so much more damage than good.

---

Notes:

- The last fragment feels strangely ironic considering how I am feeling right now about something.
- The tentacles had ends that were more squid-like than octopus-like, come to think of it.
- I think it's been a while now since I dreamt of any subways or trains. It had also been a while since I dreamt about a website, specifically an art one.

23rd January 2021

Multiple sequences from one dream:

Very trippy bit just before waking up.

Before that, I am at a building. A utilities company or office building. I am waiting to be seen or talk to someone. There had been a mistake of some kind on a bill, so I got 60 off as a voucher, but the company was cheeky and raised the price anyway in the end, resulting in only 10 off in total.

In a larger room, with open plan connections and several large windows, I speak to a woman at a desk. I basically ask her if I can't speak to someone here about retentions; I want to get a better deal. She says no.

There's a spray bottle on a table, it has a transparent green-blue liquid and the label has a number on it? I start typing it on my phone's dialler, it takes me a while, it's a long number? Things start to get trippy at this point.

For each set of three numbers, there's something that looks like skin showing up on my phone? This image, which is more real than just image, pans from side to side as I go through each set.

An eye appears in each equivalent bit for each set I complete.

(recall starts becoming vague, two separate sequences blending)

Final bit of some sequence, I'm inside a mouth with multiple openings, about seven I think. There's enough standing room and a bit of headroom but not much. The multiple openings open and shut periodically, I think. Sunlight comes through, there's a beautiful blue sky outside. I'm adding missing features to the mouth, like teeth and I reach or am outside to add some sort of ceramic scales to the outer part. It's all a bit jumbled, can only say it was a bit too trippy to recall accurately.

Mixing. I'm going to Romania by someone's request. He was organising some kind of "save the world" thing? I remember going about with a group of people, night time but bright?

(recall gap)

Using a double barrel shotgun of some kind, it doesn't feel as good to use as I'd hoped. It has a locked firing mode that fires each barrel in sequence with a set delay if I press the trigger once. I expected it to fire one of the two barrels only per trigger press. I fight some soldiers with berets. Something reminds me or looks like Promethea.

At one point I remember being in a bedroom of some sort. Open sky, no ceiling and not all walls are here. I feel I am stealing or intruding, but it doesn't stop me. I find a box full of mini-discs and floppy disks.

Dream:

(from falling asleep again in the morning)

At one point I'm in my native country. I'm with old schoolmates, like JC, R and some others. It's a very hilly town we're in. There are loads of people about, there's some kind of event going on?

Then, I find myself in a shop, deviating from where the group was going, I remember expecting I'd be able to catch up. Some kind of real-time advert is taking place here and it's for olive oil of all things. It almost feels Japanese, the advert. But the olive oil and the general look of the shop make me realise and conclude that I must be in my native country. Pre-lucid thoughts.

I see coins in the register being handled, they are not Euros, but they are instead an altered version of the currency my native country had prior to the Euro. I don't question things further despite finding this odd, accepting the context even with some lingering amazement at all this.

More walking around the hilly town. Eventually, I'm inside a big building. A theatre or a mix of one and a church or something. Someone mentions pipe organs. I think to myself that if I was wealthy I would buy some to make a car's adornments with.

I climb some stairs, I'm with someone up in a gallery. We're talking to another person, but they don't feel like a person? Looks like an old man though. He's some kind of curator and he mentions manipulating pupils (like university students). Me and the other person conspire with eye glances to each other that we're about to kill this old man, who we find to be immoral and tyrannical. When he turns over and is facing a part that has no railing, we both strike him with a large object at the same time, like chairs maybe.

The old man falls down, one or two stories. We presume him dead and see some witnesses downstairs are approaching to look and we go down via the stairs. We approach the supposed corpse; he still lives and surprises us with an attack and we become locked in a battle with the old man. The dream becomes a bit supernatural or trippy.

The fight follows down a hall that turns into a desert canyon, just before the dream ends.

21st January 2021

Dream:

(not the earliest point I can recall in the dream)

I'm in a dark and sooty room at the apex of a pyramid. I don't remember seeing the outside, I just have this knowledge intuitively. There's also a bottomless square pit. The soot is dark brown and seems to have an increased build up the further up it is on the inner apex. I don't know how I'm able to see, there's no light source but things look just bright enough.

There's some kind of machine near the middle of the room. By the looks of it, it should be fixed down to the ground but it isn't. It has a main moving part, a piston or pushrod of some kind. It jerks around out of control indefinitely. I think something but the recall is gone.

The scene changes a bit and a white lady with light curly hair appears? She starts speaking like she's in a documentary, she mentions the machine but then there is a focus on a puppy that appears in the room. The puppy is an integral part of the room, I feel or she explains, and an integral part of whatever purpose the machine is supposed to serve.

She explains that someone has to come and feed the puppy every day, but that otherwise it must always remain her. I touch the dog, it's a gold labrador at first? I say something aloud about it being unfair for the dog, or something.

(recall gap)

In a Japanese town, but it just looks like any town in Britain or the USA, it has more "room" like the latter. I think to myself it's odd that it's a Japanese town. All the people I see around are distant from me and I can't tell what their ethnicity actually is, making me suspect it's not really a Japanese town. But I don't investigate my suspicions further, some kind of dream plot drags me around the town; I'm being chased, or someone else is, and I'm following.

A man, he was being chased. We arrive at a house that's also a restaurant or inn. A pub, effectively? There's a flagpole outside on the garden, I notice the ground is covered in snow. For some reason I fear this man is going to defecate on his own snowy lawn. He doesn't. The flag flying on that pole is one like that for India, I notice. Three horizontal stripes, top to bottom; green, white, red or orange. With a stylised black sun in the middle.

The man invites me inside. Seemingly the chase is up.

(recall gap)

I'm shown some kind of machine. H is with me. The man leaves for a while; he said he'd like us to fix this machine for him. It looks like it's bare, i.e. no aesthetic coverings, etc.

It has some kind of plastic platters. Looks like many random bits off CD players, tape machines, etc. But the size of the parts is different from what it would be in those machines. H tries to adjust something and the large top platters ping off towards the back left side. We are annoyed, but conclude it probably helps us anyway.

(rest of recall is too vague)

---

Notes:

- The machine at the pyramid's apex looked like it was some random thing cobbled together from different bits of wood and maybe some metal. It looked very crude and it was equally crude in behaviour.

- This pyramid's apex felt almost like the mix between a loft and the inside of a regularly used chimney.
-- The room and its contents felt like they had some strong symbolic associations. Could be an interesting place to try doing some dreamwork.

- When I questioned the town's Japanese-ness, my awareness of the dream overall increased but I was instinctively taken by the dream plot before I could really think about it further. I realise now I could have thought about it further while running but I didn't.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Julian Assange and Keanu Reeves somehow end up at my farm and we try to work together on a project.
There are some German people nearby camping behind some bushes and we talk about their possible intentions and if I should fear them or not.
At some point Keanu needs to go and I take him to the subway. For some reason we pretend not to know each other. Someone recognizes him. We depart ways and I join my mother at some other train.

At some shop with newspapers, I start reading one and ask the cashier how much it is. It ain't cheap and I wonder if it's better to subscribe online version, so I don't buy it. I still had the chance to read a horrible story in it about some people who had killed a rabbit with a stick in the middle of a town. It was news because it was gore and unexpected. I feel so sorry for the rabbit and I am taken to the moment it happened. I see some men beating the poor rabbit with sticks and I interrupt them. Give time for the rabbit to run. I go after the animal because he is hurt, but he disappears in the crowd downtown. I then realize I am in Lisbon.
I meet some people I know and walk with them a bit, but they end up in a jewellery shop to buy some gift to some friend and I get bored and leave.

I see a lady with a kid, trying to get eggs from a chicken coop at the local parish. Some eggs are out of reach so I offer to help and I walk them home afterwards. They live in a small appartment in a building she says is full of drug addicts. But I think her place is nice, just very empty. She only has a bed. I then meet her husband, a tall handsome man and apparently he likes me to. After spending a day with them, it's time to depart and we hug. My hug with him lasts too long, I am getting horny and I feel his boner. We forget his wife is watching until she makes some uncomfortable comment. I just leave.

20th January 2021

Fragment:

I am at a house much like H's old home. I am playing with W, the cat? He wants to go out but I want to touch his fluffy fur and eventually I do open a back door to the house and let him out. He hesitates and I prod him sort of gently with my boot. It's sunny outside. The grass is what I can only describe as a perfect colour and the back garden slopes uphill. I see someone arriving in a silver car, a woman. I look down but pretend I didn't see her arrive as I close the back door.

She knocks and I reluctantly (?) answer. I have this feeling she just wants to sell something or whatever.

Rest of recall is too fuzzy. But at least two or three separate instances of talking to people or answering the door where they aren't wearing a mask, and neither am I. On each encounter, there's a weird physical tangle, as if they fall forwards onto me, like they've tripped on something and on some level, all of this puts me on edge.

One of those other instances takes place at our current home. Outside looks different but I can't quite place it anymore. It's also day time. A delivery from a truck or lorry? Interactions/dialogue with H at some point.